Dating and Privacy?
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r/privacyu/Apathetic-Antelope (6)

Might be an odd question, but..

Is there any way to date online with some modicum of privacy? Having to sign up to services with your name, phone number, pictures, location, etc. is a real turn-off as I'm sure the "free" services are making money off your data. I'm guessing paid services aren't much better, since they'll have your payment details as well.

But say you fake that information. Then comes the point where you actually match / meet up with someone, and then you have to explain how basically everything they matched with you on is a lie. At best, I imagine this would be a huge red flag for the average person. Maybe you can explain the privacy reasons behind it and they'd be understanding, but this seems like a long shot.

Is there any winning here? Or is it really just a choice between being alone or compromising your privacy to find companionship?

Comments (5)

[deleted]

Dating is all about getting the attention of someone, but not the attention of someone you do not want. It is OK to use a nickname to accomplish that. Your date does not need to know your real name until you plan to meet.

Mobile phone service is cheap. Get a second phone for dating. Take the photo outside somewhere. Not near your home. Pick a nice background. Do not use that photo anywhere else. Use a cute sounding nickname that works with your photo (do not use it anywhere else). Generalize your location. Say for example if you live in Garden Grove, just say LA. That is close enough.

Stay off facebook, and the like.

Have a good time!

wouldn’t using photos that already out there (if there are any) be better because of plausiable deniability

The only reason I suggest using a different photo is it will make it a little harder for a stalker/scammer/identity thief to track you down. If he or she can just drop your photo in a reverse search and find your linkedin profile, then he or she knows your name and where you work.

Furthermore, if you are a facebook, instagram, etc user then your info is easily obtained for free via any people search site (all they need is your phone number, name, or address). It is better that the person not be able to get your real name, handle, or phone number.

When I dated online, I only clicked on photos with pictures of women who were doing something outside. I personally used a photo of myself hiking standing next to a waterfall. That sort of photo speaks to your potential date on a spiritual level.

I am not sure why you need plausible deniability, when dating. I assume your goal is to make sure someone cannot abscond with your identity.

You can't maintain total privacy while meaningfully putting yourself out there, so instead focus on compartmentalization and finding a good balance. For instance:

  • run dating apps on their own device or with software compartmentalization (e.g. work profile) so they can't scrape your data.
  • sign up for mySudo or a similar service and use a disposable number until you're sure you trust someone.
  • Put enough personality into your profile that people can get a feel for you and what you're about, but don't share unnecessary personal details.
  • Same with photos - you need some of you living life, but not of you standing in front of your residential home with your family. Be mindful and search for a balance.

Good luck!

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