I fear Social Media has ruined the social fabric of connection.
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r/nosurfu/goblinpack (362)

Imagine meeting someone in person, you’ve had such a great interaction with them, the energy you shared — the conversation, it all was beautiful. You exchange numbers or an email. You come home, you contemplate how good the day and how weirdly, somewhere in October, you’ve bumped into someone and it went well. You sleep.

This was the 90s.

In the 90s, when you met someone, you exchanged contact, not social profiles, so to contact them, or they contact you, both parties had to make a deliberate effort.

Technology back then, was a tool to connect and hear me out, connect to the same interaction — the same medium, in-person talking. Sure you shared a few emails, but ultimately you wanted to get back together to the old cafe where you left.

No ambiguity. Space to grow.

Fast forward to today, you meet, you exchange social profiles — let’s take Instagram for example.

In my life, whoever I have met through Instagram has always ended up in an ambiguous and awkward friendship, and ultimately becoming a poison.

You meet them, they meet you. Exchange socials. Hit follow on profiles. Come back home, sleep.

And from there, everything is downhill.

You see their stories, they see your stories. It continues. Days. Weeks. No interaction, no energy. Never get to know each other. The awesome interaction you both had, what went wrong?

2 months later with no messages exchanged, both are silently watching stories and posts of each other, and ultimately, you hit unfollow. The person you met was lost.

And believe me when I say this, this is a pattern I noticed and almost all the people I exchanged my social with (especially IG) when I first met them, and followed ended up just placeholders, not friends.

What social media seems to ruin, is that it takes the connection, and makes the connection poisonous by constantly exposing each other to the point the connection that was once a beauty of the offline, goes online, killing the mystique and killing empathy.

In the first timeline, you weren’t exposed, there was distance, there was anticipation. No ambiguity. No interaction override.

I feel truly sad writing this but lost many good people by just following them, wish I had gotten to know them before subscribing to their life that I never wanted to be the audience of, but a part of.

Comments (91)

I’ve left social media, and plan on never.. ever going back (I don’t consider Reddit social media, because I don’t follow a single person I know on here. I don’t follow anybody, really.) your post speaks to me, my heart. The saddest part is no matter how much I separate myself from social media, no matter how much I try to connect with people like back then, it’s still very likely who ever I run into or meet in person has an alter-ego online somewhere (Instagram, Twitter, ect,).. it’s very likely they’re living a social media life and won’t resonate with my values of real humanistic socializing.

edit: that’s not to say I’m superior to them. I would hate to identify as better than everybody else. I just feel like, in that aspect.. I appreciate practicing a real social lifestyle a bit more than the typical person. So they’ll find it awkward if I ask for their number and not their Instagram. Or they’ll find it awkward if I ask to hang out, not to FaceTime. It’s sad because I would rather FaceTime than hang out myself right now.. because I’m so anxious to be a human in real life, but maybe that will change after a couple of months away from social media.

I just want our species back.

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Been trying to explain this to my wife who thinks that leaving social media, but keeping Reddit, is hypocrisy. I grew up in the age of phpBB forums and the like, and it's hard to convey to her why that's basically what this is for me.

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Not sure I agree with that definition.

Just to play devil's advocate: How does Twitter fall into that? The bulk of the users are anonymous or don't know each other, yet you can still follow each other. Furthermore, I can also "follow" you on Reddit, as well (there's a button right under your comment to do so, and in your profile). How is this that different from Twitter?

Twitter is full of influencers, Reddit is pretty much anonymous and not as dedicated to "owning" people

Same. So much same.

Why the edit? Why to apologize to someone you don't really know? It is your opinion and it is respected. What others think of that you don't have to care. Reddit is an open forum. You write your opinion and that's it. You don't give a shit about what others say. Unnecessary edit if you ask me. Anyway, everything can be done today with tech from early smartphone era. Banking hasn't changed much, email either. Only the presence of social media. We became easily offended for minor things that 20years ago wouldn't give so much attention. Think of this also, that the main reason we change smartphones every year is mainly because the apps are too heavy for the smartphones to handle. 6 GB or 12 GB of ram. Why the hell would i want so much memory. The banking app only needs my fingerprint to unlock and the email is the same. Every update we do on our android or ios is mainly for "safety reasons" for not getting "hacked". Hacked by who?? I have a wifi only smartphone for youtube watchin and i open such sketchy urls all the time. Guess what..nothing happened. Nothing gets installed if you don't want to. Android or ios is not like the windows. You search in the registry for suspicious activity. They make a new model every 6 months and the real update they do is zero to small. A slightly bigger battery, a 120 hz screen wireless charging. Ok. Why would i need a 120 hz screen? The same work you will accomplish with a 80 dollar android go smartphone and the same you will do with an iphone 13 pro max. Why give so much money? I bought an iphone 12 mini for the only reason being that it is the smallest smartphone on the market. I do not want to carry around a big slab of plastic and glass. I want to call and text. Other features are welcome also but why the phone needs to be in the same size as my footwear?

i hear you on most of this. Smartphone technology has surpassed our necessities and we’re taking a hit mentally/financially but more psychologically from it. Sure we can do everything from our pockets. But that doesn’t mean we should. I mean, I kinda have to now because yes it is legit more convenient to bank and cash checks through a phone than to drive up (I still drive up, honestly I don’t use that feature but), but having email, work, Social media, and entertainment all with you at any given moment truly just pulls us further away from the present moment. If you’re in line at Starbucks, you’re not. You’re on Instagram on a vacation to New York (people you follow posting the vacation). You on a lunch break? No, you’re watching a Netflix series. A Netflix series that should be enjoyed when it’s time to enjoy tv.. but instead you squeeze it in during another part of your day, so TV time never gets saved for TV TIME anymore. Smartphones completely disorganize life activities. I hate them. But I do need one because if I don’t have iMessage, people will stop texting back. (Oh, I know. True friends won’t stop). I get that, but even me.. being as “wOkE” as I am, I still find it less convenient to text people without imessage, and rather my recipient have an iPhone.. let alone somebody who cares, they’ll fall into it and stop texting me. Plus, it is more convenient. Higher resolution video sending and receiving, iMessage games are fun and break the ice.. but everything else? Apps, the overuse? Man, I hate smartphones.

I’ve noticed the next generation doesn’t like social media as much either….so I think a shift is happening

Still a longs way. I’m 16 and just this year I’ve kinda just moved out of the mindset of just being on it, memes, funny pages etc are just something that I’ve grown out of too. I’m willing to just use it for texting and calling.

I hope Facebook company will die, and we will get good social media

Reddit = circlejerking , echo chamber , karma (attention) whoring pretty much as all sm if you ask me

I just want our species back.

This really hit me. I hope we see this return and a place where we feel like we belong and connections are meaningful. Post lockdowns and being indoors all the time, people are really changing and have a longing to be social and do something with their lives. I like to believe there are many of us on this sub and around me who are searching for something that meaningful as well. I hope you find your people and your peace! ✌️❤️

as well, thank you so much for adding some kind and well needed words!

I hate when people say "just delete your accounts". They don't realise that it has no effect because social media has already changed everyone in the world. The damage is already done, deleting your account is just a way of hiding from the problem.

It's fine to delete your account if you want some peace and quiet, but unfortunately we can't go back to the old ways... everyone has already changed.

Consider yourself lucky there is still people alive today who were too old for social media and still represent the old ways. In a few years when the old people of today die, the whole world will be a world of 'social-media users only'. Then there really will be no undoing the damage of social media. The old ways will have been long forgotten.

Thank you. I’ve been gone from social media for over half a year now and although in my mind I worry less about likes and attention, I still feel left out and isolated because everybody else keeps up with trends and only socializes through social media so it’s really hard to keep friends outside of it. I even asked for peoples numbers before I left and we’ve never ever talked. And if I randomly text them it’ll seem weird. It feels super weird to want to. Because that’s just not how things are now.

I hate social media so much. It’s good for so much for small businesses but it’s ruined so much about being human..

Yes. Thanks to the internet and globalisation there is a new revolution every day. The revolutions are real as well. Interesting things are happening everyday around the globe. It's really hard to hide away from this, and to not let it bother you. This has always existed to some degree, but the internet was never there to share it to everyone.

I have managed to fix this problem for myself, I'm not sure if it will help you but I'll explain myself and hope for the best.

Sometime a few years ago, I realised that revolutions and "keeping up with your friends" is going to be an ongoing theme in everyone's life for as long as social media/internet exists. Your friends will keep creating their own experiences and memories without you, and scientists will keep finding new discoveries without you. You HAVE to find a way to deal with this... it will NOT go away on its own. (It's the same for news junkies and magazine junkies).

The first thing to remember is the ONLY news that is important is news that will save your life or your families life. This is the main reason people become news junkies. It's the fear that something serious might occur and you'll miss it.

In the 21st century, every nation has quick methods of informing all their citizens if there is going to be an emergency. As a citizen, you don't need to worry about threats of war, invasion, meteorites, dangerous weather conditions and other similar threats. Your government will know way before you do, and they will make sure everyone is notified. There is NO point worrying about any of this in advance. You could spend an entire lifetime worrying about such things and never experience any of it. And that would just be tragic. Also, every morning when you go to work, or go for a walk, or go to the shop... you will walk past a shop with newspapers. If you really missed anything important in the last 12-24 hours, the morning news will fill you in (or your friends/work friends will).

My second bit of advice is, when I found a true purpose for my life and also began to realise how short life is, everything changed. If you find a good purpose, it should outlive you. It should become your legacy. Life is very short, and if you don't act, you will have nothing to leave behind. I personally want to write a trilogy of books, and two of my inspirations are: George Lucas (it took him 10 years to plan and write each Star Wars trilogy) and also J.R.R Tolkien who spent a life time writing the stories of Middle-Earth and he still didn't even manage to finish them.

The point I'm trying to make is... when you're heart falls deeply in love with something (a person or a passion), a thing that makes you want to give back to the world... you start to realise... you might not live long enough to see it come alive or prosper... Then things start to change. For most people, they will get this feeling from their family. Parents get scared that they will miss their child growing up etc... Or when your parents get really old, you begin to realise any moment you spend with them might be your last. Then lots of your obsessions regarding following the latest news about your friends or the world will start to disappear.

For me, I'm scared of dying without releasing my story. If there is a heaven, I will be one miserable fucking angel if I died before I get my story out. The same goes with my mother, she is getting old and I don't spend much time with my family (this is mainly because of the internet). If I don't change I will regret this so much, especially knowing the amount of time I spent on crappy social media websites, I would probably commit suicide out of guilt.

99.9% of the shit people see and do on social media will be forgotten and have no importance or value in one week. Never mind those last few years of your life when you're more likely to be filled with huge regret for the things you did and didn't do. Your last few years will be spent wondering if you spent enough time with loved ones and whether you left anything valuable behind. These are the only two things that matter and if you avoid them, you will only be able to look back at your life as a consumer. Someone who came here, took everything they could and gave nothing back. Basically Scrooge.

Not living up to your potential and not being there for your family is the two things in life which will absolutely destroy your soul. This becomes more obvious as you get older.

The Dalai Llama thinks about his own death every morning. When you do that, you start to think deeply about what you will regret on your deathbed. This really helps you figure out who you are and stops you wasting time on anything unimportant/temporary. I have so many addictive tendencies and just want to spend all day watching videos on Youtube. But I am also aware I will regret this VERY deeply when I'm older. I have chosen to give my old, future-self a gift. The gift of "pride in old age". I want to die proud, knowing I made good sacrifices for the right things. All the time you spend hobbling around on social media instead of spending time following your passion/heart or spending time with your family... you will most likely regret this very deeply later on. People will convince themselves that being on social-media is considered "spending time" with friends and families. These people can kid themselves all they want. Human touch and being with people in person is crucial to creating memories.

Sorry if none of this helps you, I know none of it directly relates to social media or your post. But hopefully some of it may help you give less of a shit about it. Regardless of how social media has changed everyone, somethings havent changed. We still love our families the same, and people are still always craving new stories and experiences. Try to find things that are permanent. Things that existed before social media, and things that will outlive social media (like stories, or art) And have a good day! :)

P.S. When I think of social media, one of my favourite quotes is... "Just because most people are doing something, doesn't mean it's right. Actually, history has proved the opposite."

It sucks to stand alone against a crowd. Quitting social media is to stand alone against an entire world. It's lonely, and it makes you doubt yourself. But that still doesn't mean they're right and you're wrong.

Just wanted to let you know that I read your entire post. Thank you so much for putting the effort and time into writing it. I invited you for a chat :)

And yes, texting friends has become slightly weird. My friends would be confused why I didn't just DM them on facebook or something more 'casual'.

Yes, you don't really have a choice now. People won't call like they used to. I miss hearing the voices of my friends and it kind of stuns me that even a five minute check-in is just too much "work" anymore.

Since social media has become a norm of communication and sharing each others stories, I feel like we have lost honesty and confidence.

Back in the days, interactions weren't thoughtfully constructed to please the other person, instead it was about expressing your honest opinion. Everything would happen in that exact moment. The awkwardness during such a moment is something which would give life to the conversation.

Nowadays everything is either pre planned or we are just putting on masks and hiding our true feelings.

I miss when everyone would hang out and care less about taking pictures and showing people "Hey look at us we are so adventurous and happy!" and more about ACTUALLY being adventurous and happy.

We have lost the true sense of "Living in the moment"

Yes! I try to reassure people when they talk to me. I tell them they don't have to be like an actor/actress where we have to say the correct thing, the correct way all the time. That's just unrealistic and puts too much pressure on people.

I was a teenager in the '90s, and I never thought I'd look back on that time so fondly. The Internet was actually fun and a place of discovery, and when you did socialize with people, you actually had conversations in chat rooms. You weren't just clicking on vapid stories and images and leaving a few words for a comment. There was real interaction, even inside the technology of the time. I remember making a few "pen pal" type friends back then that lasted a long time. There was very little trolling online (at least when compared to today), and people were interested in getting to know you. I detest Facebook, Twitter, Google, etc., for how they killed the joy of the early Internet.

And making and keeping friends now is a lost cause. I moved to a new state a few months ago, and now the coworkers I had at my old job are reduced to clicks. No one calls me. No one even texts me. They just hit "like" if I post a picture of something, and maybe they'll comment occasionally. That's not a friend. I can get a bot to do that. The ones who don't even bother to do that much, I delete.

We were not meant to live this way and interact this way, and yet we're so conditioned to it, it will only get worse unless we're forced back to something simpler. Not to sound like an old fart, but I really do feel bad for kids who have grown up in the social media age. They (most of them) might never know what it's like just to have a good friend and a good conversation without a smart phone in their hands.

Yes! I had a pen-pal back then and she lived 6000 miles away from me! We met on the internet, sent each other emails and letters, talking to each other about what we did at school and how we spent our summer holidays. We still follow each other on Facebook nowadays but like what OP says, we just subscribe to each other's lives. We no longer write to each other.

Exactly. I had an online friend from Canada. I met her in a chat room in the late '90s, and we stayed in touch for several years and got to know each other well. We went through periods where we'd get busy and go quiet, but we stayed friends. I always thought we would eventually visit each other. When did we finally lose touch entirely? After we added each other on Facebook sometime in 2007. There was no need to keep sending letters and care packages when we could be friends the "easy way" on Facebook. Facebook is where relationships go to die.

6000 miles is 9656.07 km

I was a 90s teenager too. I would have never dreamed how technology will evolve to this. Social media is a nice idea on paper, but horrible in practice. It boosts our bad traits: narcissism, self-importance and it can cause low self-esteem. Today’s teens are pressured to use social media and fit into the mold.

I really do feel bad for kids who have grown up in the social media age. They (most of them) might never know what it's like just to have a good friend and a good conversation without a smart phone in their hands.

On the street, I saw many children who communicate without telephones. And they use their phones for entertainment videos or something else. So nothing has changed so much with the communication of children.

Well, the reason I said that is because I taught high school until recently and have seen how they interact. When I was working in the schools, I never saw teenagers talking without phones in their hands. They do the the majority of their socializing through apps. They even do their bullying through apps, and it's awful how they treat each other on social media. They struggle to have face-to-face conversations and can't read more than a few sentences without losing focus. I had a student tell me that the only reading she did was on social media and that her mother said it counted as reading a book, so she didn't need to read anything I gave her. There are major problems with kids who are on social media all day, every day.

Oh wow.

That counts as reading a book?!! We're truly in trouble

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You take your diversity, I take my connections.

I see you have multiple accounts to defend social media and overlook everything I just mentioned. Don’t forget that 99% of the revolution is brought by internet — social media was never the “pioneer” of change. It was just born yesterday to grab eyeballs, that’s all of it.

Communities existed and would continue to exist without social media. Revolution would arrive with or without social media.

Now I don’t really have time to argue with 12 year olds using multiple accounts with no cogent argument.

[deleted]

It’s cool, we’re all trying to help each other out here in this sub :)

The 90s had the best balance of life and technology. The tech at the time was enough to make life convenient but it didn't dominate or control us the way it does now. With cell phones and email getting popular in the second half of the 90s, we had everything we needed to keep in touch without the toxicity and oversharing of social media.

God, I miss the 90s.

I liked the 80's the best. No email. No bulletin boards. No computers to go home to and play games on. We read books. Long books. We called each other on the phone and then went and hung out together. We planned all day adventures because no one dying to get home to anything. I'd grab a spare shirt and a toothbrush and head to a friend's house for the weekend. If someone wanted to reach me, they had to want it bad enough to figure out where I'd be and call me there. At the beginning of the 80's, I didn't even have voice mail. Loved it.

I also feel like we had more forced disruptions to the internet. I remember having to log off of AOL so my mom can use the phone.

And it was a no discussion thing. I remember my mother setting up schedules for my brother and I to take turns using the family computer in the living room. When I was feeling particularly brazen, I'd secretly play solitaire while everyone slept. Good times.

I was the first at my school to have a cell phone, and among the first to have compuserve / fidonet, and I don't think that even that technology added to our happiness. I'd put the best time to our parents generation, into the 70s/80. Affordable hi-fi and cars, color TV, VHS. Only thing I wouldn't trade is the progress in medicine.

I rewatched the first Matrix recently, and was hit with a lot of 90s nostalgia. The film is from 1999. Agent Smith talks about this year being the peak of “YOUR” civilization, “before WE took over”. Now that we’ve progressed past 1999, it’s interesting looking back and seeing new meaning to his words.

Matrix remains one of the best movies to date and perhaps, a scary coincidence from all sides. 1999, right before another century, and a movie that explores the inevitable A.I domination. Plus all the dialogues of how hopelessly addicted the people are on the system/simulation that they’ll try anything to defend it.

I mean, how can you not see it as a revelation of the future?

I'm born in 06, but the 90s sounds fantastic. New tech was exciting, not terrifying

Me too. I think about it at least a couple of times a week. I feel simultaneously really lucky to have lived during that time period, but also incredibly depressed about how each day we move further and further towards 24/7 tech & virtual reality.

You're 100% correct. If you see all about their life online, then what is there left to talk about? The fun in friends is not knowing what they've been up to and having a nice chat about it!

Yes, this is why I tell my parents they are forbidden from telling people my business. If they do so, then I cannot tell my own story and have nothing to discuss with relatives and friends when I see them in person because my folks already told them everything, using their narration, which makes it worse!!

Well I mean to be fair I’m certain parents have always talked about their children to family members to keep them updated. Most nieces/nephews/grandchildren etc don’t kept in touch as regularly as your parents might with their siblings or parents. But I see your point, and I do like that you want to take ownership of your story! Ah…And likely because of the speed of conversation now your parents might share way more than they would have in the past. Well because I’ve written this I’ll just post it, haha. But I guess I just agree with you now

This is so true! I wonder why I have nothing to talk about with my friends, but you finally have answered why — because we already know everything!

"...I never wanted to be the audience of, but a part of."

Deeply profound.

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I don’t have personal visual social media anymore and I haven’t for over a year now but I still find myself taking photos to document. I mean before I permanently deleted Instagram I hadn’t posted in 5 years, but I was still taking photos of trees and sunsets and hot chocolate and food and several takes of selfies and you get the point. I went through my phone and I cloud and deleted 8000 photos from 2017-2020. All of that time wasted. I couldn’t share specific photos like one would out of a wallet because I had so much digital clutter. What’s the point of taking thousands of pictures in the first place? It’s like this toxic habit I picked up from being an early teen when Instagram got popular. Unless I plan on immediately sharing a picture with my family/friends I don’t take it anymore… well that or if it’s a picture of my baby. I don’t share those often especially because grandparents repeatedly try to post him on social media, but I’m making a physical photobook of his first year. So the photos have purpose.

Okay. Wow what a tangent! Your comment just really got me thinking

Word

You're absolutely right and it's a shame that we've let society ruin itself like this. Maybe one day social media will become irrelevant

if I could wish for one thing from the external world it’s for social media to fade out.

but I’m afraid it won’t because it’s not just entertainment. It’s careers, advertisement, organizations, companies, that depend on social media for functionality. And I don’t mean the social media companies themselves. I just mean YouTube content creators, Charity Foundations, Politics, News, Clothing, Restaurants.. all that. And if there’s viewers, there’ll always be content. And unfortunately not everybody thinks the way we do about social media.. yet.

Better Facebook company to fade out. Because social media can be good tool, if other good company take them and will make them good

yes! It’s the way Facebook does things. I wish there was laws now too. It’s getting really serious how unhealthy it’s making humans mentally.

From what I’ve heard in the recent news, Congress seems to be really serious on regulating the company and taking the algorithm in hands. There could be a chronological order. Who knows.

It used to be chronological!! Oh man how much more practical that is! Doesn’t suit people who depend on things like YouTube views or affiliate links for passive income, but they should make all the “front page” and “main feeds” chronological and add a secondary “more like this” section with their clever algorithm so creators can get their older content viewed still. Idk but I do miss chronological feeds! It was so much more intuitive for the brain

I hear that the new kids (12, 13 years old now) are starting to turn up their nose at social media. I mean, they're doing the 90's fashion, why not the mindset. I'd welcome it.

It's impossible. Social media will only die off if the internet somehow dies off, which I don't think is likely. Even if Facebook, Instagram, etc. die off then another site will come along and take it's place.

Social media was a lot different 10 years ago, so it will probably be a lot different in the future too

Better Facebook company to fade out. Because social media can be good tool, if other good company take them and will make them good

I think this scene from Northern Exposure (a 1993 show) says it all, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JS2N4VWIbCI

This sent shivers down my spine. We’ve had it coming. Should have stopped when Matrix was released.

My favorite TV show! :)

https://www.reddit.com/r/northernexposure/comments/pfjh8t/watch_all_of_the_original_episodes_with_its/

That was awesome.

Well put. It's heartbreaking somehow.

Oh wow! This is so beautifully written and I resonate with it so much. Thank you for writing it.

Thank you for sharing this. I am of the same opinion. The whole fabric of meaningful relationships has been shredded by social media + other forms of technology. Take tinder /online dating, it's a virtual dumpster fire. I read this article last year: How technology has upended the human experience & it really outlined the ways that we are slowly destroying ourselves. It's really quite tragic.

I was talking with a friend recently that social media 'waters down' friendships. Instead of texting or messaging a friend, we just simply go on Social Media, see what they are up to and go about our day.

I’d say a big shift turned around when it hit the year 2014 forward. Im still young but i remember people weren’t super into their phones like that.

This is when Instagram became extremely popular and was on its way to overtaking Facebook. Millennials and the like we’re making the migration to IG from Facebook

Yea the 90s local feel. If I bumped into someone in the post office I could bet a small fortune they would only have bumped into myself and a few other locals that day. They probably only read the local newspaper occasionally and watched BBC1 at ten o clock for daily news.

If I fell over in the snow as I left the pub I could bet a group of laughing dicks wouldn't get out a camcorder and film me then post(Royal Mail) my humiliation to a man from Siberia who would shop me into a meme and share with his 100,000 faceSuck mates. Jeremy Beadle noted but it was very rare.

It's like none of us are local anymore and nobody goes to Kwik Save for a chat in the Cafe...we've all had our brains wired by lots of weird online culture shittery and marketing.

Not many people will accidentally tune into an LW radio station from their bedroom out of sheer boredom and feel the rush of dopamine as they hear a mysterious language being spoken from someplace far away before the voice crackled and buzzed into white noise.

In 1992 in the town of Localsrus if you ever did meet and American it was an experience you told you nan about. Americans usually could only be spotted getting off flashy coaches and heard gregariously greeting the shy natives in the car park of a stately home.

You almost never..no you never met a guy asking for your bank details or offering you a Russian bride in the Postie or met a girl in pouring rain at the bus stop who had already chatted with a couple of muscular, sun tanned surfers from Cali that morning and was receiving regular cash from a rich guy from Vegas who worshipped her once local feet.

I could go on but yea I liked it when we weren't so connected and there was some mystery beyond the horizon, maybe even a dream to go and seek for those more adventurous. I've decided to be online inside a real world 20 mile radius. Yep all contacts, shopping, news. Basically if it's no produced in that zone I don't want to know about it. It's like surfing but it's local.

Fear not.

It already screwed the social fabric. During the outage, people were frustrated and angry, not because they found that FB is a waste of time, but they literally didn't know what to do with all the time they have. They needed to fill their mind constantly with shit and when that stopped for a mere hours they panicked.

It saddens me that in some places, the Internet means Facebook or Instagram, and that's it.

I'm talking about FB, but all of them are bad including Youtube and Reddit. They are mere distractions. They isolate us and make us dependent on them. They are bad; real bad. But all of us know that and we are still here on reddit.

We don't know what to do with all the time we got. There are no people to interact with so we choose the pixels instead. Sad. So sad.

Is it okay if I sometimes watch social media in my free time for fun (for example, reading, art, animation), but spend the rest of the time doing productive things? u/la_vague

I have no answer because I don't know much about you: your goals, aspirations, struggles, ...

My recommendations would be:

  1. Try not to go down the rabbit hole. Have a purpose in mind when checking the Internet or Social Media.
  2. I spend so much time in front of screens for my work and after some time I feel my brain doesn't understand reality anymore. So I recommend to take time off the screen regularly and do more things physically especially with people and in nature.
  3. Realize that the screen with all the social media websites, Netflix, .. is nothing but a big circus. It is mainly entertainment, and it could literally make you crazy.
  4. I use freedom.to sometimes to force my self to stop surfing all the websites on all my devices for 12 hours. I could feel very uneasy without access to all that shit. I recommend you use it (They have 6 sessions for free), and see how you feel. I will start my session after I post this comment.

Cheers.

I love that you responded with an outlined guided recommendation. I feel like one of the faults of this thread has been a lot of self pity and societal pity. Which is important, but it’s also important to just acknowledge it and move to action.

To be honest, this branch is a little too dramatic to the past and nostalgia.I remember that a lot of people were also addicted to TV sets, and many people complained about it.I understand that social networks are manipulated, make people addictive, but the fact that they broke off communication is a little dramatic, because there were other things that allegedly also broke off communication. But we've been through a lot and people still don't communicate in person and without phone. I think it's a panic before new variables, with which we must move on and somehow cope with Facebook, so that social networks are redesigned and become a good tool

Totally agree. It is so sad. I have decided to only exchange numbers and email now. Also, this whole facebook thing thats going on has really been the push needed to stop using facebook and instagram. Deleted the apps as I will not be supporting companies who have no regard for the human race.

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Just don't capitulate! We will never meet each other if we cave in to be like the social media people.

I can see where you’re coming from about the vanity/narcissus of social media, but I also think it’s that people are so insecure and uncomfortable with real interactions. The likes gives them approval and makes them feel secure in themselves and in social aspects with others because without it they have to read body language (an almost dead language) and have awkward moments. I think social anxiety is becoming much more prevalent now… although this could just correlate with people having more access to therapy or the terms of it.

Yes agreed! I really feel this way about Snapchat, that’s why I just deleted it.

Your fear is a reality.

Are you sure you just aren't feeling the difference of trying to connect with people as an adult vs as a child?

Yes, things were different in the 90s but honestly is sucked.

The fact that I can add someone on social media and then contact them at a time that is easy for them to respond to is great. If you want to actually build relationships with someone message them, stop waiting for them to message you. You aren't some princess in a tower, relationships are a give and take. If you need more friendships you need to reach out more. Some people have busy lives and don't need new friends, and that's fine, move on. I've been there. Right now I need friends, so I'm doing a lot more reaching out. Surprisingly I've made friends.

Adults have such different schedules and you never accidentally meet people more than once unless you work together. So even from the start, you have to put in the effort to make the relationship work. Ask someone out for coffee or lunch.

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Like all technology, social media comes with both challenges and potential benefits. The echo-box problem seems to be the most well articulated one and it does seem to be an issue worth tackling. Seriously though, `ripping apart the fabric of how society works?' You don't think this is a bit dramatic?

Not that long ago TV was rotting everyone's minds and ruining their attention span and this generation was doomed to be one of simple minded and poorly socialized sheep because of the corrupting influence of television. The world kept spinning and now we're hearing the same thing about social media.

No, I don’t think it’s dramatic. And no, social media is not like any other technology.

We’ve had technology, and all the technology that we have had, none ever geared towards a social replacement. TV was entertainment, newspapers, books. Up until social media, all we had was access to variety of information that we could consume, and in that case, I totally think internet changed the planet by democratizing information, in a good way.

Entertainment is easy. Easy to say no to. We’ve always had it.

Social media, is a different kind of technology, one that we NEVER dealt with in the past, especially in this shape, with AI sneaking in our every move and constant texting devoid of empathy and billions of people in reach and yet… we feel hollow and lonely.

And what I mean by ripping the fabric apart — it has made us miserable, because our offline interactions have been replaced with online interactions which aren’t helping with our psychological needs, thus making us lonely and miserable.

The social media that we use is turning into a celebrity zone where connection is no longer the thing, but to show off — and to appear invulnerable, without flaws, without warts. Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection, how are you even going to feel empathy for people? And I didn’t even mention misinformation, polarization, filter bubbles and all of that other political stuff.

But social media can be also good for creativity, bringing people with common interests together, theory, discussion, support.You don't must to display your photos and compare yourself to others.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_media_and_the_Arab_Spring#Acknowledgement_of_the_role_of_social_media_during_the_Arab_Spring

https://www.bustle.com/articles/175637-5-ways-social-media-has-saved-actual-lives

The disappearance of social media will not solve other problems, because people will be addicted to other things, and the community will still be divided by news and media. If we want to fix it somehow, then it's better to deal with Facebook company, and not want social media to disappear completely.

We're not saying we want machines to disappear, even though they cause a lot of deaths. Social media is still a tool that can be very useful and good if it falls into the right hands. If the Facebook company falls apart, that social media can be bought by other companies that can fix the big flaws in social networks or make new right social networks. Therefore, it is better to solve the problem with the company, because social media can become better in the right hands.

Not happening

Nah, it's just you, dogg.