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I canât recommend meditation enough. It distances you from these initial feelings. You recognize them, but you can let them go.
Especially if it's people at school/work you will most likely never see them again after some time, does their opinion really matter to you that much?
I agree with this so much. Having this mindset has helped me grow and avoid messy situations. I also spend my time and energy better, overall my quality of life is much higher and I could not be happier
The last thing is what got me this perk. I would be joking with my friend "psh chill bro" when something would happen like an essay not written etc... I guess the old saying "Fake it till you make it" works
fuck that's hard lol
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nothing bad is really going to happen.
Thank you. I think that's the part I've been failing to notice this whole time. No one cares. Nothing will happen.
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Okay, so then what? If they break the law in public then they are going to be brought to justice, if not by the law itself then regulated by others around them. Nobody is going to straight up assault you in public for standing out of a crowd.
Exposure therapy works, and if you deal with harrasment then you learn to deal with harrasment. It's not the end of the world and at the end of the day, you're not really any worse off. You did what you wanted.
You fundamentally misunderstand power dynamics
It wouldn't make a difference if the person doing this was white or black. People would realistically glance, laugh at you, and carry on walking...
You have a warped view of society.
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Right, A, Right, Left, Right, RB, Right, Left, A, Y to be invincible for five minutes.
My controller doesn't have letters only shapes what do?
Take comfort in the fact that youâre superior to the Xbox players
r/outside
Underrated comment
up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start. There you go for 50 continues.
iddqd
Know your flaws, own them, improve on them. When people try to bring you down itâs so much easier not to give fâs (unless theyâre in the chat).
I once heard, if you wouldnt take advice from that person you shouldnt take anything they say to serious.
You don't. As a social animal that's very counter productive. Don't fall for that trap. What you can do is have a better sense of I know what I'm doing and a more concrete circle of meaningful people who accept you so you don't care SO MUCH what EVERY DAMN PERSON thinks of you. But not to give a single f about other opinion is actually a mental disorder, you don't want that.
Thank you! I came here looking for this. It's the only realistic answer. I like Brunee Brown's new talk, and she mentions this a little bit. She says we're hardwired to care about what others think of us. And that's fine. But we should be more diligent about choosing whose thoughts we care about.
love yourself. really fucking love yourself. you canât trade who you are, itâs impossible. so love, and better the one youâre given. thatâs at least how i, personally got over that. iâm 27 and if someone doesnât like me i do not care, i got an amazing family, friends etc, iâm good. i love who i am and iâm not changing for anything nor anyone. itâs a great feeling and i truly hope you get there soon âĽď¸ ok iâm done being all sApPy
give a fuck about stuff itâs important, or else someone could turn into an asshole, however some people give too many fucks about minor stuff
It gets easier as you get older my dude.
Definitely this. Especially if youâre a woman, mainly because once youâre no longer âattractiveâ many people will also stop noticing or caring about your existence (sadly).
Read the book â The Art Of Not Giving a Fuckâ. Itâs a great book on the New York best sellers list. Not kidding.
I liked it but it can sorta be summed up in a few lines. Didnât need a whole book.
We have a limited amount of energy, so dedicate your energy to the things you actually give a fuck about.
The hardest part which I think needed more elucidation was exactly how to determine whether you truly give a fuck about something or if your fucks are given only because others think you should, or because of a misguided belief etc.
The audiobook gives it the pizzazz that drives the point home. I enjoyed the book.
2nd this. What this book has to say will give more advice than this entire thread.
r/howtonotgiveafuck
Thanks !!
You simply have to remind that as long as you're not doing anything wrong to others you should continue doing what you're doing. It's really hard at the beggining but so is every new habit you try to implement in your life.
Try really hard to please all of them for about a year.
Not just worry about what they think. Actually try to be and do exactly what you think they want.
After a month you will say, "FUCK THIS SHIT!"
The more disillusioned I've become with society the less I've cared. So basically become a negative pessimistic grouch and you won't care what others say about you.
When I know what/who I am AND accept it, I can accept when others say it. And I've been told that pessimists are usually disappointed, optimistic realists...
ACCEPTANCE plays a huge part in not giving a f*ck. Accept your flaws, own who you are.... Accept the fact that people will talk shit regardless.. Accept that not everyone will always agree with you. Build confidence in who you are and be unapologetic about it. As long as you know you're not hurting anyone and your intentions are always good- accept that there will always be people that have something negative to say. Rise above them and tune them out.
What others say of you is none of your business.
I started by finding a few people that I was comfortable around and then just becoming closer with them. As our relationship grew I felt like I didnât need to care about what they thought because they are my friends and they know who I really am anyway. Then with this, it was easier to forget about what the rest of the world thought.
I think it starts by 1. Being nicer to other people, 2. Waiting a little before revealing your pecularities.
1 because whatever they might think about you is going to be covered by a fat layer of "but op is really nice, op did it for soemthing good" and 2 because it's easier to accept perks about someone after you know the most mild side ["So op likes rats, snakes and frogs as pets, well, I guess, op did say they liked animals"].
So once you realize they are ok with you, you'll notice that everyone is scared and trying their best to live in society. People don't judge that hard. Spread positivity and they'll leave you alone.
first of all, give a fuck. I did the don't give a fuck thing for a while and was depressed as shit, feeling almost nothing. It's all about how you react/handle it
I think more self confidence helps. If you're not insecure about yourself then what others say won't be effective. It's all up to you to let shit mess with you or not
Just don't care. Don't care about anyone else. Don't think about anything. If you realize you're doing it, change what you are thinking about.
Remember that you know yourself better than anyone in the world could know you and therefore any insults or demeaning comments they may throw at you pale in comparison to the hurtful things you've said to yourself in your deepest pits of depression. But above all else learn to love yourself (easier said than done, I know) because at the end of the day you have to live with yourself and there's not enough time to care about comments that some asshole said about you when they probably already forgot what they said while you're still dwelling on it.
You just did
I learned how to not care because I learned itâs not about me. Itâs really about their own experience. Read the book the 4 agreements.
For me it was the birth of my child and the loss of friends who weren't real friends. Once my child came into this world I do not give one flying squirrel what anyone says about me. I lost some good friends and that pushed me to be really selective of my friends. Sometimes it's life itself that teaches you to not give a flying noodle.
Change your focus. Stop trying to win. Go into every situation in the knowledge that it could go horribly wrong, and embrace that. If it does go wrong, make it spectacular - win at losing. :-)
I used to suck at job interviews because I took them so seriously. When I stopped trying to get the job and worked on having a good interview instead, I relaxed and did much better.
Don't know this sounds dark but every morning I remind myself that one day I'll be dead, for certain. This gives meaning in everything I do.
You need to purchase the "Confidence expansion pack" however if you decide to purchase this, just know it's made by EA and there might be some micro transactions
When you realise there's nothing wrong with you, it's them with the problems
Homie u gotta do ur thing, question what ur really afraid of. If itâs really the opinions of others, there is nothing to fear
Win you real eyes .
I would give you 100 upvotes for the form of the question.
Reminds me Fallout I guess.
For the answer. You know there are martial arts called ai-ki-do and wing chun. Well in both of them you can find the principle of distance. Imagine a circle around you almost the size of your arm. When the opponent enters this circle, you have two options: you can either go back to restore the circle or you have to attack your opponent and restore the circle.
So keeping the distance is the key to your question.
It actually starts with not caring about what other people do. Observe yourself and see how much you care, because everyone else cares the same. Which is generally not at all
Never take criticism from someone you would not go to for advice.
Start challenging yourself until you get confident with yourself to the point that you know something will be scary but youâre capable enough to win
Thatâs generally only achieved after you unlock the âEmotionally Deadâ perk.
This can be achieved easiest by interacting excessively with other people. The fastest path to this achieve is usually through working retail, but Iâve heard you can earn it through nursing, or call center work as well.
You have to look in the mirror and say "you are one sexy motherphucker and you are awesome as fuck!" Outloud. And believe it.
That's all. đ§đđ§Ą
Have autism
Trust me. That doesn't work.
Realize that no one REALLY cares about you or what you do. , Dont waste your brains bandwidth on trying to decipher what people think about you. You only have so much for yourself
Smoke a bleezy
Itâs not a sudden skill unlock. Itâs small choices everyday to minimize the effect other peopleâs opinions have on you. One day youâll suddenly realize that a lot less bothers you. Itâs not easy until it is, but it takes time and effort to get there.
When you notice anxiety or worry over what other people around you think of what you just did or said, identify them. Donât just dwell on that moment and think of how you couldâve done it better. Itâs a natural response, but whatâs done is done. Either change what youâll do next time in a similar situation, or realize thatâs who you are and stand by it.
It also helps that weâre all the same, so as much as you think of what you did, everyone else is thinking the same about themselves just as much. Youâre the main character of your story, not everyoneâs story.
Actually the âI donât give a fuck about anyoneâ attitude is as toxic as âI care too much about what people think of me.â
You need to find people whose opinions matter to you. These are people who love you not in spite of your faults, but because of them. People who will never judge.
You should list these people on a piece of paper no bigger than one inch by one inch.
To me, it's not "I don't care what others think", it's "I care about something more important than what others think." Caring about others' opinions is human. I'm really not about this whole not giving a fuck movement. I think it's disingenuous and not really sustainable. But you know the old quote, "Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's the belief in something more important than fear"? I think this is the same. Build up your self-worth enough (self-care, therapy, whatever you need) that you value your OWN approval more than others', and naturally you will care less, from a relative standpoint.
Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
I think you can start by checking any requests that you donât want to do and say NO.
Time. Experience. Choosing your happiness above all.
I think it starts with age. At some point, you'll figure out that not everyone likes you, so focus on those that do and ignore the people that don't.
You must look for right ways to live and search for truth in things. That sounds grandiose but thatâs where it starts. Thatâs where it starts, but it doesnât end there. Youâre a human, no matter how strong you are, no matter how honorable you are And you live a life that no one can blame you for, you will still find yourself wanting attention from others. We are very much social beings. It canât be changed. So find the right group of people who will value you and that you value also.
itâs gained over time đŠ
stoop so low you go up. thats what happened to me at least
Turn 30
Imagine everyone's opinions as tendrils or whatever that are holding you back from doing things, then forget that you're being held down by something and go.
Easy. Have something so important to you that defines your life and sets your path. It gives you perspective and allows you to not care about most everything.
You need to grind XP for levels in bad experiences with Judgy assholes, And you need to be atleast level 60 before pulling a large group of low level trolls.
If you loot weapon Epic Sword Of Kindness, Enchant the shit out of it. DON'T FOCUS so much on enchanting your armour though, As you constantly loot new confidence and better gear along the way in PVP raids, If you like the look of a another attitude you can transmog it and hide away all your insecurities.
Make sure your specs allow for spells that reduce mana ususage if you're planning on being a empathy mage. You don't wanna waste all you're mana feeding the trolls and feeling sorry for someone who's a dipshit, That's why it's good to go RET pali because you can damage and heal at the same time, While also leaving you open to be able to equip and use epic sword of kindness.
It's important to know your role in a raid and play to it. Once you know your role, You will have more confidence in the game that you play. Sometimes there's too many expactions thrown at us on how we should play this game when we are all secret noobs. It's okay "to give a shit, " And it's okay to accidently agro resulting in the death of the raid. The point of the game, isn't to just "Not give a shit, " But understand that you're just learning and this can and should be an enjoyable experience.
Even the people playing a better game than you or putting you down, Are still noobs too.
Honestly, I would say that people don't care about you. Really. Not in a mean way, but everyone has full lives they are living, you are one person of the 00 or more people they regularly interact with, an embarrassing moment disappears from their mind minutes after it happens. Just remember this and it will help.
Also, you won't see random people probably ever again if in a bigger city, so no worries there!
I usually think about death and meaninglessness and all that jazz. After that I usually enter such a deep catatonic state that I no longer can even process the negative things people say, much less react to them.
I feel like everyone who says this is lying at least a little bit...
Huh.? The question is, Why aren't you doing that already..
You shouldn't, you'll end up being a sociopath or narcissist. You have to take into account how true what others say about you, and if it is, how irrelevant it is to what you need to do in your life. Not caring about what others say about you at all would also discount all the good things they say, even if it doesn't seem like something you want to hear.
How would you ask for people to respect you, when there's no basis for you to respect them as people with opinions and views of how the word is and should be? If you maintain an understanding with others, it wouldn't matter if what they say is untrue, but if it is true, then you can work with it and improve yourself because of it.
you donât unlock it. people can tell when youâre faking. you can only do that by genuinely NOT GIVING A FUCK.
Its random after level 27
Accomplish something
Get old
Fake it till you make it.
If it doesn't affect you in 5 years why waste 5 minutes thinking about it
Realize you are the only person that matters to yourself. The only opinion that matters to you is your own. Donât change your outward behavior to be as selfish as I described, but change your internal thought process to put yourself above all else. You are first priority, then secondly analyze your situation to determine appropriate action.
Therapy or some major unexpected event in life.
It's the weight you give to other people's opinions. To me I only care about what a handful of people think about me.
make a lot of friends, always be nice to them. let your inner personality show and once they get to know you, you'll probably unlock that perk. you just have to know that what other people think about you doesn't matter and to ignore it (unless it's positive always listen to the positive ones). personally, this is how I unlocked the perk. I was 5.
Best advice I got ( it was from reddit actually ) was to think, as often as possible, "would this embarrassing/whatever thing matter on my deathbed?"
99.99999% of the time, it won't. It's just a matter of drilling and practicing that sort of thought to the point where your mind automatically goes to that.
Stoic philosophy.
It's never been about not giving a fuck. It's about giving the RIGHT fucks. You gotta know yourself, know what you believe in, who you respect, and what your duties and role is in the society in which you live. Many confuse that with childishness and selfishness.
How do I do this when my closest friends from college have been changed by LA and now they all ditch me for internet famous people and then say it's cause I'm boring :(
Whiskey works for me
confidence. and grounding.
really have to talk to yourself a lot and remind yourself everyone is also anxious about this shit.
talk to a professional if you have coverage or financial means. it really helps.
do things that make you genuinely happy.
I unlocked this perk in highschool when I was in our school play. Either because I was recieving praise and awards for my performance that felt embarrassing at first or because I was in a position of leadership and authority within the drama club.
Maybe try volunteering with a small to mid-sized group if you're not in highschool.
If you don't known about it you should visit r/outside
Read the book âA new earthâ, by Eckhart Tolle. Youâll understand how to achieve true happiness, and how to eliminate your unnecasserily ego.
Worked fine with me!
Age and XP
Watch a shit ton of anime
Fuck man that level is literally the hardest shit i have ever had to go thru to get that perk. I had to go thru hell and back again to get it I cant really advise how to get it but all i can give u is a wish good luck
I move in and out of this state of not giving fuck to giving a fuck. Knowing that stuff is temporay but in that moment try to understand why feel like that keep it moving.
Attaching the integrity comment to this; you gotta do some arbitrary things and practice doing them intentionally, so when you do things in your life life you can do them with power and confidence because you practiced
Lots of great comments here about different mindsets you can have.
My therapist gave me some great advice Iâd like to add: most of the time what others think of you says more about them than it does about you. Definitely consider if what other people say about you is true or not, but realize that it doesnât change who you are.
It takes practice to get over it. If youâre going into an uncomfortable social situation, take a moment to remind yourself of these facts before you go. Take a moment for yourself during the social situation to be alone, ground yourself, and remind yourself once again. After you leave and your head is spinning, remind yourself once more.
Keep practicing.
Open up the settings menu.
You should see a option for "Who am I trying to impress?"
By default, it's public. Unclick that, and switch it to "Custom".
From there, you can create a whitelist of people who's opinion matters to you. Family, SOs, Friends, Employers, or whoever you prefer.
Granted, easier said than done.
I see a lot of great comments of how they came about that mentality by pushing themselves to realize every little bad thing that happens isn't going to ruin your life, just pick yourself up and move on knowing you did your best and you'll recover. Now not everyone has the mental for that, I know I dont. The way I was able to learn to not care so much about what everyone thinks is to realize how much I hurt myself by thinking it mattered, topped off with the heart break from an ex. The real sting was that I ruined my own relationship by putting so much emphasis into what other people thought about us, not only did it cause me anxiety and stress, but it caused my ex anxiety and eventually pushed her to end it. Sometimes you can forcefully bring yourself to be better by sheer force of will, I am working to get to that point and bring my mental to a much healthier place, other times you learn by falling to rock bottom and having to claw yourself out. I dont wish the latter on anyone. But I'm here to say, you can do it.
You can NEVER make everyone like you. Why try?
Listen to Tyler, The Creator
Think that you will die.. then all thise worries become nonsense
Cocaine
1: Treat others how you think they should be treated. No regrets.
2: When you make a decision, think to yourself, "what would I do in this situation without anxiety?" Or even, "what would a person with no anxiety in this situation do?" And then do that.
Hopefully with those two, you'll learn a new way of life and living that doesn't use other people's validation to fuel your purpose. Lord knows I'm trying to.
Near death experience.
In my case? Turn 40.
Search the poem "If -" by Rudyard Kipling
One important step in my journey to not giving a F, was definitely finding other people who don't and befriending them or surrounding myself with them. I found people who dressed in a certain way or expressed themselves in a way that I was afraid to. If you have insecurities to begin with, those people can help you realize how little it matters what strangers or shitty people think, and help you grow into the person you want to be. The second step for me is a bit hard to explain, but once I realized that my time, be it seconds, minutes, or hours, is basically all that my life consists of, I began to always remind myself of how valuable my time is. The time I spend with shitty people, thinking/worrying about what they think.. it all adds up to my lifetime. I don't want to spend my precious time worrying about what others think.
Donât be misled. Everyone cares about what others say about themselves, itâs just that some times youâre able to deflect it totally, and other times it hits you for one reason or another.
Example: The kid in class you know doesnât know what heâs talking about. You know heâs just taking shots in the dark and passing them off as confident statements. Iâm not even going to waste a calorie processing this guy.
On the other hand, when some asshole on the court starts whining like a bitc* when you canât hit the ball right can be frustrating. You may even be tempted to lash out. But whatâs important is my dignity. Iâm not going to let myself be seen as belligerent and tarnish my self image and external reputation regardless.
I know where Iâm at, I know whatâs going on in my life. There is simply no logic in caring about the opinions or moaning of someone who is not your ally or friend in any way in this context.
Donât be misled. Everyone cares about what others say about themselves, itâs just that some times youâre able to deflect it totally, and other times it hits you for one reason or another.
Example: The kid in class you know doesnât know what heâs talking about. You know heâs just taking shots in the dark and passing them off as confident statements. Iâm not even going to waste a calorie processing this guy.
On the other hand, when some asshole on the court starts whining like a bitc* when you canât hit the ball right can be frustrating. You may even be tempted to lash out. But whatâs important is my dignity. Iâm not going to let myself be seen as belligerent and tarnish my self image and external reputation regardless.
I know where Iâm at, I know whatâs going on in my life. There is simply no logic in caring about the opinions or moaning of someone who is not your ally or friend in any way in this context.
I try to apply 3 questions to it. Do I know them? Do I like them? Do I respect them? People I like and respects opinions matter only because I tend to associate mainly with people who aren't judgy or false and would come from them caring about me. If I don't know them , like them or respect them their option of me goes into the irrelevant file.
Old people tend to understand this because old people have gone through real shit: losing friends, family, health etc
In the grand scheme of things, when you consider how short life is why give a fuck about someones opinion of you?
well... you gradually start doing the shit you want to do but don't because you're afraid of what's gonna happen. And then sometimes it's gonna go great, and then sometimes shit will happen. And, well... you will give lots of fucks about it. It's going to hurt a bit sometimes. But then, gradually, it starts to mean a lot less in the face of the fact you're doing whatever you think it's important to do, even if it hurts a bit.
Unfortunately, you can't expect to reach a certain "mindset" in the safety of home before you actually do stuff. I don't think it's fair either, because you don't need to put life on hold until you "unlock" some kind of mental processing.
Read the 4 agreements. That book is a lifehack.
You have nothing to prove to anyone in this life but yourself. Always remember that.
I would give you 100 upvotes for the form of the question.
Reminds me Fallout I guess.
It's locked till you're about 50 years old.
Be really broken like loos every friend and family member.
It worked for me. :|
I feel like the older I get the less f I give. And it feels good!
Farm self esteem
Find happiness within. You can seek internal approval by making yourself happy for your own sake and living in accordance with your values and principles. Or you can seek external approval by being well-liked. Once you find actualization within yourself, you can stop seeking approval from others.
Recently I went shopping dressed as a nun (I'm a male tho), and it was quite a nice experience. Noone figured out, that I was just dressed, and people were like "God bless, Sister", etc. And the most valuable outcome from this is the fact, that I stopped caring after some time what people will think. I gained some experience in public performances, what helped me in everyday life, because I understood that at the end of the day it really doesn't matter what other people think - I just want to have fun, express myself on a daily basis and just be happy. You don't need to do this like I did of course - the most important part is beeing comfortable with yourself. I'm talking about outfit, behaviour and other things that made y o u. People reaaaaly don't care about you as much as you think they do. Most of them are busy thinking that you are thinking about them more than you do...endless circle. Of course you will be getting negative comments, but I really belive, that most of them are driven by jealousy. english is not my mother language - I'm sorry for any kind of mistakes
There are at least two ways. I'm not sure about the first, but everyone unlocks it automatically upon dying.
1-2 milligrams of alprazolam every 4-6 hours
For me, I just started taking a step back and living for myself. I started doing things for myself and seeking validation from myself
Antidepressants
r/outside
When you walk into a room, or meet new people, you realize that it's not so much, "I don't give a fuck what other people think," it's more, "they may not like me or everything about me, and that's okay, it's not the end of the world."
A few realizations:
If someone treats you unfairly or rudely, it has much more to do with them than you. Happy people don't usually behave cruelly or rudely. Understanding that makes it easier to brush off.
People honestly don't care what you do as long as it's not impacting them. They really don't.
Age. The longer you play, the more you realize no one gives a fuck about the embarrassing shit you do - or even notices it. And those that do, and try to hurt you by talking shit about you are just bitter douches, not worth your time. Fuck em.
You need to go out there and gain XP
Realizing that negative comments are peopleâs internal shit being projected.
Learn not to feel emotion
Have you completed the side quest for the old lady sitting in the park yet? If not others have posted possible solutions.
Consider other people as vermin. Vermin dont have opinions that matter.
Learn to laugh at other peopleâs pettiness.
Understanding that this isn't soemething anyone or anythig can give you extarnally. It just has to come from within which is both easier and harder. It's as simple as just don't give a fuck.
fokin S U I C I D E . it's lit
A good quote to live by: âBe who you are and say what you feel because those who mind donât matter, and those who matter donât mind.â -Dr. Seuss
This is going to make me sound entitled but honestly the people that said bad things about my in hs ended up in crappy relationships or as single parents, some legit have nothing going on and have been working at grocery stores stockign shelves and I'm working towards my dream job and doing things I love. The way I see it they let their impulsive behaviour get the best of them and I didn't so try that. Learn to control your emotions either by reading about how or seeing a counselor if you're having a tough time.
Honestly, it doesn't make you sound entitled.
It makes you sound naive and out of touch. Definitely wounded.
It's wonderful that everything worked out for you, but using the tough spots other people landed in as foundation for self esteem is a roundly terrible idea.
It would be great if the world was that black and white, but unfortunately single parenting and dead ends are never correctly waved off as impulsivity.
This kind of thinking also only works if your life continues its current trajectory. That lack of empathy and understanding will translate directly when you encounter bumps or hurdles.
and If you die having lived a charmed life, you were always the person who didn't care what others thought because they were single mothers and shop clerks.
A little therapy is always a good idea though. Certainly helped me.
So based on a comment I made trying to help someone you're saying you know me inside out and I need professional help?
What I'm trying to tell op is that in my experience people who feel the need to say hurtful things to others without being provoked are impulsive and impulsive people usually go on to make some pretty poor life choices. This is why op should stop constantly worrying about what they think and focus on his long term goals because that's what important.
No. I said therapy is always helpful. You were addressing OP and I was addressing what you said.
I don't know anything about you except that your lack of self consciousness is rooted in the judgment of other people, which tends to catch up with a person eventually.
Self worth doesn't need to come from external sources and it certainly doesn't need to come from comparing yourself to other people.
Obviously OP should follow his dreams and work toward long term goals, one of which I would hope is good mental health, and again I don't think you're advice is going to get them there.
Alright so this is a tricky one at least for me it was. I have still not completely âupgradedâ this skill yet. For the most part I donât care what other people think as long as they are strangers. If I know them even remotely I do start to care though. My biggest tips are to reassure yourself that you will probably never see that person again and they can think whatever they want about you and it doesnât matter. I own a car that is very difficult to park and I usually do a pretty terrible job because itâs just that big, Iâm always considerate of other people and park farther out in the parking lot but itâs rarely a good parking job. At first I would got a ton of dirty looks because I was basically taking up two spots, I would usually spend the time to back up multiple times and fix it after that. One day I was just like you know what âfuck what everybody else thinks and their dirty looks because I honestly donât care. Iâm doing the best that I can fucking do right now and they couldnât do any better.â This thought process has carried over into other parts of my life very very quickly ever since that day. My biggest tip is to just tell yourself that what they think doesnât matter and Iâm most social situations people are more worried about what you think of them and are too busy to think about you.
You just turn it off, like a light switch
Get to the age of 40
Neuroscience. Positive psychology. Meditation. Hella lot of useful tips in best books, there are some articles on internet too but not very convincing. First you gotta understand what the topic is about which will shine a new light on old things you havent given any thought to, and then you incorporate it in daily life, by cultivating the bonds with people you hold dear, sticking to healthy routines, working on yourself, quieting the mind. I always understood 'I dont give a fuck' as a phrase mostly spoken by unruly, frustrated and angry teens but after a half year of research now I truly understand that they dont know the real meaning behind these words but only say that because it sounds cool and gives them some stress relief/temporary comfort but nothing else, because those who dont give a fuck have no need to say that as its natural to them.
People here have and will offer you some nice sounding and pretty wise advice, you may now think that it is exactly it and the solution gonna work you gotta just read some more of it to gain confidence and a change of mind. They dont deceive you but trust me nothing will ever change in your life if that s all the effort you give for addressing your lifelong problems.
Train it
https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/bofz92/quick_tip_for_selfconcious_people_an_argument/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app
You realize that criticism comes in two forms. Helpful and unhelpful. Encouraging or discouraging. Supportive vs hurtful. And you stop taking advice from those youâd never seek it out from in the first place. In life, you will receive all kinds of feedback and most of it has little or nothing to do with you.
Giving an f is a result of fear.
Seriously, why do you give a f? Is it because you fear rejection of those around you? What is it that you are actually FEARING?
Once you identify that fear related to your giving an f, youâll quickly know how to reverse giving an f. All you need to do is tackle. That. Fear.
Itâs life-altering, really. Try your fear identification and conquering giving an f on a smaller scale, say with someone who may know you well enough to let you experiment. Take the lessons learned there and move to a larger victory, say, a stranger at the store. From there you can conquer groups.
Simple. I hear what your saying but i dont fucking care because my life is mine and yours is yours. YOLO ISYMFS
I remember thinking that way. ..it follows right behind you give me a f#@$ and realizing that you are the only one who cares you finally say f$&# it
By not âgiving a fuck about what people say about youâ also implies youâre not giving a fuck about what you think of yourself. Is what âtheyâ say about you true?
As many have listed : Integrity is important virtue to strive for; living & being a decent human; as we complain about being judged - we judge others. If you can âownâ your character strengths & weaknesses and be afraid to Not know something.
Try this.
Go for a walk and pretend you tripped near a bunch of people. You might feel embarrassed but remember your new moto âI donât give a f about what other say about meâ and walk away.
Do this as many times as you need to. Youâll reek of confidence later
Go to your social media accounts and make videos of you just speaking your mind or trying to be funny. Then read every comment especially the ones that you don't like read those more than once.
When I worked customer service in a job that I knew inside and out and customers wpild tell me "I want your name and your boss's name and phone number and im going to report you" and I knew I did everything right. It made me realize that even when I do everything right, people will still get angry with me/not like me. Then I finally got an "idgaf" attitude.
When your inner self confidence is larger than your inner self insecurity.
Good news!
To gain self confidence experience just keep being yourself. Look inward to discover the depths of your true feelings.
Life experience and self-love.
At some point you just stop caring because it's too much to care about what everybody thinks, so you reach a "fuck it" point. On top of that, once you start to appreciate and accept who you are and all the circumstances and decisions that make up your life as it is today, you realise that others' opinions on your life really don't matter.
Iâm late to this thread but one of the most important things Iâve learnt is that anything negative that someone else has to say about you is much more a reflection of their character than it is of yours. Youâre the only person in control of your own emotions and reactions!
Kill someone, almost die yourself several times. Boom after that you wont care what anyone thinks because you will start to see the world for what it really is and it will tear you apart day by day. You will start questioning if you are sane.
But hey you won't give a fuck.
For me being alone with myself for months pretty mich social isolation
Wear a sweater in the summer, then of saying people are going to think I'm crazy. You say I don't give a fuck.
Once you suffer enough, you'll be willing to walk away from that way of being.
Usually though, we second guess ourselves, ensuring we remain stuck in the karmic loop.
My motto is this: âWhat other people think about me is none of my business.â As cheesy as it is this philosophy has helped tremendously. There are literally a few people in my life who i trust enough to hear their feedback and the rest well, they can go fuck themselves. When you take the time to get to know who you truly are and you have confidence in that, it wonât matter what anyone thinks because you KNOW YOU!
Realize that if the people who bother to get to know you all have good things to say about you, then why should you care about the things people who didnât bother have to say?
Caring about the insignificant opinions that others have of you will prevent you from doing the things that matter the most to you. Youâll miss out on being the best version of yourself. Remind yourself of this constantly.
Same way you get to Carnegie Hall.....
Practice practice practice!
Why ask in such a cringeworthy way though? Why not just say âhow do I not care what others say about me?â
By realizing that No one, absolutly no 9ne gives a flying fuck about you or what you do. So the only reason for you to do things is because you want them. Everyone is stucked in their little island universe of reality , to busy with their own heads to mind yours . Be happy for you
I just think to myself, if I had or am having fun, does it really matter?
It honestly starts when you're tired of being depressed worrying about people who wont change. It's easier to be ok with just you.
Think about that person that smelled terrible sitting next to you in that movie.
How long did you remember that experience unprovoked?
Maybe an hour after them movie? Maybe for a few days when your friends ask about the movie? Maybe you don't even mention it but think about it.
After a few days it's nearly forgotten unless someone brings it up
He didn't give a fuck about his higene and it barely affected you.
Apply this to something else.
Be so upset you don't care
There's a cool quote I heard recently:
"In your 20âs and 30âs, you worry about what other people think.
In your 40âs and 50âs you stop worrying about what other people think.
Finally, in your 60âs and 70âs, you realize they were never thinking about you in the first place!"
Most people you think are actively judging and hating on you forget that you even exist during 99% of their day.
Just stop caring. Does it really matter what other people think? The majority of people, no it doesnt. Just remind yourself that.
accept yourself
Have something that you care about way more than you care about other peoples opinions.
I was always insecure about my appearance until after I had my son. Itâs just me and him now, and as long as I feel like Iâm being a good parent, I could give a shit what I look like. So my hair is a mess? So I forgot to put make up on? So what if my jeans have a hole in them. I am busy raising a good person. That comes first and matters more than what other people think of me. At some point in time recently I realized I had unlocked that perk without even noticing.
The less you disappoint yourself (ie follow-through), the more weight your own opinion of yourself carries.
Starts with consciously noting when you are experiencing a strong consideration of or pressure from what others think about you. Then questioning why it affects you in those specific cases. Then considering alternatives to those automatic thoughts. Then practicing behaviors you associate with not caring in that instance
I wish I knew how to unlock that perk too đ¤
Read âthe power of habit,âand âthe subtle art of not giving a fuck,â and âThe Apprentice.â Also, try to become most spiritual.
Good advice all round here but if you cant manage it then pretend it doesnt until it sticks it sounds stupid but youd be surprised how many things this can apply too.
hey guys thanks for the reply's really appreciate it
Are they feeding you, screwing you, paying you money? If they donât do any of these things, fuck them, they mean nothing.
Go to the gym
r/outside r/tierzoo
That perk is earned... not unlocked buddy.
I don't know what to tell you. I think it's something you're born with. I've had that attitude my entire life.
It starts with integrity. When you do what you know is right and treat yourself and others with respect, then you don't need to look at others for reassurance. Some people are fake or hateful or ignorant and will disrespect you no matter what you do. When you live by your principles, those will be what will guide you instead of the whims of randos who may or may not be fair in their assessment of you, and most people will respect you for that.
This dude is a smart dude
I like this dude
Letâs pass the blunt and just listen to the wisdom coming out his mouth.
Bless me with your donât give a fuck.
Its THE dude, he abides
Letâs go get this son of a bitch.
This is not a dude... this is a man!
A handsome, muscular man
Haha. Working on it, at least.
But what if he is actually a she?!
Then I would claim the original definition of man being humans in general. Boom etymology
than, is a she-man!
A shemale?
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Yup pretty much how I live my life.
To OP, some people are born with that mentality, but also it can take some time to perfect. Work on yourself and just cultivate who you are, love YOU. As corny or cringey as that may sound.
You just show the world who you are and not feel bad about it. Be your own hype person. You can still be humble btw and learn while doing this. As this person said, living with integrity. Not being arrogant and acting like you know better than anyone, BUT knowing yourself better than anyone that if someone misreads you, you're ok with it.
I had a moment today that really fucked me up at work to be frank but I know who I am. If 3 people say bad stuff about me, that's what those people think and that's it. I have other people in my corner and I also know who I am and what I stand for.
yo thanks
Np at all homie
Whenever I have moments like that, I go through my inspo collection. Pages through to work drama section
âA man with no enemies is a man with no character.â Paul Newman
âLove your Enemies, for they tell you your Faults.â Benjamin Franklin
âI ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.â Franklin D. Roosevelt
âIt's not about going around trying to stir up trouble. As long as you're honest and you articulate what you believe to be true, somebody somewhere will become your enemy whether you like it or not.â Criss Jami, Killosophy
âNever explainâyour friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.â Sir E. Hubbard
âIf you have enemies, good that means you stood up for something.â Eminem
âThe truth may not set you free, but used carefully, it can confuse the hell out of your enemies.â Laurell K. Hamilton
Thanks for this really needed it <3
In case anyone is wondering what a bunch of good principles are: Steven Covy - 7 habits.... and the 8th habit. It helped me get some reassurance.
My old boss taught me this well. I once asked if it was ok to expense something. He said âListen, I donât have time to review your expense reports. If you say itâs good itâs good. If itâs not, youâre the one who answers for it. I delegate moral responsibility to you.â Bam. Iâm responsible for myself. Utterly. If I do wrong I have to answer for it. Which means if I think it through and make sure Iâve done right, I donât give two shits what someone else thinks. Itâs on me and I made sure I did right.
So OP, I delegate moral responsibility to you.
Can this apply to readers too? Asking for a friend
True
I would agree with this. Life opens up when you have a validation system that is independent of what other people are doing/saying/thinking. That doesnât mean itâs the only way you find fulfillment, but having a resource outside of others (principles, integrity, a life code, etc) is a great first step.
I really want to add that this is correct as far as I'm concerned, but it's important to remind you that this is a process. You're gonna give a lot of unnecessary fucks at first. u/robots_on_drugs has good advice on this one just don't beat yourself up if you're not a Zen monk right away. It takes time and work to get there but it's worth it.
That is the smartest shit I ever read
As much as I agree with the parts about respect as well as hateful and ignorant people... But how can I know if what I do is correct? I wouldn't want to become like them, after all. Maybe not the specific actions, but the essence could be the same. If I don't look for feedback I can be misguided in trying to become a better person, and eventually may even become worse. And I have no way of knowing if I'm correct. Many people were and are so sure, yet they were... misguided. We cannot assume our principles are correct, ever. We need to doubt them and look for flaws. Unless we don't care about others at all.
I don't want my principles to be rigid. I want to change if I find something better. And the world and people in it are a huge (and the only) source of information. Therefore I need to look at them and try to learn from them and from their mistakes. But seeing their mistakes makes me unable to stop extrapolating it to myself. What if I'm doing the exact same thing, but in a different way?
Personally, I think it's tiring and that it's a pain in the ass, but I think I can see some results. I honestly wish I can one day achieve what you have described. But it is, in my opinion, impossible by definition.
Then seeking feedback and reevaluating yourself is one of your principles. Just make sure that when you take action, it is because that's what YOU feel is best after asking and thinking, and not just blindly following advice from someone else.
Taking responsibility for yourself is essential to integrity.
You're absolutely correct when you say that we always need to look for and correct flaws, but I'll echo /u/TheOneTruBob - this is a process. It will take you time and energy to really know yourself and figure out your own code of ethics. Philosophy is an ongoing practice and we as human beings have been trying to figure this out for our entire existence. You aren't ever going to be perfect and if there is a one true way, no one has found it.
I'm talking about the principles, not the practice. You already have a sense of right and wrong, and you don't need religion or popular culture to muck it up. Other people are not the only or even the primary source of the principles themselves. You'll never have any consistency trying to get your ideals from other people. You can see what they do, but you'll never really know why, and they're as human as you are so they will make a lot mistakes themselves.
What you can learn from other people and from your experiences is how well you are living up to your principles. For example, if it's important to you to be respectful to others, and you see that the people around you are constantly upset by the things you do, then your principle is correct, but your behavior is not.
One last thing I'll add is that making a point of correcting yourself and regularly reevaluating what you do and why you do it is an excellent principle in itself. The strength comes from that process and mentality, not so much the decisions. You can be confident in what you do because you can adapt and fix what's wrong as you learn.
words to live by
Well said my dude
This is exactly right. Have strong morals, convictions, principles, and then act in accordance with them. If you're living a "good" life and people want to criticize, you're better equipped to deflect their criticisms as unwarranted or baseless. The only caveat I would offer is this: Be willing to revisit your morals/convictions/principles on occasion. As you grow and gain experience, you may realize that they need improvement as well.
Also, in tandem with all of this, learn to accept the fact that you can't please everyone. There's 8 billion people on this planet. You're not gonna click with everybody. If you're being a good person, but you and another person just don't vibe - that's OK.
Thank you. I needed this.
I ve seen many tips for HTNGAF, but this js the best. Thanks
Level up
This right here. You will not get a better response than this. Respect to you robot_on_drugs
This might be the greatest piece of advice Iâve ever seen on reddit.
This has got to be one of the best comments Iâve seen on reddit.
That is so awesome
The dude abides
I had something in mind but you said it way better than what I would have ever said , well done
This is great advice! The hard part is figuring out what particular principles and values work best for you, and what you want to live by.
Maybe listening to how own thoughts, feelings and emotions react to particular events? What sounds and feels good and what doesn't and stick to that at first. When others point out potential flaws in your system, take that message at home and analyze how it can be used to improve your values. Writing down things can be helpful. Our working memory can be whimsical at times. Written memory isn't so much.
I was listening to a podcast recently and one of the guys was talking about his hobbies and how he used to worry about what people might think about it and what not. Long story short, he realized that he's going to get made fun of no matter what he does so why not just enjoy himself and make himself happy.
When you're disrespected no matter what you do, I think is the time when you know you're doing the right thing.
If you have a tight knit group of friends that are honest with you, and you still get flack from outside sources, that's when you know you're in the right.
I can give you an example. Working on a final project for my robotics class. We used a completely different mechanism than anyone else of the 15 teams. Multiple times the senior staff gave us a hard time, questioned us, even told us our thing was stupid.
Not only did we score the highest grade in the class, but we had the simplest design, the most consistent, spent the least amount of money, and had no problems at all.
It didn't matter, because we were doing something different. People hated it. Likely they were jealous, or just falling to normal human behavior. Regardless, no one could tell our team to do something different because we knew for a fact our design was 100% solid. And it was.
So I would add, being confident in yourself and creations (what ever that translates to in your case), even if you're not entirely certain on it, will build your ability to not give a shit about what other people say. Own your mistakes, because it makes owning your success all the more better.
I wish I learned this way, unfortunately I got fucked over enough where I just stopped giving a shit.
define this integrity
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Rope