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r/AnimalsBeingJerksu/Snuggle-Ninja (28802)

Comments (786)

What would be the reaction of bystanders if you punched a goose?

I feel like I could punch a goose in that situation.

Dunno, I’ve wondered about that. Are they protected? Could you not just goose-slap them?

Protected yes, but I once watched a Game Warden full on boot a Canada goose like a soccer penalty kick after it chased him for a while. Those geese are dicks.

So if you kill it in self defense, can you eat it as well? Like take it home and cook it up and feast on the flesh of your vanquished enemies?

Plus, you’ll save at the grocery store because you just saved yourself from buying a can of expensive goose grease

Wow, win win

exactly, thank you jim!

I like goose. If it’s already dead, is it so crazy if we eat it?

I don't think so. My family doesn't hunt but we once had somebody hit a deer in front of our house when I was a kid. After the cops left we took it and ate it. No point letting a perfectly good deer go to waste.

you guys don't hunt but you can clean and cook a deer whoa

Well we did have a little help from a family friend that came over the next morning that does hunt so that helped alot with the gutting part. As for the butchering/cooking we'd been doing pig roasts for many years at that point so my dad wasn't too intimidated by taking a crack at a deer. My dad is a kind of an impulsive DIY guy and loves to cook so I wasn't even that surprised when he decided to take it.

Idk man old people seem to have a bank of knowledge even they don't know about. My granny skinned and cleaned a goat once but i learned later on it was her first time. I guess experience from other animals can still be used regardless the type. The belly is always where you cut and skinning starts from there. Chop off the throat les you have a head in your stew. Stuff like that.

Even when we did hunt deer we wouldn't clean that bitch ourselves LOL it got brought right to the butcher.

i have a gross misunderstanding of everything related to hunting

its crazy. its crazy.

He prefers Jimmothy

/r/unexpectedoffice

/r/dundermifflin js leaking

Highly relevant username

I feel like you save that, anyway, hiding it in your trousers

Not sure about migratory birds, but if you kill big game such as bear or deer in self defense then you have to report it to the game warden and they come confiscate the animal. This policy is meant to prevent people from just shooting the animal anyway and claiming self defense. Moving the animal after incident is grounds for a big ticket in some states.

But if you hit a deer with your car you can take it, right? I guess the difference is you'd have to be very stupid to intentionally hit a deer with your car just for free venison.

you'd have to be very stupid to intentionally hit a deer with your car just for free venison.

My buddy always said it’d be cheaper to shoot the deer out of season, turn yourself in and pay the fine than to whack one with the car.

Where I live and have lived if you poach an animal the game wardens have the right to confiscate any and all items that helped you poach the animal. Vehicle, firearm, bow, whatever. Then you get a fine and possible jail time. Replacing a headlight, bumper, and any hood or fender you may have damaged is exponentially cheaper than the alternative.

That makes no sense... It's not illegal to hit a deer with a car. It's failure to report the incident that makes it illegal. Shooting a deer out of season is always illegal.

In terms of cost.

Deer will wreck your car bro

When we hit deers up north, you don't report it to anyone but your insurance company LOL

Not to mention you wouldn't be eating bruised meat. It doesn't taste good.

My insurance deductible is only 250. I would get a whole new car and a deer.

You still have to report it. I’m pretty sure you get to keep it but they do charge you for keeping it. It’s actually a hefty price especially if it’s a buck. That’s how it is in PA anyway.

From my experience in NY, police just write you a tag and that’s it. Easier if you deal with it then for them to have to deal with animal control and the DEC.

Yup in NY it’s happened a few times to me haha

I don't know, I've heard of people doing that with grouse, though. But they don't cave your vehicles front-end in when you hit them...

In undergrad, one of our classes had a necropsy section that was regularly given roadkill for dissection. There were freezers in the basement of the university that had dead animals for this purpose. And the ornithology class got a dead bird for a lab quiz that hadn't even gone stiff yet. So in terms of where roadkill ultimately ends up, some of it appears to go to local schools.

That's even more of a state issue, my state allows you to take roadkill deer home but not bear even though they both have hunting seasons because research is being done with the molars of each bear. Once a molar is extracted its up to the game warden as far as road kill goes if I'm not mistaken.

Where I’m from you have to report it. And the game wardens take it and give the meet to charities we have locally. Also where I’m from animal hits/vandalizations of your vehicle don’t cost a deductible to get fixed.

In Ma you can keep the deer. In fact my dad actually got to keep a deer once, after the lady in front of him hit it. Otherwise they just drag it into the woods.

Literally just ate venison from my friends grandpa who hit a deer and decided that it was gonna be dinner for the next month or two lol. Actually suprised MA let's us do this we have a lot of pussy laws lol

In the UK it's illegal to eat your own roadkill, someone thought ahead on that one.

You stand a high chance of getting spoiled meat that way, unless you don't rupture the digestive tract.

NED, ITS COMING RIGHT FOR US!

mmmmmngIT’S COMING RIGHT FOR US

IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US!

-Jimbo

That goose ate Burger King wrappers and bubble gum on that campus it's entire life.. would not eat that thing if you paid me lol

so what you're saying is that it tastes like whoppers and doublemint?

sounds even better

Years ago, when I was a greenskeeper at a good course one of the golfers killed a goose by nailing it in the head with a golf ball. The next day, a guy on our crew offered me a plate of cooked strips of meat and simply said, "goose". The meat was kind of chewy and not terribly tasty so I wouldn't recommend it.

Now swan, I hear that's some tasty stuff.

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It's just the one swan, actually.

Idk about wild geese, but goose prepared correctly is a very tasty dish.
I've only heard bad things about the taste of swan so far.

That's just a lie to prevent the British from stealing from the Queen.

The Queen loves dem swans, fam.

Especially boiled goose

A boom box can change the world, but you've got to know your limitations with a boom box

Hell of a shot!

Just hope you don't inherit the wisdom of your vanquished enemies, because if so you'll next be seen hissing at tourists and stealing unopened bags of honey-roasted peanuts from small children, to be swallowed whole while the child - who recently also had their deep-fried fish stolen by a seagull - begins to suspect the universe exists specifically to make them miserable.

Chances are you won't kill, even hell has rejected them http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1069241.1335680163!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_750/goose29n-1-web.jpg

Yes, yes, yes, only if you say a prayer, then deep fry it while gloating.

I've heard of a few rednecks from my neck of the woods tell me about their experience eating Canadian geese, and apparently they taste like absolute shit because of their diets.

I've been told they taste like garbage. Not gamey, but total garbage.

If you kill a goose you must take that goose's place in the flock.

Don't know about with geese, but if you kill a bear in self defense you have to call up a ranger/game warden/police officer and have them come collect the carcass. They also make sure that you don't collect any teeth or claws as a means of preventing "self-defense" trophy hunting.

i think your obligated to

Recipe.

  1. Turn it into foie gras.

Just not in Canada. Anywhere else is fine

That's how you gain its power

I ate it in self defense.

On an oddly serious note, I'm a waterfowl hunter. Wild is nothing like store bought, and it's actually fantastic. I think this asshole goose was eating absolute trash thoug, so probably tastes absolutely horrible. But honestly I'd probably try...

Eat its heart and you'll absorb its strength.

In my state you need a licence provided by the game warden to do that. its mostly for people who pick up road kill.

It's coming right for us!

If you keep it without a permit you'll have to pay a fine.

OMG! So masculine and savage!!1!1!1

You're definitely allowed to kick a goose if it chases you

Source: If this wasnt true I feel like someone would have stopped me by now

How often are you being chased by a Goose?

Seriously, all my life I've never seen an aggressive Goose. What are you doing?!

Geese are dicks. I've never been chased, but I know people who have.

Well, yeah. But this dude is talking like it's a weekly occurrence. Lol

Dude, it can be. There are like 3 pairs of geese that nest outside of my workplace, and you can't relocate them. That means that during nesting season, EVERY SINGLE DAY someone gets attacked. Not shitting you.

Plus the internet is full of videos like this dude, where is your surprise coming from? This is extremely common. That makes it no less funny, however.

You're saying this in the comments of a post where a goose is literally chasing someone for the heinous crime of giving it a wide berth while walking on campus...

The internet is full of gifs/videos of geese acting aggressive and chasing people. That's how they act.

Yes, but read how the guy wrote the post. It's worded like it's a weekly occurrence for them. Lol.

How have you gone your life without seeing an aggressive goose? They’re all territorial at best, and complete cunts at worst

If none of the geese you've encountered in your life have been aggressive, you've been lucky.

Can you break its neck if it chases you?

I live near a goose farm, all geese are dicks.

they once took down an airliner just because "it was in their space"

The warden footed the bill in this case. (I’ll show myself out)

Why on Earth would they be protected? They are all over the place and they are a big nuisance.

They were once presumed extinct due to hunting until a new flock was discovered, so they were protected. But now they're arrogant since nobody can kill them to they act like assholes. Kinda like how North Korean pigeons are deathly afraid of people cause the starving people will kill them for food but South Korean pigeons will steal food right out of people's hands and attack people.

Canada goose is a jacket brand

Protected where? Here in Wisconsin people hunt them and farms kill them all summer long.

They are protected however you have every right to defend yourself. My friend killed one at a park with a park ranger witnessing when one attacked his toddler. He grabbed it by it's head and swung it breaking it's neck. Ranger ran over when it went down and was far more concerned about the child then the goose.

He grabbed it by it's head and swung it breaking it's neck.

That's how I always imagined I would defend myself against a goose, but I'd probably have to get around its bared feet first.

I lived on a lake for 20 years with a lot of Canadian geese, you can just pick them up by the neck (no need to break it) they'll usually figure out you're not threatened by them and fuck off, a kick will usually also do it, not a full-on punt, but hard enough to life them off the ground will usually break a charge. never been scratched by one of them, and I've picked up plenty.

Oh thank god. I figured the moment I would stand my ground is the moment I would make my greatest mistake.

They're mostly dependent on things being scared of them, I've been bit a few times, it doesn't really hurt, they don't have teeth, their beaks are blunt so pecking isn't particularly painful either, they'll sometimes smack you with a wing, but again, it's wrapped in feathers. Their main defense is shocking (via surprise) whatever they're going after, not in actually hurting it.

I've known people that were convinced that a goose wing strike could break your femur. I shit you not. They thought a ten pound bird with hollow bones could do as much damage as a bear.

Wow, lol, yeah that's definitely not going to happen, their wings are pretty fragile compared to mammal bones. I've rescued several with broken wings and dropped them off with the game warden, definitely not going to be doing a lot of damage with those things.

A swan wing is covered in feather but that shit can break bones :P

What if you stand your ground as they charge? Or maybe charge back at them?

If you stand your ground, they'll usually stop before they get in arm's reach (throw their wings wide, hiss, flap threateningly, but not get closer if you don't back off), if you take a big step forward just as they get close, you can usually get in far enough to grab 'em before they realize what's going on. Once you've got a hand on them, it's like holding a big angry rugby ball. Cover the eyes/head with a hand and they go passive though, like most birds.

They'll definitely fly off if you charge them, only exception is if they have chicks/eggs with them, they'll stand their ground if they do, this is the most likely situation to get pecked (doesn't really hurt, they'll grab a pant leg and tug usually).

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You....you own a goose?

You're doing it wrong. You don't throw something with wings into the air and expect to win. You seek the aid of gravitay and triumph with the might of ground.

They don’t have teeth. What do you mean he bit thru denim?

They have serrated beaks. They can easily rip denim.

Yeah goose bites feel like having a skint knee or something. Really irritating kind of feeling.

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That's how it holds the switchblade

You ever seen a goose wearing socks?

Do they fly at you feet or beak first? I'm not sure, all I know is that I can imagine grabbing it by the neck all I want the moment any of those angry feathers come at me I'm booking it because that's my best case scenario, I'll reserve the neck-grabbing for when it's charging like... a baby or something.

When I was chased by Canada Geese nearly daily in the winter as a part of trying to make it inside of my high school as a kid, I always got bitten, not scratched, for what that's worth.

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Yes. More than you'd expect. Particularly the time I got bit on the butt. Humiliation and pain all at once.

Hawks and eagles and some other raptors use their feet like this. Birds like geese and ducks don't. They're all bill. Their feet are used only for swimming in and walking in their own feces.

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Canada geese are the opposite of endangered

Yeah but they're covered under a treaties on migratory birds that are important so that one asshole country doesn't cull a bunch of birds that theoretically "belong" to all the countries they migrate between.

But there's nothing legally or morally wrong with snapping the neck of a goose that's picked a fight with you or your dog or especially your kid.

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Why would you call it unnatural? A bird stupid enough to attack something that weighs 10 times more than it is a pretty good candidate for a Darwin award.

The number of people that just run and scream from attacking geese kind of defeats your argument. Its clearly somewhat effective for getting big animals to leave you alone.

I had a mastiff that was TERRIFIED of cats, any cat.. if we were walking on a side walk and a cat hopped up in a window she would lose her shit and run, all because one of my cats hated her as a puppy and would attack her, chase her and act like a total cunt... Geese chase children to instill that fear early when they are the same size or maybe slightly larger than the child so that when they grow up to be 10x it's size, it's instinctive.. see a goose.. fucking flee and hope you make it out alive.

The survival of the weakest doesn't seem like natural progression. We would be in control of that selection and manipulating their natural selection. Frankly, it sounds like fun.

It's not survival of the strongest though. It's survival of the fittest. Which would include being smart enough not to attack something that could easily kill you.

Airports and other places use dogs to chase them off. I'd totally let my dog do this if I wouldn't get in trouble for her being off leash. She'd love it.

Candian geese are migratory? Little bastards seem to be around 365 in NJ, all their gosling just hatched here too.

If it's warm enough some populations just stay put. In NE Ohio it was like 80% migrated and 20% stayed last winter, just based on unscientific observation.

But yeah traditionally those geese go south to avoid snow.

They certainly leave this part of Canada in winter.

I feel like they used to be migratory but lately they’re all like “fuck it, the weather is all over the place anyways what’s the point.”

They shit all over Boise.

Parks are full of goose shit. BSU used to be too, I'm suspecting they bought some anti geese technology. Like a groundskeeper with a rifle.

Minnesota... Sigh. We have snow 8 months out of the year and geese for the 8 warmest, with overlap between the two. So they were here during the blizzard two weeks ago. Double misery.

They are a migratory breed but some colonies find a barely-warm-enough place to take full-year residence and take over/shit everywhere and act like you're the asshole even though you just want to get to your goddamn class and have zero interest in "their" territory.

We get quite a few of them in the UK

Dude, they are called Canadian geese for a reason...

You know, there's just the long-flight V-formation they're known for...

Yeah my friend grew up on a farm and knew how to break the neck by growing up with chickens. It's not some dramatic swing like a softball fast pitch but more of a wrist flick. I imagine being that it was a large goose and the traumatic moment he probably did a rage induced wind/whip.

The ranger ended up calling the squad because his hand and arm was all scratched up by the gooses beak. His son was fine, just terrified.

The Migratory Bird Act has been a thorn in our side for long enough, /u/cynthiadangus

They can't keep getting away with this.

so that one asshole country doesn't cull a bunch of birds that theoretically "belong" to all the countries they migrate between.

This is a conspiracy to protect geese from getting their just desserts...

If you need to know how low their populations got, they were completely eliminated from Ohio at the end of the Civil War (hunting for food was the #1 cause). Commercial hunters used to use these enormous shotguns called punt guns to kill entire flocks at one time.

The current regulatory regime is far from perfect, but it means that Mississippi or some state in Mexico can't just start hunting them to extinction for meat again.

My abiding hatred for canada geese does not permit sympathy for the enemy.

It isn't even really about Canada geese. The Migratory Bird Act is an iron clad umbrella to protect all migratory birds in North America. With the exception of snow geese, who are such a destructive problem that we spent years lobbying to create a conservation exception.

We have failed as a species.

They ARE the danger. They are the ones who quack!

https://youtu.be/B3RJUMm-hd0

ITS COMING RIGHT FOR US!

fucking politicians

But not alligators in Florida apparently.

idk I think you would still get in trouble for having a firearm in a national forest. Even if you did protect yourself.

Edit: I am too lazy to look it up but somebody shot a mountain lion and got charged with discharging a weapon in a national park or something really obscure and a $200 fine. But was not charged with killing in self defense. So the possession thing was way wrong

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I doubt it, your dog was defending itself.

So you will probably be able to answer this. What's the difference between bear spray and pepper spray? Is it basically the same thing only not nearly as close to cologne?

This is true. Where i live it is illegal. But the great states have lax gun laws.

The problem is that where i live, there are always sick fucks like felones or i guess just sick fucks who shoot people walking on remote paths.

Because of the inability for goverment to be there to protect anyone, if you are hiking and camping out in the woods, you should be allowed to have a gun. For humans, not wildlife.

[deleted]

My papa always told me when I was afraid of the dark, ‘we are the deadliest creature on this planet, we have nothing to be afraid of’

Agreed. The only thing I'm worried about in the woods are other people.

There is this weird left or Democratic or anti republican sentiment about guns. It’s like they don’t understand that if you have one you can shoot people trying to hurt you. And if you don’t have one people trying to hurt you can hurt you.

It's much easier for someone trying to hurt you to do so if they have a gun than if they do not. I'm in Australia, go hiking etc. a fair bit and that thought would never even cross my mind because the crazy nuts don't have guns

Firearms are allowed on a ton of DNR parks and forests, they are probably the least restricted places for firearms. Plus with a concealed carry you can have one nearly everywhere.

False

https://www.nps.gov/grca/learn/management/upload/Firearms-in-IMRparks2-2010.pdf

You can carry a firearm for safety against wildlife. You should also be wearing orange even if you aren't hunting or carrying a gun. Keep in mind you should fire a warning shot before shooting at the animal.

[deleted]

What are you smoking? What's the difference between shooting a target in the woods and shooting at a tree to scare a bear? You can fire guns outside of urban areas...

One came at my little brother once when we were really young, he was probably about 3. Those fuckers are MEAN. My Dad had to do something similar. The thing just charged my lil bro outta nowhere, and then it bit my Dad so he punted it lol I'm still terrified of geese from that, it was kind of traumatic. My Dad also got attacked by a swan once. Waterfowl just don't agree with him, I guess *edited to fix a word

Waterfoul

Very punny. That actually made me laugh way harder than it probably should have and I'm mad I didn't think of it myself. Have your upvote.

I'm glad I could make your day a little better with my terrible contribution :o)

Hey now, give yourself a little credit! I thought it was clever. I actually needed a laugh today, I've been studying for a math final all day 😭 Thank you, Stranger on the Internet!

I hope the aftermath will turn out alright :).

Thanks for the support! I'm just preparing to head out now, actually. Fingers crossed! 😬

Good luck! I supplied you with a second shitty pun btw :)

Well thanks to your humorous additions to my day, my final actually went very well. I think I did much greater than I expected to. I totally nailed it. Okay I can't think of any more math words, I lack your skill.

Ayyyy, good job! Enjoy your day off (if you also have a holiday today).

Thank you! No holiday, but I am done with school for the next 6 days, and no work (besides Mom duties) for 4 whole days! 😃 I hope you enjoy your day, as well!

I'd do anything to protect my niece from a threat

Lol this has ALWAYS been how I thought the situation should be dealt with, seems so easy to just spin it if it's attacking you

Goose-slap, I don’t take crap

Are they protected?

In New Jersey we round them up into trucks which are mobile gas chambers, and they're gassed by the hundreds on the spot. I think it's hilarious that they're protected in other places.

At least in Cedar Rapids they're not protected at all. In fact they're a nuisance. My understanding is Canadian Geese were introduced here a long time ago to help their species, but they did too well and now they just terrorize parks. I sprained my ankle jumping off an elevated trail to evade one, limped away holding it's head while it was eating my headphones cord and hitting me with his wings. Our city is doing egg oiling right now to reduce the population.

Egg oiling?

They dunk the eggs in corn oil and put them back. Any oiled eggs won't develop. You can read more here: http://www.thegazette.com/subject/news/government/oiling-eggs-latest-strategy-to-control-goose-population-in-cedar-rapids-20170426

What's a goose-slap?

Ever had a larger bird smack you with its wing, especially the leading edge? Geese do that, it hurts. Other than that, I made the term up.

Nope, can't say that that's ever even been a concern for me.

Sounds awful though.

I have. I grabbed a friend's pet goose when it attacked me. Grabbed it right by the throat while it tried to slap me with its wings. It kept slapping them against my thighs and wasn't a big deal. Maybe around the head or face it would have been different.

The only thing keeping me from snapping that fucker's neck was my buddy's love for the bastard.

I dont give a fuck if they're protected. I'm protecting myself. If they're going to pick a fight with me and they're that easy to kill or maim, I'd say evolution has made up its mind.

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Who's the goose gonna tell?

Exactly. Snitches get stitches

Or in this case served at holiday meals and expand britches.

[deleted]

Are you completely ignorant of bird law? Goose bootin’ can carry serious penalties in some districts

Are you a bird law expert?

surely not. I'm a man of reason

Ah yes, a bird's life is more important than a human's. Makes sense.

I see what you’re saying and I agree but the persons life really at stake here?

Children could absolutely be killed by an angry goose.

You think? Im really on the fence. I think maybe an infant. But anything can kill an infant really, they’re kinda weak.

Stronger than u m8

True. Running at them naked with your micropenis out doesn’t work either so I’m FUCKED.

I dunno, these guys can get pretty big... Make them angry enough, and I wouldn't want to see what they would do to my kids.

Mute swans are another bird not to fuck with. They're mean, and fucking massive.

Even if the kids life isn't at risk the goose could still do serious damage. What if the kid lost and eye or some fingers or something.

Hey man, Ive never fought a goose so I wouldnt know

What are the chances that someone actually charges you if you punch it in self defence though?

"I'd like one 'The Reckoning' permit as per the 'Asshole Geese Act' of 1979' please."

Meanwhile, in New Jersey

FYI this happens in a lot of towns here, I watched them do it in Cranford to at least a hundred of them one year. The first time my dog killed one I felt terrible, but that was before witnessing goose auschwitz.

I once grabbed one of those long neck bastards by the throat when it pecked at my head while I bent over. Stopped messing with me after. Ya'll know they only weigh less than 20 pounds right? Just man-handle it. The absolute worst it can do is leave a small abrasion on your skin.

They're protected. Canada says they won't hurt bald eagles, America says the asshole geese are safe.

Are they protected? Could you not just goose-slap them?

I'd really love to hear the conversation with a police or DNR officer where they try to punish you for defending yourself against a wild animal.

Listen here /u/esc_ap_artist , you can't just go around punching geese. You gotta let it fuck your face up. It's nature, let it take it's course. Remember the rule of the woods: leave only footprints and blood.

They have been moved from schedule 1 to 5 of the wildlife act and are no longer protected. Punt away.

there are geese that hand around the small pond in my apartment complex. i had one chase me the other day and i open palm slapped the shit out of it to the side of its face. it continued to chase me and i ended up just running for it.

Canadian geese are an invasive species. At my college there was a couple hundred of them shittin all over a golf course so they called in the local redneck militia one morning and they killed about 150 of them then fed them all to the homeless.

Win win for everybody.

They are technically “protected”... I just don’t feel that word is the best term to use considering over 500,000 are shot in Canada alone every year.

Anyone who has experience with these foul beasts would cheer you on.

Bird bones are fragile to punches so just punch geese, they rely on intimidation anyways

https://i.imgur.com/4XO8f93.gifv

That's a swan, and they're fucking assholes.

No, Swans are noble, majestic and arrogant bastards. Geese are the real arseholes because they do what they do out of spite.

They're all assholes... Swans will regularly swim towards me hissing and puffing themselves up even when their nest is easily over 100m away.

Arseholes... The whole lot of them.

I was in Geneva at the lake where a bunch of swans were getting fed bread crumbs and there was one young swan being chased and drowned by what I assume was the alpha male swan. It was insane. He would bite the young swans neck, get on top of him and force his head underwater. There were like 20 other swans not giving a fuck either.

That is very British gif

If you can get in and grab a swan or goose's neck, you own them. Kinda like grabbing a dog's lower jaw.

Kinda like grabbing a dog's lower jaw

what?

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Can't they just...close their mouth by moving their head?

I just grabbed my lower jaw as good as I could, still could close my mouth

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I'm calling horseshit

Are you sure it's not just because it's your dog and it isn't trying to bite the shit out of you

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If the dog is angry you have to grab the tongue.

I just grab the penis.

If you can get your dick in its mouth it loses all power.

Yes, what could possibly go wrong!

I made the original comment about this and I have used this on a few occasions with dogs that were getting too aggressive with me. They weren't full on attacking me, just getting too aggressive in their play. It shut them right down. I specifically remember using it on a German Shepherd and a Malamute.

Yep. My friends Germans shepherd hates when I grab his jaw, he gets real confused. And if he's too mouthy when we're playing I just stick my forearm across his mouth and push. He usually kinda gags and backs off.

I just looked it up. Don’t grab your dogs lower jaw, even if you’re play “wrestling” with it, it’s a weak bone and you could dislocate it or really hurt the dog. The comment that suggested it probably mixed up grabbing the lower jaw with grabbing the snout/fully closed mouth. Don’t grab a wild dogs lower jaw, you’ll loose your hand also don’t grab your own dogs lower jaw, you might hurt them or startle them and loose fingers.

Dogs have very powerful biting down muscles but not very powerful opening muscles in their jaw so if you hold their mouth closed, like a muzzle, then the dog shouldn’t be able to open their mouth very easily.

That being said, it’s probably not very fun for the dog so unless you’re disciplining it, protecting yourself or protecting someone else, just leave your hands off your pup unless it’s for pets or snuggles.

It's only for a second, it's not physically intense. Thanks for your concern.

I'm talking about playfighting, yes.

Do you put your hand in between their teeth at all? I would imagine you have to in order to get a good grip and that just sounds like a bad idea.

Though I'm not a dog-mouth-grabbing expert so I can't say for sure

Not really. My dog is a vizsla if that helps.

No, your dog is different. If I grab my dogs lower jaw like a handle it will leave bite marks in my flesh.

Well Vizslas are known to have soft mouths, but upvotes make me think other people can relate.

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He originally mentioned leaving an animal useless by grabbing its lower jaw and I explained it further by saying that it happens when play fighting. That's how it fits. And its not just with a puppy. Works on a 5 year old Vizsla.

My problem with your post is that, in a conversation about wild animals, you bring up an example about playfighting a domesticated pet. It's not in the same league at all and since there was no qualifier in your OP explicitly saying that you're changing the subject from [damn, aggressive geese - grab their necks and fling them away] to [my doggy goes useless if I grab his mouth], the implication of your OP is that, a way to render an unhappy dog incapacitated (remember, the context of the person to whom you replied, is that wild geese are rendered incapacitated if you grab its neck) is by grabbing its lower jaw. Extremely misleading - if you try that on an angry dog you're fucked.

I explained it further by saying that it happens when play fighting. That's how it fits

You didn't say that anywhere in your first several posts. That's my problem.

The op said "like grabbing a dog's lower jaw", which implies playfighting because that's the only time it makes sense. In my op, I said grabbing "your" dogs mouth. So yes, if you pay attention, I was talking about playfighting. The only reason I posted anything in the first place was because someone was confused, so I tried to describe it.

Might have something to do with how their spines and necks are shaped.

No, it only has to do with the dog being deferential and not wanting to bite you. If you try this with a dog that isn’t as concerned with that or actively wants to bite you, you’ll be bitten.

It might be different if you were able to grab almost the entirety of your jaw like you can do with a larger dog.

Behind the cats neck. Although my cat used to reach my arm anyway

Kinda wish he hammerthrew him instead

We had some particularly nasty geese along one walkway on my campus. Unfortunately, that walkway was also the only way to get to my off-campus apartment. Usually if you didn't look at them and kept walking they would hiss at you and puff themselves up, but ultimately leave you alone. Well, I was walking back with one of my roommates one day and one of the geese did his usual hiss and spread his wings out, and we ignored him and kept walking. And then the fucker charged right at us. My roommate must have punted that fucker a good 10 feet, and then he kinda waddled off like "Oi, that's right mate, piss off. I'll getcha next time, I will."

I also assume all geese are cockney English.

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What the fuck, so you're supposed to let them scratch your kid or you before you can stop the little shits?

Yeah or you just ignore the people getting up in arms about you killing a wild animal that was attacking your child.

Goose claws...? Don't they have webbed feet and wings?

This is the fucking animal kingdom, first and foremost. As the most intelligent species on earth it is our duty to respect the sanctity of living things, but ultimately if a goose is attacking me I believe I should fully reserve the right to waste it.

Don't know why but in my city, far far away from Canada these geese are super common. Tons of times you'll have to stop in traffic and wait for them to cross.

There was a pair of geese that I assume had a nest nearby. Someone was caught on a security cam walking up to one of the pair and killing it seemingly unprovoked. A huge manhunt(on Facebook) happened and they were able to catch the person based on the security footage of the person and vehicle they got in and out of.

Don't know if people are passionate about the geese(very possible based on the fact people treat them like they have the right of way in streets and sidewalks) or people were just bored on Facebook(also very possible we have a Facebook group that purely talks about complaining about the train blocking traffic multiple times a day)

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Not to be that person, but they're actually "Canada geese," not "Canadian geese." I know, I'm sorry.

I know, I'm sorry.

Also Canadian

A Canadian geezer, if you will.

What would be the reaction of bystanders if you punched a goose?

In Canada it is widely accepted to grab them by the neck if you have to. They can easily fuck up a small child.

This --> https://youtu.be/xlEfjWxmll0

/r/ContagiousLaughter

You actually grab them by the neck. A punch would not do much. And its pretty funny when you have a goose grabbed by the neck. It looks like a cartoon. But be careful, you can kill the goose. And local courts will not approve of you grabbing and breaking a goose neck on a college campus.

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Having to sit through the rest of the avian themed comedy routine.

Apparently nothing of you are in self defense. But if you did ot for fun, and you have a record, and you are not in a jail happy state, probabaly a week and a year or two of probation.

If you dont have a record probably two years of probation.

And if you are in a southern state and are black, probabaly 3 years.

Two years probation for killing a goose? Idk about that...

Eh. Where i am at it seems like they hand out probation like candy. A dumbass i know got a year probation for stealing clothes.from walmart.

Exile to Winnipeg.

If the filmed of this post would grab the geese’s neck and kill it, wouldn’t that be justified self defense?

Sure. Why not.

So they would approve.

When I was a kid in elementary school, there was a family of geese that made its home right beside the path I took to go to and from school. These geese had little geese, which they defended vigilantly. I was in grade 7, and every day I would be attacked by these geese - particularly the one that I assume was the male. Eventually, I started taking one of those nerf water pistols that you pump up like 30 times and then it shoots a constant stream of water and a really heavy water bottle to defend myself from these geese that would fly at me and try to peck my eyes out, which prompted me to start bringing safety glasses. It wouldn't have taken too much longer to just go around the path system, but I was in 7th grade, and quite frankly I didn't want to let the geese win. So yeah, every day I had a little battle with these geese where I would spray them from range and whack them in the chest with the water bottle when they flew at me.

Edit: changed a past/present tense fuck up

As long as you yell "it's coming right for us!" You should be ok (Southpark reference)

A duck once came after a two year old I was babysitting at the park once. I got up and gave it a light kick (it flew about five feet, really more of a toss with my foot than a legit kick) to get it to leave. The duck was fine, and walked/ran away. Only two people who saw it go down and they just laughed. Probably too small of a sample size, but in my experience 100% of our society seems to approve of defending yourself from aggressive water fowl.

I tried once. Didn't land. I wrote this is the thread "what's your worst experience with a goose?" But I was way to late and no one read it:

Aw fuck I'm late but I have a good one. Just last year during nesting season. I jump on my bike and come ripping around a corner. Not too fast but clippin along. Suddenly I hear this noise like a slo mo helicopter and see this big mutha Canadian goose coming straight for me. I quickly assumed it hadn't seen me and was gonna fly up, above my head. But nope. He was aiming to attack. At last second, I took a swing, missed, and went head over handlebars, tumbling along with goose. I jumped up and yelled at it. Not long after two security guards coming running out cuz they saw bike tire spinning on ground and though I was getting robbed or something. Was nuts for a couple seconds.

I kicked a goose repeatedly and pulled out some feathers until it fucked off. I used to think they were invincible. Then one tried to attack my 18 month old. Funny what happens when something tries to attack your baby. Suddenly they aren't so tough. Anyway, the bystanders at this park by a suburban city hall just cheered.

All the best stories end with a group of bystanders cheering and clapping for you.

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I remember being a kid and thinking that the things some adults talked about were really far fetched. I never really found out if those particular adults were accurately representing their lives or not. But as I grew older I noticed that the people without good (true) stories had a few things in common. 1. They were relatively responsible and as a result had pretty minimal mishaps. 2. They were boring and didn't step out of their comfort zone much. 3. They were cowards in the event of conflict or physical danger. I look at stories a bit differently now, and wonder what other people think of mine. But I also kind of feel sad for those with needless skepticism. I think it reflects a life not fully lived. And I think the disbelief they feel is forced to help them cope with what they are missing in their own life. This is especially sad when dealing with someone who is simply intelligent and responsible.

Honestly, I can see it. I've never met anyone who likes Canada geese, they take up all the good real estate by the ponds and shit everywhere. I know I'd give him a pat on the back

Then he was handed $100 and a beer

All you have to do is grab the goose’s neck and whip it around in a circular motion, one rotation snaps it. There’s a YouTube video somewhere of the right way to do it, it’s not worth getting bit/cut by a wild bird that wants to be a dickhead.

As a teenager I was at the beach with some friends, and there was a few canada geese walking around. One of them apparently wanted my fries, and started getting aggressive. I tried to get away but I was lying down on the sand, so I wasnt really able to get up fast. When it started snapping at me I slapped it as hard as I could right in the fuckin head and yelled "NO."

My friends looked at me like I just kicked a puppy, and the lifeguard told me if I did it again he'd call the cops.

Nah you'd punch and miss then get the shit beat out of you by a goose

Goose is fine, just avoid conflicts with chickens.

You don't want to punch a goose. Sure they look like a big duck, but these things along with swans are mean asf. Source: I have bothered both geese and swans to make them attack my brother. Instant regret.

Here in MI you'd have a cheering audience. We all hate these assholes.

I accidentally killed one.

I came home early from work after getting a really bad flu (no vomit, just serious aches and lost my voice so I was safe to drive). I waited for them to cross the street. Saw them clear my car and I went.

bump. Bump

Ah shit...

I stopped and looked behind me. Yup. I ran one over. I pulled into my old apartment complex, told them then called the cops on myself.

They all laughed. Cops said since it was a genuine accident, they wouldn’t do anything but call the proper agency to clean it up. They said if I did it intentionally, I could get into trouble.... but the weird thing is, they said they hoped that more people would “accidentally” kill them because they’ve caused a lot of accidents from people stopping immediately to swerving out of the way.

Fuck these ugly assholes and their ugly chicks

I’d be afraid it’d react fast enough and catch my hand in its enormous, toothed beak

I would cheer you on but also in the end pray for your soul as a flock of geese will soon be coming for you.

Ive been chased by a goose before, all your instincts kick in and you just run away. Then once you are far away you get the "wait why didnt i kick its ass" thought.

But if i saw someone kick a goose or fight it off i wouldnt care. Those things are such assholes. But if they started like really kicking its ass well then i might say "ok dude chill"

Ughhhhh I accidentally hit a goose with my fiancees car around 11 30 PM came out of NO WHERE.

I feel bad even though they're assholes.

“Punching the goose” is my favorite euphemism.

Kicking (I assume punching as well) is legal in self defense and sometimes necessary. Geese are dicks and geese are dangerous.

My thoughts exactly. Personally I don't care about their reaction. The goose attacked first, therefore, self defense.

That was my first thought. I'd throw a quick jab to stun the goose and then pimp slap it to make his beak spin around his head a few times Daffy Duck style.

I was JUST thinking the same; you are orders of magnitude bigger and stronger than the goose. Just punch it in the god damn face, or kick it away - if a random animal attacks you, it's self defense right?

The small town I live in has 1 bridge on the main street that most traffic uses to get from once side of the town to the other. A few years back there was a goose standing in the road blocking traffic. A guy got out of his truck and full on kicked the goose in the rear off of the bridge.

I once had to kick a goose on my bike on the trail because there was no slowing down. The hipster commuting behind me followed me all the way to work asking me stupid questions about whether I felt bad for harming nature.

From me? Applause.

Same rules as people.

  • Don't be the one to start shit.
  • You may beat something until it stops bringing shit, but no more.

Hence the phrase "I'm about to beat the shit out of this goose."

My thoughts exactly. I’d bitchslap that things beak off and take his corner and clientele.

I’m pretty sure no one would give a damn, everyone knows geese are assholes.

Geese are protected by international law.

All geese are ass holes. -sincerely, a Canadian

I give them their space bit if they're being assholes I'll just give an a light boot with my foot to show them I'm not to be messed with. Most animals give warning nips or kicks anyhow. If they persist I leave. If they Chase I kick.

I was thinking a well timed punt would be more than sufficient.

I kicked a goose once because it was harrasing another goose with its two friends. They had him by his neck and let go as soon as they felt my foot. I am not proud of it (especially because the saved one started hissing at me).

Edit: they are assholes

The same reaction as people being sprayed with 160 lbs of bone fragments and blood.

https://youtu.be/T-Tsy2sUx0s

Just grab the neck and get wild

I've kicked a few Canadian geese. All of them but one took a second kick to understand what I was trying to tell them.

edit: never punched one because they've always stayed on the ground. I'm sure punching a goose wouldn't do much

Dude just grab it and hold it they’re cute. They can’t really bite you that much. It’s mostly the sharp nails on the webbed feet that get you

You get yelled at, people treat them like they're endangered (wether they are or arent idk). You arent allowed to move them and ive had to close construction because there is 4-5 males with females incubating in one poured foundation

Neck sling that demon, fuck what the minions reaction be.

Slice that bitches throat

Don't underestimate how much damage these things can do. A buddy of mine had his hand broken in a couple places trying to fend one off. Those wings can do some damage.

Goose self defense, grab it by the neck and throw it.

I can't wait for the day one of those fuckers tries to start something with me

I love animals. I really do. But I am not above grabbing a demon bird by the neck and swinging it like a lasso.

As long as you yell "it's coming right for us!" You should be ok (Southpark reference)

Twitter Source for sound.

Scrolling further down it looks like his gf asked if he’d still like her when he’s Twitter famous and he said “idk there’s been a lot of girls retweeting the video”

What a savage

I was confused at first because they have almost identical profile photos.

They have the same photo of themselves together as their default, unless they took the photos and are playing find the difference

Runs from a goose and tries to play it cool. Gotta respect it a tad.

Wassup??

-Greg the Goose

Greg Goose. Shaken, not slurred.

Not Greg but sup?

R/beetlejuicing

Well, I fucked that up.

Keep scrolling. There’s two goose accounts that replied saying they wanted to team up and take over campus lol

I go to this university, they already have

Thankfully she forgives me for my twitter memeing lmao

"Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" in action.

She retweeted it too, so I read it as he was calling her cute. Maybe I'm just a romantic at heart, though...

His gf is superhot so I doubt he'll dumb her.

He's superhot too btw.

Gotta keep her on her toes.

Jk thanks though haha

What a savage

Pretty standard joke between partners, but yeah..... INB4 /r/ihavesex

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That's a really obvious joke, not someone seriously thinking about a change

Sounds like the exact kind of joke I'd make

This is at Iowa State University. This goose just chills outside one of the dining centers all day every day, and as you can see by the video, it's essentially an Apex predator. If you get within 10 ft of it it'll start running at you.

This goose is one of the scariest mother fuckers I've encountered face-to-face.

You can see the people behind the bird going off path to give it a wide berth.

Why does the goose act this way? Has it been slighted by a college student in the past and now it seeks revenge?

Geese are naturally born with an unslakable thirst for human fear.

They came from the deepest fires of hell and were summoned here in the mortal plane by the devil himself. They dont die but are simply resummoned somewhere else with the same memories and hatred, trapped in their weak body created as a fleshy prison by the gods themself, merely to delay the time when they will ravage the earth in eternity. The body of a duck, but the soul of a demon with as only desire blood and fear, making them stronger yet trapped these abomination are waiting till the end of men when they shall break free and rule again. They know their time will come but cant wait for our endless torture, so attack any creature weak enough just to sate their hunger.

Gee Pat, sniff, that was beautiful.

you are kinda late but thanks anyways

Richardson Court, right? This is Richard?

Now imagine it the size of a T Rex.

Why not just kick it if it comes at you?

His laugh was the best part of the video.

It's great isn't it? lol

Thanks :))))) I love that reddit is seeing this now too.

Ya made my day, and its gonna be a rough day with finals lmao

Is this God himself?

Yes, sooo much better with sound!

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Smh shes just mad at me cause we got in a debate last week who was more twitter funny and now she cant even claim to be as twitter funny as I am.

mfw no one knows that this is actually @_lucaskeller :o

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Thanks 😂😂 she can't admit it though. She's too used to winning

lmao, that's great!

I see that we go to the same university. Hello fellow Iowa stater

Holy shit! I am dying laughing! A couple of weeks ago, I saw a couple of sleeping geese beside a cool, old steam tractor that I wanted to get pictures of. I got pictures of one side only because I was afraid of exactly what happened to you, happening to me!

To make it worse, it was in front of the building where I get my trades license renewed, so I would have been the laughing stock of ABSA for the rest of my life. Look, there goes the guy that got beaten up by the geese out front!!! Hur hur hur

Thanks the sound really does it

thats what i was looking for in the comments 😂

Is this at mckendree!?

Yo I’m from the same hometown as Lucas. He goes to Iowa State while I go to The University of Iowa. We worked at Hy-Vee together and everyday that man would always do funny shit like this and bring me to tears. I’m glad he’s getting some recognition for being such a good ball.

You’re my hero

Pretty sure you're not supposed to run. It just makes them think they're tougher.

It's tough when they are so scary.

You must overcome the fear!

Usually when geese are most aggressive is in the spring when they have eggs/goslings. They will defend their eggs/babies so don't get between them and those things or all bets are off. If you are not between them, your first strategy is just to ignore them.. failing that however, you are usually wearing a jacket in spring, use your jacket to suddenly make yourself look much bigger and goose will usually back down especially if you aren't making any direct attempts to their eggs/babies. It surprises them when a smaller thing suddenly becomes much bigger so they don't usually attack.

You should always stand your ground! Never been chased by these geese. They always move always instead.

EVERYBODY TOLD ME THIS AFTER THE VIDEO.

I stood my ground for the first ~1 second, then this fucker starting FLYING and I got enough adrenaline to outrun a fuckin car

Have you seen that video where a herd of cows attempt to scare off a Canada goose by false charging at it? They come within inches from that goose and it doesn't even flinch. Never trust such a brazen animal to back off.

I think your odds are better if you act aggressive, but some of them are ready to throw down regardless.

I think you'd be hooped if you didn't. They can actually hit you with their wings which are very, very powerful.

I think you're giving them way too much credit. I'm sure they can hurt but they weigh fking 4-5 kg. Unless you're completely oblivious and not protecting your eyes, not much is gonna happen to you.

I've been slapped by a goose and it's nothing compared to being bitten

I assume you have never hunted for geese before. Lots of stories about geese breaking people's bones with their wings. Of course, the ones I used to hear are pre internet era, so google fu might not work so good for you. Also, in the fall, the geese are all fattened up on Canadian grain and seed before their migration, so they are usually much larger than 5 kg.

Hooped?

Ya know, ringed, sphered, looped, circuited, ribboned, wreathed, haloed, etc.

I literally know none of those

Eh, it was more of a joke :/

Oh, I get it now. It's just hard to tell exactly how out-of-touch I am sometimes. 😃

Couldn't have said it any better! Thanks!

Dude, they have teeth on their tongues. I'd be more worried about getting sliced up.

Ikr! Evil all packaged up in about 15 lbs.

They are tougher, though.

One started charging at me once, and I remembered the gorilla/elephant videos of people standing their ground, so I took a hard step at it and it totally cowered down.

If it wasn’t for quick thinking and cool nerves, I wouldn’t be typing this post right now. Instead I’d be laid out in thousands of goose poop on someone’s lawn.

....and never, EVER, make eye contact.

They're very sensitive about their bodies.

Geese do NOT F around. I worked for a humane society and we often had to respond to wildlife calls. I was brought along to help capture a female goose that was injured. She had her mate with her and a mating pair of geese are fiercely loyal. So now the task was to capture both as the mate was weak as he had not left her side in a few days and she couldn't fly. I was supposed to distract and capture the male goose. Both were going to a wildlife rehabilitation. The male just stood there looking at me as I approached him. I thought this would be easy. I'd just grab him and put him in the animal carrier. At the last second he found some strength and charged me. Face to face. Out of instinct I ducked down and grabbed him as he flew at my head. I tackled him down. This was also in about 3 ft of snow. Then it was me vs goose rolling in the snow as I tried gain control of wings and get his beak closed. After finally getting him under my arm and calmed down I stood up. We were both covered in snow. The 3 other people who came with to help where just standing there staring at me. They had captured the injured female and decided to just watch me and see how my plan turned out. Never tackled a goose before. Fortunately, both recovered at the rehab center and were released together. As we opened the carriers to release them that male goose immediately turned around and was gunning for me! I had to hide in a vehicle so they could fly off. Every now and then I get nervous if I think a goose is giving me side eye. They remember.

Edit: I'm a 5'1 female so 3 ft of snow? Yeah. It was probably the most ridiculous sight to see. The humane officer RAN away and screamed when it flew up. I was not the best candidate for this job!

That is a great story! Where I grew up there was a nature reserve where Canada Geese would spend the summer months. We were always told to keep well away when we went to feed the ducks and go hiking, but my dumb brother (aged around 6) wanted to touch one that I think was a mama goose, boy did he regret it. He earned the name electric legs and the geese Mr and Mrs Nasty that day :) As an aside I adore the geese, they herald the changing seasons - I know that winter is not long away when they leave but it’s beautiful to see them in formation and hear their calls when they return in the spring.

they herald the changing seasons

Same feelings here.

Grew up in Southern Ontario. Hearing the low-flying honkers in the spring felt exciting.

Hearing them in the fall was a bit soul-crushing, because I knew the long winter wasn't far behind.

Living in south Ontario, where they are is a land mine, but they bring good weather and kick the leafs from the playoffs, so they’re like a chaotic neutral

[deleted]

Oh! It's duck duck goose because geese chase people. I never wondered why it was called duck duck goose but now I know.

duck duck grey duck*

Lord almighty I wish there were video documentation of this. Tackling a goose, in 3 feet of snow, struggling to clamp it's beak shut. I need that video.

I remember it vividly!

Please make a reenactment. I'm sick and having a crummy day and need this. Please? /u/shitty_watercolour? /u/AWildSketchAppeared? Anyone?

Yeeaah I also had to catch a goose and untangle another one that got his head stuck between two hand rail bars. The second that thing was liberated it came at my eyes. The other one was injured and calmed down. He sat on my lap and let me pet him. It felt very wrong.

Exactly. All I kept thinking was that this goose is definitely going to peck my eyes out.

I seriously thought this is going to become an undertaker meme.

I had to check it wasn't /u/shittymorph half way through, that guy has given me trust issues.

Shush now. Don't talk him up. It's been one month since I got burned by him and Im still hoping to keep my wits about me. But in all reality, he'll catch me off guard cuz hes just good like that.

“They were testing the fences for weaknesses, systematically. They remember.”

Thank you!!

I don’t believe it. I just don’t believe it. I bring you here to protect me from these characters, and the only one I’ve got on my side is the blood-sucking lawyer.

I knew someone would get my reference

Haha I will never turn down the chance to quote Jurassic Park

Hold on to your butts!

Thinkin’ machines, supercomputers

me vs goose

Lost it at this point!

A somber story up to here.

Love your username.

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Lol! He's waiting for me....

Fucking lold. That male goose has your number pal. I might be him and stalking you, waiting for the perfect moment! To kill!

“Out of instinct I ducked down”

There’s your problem

I drive a school bus and there's one neighborhood I go to with kids that are 1. In HUGE numbers. Like 40 kids under 14 in these two city blocks, 2. Largely unmonitored by adults, and 3. Often VERY wild and uncontrollable as a result. There are these 3 boys who I see throwing rocks and sticks at the couple of geese in the tiny, filthy, garbage-strewn drainage pond behind their homes,nearly every day.

I'm just hoping that one day those geese will turn on them and attack them til they're crying before they fly off to find a nicer place to live. Poor geese, and the three ducks too :(

Proof: Canadians distill all of their hatred, rudeness, and bad tempers and inject them into their geese.

This is how they themselves remain so polite.

So instead of a wall at the Canadian border, we need to start pushing for a net! And Canadians, being Canadians, WILL pay for it!

TBH, Trump makes building a wall seem like an attractive option.

He owns a private jet silly (or can use taxpayer dollars to fly first class). A wall won't keep him out.... well actually it will, because he will say "Oh, there is a wall there. I can't go there" since apparently that's how he thinks walls works.

Well...putting up a bit of yellow tape does seem to help keep people out better than an actual sign most of the time. It's as if people see the tape and can't figure out how to go around it.

Generally, people see yellow tape and think "oh, its dangerous to go past it" many people can (and do) figure out how to go around it. However, if they are not assholes, they realize the yellow tape is up because of a dangerous situation, or because of the police.

Just to keep Americans out... it hurts... but I won't deny it.

Nah, hon, we just want to keep ONE American out. We could even just use highway bollards... it's not like he'd put in the effort to climb over it and it'd keep the border porous so our wildlife can migrate freely.

How about we build a wall of nesting geese, and any illegal migrants who tried to cross can be attacked.

Pretty sure it is illegal for you to trap your property with intent of injuring trespassers.

Oh, sorry didn't know

It would really be up to the trespassers though - if they run fast enough, they won’t actually get hurt.

Is it intent if the geese would do it either way?

If you built goose sized nesting boxes uniformly across the border I think a good case can be made that it's intentional.

A net or just a wall of geese. Personally I think the second more effective because a net won't try to kill you

Canadians all know the dark truth. In 1608, Champlain and his men arrived in the New World, only to be met with terrible winter and starvation. In their rabid survival, they ate one another, and committed heinous crimes against humanity. Come spring 1609, only eight of the 24 men were still alive. They begged God to take away their terrible sins and crimes, and allow them to start anew. They fasted and prayed for six days, and on the seventh awoke reborn. God had taken all of their sins, hatred, violence and aggression, and cast it into the geese.

From that day on, Canadians have been a people brimming with politeness and civility, for the Canada Goose carries on its dark wings the sins and hostilities of generations.

This can't be true. No one includes Quebec when talking about how nice Canadians are.

Does French even have a word for "sorry"?

They used to, before 1608, then everyone simultaneously forgot it

Ahhhhh another great drunken history episode :)

Can confirm, am Canadian.

I thought that you were required to say sorry? Like "sorry for the geese, can confirm, am canadian eh?"

Correct, it's part of the pact they signed with us. This guy is a phony

Sorry, just woke up when I wrote that, forgot to add "sorry".

And you didn't apologize for not apologizing! The fuck kinda Canadian are you? I'm telling the Minister of Polite Etiquette!!!!

Sorry, was the "sorry" as the first word in the comment not clear enough? My apologies if so.

You should apologize for not being understandable.

Yeah but you didn't say sorry again!

Yeah, you've lost me.

I'm American so I can't apologize for that. Our president wouldn't. XD

Yeah, sorry aboot that guy.

No worries! Glad a true Canadian came about to straight things out!

Can also confirm, am goose

Oh god they've gained sentience

The reason Torontonians are dicks is because there aren't many geese

An odd way to purge but better than murdering all of your neighbors

Can confirm, am goose

Reminds me of a popular /r/WritingPrompt about the same situation. Canadians have to perform the same ritual every year or the geese revert back to their true, lovable selves and the Canadians become savages, essentially.

I always thought the geese pick up their attitudes when they go south for the winter.

Oh this totally must be the case then. I was visiting Vancouver BC the other day & all the geese hanging around Stanley Park were incredibly chill. It kinda freaked my out at 1st with how close they'd get & let you get to them without attacking or acting bat-shit insane. I was able to get pretty close to their cute lil chicks too!

Honestly I've never seen them being aggressive except on the internet, my local ones are pretty chill and basically dgaf about humans.

I wouldn't recommend testing your hypothesis. Those things don't fuck around

[deleted]

HONK HONK MOTHERFUCKER

You know too much

Can confirm, have been "hate dumping" into geese since the age of 5

We're not all polite. Many of us are jerks.

But South Park taught me Canadians have the one Dick in the country and his name is Scott.

Then send them to Scotland?

Hate to break it to you but this isn’t Canada. It’s Iowa state university. But the same can be said about Iowans

I still dont understand why Canadian Geese and Polar bears aren't part of the army. Well maybe for the Geese specifically they just cant vs bothered with rules and regulations.

It's what they're always apologizing about.

It's like it knows that u're intentionally avoiding him but it's still gonna try to fuck you up.

I really think they can sense that. I'm absolutely terrified of geese/birds in general and several times when I've been around geese, they try to attack me. It's like they can sense my fear and see me as vulnerable. I still don't get what their motives are though. Just to prove that they're tough? Idk but I avoid geese at all costs now

I'm actually pretty sure that's why the goose attacked the guy in the video. Because he wasn't any closer to it than others, but he was directly looking and making noise at the goose.

Winged bastards.

Shitbirds, Randy.

/u/stabbot

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Omg wtf did you do to this gif?

bad bot not stabalized

omfg that's great. It's even scarier stabilized.

Yeah, it really get the despair through.

that's a touch one to stabilize though...

the camera is being thrown around like crazy. the stable version is almost worse haha

Does every goose at a college got to be a dick?

It's not exclusive to college geese, they all suck.

Is this Harvard?

Man there was this pack of turkeys at my school for several months that would just roam around and occasionally one would chase someone, but you could usually just hurry past them and they would ignore you.

Well one day it had been raining pretty good and I stepped in a pothole in the parking lot and my whole foot got soaked, fuck, oh well, not a big deal. until I walked past the fucking turkeys. The squeaky squelchy noise from my wet shoe sent them into a frenzy and they all went apeshit like a bunch of ugly dinosaur birds, chased me to my class and then waited outside for me. I had to walk back to my car barefoot.

This just confirms my suspicion that large birds are just giant dicks.

r/iastate

Can't believe the ISU mention was this far down, r/iastate is poppin with memes this semester.

It's over by Richardson Court. The Goose is named Dougie McBuckets, he has been a territorial jerk for two years now. His goslings just hatched and they moved out last week, thank goodness.

I never knew he had an official name, I just called him Richie. He was such an asshole

I was hoping it would be a subreddit called “I, a state”, featuring people and creatures holding their ground to a ridiculous degree.

That filming was spot on

Thankyou lmao

For some reason, as I started running, I just decided to keep recording lmao.

In the back of my head, I knew people always dissapoint with not filming long enough on reddit... smh.

Wait. Ur not OP

I am THE op though. This dude took my tweet.

Look at my post history. Look at the progress pic in my history and my twitter.

Haha lmao.

Sorry I'm operating on 5 hours sleep rn. Roflmfaololxdkek

Lmao 5 hours? Jeez how do you survive such a thing?

I know its so cool everybody does 3 hours of sleep every day and kills themselves.

Lifting and 5 hours sleep during finals week is taxing.

Could feel the fear through each frame.

[Frantic screaming]

...

[More screaming]

"THIS IS FOR ALL THE GOOSE BEFORE ME"

Ackshually the plural of goose is geese. You can remember it by remembering the word geese.

That being said, the entire collection of geese that came before this one, is made of goose. So we might read that "goose" much in the same way as "all the pork" or "all the water"?

This hurts my brain. How is a collection geese made up of goose? Wouldn't that still just be '...made up of geese"?

Look at "goose" as if it's a material, like steel or water!

Pokemon battle music starts

Shall have to try my best moves.

Body slam. Take down. Mega punch.

The greatest day of my life was when I was driving a big lawn mower and bum rushed 3 geese and watched them scatter in fear. Never felt so powerful in my life, "yeah who's running now, assholes?"

You showed fear to Geese, jeez. What is this power like?

He gets all his power from the mower. No mower, no power.

THIS IS ME.

I POSTED THIS TO REDDIT AND IT GOT NO UPVOTES SMH BOIS.

Canadian geese do not play. Its way better with audio though. https://twitter.com/_LucasKeller

Everyone is always so scared of geese. I walk along a river where there’s always hundred of geese meandering about. They’re really desensitized to humans. You can actually get within a foot of them without much trouble. I usually back off when they start hissing.

The ex and I were feeding 1 goose once and then a bunch of other noticed and in a couple seconds there were about 50 all running at us for the food. It scared to shit out of the ex. It was really funny. The paths are always really crowded. People got a good laugh watching us run from the goosen.

Upvote for goosen

No-no-no this is a mean ass momma goose.

I had to run because I know her nest is around somewhere.

Otherwise, I figured I'd be fine

Totally agree! We have loads of these geese where I live and they're super chill. Sometimes they'll come up to you when you're eating outdoors to try and get any crumbs.

They're even chill when they have babies. As you say, they'll hiss if you get too close, but back off and they don't do anything more.

Proof: https://imgur.com/a/zw7jPFv

Same here in the North East, US. I don't understand the fear. There's often a pack of geese at least 20 deep in the park I go to and walk right through them along a trail. They usually waddle away, otherwise I walk very slowly due to the horror stories I've read on the internet. I never had a problem though.

Everyone is always so scared of geese. I walk along a river where there’s always hundred of geese meandering about. They’re really desensitized to humans.

Maybe all geese are not the same or they behave differently in other situations?

Geese in my area migrate from the north and return to their old nesting areas, regardless of whether said area has been developed into a mall, parking lot or walkway. They plop right down in the middle of a high traffic area and then get very territorial when people enter their nesting space. Geese are hard to avoid when they choose to nest right next to a sidewalk and attack everyone that walks by.

I love watching people "interact" with the geese on campus. Had one descend upon and attack my dogs and I on a walk and I just kicked it and everyone was upset with me.

We had an aggressive goose at my office years ago. We were coming back from lunch when it attacked us, I grew up on a farm and my first reaction was to grab it by the neck.

I held on to it for a bit then tossed it off the sidewalk into the bushes. I caught so much grief from everyone who witnessed it like I was some sort of kitten abuser. But the goose never attacked me again.

It's because idiots are "training" the geese to do this by always backing down to them . So the geese will think they are the bosses. Been around many of geese and swans with their babies (with my 3-4 year old too), just sitting on the ground with them and feeding them. If mama bird gets agitated and hisses, just loudly tell them to shut up (unless you are doing something stupid, then just stop doing it.). Geese are bosses of ducks and swans are bosses of both of them -- it's all a size thing.

I've got ducks and geese on my pond. I've been here 25 years and always keep ducks and geese. Once you let them know you are the one in charge they stop doing this.

A couple of wild geese showed up and stayed about 2 years ago. They tried this mess with me when I went outside. One got a kick for going after my legs and the other got smacked right out of the air when it flew at my head. We had zero problems after that.

You don't want to hurt them they just need to understand in their little bird brains that you can and that you will if they get aggressive with you like that. Once they can see that they aren't the big bird on the block everything is fine.

I had a geese that would try this outside my door at my apartment for a few years. I’d either give them a good punt or grab them by the neck and shove them out of your way. You’re correct they will leave you alone after that, they’re all for show. They cannot really harm you.

When people scream and run it re-enforces to them that they’re doing a good thing. That emboldens them to do it more often.

It’s just a goose, people.

Yep. They are training the geese to do this .

You don't want to hurt them

Speak for yourself, buddy...

I bought most of them and put them on my pond so I just want to get that aggressive behaviir out of them.

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thank u mods

[more screaming]

He can smell the cameraman's fear

This blew up on twitter last week I think. I used to live in the dorms by the courtyard he's walking towards. Go cyclones!

hah does he bite, or just flap his wings in your hair?

You're a lucky man

When I posted this video (mine) it got overlooked, smh.

Cheers on the karma tho

It's a weird beast how Reddit works. I tried to make sure to give credit to your twitter on the image and in the comments.

You realistically have two options if you know your about to encounter a possabliy aggressive animal.

You can keep going toward it not changing your pace and just be prepared to hit it if you absolutely have too in self defense.

Or go another path to your destination.

Choosing the first option and then running or bitching out is a real bad idea. Lots of animals will give chase and will make an attempt to hurt you once they know your weak.

VENDETTA!!

He was trying to do it to em

This is the other state school in my state, I have a lot of friends that go there and their geese are notorious for being extremely rude. See them on snap all the time.

My friends and I named him Richie cuz he’s a dick. He’d stand in the middle of the road and run at people crossing the street. I lived in the dorm on the right last year.

That goose is notoriously aggressive on Iowa State campus. I almost got attacked myself several weeks ago. Who knew geese could hiss

It's aggressive because you guys have trained it to be, by backing down to it. Easily corrected, and should be before someone carries a bat with them and hits it.

/u/FuckswithDucks

your pro advice in this situation?

Is this London Ontario? It looks like London.

It's Iowa, but I am sure those birds burden that area as well.

[deleted]

Lake Laverne

Not only Lake LaVerne, but also Ada Hayden and pretty much every other still body of water here. There's tons of geese out there, and also the body of water next to Freddy.

Swan across that drunk one time. It’s was great

Me too my friend me too

This looks nothing like Western campus though

[deleted]

I’m sure it does? London is the one I thought of immediately.

It's Iowa State University

I love animals and would never hurt them deliberately but I would punt the shit out of one of these geese. They are fucking menaces.

I'm not sure why punching/kicking them is against the law in some places. They're overly aggressive and a hazard.

Defending yourself is not against the law.

Iowa state university right there. That goose is notorious for attacking people and comes back every year to terrorize students who are forced to walk by it because it stands in the middle of a fucking sidewalk intersection

I never understood the fear of geese. My 10 year old son was petrified of them until I offered him $2 to put his hand out to let it bite him (after he saw me do it) and once it but him he was laughing. There’s a lot of flapping around and noise but they have zero torque. It literally feels like two plastic rubber weak ass spatulas clamping in you.

You know, everyone runs away from the geese. Does anyone actually act like a predator instead and go after the geese? I feel like they would have instinct to be aggressive to keep others away but I feel like if you flip it and let them know you’re willing to fight them to the death, they’ll instinctively know to run away.

I seriously don't know why people run from them, a good kick usually calms them right down.

Shes a momma goose and I didnt want to hurt her haha

In bird culture, this is considered a dick move.

I was traumatized as a child by one of these demonic creatures. They are the worst. In fact, every Christmas, I get one to roast. Revenge is tasty especially when smoked or deep fried.

Canadian geese are like mosquitos. The world would be a better place if we could have them all exterminated...

thats when u kill the bird

If bird rushed you like this , could you gift a left hook and knock it out ? Or is that illegal

You came go the wrong side of town buddy!

This is 10x better with sound

Okay but really why are geese so territorial?

WELL YOU FUCKIN' GOT TROUBLE, BUDDY!!

This is the same goose that attack’s me whenever I go to the gym. He’s always there and always alone

Sorry if someone had answered this, but how do they attack? Do they bite/claw? Is it actually dangerous or painful?

They bite and attack with their wings, I believe. I think they can do some damage, but just minor injuries.

Enjoy your adventure at Iowa State

Ahhh yes. Iowa State University. I constantly had to fight off geese when walking around Lake Laverne.

That goose was always an asshole and will always be an asshole

The Iowa State geese run the show

Humans as a species are doomed. Get back out there and kick that goose's ass!

That’s one angry honkboye

If you got a problem with canada gooses you got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate!

I’ve been chased by Gary too, you don’t ever fuck with the toughest guy on campus. He always guards that spot.

Wuss

I can’t tell if you’re kidding or being serious. That goose is fucking scary!

Geese are actually terrifying.

I wish there was sound.

r/ilstu

welcome to reddit. where the video you saw on twitter ~~days~~ weeks ago shows up without sound

As a Canadian, we basically pack all the asshole in us and send it south with the geese every fall. That's why we are so polite!

I have a question: I walk through a park with lots of geese a few times a week. I often walk through groups and they all just honk a bit and then waddle off. I’ve never seen a goose get aggressive.

Do geese attack more often certain times of year? Am I just getting lucky?

I swear Canadian geese are some of the meanest creatures on the planet. It’s like all of Canada’s politeness is a massive effort to atone for the meanness of the geese.

One of the biggest devides my girlfriend and I's relationship is that she won't admit geese are evil. No matter how many videos of geese fucking up innocent people, she always says I'm overreacting 😑

I feel like you should be allowed to murder these assholes if they come after you like that.

Remember kids. Birds have hollow bones.

why does no one just, stand their ground and fight the little fuckers? some stupid goose comes at me, im smacking it down or grabbing its neck, fuck that nonsense.

Frankly I don't understand why these more aggressive geese that stake out public, urban areas, and constantly attack people like this aren't euthanized by animal control. I know it may sound a bit harsh, but I can't think of many other animals we would allow to do this every day to people walking by. It's absurd.

Over time by removing the most aggressive individuals like this who like to attack people in urban areas - the behavior should get gradually better since you're creating a breeding preference for non-dickbag geese.

Every other time I would almost never advocate for this sort of response, but it's almost unheard of this being a routine issue with any other animal.

It wouldn't be a problem if people weren't a bunch of wimps and ran away screaming. Geese aren't as big as their feathers make them appear and they can't spur you like a rooster.

/r/killthecameraman

Semi agreed, but when being attacked lol. That sub is such a tease.

Maybe I'm totally in the wrong here but geese that attack me like this get a firm boot. I understand if i'm approaching them or some babies but come on now, you've got to know you can't just try to chase a man, can you?

r/CanadianGeeseHate

The Goose is loose!

That bird has seen some shit.

geese are horrifying

Fuck geese.

^^not ^^physically

Eggs come out, I could fit

Does anyone else get the impression the goose looke CG?

At some point that goose is going to have to be dealt with in some way. It could cause a serious injury one day. It won't be funny then and it's not funny now

I find it absolutely fucking alpha that geese will just sit in the middle of roads and shit that humans obviously created and be all like "this mine now".

Drop kick that motherfucker!

I hate how they choose to nest in the most populated areas possible. There’s one that has decided to nest in a mulch boulevard right in front of a Meijer where I live and its mate viciously defends the nest in a 30 foot radius. You cannot come or go without getting herded by the male. How the fuck he keeps it up, I don’t know. It’s a 24-hr Meijer. Yesterday I saw him limping around so I know someone must have stepped on him while he was chasing them down.

u/stabbot

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FRANTIC SCREAMING

You’ve come to the wrong neighborhood mother quacker

With geese you should not run away or cower. Spread your arms and flap them like a lunatic. They are tough, yes but intimidation is usually all you need when you're bigger than them. Source: sister liked to hold their goslings.

Why does nobody think of the "fight" part of "fight of flight" in situations like these?

Cause thats a momma goose, and I didn't want to hurt it.

Also two packs of people were watching me, and I have a position at the university next year that I need.

I cant get in trouble for killing a goose lmao.

I'm aware I'm much larger than the goose haha, but I don't bite and that fucker does

He sensed fear in you.

Someone please link the YouTube channel that records angry swans

Why everyone is laughing at this?

This is cleary an footage of someone's death.

Did the goose got arrested yet?

I find it funny that they are called Canadian Geese. Unlike most Canadian's, these geese are assholes. I just can't imagine that goose ever saying sorry. Edit: autocorrect

I still think geese r cool and the little goslings adorable despite their attacks. I mean what do they even do flap you to death? Meh. Whiney babies...

Those fuckers bite. Which is why it is perfectly acceptable to grab them by the neck and chuck ‘em when they pull that shit.

Just punch the stupid thing

Georgia Southern University campus every day. Fucking geese man.

Dude I was almost attacked just yesterday, minding my own business and a goose HISSED at me, didn't even know those bastards could do that.

This video is a metaphor for my relationship with diarrhea. I never wanted any trouble.

Hey that’s my school woooo! Iowa State!

This happened right by my dorm at school. That goose was there for weeks and would hiss at anyone that would walk near it.

that goose smelled your fear the moment you started recording. hahahahaha

My friend Lucas from Iowa State posted this! I remember sitting in calculus and having him yell out what the favorites were at😂. can confirm these geese will pick a fight

Smh you already know Im going through these comments

yooooooo

Where I come from we call them devil chickens.

First mistake. Showing fear. Its an instant trigger for geese to react off of. I walk and bike past geese all the time and so do hundreds of people in my city. I have never seen or heard a goose attack anyone.

Just hiss back at ‘em. I kind of enjoy sassing Canada Geese. 😈

Isn't there an university in Ontario that got its own map app for goose related issues (like "can't take that path because of goose presence")?

Kill it.

FUCK GEESE

My 2 year old calls them "mean ducks" after one ran at him and bit his finger.

Anything more than a little peck and I would have snapped its neck.

These guys are scary but all you gotta do is grab their neck where it meets their head and put your other hand around both their legs whilst tucking them in your armpit so that they cant spead their wings.

EASY

i would be like Scar backhanding Zazu

They smell your fear

You shall not pass, cause the campus goose won't let you get to class.

Is this Ottawa U? Haha, I got chased by a pair of them there once, coming back from a dorm party. I was drunk and shrieked like a little girl as I legged it

You got a problem with Canadian Gooses, you got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate.

Should have ducked

Geese only understand the language of force

I. Hate. Geese. Like 10 years ago I was pedaling along the bike path by my house. No big deal. In the middle of the path, I see a 10 dollar bill. Sweet, right? As I get closer, I hear what sounds like a sick dog barking. Stop my bike and bend over to pick up the tenner, when I see this behemoth of a goose. It's albino or something because it's a really light brown instead of the normal black. It's huge and has what looks like a tumor on its beak. This thing charges me. It opens its beak and barks at me. The sick dog sound was this mutie goose. I stop and stand back up. Now me and this goose are having a standoff. I bend over again and this thing launches at me like a missile. I duck and hop back on my bike, not 10 bucks richer. Damn mutie goose

Just punch that goose. Not like it has claws

Imagine trying to go to class and you get attacked by a canadian cliff racer

Everyone is usually pretty nice in Canada, except the geese...

Real life boss battles....

Fun fact! Geese are generally large enough to set off automatic doors.

This is why I have hidden blade assassin's creed style whenever I pass by one of those assholes

Haha he got whooped by a goose

someone at r/HighQualityGifs or r/AnimalTextGifs needs to put a letter jacket on that goose..."Ayyyyy there pipsqueak, where you headed buddy?" "I'm just going to my locker STOP IT I'M JUST GOING TO MY LOCKER!"

I can't tell you how many times this happened to me as a small child, even when I didn't have food or anything. shudders

I seriously hate geese. You can be a fucking mile away and these fuckers will come after you unprovoked.

There’s a reason why these cunts we’re going extinct, people were killing them because they’re assholes. Several people i know including myself have been attacked by one.

I’d like us to go the route with geese as the japs have with whales and dolphins. “Hey goose step off there eh you hoser”

Geese are fucking jerks. When I was 8 I was at the Circus World Museum with my grandparents, we were picnicking and there was a goose watching us. I thought maybe he wanted us to share so I tore a piece of bread off and went over to give it to him. Instead of just taking the bread and being on his way he bit me in the eye and then took the bread and waddled away. Asshole. TLDR goose bit me and took my bread.

/r/NoisyGifs

I’d throw hands at that motherfucker

I have a goose as a coworker and he explained that according to goose etiquette, it is considered extremely rude to point a camera at a goose. If you point a camera at a goose, expect nothing less than for him to jump at you, flail his wings, and peck at your face.

I knew this was going to be good the minute I saw the goose.

[deleted]

Shes a momma goose so I didn't want to hurt her

Also I work with the department of residence and don't need them mad at me for hitting a goose

Geese are the only animals I have no issue kicking the ever loving shit out of.

Big rookie mistakes here, yelling and maintaining eye contact looks like your trying to challenge its authority, you have to get on your knees and crawl away in order to appease it, make whimpering noises for best effect

If I didn't know that this definitely isn't the campus, I would swear this was SIUE. Four years there = at least 4 dive bombs by an angry goose.

What’s that YouTube channel that’s all pissed off geese?

Everybody is so damn afraid of geese. Bro just square the fucker up.

u/stabbot

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YOU DIED

Step 1 - Try and reason with the goose Step 2 - Start screaming loudly, flapping arms and running Step 3 - Goose will think you are signaling take off and run obediently after you Step 4 - Lesson learned Step 5- Throw out soiled undergarment

Talk to me Goose!

Come at me bro

I seriously wonder how much damage can that animal do to a human

On my phone I have an app that makes a loud high pitched sound and flashes a strobe light. I use it to keep geese and coyotes away.

There are geese between the buildings of the office complete I work in and like the one in the post, these geese attack. However when I turn on my app and point the light at them they run off. They don't like the flashing light or the high pitched noise. The coyotes near my home don't like it either.

This happened to me on campus once. I grabbed it by the neck and dragged it a couple hundred feet to the lake and gently tossed it in. I didn't want to be the guy that killed a goose so I was gentle but I was still harassed by 3 clubs for fucking with animals and for animal abuse. I attended meetings there to work it out and kept going to one, bc a girl I liked was there, we dated for 3 years, it was great.

Tl;DR: dominated a goose, cute girl wanted some of dat ;)

Camera game is on point.

Whoa this is cool, I go to this university and my friend showed me this video about an hour after it happened

R/BirdsBeingDicks

And then “biff! Bam!” I sent them flying like two hairy footballs.

All Jackie chan movies

Good to see that my school, Iowa State, is popular for something. This goose is famous here. He’s always around those residence halls and hisses at you if you go too close. IIRC his name is Richard after the residence area, Richardson Court

Huh. This was on my campus (Iowa State University). Neat!

Canadian geese are a species that we need to stop protecting. My high school was all one floor shaped like a square, a large courtyard in the middle. I had a double period of science and no lunch period, so I would have to cut across the courtyard to make it back in time for the next class. I forgot to mention that the courtyard was infested with these fuckers. I was chased by one of them, and tried to shoe it away with my lunch tray after it made me drop my lunch. I ended up accidentally hitting it and snapping it's neck. This was seen by every classroom in school that had an open window. Rumors spread, and now I had a teacher who advocates for animal rights on my ass, trying to get me to confess to killing he goose. If I was caught, the fine for killing one of these guys is $1,000 USD along with a misdemeanor of animal cruelty.

Well look at it this way, im sure someone would pay 1K$ to punch a Canadian Goose

Another $100 if you hunt without a license ;P

Every single bird wants to eat your eyes. I hope yours were shaded.

I stood 4 feet away from a Canadian goose this weekend and it didn't care at all. Why is this one so crazy?

When I try to avoid all my mother's triggers, and still fail.

Where is this? It reminds me of East Lansing.

Then they come at you on the ground you can kick them in the head. When they fly at you like this things can get messy. You have to get hands on that long ass neck and wring that fucker. If it kicks your ass instead you can always go grab a .22.

Source: I hate everything about geese.

Why does no one fucking kick them like soccer balls?

Never understood when people said that geese are dangerous.

https://imgur.com/tjlTXMG

This is the other state school in my state, I have a lot of friends that go there and their geese are notorious for being extremely rude. See them on snap all the time.

Me and my 2 year old niece when she has a stick.

You see, Jimmy, about a hundred years ago, in a great magical ceremony, the Canadian people gathered all their hate and wickedness and bound them forever in the form of the Canada Goose.

And that's why Canadians are so nice today, and if you cross one of those demon birds then God rest your soul.

aback caption march public scary whole shame paltry grey saw

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

And that is why they say Canadians are so polite! All of our venom and hatred is let out via the geese ;)

This started like a Jackie Chan fight, the next step should’ve been fight the Goose with a park bench.

You're in the wrong neighborhood mother DUCKer

But it's a Canada goose...they're typically so polite 😂

Another violent assault by an illegal alien.

Teach him some natural selection for fucks sake

Geese are so mean. I was staying at an Air BnB that was on a duck farm. It was a camping one near Asheville, NC. At night you had to walk to the bathroom which was a little hut that was maybe 100 yards away BUT the path was littered with Geese. So around midnight I go to drop a big ole bomb and a geese starts chasing me down. So it gave me no there option. I had to kick it.

Same thing happened to a friend of mine but with a squirrel.

My other friend and I were just sitting on a bench talking when one of our friends zoomed past us screaming their heads off with an angry squirrel chasing them. My friend and I just looked at each other and she said “K, well anyways...”

Friend was fine. I’m pretty sure she ran into the cafeteria.

Body slam that bitch by the neck. Why the fuck are you running from it!?

I would say r/killthecameraman, but I think the goose already did.

Ah, Canada in the spring..

RU Busch, is this you?

I firmly believe in reincarnation and the fact that I will be an angry goose living on a college campus in my next life.

This physically pains me

You looked at it the wrong way You supposed to look up it while groveling on thy knees

BEND THE KNEE

Geese are apex predators, and they can sense your fear.

Jesus, people, it’s a goose, not a velociraptor. Yes, they have shitty attitudes. But their claws are small enough that a cat scratch is often much worse, their beaks are not sharp enough to give you more than a decent blood blister, and they’re not dumb. In general if you push back, it usually understands it is disadvantaged. Most bird species are pretty bright, the smarter ones have the intelligence of a five-or-six-year old human.

And a lot of them are LIKE kids that age in that they think you squealing and flapping and running around dramatically is a)hilarious and b) a good game. So when they get that from you, they’re reinforced to keep doing it.

But for Pete’s sake, unless you’re less than three feet tall, it isn’t going to do you any real harm so grab hold of your balls. You needn’t run like a Frenchman but you needn’t kick it to death either; IT’S NOT THAT DANGEROUS.

Source: have been bitten by many kinds of bird, including geese, ducks, various small birds, various macaws/parrots and an owl

I wonder what factors determine when a Canada goose will be aggressive. I used to bike through and walk past flocks of them for months at a time at my old work, and they always acted scared of me and never aggressive.

Heard you been talking shit about Canada!

I swear Canadians are nicer than our geese.

In my (admittedly limited) experience, Canadian geese are the biggest jerks in the bird world. It's like the Canadians somehow offloaded all their negative and aggressive personality traits into those obnoxious critters.

Duck off

My college had a lake in it's center and these winged assholes used to rest and nest there. They shit on everything. every sidewalk, bench and table on campus was covered in their shit. On top of that they attacked everyone who got near the lake which turned out to be every freshman because unfortunately their dorm was a couple hundred feet from the lake.

This fucking goose stands guard at The Freeman Dorms at Iowa State University. I’ve ran into this fucker so many times.

We have heaps of these in NZ and I’ve never seen one act aggressively. What’s the deal there?

Geese are dicks

2 main reasons I hate large cities: traffic and Canada geese. Assholes.

These people wouldn’t last 5 seconds in the wild.

Nothing was more satisfying than punching a goose that was charging my niece

Geese are well-known for being the assholes of the animal kingdom. We have some that nest on the roof of our offices. The males get...cranky in the early spring.

Just smack the fucker he’s a goose he can’t do shit

I used to walk to work past a pond that had Canada geese and they would constantly chase and harass me. One day I got one of those super-soaker water guns and filled it up with really cold ice water. Anytime a goose would get near me I would blast them right in the face with it.

They don’t like that. Eventually they learned to keep their distance.

Lol, my college life consisted of these screaming and running from Canadian geese episodes

There are a two types of people, some run, the rest only see thunder dome.

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The [more screaming] had me dying, that was hilarious

Quick question. Will holding your ground work to dissuade the goose if one starts going after you?

Sorry if someone had answered this, but how do they attack? Do they bite/claw? Is it actually dangerous or painful?

Geese are like those skinny bullies you see at schools. They're good at making noise and talking trash and at first you're a little scared of them because of thay but then one day one actually hits you and then you grab them by their skinny necks rip their tiny feet off and slam them into the side of your elementary school and then swing them down into the loving Earth again and again and there is feathers everywhere feathers feathers everywhere. I hate geese so much.

Geese are viscous as fuck 😂

Alfred Hitchcock likes this

Shoutout to my fellow cyclone, our geese are fucking maniacs.

Canada geese are aggressive assholes. Everybody knows this. The good thing is that we outweigh them by a lot. Stand your ground and know, KNOW, that you can win any fight.

How can I get sound? I can't hear any posts on reddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/76fl7g/tifu_by_going_jogging_im_bloody_and_afraid_to_go/

Relevant story

Behave like prey, you will become prey.

I am totally justified for roundhouse kicking a fucking goose in this situation

This is why you need to practice karate on them.

Edit, realized people outside the local area probably have no idea what I'm talking about. http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/breaking-news/os-lake-eola-swans-kicked-20180426-story.html

Fucking of course it happened in Florida

Geese are the worst birds in every way.

I'd be carrying a tennis racket... Great for killing wasps and stunning geese!!!

This was taken on the Iowa State University campus AKA deep southern Canada. Only the baddest geese come around these parts...

You see komrad, you must hold own and stand ground against the kapitalist goose.

http://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/roasted-goose-crispy-skin

Why are people so afraid of them? You could kill that thing in a second or at least punch it center mass once and it'll leave you alone.

I've thought about this longer than someone really should and I've always thought basically what you said. I guess most people don't want to get into a fight with a random animal during their day. While I'm pretty sure I'm more than able to win a fight against one i wouldn't want to hurt one if I didnt have to and also most of my day I wouldn't want to also because of where I am, what I'm doing etc etc.

With that said it's not exactly a super easy target either. While i think any grown human and most kids are capable of killing one with bare heads or at least injuring it enough to make it flee, a lot of people just don't realize that. I couldn't imagine my wife fighting off one. She'd probably run away too, hell I'd attempt to at least first. They have been known to follow people for awhile though.

And it is a decently big animal flying normally right at your face. I dont know if they have claws of any kind and I'm assuming their bite isn't too bad (not anywhere as bad as a dog or some kind of raptor) but I'm assuming it could still do some damage. Imagine getting your eye pecked out or something to that nature. Or pecked down below lol

Also to follow up my plan would be to try to chase it off gently kicking if its on ground or smacking it if its jumping up. If it was flying to my head like that and i couldnt avoid it, I'd protect face with both arms so it lands or when its close is when I'd reach for its neck. But I'd be very cautious about protecting my face.

I don't think theres too many other good targets for it to go after on an adult male. I think its bite is weak enough that a decent pair of thick jeans would be enough to protect down below.... Hopefully.

[deleted]

r/imverybadass

Yep that’s what I was thinking. Just grab em by the head and spin en around until their necks break.

Though, could you get in trouble maybe?

https://i.imgur.com/nqdIwzg.gif

That’s my university in the background and that a**hole was there last year and growled at me a bunch of times

These are the only animals that I’ve seen that are aggressive for the sake of it. Every other hostile animal is either looking for food, defending territory, trying to establish dominance for a mate, etc. But geese... geese do not need a reason. Geese hate for the sake of hatred.