I just read about a couple of studies where they had subjects do expressive writing about traumatic experiences. This is writing about their deepest feelings about these things, rather than the objective facts of what happened. And I recall one group only did this for 15 minutes of the day, and they found a boosted immunity and people taking more positive action. One group was a bunch of people laid off without warning and over half found jobs pretty quickly where only around 20% of the control group did.
Wise words from my mates grandma âDonât put it down, put it awayâ.
So much of the mess around my apartment was down to me leaving things out instead of taking the extra minute to put them away in their correct place.
Iâm not perfect but it has helped!!
This is really good advice. Since moving in with my now husband, we've been trying to organize the house. My hope is after we know where everything goes, it will be easier to stay organized by putting things back instead of putting it down in random places.
Spot on! My garage used to be a huge mess. Well, it still is, but used to be a whole lot worse. I got one rolling toolbox from my dad, then bought another one from Harbor Freight. I also put up a peg-board and keep installing hooks on the wall, wherever possible. I labelled the toolbox drawers, and whenever I finish a job, all of my tools have a place to go, instead of staying out on the work bench. My garage is not perfect, but is much more workable these days.
Cool ;)
it will be! keep it up, you'll be amazed how relaxing your home will feel once you've worked out a system that works for you
You really feel more relaxed in a neat room? Could you describe how that works? As a messy person, I'm lacking this gene and my mood isn't affected by the state of clutteriness of a room.
i never said it had to be neat :) I'm very much a clutter-lover, i grew up in a home filled with knick-knacks spanning 4-5 generations and i still think having things everywhere brings a sense of warmth to a home.
but when i moved out, i couldn't easily figure out how to walk that line between a filled house and an unmanageable house. my things became a nuisance, because there was no rhyme or reason to where i placed them and i could never find what i needed. it got to a point where it felt like my things owned me rather than the other way around, and it just stressed me out!
now i've worked out a logical place for everything i own. i never put things down anymore, i put them where they belong. I'd still call my living space chaotic, but it has a tidy feel to it, just like the house i grew up in. it brings me a sense of coherency and peace. can't find a certain piece of clothing? there's only two places it could be - in the hamper or folded and put away. can't find a book? all the books are in the same place, so that's where it is. need batteries? look in the battery drawer.
anyways: if you're happy and relaxed in your cluttered home, there's no issue! like i said, it's all about finding what works for you (and your partner/family).
Iâm not the person you asked but I definitely feel more relaxed in a neat room. Especially if Iâm already feeling anxious about something the clutter tends to really magnify that feeling. I canât stop seeing all the stuff everywhere that needs to be thrown out or put away. Also sitting down on the couch to watch tv in a nice tidy living room really brings me a sense of calm and makes me feel like I have my shit together.
After two years of living in our house, my husband and I have realised we have too much stuff. We don't have a spot for everything. We've added more storage and done a huge cull but we have a spill over of what would equate to about three boxfulls of stuff just floating around the house. All cupboards, shelves, and drawers are neatly organised but full. Nearly there!
keep culling, you'll get there :) it's a daily thing for me at this point. whereas before, I'd keep it because it "might come in handy" or "i don't know what to do with it yet" - now i just throw it out or place it in our permanent for-the-thrift-store box.
My husband has a collection of Lego and Warhammer and his various musical instruments that he doesn't want to get rid of in case he decides to pick the hobby up again. I've culled what I can of my stuff and household items but I'm at the point where I can't/won't sacrifice anything more. Eight drawers of Warhammer figures inlaid with foam cutouts to protect them. He hasn't played a game for about four years. I don't expect him to get rid of it but it does irritate me that so much space is dedicated to items that just sit there and aren't ever used meanwhile we have to go rummaging to find the masking tape because who knows where that has been put since the last time it was used as we don't have a dedicated spot for stationary items.
i think you need to sit down and discuss this with your husband. explain space is limited in your home and you're feeling a little suffocated. ask if you could both maintain roughly the same amount of "unnecessary" items (meaning things that aren't used and no one benefits from, aside from nostalgic value).
you can go through it all together, decide on what's a fair amount for both parties to hold on to, and also finally get around to creating a dedicated stationary drawer ;) he can keep some of his nostalgic things, but i really don't see why he should need to keep 100% of it, if it's taking over your home like you're saying, and he never even looks at it. he can decide on what's most valuable and keep those things. the rest could go to someone he knows that'll get use out of it? that way it's not immediately lost forever to him.
I find it helpful after leaving a room to take a quick few minutes to take things that don't belong there out.
You've gotta put it away in the same spot every time though. Otherwise you're just hiding things on each other. That's one of the worse parts of my life right now, mom cleans once every couple of weeks and puts things "away", but doesn't tell anyone where they went. So she'll tell me to do something but I can't because it's all hidden!
I have this problem and things stayed better organized when I would randomly put a few things away if I had a couple of minutes. Instead of thinking, "I'll put in a solid hour of cleaning later" I would just do bits anytime I was passing by and had a moment to spare.
"a place for everything and everything in its place" helped me a lot.
i realized often when I was leaving stuff lying around its just because I didn't have anywhere to put it.
Good luck
But the chair tho! It's like a magnet for my clothes.
I just make a point to sort things from the chair once or twice a week.
I recently moved into a two story house. My bedroom is on the second floor.
Currently there is a pair of jeans, a pair of cargo pants, a long sleeve shirt, a sweat jacket, and a bathrobe draped over the back of the couch. If I get cold I'm not going upstairs. If i have to throw on jeans to go out I'm not going upstairs.
Lazy, yes, but also practical.
Would it be any less practical to have those things neatly arranged in a box or shelf in the coat closet?
No.
Wait you put on the jeans? Just drape them over your legs. They're a perfectly sized leg blanket.
The jeans are for going out. I can work on this leg blanket thing with the cargo pants though.
EDIT: words
My husband leaves his clothes on a chair everyday saying he is gonna wear them again, except for a pair or 2 it usually doesn't happen. His argument - I cant put worn clothes back in closet and since I'm gonna wear them again not in laundry too. Haven't come up with a convincing argument to this in 7 years of married life. Reddit please help me in convincing him to find a better place for the clothes.
Yes! I speak your husband's language on this. The item that changed it all for me was a second hamper. The 'once worn' hamper. This way it's not mixed with the truly dirty clothes and I can finally accept I will never rehang/refold all my clothes after wear. My floor has never been so tidy.
Dedicate one drawer or a hanger or two for this downstairs. Same function, neater
I have one of those door-hanger knobs things that attach to the top of the door and acts as hangers. I have that as my nearby "things I might need quickly but won't put away"
Surprised they are not sitting on separate stairs, "waiting to go up"
I realize it's a bit speciesist, but I want two good house-elves. I'd feed them and give them cute lil outfits, if only they'd do my laundry and empty the dishwasher.
Everyone has a chair.
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Uh... This is exactly what I do. Amazing.
Have you considered buying a Bicycle trainer? Works even better.
Do we have the same chair or what.
Just rename the chair to dresser. Then everything is put away!
Chairdrobe!
The chair is where the clothes that aren't dirty but have been worn go. As soon as they're dirty (sweaty, smelly for smoky bar, whatever) they go in the laundry bin, which gets fully emptied twice a week at least.
I have a papasan that has literally become the clothes chair
I need to get back to this. I've been using a second laundry basket as the "clean enough to wear again" pile and I really need to just start putting those clothes (mostly jackets) away.
I have more than 2 grades of laundry, okay? There are many subtle levels. Okay? See? You hang this outside the window for 20 minutes... it's perfectly fine.
Even if this comment is sarcasm, I agree with it genuinely.
Ok smelly billy
It's from Ghostbusters 2.
Oh no. Oh no! She cleaned.
This! A lot of professional organizers have said the key to being neat is making sure everything has a designated home.
"A place for everything, and everything in its place"
Some of consider me to be a neat freak because I do this. But they don't understand that I hardly ever tidy up because the place doesn't really get messy.
Similar thing from my grandma, "Don't be sorry, be careful"
Was what she'd tell us when we fucked up, broke something, etc. If you're careful, less likely to have to be sorry.
Something I find myself having to tell people too often - "don't apologise then do it again".
Instructions unclear. Closet full of old pets.
This is it. I'm a messy person and really have been working to be neater. I do dishes more often, do laundry more often, try to sweep more often. But I always get overwhelmed cleaning because there's so much to put away. This is simple and logical. I'm going to do it.
I use to live by that golden rule. Then I moved in with my husband. He seemed to never keep that rule and eventually I fell away from the rule too.
I should try and pick it back up. Thanks for the reminder.
Exactly! I always say "don't move something twice" ie: if you have to move it once you need to just put it away
Damn I wish my gf would do this. I tried to say something like "everything has a place you know". Her response "No". Like I was weird or something. /Sigh
I hated always having to tell my wife this when we first moved in together. She finally got it and all was good. Except, when she came home from work. She had habit of removing her shoes right at the door so that I always had to step over them. I finally had enough so when she did this I would take one shoe and throw it down the basement stairs. I blamed the dog ( sorry Libby) and after having to go down the stairs every morning she finally put them where they belonged.
Where do you keep your shoes? Everywhere I've ever lived, "right by the door" is where we keep our shoes.
Just around the corner from the basement, under the coat rack. Wasted space only good for storing shoes/boots.
Mama says similar, "Put it up, don't put it down".
Yep, I come home and immediately have a routine of putting stuff away instead of throwing it everywhere. You donât have to clean that much if youâre always neat.
But you don't have to always be neat if you clean sometimes.
OHIO... Only handle it once
Put $5 in the bank everyday!
When my grandfather passed away, his personality was characterised spot on by the words "He never tidied up. He never had to."
Only works if you have enough space for things.
I have too many things, most things don't have a "place"
Hrmmm. Maybe that's a sign their "place" is charity or being chucked...
I have come to this conclusion this year, I am not messy but everything looks cluttered because there are only so many places to store things in my apartment. That means that some items are stored on shelves and are exposed and it makes it feel messy sometimes.
The problem is that even though I have been purging tons of random crap, it is stuff that I actually use that is out and visible.
In the same sort of vain, aimed at horders, try and chuck something away each day, not trash but something you're not likely to use again..
Dont keep anything you havn't used in over a year.
As someone who takes photos of households, sometimes I have to take photos of homes that are tenant occupied and 90% of the time, things are not put away and the pictures I take are not good looking because of that. Kitchens and bedrooms are the worst. One time, I had to take pictures of this lady's place. I see her pictures around the place and this lady is a definite hottie. I get to the bedroom and it's a disaster. Her bras and clothes everywhere, make up stuff scattered all over the place, and her used panties just sitting there. Gross. I have told myself to put things away and to at least keep my place clean.
Just recently, my carbon monoxide alarm went off. I called 911 and the fire department came. They did all their checks and they were very impressed on how clean my place was and how accessible the furnace was. If they came to my place 4 years ago, they would've seen clothes and blankets all over the place.
Keep your place tidy and put things away! You never know who needs to enter your place.
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She probably just a creative genius.
As Einstein said "If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, then what are we to think of an empty desk?"
Thank you. This thread was causing some guilt-twinges. My unprisitine surroundings are a nest of creativity!
I wish this could be easily taught. My wife goes through the house like the Swedish Chef, tossing everything she sees over her shoulder until she finds what she's looking for. Never closes any bottle, drawer, cabinet or door. The next morning, find the open NyQuil bottle there where she sat it down last. I hate it, but whatever, it's something I live with.
The parable of "Carolla, Isuzu, Mug"
One of the memorable stories that I remember told by Adam Carolla on his various shows.
During his later 20s, around the time right before his life turned around, he would carry a mug full of coffee in the morning into his Isuzu truck on his way to the construction site (in the days before travel mugs). After he was done he would just leave the mug in the footspace of the passenger side.
End of the day when he would return home as he got out of his truck he would remember the mug left there and debate whether he should go grab it.
He'd think in his head: "It's no big deal to leave it, it'll be there the next day and I could grab it then, I have plenty of mugs inside." "But hold on, when you have more than one mug down there, they'll clink into each other while I'm driving... on the other hand that's not too big of a deal."
Eventually he realized, he had spent more time and effort debating whether or not to grab it than he would've spent if he just got it right away. So he decided then to just make it a policy to grab it every single time and save himself the decision in the future.
And don't build clutter if you can help it. My house is filled with kids toys and various crap. It makes organizing and tidying so much harder.
Literally ohhhâed at that.
My wife and kids need to read this one.
I thought she meant something deeper instead of cleaning your apartment, like not giving up on people or letting go of anger.
But no. Messy grandchild.
My great-grandma, grandma, and mother always said the exact same thing!
This isn't a humble brag, but I naturally do this. It isn't even work it's just what you do. Guess I'm lucky considering I'm incredibly lazy in all other avenues of life.
Great advise, also, great username!
My mom said "pick it up don't pass it up"
This is great - I am totally going to adopt this as my new mantra :D
This has just made me tidy my room up for the first time in months. Thank you kind stranger!
Similar advice from an old mentor: "whenever you walk into a room pick out 3-5 things you can quickly put in their proper spot."
Grandma kills it again
god yes
that helps a lot, man!
Yes! This was a hand me down from my grandma to my mom. I now even let people at work know this as a manager. Itâs one of those small things that I feel like itâs a seed that once is planted needs very little water to grow.
I wish my roommates would learn that
I really like this. Maybe I can convince my kids to do this.
Yes, I agree 1000%. It is amazing how much of a difference this makes. I am not perfect either, but I really try to do it.
This is especially true with dirty dishes. I try to never leave them in the sink and always place them in the dish washer.
That's also a perfect philosophy for smartphone usage.
This is a lesson that I've been trying to teach my wife since I first met her.
Small tip - if you take the time to explain to her why it means something to you and offer to change one of your behaviors that annoys her, it will be more sucessful than "trying to teach" your adult spouse.
Love this
And for most things it wouldn't even take a minute, more like 15-30 seconds. Everyone has a spare 15 seconds.
If EVEN that long.
I was always a mess because I didn't have the will to go out and buy or make storage. It was like magic, immediately became clean once I had "mise in place" for my room.
You need to tell my girlfriend that. She sure as hell doesn't listen to me when I ask her to do it.
So long as no one ever touches it except me, I always know where it's going to be
Can she come and say that to my kids? Maybe they'll listen to her.
And so my dog screamed and tried to claw its way out of the drawers, eventually starving to death. Lot of blood in such a tiny little dog.
I routinely work with tools. I KNOW this to be true. But every time I go to grab one, it's "where the fuck did I set that thing down."
organization is such a beautiful life skill that there are some houses I almost cringe walking into now just because of how messy they are.
New years resolution
If you clean up one item from a mess every day, you'll have the mess clean in no time.
No person can work with one thing at a time (i.e., you'll grab a few more), and it's such an easy habit that it wont' affect your life any.
This is bad advice when dealing with children.
The clutter of stuff
All piled up like a mountain
I'll clean up later
Great advice! I live by the mantra âeverything in its right placeâ and get a lot of praise for how tidy my apartment and workspace are.
Super simple way to live and makes you 1000x less likely to lose anything.
nearly impossible with a kid.
i thought of a dog
Also helps with time management! Donât just put your phone down, put it away
The key to this is creating a place for it to go. This is my problem, and why my place is a disaster: I haven't followed the "a place for everything, everything in its place" rule.
I'd love that on a sign
I have one similar and it's the two minute rule. If a task is going to take less then two minutes, do it now, not later. I have a really bad habit of folding my laundry and then leaving it in the basket on the floor for a week instead of putting it away. But now I'm like "it'll take two minutes to put it away" so I just do it
This presumes you have a designated place to put things.
It's a great advice I'm going to use. And a great username.
My biggest pet peeve is when someone that lives in the same household puts a dirty dish on the countertop IN FRONT of the dishwasher.
The dishwasher is right there. Come on.
Iâm a highly organised person whose house is well put together, I walked into a friend of s friends house the other day and the place was a proper mess, itâs like my brain mentally checked out and I didnât âcome backâ until I got out.
This resonates with me so much. Iâve made this my mantra.
Not using it, is it dirty? In the washing machine or dishwasher.
Not using it, are you ever going to use it again? Recycling, or bin it.
Does that thing you bought 10+ years ago have any use or value? Bin it or donate it.
Does your linen cupboard overflow with mismatched items or torn ones? Bin it or donte it.
Keep only the things that are useful or bring you complete joy.
I have a stack of artwork, hidden away under my bed but lately I realise theyâre not pieces that I enjoy. So I need to donate them to an art gallery somewhere.
In what fucking way would this qualify as biggest way of self improvement? God just say "some hokey bullshit from an old person and not really any point."