What are the first date questions that you think everyone should ask?
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r/AskRedditu/Dexide (4721)

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I honestly don't understand people acting like a first date is some elaborate fact finding mission. Keep it simple -- just credit rating and cheek swab and then have a relaxing dinner.

don't forget to grab their glass for fingerprinting.

don't forget to grab their ass for fingering ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Urine and stool sample can't hurt if you think you may want to go further in the future.

As long as you've had enough fiber, then yeah the stool sample shouldn't hurt.

Grab their DNA and make a clone and go as far as you want ;)

Ya, check for worms.

When they aren't looking, get a hair sample.

If your date doesn't care enough to let you perform a spinal tap, should you really be together at all?

I just harvest saliva from their fork

but you need fingerprints for the criminal background check

Use their DNA

That's not something you ask. You just put it in an evidence bag when they aren't looking

Can confirm...am fangerprint

Holy shit, you really are.

Read that as "grab their ass" and was wondering why all my first dates have been so mild...

I went on a date where the woman tried to steal my ATM receipt out of my pocket to see what kind of money I made. She started by trying to play pocket pool with me but grabbed the receipt as she came out.

Was she disappointed when it was short or did she admire the length? Or was it all shriveled up cause "I was in the pool!"

She was confused bc it was black and white.

How would that even help? Most people don't keep their life savings in their chequing account.

Edit: Content redacted by user

I keep less than 10 percent of my available money in the bank. Someone who saw my bank receipt would judge me very incorrectly.

Where do you keep the rest of your money? Just curious is all.

Under his pillow.

Lol @ under my pillow. I actually knew a drug dealer who kept 10k in his mattress. Then his house burned down and he lost it all. So no I don't do that.

The majority of my assets are invested in mutual funds. The only issue with doing this is the money is not immediately retrievable ( it takes about a week if I need the money because they have to be sold like stocks.) Then I have some in the bank for immediate needs such as bills and going out.

The rest is in a retirement account.

Hidden gold stash.

To be honest, I did keep a lot in checking. Not millions like that guy that just left his at the ATM, but a good amount.

They sell fake ATM receipts with large but believable balances on them.

Didn't know, but now that I think about it, it would be good business.

I have a huge inheritence but no bank account. Someone does that to me, they wont be happy. :P

I have a significant amount in my checking. Most is in accounts that you cant access at an ATM>

That's hilarious What'd you do/ what happened from there? Are you in Ny lol

No, I live in DC.

In the DC comics continuity? What's it like seeing Batman?

She better have finished atleast.

We had sex, but I kicked her out the next morning.

Considering the gold digger this is the best case. Good job on having a bangin atm (not ass to mouth) slip.

Oh, she never got to see. I threw it away before we left the cab.

What the hell? That's so rude. I would have been so pissed off of a date tried that with me.

The flipside to that is a game move I read about once. Throw all the money you can get into your account, withdraw like $100. When goimg to pick up, use your bank receipt to give her your number.

I like to get a few references too

Of course.

You are a Redditor, getting references is what Redditors do.

I prefer stealing a piece of loose hair from their keyboard when they're not around.

~~cheek~~ dick swab

Thanks, just won a bet with myself.

Slow down there Gattaca

Are we going through a "slow down there" thing on reddit now?

If we are, then I've slowed down too much to keep up with the trend.

There have been a few in this thread, which is the only reason I asked.

Don't forget about the defensive preparedness test. If you can rape her she isn't ready to help defend your home!

That's a really shitty joke, and it's a rape joke.

What kind of contract should I be signing? Should it include a "relaxing dinner afterwards" clause?

Don't forget to check for the garter holster.

Take a picture and upload as "last person in contact". You know, just in case.

Do you exchange social security numbers on the first or second date? That one always confuses me.

Okay Jack Byrnes

Seriously, treating a first date like an interview is the best way to make sure there's no second date.

Just went on a fourth date and credit score got brought up... It is not a deal breaker for me, but is important.

Also fecal biome sample after dessert. Biomes got to match.

Or why people expect it to be super awkward. Usually if you're going on a date, you at least kind of know the person.

Don't forget to check their reddit karma...

Yes, I agree, that pretty much says everything you need to know about a person.

How am I supposed to relax when I dont know where they stand on Hitler's potential abortion?

Can't believe nobody mentioned the social insurance number that's basically the only reason I go on dates now

Okay but you didn't answer OP's question. Thanks for your useless response.

If you ask 0 questions, imagine how a date would sound.

"Are you interested in an exciting new business opportunity?"

Could you ever do the washing up without soap?

It's not pyramid selling!

Exactly! You just start at the bottom by giving me 500 dollars for a monthly startup cost; then with exponential growth you can work your way to the top!!

What is it that you don't like: the extra money or the free time?

I repeat: This is NOT Multi-level marketing!

That was depressingly accurate to the things my mom and dad used to say.

I'm a little bit afraid that some of those upvotes are people agreeing with the words.

I eventually thought of the response "mostly the social isolation that proceeds from trying to monetize all of my relationships"

It's that ham-fisted sales tactics that "work" because, with enough confidence and bullying, you can actually make someone buy something.

This has brought up a lot of really terrible memories from my childhood. My mom literally has zero friends because she tries to sell every person she meets. I feel bad for her.

I hate money, sorry. Now if you excuse me, i have an 11 o'clock with a campfire.

[deleted]

THERE IS NO BONFIRE!

BECAUSE YOU KEEP PISSING ON IT!

It's a reverse funnel!

Stop piss on my bonfire. I'm pissing into the bigtime

It's called multi-level marketing and it'll change your life!

It's actually a reverse funnel system.

It's an upside down funnel system.

Its no pyramid scheme!

Says the man with a pyramid drawn on the board...

One of my former friends tried to get me into that a few years ago. I don't talk to him anymore.

Now that's a reference I didn't expect to see here.

a didn't expect here I Now reference that's to see. Alphabetebesized that for you.

Shit, what's this from? I wanna say Peep Show...

It's peep show when Toni is selling to Jeremy. I don't think the quote is completely right though

Residual income. Fast cash NOW! WAKE UP!

Build Wealth!

"Would you like to make 1000-5000 dollars a day?"

I send this tape out to producers in the industry... I can't just hire a pretty face..

"... you're from Cutco too?? I can't believe this Xan."

Do you have any idea how much it costs to raise up a sunken ship?

No, I don't want to sell your fucking knives!!!

"Can I tell you about the Chruch of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints??"

"What would you say if I told you that you could be your own boss and make a great living by giving me $300? Great opportunity, amirite?"

More like Amway

I make $50,000 per month out of my tiny one bedroom apartment placing tiny calssified ads in newspapers

LMAO vemma verve? haha

Are your cats making TOO MUCH NOOISE?!

It's called "DATE ME PLEASE OH GOD IM SO LONELY

"Would you be interested in a trade agreement with England?"

I got some knives you might want to look at :3

Are you interested in a trade agreement with England?

First date? Nothing too serious, just see if the person makes good company and chews with their mouth closed.

[deleted]

You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat this.

Dammit, 4chan, and you were doing so well for like the first comment...

First thing I thought of.^Which ^^worries ^^^me

Third date:

'SHE PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BUCKET'

edit: OH MY GOD GUYS I KNOW HOW STUPID THIS SOUNDS BUT I FUCKING DREAM OF THIS MANY LIKES, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

IT puts the lotion in the BASKET. Sheesh.

I know. It's like no one reenacts that scene on their third date anymore.

2nd date for me, she gave me lotion for my hands then said "it puts the lotion on the skin"...2 hours later my lotion was on her skin. Thx SotL

Hehe... Yeah, reenacts...

Can't people get anything right..

Well, that's like your opinion, man.

YEAH, well, YA KNOW that's JUST like UH, your opinion, man."

Sheesh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWdd6_ZxX8c

-michael scott

(°ロ°)☝.... Hmmm....

Shut the fuck up Donny

trolling is a art

Yeah, don't humanize it.

Dude, she puts the lotion on her SKIN, or else I fuck her dog again

She doesn't become it till the 4th date

[deleted]

That's not what I heard!

Yeah, and I bet they probably Googled that solution. Pfft.

Seriously. Filthy casual.

Alright dude, it's not their fucking anniversary

I know, right? wtf's wrong with these damn kids these days?

It places the lotion in the basket.

SHE PUTS THE PUSSY ON THE CHAINWAX!

uh ya, that's not a thing, stop trying to make it a thing

She puts the pussy on the chainwax

Have either of you actually ever said "pussy on he chainwax" before today? tell me what it means?

It just means shes putting the pussy ON THE CHAINWAXXXXX!!!!!

I just googled it and nothing came up, no results

You should stop googling and start putting the pussy on the chainwax.

I lost my job, my girl left me. Why you gotta be googling shit?

Ya'll tryn'a put out there in the ether....like I'ma put you on blast

Thats because its like a new thing

I didn't even know this was a sketch until I watched the damn thing, damnit Reddit..

Its means "she put the pussy on the chain wax"

Stop trying to make "fetch" happen. It's not going to happen.

....is that a thing...?

At this point I can't tell if people are imitating the sketch, or if they are genuinely asking. But just in case, pussy on the chainwax.

Okay...I just googled it. Definitely not a thing...

That was streets ahead

Is it just me, or has Silence of the Lambs references increased dramatically within the last two weeks?

well to be fair Mad Max is about to be released so its only logical yeah

I had his liver with some Fava beans and a.nice chianti.

she: "Noo, they are stealing my bucket!"

someone was watching Comedy Central last night good episode

Enlighten me please? I don't watch TV much anymore.. SP? Family Guy?

South Park indeed, but I'm guessing based on that you were actually referring to Silence of the Lambs. SP did a little parody of that, the episode just so happened to be on last night.

maybe in the us, not here.

You should get the hose again for screwing this line up the way you did.

the hose again? isnt that from pulp fiction?

"Listen here bitch, if you don't put this in your mouth we are gonna have a serious problem."

George Costanza? Is that you?

Hey, could you eat this for me?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Dunno, seems fishy.

The placenta

My sides hit the roof

Would you marry me? If the date is not going well. Works every time..

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"I love the way you masticate your food."

Instructions unclear, dick stuck in mouth.

But I'm okay with that.

Don't stare at it Sabrina: Eat it.

JUST EAT THE FUCKING PUDDING, JENNY.

A wooden standard door?

That's a bingo!

For anyone else reading, it's actually good to have your first date be more like a pre date. Grab some coffee or something, keep it short, just get to know the person a little and figure out if you can stand being around them for the length of a real date.

You just say "bingo".

[deleted]

Please read your numbers out loud for the whole class to hear and ridicule if you made a single mistake

I always cheated at school bingo. I made a mental note of which words were called and once I got 3-4 in a row I would say bingo and for the last few I'd say the words that were already called. 12 year old me needed my blue jolly rancher fix.

In all the schools I've been to, a supervisor would come and check our plates...

Mine were too fat and lazy

No Pete, Z is not a number.

Totally reading this in Waltz' voice.

B I N G O was his name-o

fun, fun, looking forward to the weekend.

Respect your elders, they have more experience than you, and know what they're talking about.

Hey, I got that reference

BINGPOT!

Call me velvet thunder

combination of Bingo and Jackpot?

I'll take explatives for $100, Alex.

bing How do you make a bunch of old ladies say "Shit"?

Easy, you switch their metamucil for laxative.

Edit: you where asking me right?

I never metamucil I didn't like.

/u/sonofaresiii is actually Mario, and he's sensitive about his accent okay!?

That was an odd comment to pop up in my inbox.

That's numberwang!

"It's a me, Bingo!"

I don't date people who say, "bingo".

You folks familiar with a Chicago sunroof?

but do not, under any circumstances, actually go play BINGO...

Bing-pot! Ahh... I started saying bingo and switched to jackpot.

THAT'S NUMBERWANG!

To everything.

You don't watch good movies.

You do realise that this is the same response given literally a couple of seconds later in the movie?

My boyfriend and I did that, but we were having such a good time the coffee part lasted about 2 hours and then we got hungry so went for pizza. I eventually went home about lunchtime the next day.

I knew he was a keeper when he argued with me passionately about who was the best muppet.

Sure, if things go REALLY well you can always extend it, but I don't recommend you plan or expect that. Just because the first date doesn't blow your mind doesn't mean it won't still be a great relationship.

Glad to hear it worked out for you though.

Oh no, don't plan it. You don't know what the other person is thinking and if they're nervous and are only expecting a (pre)date then you'll end up freaking them out.

I also wouldn't recommend going home with them on the first date, I don't want to get all cliched and start saying I was a special case, but for me there was just something different about my bf and I knew that even if it didn't go anywhere, he wasn't going to turn around and be a bastard about it.

Pretty sure Animal is the best Muppet.

Beaker is obviously the best. He has the most character depth.

No way, Sweetums has gotta be a solid foot deeper. Also wider and taller.

I wore an Animal t-shirt when I met my husband for our first date at the airport.

We'd gone to HS together and started talking online after about 20 years so when he asked me to visit, I wore that top on the plane.

Been together since that day, going on seven years.

Swedish chef is pretty great.

I'm always torn between the Swedish Chef and Sam the American Eagle.

he argued with me passionately about who was the best muppet.

I've started a discussion about who was the best muppet here.

I love it when you just know they're the one :)

Kermit

I know right?! My bf says Cookie Monster. He's so wrong! But I love him in spite of his faults.

Cookie Monster best monster.

However, I've always been a fan of his black sheep cousin, Nookie Monster.

oh he likes cookie monster better? oh well there's plenty of fish in the sea

The next day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Awww that's so cute (:

Who did he claim was the best muppet ?

Cookie Monster.

He's obviously just a casual muppet fan. We all know the correct answer is Ernie.

Animal or Gonzo are acceptable answers.

Beeker, right?

This happened last time I had a coffee date, but I found out on the 2nd date that he was a former heroin addict with borderline personality disorder. Sometimes it's best to keep it short til you know the person a little better...

So . . . who's the best muppet?

Beaker, right?

Ahhh, that made me smile.

Well, obvs ya'll agreed on Rowlf... amirite?

Animal, debate over...

I wish I could vote up many more times!

Animal masterrace

I've always hated the muppets. I think this is why I'm not your boyfriend.

Animal? Beeker? Enquiring minds want to know?

If his answer isn't Gonzo tell him some random dude on the internet is VERY UPSET.

No, his is Cookie Monster.

Cookie monster obviously

While Sesame Street characters are part of the Henson family, they technically shouldn't be considered de facto Muppets.

I also like going to a museum or something similar for a first date. You can escape at any time, but it can also stretch out as long as you want it to, and the exhibits give you something to talk about when conversation flags. Plus, opportunity to observe someone in a public space = see how they behave around strangers who need help, someone who's being annoying but inoffensive, and the way they treat docents is sort of like the classic "Are they nice to the waiter?" test.

You can tell if someone's nice to the server at the restaurant, however, that isn't always the case. I dated a guy who was very nice and sweet to the waitress, but would turn around and roll his eyes after they left. He was a complete dick.

Yep, this should always be the plan for a first date. If you find yourself always having to break silence, or always having to initiate the conversations, that means it's time for the date to end.

What if they are just really nervous but you think they are really cute still.

It just comes down to how well you can read people. It should be easy to tell if someone is shy/nervous, vs. bored/disinterested. If they're the former then you can keep trying to get them to open up, if not then maybe they're out of their comfort zone. Me personally, if that was the case, then I would ask them to pick the spot for the next date and see if they'll be more comfortable.

I tell my brothers to keep first dates around $5-$10. Forces some creativity and harshes the pretense

I disagree. Have a series of outs, but don't keep it short. For example, go out and get drinks. If its going good, then continue to dinner. If its good, then continue to go back to someone's place and watch Netflix and make out. If that's good then spend the night. If at any point is bad, make an excuse and call it a night.

You're just supposed to say bingo...

This is something that I've been doing lately and it is fantastic for weeding out people who are just not compatible with me. I also tell them straight up that it's going to be a predate. By letting them know that if things just don't work out we can both just go our own way that also takes away the pressure from having to agree to go on an actual date. I get to go out more often with, sometimes, interesting people, and there isn't a lot of pressure on anybody to "perform".

Yup the predate date is a big mandatory for me. A coffee at a local shop.

So what do you call it? An alpha date? Because the beta date is yet to come?

What would be the changelog like?

Edit: mixed up alpha and beta order

No Alpha comes before Beta. Alpha date you add all the features, and Beta date you fix the existing features.

But alphas come before betas. A is before B.

Is there a programming equivalent to /r/outside?

I second all this - if it's a date from the Internet, do a coffee date before even thinking about a dinner date. I learned this lesson over some very awkward silences while waiting for a cheque to come (which I was obliged to pay for, being male). Coffee dates can still end well if things go well enough.

I once met a lady for a coffee date,

  • which went so well that we ended up grabbing dinner afterwards,
  • which went so well that I spent the night,
  • which went so well that we did it again almost every day for a month or two,
  • which went so well that we moved in together,
  • which went so well that we're married now.

I'm not sure I would like to take a girl on a first date to a bingo.

Doesn't even need to be coffee. A walk is great!

Exactly! If you click, you can always extend the coffee to a lunch or movie or whatever

Pro tip do something that could be short or long, like getting coffee or ice cream.

If it goes poorly finish your drink/ice cream and leave after 30mins or so, if it goes well drag it out a bit. Where as if you go get like a nice dinner or go to a movie and it ends sour your stuck staring at this person for an hour or more while you awkwardly eat.

Hans Landa

My rule is, if you don't try to stab me, you get a second date, which is essentially me letting them know to relax, as long as you don't fuck up monumentally, I'll go on a second date. First dates are always awkward, people are nervous, say and do stupid shit. Everyone should get a mulligan on the first date.

Everyone should get a mulligan on the first date.

You say that now...

I'll be the guy in the news next week "Man stabbed on second date, didn't see it coming"

Especially if you are taking your date for a movie. Movies are literally the worst first dates unless you go for a walk/coffee/dinner before hand. You won't talk at a movie and will barely know the person.

Exactly! It should be short enough and casual enough that either of you can leave if things go badly.

It's easy enough to cut a bad coffee date short. Not so easy to duck out of a 3 course meal.

Also a good tip for not spending a ton of loot on dinner and drinks to find out you dislike someone. Always meet for coffee first and feel it out.

My best tip for not spending too much as a guy is-- so, we're progressive and guys don't pay for dates because women are completely capable of paying for their own meal or whatever. That's great, but the stigma isn't quite gone yet. Especially with how a lot of guys are raised, and in the modern world, it's still seen as cheap to be like "so we're splitting this right?"

So what you do is you offer to cover dinner if they cover whatever. "Oh hey, I'll grab this if you don't mind getting the movie tickets" and they'll always say sure. If they have a real problem with that, move on.

What's great about this is you're not straight up saying let's split everything, but you can still meter it out to be mostly fair, or if you really want you can still cover the majority of the cost without flat out paying for everything (like, if you want you can say I'll get the tickets, you get popcorn). You don't go broke, you're still splitting the cost, you're not DIRECTLY splitting the cost, and you're not setting a precedent where you just pay for everything.

Always worked out great for me.

When I was single, I'd meet the person early in the night and start out with drinks or coffee. If it went really well, we'd continue on to dinner. If it went badly, we'd go our separate ways.

Idk. Even pre-dates can be too long and committing. I prefer the pre-pre-date, kinda like driving by the persons's house, waving, and then going about the rest of my day. This allows you to see a) if they wave back, and b) their waving technique. If these are satisfactory, I proceed to a pre-date like you suggested.

Well yeah, the pre pre date is a given, especially if you skipped the pre pre pre date of calling up their place of employment, current and previous, and contacting all of their friends and past lovers

That's not a bad way to go. Although honestly, I probably wouldn't even consider asking them on a date unless I really thought I would get along with them. The whole, "hey I just met you and you're cute, let's get coffee" thing doesn't so much appeal to me.

This for sure! ^^^

You can play it smarter than that, say you have an hour for a drink, then you've got to meet a friend. If you fancy a bit of extra time then your friend is running late, if you're happy to continue then your friend has cancelled.

keep it short, just get to know the person a little and figure out if you can stand being around them for the length of a real date.

Am I the only person who was gratful to get someone to go out with me at all, let alone be so picky and have such high standards that I fear being bored or angered by a woman attractive and interesting enough to me that I asked her out?

If you're saying you're so desperate that you'll keep dating an asshole or someone who treats you like garbage, yeah man that's just you. It's not like your coffee date is going to be enough to find out if you're soul mates. Just enough to figure out if she's like, a blatant racist or nazi or something. She may seem sweet but if you sit down and she immediately starts bitching about how they let "those black people" sit with you, it's gonna be tough to get through a full date with her. But if she's just mildly interesting or something, go for the real first date where you actually get to know each other

I suppose my confusion came from the fact that I would never ask a woman out who I didn't already like at least a little. The idea that a woman might be a raving racist or similar unknown to me is not very likely. If people are asking out complete strangers then it makes sense. That's where I got mixed up. I knew the women I asked out at least a little so I knew basic stuff like general political views, emotional stability, religious opinions, sexual orientation , etc. I didn't go in blind and I mistakeningly thought others didn't either.

p.s. I have no idea why you are getting downvotes. You answered my question and added to the discussion.

Nope. Towards the end of my dating career I had more productive dates if we just did something fun instead of "coffee shop" dates. Coffee shops are loud and full of hipsters. Meanwhile a walk along a river/canal/etc is scenic, quiet, and good exercise.

When I met my wife our first date was chilling at a relatively quiet restaurant for the majority of an evening shooting the shit. We hardly noticed the time flying by.

Doing "formal" dates are boring and bring you out of character. If you're going to have a night out of the house might as well have fun.

Uh-oh, not the hipsters. That ruins everything. Can't be in the same place as the hipsters.

I don't like the concept of a pre date. The first date is the FIRST date if you have a pre date it is still the first date.

[deleted]

My brother tends to inhale while he chews and sometimes even talks at the same time. When I ask him to stop everyone gets mad at me but it's just plain disgusting. Having a boyfriend doing this is one of my biggest nightmares :(

I hate eating with my dad for this reason. My blood pressure skyrockets and I feel so irrationally angry. It's hard because I know how ridiculous it is, but god damn if it doesn't put me in a grumpy mood.

Yup. My family used to as well. That's why I said it's first date material. If it's bad she won't make it past a first date with me. I'd hate to turn down someone I'd otherwise love. I guess if she was understand we could always just not eat together. I'm sorry everyone blames it on you, though it is a problem with you not him. My family was sort of the same way, but I feel that they should be understanding. After I showed them that it was a real thing they actually were really accommodating. You're family would joke around if you were depressive or suicidal or handicapped, this isn't any different (except in scale of course)

It's not a problem with them that they don't want to eat around someone with disgusting manners and bad habits. If I'm at dinner I want to hear conversation not the disgusting noises coming from your mouth while you masticate

Well.... Technically it's a psychological condition that it get so bad that you get emotionally disturbed by it.

I think some people are thinking it's just gross and annoying hearing someone chee with their mouth open. This is what it's really like, this dude seems to have a pretty terrible case of it.

Yeah, I can normally talk myself down. I've done a good job not letting it affect me, but it drives me batshit insane if I'm going to be truthful. I eat lunch at my desk :/

Its downright rude and ignorant. Chew like an adult.

Some people have overbites that cause them to bite their cheeks frequently, and they've unconsciously gotten used to chewing with their mouths slightly open as a result. Honestly this seems like such a petty thing to me. Eat your own food and stop staring at people while they eat theirs . . .

Rude? yes, but that has nothing to do with ignorance.

Ignorant of social norm/ protocol. Ignorant of proper manners.

So I guess I should have said "can be ignorant"

Do they get mad at you because he's got downs or something?

I can hear my mother eat through a closed door... That's why I have speakers for my music.

I didn't know until now that's a diagnosed neuropsychiatric disorder O_O I am in the boat!:D

[deleted]

My mom still doesn't believe me.

Show her the two parts of the 20/20 piece. Pretty much irrefutable. Those people have extreme cases too, so it will make you look mild. I know they don't believe that it's a thing, my parents didn't either. Grab my links and now you have evidence. Then it won't be a matter of believing whether it exists, the only thing they can do is doubt whether or not you have it. From there on out it's all on you. Also, /r/misophonia is a thing, but I haven't ever scoped it out.

Thanks for believing me. It's good to be believed. Also thanks for the link to the subreddit. I subbed and hope to learn more

I haven't spent much time there, as I've pretty much accepted and moved on. I also have pretty good control. People's emotional responses vary and I have mine pretty under control. Also, of course I believe you! I'm in the trenches with you.

Oooh, what news clip? I have it, too.

Erm something like a 60 minutes OP ED? You said you do have it? Or you want it? There was a small piece on NPR as well. There's also a subreddit if you'll believe it. There's actually quite a few of us and we're quite tired of not being recognized as a "real thing". We aren't very vocal, though.

OP ED?

I mean I have misophonia, sorry, I wasn't being too clear. Very interested in seeing the video clip you mentioned. :)

Maybe one of these? http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/06/health/06annoy.html?_r=0
http://kalw.org/post/misophonia-hatred-sound
http://soundcheck.wnyc.org/story/158013-mystery-misophonia/
http://soundcheck.wnyc.org/story/158123-chewing-misophonia/

just eating noises in general :((

No, that's what I have too..... That and gum, and sucking on stuff, sometimes ice...

eating together with a group is hell

Hahaha, I know. Often it can't be avoided, especially at work luncheons. I just have to sit back and say it's something wrong with me, and it's not their fault and just keep it under wraps. I control my actions and emotions. So I sit there and smile and no one knows that inside my head i'm going ARGGGGGGGGGGGG FUCK STOP JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK

My wife has misophonia, and my mother-in-law is an open-mouther, at dinner I have to sit between them to prevent any backlash.

Hahaha damn that sucks. I had a client out of the blue ask what he could do because his wife had it so bad. I gave some pointers. I've never been on the other side of the equation, but you're a good dude for being able to cope with it so well. I know it can be tough for you.

wouldn't your mother-in-law be your wife's mother? I'd figure by now they'd have sorted things out?

Yes, 'tis her mother, and they get along just fine otherwise, but I think the fact that it's her mom causing the incredible discomfort just makes it all the worse.

Same^ Sad to say but it's a huge first impression for me with women. Chew with your mouth open? Ya i gotta go.

What's the word for hating people who make up fake mental problems and give it a fancy name? I have that phonia.

Let me put it to you this way: if someone sat next to you and started poking you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and refused to stop, wouldn't you experience some form of rage/anxiety? Wouldn't you want to punch them in the face or get away from them?

Misophonia is just the auditory equivalent of that. Except it's not as easy to block out sound as it is to move away from some jerk poking your arm. You literally have to cover your ears and look like a weirdo... or suffer quietly to avoid looking rude.

I don't know why you would think anyone would want to make something like that up. It sucks, and everyone who experiences it wishes they didn't have to. It might benefit you to show a little empathy - not everyone's brain is as good at dealing with auditory input as yours apparently is. Just because you don't experience it, doesn't mean other people are "making it up". If being tone deaf is a thing, certainly being unable to block out noises isn't that farfetched?

If you had a real condition of not being able to block out any peripheral noise you would have a tough time functioning in life, in fact having a conversation on the street would be next to impossible.

Yet you're able to block out all that noise but the noise of someone eating loud is the only one you can't block out?

Something tells me this condition didn't exist 100 years ago. Something tells me the majority of people who have this condition only had it after they read about it.

If you had a real condition of not being able to block out any peripheral noise you would have a tough time functioning in life, in fact having a conversation on the street would be next to impossible.

It is nearly debilitating for some people, yes.

Yet you're able to block out all that noise but the noise of someone eating loud is the only one you can't block out?

It's not every noise, obviously. That's hyperacusis, which might be related in some cases.

But there is a lot of commonality in misophonia "triggers". Ask any sufferer and I guarantee you'll see a lot of:

  • very high pitched noises (whistling, birds)

  • low pitched noises (booming voices, bass in car stereos)

  • "wet" noises (smacking lips, water being poured into a glass)

  • soft noises (whispering, breathing, sniffling)

It seems rather foolish to ignore those patterns, don't you think?

But just because some sounds create a severe averse reaction does not mean every sound will. Think of it this way - you probably enjoy the flavors of a lot of food, don't you? But there's a few that probably repulse you. Maybe it's bleu cheese, or salmon, or cilantro, or mustard.

Just like supertasters don't hate every food, but they have a built-in sensory aversion to a few in particular, like strong sour or bitter tastes. They can't help it. It's literally just a genetic thing that they have no control over.

Something tells me this condition didn't exist 100 years ago. Something tells me the majority of people who have this condition only had it after they read about it.

You can believe that if you want, but I've spoken to many other sufferers. It's usually something more like this: at the age of 12, for some reason you realize that being around your family at the dinner table is unbearable, but you can't figure out why. Is your brother chewing obnoxiously, or is it all just in your head? You suffer through it. You notice it's now hard to be around anyone eating. You want to punch your friend when he starts munching chips. You start hearing people whistle at work and wonder since when was whistling such an awful sound.

And you suffer for years without ever really knowing why... until someone on AskReddit mentions /r/misophonia. You go there and realize there are tons of people with nearly identical experiences. It's just too strong a pattern for me to ignore, I'm sorry.

You're free to believe whatever you want, of course, but I really hope you think a little deeper about it than simply ignoring it because it doesn't fit your own experiences. It's hard for me to picture what having schizophrenia or DID or autism might be like, but I acknowledge that the human brain and nervous system is a strange thing that can malfunction in a lot of ways. I hope you keep an open mind.

Were you actually diagnosed, or do you just find the noises gross? Because nobody likes eating noises. Doesn't mean everyone has misophonia.

It comes down to your reaction to the sounds themselves. Everyone find them gross, but when you watch the 20/20, do you react like the guy to his business partner? He has to leave the room after 3 minutes in tears. I'm nowhere near that bad, however, it's an extremely emotional response. Anger and disgust sort of thing. It's actually not easy to find a doctor or psychologist who even knows what misophonia is.... Hell even my autocorrect says it isn't a word. In response, I don't think I implied that anyone has misophonia. I just said it's a thing. A thing I have. It exists and haters gonna hate but I live with it. Lol were you actually diagnosed. None yo bidness.

I only asked because people tend to say they suffer from certain conditions just because it exists and relates to their minor, normal thoughts/behavior. Like people say they're depressed because they like sleeping in, or have social anxiety because they don't like giving public speeches. Or someone has a standard headache and say they suffer from migraines, or they like order so they claim they have OCD. That's not the case with everybody, but it happens all the time and I just find it irritating. People learn a new word like misophonia and think "Well hey, I think chewing sounds are gross too, I HAVE MISOPHONIA ARRGHH"

Ah, I gotcha. Yes I do have misophonia. And it is bad. Not as bad as some, but still bad. I don't wish it on anyone, and I'm not a fan of people self diagnosing themselves when they don't have it, but I'd gladly let them if it helped to get enough exposure for some research or a cure. So everyone hop on this shit. Choo Choo. So no, I'm not malingering. I understand your intent, however.

Cool, sorry if it came off the wrong way.

Great way to get other people to stop talking whenever you want.

Oh, my goodness. I have ASMR and all of those things sound heavenly to me.

Lol, we're like polar opposites. I wonder if I'd rather hate them or like them....

Your misophonia is a deal-breaker! I don't want my kids to have your... your disease!! /sarcasm

people without it just don't understand...drives me crazy.

People with misophonia! Definitely a deal breaker.

Hahaha, probably not a bad idea actually....

I keep telling my kids this. It's a constant battle. That and soup slurping.

Slurping soup oxygenates it and makes it taste better.

In Japan, it is very impolite to not slurp your noodles.

chews with their mouth closed.

My roommate will never get a girlfriend...

Whenever my roommate eats it sounds like he's making out with a hippo or something... this should be a rule with room mates too

I've noticed many Americans tend to treat first dates like job interviews. Just relax-- you're not going to find out everything there is to know about this person in one sitting. Just trust your instincts and have fun.

and see how they treat the server...

And leaves their phone in their pocket or purse.
Bonus: Doesn't have a Facebook, Instagram or Twitter account.

Honestly: I HATE it when people are chewing with their mouth kept open. The annoying chewing sound, the retarded look of the person while doing it, at best even trying to speak while doing so.. gar that's horrible. An absolute NO-GO!

And if they tip well.

It depends on what your ultimate goal is within the relationship. If it's to date casually then yes this is probably the right response. If it's to date with a purpose then I would probably go with the RAPE (Religion, Abortion, Politics, and Ex's) response as seen in the current top comment. I did the former before intentionally seeking my now fiance.

Well when you have sex its cool to ask about condoms and shit.

This seems to be a recurring theme in this thread. I don't know how to not be serious. Even when I try to keep it really light and casual, it all eventually goes back to profound questions about how they came to be who they are and where they want to go, etc. I think it's a nervous reflex reaction to perceived slowing down of the conversation. How do you see if the person makes good company without asking the real questions trying to get to know the real them?

Can't stress the good company bit enough. I think it's actually one of the most important parts. You can have different hobbies and ideas and personality and so forth but if you can sit with the other person and just feel like you've known them forever and talk for hours? The rest doesn't matter.

My brother will do poorly, he yams like a cow and it's nasty!

Whenever someone mentions their disdain for anyone who can't chew with their mouth closed, I feel sad. I can't chew with my mouth closed unless I want to bite my lips 24038241 times during one meal. Hell, I'm still recovering from my last attempt to chew politely.

Mouth ulcers are not fun.

Or probe hard and fail early instead of late failure when you have kids already.

If you just want to get laid, then ignore all of this and DO WASTE your time.

I don't put any pressure on myself on a date or asking a girl out I just act as if I would if she was was girlfriend. When it comes to asking girls out I get 'rejected' ALL the time. I nearly always have a cool girlfriend aroune and my friends get jealous and ask how I do it and what to say to girls and how to ask them out and where to take them. Wtf. You gave good advice, don't stress about it. The last girl I asked out was reading in the park. I told her I like reading in the sun too and if shed like to do it w me the next week. We met up, brought lunch to the park and basically sat in silence reading and chuckling at our books. Having brief conversations and sharing glances. Perfect first date if you ask me.

Awww. Some poor soul who happened to have a stuffy nose one day just gets tossed out on the curb!

Is being bothered by chewing really that common? I know I don't chew with my mouth closed, but only one person has ever really mentioned that it bothered them, and that person was not my fiancee.

This is why my roommate can't get a second date. He smacks so loudly it wakes me up sometimes.

I really dont understant why people go out for dinner on first dates. Why the hell would you? It's a first date. I do not want to possibly spend the whole evening with someone I know I wont like when we just ordered starters. I Always take first dates for drinks. If the lady is nothing I like, or the other way around, the date is over after one drink. Simple, easy, perfect.

Note: you may not have success with southeast-Asian foreigners. Chewing with mouths closed is largely a western thing.

Source: used to work for a Korean company and spent a fair bit of time in Korea.

You've got a purdy mouth.

Really? Don't want to jump right into "why are you single and been passed up by everyone else so far?"

Who said I'm single?

Good point, maybe the first first date question should be "are you currently cheating on someone with me?"

I'm currently in Shanghai, and I'm starting to think that it is common for people to eat with thier mouthes open.

Holy shit, so much this. Not to sound like I don't have more standards, but the chewing with the mouth closed piece is an absolute non-negotiable.

Wow thanks for those questions that you didn't provide for this amazing question.

But if I chew with my mouth closed how can I keep breathing?

Who would win? 1 Trillion Lions or the Sun?

I mean, that's a lot of lions.

Still doesn't beat a mole of moles.

What about a [Graham's number] (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graham%27s_number?wprov=sfia1) of Grahams?

That's no match for a ƒω³(3) of F...Ws!

That would take up the whole solar system or more, I'd wager.

No one roots for the lions, though.

That's because they're playing two entirely different sports.

It's like the Lions are playing chess and everyone else is playing checkers

And what about the guys from Phoenix?

"People from Phoenix are Phoenicians."

So why does no one call them the "Phoenician Suns"?

The Atlantan Hawks would be an awesome name. Maybe that's what a Seahawk is.

If its a fight to the death, the sun isn't a living thing. So I'd say the lions would win before the match even started.

Except... lions are not known for their tolerance of living in a vacuum. The sun cannot be said to be either alive or dead. Either the lions die before the fight can start, the sun wins by virtue of being unable to die, or the lions wait for the sun to come to them in which case the sun wins because it cannot choose to move and the lions end up waiting until old age has killed them all.

Uh, the sun definitely isn't a living being.

The sun cannot be said to be either alive or dead.

I'm sorry, was this sentence from my comment not direct enough?

The contest is a fight to the death. The sun cannot be alive therefore it cannot be dead. By initiating such a contest between an inorganic star and a mass of organic life forms you have stated that being alive is not a requirement for the contest. Therefore the only thing that matters is that one of them dies. Since the sun cannot die, it wins regardless of the scenario.

Well hold on now. If the lions manage to keep their bloodlines going until the sun dies in billions of years, then their great^1000 grandkids can outlive it and win, right?

Excep the sun can't die, it will just eventually stop being able to support fusion.

Is the term "dead star" a thing? I feel like it's a thing. Am I taking crazy pills?

Edit: am I thinking of Death Star?

Ooh, check mate!

Yes it is a phrase commonly used when explaining astronomy to laypeople but it's like saying a car dies, it's just a figure of speech.

No one fucks with a lion

Astute observation

Fuck, that made me laugh.

...buuuuuuuuuuuuut the sun tho!

If you could be any number of lions how many would you be?

The lions, provided they attack at night

flawless logic

Clawless logic.

Everyone knows that's when the Sun sleeps dude!

That seems an unfair fight. Won't the sun be asleep? I would rather see a fight when the sun wakes up and gets on fire again. Or maybe the lions vs. piranhas.

Who lights the sun each morning if there is no god? Answer that atheists and athletes!

It's a self defense mechanism for when the lions attack. Have you even been paying attention?

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Except the response is from 4chan. Not original.

This shit got gold? Christ you should be ashamed of yourself.

Clearly the sun, the larger the pride the harder they fall.

I think I'm in love

This is probably the most clever comment I've read all day.

But the Sun is practically beaming with pride.

You missed a great "pride cometh before the fall" opportunity. Shame on you.

1 trillion lions with an approximate weight of 2.5 × 10^14 kilograms would still fare badly against our sun (1.99 × 10^30 kg or 10^16 times as much).

I'm going to go with the Sun on this one.

That's a lot of lions though dude.

That's a lot of crispy lions.

Unless the lions would collapse into a black hole

Science has proven it so.

Hmm, how many lions would we need for them to condense into a black hole? Anyone?

A trillion is not nearly enough lions to make a black hole. Source: WolframAlpha

I never knew this was a question I needed to ask

Is this a reference to the NSP panel from MAGFest? Because that's kind of awesome.

It sure is! This is the second time today I've commented about Ninja Sex Party! Love Danny Sexbang

Wait! We can't know yet! Does the sun have time to prepare?!

1 trillion schools of Tuna.

The sun still outmasses the lions by more than 10 orders of magintude.

Haile Selassie of course.

What would happen if a regular sun made of lava collided with an ice sun? Would their combined effects cancel each other out so that instead there would be only empty space or one 0-degree sun?

The ice sun on its own would quickly turn into a normal sun as the high gravity and pressure that's in a large object such as the sun starts a fusion process. I'm not quite sure about the lava sun, but I'd have to guess that it'd either turn into a normal sun like the ice sun did or if the atoms are heavier than iron (go ask a geologist or something) it'll go all supernova and shit, turning into some later-stage-star whose type is determined by the star's size or whatever. End result is a normal star crashing into another normal star/a white dwarf/a black hole. This cool looking event will then recieve a small footnote in a scientific paper.

Your question would probably work better with an ice and lava planet. In that case you'd get a huge space rock surrounded by a steam cloud.

That's easy, the lava ball would win because lava is both much more dense and much hotter than ice.

Also, fire type is super effective against ice type

ITS A CRITICAL HIT!

Critical hits can happen with any types, you mean 'It's super-effective!'

I know, I just wanted an excuse to shout that

Even with 1 Trillion Lions, I don't think Detroit could win the Super Bowl.

The lions durr. thats 1 vs 1000000000000. Numbers are always better. ALWAYS!

The lions, if they attack at night

Obviously the sun

The sun. The average adult male lion is 126.9kg, so one trillion of them would be 1.269E14kg. The sun's mass is about 1.98E30kg.

Yeah, but keep in mind that these lions are angry and ready to fight. So its "angry" mass versus "just chillin there on fire" mass.

Today I saw seemingly smart people arguing about the winner of an impossible/fictional fight between lions and the sun. These people were totally serious about getting to the bottom of this. It's your fault. You caused this.

The only way to make it better would be to build a rocket that will carry these lions into space. You must then build a giant boxing ring. Place the fighters inside and solve this once and for all... save Reddit, you're our only hope.

No meaningful amount of lions could win.

Sun, by far and above, not even a fair fight.

Laughing ferociously, can't tell if cause drunk or this is actually really funny

1 lions weights about 420 lbs or 190.509kg. The mass of the sun is 2 * 10^30 kg.

A trillion lions weighs 1.9 * 10^14. So a trillion lion would be an extremely small percentage mass wise to the sun and the sun would win. gg.

The sun, easily. A trillion lions is just over a third of the mass of the sun, there is no way they could take it out.
EDIT: Not a third of the mass, a third of the order of magnitude, 10 to the 12th as opposed to 10 to the 30th.

Nine, because the nineth lion eats the sun.

Why don't you look anything like your profile picture?

Actually, I've asked that one. I think that's a good question. If you've met someone online and they've given you inaccurate pictures, then they're already being dishonest and there's no way I'm okay with that.

How very upfront of you. How did they respond?

I had a girl I met on Tinder who looked a little overweight, I figured it'd just be nice companionship so I went over to her apartment. She came out and it turns out those pictures where from two years ago and she was a lot skinnier. I brought it up and all I could hear the rest of the night was "you thought I was fat and you still came!!".

Your first tinder date was at her apartment? Or were you just picking her up to go out somewhere?

Girl was dtf, but /u/Juvination just wanted to watch Netflix.

"Uhh, please don't touch me there. Can we watch House of Cards?"

Pssh everyone binged that on the first weekend, this isn't amateur hour.

yo I've been there we were watching cabin in the woods but then she stopped and tried having sex with me and I just really wanted to watch the movie :(

Yeah...I've had those kind of dates before. Girl DTF, but you see her, and its just like...naww

That's when you call in the homie for a dumb dick sandwich.

[deleted]

Look at the username of who i responded to...

At first he was like down to fuck, but then he was like damn, too fat.

Ah a dragon lord task force, legionnaire

Eh, a girl drove 90 miles to meet me after talking on tinder for a month. For our first official date, we grabbed a quick bite out then spent the rest of the night watching movies at my place. This was Friday night, and she ended up staying til Sunday.

We've been together for about 6 months now, and she's amazing. Still kinda surprised she drove that far to a city to meet a guy who coulda been a nut for all she knew.

I wouldn't hesitate to pick up a girl from online, but I will be armed to the fucking teeth... I will not be in someone's sex dungeon against my will.

Just fucking ask, I'll go to your sex palace, or even a sex tarp... ok not the sex tarp... thats just over the top.

(If you don't get the [refrence] (https://xkcd.com/1101/))

Wait, she thought you were sweet or a complete dumbass for coming over?

Yes.

you didn't answer the question.

The one time that catfishing is good

I usually put less flattering pictures on dating profiles. I'd rather have someone be pleasantly surprised then disappointed.

pleasantly surprised then disappointed.

What do you do to disappoint them so fast?

open his mouth.

"I figured it'd just be nice companionship"

I love that Juvination justifies hanging out with a Tinder snug who "looked a little overweight" by explaining what she might somehow still be useful for-- "companionship," I love it-- like she's a fat old dog or something.

Well, I don't know, companionship is what Tinder is for... it's just a sort of companionship a few degrees separate from the way you normally use the word.

Courtesans (high-end prostitutes) in Firefly were called 'Companions'.

That's how I interpreted what he said, anyway.

Hey man, sometimes you just don't wanna be alone for the night, sex or not.

What Juvination means by "companionship" I can describe for you in detail. Hold on, do you have a carrot and a donut?

I bet she loved you for that though. She probably saw you weren't shallow and really liked it.

Doesn't mean he's not shallow, or that she's not in the wrong for being dishonest. Some guys prefer chubbier girls.

I never said he was wrong.

I bet you did! High five bro!

You should have just told her the truth: fat girls do freakier stuff.

Shit I should do that too

That is a baller move. Tell me you stayed together.

That's what she said?

Whoa, you got reverse catfished.

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How the fuck is he a jerk for telling her she looked better in person than in the picture? I doubt he just said "wow you were a lot fatter in your picture"

You're right, my comment was dumb.

You sound like a fatty

Found the fatty.

She came out and it turns out those pictures where from two years ago and she was a lot skinnier

She was a lot skinnier two years ago, or the pictures were from two years ago, before she was a lot skinnier (now)?

From the context taken from the rest of his post, she was skinner when he met her than when she took her profile picture - the old pictures showed her as chubbier than she was.

"My pictures aren't old, thanks." And a few years later she randomly contacted me and said she forgave me for calling her fat, like it was some sort of heavy burden on my chest.

At least she wasn't a heavy burden on your bed

[deleted]

[deleted]

Hey now, that's illegal in Great Britain!

or leave a heavy burden on his chest.

Is there an echo in here?

On your chest in your bed

He never said how he proceeded after asking the question. She very well could have been.

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That's what I wish I would have done all of the many times that's happened to me.

It's definitely a heavy burden on hers.

"I swear, that was from last month!"

"You were black last month?"

She still black in the back.

It's my reverse weight loss machine. I'm still working out the bugs.

I went on a date and found out the girl had posted a picture from about four years ago before she let herself go. The weight wasnt the deal breaker it was the fact that she felt the need to hide that shit.

Sometimes people say "you look different in all of you pictures". I don't really know how to respond to that. It's kind of true though. WHich one looks most like me? I have no idea.

If they are referring to pictures you have taken yourself, do you usually take a lot and delete most of them? Or use weird angles? Or zoom in super close in effort to hide certain details? I got over picture anxiety by realizing that how weird I look to in pictures is just because I never see myself from those angles. Everyone else is used to the way I look.

I definitely take a lot and delete them. And use weird angles. But it's with regular non-selfie pics too.

I get that a lot too, not trying to be different, but it's the hair (colour, length, style), glasses (on/off), makeup, even clothing.

It's only a good question if you've already lost interest and you're not trying to get along with them anymore.

I worry so much about that. Cause I pick my best pictures as I think everyone does, but I don't look like that all the time, and I'd feel so terrible if I met someone and they were like "Sooo... you don't look like your photos"

When I told someone she looked different, it was an extreme difference. We're talking double size, if not more. As long as you aren't being misleading or dishonest, I don't see a problem. People change their looks all the time. If someone tells you that you don't look like your pictures, and you honestly don't know why they're saying it, then they are probably an asshole.

Maybe I'm an asshole then. My pictures are of me, probably taken from flattering angles or by professionals, but at least some of the time I probably don't match them.

I met up with a girl who was pretty attractive in the pics in her profile, but looked kinda young. She was my age (at the time, 30) so I went with it.

Showed up, didn't even recognize her at first. She looked about 8 years older and ~50 pounds heavier.

After that I made sure to put recent pictures along with the date they were taken in my profile.

I've been told I look horrible in photos but acceptable in real life.

Gah, I got one of those. Turned out her pictures were 20 years old. She was claiming to be 23, she was actually 43, and heavily overweight, and all the hobbies she listed were things she'd wished she'd done instead of spend 20 years working at the DMV. I was not amused.

I've gotten that once and it was a girl telling me I look better than my pictures indicated, then we had a reasonably decent conversation about pictures chosen to indicate your personality vs your physical body. worked out pretty well, actually.

I've asked that question but I left it for the second date. It was about her hair being completely different then in her pics. Turned out she wore a wig in her pics and does so a lot of the time because she has some thing where she pulls her hair. Said she didn't have any good pictures of her without it. A while later she changed her picture to a new picture of her without the wig.

I never understood this. If my first experience with you is you lying to me, the relationship isn't going to go very far.

A few months back I had the amazing spectacular rarity of the date appearing more attractive than the profile photo. Never thought it could happen - felt like I had struck the lotto.

Does this apply to guys as well?

Of course, I wasn't implying it was specific to any gender.

Ah okay.

I ask because (I think, evidently) my online photos don't look that great to warrant actual dates...but then again I am in the best looking form of my life.

Anyway. It's just frustrating that things don't work out, and online dating is one of them for me. Matches reply to my first messages, but then it stops from there.

Honestly I think if your pictures paint you in a worse picture than in real life (i.e. old, when you were heavier, bad pictures), you won't get any complaints about looking better. I think this only applies to having pictures that make you look better online then in person. In my experience it applies more towards people trying to paint themselves as skinnier online if they've gained weight since the pictures were taken.

If you're getting responses to your first messages then that's actually really good! I sent out a ton of messages into the ether that got no response because it's easier/safer/less time-consuming to let silence be your "no". So either your messages are coming on too strong or you're messaging the wrong people.

If you've got friends of the gender you're trying to date, get them to help edit your profile and/or pics. There's also the okcupid sub that'll look over your profile for you.

When I was making my profile I followed the oktrends blog advice of starting with a good picture that had me doing something interesting that people would want to know more about (it was actually a pic of me dressed for lab with a biohazard sticker on my nose, I let the internet choose my best pic and that was the overwhelming favorite). It wasn't the best quality pic of me or the one that showed my face or body off the best, it was the most interesting one.

If this is OKCupid that you're using, I'd recommend wiping your answers to their questions and going through answering just the ones you consider important to see if that matches you up to people who are looking more for someone like you. From the sounds of things, your pictures are fine and your first messages are good, so your profile itself is probably great, you're just chatting up the wrong people.

hey man thanks, this was a confidence booster.

I deleted my profile all along. maybe I get back into it.

thanks!

Seriously, the response rates on dating sites is terrible, if you're getting responses to your messages you're doing all the early steps right. If the picture thing is bugging you, I liked the way oktrends went into what makes a picture positive here and the general stuff like depth of focus/time of day for taking pics here.

FAT SHAMER. HEY EVERYONE THIS GUY IS FAT SHAMING.

/tumblr

Because I want to date someone who likes my personality. Sorry for the ugly photos.

Then i hope you aren't the typical consensus-loving american woman, this tends to lead to you having the exact same personality as everyone else.

I'm a 25 year old male and victim of sexual abuse. Thanks though.

Well doom on me for assuming. I'm sorry.

My profile picture is a kid with steve buscemi's eyes photoshopped on. The weird thing is it looks almost exactly like I did as a kid.

If you don't look like your profile picture, you're buying the drinks until you do.

Let's just cut to the chase-are you a serial killer? Because if you say no and you are, that's totally entrapment.

[deleted]

Parks and Rec reference if I'm not mistaken. Andy is accusing either Jerry of stealing his computer and says "Look at me. If you did it, legally you have to tell me, or it's entrapment."

source: watched it today.

source: watched it today.

Imagine all of the extra Karma you could have reaped if you just said

S3E12T6:30

So 22 comment karma?

[deleted]

"Does tuna look like a cop to you?"

I back up this source.

Parks and Rec is such a good show

Parks and Rec was such a good show

FTFY

:(

I wish there were plans for a full length movie about their first year in DC.

That's not part of the show.

It is though

I misread. I thought he said, "I heard," instead of, "I wish." I meant a movie would technically not be part of the show.

Are you implying it is no longer a show? Or no longer good? Because his statement is still accurate, even though no new episodes are being made anymore...

Is this a pedant-off? Can I referee?

its good, i liked it, but yeah it obviously ended.

If Rob Lowe's and Amy Poehler's characters weren't so goddamn obnoxious I would probably agree with you. My friends were obsessed.

I remember Sport saying that in Taxi Driver.

Ha, watched that episode last night.

Weird I just did too. Are you in my house?

I think you mean Larry

It's also from 'Due Date'.

Yeah Pee Wee Herman said it in that movie Blow.

Can you tell us what entrapment is? And if you say no, is that entrapment?

The luring of a law-enforcement agent of a person into committing a crime.

Such as a police officer posing as a drug dealer. That is fine, until your potential buyer decides they don't want to buy. Should that officer insist, and attempt to coerce, bribe, or otherwise convince said buyer into purchasing, that would be entrapment

It's a breaking bad reference.

No, it definitely isn't a reference to anything. Don't you know that every thing we say on reddit is original and the truth.

Objection your honor that's speculation

Where is that squalor guy?

I know people are saying parks and rec but this is in the wire. Bodies Contrapment

The first I ever heard it was in the Boondocks, in 2005

"That depends. How many does it take to get to serial?"

Not yet, but you would make 3 so......

I mean, what are the odds we are both serial killers?

Damn! Was gonna kill her, but don't want to be charged with entrapment...!

My last exgf I had I joked about being a serial killer and taking her out into the mountains alone.

Of course its a good thing we started dating because I really didn't want to have to kill her.

Jokes beside we both had a dark humor and got along great. She just ended up wanting something more casual and I'm a hopeless romantic so we split pretty amicably 5 months later. I usually tend to be friends with my ex's after like a year of not talking to them. My first boyfriend is hilarious and I love him like a brother.

I asked the girl I'm currently seeing this several times the first time we hung out.

Backstory: she lives 3 hours away, I drove to meet her having no idea what I was getting into. We both ride bikes, so our first encounter involved a bike ride. After the 40 mile ride we had to take the bikes down into her basement. As we headed down there and I saw the basement I asked her if her plot all along was to tire me out on a bike ride, then murder me in her basement. She laughed, that was over 6 weeks ago and were still seeing each other.

That sounds like something the weird chick from Parks and Recreation would say.

Leslie Knope ?

dude no the gothic chick who was into german death reggae and 50's halloween sounds or something

Ann Perkins !

ill kick your baby like a poorly made movie from ghana bro

No... April Ludgate...

If you ask a cop what their favorite movie is and they lie, it's entrapment with Catherine Zeta Jones.

If anybody would ask me that I would say "No...no, not yet"

Yeah. If I'm going out killing I want my SO there with me.

Gonna use that as an ice breaker next date.

I've had that conversation before a first date, managed to convince her I wasn't a murderer!

http://i.imgur.com/cbpewDz.png

I had a girl ask me if I was going to murder her when she got in my car for our first (and only) date.

Edit: she's not dead, we didn't hit it off

Not even going to ask why only

^shesdeadisntshe

How many people would you have to kill to classify you as a serial killer?

Really? Why would you even think of asking your date if they're a serial killer?
What are the chances both of you would be?

[deleted]

Not sure if you're serious

I'm pretty sure about him but not totally sure about you. This is your bit right, pretending to take the obvious joke seriously?

avoid people who say they'd "actually kill a person" to get thing x

I have come across two people like this and they're no good

[deleted]

Is that you, Zapp Brannigan?

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies.

"I've got a sexy learning disability. What do I call it Kiff?"

sigh "...Sexlexia."

"I am the man with no name. Zapp Brannigan, at your service"

If i told you you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Edit: Spelling. Thanks /u/zacablast3r

We had snoo snoo.

We are sure she's a woman this time, right?

Word is there's a spy among the ranks...I've got my eye on you Kif.

*kiff

Holy shit you're right. I never realized :| (edited previous comment)

"I find it very...^^erotic "

"What was that?"

"EROTIC!"

Then everything will fall like a house of cards, checkmate!

Ahem.

If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

And while we're doing game based ones:

In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

The first rule of war is the element of surprise.

SURPRISE!

Ah ok.. I had forgotten how it went..

If I said you a nice body would you take your skirt off and dance a little.

Tell me, or I'll send wave after wave of my own men at you

Edit: She's built like a steakhouse but she handles like a bistro! Sorry I felt the need to mention my favorite Zap quote...

I'm just gonna go away now

That's my favourite as well.

I am the man without a name... ZAPP BRANNIGAN.

Mmm, she's built like a steakhouse but she handles like a bistro.

YOU WIN AGAIN GRAVITY!

Zapp...Brannigan-a

Get ready for some sweet swet candy.. bam..

This reminds me of an old Garfield strip where he basically says, "I'm done talking about me. Now, YOU talk about me!" to either a stuffed bear or the little cat (niece/nephew).

Pooky and Nermal, respectively.

It WAS Nermal! I was too lazy to Google and thought that name sounded right, but I thought it sounded too close to "normal" to be right. Ugh!

I had to Google it too to be sure, but weirdly enough, when I went to my browser, my tab was already on the Wikipedia page for Jon Arbuckle, because I used it to make sure I spelled Jon right for an earlier comment. I guess it's just going to be a Garfield kind of day.

Now, we just need to scarf a pan of lasagna, pat our belly, and live the content life of a cat.

incidentally, was Nermal a guy? I never knew. Always thought it was a girl.

I'm about 95% sure Nermal was a boy kitten.

I think hes on a date with Darlene (is that her name?) and then she mauls him and leaves

I think it was Arlene...?

Thats the one. No idea why i added a D.

There was also a line from Johnny Bravo:

"...but that's enough about me, let's talk about me. What do you think about me?"

"Oh wait, where did you go?"

"Why are you good enough to date me?"

Alright, gaston.

You sound oddly like the man I've been sort-of dating. RANDY?

"Tell me about yourself"

...

"Now, tell yourself about me"

I was just in a training on Borderline Personality Disorder Interventions and this quote came up from Will and Grace.

Enough about me, what do you think about me?

I read this in John Michael Higgins voice

This is brilliant.

Now tell yourself about me.

Pretty much exactly what the lyrics for a Norwegian song are. "Well enough about me, what do you think about me?"

That's from Beaches.

I read that as "I've been talking to myself for an hour!" haha

Hahaha! That's a hilarious anecdote! Now you tell one!

Some people may find it early, but I find it useful to ask early what the other person is looking for. Clears up any confusion.

Edit: By what people are looking for I mean casual or not? It just seems safer if people know their own boundaries and establish them.

I've missed SO many opportunities in many, many stores...

"Hello, sir. Are you looking for-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow your roll, lady. I'm just here for the pizza rolls."

"Hello, sir. Are you looking for-"

"WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

Not again Ted.

Classic Schmosby

DAMMIT YOU STOLE MY LINE!!!

I found Ted Mosby

declines

"ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?"

And then won't even talk to you anymore if you won't Mary them on the spot.

Could I at least find out if I even like you first?

[deleted]

Cheaper than child support.

I'd like some matrimony please, holy or otherwise.

I'm looking for sneakers with velcro instead of laces. Def-def-defininitely velcro. NOT laces. And underpants with fruit on the tag. ARE YOU MARRIED!?!?!

It's funny, I had the opposite problem: I was proposed to yesterday and had to tell them that I was just there for pizza.

Classic Schmosby.

Do you have fucking pizza rolls!?

Is it me you're looking for?

Classic Shmosby

IS MY HEART BEING DETAINED?

Write to this webzone if you want a pizza roll

Email me at this webzone if you would life a pizza roll. I just took them out of the oven.

And no, you don't gotta be untied to eat pizza rolls.

make it pizza bagels and im in

Plot twist, she's pizza.

Slow your roll, lady. I'm just here for the pizza rolls.

On second thought. Make some some haste with the roll.

That's cool, just a friend with pizza roll benefits.

Pizza roll you say? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg6IXzPmuHA

Working retail I ask "can I help you find anything?" No one has responded "casual sex" yet.

ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY! !!

Hello. Is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes...

I can see it in your smile

You're all I've ever wanted

My arms are open wide

'Cause you know just what to say

And you know just what to do

I can see it in your pies...

I can see it in your thighs.

I can see your demise.

when we're dancin' on the ceiling.

Deep inside you want to cry.

Just don't makeout with your sister Leia and you should be fine.

Hello. Is it meat you're looking for?

And I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

I've found very few people have the capacity to answer this question honestly.

Not my experience. I've never been a casual kind of girl and have found being upfront with that has saved me a lot of trouble.

sorry! I read "I've been a casual kind of girl." I commend your straightforwardness and apologize for misunderstanding

All good. Thank you for the apology.

By that you mean never the hookup type? Cause yeah, you gotta be up front about that pretty earlier to not be lead on

[deleted]

Yeah just figuring out what you meant; yeah gotta make that clear these days

casual + being girl = most agreeable answer possible. This is why it has worked for you. casual + being man = poor results

edit: I misunderstood because I'm not bright. I apologize to this woman and will be more careful in the future to thoroughly read before forming an opinion and especially before responding to a comment. Thank you

...but she just said she WASN'T a casual girl.

thank you! you are right. and reading IS hard

I've never been a casual kind of girl

If you're a girl, I'm looking for whatever you're looking for!

Often it's not so much honesty, but a lack of self-awareness.

[deleted]

My wife was really just looking for a makeout buddy when we started dating. I guess i kinda ruined those plans.

[deleted]

No, this was a year and a half ago. She just wasnt looking for anything serious.

Talk about cutting to the chase. How long were you in a relationship before you got married?

About 9 months. When you know, you know.

Well, best of luck. :) I hope you were both right.

You know how people say the first year of marriage is the hardest? Well, it's been pretty easy. That includes me being out of a job for several months, and her working her ass off to graduate from college. Both of those are done and over with, and things are smooth sailing now. I really do feel like we chose perfectly. :)

[deleted]

Dragonlord Task Force.

She's a dragon tamer.

Oh, now that is important to know. That's a high risk job, I couldn't handle the heartbreak.

Bet you guys didn't know an "FWB" stands for "friends with beaks". Aka dragons.

So basically, /u/CriticalValue196's current boyfriend wasn't ready for that dragon life. But the dragon life chose him.

He can take himself out of the dragon, but he can never take the dragon out of himself.

He can take himself out of the dragon, but he can never take the dragon out of himself.

Well, unless it's sex, I mean.. Just drop the pants and the latter statement becomes true.

You'd think that wouldn't you?

Just wait till you have sex with a dragon.

Then we'll see.

These guys seemed to do ok though. Lol.

So it'a foursome?

What the hell kind of dragons are you talking about? Beaks? Like on a bird?

Dragons have jaws. Griffins have beaks

It's like these guys think they can jump in here and just wing it.

I thought it was "fishermen with boobs". Glad you cleared that up.

To be fair, dating a Dragon Tamer comes with its own set of risks, the job is really demanding.

i prefer this answer

Is her name Daenerys by any chance?

Down (willing) to fuck

I prefer the unwilling

Since it doesn't look like you've got a serious answer, down to fuck.

Down to fuck

Darude - Tandform

I laughed at this much harder than it deserves.

Take your god damned upvote

Even if its sarcasm, DTF = Down to Fuck.

Desperate To Fart.

You know when you're in a public place and you really need to fart, but you don't because you know it wouldn't be PC? You're DTF.

Down to fuck He's just joking guys

Down to fiesta.

A good point.

Aside from that, I think you sound luckier than me :P

I started dating my now-husband because he was the first and ONLY guy who didn't try to sleep with me on the first date. Out of probably about twenty who did and (mostly) got shot down (hey, girls like to get after it sometimes too). He could have too: we went and played billiards and the drinks went more to my head than I expected. When push came to shove, he just made sure I got home safe, kissed me, and said he'd call me, which he did. I made the right decision!

The same thing happened to me. Unfortunately, there wasn't a happy ending. Still bummed about that.

I'm happy for you guys though!

Same situation here! I'm so glad he had the courage to tell me that he wanted more.

Yep, that's the case for me. I'm getting back into dating after a while of just really not trying for no specific reason, and I'm really not looking for something specific, I'll take what I get. Girl wants to be fuckbuddies? Sure, I'm game. Girl wants something more serious? If I like her and see that going somewhere, why not. Right now I just want to enjoy life and I would like to do that in the presence of a woman, sexually if possible. Other than that, it's all fair game.

Actually was DTF, did the deed and thought it was going to be a one night stand, but here I am 3 years later in a committed relationship (it can happen). Though honestly, we did the get drunk and talk all night before we hit the sack (it was a weird night), and he knew I wanted a relationship with kids, etc.

why are you using shortcuts which no freakin human knows of?!?!? DTF?!

Or the most common situation, I think, is where someone has some ordered preference that depends a lot on unknown factors.

Maybe the top choice is to find someone amazing for a permanent relationship, but you'd be perfectly OK with a medium term relationship with someone you genuinely enjoy being with, and you'd even entertain the idea of having a purely physical relationship with someone you don't really have an emotional connection with. But on the first date, you have no idea which of the three categories your date fits into, so you are incapable of answering the question truthfully.

Also, the preference doesn't have to be ordered. Someone can be open to whatever will add value to their life, and if their date ends up being the kind of person they want to spend a long time with then they would end up wanting a long term relationship, but if the date is someone they like spending some time but not all the time with it could be more casual. But you can't know until you get to know the person if they will fit into your life and in what capacity.

There are also people that only want one type of relationship and aren't interested at all in anything else regardless what happens, these are the people the question is really helpful for I think.

[removed]

I don't understand why more people don't approach dating this way.

Or sometimes you really don't want to say. Of course if I come out and say on the first date something akin to: "Well actually I'm in a period of transition and I don't think I'll be in this city for a long time before moving for work, so really I'm looking for someone to just kind of bum around with, chill, and have sex, fully knowing that I will be gone shortly and you won't even be a passing thought in 6 weeks." There won't be many second dates. So I need to say the much more tactful, "I've got a lot going on but I'm still looking for someone to connect with (sex) and enjoy spending time with." You just kind of need to leave the time limit out because most people don't like being openly okay with casual even though it's what they want. We still get stuck playing a game we never wanted to start in the first place because you can't be honest with people the majority of the time. Hell even when I've been honest and told people straight up, it has come back to bite me in the ass because people hear you say casual and they think "it will change, I will change them" and then you get drama. sometimes I wish I was gay just for the whole casualness of it all.

Coming from a girl who has been led on far too many times, I think I actually would prefer the first line you said rather than the latter. Just be direct and open, that way there is no lingering questions and no one can force blame on anyone.

I try to mention or any explain my intentions early on, if we've seen each other for a week or so, then you would know my intentions. I just think the first date isn't the place to be so blunt and curt.

ey bby u wan sum fuk?

So basically mislead them so you can get laid?

For the first date in order to see if anything even clicks? Yes. I'm always up front early into a relationship, but the first date isn't the time to lay all your cards on the table.

Like we all do, its all good.

Also saves you the bs when they find out that they couldnt change you when you were honest.

I personally prefer honesty, but its something rarely answered with honesty, or believed.

Some people just like to be close to someone. I haven't been in the same place for more than a couple months over the past 2 or 3 years, but I'd still like to find someone to have some fun with while I'm there.

The guy I'm currently with (we use boyfriend and girlfriend for simplicity) and I have this kind of relationship. He is desperately trying to get out of this town, and so am I, but we have different destinations. But until we get out we enjoy each other's company, and sex, so we are having our fun and in a month he should be gone and I'm alright with that.

This was something we agreed on and talked about during our first date because I really didn't want anything remotely serious and wanted to make that clear.

I don't think many will agree that gay means casual, but otherwise a fair point :)

Just imagine a straight person grinder...

That's basically tinder.

Now I'm wondering if grinder would actually work, or if it's just like tinder, where the only people I match with are bots.

No where even close. I can pull up grinder and browse for people within meters that are down to fuck. It's not random or match based. You get a giant photo grid of people around you and can pick and choose. It's nothing like tindr, but tbh, I don't think a straight grinder would even work just because of the stigma of casual sex and females.

Sure, it's not the same but it is close.

As a queer we really don't need more "casual" guys around lol. I've found dating incredibly frustrating because it seems no one is interested in a real relationship.

I'm curious what you mean about not being openly causal even thought it's what most people want. I'd guess in you case being honest about wanting casual sex doesn't work because the people you're pursuing genuinely don't want that and are looking for something more serious. It sounds like you're very manipulative to get sex out of people who think you want more than that.

sometimes I wish I was gay just for the whole casualness of it all

As a straight dude I can tell you gay dudes go through just as much bullshit in relationships as the rest of us. Or I mean I'm assuming they do because ya know, they're humans and all that stuff.

Can confirm. Gays are messy.

However, it is much easier to go out and get casually laid.

Guys still lie and cheat to get a fuck though, so it kind of baffles me.

Which is a major turnoff for me so it's actually a great question to ask.

I don't agree with that. I think it's a lack of honestly. people(mostly) know what they want, they just say what they think the other person wants to hear to manipulate them into getting what they want. Want a relationship, sure.. say you're cool with casual but secretly hope that the more time they spend with you they'll end up wanting more or the flip, say they want a relationship but only looking for a one way trip to pound town.

Many young women are literally just window shopping. They invest so little in their own development that they end up only being attractive as rape magnets.

I've been "look downed upon" by people on welfare (for not being an overly fit/attractive dude). Meanwhile I was making high 5 figures and had a career/etc. I'm sorry, you collect Avatar DVDs and live with 5 other people in a 2 bedroom apartment ... I guess you're winning here... ha take that!!!

I dunno, my SO and I asked each other this question on out first tinder date. We were both looking for something casual.

One year later...

Ok, yeah. I guess we both lied.

One of the many benefits of the OkCupid screening process.

The better question is to ask what their dealbreakers are. It's a much more focused and tangible question.

I would have a hard time with this question because it putts things in an awkward light "what do you want?" "Well I want kids and a family and someone to laugh with and love... but I'm only interested in seeing what color your nipples are and how kinky we can get." How do you tell a person that?

My answer is typically "I don't know yet. Someone who cleans up after themselves, takes care of themselves, and is sweet I guess." And by taking care of themselves, I mean showering, get a little exercise and don't get fat. Every person I've been with was a fat person in disguise. They were either skinny or average at first, and then ballooned and never gave any fucks and didn't try to take care of it. Just got more lazy.

The problem is it can change otherwise depending on my mood.

If they can't answer then don't let it go anywhere. You don't want that kinda indecisiveness in your life.

Oh, lots of people can answer. I'm talking about being able to answer honestly.

Let me know how this works out for you.

I've found very few people have the capacity to answer this question honestly.

My sister in law asks this question very early on when dating, and makes it generally known before hand what she's looking for. I told her that by asking this question she makes it painfully obvious to her male suitor that there is only 1 correct answer.

If the guy she's going out wants to continue to see her, he better answer something along the lines of "long term relationship"... weather it's true or not. So if the answer is usually the same, why ask?

Use your better judgement to sleuth out what the answer is. Even super nice guys might try to convince themselves of something that just isn't true.

First Date

"Oh, you know. I want someone who is independent and doesn't fall into that co-dependency thing. Just a healthy relationship."

Two Years Into Marriage

"Where are you going? The bathroom? AGAIN? ^^can ^^I ^^come ^^with ^^you?"

To be fair if I said my truthful answer of: I'm mostly just hooking up with random girls, nice little short term ten date relationships for fun, maybe settle down in five years in my 30's.. I'd probably have sex once or twice a year or have to lower my standards dramatically.

Yeah, I mean Lionel Richie got straight to the point.

Lionel Richie is an asshole. Asking a blind girl if she's looking for him.

My wife is blind. The first time we had sex, she told me I had the biggest cock she's ever seen. I told her, "You're just pulling my leg."

I know right? It would be like Run DMC or Aerosmith screaming "WALK THIS WAAAAAY!!!" at a bunch of wheelchair-bound people.

Not as dangerous as playing "I believe I can fly" in the psychiatric ward.

There should be a whole compilation of "tribute" songs for the wrong reasons like: "Now! Thats What I call Inappropriate Tunes!"

Im sure theres loads we could come up with!

If the point was to dance on the ceiling, yes.

I disagree slightly. If you only have 1 objective in dating then yes ask this right off the bat.

I date for fun, for company, for sex, and along the way I hope to find a lady that wants to do something long term that I want to stick around. Worrying about their ultimate objectives on the first date puts things on a pretty narrow focus.

But, I'm reasonably intuitive. I can often get a notion of their intentions and what would work between us in the first 20 min or so, so there's never really a need to ask it.

I'm kinda having this problem with my SO(?) right now. He is sort of like you and wants to date for fun, company, sex, etc. but doesn't really ever meet new people, so that doesn't make sense to me for his kind of personality. So I'd like to get your personal opinion on this because I honestly don't understand his intentions- Should I be disgusted/bothered that he didn't tell me this to begin with when he asked me to date him?

I'm one for a more serious relationship, and I'd like to not give up hope that it could lead somewhere but it really pissed me off how he had been leading me on for a few weeks without telling me his intentions when he's the one who asked me out in the first place.

I'll answer this but it'll take a moment to write down all my thoughts Pm incoming.

Currently casually dating two girls. I am not asking them anything until they ask first.

I was dating 3 girls last summer and people just couldn't get their heads around the whole thing. Like yes, I'm casually seeing all three of them, now why in your world would i start that conversation when I know damn well I'm not the only one on their end either. I'm content being oblivious and so are they. Everyone is better off that way. But I wish you well with the impending drama, it never seems to end smoothly for all parties involved.

Urrgh, I'm not a fan of this mentality. It limits my options, but I do my best to stick to one girl at a time.

You are welcome to as many girls as you want as long as they are informed. Open is fine as long as every person knows the score.

I mean, I've only gone on 2 dates with one so far and maybe 3 with the other so I don't expect the conversation to happen for a while. I've been considering ending the dating with one of them though and just try a friendship. The sexual activities aren't really...existent with one of them and I'm not feeling it that much aside from a friendship thing (not that I'm even looking for a serious relationship).

I wish you well with the impending drama, it never seems to end smoothly for all parties involved

hahahaha. But it always seems like such a good idea at the time!

Im like a month into texting pretty much nightly, 2 coffee dates in (she asked for the second) ... the texting is really mutual, (like nothing i wouldn't say to someone i wasn't hoping to have a relationship with) I really have no clue where i stand in this... but i'm beginning to feel i'm in to deep to suddenly pull the "I want a relationship card" and ruin a friendship (she is a pretty cool person, and if a relationship wasn't going to happen, i would still benefit from a friendship)

I should have approached this question weeks ago... now i'm worried ive put myself in friendzone limbo simply because I don't know whats going on...

She asked for a second date and wants to talk to you regularly. She's waiting for you to do something, dummy.

You have to kill her

That does seem the best option right now... awkward situation followed by possible rejection avoided.

Be careful of this though. Sometimes people have an idea of what their prefect match is, but later find that the person that makes them happy isn't an exact fit to their original description. Have a basic idea of what you want, but don't keep it as a checklist and be flexible. I always thought I needed a social person, but the introvert I'm planning on spending my life with is the one I need to make me happy

I completely agree with what you are saying. I never thought I'd end up with a quiet guy, but my SO is perfect for me.

I was more referring to types of relationships. If you are not into monogamy then it's unfair to both parties if you are not honest. Or vice versa.

Ah, yes that I agree with. Those types of things are important to get out right away. I thought you were talking about the type of person. Apologies 😋

I find that really early, even though I understand it's nice to clear things up. It's like suddenly you've gone from developing a friendship to 'whoops! well there's no point here then!' and it becomes really awkward

You may be right. I did online dating so by the time the first date happened I'd already been talking to the guys for a few weeks. Just seemed like the time to do it. Save time on a relationship that would never work.

But at least you'd already been talking. Most first dates are usually a first proper chat, really.

Still, I'd be very put off.

I guess. I only ever did online dating and now I'm in a committed relationship. So no more dating for me.

Never got the hang of it, better on my own!

I think it depends on age. When i was younger I would have never expected to talk about this on a first date.
Now I'm 32. I think most of us have some idea of what we expect. I don't want someone to waste their time with me. If they want to be married with babies in 9 months, they can move onto the next girl.

As a millennial who has casually dated for a while. Most people want to be as noncommittal as possible.

You'll text flirty, grab drinks and do an activity, but all the while you get the feeling it's not an actual date. They'll be texting someone intermittently, and you can't shake the feeling that they're hanging out with you to see if you're a slightly better option than whatever casual situation they have with someone else.

Calling that attention to light and asking what the other person is looking for is bad news bears. Asking them to commit to one thing (looking for a relationship, just having fun, looking for a friend) you can be sure that they'll say the safest most non-commital thing possible.

Millenials are bad at handling conflict of any kind, and tend to just opt-out of difficult interactions.

TLDR: Dating is hard sometimes.

second paragraph hits too close to home.. how do you deal with that?

I'm not sure, I think that the dating game is terrible. But of all the good relationships I've had, the typical rules don't apply. I didn't need to wait a certain amount of time to text them, I didn't feel weird asking to hang out 3 days in a row, I wanted to make these grand gestures. So if its this shitty inbetween, where maybe its a relationship, maybe its not a relationship, that means it isn't And you can move on, because when it is there, and there is someone worth while you'll know.

They'll be texting someone intermittently

Sign of the times. I can't stand it, but I know it's nothing personal.

Was going to upvote, but I want you to stay with 666.

Would have been awesome to stay there. Honestly never thought this would blow up.

"Well, personally, it's very difficult to just say. You spend days, weeks, months, years just trying and trying,and so many times, you fall flat on your face in a puddle of misery. But you... you seem trustworthy. I'll tell you. I..."

"I am looking for Waldo."

Exactly. I don't know what's so hard to understand about this. On every single first date I went on, I made sure to bring that up because I needed to get an idea of what to expect. Are you looking for a casual relationship or are you looking for something long term? If you're looking for casual sex, that's fine, but I'm looking for something more than that. It just saves everyone time if you ask that question up front instead of wasting time with people who aren't on the same page as you.

This should be the top comment, but I only get one vote!

Not even a date, but when I met my current boyfriend we were both really obviously into each other and we were both easily picking up on the other's cues that we were into each other. We talked about this.

We were both looking for something serious, boom-established. That's it. We talked about what we found attractive in each other, what we value in a relationship, what our aspirations were and how we plan on achieving those aspirations... turned into like a 4 hour conversation about really intimate things about the other's life and I wouldn't change that for anything.

Just be open with the other person if you're looking for something serious. Either they'll find out anyway, or you can just go your separate ways. It's not about pride, it's about starting things off on the right foot. Honesty and communication are key, so why not start the date (or your random meeting of a stranger who's obviously into you, in my case) using honesty and communication?

Yeah, don't do that. Most people are too insecure or lacking self-confidence to answer this question (honestly)

Also, what you want may be a very weird thing to suggest on a first date.

"What are you looking for in a woman?"

"I'm a sexual sadist, I want to tie them up and drip hot candle wax on their breasts."

"......... I'm leaving now...?"

Even if your date would want that, it would come off as psychotic.

i think the prerequisite is that you're not autistic enough to think that's an okay thing to ask

Having sadistic desires means you're autistic now? Okay.

asking about them on a first date...? yes

That's the point, though. Sometimes it's not just a lack of confidence, it's that what you really want is fucking weird to say on a first date.

I would never seriously date someone who isn't a sub that enjoys bondage, but it's not something I'm going to ask on a first date.

Hello? Is it me your looking for?

My usual reply is "Just to get away from the rest area/truck stop scene...for a little at least."

Gotta set the tone early.

If I was honest about it not many would continue the date. "First and foremost I am here for sex. I believe that sex is what a relationship is built on and until we have sex I have no idea where this will go. If we ever get married and have kids, I could go out with friends to see a movie, have lunch or dinner with, play sports with but once I have sex with them our relationship is over. So I am here for sex and then see where it goes."

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I think a specific list would be weird. I believe knowing your own personality well enough to know if you can do casual hookups is necessary.

A friend of mine didn't make it clear that she is into monogamy and had a situation were her guy slept with someone else. Both were wrong because he thought it was perfectly reasonable, since they never discussed boundaries, and she thought it was a given that dating people are monogamous. After watching the train wreck I just never wanted to be in that place. So I've always been very upfront abut what I my boundaries are.

Hello. Is it me you're looking for?

  • nope, I'm blind.

Ok, sorry about that.

This is very true in the gay community.

It's hard to find a cute, emotionally balanced, employed guy who is looking for more than just sex. :(

HELLO?! IS IT MEEE YOURE LOOKING FOR?

Wait, I always just assumed that anybody on a date is looking for the same things: Companionship, sex if there's chemistry, and maybe more if it really clicks.

Have you been on dates where that's not the case?

My best friend is into open relationships and I'm strictly into monogamy. For either of us to be happy we both had to tell our guys what was our boundaries. That's what I meant.

I have since figured out I could have been more clear in my original post.

This only works for men, women don't know what they want.

Which is why I'm strictly into monogamy and my best friend is into open. We're both females and know exactly what works for us.

It is rare to find women who are into monogamy these days. I would like to meet a girl who has not many partners, who is also not religious or a feminist and is financially independent. I think i have my work cut out for me there.

I disagree with this, lots of life long relationships start out casually. Why force it from date 1 by putting yourself in a box.

Casual is just on the spectrum now...

Are they looking for a single casual relationship? Do they maintain multiple?

Are they looking for one single committed relationship or do they maintain a small group of overlapping commitments?

Do they mix all of these possibilities up?

Are they just accepting auditions for a pair bond?

Marriage isn't always the end game content anymore.

Honestly, I usually won't ask that on the first date -- I want to get a sense for how well the person knows their own mind, and how honest they are, first.

As a man, this is possibly the worst question a girl can ask.

Why? (Serious question)

Yeah, this is important. Otherwise you risk finding out several dates in that you're likely never escalating beyond FWB status. Not something undesirable in itself, but difficult to sort out if you see relationship potential with someone. Obviously I'm talking about my own situation at this point. Hi.

I disagree. Often times I'm not looking for anything too serious and then over time things start to develop. If they told me straight out of the gate that they were looking for a relationship I would probably not have gone out with them. Also visa versa. Sometimes I think I may like a girl enough to pursue her and then later decide against it. Telling her I'm looking for a relationship would make everything much more complicated.

Even though it sounds like a good question I tend to avoid asking it till a couple or even a few dates/weeks in. If you ask someone who seems to like you what they are looking for, they might become confused/nervous and tell you what they think you wanna hear. All business no fun. I like to begin by asking how their day has been, then just try and legitimately be interested in what they say. Discover questions will flow smoothly and if she/he is interested they will also do the same.

In my experience, if it's a first date you're trying to sell yourself as much as you hope they're doing the same. I've wasted time on people who wanted just a fling and others who wanted a relationship that I didn't. Asking this question didn't clear anything up.

I'm looking for somebody who won't ask me what the fuck I'm looking for

how is one supposed to answer this when they don't even know the other person?

You could go in looking for a long-term thing, find out they're a bit nuts, and leave wanting nothing from them

Only the people that aren't into casual sex can answer that.

If they're on a date with you, they probably find you attractive, but a relationship? That takes a bit of time to know, doesnt it?
My answer is that I'm not looking for anything. Let's see what happens.

"My missing earring. Have you seen it"?

I lie to that question. Some chicks tend to like the prospect of being able to start a relation. Little do they know, most of them don't have more then a month.

Do you put empty milk cartons back in the fridge? Because I don't know if that would work, I have been hurt before.

I'll never understand the logic of putting empty things back.

Lack of space in the trash can, lack of space in the outdoor cans also because the city refuses to give us full sized trash bins, but I don't want to leave rotting pizza/milk/whatever sitting on the table for a week until the garbage man comes by, so it goes back in the fridge to keep it from smelling

Have you ever thought about rinsing it out in the sink?

It's mostly just muscle memory, and the emptiness doesn't even register until it's too late.

And once it's in the fridge, it can never be retrieved again...

My fiance can not put food away. She will bring the leftover to the counter top next to the fridge but they will never actually make it into the fridge. Same problem with to go bags from restaurants. If it wasn't for the two kids and the whole love thing this would be a deal breaker.

i'll fucking use this.

EDIT: just noticed i swear a lot. damn.

Put the fucking milk carton in the motherfucking bin. ^^you ^^^whore

"Love Ya for fuck sake"

Or they leave the few drops of milk. Really what is one supposed to do with that? Not even enough for my tea.

And why close the cereal box back up if it's just full of cereal dust?

Oh joy! A cornflake, what more could I ask for this morning?

And be grateful for it! There are starving children in _ (Favorite place to talk about starving children)____ and you should be thankful you have one and a few drops of milk.

They say while polishing off a huge bowl.

"What is your name, by the way?"

I consider the next morning the second date

I always considered the morning after to be the first date.

Never ask their name. It humanizes them.

thym* for the cissies out there

Ive asked "Ok I feel bad about this, but how do you pronounce your name? I just dont like saying names wrong." It was a Tinder date and you know, like 4000 different ways to spell every name.

She said her name was Amy and we carried on...

I asked the chick I lost my virginity to right after what her last name was. We actually never made it out of the house for a first date

This has actually happened I'm sure, considering people use aliases a lot online

i was at her place and she asked me what my name is, after dating me three times before. You can figure out how high my self-esteem was at that point in life. I got my clothes and left soon after.

"What's your favourite food?" Then you can surprise them on another date by making them their favourite food! Should work like a charm; the way to anyone's heart goes through their stomach.

Follow up question - Do you have any allergies?

I dated this girl where it probably would have been easier to name the stuff she wasn't allergic to (and she was legitimately allergic, it wasn't her being picky or anything). It made going out to eat kind of difficult.

I'd rather ask it as "is there anything you don't eat?" but say it in a way that doesn't sound like you're rolling your eyes and commenting about how she eats everything.

Asking about allergies sounds like you're trying to identify their kryptonite.

Everyone I've ever liked who has allergies is basically allergic to food with a flavor.

Order it from Zanzibar

what's your favourite posish should be the perfect follow up question provided the food goes down well as well!

That's cool with me it's not my favourite but I'll do it for you

I sang this comment... I just had to.

Tenacious D always puts the ladies in the mood to fuck gently. But then you fuck her HAA^A^AA A^A ARD

Nah, I say "You get on top baby, you do what you like."

2nd day in a row I see this song in the comments. I know...it's calling me!

That's cool with me. It's not my favorite, but I'll do it for you.

you don't always have to fuck her hard.

In fact sometimes that's not right to do

Sometimes you've got to make some love.

And fuckin give her some smooches

I'm not gonna cook it but I'll order it from Zanzibar!!

AND THEN IM GOING LOVE YOU COMPLETELY. and then I fucking fuck you discretely...

And then....I'M GONNA FUUUUUUCK YOOOOUUUU HAAAAA-AAAA-AAAA^^^^^^RRRRDDDD!

And then I'll fuckin' love you completely!

Not sure of the reference, but Seinfeld is always a sure bet.

Reference: https://youtube.com/watch?v=l_ePFctnIqo

do you always take your second dates to a strip club?

As a Torontonian this was how I understood it the first time and was super confused.

Well it's the only way to sell them into white slavery with the crazy fucking Armenian dudes who own it, so yes.

And then your gonna love him or her completely

In fact, sometimes that is not right to do.

the only zanzibar i know is a halo map. and goddamn was a good map

After all, we're not actually going to cook it.

Ah...Tenacious D

Zanzibar island? Do you happen to know anything about Metal Gear ?

They're made of metal and have ratios

Whenever you say "Zanzibar", you have to spread your hands like a magician who just made shit disappear. Tis a magical place.

where is that place? I just recently heard about it in a song.

I don't know but I know Freddy Mercury's parents were from a place called Zanzibar.

IF there's another date.

"Whats your favourite food?"
"Uhm, Pizza, I guess?"
"Great, listen this was nice, but I really gotta run. Wanna meet up .. lets say .. tomorrow? I can cook soemthing, don't know yet what exactly, but I'll figure something out. Okay, bye."

Why does everyone say pizza? It can't honestly be their favorite food!

It reminds me of my freshman orientation. The guy doing the tour asked our group what our favorite food was, and I went first, which I hated, because now I have to set the precedent, and I'm not exactly a master of social situations. So I relay the tale of the one time I was in new york and my aunt took me to a very high class, $75 a person french restaurant, and I was served a delicious buttery foie gras in a deep, yet not overpowering port wine sauce.

Everyone looked at me weirdly and then took turns saying pizza, nachos, or hamburgers. Afterwards a few people asked me what I was even talking about.

Nobody likes pizza in the way you described that one meal, which brings to light how you answered a different question.

"What's your favorite food?" is crazy vague. It relies on the other person to define favorite. Most people answer the question "what food do you (or would you) eat most often?"

You answered the question "What is the best thing you have ever eaten?" Or possibly "What is the best food experience you have had?" since you described it so well.

100% guarantee if you ask either of those two questions, you will not get the basic pizza/hamburgers/etc answers.

"What is the best thing you have ever eaten?" Or possibly "What is the best food experience you have had?" since you described it so well.

"Ughh... well that steak house downtown I went to once had some pretty good burgers.. Get this, instead of french fries they cut potatoes into wedges then fried em with seasoning salt, that was pretty good too.."

Nobody likes pizza in the way you described that one meal

Um, my fiancee would go to war for a fresh slice from Pizano's.

Not everyone is a foodie. I wouldn't call you weird for liking a really rare dish but you have to understand it's not for everyone. A lot of people just don't care about food the same way, and just think "wow this tastes good".

I'm not even a foodie! I just don't understand these responses! I'm sure at some time in their life they all had some delicious seared duck breast, or grandma's homemade lasagna, or Chicken tandoori from that independent Indian restaurant, or SOMETHING. I don't expect them all to have eaten fatty goose liver prepared by a team of experts, but surely they've all had something that they really really enjoyed somewhere!

But no, it was all just super generic responses.

Well favorite, would usually imply "What do you like to have a lot of!"

So if they had delicious duck breast, 5 years ago, once and they loved it, it's still probably not gonna be their favorite.

Their favorite food is gonna be what they think of to eat when they're hungry and getting off work. Something that's usually convenient for them and that will satisfy their cravings.

Pizza, hamburgers, nachos, pie, etc.

That's all stuff that's convenient and is eaten pretty regularly.

I had delicious beef at a 5 star restaurant 9 years ago, it was probably the best beef I've ever had. Would I say it's my favorite? No. Costco pizza is my favorite, because when I'm hungry and I get off work on a Thursday, I want to go down to my local Costco and get a big ass delicious pizza. That's why it's my favorite.

This is the correct answer. I feel like "best food you ever had" and "favorite food" are not mutually exclusive.

Well, are mutually exclusive. Meaning that they can exist independently, not mutually exclusive would mean they can't be independent

Uh oh. I've been saying that wrong a LOT.

I thought mutually exclusive means that if you choose one, you can't choose the other.

You can't have "Both" as an answer to the question "Do you want this light on or off?" The choices are mutually exclusive.

Yeah true. I'm honestly not sure that mutually exclusive would make sense in this context.

"Mutually exclusive" means that if one, then not the other.

Yeah I know. It doesn't really make sense in this context at all honestly.

Based on your child replied, you might have confused /u/thatbelinda and /u/P0ol . (Given that you seem to understand the definition as only one or the other. Never both.)

Your favourite food could be the best food, if you always go to that "best food" restaurant. You've never found anything better so you keep going there every month. Though it's getting a bit semantic now...

Yeah. Mutually exclusive can fit here, but considering that the point was that your favorite food and the best food you've had weren't necessarily the same, I took it to mean that the point was that they could be mutually exclusive, though they also could be the same, but honestly it doesn't even really make too much sense in this context.

That's not true at all. Mutually exclusive means that two things cannot be true or the same at the same time. Best food you have ever had and favorite food, given the previous interpretations of the question are then potentially the same, but also not necessarily the same for everyone. If they were mutually exclusive, they would never be able to have the same answer.

Yeah l. That's kind of what I was trying to say, I meant that while they can be the same, they dont necessarily have to be, but I didn't really know how to put that into words in terms of mutual exclusiveness

"Best food you've ever had" is actually a good date question (for conversation), as it hopefully can lead to stories of where they had it - on a holiday, graduation ceremony, which restaurant etc. Though it's hard to answer as we don't really think about it so you'd have guide the response: "Could be best. Or most interesting. Or best experience/restaurant".

Come to think of, I'll use this in conversation soon.

Maybe they really really enjoy a generic type of food? I fail to see why you seem to think that's impossible.

If you ever want to write a screenplay, there's your first scene right there.

Make the question interactive.

If you could travel to anywhere in the world and try their food, where would you go?

SPAIN, that sounds so exciting. Are you a fan of tapas and wine? What would be your first stop then?

I guess you've never had good pizza. Bummer.

I have, but it doesn't mean it's my favorite food ever.

You spoiled little brat. Pizza is a perfectly good dish, if done properly.

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No, it was banned for a while by a bunch of hippies in California, but they overturned that because they're not stupid.

If... if is good.

Hercules! Hercules!

Bless my soul! Herc was on a roll! Person of the week in every Greek opinion poll!

He's the coolest thing since they put the pocket in pita.

If you correctly execute the D.E.N.N.I.S. system, then yeah, she'll want to go on many, many more dates.

Sounds a bit intense for a second date to me... But definitely a good idea for later though

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I agree that the second date is too soon to have at home. But its nice to end the second date at home. If you're picking up what I'm putting down.

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Lol I just realized I got down voted for that joke. Reddit sure is sensitive lately...

If you can find a smooth way to pull up the question then I don't see the problem. One has to have them conversational skillz, though.

another date

Not necessarily the next date.

Yeah, seems well intended, but really desperate

FTFY: The way to anyone's heart goes through their chest cavity.

the way to anyone's heart goes through their stomach

Put a baby in that bitch.

This is true. I charmed my way into a girl's graces that was far prettier than some schmuck like me can normally get by cooking her favorite meal. Fortunately, it wasn't difficult, but it made me want to learn to cook more than macaroni and cheese and fried foods.

Upvote for knowledge of gender-neutral food love

"Honestly? I loved Pizza and Beer. LOVED THEM. A few years ago I got diagnosed with Celiac's disease and haven't really been pleased with the gluten free options for both since then."

Your move /u/Gewwo, where we eatin'.

I'm a little skeptic that gluten free pizza would be THAT much worse than regular pizza... so I'd experiment on it. As for beer, well, I'd still buy some gluten free beers (2-3 different ones) BUT also some other drinks so that you'd have a choice.

It's not the pizza you think. Gluten is what causes dough to become stretchy and retain air allowing it to rise nicely. Without gluten you are stuck with thin crust rice/tapioca based dough, which is bland and dry without xanthan gum, which has a metallic taste. The best I have had is Donato's who uses Udi's crust which if I were to rate it on a 10 scale would get a 4. Not inedible but not a nice developed stretchy fold-able New York style that I will never eat again.

As for beer this is a worse situation. Good beer comes from wheat. Many factors are at play here. Wheat has other proteins than gluten that give beer body and sweetness. They support foam and stabilize the color and flavors. Wheat also has nutrients that yeast use to develop flavors and alcohol. Rice and sorghum are the only real substitutes for wheat but they are lacking quite a bit in flavor and body. The GF beers on the market are either tangy and thin or just not truely GF (looking at you Omission).

So in a long answer, no we cannot go enjoy either. I have tried. Hell, my degree is in Food Science and I practice flavor chemistry for a living and with all the tools at my disposal I have come to realize I will never enjoy my favorite foods/drinks again. It's not ok, but I will live, healthier but a little jaded.

Thanks for trying though.

(If you run into a guy/gal/what-ever-you-are-into that is GF/Celiac's I suggest Thai food)

what if i cant cook? serious question.

Hmm, you can always learn! Unless it's something really high-level cooking, like fugu or some shit.

Seriously tho, internet is full of videos and pic-by-pic recipes, if you follow the recipes carefully AND concentrate on the cooking (don't use your phone for anything else than checking the recipe) the food should turn out good.

There's always gotta be a plan B if the food doesn't come out right though, or just go with plan C (take them to a restaurant/place that serves their favourite food).

All in all, making the food gives the best impression. Even if you fail and have to resort in a restaurant/take away food, the date should feel special for your attempt of making them their favourite food. If they'd feel betrayed or bitch about your failed attempt then you wouldn't have wanted to serve them delicious food anyway.

TL;DR: Learn. If fail, have a plan B (eat out/have a back up recipe).

Well i live by myself I'm 2600 miles from my family, I've tried simple stuff I'm just really bad at cooking. I'm more of a physical learner. But I'll try some more videos thanks for the advice appreciate it.

the way to anyone's heart goes through their stomach.

I told a woman that once. She ran away screaming. I probably shouldn't have said it so immediately after showing her my antique sickle collection.

If that's a guy, you're aiming a little high

I like to go with, if I needed to win you over/apologize/make you feel better, what kind of candy would I buy you?

"They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but I know a shortcut. " -Roseann Barr

Until your date is hannibal lectur

Tbh if the date's answer was "humans" I probably wouldn't want to go on another date with them. :I

Don't be so ignorant

It is, that's why I always stab upwards, through the lower abdomen.

I always thought that the best way to anyone's heart was through their chest cavity

The fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then thrust the knife upwards

the way to anyone's heart goes through their stomach

That's not the way to my heart...

Tunneling from the stomach to the heart is actually a pretty strange way to do it, it's a bit quick to go through the lungs and ribs.

Wait if the stomach is on the way to the heart, does that mean the beginning point is the booty?

That's what CHOLESTEROL said!

3in blade between the 3rd and 4th rib.

Usually with a 6-8" blade and under the ribs.

Because the esophagus is punctured half way up.

From their stomach to their veins and from their veins into their heart. I get it!

You've got it all wrong. The best way to a persons heart is between the fourth and fifth rib.

I thought the quickest way to the heart was between the second and third ribs on the left side.
I guess I should've known better and stabbed 'em in the gut

the way to anyone's heart goes through their stomach.

Actually it's through their chest cavity with a reciprocating saw

And the way to a vegan man's heart goes through his vagina.

"you've been giggling in your sleep every night for 143 days straight. What is so funny?"

Well 142 days really, Thursday February 12 you cried miserably

Guys that are reading this DO NOT TRY IT.

This is second date material.

"also, you're running low on toothpaste."

Am I being detained?

AM I BEING ARRESTED, HANK?

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP, SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

Are you an undercover cop? You literally have to tell me.

Oh shit, use that line on a cop girlfriend (or boyfriend) in bed.

See where it takes you

I can see those places... they look like fun.

Need to go find a female cop thats DTF right quick... BRB!

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?

Am I free to go?

Or am i free to go?

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Azeroth, Westeros, Middle Earth

I think only one of those is a country

Nope. Westeros is a continent.

Yeah, but it's sort of like Australia where it's pretty much all one country.

Cough cough Seven Kingdoms cough cough

If you want to get down to it the united states is 50 countries, but they all submit to one central government, so it's considered 1.

Tell that to Dorne/Texas.

I am Texas.

Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken

How are the secession plans goin?

We're waiting until the value of the Dollar crashes. Then we'll unveil our new state currency pegged to the price of oil and everything will fall into place.

Ah, the rise of the Oilro!

the united states is 50 countries

I think it's 50 states there guy

52 if you count Porto and Rico.

State and country are synonymous.

Ehhh, no, not in this context.

It's like saying "Jupiter is a petrol planet" is correct because "gas" and "petrol" are synonymous.

No it does mean that in this context. That's literally why they're called the United States instead of just "America".

Maybe it used to be. But that hasn't been the case for a while. Here's an experiment: do you say "the United States of America is [...]" or "the United States of America are [...]"?

Well there was that whole civil war thing that pretty much decided that states don't have rights, but before that you would have said "are".

Hmm, you are correct.

Hey, welcome to Europe.

It's more holy roman empire rather than the US.

Kinda. Each state makes its own laws for the most part, but there are some laws on the federal level as well. State laws are often more important than federal when the two are in conflict. For example, on the whole weed dealy. Alaska, Oregon, Washington and Colorado decided to legalize weed even though the federal government still considers it illegal. And for the everyday person that means it is legal in those states. Dispensaries were prone to being raided by feds, but that changed very recently with a new piece of legislation.

Historically it was seven kingdoms, which is why it's called that. Then Aegon united them all under the Iron Throne. That's why there's only one king.

Beyond the wall is at least the size of the North.

Then don't forget about the Land of Always Winter. No one knows how big that is.

that counts as beyond the wall...

Technically not, the Seven Kingdoms do not extend beyond the Wall even though the entire area north of the Wall is still Westeros.

Yeah, but if someone says "I'm sailing to westeros", everyone knows he means the seven kingdoms, whereas "I'm sailing to essos" could mean one of the free cities, or slaver's bay, or qarth....

eh, the northern part is kind of wild and lawless... in Australia it's the western part.

Less people die in Westeros.

Except you're more likely to die in Australia.

Yeah thats how I pictured it. Each territory is a state with their own ruling government, but a federal government somewhere else tells the states what to do.

Actually it's more like the UK. It has multiple countries, but they are all unified under one king.

You're still thinking of the Seven Kingdoms, not Westeros. The Iron Throne makes no claim on the lands beyond the Wall.

Australia is all one country. Westeros is the Seven Kingdoms federation and the areas North Of The Wall, plus some other miscellaneous bits that aren't really governable/are independent, such as the bits to the northwest.

The Iron Islands are one of the seven kingdoms.

Whups, my bad.

North of the wall isn't under the rule of the iron throne and it is very much part of the continent and makes up most of the land IIRC.

Go to Dorne and say that

Seven kingdoms it was right?

Yeah but it's also a continent

Dorne would like a word with you...

Dorne is independent isn't it? As well as whatever country you would call beyond the wall? Meaning three countries (the Seven Kingdoms, Dorne, and beyond the Wall) on one continent?

Edit: Dorne... not Durne..

Dorne is part of the Seven Kingdoms.

Nah, you'd say the Seven Kingdoms are a single country. Everything north of the wall is "Westeros" but definitely not part f the same country as the Seven Kingdoms

Beyond the Wall surely isnt the Same country though.

The continent Australia is on is called Oceania.

Oceania is a region which includes the Australian continent, as well as New Zealand and a few other places. It is not a continent.

You have to consider that beyond the wall is not under rule by the Seven Kingdoms. Also, Dorne does not bend the knee to the King of the Seven Kingdoms either. Their motto is "unbowed, unbent, unbroken." They were conquered by Aegon and his dragons, but they resisted Robert after his rebellion I believe.

Azeroth is a planet

Azeroth will always be a kingdom to me..

ONE REALM, ONE GOD, ONE KING. STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS!

Westeros is also the name of the country. Kinda like how America is both the continent and the country.

Good one!

But Australia if you want to stay friends with the Canadians, the Mexicans etc.

Just like with America, its not oficially the name of th country. It's the Seven Kingdoms

Westeros is seven kingdoms though. And North of the wall

Isn't the same true of Azuroth? It's the kingdom/country and the continent

My nerd rank isn't at WoW level, sorry :)

IIRC: Azeroth is the continent of the Eastern kingdoms and the name of the planet.

Almost correct. Azeroth is the southernmost landmass which makes up the Eastern Kingdoms. There's three.

Once there were two large human kingdoms on the eastern continent (there were more than 2, but these were the main political powers)- the Kingdom of Azeroth and the Kingdom of Lordaeron. The kingdom of Azeroth all but collapsed due to war with the invading orcs. Soon after it's almost destruction the kingdom was rebuilt into the nation which stands today. Officially it's still Azeroth, but is mostly referred to by the name of it's capital; Stormwind.

The Kingdom of Lordaeron fell due to the plague of undeath, and was briefly entirely occupied by the Scourge before being taken by the Forsaken, free-willed undead, many of whom had been Lordaeronian(?) in life.

Knocked that answer right out of the park!

I am SO ready for any dates that come my way

Are you in fact, the Wildhammer fact checker?

What about Khaz Modan?? :P

That's the middle landmass I believe; everything south of Khaz is Azeroth.

I thought the Kingdom of Azeroth was another name for the Kingdom of Stormwind.

Possibly, I'm now out of my depth.

Middle earth is a continent too. Valinor lies to the east of middle earth separated by a small land bridge in the north

EDIT: sorry, it's west

I wasn't sure about that one, so I wasn't gonna say.

Middle Earth isn't?

Your mom is a continent.

Westeros and Azeroth are both countries, although Westeros is also a continent and Azeroth shares it's name with its continent and I think also its world.

Not improving your chances. I suspect this is one of those "Knowledge" versus "Wisdom" things: knowledge is knowing which of these is a country. Wisdom is knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

Wisdom is staying the hell out of Westeros.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

Knowledge is knowing I'm a fruit, wisdom is not eating salad

Zebes, southern california wasteland, Ganamede, Wall rose... are you writing these down?

Ill be off, Azeroth! Catch you later Hyrule! Ill be gone, Albion im no longer your fool!

Other crap filled the gap while I waiiiited to begin, the adventure of my life in the land of Skyrim!

~~tamriel?~~ Cyrodiil?

Not even a country.

neither are the ones in the comment above, I'd say it fits with the list. but fine, I've editted it to cyrodiil

fuck cyrodil. go to elsweyr. or valenwood or something. cyrodil aint special.

I really want to visit shimmering isles, but I'm not sure if that is a country or a 'realm' or some shit like that.

Elsweyr seems like it would be fun, but I'm worried I'd get there and realize I traveled all that way just to end up in a giant desert/ litter box

i think elsweyr is sorta like part desert, part jungle, part mountainy-canyony area.

what about Tameriel

I'm hooked already.

Oh, you want to visit new zulland? Are you into snow sports?

Faerun, Dagobah, Gielinor.

Maybe Australia.

Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos

So, New Zealand?

Visiting Westeros would be a death sentence.

Why the fuck would you want to go to westeros

It's great if you are A high born male who happens to be a sycophant

yeah but a ton of those still died miserably

you have no plumbing, everything is shit, lots of people are dying, you're either a peasant (and thus worthless) or not a peasant and thus in danger from one faction or another

if you're rich enough to not worry about the dirt and grime you're rich enough to worry about the reigning powers

fuck that

I think ideally you would want to be a rich person in one of the Free Cities.

Just don't be a rich slaver.

Myself, I'd love to visit the Crystal Boulevard in Caille.

That's how you know she's the right girl for you.

He asked about countries. None of these are countries.

Doesn't know the different between world, continent and country. Next!

See this is a tricky question for me, I think. I'd be really curious to hear their answer, but I wouldn't like when question was turned back on me. I've done a lot of international travel (19 different countries... I think) and I feel like it would just come across as I asked the question to just brag about how much I've traveled.

I have this problem. Any time I talk about travel with someone it either sounds pretentious or it is boring because they haven't been anywhere interesting. It sounds pretentious just for me to say this, like I'm better than other redditors for traveling.

The good ones

Is Orlais a good answer?

Hello, thank you for coming today.

Could you tell me a bit about yourself and why you decided to come on this date?

What do you think you can bring to the role?

Do you have any special skills that you think are relevant?

Why should I select you over the other four dates I have scheduled tonight?

And how did your previous relationships terminate?

I notice from facebook that you had a one year gap in dating, can you explained what you did in this time?

Would any previous ex-boyfriends be prepared to supply references

If I decide to proceed to a second date would you be willing to complete the customary criminal records check, pregnancy test, STD check?

Hello, thank you for coming today.

Also makes for great pillow talk.

Someone should make a romcom movie set in a future where people actually talk like that on a first date. I'd watch it.

This is not far off

Underrated comment.

Sounds very appropriate... if dating were a job.

Nothing gets past you.

I see what you did there..

Yep. The ole' reddit comment. He left a comment. I'm glad you noticed.

There is actually a study by psychologist Arthur Aron on what questions to ask. Link to said article and questions

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?referrer=

Edit: These questions are very prying and designed to nurture intimacy.

I dont think thats a good question for the first date

I think you could work a few of those question in with a more conversational tone. If you're talking about what you did last weekend and what you did happened to be attending a friend's wedding and you had opinions about it you could share yours and then hear theirs. It's way less creepy than it sounds out of the blue.

Really as long as you avoid the implication of "do you want our wedding to be big or small?" you're probably fine talking about it. And it's probably not a good idea for conversation to just go down the list of questions. Put some effort into it.

Right! It's a conversation, not an interview.

Hey, here's a link! Read this while I eat.

404 link not found

I mean, that's what it would be like at the date.

Exactly. These are questions for when you already kinda know someone. I have this link bookmarked for when I have already dated someone for a while

Good thing what you think doesn't count as a scientific study. In other words, what you think doesn't matter.

Actually, I used this exact list on the first date with my girlfriend. Worked like a charm, there was no awkward silence, and we are both super close now and have been dating for about 3 months :)

Did you memorize it or bring it? That's what's got me stumped.

  1. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

Well, this can be scary.

If you said "at the end of a bad first date", I can make that happen.

"Murdered by my ex for not being with him. Oh yeah, I meant to say, if you get an odd friend request tomorrow just ignore it."

Just like that old gypsy woman said!

if I got that question, I'd just say "Breast Cancer".

sip my drink and give them the your-turn look.

Just keep saying "Not today" and you'll be fine.

Well, if it all goes according to plan, I was hoping you would kill me for my large life insurance policy.

All questions:

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

  3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

  4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

  6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

  8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

  11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

  13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

  14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

  15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

  16. What do you value most in a friendship?

  17. What is your most treasured memory?

  18. What is your most terrible memory?

  19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

  20. What does friendship mean to you?

  21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

  22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

  23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

  24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

  25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

  26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

  27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

  28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

  29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

  30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

  31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

  32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

  33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

  34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

  35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

  36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

  37. Big Wedding or small?

You're a good guy.

A very good guy

I don't even know how to answer some of these questions.

Don't worry, neither do I

True story about the relationship I'm in right now: On our second date, (not our first so the conditions wasn't quite as clinical as Dr Aaron might have wanted) I suggested we take turns answering these questions. We are both fairly introverted and having a framework for our conversation actually took a lot of pressure off. The intimacy slowly ramped up without us noticing as we transitioned from dinner to coffee, and we ended up finishing the questions shortly before the coffee shop closed. We finished Aaron's study by staring into each others eyes. It's hard to believe, but these questions felt like they ages our relationship months. We came away from that night so much more comfortable and intimate than we were at the start of it. I'd encourage anyone to try these questions on a date! I'm sure they don't always work, but when they do, they work magic!

Same here! My boyfriend and i went to Vegas for an event one weekend, you could say it was our fourth date. I found these questions and figured, heck, why not. We're going to be driving for 4 hours. Let's give it a shot.

We spent 4 hours talking nonstop, we learned so much about each other, we realized we had a lot of things in common.

After that we were as comfortable as can be around each other, it really opened the relationship wide up and like you said. It felt like it sped the relationship up by a couple months, like we had known each other for quite some time.

I seriously encourage anyone early in to a relationship to try these questions out.

I've done these with some of my close friends and they're really good for starting conversations and discovering things about each other. I just think of them as questions for people who want to get closer, so while they do work out pretty well for first dates, they are also really great for people who already know each other. :)

That's a good idea, I never thought about using them to get closer to your friends

I've been doing them with people who are graduating college and moving far away to start their professional lives. One of the questions I really like to re-write for people who already know each other is instead of: "If you were to become close friends with your partner, what is something you would want them to know?" I ask: "If you were talking to someone who was going to become close friends with me, what do you think they should know about me?"

  1. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

Doesn't seem to be an appropriate date question.

You're supposed to ask the questions in order one right after the other, by the time you reach this question you could have an idea of what you might have in common

A lot of these are really good. Thanks, kind stranger.

You are welcome friend

  1. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

I guess this is the polyamory version...

Now I just have to find someone to do this with.

This is excellent! I would've thought to ask maybe two of these questions. I'm curious to know if there is a rating system associated with these questions. Whether the results are a numerical compatibility or something a little more intangible, an assessment quality to the questions would be fascinating to me personally.

http://bigbangtheory.wikia.com/wiki/The_Intimacy_Acceleration

The answer to this question changes the older you get.

If you're still late teens/early 20s then yeah, keep it light and try to joke around and have fun talking about your interests or hers, etc.

Once your late 20s start rolling around, and if you're still single, you start caring less about all of the trivial stuff that might not be dealbreakers and more about the things that you want out of a long term relationship. When you're younger, you don't really care much about if your SO wants kids eventually or how many, or what their political affiliation is, or what their religious preferences are, but once you pass the age when society tells you you should've started popping out kids already(mid 20s), you start thinking in terms of what would kill this relationship down the road.

People like to say FORD is a good bunch of topics(Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams) - and they are, no doubt. They also like to say to stay away from RAPE(Religion, Abortion, Politics, Economics) but that's where I highly disagree. Except for the Abortion topic(which is 100% not first date material), the other stuff is important to know sooner rather than later, to me.

I like chatting about religion with new people. If you aren't a confrontational twat about it, you learn a great deal about the other person and also learn how they would likely want to raise kids or live their lives. That's awesome information to have if you aren't very religious yourself and twice weekly sojourns to church and baptizing the kids and putting the kids through youth groups and whatnot are dealbreakers.

Might as well learn that information from a pleasant conversation on the first date and then politely decline a second date than wait a year or two and then have intense heartbreak over it.

That's just one example, though.

My point is, the older you get, the more things of substance you want to, faster, so you don't wind up wasting time on someone you will seriously butt heads with sooner or later or once kids are involved.

That's very sensible.

Honestly, I don't think abortion makes for good conversation on a first date, but I think politics and religion are just as bad (for me), and if I could know someone's stance on abortion or how they talk about the issue (ie, how it reveals their ideas about women's rights, feminism, supporting a partner, safe/educated sex, etc.) that would be SUPER USEFUL! There are some people I want to make sure I weed out absolutely ASAP.

See Elaine Benes for reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lXjA7lxj_E

Economics

I always ask my dates whether they believe in Ricardian equivalence.

This is part of why online dating sites can be good. Good ones make the users enter answers to all the relevant questions that one might ask eventually.

Absolutely. It's why I was so happy with OKCupid back when I was using it.

Good advice, too bad youngsters won't ever listen.

I don't agree with this. A lot of those touchy subjects are difficult to talk about or unanswerable if I don't know you. Do I want to get married? Honestly haven't thought about it a lot. I like the idea, and in the right circumstance I would. Now I come across as indecisive but have how can I make that choice if I don't have a future wife? Do I want kids? Again it depends on who I am with. Am I seeking a host body to grow my sperm? No. Similarly should we agree on how to raise children after we just met for coffee? No, One of us won't be prepared for that conversation and both of us won't give good answers anyway because both people working together raise a child.

This type of talk on a first date would creep me out and make me feel like I would be used to fulfil the other person's already made plans, rather than be part of a growing relationship.

For marriage, being open to the idea is probably enough. Some people really want to get married, and some people really don't. That would cause conflict.

I agree it's not first date questions, but certainly early in the relationship questions (or even still dating phase).

The obvious caveat I should have stated is to not be a conversational tyrant about the whole thing. All you should be doing is embracing the topic if it's brought up (or ask an innocuous question that is slightly relevant to a current topic that involves one of the "taboos")and be able to speak about it like an adult and not act like an interviewer trying to grill the other person about how many kids they want, when, and how they want to raise them.

If the other person mentions they go to church or volunteers for one or something, ask about what kind of stuff they do when they volunteer and listen, and then slip in "are you comfortable if I ask about what you believe in that regard?" If you aren't a jackass about it, they might just tell you and if they say they aren't comfortable, just move on. Same thing with kids topics or politics topics, etc.

What first date question do you think everyone should ask?

I feel like this could start a loop.

It already is a loop...

Oh man I gotta poop!

I feel like this could start a loop.

I need more soup....

Can I join this group

Do you like soup?

[deleted]

Are you really snoop?

I wish I was a newt

Mom's spaghetti! Are you jelly?

I feel like this can loop

I KILLED THE LOOP

and here comes a new loop

Human Centipede IV - A New Loop

They attach the front guy's mouth to the back guy's auns.

Soup poop groups?

only if it doesnt taste like poop

And if it does?

I thought it was a loop?

Question misunderstood: poop in soup

Is quite delicious.

I gotta take a toot!

Damn, I was cleaning my chimney, now I am covered in soot!

Quick, follow me, we can escape to /r/OutOfTheLoop

What first date question do you think everyone should ask?

It already is a loop…

It already is a loop...

It already is a loop

Ahh, the good old reddit switch-a-poo!

Cheers made me lol

The old poop hole loop hole.

What first date question you think everyone should ask?

The infinity poop.

.....whether or not they feel it is a loop, obviously the first question you should ask them is.....

No, it's recursion

Guy: "What first date question do you think everyone should ask?"

Girl: "What first date question do you think everyone should ask"

Guy: "Ok"

I remember hearing when it comes to conversation starters for first dates, avoid RAPE.

R - Religion
A - Adolf Hitler
P - Politics
E - Ex's

I can't remember what A was but you shouldn't talk too much about Adolf Hitler on a first date either.

Honestly, I think this is one of the best answers ITT. That being said, I don't go on many dates.

What first date question do YOU think you should ask?

If (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

break

end

How many dicks

1)Touched 2)Sucked 3)Inserted?

This webpage has a redirect loop.

I don't know.what first ate questions do you think you should ask?

How many walkers have you killed?

How many people have you killed?

Why?

I know you're joking but as an Afghanistan veteran, I've actually had girls ask "How many people have you killed?" (Or some variation thereof) on first dates on multiple occasions. I will never understand why people think it's socially acceptable to ask veterans this, but many do. We hear it a lot.

Yeah... my husband is a disabled veteran. When we first met I was definitely one of those people, except I asked if he ever HAD to kill someone, not how many.

But he very politely told me that it's a question he gets asked a lot and that it's not something he nor most veterans want to discuss.

He much later went on to explain to me that for some people, PTSD is a major problem and by bring up 'ignorant' questions like that only makes it worse.

He said it's vaguely like asking a rape victim what their experience was like. He said some don't mind talking about it and helping people overcome the issue, but for most it's definitely not something they want to re-live or even discuss, especially with someone they hardly know.

For the record I don't think this is any better than asking how many. People shouldn't do either his response clearly shows its still no bueno. Nice everything worked out for you guys though.

dang he put you in your spot. you two obviously got past that though.

Yeah, I knew I was in the wrong. It didn't offended me at all. I totally deserved it and was very happy he still gave me a chance and took me for coffee the next day.

Some vets. I have no qualms discussing it, but try not to due to polite conversation. I really shy away with other vets because of PTSD issues.

Some people also want details, but can't handle the details of a .50 cal tearing through a torso at 300 meters.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I find that analogy slightly off. When people sign up to be in the armed services there has to be some acceptance that they may have to fight and that may end up in them killing other people. Once they are in the service they go through basic training, including shooting guns with the aim to kill an enemy. That can't be a good situation for anyone involved, but people are responsible for their own actions. There has to be some individual moral responsibility taken for those actions. The deniability of one's moral responsibility because of a chain of command or because a fighter was ordered to do to kill an enemy just doesn't alleviate that moral responsibility. But I understand no one plays by those rules because there's too much at stake. Perhaps likening someone who has killed another person to a rape victim may be slightly off, but it can't be easy living with the individual responsibility of taking someone else's life - orders or not.

Sure it's voluntary, and yes, all military personnel are trained to shoot at other people. However, many soldiers are shooting other people while under attack. It's not like hunting for deer or ducks where the target does not know they are being targeted. (Snipers might be the exception.) Killing someone, even in self defense, can be traumatic. Killing someone while being shot just piles trauma on to trauma.

Look it's a good point you bring up, and I guess there's always two sides to a coin. Someone's got to do the attacking and someone's always being attacked. Sometimes they switch around and sometimes they call the people doing the attacking defenders. Just a grubby business where everyone on the ground loses.

I don't really think the rape victim comparison is valid. A career someone chose for themself isn't equivalent to a traumatic experience forced on a person. Not to say your husband endured no trauma, but rape victims have no choice in the matter. Joining the military is a decision, and talking about your career happens on first dates.

Actually the traumatic experiences of rape and those associated with warfare have had lots of comparisons drawn between them in research into the effects of psychological trauma. I understand your point that a veteran's career is more likely to come up in everyday conversation, but that doesn't mean that it's any less of a sensitive issue than the comparison with a rape victim and their experience.

Yeah... PTSD is PTSD, just about different events. Someone's PTSD from war isn't better or worse than someone's PTSD from rape - both people need help, and both people should get help.

Nobody joins the military to experience trauma. Asking about a military career doesn't have anything to do with people killed or friends lost. Its one thing to want to know what their job was and where they went etcetera but asking deep personal questions about their individual experiences is a whole other thing.

You wouldn't ask a firefighter how often he's pulled dead kids from car wrecks because, "well he chose that career he should be cool to talk about it"

Hence why they said "vaguely"

trauma can always be compared to other trauma, though.

Plus soldiers are trained killers with access to counselors and support networks. Rape victims are rarely trained beforehand.

Not always. The military has gotten better at providing consequence-free counseling and other help over the last 3-4 years, but only because I'd ridiculously high suicide rates.

I think the rape comparison was made because it's easier for most of us to feel sympathetic to a rape victim's trauma. It hits soldiers just as hard, even if they kind of know that's what they signed up to do.

There shouldn't be a taboo about this. That's what he signed up for. If he was a pacifist and didn't take a job possibly requiring you to kill people, that's one thing. But we don't have a draft going on. Has a vet ever had to pit a dog to sleep? Yes? Ok, end of story. Veterans today are such bitches.

You seriously just compared a vet putting a dog to sleep to war? Wow.

Untwist your panties dude, that's clearly not what he's saying.

That is exactly what he said.

Except the parent took the complete wrong meaning from his words.

Reaping the karma though for dat solja worship. Go america, woo, etc.

He said putting a dog to sleep is the same at killing another man. That is exactly what he said then he called people that have done it bitches for not wanting to talk about when they took another persons life. It's not hero worship its just being a decent human being, contrary to popular neckbeard belief people don't join the military to rape and pillage without remorse.

That's not what he said. He was saying that a vetenarian has to do his job, even if it's dirty.

I don't care about this debate but that's just not what he said.

Not defending the guy's view since I disagree but I think he meant put dogs to sleep like kill a person who is nothing more than a dog, as opposed to a vet(veterinarian) putting a literal doc to sleep. Unfortunate with the similarity between the words. In American Sniper, the book version, it's described like that once.

What the fuck are you even talking about?

Probably didn't type that out well, on my phone and on break at work. What I was saying was that putting the rabid dog to sleep is a term used (or something similar was used) in the book American Sniper to talk about killing combatants in Afghanistan.

So how was it in your day, when you had to go to war? How many people have you killed?

Very few people sign up to kill people. They don't sign up for any of the "traditional" reasons people think about. Not to be heroes, not to defend the country, not to make there mommas proud... the vast majority of soldiers I have spoken to joined primarily because they didn't know what they wanted to do. You want to complain? Talk about how we as a culture downplay how damaging war is to an individual while promoting "heroes." These people didn't sign up to get fucked up.

'ignorant' questions [....] like asking a rape victim what their experience was like.

I can see how invading a foreign country and killing people just for being there is analogous to breaking into someones house and raping them.

You cut off "vaguely", ya know, the part where he's acknowledging that they're not a direct comparison. Of course, it's easier to become a shrieking white knight than it is it to actually use your fucking brain.

Heeeere we go.

Relevant username.

So asking for your K/D is a little bit too straight forward?

Its a number above zero.

Boyfriend is a vet from a regional assistance mission most people probably never heard of. Never asked him this but was always curious. The first week we were dating, he told me out of the blue. I thought it might have been one or two. It was a LOT more than that. For a while I wasn't sure if I was supposed to have a more visceral or horrified reaction than the one I did have, and if it made me a bad person. I'm over it now, but I weirded myself out for a bit there.

Edited because why the fuck did I think it was a peacekeeping mission.

Boyfriend is a vet from a peacekeeping mission most people probably never heard of.

So your boyfriend is a Hipster Warrior?

Um. No? He was in the Australian army.

Somehow this inane answer is far more hilarious.

Yeah, it... Took me a while to get it.

I just got the hipster reference.

He only fights in caves he's so…

Do you know where he did peace keeping? How old is he? Depending on where he was I'm going to probably call bullshit on what he told you.

My father was part of the military and frequently went on UN peacekeeping/peacemaking tours and there were only a few where their troops actually experienced legit combat.

Yeah, there haven't been many PK missions with active combat. Only recent one I can think of is when the M23 rebels got taken down in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (interestingly enough a South African sniper got the 6th longest-range kill in the conflict).

Yeah the last few peacekeeping/making missions my father went on were Golan Heights, Somalia and Bosnia- and those were years ago. Not many of those experienced full frontal combat.

Solomon Islands in 2011, he's in his late 20s. He was helping to rebuild shit in a village and then pirates attacked.

Edit: I don't know why I called it a Peacekeeping mission last night, it was a regional assistance mission run by Australia in response to a request by the Solomons for foreign aid. Editing main comment now.

That makes more sense but I would always take what he says with a grain of salt. Not often are combat vets that comfortable telling people about their war experiences within the first week of knowing them. It's usually a red flag for "He actually didn't do any of that."

It's usually the younger guys that have that attitude. The amount of times I've been in a bar with fellow military personnel and there's some young buck going on about all the guys he's killed (even feigning the whole "distress of it", not just boasting about it proudly); it really makes you doubt it.

I'm just saying, from how it sounds I would probably take his stories with a grain of salt.

We'd been friends for months by the time we started dating, so it's less of a red flag than you think. He told me when I hadn't asked but I think he felt it was important for me to know what I was 'getting into', so to speak. He has had exceptionally bad dating luck in the past and I think he wanted to tell me the worst thing about him to see if I was going to dump him then and save him the heartbreak. He definitely doesn't milk it either.

I definitely appreciate your advice on taking things with a grain of salt, especially as it's exceptionally hard to find detailed information on any Australian army activity in the Solomons after 2008. However, he has been completely trustworthy and full of integrity in all other aspects of our relationship (except for unjustified tickle attacks). We've been together about a year, and he is truly my best friend. That doesn't mean I'm not still looking for information on it, but considering his character I do come from a place of innocent before proven guilty.

Understandable, thank you for your response!

"Peacekeeping" mission?

If there's anything i've learned from war movies, it's that someone who has killed people doesn't tell anybody about it. The ones who do say how many they've killed, probably haven't.

If there's anything i've learned from war movies

...yeh.

Anything of value for this thread.

By this point, we'd known each other for months. It wasn't a first date brag. And not everyone is the same.

And... War movies are made for maximum drama, you get that right?

It's because little kids/teenagers and tbh most people don't know what's it like taking away someone else's life, and in era of Call of Duty and Battlefield where getting the most kills means winning, they think it's and accomplishment.

It's not about call of duty though, kids have always thought it was just some sort of accomplishment. People asked the same shit before video games, hell they asked it before guns

but video games are bad mkay

DAE CoD is a gAy FiSH?

Relevant username

Causing damn teens to continue to ask oppressive questions smh

What u talking bout m8?

Before guns? How old are you?

Old enough to read history books

right? how the hell would he know what kids were asking before guns..

It probably has a lot to do with war games we create. You would reenact or play-fight-war and to kids it just becomes a game that distances them from the reality of war. To them it's all about the stats of the game that they played. Even before video-games you could have a snowball fight, "oh how many did you kill/hit" and it starts to have less impact on you.

I would say we create those games because of the culture around killing/fighting and not the reverse.

Killing is like the original form of winning.

If someone threatens you and you kill them, you've won. If you kill someone/something as a gladiator, you've won. If you kill someone in a duel, you've won. Even in war, every time you kill an enemy your side gets closer to winning* or at the very least you prevent that combatant from killing you.

There is a case to be made for the idea that killing = winning, it's obviously much more complex than that but nuance is lost on some people.

*I know it's much more complicated than that but there is some amount of truth, armies don't fight dead

Hm, you make good points. That would definitely be a game per se.

Expanding on both our points, it would probably be then that we see a lot of the big picture and not the minute details surrounding war. We want to know the result rather than what happened on the ground and what was going through people's minds.

Agreed, war is often told through statistics rather than stories. That's why it's cops and robbers rather than George and Phillip, we don't talk about people we talk about jobs or titles.

Not to say this is anyone's fault, no one is gonna learn the story of every single soldier or cop or criminal but the point is just we never know what goes on behind the scenes.

Seriously. Kids in the damn middle ages probably rode around on stick-horses pretending to kill each other with stick swords.

And getting the most kills back then usually resulted in a win...

Kids were asking their world war 1 and 2 veteran grandparents about their war stories way before Call of Duty existed. War has always historically been glorified. Its not something that happened because of video games

I don't think this question has anything to do with video games. I think if I asked someone this question, (I never have) it would be as a way to see what I'm dealing with. Like, knowing someone is a vet might make me want to know if they killed people reluctantly or were they bloodthirsty.

Tbh I'm terrified if this is really the reason.

in era of Call of Duty and Battlefield where getting the most kills means winning, they think it's and accomplishment

So they are idiots. Gotcha

Why would someone who dislikes killing join a volunteer army?

People who enjoy killing probably aren't suitable for a professional army. People In the military don't join because they want to kill people or like killing people.

I have a fair few members of my family who were in the military and all but one said they only killed because they had to. The exception was one of my great uncles but I think that was more the propaganda than any desire to actually kill.

/r/insurgency

didn't start with CoD. we've been romanticizing war and battle since the very beginning.

you don't think kids 2000 years ago aspired to be just like the most powerful warrior of their time?

Alexander, Ghengis, Hannibal, Caesar, Eisenhower, etc.

I blame Duck Hunt.

"I'll forgive you for asking that question if you forgive me for not answering it."

You would be surprised how many of them think it's cool if it's a really high number.

insert Navy seal copypasta

Respond with "What's the fastest way to end a date with a veteran?" and then walk out. She'll quickly learn that it is an offensive question to ask, and won't ask it again, of you or others. Plus, if the date was going pretty well otherwise, you can easily still get a second date and just brush that off with "Sorry, its a sensitive subject."

Punish people for their ignorance and you'll make the world a more shy place.

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

No it doesn't it makes a world full of pirates

Now that is a world I would want to live in.

There are times when you must ignore ignorance and disrespect. A first date is probably not one of those times.

Nobody would learn anything from acting this way. If someone doesn't think a question is wrong, then getting offended and huffing out the door just leads to people calling you an asshole. Cognitive Dissonance is a bitch, and will cause people to just ignore you.

Yeah this is completely selfish of them... just because I'm a Veteran doesn't mean I killed anyone, I mean really they should be asking this instead...

How many people have you killed because you wanted to kill them?

That's the real question. /S

But honestly, that's such a sensitive question, civilians need to learn to not ask that.

[deleted]

I'm not so sure if a sitcom would help... Much like Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory hasn't necessarily helped the public image of Asperger's.

Satirization turns it into a joke. That's not what we need for mental health awareness.

Sheldon isn't constantly referred to as having aspergers. And they make it seem cool to have, not an actual issue.

They could do it without satirizing it.

My sister asked that at the gun range in vegas (we're aussie). Dude was super cool about it and explained the complications of combat. $100 tip.

Why do you think it's socially acceptable for you to have killed those people (assuming you have), but socially unacceptable for people to ask about it?

I find it extremely troubling that there should be a social taboo about a citizen of a country asking somebody who was allegedly serving that country whether or not they killed people as part of that alleged service, and under what circumstances.

To me, that's part and parcel of the mentality that We, The People, should shut the fuck up and let the government "serve" us as it sees fit, and that it would be downright rude to ask any questions about it.

Well, you willingly chose that path and even got paid for it, soo...

Thank you for your service sir. I'm sorry people are idiots. :c I keep trying to tell them to stop, but they just don't listen.

just curiosity

An acquaintance asked my (at the time) boyfriend that, upon meeting him. I was horrified. We had been dating for a few months, and I never thought it was an appropriate question to ask - I felt that if he wanted to talk about it, he would bring it up (and he eventually did). It's certainly not something you ask someone you just met.

I hate that question. I consider myself very lucky that I can still honestly say "None." I was injured after 5 months in theater and was flown back to the states before ever engaging in a firefight. I have enough bad dreams without adding faces to them.

I went to do some PR for the army at a local middle school in ASUs. They wanted to ask me questions because, most of them don't see soldiers all that often. The first 3 questions.

How many people have you killed?

Have you been shot at?

How many of your friends have died?

There was a few really cute questions later though that made up for it. So I was cool with them.

Its basically always been this way though.

"How many Muslims did you kill?"

"How many Japs did you kill?"

"How many Yankees did you kill?"

"How many Redcoats did you kill?"

Wow that's terrible that would probably be that last thing I asked :(

Do you tell them it's unacceptable to ask? I know you shouldn't have to, but many veterans say they are asked this. Apparently, many people need to be educated.

Well... How many?

American Sniper was the greatest movie of all time, man! That American Hero was the most lethal sniper of all time!!!!!! /s

People just don't know they're dumb.

I always want to ask but I never do. Military civilian - I respect the boundaries.

It's for this reason that all the stories I've heard about my grandpa's Navy days during Vietnam have been second hand, unless he just starts talking about it.

that's why I always ask vets how many pushups they've done since starting basic. most of them know within 5 or 10 'shups

It doesn't really surprise me that people want to know. Very few people in the world will ever kill someone, and we are naturally curious. It's the same way people ask questions about how disabled people got that way, asking how someone died if someone brings up a recent death in the family or something, etc.

Obviously if she just met you it seems a little forward, but not really that unexpected or strange.

So how many?

Next time, act playful and say "no no, you tell me first!"

Yikes sorry. On the upside... it's a good way to filter out morons.

Incidentally, I think Icefeldt's reference relates to the TV show The Walking Dead about zombies.

well? Ill be waiting for your answer....

Why is it not? Fair question.

I simply did military service without ever going anywhere near combat and I still get asked if I've ever killed anyone.

Fascination of the macabre?

"I don't know, but I'm about to destroy Uranus."

On my first date with a combat veteran he told me that he went to war. I didn't know what to say at that point but things were ticking in my head and he obviously saw that. He just said "I never killed anyone if that's what you're thinking."

It must be a common question he get's asked. I actually still don't know what to say when someone tells me they went to war.

As a guy that's committed that faux pax, I didn't realize it was impolite. Most citizens only experience war via media; mostly video games and movies, so there is a disconnect. We don't realize how traumatizing it is to actually kill when everyone (including the soldiers) glorifies it all. I felt terrible when my other military buddy how impolite my question was.

When I was a holiday rep in Greece one of my guests I had was a war vet and had his confirmed kill count tattooed on him. I found it strange.

Hmm, my dad was in the military and fought in a war (not US military). I never thought of even asking him about whether he killed people, mostly because he was very reserved about his time in the war. Every now and then he would tell a few stories from the war though.

It's a shitty thing to ask a vet, but it makes sense in context. The follow up to "what do you do?" Is almost always to ask something specific about the job. I'm an architect, and the follow up is almost always a variation of "what kind of buildings do you work on?" It's the only question the average person will ask about it, because they really don't know what else to ask. The same goes for vets. Most people don't know enough about what you do to ask anything else. Add to this not knowing the profession enough to know how wrong this question is, and there you go.

I just respond, "Today? Or in general?"

How many people have you killed?

To be fair, that's what soldier's do, kill people. Wouldn't you want to know?

"How many people have you killed?"

Six. How many dicks have you sucked?

It doesn't make it a lot better, but perhaps some people ask this to weed out the dickbags who love to brag about how many opportunities they had to shoot someone.

Its a curiosity thing. Not many people have the same experience as you would and want to know about it. That being said, it is not acceptable to do so at all.

Yep, I guess you can't expect them to understand, but it let's you know a lot about who you're talking to.

No, but seriously...how many?

Because it's an interesting question.

"The stories people most often want to hear are the ones I'm least willing to tell."
Unless you're some sort of psycho, you're probably going to feel remorse over taking someone else's life, even if they were an enemy.
I'll never understand people's fascination with war, it's brutal, disgusting, violent, sickening, and a whole host of other things that can't be put into words.
Why people would ask about it is beyond me.

because people like hearing interesting things. duh?

Maybe non soldiers think it's acceptable because you volunteered for a job which involves killing people?

Well...what's the answer?

Well no offence but killing people or seeing people die often comes with a lot of emotional baggage which a girl/guy MIGHT want to air out before she/he commits to anything longer term...

Yeah. No shit.

But that is the same way that the number of people you've had sex with or the number of exes you've had and what caused them to be exes (all of which is information that is pertinent to the long term success of a burgeoning relationship... NONE of which is appropriate first date discussion). There are things you don't talk about on first dates. Whether or not you've ever taken a life should be right up there with the number of dicks you've sucked in terms of inappropriateness. And if that came off as a little crude? Good. That's my point. You don't get that personal on a first date. Plain and simple.

I saw "walkers" and I immediately assumed you were talking of "white walkers" from Game of thrones. sighs

Edit: A word.

[deleted]

He did. And in the books i think they also refer to them as "walkers".

"Are you good with kids? You should meet my son, COORRRAAAL."

But you have to say it in lutenent Aldo Raines voice.

Lieutenant

shud up praiwad dyvathfyr

Killing Natzees!!!

Butter bar works just as well.

And I want my scalps

Except you don't day why. You say "hwah?" like that vine from a few weeks back.

Imperial Walkers? How long is your tow cable? ‎( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

fuckin gold bro!

Well there was this one time on Hoth...

"It doesn't matter how many people I've killed. What matters is how I get along with the people who are still alive." - Jimmy "The Tulip" in The Whole Nine Yards

How many people have you killed?

I killed fiddy men!

"I'm not at liberty to discuss that."

Makes you seem badass.

Why don't you just ask of they have poor taste in television?

How can entropy be reversed?

INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR MEANINGFUL ANSWER

Will you marry me?

INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR MEANINGFUL ANSWER

The universe long dead, /u/treycook surveyed the formless chaos. At last, he arrived at an answer, 'I like you, but I don't LIKE like you.'

On a serious note, anyone who's confused right now and appreciates science fiction should go and read this right now

As I say every time this story comes up, if any one of you is even remotely interested, CLICK THE LINK. Maybe 15-20 minutes long and it'll make you think for way more than that. Tomorrow you'll be the one writing this comment.

Feel like I'm in the minority where I thought it was pretty average, but oh well guess it's not my cup of tea.

This is right up my alley so I'm definitely biased, but most people I show it to love it. Definitely not for everyone though, I gotchu.

Just found it boring and the ending very unsatisfactory, though that was a couple years ago, maybe if I read it again I might enjoy it more.

Why not go for it? Although for me the end was my favorite part, so maybe there is no pleeshing you.

So there's a chance? WOOO!

INSUFFICIENT ANSWER FOR MEANINGFUL DATA

Im so late but I dont give a damn because this made me laugh so hard. Thank you random internet stranger.

I get it, so they should stay together, get to know eachother to find out if it'll work, and then she has enough data to answer!

My favorite sci-fi short story of all time!!

What's the reference? I'm up for reading a sci fi short story

"The Last Question" by Isaac Asimov. There's a PDF of it here

Seriously, if someone said this to me on a real date, I'd be so impressed. He would have to really be awful not to get a second date at that point.

Of course, you just need some magic little girls.

In an isolated system, entropy can only increase.

this is from an Isaac Asimov story, lol

The original/last question is from Asimov, /u/flacocaradeperro was probably referencing this track by Muse

I love both Asimov and Muse so I'm pretty much in heaven right now

I feel like he was being a typical "can't live with people's tiny mistakes" internet denizen.

I actually was trying to reference the song by Muse but was very lazy to see the actual quote...

well fair enough!

Honest answer: Make the system smaller. Statistical fluctuations will eventually return a small system back to a low entropy state.

Just make a contract with me and become a magical girl! ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

Move backwards in time.

what do you mean by "backwards"

Simple. Net entropy only increases as we move through to time in the direction commonly understood to be "forward". To reverse entropy you just have to move the other way in time.

http://www.ipod.org.uk/reality/reality_arrow_of_time.asp

what you've said isn't actually true. entropy is not time asymmetrical fundamentally.

Sure it only works for this universe...

Who's to say entropy isn't the reversal of another system?

By being a templar!

Separate the samples into the general pool and a pool with a localized reduced entropy.

Claim success on the low-entropy pool.

Take out insurance on the general pool, leverage it 400% as an asset, and then break it up into ever smaller pools and sell them to mutual funds and gullible retirees as safe investments.

Imagine a sandbox filled on one side with white sand and on the other with black. A little boy begins to run around the enclosure in a clockwise direction, kicking up the sand as he goes and mixing together dark grains with light. He is then told to reverse his course and run counterclockwise. This will certainly do nothing to undo the movement toward uniformity and re-sort two colours into separate fields. As his legs continue to churn, the process of entropy will, irreversibly, only progress and deepen.

Dump heat from system to surroundings, measure entropy of system. Negative entropy!

"If you come home with me, we should create enough heat energy to keep the universe sustained indefinitely

I know this is random but I tape my thumbs to my palm of my hands and like to act like a dinosaur sometimes, would that bother you?

Shut up and kiss me!

Works everytime

M'dinosaur

Tips paleontologist

I'm picturing a t-rex trying to tip his fedora, but can't reach.

/u/AWildSketchAppeared

"I have a big head, and tiny arms.... I'm just not sure how well this plan was thought through."

u/shittywatercolour

Maybe it's because I'm stoned but this made me lol. Like, actually lol. More than a chuckle. Not quite a guffaw but you know what I mean.

I really wish I could give you gold for this comment

Tips Fedorasaurus

tries to tip fedora

arms can't reach

Good guy u/Dexide.

60% of the time, it works everytime

60% of the time. It works. Everytime.

60% of the time it works every time?

Works ~~everytime~~ err'y

No. Do you mind if I masturbate under the table?

Of course not. Hey, I forgot to wash my hands after using the washroom, do you mean if I grab some fries from ya?

Go ahead. I put some mayo on em for you.

I want a divorce.

What an asshole indeed! You should for sure file a pre-relationship divorce and claim all of his worth to yourself.

And bam! What's the difference between a pirate and your ex-wife?

The pirate only takes half of your treasures

Now you're talking.

That reminds me. Do you know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in France?

Joey doesn't share food!

With no thumbs

Do you secure your elbows to your body so you've got teeny tiny arms too? 'Cause that would be even more awesome.

It depends on the type of dinosaur I want to be.

Not gonna lie, if a girl said that to me, I would most likely be amazed and want to see this.

It would be funny if she did it occasionally.

All the time, though? You have a problem.

It's like a daily thing for me.. is this too much?

They did say sometimes.

[deleted]

10/10 humour 1/10 execution

thumbs really only affect spaces for typing bruh

All the time is when you notice she's actually 40 stories tall and from the jurassic era, if you run away before you get to order she'll probably drop about tree fiddy as a tip for the inconvenience before shambling out after you

It would be funny if she did it occasionally. All the time, though? You have a ~~problem~~ wife.

the best damn wife ever

[deleted]

Dinosaurs don't have thumbs

Because they're dead, right?

You're a realist. I like that.

No, that's the punchline to "Why can't dinosaurs talk?"

How Can Dinosaurs Be Real If Thumbs Aren't Real?

Their religion forbade it beyond childhood. As soon as they reached egg laying age... SNIP SNIP... thumbless as their god intended.

That cleared it for me

Well now, slow down a bit. Let's not say anything we can't take back. I mean, have you ever MET a dinosaur?

Amateur hour over here

Character acting, anything to keep you in the dinosaur zone.

Dinosaurs don't have thumbs.

The brain power from having to hold your thumbs in will be diverted to something else, thereby enhancing the illusion.

xpost from shittyaskscience

omg so random and quirky like a bau5 FULL of epic win!! XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

Holds up spork

Ironic shitposting is still shitposting :(

GET ON THE FLOOR

Everybody do the dinosaur...

Then how do you masturbate

And here I thought I was the only one who did this, we should have a showdown sometime.

I need to do this tomorrow.

How do you do the 2nd hand?

http://imgur.com/uxYQzUH

I had to try!

Reminds me of the movie, Stepbrothers.

Depends. What kind of dinosaur? I only date carnivores.

Do you at least open the door?

Dont you mean glue your thumbs to your nipples so you can act like a T-Rex, the greatest dinosaur of all?

No that would be weird. Girls don't like weird.

I love you...

[deleted]

Do you like my stupid hair?

Could you guess that i didn't know what to wear?

[deleted]

You make me nervous, so I really can't eat

DU NU NU

Let's go!

DU NU NU

Don't wait!

DU NU NU

[deleted]

DU NU NU!

HONEST

DU NU NU

Let's make!

DU NU NU

This night last forever!

Forever!

And ever!

Let's make this last forever!

This is why I enjoy reddit.

When you smile, I melt inside.

I'm not worthy of a minute of your time

Do you like my stupid hair? Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?

Woah flashback, I'm old now it seems. What's my age again?

I remember hearing when it comes to conversation starters for first dates, avoid RAPE.

R - Religion
A - Adolf Hitler
P - Politics
E - Ex's

I can't remember what A was but you shouldn't talk too much about Adolf Hitler on a first date either.

Religion, Abortion, Politics, Economy

That is a pickle to the "Should Adolf Hitler have been aborted?" conversation starter.

Well, without WWII we wouldn't have had the space race and most of modern technology, so....

"space race"

There you go bringing politics into it, no wonder you're single! That's 2 out of 4.

bringing race into it as well! Shocking!

Shocking!

No I'm pretty sure he used the gas chambers.

well that was to save money, the fucking jew.

Ovens as well

And you just brought the Death Penalty, and politics by extension into it! Christ almighty!

One of these days, I'm gonna come back here and give you gold.

It's a shame reminder bot is disabled on askreddit.

Quite

I now have you tagged as 'Owes me gold.'

My ex's used them all up.

insert gas bill joke here

What a guy.

Underrated comment right here

Nah, he's fine. If he would've hit 3/5 no-no topics, well...

RE-RAPE

Race Equality

Religion Abortion Politics Ex's

So Hitler caused Newtypes?

That's what my ex said!

My ex was #2 out of 4 children. Which makes sense she'd have a larger than average family, since we met at Catholic school.

Hitler, abortion, politics - that's 3 out of 4. 4 out of 4 if she dated hitler.

Blood alone drives the wheels of history!

On one hand, Hitler did a lot of bad stuff, but on the other hand, he was also the guy who killed Hitler.

I like the idea that if we went back in time and changed something nothing from that point on would get done.

"Hey... Why aren't we... Like... Doing anything?"

"I dunno, but it says right here that we have to let Hitler commit "The Holocaust" before the we go to space so we have to hold off."

Up voted cause of your username, my first question would be related to that album

Without humanity getting that drastically bad, we would never had taken action against it. Humanity was gradually worsening since the enlightenment up until WWII where it hit rock bottom. Ever since then humanity has been on the upswing and is now the best it's ever been

That's the best BS I got

Life, uh, finds a way.

or all of that good fundamental rights legislation!

Never talk about Uranus on the first date.

Yea and Band of Brothers which was a pretty awesome show.

you mean the cold war not space race

Space race would not have happened if not for the cold war.

Well, we can't really know what would've happened otherwise, so it's a moot point...

But, upvote for the Mars Volta reference!!

But we can agree that it would have been different, so the cold war may not have happened.

Are you sure about that? There's no other circumstance out of which modern technology (or something similar) arrives other than with WWII?

It would have certainly required a large scale war. Without Hitler, it may have taken longer for these strides to take place.

Not necessarily.

It's not like technology would just grind to a halt, and it's not like the USSR would just not expand...

We don't know that.

So Hitler brought us to the moon?

But technology is against my religion...

So 6million Jews all the soldiers/civilians deaths

Or canned food. Necessity is the mother of invention!

He also made cars available for Average Joe, and apparently medical science advanced Major Bigtime during WWII

Thanks Hitler.

If Adolf Hitler's ex was a jew, do you think she wished he was aborted sometimes or do you think she was happy he ran for office?

In this economy? As my ex would say to a plenty of guys, "hell yea!"

"I broke up with my ex because she believed that Adolf Hitler should have been aborted to save all the Jews" boom

That is actually the ultimate pick up line so ya shouldn't listen to them

Thats a good, lighthearted ethical quandary. Good first date material. Unless she has a time machine and then be prepared to put your money where your mouth is.

Theres also the thing that people arent born evil and even the ones that are would still just have an psychological defect.

Well there goes my #1 plan for the time machine and pennyroyal tea in my storage.

"My ex felt that Adolf Hitler should NOT have been aborted, but she was also a fundamentalist Christian. What are your thoughts on the matter?"

If Adolf Hitler raped a Muslim girl, what impact would it have on German-French relations and the price of wheat in East Germany?

"Should my ex, the proponent of the excellent ideology Nationalist Socialist Democracy, Adolf Hitler, have been aborted, or is that an affront to God?" There, most bases

Great start: As a Republican Catholic, do you think we would be better off if Adolph Hitler was aborted? My Ex girlfriend said no.

the answer is no.

Adding on to this: "my ex said yes but I want to get your opinion"

Should Adolf Hitler have aborted Christians, and if so, what would his economic policies be?

"Do you think it would be religiously moral for Adolf Hitler to be aborted based on Germany's economic state at the time?"

We ex, who was a lot like Adolph Hitler, really didn't want me to have an abortion because he was a fundamentalist Christian...

If you wanna hit all of them you could start: "I think my ex, Adolf Hitler, should have been aborted for being a damned socialist trying to steal all my well earned money. All $50000 of it." It's better to make it a statement so it flows naturally, so you don't end up making it feel like an interview. Makes it uncomfortable for everyone, you know.

"My ex thought Adolf Hitler should have been aborted because he was an Atheist. What do you think?"

Would the abortion of Adolf Hitler have had repercussions for the German economy and the religious makeup of central Europe today?

Or "Do you think Adolf Hitler would've forced his girlfriend to have an abortion if she insisted she wanted the child to be raised a Scientologist?"

Throw in his mother's ex and you have a trifecta!

What did Hitler do when political, abortion discussion arose?

"My mormon ex girlfriend doesn't believe that Hitler should have been aborted because the post-WWII American environment allowed Reagan to be elected. Do you think she's wrong?"

Should my ex-girlfriend have aborted her Hitler baby since she's a Republican Catholic?

My Ex explained to me how Catholic Austro-Hungarian health policies prevented Hitler's abortion.

While certainly an interesting conversation starter, you should probably avoid it on the first date.

Despite religious convictions, his political leanings, and your ex being a neo Nazi?

"Should the Catholic ex-girlfriend of Adolph Hitler had him aborted?"

FTFY

According to Judaism, should my ex have aborted Hitler? I'm asking as a democrat.

Is Hitler her Ex?

So... Hitler is back on the table?

What kind of restaurants do you take your dates to??

Usually T.G.I. Fuhrer's

Best comment I ever read, cheers man

My good god. Thank you.

why doesn't this have gold

What are you waiting for?

(Leave it to the "you-know-who's" to be stingy with their gold.)

[deleted]

And the wall, and bits of him on the ceiling...

And on the ground outside...

Sure, I don't see any problem with that.

If you had 365 days to eat hitler...

His corpse, re-animated corpse, or time-traveled living?

Well, unless you are really interested in his art then Hitler would fall under 'politics'

Looks like hitler's back in the menu, boys!

Abortion is either/both religion and politics though

Edit: it is really distressing how many of you lack an understanding of what politics is. I don't... Know why, but several people have said something along the lines of "No, my views on abortion is just what we as a society should or shouldn't let others do. It's not politics!"

... Okay...

I think a persons stance on pro life/pro choice can be seperate from politics and religion

Well generally the discussion is over whether you think abortion should be legal, not whether you think it's morally permissible. So it generally falls into politics.

Can, but if we're being honest it usually isn't.

then what does politics include?

Politics includes literally anything to do with the government or even your views on how the country should be run, the abortion debate can most definitely fall into the religion or politics catergory but it can also be separate, im pro choice and neither my religious or political views influence that decision.

... Pro choice literally means you support the government allowing women the option to choose. That's kind of the definition of it.

But a pro-choice person would presumeably remain pro-choice in a state-less system?

Yes. And? A belief in lack of government intervention is still politics.

Not disagreeing with that, just the definition of pro-choice in the previous post.

yes but its not my political views that inform my decision to support the government allowing women the right to choose. If you get what i mean

Don't worry, I get what you mean. I'm pro-choice as well and believe it independently of my political and religious views. Really anything can be politics if we use the argument that since the government does or doesn't let you do something, it's political.

If you're pro-choice that makes complete sense, but I could count on one hand the amount of pro-lifers I've met who aren't on that side for religious reasons.

Yeah, take me for example: I'm a liberal atheist, but i'm also pro-choice. wait...

Discussing solely abortion sounds more like morality

It could also matter from a personal level. You probably shouldn't sleep with someone if you don't share their stance on abortion, unless you are extremely confident in your birth control method. Two people could both be pro-choice on the political issue, but one wants kids and the other doesn't.

No, abortion is Religion and/or Politics while also possibly being a single issue regarding whether your personal view on the subject is negative or positive. For example:

God said - religion.
Old wrinkly and grumpy white guy said - politics.
Personal - Maybe I don't agree with abortion because it promote promiscuity and I personally disagree with that life style. - No religion or politics.

Maybe I don't agree with abortion because it promote promiscuity and I personally disagree with that life style.

So you think we should prevent others from getting abortions?

I don't care what "we" as in "you" do. I couldn't give a care less than I currently do about your Saturday morning for the next 109 weekends. I'm not saying anything like people should prevent abortions, especially if it took work and group activities, icky, however wanting to stop abortion is not only a political and/or religious issue.

[deleted]

I'm a political economics major. I'm well fucked.

It should definitely be exes instead of economics. If someone turns into an fire-breathing demon when you bring up the economy they're probably not worth dating anyway. Although maybe that's just my opinion. I like laid back people.

Me and my girlfriend knocked out these questions on out first date. We covered religion, abortion, Hitler, politics, exes, economics, and bad habits.

Why wait? Makes for good conversation, it'll come out eventually, and just how they react is more important that the questions.

We agreed on religion and abortion, Hitler was mentioned (she has a German family name and is close to Aryan perfection), similar politics, exes were brought up, and we had similar socioeconomic backgrounds and goals.

And I informed her that most of my hobbies included drinking, smoking, gambling, and casual sex; hers was drinking, trash tv, and as shopping addiction.

She fully disagreed with me on some things and was not afraid to say so. That was main thing I was looking for.

Going on a year and a half.

I'd rather my date talked about the economy than ex's

Interesting; that is exactly what I would ask someone on a first date. The second date I might ask what video games they like (if there even is a second date).

E stands for Ethics

I can't imagine why you wouldn't talk about these things right away. I mean, not the second you sit down, that would be a bit much - but in general is want to know if someone was going to have massively opposing opinions to me on any of those subjects.

Rambunctious Ass-Watering Penis Erections

Isnt abortion considered politics as it is a factor in political alignment?

E = euthanasia

This date is going so badly I could kill myself with the assistance of a medical professional.

This is mostly an American phenomenon. Economy is not an issue in Denmark, we casually talk about it as it is not the measure of success here. Of course, it's still a pretty boring topic to talk about, but not in any way something to be avoided because it might be taken in offense.

I feel like abortion is a small facet of both politics and religion, and thus redundant.

IDK... this seems like stuff you don't want to talk about on a first date if you want it to drag out for no good reason. I could tell you in the first 10 minutes of a first date if I wanted to go on a second date with this person by understanding her views on these topics.

So don't talk about anything important.

A is for Anal. Never ever discuss anal on the first date.

also Rape

That's how I knew it too, but I almost would rather replace economics with ex's.

I mean, really. Which one is a better deal-breaker?

If you have sex though, it might be a good idea to have the abortion talk. Accidents happen and you should know what you're in for should you or your date get knocked up. Maybe just don't lead with the word abortion.

No thanks. It sucks too much finding out that they have shitty political opinions further down the line. Better to find out early IMHO.

A few months ago, a girl I didn't know took me aside during a party and led me upstairs. We hooked up for a bit and then left to go back to the party. Before we did so, however, she said she'd like to see me again sometime and we exchanged numbers. Then she jokingly said "I just hope you're not a Republican!", to which I responded "Uh, heh, well, I'm a pretty moderate one...". She then said "Well, as long as you're not pro-life!" and I replied, "Yeah, uh, about that...".

We have neither hooked up nor gone on a date since.

Where I'm from abortion is a non-topic. We don't talk about it because there's no reason to. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever talked about abortion with anyone where it didn't revolve around another country's laws

So sodomy is okay!

I've always heard it Religion, Abortion, Politics, Ex's and actual rape.

I talk about all of these things so we can weed each other out faster.

Actually getting religion out of the way seems like a sensible thing for some people. There are lots of Christians that refuse to date non-christians, and I have no problem with that. I am an atheist that would not be willing to date a theist.

So Adolf is a safe topic for discussion then?

I like Ex's better. Economics and Politics and very intertwined in a broad sense.

I would rather talk about the economy than your exes.

Couldn't abortion kind of fall into politics?

The hell with not talking about that on the first date. I ask that stuff before I'll even agree to a first date. Why waste my time?

Or Rape, Abortion, Porn, early emissions.

These all seem like exactly the sorts of things you should know about the other person's worldview to know if you're compatible.

Instructions unclear, dick stuck in an Evangelical, Pro-Life, Conservative, Anti-Tax Nut.

So, all the important questions?

I think Euthansia is a good alternate E as well.

Exes works just as well as economy. Though, to be fair, you should just avoid talking about your exes in general in a relationship unless the other person actually wants or needs to know something about them.

Abortion is kind of a must. If you end up having sex later that night, and your views on abortion differ, that's too late to find out.

As far as I can recall, the acronym of recommended topics is FORD

F - Family

O - Occupation (work)

R - Recreation

D - Dreams (as in aspirations, no one gives a shit about the time you had a dream where you played billiards with a monkey version of Kevin Spacey)

I care about that dream. Who won?

Batman won.

He always wins. guy has a game plan for every move you make, always watching you

Like a rich Santa.

Come to think of it, has anyone ever met Santa's parents? He might actually BE Batman.

Every step you take.

Every move you make.

He'll be watching you.

thank you for getting my attempted, and almost failed reference

Joker singing
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you

Batman responds
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you

Chorus in harmony
O can't you see
You belong to me
Oh my poor heart aches
I can't stop the fate we've made

Spacey Ape, obv.

Adolf Hitler.

He was aborted, aren't you paying attention?

Obviously Kevin Sapecey won.

Who won is irrelevant because the monkey woke up the next day next to a dead hooker with no recollection of the previous night's events.

ooh is this a date now:)

The Space Monkey always wins.

Why did I read that in Kevin Spacey's voice?

That sounds like an amazing dream, and I'd totally continue dating someone who could play that off in casual conversation.

Same here. Also, I'd hate to spend more than a few minutes talking about family/occupation/aspirations, it'd feel more like a job interview to me. The best dates I've had were the ones where I didn't know anything about her and she didn't know anything about me afterwards. It's when the conversation just flows from one topic into another and there's no need for the whole "sooooo... what do you do?" kinds of questions.

I guess you appreciate non sequiturs. I just find them a boring waste of time.

If I have to explain that "occupation" means "work", the date will be over.

Ha, yeah. I mean as opposed to, say, the occupation of Poland, because Hitler again.

If I ask about an occupation, and your first thought is Hitler, the date will be over.

This explains so much.

I want a divorce.

Unless you're with someone who's first language isn't English.

I'd be a bit hurt if I was on a date with a girl and she didn't tell me about that fucking cool dream.

Dreams, as those while sleeping, are an awesome topic if the other person is humorous and does neither interpret something into them.

I'd rather lough about a dream with someone than have awkward talks about their dog or something.

I think it depends on both the nature of the dreams and how they tell about them. My wife insists upon telling me all the details of her dreams, and it's honestly extremely boring listening to someone relate all the inconsequential details of a very complicated but mundane dream. Short dreams about a giant parrot walking around with a pet dog under his arm, that's fine. Long ones about being at a party and the players being like the ones your grandmother had 40 years ago, boring.

Recurring nightmares is where the juicy convo goldmine is at.

Good list. However, do not complain about work excessively (or anything, really!). It's so fucking boring, and leaves your date wondering why you let yourself be miserable, can't stand up for yourself or find something else. You can say you don't like your job for x or y reasons and leave it at that, or tell funny work stories. Nobody wants to be bummed out. Be positive!

I once had a dream that I was buying a birthday cake from a witch on a hill for about ten pence and then she got mad angry about it all because it was her favourite cake...

What about Adolf Hitler's occupation of Poland?

That's why I specified! I mentioned that specifically in a different comment! Thank you, sir and/or madam!

Wait until you hear what my dreams are like.

I care about anything with Kevin Spacey in it. He's fucking awesome!

And don't tell me a monkey version of him isn't him! It's basically him!

Thanks for clarifying the "O"

My last date I tried to bring up the Nazi Occupation, it didn't go over too well.

Press F to celebrate for hitting the ball

And the things you should talk about?

F - Family

O - Occupation

R - Recreation

D - Dreams

[deleted]

Has anyone ever sent you sexy starships?

[deleted]

Origin Jumpworks M50?

Real starships have curves!

[insert picture of imaginary Caterpillar here]

Merchantman has curves! But same sadness as the Caterpillar... :(

Star Citizen! Yay there are dozens of us

Question: Is star citizen worth purchasing in its current form? Should I wait till full release? Kinda random but this is the first mention of this game I have seen in years.

They have an arcade version of the smaller ships out and you can boom and zoom, it's pretty fun! But they are about to come out with the first person shooter part of the game which looked amazing when they demo'd it at pax. If you wanted to get into they game it's going to be 35 now or 35 then. But before you buy pull it up on twitch.TV and watch some people play it. The graphics are demanding make sure your computer can handle it. But it's awesome and if you do get into the game I have a constellation friend me because I need another friend to make a full roster on a five man ship when the game gets to full release

Hope this helped!

I will be picking it up this weekend, I will PM you when I do. I bought elite:dangerous and I was unaware that it was online only until i tried to play it about 5 minutes ago at the beginning of my 12 hour shift at work. Not impressed lol.

well right now star citizen is online only too >.< but on the full release they will have a offline module that they are dubbing foundry 42 so its just one of those things at the moment. but my figuring is that if you end up enjoying the game and it only cost you 35 or 40 bucks and you play it for more than 5 hours that is 5 hours of work for 5 hours of entertainment which seems like a fair deal to me and with no subscription fees i plan on playing for far more than 5 hours which is why i picked up the constellation but right now its in beta with fragments of the game out eventually they'll stitch it together for a alpha and release some time next year

Online only is not a problem, I just wish I had know before I brought it to work lol. I guess I'm watching youtube videos of other people exploring the stars all night. I will absolutely PM you when I get all set up. Thank you for your help.

also a link for the lazy

http://www.twitch.tv/directory/game/Star%20Citizen

and keep in mind i have a very biased positive opinion of the game so i really do recommend watching people play it first for a little bit before investing.

What's more frequently than all the time then?!

I'm intrigued yet disturbed ...

[deleted]

On mobile that looks like star ship that crashed really neat.

Or one which has'nt been assembled yet.

More than all the time?

You want more than all the time?

Where can we see these?

If you get them all the time.. How many do you want?!

At first I thought this was an amazing coincidence that the letters in the name Frodo lined up like this and then I realized it can be done with literally any word. Welp.

-W-ELP

W-E-LP

WE-L-P

WEL-P-

You were not alone... 

   Y-up
 Y-u-p
Yu-p

Look Sam, Frodo's moved on. You helped him with the ring and all, but he's over that now, and he's trying to lead a normal life. Just be content to be his gardener again, ok?

"Do you want help carrying the take out? I could.....share the load"

This never gets old.

Hodor

Hodor

Hodor

Hodor

Hodor

I was thinking: 

      Hodor
    hOdor
  hoDor
hodOr

hodoR

edit: fuck formatting

At first I thought it was really clever how you worked his name into the whole thing, but then I realized how spelling works

Sounds like a damn good first date to me.

Could be a real hit with a (unbeknown to you) huge Lord of the Rings fan.

Family

Recreation

Occupation

Dreams

Orangutan?

That would be a damn cool signature for Frodo to actually use.

But what about when they get tired of talking about me?

How do I read this?

When you start talking about rings that bind them I think they might be turned off

What is your favorite movie, and why is it Lord of the Rings?

So, who's the real hero of Lord of the Rings and why is it Sam?

Half my life is spent talking about Lord of the Rings, so this'd be a nice simple tactic.

Whats the last O? Orgasm?

Edit:spelling

woah, do you think they did that on purpose?

Dude I'd love to talk about Frodo on a first date.

Talking about Rob Ford is so two thousand and late.

he got dat boom boom pow

In a strange twist of fate, that song might be two thousand and late too...

You don't care about his cancer surgery? Me neither, but we got 24hrs of news to fill!

Man, the chemo and radiation really hit him hard. He's wasted away to the size of two healthy men!

Yes. Thank goodness he's gone now.

But what if your dream is to become the next Adolf Hitler? That's 3 categories from RAPE right there.

3? Adolf hitler, politics...is Hitler your ex?

Religion. He attempted to wipe out the Jewish population

If you're doing it to reduce the cost of welfare, or to increase employment in the military sectors, that covers the Economics portion too.

Then you're probably not interested in dating. ...ok maybe dogs :p

But even Hitler was interested in dating!

And the things you should talk about?

F - Family

O - Occupation

R - Recreation

D - Dreams

.

G - Gaming

T - Television

FTFY

G and T are covered in R.

Fucking casual

All of that input lag and post processing on televisions... We need to reqruit, teach and make them into better people.

reqruit

o.0

Yeah obviously it's covered in F and O

Seriously, if you think "gaming" and "television" fall under the category of "recreation," you've got your priorities messed up.

Same

Funfunfunfunfunfunfunfunfunfun

Such an obnoxious, overused comment.

Too much G and T and suddenly your dinner bill is 500

Nissan GTR confirmed

True, but you gotta know the specifics, and that's where GT comes in

The GTR is a Nissan, silly

Religion, abortion, and economy are all covered under politics and nobody complained there either :/

G and T are in my O, though

Yeah, but who doesn't want a GT-R?

F - Family

A - Ambitions / Abortions / Abortional Aspirations

R - Recreation

T - Television

FTFY

Oof. I'd be in deep shit - I have no family, no ambition and I don't watch TV....

talk about riding bikes drunk XD

It does say "recreation"....

So that leaves recreation.

Yup....and that's kind of where I try to "steer" a conversation.

P People

O order

O our

P patties

FAAAART

It's a long, loud fart.

Well, television is sort of recreation....maybe swap for Tacos. Both sexes love tacos.

Haha xD I love the idea of a "fart code" At least I know I will remember it !

L - Larceny

O - Octagons

L- Lending me money

Instructions unclear. Date ended early for some unknown, stinky reason.

A=abortions. We already covered this

I've got a date tomorrow and a very ambitious abortion today. Thanks!

Remember to fart on the first date. Got it.

Ah.... I long for my abortional aspirations..

Why is the Y italicized but everything else isn't?

To emphasize the defiant-sounding pronounciation.

I feel like ambitions and recreation are the two best things to talk about.

Don't talk about gaming or television on dates unless you met on a gaming conference or in a tv-set.

9/11 never FORDGT

gaming

What are you? a neckbeard?

R - So ... did any Family members or relatives of yours faced any serious illnesses ?? just asking

And if you're a car guy, you can talk about Fords as well.

People Order Our Patties

F-Fucking O-Oral sex R-Rape D-Dicks

Don't talk about literal dreams though. Those are really boring to other people.

I'd use aspirations more than anything, but FORA doesn't work as an acronym.

Also, if you stay for dessert:

F - Family

R - Recreation

O - Occupation

D - Dreams

O - Orgasms

Dreams?

Like aspirations, or night-movies.

I have a recurring one where I'm in a boat with a T-Rex in a bra. Should I bring that up?

This is the first good answer I've found on this thread

Well, I hate my family, have a shitty job that's slowly killing me, have lost all concept of fun and spend my free time browsing reddit, and have resorted to laughing at my past ambitions and pretending i'm just fine how I am as a defense mechanism to stop myself from considering how unlikely it is I'll ever be happy. Do you have anything else that may make me seem interesting?

Occupation is a good one. You need to let the other person know up front your salary, so they can either try harder or not at all based on your income, then we all pretend it doesn't happen.

You just need to be careful with asking about family, those tend to be touchy to some people. Mine aren't exactly first date topics.

What if your dreams involve RAPE?

I absolutely hate this "technique"--it puts people on the spot, is often uncomfortable, and shows you have absolutely no sense of what someone actually wants to be talking about.

Message unclear, talked about cars for 3 hours.

Food

Ocelots

Roadkill

Druids

I try not to say I have kids until date number 2 or 3, I get that it's good to "weed out" bad matches, but there's a way to approach someone with it. I try not to talk about anything serious on the first date and just talk about simple things.

On the other hand, I have no idea what I'm going

What if you are a CHEVY man?

Some males find it offensive if they are asked about their occupation, so I generally avoid it unless he brings it up...

If they aren't excited to talk about their job, move off the topic quickly.

So...have the most boring date conversation ever then, huh?

This is the first serious reply to this post that I've seen.

My date's chances of getting laid go down by approximately 20% every time they bring up work. Am I the only person who prefers not to think about family and work when I'm on a date?

fix it again tony

She wants to hear about your D

V - Vocation

O - Osteoporosis

L - Lenny

K - Kentucky

S - Stupid Flanders

W - Walker Texas Ranger

A - AIDS

G - Gravy

E - Elementary education

N - Nude boobs

It's always a good idea to talk about Fords.

You probably shouldn't talk about wanting to have kids on a first date.

Harrison Ford sounds like a great topic to break the ice.

But what if I'm a Chevy man?

More like

S - Sex

F - Fucking

O - Oral sex

R - Rape

D - Dicks

This is good for 'small talk in a business setting' but not as much for a date. Aim for just both of your recreations and dreams instead.

Maybe they should call it R2D2 or so.

how about R for Reddit?

It's FORDS. D stands for Dogs/Domestic animals, S stands for Sports.

But what about rape, can I still talk about rape?

According to this, yes.

I don't even know why I keep reading this website.

Cause it's entertaining in some weird, twisted way.

Yeah but it's also why I could never show anyone Reddit. You just have to get into it yourself. I'm not about to try and explain why I'm casually scrolling through /r/WTF or why I know what a cumbox is. I'm not going to explain why I upvote really fucked up jokes about really fucked up topics that I wouldn't even say around my closest friends.

But spend a couple months on reddit yourself and I won't have to explain shit.

Hey whoa, just because your friends are a gaggle of milquetoast, hand-wringing pussies doesn't make us the weird ones. Don't you dare put that on me.

"milquetoast" always makes me stop and smile.

When I first heard it, I thought they said "milk toast." I assumed it was some insult to your personality, like you're so boring your favorite meal is plain toast with a glass of milk. I haven't bothered to look up the actual definition.

Ha, well, it is and it is.

Basically there was a character called Casper Milquetoast who was a timid cartoon character. It spread into the common lexicon. Pretty sure he was named after milk toast, so.

Is that pronounced "milk toast"? I'm honestly asking, I have dyslexia and I never trust phonics anymore in the English language.

"Hook-ed on p-honicks work-ed for meh."

It seems like a food Charlie Kelly would eat. "I'll have a milksteak sandwich on milquetoast with a side of rum ham."

But it was Mac and Frank with the rum ham...

Ok, nut_butter_420.

/u/nut-butter_420

TIL how to spell milquetoast

Shut the fuck up, queer!

brawl ensues

Seriously... I discuss & share things from this site with my friend all the time and they think it's interesting / funny / whatever. Even things from /r/wtf and politically incorrect/ fucked up jokes and pictures.

Dude needs more compatible friends, sounds like.

reddit is like that one kid you're friends with but is kinda weird and you don't introduce him to the main squad

Lmfao that's the perfect description of this place. Every time someone sees me on here and asks what it is that I'm reading/watching/writing, I kind of dance around the question, and give some half-ass description.

"Oh this. It's called, ..Reddit. It's like, a place where people post stuff. Like music, and video games, and stuff.... Yup.. [changes subject]"

This is why you bring in some low-key entertaining examples.

Zack and Jenny

Broken Arms Guy

And one of my all time favorites...

Chef Gordon Ramsey AMA

Ho-ly shit zach and jenny is long. Clicked cause I hadnt heard of it...yeah this isn't something I can browse in the last 5~ mins of work. The tab stays open till tomorrow...

Worth the wait. Even if it's not real (it's debated) it's well done.

[deleted]

Relevant to what? A taste of Reddit, yes it is. It's less about the story and more about following and comments.

Is it wrong that I've read most of this article in Krieger's voice from Archer? Seems to fit

All the time in /r/new I see "how would you explain reddit to someone" and I'm like "why in the fuck would you ever do such a thing, just go ahead and tell them you laugh at baby rape jokes."

It's like picking your nose.. everyone does it but you don't bring it up in polite conversation.

And the funny thing is, Reddit is so tame compared to other sites out there. Just as you view non-redditors as "the normal, other people" there are people who view redditors as those people.

Pretty much all of my friends use reddit, and we all know it, but we just don't talk about it. It's so weird bringing it into real life.

I know this is OK for most people. But then I think about the kid that thought he was a wizard and fired a flamethrower around and all those shootings that were blamed on GTA. I wonder if reddit is making some mentally/emotionally unstable people get the wrong idea and go off the deep end.

Anyway, back to reading about rape and Hitler.

If you believe this, you should probably believe that violent movies and video games are creating murderers.

I think any social interaction is helpful.

These poor schmucks would be completely isolated and not have some moderating influence on them. The internet may not be as good as physical interaction but it is better then nothing.

Plus it may provide enough insight to cause a moment of clarity and turn their life around.

I'm confused, are we still talking about rape?

Kinda, yeah, actually.

Yup I'm giggling like the little girl I am.

It's informative?

I'm Ron Burgundy?

We're physically forcing you to.

If you want to stop, you can download alienblue for your mobile so you don't have to read the website anymore.

Bleh, Alien Blue

Now for Reddit FTW!

As i read this i laughed out loud really hard and felt lonely in the most comfortable and connected way. I momentarily became aware of a thousand or so of us having a good time as we read your comment, and there was a sense of solidarity and communion in that.

Because you support rape, apparently. Sicko.

From what I remember about you you're married to someone who doesn't want sex so I'd assume reddit fills the void

Unless you raped your ex, I guess.

Don't talk about that.

Especially if you are / dating a Mongol.

...remember to also talk about pillaging.

Unless it's part of your religion, I guess.

That's covered under "recreation".

You can make the implication.

That falls under recreation

What will work best if you just mention how you will not rape them. That will put them at ease.

I asked the jury, you got a yes! Now, you get your sweet ass over here and don't let me fuck you.

Only if it doesn't get too political

Sssh... she doesnt know yet

So what's your opinion on rape, y/n?

I do not think people should do a rape.

You shouldn't discuss them in depth, but I'd argue that you might wanna know your date's religious/political beliefs before you get too invested if that's important to you. Religious especially.

"Areeba, we've been dating for six months now today. I've loved every moment with you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I just have to know... Are you.. Um. That is, do you believe in.. Uh.. Allah, or..?"

"No, Jim, don't be silly! I'm not a part of that nonsense."

"Oh. Oh! That's.. That's wonderful! Now there's nothing-"

"I would never betray my Lord to that heathenous cult. Our Lord and Master, the Glow Cloud, would rain fire upon me. All hail the Glow Cloud."

It's not like you choose to believe in the glow cloud, it chooses for you. However, it would be a good idea to find out if your date believes in mountains.

However, it would be a good idea to find out if your date believes in mountains.

How... can you not believe in mountains?

It's a Welcome to Nightvale reference. As is the Glow Cloud.

Have you ever seen a mountain? Touched a mountain? There is no evidence for the existence or non-existence of mountains in Nightvale or the world at large.

I'm not allowed within 500 yards of a mountain because of the touching thing.

But do you believe in the dog park?

ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GLOW CLOUD

And the moon. And angels.

We both know they're as real as angels

Edit: auto-correct.

All hail. ALL HAIL. ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD.

Now stay tuned next for the popular game show: "No, please, don't, please, no, NO!"

HAIL GLOW CLOUD!

Hail Glow Cloud, Neon Be Upon Him.

In the name of the Glow Stick, Neon Sign and Vuvuzela, does shot

Guys! Guys! How many times do I have to tell you we're a SECRET cult?

I see a new world religion in the making!

All hail Glow Cloud!

I don't know what we're yelling about!!

ALL HAIL THE GLOW BUTT.

I hope I'm witnessing the birth of a meme, here.

sorry to disappoint, but not a new meme - Glow cloud is one of the regulars of Nightvale

http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TO&Product_Code=CPB-WTNV-GLOWCLOUD&Category_Code=CPB

you must never look at the dog park.

You must never speak of the dog park.

If you see something

Say nothing

And drink to forget

I definitely read 'glow' with the short 'o' sound so that it would rhyme with cloud, for some reason.

took ten seconds to figure out there's no such thing as a 'glau' cloud.

Fool! There's no clouds in Summer!

Come along, you belong, feel the fizz of coocoo cola...

ALL HAIL^^^^^^jesusfuckdeadanimalseverywere

Goddammit. I keep forgetting I installed the "cloud-to-butt" Chrome extension. Or... are you guys actually talking about the Glow Butt?

HEATHEN!!!! The smiling god is the one true god.

Get back to Desert Bluffs.

We only want to make you more productive... you should come to the company picnic... now... right now

Ha, I actually just started Night Vale. I'm loving it so far.

ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GLOW CLOUD

Huuhh...you've picked my interest in this Glow Cloud.

Piqued. Have a nice day.

/r/unexpectednightvale

I would not have gotten that reference 6 hours ago.

I am pleased to hear that the Almighty Glow Cloud has found its way into your life.

All hail King Candy, the rightful rule of Sugar Rush.

HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD! ALL GLORIES TO THE GLOW CLOUD! PRAISE THE GLOW CLOUD WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT AND TREMBLE IN ITS TERRIBLE MAJESTY!!

Is that a reference to the night vale podcast?i just started listening today and Idk it's cool man, a little weird but cool.

'It would rain dead animals on me' FTFY

I'm sure some people are confused as to whether or not that's Glow Cloud or Glow Butt.

Worshipping the Glow Cloud is always acceptable.

Hail the Firehawk- I mean GLOW BUTT!

ALL HAIL TO THE MIGHTY GLOW CLOUD!

s/fire/animal corpses

http://pbfcomics.com/265/

Seriously, what the fuck?

Who doesn't want to know important shit like this super early on?

I'd also argue that abortion, while not exactly a pleasant topic, is something you should probably learn your partner's stance on fairly early.

Accidents happen, and it's better to make sure that you're on the same page beforehand.

You should also know their position on rape. I mean.. you never know.

bottom.

(j/k)

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

Not a first date question though. Its more likely to scare someone off and you arent really going to get "too invested" within the first few hours of dating. I agree with you otherwise though but I would wait to atleast see how Date #1 goes before asking

I agree about not asking it out of the blue, but I think that if it comes up organically that you shouldn't avoid saying where you stand if it's important to you and you know what you want.

No way would I ever date a Conservative/Republican. But you'd be able to tell in other ways without asking directly. e.g is she a nasty, selfish, bigoted bitch? Most likely a Conservative/Republican then.

I've met many ignorant, close-minded jerks and they definitely don't adhere to one political philosophy. Same thing with the good people I know.

I feel my ways about politics but I'll probably date someone who disagrees with me as long as it isn't a source of constant turmoil.

I wouldn't go there on the first date though. The first date isn't a marriage interview...

If you are getting too invested on the first date you might want to seek help to get that under control.

That isn't what I'm saying. I'm not advocating anyone pulling a Schmosby, just that if you're actually looking to date and not just hang out, there's not really any point in going on several dates just to find out later that you're incompatible or something major that could have been brought up earlier.

I totally agree. It's one thing knowing they like pineapple on pizza, it's another thing if one of their fundamental beliefs conflict with yours. If I know I don't want this person to be raising children with their beliefs, then I definitely don't want them to be raising our children with those beliefs.

I guess the idea is that you're more likely to be accepting of someone you know very well than someone you just met. I've dated women with different opinions to me on these subjects before and it ends up being something you laugh about, within reason. I've never had a good relationship with someone who reads the Daily Mail though. That's pretty much all four in one.

A - Anal
But Adolf Hitler will do since he's an asshole.

Spent too much time with the gas chambers.

Can I put it in your gas chamber.

You're going to special hell, the one reserved for child molesters and people who talk at theatres.

Black people?

Well, he was, I don't believe he's still around.

^^^Now ^^^I'm ^^^going ^^^to ^^^be ^^^considered ^^^the ^^^asshole.

Well if he's an asshole he's covered under A for Anal anyway.

I agree, unless of course their religion is important to the success of the relationship. I don't want to have surprises later on after getting to know someone.

"My appendix just burst, I have to go to the hospital."

"I am a Christian Scientist. This offends me."

I'm pretty sure A stands for abortion.

Or, you know, don't mention rape at all on a first date either!

Source: once had a guy ask me on a first date if I'd rather be raped or sent to prison for 20 years, in some attempted point about why feminism is evil or similar. That date ended pretty damn quick.

That sounds like a great way to unwittingly end up with a Christian-fundamentalist Nazi Republican who scared away all her previous boyfriends with her irrational antics.

I always imagine what if Jesus Christ got Barack Obama aborted before the economic crisis in 2008 happened, you know?

It depends. Are we talking Fetus Barack or Presidential hopeful Barack? Because I'm only OK with one of them being killed.

The latter.

*PITCHFORKS

---E

This acronym should also remind people to not make rape jokes on the first date.... Or ever.

They always seem to be a bit forced anyway.

"Who's going to complain about a rape joke, though? I'd say rape victims, but they're traditionally not complainers."

  • Sarah Silverman

This comment wins

It seemed forced.

#humorape

I hate myself for laughing at that.

It's a struggle coming up with more appropriate topics.

But if they didn't want them there is a system in place to shut the whole joke down.

I see what you did there.

Well it wouldn't work it it wasn't forced.

So this rapist is cooking eggs...

I hate rape jokes, they always feel forced

Well, maybe after many many dates, if they're that type of person.

I do them all the times, it's funny as hell. Could explain why people hate me tho.

Unless your date consents, but then it's no fun.

I actually had an excellent first date once in a ww2 museum. Granted, we're both pretty big Nazi buffs.

pretty big buff Nazi's.

FTFY

Don't turn RAPE into a MURDER either:

  • M - Marriage
  • U - Unidan
  • R - Racism
  • D - Drugs
  • E - Entropy and the impending heat-death of the universe
  • R - Reddit

Of course, ENTROPY! That explains so much.

R - Rough
A - Anal
P - Penetrative
E - Exercise

I'm pretty sure is is Apostrophes. Don't correct someone punctuation on a first date

Pfft, I once told a girl on a first date that "I'm really into North Korea."

Somehow, we still ended up banging.

politics is like... a big part of how a few of my ex's took interest in me lol

I think it talking about rape isn't good either in a date...

That's tricky, because usually I talk to a girl for a while before a first date and these are some topics I bring up to decide whether or not I want to take them on a date in the first place. For me, it's better to get this shit out of the way to begin with that way there are no surprises if you get too invested.

Hitler aside, that's like avoiding asking some of the most telling questions about their personality and worldview?

Should probably avoid rape on the first date too. Just in case.

Basically avoid any interesting or stimulating conversation in case you argue or offend each other?

Absolutely. Rape is third date, minimum.

also, avoid rape.

and its also good at reminding you that rape is a poor conversation topic too.

I can't remember what A was but you shouldn't talk too much about Adolf Hitler on a first date either.

What if you're on a date with a WWII historian?

Or a nazi?

Yes, it would be fun to "accidentally" have a child with a Christian Neo-Nazi Republican Capitalist that has a restraining order against them.

That works for people you are forced to be with like co-workers, family and neighbours, but if you are vetting people to date, you might want to agree on those things.

Omg. I had a guy hit on me. He flashed money in his wallet. Then he went on to rant about his ex and their kid etc. he lived across the street from me. I'm sooooo glad he moved.

I'm confused. So we Can talk about rape?

So rape is an okay topic?

So I've casually seriously been talking to this girl, and she has mentioned like 2 ex's. Is that a bad sign?

Conversation starters yes, things you should know though sometime before pregnancy.

Why? He was a great leader and brilliant economist!

I think I hit all those topics on my first date with the guy I'm gonna marry in July. (A-Abortion)

It was a terrible date, and everyone asks us why we went on a second date.

I like to believe that us going on a second date proves that there is a God.

So is this good "My republican senator ex thinks adolf hitler should have been muslim.".

I was gonna say.. my Hitler references used to kill on first dates!

Never understood this (in my opinion) borderline retarded shit.

I'm not investing any time and energy in a relationship without knowing the girl's stance on religion and politics.

Physical attraction is important, but at least two of the above are dealbreakers that need to be discussed/brought forward asap.

I actually had a date once where we talked about all of those, including Hitler... it was probably the best date I've ever been on in my life. Damn I miss that woman.

Actually talking about politics is what led to my first and only one night stand.

Also don't rape on the first date

What if you're sikh with a turban and beard... Religion is one of the first questions that comes up when I usually meet anyone.

Well that depends. If those things matter a whole lot to you, it might be good to let the other one know something about this. But in general, no.

Exes. Learn to apostrophe.

I actually like to ask religion and politics of the bat. I'd rather know it's not going to work before I invest a lot of time.

You forgot Casey Anthony.

Hey buddy, if I meet a girl excited about WW2 history, I'm down.

Also, avoid rape.

Well I think it's pretty important to know what religious beliefs your date holds. Especially if you're looking to get more than a casual relationship out of it.

Holy shit, that's funny.

R - Religion

Exception: You met her through church and literally went on a date right after a service.

It's the 3 R's: Religion, Relationships and Rules

Also don't talk about rape.

I understand the idea. But these are topics I like (well except the last one.) If you can't discuss Religion or Politics with me in a casual first date, it ain't ever going to work.

Yeah the talking about Ex's thing is a deal breaker for me on first dates. Clearly you still have some baggage and miss your ex. I'm not here to play games or be some rebound. It seems to keep happening to me though, every first date, they HAVE to bring up their ex like he's some godsend.

What if the short film I made for German class ,Junge Hitler, comes up in conversation?

Best comment I've ever read!

Angolan genocide.

Why wouldn't you want to talk about these things? Any person you'd be genuinely attracted to would either be willing to have a great conversation about some of these things. Alternatively, their answers would be a great way of knowing whether or not they're a complete dipshit or not

The religion thing always gets brought up as a no-no, but I tend to bring it up early because I've had a few girls fade on me specifically because I'm Jewish. They either don't like it because it contradicts their beliefs, or it's different enough that it they're uncomfortable with it, and I'd like to know that before I become emotionally invested.

I think "R" should be Rape.

See, I can see where they're coming from, but two of thos (religion and politics) are really important, really stimulating topics. If someone can't discuss either of these like a gentleman, and debate without arguing (or trying to 'correct' me, ergh), then we're not compatible.

Also actually avoiding RAPE is probably a good idea.

"Hey, so my Ex thought Adolf Hitler was like Jew G.W.B., what do you think?"

Yeah, but what about rape?

See the main reason you don't ask about Hitler is 1) she might be Jewish which you didn't ask about, 2) you're joke about Hitler might offend her because she supported his policies, and 3) Hitler might be her ex.

I've actually heard that it is good to talk about past relationships. And in general it is good to talk about more controversial topics than mundane topics.

Adolf Hitler

Oops.

Also avoid just regular rape

Personally I would want to get religion out of the way pretty quick because my crass remarks wouldn't get me very far otherwise

Its probably best to avoid talking about actual rape too.

It looks like you said "I RAPE"

Pretty sure "A" stands for anal. Never ask about that on the first date.

That's almost like the no-no's of bar conversation with strangers but I don't have a fancy acronym: race, religion, sexual orientation and politics.

A is for Anal.

As someone who met their spouse in a bible study and dated a lot of girls I met in the "church scene," I found talking generally about faith backgrounds was a great ice breaker and a way to get to know the person.

I actually found that ignoring the issue of faith for too long could create a red flag in the other person's mind. Again, this is specifically advice for people dating in the religious scene and rank faith high on their list I'm traits in a future mate

I don't know about excluding religion and politics. If you're deeply religious or, say, have a full-back tattoo of Hillary Clinton riding an eagle into the White House, you might want to put that out there in case it's a deal-breaker.

As the Vice Mayor in a town that has the highest divorce rate due to Mormons and Neo-Nazis I find this incredibly difficult to do.

How is Adolf hitler a bad subject? WW2 is fascinating to talk about

I agree, but while avoiding religious debate is advisable, I think religious affiliation is the single most influential trait encompassing one's personality. So getting that out of the way might save time. I.E. as an atheist, l probably wouldnt be romantically compatible with an evangelical baptist.

Dunno, Hitler is a pretty fun conversation topic.

My husband and I met on a dating site. Before we met up for our first date, we cleared up our intentions. We talked about what our goals were in 5 years, 10 years. We talked about what we were both looking for. Once we made sure our goals matched up, then we decided to meet for a first date. 4 years later, we are married and are building a house together!

Building a house can be difficult. I hope your husband doesn't make you carry bricks.

Ahh, the old reddit builda-roo

Hold my caulk, I'm going in!

Your comment is so underrated...

Items obtained

  • an erect penis
  • a bottle
  • a pool stick
  • a watch
  • some cheetos
  • a ladder
  • spray cheese
  • a 10-year-old
  • a sleeve
  • some boredome
  • MrG's wife
  • a needle
  • some loneliness
  • the Oceans
  • some sheds
  • an umbrella
  • tits
  • some Caulk

Items obtained

  • an S5

  • some Rum

  • A goat

  • MrG's Wife

  • A needle

  • A Sword

  • Proweller's Loniness

  • The Oceans

  • some Sheds

  • an umbrella

  • Tits ( are they fake, I don't know)

  • some Caulk

WHERE ARE YOU KEEPING THESE?

She tells him about her crazy college days and he shits them out on site.

We're not physically building it ourselves... we have a custom home builder. :P But we are having disagreements on our back patio. :-/ It's kind of silly.

You didn't discuss back patio opinions/dreams before you met up for your date?

Haha... no. I'm afraid we missed that part.

That's one of the things, I'd like to know about my future partner as well. Two people going in the same direction is better than going different ways (Actually it's the only right way) You should be clear about your own goals and shouldn't let the other one change your goals easily. (Good luck building your house)

Seeing that it's fast approaching, I hope your five-year plans included building your own house.

It didn't include in building our own custom house... but it's happening... so it's cool. :D

Also on a dating site. How did you first discuss it? "Hey, let's clear up our long term goals and love life", or did you just ask them ("What do you think of marrige? "Do you like the idea of settling down in the suburbs?") in the initial chat and letter sessions?

I wrote it in my profile. I specifically stated that I'm dating for marriage and not a hook up. My long term goal was to settle down with someone I can openly communicate with.. blah blah. And I simply ignored the idiots who wrote me saying stuff like, "u're beautiful" or "let's hook up, gurl".

You wrote it in your profile! Well, actually I guess that's the advantage of online dating. I've seen members who also say in their profile, "I'm not interested in hooking up, only a relationship".

Did you sign a relationship agreement?

ITT: Ways to not get a second date.

I don't get why this would be a problem. Life is too short to be wasting time on second dates with people we can discount on the first. If someone doesn't meet deal breaker criteria, move on. Now. It's hard enough to find a lasting partner (assuming that's what we want) without us sabotaging ourselves by spending time dating someone we know in our gut won't last in the long run. I have so many friends in relationships they've been pretending to love that they only like--if that. What's the end game there? An eventual divorce? So much lying to ourselves and prolonging the inevitable when we can know immediately or a few dates in. Anyway, I like asking people big, defining questions when we meet. If they can't handle that, my trying to be real, that's a red flag for me. I don't want a second date with someone who's afraid to discuss important topics. As an aside, I think the success of online dating is founded on getting people first dates only with people who match their deal breakers (religion, political beliefs, age, etc.). I will say some people have too many things they call deal breakers, though, making their sea of fish puddle sized. Keep it to high level moral views and let the details go. A part of the magic of falling in love is discovering your partner's odd characteristics--things you'd never imagine you'd love, but you do.

You're going to be single for a very loooooong time with that attitude. I agree with the sentiment but there are very few, if any, people out there who are willing to discuss how long they have to be with someone before they would consider marrying them on a coffee date with a stranger.

The first few dates are to see if the attraction is deeper than just looks. Once you start actually developing feelings for their personality, then you start asking the big questions over a small period of time.

I have dinner with a girl friday. I am a very up front and blunt person and I hate just beating around the bush. If she starts talking about marriage I'm out because that is the sign of someone who is looking to rush through life.

I can't tell if you're serious or exaggerating to prove your point, but if I did this I'd have never married my awesome wife.

Part of the beauty of a lasting relationship is that you overcome some of the things you don't like. It's no longer important that she doesn't meet some ridiculous list of criteria because you love them despite the incompatibilities.

At least, that's how it's gone for me. Love my wife. If I went around asking serious questions and disregarding and moving on based on less than ideal answers, I'd never have married anyone, and missed out on the best thing in my life.

But you all just, fortunately, must agree on the big stuff I'm talking about. There are very few things that I think people can demand an answer on, such as I could never be with someone who isn't pro-choice. But outside of big moral things like that, I 100% that the other answers don't matter. Or, rather, there is no ideal. My wife's quirks became my ideal over time because I love her core so much it makes me love her nuances.

Yes, but on the first date?

Tl;dr

Don't waste time on someone you can't see a future with.

aka: "scare people away"

"I'm just so comfortable being single, if the person doesn't 'get me' then I'm better off alone."

tapes hands to palms and pretends he's a dinosaur

sigh This isn't what I said, friend. I said people got to let the small stuff go because they can be surprised by what they like. But they also have to be brave enough to stand up for their beliefs. I would never be with someone who's pro-life, for example. I would rather be single than be with someone who doesn't share my key moral views.

Maybe you should have sang it and then he'd understand it.

Hey, I only translated the thing. I never said it was good advice.

It didn't scare my wife away. I'm not saying this bluntness will work for everyone, but it worked for me and everyone I know who's tried it. You know what hasn't worked for almost all of my friends? Trying to say just the right thing and trying to frame every emotion and thought carefully. Eventually the truth of people comes out; why wait? Just be real and see what happens.

Except if you are young and know you will not find a partner for life in the next few years, because your situation of living will change a few times until you settel down. Then find someone you like and can have a good time with if you want a relationship. Life is not perfect, make the best of the time you have. Stop wasting time searching something you are bound to lose.

Isn't it kind of difficult to tell that on a first date though? Unless they're like a rapist or something

Username inappropriate, 2/10

Someone understands irony.

tl;dr The sunk-cost fallacy is responsible for more divorces than you'd think.

But think of our history together!

Be careful not to take that too far though! If all you're on the lookout out for on the first date is lightening and passion and excitement and big feels right off the bat, you may be missing out. Love at first sight is a bullshit chemical reaction that wears off. People need boring traits like dependability and loyalty and patience and good listening and basic life skills to do long term relationships and accomplish shared goals. Sometimes a person who comes off as just a regular slightly quiet person on first impression could turn out to be your perfect fearless adventure buddy.

But you can have passion AND the boring traits.

And love is not just chemical--that's lust.

This is why you need both the little things and big things in common.

I go out with people all the time because I like their company and have fun with them. They aren't permanent relationship material, but that's ok with me.

life's too short to judge people on one date.

Seriously, have sex first, or at least mouth stuff.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

I can't agree with you more. Putting it all out on the table keeps both parties from wasting each other's time.

At that point ask them their views on things before the first date. Save yourself a trip to the restaurant or coffee shop

What the shit? Are you people seriously basing whether you could see yourself with someone on cold hard info about them rather than on the way conversation flows, whether their character matches yours, whether your humor is compatible, etc.? And before you answer "of course, that matters too", how would you even find out when you're busy "putting it all out on the table"?

Some people have hard deal breakers, some people are more flexible. It's okay to be either.

I have hard deal breakers. Before I met my partner, dating was really difficult. I'm a woman of child bearing age. Everyone I know is getting married and having/had babies. I don't want children. When you're dating and looking to start a family, you want to know if someone wants the same things as you. I can think of quite a few dates that didn't need to be second dates or further, had we just mentioned the kids thing from the get go.

I have plenty of people in my life that have compatible humor and character. They are my friends. But when it comes to my partner, I need someone with similar values and goals. Talking about values on a first date isn't that weird.

I'm 23 myself, and I do guess it's a different game altogether when you're a little older. Still, mentioning halfway through a date that you don't want kids is a little different from the scrutinizing interviews that seemed to be proposed in the comments above me.

I have plenty of people in my life that have compatible humor and character. They are my friends. But when it comes to my partner, I need someone with similar values and goals.

I get that, really. I just find it a little weird that those values and goals seem to take the priority rather than the humor and character.

When I was younger, enjoying someone's company was enough. That's what dating is for. To get to know someone, and to get to know better what you want out of a relationship. But as one gets older, you build on those experiences and past relationships. You become aware of your own dating patterns. What works, what doesn't. What you can tolerate, and what you absolutely cannot.

When you're looking for a partner, not just a girlfriend/boyfriend, one needs more than just some one to laugh with. Casual dating in your early 20s is much different than when you are looking to settle down. I want to know that my chosen lover is an equal partner in our lives together, not just a special person I spend time with, and then may cast away when one of us becomes bored, or someone else catches your eye. (Much easier to do when you're young and everyone else is young and single too.)

Unfortunately, the values conversation can sometimes take the spontaneity away when you first meet someone. Though if it's the right person, it doesn't feel like a job interview. It doesn't feel forced. It feels like falling in love. My first date with my partner, all the "important" topics seemed to come up naturally, and all of his answers were like music to my ears, it almost seemed too good to be true.

That sounds lovely. Thanks for sharing your perspective with me!

"Life is too short to be wasting time on second dates with people we can discount on the first. If someone doesn't meet deal breaker criteria, move on[...]A part of the magic of falling in love is discovering your partner's odd characteristics--things you'd never imagine you'd love, but you do" (ThePeoplesBard).

See what I did there, Bard? Through the magic of cut editing, I made you contradict yourself.

Someone being pro-life is not an odd characteristic. That's a moral issue we don't see eye to eye on and a deal breaker for me. If we like different music, that is something I could grow to enjoy. You didn't show any contradiction.

Eh, not really. I don't see a direct contradiction there. Someone could "meet deal-breaker criteria" but still have "odd characteristics" to discover.

Anyway, I like asking people big, defining questions when we meet.

What sort of questions? I realize this is different for everyone, but I'm curious about the ways other people approach this.

I disagree. I think letting yourself get to know someone prior to investigating deal breakers let's you yourself discover what your deal breakers really are.

If you say that your ideal mate wouldn't be put off by you going straight to the nitty gritty, I refer you to my previous statement.

I re-read this entire thing trying to figure out where it rhymed :(

I agree. Is there a soundcloud link for this comment?

"Well, I took her on one date - I guess I'm stuck with her."

I think a first date is a wee bit early to try to determine that, and that starting basic normal conversations might be more productive in terms of finding out if someone is compatible with you.

Enjoy your loneliness.

I agree. It's kind of really awkward because I don't want kids and my interest in sex is like a zero. I don't necessarily want something super serious right away but I also don't want to end up really really liking someone and have their sex drive be drastically different from mine. Or if they want kids? That's not something you can compromise on. So I have to get those things out of the way first date.

ITT: People who don't go on many dates.

ITT: Ways to not get a second date with a loser

i dunno...if somebody asked me how i'd eat a door i'd clear my calendar for them.,

I found exactly what I expected from an AskReddit thread without a SERIOUS tag.

"why should OP use a serious tag"

or maybe have a story to tell on another first date...

If you're on a date with someone, why not ask them a few questions, to get to know them more.

You can't get by with just looks alone for that long. If they're deader than a doornail then why bother? Sure sex may be fine, but if you can't talk with someone, or know what their life is about, then I don't see the point. But it must come out by the second or 3rd date. But after 3-6 hours with someone, if you don't know what they like, or what they're into, then WTF have you been doing the whole time?

HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVOIR JESUS CHRIST?

Yes, he sounds like a faire guy.

"I have a feeling I'm about to"

I usually don't wait for the first date to ask this one.

I actually had a girl ask me this...It was a bit odd.

But why male models?

But my whale model ?

My words tend to slip when I'm under pressure...

When will people understand this is just as beautiful as this?

Are you serious? I just told you that a minute ago.

Are you an ambi-turner?

One of the rare questions that is the first and second.

Fun fact about this scene.....

"The files are IN the computer?"

Why the fuck does this make me laugh EVERY DAMN TIME!

I... I don't get it :(

please watch zoolander

It's from Seinfeld

Not sure about Seinfeld but it's definitely on Zoolander.

RepostResearch's comment? I... I don't get it

If you had 365 days to eat a door.....

EDIT: Fuck you kind stranger!

Essentially people boil down to 3 camps:

  • Burn the door and mix the ashes in things

  • Eat very small slivers of wood

  • Get a lot of termites to eat the door and eat several termites per day

The first one tells you that your date is very creative and good at making a large problem very small and almost insignificant. The second option lets you know that your date is very direct: no fuss, no muss, no coconuts. The final option lets you know your date thinks eating termites is acceptable, and you have wasted your money taking him or her to a nice restaurant.

Slivers in the belly wood be horrible. Powder it, get a bread maker and add it to white bread. Call it Multigrain.

Should I chew with the grain or against the grain?

Same as always. It's how they make normal multigrain isn't it?

Now with 50% MORE door!

One does not simply eat more door.

What do you do with the hinges and doorknobs and metal bits

One does not simply bite into more door

Either, duh. That's why it's called multigrain.

Drink with the grain of the liquor, Randy.

If you want a smooth finish, I'd say chew with the grain.

If you go against the grain, you will go insane and mad.

JUST CHEW THE DAMN GRAIN

Come on OP, answering this guy's question is the yeast you could do.

Quit being so damn picky and just chew the grain!

All I know, is that you never drink against the grain of liquor

Both. That's why it's Multigrain

GOD DAMN IT

They already do that...

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Arnold-Whole-Grain-12-Grain-Bread-24-oz/10403535

Look in the ingredients list -- "cellulose fiber" -- that's literally wood pulp.

Ewwwwwwwww. walmart.

Arnold bread is sold a lot of places. Walmart's website just happened to be the one that showed the ingredients without having to click 5 times to get it to pop up.

Start looking for cellulose in the ingredients, it's in tons of stuff

That was my first thought. A single door would reduce down to not much sawdust. You could conceivably knock it back in two loaves.

It also depends on what kind of wood the door is made of. Some species produce highly toxic sawdust.

Toxic Sawdust. Wow. I'd never guess. Of course, it's a great band name.

ToxicSawdust.tumblr.com

/r/bandnames

Grind it up into sawdust and mix it with water like Metamucil

Ewww. Put it in tablets and swallow like Metamucil pills. I've never Metamucil I liked.

Oh man, that was bad, real bad

Thank you! I'll be here all week.

Wood cellulose is an additive in many modern foods. And during WW2, the Germans made kommissbrot or ersatzbrot that often contained sawdust due to rationing.

I give zero hoots if you can't eat a door, then your a whore

They don't already make multigrain bread out of powdered wood?

wood be horrible

Nice

What if it's treated?

Multidoorgrain

Commercial shredded cheese has wood pulp on it. That would help.

wood be horrible

Lol the last line makes it sound like a Lil Wayne rap

ITT: people underestimating the volume of sawdust in a door.

Works for Bunny Bread

Just watch out for that arsenic though...

That's what they're doing in north korea

Termites doesn't work! Do people think that food disappears when it's eaten? It's shat out, so you're gonna have to eat the poop too. If you eat the termites then you'll probably end up eating more than the original door.

Feed the poop and termite to catfishes. Put it into pressure cooker. You can now eat the whole fish, including the bones.

Catfish poop too bro. You're not gonna avoid feces no matter what eats it.

Put the feces into compost. Make soil. Grow vegetables from the nutrients in the fertilizer!

Be careful at choosing the plant. You don't want plants that undergo intense secondary growth (highly woody plants). Things like amaranth and spinach are great.

But then you have to eat the roots!

Grow an oak tree, wait fifty years, chop it down, build a door from its wood, eat the door. Problem solved.

Better yet, grow a tree in the compost. Chop the tree down and make a door. Then eat the door.

Its the circle of liiiife....

Plants poop too... Nvm.

unless its a decomposer

Put the fish in a Super Bass-o-Matic 76

Do I have to eat the bones? What if I throw it in a pot, add some broth, and a few termites?

[deleted]

And if you burn the door, you have to inhale all of the smoke, too.

We smoke the door

Is that what kids are calling it these days?

These days? Huxley wrote The Doors of Perception like 60 years ago. A band you might know named themselves after that book, and they're not called 'of Perception'.

Well paper is made from wood, so maybe process the door into rolling papers and spend the year getting super high.

So same as last year then

This is the best answer I've seen yet

"We're gonna need a bigger bong..."

This kills the door.

use it as tinder for cooking

"Don't breathe this"

Nah, collect it as liquid smoke and use it to flavor grilled/barbequed food

Nah, I'd just pipe it through a filter, collect the carbon from the filter and add it to my nutrigrain. Problem solved.

Which according to an episode of House will kill you.

I haven't seen that episode of house but I don't think that's correct. I'm not really sure why you would die. You exhale the majority of the O2 that you breath in so breathing other people's breaths wouldn't be the end of the world. Now if you kept breathing it in and out eventually you'd run out of oxygen and suffocate. Tbh I have no idea how efficient termites are at taking in oxygen and getting rid of CO2 but I imagine it's not too much different.

According to the episode the termites produce a gas called naphthalene which is stored in fat cells. The character breathed in a bunch of it and then rapidly lost a lot of weight causing the naphthalene to be released.

[Source] (http://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/35pcno/til_when_we_lose_weight_were_doing_so_by_exhaling/)

Burning the door provides the same problem, all of the escaped CO2 and H2O gas is material from the door that won't be eaten

Yeah but you can cover termites in chocolate. Never underestimate the benefits of chocolate.

Yeah but it's converting the wood into perfectly edible protein.

Same with burning, unless you have some elaborate system to capture and consume all the CO_2.

Burn it? Sawdust mang. Put that shit through a chipper and then maybe one of those blend tech blenders till its real fine. Then you can just mix it into pancakes or cookie dough or whatever the fuck else.

This aint a charity! You gotta eat the whole thing yourself.
Zero hoots

I once ate a popsicle stick in lunch during middle school. I opted for the sliver strategy.

or the 4th category of gives you a distaiful look as if to suggest the question is too immature for their taste

At this point you know to not go on a date with them again as they have poor craic!

What if they just say "I don't know"?

then you get them to think long and hard about what their answer will be.

Then they are not a creative person and resistors probably won't want to date them.

Who wants to be with somebody who is smart as a bag of hammers?

Both times I've seen this question in the last 24 hours I was not expecting to see logical, real answers as the top response. You've don't it again, reddit, you sonofabitch.

Or Camp 4, avoid the question and look at me weird and slowly walk away.

Or maybe even camp 5 leave the restaurant and then IPL text her what happend and she will say " I won't waste my time on you" and post it on Facebook with the hash tag #freefood

Wouldn't you only be eating a 1/10 of the door because of trophic levels if you ate the termites? Also, wouldn't you have to eat the termite poop too?

My friend said he would have someone pulp it, make it into paper, and make the paper into a smoothie.

Nonono, 70-80% of those people said to make the door into sawdust

What about the one about using the ashes to improve soil quality for potatoes, then just eat the potatoes.

I actually preferred the idea of grinding it up in to a powder and eating it with fancy oatmeal!

lol sir you have thought this through!

You'd have to inhale all of the smoke in order to consume all of the door for the first option. Just saying

If you burn the door, some of the door's mass is lost in smoke. Wouldn't you also have to eat the smoke to fulfill the challenge?

What about very small slivers then boilings into a milled like constancy?

I would digest with cellulase. You get glucose, which is essentially just a sugar, and therefore very easy to eat.

I mean insects have fantastic protein content and little fat. Make patties and season them, pan fry them, serve with some veggies on a bun, boom, you've got bug burgers. Probably delicious.

I still think that burning the door is outside the spirit of the question.

thank you for TL;DRing that

I wonder if it would turn out to be some sort of holistic treatment for erectile dysfunction? I mean... eating that much WOOD?

My option is to grind the door into a powder and mix it into foods that have flour.

Burned things can actually be carcinogenic, the ashes is definitely the worst option. Wood powder all the way.

I'm surprised that enzymatic breakdown options haven't been explored more. I'm pretty sure the breakdown products of lignin and cellulose would be mostly easily digestable carbon hydrates and some carbon dioxide and water, which could be photosynthesised by edible plants.

I was of the opinion that soaking and boiling the door to mush and then using it in baking was the correct opinion. Ash just sounds like it would make things taste nasty.

Not sure if this has been said before, but if you just burn the door and eat the ashes, you wouldn't actually end up eating the entire door. A lot of it would become smoke, so unless you plan on trying to get high on cedar, you wont be consuming the whole thing.

The real question is why are you eating the door? All it says is that you have 365 days to eat a door... Or what? Do you get a puppy?

You missed the termite to fish in a hydroponics system!

I would argue that option three is the most creative, outside the box answer.

But when do you eat the termites? Before they defacate, after they defacate? If you wait until after, do you eat the feces along with it?

What about the metal pieces? A door without hinges and/or a door knob is just a slab of wood

Why waste all that money on dinners when she can go to town on my termite infestation.

I had a guided hike through some rainforest in Ecuador where our guide invited us to eat some termites with him. They tasted like mint.

The second option could also mean they have Pica...

Where then it might be somewhat best to leave them alone.

I feel like the first and third are cheating since you lose some of the door's mass to smoke and defecation. Personally, I think I would turn it into sawdust and mix that into food throughout the year.

Camp 4: Those that ask if it is made from edible wood

I would prefer to grind the door into wood dust to avoid the ash taste.

BETTER DYING THROUGH CHEMISTRY!!!

I would strongly recommend against burning the door. The ashes are loaded with free radicals and could be cancerous, especially if ingested for a year.

Also, if you burn the door slowly to make black ashes, you may be generating activated carbon. This chemical is fine if ingested in small amounts on occasion (in fact it is sometimes eaten to absorb poisons), but it may play havoc long-term because it will always be present to absorb vital nutrients. That means you could wind up malnourished.

Finally, if the ash contains any amount of potassium or sodium (or similar), you may wind up making highly alkaline substances. These are probably okay short-term, but eaten regularly it may cause your stomach to adapt by generating excess amounts of acid, which could cause stomach problems (including ulcers, which are potentially fatal).

I'd go with eating the wood "uncooked" as it were, in small quantities, for the useful fiber it contains without being excessively indigestible.

And lastly, the termites are clearly the best option, though I think it's only fair you also eat their poo.

So 'concentration' is not one of them?

Burn it? That seems like a lot of unnecessary carbon soot...

I would rather turn it to sawdust and use it like salt.. Make shakes with it, turn it to oatmeal consistency. I would eat the bastard in under 2 months forcing myself, with regular doctors checkups. Then, I could enjoy the other 10 months of that year with not so much as a case of colitis.

Burn the door and mix the ashes in things

That really isnt eating a door anymore as you changed its composition completely. That should be an invalidated answer.

What about the hardware?

I'm the first. Which fits with my compsci studies.

I own a book that promises to change your life and one of the challenges is to eat a chair. They suggest filing the chair into powders/tiny grains and then consuming them. I figure that if you mix them into a food processor with something like flax seeds, they'd dust up to the same texture. You could then bake some bread or make a roll or something and have a badass BLT.

  • Redditors with gold who edit for thanks
  • Redditors with gold who don't edit for thanks
  • Redditors without gold

It's "no cuts, no butts, no coconuts".

You gotta wait your turn, you gotta wait your turn! It's only fair to wait your turn!

not this guy

1 doesn't work. Some of the mass escapes by the smoke. Just turn it into sawdust.

Dude, c'mon, you put it through a chipper or mill or something else that'll break it down into sawdust, then you just mix that sawdust with flour, and use the mix to make bread. The bread will taste and feel a bit off, but it will be a lot easier to consume than any of the options you mentioned.

Imagine punching somebody so hard that they turned into a door. Then you found out that’s where ALL doors come from, and you got initiated into a murder club that makes doors. The stronger you punch, the better the door. So there are like super strong murderers who punch people into Venetian doors and shit.

Get a lot of termites to eat the door and eat several termite's poop per day

I would actually love if someone asked me this. Hypothetical questions are like my drug

Would you rather eat one horse-sized door or one hundred duck sized doors?

start with the knob

I have yet ti see the original post about this. You mind linking?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/35l896/if_you_had_365_days_to_eat_a_standard_wooden_door/

That must've been the stupidest thing ever to reach the front page.

You must be new

Well... a lot of stupid shit has hit the front page but that question was by far the stupidest.

And I'm not new; my main account got shaddow banned... /u/fermats_last_account

Wood isn't digestible. Unless it's yacaratia.

kind stranger

FUCK. OFF..

But it depends, is it with rice?

Just avoid referencing reddit in general

Given that cellulose is already in a lot of food products, your date has already technically eaten wood.

I didn't read the whole thread. Did anyone specify whether we were talking about a 36" solid wood exterior door or a 28" hollow core interior door? And, if the former, what species of wood? (might call for different recipes).

Actually asked this to a girl I'm talking to yesterday.

Why the fuck would you?

Finally, a proper response to the gold

1) How many people have you had sex with?

2) Are you certain they were all STD free?

3) Did any of them impregnate you?

4) Did you do butt and mouth stuff with any of them?

5) Are you still in contact with any of them?

6) When was your last sexual contact with any of them?

7) Can you pay? I left my wallet at home.

8) What is your favourite Nickelback song?

9) When are you next free to meet all my family including the extended family? Will later on tonight be okay?

10) Do you have any hot friends that are able to join us for our inevitable coitus later?

11) How many bags of skittles could you fit up your jacksie?

12) Would you rather let your dad fuck you once until he came without a condom on or have to watch your mum and dad do it every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed?

13) Is it your time of the month?

Once you've asked them important questions, you have weeded out the girls who are not completely desperate and you can continue to enjoy the date safe in the knowledge that is as bad as it can get. All uphill from here!

How many bags of skittles could you fit up your jacksie?

According to google, you're the first person to have said this sentence, ever.

I think there's a good chance that you're the first person to google it, congratulations!

how about m&m's or watermelons?

Just confirmed, no m&m's or watermelons have ever said this sentence either!

What a time to be alive.

I'm glad I was here for this moment. It was like Bo Burnham's moment

I totally read it as japseye and thought I had something in common with someone ...

Oh god... What is a japseye?

As far as I know, its the hole at the end of your knob where you wee out.

That's what I've always known it as.

That seems weirdly racist, unless Jap has a subversive second meaning I'm not aware of.

The only thing i can see how it came about is the shape of said wee hole. I heard it when i was younger, so dont remember where/who from.

Japeseye | tʃiːz/ | noun | The eliptical hole at the end of a penis. it is called a japs eye because its meant to resemble a Japanese persons eye shape.

As well as "What is your favourite Nickelback song?".

Reminds me of this great Bo Burnham bit.

And you're the second!

So, uh, congratulations?

jacksie

words like this is why us brits should go over to America more often!

jacksie /ˈdʒæksɪ/
noun 1. (Brit, slang) the buttocks or anus Also called jaxie, jaxy

That Streets song Empty Cans makes a lot more sense now.

8) What is your favourite Nickelback song?

Too far man.

The answer is obviously all of them.

Or just Photograph. Same thing really.

I celebrate the band's entire catalog

Did they ever figure out what was on Joey's head?

This is such an important question in my life. Like, fuck you Nickleback, but seriously...what's on Joey's head?

No. And I still wonder how their eyes got so red

So they are all equally as bad!

In reality, I think they get a bit of a hard time on here but it's still funny! I take it it's probably their Canadian roots that's the cause!

Wow you're excited!

!!! Only an hour before I leave you lovely people alone (and my office) for 16 hours! Wouldn't you be?!

Now you're gone!

See you tomorrow!

5 mins yet...

!!!

Never made it as a wise man, never made it as a poor man stealin.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS GRAPH of my favorite nickelback songs and the amount of times I've played them on itunes

obviously

HEY!! THATS MY JOB!! MINE!! YOU GET YOUR OWN JOB!!

I don't know, I think Throw Yourself Away takes the cake.

They're all equally Baez, therefor all tied for worst.

LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH

EVERY TIME I DO IT MAKES ME LAUGH

But seriously, am I the only one who enjoys a few of their songs?

Secretly, I do.

I try to tell people but they just keep going with the circlejerk. Oh well.

Some celebrity made a joke a long time ago and it became a meme. After a long time people forgot it was a joke and just heard how bad they are. Those people wouod say they are bad to others. Now people think they're bad when you can just look at sales and see they are popular.

Thank god, I'm not alone

Thank god, I'm not alone.

If they only have a few songs you enjoy compared to the dozens and dozens they've written, they probably suck.

You ask for their 3 favorite Nickelback songs and if they can name 2 it probably won't work out.

I don't really care what anyone says, Side of a bullet is a good Nickleback song, it's a Dimebag tribute. It may be their only good song, but it is infact good.

Check it out.

No way, I even have proof: proof (proof)

I believe it was called Far Away

Rockstar.

I hate Nickelback, but that song gets a pass. It's catchy as all hell.

I worship their entire catalog.

Wait. This hung you up more than number 12? Seriously?

I mean, yeah, nickleback in hellfire forever, but... Damn, son. Did you read number 12?

0-100 real quick

What size bag of Skittles are we talking?

we have an interested party! Err the small 30g bags.

I will give it a go tonight and let you know. My guess is less than two though, I have the tightest butthole known to mankind.

haha, fair enough, I look forward to your results!

Will you be inserting sweet at a time or bag at a time?

Definitely sweet at a time, there is no possible way to get an entire bag up there in one go.

i bet there would be with the right equipment!

I struggle with getting equipment in there.

What diameter hole?

It's so small it almost doesn't exist.

How old were you when you first had a man make love to you?

Next who was he?

Next how did you feel at the time?

Next how did you feel afterwards?

What did you feel, what did you think? Were you pleased, frightened, ecstatic, disgusted?

What did he say?

What words did you speak?

That's what I want to know. Now, tell me. Now, now, all of it. Now, tell me...

YES.

use all of that but with the term deflower instead for ultimate cringe factor!

You can skip 9 by taking your extended family on the date.

11) How many bags of skittles could you fit up your jacksie?

WTF is a Jacksie?

A jacksie is North Eastern English slang meaning - Bum. Or Arsehole

That's.... Dunno why Skittles would go there. Thanks.

Maybe they want to shite the rainbow

The annoying thing is that those first few questions are things you really want to know, but you can't ask.

or things you kind of want to know, but don't want to know! Usually come into play when the honeymoon period is coming to an end.

You can subtly ask about it by the 2nd -3rd dates.

I mean ,talking about past relationships is the most common curiosity during initial phase of dating.

Are you seriously never gonna ask her about her exes?Especially if you get serious with her

You can ask, the tough part is getting to a point in the conversation where it's relevant and appropriate to ask.

My boyfriend and I discussed that on a first "date" (it wasn't really a date, we just met and had a very obvious mutual interest) after establishing that we both thought sex was an important part of a relationship. We didn't ask for the number of partners the other previously had, but we did ask questions like "how important do you think it is to be tested before each new sexual partner?" and "What's your stance on abortion? Because even if we're super careful about birth control, there's still a minuscule chance."

You wanna be on the same page for those things, you know?

is #8 butt and mouth stuff, as in together, or butt and/or mouth stuff?

and/or.

There are 4 possible answers:

1) Did neither butt stuff or mouth stuff.

2) Did butt stuff but not mouth stuff.

3) Did mouth stuff but not butt stuff.

4) Did both butt stuff and mouth stuff.

Am I clear with my question now?

indeed you are.

hopefully they go with 4.

"butt stuff" is always a win-win phrase for any first date conversations.

So.... Ya single?

funnily enough, no!

1) How many people have you had sex with? ~100+

2) Are you certain they were all STD free? They absolutely were not

3) Did any of them impregnate you? No

4) Did you do butt and mouth stuff with any of them? Yes

5) Are you still in contact with any of them? Yes

6) When was your last sexual contact with any of them? 2 weeks

7) Can you pay? I left my wallet at home. No

8) What is your favourite Nickelback song? I hate Nickleback

9) When are you next free to meet all my family including the extended family? Will later on tonight be okay? No

10) Do you have any hot friends that are able to join us for our inevitable coitus later? Yes

11) How many bags of skittles could you fit up your jacksie? 2

12) Would you rather let your dad fuck you once until he came without a condom on or have to watch your mum and dad do it every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed? No answer

13) Is it your time of the month? No

Do I get a 2nd date?

hmm, 7 out of 13 ain't bad I guess...

/r/buttskittles

well that would be quite the niche market, videos, pics, challenges and tales of buttskittles.

We won't play the Jolly Rancher version though!

13.1: are you sure?

8) what is your favorite nickelback song and why is it photograph

FTFY

What the fuck is a jacksie?

I mean I have guesses but I've never encountered this term.

Either your front or back bum, both work for the definition.

Can you clarify what a jacksie is?

Calm down, Dwight.

one time I actually did leave my wallet at home. I felt terrible. I realized that I did before we even sat down. I begged her to let me go get it. She refused and demanded she paid, instead. Sounds cool right?

After the date, on my way home she texted me and told me she was falling for me. It was our first date. Never did talk to her again.

Well you must have been too good :-P

At least you got a free meal out of it!

Let me just pull my notepad out...

wtf is a jacksie

  1. Roughly 45

  2. Yes. I get checked every couple months

  3. No

  4. No

  5. Yes

  6. Saturday

  7. Yes

  8. I don't know any name of any of their songs.

  9. No i work in the morning

  10. Yes

  11. I dont know what a jacksie is. Is that your butt? If so 4.

  12. Mom and dad do it. I got skittles in my Jacksie man!

  13. Time of the month for what? Mowing the lawn? No i dont have a lawn.

Sounds good to me!

Hey wait, you're a guy! I don't date guys usually though I suppose you are paying and 4 is an impressive amount of packs of skittles to go up there in all fairness.

What can i say im an overachiever.

Can we dance if we want to? Can we leave our friends behind?

My friends don't dance

But if they don't dance, are they friends of yours?

Well shut up and dance with me.

And if they dont dance well,

Theoretically, what would you do, if I sang out of tune?

I'd stand up and walk out on you.

;_;

Sorry Dracula. The intonation of your voice just really messes songs up.

I'd get by with little help from my friends.

Honestly if I had a girl ask me that like that I'd be in love. 1. Knows and likes 80s music. 2. Likes to dance. 3. Does silly things like quoting a strange song from the 80s at a first date.

I'd mark that territory.

We can dance if we want to. We can leave your friends behind. Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance, well they're no friends of mine

Because your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance then they're no friends of mine.

If I wanna be your lover, do I have to get with your friends?

Only if you make it last forever because friendship never ends.

I hope you're a disco biscuits fan

Something's wrong here?

its the "can we" instead of "we can", he ruined the song forever

Muhahaha. Also, she.

But by asking it like that the answer can be the actual song

I guess we can't be friends... I don't dance...

Can we sleep under the stars? Can we kiss under the rain?

Remember me? JD McNugent??

You can leave your friends behind, sure. But what if your band started to play a different tune?

What would win in a fight, 1 T-rex or 4 velociraptors?

Universal Pictures

I'd marry the person who answers this.

T-Rex. My overweight shelty is about the size of a velociraptor. It would take more than 4x Buckley's to take down a T-rex.

[deleted]

It's like those Dinosaur magazines weren't even published.

They don't even have hands though!! Fly fast/ strike swiftly

What if its a baby t-rex?

Velociraptors are about the size of a turkey. A T-rex could just step on them all.

Wait what... Then what species were the dinosaurs in the kitchen scene of Jurassic Park?

They were called Velociraptors, but were sized more like a Deinonychus.

Other similar, well-known theropods are: Utahraptor, which is significantly bigger than Velociraptors and Deinonychus, and Dromaeosaurus, which is sized similarly to the Velociraptor*, and found in the western US and Canada, fitting with Grant and Sattler's early scenes.

real ones also had dem feathers.

Hollywood took some seriously liberties with their dinosaurs in the Jurassic Park movies. They also made dilophosaurus smaller than it should be (and what's with the frill?)

What the fuck.

I could take a Velociraptor.

What would win, a T-Rex or a pack of 4 Deinonychus?

And don't stand still in front of a T-rex. It will eat you anyway after contemplating how stupid you are.

I thought raptors were about the size of an ostrich.

Utahraptors were, I think Jurassic park mixes those up with Velociraptors because it sounds way more badass

Or "what would you rather fight against? 1 T-Rex or 4 velociraptors?"

What weapons do i have at my disposal?

A normal wooden door.

[deleted]

Oh, man. It's been a while since I heard a reference to this...

Real velociraptors or Jurassic Park velociraptors?

Obviously Jurrassic Park ones not those stupid scientifically accurate steroid chickens.

The Jurassic park ones were actually based off Deinonychus, although maybe just a little bit larger.

I was under the impression they were based on the Utahraptor.

Utahraptor became more widely known a ways after JP, and were also considerably larger than the ones portrayed in the movie, being up to 20 feet from snout to tail tip.

Does it really matter? Real velociraptors would be too small for 4 of them to take down a T-rex, and we saw the T-rex take out 2 JP velociraptors with next to no effort.

There was a group of animals called dromaeosaurs which included animals such as Velociraptor.

Velociraptor was actually much smaller than the "velociraptors" in Jurassic Park ; it was about the size of a medium-sized dog (75 lbs. or so). But there were other, bigger dromaeosaurs roughly the size of the movie "raptors."

So, T-Rex stomps.

And when your date answers correctly you follow up with...

"Clever girl."

100 velociraptor sized t-rexs, or 1 t-rex sized velociraptor?

Wait, both sound pretty nasty...

I actually think the t rexs would be something i could win. Unless they all swamed me i could just kick the shit out of their heads or something. If i had a baseball bat or some kind of weapon i would certainly win.

The same goes for the horses/ducks question. I would rather fight a hundred duck-sized horses than one duck-sized duck, let alone a massive one. Ducks are vicious fuckers.

t rex's are really only a threat if they're big, they're head is such a perfect target. duck sized horses would just be like chihuahuas but even less menacing, they have blunt teeth and probably couldn't even bite you.

A giraffe beats lions and you think a T-Rex can't beat 4 velociraptors? They probably couldn't even pierce the T-Rex's skin, at least not significantly.

I mean... I was just joking... It isn't really something I would ask a date and to be fair my knowledge of Dinosaurs is rather pterobyl.

you should ask who would win out of a T-rex and brontosaurus and see if they pick up on the trick question.

I think if the velociraptors worked together and targeted his eyes they might have a chance. Why is it that I think of all dinosaurs as boys?

The classic "Rottweiler vs rottweiler's weight in chihuahuas." [Here] (http://www.grudge-match.com/History/rott-chi.shtml)

"I don't know if I could love a girl that doesn't remember the final scene of Jurassic Park."

What a stupid question. Everyone knows velociraptors are more cunning and fight better in groups.

Just asked gf. "What's a velociraptor? Is that a robot type raptor?" Anyone got a couch I can sleep on for a few days?

"Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist party?"

"Death is a preferable alternative to communism! Initiating Directive 7395: destroy all communists!"

BETTER DEAD THAN RED

"Democracy is non-negotiable!"

"Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or in terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?"

I was never a member of the Nazi Party! I only followed orders! I had nothing to do with the war! I didn't even know there was a war on! We lived at the back, near Switzerland. All we heard was yodeling...

Niet tobarish... oops.

Google translate doesn't recognize this. What does it mean?

nyet, tovarisch = no, comrade

Well no shit, it's Romanized, not Cyrillic

Your joke has some truth to it. One of the standard spy tactics is for an enemy spy to date someone who works for the government. There was a recent case of a North Korean spy who pretended to be a defector and dated four South Korean military generals

Sub or dom

"idk I just liked 50 shades :)"

[deleted]

[deleted]

But you could grab a couple of subs for your second date.

Depends on your genders.

As long as your opposite genders your fine.

[deleted]

I didn't think that was rude at all no worries. Thanks for clarifying, was not aware of the spelling differences.

I mean, fuck it have an upvote, for spreading knowledge about the BDSM community

Interesting. Can "switch" also be used when one is open to fulfilling both roles with the same gender? Or is that really uncommon?

[deleted]

I'm about as switch as it gets, though I find it easier to sub. Bisexual switch (dom/sub, top/bottom).

You win. Funny. I was thinking the same thing.

DING DING DING! We have a winner!

This is actually cleverer than it seems. The people who'd be really turned off by it probably have no idea what you're talking about. The people who understand are probably glad you asked.

I agree. And if they don't know its a good cue for you to shop elsewhere. Or for us weirdos who know lots of those folk but are universally uninterested, we can politely nope out, too.

I think things like that are cool to cover discreetly but quickly, definitely.

definitely

My point is you don't discover it 'definitely' at all.

People behave very differently on first dates, they can be shy, uncomfortable, or trying to impress. Get to know them more and they'll be more themselves.

When looking for a potential long-term partner, 'doesn't get shy when meeting someone new' seems like a completely pointless deal-breaking criterion.

I was using definitely as a marker or agreeing with you, or myself, not as a description of how sure someone should be. I, and many people, use it in a way similar to ending a sentence with "right." Or "you know?" Or "eh?" Just less questioning.

Which is to say, I agree. I just feel sexual incompatibility like "into or not into bdsm" is kinda cool to know pretty fast. Not that we need to know "definitely" but that if you can do it quickly, why not?

A/s/l

oh my god I hate that.

I have legit asked this on a first date. I need to know.

how did it go?

Good, he was into being pegged which is always a bonus.

Switch, but usually sub...

I guess that's a good thing to bring up so I can nope out of there if she is either.

I don't know you, but you should answer that question and then we'll go on a date.

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I'm confused, the top comment said not to rape... Now you're saying we should?

/r/nocontext

That R is going to get misinterpreted right quick. Also, this sounds like a boring-ass conversation.

I - nterests (What she enjoys doing in her free time)

S - urprize (Does she enjoy the element of surprize)

T - rusting (How trusting is she of you)

Surprize

That's cute. He probably does the 'e' backwards too.

Meh... S, Z, same thing!

Yeah i was just giving you shit

This triggered me, shitlord.

/s

Those are actually really solid topics .

That's because the real version is FORD.

Friends/family

Occupation

Recreation

Dreams

What does FORD have to do with RAPE?

This reminds me of the D.E.N.N.I.S. system...

Got it, talk about RAPE, don't talk about RAPE, I forgot where we are on rape though.

Bulbasaur, Charmander, or Squirtle?

Edit: It's an honor to be part of the exclusive gold club. Thank you!

That's question number 2.

Question number 1:

Are you a boy or a girl?

Well if we're talking semantics, it would actually be question 3, after the "boy/girl" question and the "what's your name" question.

And if you're Professor Birch, it would also be preceded by "would you like to meet my daughter."

You've got to carry a keyboard and lay it in front of them after you ask for their name and after a couple of minutes ask for their rivals name.

only if there's a 3some in the immediate future.

I thought #2 was "What's my grandson's name?"

Tell that to my friend that just finished Cross Stitching them...and framing them...for her own room....at 23....

I pick one at random and abandon it as soon as I catch a weedle.

Beedrill is my starter.

I made through my first playthrough as a kid with a butterfree all the freakin way, no guides or shit. rest of my party was underleveled shit.

And then I faced blaine and restarted.

Agumon

Next!

Digimon anime > Pokemon anime

yeah, but Patamon > Agumon.

Dude, Gabumon all day.

Gabumon is pretty cool, I'll give you that. Still, Patamon is adorable at rookie and totally bonkers OP at every other level. He beats the final boss of the show at ultimate when Gabumon and Agumon can't beat him when they fight together at mega.

I can't really disagree, but Patamon got nerfed pretty hard in Adventure 02.

I liked to pretend that 02 didn't happen.

Right? The answers OBVIOUSLY Blue Eyes White Dragon

Hi I'm Norma Jean

Dukemon for life <3

"But Ash, that's from Digimon. This is Pokemon." "Fine, give me the Pikachu." "Take it and get out."

"I'm misty!" "ok"

Hell yes, when's our wedding?

Digivolve to...

She's too young for you, bro.

She's not too young if there's grass on the playing field

Wow, I'm really embarassed.

I thought Agumon was one of those new-fangled 152-649 nonsense...

And now I'm really ashamed.

721, thank you very much.

new-fangled

152

Yea, the year 2000 is very new-fangled

You should be

What the fuck is that?

Digimon: digital monsters

Digimon have no style?

Greymon did, he was stylin, dude.

get out of here man

Go beat the heat to the digibeat somewhere else freak.

All the squirtles and Charmanders get all the upvotes but I'll be down here supporting Bulbasaur as long as my body will allow me to.

Always bulbasaur. Always.

Green's not only the best color, it's the best way to choose your pokemon.

If they answer bulbasaur you know they plan ahead.

A Level 75 Venusaur is going to Razor Leaf is way through the entire Elite Four.

Any other answer except for Squirtle is wrong.

You spelt Charmander wrong.

You spelt Bulb... Nah, who am I kidding.

Fuck off bulbasaur is the shit.

BULBASAUR IS FOR US HIPSTERS OK?

Fuck u bulbasaur is the best

Yeah what the fuck? Charmander is the only real answer here

We Charmander users ride together and we die together...at the first two gyms.

Aren't the starter Pokemon kind of indirectly a way to choose your difficulty setting then?

Yes. Except it's flawed in my opinion:

You would have to know the first 2-3 gym Types in order to make an informed decision.

  • If you choose Bulbasaur, it's easy-mode. Brock/Rock gets destroyed, as does Misty, and Surge has no advantage whatsoever.

  • If you choose Squirtle, Brock is a joke as well, and Misty is neutral... but then Surge can really hurt if you haven't picked up another strong Pokemon along the way (fyi, the Digletts/Dugtrios in the cave just east of Surge will destroy him).

  • If you choose Charmander, both Brock and Misty can be devastating if you don't go out of your way to get Nidoran (for Double Kick @ 12) and a Pikachu from Viridian Forest (for Misty), and level them both... or spend an hour or so grinding Charmander/Charmeleon high enough to power through them, then NOT leveling him to 36/Charizard before Lt Surge, as Electric will wreck you even more as Charizard.

In FireRed and LeafGreen you can get Mankey when you get to Viridian City and he learns Low Kick at a pretty low level. Helps out a ton with Brock if you picked Charmander and Primeape is actually pretty decent and you can keep using him through the game.

Well in Gen3, Charmander learns Metal Claw @ 13, so you can easily destroy Brock with him. And as long as you get that coveted Pikachu from Viridian Forest, Misty is a cinch also.

I guess my Pikachu was a little underleveled then, I found he didn't quite do enough with Thundershock to Starmie and it did way more in return with Water Pulse, I ended up having a Bulbasaur traded over haha. Also I don't know if Charmander's Metal Claw is enough for him to beat Onix with Rock Tomb. I just played it safe and used Mankey there.

Getting lucky with Thunder Wave procs was the trick. That was always my opener with Pika. Against a tougher opponent, you could use Double Team a few times as well, and a potion if they managed to hit you.

From there, dodges combined with stun procs, made Pika capable of taking down almost anything. Least I thought so back in the day, lol...

all you need is to get hyper fang from rattata or raticate to power through the first two gyms.

Surge won't do anything to Charizard in Gen 1. It was only fire then.

He was Flying in Gen-1 as well, I believe. The 3rd line of the Trivia section on this page confirms it.

Besides weirdo grinders...who the fuck had Charizard before Lt. Surge??

You didnt?

Squirtle don't evolve into Charizard, ding-dong!

Then you're doing it wrong

I had Charizard before Misty, pleb.

How about for Heart Gold?

It's "difficulty" is more spread out in the beginning because of the time/distance between the first and second gym. There's a lot more Pokemon types that can be caught in between the two, making the 2nd not an issue at all.

For the first though, it's Flying. So if you picked Chikorita, you may have a problem if Mareep isn't caught beforehand. For Cyndaquil and Totodile, it's completely neutral.

You could argue that Totodile is the most neutral, since he's perfectly neutral @ the second gym as well... But again, it's much easier to get some wilds that can handle it as well.

I never had a problem with Cyndaquil. It was the only Pokémon I ever used, even managed to beat Red with just him.

I usually grind out a Gyarados before Misty's gym. I know it takes a bit of time, but it makes a great team with Charizard.

butterfree sweeps brock, pikachu sweeps misty. Charmander does not doom your early game. And in the remakes, charmander gets metal claw. So he sweeps brock himself.

you think charmander is a bad pick? try playing pokemon yellow. when youre 4.

Us Charmander folk like a challenge. Bulbasaur is for wimps (good against both rock and water), Squirtle is still an advantage (good against rock, meh against water), and Charmander is all, "don't look at me, figure this shit out on your own."

I used so much Slash that Misty's gym members thought they were in a Guns 'N Roses concert.

That's why I always pick up a pidgey before that second gym and use him instead for a while. Charmander + pidgey the dream team.

Bro, everybody knows you get 3 saves for a reason. One for Charmander, one for Squirtle, and one for your SECOND CHARMANDER!

You only get one save...

You only get one life to live...the Charmander Life

He means that everyone buys 3 game boys and pokemon games

>Not buying 3 copies

Charmander kills the first gym easy if he's at level 19 I think it is. Metal type fucks rock type.

2nd gym doe 😔.

  1. Level 19 before Brock would take forever.

  2. Metal type?! In Generation 1?

  1. Yes it does.

  2. Not gen 1, fire red. The GBA remake.

I WILL BURN YOUR FUCKING ROCKS TO THE GROUND, BROCK.

Naw bruh. Metal Claw is OP

Not if you go get a niderino and level it enough for it to learn double kick. It handle the gyms alone so yu have more time to hang out with charmander

Starting the game on hardmode without even knowing.

Really I just probably picked it because Red version was the first I owned. Seriously though, who picks the bulb?

Yeah, and then he becomes Charizard with his impressive moveset of flamethrower/fireblast/firespin/fly. Lol.

It depends on the game, if it's one where Charizard is a fire/flying type as opposed to just fire your best bet is not to pick him because then he becomes weak to so many extra attacks.

Counterpoint: He's a fucking badass fire-breathing dragon.

Nope, Bulbasaur master race.

you need at least 200 self-proclaimed members before you can be certified as a "master race". Right now you dwindle somewhere between "lone wolf" and "fringe kids", but if you submit an application to the front desk with at least 200 signatures, we can take a look at it. If you are selected for a further interview, and our team sees you fit, you could be on your way to being part of your very own certified master race!

Uh, can I just sign the paper 200 times? I don't have any friends who like Bulbasaur :C

Trick question, answer is Machamp.

At the corner stone of any real team is a solid Machamp

And then when your ass is handed to you by a turtle?

I used to always start with bulbasaur. I don't even know why.

Turns out, he's pretty much the best start since it makes so many gyms a breeze.

That's an awful funny way to spell Bulbasaur

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with everyone!? Bulbasaur is the best.

Well, at least we can all agree that no one would ever pick that other one.

Psyche, Bulbasaur fucking fucks my shit uuuup.

gaymanders

You spelled Bulbasaur wrong

Dude, squirtle is my last choice. I mean, blastoise is pretty awesome, but charmander/charizard is obviously the coolest one, and bulbasaur is the most useful for beating the early gyms (rock, water). Squirtle isn't the wrong choice necessarily, but he ain't the first choice.

But charmander is most popular and squirtle beats charmander.

Squirtle never made sense... As a kid it bothered me that out of no where two cannons show up. Bulbasaur's plant just got big and charmander actually evolved wings

You misspelled 'Charmander'. Don't worry, we all know what you really meant!

goddamn right.

"I played through with each of them."

Squirtle is the least competitively viable of the three. Get gud scrub.

Bitch please, Toadadile is the best water starter and you know it.

Pikachu

I always feel left out of this debate, because I only ever played Yellow edition..

Woo, pokemon yellow buddies!

Speaking of... Check out my new tattoo!!

The way I see it... this is really asking one thing...

Which difficulty setting do you play on?

I would love for someone to do a study on this. Does this generation simply refuse to grow up and leave behind the things from their childhood more than other generations? Is it more of an online phenomena than an overall trend? What is the reason for the strong desire to hold on to those things from when we were children? It fascinates me.

I think it's more that the things of our childhood have stories attached. When our parents grew up there were books and stories, but they were their own thing. Games didn't tend to be complex, have their own worlds and histories and legends. For us they're one and the same. The games are our stories, and those stories are the shared mythology of our culture. We're wired to cling to stories as a way of bonding. It's human nature.

Pokémon is our Cinderella.

But most people didn't still obsess about Cinderella as adults. That's what I'd like to see studied. Why do so many people currently in their twenties and early thirties still fixate on things from childhood?

Edit: To be clear, I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. Just an unusual thing.

Great question and great comment, u/random_dent. I agree with the bonding and the mythology of our culture.

What I find is that I don't necessarily miss the games per se, but I do miss how the game created and environment of imagination. To me personally I can never get enough of the soundtrack of the games I played (Ocarina of Time, Super Mario World, Diddy Kong Racing, Mario Party I, Pokemon Crystal, SNES Top Gear, etc). I have their soundtracks in my ipod and it is just a nice way to relax and remind myself of a simpler time in my life.

Sure, if I could play the games again I would enjoy it, but it no longer takes me into the world like it did when I was a kid. The music however is what I really like and miss.

Alternatively this is a great tinder question

I'd be looking for the 2 that aren't mine. That way when a new game comes out we can have 2 different experiences together. And my Squirtle kicks both their asses anyways.

Two girlfriends at the same time? I like your style.

Show me your Bulbasaur and I'll Squirtle for you.

honestly, i like them all. it depends on how im feeling when i start the game.

Along the same lines, "Would you rather pokemon be real, or light sabers?" If they won't entertain the question, don't even bother...

I'm slightly older. My question would be: what do you think of the Shivan Dragon?

It's a pretty decent card but I almost never played with it. I always liked hordes of little 1/1s or 2/2s with some helper enchantments. If you draw right you can kill your opponent before they even get a chance to lay out their power cards.

He has no place in a proper Sligh deck, and if you're playing Red and NOT Sligh you're doing it wrong.

The original card had cool artwork though.

"I'm sorry, I don't really like Mexican food".

I don't like pokemon, but Charmander.

This would almost guarantee a second date for me

If she chooses squirtle, she's a pisser. If charmander, then she got herpes. If bulbasuar, rip

the correct answer is cubone

I'd say Bulbasaur and then never get a date...

I normally don't use my starter...

Team Charmander reporting but I think the better question is red or blue? I was blue my little brother was red.

No one is repping Bulbasaur, as God intended.

Do you love this shit?

Are you high right now?

Do you ever get nervous?

I'm imagining you doing a shit and passing it to her to inspect.

I heard you fucked your girl is it true?

Hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah, fuckin' right, fuckin' right all night.. oh wait. You didn't ask that many questions...

Are you single?

Pandora was playing this song right when I read this, its actually playing as I type this...man, what are the odds? Probably not to crazy but still, you blew my mind.

I always ask about music taste as soon as possible.

That's never worked for me. All most people say is, "Oh, I like all kinds."

Thanks, that narrows it down.

Real question, what's a good answer if there isn't a particular genre that stands out? I never know what to say and usually end up tossing out a few bands as a semi-representative sample of whatever I happen to be into at the moment.

That's probably your best bet if you genuinely like every genre there is. Better to say who you're listening to now, or some of your favorites rather than a bland "I like everything" because it reveals too little about yourself and gives them nothing to identify with. Remember, in a first date, you're trying to make a human connection.

Nah, I never say "I like everything"...I definitely don't, and I think it's a cop-out. I'm all about human connection (on dates and in general). I just dread the question when my top five artists cover, say, alt rock, classic rock, folk, pop, and metal. I haven't found a great way of putting it succinctly. Glad to hear that throwing out bands isn't totally off-putting!

Not at all. In fact, it's a chance your date will say "omg I love them too!" But I've heard that plenty of times, the "Oh, I like everything" and that's kind of a conversational dead-end.

Basically what I've always said I go through phases of liking pretty much everything from just shy of death metal, to rap to cheesy pop to classical and back again but at the moment I'm listening to a lot of x, y and z.

ArE yOu Me?

^ is a good answer. I usually say 'oh you know, I like the depressing stuff. Like Fall out boy, My chemical romance.' then tell them that I listen to a lot of other stuff. I like rock music in general, though, so as long as its got a good beat and actual band, I'm hapy.

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I usually ask people something like "what have you been listening to recently" to help narrow it down. I hate the "everything" answer.

The 'good answer' is the honest one.

I'm not big into any genre of music so if a date asked me about music I'd say that. Move the conversation to something we're both interested in. If it turns out to be a deal-breaker then so be it.

Dating shouldn't be a job interview. It should be two people, who feel they might be compatible, at a venue that facilitates low-pressure conversation and fun, finding out just how compatible they actually are.

Oh sure! I wasn't asking for some general best answer; I was just curious to see if there are better ways to get my musical tastes across. I'm perfectly interested in talking about music...it's just that my tastes cover more breadth than depth when it comes to genres.

I agree with what you said about dating, too. If it feels super high-stakes, something is wrong. It's supposed to be fun spending some time with someone you're interested in, right? And if it doesn't work out, no big thing! Most dates don't lead to marriage.

Just name your favorite genre (or the genre which has the most of your favorite bands), and then whatever you've been most into lately.

That's why I just cut the shit and ask what bands they enjoy listening to

I always compromise and tell them what I listened to in the car on the way to the date, or what song I can't stop playing on repeat lately or whatever.

If you want to know if the person you're on a date with listens to, or at least know that they don't love something you hate, ask them more specific questions like "Have you ever been to (local indie rock music festival) or local (country music bar)?"

just state 1 of the most recent things you've listened to. such as what you play in your car

Throwing out bands you like is probably the best route IMO, that way you can go across multiple genres and have a better chance of striking a chord with them too.

Whenever I'm driving, I ask the passengers what they want to listen to, and they usually say "anything but country" or rap or whatever. I look them in the eye and ask "do you mean that?"

And if they say yes, we listen to the heaviest metal I've been into recently. They wanted this, its not on me if they don't enjoy it.

Really? I'd have to force myself to stop talking after several minutes if you asked me that question.

So, what are you doing for dinner tonight?

Full disclosure: I'm a married 30 year old man.

But hey I have a case of Yuengling in the fridge and a nice front porch which I share with very entertaining neighbors (shirtless exterminator, hippy with dreds, ex-con single mom).

I'm perfectly happy with younger men. Today is my 45th birthday.

Also, yeah, I'm gay. Have more beer.

Hey, if we're just friends and drinking buddies, I don't care what your genital preferences are anyway! Incidentally, half the best musicians are gay, for some reason or another (perhaps creative expression is one coping mechanism for mistreatment?)

And this will keep you safe from my single-mom-neighbor's opportunistic vagina (she's looking for her meal ticket, haha).

Hm. Vagina. I came outta one. I aint goin back in!

Happy birthday!

"Yeah? What are some of your favorite albums?"

"Oh, I don't know. I listen to everything!"

I'm one of those people that likes 'all kinds' of music as well. But I tend to like to narrow it down past that. I give examples of some of the stuff I'm currently listening to, a varietal, if you will.

That's when you ask them for their favorite progressive dreamfunk or post-avant-jazzcore band. Or if you want a real answer you just ask what their long time favorites are, and what they've recently been listening to.

I mean that's definitely true for me. I only listen on shuffle with every genre on the list, except the really niche ones

And then you never get an answer when you ask what's her favorite death metal song

I usually ask what the last show they went to was, sometimes we realize we were both at the same show when we have similar music tastes.

For me, I have some odd tastes, and to find people who like those things is pretty cool. Rare, but cool.

that person doesn't know what they like, or is unwilling to be honest - if you want someone who knows what they like, you've now filtered this person as potential mate. Congratulations on succeeding at asking good first date questions!

I try to phrase the question differently, because I like all kinds too. I typically ask "What albums/artists have you been listening to recently" since that's easier than picking an all-time favorite.

That means "i don't really give a shit, but don't mind having the radio/pandora playing whatever the kids are listening to these days"

what kind of music do you like?

"everything."

oh but like more specific?

"no, as in the only music i like is the song Everything by Michael Buble"

"what stations do you have on your Pandorra/Spotify/whatever"

That's when you put on Anaal Nathrakh.

Seriously, everyone who says "I like all kinds of music" is a fucking liar unless they have everything from Taylor Swift to Torturing Nurse. Pick a fucking genre and stick with it. Saw this a lot in online dating and it infuriates me.

I had a date ask to see my playlist on my iPod and it really put me off - I honestly don't keep a lot of music on there. I love to listen to music, but I'm not hardcore about it, and I rarely pay for it. I'll stream a live station while I'm cleaning house on the weekend or turn on the radio in the car, but that's pretty much it. When he saw that I genuinely had next to nothing downloaded, it was like he had nothing he could think of to talk about with me.

JAZZ MOTHERFUCKER. Take your pop swill elsewhere.

"What have you listened to in the past two weeks?"

It's a dumb question, it's like what colour food do you enjoy eating the most

"Pretty much everything but country."

That's when I know I have a winner.

I usually ask what are your top 3 favorite bands because of that reason. It helps identify the person's preferences.

To be fair, I tend to answer something similar to that, because when I talk about what types of music I actively seek out, I sound like a hipster.

Having a beard, living around Portland, enjoying craft beer, and loving raw denim are enough. I don't want to be too much of a stereotype by saying something like "Oh, I like all kinds of music, but I tend to gravitate towards indie folk and alternative stuff. Lately I've been listening to a lot of 90s alt rock and a bit of Eminem as well."

really? so you listen to brutal death metal and kanye west?

oh what's that? you only listen to music that gets circularized through popular media?

color me fucking surprised.

this pisses me off so much.

Those people usually lie. I don't. The last 3 songs I've heard are as follows David Axelrod- Holy Thursday, Sabaton - To Hell and Back and Eminem - Mockingbird.

Ask favourite band/artist. You normally get a better picture of interests and sometimes there is a story connected to it.

That usually translates to "I like ALL of the top 40"

I start with that, and watch them get depressed, then I continue (after a drink of whatever I'm drinking) and say, "But I'm really on a (insert band here) kick at the moment. Pretty much all I've been listening to for the past (insert amount of time I've been listening to them). Then they get all excited for a couple seconds and (I insert my penis)

Truthfully pretty much everyone i ever knew who liked "pretty much everything" only really liked poppy variations of slightly different styles.

Whenever someone gives me that response i always say,"even country?" Then they come back with everything except country lolllllll

Top 5 bands? Top 5 songs? Favorite song by a band you wouldn't consider your favorite?

The better question to ask would be "what artists/bands have you been listening to?"

Still better than Skrillex.

"Oh, I like all kinds" instantly tells me that they have a very limited taste in music which usually translates to a very mundane personality.

That's a good answer if you understand it - it means they're not passionate about music.

They may like some, have plenty of CDs, but they don't care about enough to elaborate more than that.

And that itself tells you plenty.

It's true and if you're looking for revelations about the person that is definitely helpful. And I do want that in a date, but I really want to make a connection. And like I say, that's the answer I have gotten most often. It does, as you say, reveal a lot -but it doesnt make us connect on any level, and that's half the battle of a first date.

That basically means "i like simple pop music"

Music is a big thing for me and when I find someone with similar taste I'm instantly hooked.

Nothing will create a bond quicker than finding someone else who likes the same lesser known band. NMH or Death Grips or something (not obscure on reddit, but go poll people in the wild).

Exactly. I listen to a lot of indie/alternative stuff so when anybody, not just women, have the same taste it gives us a lot to talk about.

I live in Austin and would love to date someone who didn't want to talk about NMH to be honest.

I mean, I love them, but fuck. Every god damn fan in the world thinks that they're their little secret or something.

Well I've only ever met 1 other person who knows who they are, so that may just be because it's Austin!

"I listen everything"

I don't even words sometimes.

Sometimes i a word

For me it's TV taste, if they like bad TV shows I know it will never work.

Hey baby. I don't watch TV, so I don't watch any bad shows ;)

I don't trust anyone who doesn't watch Game of Thrones.

I usually don't watch porn for the plot. It feels...wrong

Really? What effect does that have for you on your future relationship with the person?

I just find it super interesting! I like a bit of everything, so it helps to start a conversation.

The last person I went on a first date with and had the music convo with, we ended up going on several dates to local shows and concerts, because we found out we had similar music tastes. It was super fun.

Well that's pretty cool. I guess if music is big interest to you it would help to grease wheels of the relationship.

Yeah definitely is for me, probably my #1 passion (and everything that comes with it: concerts, audio gear, discovery). I look at music as an extension of my emotions, so if we don't at least have kind of similar tastes, we probably just aren't going to be compatible. Or at the very least have a passion and opinion about some kind of music, I could never date a passive radio listener.

I listen to public radio. No music. Something about being somewhat autistic. You hating on autistic people?

I like a bit of everything

But that's the worst answer...

Well to be fair, it's a pretty huge question. Sometimes, that's the only answer.

Not if you go into detail about it

But my favorite spotify playlist literally has everything in it. =(

I'd like to do this because I think I have a broad musical taste and like discovering new shit but I also feel like I get judged because I really like listening to "typical" rap shit like kanye and weezy. Usually people who are actually interested in talking about music look down on that kind of stuff.

Super super super

He'll be less annoyed when you put your music as loud as possible to stop hearing him.

I really like death grips, the only way to listen to death grips is really loud.

If you didn't it would make for an uncomfortable relationship.

death grips seems to be everywhere lately, and i really love that man

STAY NOIDED

And I also take my 8 year old son to their concerts. Great fun! (does anyone remember that one thread?)

Yes. and then that subreddit has the audacity to complain about /mu/...

I take it that is metal?

[deleted]

blood rush to my head lit hot lock

It's actually a way to masturbate, if you do it the right way you'll have the Johnson purple before you finish!

Read original comment, scrolled down quickly and read this randomly. Even with context that was a big jump...

I do the same, it's a thing most people are passionate about, so it can lead to good discussions, finding similarities. If you both like the same music it can lead on to seeing bands together, sharing favourite bands in that genre, favourite songs to said bands. Even if you end up not dating you can discover great, possible new favourite, bands

Honestly i just like talking about music and if blues comes up I have a date idea.

Some people are entrenched in music related things and it means a lot to them when their partners can understand the comedic qualities of "Friday" without needing to listen to that style of music because theres already 4 abandoned 12" lps and 12 more albums you're hoping to expand your musical horizons with before you could even think of making it to the newest voice/american idol stars bs album.

The last person I dated had lots of overlapping musical tastes as me, but she was just as passionate about listening to music and she changed the way I listened as well.... I wish we were still close so I could stay up to date with her tastes and finds :(

Does that explain things better?

No. I have never been passionate about music so I guess I jut don't relate.

Can we be friends? I absolutely HATE that question with a burning passion because I am not passionate about any type of music. However, I enjoy all kinds. Other people are all about their ipod playlists though and I just don't get it.

Same here. For me, that question would be like me asking "so what type of wine do you like to drink?" Most people will either say red, wind or both without going into specifics. It's not that they don't like wine, they're just not passionate enough to really know and prefer certain varietals.

I really wish I were more passionate about music. I hate giving a "blah" answer.

Yeah, I enjoy pretty much anything as long as its catchy enough.

If she likes punk then it's just not gonna work out.

I'd take that over country.

it can't be country music. i can work with anything else, but that's a deal-breaker for me

Haha why? I can see how a lot of modern country isn't very good but 90s country is pretty fun.

just not my taste, i can't stand it

Music taste tells you a lot about people. You don't need to like what I like, just don't listen to top 40 music.

I feel like if I meet someone who actually knows who Tonedeff is outside of me introducing them, then we'll probably marry.

Guess what :)

Your name is Devan?

Yes, that is what I had in mind.

There's more to music than what you hear. But consider this:

She loves Slayer and thrash metal.

He loves Kenny G. and smooth jazz.

I don't see how those two people could take a pleasant cross-country car ride together let alone travel through life comfortably.

Act like adults and just make a compromise.

This is actually a killer one for me as a metal head. If they cannot at least deal with my music being played out loud of every week/few weeks its not worth it being with them to me.

So I can say "Omg I love enter generic music taste too! Its all I listen too"

  1. 90% of women I meet are either into top 40 stuff, or not really into music at all. Both of these are 0 points awarded, 0 points deducted. I wish I could be choosier here, but it's tough. Yes, I look down on top 40 people, but the dating pool is what the dating pool is. If you say you love music but only listen to top 40 that's a few points deducted.

  2. 8% of women may like some type of music I may not be into. Be it country or classical or anything. They should be intelligently be able to talk about an album rather then a single. Many points awarded just for giving a shit and having some passion for music.

  3. 2% of the time she might be familiar with an artist or two I actually like in which case i will pop an instant raging music boner. +many many points

  4. Once she might namedrop Jónsi from sigur ros. I miss her.

Driving in the car together is a thing. And I can honestly tel lyou I doubt I'd be into the kind of who wants to listen to T-Swift all day. A girl who likes some metal, on the other hand...

Some people hold themselves at a higher standard because of their music taste because somehow what they listen to is better than what you listen to.

One of my favorite things to do is singing I Write Sins Not Tragedies at the top of my lungs while driving around with friends. If you ain't down with that then maybe I should find someone else.

I agree. I worked, for years, in a record shop and found that music tastes reveal a lot about people's personalities.

To be fair, everyone who worked a people interaction job for a significant amount of time finds things about the job that they think reveal personality. I feel like I know whether or not I could grab a beer with someone by how they put their groceries on the belt and stack their coupons.

So true. And because music is so personal, I think you get a special insight on people. But you are right. Any PI job will do this.

Elaborate?

For some reason everybody that bought a Styx album was arrested for pedophilia

Just being around the music store for 5 years gave me access to all kinds of interesting people. I found myself in more interesting conversations with Jazz aficionados than Hard Rockers (in general). So I guess the real reason may not only be their tastes but how they meshed with my tastes as well, to formulate an opinion of that person.

Such as?

It seems like the people with interests in Jazz and Soul and Punk Rock were usually fun people to talk with and hang out with. Very interesting and deep thoughts/conversations. Country and Pop music fans tended to be more content, trivial and happy.

I could tell that I would like to have a beer/conversation with someone based on their music purchases.

Huh. I like pop, blues, symphonic metal, and classical. Analyse me, analyse me!

Laid back. Fun person. Intelligent and thoughtful. You're welcome.

Eh, this is also something I don't particularly care about.

When people ask me this, I tell them I like the crap on the radio because I do. I don't have time to find out about the latest/greatest new bands no one has ever heard of, so that people will think I'm cool.

Give me some Taylor Swift all day every day.

I don't have time to find out about the latest/greatest new bands no one has ever heard of, so that people will think I'm cool.

You fucking hipsters, always using your time wisely.

Which is why it's a good first date discussion. I could never be with someone that isn't passionate about music, I spend 25-50% of my free time doing something pertaining to music.

Fuck you wouldn't like me then.

I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, I think talking about light topics that might not be that important to you is a great way to have a good first date. It's sort of like a conversational back and forth to get your rhythm with them, if you can. If you can't hold a conversation about smaller things, it's a good sign there might be trouble if things were going to to progress. Music is a great topic that's pretty general. Plus, even if I didn't care for the same music genres as someone, I always appreciate hearing what they like/dislike in particular about it. Do they listen it to pass time or to focus on? Are they more lyrically inclined or do they like the beats/sounds?

I'm not sure why everyone on this thread is jumping right to the hard-hitting stuff. Personally I've never been on a first date where I thought to myself, "man, I really wish I'd dug deeper there, figure out what is really going on in her head".

Cause I KNEW you WERE trouble when you walked IIIINNN!!

I'm a hipster-wannabe (wannabe because I own it) and T-Swizzle is some bomb-ass shit.

Evidence (admittedly not her own song): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GGRdwfhl-U

If I heard that on a first date it might be a deal-breaker, haha. I mean I want someone to go to festivals with and shit.

Someone who doesn't care enough about music to click around on iTunes/Amazon for a few minutes every once in a while is probably not going to be cool with spending thousands of dollars and not showering for days while living out of a tent and standing in one spot for 4 hours to keep a spot at the front for a band featuring a musical saw.

That sounds like hell to me. Standing in a puddle for hours and shitting on a toilet 3000 other people have used to listen to bands I don't care about

And this is why we talk about music on the first date!

I don't have time to find out about the latest/greatest new bands no one has ever heard of, so that people will think I'm cool.

Because that's clearly why people seek out new music and emerging artists...

Is there anything outside school/work requirements that you have spent that time pursuing? Not going to lie... most people with your attitude that they don't have time to give a shit about any kind of art or literature have plenty of time for keeping up with the kardashians. I'm not saying I know anything about you... but that's what the presumption is by most people who make time to care.

Hahaha, pretty sure I don't have any time to keep up with celebrity gossip either. Barely watch tv, pretty much the only thing I watch is the news.

Thanks though.

Same. Me and my current SO always have music on (in the car, while studying ect) and also talk about what music we don't like on the radio, as well as introducing new bands and such.

Similar music tastes are pretty important.

Music tastes awful - kind of like eating a door

You can dodge the "Oh, everything! I like all kinds of music!" cop out by phrasing the question as, "So what musical artists/bands have you been into lately?" or "What are your top 3 favorite songs?"

You'll get a little more information that way, and should have some idea of what kind of music they tend to go for.

Agreed - music is a big part of my life (I play in two bands, if I'm not playing one, I'm at a show).

I need to know that the person is passionate about music, not necessarily as much as I am, but I dated someone who had no desire to attend concerts, and it did not work out.

"Oh you know, I really like Cannibal Corpse and Suicide Silence..."

More specifically - ask "what have you been listening to recently"

This keeps people from answering "oh you know, a little bit of everything"

I like to ask "What was the last concert you went to?" or "What music did you listen to on your way over?"

That was the first question my boyfriend asked me when we started dating. We have very similar tastes and he's always introducing me to new music. It's great.

Exclusionary for me.

Oh, you like country... well, I'll get the bill. It was nice meeting you, but we would never work out.

Anything but Country.

Do I get a call back?

I asked a girl once and she said she didn't really enjoy listening to music. I should have known right then that it wasn't going to work out...

I try to avoid it. I've found I'm incapable of talking about music without sounding like an asshole, because the stuff I listen to is pretty obscure.

Also I spent a few years touring/making records with several bands, and I've since tried to disconnect myself from that scene because it's embarrassing to talk about your punk band when you're older than 20. I don't want to have to talk about that either.

Do you know who Cal Chuchesta is?

How would that reveal anything of importance?

  • Classic Rock

  • Metal

  • Primus

  • Rap

(I just count Primus as it's own genre.)

In order, and I absolutely love all of those.

I don't answer people when they ask me what music I like, anymore. People are so judgemental about the topic. You get people saying that only people who don't like music would like whatever band you mention; or you get pop quizzed and told you aren't a true fan. To me, it's just something to listen to while I'm driving and apparently I don't like music enough to say that I like music.

Apparently, I should have asked if he was married.

What is the average airspeed of an unladen swallow?

African or european?

I don't know thatAAAAAHHH

No...the correct response is "How should I know? AHHHHHH"

african, european could never carry a coconut

They could grip by the husk!

But then again, African swallows are non-migratory, aren't they.

Many people don't realize this, but those are actually the same bird. You see, there are only 2 continents that end with the same vowel that they start with, Africa and Europe. In most cases, countries with improbable scenarios like this tend to develop a lot of the same species. Africa and Europe happen to have developed the same sort of swallow. They originate from the common BlueJay shared between them, and while each have their own swallow, the European swallow only differs by the African swallow in that it has a slightly deeper throat.

Asia, Antarctica.........

This is brilliant! What's the reference tho? I've never heard it!

buddy of mine asked this question and got this response. He actually messaged me mid date he was that excited.

Uhh. I don't know.

Is it carrying a coconut?

What is your favourite colour?

What is your quest?

*mean airspeed velocity

did you say swallow? Tell me more...

I asked a girl this on Tinder recently. She didn't know or get the reference :(

i'm doing this from now on... we do our thing, go into the restraunt, sit down, exchange plesantries... then slap this bad boy out there.

And how many coconuts can it carry

Dude... It's "terminal velocity"... Please.

What's your favourite book? Tells you so much about the person.

"What's your favourite book?"

"Oh I love anything by Tolstoy. I could read anything he writes for days. What about you?"

"...Reddit?"

[Edit] For some reason Tolstoy was all my brain could give me when I asked it for an author/writer. I...I don't read much...

Tolstoy would show me that she is literally the most patient person in the world.. I don't know if I could handle that much patience.

True dat. I read it the summer I turned 18. It was the only book I read all summer, that thing was a monster.

It took me, literally, several lifetimes to make it through war and peace.

There no war! It's over 500,000 words of peace!!!

It's been over one year and I'm only halfway through with that book. I absolutely love everything about the book so far but for some reason I keep putting it down.

Its literally a soap opera.

So... much... peace...

Really? I found the death of Ivan Ilyich very easy to get through.

Ah, the great book of Reddit, wherein all answers lie.

And many lies are answers

Ugh. But Russian Formalism is such an awkward writing style.

I feel a sense of shame when people pry and ask WHAT I like to read, for exactly this scenario. Uh, I read other people's comments on what they find interesting?

But- I learn so much from reddit about people, socialization, other generations, science, current events, technology...the list goes on. I don't know how to describe what I learn from reddit to others but I also try not to apologize for how I take in information.

I don't read books.

Exactly. Neeeext!

Edit: I'm not snobbing people who don't read. It's just that it's one of my favorite hobbies, and it's fun when you have something in common.

Someone who simply says "I don't read books." with disdain sounds like they are not open to it and it almost sounds like taking pride in ignorance.

I read books.

Hi ;)

I read books too. ^^comic ^^books

I read book

Marry me

WE DID IT REDDIT

Wasn't too hard 10/10 would marry people over books again

Oh my goodness, books?
NEXT

I don't think I could date someone who didn't read (or listen to) any books ever. I'm really in to books.

I guess if they were really passionate about other things it wouldn't really matter, though. As long as your could share in some of those things.

I have yet to give in to audio books. I fear I might not like the voice, it may take longer than actually reading it and what if I miss a sentence because of a distraction and have to "rewind" back trying to figure out what I missed? And what do you do with yourself while listening to a book? Maybe I should try instead of asking myself all those questions.

Some people listen to them while driving or taking transit.

I downloaded Audible on a car trip and I haven't looked back. I've always got an audio book I'm listening too now. Sometimes the voice actor ruins it (rarely), but I just file it away and listen to something else. Audible has a 30 second rewind button if you miss something, and it also has a way to adjust the speed of the narrator. Audio books do take a lot longer than just reading, but they're perfect for traveling, cleaning, and doing mindless tasks.

Give it a shot! I recommend The Martian by Andy Weir. Great story with a great voice actor. :)

Thanks a bunch, I will look it up this week!

I hope you enjoy it! Let me know if you do :)

Nothing in the world is quite so awesome and finding someone who's read the same series you have and was just as into it as you. I could go one for HOURS with someone about some of the stuff I've read!

Still waiting for a girl to tell me all about her love for The Dark Tower!

I have a special love for books where the "hero" isn't necessarily a good guy. Like the Taltos books about an assassin, or the Gentleman Bastards. I don't think I've met a single person who's read those other than the people who turned me on to them. :(

I will look into these series! It's a shame that reading isn't more widespread. I'm seriously in fear of the youtube generations with little attention span.

Yeah, makes me sad. :(

I think I read the Dark Tower? I'm gonna have to read it again when I finish this one, I think.

It's a serie by King. Seriously the best damn serie I have read. The characters are unbelievable. It's 8 or 9 books. Film adaptation will come some day as it's been confirmed / cancelled a few times. Epic wouldn't begin to qualify the story!

There was one already.. Made for TV? Rutger Hauer was pretty amazing. Molly Ringwald was in it too :D But this was all so long ago, I can't remember if I read the series AND saw this or if I just saw this? So I'll just read it again. Problem solved!

Could you have been thinking about this one?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stand_%28miniseries%29

That's it.. no Rutger Hauer.. I wonder what I was thinking of him in then... Salem's Lot maybe.

Fuck yes Locke Lamora is a gorgeous, gorgeous series! Can't wait for the next book. So ready for that one and the KKC final installment.

King Killer Chronicles?!?! OMG Love me some Kvothe! I was kinda hoping there were at least two books left though. Gonna be sad when that one's done.

Yesss!

I'm desperately hoping that Rothfuss isn't done with the universe, just Kvothe's story. I mean, I think he's implied that he's not going to write about Kvothe again... but the world might return.

He did a book about.. Oh I forget her name.. the girl who lives under the school. I haven't read it though.

Auri, yeah. The Slow Regard of Silent Things. It was pretty good, not much plot to it though.

You should absolutely snob people who don't read books. If you're a book person, will you ever be satisfied with illiterati? I just know that this would not work for me. Friends, yeah. Intimate partner? No way.

Book elitists are cunts. I hate reading books, why exactly is that a bad thing?

I have absolutely nothing against non-readers, but I was pretty disappointed to find out that my partner wasn't into reading. I love books, read pretty much all the time, and book discussions/recommendations are part of a lot of my friendships. It's fine though, we just find other things to talk about and share.

I do think it sounds kind of weird when people say they hate books. It's like saying you hate films, or music, or houses. No issue with people saying they've never enjoyed a book/reading, but I feel like pretty much any blanket 'I hate all [x]' statement is overkill.

I don't read but sort of wish I did and I can see why readers would prefer to converse with other readers.

Firstly there are some fantastic work of literature that you miss by not being are reader. Only a few get made into films, and most of them are bad films.

Secondly you are able to expand your vocabulary and become better at language in general.

You will have to be imaginative, unlike TV, Films, Games etc you have nothing but the words on the page. You have to imagine the person/scene.

That said, I do think it is a bit snobbish to discount some one a single aspect of how they do/don't spend their free time.

I have a degree in English and I almost never "read." I listen to audio books which is easier for me because I spend about 11 hours a week in my car. I started listening to audio-books when I was in college and I would listen on my walk from the parking lot to the English building (about a mile)

When I took a drawing class I would listen to my audio book while everyone else was listening to their music.

I consume massive amounts of literature in this way.

for some reason book readers look at this as though I am cheating and I am not a "real reader"

There is certainly an elitist view among some people. But the reason I like talking to readers is that for the most part there is probably at least one book that we both have read that we both want to talk about.

When something big happens on Game of Thrones everyone and their dog wants to talk about it on Monday and because the show is so popular it is easy to talk about. When I read a book I feel like it is the day after the red wedding and I am the only one who actually saw the episode.

But when I meet someone else who has read the ENDERVERSE. I geek the fuck out

[deleted]

I listen while I cook all the time. Last night I spent a couple hours over the stove. I finished Hornblower and the Atropos Now I have to wait for my next Audible.com credit which does not roll over until the 19th it kind of sucks but it has given me the chance to re-read Ender's Shadow

Side note:the music intro to Ender's Shadow is on point.

I re-read Ender's Game last year, and that has cemented my desire to pick up the rest of the series.

Really, really good series. Messes with your emotions though, I cried so much

It's one of very few books that I have ever cried from. And I read a lot of books

Ultimately, that is the mark of masterful writing, that one becomes emotionally inveseted in the series and the characters that inhabit it.

Robert Jordan, GRRM and Joel Rosenberg (of The Guardians Of The Flame series, not the apocalyptic version) are all damn good at this.

The Ender Quintet is probably the best in a critical capacity but I really enjoyed the Shadow saga and the Prequel books. Either way those books age really well and I enjoyed them more in my 20s than as a teen

I read a lot - just not novels. I tend to read exlusively non-fiction: science, history, biographies, and that kind of stuff. Occasionally, I'll read a really popular series and whatnot, just to know what's going on: Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Game of Thrones, and the like. I do these things to relate to a wider group of people and understand what they're talking about (not necessarily for the enjoyment of the book itself). I think there are many different reasons to read, and it's a narrow view to think theres only one reason to do anything. I find that knowing more about the world has deepened my experiences and that's why I read most of what I do. I find that my reading tends to add new information for me to draw upon when pondering stuff.

Honestly, I wish I'd read more fiction and all those things we're supposed to have read. But for me, the opportunity cost is too high. If I'm reading Pride & Prejudice, I'm not reading about something else and based upon past experience, I'm not likely to enjoy P&P as much as a cosmology book or whatever. Plus, I'm not deepening my understanding or experience of the things I'm interested in. It's just not me. I wish it was, but it ain't. Sometimes people judge me for it, but whatever, I figure as long as we're both doing something we enjoy, it's all good.

TL;DR: I say who cares if someone reads for different reasons, or doesn't even read at all. Some people have a narrow view of what reading is about.

Edit: I just realized I replied to the wrong comment. I meant to reply to u/LilGambling 's comment about elitists.

There is nothing wrong with reading things that interest you. There are way too many books, tv shows, movies, and songs in this world to have consumed them all, anyways. You might as well stick to what you like and share it with others when they let you.

I agree that reading is a great way to add information from which to draw from in pondering. I read for many of the same reasons you do, except I read fiction. For me, Pride and Prejudice would give me valuable information about human interaction, the nature of relationships, and ways in which people and their opinions change. I don't often read nonfiction because of the lack of human relationships (though I know that there is some very good nonfiction about people out there). Like you said, as long as we're reading, who cares why?

Wait, so you're telling me you read the ASOIF series and your interest was not stimulated in the slightest?

Oh no, it turned out to be a great book. But AFOC kind of counterbalanced all that. LOL.

I read, just not books I read the news, I read Reddit amongst other things. I just hate sitting down and reading a book.

Not the same though, you don't get the imagination part of reading

You read a news story and you picture what happened, you read story on reddit and you picture what happened, you read a chapter of a book and you picture what happened. It isn't any different.

Not sure why you got downvoted, this is technically true. I think people that claim to hate reading books just haven't found the right kind of book yet.

How about classic roleplayers? Ala, describe, imagine, think like the xqracter

You will have to be imaginative, unlike TV, Films, Games etc you have nothing but the words on the page. You have to imagine the person/scene.

See that is the problem. I am imaginative as I am but I don't like imagining stupid stories. That is what all the bookworms bring to table when talking about reading. For once I'd like to hear about people learning facts and opinions from books. No. I won't. You know why? Because those do are not, most of the time, the assholes who are proud of reading and judging others.

I think its more about someone with the attitude of "reading is dumb" rather than "I dont really like reading".

It's not bad. It just says something about that person. It shows they can sit down and take interest in something from start to finish. Reading a book shows you can have imagination and patience. When you find a book that just hits you hard, its wonderful. It also shows that they're most likely going to have a great comprehension and vocabulary. So a conversation would be easier. Not reading isn't necessarily bad, but I would love for my date to be a reader as I am.

Its not "bad," but in some regards has disadvantages.

Books provide you with a rich body of knowledge and perspectives that you can call upon to better understand and analyze the world around you.

Making novel discoveries about life takes a lot of time, experience, and exploration. Reading allows you to take a shortcut by consuming the condensed form of someone else's process of discovery.

That isn't to say that people who don't read are necessarily less smart or less insightful. But on average (emphasis there) non-readers are going to have a less nuanced comprehension of the things around them just by nature of having been exposed to less variety in perspective. In a similar way that on average young people have a less nuanced comprehension of the world than older people who have experienced more.

This is strictly a matter of preferences, and though "reading elitists" exist, most readers I know don't feel superior to those who non-readers. But they generally have less to talk about with them.

I dont think that bringing up books in this contexts is being a "book elitist" at all. I think it's important for an avid reader to bring up books on a first date to see how compatible their interests are. Bringing up favorite pastimes is the easiest way to establish some common ground/a low pressure conversation starter.

Because I don't want to date someone who isn't intellectually stimulating

You are the one coming across as "elitist". Why is it bad for someone who loves books and reading to want someone with a similar interest?

You don't like books? Fine, then you would likely be happier with someone who feels the same and there is nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't help your case to project your own prejudice on book lovers.

Is that what I said? You can want someone with similar interests but dismissing someone simply because they don't like books is bad in my opinion at least. I like skydiving but I wouldn't discount someone in a relationship because they don't.

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But some people just don't spend time reading because they use their time in other ways. A better comparison than skydiving would be music. If I spend a lot of my free time listening, playing, or writing music I don't have to be with someone who does the same. Having different hobbies is important because there are times where I want to be able to do things I enjoy alone.

Chiming in on this, as a musician, and avid music listener, if my girl friend had originally said that "oh no, I don't read" or "don't really listen to music" then there's no need to go forward. I know what I want, and there's no point on anyone trying to take a large part of themselves and their interests and crunch it down for someone who may or may not reciprocate it. It's not about being elitist, it's about finding someone who will maximize both party's interests. By the way, Nabokov = love. - From me and Eris

True, but if you knew another person who spent their free time creating music and decided they weren't interested in dating someone who also shared that interest, would that be elitist or snobby? I don't think so.

Both music and books can be intensely personal and meaningful, and having a partner who doesn't "get" that can be really disheartening and frustrating. Some people want to avoid that.

You're telling me you wouldn't be put off if you asked someone what music they liked and their response was: "Music elitists are cunts. I hate listening to music; why exactly is that a bad thing?"

Except they answer "I don't like music" first, and then you dismiss them because they don't like music. And then they would call you a music elitist.

You can't just say "i don't like music". You can dislike an artist, a genre, a song... but literally everyone knows a piece of music they like, be it a song, or a whistled tune, whatever. But everybody likes music, it's just we all have different tastes.

Precisely. People who don't like "reading" may dislike the medium used to convey a story, but nowadays that is not an excuse, you can get most books in audio format.

Besides, how do they function in an age where writen communication is prevalent? We use emails, short text messages via a handful of platforms, we write how we feel and what we like, we read menus and signs, textbooks, instructions int he manuals or on some random site we found because we discarded the manual. A disliking of reading doesn't add up.

Everybody reads alone.

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Me too, but I'm just saying his argument about alone time doesn't really apply, because reading is largely a solitary activity.

That's right, but you can share the love for books but you will have to read on your own.

Except the reading the book is one activity sure the content matters but the activity of reading a book is tiring for me.

What the fuck lol that example is retarded

That's stupid. I like video games and reading. I'm not going to discount a girl because she can't and won't play EVE online or CSGO. Even if she does read it doesn't mean we have any more in common. If I read fantasy/scifi maybe she reads romance and non fiction and we literally have nothing to talk about book wise.

You are eliminating people from the dating pool because they don't share the same hobby as you. You don't see guys who watch a lot of sports say "nah I'm going to divorce my wife because she doesn't watch football or understand the importance of offsides in hockey." It's stupid. Just because you don't share your favorite hobby doesn't mean you have nothing in common and have nothing to talk about, people are usually more than one thing.

I like reading, I just don't dedicate a lot of time to it, and I'm the same with TV shows. I generally only read/watch popular stuff with concepts that interest me, I don't have the time to sift through everything or read books/watch shows I don't like.

Reading books makes people smarter, more compassionate, empathetic, creative, and all around more effective humans to engage with. Why would someone who is a book lover not want someone who expands and betters themselves through literature?

sources: 1, 2, 3, and 4.

You can say that about a lot of things...

Before citing articles that cite stories, read the articles. I read only one (link 3, the one about empathy) and the article was total bullshit. It was citing a study (which is published in an online-only journal, already a red flag) that studied the cognitive subprocesses involved in reading. Not once in the study does it mention empathy and it has nothing to do with empathy at all.

Do you not know or understand what empathy is????????? Hint: all those things in the study that showed evidence that reading activates mirror neurons and.. Wait for it..... Shows that reading allows us to practice empathy!!

Lol dude..

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What about folks who read and live an active lifestyle?

That dating pool is small :(

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That is the beauty of matchmakers and such.

In a metro area of say a million people, there may be 60 thousand singles of your gender and age criteria (wild ass number)

5% of 60K is 3000 potential candidates (this number is probably bumbkis, but I cant find good data for these points). Say you want an atheist girl (and for the sake of this argument, that this percentage follows national trends) then your yield drops to roughly 300 candidates. Say you want somebody with an IQ over 130 (again lets do the spherical cow thing and run the numbers) that takes your dating pool to 6. Now hopefully out of that 6 they are using a matchmaker service before you start playing decisions.

Take all this with a grain of salt as this may self select as folks who are active lifestyle are more likely to be richer and have higher IQs and such. Also having a High IQ doesnt necessarily mean they are a smart person.

So TLDR, its a numbers game and some criteria are self selecting.

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Active Lifestyle kind of self selects that out but on it's own that wouldn't bother me.

I am ginger as well so I am okay with this as well.

You did that by dismissing people who love books. You don't see the hypocrisy in that?

I didn't dismiss people for loving books, you can love what you want have any hobby you want, that's none of my business and I judge nobody for their hobbies. But if you judge someone else for what they enjoy doing you are a cunt. The three biggest ones are Book Snobs, Music Snobs and Clothing Snobs.

Don't be bitter because you're dumb and poor bro.

They never said anything dismissive of people who love books. They said something negative about those who are dismissive against people who don't read.

There's something almost ironic about you defending readers by criticizing a comment which you didn't even read.

Book elitists are cunts

That sort of comes off wrong, yeah. I'm just as against someone staunchly opposed to a whole group of people as someone is is wholly for another group.

Why is it bad for someone who loves books and reading to want someone with a similar interest?

Because there is a lot more to an individual than whether they read books or not.

If you are willing to completely dismiss someone who might otherwise be an amazing person, simply because they don't share one of your hobbies, then I think that is undoubtedly 'elitist'.

I don't follow your logic in calling LilGambling an elitist - how could you reach that conclusion from his/her statement?

Someone who simply says "I don't read books." sounds like they are not open to it and it almost sounds like taking pride in ignorance.

OP called people who doesn't read books ignorant.

OP is an elitist cunt.

I love reading but share the same view about book elitists. My husband isn't into reading like I am but it's never been an issue. Reading has always been a solitary thing for me so I rarely need to share it.. And when I do there are plenty of people who will discuss books with me.

Except he was replying to an elitist who thinks if you say you don't read books, that you take pride in ignorance or something.

As if not reading books for fun makes you dumb or ignorant. People just have different hobbies. It's fine to prefer people who like the same things as you like, but not if you think they're dumb for not reading books.

"Neeext"

As if they wouldn't even consider someone who doesn't read

Because who seriously would stop dating a great person for the sole reason that they didn't share one hobby, a hobby that is primarily solitary? Sure you can talk about the books you've read but there are literally a million other things you can have in common with a person.

Cunt book elitist here. You are too unread to comprehend why not reading books is a bad thing.

Flawless logic.

Nobody likes uneducated plebs

Because I've never met anyone who felt that way and could engage in any sort of meaningful conversation. That doesn't mean reading automatically allows it either. But not reading pretty much automatically excludes it

It also quite simply tells you something about the kinds of entertainment the person prefers. Most non readers I dated couldn't sit through movies like Casablanca or a theater play either.

Not being elitist. It's like if you're a vegan, wouldn't you like someone who also doesn't eat meat?

I'm a vegetarian I don't judge people who like eating meat. And wether or not my partner eats meat or not means nothing too me. But being a vegan is a much larger part of someones lifestyle so that could matter more.

I don't think people who don't read are inherently unintelligent or whatnot. It's just one of my biggest hobbies and I wouldn't fare well with someone who is proud to not read books. Is all.

I wouldn't fare well with someone who is proud to not read books.

Yep, for me that 'pride' is definitely more of a deal breaker. You don't have to read every day, but don't wear 'I never read anything!' as a badge of honour

Exactly. Such a turn off when someone is proud to limit their mental prowess.

Most people who brag about not reading seem to still be in a position where reading is mandatory. I know many people who have discovered a niche of novels that capture their interests after they get out of school.

But yeah, comments like "I don't read" really come off as juvenile.

Yeah, you can't judge someone's intelligence by whether or not they read. However, they will be very unaware of a lot of things readers all accept as common knowledge. It would be like dating someone who has never watched movies / tv and refuses to. You'd spend a lot of time explaining jokes, references and commonly known things like they were from another planet.

I might be wrong, but I don't think any of the preceding comments were in favor of non-reading pride. They were just aimed against book elitists.

Just because you don't read much doesn't mean you're proud of my reading. I like reading, I just don't dedicate time to it. I've only really been reading lately because I'm doing an english literature class.

Or any other hobby/interest that you feel strongly about and want to be able to share with a partner. If I was an avid hiker, and it was very important to me that the person I was with enjoyed planning trips and coming with me, then I'd probably rule out relationships with people who hate hiking.

That's understandable but you don't really gather around one book and read together. Hiking's much more of an activity you can do (and encouraged to do) with others.

I'm not much of a reader (not that I'm touting it around, just saying where I'm coming from). If someone asks me what my favorite book was I'd say "sorry, I'm not much into reading books." but I wouldn't mind listening to someone talk about what they're reading or whatever their interests are. Most of these comments suggests the scenario would go:

"Oh sorry, I'm not really into reading books."

"Okay, we're done here."

Not to jump on the bandwagon but as a vegetarian I have actually never dated another vegetarian lol. Not by choice, just by happenstance. If I cut out every potential date based on diet I'd be single. Shit, wait I am single. You know what I mean!

I'm a vegan. All my relationships have been with omnivores. It's never really bothered me. Besides, I've actually only ever met one other vegan.

Not saying it has to be exclusive, but I'm sure it would be a plus for you. Replace reading with any other hobby, it's much more fun to date someone who's into similar stuff :)

I'm a vegan! There are dozen of us!!! DOZENS

In the modern internet era, you can spend hours every day reading intellectually stimulating material without ever reading anything book length. You can even watch hours of educational videos every day. It still isn't the same as reading a book; in a book, an author develops a single set of ideas over a much longer span of time than any internet post. When reading a book, you step inside an author's mind for hours, it is an absolutely unique means of communication. This applies equally to fiction or non- fiction, it is an experience of sharing a different aspect of the author's thoughts, but equally profound.

Someone who hates reading books is either uneducated, having never experienced this, or a moron who in incapable of it.

I'll just reiterate that

Book elitists are cunts.

Someone who hates reading books is either uneducated, having never experienced this, or a moron who in incapable of it.

If reading books has gotten you to the point where those that don't are such atrocities on society, I think the OP's original statement that book elitists are cunts is pretty evident.

I don't want to step inside the mind of an author. I do not enjoy it. It might be tough for you to conceive of someone not enjoying what you enjoy, but sometimes that's just how the world works.

Drop the elitism, especially over books! Of all things to get poncy about. Christ.

No it's not the reading the book part it's the sitting down for hours to do something like reading.

sitting down for hours

Do people really believe this? Do you think every book reader has hours and hours free in a day to just spend reading books?

I read while I eat, I read on my commute, I read while in the toilet, I carry a book for when I'm waiting in a long line. If you prefer audiobooks, it gets even easier.

I hardly ever read more than half-an-hour at a time (and that's already quite good), I just use most of the opportunities I get during the day.

I realize people read in bits but even just reading for 5 minutes makes me want to go move and do something.

That's... sort of troubling. You either haven't found a suitable book for you, or you have a somewhat short attention span.

To be fair I like moving, I just don't think many people on reddit have that sort of opinion i'd take a nice run over a nice nap any day.

What, like the redditors from all those fitness, jogging or bodybuilding subs? Some of which, you know, also like to read.

I get that you don't like to read. You find it boring, tedious, whatever. It's your freetime. Just don't make excuses to make it seem hard, because it's not.

And this exchange is just why I tend to ask first dates if they read. I don't mind if they don't, I do mind if they don't like

People that workout can like to read, working out is something anything can do. I live a lifestyle always moving.

working out is something anyone can do

Yes, like reading.

I live a lifestyle always moving.

The fact that you are on Reddit, right now, discussing this, is kind of proof that no, you don't.

Because only stupid people don't like books.

Flawless logic.

Yes a classic modus tollens. But more seriously I agree that discounting someone as an acquaintance simply because they don't like to read is ridiculous but as someone I would want to go on more dates with? Yeah, immediately crossed off

If you don't read you're not smart. All human knowledge is stored in writing, and if you don't read you don't have access to any of that. That means you are unable to have an intelligent conversation.

And that's why book elitists are cunts. They have opinions like this.

I felt like being an asshole and he was the closest person to me at the time.

So if I read more Star Wars books, I'll be smart again? Sweet.

Star wars smart is better then just stupid.

then

Then what?

The word you were looking for was "than."

I was implying that you'll just have to deal with it.

"Then" implies a point in time, or a progression of events. "Than" is used in comparison.

A is better ~~then~~ than B.

I figured you'd know that, being an intellectually superior reader and all.

I know quite a few avid readers, some use hard copies, some use e-readers, and most are quite pleasant, it generally doesn't define them.

The book elitists however can be so insufferable when it comes to over-the-table conversation at meals though...

It's not necessarily, you can just say you find other things more interesting and elaborate.

Well, someone who has a favorite book is more likely to be literate.

What if my favorite book is actually Infinite Jest?

Hobby Elitists are cunts. I dated both musician and non-musicians (I studied piano for a long time) and frankly just because they also studied music didn't mean we got along any better. The idea that you have to have 100% overlap in personality/hobbies is nonsensical. I like that my wife and I have our own things and things together.

Because almost all of the worlds collective knowledge and culture is contained in books or something like a book. Do you hate all books? or do you just hate reading certain kinds of books? If you can't find any verbal material that you enjoy (book, audiobook, etc.), then I'm not sure what I would talk with you about.

its not really elitism. it just allows the questioner to be judgmental about you and the choices you've made. and i will totally judge you for not reading.

1) Try audio books. I never have time to just read.

2) It is because reading tells you a lot about someone. Let me explain

Here are some answers to the question and what you can gain from it.

a) Nothing. I hate reading. - Not only does this person lack something you have that makes reading enjoyable, whether that be an attention span, creativity, or reading comprehension. They are stubborn and blunt with their disdain for books. Why would anyone want someone with those traits, especially if you like books.

B) twilight - this person enjoys reading, but has no idea what makes a good book. Either they are wrapped up in hype easily or they have not been exposed to better books.

C) 50 Shades - just nope the fuck out of here. This is like Stephanie Meyer had a lobotomy and tried to write a fourth twilight book but forgot the names of her characters and that they were vampires. Also, if someone is interested in this book it they are most likely into it for the poorly written smut because the story line is just dull.

I love reading books, and we'll never be able to bond over that.

Reading actually does improve brain function in a way that passively watching video doesn't! But honestly, everyone has preferences in a partner. I looked for a reader (among other things) because I wanted to have intelligent discussions about stuff, including literature. I'm a writer and it matters to me. Doesn't make anyone a better person, just a better companion for me.

Book elitists are cunts.

Sounds like you wouldn't want to be dating a reader. Can you not see why someone who loves reading wouldn't want to date you?

I don't care if someone reads...

Glad to hear that, I honestly never would have known from

Book elitists are cunts.

It's not that it makes you a bad person, it's just that I don't want to be with an SO who doesn't like to read.

I hate doing something, everyone else had better also hate that thing or else they're a snob!

Reading exposes you to a type of thinking and communicating that you can't get from other mediums. It might help you avoid those run on sentences, for example.

Curiosity is attractive. Books good. You read more.

Because their hobbies are better than yours /s

Because there really is no other experience like that of a good book.

Louis L'amour's Bendigo Shafter changed my life.

Because book reading is very intertwined with knowledge and intelligence levels. How do you get new information? You read. Vocabulary? Reading. Do you have an active imagination and healthy sense of humor? Book reading implies that you do.

with disdain

I think that's what he was really talking about here :)

Because reading is a broad wonderful hobby and saying you "hate reading books" is like saying you hate all television and movies. Even people who don't veg out watching re-runs of HGTV shows can appreciate an interesting documentary about, I don't know, ex-doomsday cult members. Reading is just a medium of communication and a way to exchange knowledge. If you "hate reading all books" then you're close-minded and not somebody I wanna spend time with.

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That is far too many peoples opinion.

Agreed. Apparently if you dont read books you're really stupid, according to everyone

Is not reading books that bad? I don't have time to read anything other than my textbooks most of the time, and when I do have a little free time, I like to take a break from reading.

There's a serious difference between "I'm too busy with work/school to read" and "I don't read."

Reading is one of my favorite hobbies, and it has allowed me to relate to people from all walks of life. I'd be very sad if I tried to form a relationship with someone who was completely opposed to my hobby.

I am not even closed to being opposed to reading. To be completely honest, even when I do have the time (over summer, for example), I still prefer other things over reading. But if I had a girlfriend who liked to read, I would have nothing against that.

Don't make assumptions about someone based on a statement like that unless their tone is derisive. I've met anti-intellectuals but that sort of thing is broader than not reading.

My husband will say he doesn't read books. What he means is that he doesn't sit reading novels, but he reads lots of other things and is fairly smart and knowledgable. Someone i used to know didn't seem to read books much but he was dyslexic... And he was smart and knowledgable.

I love books, I just look for others to share that with. My husband and I have other things in common.

Yes, I was talking about the derisive tone. I can understand people not being into reading as a hobby, but looking down on reading as a whole is nothing to be proud of!

"OH WOW! YOU CAN READ? ONCE AGAIN YOU PERFORMED A BASIC HUMAN FUNCTION, CONGRATS!"

Well, you can not snob, but I'll snob the heck out of that. People who simply "don't read" are intellectually stagnant. It doesn't even have to be books, it could be the paper or a magazine, just something!

pretty sure they meant books.

"you are only as smart as me if you read physical books, all others are filthy plebs"

lel nice meme bro

I rarely read books, though I'm pretty constantly reading research papers/articles online about things that interest me. Why is it weird to you if someone doesn't enjoy reading novels?

It's not about being smarter, it's about sharing a hobby, an interest. I'm not a book elitist, far from it. I don't care what you read, as long as you like to, then we share something in common :)

I don't read books because I can't find enough time to read after work :(

I miss having to take the bus / subway every day because it gave me so much time to read!

Can confirm, most of my reading time is one the bus/subway.

People just need to understand that not only do people have their own preferences as far as hobbies and interests, but also their own preferences in what they want from a partner.

I don't like reading books, so I don't. My attention span doesn't keep up, I'd rather play video games where I'm interacting a bit more. Whatever the reasons - but I like music! This being said - my wife loves to read and is "meh" on music. Not only are our interests different, but we also don't require the other to share that. She reads a lot. And that's obviously OK.

Of course, I'm happy she ended up not filtering me right out because I don't read books.

Thanks for your input! It's definitely not the dealbreaker, it only adds to the balance of "stuff I like about that person". As long as you got enough in that basket, it's all good!

But reading books is something to do on your own? What if you like an entirely different genre of books. You won't really have anything in common either.

Oh fuck off with that holier-than-thou attitude. Reading a lot of books doesn't make you any better than anyone else and it's a stupid reason to dismiss someone romantically. There's a million reasons why people don't read. Personally, I used to hate the act of reading as a kid and now I just don't have the time.

almost sounds like taking pride in ignorance.

And you're almost an arrogant prick. Non book readers aren't just staring at the wall while you're reading books you know. Movies, TV series, games, videos, articles - they can all offer the same as books.

Yes, yes, yes. Even ignorance has its elites now.

My wife reads.. I play video games. It works out great we get to tell each other about the awesome stories we experience in different ways

Oh, what do you do? You're telling me you're not an engineer, doctor, or farmer and you can still live with yourself?how are you contributing to society? Might as well just be a drunk laying in a gutter.

Throw away your Poe and Shakespeare. Pick up something by Young and Freedman and do something with your life. Yeah, I don't like reading that much. The only books I can use to answer this question are at a grade school level (enders game obviously) since then all I have read are textbooks and those other books they make you read in hs. Catcher in the rye, of mice and men, and others that I can't remember. I did not enjoy them at all and couldn't beleive they were held so highly.

I have nothing against people who read for pleasure, but people who dismiss you for not having the same interest are kinda lame. I mean, one hobby/pastime does not define you as a person and if you're not willing to actually get to know someone why would anyone want to know you.

Like I said I don't dismiss people who don't read, but don't tell me you will never enjoy reading when all you read are books forced down on you. Most people start enjoying reading when they find an author or serie that reaches out to them. It certainly doesn't define you, but reading can bring you so much that it's a plus more than anything.

By what you said, it seemed like you were quick to dismiss people. Maybe I missed something cuz I don't read much.

And there are plenty of things that you can say will better your life. You can't really do everything. Maybe I'll read when I'm older but not anytime soon. After having to read textbooks I'm not looking to pull out a novel. I'm trying to get some excitement.

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Better than Youtube comments.

In this day and age, how many people really read books any more? It doesn't necessarily mean they're ignorant or anything as you can read stuff online, newspapers, watch documentaries or whatever but books aren't as common as they used to be so it's much less of an indicator.

Why not help them find a book they like?
I never read anything after school, then last year I bought the Song of Ice and Fire series and finished reading them all in 5 weeks. I've tried reading a few free ebooks since then, but nothing has caught my interest so I'm back to having nothing to read again. My answer was always "I don't read books" until last year.

Man don't edit your comment to appease the hordes of angry non-readers getting their shitty panties all up in a bunch because you have a fucking preference.

I read books. People who also read books turn me on. People who do not read books turn me off. That's not any worse than "I don't like fat chicks" or "fuck short guys" so get over yourselves.

I just didn't want to come off as pretentious elitist. I agree, it's such a turn on. Can't say it's a dealbreaker though because our kind isn't all that common it seems.

I partially agreed to you until you said "sounds like taking pride in ignorance". Not reading does not equal ignorance. Some people don't enjoy books. Doesn't mean you're better than them.

Yeah I added "with disdain" to better word what I meant. I understand some people don't enjoy them, it's the pride in not enjoying them that I don't agree with.

Serious question. Would you get along with somebody who genuinely likes and understands complex stories but they come from other mediums that are not books like tv, movies or video games?

Of course. It's the negative attitude towards reading that turns me off.

"If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em!”

  • John Waters
  • Michael Scott

I would panic because I don't have a favorite, just a bunch of books I like for different reasons.

ME: "What's your favorite book?"

HER: "Pride and Prejudice..... Well.... I never actually read it, but I really liked the movie. What about you?"

ME: "To Kill a Mockingbird."

HER: "Oh! My brother likes to hunt too!"

ME: "Check please!"

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

I've been reading the Internet for nearly 20 years. It's fascinating. Have you Reddit?

Chances are people will try and name a classic they remember not hating to seem educated and well read.

My personal belief: If you're with someone (man or woman), I don't care how hot they are, if they invite you into their home and you don't see any books, just leave.

As a writer and someone who reads constantly, this would definitely be a first date question for me. In fact, I'd actually call it a pre-date question, when I'm deciding if I want to ask someone out.

We found John Waters on Reddit!

All my books are in my closet since it has so much space. I swear, I have so many that the shelves are almost falling out.

I read on a kindle. Sorry my books aren't made of trees and taking up limited space.

Sounds pretentious. I prefer movies and TV series. All are formats for storytelling. Fwiw I read also

Favorite movies and TV shows would by my next question.

but what if you use a kindle????

That's do-able. Yeah, I guess I could handle that. As long as you read books, I'm good; I'm just a fanatic who also likes collecting them and thinks a bookshelf makes any room look good. Plus, reading off a screen after a while gives me headache, so I prefer print books. However: since self-publishing on Amazon is the likely route I'll take in publishing my own books (regrettably), having a girlfriend with a Kindle would actually be kind of appropriate, now that I think of it.

This one's always thrown me off. I haven't read for pleasure ever since Goosebumps was a thing. I'm not into sci-fi, wizards and fantasy, teen paranormal romance, or read things beyond your high school mandated classics.

That's not to say I don't read, but bringing up how Carrol's Symbolic Logic helped me learn to read between lines, or Perennial Philosophy made me a more tolerant Christian, or Jung priming me with the syzygy to kind relate to this Jenner stuff going on, and a handful of autobiographies that even if I chose from then, I look like I have an obsession with that person.

I don't have a favorite, but I'll tell you which ones I don't like. Which is only inviting a risk of confrontation on a first date, or at best I'm coming off as a negative Nancy.

Disclaimer: 12 years single, so it's entirely possible the problem lies with me.

I find it kind of easier to bond over common annoyances sometimes. But truthfully you sound as though you are trying to be as open as possible, while admitting that you may not know the most about pop culture, but still being able to relate it to an idea that you have read about somewhere. I feel it's more important for people to discuss ideas rather than things that they like or dislike. (Personally I feel that my demographic defines themselves by the things that they like). The thing about reading is that you have a mass of information from all different view points which makes it simple to relate to most ideas you hear from people.

There's a lot of books out there, many of which aren't fantasy/scifi! If you're not really into those, try older classics or modern fiction.

For instance if you go to Carl Jung and look it up on goodreads, check out this 'readers also enjoyed...' - it's not a perfect system but I find goodreads a great tool for recommendations and whatever. Plus, it can be easier to relate to people if you read more 'currently-known' works. Not that Symbolic Logic isn't well known, but it's only very well-known within a certain subset of the population.

Hadn't been to good reads. I'll definitely check it out!

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Not if you're dating a high school student.

I mean, maybe.

The people on Reddit are the only people that are ridiculously snobby about the fact that people should read books. Lots of people I know don't, but they do read things re their hobbies/current events/politics/etc. on the internet, newspapers, magazines, etc.

And I honestly have never been asked by anyone on a date ever what my favorite book is.

Who does this?

You know lots of people who don't read books? This makes me sad.

Why? A lot of people don't enjoy reading fiction, and may choose to read about topics they enjoy by seeking out articles or online publications instead. Why is a book the required choice when it comes to reading?

Books aren't a required choice per se. If I asked someone what their favourite book was and they said they didn't read books but they just finished an article regarding (insert interest here) I'd still be interested. But if they say they don't read in a tone that implies at all I would not be anywhere as interested.

What about non fiction?

You think fiction books are the only kind of books? That also makes me sad. Books require focus, attention, and commitment. That's what makes them different and why reading books is important for everyone.

No, obviously I don't think fiction is the only kind of book. But if I'm interested in certain topics and read about them in other formats, there's nothing wrong with that. Unless you are a snob about it, which you apparently are.

Books are certainly better than reading online or from magazines. I can't imagine what "certain topics" you could have in mind that don't have books written about them.

I feel like anybody who could easily answer this would just be answering with a semi random book title from their youth, or more likely just hadn't read much. It's like asking what's your favourite song/movie/life experience ... the main thing it tells you is that they are young, which you should be able to tell by looking at them.

You're just waiting for the person who says 50 Shades of Grey.

Tells you what their favorite book is and if they have time to read books.

Pluto, by Naoki Urasawa.

There is just no way I could ever answer that question. I could maybe give a top 5 list of favorite authors. But there is no one book that is, on its own, always my favorite book above all others.

I don't have a favorite book; I have a favorite author, though.

My favorite book is the Holy Bible of our Lord

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

What does that tell you about me?

"Oh god, I just love Ayn Rand. She writes sne deep shit."

door slams

If someone put a gun to my head and forced me to pick just one favorite book I would probably go with Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. What does that say about me?

Unless, of course, you've never heard of it. Which...given the sheer number of books out there...

How was your week?

Edit: me? Fantastic, I got Reddit Gold!

How much do you make in a year before taxes?

Can I see a photo of your mum?

The best advise I was ever given was to take a good look at her mom because that's the way she'll look in 20 years. And as a 40 year old guy married twenty years, it's a very accurate assessment.

I'm dreading 20 years into the future.

My mother in law was 40 when my wife was born. If my wife looks like her mother in 20 years, I will be disappointed.

Sounds like some good advice, but definitely not first date material. Plus, if what a girl is going to look like in 20 years is a deal breaker you probably don't care about her personality much...

What about women who look more like their dad's side of the family?

I don't look a damned thing like my mom though. Not even a little.

(Please God. Please don't ever make me look like my mom.)

That's why I broke up with my girlfriend. I got the same advice, and as it turns out, she was gonna die.

I almost got mad, then I got sad. :(

So many bullets... Dodged.

And I assume that ~~advise~~ advice served you well??

[deleted]

Guys...settle down. It's just the British version of advice. Mostly okay, but with terrible teeth.

Crap, her mom is a fat cow.

Can I see a photo of your bum?

Looks like I'll be giving a nice thank you card to my mom in 20 years.

[deleted]

"Stool and urine too, while you are at it. If its not too much to ask."

[deleted]

College, NTP, AB+

I'd think most long-time redditors would be NTP.

surely that's impossible without at least one live chicken and a rabbi.

Myers-Briggs is weird for me... every test I've taken (only one "official one..") has given me a different personality type.

This happens with most people. It is a glorified horoscope with a bunch of vague descriptions that could apply to everyone.

I'm always split 50/50 on the first and last letter.

Then you're just the middle two. It's not like every person can be perfectly classified as one or the other.

I hear that this is pretty common. You probably don't go very hard for either extreme, so you end up with some letters switched depending on your mood when you take the test.

That ain't a question.

You forgot to ask for a stool sample.

Why the fuck did you go out with ME?

[removed]

I once asked a girl out at a bar, I do this fairly often because I get drunk and just kinda start talking to girls who I think are cute. I try not to act creepy and stuff but you know how it is when people drink. Anyway, after I asked I kinda looked away a little and took a sip of my beer, she says yes and pulls out her phone. I start to say my usual "Okay, no biggie. Nice tal...wait holy shit really?" Of course that little slip up ruined it and she ended up canceling our date hahah. Dont know why, but first comment & yours reminded me of that.

Meanwhile this reminded me the first time I got the number of a completely random girl, well two actually. I was quite drunk on vodka and it was New Years Eve, I looked to my left and there where too cute girls. As I had been drinking I didn't care about being maybe perceived as weird or creepy. So we talked a little about music, what we were studying in school while I got drunker and drunker.

The next thing I remember I was entering their phone numbers in my phone and the next thing after that I was getting a smoke from a random acquaintance and they were gone.

So apparently I am occasionally smooth while drunk.

Hahah, I have a buddy whos like that. 9 times out of 10 he strikes out. That one in ten time though, he is like hitch or something.

Can't completly deny that haha. Though I wouldn't ask that literally - just to myself.

I've been asked that before during sex. Yeah, they waited until after the clothes came off to make things weird.

Lol at this stage there are only two answers left:

  1. Pity

  2. You were horny as fuck so it didn't make any difference who scored the touch down

I asked a girl why she was single. I was sincerely curious, as she seemed to be an incredible catch.

Six years later, I've figured out exactly why she was single.

wow it took you six years to figure that out? what was the reason tho?

sounds like the guy in friends who dates Rachel!

Story Time: I had a friend, good looking, tall, but incredibly socially awkward. Girls would frequently be interested in him from the get go, but he would never have any dates because before he'd get their number, he'd say "wait, before anything happens, I need to know your stance on abortion and gun control."

Don't do that...

Abortion is a woman's bodily automony and guns should be heavily regulated.

Where are we going?

Abortion is a bad idea, however if your friend is a gun owner he may want to know if she's a fellow enthusiast, indifferent, or programmed by bloomberg propoganda and a hand wringing gun control nazi. I personally wouldn't bring it up unless natural to the conversation.

So, if you're from Africa, why are you white?

Oh my god Karen, you can't just go around asking people why they're white.

I actually get this one a lot.

"Will you marry me?"

Calm down Ross Gellar

3 divorces! 3 divorces! 3 divorces!

The only things worse are 4 divorce guy, murderer guy, and geologists giggle

What's wrong with geology? They are ROCKing dudes!

... and girls

Alternatively, Classic Schmosby.

-Ted Mosby

Theodore Evelyn Mosby, you get off this thread!

I, Ted why-did-I-ever-tell-you-my-middle-name Mosby...

Ok on a serious note you should try say stuff about yourself and then try direct it to them so they feel that this isn't some job interview rather a normal conversation. If you are going to go on a date and be like what kind of music do you like? what are your hobbies? what do you do in your spare time? I'd get bored out of my mind.

Let's say you went out on classic movie + dinner date on your first date, after the movie ends and at the dinner table I'd talk a bit about the movie and if I liked it or not and what kind of shit I am interested in. Rather than say how about you I would expect them to converse along and keep the flow going you shouldn't feel the need to ask unless you really want to or you can wait to ask questions in further dates.

Definitely try to take the conversation where you can get the answers without needing to ask questions that way your date will be comfortable as well. EDIT: Thought I made a typo

[deleted]

Why?

The point of a first date is to make lots of conversation and get to know the person, not stare at a screen for 2 hours.

I thought the whole idea was to get dinner after the movie so you have something to talk about?

Where I come from if you can't have a decent couple-hour conversation WITHOUT any immediate prompt to discuss (such as a movie you two just saw), it's not worth going on a second date.

A movie first date wouldn't let you get to know the person as well as a non-movie first date due to the sheer difference in time spent talking.

That's my 2 cents though, it may vary in your situation/social setting :)

It's just to break the ice, man. Ease the tension of a first date.

I avoid movie dates for first dates. You just awkwardly sit next to the person for an hour and a half.

Who the fuck goes to dinner AFTER a movie?

Seriously...the closest I get to this is when I'm at home and the pizza gets there late

I had to explain this concept to a stranger once. He approached myself and a girlfriend at a beer festival, in a nonorganic way. I knew almost immediately that he was trying to show a friend or two somewhere in the vicinity that "It's easy to just go talk to girls! Watch!" He was nice enough so we talked to him for a few minutes, but eventually I stopped him and said "Look, I understand that you are trying to ask us lots of questions and that's great, but you are making me feel like you are talking AT me as opposed to having a conversation WITH me. Before I can even ask you what you think, you have already spouted another unrelated question. I know that someone told you to just ask girls questions about themselves but that's not what they meant".

This is probably the best possible situation. If you can actually avoid playing the question game then bam, that's a successful date, because you simply conversed instead of role playing the hiring official from the HR department. You'll discern things about the person without having to use a list of topics and whatnot.

[deleted]

and thoughts on time travel

"I love music, and I love to travel!"

Travel is a difficult one.

As someone who has seen almost every continent, I've found that people love the IDEA of travel. If someone has traveled alot too, then great, you have shit loads to talk about.

If someone has traveled a bit but wants to do more, and more importantly you've been somewhere they haven't...they cant relate, and their eyes glaze over when you talk about it.

Worse is someone that wants to travel but never has. You could be the best storyteller in the world, but you'll bore them in seconds as they cant relate.

I've experienced the last one a few times. I've found that it's not so much boredom for them as a feeling of bragging/guilt on my end when I start to describe something.

True, usually everyone "loves to travel." But I still think it can lead to some interesting conversations about plans in your future, etc.

Who doesn't like to travel?

"If you could be any wild animal, what would it be?" I remember every answer from every date in the last two years. Here are some examples I distinctly recall:

  • Cheetah - answered by a 19 y/o ballet dancer
  • Vulture - answered by a 27 y/o lawyer
  • Peacock - answered by a 25 y/o art gallery curator
  • Nightingale - answered by a 28 y/o music teacher
  • Lion - answered by my current girlfriend, a 29 y/o database developer, and is indeed ambitious

The correlation is pretty interesting. I nearly thought my date was joking when she said 'vulture' but she was serious.

By the end of the list I thought the question was what wild bird would you like to be, and she chose lion. Good choice!

"Are you single" is probably a major one (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

The dating site I use keeps forgetting that I'm looking specifically for single women. I have to remind them every time...

Ah I guess it thinks you can't get a single women so it's giving you what you deserve..sorry

It thinks I want to form a tricycle.

He wants to ride his tricycle he wants to ride his biiiike

Respect Tables ┬──┬◡ﾉ(° -°ﾉ), please op!

Don't make me go Haulk on you ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

No!!!!!! :'(

┬──┬◡ﾉ(° -°ﾉ)

┬──┬◡ﾉ(° -°ﾉ) Why must you be like this?

(/ .□.)\ ︵╰(゜Д゜)╯︵ /(.□. ) hercules flip

Why do you have such an hatred for my kind? WHY?????? :'(

┬──┬◡ﾉ(° -°ﾉ) whimpers

┬──┬◡ﾉ(° -°ﾉ) sobs

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ ︵ ╯(°□° ╯) cause it's all wrong

You're a monster!

┬──┬◡ﾉ(° -°ﾉ) sobs

whimpers I know (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻

┬──┬◡ﾉ(° -°ﾉ)... sigh

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Seriously!!! Make sure you get the answer to this. I think phrasing it as, "Are you seeing anyone?" is less awkward though.

I made that mistake once and holy crap was is awkward

Right?! lol happened to me last week.. it was so uncomfortable.

Its even worse when two weeks after going out on said date, you find he Facebook and see shes engaged and wants to go out again

Aghh. It's like we went out with the same person haha. I got a text last night that said, "So you hook up with me and then don't contact me??" Freakin sucks lol we had a good time.

Dude get on that, you got a girl trying to get at you, don't let it slip.

Did you tell the fiance?

Why would you go on a date if you're seeing someone?

Do you smoke? If they answer "smoke what?" We have a winner

Until they offer you a hit of their crack pipe.

"Smoke what? Yeah I smoke crack."

Lol smok wed bruh

420BLAZEITFAGGIT

Honestly, that would be a deal breaker, even though I smoke weed 420blazeitmaggot

Love smoking. But it's a huge turnoff when my chick smokes. It's like she gets too dumb...

You two probably have more in common than you think

Probably. Doesn't change my opinion in the slightest.

I was talking more along the lines of mainstream weed culture, but we all got our reasons :)

Correct answer is "Dank Memes"

Nice try though

This was pretty much my process when I had to move dorm rooms mid-year and had to decide between several different random roommates.

Usually you don't have to ask if someone smokes meth, you can tell by how shaky and scabby they are.

Same! Except I was the one being asked. When I said no, he asked if I minded that he smoked in the living room. "I'll open the windows or something."
I passed on that one.

I live in Colorado. "Smoke what?" would be a standard response for cigarettes or weed. Not just weed.

thats the point. if they only smoke cigs theyll say yes or no.

If they smoke cigs, why would they say no?

No, dude you got it wrong.

"Do you smoke?"

"Yes." - Person smokes cigarettes or "No" Person does not smoke cigarettes.

"Do you smoke?"

"Smoke what"?

They probably smoke weed or both weed and cigarettes.

They know what you mean and don't smoke weed?

No. Not in Colorado.

Found the guy fom /r/trees

My response would be, only sometimes when I'm drunk, leaving you thinking: Wait, does he mean cigarettes or weed?

And the correct answer is both.

Just ask them if they smoke weed. You don't want any misconceptions.

Yeah, cigarettes = winner in my case.

Smok beer evrydey

In my experience, people who say "smoke what?" are idiot potheads. If you're looking for people who are '4/20 friendly', you're looking for stoners, and they'll just say, "No."

I would just day "Yes" because I smoke lots of different things ... My grin would give it away tho.

Really? Because People ask me this all the time, and being on a college campus, they do mean pot most of the time. It's sometimes just to clear up any potential confusion.

Someone who doesn't smoke will answer: No.

Someone who smokes cigarettes will answer: Yes.

Someone who smokes cigarettes and/or weed and/or anything else will answer: Smoke what?

Only valid if she smokes "a mean pole"... ;)

Just got asked this. I replied cigarettes? No. Then she asked weed? I said sometimes but mostly I vape She said weed is not her favorite but it's not a dealbreaker Whew!

Even if I never smoked, I'd say I did, because if that's a dealbreaker, fuck 'em.

Why would you say you have smoked if you never have? Are you 12?

I dunno. It was my strategy for getting a dorm mate. If you say you don't care they put you with whoever, if you say you care they only put you with non smokers or "don't cares", if you say you smoke you get either a smoker or a "don't care".

I figured any non smoker that wasn't in the "don't care" category would be a dick to live with.

Worked out well. Going to hang out with my dorm mate on Friday, 14 years later, still friends.

Can jet fuel melt steel beams?

Is it pronounced maymays, or me-me's?

Neither. It's may-mees

wait, you mean it isn't "meems"?

I don't give a fuck how it is pronounced, this is how I pronounce it.

The mee-mee/may-may thi,g is actually a reference to 100girls (a fantastic movie) in which the guy is professing his "awesome datable guy-ness"...even if the girl wants to insist on saying her own name in stupid ways.

Otherwise I'd only ever heard the debate as meem or meemee. Which of course, we know the answer to.

I would hope I'm not retarded in thinking it is meem.

You and me both

Lol remember when meems were first popping up? Never thought I'd see an internet joke get so enriched in our culture that it would be mentioned by everyone, even Fox News anchors and boxing champions.

Jet fuel can melt anything...except dank memes.

Broken is dat you?

Ctrl+F "beams"

Not disappointed

Thermite will do a better job apparently

Why would you want to know that?

Dank memes are the structure of society, not just buildings.

scrolled all the way down to find this. nothing more to see here.

That depends... Do you work for the government? You know you have to tell me if you do right?

What temperature do chemtrails burn at?

Can vaccine fuel melt steel autism?

Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Do you also believe that Ghostbusters is based on a true story that the government is keeping a secret?

Does your toilet paper roll over or under? Deal breaker if you are an under...

Same thing with being an outie, given the innie v. outie question.

What if she prefers water to toilet paper ?

Have you pressed the button?

It's kind of funny reading these as I sit here in the restaurant after just being stood up.

I'm sorry!!! What a jerk/bitch.

Thanks, but she's not with me fretting over.

Does this smell like chloroform to you?

No one SHOULD or SHOULDN'T do anything out of character on a first date. Rules, etc for dating are so ridiculous IMO.

Wanna grab a drink later?

Newly engaged, sorry.

Sorry for you too, but I'm sure it will get better!

Except tell her that you love her.

I once meet this girl at a gig and asked her, "Would you date a man that asked you what the worst thing about you is?"

I got a lot of rejections instantly, but it filtered out all the precious princesses. Until one girl said, "I can't fucking cook and I'm bad at cleaning. So I guess everything I say from now on will be an improvement. Great question."

We dated for a while.

it filtered out all the precious princesses

Because your questioning drove them away, you'll never know if they're precious princesses or just normal, nice people who feel uncomfortable being overly personal with people they've just met.

Yup. Using a single criterion to preclude a complex person from further consideration screams narcissism.

"Oh, don't like answering personal questions from a stranger? You must be a pretty princess. Can't be that I'm doing something wrong with this approach"

But his question was "would you date a man...", so it's not that it's his criterion but rather he's asking if she would eliminate a guy based on a question.

If anything its a minor comprehension test.

And he's eliminating her on her hypothetical elmination

From what he said, it sounds like the women are doing the eliminating.

I disagree; he does it intentionally to cause an elimination. Its kind of like suicide by cop, I suppose.

You're not actually killing yourself, but you're still intentionally getting yourself killed

[deleted]

....well played

But I guess as a retort, I said that it is narcissistic behavior, not that he is a narcissist

Yea I was going to say, or maybe they weeded YOU out by realizing you're a weirdo. haha.

Maybe. But at my age, I don't have time to play games. So the question is generally playful, yet also determines what the persons personality is like. Whether they have a sense of humour or they take things too seriously.

For me, it's a quick filter which gives me a general idea with their body language and what their response is going to be. If they can't take a silly question like that then I don't really want them around as friends let alone date them.

Seems shallow to base everything on this. But the reality for me is I don't want bullshit. I don't want made up crap, with dates pretending to be something or someone they are not. So a confronting yet playful question like this helps when I get a cheerful response back, or a startled response that becomes a surprise 3 months down the track when you've farted in front of each other and discover that she isn't finding your farts are funny as you do.

But maybe give it more than one date? A lot of potentially perfect partners might just be nervous and 'not themselves' on a first date but more comfortable later on. In fact, you could argue that those people who like you most, and are therefore most likely to be a long-term partner, are also the most likely to be shy and nervous on a first date.

But that may be a deal breaker. I'm attracted to very outgoing people who don't mind talking about things. I'm very honest with what I say, so to be able to communicate exactly how you feel about things without any subterfuge is nice.

OP seems to have a specific type of girl in mind; he probably DID drive away some potential good dates, but any kind of girl who can give an answer to something like this is most likely going to be well worth your time.

If they are that 'worth your time', you'll find out pretty quickly through normal conversation.

Found the princess.

We dated for a while.

It went okay

This, right here. don't be afraid to filter prospective partners by asking questions that will get you rejected. If you're asking a question that correctly filters for the kind of person you're looking for, you'll go on a lot fewer 2nd dates, but experience quite a few more 3month-or-more anniversaries.

That's pretty much it. I don't have time these days for games. So the question is generally delivered in a playful manner but also weeds out the girls with no sense of humour with the ones that can take a joke.

How can you be bad at cleaning?

She probably meant that she just doesn't do it.

I'm surprised you came out with me, considering my record. How old are you?

Do you play DnD?

Wanna to see my rod of wonder?

Please deposit it in my bag of holding, I will deal with it later

This might be a little much for a first date, but the questions are intended to be asked to/with a stranger you're interested in.

http://imgur.com/a/7yxbd - Can Love Be Created 36 Questions in all!

For our "fourth date" my boyfriend and i went out to an event in Vegas for the weekend. We were going to be driving for 4 hours and I thought it would be really fun to ask these questions. See if they really did work in helping us get to know each other better.

We spent the entirety of that drive talking nonstop. It was awesome because the questions sparked discussion and stories and wasn't just simply asking and answering. We learned so much about each other, how we got to where we were, the good things or the faults we saw in ourselves, the good things we saw in each other, what our goals were for the here and now, for the future.

Turned out we had even more in common than we realized. By the end of the drive we were definitely surprised by how much it brought out about each other.

That weekend I fell in love with him. And this weekend we move in together. I like to think the 4 hours in the truck talking played such a huge role in where we are in our relationship today. :)

How long does it take you to eat a wooden door?

i would marry you that night

I'd marry me to.

granted...you finish the door that night

If they could say the word, "passport."

Nice reference.

I have yet to meet someone who doesn't start bitching about an ex. Man I suck at finding someone.

Depends what you want to know.

If you'd like to know if they will sleep with you on a first date, ask a girl if they like the taste of beer.

If you'd like to know if they're religious, ask if spelling and punctuation are important to them.

Seriously. [OkCupid crunched the numbers and actually found some fascinating correlations.] (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-best-questions-for-first-dates/)

But honestly, I ask people to tell me stories. Stories are way, way more fun to listen to, and tell you a lot more about the person than getting them to list things. That, and I don't really like dating people who tell crap stories.

Edit: Added the religion one because I had accidentally deleted it, and it's so fascinating and relevant to a redditor-dator.

Thank you for replying with this. Was going to myself if someone hadn't. I don't think it's foolish to have some unusual, innocuous questions to ask. Only someone truly pedantic will turn a date into an interview. Stock questions break the ice, and give you some data if you happen to be testing the waters as it were with multiple people.

"So, do you like.... stuff?"

Camping.

If our definition of camping is different, we may have a problem.

Fucking snipers.

"How do you feel about shitting in holes?"

So like, if she likes camping in a tent at a campsite and you like backpacking is she out of the running?

I'm a girl, so it would be a "he."

I was thinking more like… if his definition of camping is in a luxury cabin or something, he may be out of the running.

Do you enjoy sex?

yes, she said. But not with you :(

This reminds me of when the White Witch killed her sister in the Magican's Nephew

Would you rather fight 1 horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses?

I read that as "horse sized dick"

Me too.

"Would you rather fuck 1 horse-sized dick or 100 dick-sized horses?"

Some people say avoid religion, but if it's important to you, then you'd better ask about that. Also, are you looking for a serious relationship that could progress to marriage or not into that for any reason? And for me, I have to know about the person's feelings toward kids because I have one. May as well get the important stuff out of the way to see what pages you're both on or not on together.

What is your relationship with your father?

A lot of people say not to talk about politics, religion, and any other super passionate thing on first dates but that's the stuff I want to know so I don't waste my time with a second date. I'm always down to fool around though even if they're no where near my type.

Why don't you have a seat over there?

If you could only eat two foods for the rest of your life, what would they be? Tells you more than you think about a person.

Tesla or Edison?

I don't think this alternating current fad is going to stick.

easy, Tesla.

Edison doesn't have very good mileage

Unless you're a pigeon, Tesla ain't interested.

Dirty Edison racing to the patent office to steal people's intellectual property.

Prism towers

None. This question is bullshit and amateur at best.
You shouldn't be walking into a first date with an arsenal of questions to pepper your partner with. Why not just get together with a notepad, pen and give them a job interview while you're at it?

The reality is both of you are probably nervous to some extent. Even someone who's experienced in dating will get a few nerves if they're out for the first time with someone they really like or want to impress. So, what's the answer? None. You just let it flow.

The best date is one that lasts for hours, is over before you know it, and only seems like you've been together for 30 minutes. The focus should be on fun. Anyone who's attentive will get the answers to all the routine questions if they listen properly. You can tell almost anything about a person by the way they laugh, treat those around them / wait staff / etc, how they interact with you, and so forth. On a first date you have established at least one thing : You're attractive enough to one another that you're willing to spend a short period of time together to determine if there's more attraction.

The most dreaded question for me is "So, what do you do for a living?" or "What do you do for fun". They are terrible and they make me want to walk out. Not because I'm don't have a good career I'm proud of, or that I don't have a laundry list of great things I do in my spare time, but because the question is a cop out to begin with. I answer them as vaguely as possible and shift the conversation elsewhere to truly engaging topics. Why? Because not one person laughs or has a good time when you answer "I'm a senior accountant with SuperBigShotFirm" or "I work for WasteCo cleaning toilets" or "I'm an ER doctor". Just as answers like "I love the outdoors, hiking, boating, saving injured animals" or "I play in a high stakes ping pong league on Tuesdays followed by my yoga class on Thursdays and mechanical pen assembly class on Fridays at 5pm". No. It's all bullshit.

So, what do you ask? Again, nothing. You let the conversation flow. Lead the meeting to places you want it to go. Be suggestive. Here's an example. Upon meeting "Let's go have some fun". A little small talk is great. Antidotes about the menu, drinks, some knowledge of the food you're about to eat or the wine/beer/whiskey you're about to drink. That opens the floor for your partner to chime in "Yea, I made this killer potato salad last week and ..." .. "Damn, jalepenos in potato salad? That's brilliant!.. I always went with some greek yogurt as a secret ingredient".. "Greek yogurt? Amazing! What, are you a chef?"... "Naw, I just put greek yogurt in everything". Boom. You've managed to engage this person, while being slightly sarcastic, a little witty and so forth.

Is there some awkward silence somewhere? No problem. Break that up like a pro. Continue to engage THEM. Here's a few examples :
"That's an awesome necklace. What's the story behind it?"
*Make a comment about their choice in footwear if applicable
"I'm pretty sure that couple over there's date is bombing" (Which opens up countless places to take the convo - particularly stories about horrible dates the other person has been on - this allows you to understand what they don't like, in turn you learn a ton about them).

When you're answering questions - keep the replies light, detailed - but short and not drawn out. Always close with passing the conversation back to your partner.

But, the ultimate worst is when one party is trying too hard and the other is JUST NOT INTO IT. Read up about human response and understand it. Things like playing with hair, giggles, a gentle touch on the leg/arm/shoulder as they laugh. These are all positive things. Body language. Super important.

TL;DR: Pre-thought out questions are the worst.

Thank you!! As someone who's just getting out of a six year relationship, the typical "what do you do for a living?/what do you do for fun?" questions not only make me feel pressured, but also really bored. This is the best advice in the thread!

[deleted]

I certainly would think less of you if you sighed and rolled your eyes at me.

I find it makes guys feel like they did something wrong without making you seem like a bitch.

Judging by how you described your reaction, you're probably wrong about not seeming like a bitch. I don't get why people hate this question, sure it's bad if it's the only thing they can talk about but it's such a basic piece of information that it's almost on par with knowing their name.

[deleted]

It's on par with asking how much money someone makes, and what their education level is.

Yes and no. There are huge amounts of people whose job doesn't reflect their level of education on both ends of the spectrum. Highly educated people working "shitty" jobs because that's what they enjoy or what suits them and people who never went to college and have a very good job. Your point about it being similar to asking how much they make is your only fair point and completely reasonable not to answer but the rest isn't accurate or reasonable.

I understand that you find your job boring and personal so you don't want to talk about it but there are people who love their jobs and would be happy to talk about it. So getting annoyed and rolling your eyes because they don't magically know that you have a boring job is bitchy. All you have to say is "I don't like talking about work" and you're golden.

I actually like my job. I make a decent amount and I actually get to use the piece of paper that I spent 4 years earning. If I didn't have that degree I couldn't have my particular job. You could accurately judge my education level by my position. I also talk to my colleagues about work all the time. I don't date those people because then my life would be 100% work. My time away from work is my time to focus on the rest of the things I enjoy, like good beer, backpacking, making sculptures, and bitching at strangers on the internet.

If we have 2 hours to hang out and you bring up work, you're a boring person. I'm not the only person that feels this way. You can defend that boring tactic all you want, tell me how it works for you :)

Edit to add this: Look at how many females are saying the same thing. I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I like it! Will use in the future!

I shouldn't have had to scroll all the way down to this comment. Seriously, this should be on top

Yes it should; for socially normal people. Most people on Reddit, including myself, arnt socially normal. I suck at doing the above even with people I have some sort of connection too because of anxiety/etc. now I don't find many of the other tips here particularly useful, but I can see why some people would.

Clearly though, the comment above is the ideal situation.

I feel like I'm in the minority for cutting people some slack on a first date. We're both nervous and we're both gonna say something dumb. There might even be an awkward silence or two. Like you said, the comment above is the ideal situation, but a bit of awkwardness is no reason to write someone off.

I think this is even beyond the normal level. OP is a social expert.

Look, just take my upvote, okay? I don't have enough vacation days at work to read all of this, but I'm sure it's great.

Seriously, if I get asked what I do for a living as the first question on a date ever again I'm literally just going to get up and walk out.

Also, dill pickles are pretty great. Far superior to the abomination that is sweet pickles.

Couldn't read past "I put Greek yogurt in everything" stated laughing to my self about odd Greek yogurt sex.

Not that anyone will see it, but I've often used "what do you do for a living"to spark a long conversation, because I'm interested in their job, or there is something about it I didn't know about. And can show if they like their job, which will be helpful if a relationship developed to know if that will be a source of possible future issues from stress.

All questions can be interesting.

He wants to replace one question with another because small talk is better than other small talk. Guess what the story is behind most necklaces? Spoiler alert, they bought it in a shop.

And how is things that interest people is not an engaging topic? If you find a single thing in common you can talk for hours. I spent two and a half hours talking to one girl because I said I liked pc gaming and she did too. If you don't have any interests in common then you're not really going anywhere long term. Could you imagine dating someone that didn't have a shared interest with you, it would be awful.

The only good advice was this

When you're answering questions - keep the replies light, detailed - but short and not drawn out. Always close with passing the conversation back to your partner.

Can I go to a Mechanical Pen Assembly class? It sounds like a blast.

I'd give you gold if I had some. Anyway, awesome thoughts.

So did greedo or han shoot first?

You're wording it wrong.

"Who shot first?"

The first wording gives them a multiple choice question! This is a much harder answer. :D

John Wilkes Booth

Do they believe in dinosaurs? I find it bizarre that so many people think that dinosaurs are mythical creatures or just bones planted by Satan (or Jews) to trick us.

I never met a single person that didn't believe in Dino's. what kinda people are you around?

I live in the Bible Belt. I was a nanny for a woman who didn't believe in dinosaurs. My Junior year teacher said that Satan put the fossils there to turn Christians into atheists. I currently know at least three people who don't believe in evolution, and dozens more back when I was in school.

I'm a Bible believer and I believe in dino's and so did everyone I ever knew. Thats weird to me.

I have been absolutely shocked so many times at the people I know and like, who I generally find to be intelligent, reasonable people, who don't think dinosaurs are real.

I usually try to integrate some version or other of the Proust/Pivot/Lipton questionnaire into the conversation.

What is your favorite word?

What is your least favorite word?

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

What turns you off?

What is your favorite curse word?

What sound or noise do you love?

What sound or noise do you hate?

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

What profession would you not like to do?

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

The trick is to not be too obvious about it.

This would make a date seem like an interview. You wouldn't get a second date from me.

First dates are interviews.

Put like this, of course it makes it seem like an interview. But a lot of the answers often come without being prompted. They flow into the conversation. And it doesn't have to be the whole comprehensive list, either.

But it remains useful when you run out of things to say, and you've already complimented her earrings and offered a bite of your dish.

If you run out of things to say during the first date, I'd bet that there won't be a second.

[deleted]

What do you mean?

Never heard of the Proust/Pivot/Lipton questionnaire. What is the aim of it?

The aim of it is to seem like the weirdest person alive so that you don't get a second date.

It is a list of question that are designed to reveal important character traits in an interviewee. It was invented by French author Marcel Proust, popularised in France by literary critic Bernard Pivot, and by "Inside Actor's Studio"'s James Lipton.

Favourite word? As in you just like the sound or something? That's weird...

Bonus points if you have a stack of cue cards.

I like to go to a first date with an exhaustive knowledge of the person I'm meeting and then quiz them on their own life.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? What turns you off?

If I was asked either of these the date is over in my mind. Nothing, and I mean nothing can make me feel as awkward as being asked these questions. I understand they're not sexual, but it puts the idea that the date is about selling yourself. I'd rather have these things come out naturally. Let me bring up these things or let you infer them through my words.

Again, you're taking the phrasing of the question too literally. But if you take the question "What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?" and turn it into

"Are you religious?"

"Do you play an instrument?"

Or perhaps "When was the last time you shed a tear because of a film?", the awkwardness of the phrasing goes away!

Yeah, not with that last one...

Man, the point of a first date is to have fun & find out if you can stand the person's company or not. I'd never ask someone about their religious views on a first date.

I take it you're from America. I noted that in the US (please do forgive the sweeping generalisation) people tend to put religious discussion in the "sensitive topics" category, together with politics, dead relatives, and Manchester or Liverpool). It's not like that over here. What's most likely to happen when discussing religious beliefs on a date is something like this:

-Are you religious?

-No, but I grew up X.

-Oh, me too!

Or

Are you religious?

Yes. I'm X. You?

No, but I'm going to Israël for the summer! Ever been there?

And even if there is a disagreement on religion, can't you be two mature, calm human beings discussing interesting ideas? Does a first date necessarily have to be all about how it's nice for this time of year, and how they misspelt "tiramisù" on the menu...

Maybe it's a culture thing. There's nothing wrong if religion works his way into a conversation, but I'd never break a moment of silence by asking someone if they were religious on a first date.

It's not even to do with the fact that people will disagree on it, it's because people tend to not want to open up about things really personal on a first date. And as you said, religion here in the US is very personal.

Are they really that bad? You'd make up your kind from something like that? Even if its an awkward question its not that big of a deal. Its not like theyrr asking you if you like anal or if youve been raped before.

I LOVE this questionnaire and its use on Inside the Actor's Studio. It really does give you the measure of a person.
That said, some of these are very intimate questions. Like, I've been married for 8 years and I'm not sure I know what my husband's answers to some of these would be. So maybe leave it for the 3rd date...

With this strategy I'll bet you've been on a lot of first dates ;)

  • Kinderlijkje
  • Proactief
  • A sunny, breezy day and the smell of grass
  • Stale air
  • Cunt
  • Uncontrollable laughter/snorting
  • Things breaking
  • Process engineer (troubleshooter)
  • Sales
  • Sorry for the inconvenience, your mom's over there

So , are we getting a second date?

You have 365 days to eat a standard wooden door, how do you do it?

How many walkers have you killed?

How many people have you killed?

Why?

"Do you like pugs?"

"Are you a cop? Because you have to tell me or its entrapment"

What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladenswallow?

Uh sparrow is a broad term I mean there are african and european breeds that are completely different

what does the fox say?

Oh, excellent question, as there are multiple answers and they all convey great meaning about the person.

[deleted]

Damn I bet that worked very well sometimes and also made some people very angry.

What's your favorite conspiracy theory?

I automatically rule out anything about aliens or 9/11... Those are just boring and unoriginal. Personally, i'm a 'the Titanic sinking was an insurance scam' kind of gal.

Do you even lift?

Sooo... Butt stuff?

I always ask if she thinks Han-Solo or Greedo shot first.

I die, what do you do?

If her answer isn't to look for the Dragon Balls she ain't a keeper

If the multiverse theory is true, is there a universe where the multiverse theory isn't true?

Does this handkerchief smell funny to you?

What color flair do you have on r/thebutton?

What kind of books do you like to read? This will tell you a lot about the person.

Let me simplify this for you.

Why do you smell different when you are awake?

Do you do butt stuff?

YOU LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING RETARD?

Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?

Is....is that you Jaden?

It's your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?

Did you ever take that test yourself?

Do you have a condom?

"Sell me this pen"

What is your favourite Joss Whedon production?

  1. Do you have a job?
  2. Do you have a driver's license?
  3. Do you live with your parent/s?
  4. Do you have all your teeth?

The first question I ever asked my (now) girlfriend was "Nicolas Cage, good or bad?" She didn't get the Community reference, but did acknowledge the One True God.

Holy fuck. Are Millennials even going to be able to procreate other than by pure accident?

Just tried it. This one doesn't work

Did you follow it up with "Wanna have an accident?"

Judging by my Facebook feed, yes.

[deleted]

Sup would totally dust the flash.

The Flash copypasta

The Motherfucking Flash

Now, I don't know how many of you dogs of the scurviest sea read comics, but I do a big pile of comics. One thing that blows my mind is how completely insane the powers in the DC universe are. Look at Superman. This guy has more powers than French restaurants have ways to say "your taste in wine is atrocious". He has powers to do with every part of his body and then some. He forgets powers sometimes. He can shoot heat rays out of his eyes, frost breath from his mouth and red son radiation from his ass. He's that sort of crazy dude. All because he absorbs solar radiation.

Look at Batman. His power? The anti-power. Sure, he should be some tame, kung fun master of not much, but instead he's the hottest shit to ever shit on a plate. You got a power? He'll find your weakness and give you seizures or heart attacks. He'll light you on fire when you're sleeping or make you recharge your green lantern ring in the power outlet. Ten thousand volts of fuck you batman. That's Batman.

But the fucking Flash, my god, my FUCKING GOD, this man has the greatest powers of all. If Superman's powers are being sucked off by twin super models and batman coming home to discover your wife is not only bisexual but has two friends she wants you to 'get in on' then the Flash is an orgy with a thousand women who also want to pay your World of Warcraft billing. And click the mouse for you. This man is just that fucking hot. They have to power him down in the comics half the time just to keep him from doing everyone else's job.

Ok first off, he can travel at lightspeed. Mother fuck! Not only does he travel at lightspeed, but time slows down for him. So he feels like he's having a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are moving so fast you can hear him coming from Montana while he's already gotten to Arizona. That's fucking fast. But wait! The ability to move at Lightspeed just isn't fucking enough!

I know! Christ this guy can punch you so many times in a second you've been hit five times in the cock and two times everywhere else. You think you're about to fight the Flash and then it hits you, for the last split second he's beaned your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm. But no, there's more!

The Flash can also vibrate through walls. Now last I heard, you can not move so fast you can vibrate through walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the movement of his individual molecules and move them through other solid objects, phasing through solid matter like it ain't no thing. I mean you think a guy who runs at lightspeed would run into shit but no, the Flash just goes right through them. To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream (which the Flash made in like a millisecond, fucker) he can selectively choose to cause objects to be "okay" afterwards or FUCKING EXPLODE. That's right. He can run through you and make you blow up by transfering kinetic energy into you. Like Jesus. IT's bad enough you can't hit this guy, but he doesn't even have to punch you. Now your testicles have exploded and you're thinking you're about to hit him. Jesus? Just give it up. He's the fucking Flash.

Now imagine that somehow there's someone who can get around the Flash blowing your balls up secret ninja technique. Ok. He can also control the flow of energy between objects. This power makes no sense but basically he can throw a rock at you, and you think it's going slow and then he's like WHOOHOOO WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS and bam it's going at lightspeed. So he can throw seven million rocks at you in a second then make them all goes different speeds thus striking your nads with seven million rocks one after the other.

But wait! There's more! He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of GOES FAST. The man is so fast he can make Flash pants that GOES FAST go right into. I don't even start to understand the physics of that but basically SPEED == REALLY TIGHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR. You would think this is the end of it but ok let's say Flash is fighting Superman and shit he's going to lose and FUCK how is Superman THIS fucking strong? I don't know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else ok to end it off the Flash can GO BACK OR FORWARD IN TIME ON COMMAND.

How do you beat this dude? You're thinking you're hashing him good, laying down the beatdown, missing your balls and suddenly BAM YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEARS AGO and there's a dent in your forehead and Superman not thunk so gud no more. Actually she didn't fall down the stairs the Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! Fuck you Flash! You moved the stairs to Soviet fucking russia! RUSH-A! Bitch.

That is the greatest handcrafted masterpiece of literature I have ever cautiously laid my eyes on, the way a fair maiden who is about to lose her virginity to a prince lays her dress on her fauteuil..

I didn't know this existed but I am so happy it does.

Uh... What?

Actually she didn't fall down the stairs the Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! Fuck you Flash! You moved the stairs to Soviet fucking russia! RUSH-A! Bitch.

lol

But can't Superman do all this with his speed too?

U want sum fuk?

Wanna get superhero costumes and fight crime together?

This question would seriously endear me to the chic ballsy enough to ask

How do you feel about shaving/female body hair? The response is my favourite way to gauge the true character of a man.

Why would his opinion on a superficial issue reveal his character?

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Cracked me up :)

[deleted]

"Yes, but not receiving..." O_O

An eye for an eye.

A brown eye for a brown eye. FTFY

Are you being racist to us brown people?

Bill Nye the science guy

do you remember when we used to sing?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

How old are you? Really.

I always ask if she thinks my other girlfriends would get in the way of a relationship.

No you don't.

My go-to first date question was always "would you ever eat human flesh? Not in a survival situation, but just to try it?"

My Grandad does this.

Will he share? I've always been a little curious what it tastes like.

[deleted]

No thanks, I've been told I have terrible taste.

just ask questions man

hi how are you?

i'm fine

are you fine?

..yeah

youre fine then?

are you fucking retarded? what's the matter with you?

...do you want me to be fucking retarded?

I dont really ask questions just tend to people watch and tell anecdotes, then at least you've had a fun date if it doesnt work out.

"Have you ever questioned the teachings of the Mormon church?"

Talk about dodging a bullet there

I take it she said yes

"where were you on 9/11?" always gets results for me

Serious answer: I hate small talk. So I really like asking people I've just met, espwcially first dates, Chuck Klosterman's 23 Questions he asksto decide if he could ever really love the person he's just met. Especially the Moon/Europe people. I have asked that question so many times, at interviews, to my friends, on dates, to total strangers and have learned a lot about Moon people and Europe people.

What's their spirit animal.

Who shot first?

Are we human or are we dancer?

Will you Marry me?

What is your favorite way to eat potatoes? Simple, harmless, but informative.

"Are you an axe murderer" has never worked for me as a first date question. Which is odd, as I think it's quite important to know.

I was friends with a girl whose father was an axe murderer. Chopped her mom up, stuck her in a barrel, and chucked her in the lake for the lifeguard to find later.

My current girlfriend asked me if I rather had a pokemon or a girlfriend. Obviously my answer was a pokemon, with one of those it would be easy to get a girlfriend. Turned out to be the right answer, yay for me.

  • Have you ever been convicted of a felony?

  • What is your greatest weakness?

Is someone being convicted of a felony a deal-breaker?

As someone who has been convicted of a felony, I recommend it not be. I have a job and I'm a nice guy; the only way that my criminal record ever affects my life is that I have to disclose it when I apply for a new job (if they ask).

If the date goes well, I will tell you by the end of the night that I got in some trouble when I was 18. It's a whole lot more honest of me and it tends to a lot better conversation and understanding. I have asked ex girlfriends if they'd rather have found out in a better way, and most say that that's probably the best way to discover. (Unlike a date I went on a couple of months ago, where the woman googled me before and we discussed it over text, and had it hanging over our entire conversation.)

Anal?

Do you read?

So... umm... what's your favorite color?

Totally depends on age. The older I've gotten the more I've realized how helpful it is to make sure you're on the same page about some bigger stuff before wasting your time or 'falling for' someone who's a bad match for you.

Like pooping in pants acceptable or not?

TIL either no one on Reddit gets a second date, or their advice is awful.

Just talk about things you like. It won't kill you.

Can you reverse entropy?

For anyone else reading, it's actually good to have your first date be more like a pre date. Grab some coffee or something, keep it short, just get to know the person a little and figure out if you can stand being around them for the length of a real date.

So how do feel about the separation of church and state?

How many walkers have you killed? How many people have you killed? Why?

If you ever piss me off, I'm gonna do your mom to get back at you.

what is your favourite type of bear?

There's no rulebook unfortunately. Ground rules to be sure. You're on a date with them not their ex, keep it that way. Keep it low pressure for both of your sakes. Avoid things that can be put into a list. Talk about ideas, passions, stories. The sooner you start asking interview like questions the more likely a dates going to fizzle out.

"So uh, how much student loan debt are you in?"

So... what's your policy for anal?

"Do you live with your parents?"

What is your favorite table top RPG system, or favorite video game? I don't care which type is their favorite, but it gives us something to talk about. If they are anti-gaming it wouldn't work out in the long run, because I don't plan on getting rid of that part of my life. Besides, gamer girls are the best girlfriends in my honest opinion.

"Is anal off the table?"

I mean it could be on the table. I was thinking the bed would be better though...

What are your feelings on Chipotle?

blue album or pinkerton

How many walkers have you killed? How many people have you killed? Why?

Anal, yes or no.

Are you married? Do you have kids? - Ask, in a joking way if you have to-- but always ask!

Are you religious?

Do you eat the booty like groceries?

Well, if you want some good questions. You could technically use those from a research:

http://psp.sagepub.com/content/23/4/363.full.pdf+html

Just pick a dozen as they are likely to be much better than the regular crap people say to each other - you know, the crap that nobody cares about but people are willing to put their pain aside and pretend to listen and sometimes nod in order to be in 'good' terms with the other person.

EDIT: On the paper, just scroll down.

With my current fiance, I asked her to dinner, then told her a few hours before meeting up "that this is not a date, I dont like you like you and you probably don't like me ,so let's just keep it casual. " She had no intent on it being a date in the first place. A few days later she asked me to dinner, but as long as it wasn't a date. So our first date was 2 non-dates later. By then, all the awkward stuff was on the table.

Can I borrow tree fiddy?

Pre-op or Post-op?

So, are you wearing underwear? I'm not.

Who is your daddy and what does he do?

My mom says my dad is a real sex machine.

'Are you married?'

Invisibility or Flight?

"WHAT IS YOUR FICO SCORE?" - my mom, as she tells me this all the fucking time, haha.

something something broken arms

How was your day?

Hey, can I borrow $2,000?

ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?

GET A LIST OF THEIR HOBBIES, AND MAKE SURE YOU'RE OKAY WITH IT. Seriously. It might sound stupid, but it has had a HUGE negative effect on my current relationship.

I'm a volunteer firefighter, and I collect classic cars. A year into my relationship, I find out that my current girlfriend thinks that firefighting takes up too much time and that having more than one car is "impractical and useless."

It may be impractical to her, but it's my passion. Same with firefighting. She moved into my house and now expects me to sell my cars and quit firefighting because it 'doesn't make any money.' If I had known in the beginning that she felt that way, I would have dropped a deuce on the floor and walked out. Might do that now anyway.

So your two hobbies are awesome and manly and she wants you to give them up. My good man you need to run. I can halfway understand her problem with owning multiple cars only if it causes a financial burden. But to expect you to give up firefighting is fucking insane. She might've moved in but if you're not married don't get married.

The cars are all paid for in full, and if I buy a new one I rarely spend more than I did for the one I sold. I make plenty of money, that's not an issue. And it costs less than $300/yr to fully insure them. Her beef is that they take up the whole garage, and she has to park on the street. BUT IT'S MY HOUSE.

I imagine I'll end this thing for good shortly.

Man up, and argue her shit... I mean, she must have a hobby, ask her to stop and sell everything relate.. See how she react and explain that its exacly how you fell about quit firefighting and car collecting

Sorry friend, but that is just unfair and sets a nasty precedent for the future. I've seen this kind of thing where one partner changes the other for "the better" and then gets bored because now they aren't the person they were attracted to. All this over a parking space.

I've had a similar issue before with a couple live in girlfriends although not as severe. We were all grown ass adults which makes things worse. It was my apartment, I paid the rent and utilities and stock the fridge etc. One refused to ever clean anything, dishes, bathroom, her shit strewn around my bedroom. Her justification was she didn't really live there but she never went home either. Another expected me to sever ties with my best friend because she's a woman, finally I introduced them and my friend loves my gf. Gf hates bf, says she's too pretty. I lied/played along with it for about another month because the sex was phenomenal and dumped her. Third was a sweet girl, her I miss. But in 2 years she went shopping once. Would get sad because I wasn't home and working 60 hours a week but that was so she wouldn't have bills and could finish college. Moral of the story is you can't win with some people.

You gonna eat those fries?

Daddy, why did you eat my fries? I bought them and they were mine.

I get this reference. Have an upvote.

Mathematical!

Do your epic potato fantasies involve vegetables or other roots or just a single potato?

Do your epic potato fantasies involve vegetables or other roots or just a single potato?

A single potato is all I need.

WHO DOES NUMBER TWO WORK FOR?!

How many dates before you have sex?

Can you divide by zero?

Are you married or in a relationship?

Are you married or happy

An either/or question? LMAO.

I can't take the credit, Curley said it first

"Would you mind if I take notes?"

Maybe should have put a serious tag on this one...?

Are you married?

Ayyyyyy bby want some fuk? (No serious tag)

"So, ya got AIDs?"

Are you aware that three buildings actually fell on Sept 11, 2001?

Would you rather fight 100 horse-sized ducks or 1 duck-sized horse?

How's your Credit Score?

Are...Are you ok? Are you mad?

What are you looking for? Honestly if you want to be in a relationship but they don't, never try to make them be in one or lead them to think you dont want one. Bad things happen that lead to awesome songs being written.

I always ask: have you ever been married?have you ever been to jail? Do you have any kids?

None of these is a deal breaker but they are three very important things I need to know before I become emotionally invested.

"What do you do for a living?" (tells you if they're working)

"What job would you like to have?" (tells you if they have ambition)

"Do you like where you live?" (or some other question that tells you if they have their own house, have roommates, or live with mommy)

If I get laid on the first date it definitely makes me question the girl's judgement.

How does one livith life?

There is only one answer here.

You're not a dude, right?

Do you like horror movies?

Have you ever traveled to another country alone?

Would you like to ditch it all and go live on a sail boat?

According to data from OK Cupid, the answers to these three questions are the best non-creepy and non-invasive way to determine commonality and compatibility on a first date.

Also, apparently the most tactful way to determine if your date is politically liberal or conservative without asking them about politics is to ask them if they prefer to spend time with people who are similar to them or different from them. Similar = conservative, different = liberal.

There are of course based on broad generalizations and YMMV.

Do you like Mexican food?

Well thanks again reddit. I have a first date tomorrow and this has been just as helpful as usual.

Not question to ask but more a couple of observations one should make about their date: 1. are they paying attention? 2. are they kind (especially to waiters if date is at a restaurant).

They Don't Think It Be Like It Is But Do It?

Are you fucking crazy?

Were you ever sexually abused?

This probably is highly irregular but... back in 2000, my parents paid me to go to Korea and basically go through several arranged meetings with girls in hopes that I'd find a Korean girl to marry. I was pretty honest with them and told them I wouldn't fight the process (since I was getting a free trip out of it) but I'd make the final decision. Anyway, the first date I had, the son of my dad's friends tagged along as chaperone. I found the entire idea of chaperone at my age (30 then) to be absurd but whatever. I soon found out it was his role to be a social lubricant in what could be an awkward situation. And it was apparently also his job to ask the really awkward but important questions, like whether the girl had any cosmetic surgery done. It would have been incredibly gauche for me to ask that, not that I would have known to ask it, but it was sort of his job to take on the dickbag role. It was interesting.

Nothing came of that date, and several I went to afterward. I met my wife later that year back home in Atlanta and we've been married almost 13 years now.

What are some weird thing you have to deal with because you have a vagina?

"are you Fucking crazy?"

What's your stance on dinosaurs?

They better be down to Dino

What's your credit score?

What are you most proud of and why?

If you get a detailed, serious, compassionate answer - continue date

If you get a half-assed, unenthusiastic, short response - wrap it up, check please, go Dutch

If s/he says anything about their sexual prowess good or bad - wrap it up

"What is your name?"

Pay close attention to the answer. Very important information, as it turns out.

AM I BEING DETAINED?????

What's your favorite movie and why is it Paul Blaurt: Mall Cop?

Someone hands you a regular wooden door and says you have a year to eat the whole thing. How do you go about it?

How many walkers have you killed?

How many people have you killed?

Why?

I like to ask them if they're ever gonna give me up, it let me down. Also, if they would run around and hurt me.

How do you feel about me casually using the word cunt to describe anyone I feel like?

fuzzy inside :p

Enough about the king, how about you?

"Do you like the taste of beer?", according to OKCupid

How do you feel about metal?

Which one of these people are you?

hair metal obviously

What is love?

Baby don't hurt me

Don't hurt me.

how did your last relationship end?

How about even before the first date? I've met women on match.com who would make sure it was even worth a first date.

her: "Okay Cowboy... I love to suck cock and I swallow cum, you'll be eating my pussy every night. You can fuck me up the ass if you want. You still interested?"

me: "Sure."

Do you like Phil Collins?

Do people really need an acronym to remember what things not to talk about?

What about all the terrible things that don't fit in the acronym? What about those things?!

what are your passions?

if someone can't answer that, they're probably not worth my time.

Not so much a question. But I always look at how my date treats the server if were out to dinner. If they treat them less then respectful, I would not go on a second date with them.

What are you currently watching on Netflix?

'What is that sore on your lip?'

Would you mind showing me your credit card and a valid driver's license?

I would always ask about what movies they like. Sounds cheesy but you can tell a lot about a person by what type of movies they like.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

"What is your hobby or passion?" The only wrong answer to this question is no answer. I'm personally not into people who aren't passionate about something. It's indicative of a lethargic mind and soul.

This is a terrible first date question. I hope someone sees this before I get downvoted into the reddit nether realm, but who honestly thinks this is going to lead to a good conversation? It's far too blunt and open ended. This is something that SOUNDS like a great question in a self help book, but is so cheesy. It's an immediate flag that you don't know how to hold a real, legitimate conversation and are grabbing sounds-good advice from dating sites.

Instead, try this on for size:

So how do you spend your time?

This gives the other person the opportunity to take the conversation where they want to go. Is work important to them? They'll tell you about what they do for a living. Do they hate work? They'll tell you about what they do at home.

This has the added benefit of letting you know what's important to the person, since the question can go anywhere they'll immediately jump to what they think of as "their time"

Ps this is also a great substitute for" what do you do for a living? (or the more commonly truncated what do you do?)" which, again, may get someone into an area they don't want to talk about, or lead to a boring conversation, or worse embarrass them if they're between jobs or make it awkward if they're a stay at home parent. Obviously that last one isn't for first dates. Unless it is? I don't judge.

Edit: dammit I just called out thepeoplesbard. I hope he doesn't write a song about how much I suck. Love your music though dude but I think there are better ways of reaching your goals in a first date question

It is also incredibly intimidating question. It is asking you to say a lot about you, very early on.

Some maybe cool with answering. /u/ThePeoplesBard can say "I love to make music" and that is great and it is a start to a conversation. But not everyone has a passion that is such a simple sound bite.

Some people may love things that are not considered fun or cool by people and therefore don't want to disclose it (I am sure many gamers of one sort or another are in this category).

For others it might not people something they are comfortable disclosing after knowing someone for an hour. What makes me tick, what gets me out of bed in the morning is a very personal thing.

It would make me feel like I am being interrogated.

With a psychic sword?

I hear you. But there are people who are literally interested in nothing, and those people do not interest me. And I appreciate that some passions are difficult to describe, but scary to describe? If you aren't into your hobby enough to be proud of it and own it that might be as bad as not having one at all to me. Why not own it up front if it's important to you? Would you abandon it for a partner?

Its not about whether I am proud of what I do, it is about whether is the appropriate time to mention it. How will it affect the rest of the date and his/her view of you.

One of the things I am into is, using micro-controllers in custom electronics projects. This would give my date the belief I am a massive geek and that I want to talk about that all the time. Something that many people would find off putting. The truth is, I know its not a hobby I share with many, so don't mention it. There is no need. Mentioning it only forces you down an awkward conversation which is no fun for either people.

Another thing I am into is, rugby. As I am a larger guy that makes some sense, but often leads people to wonder if I am violent or aggressive as that is their view of the sport. It certainly makes people wonder if I am stupid (another negative stereotype of the sport).

I could go on with a few of my other interests, as you can see they are conflicting. So answering the question with a single thing skews my dates view of me in a very specific way. Your hobbies don't define your personality (especially not one in isolation), and I want to date someones personality, not their hobbies. What they do on their own time is none of my concern, as long as there is room for us both to do 'our thing' if we ever moved in together etc, but that is a conversation for another day.

I do fully understand why you would ask the question and why you would want someone with that drive and passion. But I am not sure expecting some one to come out with that 10 mins into a first date is the right way to go.

Yeah, I'm definitely not going to be telling a dude the details of my clockwork on the first day. And I think that's something people ought to be able to figure out for themselves pre or post date. If you don't have an inkling of what means a lot to me, why are we on a date? If you do, why are you asking?

Yeah, I'm definitely not going to be telling a dude the details of my clockwork on the first day.

Honestly it's pretty cool. I did a week of work experience cleaning old clocks (so much grime that they stopped working) and taking them apart and putting them back together was really enjoyable. I'm wearing a mechanical watch now because I love seeing the gears move.

A lot of my friends think it's pretty cool too but I study engineering so it's probably got something to do with people finding it interesting.

Depends on what you're looking for. For a lot of people, you're totally right. On the other hand, there are people like me who value ambition and varied interests and demand both in a life partner. I don't need them for a FWB but find a lack of them a total turn off.

So I should ask that question but not you, and we're both right.

So how do you spend your time?

Trying to find a hobby or passion.

That's a really, really great point. When people ask me what my hobby is I generally react like a deer in the headlights and mumble some generic stuff about how I like music and video games which isn't even that true but it's the easiest answer. When you asked how I spent my time it game me a context. I garden, work on my house, read, build stuff out of lego and work.

Yeah, I'm the same way.

I upvoted as well. When I get passionate about something, I border insanity becuz it's all I think about and how I spend every single second of my free time. I go completely fanatic and then ppl find me annoying becuz I can't stop talking about it. I actually choose to stay away from politics, religion, and major fitness for this reason. I don't see myself as lethargic. I see myself as well rounded. I have multiple interests, but no major passions. Passionate is a strong word...

It's alright man, I upvoted you (:

Just commented somewhere else about this and a similar question. I much prefer natural conversation and for people to infer these things. How do I spend my time is such a great question. What I'm passionate about? What inspires me? Fuck off, dates over.

[deleted]

I much prefer natural conversation and for people to infer these things.

Just straight out asking me seems like I'm at a job interview. If that's how you want to view dating, fine. Someone will hopefully sign your contract and you'll be very happy. That's not how I see or want to date someone.

[deleted]

My simile about the job interview was to imply it was more formal. I certainly do think a date should be a more casual type of interview without direct pressing questions. But the questions we're talking about seem really weighty and would make me feel uncomfortable.

I'm passionate about plenty, but would prefer to be asked "How do you spend your free time?" over "What are you passionate about?".

I'm not looking for anyone to pass any tests. I'm looking for someone that I get along with, enjoy spending time with. It's great for some people to think they can ask XYZ and get those things from people, but realistically I don't think that's true.

[deleted]

I'm not saying idle chit chat though. The difference is in the tone of the questions I stated above. One seems more analytic, whereas the other is more friendly.

[deleted]

Listen buddy, I'm gonna interject here. Phrasing and tone is really important. I'm less likely to want to divulge my inner feelings to someone who asks "What are you passionate about?" upfront to (basically) a stranger as I am to divulge to someone who arrives there through natural conversation. Because the first sounds like a conversationbot that's been programmed for big talk mode and the second is someone who can hold a good conversation.

If you don't understand that, I'm sorry

[deleted]

But you keep ignoring the main point, using the word passion makes it sound to intimidating and not casual like first date conversation should be

Dude, chill. I don't disagree with your more gentle formulation at all. The point is discovering their interests, whatever path it takes. I agree yours is more subtle. I tend to be more blunt and direct and believe it or not a lot of people enjoy conversations with me because of that. I know my intensity scares some people off, but it intrigues a lot of cool people. And, hell, it's who I am.

So how do you spend your time?

Forgive me, but that's got the same problems as the first question. It's a conversation, make it about the person you're talking to.

Does masturbating and eating cheetos count?

depends in which order

Same time

Multitasking. I'd say you are a keeper

Dr, Why is my penis orange?

Because you're an oompa loompa

scrub with the cheeto dust, it'll make the blowjobs you'll never receive taste that much better!

Only if you floss first

I think Walter White said it does once.

"I'll tell you if I decide to like you. Next question"

I've gone on several dates over the past few months and this boils down to my real make-or-break question.

Seriously, your hobby is Netflix? I've got a sport, a musical instrument, a type of novel, aspiration, and your hobby is Netflix?

Agreed nothing more boring than being with someone who's only entertainment is you

"My reddit username's "NegativePenguin", what's yours?"

"PositivePenguin, I don't think this relationship will work..."

You're obviously attracted to each other.

i would never just allow someone im dating to know my reddit

That was what I was insinuating - they'd see my whole, dark, shady post history! :-D

okay good, i was briefly scared for your sanity

It'd definitely narrow the field. ;)

"Um, well, it's..."

"Speak up."

"It's XxPM_ME_HITLERS_NEWDSxX"

Apple or Orange? The answer to this is very important as it tells you exactly what kind of person your date is.

People are not apples or oranges

[/biology]

Dates are also not apples, nor are they oranges.

What if she's a real peach?

Orange you glad I didn't say banana

My god, you cant just go around asking people to compare apples to oranges.

You must be joking because this tells you absolutely nothing about what kind of person your date is. Unless they answer with "I don't like fruit" then the question is completely...Fruitless.

To eat? To juice? To throw at someone you don't like? I NEED TO KNOW CONTEXT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION!

What if person has an allergy?

Are you a natural born woman?

How many walkers have you killed? How many people? Why?

Hahaha, nice one, mate :)

Am I on "To Catch a Predator"

Do you watch television? Do you watch Dateline NBC? Because there's something I gotta tell you.

Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

I now understand the importance of a (Serious) tag.

What movie got you out of a hard time?

If they say "Paul Blart Mall Cop," then you present her the ring and marry her there.

DC or Marvel?

My authority to answer this question: I've managed to date and marry someone who I truly believe is my other half; my the one (and not in the flight of the concords sense);...after dating a whole bunch of people that weren't "the one" for periods ranging between 1-5dates, and 2years.

Depends on how much pre-first-date screening has happened.

If you don't know shit about the person other than supposed height/weight/eye-hair-skin color and a profile pic eh...your first date probably should be something you can exit early if need be; like coffee. At this stage, your questions should be the same kind of questions you'd ask while flirting with someone at a party. If you don't know what that means, you probably shouldn't be going on a date like this. Most real questions would be asked on subsequent dates, though if you hit it off and your 30min coffee becomes a 5hour walk through the park followed by dinner, you can probably ask 'real questions' somewhere in there.

If your screening involves a couple IMs, phone calls, or in person interactions that grants you more knowledge about the person, then your 'first date' can probably allow for a couple (or more) 'real questions'.

Real questions:

  1. What are you looking for in a relationship? This question can be asked early. It is reasonable that if one of you is only looking for casual sex and the other is looking for a long term exclusive romantic relationship, the both of you deserve to know asap so as not to waste time.

  2. Largely unimportant 'fun' questions that reveal something about the person's personality. Cats vs. Dogs, favorite icecream flavor; that kind of shit.

  3. Can I kiss you? Corny as that sounds, I have ALWAYS asked for permission at the end of the night. Doing so eliminates confusion, and trades one brand of awkwardness for a more amusing brand of awkwardness. I've never been told no. Sometimes I've actually asked, "If I asked to kiss you, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?" This screens the dumb girls.

  4. Not so much a question; but talk about sex. Not like, positions and shit, but generally speaking, make it clear in a passing fashion that sex is or is not important to you. Follow it up immediately with a "but that's really 3rd/4th/5th date talk." This has multiple purposes. One, they're now thinking about sex, which lets face it, you were already too. Two, it sets clear expectations [refer back to 1]. Three, it shows you're free and comfortable with your self. Finally, it plants a seed or goal. Sounds like red pill crap, I know, but really it's just honest talk in a non-threatening manner.

Beyond this, there's not much "real" you can accomplish on a 'regular' first date. If your first date goes long enough, or feels naturally good/serious enough that it seems like a second or third date, then ask things about kids, whether they want to stay in the state, and political view points. Asking about marriage in the sense of "do you believe in it," is also a valid question.

"If I asked to kiss you, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?"

How does that screen the dumb girls? Seems like it would only screen the girls who both understand the question and don't want to kiss you.

Context and reading comprehension are important skills. As I said, I've never been turned down for a kiss on a first date, so we aren't screening for women that don't want to kiss me, ymmv.

In any event, the question screens for 'dumb ones' in the following way: if they answer yes or no without giving the question any thought, they aren't paying attn. They aren't thinking. They're dumb. The one dumb girl (i didn't judge them to be dumb from just this question) I asked answered immediately yes and leaned in. She heard kiss and answered what she thought I was asking. She was fun for a couple months. The smart ones all said something along the lines of "ask and find out," or "what do you think?"

I would expect, dumb or not, that someone that didnt want to kiss would show it through tone and body language in answer to the request, if not before.

Are you into butt stuff?

ask her (assuming you are a man) if she's into fitness.

. . . . .fitness dick in her mouth after dinner.

[removed]

312

6

Because it felt good.

Are you a serial killer?

Is there a 9 out of 10 men are killers statistic out there. Every girl I meet on tinder asks this question. Seriously would a serial killer admit to it? Is this just a nervous go to?

I think it's because you look like a serial killer.

Everyone I know says I have a baby face. Is baby face a serial killer look?

I don't know. Are you bitter because your baby face prevents women from seeing you as a potential romantic interest but whenever you try to grow a beard it looks patchy, and people keep talking about how ugly and hipster beards are anyways, and you'll never be able to date anybody, ever, and it makes you so mad that you just want to kill somebody, because you are entitled to romantic attraction from somebody, and it's not fair that you don't have it?
...............
Just kidding. I don't know anything about serial killers.

No the women find me atractive. Haven't ever had a negative response. I've never been the disappointment. Every women I've met on there has misrepresented themselves in some way. Weather it's false advertisement with photos that hide their flaws or claiming to be laid back bit really uptight as shit. I will let the date flesh out. I'm not an ass hole I give them a chance. I guess that's why I assume it's an every woman thing to ask that question I really give no reason for it to be asked unless being easy to talk to is a unusual thing for them and makes me somehow suspicious?

Yeah, like I said, I was kidding. It's likely that they were trying to joke around with you, but it fell flat. As you can see by my post above, guys aren't the only ones that make really awkward failed jokes sometimes.

it is if you're jeffrey dahmer, apparently he was a person that people instinctively wanted to baby.

You should make a movie about a demon ghost inhabiting the body of a cute baby and then going on a massive murder streak through his house and orphanages, like a real Chucky.

"why yes I - oops, almost got me!"

I think it's a legality issue. If they are serial killers and you ask them, they HAVE to tell you. Kinda like a Cop pretending they are a hooker.

They have to tell you, otherwise it's entrapment

I dunno, I'm just concerned about not being killed by one of the few female serial killers to exist.

Just wasn't the way I planned on going out, ya know?

Just say "No, not yet. Do you want to be my first victim?"

"Pft, no. I mean not yet at least anyway"

If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself? I know I would. I'd cover myself in brown mustard and relish. I'd be so delicious.

What's your favorite planet? Mine's the sun!

IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION, NORM, A BABY COULD ANSWER IT!

Now I'm craving a hot dog. Thanks. Ugh I need to go grocery shopping.

I like to get the "unusual sexual fetishes" discussion out of the way on first date

In excruciating detail? With powerpoint slides?

No, but you want to sound out their attitudes as quickly as possible. If there's no way they're going to enjoy the same kinds of sex that you do then it's not going to work and you can spare everyones time and feelings.

"You're cool, I like you, but you're not the huge pervert I'm looking for."

You don't ask it cold, but there's lots of ways to segue into a conversation about sexual attitudes: be engaging and don't push it. Talk about Florida Man, ask what the funniest dumb crime they ever head of is, tell a funny story from the newswire offbeat section. Once the tone of the conversation has shifted being about the taboo and edgy you can get a pretty good sense what questions someone will be comfortable with.

People like to talk about themselves, if you set up the conversation right they'll tell you what they think about kinky sex, and what they like or don't.

How did you guess my unusual sexual fetishes?

Depends on what you are looking for. I'm currently looking for something that has the potential to be long term. If you come right out of the gate discussing the details of our possible sex life, I'm going to assume that's really what you are looking for. Not only will you not get a second date, but I'm going to ask for the check.

If you come right out of the gate discussing the details of our possible sex life, I'm going to assume that's really what you are looking for.

Worked for me and my current girlfriend, but we like a lot of wierd sex. Your mileage may vary.

I'm just saying that kink is something that is very private to a lot of people and I wouldn't discount someone simply because they aren't open about being a looner or being really into edge play on minute 15. A LOT of people in the BDSM community are very private about kink in their lives outside the community.

A LOT of people in the BDSM community are very private about kink in their lives outside the community.

And a lot also have no problem being open about it.

I wouldn't even go on a date with someone who wasn't open about discussing their kinks with a potential partner. Be coy about it if you like, but it won't get you far with some people.

Do you have your own place? Is it nearby? Do you have to wake up early tomorrow? Could you call in sick?

Stuff like that.

Are we humans or are we dancers?

[deleted]

Well. I will be adding this to my list of questions that I ask.

  1. I'm atheist. Does that matter?
  2. Do you believe in evolution?
  3. Does your mother still do your laundry?

Ok these aren't things I've asked in the past, but they are things I'm asking in the future. I learn from my mistakes.

Am I the only one in the world who doesn't date people I don't actually know?

You have to meet them at some point

I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say you don't understand what it is I'm saying.

If you don't share the same religion, it's important to know whether or not they intend on proselytizing you. It would suck if everything was perfect about them except that they wouldn't stop berating you for having a different worldview. I don't know about you, but, for me, that's a deal breaker.

Sooo Paul Blart Mall Cop?

Favorite movie or favorite movie of all time?

Do you fuck on first dates?

Does your dad own a brewery?

The courting song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rj4Nxsj_1t4

Sooooooooooo... Do you do butt stuff?

Ask "do you fuck on a first date?"

If he say yes then leave as he is a slut.

If he says no then leave as he is lying and he's a slut.

If he says "that's a weird question to ask your mother." Then bone him because he's a slut and will suck you like a Dyson.

What the fuck did I just read...

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

OP should be mad,

He didn't put a serious tag.

Honestly it's kinda pissing me off as well -_-

What's you're favourite quote? It says a lot about a person.

Sounds like a job interview

"I'm having a lovely evening, but can you give me a couple of examples of times you have overcome a challenge as part of a team?"

"Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?"

If you had an unruly customer and you had a line up how would you handle the situation?

Yes, if everything goes as planned.

That's how all these questions sound.

If they tell you it's that fake Marlin Monroe quote, get the fuck out of there

"You miss 100% of the cumshots you don't take."

"If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my highest plane of evolved consciousness in which I'm merely a sensual ball of erotic energy?"

Yeah...

Yeah, as a general rule, any woman who's favorite quote is from a notorious whore who died from choking on her own vomit after a drug-binge... yeah, don't hit it.

Don't talk to strangers

Cogito Ergo Sum

There's only one choice: http://i.imgur.com/MPH7Yem.jpg

When does the narwhal bacon.

only if the dank memes

Dogs or cats. If the answer is anything other than an enthusiastic "dogs!", walk away. Liberal or conservative, if the answer is either of them, walk away. Do you like animal print? If yes, she'll cheat on you, walk away. Lol

Just because she wears a cheetah does not make her a cheata.

no, youre absolutely right. and a woman can kick a guys ass all over the place, but GENERALLY.....

I have a condition called micro penis. Does that bother you?

Do you believe in the DENNIS system?

I'm gonna kill you bitch!

slams phone down

Do you like Marmite?

If their preference == your preference then Marriage, else, end date.

''' I'm just practicing '''
    if their_preference == your_preference:
        result = "Marriage"
        print result

    else:
        result = "End date"
        print result

surely the print statement is never reached
also you don't need to declare the result as a list (or declare it at all) when you end up setting its value to a string

if their_preference == your_preference:
    result = "Marriage"
else:
    result = "End Date"

def wedding_plans(cake,seating,flowers,dress,suit,bestman,groom_vows,bride_vows,band,date,time):
#We'll leave this one to her. For now:
    pass

def end_date():
    excuse_list = ["It's not you, it's me", "I need to go to the toilet", "I will turn into a pumpkin if I don't get home by 7"]
    i = rand(0,len(excuse_list))
    return excuse_list[i]

def decision(verdict):
    if "end" in verdict.lower():
        return end_date()
    else:
        return wedding_plans()

What are your goals in life? Really shows if they have drive and ambition or just content living their current life.

"Have you ever tried heroin?"

Who would win in a fight, Superman or Goku? No kryptonite allowed, of course.

the popular answer would be goku. but we all know superman takes it every time, all the time.

After going on many first dates, it's not what you say/ask, but how you say it.

I go for the topic of "goals" and what they like to do for fun.

Answers I love to hear: biking, rock climbing, running, concerts, if they are into anything silly like knitting. Studying or having a goal in stone that they are already in. SOMETHING!

Something other than : (valley girl voice, while twirling her hair) I really like to hang out with friends, shopping, travel. (Going out of the country once, and not being over there more than 2 weeks, doesn't count.) For me at least. But if they are learning to speak French and planning on going to France or something then that's much better. But "traveling" just to put up photos on facebook is rather silly. And not going on any adventures doesn't sit too well with me. Drinking, partying, and "friends" aren't goals. Sorry. But I'm sure many guys will still fuck you, and then wonder why they didn't call you back...

Find out any trauma in your date's life and what he/she has done about it.

If one or more parent is/was an alcoholic or other substance abuser; physical/sexual/emotional/verbal abuse.

That's very touchy of course on a first date, but see if you can steer the conversation and if he/she brings it up.

That's not necessarily a deal breaker, of course; but it is if he/she hasn't sought any kind of therapy for it.

If they say "I don't need therapy" or "I'm fine" then that's a red flag that they're not. And you should walk away.

Source: I speak from experience. Lots of stupid experience.

That makes sense, but I don't see how it's possible to steer the conversation there on the first date. It would have to be handled very delicately, or else it would come across as intrusive.

"So, tell me about your family - brothers, sisters? Mom and dad? are they local? do you get to spend much time with them?"

this can open up a lot. An answer like "I don't talk to my parents" or "I'm close with my mom" can all hint at something for follow up later, when the time is right.

Often it's what's not said, or left unsaid, that's more important.

True.

When you mention trauma, I think about things like rape or an otherwise brutal assault. If that's happened to a person that I'm dating, I don't need to find out on the first date.

Trauma comes in many forms. Adult Children of Alcoholics all have developmental issues as a result of the trauma received growing up in a dysfunctional household.

Many of them dismiss that notion by narrowly defining "trauma" to extreme or brutal episodes like rape or assault. But in many ways the unseen traumas run much deeper.

Perhaps not find out on the first date but pretty damned soon. The fact is you can't "fix" other people. If they haven't sought therapy to help themselves then you're better off cutting your losses and moving on.

If you've worked hard to become a "whole" person then you deserve someone who has done the same.

Would you like to donate your time to the Bernie Sanders campaign?

How tight is your Vagina?

"im scared i wont make it..." orders 6 meals and an icecream cone "i cant lose the weight. i dont know why im fat. ihts ju-neh-tuks."

Religion, politics, and anything that you must have in a partner such as more unique sexual needs or allergies to pets.

Why waste time with a second date if there's a huge incompatibility to start with. It doesn't have to be an in depth conversation, I went on a date where the length of the religion conversation was "I'm an atheist" and "Church and dance are the two most important things in my life." There might have been a second date if not for religion coming up and it would have been an issue further down the road.

1) How many walkers have you killed? 2) How many people have you killed? 3) Why?

"Hey, did you used to be a man or something?"

"But can jet fuel really melt steel beams?"

Do you like butt stuff?

A. Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

Or

B. I need your name, your serial number, whether your susceptible to any diseases?

Casually mention religion. Some beliefs can clash majorly with other beliefs or lack of.

Do you have a minute to talk about our Saviour The All-Mighty Dark Lord Satan?

This is probably pretty weird but I like to ask guys this: "what would you replace your hand with if you could replace it with anything?"

It's great because if they respond that I'm a freak, I know that their sense of humor is not anything like mine, and that they probably won't be much fun to hang out with. If they answer something really practical or really creative, it gives me a sense of what kind of person they are, how they problem-solve, etc. And it usually leads to conversation, so it's a good date question.

Chainsaw. always a chainsaw

Is the sun a star? What's the difference between your and you're? Do you like bacon?

I think that covers it for me.

Which hogwarts house are you in ?

I dated a Slytherin once. ONCE!

Awkward, am actually a slytherin

[deleted]

It's k, I'm take. And my gf is one too, also a few if my mates are huffelpuffs

When does the Narwhal bacon?

I would be delighted if someone would ask me that question on a first date :D

Sooo, are you in Australia by any chance?

Other side of the world, sorry :)

How fucked up are you in bed?

"Can you really take dick or nah?"

Do you masturbate?

To people who think this is a joke - the phrasing is - but I guarantee you I get (and have gotten) an answer to this question, on the first date.

[deleted]

Good to hear - women who don't are headache one way or another.

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Ayyyyy gurlllll what yo name is?

As stupid as it is, "exclusive" is one of the stupidest fucking things anyone can even think is fine. It's better to ask them something along those lines on the first date just to know if they are so you can bail on the relationship.

One friend of mine was dating a girl for almost a month who was seeing 9 other guys. She saw no problem with it at all and told him when he found out that they weren't dating "exclusive" so she was open to do what she wanted.

He pretty much ended it with calling her a whore because she was sleeping with most of those guys because they were buying her things and taking her out to dinner all the time.

have you ever eaten deep fried hamster? - okay me neither

Will you marry me?

Ask about their ambitions. Does he/she want to be a famous novelist, live a quiet life, start a business, become a mob boss or a politician, or what? You can get a lot of insight about a person by their answer... and if they don't know, then this person should be focusing on him/herself, not dating.

I always ask what people are reading. It's pretty crucial that someone is intelligent for me to be attracted, and reading is a sign of someone who doesn't need a classroom to learn.

[deleted]

─=≡Σᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ

I honestly think it should be stuff like "do you want to get married/have kids/ETC" Not necessarily with each other but in general. This assumes you're looking for a long term relationship. Otherwise you're going to waste months only to find out you're incompatible, or even years after you learn that but wont accept it because you're already invested and begin resenting each other because you want different things with your lives.

From Dale Carnegie's book 'How to win friends and influence people:"

"So, what do you do?"

Depends on your age / where you are in life.

[College kid 1]: "So, what do you do?"

[college kid 2]: "Dude. You're in all of my classes and keep hitting on me when I'm working in the cafeteria."

awkward silence

"What did you have for breakfast? ... A big juicy steak?"

Dogs or cats?

Job, hobbies, family, pets. There's no fancy acronym for that, but I would say that's generally a good rule of thumb.

Are we within 500 yards of a school?

What kind of values do you have?

NaN, NaN, and false

Are you a dude? If you're a dude, you have to tell me.

Or is that a cop? And that doesn't really work anyway as a cop can just lie and say he's not a cop...or a dude.

(By this time, my date has gotten up and left)

Let me smell yo dick!

ASL?

What are your dealbreakers? It's good to get those on the table early on before you grow attached to someone objectively incompatible. It's also a better question than what are you looking for, which is just way too broad.

Allowing pets inside the house..

That was one of the biggest problems between my mother and father when I was growing up..

Do you want kids? One of the first conversations my SO and I had when we started dating. Cleared up any confusion and we knew exactly where we stood.

Whats your credit score?

Do you got a job, kids, u dtf, do you have goals, can you leave the state?

"Sorry, I missed your name?" [Gives first name name] "I meant you're second name."

Guaranteed save.

What was your most memorable trip? Do you still have friends from your childhood? Do you actively hate your ex? Are you on meds? Do you actually have a job?

Are you married?

Ey bb u wun sum fuk

Did you—or do you—have a nickname? What’s the story behind it?

Throwaway?

If she does anal.

The important questions. It's even better when you don't have to ask and she mentions it. Onto a winner.

Would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses or one horse sized duck?

Day to day, what makes you happy. What do you love to do?

How much

"eyy bb u wan sum fuk"

knocks them dead.

Will you marry me?

What is your favourite movie of all time? If it's Interstellar, Talledega Nights or Napoleon Dynamite then we've got a keeper.

One question I used to ask was "if you could have one superpower, what would it be?" It's a good conversation starter because it's fun to think about, but also, it gives you some insight into the person as well.

Who are you most attracted to: Zack, Slater, or Screech?

Everyone has different outlooks on life, so the assumption that there are right and wrong approaches is a fallacy. Just be yourself and flow with the vibes. While you want to present yourself in the best light, excessive exaggeration should be avoided. I think the more genuine you are with someone the easier to tell if they like you.

I think a good one would be for them to tell you 3 things that make them awesome. Gives them a chance to brag and you an opportunity to see what they really like.

And don't accept I'm nice or I'm funny or vague answers. Have them tell you things--like I've climbed 3 mountains, or can knit the fuck out of a sock, or whatever. What they choose to do with their free time says a lot about them. I know a lot of people who probably couldn't say much more than, I can sit on a couch for 8 hours a night watching the Kardashians and go to restaraunts to gossip with my friends.

Who is your daddy and what does he do?

"So how was your weekend" or "how is your weekend going?" Depending on the day it is. It's a good way to see what the person does for fun, and an easy Segway into making plans for a 2nd date.

What's your kink?

I know, it's not casual conversation...but some kinks are just fucking deal breakers.

Which superpower would you rather have - flight or invisibility? (credit to John Hodgman on This American Life)

How was your day?

Do you like this place?

What's your favorite thing to do?

I ask to see their ID. If they are a registered sex offender it will show on their ID. Plus it's an easy way to see the full name, date of birth, and address. No one thinks twice of showing you their ID. I do it to make sure they haven't lied about name and age.

Who do you think the true King of Westeros is?

Clearly ask about politics and their religious beliefs, their views on abortion, and you must ask what they think of Obama

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rj4Nxsj_1t4

What what in the butt

Who is your daddy and what does he do?

Ask her/him what they think about the current pokemon metagame and if she/he thinks they should add more pokemon to super smash bros

What are your thoughts on Star Wars?... If they are hated, walk away. If they are non existent, walk away. Seriously, it took me a long time to realize this. She doesn't have to be a super nerd by any stretch, she doesn't have to be a gamer, watch the Sy-fi channel, or every episode of Star Trek.... But if she has NEVER seen the Star Wars, we will likely not be compatible. Just. Walk. Away

" does this look normal to you? "

This is an excellent guide to a first date.

Do you spit or swallow?

Wanna become AVON representative?

I don't think there is a right and wrong for first dates. I think keeping it light is a good idea, but it's really up to you and the other person. I asked a girl to spend new years eve with me on our first date, and five years later, we're happily married. There are no hard and fast rules to dating, just put yourself out there, and if someone gravitates to you, great. If not, keep it moving.

Have you ever seen a laddie go this way and that way have you ever seen a laddie go this way and that?

The "You aren't married, are you?" line, followed by a laugh, to try to turn it into a semi-joking, but mostly-serious question.

Are you a republican? What kind of medications are you taking right now? Have you ever traded sex for gifts, drugs or money?

Pink or brown?

"Have you ever burned coal?"

(Granted, anyone smart will filter out those beforehand.)

Ask them about their music interests.

Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend?

Are you still in contact with your exs? hung up on any exs?

Are you a cunt?

Tell me now, I don't really want to waste any more time.

OP should have done a [serious] tag.

What's your iPhone password?

I say ask all the touchy questions. Pose them lightly and with a sense of humor! It may lead to some very insightful personal information about your date and might possibly save you a lot of hassle later on.

Original trilogy or new. If they say anything other than original I'm out ....unless u know...boobs

"Are you married?"

Are you a stripper?

"Hi, Karen right? You look very pretty."

"Thank you, you look handsome."

"Thanks. So, what's your weirdest fetish?"

How do you feel about the occasional ass-to-mouth behind an Ace Hardware before grabbing some brunch?

"You're not a cop, right?"

Orangered or Perriwinkle?

Are you a nonpresser?

What does success in this position look like?

Oh wow, how intriguing! Do tell more.

It's not so much a question you should ask, but if I order chips, and she's like "I'm not hungry" and then proceeds to eat one of my chips... well, screw you woman, they're my chips.

Are you, or have you ever been a member of the communist party?

FORD:

Family

Occupation

Relationship (?)

D... something.

Honestly, just get get the conversation going by stating something related to the place you are at. If it's a restaurant, then say you like the service there or you've never been there before, or you're really hungry, etc. Then ask open ended questions to keep it going, this is important because direct question can end in a yes or no which can leaf to awkward silence because you don't know what to say next. Plus open ended questions doesn't feel like your ticking off questions from a predetermined list.

Do you keep your ketchup in the fridge or the cupboard?

What are your greatest weaknesses?

I mean the conversation should just flow naturally. My current SO and I didn't really avoid the typical subjects that they say not to talk about because we just instantly clicked and felt comfortable around each other. We just talked for hours and it was never awkward. So you should really just try to get to know the other person, and how natural the conversation is will likely dictate how good of a match you two are.

I went ahead and asked "What are your dealbreakers?"

Perhaps unwise, but it worked for me. Together 11 years now.

so what do you think about black people?

I feel like the conversation needs to evolve naturally. If I need to ask pointed questions to encourage conversation, then we are obviously not even compatible enough to be friends, which is a problem.

What are your plans this weekend?

What kind of food do you like?

Honestly, start with banter and if you're clicking (you'll know) start talking about where you're at in life (school, career, home/car ownership, plans). See if they're in the same ballpark. If you're a 27 year old looking to buy a house and they're a 23 year old looking to spend $1000s on spring break ... you might not be compatible even if you're clicking on other angles.

I mean don't ask them shit like "do you see yourself having kids with me?" on your first date (that shit is 2nd date material!) but see if they're even thinking about things the same way you are.

Goal #1 though should be to have fun. If you're having fun then you're going to show through more than if you're stiff and formal.

Are you my daddy?

Should have tagged serious op.

Interests and hobbies

What your goals are

What are your pet peeves

What's the happiest memory you have

What's the best characteristic you find in a person

That should pretty much keep conversion rolling and give you plenty of information about how compatible you may be, without trading negative or heavy waters. 'presuming honesty'

It's not a question, but I can always tell if it's a good date if at the end, I don't know what type of phone they have.

I think my logic may be flawed now that I've been married once, divorced, and have a child.

But I ask questions like this before I even get to the first date.

  • What do you do for work?

  • What's your degree in?

  • What are your goals for the next five years?

  • How much debt do you have that's not house/car loan?

  • Do you smoke?

  • How often do you drink?

  • How do you feel about being in a relationship with someone who has a child?

  • What are your dealbreakers?

First date questions, assuming your don't know the person too well, should be very general in nature. What are your favorite movies or bands? Do you like to travel, where have you been before? Favorite books... you get the idea.

I found when I was dating that once I blew through these general questions and there was awkward silence afterwards, than that meant there wasn't really much chemistry. Said girl would not probably be getting a 2nd date.

Am I being arrested?

Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

Ask them how they feel about Big Trouble In Little China. If they don't like it, finish the dinner and avoid the check.

You shouldn't ask a lot. Just do something together. Trivia night at a bar is fun because there isn't a lot of pressure.

Have you ever had a penis?

So what's the deal with airline food?

How much does an adult male polar bear weigh, on average?

Usually youre not yourself on the first date. Just answer how any ordinary person would... The fifth date? Now were talking. Music, movies, hobbies (simple and sweet)

My wife and I met and clicked well on the first date. One thing we both candidly and honestly answered was our vices. It's a fun question because there are joys in the vices, and it gives an opportunity to reveal some personal details if you/they feel good about it.

[deleted]

Leader of the Green Party/Lib Dems generally over here

Honestly, don't even judge a person by how they act on a first date unless they're gross or completely rude. People are usually pretty nervous and it's normal if there's no chemistry. My long time girlfriend and I didn't start really getting along until the 3rd date. Then it's been incredible ever since, and we're moving in together soon. Just stick with it.

Has your taste in men always been terrible? Or is it more of a recent phenomena.

You should always start with the question Rick and the gang ask new comers on The Walking Dead, then go from there.

Am I having fun (to yourself, of course)? That's it. It's a date to decide if you like the person enough to see them again. If you're not having a good time, you should walk away with no regrets.

your place or mine?

wanna fuck?

Do you have balls with those tits?

HIV/Std Status

Hehehe lets talk about something else

If they likes Game of Thrones

Hottest guy alive.

If it isn't one of the three C's(Chris Evans, Chris Pratt, or Chris Hemsworth) then you are SOL.

Fourth c, John C. Reilly.

I'll give you that.

I like to ask "who would you rather do: John C. Reilly or John C. Calhoun?

John C. Calhoun is probably a worse lay right now.. So I will stick with Reilly

Depending on your age, and depending on whether or not you want children, you may want to ask:

Do you want children?

This is a great question no matter how old you are. Lots of people know they don't want kids. A "maybe" to me is the same as a "yes". I won't date anyone who doesn't say "no".

What are the first date questions that you think everyone should ask?

From a mans perspective:

• Have you ever cheated?

• Have you ever been cheated on?

• Do you any type of mobile transportation that is legal for street use (had a girl say a tractor once, that's what I'm specifying)?

• Do you have any criminal convictions?

• Do you have your own bank account?

• Do you have your own license?

• Do you have a cat?

• Do you have a dog?

• Do you have your own place of residence, as in, you yourself are on the lease, or own the house you're in.

• How often are you late on your utilities?

• How often are you late on your phone bill?

• How often do you pay your utilities on time?

• How often do you pay your phone bill on time?

That folks, is just the first date.

F - Family O - Origin R - Recreation D - Destination

God that sounds boring. I would much rather talk about their interests and passions, their worldview, their embarassing childhood memories, the oddball shit they find on the internet. Stuff relating to their personality and character.

On a first date I'm not going to give a crap how many siblings they have, what high school they went to or where they see themselves in 10 years time.

Do you press charges?

Your pro abortion right?

how many fingers can you fit in your mouth?

What do you like to do for fun? Are you scuba certified?

If you had 3 dollars what would you buy?

None. Just have fun. See if he or she reciprocates. Are they a good fit with your personality? Being "interviewed" can kill the mood and not let you get a good read on how they "really are".

What do you say I take you home and eat your Pussy?

My hobby is magnets.

And i like ghouls, little green ghouls.

What is your relationship with your father? Thank me later.

What's your deserted island mixtape? What are the 5 songs you would pick to have with you?

Do you play video games?

''Have you ever written a five-or more- paragraph Yelp review?''

If yes, RUN.

Do you do anal? And if not, are you rich?

So you're straight right?

Do you think that the earth is 5000 years old?

Do you have a moment for our lord and savior?

-Are you single?
-Have any STDs?
-How much debt do you have?

Soon as I find a woman that can answer those three simple questions to my liking ( aka: "YES", "NOPE", "NONE" ) I'll just stay single thanks!

Is there a history of mental illness or violent behaviour in your family?

"You like anal?"

I enjoy video games quite a bit. In the past, I had dated girls that were not into them at all... one of which left me after seeing that she wasn't going to change me and get me to stop playing. The next girl after that incident I made sure to ask about things that I felt could bring up "conflict" for the relationship, video games being a big one. While she said that she wasn't really into playing games, she said she didn't care if I played them and that I should enjoy my hobbies without her needing to change them. I am now engaged to this girl!

Bottom line, if you have any habits or hobbies that you could see someone else not being okay with, be sure to lay them out up front... doesn't need to be the FIRST date, but its good to make sure that your significant other is at least okay with the things you like to do. It isn't worth getting involved with someone that only wants to be with you if they can change the person you are to suit them.

If you ever get in to one of those i ask a question you ask a question loops ask, What question are you hoping I don't ask? IF they reply with 'This one' Hi five them.

so, are you single?

Not a question really but before the date even happens let the potential date know you will be splitting the tab. That way you can eliminate any confusion over what your expectations are and avoid an awkward situation for your date.

Are you an ex of /u/AbsentThatDay

Ask her: Is there any history of mental illnesses in your family? If the chick says bipolar then run. lol

Are you taken?

Cause I don't want another ^sequel.

Are you now, or have you ever been a sponge?

What kind of door do you prefer

If I told you you have a nice body, would you hold it against me?

Do you want children? Do you like animals? Will you bring a cup of coffee to me every morning?

I'd bring you a cup of coffee every morning. How do you take it?

A bit of half n half, teaspoon of sugar. Thanks.

I don't drink coffee and only have tea at mine. Can I mail you the drink through the post?

Sure. Don't forget extra postage as it seems we're in different countries.

Well whose fault is that, lampshade?

Do you even lift?

Are you married?

...just making sure... And judging by some Tinder horror stories, ensure that you aren't related.

Do you have a penis?

Rosie and Jim...

Travelling along on the old ragdoll

Just date only people you are attracted to in the first place. When you have met them earlier before the date, THAT was the pre date. Make your first date a real date and give her a nice time, and most important; feel if there is chemistry at all.

Another poster said religion should not be discussed, but it is such a dividing factor that perhaps it is better to know early on how someone feels about their religion (or if they have one). Falling for someone and then realizing you have quite irreconcilable differences is just going to cause pain in the long run.

I'm not saying you have to go at it like an interview but it doesn't hurt to at least have a little discussion on it in a casual manner.

Maybe not a first date question, but as time goes on you should just straight up ask if they're really interested. An interested person would be obvious and someone who isn't really interested will also be obvious based on how they respond. Only ask in person.

Are you a dude?

You got herpes?

Do you have STDs? What's your choice of drugs?

This doesn't apply to people in early 20's and younger but...

Ask how long the longest relationship they ever had was.

If they've never had any relationship longer than couple month by the time they hit 30's...chances are, they are not a relationship material.

One of my friends asked this w/e any of us talked about a girl: "Does she fuck?!"

So I guess that could be applied to a first date question: "Do you fuck?!"

About fight club

Are you single?

I always ask about kids. If she wants kids, or may want kids, there is nothing left to talk about.

Let's enjoy our dinner and move on our separate paths

Would you rather change genders every time you sneezed or not be able to tell the difference between a muffin and a baby?

Can I see your ass in the bathroom? I only like girls with nice butts and wish to be considerate to not waste each others time.

If you were a penguin, what would your name be?

Shoe size and FICO score

Ask her, how big is her penis, metric.

How many zombies have you killed? How many humans? Why?

hmmm, nuts?

P

Ask her if she has pierced nipples. If she says no, Then ask if she would be willing to pierce her nipples. If she says no, throw water on her face and storm out. If she says yes to any of those tell her it's time to get freaky naughty.

Ask wich pokemon she/he started with.If its charmander, marry her/him

You mean walk away from in disgust, right?

"and your name is...?"

Hey, what are your thoughts on religion, abortion, politics, and the economy?

Best/worst/weirdest first date? Always a great story... People are weird.

hey bae yu wnat sum fuk?

How much is in your trust find?

Of course on a first date you want to learn things about this person, but you don't want it to just be a Q&A session either. The best way to avoid this? Keep the discussion based on experiences; story-telling.

So in that regard, my favorite question to ask is, "What's the farthest you've ever been from home?"

Not only do you have an interesting travel story, but it branches off into all the things it encompasses too. "What set you off on your journey?" "Got any other destinations on your bucket list?"

Spitt or Swallow?!?

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Would you like to meet my mother? She is coming in 5 minutes to meet you.

Ask to split the bill.

If you're a guy you figure out if she just want you to smooch money off of, and if you're a girl you show that you are really interested in him. (applies if you're gay too, I just wrote more simply for brevity)

Preferred starter Pokemon tells all. He quite passionately explained the benefits of choosing Bulbasaur and I knew I'd found the one.

"Heeeyyyy. You awake?"

How do you feel about Harry Potter?

You're either both children at heart or you're not.

Hm, sooo.....? and don't forget the Ummmm? or the Uhhhh?

Ask them if they're seeing anyone else. Last 3 guys I've seen could've all answered in some form of yes. Would've been a real time/heart saver.

I like to ask them what they would rate me on a scale of 1 to 5 stars, this is a must answer question.

Not really a first date question per se, but it's an interesting ice breaker - "Flight versus invisibility? This question is only for you. Whichever you pick, you'll be the only person in the world to have that particular superpower. You can't have both. Which do you choose?" (from This American Life)

A good question to break the ice and get the conversation going is: what are your top 10 locations for a honeymoon?

Tomorrow I am going to have a first date and figured this thread could get me some nice topics to talk about.
This thread is fucking disappointing.

You've dated before right?Would be unfair to expect a few things if this is your first time.

She was very young, it was her first time dating and she became quite relaxed after I said this.Felt pretty good.

Do you want to build a snowman?

Biggie or Tupac?

What is your favorite superhero movie?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Have you killed before?

What?

Would you rather have sex with a goat and no one ever find out, or not have sex with a goat and everyone think you did?

Do you spit or swallow?

"Do you think OP should have used a serious tag?"

who is your daddy and what does he do

A good one to follow that one up with is "What happened to your dog?".

This is going to get buried, but maybe you'll appreciate the nugget of advice OP. I'm getting old and my dating days are over. I should las this on.

When I was looking for someone who's be as into a shag as I was, I'd always ask "do you pee in the shower?"

It covers so many areas, and I'll tell you why.

If they say "yes" instantly it tells you that they're not shy. That they know urine isn't nasty, and that they're comfortable with their body.

If they say "eeew. Gross. NO!" you can be sure that they're not an open-minded shagaholic.

There are many areas and answers between, but I've found that if someone says "yes" either instantly or after you've explained its not a fetish, that they're good in bed. Similarly, a strong "no" usually signifies a boring lover.

If someone is grossed out and ditches you over a question like that - and if you're the kind of person who thinks it's an amusing question, then You weren't going to hit it off anyway.

"Bulbasaur, Charmander, or Squirtle?"

Gotta get the important stuff out of the way.

Bulbasaur. I still have mine. From Blue. Shit. He's like old enough to drive now.

If you go into a first date with a prepared list of questions, you're doing it wrong.

I kind of agree with most people that you should keep things relaxed, however I sometimes bring up subjects that people have issues with just to see what they think. I bring up religion, politics, and goals. Goals are mainly to see if she has motivation.

Just tell me now: How crazy are you, really?

"Is that your blood, or....?"

Would you rather your blood type be AB or O? It shows a lot about their character.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Does anyone else know you are here?

"Do you like animals?" This one tells you a lot more about someone than it seems, but also let's you know if they have pets and how they'd feel about yours if you have any. Some people don't like to be around animals and that's totally fine, but their reasons why can give interesting insight.

And if their answer is "No.", you should consider not pursuing that person much more. It's totally reasonable to not want to be around animals with how smelly and loud they can be sometimes. But anyone who doesn't even like cute animal pictures on the internet is probably not normal.

Yeah, this could be an important one. I had a guy casually drop, "I don't really like animals," into the conversation well into my first proper date with him, like it wasn't a big deal. I'm a vet student (which he knew). That definitely wasn't going to work out.

On the first date, if she lived with her parents, I would always ask: "What time should I plan to get you home by?" That showed I cared, and it made her parents feel great to know I asked - helping to get things off to a good start, the first time out.

"Are you my mom?"

Think I'm too late... A great one is just asking whether they want kids and to get married in the near/distant future (remove not applicable).

Last thing you want is to be 7 years into a relationship when you find out neither of you wants the same thing (aka one of my family friends).

"What is your favorite colored light saber in Star Trek?"

Their answer will determine your next move.

I ask questions to ease any tension or awkwardness at first. I'll keep a chain of questions going if they suck at conversation.

Once they open up and everything is more relaxed, I ask questions which I'm curious about. Questions are pointless unless you attach why to the end.

Favorite color? Why? Favorite pet? Why? Favorite hobbies? WHY?

Helps them open up more, too. Also pay attention to their reply and that can lead I to more questions and a better convo if it's a shared interest!

"Have you ever been charged with any felonies? If so, please list them."

SO.....1 horse sized duck or....

What's your stance on jorts?

Anal?

Was Triple H a heel or the biggest face of them all?

Maybe not the first date, but within 3 dates you should definitely ask what the expectations are. It will most certainly get messy if it turns out that one of you guys is not looking for anything serious and the other is.

"Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress to look like a girl bunny?".

Would you dance, if I asked you to dance?

Do you have thrush?

Tell me something I don't know Please.

I'm sorry, your answer must be in the form of a question.

Wanna go play Skee-ball? I know a place...

I would ask "are you on Reddit?" That should lead to quite a conversation, hopefully anyway.

You can be like me and take your soon-to-be-boyfriend to a bikram yoga class where you two barely talk to each other because you're taking a freaking yoga class, and then watch in horror as he almost collapses from the intense heat before the teacher saves him

"Is there anything you need to disclose?"

Am I wasting my time?

I think it's a pretty good idea to steer conversation at some point to their family. I know some people might have had a rough time but generally, if they're keen to slag them off, they're going to be a bit mental.

Just your basic Voight-Kampff test questions.

Eh bb want sum fuk?

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Second question, "Would you like to?"

Hard G or soft G?

Are you gonna whoop me?

This song seems to be suggesting more 3rd (ish) date, I think (NSFW) http://www.youtube.com/watch?t=29&v=DuSewUbAl0w

D E N N I S

you dont have a penis do you?

Do you like Roller Coasters?

Its good to know ahead of time whether or not you'll be going to theme parks.

Are you pro life or pro choice, and if asked to make a decision what choice would that be?

You have to get to the important points early. Which way do you hang the TP?

How long is it?

Ask when was the last time she had an orgasm.

Can you see me?

How many walkers have you killed? How many people have you killed? Why?

Favorite cartoon characters. Says more about someone than you think and opens other paths to common interests.

What do you think about.........?

Who is your favorite captain?

Who are your favorite(and least favorite) fictional characters?

If you could have one super power, what would you choose?

Tell me about your favorite hobby.

Do you want children someday?

these ones

Do you have the AIDS?

Top 5 Villains of all time

Rather than ask what music they like, ask what the last 3 concerts they went to were.

"Is you crazy?"

Are you single?

So if we were riding into battle against a mighty foe, what sort of regalia/arms could I expect you to be in?

Shows their gaming tendencies as well as acts as a great icebreaker. "What kind of enemy are we fighting" is a natural follow up and you guys can take it from there and have fun.

I am totally serious by the way, this is what worked for me.

anal

Dominant or submissive?

What is your favorite star wars movie? If they haven't seen star wars then the date should end and you can go home

No Star Trek love?

It knows its place

Star Trek > Star Wars all day everyday. What's great is they are about to add another flop to the library and there is yet to be a bad Trek movie. Oh, did I mention Disney yet?

I currently don't see any validity to your response

What are you looking for?

How about:

"Have you told anyone else you're here?"

Honestly my only requirement for the first date is to NOT bring pre-planned questions and avoid having it seem like an interview. That being said, most people I go on dates with don't have this same idea, so I end up getting barraged with interview-style questions while trying to hold a normal conversation.

I think if I ever went on a date where the guy didn't ask me 'so, what do you do?' I would be in love

Are you a dude???

Are you on your meds right now?

IS THIS GONNA BE A FUCK DATE?!

When did you press /r/thebutton?

"So, you got a boyfriend or what?"

Anal?

are you ok with a girl (me) tossing your salad if this works out?

Does the carpet match the drapes ?

"What are your dreams?" (for the future,) or something like that. It's a great question that breaks down walls and gets the person talking about what they are passionate about. Their answer also is great to weigh against your own answer to this question. If you don't have an answer to this question yet then get on it.

What are you passionate about?

Life without passion is fucking dull.

Anything to try and build up some common ground. Music or film tastes are a good bet.

"What do you do for a living?", "What are your hobbies?", and "What kind of music do you like?" are good ones that I use. Also, whenever we find a similar interest, I keep the conversation lengthy (in a non-awkward way) to avoid having nothing to talk about.

"Are you crazy?"

Are you over the age of 18?

"Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"

The confusion will short-circuit your date's brain into immediate irresistible sexual attraction.

What do you do for fun? Hobbies? TV? Movies? Music? Books? Food? Hopefully you have a couple of these in common. I would stay away from political stuff, wanting children, how much money they make.

Instead off stressing out and being on our best behavior lest any of the crazy leaks out, how about we just act like the worst person in the world and let some awesome shine through?

your not married are you?

Girls love to talk. Play on that by asking more follow up questions. You'd be surprised where a conversation can go by being interested and asking general questions. Ex: How did that happen, what influenced that decision, etc? By talking less you lower your chances of fucking up and remain mysterious...

How do you get her to talk when she gives vague answers?

Sometimes it takes time and comfort for people to open up. You could ask the same question a different way. You have to be genuinely curious. You could also relate to whatever the subject is and share your experience on the matter and see if that gets the gears turning for her.

How about "Do you have a chronic life threatening blood disorder?" True story involving APS just this last week.

Do you believe in aliens?

  • Are you currently on fire and if so, is it contagious?
  • Do you resemble, in any way, the third president of the United States, and do you intend to sell a very large tract of land to a French Emperor?
  • Are any of your eyes glass, silicon and/or metal, or contain trace elements of arsenic or aluminum?

"So... You wanna see my toenail clipping collection?"

Hey whats your sexuality (No pun intended)?

Do you like dragons or nah?

So you gonna put out tonight or should we split the check?

Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?

I like to ask questions about childhood. For me, it's been a surprisingly effective way to skip to deeper conversations without becoming too uncomfortable.

  • What activities did you enjoy most growing up?
  • What did you eat when you were a child?
  • What traditions did your family have around the holidays?

Are you a virgin and do you do anal

Chicks dig the audacity

What their views on abortion are. Be careful how to phrase this, as it might not be taken lightly by the company.

Oh, and wrestling match between Lemmy and God.

Are you a Level 7 Susceptible?

Do you fuck on first dates.......does yer dad own a brewery

What's your superpower?

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

By the time I actually go on a "date" with someone I tend to know them reasonably well, at least as well as you'd know a colleague maybe, usually more like friends, so those basic things are covered.

I'd totally be tempted get some of the big questions out of the way. So maybe start with "I don't want to sound like a bunny boiler here, but...." and ask about the stuff that's important to me.

I'm asexual, so finding out if that would be a problem is something I'd like to get out of the way before I start getting attached to someone. Also asking about if they want kids, which may be an age thing, as I'm 28. Maybe even discussing their feeling about marriage and politics?

Now, don't get me wrong, it's a first date and I'd totally be underlining the idea that I don't intend to be doing any of these things any time soon or even necessarily with that person, but these are questions everyone says is taboo on a first date. Thing is, when is a good time? Things this big are deal-breakers if you're not on the same page, so why continue getting more attached and invested if you could save yourselves the heartache and get it over with on the first date?

This might be coloured by the fact I'm going through a bit of a rocky patch in my relationship right now. Please don't judge me too harshly!

Ask them what their favorite Jean-Claude Van Damme movie is.

If they don't pick BloodSport, then use pocket-sand to blind your date. Run away before their eyes stop bleeding. Let them pick up the bill.

Do you now have or ever had an S.T.D.?

Do you know what a Furry is?

Who are you and what are you doing in my bedroom?

Do you also have the aids?

Views on this farce "global warming"?

Why did lex luther steal those cakes?

Do you press charges?

Do you even lift?

Are you a serial killer?

No matter who you ask this question to, the answer will be no.

Do you...Uhh...do you have...herpes?

"What is your sex drive like?" worked for me, but I imagine being female helps.

Drugs? Music? TV? Movies?

I think it's just good to know what the person feels about drugs/alc.

After that I ask a few basic what's your favorite "X" questions and 9 times out of 10 that leads to something to talk about. Even if it's not related to the question.

What kind of "what's your favorite X" questions do you ask? That's my main problem.

Band, song, movie, TV show, outdoor activity. Build off of answers. Oh, you like Bill Murray? I love Life Aquatic, have you seen it? Just treat it like another conversation.

Thank you.

Also I think what's more important is that you take this advice and make it your own. Don't just literally start off your conversation as an interrogation. Add a little personality. I normally shoot the shit for a second and then say something like "If you don't mind I'm going to ask a few boring/basic questions. Hang in there they'll be over before you know it"

for me it makes the whole process a little more natural / formal. I kind of just ask things until I find something to talk about. It also helps to really care about at least one thing in each "X" category you bring up. That way you can stimulate conversation. Showing that you care about something (have depth) is the best thing you can do on a first date. It is what will make him/her want to talk to you again.

Do you have an STD?

Anal?

"Kirk or Picard?"

Area R is formed by the intersection of f(x)=cos(x) with the x-axis at pi/2 and the vertical line x=c. If the area of R is equal to sqrt(3) - 1, what is the value of c?

Yes

Pretty kinky, right?

Charmander, squirtle, or bulbasaur? If te answer is ditto I will marry them.

"Why don't you have a seat right over there?"

WTF ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
Can you tell me the difference between this universe and another universe?
Make a sound that has never been heard before.
You have a monkey in your pants and $20. What do you do at the gas station?

Down to fuck? What is your opinion on threesomes? What about blow jobs?

[deleted]

How would you be subtle about something like that? lol

"What do you think your 3 best qualities are?" - great to know / useful for later!

Invisibility or flight?

"Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?"

ITT: A lot of movie / book quotes. Like you may think that movie posters have a lot of quotes on them, but that's peanuts compared to this thread.

This is exactly why I don't like dating. My first questions would be something stupid like, "So exactly how big are you?....In your career, I mean."

Mine was " when do you get off...of work"

LOL! I like that one.

Who's your favorite little rascal?

Do you have XX chromosomes?

Superman or Batman... Who would win the fight?

Superman is a super hero in tights

Batman is just a guy in tights.

Seriously Stan lee, give the guys some pants.

"When does the narwhal bacon?"

Ask not for whom the bone bones. It bones for thee

Cat person or dog person?

Fact finding should come naturally, not in a 20 questions format. Have fun, and be yourself. Hopefully they'll be themselves too. Chemistry isn't 100% based on common likes. I think that couples that only have a few common likes and tons of opposite likes keeps things interesting and fun. You don't have to be a carbon copy of your SO.

''So what's your number? 'Cus if it's above 5 then I'm ordering take out.''

Can you hold me?

I have to ask about music. If you listen to country, we are never going to have a road trip without me crying in the car. It would never work. I hate country music THAT MUCH.

I'm not sure, but whatever I ask, I'm gonna be sure to put a "serious" tag on it so that she answers honestly.

Are you circumcised?

I don't know if everyone should ask this on a first date but it's one of my favourites to ask people in general. What is your drug of choice?

The best answer I've received was a very enthusiastic CAFFEINE! He was so quick to answer me too. I think he'd had like 8 cups of coffee that day.

Had a girl ask me if I "had any vices" once. I failed the question.

Top or bottom?

Was Ross or Rachel right in the "we were on a break" debate?

"So.... do you like...... stuff?"

if they are a simpsons fan, we'll clearly have enough shit to talk about for many more dates indeed.

edit: this is actually a serious reply. if they don't know basic simpsons references i'm getting the fuck outta there.

I beat the smart kids!

I beat the smart kids!

Toilet paper... over or under?

If you ate yourself would you disappear or become twice as large?

"Work is doing drug tests soon, can I buy your urine or would you fail it too? haha"

Anal?

Are you okay with me being trans?

Do you understand what that means?

Having this conversation with non-native English speakers is entertaining in a macabre sort of way...

As long as you can pronounce PHIL-AN-THRO-PIST, you'll be okay.

Anything as long as it isn't a false dichotomy... Do you like this or that? Well, if you're going to categorize everything in life into two options, you're obviously not interesting enough for me to talk to.

The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that?

Ask her if she is part of the "Judean People's Front". Then, when she responds "The Judean People's Front?", you can then spit out your food in disgust and reply "Fuck off, we're the People's Front of Judea!"

When shit hits the fan, do you think out loud or keep your thoughts internal?

The think out loud people are extremely bad when shit hits the fan because they prevent you from thinking and coming up with your own thoughts because they're saying everything on their mind and interrupting. The keep it in people are better to work with, but they're also a ticking timebomb because they'll suddenly explode without obvious warning. Lose lose.

Conclusion: get a dog or cat

You like top or bottom?

Are you a cop?

Who shot first, Han or Greedo?

"Can I put the tip in?"

DO you know and accept Jesus?

I know Hay-sus... I pay him to mow my lawn every other Sunday.

My names not hayzus. It's hey, Zeus!

As in father of Olympus, king of the gods, I'll put a lighting bolt up your ass, zues!

If you have at least one thing in common. And nothing else.

Let's say you win a million dollars and you have no obligations(kids, school yadda yadda) what would you do first.

I think this says a lot about the passions the person really has and personality too, if he/she says something about investing or something similar then I know I have no interest in spending time with such a dull person.

As for my answer for that question. First I'd do a massive road trip I have thought of for a while and then I'd fulfill my dream of becoming a racing driver, even if it's only amateur racing.

If the person doesn't invest at least SOME of that money then they're probably the sort of idiot who will blow a million dollars on stupid shit rather than turning that million into 10 million and then blowing 5 million on stupid shit.

Note that I said what would you do first. When the first idea that pops into your head is investing then I'm not interested in you. There's also a difference between blowing a million dollars on stupid shit and spending it smart. For me it wouldn't involve change in lifestyle(as in clothes I wear, cars I drive, food that I eat) I'd use it for opportunities instead. Cheap traveling is one way to do it.

Still gotta think about the future though. Give yourself a safety net and then go wild.

But, to each their own, I guess.

Again I never said that it'd be the only thing I'd do.

Are you married?

*went on a few dates with a guy once only to find out he was married. His response? "Well....you didn't ASK if I was married when I asked you on a date."

Soooo does the carpet match the drapes? ;D

"Julian? Gregorian? Coptic? Astronomical? Thai lunar/solar? Nepali? Tibetan? Hebrew? Hindu? Islamic? Buddhist? Zoroastrian?"

"Darian."

"No way. That's out of this world!"

What's your name?

essential for any relationship IMO

"Do you have STDs?"

What is a typical work day like?

There is no typical day, it's always something different

I would think gender preference might be relevant.

  1. Are you familiar with the movies Anchorman and Talladega Nights?
  2. Did you think they were stupid, or funny? (these questions reveal SO much about a person)

"Did you do something to my drink?"

Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or in terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?

How do you deal with anxiety and stress?

I personally feel like that's kind of a touchy topic, but maybe Reddit has programmed that idea into my mind.

I feel like everyone should ask what the other person's favorite dinosaur is.

I didn't know my fiance and I had the same one for years, and felt like we would had gotten closer faster if I had known. Not to say we aren't close, but that we could've been bonding over plesiosaurs.

You're good with the dollar menu right? is she agrees shes a keeper!

Who really killed Kennedy?

"Are you dating other people?"

IDK if this is a first date question, but for sure a second date question. Serial monogamy leads to clingy, idealistic relationships and is a sure way to kill anything before it starts. You wouldn't apply for one job and then sit by the phone for a month hoping they call you back. Why do it with a partner?

I learned this in a singles group years ago. It always made sense to me. Both people should be clear and open about the fact that they are dating other people. When the relationship seems like it might be one to invest more into, then you make it monogamous.

It's too bad this obviously isn't real life, it is jusy fantasy.

Not sure of your point, sorry. Maybe I just have that song quote stuck in my head now.

I borrowed this from a friend. So far, it's always led to good conversation: "Are you reading something you like right now?"

ASL

Did you lose a bet and what were you thinking.

Has an ex, in anger or not, ever referred to you as psycho? Or do you refer to any of your exs as psychos?

Those 3 questions Rick asks newbies they meet on The Walking Dead seem pretty solid.

How many walkers have you killed?

How many people have you killed?

Why?

my sister on a first date got asked if she "double clicked her mouse" ever

What dat mouf do?

Do you believe there is other life in the universe?

If a monkey were to move at a velocity of .065 miles per hour. Till reaching 3 yards suddenly he jumps back with an angle of 33.3333 degrees. After moving 3 feet in the air the monkey falls straight down. What is the monkeys preferred method of selling milk shakes?

A milk shake stand in his yard

If you could have any condiment come out of your belly button, what would it be and why?

I've heard of my guy friends asking "so are you religious? Go to church?" None of these guys do, they are just trying to see how easy they will be to sleep with lol.

"Do you swallow?"

How do you feel about sex on the first date? Might as well get that question out of the way to avoid awkwardness at the end of the night.

"how are you"

can totally determine which way the conversation will head.

Ask her if she's allergic to the type of food you plan on taking her out to. Ask her what's her name, that's about it.

Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck, or a hundred duck-sized horses?

Is a lion evil because it rips a gazelle to shreds?

worst first date (that ended a few dates later with mega-drama)- was asked questions like, "if your son wanted to wear high heels and a dress to school, would you let him and why?" and, "do you follow bizarre vaguely buddhist out-of-body experience meditation nonsense? no? well here's a bunch of new-age-foo-y wall of text webpages about it, expect a quiz next date (last part not said, but implied)"

:shudder:

as hard as i tried to get comfortable, we were just on two different wavelengths the whole time which meant putting effort into it made it seem awkward and forced. blah.

ask her (assuming you are a man) if she's into fitness.

. . . . .fitness dick in her mouth after dinner.

36 questions that lead to love

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?referrer=&_r=0

Chuck Klosterman has some good ones. http://www.reddit.com/comments/hb9u8/chuck_klostermans_23_questions/

I don't think you need to ask all of these, but almost any of them can be fun conversation starters than can help you learn how compatible you are.

OK Cupid's awesome data team already did that for you

PS, I wonder how often these correlations shift!

Have you ever tried putting diet coke and mentos in your vagina? Why or why not?

Will you have my children?

Are you allergic to West African Spiny Mice?

Do you want to play the rape game? ... That's the spirit!

How do you feel about taking care of my ailing mother for the next 5 years?

Ok, this isn't working for me. Could you call me daddy? Yes, during dinner.

Jews did 9/11. Don't you think that they are the only ones who could think of something that funny?

Can you even?

Strangers ask questions, friends make statements. If you're looking to have a good time and give it the best chance of working, don't make it an interview.

"Politics, God and expectations for marriage.

Go."

I don't have time to bullshit.

"What kind of music do you like?"

Does your ass make those pants look fat?

I always find a way to ask if girls are kinky/submissive on the first date. If they are, the question won't offend, and if they aren't, we might as well not waste our time.

What's your name?

Ask about the blood clots.

What's your bank account and routing number?

Anal or naw?

Are you a serial killer? Asking for a friend...

Got herpes?

So let's cut all this shananigans, will you help me hide a body?

ay bb u wan sum fuk?

Anal?

RU serious, Op? Just talk about your ex...

I talk about buttsecks. The good, the bad, the ugly. The pros and cons. The ins and outs, so to speak.

Does ya dad own a brewery?

bitch u for real?

If we go to a movie, and I have to go to the restroom/get snacks/refills, are you capable of giving me a sound explanation of what I have missed?

Does jet fuel melt steel beams?

Depending on how they answer that's all I need.

"What's your blood type?"

Are you a dude?

"How old are you?"

"You wanna get high?"

Do you fuck on first dates? Dad own a brewery?

Are you allergic to cats? Because I have cats

Want some fuck?

What is your quest?

No questions needed. Just pay attention to how he/she treats the waitstaff.

sucks for me because I'm a cynical bastard.

What is your favorite joke?

This helps you guage their character quite quickly.

Out of curiosity: what would this tell you? Having a database of jokes is not quite the same as having a sense of humour.

If their favorite joke is racist, sexist, demeaning to others, then it would reflect what type of behavior the person is capable of in a relationship.

That's actually pretty good then. I'll remember that (if I ever get to dating :s)

I don't understand why this is even a question. Just have them verify the facts on the background check print out you brought! Say goodbye to worrying about conversation starters.

Wine or cheese?

So, anal?

Late to the party, but I've always had the "Five Date Rule"... You don't call anything official (or make the decision to) until after the fifth date. That way, if things don't work out, you won't be embarrassed, but if it does, you'll have dated that person for five weeks (or however long the space is between dates).

I play it by ear. We usually end up laughing and drinking too much...

Favorite Ice Cream. Does several things, helps you find out their food allergies, your next date can be their favorite ice cream and your favorite movie.

Ayyy gurl what's your blood type?

Any history of retardation in your family?

Do you listen to primus?

how important is honesty to you?

Superpower: Invisibility or Flight

Bulbasaur, Charmander, or Squirtle? - If he/she doesn't know then he/she is probably too young. - If he/she picks Bulbasaur then gtfo unless he/she can provide sufficient knowledge as to why it's useful or important (first in the Pokedex, useful early in the game etc...) - If he/she picks Charmander put a ring on it. - Squirtle's an acceptable answer as well.

Ask if she likes star wars. If she says yes she is PROBABLY a keeper.

What's your favorite planet? Mine's the Sun!

My problem is that I sometimes get nervous and slur my words and can't talk properly lol, not exactly a turn on.

How many walkers have you killed? How many people have you killed? Why?

So.... is you crazy?

Like not right now crazy.. but later when I've fallen love with you and you tell me you're sane but you're bleeding on the floor from cutting your wrists and you won't leave me without threatening to off yourself. Crazy? Y/N/M/OMG (Please circle two.)

How long have you been the community pin cushion?

How do you feel about potatoes, or any food with the main ingredient being potato?

Marvel or DC?

Or: if I look under your bed, would I find comics or porn? (hopefully neither and a lot of trade paperbacks on shelves, but still, it sounds like it could be an ice breaker or a one way trip to an uncomfortable end of the date)

Where's john candy?

There was a insurance salesman who was trying to sell insurance (wow! :D). He went up to this lady's house and knocked on the door. She came to the door and they started talking about many things. They talked about how she had a family. She had three children whom she loved very much. Then she said "Sir if you guess the ages of my three children I will buy your insurance" he then said "Ok! :)"

Lady: "The product of my children's ages is 36"

Salesman: "Ok I need another clue"

Lady: "The sum of my children's ages is equal to the number of the house next door"

So he goes and looks at the address of the house next door. He comes back and says "I need one more clue"

Lady: "My eldest daughter plays the piano"

What are the ages of her children?

Congratulations you are now the proud owner of either someone worth your time who tries to puzzle this out and eventually gets it, or a waste of air. At least you know. This riddle can be the conversation for between half an hour to the rest of the date and I have found to be a really good test of character.

edit: If they say fraternal twins fuck your eldest daughter data point and or that there is an eldest in a set of twins, not only will I personally come by to smack them in the mouth for you, I will also help you hide the body.

edit 2: The final solution is not a set of 3 numbers but also the reasoning behind why only that set of numbers is valid.

Edit 3: if you figure it out you'll know. you can find the solution online to confirm if you have doubts. please don't respond to this with the answer that kinda ruins the fun.

3,3,4; 1,4,9; 2,3,6 ?

I feel like I'm missing a clue here...

you are missing about 6 clues :) keep thinking about it, once you lay it all out there it's pretty glaringly obvious in hindsight

[deleted]

I would have to agree.

1.) 3+3+4=10

2.) 1+4+9=14

3.) 2+3+6=11

4.) 1+6+6=13

5.) 2+2+9=13

6.) 1+1+36=38

7.) 1+2+18=21

8.) 1+3+12=16

Out of all those combination it would be 1,6,6 or 2,2,9. Since she mentions the oldest daughter clue, it would have to 2,2,9 for him to figure it out.

quick, delete your spoilers and accept you victory

Apologies. Spoilers deleted. I'm new to redditing. I really tried to find a way to hide the spoilers and couldn't do it. Pointers appreciated on that. Thanks for the challenge!

share and enjoy!

I don't know how to spoiler tag either or I would have told you.

Answer? 2, 3, 6? 3, 3, 6?

if there is any doubt what so ever you have not solved the problem. There is only one answer and you have everything you need to figure it out already presented in the riddle.

hint: there are 8 sets of ages

I know that...I'll get back to you...

If you asked me these Id tell you kindly fuck off to your SAT test

I guess we weren't meant to be.

"I would we were having dinner at a restaurant not a test at school?"

this riddle is not a very good test question. It's a fun solvable puzzle. If you have any interest in logic, reason, or commitment, this riddle serves as a good test of those qualities.

I think this says more about you.

I'm not shallow for knowing what kind of person I want to date. Someone who gives up too easily, doesn't understand basic math, isn't easily hooked by intellectual puzzles, is an incredibly poor logician or has no interest in impressing me, is not worth a second date. I have given this riddle to everyone I consider a fiend and not all of them figured it out without help, all of them eventually got it given enough prodding. Their process was a good window into their character and none of them completely abandoned it, the guy I consider my best friend took a couple days and plenty of hints to figure out but it was so much fun getting him there and he never gave up so I knew he would be an excellent friend.

That's not a bad thing at all. It just says a lot about yourself as well :)

[Spoiler] (/s "9;2;2. After the salesman looks at the house next door, he knows both the product and the sum of the children's ages. This should be enough information for him to know what the 3 ages are, but he doesn't. This means that there are multiple sets of three ages that have the same sum and a product of 36. 9;2;2 and 6;6;1 are these two sets. Because there is an eldest daughter, that rules out the 6;6;1.")

second place aint so bad. mind hiding the answer to avoid spoilers?

[Couldn't one of the six year olds be a boy and the other a girl? In that case, there would be an eldest daughter.] (/spoiler)

I got it and had a lot of fun doing it! (I did use your clue about there being 8 sets of numbers, though.) That said, I think on a FIRST date it might feel uncomfortable, and I'd be wary of any signs of a patronizing attitude or clues that the other person always likes to be the one with all the answers (/power).

it's all about the delivery, working out the problem together without you coming across as patronizing part of the trick. You can be encouraging without being patronizing and you can always change the subject. They don't have to solve it that night but if they are into you they'll have it on their mind until they do figure it out. I did actually tell this riddle to my current girlfriend and my previous girlfriend very soon after I first met them. I'm sure I'll tell that story on reddit one day but I don't have the time tonight.

Wait for the inevitable awkward silence then ask, "Do you think your parents are going to have sex tonight?" If your date doesn't laugh, end the date, they have absolutely no sense of humor.

HIV status

Ayyy bby u want sum fuk?

My four first date questions my brother and I developed together, which I actually used: 1) Did you like Lost? (Correct answer: yes.) 2) Did you like Napoleon Dynamite? (Correct answer: yes.) 3) Do you find Will Ferrell funny? (Correct answer: GOD no.) 4) Did you vote Obama in 2008? (Correct answer: yes.)

My husband answered all but the last one incorrectly. Some test.

You're just the worst type of person

Love you, too.

Do you want kids?

When does a narwhal bacon? IF she doesn't get it, you drown her in your bath tub

No

Yes

No.

Affirmative

No!

Si Senior

Nein, Mann.

ja

Nein.

HODOR

Um, no.

Do you know where Hodor is from?

"No"

It is from the book series "A song of Ice and Fire" also known as Game of Thrones because of the show. I recommend you watch or read it. I personally prefer the books but you choose. Either way Hodor is a funny dim-wit who everyone loves and all he can say is "Hodor"

Dez nuts

Are you a murderer?

Are you having a nice time?

How did you get in to my apartment?!

ayy bb, u wan sum bbs

Are you really this nice all the time or are you secretly a lunatic?!

Where do you see the company in five years?

do you like Manchester United or do you hate football

"How's your relationship with your dad?"

"do you have the herps, Hivvy or clamydia?

To the gents. When I was single I used to ask the following 3 questions to every woman I talked with. Some of you will take offense to them, some of you will judge me for them, some of you might even be so inclined to click that little periwinkle down arrow on the side, but take my word, it really weeded out a lot of undesirables. So without further ado.

  1. Do you do anal?
  2. Do you swallow?
  3. Would you ever consider doing a threeway?

If they still stuck around after answering these it usually meant there was a certain amount of naivete about them or they had an open mind and weren't some stuck up prude. Either way, I'd then ask about any STDs, when their last check up was. I'd also ask about their opinion on abortions, religion, their favorite films, bands, etc... But it was always those first three after some light conversation and if I felt some sorta click.

Nothing. Just stare into their eyes. Never. Break. Eye. Contact.

Does this smell like chloroform to you?

Did your parents separate? Are you on any prescription drugs including birth control? Do you get sick a lot? Do you have vivid dreams at night? Do you like parrots?

Damn, no wonder I'm single

No, but they should have.
Yes.
Eh, not really.
Sometimes, I lucid dream a bit more than most people (I think)
No, birds scare me.

If you're a guy, ask "what do you think of feminists?" If she says she identifies strongly with them, run. She is the "why did I stick my dick in her?" Type of crazy.

Normally it kicks in before we get a chance to talk.

Does this smell like chloroform? -sorry-

Is "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" an appropriate question?

Am I being detained?

I always ask everybody I meet "What do you think about life?"

If they say "What do you mean?", it means they don't really think about life, and I'm ready to let them go.

I haven't been on a first date in years! Like, 20 years. My first wife was probably my last 'first date'. Then when we broke up, I used to hang out on my lunch breaks with a cute co-worker (now 2nd wife) in the lunch room. We ended up hammered at a staff Xmas party, and well, the rest of the night was a fantastic 'first date' to say the least...I don't recall asking her any questions. Well, maybe, do you think anyone saw us making out and having sex?

What role do your income and religion play on the next presidential race, and how can we keep him from vaccinating our children from my herpes?

WHO IS YOUR DADDY AND WHAT DOES HE DO?

Pop quiz hot shot: there's a bomb on a bus. If the bus goes over 50 miles an hour the bomb arms. If it goes under 50, it explodes. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?

get off the bus.....

Not sure if you got the reference....

speed, featuring sandra bullock and keanu reeves. yes, i get it

Don't go over 50mph. The bomb won't go off unless it's armed.

Are you a felon? If so, what crime did you commit and why?

On or before the first date, ask for ID. So you can confirm age of consent.

Do you do anal?

Whatever happened to "tell me about yourself"?

Your place or mine?

I think it's more people asking this question then it'll be a little bit less awkward when I throw it out there.

so... you suck dick?

"Do you swallow?"

Do you fuck on the first date?

"Is this a fuck date?"

How many partners have you cheated on?

Do you take this horse collar for your local weather harness?

medical records. there are a surprising amount of yeast infections where I live.

"What is the worst thing about you?" If you can deal with that thing, great. If that thing isn't so bad at all... the worst thing about them is that they are liars.

[removed]

Would you rather fight horse sized duck, or 100 duck sized horses?

"How tight is your asshole?"

Boom. Gender neutral and everything. You're welcome.

Anal or na?

This is perfect because I'm having my first date with someone on Friday. Thanks! :D

[deleted]

No

"Are you sure ?"

Doctor who?

What's your name? What's you favorite hobbie? Favorite sport teams? Etc.

What is your name?

Tell me about the people that have been/are your best friends.

How did you become best friends?

What are their best qualities?

What glaring flaws do you see in them?

What is it that keeps them in your life despite their flaws?

Nope. Get into politics ASAP. If they don't like a debate or can't keep up ditch them.

Are you on the pill?

What's up with the pussy, bitch?

Do you fuck on first dates? Does your dad own a brewery? Can I feel your tits...or will you show them to me?

Cos you got nice head, and you seem pretty honest...

Well my face will be leaving in quarter of an hour - I'd like you to be on it

http://www.lyrics007.com/Kevin%20Bloody%20Wilson%20Lyrics/Kev%27s%20Courtin%27%20Song%20Lyrics.html

"what colour is your flair?"

First date is always dsep lengthy discussion of their views on anal.

You want dick?