Edit: Thanks for all the advice, I would definitely consider them. RIP my inbox.
Edit 2: I am a high school student graduating this year. I've never liked drinking, and I worry that I will have no friend in college without drinking. Although I am not an alcoholic, many advice below still applies to me!
I hate to say it but I had to find a new social circle that wasn't into the party scene. They weren't willing to accept that I was trying to make a change, and we're constantly trying to cajole me into drinking again. And when I didn't they'd say I was being a bitch. I always told them my drinking or not drinking should have zero impact on your level of fun, but they disagreed. I could hang out with one to two people from the group, but not all of them at once. So sadly it meant that I had to find a new social circle to roll with.
Yeah, I've tried to quit drinking for periods of times for various reasons. It helps 100% to quit cigarettes and makes it far easier to exercise and get stuff done.
So I'd do it, be a couple months into it, and people STILL couldn't handle the fact that I would hang out and just drink soda. I was still sociable and fun to be around, but for whatever reason if I wasn't drinking there always had to be a "pussy" comment or the inevitable pressure to get me to throw back a couple brews.
The only reasons I can think of is that people feel... guilty or self conscious about their alcohol consumption. Maybe if they're getting drunk around someone who isn't, they feel like they're being judged? Even though they're not?
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See that's the thing. I, like you, have had that "friend" that judges you while you drink. They'll say something like, "What you said was really stupid" or "You look really dumb when you do that" or variations of that. It's literally the biggest buzzkill there is. It's like their tolerance threshold is so low for alcohol antics that anything out of the ordinary will set them off. Those people are the worst, and as a general piece of advice to anyone who reads this - if you're one of those people, you need to get a life.
Anyway, when I'm sober I make an effort not to make anyone feel self conscious when they're drunk or high.
I don't drink and I don't go to parties and clubs when my drinking friends do. I try to avoid being the nagging sober person as it really is just the same as nagging someone to drink. However in my experience what drunk people think is just alcohol antics can really be some fucking retarded shit. If someone is doing something they'll regret or just being an arsehole you really should say something.
When you're shouting around on your way home, you're not having a buzz, you're being obnoxious. When you come up with a crazy idea, I'll laugh. If you hurt yourself in a minor way, I'll think you're hilarious. If you destroy someones property, you're back to obnoxious.
Or if you do anything to piss me off, break my shit, or injure me in some way then your being more than obnoxious.
At times I do judge people for drinking and getting high, and why shouldn't I? As humans, we judge people for the actions they take in life, why should that be any different? These things can endanger the welfare of society and the lives of those involved. I'm a young person, and I already have three acquaintances who have been killed because of drinking and/or drugs.
People are responsible for the things they do. In our society, it largely seems that a variety of unacceptable behavior is magically acceptable to others because the actor is drunk or high. I'm sorry, I'm just not jumping on that train. Just because getting drunk and high is a popular cultural phenomenon, it doesn't make it right nor does it make the actions of those who are drunk and/or high acceptable. If their behavior deviates from what is regularly socially admissible, a person has every right to tell them and to be upset about it.
If you're being irritating, I'm going to let you know. If you're being a danger to others (or yourself), I'm going to let you or others know. Again - you're not magically immune to the rules of society or common decency just because you're drunk or high.
All of that is completely fair and I'm sure are your honest thoughts on the subject, but my suggestion would be not to hang around drunk people/friends. Also, don't expect people who are drinking to want to hang around you either.
Also there are good drunks and bad drunks. I like to drink on the weekend, and there a plenty of drunks I would find annoying as well. Most of my friends who drink are pretty tame and the best part of drinking with them is that everybody opens up a little more and socializing becomes a lot more interesting and fun.
I have always been quite terrible at socializing my entire life and when I started drinking it completely opened me up and I could finally make good connections with people and bounce conversation back and forth without over analyzing everything. Obviously, there is a point of no return where your social skills take a dive, but there is a sweet spot there for some of us.
Anyway, I guess what I wanted to say is that some people are just annoying drunks and I tend to avoid those people even as someone who drinks.
I began to hang around those who drank/used less and less over time, and now I barely hang around them at all. And yes, I don't expect or blame such individuals for not wanting to hang around me, at least when they're doing such things.
That said, I'm not unreasonable. I can be around people who are being responsible and having fun - the fact of the matter is (at least in my experience) it rarely is just a gathering of people responsibly having fun and being social. Most of the time, gatherings are reckless, obnoxious, and dangerous. And I can't stand being around people who think that getting drunk/high and engaging in reckless, obnoxious, dangerous behavior is acceptable, especially those who pass it off as acceptable because they're drunk/high.
I think it's a big problem in our society, and I honestly don't understand why alcohol is legal when it is almost just as addictive and dangerous as most substances that are outlawed and causes so many deaths and problems in society. Prevelance and tradition are not logically defensible positions.
Though much of what you say is true, I believed your age is limiting your perception. Any high school or college alcohol-oriented party I went to certainly was obnoxious. But as people have grown up and calmed down those occasions have become much more rare. There are still those few people who are crazy drunks, but I never liked surrounding myself with those types of people. They are generally considered annoying by everyone's standards. To drink or not to drink should have no effect on having fun with friends. If it does, then they probably aren't really your friends. Point I'm making is to not judge based on whether a drug is consumed, but on what they act like (sober or not). Just try not to become the person who looks down on everyone else.
Thank you for the well-thought-out response. I hope you are right in regards to age, maturity, and drinking, and that in the future it can become a more tame and responsible social activity (in terms of my experience).
Unfortunately, at my age, the decision to drink and/or use has a significant impact on one's social status. My decision to not drink or use has severly affected my social life. I wish sobriety wasn't seen as such a negative, but it is what it is.
I try not to be a person who looks down on others too harshly. I don't demonize those who drink automatically. It's just as I said before - if you're being irritating, belligerent, or reckless, don't expect me to be tolerant. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior, in any situation.
Can you give specific things that they do while intoxicated that you wouldn't be accepting of? Im trying to decide whether you are being reasonable or a total uptight prick.
this is very true. when my party faze was winding down one of my close friends became sober. which was a really good thing for him, he definitely had some dependency issues. now after he got sober he would still hang out with group, go to the bar with us or whatever. but he now had this attitude about him like he was somehow superior. he would make snide comments like "i can't believe you are having another beer" or " i'm so glad i don't have to rely on alcohol to have fun". he would give me attitude when i asked for a ride home. motherfucker i helped carry your drunk ass home while you were covered in vomit so many times the least you can do is drive the mile and a half to my house because its raining outside and i don't want to walk. he would also use his sobriety to justify him doing some shitty things, like he a mentos or something in our friends very expensive craft beer so it erupted everywhere. then refused to buy him a new one on the grounds that he doesn't feel comfortable buying alcohol. but he might just be a shitty person.
i understand that when you have issues with a substance, you need to cut out the factors in your life that were causing you to abuse it. but just because you have an issue with something doesn't mean everyone does. it sucked loosing a friend, i liked him much more when he was drunk, he kept his promises, he would show up on time, when he did something stupid he would apologize the next day and he had an excuse that he had drank to much, now he doesn't see a problem with his antics because he is doing these things with a sober mind.
Oh man, your sober asshole friend reminded me of another one of my sober friends! He stopped drinking because he got a bad stomach bug that he never fully recovered from that gave him terrible shits if he drank alcohol, ate greasy foods, or ate anything really sugary. As a drunk person he was a dick (I'm a married chick and he'd get drunk and pull out his cock & say inappropriate shit with my husband right there) but he turned into a holier-than-though dick when he became sober for health reasons. Like your friend, there'd be constant comments of (like your friend said) "you're having another? Geez!" Dude, having 2 drinks over a long 3 course meal with friends is normal--not excessive; not to mention that when he had 6+ drinks in a sitting, we didn't make snarky comments about it. I liked him better as a drinker because he didn't have the superiority complex he has now. Sure, I'd have to tell him to chill the fuck out with his hormones but at least he wasn't insulting me or looking down on me.
You dancing was embarrassing, though.
You've got me there--and my sober dancing is way worse than my drunk dancing, so staying sober for my friend wouldn't have made her any happier.
I took a psych elective in college that touched on this topic a bit. Basically alcohol consumption is viewed as a bonding thing because "we're all compromising ourselves together." It's supposed to be sort of an equalizer among people in social situations, something that brings us all to the same level, and allows our unfiltered selves to come out more. So when one person isn't joining in, some people can feel like they're being judged (even if they're not), or that this person doesn't want to be part of the group.
(Not promoting this viewpoint, just explaining what my class discussed.)
It makes perfect sense.
Misery loves company. Back in my drug and alcohol-fueled days, there is no way I would hang out with a non-user. Nowadays, no way would I hang out with a user.
Not only that, but people get stupid when they are drunk, normally its ok because they're around drunk people just as stupid. When you're around a sober person you just feel like an ass
But I had the same experience with quitting weed around my social circle. People assume that you think you're above them when you tell them no
A lot of the times though those people are right, that person that all of a sudden quit is looking down on them.
Well for me I just stopped enjoying it. I started to feel like a piece of shit each time I partook. I don't judge people for it I just don't find it fun anymore
I am in the exact same boat as you. I still partake once in a blue moon, but not every weekend, or every couple weekends anymore.
Do people call you a pussy because your name is dicks4dinner?
I think the reason other people want you to drink is because they are having such a great time it is hard for them to understand why you wouldn't want to.
I barely drink. When you're not drinking alcohol at parties it forces those who take notice to look at themselves as well.
As someone who constantly drops jokes at people who don't drink, it's mostly for fun. And for the expectation they'll get drunk for the first time that night since that's always hilarious.
However, I'd never do it with someone that's driving or that drunk but stopped. It's mostly the people that never got drunk in their life I like to bother, simply because I think they should.
I don't know if judged is the right word, it's kind of like a dismay at the possibility of the person not drinking being left out, like they're fun will get drowned out in all our drunken yelling and falling over stuff, which we're enjoying because we're drunk.
This is the feeling I get when friends say stuff like this but it happens basically never, and no one's ever been called a pussy for it, that's just not cool and definitely not about the person being left out.
That's kind of weird. Haven't had a drink in 7 months and I'd say almost every person is positive about it. It's rare for someone to act the way you described and those people were generally strangers who were drunk. Now, people being surprised that I'm STILL sober? Yea, that's different. But there's never animosity or illwill, thats just weird.
As an alcohlic, spot on. If I am the only one drinking, or even if there someone who isn't drinking, it makes my drinking look so much worse. But I am working on it!
From my experience, the problem usualy is that you think that you are fun to be around but actualy you are not (or not as much as drunk). You might be funny but you don't do crazy things, don't have rude talk, you are not that relaxed ... Simply, your brain is working. And they can detect that. It's basically like with zombies
I suppose that's a good point. However, I'd also be willing to bet the placebo effect works as well. Drink something non-alcoholic that looks alcoholic and I bet nobody will question you.
From my point of view if I'm hanging out with someone who doesn't drink but I am drinking, I feel like we aren't sharing the same experience.
I call my guy friends "pussy" for nearly everything. One of my best friends just moved in with his girlfriend and had to cancel on a rave because a couch was being delivered that day - what a pussy! That was 6 months ago and he hears about it all the time. It was a sick rave, fyi. I don't know about your relationships or your perception of said relationships, but in my experience it's just friendly ball busting. I stopped drinking for a while and a bunch of my friends called me a pussy and I knew they weren't serious. Still close friends with all of them 7 years later.
The best part is when they were shit faced I would talk up the girls that they were working on when they could not deliver or I wasn't busy myself. Then I would tell them about it the next day. Then they would call me a son of a bitch or most likely, a pussy. You are what you eat, RIGHT?!
Let me explain something. If everyone is drinking and there is someone who is obviously very sober, it makes people uncomfortable. Alot of thoughts will go through people's heads. "Is he judging us?" or "Does this guy think he's better than us?" are things people are thinking. Some people may also think you are saying sober so that you can be the creepy predator guy when the girls get drunk.
tl;dr: If you are trying to stay sober, don't go to parties.
when people get together and drink casually, for example just get a beer without intending to get shitfaced, then you're right, it shouldn't matter if any one person in the group isn't participating. but when people get together for the sole purpose of getting drunk having a non-drinker in the group does fuck with the dynamic. no way around that =/
Good point, and it goes both ways. I've had some awkward times where one person in the group drinks to get wasted. Then you have this one friend who looks like an ass. Or, one person wants to drink a lot but no one else is so they get mad at everyone for being "boring".
Or you have a friend come over so you won't be alone three days after a suicide attempt. Brings a case of beer, calls you a wimp when it takes you two hours to drink one and she's finished six. Proceeds to tell you all about how shitty her life is, interrupts everything you have to say. Drinks four and a half of remaining beers, knocks half beer on the floor. Gets pissed when you go to bed instead of staying up and watching YouTube videos.
I think I'm using the term friend wrong.
Well, at least it's good for you to see that having selfish, uncaring "friends" like that may be part of the problem.
No, she's the one who's using the term friend wrong. You're doin just fine.
taking two hours to finish a beer is pretty gross, drinking four beers is not uncommon, neither is spilling while drinking. Idk what you were expecting
when people get together for the sole purpose of getting drunk having a non-drinker in the group does fuck with the dynamic. no way around that
I think this really depends on A) the personality of the group of friends and B) the personality of the person not drinking. If the person not drinking will still do stupid dtuff, not be a buzz kill, and everyone doesn't constantly bring up the person not drinking, it shouldn't have an affect on the dynamic.
As someone who does drink, the only time these people are a buzz kill is when they act all condescending and superior. If you want to hang out with drunk people and do drinking related things, good for you. But when people go around and just give everyone shit for being drunk and annoying, it gets old.
I think that's very well said.
I feel that part of the problem is when everyone but one person is seriously drinking, the drinkers subconsciously feel a bit judged by the non-drinker; if they don't disapprove, why aren't they joining us?
That isn't to say the non-drinker is judging, and I think most of the time they simply aren't drinking for personal reasons, but that doesn't change how those around them feel.
If that's all that they do, you might wanna find new friends (you would never have "fun" with them, and besides, if all they do I get shit-faced, they probably aren't that fun to hang with)
If they get really drunk every so often, just sit out for the night and do your own thing, you can still be their friend.
well who has fun just getting drunk?
i really do feel sorry for you that have fun without being able to remember it o.O
You would be surprised at how many people do exactly that.
well who has fun just getting drunk?
well actually a lot of people do... i'd even say millions of people? why is that so surprising? and believe it or not, not everyone experiences memory loss after getting drunk or completely loses control.
I love when the alcoholics turn to moralizing when they sober up. Just because you became a raging loser when on the bottle doesn't mean most other people do.
There's nothing worse than a born again.
who has fun just getting drunk
normal people
College students.
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The mailbox is pregnant!
Uhhh, I get drunk, and have remembered everything. You have to drink A LOT to get there.
Me?
To some people, their entire purpose in life is "when can I get drunk so hard I'll puke the next week".
Which is more than a bit sad
Why wouldn't I remember it?
There is a huge area between getting drunk and blacking out. If you don't know that then you have no idea what your are talking about when it comes to drinking.
Ugh, this is the exact kind of ignorant comment that makes me hate people on reddit.
Screw all these people. Sitting around and doing nothing but getting drunk is boring as hell. All you can accomplish is talking with drunk people, which is boring.
I used to party, but alcohol isn't my thing anymore. Too much stupid bad shit happens, and I don't find it amusing anymore, I just end up shaking my head at everyone. It's appaling really.
"I can't drink responsibly, so everyone else is stupid for drinking."
When did I say I drank irresponsibly? If you can't make a valid rebuttal then shut up. I only said I don't derive any satisfaction from being drunk, or being around people who are drunk. I said I used to party. That doesn't mean getting shitfaced, it means I used to go to parties. Drunken people are gross individuals. Alcohol has long been used as a way to help people come together. I think people don't need booze to open up, they just have to open up.
Edit:I spoke of bad shit happening, but I meant I saw shit happening. Nothing bad ever happened to me. Watching people loose teeth or say shit they shouldn't. That's what I mean. I hate watching people lose control of their shit and then suffer for it. It's very unappealing. Not to knock it for other people, do what you want. I'm just done with it. If my friends or future friends can't relate then I probably don't want to be friends with them.
Okay then: "My social groups couldn't drink responsible so screw anyone who drinks at all, as they are automatically gross and boring."
I partied and got drunk a lot when I was younger, then in my early 20's it stopped being fun for me, so I stopped drinking and stayed home and/or volunteered as DD. My friends did what they wanted to do, I did what I wanted to do, and there was no need for silly generalizations or moralizations.
You are totally knocking other people for their choices, by the way. Your judgements aren't even subtext, just straight up declarations in both of your posts.
I don't like spending time with most drunken people. Not everyone becomes an idiot when they're drunk. It can go both ways. However I would say the majority of people are unappealing to me when they're drunk. I don't think less of them, I don't claim to think they're gross. I simply don't like their behavior (most of the time) and therefore don't want to be there, with drunken people.
We also haven't specified the levels of drunkness. A small buzz is hardly noticeable by other people, and it's still effective in making people more open with one another, which makes for a better time. Once you start getting really drunk, slurring words and falling about. That's what's I'm referring to. Like when they should just go to bed but they're still conscious. I won't stop people from becoming like this, it's their own choice. You won't see me hanging with them. If anything, you're knocking me for not liking drunken people. I'm allowed to feel put off by drunken people, and I do. You don't seem to mind being around drunk people even though you gave drinking up. We just differ on that one point. Not so say I would abandon my friendships just because they drink. Only if they hold alcohol higher than me by demanding I drink with them. I'd probably still go to a party, you'd just find me in the back with all the stoners.
Anyway, this is clearly a non argument. We are only fighting about the details. You seem to have nearly the same preference as me, and I don't care what you do with your friends. I just wanted to say that I find overly drunken people gross and annoying at times. Alcohol is a shitty drug in my opinion. That level of comfort and ease can be found without getting drunk. You're friends are lucky that you don't mind watching them get belligerent. Some people, like me, can't enjoy that anymore.
You are just speaking in circles mate, first you said: "Drunken people are gross individuals." And now you say "I don't claim to think they're gross."
Not all of them are. Thought I covered that, mate. All good then?
You aren't clear about anything mate.
Nobody is perfect.
You don't need alcohol to have fun. But lots of stuff is more fun with alcohol. It's true that (not) drinking shouldn't be that big of a deal in a group.
Mind if I ask you how/ where you met other people who were ok with or also didn't drink?
But lots of stuff is more fun with alcohol.
Serious question: what activities are more fun when you're drunk, and how so?
Dancing. Alcohol kind of numbs you to a lot of ideas and feelings. When I'm drunk and dancing to some great beat, it's just me, my body doing what whatever, and the happy faces of everyone around me. It's a blast, and sometimes a little bit like a trance.
When I'm sober I try to actually dance. Like, should I move this foot and what should I be doing with my hands? How late should I go home? It's a thought process. I'm also much more socially conscious. Am I making a feel of myself? Probably not, but those thought don't really hit me when I'm drunk.
Being sober is great for any type of ballroom dancing, but the moment I'm 'club dancing' it just feels odd.
Lots of little games and activities can also be more fun drunk, mainly because they're stupid. Everyone's drunk and one lad is standing on a table with a putter trying to get a golf ball into a cup? Hilarious.
If everyone's sober it's really boring.
Being drunk can also just feel good in general, so just talking or a pub quiz can get really relaxed and fun.
Maybe it comes from going to a ton of weddings with my family when I was a kid, but I've never really had a problem turning off that "Do I look stupid?" feeling pretty quickly when dancing and just having fun. I never understood the need for alcohol to enjoy dancing.
I kind of feel a lot of people are going to downvote you because "Alcohol is bad, mmmkay?", but you are on point, dude.
Coming from a shy guy, social inreraction. I really needed alcohol to say or do stuff with people I didn't really know. Now it's better. You won't see me dancing without being a bit ~~intoxicated~~ buzzed (sorry don't know the word. Whatever's in between sober and getting drunk).
I can have fun without alcohol when going out. But I do still need alcohol to really enjoy myself.
The word you're looking for is buzzed, or tipsy. :)
Yup, that's the one. Thanks! I thought intoxicated sounded a little extreme
When I'm drinking, I usually don't care to be around nondrinkers. When I'm not drinking, I don't care to be around people who are. :/
Why does it matter if someone isn't drinking? I couldn't give a shit one way or the other, typically with big enough groups one person isn't drinking that night in my experience anyway.
Neither do I and most of my friends. But I have to say we tend to bitch around a bit when on a warm midday you're the only one not enjoying a cold beer. When someone says no, eveyone respects it. But if there's just a little doubt we can be real buggy about it. We try to get the worst out of each other. Oh, to be young and with friends.
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with alcohol =/= drunk
Good point. And I wasn't trying to speak for everyone, so I'm sorry if that wasn't clear.
It's true that it's hard to have a good conversation with drunk people. But I noticed that at least in my group (and I think this is also true for more people), people loosen up more after 2 or 3 beers. They talk more, laugh easier, it takes the edge of. And altough the subjects aren't often that serious, we do have fun and long conversations. I'd almost say deep for as far as you can have deep conversations about goats or Pokémon..
I think you're confusing fun with work...
I think you're confusing you with me. Different people have different definitions of fun
Yeah that's true, I suppose. I like to keep my definiton of fun separate from my definition of work in order to create a more dynamic lifestyle, but to each, his own!
Edit: How do you grammar hawks feel about that last comma? It looks wrong, but seems necessary.
I like to keep my definiton of fun separate from my definition of work in order to create a more dynamic lifestyle, but to each, his own!
That's really condescending, you're implying that everyone who doesn't abide by that philosophy has a stagnant lifestyle.
Work is things I have to do, fun is things I want to do. It's that simple.
Just because I don't do what you do in your free time doesn't mean my life is any less "dynamic" (whatever that means)
Yes, I am saying and believe that if you don't separate your definition of work from your definition of fun, then you will have a stagnant lifestyle. You inferred that a stagnant lifestyle is a bad thing and that I am therefore being condescending. I didn't mean it that way so I added "to each, his own!", which means I believe you should do whatever makes you happy. It sounds like you believe you do separate your work from your fun anyway, so I'm confused as to why you took offense.
Dynamic means characterized by constant change, but it seems you already knew that since you inferred that the opposite would be a stagnant lifestyle.
You're having fun right now, aren't you?
My bad friend, a lot of others in this thread have been giving people crap cause of how they live. Sorry I got so hostile, you clearly didn't have the intentions I assumed.
That's ok, I'm sorry too, I was just trying to be funny orginally, I didn't mean anything by it. I'm really impressed that you apologized for being a little hostile, it takes a big person to do that. Don't worry about these other people, they're just self-consious about their own lifestyle.
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It's a scary truth. And not all the nights are like that, but it sounds pretty familiar. I'd like to stay naive and a bit oblivious for now. Thinking that's not the case for me and my friends. At least not all the time.
Everything except physical activity is more fun with booze.
Math is definitely more fun with booze.
I'd say dancing is more fun with booze. Or little races or acrobatic challenges with friends. That's pretty physical to. But then there's other physical stuff which often isn't really 'improved' after a night of drinking.
Yeah. I meant like sports. Like prolonged physical exertion. Except the other guy was right, golfing drunk can be fun.
Golf is definitely more fun, though.
When you're drinking, you're slowly shutting down your brain and sometimes the child takes over. And that child feels like the nondrinkers are sitting in the corner judging you. Then you get mad. Then you break things.
Power to you man. Its not the easiest thing in the world to do, I am slowly doing the same and it hasnt been easy.
This is what I love about my new group of friends that's I've been hanging out with and getting to know better the last 2 years. This past Saturday they had a party and wanted to play flippy cup but needed one more person. I'm not much of a drinker so they told me to just use water instead of beer so the teams could be balanced. That's when I realized that I can't let these people out of my life.
You made the right choice. Been there man.
This has been experience, except that I was never a drinker.
I'll have a beer or two at a bar, but the whole blackout drunk thing has just never been fun. No moral opposition, and I couldn't care less if others do it - it's simply not fun to me, especially as compared to other things I could do sober for way less money and not be hungover after.
I've recently started a new job where blackout drunk is basically all my office mates are interested in. I've been trying to establish that I've got no problem going out with them, but I'm not going to drink to the level they do. This is apparently a problem. I'll be constantly pressured to drink more, ridiculed when I don't, and if I drink at all it becomes something that they need to act like is a major event. As a result, I've had to make different friends.
Not all bad since that is how I met my girlfriend and other great friends, but it's definitely frustrating that alcohol is the reason I can't form a better relationship with my peers. Just seems silly to me to have that be so central to who you are that you can't have fun without it.
If your circle of friends gives you shit for not drinking and can't understand or at least respect why someone might not care to get drunk, don't hang out with them when they drink. If that's all they do, the only solution is to fund better people and make new friends.
I had the same experience with my best friend. She's always in the mood to go out and get hammered and I am not. For a while I would still go out and not get drunk, but the constant pressure from her became obnoxious. Not wanting to drink because I had work the next day or I had something important to do were never good enough excuses. Regardless, I didn't want to spent an entire day feeling like shit. I don't hang out with her as often as I used to just because there are so many things I would rather do than drink. She told me the other day that I needed to "get out more." It's frustrating having to explain to someone that just because you're not out drinking doesn't mean you're doing nothing.
Your particular group of friends sounded terrible and would probably need to be replaced under any circumstances.
This, get new friends. My friends respect the fact that I don't drink. Believe it or not most normal people don't really care one way or another especially people in their 30s or older. It took me a while to get this as I am not normal.
This was my experience exactly after I graduated highschool, I ended up dumping all of my friends and making new friends because they always had a problem with me if I didn't want to drink. Would try to goad me, or try to make me stay up with their level of drinking.
Fast forward 10 years and all my new friends I made could give two shits if I drank or how much I wanted to drink. Odd thing is, now I drink quite a bit with my new group, but it's because I want to and not because it's expected or needed to fit in.
Those don't sound like very good friends
Yeah, I don't really drink much but I'd get pressured to have more and more when I went out. Drinking just isn't that much fun to me -- I get sleepy and then sad about all the money I spent.
Eventually I stopped hanging out when them because all they wanted to do was go to bars/clubs and drink. Then I got yelled at for being a bad friend who never wants to hang out, which ended things.
Damn. I have a friend that was a fierce alcoholic. Several DUII's (never wrecked, thank God). He finally sobered up. We go out drinking, but not at a bar, and it's all Pepsi. He had a hard time with it, so we don't drink in front of him. We still drink, but not around him. We support him 100%. Never called him a quitter or a bitch. We're very proud of him and support him completely. Definitely a much better person because of it, too. He's driving again, in a great marriage (first one failed due to drinking), and happy. He's a strong guy for overcoming something that was such a big part of his life. Props to anyone quitting something that makes them a worse person.
There are tons of things to do besides drink. If that's all you have in common with your friends, then sure - different social circle. But, if there is a lot more there, usually the good friends will be supportive and cool.
I enjoy beer (not into the hard stuff anymore, other than the occasional scotch) and drink that, but haven't been drunk in many years. It doesn't affect me (maybe my wallet as I've gotten into homebrew) negatively. I drink for the taste, not for the alcohol content. I don't drink to dull pain or to forget or to socialize (well... a couple beers with Cards Against Humanity can be fun!).
How did you go about finding new friends? This is what I struggle with.
So I'm going to pose something alternative here which I hope adds to the conversation. I'm not sure everyone agrees with this approach, but it stems from just understanding that your friends are imperfect and if you want to keep them sometimes you've got to adapt.
Sometimes if you have friends that dont know jow to deal with change, the trick with this, and just about anything like a diet or going to the gym or whatever, is to not tell people about what you're doing until it's been done and accomplished for months and months.
The temptation is to tell your friends what your doing through and why, right? In these cases - be it a diet, exercise, or quitting smoking or alcohol - you're basically complaining a lot, even if you're also sharing with them excitement about the possible gains, and it gets boring. It's tough to hear but it's true. No one wants to hear about your week at the gym or how tough it's been to go from 3-7 cocktails to no drinks. Your friends have got their own burdens. If you're strong enough to quit drinking you may actually be stronger than most of your friends, and if you want to keep them then accept that.
Switch to fizzy water, put a lime and two black straws in it and suddenly you've got a secret drink that looks like it might be alcoholic but isn't. What they don't know won't hurt them or you.
Everything you described there about your old 'friends' are as far away as possible as what a 'friend' should be. Did you meet them when you were drunk? But good for you for making a change. I knew I had valuable friends because when I stopped drinking no one said a god damn word. My friends wife simply asked "Is there any drink you prefer, ice tea, soda... you know, so I can make sure we have it when you're over to visit."
I would totally be in your social circle.
Sadly that's true. For me, I find I get far more peer pressure to drink now that I'm in my 40s than I ever did when I was younger. The whole craft beer scene and whatnot has made drinking very trendy and people get very resentful if I'm drinking a soda. So now I'm like you and I have to seek out people who aren't so obsessed with social drinking. It's sad because I enjoyed going to happy hour with my so-called friends but I'm no longer welcome in their little beer circle.
Friends who tell you that not drinking made you a bitch are not friends.
It's funny because I have a group of friends who are "anti-Drinking". We used to be close but they hate going out, hate the idea of anyone drinking for fun. They judged me when I opted to go out with people with the goal of getting shit faced. They're not realy my friends anymore but yeah I've seen your situation on the opposite side and it sucks. People need to lighten the fuck up and realize you can have fun being both sober and drunk.
I have a more basic Q - how do you make a new social circle as an adult?
Why is it so hard for people to believe that someone doesn't like drinking, or doesn't want to drink? Every time I hang out with friends in a setting with alcohol (which is always, because that's all they want to do) people are amazed that I don't drink. And they will ask me "are you sure you don't want anything?" like 20 times through out the night. It gets annoying after the first time they ask, so by the end of the night I'm over the whole scene.
Find some chill Mormons. We have fun without drinking
How did you go about finding this new social circle?
You really have to find out what kind of sober-with-drunk-friends guy you are. I have one friend who never drinks that everyone is cool with, nobody even asks him. He takes responsibility for driving and genuinely likes coming to parties and stuff. On the other hand I have a friend that drinks about 30% of the time and when he doesn't he's miserable and just fucks with everyone that's drinking for his own amusement.
Being drunk gives a lot of confidence to people to do things they wouldn't normally do, rightly or wrongly, it can be a lot more fun. I am a lot more fun drunk than sober in my opinion, and in turn my friends have a lot more fun too, and I'm sure a lot of people would feel the same way about themselves and about me. If my friends weren't drinking with me, then they would certainly be having a lot more than 'zero' impact on my fun.
That is not to say, however, that you should drink because they want you to.
If you don't want to drink, I respect it, but to be fair, if you're their friend, the things you choose to participate in or not will obviously have an impact on how much fun they're having (with you), like it or not. If you don't share any interest with your old friends, then you probably made the right decision to find a new group of people to be around :)
You don't need alcohol. You need molly.
I'm someone who doesn't drink and also doesn't like to DD for my drunk friends. My best advice is to find "activity friends," people to socialize with through the things you do together. It's the same way you'll end up meeting people much of the time, but the trick is to pick activities that you can do with someone over and over again.
For me, rock climbing and gaming are two hobbies that I've built some of my social network around - I'll meet people through these activities and get to know them, and eventually we'll start hanging out in other contexts. Also, you can figure out what threshold of people and alcohol consumption you don't mind being around. For me, I don't mind being around 4 or 5 of my friends who are drinking, but I get annoyed very quickly at large gatherings. It took some time for my friends to realize I wasn't going to drink with them, but they're used to it now and rarely try to pressure me to drink.
I guess what I'm saying is that alcohol is a common interest a lot of people share, but there's no reason that you can't do the same with other interests. Also, it's okay to be around alcohol and not consume it; you just need to stick to your guns for a bit until you set the expectation that you won't be drinking with them.
How do you meet people gaming? Sorry, if that's a dumb question. I'm not a gamer but have a loved one who has trouble meeting people and is a gamer. I'd love to help them.
Edit: Thank you so much for responses! The person I'm talking about is pretty young and has severe social anxiety but lights up when talking about video games. I know not all of the things that were suggested will be available to someone their age but it gives me hope for the future. I'm definitely going to start looking into everything right now on the off chance that it is.
Good question! 3 things.
First, gaming groups. I'm on a college campus, so we've got clubs for League of Legends, Smash Bros, [insert game of your choice], etc; Finding groups like that is a cool way to find people who share your interests, and I think you'd find them primarily in high schools and colleges. I haven't seen the grad life yet, so I can't speak for the post-college thing.
Second, you can meet other gamers by going where gamers go. So I'm mainly a console gamer, but (like many gamers) I've found I like a wide variety of games. I've gone to a few Friday Night Magic events and met some really cool people. Things like comic-cons, pre-release events, and basically anything else that gamers would show up to are good places to show up. Ultimately, even if you don't meet anyone, you'll still have fun because it's a thing you enjoy.
Lastly, you've gotta do more than game. If you met someone who did nothing but farm beets, you'd have met Dwight Schrute. Not a lot of people want to be friends with someone who is one dimensional. I think it's important for people to cultivate a variety of interests so that they're not a Dwight. It helps if these things are more social activities, but ultimately it comes down to something you enjoy. These new activities become ways for them to meet new people, or to translate your gamer friends into long-time friends. If you want to help your gamer friend here, offer to try new things with him/her. Often times the hardest thing is taking the first step to do something, and you can help pull people out of their shell by doing things with them. Just my two cents =)
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Also table top gaming!
My SO and I met our gaming group for D&D here on reddit. We also play board games and whatnot. /r/lfg
college? that's cheating!
I don't drink for health reasons -- quit smoking 13 years ago for it, and now, I don't drink because of it.
I'm in my late 40s and a few of my friends have kids now and they had always been looking for reasons to get out of the house with the guys once a week at least....
So, we play Dungeons and Dragons... it's amazing how just one game can lend so many opportunities to keep busy:
Painting miniatures, writing character histories, having epic moments of gameplay be the talk for weeks, planning the adventures as a DM... etc..
Hell, I'm even re-learning VBA, SQL, and Python to program fights for me that keep track of all the variables in combat.
You can always find something to do that doesn't need to involve booze and beer.
There are a lot of good suggestions, but here are a few others.
Many cities, even small ones have things like used game stores that often have "pay to play" where you can hang out, use any machine, any title, and chill for a few hours. They'll also usually organize events, like a smash bros tournament, for weekends. Just show up a lot and get to know people there.
Board game/hobby stores tend to do the same thing. They sell games/minifigs/etc, but also will have open tables that anyone can sit and play at, as well as hosting tournaments during weekends. Usually there will be a D&D group that meets up there once a week.
You can also check out something like meetup.com and see if there are any groups that utilize those kinds of stores (or bars or whatever) near you.
Generally real life friends who game or you join gaming clubs and such or communities at school/college. Or you just randomly meet people through the games you play and then you make contact via Skype or some other voice messaging service.
My roommates and I are all reclusive nerds, but we socialize a lot through gaming.
We play competitive games together like smash bros or soul calibur, we also go to local tournaments and meetups
Once a week my roommate broadcast his gaming session live from bedroom, several friends come over each week to take part.
We play retro games which brings over the hipster crowd
I host a weekly dungeons and dragons session, which is a tabletop game played with dice and figurines.
My roommate plays worlds of warcraft, twice a week his friends all log on and "raid" they've been doing this for over four years.
I add people who use mics and sound friendly. We'll often end up playing together again in the future, and for a few people this will develop into an acquaintanceship.
It definitely works better with people you can also hang out with in person, though. My gaming buddies are former co-workers and friends of those co-workers.
Some of my best friends throughout my life so far (25y/o here) have been "met" through online gaming. A lot of them through World of Warcraft in particular because the game revolves around working with other players to achieve a common goal; sweet loot. I've made friends from all around the world playing that one game, and I've met quite a few in person, who I still happen to be close with. It's kind of awesome in a way.
I'm limited in my social interaction because of chronic illness and struggled to be social. I recently picked up playing wow and it's been amazing. My SO and I joined an amazing guild and are friends with basically everyone. It's nice being able to step back and have some quiet time to hermit and then be social again, I don't really have that luxury if I'm out in a pub or bar like so many others my age because it's just overwhelming. I would seriously invite some of our guildies to our wedding because they really are becoming family in a way.
PM me your battlenet name and I'll add you!
Either online, make friends in the games you play if you like playing games online, then you add friends to skype/team viewer or whatever program you use and then keep in touch with them. Or join local clubs, go to LAN parties or attend events for games and chat people up. Look at local game stores and what events they might be organizing, or if there's bars centered around gaming. A bar in Orlando where I'm at, called Player 1, is centered around games. They host monthly events, have a whole room full of old school arcade games and a nice craft beer selection, so you go there, meet people, play some games, have a good time!
Friends don't necessarily need to be people you know personally, sometimes you only know their avatar. If your friends plays online and is respectful then he/she probably already has friends he plays with.
A lot of universities have gaming clubs that have a set day or two a week where everyone meets up at a specific time and place and just hangs out and plays whatever they want. I know my campus has fighting games on Monday, and then some sort of for fun tourney on the weekends.
If you're talking video games, go to tournaments, release parties, and eventually LAN parties. If your loved one isn't quite good enough to compete in tournaments, enter anyway, get knocked out early, and hang around socializing with the other people who didn't do so great either. :P
If you're talking board games, check out your friendly local game shops, or try to find a group on meetup.com or your town's subreddit - there are tons. Game shops often have big events for gaming, and most have a few tables for people to just hang out and play. Or you could even, like, go to a pub or coffee shop and start a pickup game of Battle Wizards, CAH, or Hungry Hungry Hipsters - something quick that people can easily jump in and out of. Personally, I met all of my friends in this new city through a couple at our Global Reddit Meetup who hosted a weekly game night in their apartment building's common room, and now they're some of the best friends I've ever had.
Hope that helps!
Schools usually have one or more gaming clubs, or at least a place where they tend to hang out (maybe with gaming consoles or lots of tables for tabletop games). It's good look for flyers around or talk to someone who might know information on it.
Another fantastic way to meet gamers is at game stores. Most decent-sized areas have a small business closeby that sells games (video and tabletop) and hosts gaming groups. The three or so within reasonable driving distance to me have events almost daily, and free spots to play. Many gamers will be very open to letting strangers join in with their common interst, so just ask around at the right places!
Last thing: I'm a very reserved person myself, and one thing that helps is to have a more outgoing person go along, too. So if they don't like to approach people, like me, then taking one friend along to break the ice can help immensely (even if that friend isn't a big gamer and might just be willing to try it; we like introducing newbies to our passion)!
Check out super smash brothers melee for the nintendo gamecube, I believe it has recently surpasses streat fighter iv as the biggest accumulated local scene (where you play face to face, not like league of legends where u play online) in the world, with probably 200k+ local players in the united states. It's super fun to play, talk about, and watch.
From the context of the post, I think he meant tabletop gaming. Local hobby stores generally host events regularly.
Tabletop gaming (Magic the Gathering, D&D, board games, etc) or video games? For the former Id suggest finding a local card shop and see when they have events going on. Most of the shops in my hometown had a pretty regular MtG player base as well as people who would come in and play other tabletop games as well. Finding video game friends could be a bit harder, but I'd still go check out a card shop because a lot of tabletop gamers are PC/console gamers as well. You could also see if there's a shop that lets you play video games by the hour and meet people there. There was one in my hometown that had a bunch of PCs and consoles set up and you'd pay a couple bucks an hour to be able to use their systems and game library.
There are a number of gaming communities on Reddit. I'm part of /r/TheRedditRebels. We are not just about any one game in particular and we are always looking for new folks that want to be a part of the community!
You got lots of replies, but just wanted to mention how I've met people gaming. There are meetup groups in most cities that revolve around gaming, both on consoles/PCs as well as board games. There are also a lot of coffee shops and bars that cater to it. Here in my city, we have one called Dungeons and Drafts opening soon which caters to gamers. Back home I had a bar called Geeksboro which was a coffee shop/cinema/etc that was set up for board games and tabletop gaming. It catered to all ages and was an amazing place to meet people.
If your a PC gamer: Steam. I've met So many great people via steam game groups that I would consider my friends at this point. A few of them are actually rl friends now who I meet regularly outside of the gaming environment. There are many groups for each game that is on steam. You can see who of that group are currently gaming and join them (asking via chat before joining is adviced). Over a few weeks regular acquaintances will start to form. Soon the voice chat will become normal and you start to talk about stuff not related to the game. It's great and super easy.
Tell them to look at subreddits or communities for games they like. Some games, especially those with communities and "competitive teams" like Starcraft, DotA, League of Legends, frequently have get togethers to watch/play. The same probably exists, to a lesser extent, for other games.
I've never been to any of them but I see posts about them semi-frequently.
My one friend starting doing Pathfinder Societies, they're basically pre-made campaigns for Pathfinder (like DnD) and you go, one person DMs, and others show up with a character. They're not like the normal classic ones, you don't need the same group, and all your progress is kept in an online database (if I'm understanding him right)
But he's made a lot of friends through this recently, and actually started hanging out with them outside the game stores.
I, on the other hand, am more a console gamer, and I lucked out that one of the retro game store owners, is not only a really cool person, but genuinely likes certain people hanging out in his store. So I'll go there, pick out a few games, and then BS with him and other customers, play some games, and socialize. I've made a ton of new friends just hanging out there.
Remember there are a lot of different type of games. I've met a lot of cool people through Ingress
So there are lots of good answers to this, but first - does this person WANT to meet people, or are you projecting his/her not spending time hanging out with people to match what your experience would be? I ask because I (like you) tend to prefer hanging out with people. I like getting my friends together on the weekend and going out with coworkers after work, and the like. But, working in video games, and as someone who went to school for computer science - LOTS of gamers don't like hanging out with people much, and many are okay with that. Many gamers find socialization from friends they play games with online. And many simply don't have a drive to get out and meet people, and if that's cool with them, that's cool with me.
That being said, I'd like to echo Das_Coconut's sentiments. The best way to be sociable and play games is board/card/tabletop gaming. If where you live has board game stores, they will almost certainly have nights where you can go and play a board game, or get into a card game, or role-playing etc. (And by board and card games, I'm not talking Clue and Euchre, I'm talking about modern board games like Puerto Rico and Arkham Horror or collectible card games like Magic and Netrunner.) As someone who plays a lot of video games and likes hanging out with people, I can say that board/card games are incredible for this - they have the complexity and flavor of video games, but are built in a way that you HAVE to hang out with people to enjoy them.
Hey, I wanted to pipe in here as this is sort of my area.
Keep in mind there are alot of different types of gaming and I have found almost all of my friends who are interested in video games can share an interest in playing card games and board games as well. There are all sorts of types out there, but the one with the largest community is Magic: The Gathering. There are LGS (Local Game Stores) in almost every major city and many smaller cities too, especially college/school towns. You can look up local stores with locator.wizards.com.
Many of these stores have activities several nights of the week, and almost every store has starter or "introduction" level decks to teach you the basics of the game. I have typically found that the player base is very friendly and willing to teach new people as well.
If you know someone who is into games and wants to try a more social setting, I highly recommend looking into it. Thanks.
Meetup.com and your local game store are good places to start.
Facebook groups. If the game's popular, i.e league, dota, you can usually find a local group our somewhere close dedicated to the game(especially if you're in a big city).
Try meetup! There's a lot of meetup groups for everything under the sun.
throw wicked lan parties
The top-rated comment didn't mention that you meet people gaming by gaming. So many games are online, multiplayer, and have voice chat. Open up that microphone (or type if you're shy) and when you find someone who responds, play more with them! If it doesn't work out, it's quick enough to find another person.
Pc multi player games... most popular team based multiplayer games like Dota2, cs:go, LOL etc. have a feature where you can add a recent opponent/teammate to your friends list.
Gamer covers a lot of ground. But I think OP covered it fairly well in his comment, but I'll add that there are gaming shops around. If the place sells games then if the owner is smart they will foster a gaming scene at their shop.
Of the 6 or so shops in my general area 2 of them really go out of their way to foster a gaming scene. One particularly good one has a board game night which is open to the public and free. They also run various card game events for games like M:tG and the various anime related card games.
If you loved one likes card games, check out the Wizards of the Coast website and check their event finder page. That's a good place to start. Even if they're a video game gamer, there is a lot of crossover.
ask around!
also, what games do they play and on what system?
"activity friends" Well said! That defined the comment for me.
I think "activity friends" are probably real friends, as opposed to the drunks at the bar who don't give you a second thought once they go home.
Find a local reddit group like /r/socalr4r
also there are lots of great meetup.com groups
when reading that I always hear the "activia" jingle
As someone that's almost always the DD with severe Asian glow, it's pretty easy to fake being drunk. I just pretend no one is going to remember anything and use it as an excuse do do stuff I would normally not do and start talking without a filter to everyone.
I do that and pretend like I'm senile. You get to be an asshole while everyone thinks you're just an old nut job.
Pretty much drunk without the bad side-effects.
You may be interested to know that I remember every single thing that happens while I'm drunk, and I doubt I'm special in that respect. Some of your friends probably remember more than they let on if you're saying stuff that you normally wouldn't.
oh gawd
what
I was like that until my late 20s. Now it happens.
Wouldn't the lack of Asian glow give you away though?
This has nothing to do with your comment but it made me think of how cool of a social experiment it would be to throw a party with fake alcohol and liquor and see how many people act drunk
The Snozberries taste like.....Snozberries?
Would depend very much upon the age/drinking experience of the attendees. High schoolers? For sure there will be a bunch of folks acting drunk. 20 somethings? Everyone is just going to be confused as to why they feel nothing.
I feel that most 20 somethings should realize pretty quickly that they don't taste alcohol.
I have a friend who developed a stomach ulcer after partying non-stop for two weeks straight in a cycle alternating between totally wasted and hungover as shit, consuming nothing but kebab and booze.
He says he's still completely incapable of tasting vodka.
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Came back from a drinking trip in Dubai (the measurements there are ridiculous - almost twice the size of a single 25ml in the UK) and I couldn't taste Gin anymore.
I had to lay off it for a few weeks before I could taste it enough to enjoy it again. My tastebuds just couldn't pick up on it for a while no matter how much I added.
Do you guys consider 25ml to be one drinks worth of alcohol?
That would make a lot of stories I've heard make more sense.
In America a "drink" will have a "shot" of liquor in it, which is about 45ml. And a lot of bartenders over pour so you generally get 55-65ml.
We generally double our drinks in UK more, makes your pricing seem less ridiculous I guess.
Yeah British shot glasses are much smaller than American ones - and though wine glasses and beer is of course the same, I found that cocktails also were weaker. Definitely a bit less overpouring.
Pretty much everyone in the UK would drink a double, so 50ml drink.
Shots in the UK have to be (by law) either 25ml or 35ml. It's completely up to the premises which they sell.
They can also sell multiples.
A standard measure is 25. People generally order doubles though. £4 ish for a double JD and coke.
People in America quite often (In my group, always) order doubles... which is like double your double?
Yeah but our pints are bigger. ;)
There's a huge variance, although what is considered medically "safe" is usually more consistent between countries.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Standard_drink
At least in Europe we also have the concept of "units" which are different than "drinks". Most drinks have more than one unit.
In the UK shots are particularly small, but a pint of beer in substantially larger than in the US (UK 568ml, US under 500ml). The UK still manage to drink more, and binge drink a hell of a lot more.
Why is your pint 19+ ounces?
Because small tankards were hard to craft.
It's 20 fluid ounces, an eighth of a gallon. It was to do with standardising through the British Empire in the nineteenth century but the US kept to the older measures.
And a lot of bartenders over pour so you generally get 55-65ml.
American mixed drinks feel like 2 "standard" drinks to me so I'd guess they're closer to 88ml (2x 1.5oz shots) or even more.
I've met a lot of Americans in my time and they all go on about how they know how to drink, but generally I find they can't keep up.
Not making this a competition. I once heard that Americans are sprint drinkers and Brits are marathon drinkers, but I found Americans couldn't keep up either way. Maybe I just had a bad batch of Americans?
Edit: A single measure is a small drink I think though. It depends on what you're doing and how drunk you plan on getting.
A quiet drink on a date? Single measure.
Going out to get drunk with my friends? Doubles please.
Have you ever drank with a Korean before? Every time I've ever drunk with a European, Australian or Russian, they always seem to get drunk way faster than I thought they would.
One thing I did realize, though, is that they would bounce back from a hard night, much faster than Koreans. Meaning, either their hangovers weren't as bad, or that they would recover much faster than us.
But yeah, every non korean I've ever drank with has been surprised by the amount and frequency that Koreans can put down.
I only know one Korean. She likes a drink but doesn't go mental. I was told when I was younger that people from that general area of the world (not sure how to refer to it) were generally not capable of handling as much alcohol because historically their culture wasn't as reliant on it as the Europeans were.
Is that nonsense then?
that general area of the world (not sure how to refer to it)
...Asia?
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Yeah, that's it I guess.
Not really nonsense. Most Asian countries can be summed up as drinking very little alcohol in comparison to the Western world. However, Korea is a little different.
Koreans drink more per capita than Australians, Germans, Americans, Belgians, AND even Irishmen.
I've had the same experience at uni. The Koreans here study really really hard and when they go out they really really drink. (I've seen tiny Korean girls drink rugby players under the table) I just assumed that they don't do it that often so go for it when they actually do.
I'm not sure if it's a recent thing, but alcohol is a very important part of Korean social culture. Pretty much everything is done over drinks and it's a bit of a faux pas to turn down a drink from anyone who offers it. Also, if you don't drink, you will find yourself outcast from most social circles.
As such, it's important for guys and girls to be able to hold their liquor for long stretches and very very frequently.
The WHO 2010 poll, ranks S. Korea as 15th (sharing a spot with Finland and Latvia) in consumption of pure alcohol per captia. Germany is at 18th and the US is at 34th, respectively.
There was a dorm of singles in my college for all the honors students and also 2 floors designated to international students. I had a ton of friends among the internationals, there were a few English, Scottish and Irish, as well as a Dane, a Spanish girl and a German girl. I am American, I hung out with them all the time. The only people who could keep up with me drinking are the Spanish girl, and the German girl drank EVERYONE under the table and never even got drunk. She would go round for round and everyone was stumbling, she was fine. She was also like 95 lbs. It was ridiculous.
It's almost as if such a small sample is meaningless.
It's as meaningful as the comment I replied to.
The average Spanish person drinks MUCH less than the average American will in a night, so your friend is a massive outlier.
I feel like the averaged college age person who drinks alcohol is likely to be anywhere above average on the alcohol tolerance spectrum, a lot of people around the world seem to do a lot of drinking in college relative to the rest of their lives. This particular Spanish girl did all 4 years at American universities and in many ways had begun to adopt American culture when I met her, including party college culture.
It's just categorically untrue in Spain for kids of college age. I lived there while I was 21. They drink lightly almost daily, but the culture isn't to get hammered.
Very very few people were getting anything more than slightly drunk. Now the Erasmus kids? Different story.
You're right, I'm sorry, no one from Spain could possibly drink to excess in light of this new information. My memories are incorrect. (And, really, I was plastered so they could be)
I'm not trying to be a dick man. I'm only saying your friend is an outlier for Spanish people, that's it.
Were they having shots with a beer chaser? If that's the case, they were spitting the shot into the (empty) beer bottle. Common barperson trick.
never heard of this
I personally can't drink very much. I haven't drank with enough people from the UK to compare, either. I just thought it was interesting that your double is our single/regular. And that some of my online friends saying they went out and had 19 drinks in a few hours all sounded crazy to me, but now it makes sense.
...I'm not so sure I'd call a group of people a "bad batch" simply because they haven't invested a significant amount of time (and liver) swilling enough booze to keep up to someone's consumption standards.
It was a joke.
I laughed way too hard at "bad batch of Americans".
A lot of Americans are third or fourth gen Europeans. My grandfathers were from Ireland and Sicily. Plenty of my friends are 3rd gen Brits, Germans, Irish....We got drinkers blood in us, yo!
Also a high tolerance from drinking all the time can help
You develop a high tolerance by drinking, rather than your genes I think.
I hardly ever drink and thus can't drink much at all, my dad could drink insane amounts when he was younger.
They're not 4th gen europeans, they are americans. You ever heard of a dark skinned canadian calling themselves an African-canadian? Only in America do we do this silly thing.
I think it might have something to do with age groups? Americans drink a shit ton in college and after that their consumption probably tapers down quite a bit.
So maybe you met some mid-twenty something Americans who just a few years ago were way out drinking you, but now they don't drink much anymore, but in their heads they still have their old tolerance they had built up in their college days.
a 700ml bottle of 40% whisky/vodka/gin will have 28 alcohol units in it. Servings are singles in nice places, singles or doubles in regular pubs, and then the student runs advertise triples. A single is 25ml. That with the mixer of your choice (or on the rocks) is a normal drink. Start going doubles and you're heading into alcoholics territory.
It depends on the ABV also, they could be referring to the volume of alcohol in the drink.
Based on Google, yes, in the UK 25 mL is a shot. I'm definitely used to 50 mL shots that everyone over pours; consequently I can't really do them. 25 mL actually does sound like an easier and more fun shot to drink. It's easier to take down, and you can do rounds with more people in a row.
The Weights and Measures Act in the UK lays it out fairly strictly. Non adherance can cause serious problems. Overpouring is seemingly not seen in as harsh a light as underpouring, but its not something that happens really.
25ml is a single measure, depending on where you are in the UK though a lot of bars serve 50ml/doubles as standard
Seriously...25ml is half a shot.
25mL shots are just ridiculous though. Most anywhere else in the world it's more like 40mL.
As a person with a closet drinking problem, I can no longer taste Jack. Even after switching to Jameson. I can't taste the whiskey I drink anymore. I don't drink every day, but when I do I just don't taste it. I can order anything as a triple short without it crossing my eyes. Even moonshine.
Try cheap baiju, or lao khao, if you can't taste that stuff I take my hat off to you. Note it has to be the cheap baiju in the plastic bottle with the sports nozzle to get you inebriated quick stat, the more expensive stuff is very smooth.
That's pretty crazy. Do you mind if I ask how that all started was it just a gradual build up over time from just enjoying drinking a lot?
Feel free not to answer if that's too intrusive.
Ever drive by a farm and say damn that smells like shit? When you're around it all the time, you just don't smell it anymore. Same thing with alcohol
Maybe they smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day. I don't believe it. It may be true, but I don't believe it.
What don't you believe? That people can't taste booze?
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. If they NEVER taste any form of alcohol, pretty sure that's not normal, even for an alcoholic. It's bearable, but it never tasteless, and if it is, it isn't the booze or the habit I'm sure.
It's amazing how you just close your mind to the possibility of other peoples bodies not functioning like yours. You are living in a world of only your side of things, and I bet it's a lonely place.
Not really. People suck and my imagination is awesome. I don't doubt that it's possible, medically, but I just don't believe OP in this scenario. Sorry, but go fuck yourself. I'm allowed to not believe a story without credibility other than"I said so".
I was drinking it ice cold. I could not taste it at the beginning. It progressed to me asking for everything shaken. No matter what it was I couldn't taste it. And no, I didn't smoke.
As an American who has spent a bit of time in the UK, your drink sizes are ridiculously small. A single in the US is 44 mL.
Maybe we're both raging alcoholics and we don't realise it.
I think this is why I don't actually drink my favourite things too much. For instance I wouldn't dream of getting annihilated on spiced rum because I know it'd ruin it. Also, it's had a weird turn; because I don't drink often anyway, whenever I do it has a greater effect, meaning I need to lay off my favoured spiced rum even more, so as not to ruin it.
almost twice the size of a single 25ml in the UK
So... a double? Not really ridiculous, I don't know any pub/club in the UK that serves more singles than doubles. Singles are a waste of money in most places, I've literally had a single once in my life, it tasted like the mixer and nothing else (I have a fair few doubles each week). You save money, they actually taste like alcohol and it gets you more pissed, what's not to love? :P
In America, a double would be at least 90ml (usually a over 100).
The standard for a double in the US is 70-85ml...
Where the hell are you getting doubles over 3 1/2 ounces?!
Poured plenty of them myself during my bartender days! It's pretty standard at every bar I've ordered a double at, but honestly that is pretty infrequent for me.
I meant that a single was a twice the size of our singles. So a double there is basically the same a quadruple here.
I didn't realise this at first and just ploughed through them only realising later on why I was so drunk.
Oh hahaha.
Yeah that sounds like what happens when I'm at a home session with my own vodka, I can't eye what 50ml is so I end up pouring myself a quintuple or something unknowingly then watering it down with coke haha.
I could taste it enough to enjoy it again
Wait, people enjoy the taste of alcohol? I thought it was something everyone just accepted as the price of entry to feeling a buzz.
Like with wine aficionados and beer... aficionados, they find new and interesting ways to dress up the tastes around alcohol. Because the alcohol part is shitty.
Man. You're blowing my mind. I would never say I enjoy the taste of any alcoholic drink. Just some are more pleasant to drink than others.
Its an acquired taste just like any other acquired taste, except it has the added bonus of becoming associated with the feel good buzz, basically. I don't think many people love the taste of alcohol on their first try, but thats true of many flavors that people love. Most kids hate the taste of coffee (I know I did), but I love some good black coffee or an espresso now.
Good margaritas are amazing. Good mixed drinks, even if you can taste the alcohol, are delicious.
I think I've always just suffered the taste of lager. I've generally stopped drinking it now. The odd craft ale is nice.
Gin though. It's just amazing. I really really love it.
It's completely personal, I always have had something of an aversion to gin after severely overdosing on the stuff and massively embarrassing myself when I was 16.
Same for me and southern comfort. Can't ever drink it again.
Indeed, some of us do like to sip high-end Bourbon, Scotch, and Tequila/Mezcal -- neat -- for the smell and taste, not to get drunk. I don't know that the alcohol taste is specifically sought after, but it's certainly an integral component of the aroma and flavor, and liquors just wouldn't be "right" without it. A chemist could probably even explain why, stuff about esters and solvents and such.
Like with wine aficionados and beer... aficionados, they find new and interesting ways to dress up the tastes around alcohol. Because the alcohol part is shitty
I don't know that we're covering up the alcohol, so much as complimenting it. Ever had a non-alcoholic beer like O'Douls? Even compared to a boring beer like Bud Light, non-alcoholic beer is even more bland an uninteresting without that crisp little nip of 4.7% alcohol on the tongue. And when you start getting into stouts and porters, 4.7% starts to seem a little anemic compared to 7% or 8% ABV.
Anyway, similarly, a lot of people smoke pipes or cigars without inhaling -- not to get a nicotine fix, but to savor the flavors and aromas. Maybe we're just weird. :)
Depends on the brand but I love the taste of good bourbon or tequila with no mixers. Can't stand beer, vodka, gin or rum though.
That sounds crazy but it makes sense. That must be why we don't taste alcohol when we eat fruit.
I'm curious, what's the drinking culture like out there? Is it expensive? I've heard Dubai is cool, but only if you have loads of money to blow.
I went to visit my sister and her husband. I've heard people saying that you can't be out and about drunk. Get thrown in jail for PDA.
The rules are there, but the general rule is "don't piss people off". It sounds silly but that's how all the expats out there described it.
All the expats LOVE drinking. At least the ones that I met. A lot fo them are doing their time abroad before they have kids, there's no tax and the English earn good money out there (they like the English over there).
We stumbled home drunk, nothing happened. I imagine if we did something stupid, loud or offensive then we could have been in real trouble, but we're not that sort of people. Go to a bar, have a laugh, make too much noise, get home safely carry on the party.
I did get told off for kissing a girl in a bar. Bouncer told me stop. Waited until he turned round carried on and he said it again and then remembered it's illegal so I stopped. Nothing happened, but it's an example of just not pushing people too far to piss them off.
Not sure if that helps.
It's 35ml in Northern Ireland! As a bar tender it always amused me how happy tourists seemed to be when they ordered a double and it was more like a triple.
How do people even taste alcohol. All of it, beyond 30 ALC% just tastes like a burning mess.
...Yeah. That's the alcohol. That's what it tastes like. The more it burns, the more alcohol there is. Its harder not to taste it, IMO.
Oh yeah, it kinda does that, true... But I can't really grow a liking to it still. I keep myself 20 % and under for taste :/
so, wine coolers then?
Yeah but slightly different tasting burning messes.
I'm slowly coming round to some of the stronger drinks. It's a bit of an affectation as I'm trying to like them, but it's nice being offered a stronger drink by colleagues and being able to accept and enjoy.
But maybe I'm too easily peer pressured.
The more you have them the less they (seem to) burn. I've had enough tequila that I can drink it and get a flavour from it without cringing due to burning or it tasting bad. I get a little giggle when the barman/maid asks me if I want the salt and lime.
I actually did try golden tequila with an orange and cinnamon before... That was actually pretty okay since the alcohol taste was kind of eliminated by it
I never got the whole (insert fruit) and (insert powder) thing with tequila. Even when I was a teenager I never thought it tasted that bad. Sure it burned back then, but it didn't taste terrible. Cognac on the other hand, I can knock that back quickly but I've tried sipping on a double Cognac a few times and it's fucking awful.
I used to love drinking patron until one night of puking really hard. I'm talking about vomitting all of your stomach content out, pulled the rib cage til I dry heave and nothing came out. Now I have a gag reaction just sniffing that shit :(
Give him the cheap stuff. He'll be able to taste that.
I didn't like beer in college...so I always brought vodka and mnt dew to every party... I can still hardly taste vodka.
I read it as "urinating between totally wasted and hungover" makes sense too.
I did this in college. I had been drinking everyday for a week (prob bday celebrations and last days of class or something). Since it was towards the end of the year, I just decided to keep going until the last day, total of 17 days. My friends all knew and supported it, taking turns drinking with me, so I never drank alone. Fun times, but I too thought I had an ulcer. My stomach burned constantly. After all that, I can definitely still taste alcohol.
Sounds like grad school
That doesn't sound fun at all... Why would you do that to yourself...
He's a popular guy, there were lots of events and parties he got invited to. He ended up spending 2 months eating the most bland food possible as part of an extremely strict diet. He also couldn't drink anything other than water without bending over in excruciating pain.
Stomach ulcers are caused by a specific bacteria infecting the stomach, so that's probably coincidence.
ha! 2 weeks? try 3 years! I'ma light drinker now but I was one of those that can drink non-stop and would not "look" drunk.
My coworker was "the party guy" and loved it. Until about a year ago when he woke up to a sicken felling with the urge to shit and puke at the same time. He said that the toilet was pretty much blood filled after his exploding shit storm, and a whole lot more of it came out after puking into the bathtub. He was rushed to the hospital and the doc told them that he would be dead, due to blood loss, if he were to be 20min later. The nurses and doctors were amazing because they knew right away what was the cause. Three ulcers ruptured in his stomach due to heavy alcohol consumption. Before it, he was very proud of beating others at drinking and not get wasted. It has been about a year and he's back at drinking "moderately" because he "feels much stronger than ever".
My brother did this for a few years. Now if he has even a small taste of alcohol (anything more than a toothpick soaked in alcohol) his pancreas inflates and he spends three days to a week in the hospital in agonizing pain while trying to laugh it off like he's cool as the doctors tell him he's going to die and that he's an idiot.
The user name though. Also, was this in Sweden? Seems like the thing that could happen here. Kebab and booze go hand in hand.
Scotland - nuff said :)
Close enough! We consider you guys honorary vikings because of your badassness.
That's because vodka has no taste.
In seriousness, you drink enough hard liquor over time and the burn goes away. Vodka doesn't really have a taste, especially the brands I typically drink. So this doesn't really surprise me - your friend just likes his liquor.
Glad you clarified, because Georgi tastes like Listerine. Minus the Wintergreen freshness. Good Vodka just tastes like spicy water.
Georgi is technically vodka by definition but is actually poison when it comes to its practical applications.
If you think that's bad, NEVER try Fleischmann's. Can't find much on them, but they used to make Vodka, Rum and Whiskey, and all of them were disgusting. Even for $20 per 1.75, it's a no-go.
I'm 30 and can't taste alcohol in most mixed drinks. But I generally drink my liquor straight these days.
Non-alcoholic beer doesn't taste drastically different then regular
What if you use "alcohol free" stuff, i.e. the stuff that tastes like alcohol that has been boiled away (I assume).
We hosted a Christmas party in college where each room had a different drink. My roommate and I had eggnog in our room without alcohol as an experiment but more of a money saver. All the freshmen said "omg this is so good!" and drank a ton of it/acted more drunk, while almost all the upperclassmen called us out immediately.
Room crawl?
That isn't really true you can make plenty of drinks that don't taste of alcohol, I have concocted cocktails that are 20%+ and you can drink like they were fruit juice, then their are Ciders out their that are 7.5% that taste like apple juice, and a lot nice than ones that are 4%.
People of course can taste the difference between the drinks they normally have, but if you have a reletively weak drink, i.e. not a spirit, it is pretty easy to make one that doesn't taste like alcohol, go drink anything made with a fruit liquor for example such as Creme de Cassis, it is essentially alcoholic Ribena, add is some form a of apple Vodka and a load of Apple Juice and you have what tastes like Apple and Black Current squash but is 10%.
This is why I love Long Islands. As a moderately heavy enthusiast of the drink and an amateur "game of drink" champion, it just tastes like delicious juice. Then, about 4-5 in, I realize how dickered I am.
Try 'Not Your Father's Root Beer' ... my buddy who doesn't drink and tastes even the slightest bit of booze was shocked how it was straight up A&W. They have 3 versions, 5.9%, 10.8%, and 18%.. You only start to taste the alcohol @ 18%
if you made punch or something and said you put in a lot of mixer you might be able to trick people
Depends on the drink, of course. Gin and tonics with fake gin, yeah that's gonna raise some questions. A 'girlier' drink? People probably wouldn't notice for a bit.
Ever have pretty much any spirits with energy drink mixer? Rare I can taste the alcohol in a vodka red bull.
Yeah the only people fooled be the ones who don't know what alcohol tastes like
I bet most 20 somethings would act drunk if you find a way to make it taste like alcohol.
Completely forgot about the taste of alcohol part.
But yea even most heavily mixed drinks you can still taste the little tinge of Ethanol.
There are actually companies that make "nonalcoholic liquors" one of my friends used to work for one. I thought it was complete shit but they all tasted EXACTLY like booze it was very odd
Yeah especially with liquor. Not sure how you can not taste the fact that your Rum has no alcohol in it. Unless you were to mix it into sugary drinks or something "Jungle Juice" esque
So no different than sober 20 somethings confused as to why we feel nothing?
Ve believe in nussing Lebowski!
And tomorrow ve come back and ve cut off your chonson.
Oh good it's not just me
ouch...^I ^mean...^yeah ^^ouch.
No. No, this is not math jokes.
it's life jokes :(
I would probably become dangerously convinced on my fifth beer that I had some kind of superpower, which would get me into real trouble later on at the pub.
This experiment has actually been done. When people are told they are drinking alcohol, they will behave as if they actually are. This has been documented a number of times, but I believe the Bar Lab at University of Washington was one of the first.
Don't these types of studies overwhelmingly use undergrad students as subjects? I'd like to see one that actually investigates a 25+ cohort and another that studies a 35+ cohort.
[deleted]
The study that was cited used participants from 23-65.
I'd assume so, as pretty much every university study focuses on undergrads. It's baffling how much research we've done on horny, sleep-deprived, stressed out, hungover, 18 to 20 somethings with terrible diet and exercise regimens, and applied to the rest of the population.
My abnormal psychology grad student at the University of Arkansas did an experiment with only 21+, with fake alcohol (but all told it was real), with real alcohol (as a base line), and then randomly controlled, and assigned groups in the same room all being told they were drinking alcohol. Results are funny, the baseline was documented, then the all sober group was done and they actually acted like they all had been drinking. Then in the mixed group something crazy happened! the group that were actually sober acted and tested more drunk than the actual drunk group!
I do not know where to find this study or who published it as it was several years that I took that class. Really cool though.
This doesn't seem very scientific. There's a lot of people so of course the volume will rise when people start socializing with each other. Other than that the comments were on how much they were drinking.
Did they interrupt the socialization and give a questionnaire to rate how drunk the participants felt? Seems like that would have been a better indicator.
These weren't high schoolers walking around like they were totally wasted. They were just socializing. Unless these were all shy introverts that feel awkward at gatherings, of course they would socialize.
Yep, that video was super disappointing. I was hoping to see some serious drunk-looking shenanigans. What I saw instead was a bunch of college-aged people having fun socializing and acting pretty much like they would if they were at a dry church group meeting hanging out with friends and drinking root beer.
I saw someone do this kind of experiment on a tv show once, and they were asking people how drunk they felt. Alot of them said they felt pretty drunk.
Brain games the show on nat geo did this. Granted the sample size was small and it was not a scientific experiment, but you could clearly see people acting drunk the more "drinks" they had one of the sober girls fell out of her chair at one point iirc.
I can see that working for 2-3 drinks. But If I'm going out to get drunk, I am going to noticed after 5 or 6 that I don't feel anything.
This reminds me of when Joe Rogan gave some lady a breath strip on a radio show, and told her it was a psychaedelic drug. She proceeded to trip her balls off on the show in front of them, when it was just a breath mint
Placebocohol.
I wonder if there were studies done with normal non college type drinkers. There's a big difference between the "Drinking cultures" of 18-24 and everyone older.
This is what we call the Placebo Effect.
Also most 20 year olds would be drunk from pregaming at their place before the party already. Also would probably already have their own alcohol as well.
I used to work in nursing homes. They would always host a monthly event and some nursing homes would provide real alcohol in small quantities, but most would just get alcohol-free drinks like O'Doul's because it was cheaper.
I'll NEVER forget the time where these two elderly ladies (who were not confused/experiencing dementia, btw) who were in "competition" with each other over this one elderly gentleman who was popular among the residents and they kept drinking more and more "beer" and behaving more and more drunk in front of this male resident to... impress him I guess? To be fair, they were not aware that it was non-alcoholic beer and it DOES taste like beer if the last time you had the real stuff was 10+ years ago like most of these folks. Anyway, the staff and myself were in the back of the room observing this nonsense trying VERY hard not to laugh our asses off at these two ladies who didn't realize they were fully sober but behaving like drunken goofs.
So... you know. It doesn't always matter how old you are. The power of suggestion can be strong. heh
Hence that bit about experience... it sounds like they were not very experienced drinkers, or else they would have realized. Of course, it's possible they used to knock back beers with the best of 'em and had since forgotten the taste/sensation of alcohol in the interim since their last drink, but that seems at least somewhat unlikely.
Or really proud of themselves for not getting drunk. I hate that wine is alcoholic, because I just love it and have really started hating getting drunk. I'd be pumped to find amazing non-alcoholic wine, but I've yet to find that anywhere.
it's called grape juice
Well I do love that too, but it's just not the same.
The placebo effect works with fake alcohol. Generally, if people genuinely believe that they are drinking alcohol, they will feel drunk.
I would be convinced it was like that time I had some Saki. I went half the night completely sober. Then I decided to stand up to go to the bathroom... and bam, can't stay up.
There is quite a bit of placebo involved as well.
It all depends on the setting I guess. Turn off the lights, put on some "disco" lights or what have you, some loud music; and people will actually be drunk, to a certain extent.
In general, I agree, though. I remember a friend of mine bought alcohol free beer without knowing it once (he's not from the same country as I am, doesn't know the language). We were basically just playing Soulcalibur 2 and drinking, and suddenly he says "man, this beer seems kind of weak, I'm not even feeling a buzz". I took a look at the bottle and after a few seconds I had issues getting myself off the floor, giggling like a maniac.
The less chaotic and outside of normal life the setting is, the more you will notice, I guess.
Everyone is just going to be confused as to why they feel nothing.
Deep.
It's been done (according to my psychology professor)
Everyone is just going to be confused as to why they feel nothing.
Don't Open
Dead Inside.
Adam from the man show for HAMMERED from drinking fake beer. It just depends on how well you sell it.
The experiment has been done- it was discussed in my sociology class in college- there was a class at some college where they all went to a college run club all semester and had fights and shit then at the end of the semester the teacher revealed there had been no alcohol the whole time.
Its been done before, i remember we went over it in my Psych class last year. dont remember details though
This has actually been done before, and it works despite the age.
I think the issue is more one of how much experience a person has with alcohol, and less their age, I just mentioned both because that experience tends to go up with age.
I very much doubt experienced drinkers would be acting drunk after consuming non-alcoholic beverages.
"Can I have a jack and coke?"
"Pepsi ok?"
"Sure."
pours cup of Pepsi and coke
This genuinely made me crack up because I used to do that all the time.. "Rum and coke please"
Pepsi okay?
"Yeah"
pours a can of Pepsi in cup and that's it
http://i.imgur.com/qluDrhJ.jpg
http://www.reddit.com/r/comics/comments/2oaema/jack_and_coke/
Enjoy your goddamn pepsi cola richard!
Whyyy?
Good thing I can control my laughs, or else everyone at my table would be staring at me.
This might work for early twenty-somethings, but for most people who have been drinking for a while and care about what they are drinking, the jig will be up after the first couple sips.
I dont know where you people come from, but giving fake alcohol to any highschooler over 16 where I grew up would get noticed
Yeah, even most straight-laced kids have at least had a sip of alcohol at a family gathering or something.
Most early twenty-somethings in the party scene have already been drinking for a good five years or so. I'm pretty sure they'd notice. You need some 16 or 17 year olds for this.
Or freshman hoping to fit in. Just replied to the original comment with the time I helped my upperclassmen friends do this cuz they didn't want to stop making tips when they ran dry.
How early are we talking? If you mean 21, then surely they wouldn't have been drinking since 16 right?
Many do, sometimes earlier
I was a late bloomer and didn't drink until college at 18 but I have family and friends who started as early as 12... And that's in America with the 21 drinking age
From personal experience, I was drinking from age 16. Drinking age is 18 here though, that might have some effect?
Does it really matter how long they've been drinking at that point, though?
If you're 21 and have been drinking for even a smallish amount of time, you should be able to tell when you're drinking alcohol and when you're not.
Speaking from experience, yes. I started drinking (though only occasionally) when I was 15, and I used to frequent the party scene and most people have had their first drink by the time they're 18, at least here in the Midwest where I live.
Early twenties here. It might work for early twenties who haven't drank before, or teens. I feel confident that I could tell immediately if there was no liquor in my liquor.
Seriously, especially with beer. The moment you get into hoppier, or maltier, or just plain stronger beers, you can taste the differences. If someone throws me a Coors, I won't complain, but I can tell you if you ask that it tastes a tiny bit malty, and like there's no alcohol, because relatively there isn't. Now, pour me a Dogfish Head 120 and I'll call you a saint and try to give you money.
Sometimes I'll go out and decide not to drink much, or maybe I'll have a beer or two, but the mindset I am in allows me to be looser and more sociable as though I've been drinking more. To be honest, a confident 2 or 3 beer buzz is more enjoyable than being wasted in my opinion. I'm more sociable but also more tactful, and can pick up grills a lot better.
Yeah I absolutely hate getting blackout drunk. I hate not being in control and making an ass out of myself. I very rarely touch liquor because beer is so much easier to control
2-3 beer buzz is where it's at
Probably quite a few. I've heard of studies where this was done and people would act just nuts. Hell, there's stories all over reddit of people drinking something they only think contains alcohol and acting "wasted".
[deleted]
How would you not notice that the "vodka" you're drinking doesn't contain any alcohol. The smell, the taste, the lack of burning...
The adolescence....
"Oh man, those two bottles of Zima got me fuuucked up."
There's a limit though, I'd imagine most 16/17 year olds will be able to taste the different between water and vodka. Maybe if they'd watered down the vodka heavily, but straight out replacing the vod with water is ridiculous.
Reminds me of a highschool party I was at. I took a HUGE shot of vodka in a tumbler. I'm a big dude so it wasn't that huge a deal. When everyone went out to smoke, I filled the same glass up with water and went to the glass doors and chugged it. Everyone kinda laughed uncomfortably... until I did it again (with water). One of the girls SCREAMED "SOMEONE STOP HIM!!!!"
That's nice that people were looking out for you.
It wasn't straight vodka, and Arizona is a pretty tasty mixer. Especially if it wasn't particularly strong I can see an inexperienced drinker not noticing the difference.
Well in psych studies they have run to test the social effects of drinking they test to find ratios of mix to alcohol where the rate of accurate identification was no better than chance, then use those watered down drinks. IIRC it was 4 or 5 parts juice to 1 part vodka.
Edit: Changed 4/5 to "4 or 5" for clarity
At that point I didn't have much experience drinking and I actually never had Arizona so I didn't really know what to expect. I do recall thinking it should of burned but I guess I thought it was just watered down. Plus it was beer pong so every time I drank it was only a gulp so I never really had time to compare the way it tasted.
Yea after your literal first ever tasting of alcohol you should know somethings up.
Especially since when you just start drinking you add like 99% mixer 1% alcohol and you can still taste the alcohol.
I've had plenty of vodka mixed drinks where I couldn't taste the vodka and that's precisely why I drank those drinks (circa age 21). Not to mention growing up watching movies where the men sip so smoothly on scotch and whiskey I couldn't help but imagine it tasted like rainbows and unicorn tears (which happen to be quite delicious). This liquid amber delight MUST taste like heaven! So I'm sure stupid teenage me (had I drank in high school) was more than primed to believe I was drinking something if a friend said so. I doubt I would have acted drunk, though, I probably would have thought I was a superhero or something.
Should have used turpentine.
I honestly thought wine would taste like juice. Just, you know, different juice. Like cranberry juice.
Arizona Iced Tea smells, tastes, and burns like vodka.
What I don't get about that "prank", is that most people that I know try to act as sober as possible, even while completely wasted.
Any time I ask any of my friends who are obviously toasted, how they are feeling, they reply, II'MMMMM fiiNNNNnnee man....no oooh worrriiieeezzsssee..."
I don't get why anyone would fall for that prank and intentionally act drunk.
They tried this on tv in the Netherlands. A very non scientific experiment, but an experiment nevertheless, they replaced the beer with no alcohol malt beer. Everybody was complaining immediately that the beer tasted weird and someone quickly discovered it was probably just malt beer. Nobody acted drunk, they discovered the trick quite fast. Didn't work then.
Again, a non scientific experiment, but I don't think it would work. I myself grabbed a malt beer on accident one time and after one or two sips it tasted really weird to me, didn't finish it. Later saw on the crate it was malt.
EDIT: malt beer here is normal beer without alcohol, I thought malt beer in english was the same, apparently it's not. Supposedly it tastes the same as the good old alcoholic (5%) beers, but it doesn't. Something just tastes off.
Malt beer is a bad choice though because it tastes really really sweet and not like beer at all. You'd have to pick something that tastes like the original.
Such as non-alcoholic wine.
You mean grape juice?
There's actually a fairly substantial non-alcoholic wine market. Here's one place.
Oh, wow. TIL!
Wow. I need to try that. I love the taste of wine, but alcohol doesn't mesh well with mental illness so I try to avoid it.
Star Trek's Synthahol
The only way you could really do that though was if the water was pretending to be really good vodka, since that only tastes like water anyway
Vodka tastes like alcohol, not water.
They did do that. A translation error. Malt beer here is non-alcoholic. Guess it doesn't translate.
Malt beer is non-alcoholic, but it tastes very sweet. At least German malt beer.
Edit: I just read your edit on the original comment and understood what you were saying. Well, if non-alcoholic beer is not close enough to the original taste, they have to find something that tastes even more like it. I don't know how to do that, but I'm sure some food chemist can figure that out.
"R. Kelly here with a new alcoholic drink, Pissonu! Yes yes yes!"
Should have told everyone they had special imported beer from Guatemala or something, then the weird taste wouldn't have been a factor.
People would get way more suspicious of something weird like that, then just telling them nothing and change one thing without them knowing.
Dutch guy so can confirm, we Dutch get fairly serious where it concerns our beer.
You can't fool me into getting drunk. I'll drink good beer with alcohol, thank you kindly.
There's a product here called "malta", but it's mostly from Latin America and I don't think many non-Latino Americans are familiar with it. It's also a lot more like malt-flavored sugary soda than like beer.
Is that Anaconda Malt Liquor, the only malt liquor that gives you *whooo!"?
I think this experiment works better when you have like ten people trying to trick one person.
I saw a related experiment on TV where they served one guy non-alcoholic beer and the rest were actually served alocohol. In this case he acted/thought he was drunk
sauce?
I'll look. But it would be in dutch with no subtitles. So are you sure?
im dutch myself :)
Why didn't they tried it with non alcoholic beer? Taste the same - just no alcohol.
lol it doesn't taste the same at all. That's part of why nonalcoholic beer is very unpopular.
I thought it did because it tastes quite the same to me. But I'm not particularly fond of beer or alcohol. (Don't like the taste)
No problem. Feel free to edit your post reflecting this information.
They did try it with that. In the netherlands a malt beer is non alcoholic with the same taste as beer. I guess it doesn't translate to english.
A non alcoholic beer does not taste the same as a normale beer.
My friends and I used to hang out at this girl's older sisters place. She was never there, so we were always getting drunk. I remember a few instances of people (honestly, I think it was 95 % girls) drinking water or something else non alcoholic and acting drunk. We even laughed at them back then, but it definitely happened.
I think that might be something else entirely though. Maybe they're acting drunk because others are drunk. And sometimes you just go with the flow or something. I don't know. Thing is, being drunk is so totally different from sober. It has a huge influence on everything you do. It's quite a potent drug in my opinion. I think it would be really hard to fool someone into thinking that they're drunk.
Again, not saying you definitely can't fool someone into getting drunk. Just keeping an open mind.
Entirely possible. I know for me personally, I agree with you in that my brain could never trick itself into merely thinking it was drunk. And it never would have, even as a teen. I can't explain why they acted as they did, all I know is they did. My guess is that they didn't want to actually get drunk, but wanted an excuse as to why they slept with that person, did that stupid thing, etc.
Makes sense I guess. I love not being a teen anymore. Not caring about social stigmas as much. Now when a guy or girl sleeps around, nobody cares.
He isn't a cool guy, she isn't a slut. As life should be. Please, if anybody wants to do stupid shit, go do it. Go bang that dude if you want. I won't judge you, you go right ahead. Have fun.
If you are sure you are drinking,you feel drunk.There are alot of Placebo studies that have proven that if you convince someone this tic-tack will cure his illness,the "patient" will feel better.I belive same principle aplies to booze.
(2nd language,poor grammar)
You can't believe something just because it seems similar to you. I'm not saying a placebo can't make you feel drunk, don't get me wrong. As I said, it was a non-scientific experiment, so no conclusions can be drawn. The example just serves to put doubt in peoples heads and make you think. I never read a report where they really did this thoroughly, but it might exist.
I wonder what would happen if someone was pulled over while under the effects of placebo alcohol. Obviously they'd pass the breathalyser, but could you be convicted for knowingly driving while drunk without actually being drunk?
Huh. Interesting question... I like it! No idea about the answer though.
That would work with people who don't really have experience drinking.
I did this once to a couple younger cousins. I made them margaritas (with no booze). they told me that they could not taste the alcohol. I pour both their cups back into the blender and dumped a bunch of patron on top. (it was not patron, it was water).
All the sudden they could taste it and were telling everyone that Patron is the best tequila.
Four or five glasses of lime juice and sugar water (with a salt rim) later they were acting drunk and trying to sing.
EDIT: they were the only ones left in the family that were underage and their mom specifically told me to try it She even gave me the bottle of fake patron.
Also they did not think it was weird at all that 30 people were drinking beer and only they were having margaritas.
I've been hearing that since health class in middle school. Does anyone actually have a source. Either an observed study or one that was actually controlled with tests
I would like to preface this story by saying that I was not one of the guys involved in this story. I had a girlfriend at the time, and spent a majority of my time with her instead of with the guys in my dorm.
When I was at college a few of the people in my dorm tried this little experiment with one of the guys there who was autistic, we'll call him Jerry. Anyway, Jerry always wanted to hang out with these guys because he thought they were cool. He never asked to try alcohol though, so when he did they were all for it.
It was homecoming weekend when he decided to try his first drink, so it was right in time for all the parties happening around campus. Jerry asked to drink, and was given 2 shots of vodka, and 4 shots of water from the guys he was hanging out with in our dorm. After the forth shot of water he was acting really fucked up. He tried rapping, and was inviting the two girls in the room to go back to his room with him. It was a hilarious time. And then he got scared.
Jerry said that there was too much alcohol being consumed, and that he was a bad person for drinking. He ran back to his room and called the police. Shortly after this a few officers showed up at the dorm and searched all the rooms of the people who had been drinking with Jerry. They found weed and alcohol in every room they searched, and ended up arresting 13 people that night. One of the guys actually got kicked out of school that night.
Jerry felt bad about overreacting the next day. He tried apologizing to everyone, but it was too late. They weren't forgiving him, and he no longer fit in at the dorms. The guys he had been hanging out with were his only friends at school. At the end of the semester he transferred dorms, and at the end of the year he transferred colleges.
So yes, I would say that in certain situations that test would definitely work, and the results may end up surprising you.
TL;DR: Autistic guy drinks water and gets 13 people arrested, losing all of his friends in the process.
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Who the hell orders a keg of non-alcoholic beer?
stinky hippies who wanted to sell coke and molly more than let people drink beer
The only people who would fall for that are people who don't regularly drink besides really big occasions.
Watch Freaks and Geeks.
Aha. The 1980 social experiment called 'Beers & Weirs' by P. Feig and J. Apatow.
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How do you figure?
Ye prove it
This guy..
im going to need to see a source on this
Episode 2
Beers & Weirs.
Be dominant.
Should scrolled down. God damn it bill.
I clicked on the thread thinking about this, knew somebody would have mentioned it by now. Reddit does not disappoint.
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Same with me. Even as an introvert, I get a bit of a "high" from being in the right social atmosphere. It makes smoking much better.
When I'm in the right environment I pretty much act drunk. I've never had a single drink in my life and in high school my friends would always ask me if I was drunk at every dance
How have you never had a drink in your entire life as someone who's college age? Not berating you-- seriously I was a heroin addict by that age. And you've never even taken a sip of beer? That's awesome.
I value my body to an obsessive level. My friends all tease me for it. I intend to live to 200.
Yup, same here. I don't drink either, but I do feel better as the party progresses, simply because of the good company, maybe good music, things like that. It's just fun.
I saw abother reddit or post that they felt pretty drunk then looked at the beer and saw it was non alcoholic, which sobered them right up.
Fucking placebo effect.
Must have been freshmen or highschoolers.
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Have you ever tried an odouls?
Yeah, if somehow the taste didn't give it away me I'd know something was up by drink three.
I wonder what would happen if someone did the opposite? If they drank alcohol but then saw a bottle that said it was non-alcoholic. I wonder if they would still suddenly "sober up" as part of a placebo effect.
I saw abother reddit or post that they felt pretty drunk then looked at the beer and saw it was non alcoholic, which sobered them right up. Fucking placebo effect.
You sound like you think you are drunk right now
But there is up to .5% percent alcohol in "non-alcohol" beer.
What is "acting like she's drunk"? Talking and socializing?
Admittedly if rushing a sorority is anything like rushing a frat I would probably be exaggerating how inebriated I was in order to be force fed less alcohol
Maybe they just reacted to the rest of the alcohol. Whenever I e.g. drin "non-alcoholic" beer I feel the same sensation as when I drink alcohol on purpose: I get immensly tired immediately. It's really not fun to drink with me as I tend to fall asleep.
Princeton 2002, students throw a O'Douls Keg Party.
https://youtu.be/rFCdhr6l3ls
Anyone who has tasted vodka would instantly know they weren't drinking vodka. Same goes with any other booze. You can't to my knowledge replicate the mouthfeel of strong alcohol. You can sort of taste the fumes evaporating on your tongue.
Short answer is, depending on the experience of the guests, it wouldn't really fool a lot of people.
It actually isn't difficult to insert the flavor of alcohol without allowing the person to consume any. The University of Washington has a bar in which they study these kinds of effects, and the vast majority of people never notice via taste.
The bitterness i don't doubt, the vapor-thingy not so much.
I think younger inexperienced drinkers would act drunk. I'm only 23 and I'm sure most people my age who have been drinking regularly for 6+ years wouldn't. Unless your tolerance is really low, i think you'd realize you weren't even buzzing a little by the third or fourth drink and realize something was off.
There's an episode of Eyes of Nye (third episode I think) where they do exactly that, and as you may suspect, people act drunk even when they aren't.
This has actually been done before.
http://theblacksheeponline.com/article/fraternity-experiments-with-non-alcoholic-beer-society-crumbles
It could have a placebo effect surely.
Watch Clone High
Been done. Here is one example: http://theblacksheeponline.com/article/the-faux-beer-effect
Nobody... People dont act drunk because its cool, they act drunk because they are drunk. If you are talking about teenagers or something like that who never got drunk, yeah, you probably can see some exaggeration because its a new thing.
Actually your expectations about how people behave when drunk has a lot to do with what you do when you think you're drunk: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7752640
If you expect to act like an idiot when drunk, you will act like an idiot when you THINK you're drunk, even if you're sober (had a placebo).
It's a placebo effect. If someone is convinced enough that they're drinking alcohol, their brain will respond in kind.
Lots of research in the fields of psychology and sociology suggest that you are flat out wrong. For a host of reasons (some of which we don't fully understand) some portion of people always act the part when they beleive they've been consuming. Some even seem to actually experience buzzed feelings. Placebo is a hell of a drug.
Does depend on age, experience and how much being wasted is part of your social group's goal. I was in a fraternity and we would occasionally throw Around The World parties. If was a big house and we had lots of rooms. You'd pair up with a brother and you'd be responsible for making a drink or a shot. Each room would have drinks and you'd go around the house. We were both broke at the time so we got some gatorade and some halls cough drops and some raspberry liquor we already had (almost no alcohol, and we just used a splash for flavor). Girls were getting wasted left and right. Granted some of them actually were because they had been drinking in other rooms, but several stayed around our room all night and having ingested no real volume of alcohol acted really drunk. We pre made the shots told everyone vodka was in it. And there were empty vodka bottles around so it seemed legit. The halls cough drops gave it a bit of that alcohol sensation. Told everyone like a month later. Had a good laugh. Good times.
I saw exactly this on Dateline or 20/20 10+ years ago. It looked like a "real" party, people got louder and wilder.
This was an episode of Freaks and Geeks. Sam's older sister Lindsay is throwing a house party while their parents are out of town, and she's getting a keg. Sam doesn't want there to be trouble, so him and his friends switch out the keg for one full of non-alcoholic beer. Hilarity ensues.
Like that one episode of Freaks and Geeks!
You're gonna have a hard time convincing me that I'm drinking vodka or scotch when it's non alcoholic
Maybe if everyone was 12.
Reminds me of the Cheers episode in which Sam forgets to renew his liquor license, so he serves non-alcoholic beer. Cliff arrives late and knows nothing about the non-alcoholic beer and proceeds to get drunk as hell.
I'm sure I would notice immediately and ask what was wrong with the booze, then probably go pick up a six pack or something.
This experiment was done. 4 groups: 1) Got alcohol, told it was alcohol. 2) Got alcohol, told it was not. 3) Got no alcohol, told they got alcohol. 4) Got no alcohol, told it was not alcohol.
The result was there are some physical responses to alcohol: slower reaction time, poor balance. There were also some psychological reactions to being told you're drinking alcohol: lowered inhibitions poor judgement. The conclusion was that behavior under the influence of alcohol is largely determined by a person's impression or ideas about how people behave when drinking alcohol.
Over 10 years ago I made an animated short about this. And it was based on a story i saw once on 60 minutes about a social experiment on exactly this. Everyone acted drunk enough though they were drinking non-alcoholic beer. Here's my short if interested: https://vimeo.com/33521220
You are either very young or don't drink. This experiment would only work on teenagers, most people could taste the lack of alcohol straight away. And the ones who don't would be complaining about a lack of buzz after their second drink.
Don't remember the video but some kids did that at a college. They got a keg of nonalcoholic beer and time everyone it was alcoholic. Typical night of people being sloppy and puking.
That being said there wasn't much of a control and a lot of people like to pregame so who knows who was actually drink and who want. Still an interesting watch if you can find it though.
Zero. That's how many. Unless you are talking about ten-year-old children.
That experiment has been made before. The researchers found that quite a lot of "getting drunk" is the expectation of getting drunk.
Already been done lol
A bunch of "participants" acted drunk started getting crazy and after so many drinks into the party they told everyone to drive home.
Little did they know the party they were at, had all non alcoholic beverages and they were all 100% sober and free to go
The 2nd episode of the show Freaks and Geeks centers around a house party that gets its keg switched out with a non alcoholic keg and everyone did just that. "I'm soooo wasted right now!"
That wouldnt work because alcohol has taste. If your parties people be acting nuts then thats sad
We did this in college. It was so cool watching freshmen roll around going 'MAN I AM SOOO HAMMERED!!! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!'...
A friend of mine has a yearly party so celebrate her stopping to drink. No alcohol allowed. Somehow the always are the most fun/strange/excessive parties.
That's been done, Google it.
This has kinda been done, where the FAA wanted to know how altitude affected the ease with which alcohol could intoxicate someone. The result was that people, if told they were at altitude but were actually no higher than normal, would act more drunk. People at altitude who were told they were at sea level acted as expected, and with alcohol levels as expected.
Buddy of mine got laid many a time by getting girls drunk on "vodka." He'd make one drink full strength and replace more and more vodka with water as the night went on. After like 2 or 3 drinks, they were drinking nothing with alcohol in it and were still getting drunker.
Didn't that happen on Freaks and Geeks? Although that's a show and not an experiment obviously.
There is an episode of Freaks and Geeks similar to this. The main character's little brother exchanges her keg of beer for non alcoholic beer at her party. High School kids acting drunk. Some of them are like.."Uhm this beer sucks." I do believe one of the little brother's friends ends up drinking the real keg while guarding it and gets wasted.
I was actually on vacation in the Bahamas, and my dad got me a wristband to buy booze. These 14 year olds (I was 17-18) kept bothering to the point of annoyance asking me me to get them some, so I finally said yes. My cousin and I ordered them four virgin drinks and had the bartender mix a little diet soda in there for a weird after-taste and it worked like a charm. They were dancing like idiots, being loud and obnoxious, and passed out on the couches. They even thanked me the next morning.
My friends did this in high school and EVERYONE acted wasted. Social experiment >> success
My boyfriend did this with his pledges in college. They all thought they were drunk.
This brings up a very interesting topic though. I can practically guarantee you that some of those people who "acted" drunk weren't doing it on purpose, but rather unconsciously. Of course you get the people who will massively over-exaggerate, but placebos are a real thing and can have actual effects on the body. The mind is a powerful thing.
Dude, you really need to watch Clone High.
Not a party but I saw an experiment on TV with this. They all acted drunk because of the placebo effect.
[here's one from princeton] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFCdhr6l3ls) back in 2002
Freaks and Geeks style.... I love it
I did this on April fools day back when I was in high school! Served non-alcoholic Coors (who knew there was such a thing?) and blacked out the little black flag that said "non-alcoholic" under the logo with a Sharpie. This was a time when most of my high school friends were really excited to get their hands on beer and "get drunk". I'd say about 3/4 of my friends sadly acted pretty wasted - they were all using it as an easy excuse to freely make out with each other, and one of them could "barely even stand up straight". The other 1/4 was just complaining that the beer tasted slightly off and was making them really full but didn't they feel drunk no matter how many more they had. A very amusing social experiment for sure.
Do you mean this? .. And this is just 1 of the many out there. it has been done over and over with pretty much the same results
I loved that Freaks and Geeks episode.
Princeton 2002 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFCdhr6l3ls
how do you mistake water for shit that can clean wounds??? fail.
Reminds me of that Freaks and Geeks episode where Sam and his friends switch the keg at his older sister's party with a keg of O'douls... Hilarity ensues
Anyone who has ever drank regularly before will be immediately able to tell if a drink has alcohol in it or not.
We actually did this to our pledges in college. Threw them a whole party, made punch and everything. Only we didn't put alcohol in it. We had 15 pledges, and about 5 or 6 of them realized what was going on. the other 10 got "drunk" and made fools of themselves. They felt pretty stupid when we told them they didn't drink a drop.
This has happened in sitcoms plenty.
University of Washington did this,
Just don't invite Jesus.
"Hey, who turned this water into wine?"
Like the episode of Freaks and Geeks where they switched the keg for non-alcoholic beer?
My college did something like this - served an "alcoholic" and "non-alcoholic" punch though both had no alcohol. People seemed to realise there was no alcohol fairly quickly tbh.
I have seen this in a program of NatGeo, Brain Games I think, when they put some young people in a room just for hanging out with games and fake alcohol and in the end when they was asked about how drunk they felt in a scale from 1 to 10 all say minimum 7 or 8
They did something like that on TV in Germany. I don't remember much but at the end most of them failed the "drunk driver coordination test" from the police. They basically showed the same symptoms as a drunk person would show.
The 90s Canadian show Ready or Not had an episode where they did that. I suppose that's not really a social experiment though
A few friends and I did something similar to this. A group of us decided to act like we were going to trip LSD. We gave the youngest and most naive friend a fake piece of acid, we all actually didn't get any LSD that day so we all got a kick out of watching this guy. After 30 minutes, he started acting like a complete dumb ass, and acting like he was seeing stuff. I remember asking him if he felt anything and he replied, Oh hell yea, everything is moving!" All who was in on it was trying so hard to hold back, but we finally busted out laughing. The look on his face was priceless, he tried to play it off like he knew, but really he didn't.
I've done it. Last year at a party my friends and I gave a bunch of sorority girls fake jello shots and they started acting crazy.
Well, this video is literally called "Party with fake alcohol experiment", so there's that. I've seen a better one though, but can't seem to find it at the moment. Will update later with findings
Did this! In High School... bought a keg of non-alcoholic beer, and invited all the sophomores we hated (we were seniors) to our party. I would say it was shocking who faked it, and who didn't, but then I'd be lying. The slutty attention whores faked it the most. 10/10 would do it again.
There's a Freaks and Geeks episode about that. They replace the keg with fake beer and it sort of works; some people knew it was fake but the main character thought she was hammered.
Thats the premise of an episode of "Freaks and Geeks". I believe it's on netflix.
There's been studies on this. Don't have a link but it can be done with a placebo and people will start acting drunk.
This happened in a Dutch social experiment I can't remember the name of the video. But the knew pretty soon haha
When I was in college we lived near all the frat houses and threw parties occasionally.
The first Saturday of every school year, the Frats threw big horrible parties to prey on Freshmen girls and they almost always ran away within 15 minutes of being at one of those things, they'd pass our place and come in to our party. We, by comparison, were white knight honest wholesome people.
We had a 'freshmen girl' bottle of vodka. It was 90% water. They'd take shots and act trashed. It was hilarious.
I remember one 'being a badass' and downing a full glass of it to show off while we pretended to be amazed.
It's been done a couple of times. This one comes to mind, as well as this clip Darren Brown did some number of years ago that I found while i was looking for the first.
Someone can correct me if I am wrong on this, but I think people actually did this once with O'Douls. Like kegs and kegs of O'Douls for a massive college party. People were still passed out in the lawn and acting stupid and drunk.
I totally remember some discovery or science channel show where they did this or something similar and people acted drunk.
Similar studies have been done!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3035442.stm
Freaks and Geeks does this, it's quite a good episode.
Nobody unless they are all 16 or something, and then perhaps a few.
Just watch one of a million times this has been done on TV
I used to do this ALL THE TIME as social chair for my frat. We actually had a separate drink cooler for non-alcoholic drinks. As bad as this sounds, I would instruct the server to give non-alcoholic drinks to fat girls and unwanted dudes. We also served non-alcoholic drinks at the end of the night when we would run out of alcohol. Nobody ever noticed.
Go watch freaks and geeks.
There was a Psych. experiment that did this. They rimmed the glasses with a bit of alcohol for taste / smell. If I am remembering correctly, people did start acting drunk.
Well, it made Cleopatra want to make out with Abe Lincoln.
Happened in Freaks and Geeks with the non alcoholic beer keg
When I was a sophomore in college, I was at my friends' party very early on in the year when a large group of freshman crashed because the one friend was known for doing actual mixology shit.
They ran out of booze, but because the frosh were tipping heavily didn't want to stop serving. So they started making shooters of juice and having me do rounds of them with the freshman to convince them they were just really good tasting alcohol.
There was one girl who absolutely positively would not buy it. The rest were perfectly happy to have the opportunity to get "hammered" of a dozen "shots" at this cool upperclassmen party. I had more than one person approach me in the dining hall that monday claiming to have blacked out.
That being said, I'm sure it wouldn't have worked as well on a different target audience. The guys seemed to get a lot "drunker" after doing shots with me (female) than the girls would, for instance. No way seniors would have fell for this shit.
As someone who is now spending time around a pregnant person who is trying non-alcoholic beers/wines/etc, it's completely and entirely obvious from the first sip that none of that stuff has alcohol in it. Or even really tastes like what it's supposed to taste like.
I'm guessing it would only catch the true dumbasses.
As an MD, I am for doing this. Lets get it going.
It was done in the 1970s but I cannot remember for the life of me who did it. Social psychologist at Stanford or Harvard. About 30% of the people got drunk and had hangovers on alcohol free booze. The same study was run with THC-less pot and similar results were obtained. Yay placebo effect.
Quite a few social experiments of such have been conducted already. Here's a link from BBC saying that it can actually impair your judgement among other effects. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3035442.stm
Sam: You don't have to run, Ken. It's fake beer.
Ken: I know. I won 87 bucks playing quarters. This party ruled.
Ive seen one of these at a seminar. You might find it on YouTube, it was conducted by researchers in Seattle I think that specialize in alcohol studies
We used to do this to our fraternity pledges every year back in college. We bought a keg of O'douls (non-alcoholic beer) and let them have at it. Some of them acted like they were really drunk. The placebo effect is real!
Makes me think of the episode of Freaks and Geeks when the geeks swap out the keg with non-alcoholic beer and everyone acts totally smashed.
I get the feeling that people would catch on too quickly and then tell people to BYOB. :(
Research in this area had been done. People who thought they were drinking alcohol got drunk, even on fake alcohol. People who were told they were drinking fake alcohol did not get drunk, even if the alcohol was real. At higher levels of consumption, the real alcohol does start to kick in, of course.
Seriously, I got into rock climbing a little over a year ago, it is by far, the most fun and social activity I have taken up. It keeps you active, it's rewarding, and everyone who rock climbs seems to be a genuinely nice person. Maybe I am just lucky, but even the people over at r/climbing are insanely nice.
A Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, and an Atheist all go climbing together. No, really, we all get along great, and one of us doesn't drink. Climbers are almost exclusively great people.
This response was exactly perfect in the context of this thread.
That joke has no punchline...
That's because it's not a joke. Climbing really does bring all kinds together to share in their love of living life.
That's because it's not a joke.
That's what made my post a joke...
I'm so bad at subtlety, ^I'll ^just ^be ^going ^now
It's gotta be a trust thing. I'm a lot cooler with you after you've saved my head from going splat after I fall on a rock wall. Even if we disagree on something, I know you got my back/slack, you know?
Holy crap those are my two hobbies. Have you heard of the climbing comp in Arkansas called 24 hours in horseshoe hell? My buddy and I are going
HCR is pretty great.
Nope, I'm in the Northwest... Arkansas is a little far away lol.
Ah that makes sense. I'm jealous though. Being in south east Texas, climbing in a nice area is quite a commitment. But you have some incredible areas up there.
That comp looks so much fun. Check out Honnolds day there. Pretty cool video.
Climber here! I can totally relate. The climbing scene is awesome with or without alcohol. Activity friends are the best.
Climbing under the influence is not that awesome.
Source: friend climbed up a hill while wasted out of his mind, fell backwards and was paralyzed
Oh yeah of course not! That's why it's awesome that the community is so easy going sober. Sorry about your friend.
fuck yeah! I came here to say climbing!
My best advice is to find "activity friends," people to socialize with through the things you do together.
True, and while most of these events tend to wrap up at a bar its usually daytime/early evening and that's a perfectly fine time to just chill with a coke or whatever and leave on your own terms. That's how it susses out with my friends who don't drink when we do things.
Do you actually don't like the taste of alcohol? Or you have any other reason for the abstinence?
I personally don't actually like alcohol. I'm starting to think I'm the only one. Despite trying every once in a while to drink beer, wine, or other things. I absolutely despise the taste of the alcohol.
nobody drinks it for the taste (at first), you drink it for the feeling. If you don't enjoy the feeling of being drunk, thats cool, tell people that. But if you tell people you don't like the taste, they will still try to pressure you to drink, and maybe you should because you could enjoy the feeling and have fun with it.
The thing is. I was never "really" drunk. Because I could never get over the taste. It's not like I never tried. I never get that feeling of being drunk really.
Which tells me probably there is something little bit wrong with me in this area. Maybe my taste receptors aren't all that normal. I was always picky about my food. And there is a lot of foods I don't like.
You could be a super taster. Most super tasters hate bitter things..... which definitely encompasses beer and a lot of other alcohols.
Regardless, there's no need to force yourself to get drunk if you don't like alcohol. Once you hit about 24/25 people stop caring.
Well, I'll be damned. You probably soolved my life long mystery. I hate each and every single food and drink on there especially because of the strong taste. I really don't like coffe too. Thank you.
No problem!
I have the same issues, too. Except I do LOVE broccoli (when cooked properly) and green tea (well, arizona ice green tea. Any other kind I don't like?). It took a long time to figure it out.
Now that I know, it's also easier to figure out new things to try that I will like, which is pretty darn helpful.
Well, that's the thing. I really don't like broccoli, or any other "cabbagy" vegetable. And I absolutely despise alcohols, beer and cofee, olives and other...
Just out of curiosity. My favority food is chicken, and I really hate beef, especially in steak form. And I really like Paprika. Do you have similiar taste's?
I like chicken, but my favorite is pork. I used to absolutely love steak, but ever since I started taking iron supplements I really don't like it anywhere near as much. I try to eat it no more than three times a month or so. My husband LOVES beef, so no matter what we either eat it more than I want, or less than he wants.
I like paprika a lot, but mostly mixed with other things. Usually a blend of salt, pepper, onion, garlic, paprika is a nice balance. Most of the pre made spice mixes I have have paprika in it. But I don't like it as much on it's own.
I LOVE broccoli, specifically roasted or sauteed with a little olive oil and garlic. The topped with either lemon juice, a sprinkle of parmesan, or some soy sauce. BUT, if the broccoli is just steamed it tastes like the devil. If not cooked the right way, it gets crazy bitter. I also only eat the florets, and if it's a bigger piece, only the fluffy bit but not the stem. The stem tastes bad.
I also like corn, green beans, zuccini, and bell peppers. I'm working on finding more vegetables that I like. I like most fruits, but not bananas (that's a texture thing, they're smushy. I don't really like anything smushy, which is just a picky eater thing. I like crisp fruits/veggies).
Going down the list from the wikipedia: I don't like any other of the "Brassica oleracea" like kale, cabbage, brussel sprouts, etc. I hate coffee, I hate alcohol. Though, I also don't drink because there's a lot of alcoholism in my family, so I don't try it often. Though I did have limoncello in Italy and that was surprisingly nice. I hate grapefruit juice. For soy products, I do love soy sauce, but that's it. Mostly I just like the salt. I hate carbonated/tonic/soda water, I find it to be super bitter. I don't like olives.
I mean, not everybody is exactly the same, as everybody still has their own personal likes and dislikes, but I do definitely find that I hit most of the markers from the wiki page. You can also order some sort of test set online to confirm, wherein you dye your tongue blue, hold a card with a punched out hole on your tongue, and then count your tastebuds in that hole. It doesn't really seem necessary, I feel like "increased sensitivity to bitterness" is enough of a qualifier.
I also have the incredible luck to have the gene that makes cilantro taste like soap and acid reflux, AND I'm genuinely a picky eater (though I've gotten a lot better as I've gotten older) so that makes things fun.
I don't drink for a few reasons. Mostly, it's just not who I am. I've never really felt the need to drink. I don't need alcohol to have fun. I also like to have intellectual, intelligent conversations, which alcohol rather prohibits. I think using alcohol to cope with negative emotions isn't a particularly healthy practice and can lead to other problems. Also, my worldview plays a bit into this. I don't believe in any sort of afterlife, so I don't see the value in distorting the only reality I'm going to get. I'm not one to judge others who drink or use (moderate) substances, but it's just not something I want to engage in. Finally, the taste does play into it. I don't enjoy the taste of alcohol, mostly because I've never felt the need to acquire it. I've tried sips of plenty of drinks because I'm curious about the taste, but nothing's ever stuck.
I like the taste of alcohol! It's like scolding, tongue burning hot cocoa on a cold winter day when we were kids.
It hurts at first, but it feels so warming in your chest as it goes down. And after a while, the burn doesn't burn as much, but the warmth is all still there. I'm a Midwesterner born and raised, so by definition I've always a bit of a masochist.
I'm personally on a sazerac kick right now, but Manhattans before this. I'm not a big fan of sugary drinks, especially if it's cold out and I'm going to get frostbite in my lungs anyway.
Yes, spend what you would spend on a night at the bar on Magic: The Gathering cards instead. If you find the right gaming store, there will be a nice patron interested in helping you learn. I've made some of my best friends through Magic, and it's easy to meet new people when you move. D&D and knitting are also good hobbies for this.
This is very stereotypical, but do you ever see any women there? I don't know much about it but the times I've heard people talking about Magic meetups they always seems to end up talking about the tenchcoat and fedora types that frequent that hobby.
It's not a great ratio, I won't lie... 1:20 at best female to male Magic players at shops and tournaments. But women DO occasionally play. If you're trying to meet women with your new hobby, definitely go with the knitting.
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This username is amazing. Insights into the new Origins set, Marbro?
It will be good and great.
Rock climbing is such an addictive feel-good sport. After I finish so many routes at the gym or at the wall I barely want to stuff my body with any junk food at all, beer included. I actually turned vegetarian for a while. My point is, being healthy (or at least feeling healthy) can reprogram the way you demand food.
I stopped drinking at 14 in an act of rebellion against my parents. Since then I've realized that if I did drink, I'd be an alcoholic, and it was probably worth it to skip booze entirely.
My friends are activity friends: I hang out with my (awesomely insane) university Choir mates. We go out to dinner after singing: some drink, some don't, but hanging out afterwards isn't about drinking. That group of friends had spiralled out into other activities: I host boardgame nights, Artemis LAN parties, we've been going out to see thinky movies together and discuss them afterwards, and I just started a D&D campaign, all through people I met in Choir. My social calendar is quite full, and my friends are pretty awesome.
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You stop accepting alcohol every time it's offered to you from your parents.
I think this is the best answer. Becoming sober means your social life will change, because you cannot rely on alcohol and the grease to get social interactions going, or keep things interesting. When I was sober, the only time I went to a bar was to see a band play or watch a game, but even then it was difficult to be around so many drunk people. The problem wasn't that I wanted to drink, it was that the main activity in the context was something in which I did not participate. So, find other social activities, sports are usually the best option. Local coffee shops can be nice to meet or talk with people, some host readings or slam poetry, both can be fun. I also like book clubs. They get you talking with other people about ideas and this can act as a great social lubricant.
You must not live where I live.
All the activities are alcohol. Ride your bike? Wellllllll we're riding to the brewery! Rock climbing? Sure bro bring some beers!
Do you live in Golden?
No, but close enough
Fort collins?
I bet it is fort collins
I went to high school in a town like this. I ended up playing a lot of sports and a lot of video games lol. I think in this situation, it's one of those things where you have to accept the fact that alcohol might be present yet realize you don't have to drink to have fun. Call it health (lots of calories), call it money (expensive), blame a family member who you don't want to be like (make 'em up, if need be), or just say "Nah, that ain't me." You'll face some pressure early on, but eventually people will get that anus_juggler doesn't drink but can still be chill. Just give it some time. Also, I love the sentence I just typed.
The next question is: Where do I find these people? There doesn't seem to be much on my local reddit page
Easiest way is something like meetup.com. There should be a ton of local groups near you that do all kinds of things. Climbing, hiking, kayaking, board games, video games, bowling, etc.
Beyond that, many cities, even small ones have things like used game stores that often have "pay to play" where you can hang out, use any machine, any title, and chill for a few hours. They'll also usually organize events, like a smash bros tournament, for weekends. Just show up a lot and get to know people there.
Board game/hobby stores tend to do the same thing. They sell games/minifigs/etc, but also will have open tables that anyone can sit and play at, as well as hosting tournaments during weekends. Usually there will be a D&D group that meets up there once a week.
I'm gonna give you the advice that everyone is high school gave: join a club. If you're in a school setting, this is super easy. And if you don't see a club you like, start one. Outside of school, the structure is a little looser, but it's still there.
Take rock climbing, for instance. If you wanted to meet climbers, join a gym, go for a bit, and just be friendly to people. Same thing goes for any activity, honestly...
1. Find group
2. Join group
3. Be friendly
4. ???
5. Profit (friends)
Edit: Formatting things. Quotes were weird and unwanted.
You sound like my friend Derek, from Navarre, Florida.
I am not Derek... he sounds pretty cool though!
Figured I'd see. You sound like his clone. Or maybe he's your clone?
Hrmm. How old is he? Whoever came first is logically the original.
Or we are the exactly same age... o.O
Imposter.
Wait... So people just get together to drink alcohol together? I always thought they did other stuff too? What the fuck is the point then?
Came here to suggest rock climbing. Nice!
I relate to this as I have Hep C. My whole social group was built around drinking and now im struggling to construct a new one as a non drinker. Gaming helps a bit.
Mike?
For me, rock climbing and gaming
Legitimately the two things I came in here to post. Awesome
Thank you for your reply. I decided to never drink when I was about 13 or so. My parents were getting a divorce and it really all boiled down to my father's drinking. After the divorce, going back and forth between houses, I've seen him sober as often as I've seen him drunk. I watched him lose everything to alcohol, mainly his own happiness.
Being someone who doesn't drink I find it hard to have friends, but your comment helps.
Any advice for a newb trying to get into rock climbing? The local gym is nice and I don't mind climbing on my own as I start to learn, I just don't know what to do when I get there haha
This^
I've built my friend group around camping, hiking, cycling, skateboarding, music, etc. Alcohol is a common interest among most everyone, and every single one of my friends drink (including my girlfriend). They completely accept the fact that I'm sober and I accept the fact that they drink. Yeah, they may not invite me out to every night out or whatever, but most of the time I'd rather not go anyways. I get my quality time with them and don't feel like I'm missing out on anything when they go out. I'll go sometimes but I make it a point to have a way home, so I'll ride my bike or drive separately so I can leave when I've had enough. It may not be necessary to change friends, but to engage them in their other interests. Do they have a bike? Ride down to your nearest swimming hole and take a dip, then grab some tacos on the way home. Get a good group of friends together to go camping. Do something with other stimulants.
/u/Das_Coconut let's be friends.
Get IRL tabletop friends - they can drink while playing CAH, Munchkins, or settlers, but you don't have to.
Dance and leave before last call.
Go to farmers markets.
Get up with a biking club.
How do you make friends through gaming? I legitimately mean that, I've had a hard time finding a multiplayer game I enjoy that I can meet people through.
This. I don't drink and don't like going to parties. Instead my friends are based around board games, card games, videogames, and sports. On a side note, I also find it very hard to meet new people who have similar interests. Especially at college a majority of my peers just want to party.
"Activity friends". That sounds so lame!
Yeah, I don't think I'll be selling any books with the term, but at least it's descriptive?
Just to a suggest another really cool community / activity: try dungeons and dragons or any other pen & paper game if it interests you. Easy way to have loads of fun! :D
This.
You need to meet people who do more than drink. Hiking, rock climbing, kayaking, running, mountain-biking, skateboarding, etc ...
If you're not that physical, then role-playing games, even video-games that you can still play in the same room are an option. Board games have had a major resurgence as well.
as a rock climbing gamer too i totally feel this is one good way to stay away from alcohol, i mean i do like to drink and i still do it, but if its a friday and i go to climb i dont really feel like going out to drink, so yeah if someone need to stay away from alcohol you probably just need to stay active.
This is what worked for me. Basically, look for clubs that do things that you're interested in, or might like to be interested in. Climbing and gaming are great. Other things that occur to me are:
Motorcycling is a good one - it's a huge, enthusiastic, and extremely diverse and welcoming community; and it generally does not involve alcohol, because people who are serious about riding are very aware that riding and drinking don't mix well. Plus, it's the most fun you can have with your pants on :)
START PLAYING GOLF. I hear it's something you can make friends doing, due to random pairings at tee time. I personally drink a TON of beer while playing, but yknow, thats not required.
While the top voted comment might be the popular one, this is the correct answer.
I'm allergic to alcohol, and thanks to alcoholics in my family, I hate being around drunk people.
You find fun things to DO. Road trips, hiking, rock climbing, reading (go to awesome libraries or book stores), table top games, video games... Hell find a scrapbooking partner or someone to walk around taking pictures with.
Life is SO MUCH MORE then "hey its Friday, let's go consume distilled vegetation that smells like cat piss until we can't walk straight".
Bauzi?
The culture or the penguin movie? It's an important distinction.
Holy fuck this is an actual movie :o
Neither. I thought you were someone I know.
This is the best answer. I have a great group of friends and although we do drink alcohol on occasion, it's hardly to get drunk. We always have things to do, whether it's gaming, hiking, camping or roadtrips. I've never felt like I've been missing out on life because I don't go to clubs / parties every week to get wasted.
Life is good with good friends. I appreciate that.
I love this response!! I don't drink either, and find drunk people a bit annoying. I'm always a bit taken aback when somebody asks a question like this, since alcohol has never really been a thing for me. So, I like this response, very well worded. I might steal some phrases to use in my own life!
I definitely agree with this. I've met so many of my friends through my hobbies. I've been swing dancing for about 10 years and I have real, amazing friendships with a lot of dancers in the local and national communities.
I've also done quite a bit of theater and I think being dedicated to reaching a common goal (like putting on a show) is one of the best ways to unify a group of people quickly.
alcohol is a common interest a lot of people share, but there's no reason that you can't do the same with other interests.
Well put.
How do you find 'activity friends'? I live is a pretty small town where everything closes at five, except the bars.
Do the stuff that sounds interesting, see who else does them, and then be friendly. If that's not working, try to find preexisting groups that do these things. If that's not working, try getting your current friends to try new stuff with you.
I enjoy rock climbing but never liked the community. I think i just figured it out. It has tons of refugees from drinking. I'm not criticizing the choice, it's smart in many ways. I just enjoy the drink and don't have much in common with those that don't drink at all. No wonder i never fit in at the climbing gym.
I have a group of friends who get together and play tabletop games. They all have a couple drinks throughout the night. But I don't drink. The first night I played with them I just said that I didn't drink and the host just asked me if I wanted some soda then. I like these friendpeople.
Very much this. Years ago, I often went out to drink as my primary means of socializing simply for lack of anything better to do. Now, I kayak, bike, ski, climb, etc, so when people want to just go have a drink, like when I meet girls through okcupid or tinder, it's a bit of a drag to me. It's so boring compared to actual activities and I don't understand how I used to actually think that was fun in and of itself.
There are a lot of sober alcoholics in my activity groups, and consistently they express that staying busy and substituting outdoor activity as a better addiction really helps. They abstain from alcohol when we do go out after stuff, and nobody cares.
How did you stumble upon activity partners in regards to gaming? I've been considering my "activity friend" options and I really can't even imagine what sort of social gathering would take place, now that lans have mostly given way to the internet even here (South Africa) where the internet is decidedly shit.
And I do mean this earnestly. It's easy to socialise IN GAMES (for better and worse) but those then are well, in-game friends, who usually live thousands of miles away. Perhaps I should hang out around one of the still barely functional arcades and start lecherous conversations with whoever isn't 12........Or not....I'm not so great with plans it seems.
A good part of it was physical events (clubs, tournaments, etc) that took place in my area. A lot of it though, was meeting people through other things (like soccer, climbing, work) and, in the process of getting to know them, found out they game as well.
So my advice to you would be to do other stuff besides game, and when find cool people, see if they like to play video games as well.
Ah that's the tricky bit. I'm an author by trade (no-one said a good one) but libraries here are....we don't talk about them. I'm also chronically ill so physical activity is on the weak side. I've considered perhaps trying "LARPING". I find it a bit silly, and have had a good laugh at seeing it a few times, but I imagine it's the most likely place for people with geeky interests to pop up at?
Thanks for the advice though, it certainly gives me a bit of direction.
If you're open to a little more, I'd highly recommend trying out some D&D or other roleplaying game at a hobby shop. It's a little easier to get into than LARPing (both physically and socially), but I think the character creation aspect might appeal to you as an author. I know that Margaret Weis and Tracey Hickman (Dragonlance series) and many Forgotten Realms authors run their story characters in a D&D campaign to figure out how to write them. (To be fair, they are also set in the D&D universe, but still) Plus, hobby shops typically have a preset structure to get new players into the scene.
Biggest problem with that is if you life in a rural area, there's barely any activities. Where I live, there's some sports, a music school and well I can't think of much more. There's a meeting spot for younger people to meet, but realistically people only go there to meet up for drinking.
I guess this is just a rant, but how the heck do you do something about that?
Some aditional info: I can't change areas yet, the nearest city with reasonable activities is about an hour away and with me lacking a driver's licence I can't get back here after 10 pm, plus how should I possibly get to know someone there?
There's no real meeting spot, no mall and there's barely any people around, so no cool interactions with strangers ever.
Next, I know two people who don't drink. Most of them barely do anything else to be honest.
My social life at the moment is playing video games (yey...), chilling with those two people (we watch tv, play games and lift together) and occasionaly drinking.
I don't actually hate drinking, but I detest it as a social activity. It should be to make social activities more fun, not be one.
I hear you man. I went to high school in a town like this... between 2 and 3 thousand people, and it seemed like everyone and their grandmother drank all weekend.
The nice part about a rural area is the outdoors activities they provide. I'd highly recommend checking out camping, hiking, and other stuff as the seasons allow. I played a lot of sports in high school, theater and stuff, but over the summers my friends and I would head out of town and just spend the weekend elsewhere. You can all pitch in on a tent (hah) which is pretty cheap. Also, there's a shit ton of stuff you can get info about on the internet. How's about a political cause you guys care about? City project on something? Start a band? You guys could start doing something you all like at the local hangout spot that specifically doesn't involve drinking. I think you'd be surprised to find out how many people don't actually want to drink all the time.
Edit: subject/verb agreement. also, words.
I guess I have to take more initiative then. I'm always looking out for stuff that's going on and then joining with others, not so much one to start.
And really, it's not so much about the big projects.
While I'm not all that interested in music or local politics, doing stuff in other areas and generally big projects are easier to pull off ironically.
It's the small stuff that's lacking, the every day socialising, being with people and not waiting for the weekend (or on weekends, not waiting for the next bigger project).
I'm 28 and looking to start gaming with people my age. How do I do that?
Depends on your type of gaming. Tabletop gaming/hobby shops are really good places to meet other gamers. My girlfriend introduced me to Magic: The Gathering a few years ago, and that scene seems to have a lot of players in their mid-to-late twenties. One of the guys I met through Magic ended up being a regular Super Smash Bros buddy until he moved overseas.
So I'd drop by your local hobby or card shop and see what kind of events they hold. We have three stores in my town (about 20,000 people) and they all are super welcoming to newcomers.
You could also get super sketch and post on Craigslist =P (Or, you know, more aboveboard stuff.)
That's my current outlet, gaming. But I haven't made any friends nor know anyone who plays the same games as myself. I'm a bit of an introvert as well, I rarely leave my house aside from school-related activities. How do you build a network around gaming? I'd like to branch out and make some friends but am dumb.
This might seem counter-intuitive, but to build a good gaming network, you may need to game less. Instead of focusing on making friends with other people who are gamers, focus on making friends in other areas who are people you'd want to play games with. So try to make an effort to come out of your shell a bit. Join a club. This is huge. I met a ton of friends through sports and drama at my school. When I first started, I didn't know anyone, but since I enjoyed playing soccer and (trying out) acting, it was fun regardless. After doing my thing for a while, I got talking to my fellow club/team members and video games eventually came up, because let's face it, everyone under the age of 30 plays video games in some capacity. One thing led to another, and pretty soon we were pwning teh noobs online (as we said back in 2007). tldr; broaden your interests to broaden your social network. bigger social network = more people to game with.
This makes me wish I had normal activities lol.
Excuuuuuse me, Princess, but normal's a shitty standard. You do you, baby. =D That being said, I think it's always worth your time to try out new activities from time to time, and if it bothers you, give some of the more social activities a shot. Not necessarily popular ones, but ones that require face-to-face interaction with other people. Even if it's not a normal activity, you have a better chance of meeting people if you interact with them. And, if you choose a social activity you like, you'll probably find like-minded people.
I don't know that being a mermaid in the middle of Ohio is an especially social activity. People at the gym look at me pretty funny
Exactly, it depends on your friends. I have a few friends who can have 10 drinks and you wouldn't know besides a slight change in personality. I have other friends that would be yelling and slurring and saying annoying shit to the point where I almost want to kick them out.
This. I stopped drinking (for unrelated health reasons). So much more room for activities!
Camping, boating, fishing, rafting, climbing, hiking, weight lifting, running, any sport. All great ways to meet folks in a sober environment.
Do you mind sharing what the reason is you don't drink?
From another of my replies:
I don't drink for a few reasons. Mostly, it's just not who I am. I've never really felt the need to drink. I don't need alcohol to have fun. I also like to have intellectual, intelligent conversations, which alcohol rather prohibits. I think using alcohol to cope with negative emotions isn't a particularly healthy practice and can lead to other problems. Also, my worldview plays a bit into this. I don't believe in any sort of afterlife, so I don't see the value in distorting the only reality I'm going to get. I'm not one to judge others who drink or use (moderate) substances, but it's just not something I want to engage in. Finally, the taste does play into it. I don't enjoy the taste of alcohol, mostly because I've never felt the need to acquire it. I've tried sips of plenty of drinks because I'm curious about the taste, but nothing's ever stuck.
Edit: Quoting got weird. Fixed it.
climbing and gamming, the two best things to do. (Aside from eating)
I've had this exact experience with pot!
It's what brings you and your friends together most of the time it's alcohol you need to find a new commonality
Yes! This is exactly my method.
However, this is admittedly a harder way to maintain and make friends. "Going out" is a much more casual than saying "do you like to hike?" and once you're somewhere and everyone is comfortably drunk becoming close friends seems simple. However, the chats you guys have will actually be intelligent instead of just seeming that way at the time. Also you'll actually remember them so that's nice too.
me and my SO dont drink and i agree with the activity friends. we have friends that also dont drink or at least respect our wishes and dont get drunk around us. we have game nights where we play table top games, video games, and we also have people over to watch our favorite shows (game of thrones, the walking dead).
you have to find people that respect you enough to not drink or disrespect your lifestyle. cut the assholes out of your life.
Thank you!
I'm a long time gamer and I've just started rock climbing! Its fantastic! I also like alcohol and can't wait to try all 3 together!
I love gaming. I love alcohol. I love rock climbing. But climbing while drunk (or even just buzzed) is not something that I find even the least bit enjoyable. It just makes you worse at climbing (less coordinated, worse balance) and when you add in the fact that climbing while drunk really multiplies the safety concerns, its just not worth it. Don't ruin good climb time with booze, save it for afterwards.
I was joking when I wrote that but after I though to myself 'hey that might actually be fun!' Thanks for steering me straight again!
No problem. And others may disagree with me, I know it sounded fun at first, I only learned I didn't enjoy it by trying it. And I'm in Iowa, so good climbing is a bit of a drive, I'd rather not waste the opportunity. Then I save my beer for the campfire and enjoy both climbing and drinking a lot more when I do them separately.
Sounds like a blast, though I'd be careful to limit the alcohol to after the climbing... You don't want your belay intoxicated, and you don't want chalk in your beer ;)
Personally, I go to a karaoke bar alone. I've made friends from simply showing up. We all drink to varying degree's one of which doesn't drink at all. Soda's are free at the bar and there's food there too.
We very rarely buy drinks for each other, so there's very little pressure to drink if you don't want to. We're all well off enough we can afford to drink so we don't worry about each other being too broke -- so there's no pressure to offer to buy someone a drink out of sympathy. If you aren't drinking we don't ask and don't care. We will, however, offer you our food -- so heaven forbid you're on a diet.
There is one 23 year old that's annoying though. He drinks to excess. I mean mother fucking excess. It's 1:30AM.. bar closes at 2AM and he's slamming shots like his mother was getting fucked at prom.
Dude.. the fuck? He has NO WAY of getting home. Seriously, I stop at around midnight and just nurse my drink mostly munching on the ice more than anything. Ok, fine whatever. But the annoying thing about the guy is he BEGS people to take shots with him -- as though he has something to prove. Dude, no. We're here to bitch about life, relax, have fun, and sing. This isn't a competition in any form or fashion. There's no pressure for anyone to do anything at all. Take that shit to another table.
I am, however about to go on a diet... I've gained 10lbs in the last 3 weeks. So I'm going to have to limit the food and alcohol intake. but I'm not limiting my karaoke.
The GREAT thing about karaoke is people approach you if you're good -- and if you sing often enough you WILL get good. Unless you always sing drink. So if you're anti-social, it's a great way to meet people without having to approach them. Eventually you'll talk about which songs are "yours" and "theirs". Personally, I tell them sing whatever.. if they sing one of "my" songs -- I'll simply choose another one. I'm there to get out, nothing more, nothing less... but there is one song that's "mine" that everyone waits to hear me sing -- so no one sings it. It's epic. There's nothing fucking cooler than when you have the whole bar's attention. You are a god damn rock star.
You sound like tons of fun at parties
Yeah, he really does. His parties sound way better than the ones I end up with.
Clearly I need to get into rock climbing.
Well, I don't have a lot of fun at parties because I find masses of drunk people obnoxious, so your sarcasm is probably spot on.
If I get dragged to one, I'll be the guy in the corner talking to the other sober people and then taking care of my friends later that night. I will say that the other sober people at the party are usually pretty cool. Usually sarcastic and able to form complete sentences, both standards unattainable by many of my college peers after 10 pm on a Friday. =P
I'd like to add that it really depends on why you want an alcohol-free social life. For me, it was the realization that I made an ass of myself every time I drank, so I'd have more fun if I didn't. That realization still holds true 10 years later. For me, having fun is the reason I don't drink. This doesn't stop me from having a glass with the buddies though, mine is just alcohol-free.
If you're coming from a different angle, be it booze-troubles, meds that can't be taken with alcohol or perhaps a new set of friends who frown on drinking, you need to focus on why, instead of the absence of alcohol. Go into your new social habits with a focus on the new fun setting/activity/people instead of thinking "I do this instead of getting drunk."
You don't need to change your whole life, just shift your focus a bit. Smaller changes (but real changes) are easier to maintain.
Best reply i've seen so far. It's all about perspective.
I've had this conversation with several people and it wasn't for any of those reasons. We just sat down one day and realized that a vast majority of the culture where we are from since it has a big party scene (south florida) is based around drinking. Like if I am interested in taking out a girl, I ask her out for drinks. Want to do something on Friday night? Go downtown and hit up the bars.
I don't have a drinking problem or anything, I would just like to do something that doesn't really revolve around drinking
I'm not entirely sure why I don't drink. Nobody in my family drinks for religious purposes but I'm a recently turned atheist who's been living away from home at university for 3 years and still not a drop really. Maybe it's because none of my friends really want to go out and drink when we hang out, even if they usually do drink. The couple times I tried a bit it was a splash of vodka not nearly enough for a buzz but enough to taste like shit.
Towards the end of college, I was on anti-anxiety meds that were not supposed to be mixed with alcohol. At first I felt really weird about it because I was the only one not drinking at the parties that my boyfriend's frat threw every weekend and I wasn't really comfortable talking about my medical issues. But, I decided to give myself a treat at the parties instead of just getting stuck with warm soda. So I would fill a Solo cup with an ice cream sundae or root beer float. I stopped feeling like I was missing out on anything because ice cream is awesome and the few people that noticed the contents of my cup wanted to know where they could get a sundae!
If society has screwed up rules, make up your own.
You win at life.
this is great advice
In university I wasn't a big drinker, but I totally quit drinking for six months after a stupid drunken new year incident. After the six months I had confirmed what I suspected at the beginning- I didn't miss getting sloppy drunk and doing stupid shit, but I did miss having a drink or two with friends to be sociable.
The thing I found odd was people's reactions- if I said I didn't fancy a drink they would pressure me, until I said "I've totally stopped drinking" and they would just accept it without question.
I don't drink because family issues and people at parties are usually really understanding of that
I was a big drinker from 18-22ish. After that I just hated the feeling. I do have a beer (enjoy craft beers) mostly just with dinner, and usually stop myself at 1 maybe 2. I just don't get "shitfaced" anymore.
realization that I made an ass of myself every time I drank
Realized this over 2014. I've not drank in a week, and prior to last weekend, I can't remember the last time I went a weekend without drinking.
I am fed up with being a depressive, drunk embarrassment. The hardest thing about it is that I live around a lot of breweries and truly love the taste of craft beer.
I mean, you can still enjoy beer without going overboard. You just need to be honest with yourself and ask if you have the self disipline to not go overboard.
Well, I always tell myself 'I won't drink too much this time,' but one beer turns into three and that's enough to get me stupid-drunk when combined with medication.
If you love the taste of beer, don't abandon it. Drinking to get drunk is like riding a bike to see how fast you can go before you wreck. Riding a bike is fun. Wrecking a bike is not. Might as well ride at a responsible speed as to not wreck. It's as simple as that.
Enjoy the beer. Make a point of distinguishing all the subtle flavors and combinations. Draw connections from the flavors and scents to past experience. Have a glass or 3 and be done for the night. It's that simple. I love beer and it only gets better as you try new brews. Some taste better after experiencing enough of a certain kind. Eventually you'll be able to appreciate a much larger selection and have a few specific combinations you like the best.
I will keep your advice in mind, and try to achieve a better balance. Thanks :)
When you're with people who are drinking, what sorts of non-alcoholic drinks do you have?
Usually "mocktails". One bar for example have a mojito-inspired drink made with chocolate-syrup instead of rum. It's delicious. If I'm at a new place I'll just go with Coca Cola or something similar. I rarely think about what we drink though, I'm there to hang out with my friends after all.
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I think he/she is referring to meds such as antibiotics or painkillers that cannot be used with alcohol. Be it because it makes the meds ineffective or because it makes you extra impaired.
Yes, that's what I meant :)
pssh, I just use alcohol as antibiotics and painkillers. Problem solved.
In a word: sport.
Genuine question what if I never played sport in my life and will suck a lot ? I am already in my twenties ... I know.
Edit: I am reading all the posts, great inspiring responses. It is people like you who make Reddit great, thank you.
find sports it's okay to suck at first like Ultimate Frisbee or something or something completely off the wall (literally) like climbing? Getting into shape will help you go further with your sport but that's not to say it's a prerequisite if you just want a bit of a hobby.
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Climbing is slowly becoming less off the wall. And if you want a sociable experience try a bouldering place over a big wall, it is a great confidence builder, less expensive to try out, and there are loads of people around who will give you advice / chat. You spend less time on the wall and more time figuring it out, leading to meeting people :)
I got into bouldering a few years back, it was good fun, I just had a lack of mates that were into it driving my interest. Really good to work them extra muscle groups too.
As far as bouldering goes socially, at least in my city, I'd say the wall at the university is the best for being able to meet some people.
Isn't climbing off the wall just flying?
\s
Read that as it's a great confidence boulder...
Ultimate Frisbee is a great option. It's pretty easy to pick up on, the rules are all simple, and it's really fun. It's generally not to hard to get a group of people together to play a game, either - especially at college. Because it's a non-referee game, it really means that you're there to have fun, not just win.
ULTIMAAAAATE
I'm obese by the BMI scale and have never voluntarily watched a sport, but Ultimate is my JAM. it's great, because so much of it comes down to finesse when placing the disc that you can be okay at it without being athletic. and the disc moves slow enough that if you get good at judging where it's going to go, you can make epic saves even if you can't run for more than ten seconds without your lungs burning.
ultimate, man.
edit: also, if you can't find anyone to play ultimate with, set something up - just invite literally anyone you can find that might want to derp around with a disc for a while, and tell them to invite their friends. I'm personally a big fan of playing glow ultimate - you use a light-up disc, mark the field with glowsticks, and each team has glowstick bracelets (blue and orange work well, because they're very distinct from each other but still similar brightness). it kind of works as an equalizer - if you're in the dark, you can't really see who you're throwing to, so everyone on the team gets a chance.
#FatHandlersMatter
ha, I'm 6'5", so even though I'm a 30.8 on the BMI scale I just kinda look chubby until you weigh me and find that I'm 260 lbs. I'm gonna try to work on it this summer, though.
edit: being 6'5" also has the unfortunate side effect that every time the opposing team mans up for defense they put their best guy on me because I'm so tall. like, dude, I can't run or jump worth a turd, you could put a starfish on me and you'd see about the same results
I kinda like when people do this to me honestly. I'm tall and athletic looking but haven't mastered the art of hand-eye coordination yet (running background). They end up wasting one of their best defenders on me while I just derp around doing in cuts.
Then we turn the disc and I change my mind.
Really though. There are some sports that don't take too much athletic ability even, they're just a social activity. If you never learned to skate, you probably won't fit in very well playing hockey... But an intramural softball league can teach you as you go. And playing catch is a great way to have a conversation :)
Or frisbee golf, or kickball, or dodgeball, or racquetball, or volleyball, or softball, or bowling. All social games that either don't require a ton of physical fitness to be enjoyable, or are team sports where you can still have fun and not be under too much pressure to perform.
How did reddit come to love climbing so much? I seem to hear about it regardless of what sub I'm on.
I guess it suits the geeky but switched on demographic that seems to frequent Reddit.
Check out amateur coed sports leagues… Great way to meet people. Bowling, softball, kickball, volleyball… Not very competitive and super fun: sometimes they have costume theme nights etc.
People play ultimate everywhere and the community is committed to being open to beginners.
Ultimate frisbee was the first sport that I really go into a few years ago. The people whom I played and learned with were playing casual games 3 or 4 times a week at a soccer field and were very welcoming to new players. Simple rules, lots of activity, and really only one frisbee for equipment. Ultimate frisbee was a gateway into other sports. Football, running, and most recently basketball. Started as a pudgy world of warcraft dork, a few years after I started I'm in shape feeling great and spend most of my leisure hours playing sports.
Indeed or play a sport most people have never tried. I've really gotten into fencing over the last year and one of my favourite parts is playing against people who have a wide range of skill levels.
Kickball is a great one although the leagues are usually sponsored by bars and people drink at the games.
Nice try Caleb.
not saying it what i've managed to do like! I still like a drink probably too much tbh! I play my sports when my fitness allows me, go to work like most 9-5 but when push comes to shove, i've not found anything I want to do more on a saturday night than have a few drinks with some great mates!
Theres a difference between being bad at something because youre new to it and being bad at something because you are uncoordinated.
If youre uncoordinated, Im not really sure there is much you can do in terms of getting better. Maybe someone knows if thats something you can improve on.
you might not reach professional level but you can improve coordination with practice. Why is it always about being good anyway? Not everything has to be competitive.
Being at least semi-good at something is what makes it fun. For most people at least.
I agree, or at least to be making progress. Soccer for example there will be people I am way better than and i'll score 10 goals in a game but then there's others who will make me feel like i'm completely useless at it.
I don't think the key is being good at something, it's progress.
I did a season of Bowling last year, started off pretty rubbish getting around 100 scores, peaked about halfway through the season getting about 150 average including scores of 180+ but I stopped enjoying it when i started getting worse again.
Or, a sport without many spectators, like golf. I've been playing for 16-17 years, I still suck, and the only people who can tell me about it are the people I have played with.
Join a rugby team, everyone is okay with awful for a while
Climbing is probably the best one to get into, I know so many people who have gotten ripped from climbing. I chose skateboarding, which is a different kind of ripped
Disc Golf
I'd like to second the suggestion of Ultimate Frisbee. Good cardio to get in shape and doesn't take much athleticism to learn to throw and catch, and it takes no athleticism to learn to read a disc and the rest of the mental side of the game. Plus, it's a great activity to make friends, and you can play catch anywhere.
Disc golf is a good sport it's fine to suck at your entire "career". Or regular golf, I don't know how many people are horrible at regular golf, but it's much more expensive.
Ultimate is a good suggestion. People are usually really friendly and helpful especially with new players. Get out there and meet some new friends.
Rock climber here. Climbing is not a good sport to get into the scene of if you are trying to avoid drinking. We all drink way too much. Met a few of my favorite professionals and they all either had a joint or a drink and this was at a comp too.
disc golf
Yeah, it actually surprised me how inclusive people are at sports like Ultimate and climbing. Even if you're intro, you'll find people being super friendly and humble, coming up to you and helping with route problems and giving good encouragement, props, etc.
This is actually a really good idea
What if I'd rather get into more serious sports and become good at something? I've been wanting to join my local amateur baseball team, but I need to find somewhere I can become somewhat good first.
I kind of had the opposite experience with frisbee. It can be very intimidating to be unable to throw a forehand, or a huge 40 yard huck straight as an arrow, when you're surrounded by guys who already do it so effortlessly. That being said I completely agree that rock climbing is excellent for this. There is no expectation that you have to go with anyone, and the people in the gym are usually very accommodating if you need a belay or a spot.
frisbee golf is a fun, relaxing sport too. Even more fun if you smoke weed.
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I would like to second this one.
Cycling is great for a couple of reasons. The community is fantastic, in that it is huge and diverse. There are young guys who are trying to destroy everything, go as fast as possible, and beat the crap out of each other. There are older guys who bike because its easier on their joints than running, and they are there to have fun and exercise.
I ride with a group of people that have multiple ride levels. If you're just starting, you can start on the C-level ride that goes slow and makes sure every one stays together, no one left behind. As you get better you can graduate through the ranks up to A+, where you will get dropped if you can't keep up. It's really up to you what your ride is like.
Keep in mind, as another poster said, it can get expensive. Your first bike might cost you a couple hundred dollars, and keep you happy for a while. But then you're buying new pedals and cleats, another $200. Then you're upgrading your wheelset, just for a little more speed, at $500. You want to step up to a nicer frame, a carbon one, for $1,500. Then you want that GPS computer that tracks every possible stat, that's another $500. Then tools, tune-ups, etc. to keep it in tip-top shape. If you're competitive, like me, you will spend a lot of money. If you're just in it for fun, you can keep costs down.
Overall, you can find people of every age and ability, because everyone learns to ride a bike at some point. You don't need to be super fit to start, and you can work your way into better rides as you improve. Or you can stay at entry level for years. Just get out and give it a shot!
Still probably cheaper than if you're a heavy drinker going out a lot.
Can you recommend an entry level bike for a 30/m/5'8"?
Honestly, I would probably go to your local bike shop and ask what they have. My first real road bike was a Specialized in the Allez series, which I loved. Some good brands with entry-level bikes and are generally availale would be Specialized, Trek, Scott, or Giant. Local bike shop will also help you find the right size.
FYI, many towns have a thing called a bicycle co-op. They take old bikes and invite the public to come in and fix them up (with them helping, of course). When you're done you'll have learned some bike mechanic skills and you get to keep the bike.
Endomondo is great for cycling, you don't need a $500 device. I've got a $150 bike with an Easyseat 2 and Aerobars. I've been content with that for the last 4 years. Only thing I buy every year is a new pair of shorts since the padding gets worn out.
But the cycling community is great. When I started I was in pretty decent shape, 22 years old, I ran 3-4 miles almost everyday and lifted. When I got in with the group I did, they're all in their 40's-60's and I was thinking it was going to be a piece of cake to stay ahead of them. Christ was I wrong. The dude who did the best was an old Vietnam vet who was about 80lbs over weight. He just went balls to the walls the entire time.
Eventually, I came to realize that cycling wasn't about beating other people, it was about beating yourself. You just ride along by yourself with just your music, your burning white-hot rage, and the beautiful countryside. And you try to do better than you did the time before. Nothing helps you work out your emotions better than cycling.
Taking up mtb was one of the best things ive ever done for myself. When i was younger (teens) i would skate, surf, aggressive skate...basically anything that involves jumping off of shit and getting hurt. When i got a little older I started partying, going to bars, doing a lot of drugs, having sex with whatever crawled out of the bar with me when i left. My drug problem got worse and my drinking was uncontrollable. Jail, crazy drug addict women, unemployment, constant disappointment and anger. A friend let me move up and stay with him and his wife and daughter. He basically saved the little bit of decency i had left and didnt give up on me. He suggested i get a hobby to kill time and maybe get in better shape. I bought a trek marlin 7, and never looked back. The first time i rode a trail with some tech shit and a few big jumps, it was over. I felt 15 again, happier then i had been in years, it was crazy. I started riding every weekend, im up to 4 times a week now. The days im not trail riding, i ride in town, charge drainage ditches and sidewalk kickers. It also made me realize that going out and doing fun shit was way bettr than getting shitfaced all the time. Another friend and i tried skydiving, and loved it. We are currently at 23 solo jumps and working to get more under our belt to try base jumping. I went white water kayaking in the Missouri river. Its just been such a great change, its hard to put it into words without sounding corny or preachy. Just trust me, start riding, you wont be mad you did.
I'll point out that cycling's expense is easily offset by what you save on gas if you use the bike for transportation as well as recreation (and face it, biking's so much fun the transportation is recreation too).
I find commuter traffic very anxiety-inducing. I've found that when I drive home from work I need a drink but when I ride home I don't.
I'll be sober for 2 years July and cycling has allowed me to channel so much negative energy I used to take out on drinking. Plus I got other friends into it so we would hang out ridding road bikes around forest parks. Dat smell and feels of a nice warming up summer morning....
Dat smell and feels of a nice warming up summer morning
That gave me the feels, I can't wait for those summer mornings. Congrats on the sobriety
Thank you! I'm losing my patients waiting for summer to finally kick in Chicago....
Mountain biking man! I love me a good road session, but trail riding is so much fun!
Aggressive trail riding with a 5 inch+ travel bike is even more fun.
Trail riding is awesome too, I just gotta get me a better bike similar to my road bike. I love getting lost in the woods with no cars around. Also love it in the summer when the woods is so nicely fresh and cooler.
Not exactly the cheapest of sports to take up though, though with all that money you save by not drinking.....
Check for bike co-ops in your area. I got my first bike for free by volunteering there. Not only did they teach me how to maintain a bike and do some repairs, I met some awesome people.
A pretty damn good bike can cost less than 150$ and last almost forever.
Of course, if you're only to use it twice a year it doesn't make sense, but people spend that kind of money on a pair of shoes to play soccer, so it doesn't seem too expensive.
A pretty damn good bike can cost less than 150$ and last almost forever.
No, no it doesn't, a good second hand mountain bike will cost at least $200, anything under that will be a pieces of junk and you might as well just buy any old crap for $50, a modern road bike $400-500, an old 1980's road bike maybe $150, but even then you will have to look around for ones in good conditions with 700C alloy rims, decent non-degraded tyres and lower levels of wear on components or you are chucking another $50-100 at it just to make it safe and functional.
It doesn't have to be expensive but when you take into account you might also want some cycling shorts, a helmets, some decent lights, pump, multitool, other tools, maybe cycling shoes, it all adds up whereas something like Rugby, hockey, running, you need some grass, some shoes, a ball and maybe another piece of relatively cheap equipment.
Yeah.. you don't really need top notch bike. Those "pieces of junk" are still decent and pretty fun to ride. And if you're taking into account all those things, you should do that for hockey, rugby or anything else.
I tried going the cheap route when buying bikes and the piece of junk would be ok for a couple of rides then the flaws would really become apparent and I would be so frustrated that I would stop riding. A year later I'd rinse and repeat. I ended up buying then either reselling, donating, or dumping 6 bikes until I finally bit the bullet and bought a new, decent quality bike.
This is my 8th year of riding it now. If I had continued buying cheap I either would have stopped trying altogether or spent more money over the years on junk bikes and still not be riding.
TL;DR - Cheap/broken equipment can actually discourage an activity.
It depends on the person. I've bought cheap used bikes on craigslist and had almost as much fun fixing them up as I've had riding them. It helps to do your research and to be able to identify bikes with potential.
You don't need a top notch bike, but if you're going to be a riding a lot and it's going to be your new hobby, you are going to be spending $500+ pretty quickly.
You don't need to go out and buy the newest all-carbon-everything, but a $200 craigslist bike isn't going to cut it.
That's bullshit man. You could get a perfectly fine used road bike from the 80s for that and yes you'll probably have to replace tires/brakes but that's still way under 500. For your first bike a $200 craigslist bike is exactly going to cut it.. Especially if you are used to riding walmart mountain bikes your whole life. Nobody needs to jump in head first and buy a $1000 bike before they even know if they are going to like cycling.
Sorry if I offended you or I worded it so I said something other than what I meant.
If it's going to be your new hobby, you're going to spend a decent amount of money.
Of course, if you're not even sure you'll enjoy cycling, get a cheap beater and try it out. It's just nice to know, going in, that if you begin to enjoy it, you'll spend more.
If we're talking new bikes, I've never seen anything below $150 outside of cheap Walmart and Target type bikes. I've had some friends with those, and they were so shoddily put together that they were downright dangerous, in addition to massively heavy frames. One guy had his handlebar fall off while riding, another guy had a pedal snap off, throwing his foot into the road. If that happens during a 25+ MPH downhill, you're in for a bad time.
I got into cycling about 5 years ago. It doesn't really stop me from drinking seeing how I don't cycle at night; whereas, I would drink at night. Cycling is an excellent sport to explore the world at 12 mph instead of 60 mph by car. Things you may have missed by car are not missed by cycling. Also, it's a great way to get you back into shape. You can explore all kinds of areas in the cities or out in the country. Cycling is an amazing sport and I highly recommend it.
/r/bicycling
/r/MTB, /r/29er, /r/cyclocross, /r/bikewrench!
Yes, though I tend to ride alone but there are a lot of group rides that split things up by skill level.
And it's a great way to stay in shape.
Cycling community is huge. I have friends who are super into it and meet people all the time. (Sorry to offend people) but km not sure if you need any "skills" to bike with people, other than endurance
Mountain biking. Mtb is life; life is mtb.
Yep worked for me. And mountain biking. Having a beer or two after a big ride, then going home because you're tired, can be great if you're trying to moderate your drinking. I find myself looking forward to weekend mornings more than weekend nights, moderates drinking naturally.
Also: inline skating, hiking, swimming, running :)
Damn straight! Just got to a park in about to hit a trail, 14 months sober. I mostly ride alone but I've got a few friends who said they would but haven't to date.
I'll second that, but with the caveat that some cyclists can be truly arrogant motherfuckers.
Ignore them.
Eh, there are arrogant motherfuckers in ANY sport or hobby. Even in knitting.
I ride and I run and have to say runners are far more accepting of anyone who isn't an uber-athlete....and since there's less equipment there isn't equipment snobbery.
(I have very expensive, nice bikes, but having been schooled a few times by someone on a much lesser bike, I know it's not the bike, but the motor.....)
Yes. But that doesn't matter.
Everyone sucked when they started out. And everyone with any skill at all remembers what it's like to start out.
What matters is that you show up and you invest yourself in the activity and dedicate yourself to getting good.
People will notice your hard work and they'll respect you for it. They'll help you along.
Sucking at something is the first step towards being good at something.
Life lessons right there. Never get frustrated if you suck at something the first time you try it. The only things we're born knowing how to do are eat, shit, and scream.
Thanks Jake
It's also the first step to continuing to suck at something.
Do you have a bike? Find "no drop" bike rides in your area. That means no one gets left behind, and they are family friendly to all skill levels. They're really social and a lot of fun! You'll meet new people and if you are a regular (they're usually weekly rides), you'll get to know the same people.
Meetup has some great groups as well. In my area there are some hiking clubs that are very active. Those are really social as well.
Absolutely second this. But also make sure that you look at or ask about the general pace. There's a weekly ride near me with two speeds. The faster group (18+ mph) is drop, and the slower group is no drop, but they do want to keep to about a 15-16 mph pace. So if you can only average 12 mph, maybe that ride isn't the best for you to join. But I'm sure that there are other groups that are more casual in that 12 mph pace, if that's the pace you're looking for.
Whoa, that's a fast pace for a no drop ride! That would be impossible to manage on a hybrid or mountain bike. Sounds like a serious cycling group.
I forgot to mention to ask about distance, too.
OP, bike shops very often do these. If you have bars or restaurants that support cycling, they'll often have them too. For instance, there is a local pizza place here in KC called SPIN that does weekly rides (the founder is an avid cyclist). They have a long route (18-20 mi) for the more serious folks, and a short route (8 to 10 mi) that is better for casual cyclists. You get a wrist band that then gets you 10% off your meal after the ride. It's fun!
Yeah, they're a pretty serious group overall. This is their list of weekly rides, if you're curious.
Jeez. Wow, yeah, compared to this: http://trekbicyclestores.com/about/kansas-city-events-pg685.htm
Yeah, that seems a little more casual. It's great to have that option too, though. The rides at my place could definitely be intimidating if not completely beyond the fitness level of a newer rider. I had been riding for a couple years before I even considered a ride with them. They have a lot of very fast rides, and a lot of very long rides (for instance, this weekend they're doing a two-day 250 mile ride), but there's not a lot there for beginners.
Yeah I'll seriously recommend you check out their speeds too. People seriously underestimate how fast they think they can ride a bike. We'll get a new guy turn up to a club run and he'll be like "I feel like I can average 20mph" and he will get out of breath when he reaches 14 and will end up getting dropped. It's sad for him and us really, so please find slower groups first to get into such a great sport.
Yep. There's a few LBS around here that advertise no-drop rides; but I've watched them drop anyone who can't handle 15+ for 10 miles.
FWIW, if I see that happen, I usually fall back and hang with the dropped rider. Good way to make a new friend, or at least pretend like you're having a hard time keeping up too and make them feel better. Bonus, you can complain about the riders up ahead who left them in the dust; anyone doing a 10mile supposedly-no-drop ride who thinks it's "serious training" is an idiot.
I'd say if you're doing 14mph solo, 15-16mph in a group shouldn't be too hard because drafting.
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Plus getting tapped by a 115 lb girl on your first day is a super humbling experience.
Try a 90lb girl when you're a 180lb state champion powerlifter.
Yeah.... .....yeah.... :(
It's alright. A 130 lb blue belt rolled me up. I was 230 lbs at the time and we were just playing pass the guard.
Half my brain was just thinking "don't get hard, don't be creepy, don't be that guy, it's your first day, don't- oh fuck, my arm!"
Almost a year in I was still tapping out to one of the 125 lb. girls at our gym. Christ she's a beast.
We have tiny lady brown belts, so it is very normal at ours
aye fellow powerlifter. What were your # at state?
My last state meet, I competed at 165lbs (so this was before USAPL adopted the new IPF weight classes) and lifted 413.4lbs squat / 281.1 bench / 512.5 DL.
I could never break that 300lb bench. :( But I'm 5'6 and my legs are SUPER short, with sorta long-ish arms, so I was pretty awesome at deads.
What state did you compete in? I'm in Texas fyi
Virginia.
Why deadlift and not power clean.
Because powerlifting is typically a Squat Bench and Deadlift Comp?
You can safely say nearly always. There's a few odd feds that have strict curl and other different lifts, but S/B/D is powerlifting.
I say typically because there are the Push/Pull and similar variants as well, but yeah.
Why deadlift and not power clean.
The sport of powerlifting does not include power cleans
oh shit yea that's olympic lifting.
Olympic lifting doesn't have power cleans either. It has the snatch and clean & jerk.
I'm learning a lot today
... why power clean and not deadlift?
More muscle groups, more dynamic, looks cooler than lifting a bar up a few inches.
I'm sure this is unfair but deadlift people remind me of leg press people who throw on like 700lbs that probably couldn't squat 400.
The fact that you compare those two says a lot about you
Not really.
Leg press and dead lift are both going to be the biggest numbers you can put up no matter what your body looks like.
Dead lift is a much better exercise than leg press, I just don't see the point of dead lifting instead of doing a clean, unless you want big numbers.
Because deadlifting is the meat and cleaning is the potatoes.
fair enough
I train power cleans! It's super fun and very graceful, but technically very complex and I'm not particularly good at it. I have shoulder issues from benching, so snatching is very painful for me. I'm working on it, but I don't intend on ever getting to a level where I could compete in Olympic lifting, so I don't pursue it very seriously.
Ever since I started lifting in high school, power clean was my thing. It's basically squat for the entire body. I did narrow stance power clean for extra cardio effect (135x8x3). It's an entire body workout and especially great for your core. You may have noticed I said "was" because I gave it up about a year ago from back issues. My back feels a lot better now so I'm thinking about starting it up again. For 30 years I've been lifting, I only did bench, squat, and power clean and honestly, I don't think you need anything else unless you're going for the sculpted look.
This happened to me in Judo.
I've only ever competed in Mexican Judo.
Judo know if I got a gun, and Judo know if I got a knife, mang
What's your total mate?
I competed at 165 (180 was walking around weight and I was doing BJJ in my off-season) and totaled 1207lbs (raw, no wraps or sleeves, drug-free) at my best. It was not a particularly competitive weight class in my state, but I did okay (within the top 15) at USAPL Raw Nationals when I went. Still, the 165er that won that year did a 606lb deadlift, which I just found absolutely fucking ridiculous for that size of a person.
edit: I did the math wrong; posted 1290 first... best total was actually 1207.
edit2: 1207lbs was NOT my nationals total.. I did something like.. 1134 there (I got greedy and missed my third bench).
'Mirin brah. You ever post to /r/powerlifting or /r/weightroom ?
I occasionally post to /r/powerlifting, but I haven't competed in 3 years and don't have much time anymore to lift (working on changing some lifestyle choices around to accommodate this).
There are some ridiculously strong 165ers in /r/powerlifting . I wish I had that kind of competition locally! I probably wouldn't have gotten bored with it.
that's what the internet is for man! See where the bar is set by someone else around the world and try to match 'em
Yeah but you let them put you in a hold first, that is what is funny about martial arts with rules.
I don't think you're firmiliar with BJJ.
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BJJ is leverage based, a properly applied arm bar cannot be defended by "standing up". While weight classes matter with similarly skilled opponents, a trained individual can easily tap out a significantly bigger untrained person.
Yeah it isn't the standing up part that defends, it is the coming back down to the ground on head part that gets the job done. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxG8_XL93ww really easy to do when you are 5 times stronger than your opponent.
Again I said properly applied, the was a reverse triangle from a bad position, transitioned into a miserable arm bar attempt.
Well I just can't think of a real situation in which a 90lb woman could subdue a 180lb power lifter. I'm open to being proven wrong but if you threw those people in a ring and said fight there is no marital knowledge in the world that can overcome that large a size and strength differential.
Hey, not to sound too aggressive here, but are you just talking out of your ass, or have you actually tried to roll with someone smaller than you?
Yes I have, it didn't work, they were a black belt and kept telling me to "play along". Soured me as an orange belt and I quit after that.
OK. Well at least you had an experience on which to base this thought, I find a lot of people just decide somehow that BJJ or muay thai "doesn't work" or "wouldn't work on me/my buddy/a wrestler/whatever".
That being said, I have to tell you there are a lot of people who can put you in a really terrible position without asking you to play along.
Oh no doubt a BBJ practitioner of at least a remotely similar size would be able to easy take me out in a ring, but I don't know anyone my size that could be taken down by a 90 pound girl without some serious "playing along".
Orange isn't a belt in adult BJJ...are you a kid?
I was when I quit.
You can finish almost any choke standing or on the ground, what the hell are you saying? An RNC on someone's back standing works just as well as on the ground.
I'm saying if you can literally pick someone up and slam them onto the ground, or rip their choke off since you are twice their size and 5 times as strong then no amount of technique is going to help win. I mean do you think a 90 year old Jujitsu master could take down a 200 lb power lifter if you threw them in the ring together? No way in hell. If you believe that then you believe in magic martial arts.
While I'll never disagree that weight and strength help, I had seem crazier shiy happen. There's a reason people who fight for a living train BJJ, because it conditions your body to apply structure to instructed fight situations. You know what and how to effectively move. Do you think it's just for shits and giggles? You're providing a straw man argument. Ive been training for five years and shit on bigger newer stronger spazzier people all the time. You can't rip off a locked in RNC as easily as you think.
I think you seriously underestimate strength differential between a 90 pound woman and a 180 pound man, he is not just twice as strong, it is likely that he actually closer to 5 or 10 times as strong. Do you think an 8 year old could have taken you out by knowing BBJ before you started?
The whole point of BJJ is using leverage > those strength differentials. Aka you can be 5 or 10 times as strong as someone, but in an armbar the other persons lower back + arms + posterior chain strength is way greater than your isolated bicep, even if you are 10 times as strong.
I'd love to see a child take down a full grown man from a standing start. Not going to happen, even with all the leverage in the world.
You don't know anything about me, how could you even make that assumption? And no, an average eight year old could not have taken me out unless they knew what they were doing, which is exactly what I'm saying.
I'm saying even an 8 year old that knew everything possible about jujitsu could not have beaten you.
Listen, if this guy says he can get his ass kicked by an 8 year old then by god he must know what he's talking about /s
Lol :)
Yeah, okay buddy. Nice humblebrag about the lifting, too. This is one of the worst comments I have ever seen. No 90lbs girl (or 175lbs girl) can tap a 180lbs man, regardless of training. What a load of horseshit.
No 90lbs girl (or 175lbs girl) can tap a 180lbs man, regardless of training.
you're delusional if you think that's true. it's called technique over strength which is essentially the purpose of BJJ.
Is that why BJJ competitions are held without weight classes?
Many tournaments have an open weight division.
Also HIGHLY unlikely
It's extremely unlikely. A 180 lb power lifter could just hold the girl down. But maybe not impossible.
Edit: You all are butthurt. I train BJJ. A 90 lb, 100% weight difference, with a male power lifter vs. a girl, would require a multiple belt difference to even be worth talking about. Even then, the powerlifter would have to be especially clumsy.
Edit 2: OP claims it was instructor's girlfriend. So I assume she was a few or multiple belts ahead. If OP has absolutely no martial arts training (even a few years in taekwondo or something), yes, he could lose to someone half his weight and much less than half his strength, even though as a 180 lb powerlifter he could come close to curling the girl.
Edit 3: It's fine if you downvote, especially because edit 1 was pretty hostile. But just ask yourself, why do they have weight classes in BJJ? If you really do train BJJ, don't be like the enigmatic karate masters of yore who claimed to be undefeatable but had never actually been in a fight in their life. BJJ is a very powerful art, but it is not some magic system, and the difference OP is describing is on the border of credulity. I do believe his story and that there are others like it though.
She was a purple belt and the instructor's girlfriend. It was my second week.
Every time i tried to overpower her, she was able to use my strength against me and move into a dominant position.
bullshit. youre either lying, letting her beat you, or my personal suspicion: straight up fuckin retarded
Do you legitimately have a problem with a woman being better than you at something? Are you that insecure?
Hold's don't immobilize by strength. They put you in a position where attempting movement would cause you to strain yourself.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joint_lock
Understand the concept of maximal degrees of motion, once your joint reaches this position it can not move musculature aside.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chokehold
Choke holds usually involve stopping blood from reaching the brain. It's the same technique predatory felines use to down animals twice their size and 3 times their muscular power. Lions chokehold the significantly stronger wildebeest to submission.
This kind of choke is very fast acting (if done properly) with victims typically losing consciousness in around 3–5 seconds.
I don't mean "a hold." I mean the layman definition of hold, as in, you can literally pin someone to the ground of you are 90 lbs heavier (twice as much), a powerlifter, and you are male and they female.
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My point was to discredit the idea that someone could brute force out of a lock.
The people in this thread pretending that the male/female difference alone can be overcome by BJJ training exemplify the worthless, try-hard liberals that saturate this site. There isn't a 90lbs woman in the world who could tap a man over 150lbs. The strength difference is simply insurmountable. I do not believe OP's story, and neither should you. Even a 90lbs man would find it impossible to tap a 180lbs powerlifter. A girl? Forget it. You are being kind to OP, but I think we agree here.
You truly do not understand what the fuck you are talking about.
I do BJJ. People who are much lighter are easy to just hold down, literally, against the ground.
Yea of course. And with any sort of training the guy will be able to defend himself. But if you have no idea what you are doing and train against a really good 90lb woman your ass is getting tapped out
strength can certainly overcome technique, but saying that it's impossible to get tapped by someone significantly smaller than you is just ignorant and stupid.
That's possible. He updated his comment to say it was the instructor's girlfriend, so there really might have been a huge disparity.
Spotted the dudes that don't roll, though!
I roll. Nice try. You're just wrong, and don't understand how big a difference 180 to 90 lbs (plus "champion powerlifter") is.
Nah. As a 6 foot, 220 lb athlete, I'm probably stronger than that dude. And I got rolled up by a blue belt chick that probably weighed 130 on my first day. Her hip control was nuts. I actually had a harder time with her than I did with the instructor.
The people closer to your size are a lot easier to work the techniques on when you're new to it, I've found, since the body shapes are so similar. You need a lot of practice to get good at learning how to apply pressure in the right places for people with dramatically different body dimensions than you.
When I rolled with people around my weight class AND my skill level, I could overpower all of them really easily, so I wasn't learning technique... so I often had to roll with the 200+ (who could use their weight against me) or, alternatively, the instructor put me with his dinky purple belt girlfriend who could just mop the floor with me.
The delusions people who have never competed in any sort of martial art hold about their fighting skills are really hilarious.
"You could just hold them down" LOL
Yeah, your instinct is to bully them with strength. But that's exactly what bjj exploits. And then you're in an arm bar, because you don't know what the fuck you're doing.
I do BJJ. I have beaten people a belt higher because they were much smaller.
Sure, you can. But that doesn't mean you always will or that everyone can.
Okay, fine. It is possible with a true beginner and someone who has trained several years.
Which is exactly what the fuck we are talking about.
He would have to especially suck, period. I also started with a girl instructor and beat her the first time we rolled, which was after I had been doing it only a few weeks. I'm sure you won't count my two years of karate as a kid. I was also 180 but she was 130. She was purple (it was not a dedicated bjj school).
If he had never used his body against another human in any combat sport, it could happen. But it is vast gulf. BJJ isn't magic despite what a lot of people think.
I'd been in plenty of fights and had experience boxing. But I couldn't strike. I mean if we had stood up and just brawled (it was an mma gym not just bjj) I would've rag dolled her, obviously. It was actually her tiny size that made it so tricky for me to pass her guard; all the geometry was wrong. But maybe your spot was just too liberal with its belts. I mean if you wanna turn it into a shit talking fest feel free.
Technique over strength, but also strength.
Two people with exactly the same level of play, the stronger breaks the tie.
You are really, really stupid. Technique does not matter against an opponent who can grab both of your wrists and render you helpless. People like you (e.g., those who view martial arts as some kind of gender equalizing magic) are the reason "rollers" are viewed as douchebags. A power lifter twice the size of a 90lbs female losing to a joint lock? Get the hell out of here. There is absolutely no way you actually believe the drivel you are spewing. Haven't you ever seen videos of female police officers trying to arrest or restrain average (untrained, non-powerlifting) males? It's a joke, and it's the reason female cops require male partners. Otherwise, you get situations like this:
http://www.thefederalistpapers.org/us/female-nyc-police-officers-cant-make-arrest-suspect-gets-away-while-bystanders-laugh
You are the biggest try-hard I have ever seen on this site. A 90lbs woman has the size/strength profile of the average 10 year old boy (not exaggerating -- look it up). Are you suggesting that a well-trained 4th grader could submit an adult male powerlifter? I just can't get over the level of delusion it must take for you to mouth off on this subject. You are a fraud and a moron.
Yes they can. You have no fucking idea what your talking about. I'm like 200 lbs and have been tapped by every type of person and by plenty of women.
Hold's don't immobilize by strength. They put you in a position where attempting movement would cause you to strain yourself.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joint_lock[1]
Understand the concept of maximal degrees of motion, once your joint reaches this position it can not move musculature aside.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chokehold[2]
Choke holds usually involve stopping blood from reaching the brain. It's the same technique predatory felines use to down animals twice their size and 3 times their muscular power. Lions chokehold the significantly stronger wildebeest to submission.
Except people will never shut the fuck up about it.
I do BJJ; this is kind of true :/
Source: I literally just did it
Not half as bad as me when I was doing bjj and krav. Don't worry.
What if you're a crossfitting, vegan, BJJer, with an Apple watch?
Can I have your autograph?
of course :)
Are we twins?
You'll never say a word because you won't be able to decide which to talk about first.
I got into BJJ a for a little bit but no matter how much I showered before I always smelled a bit funky after a short bit of rolling and I panicked every time I was going to fart and it just reminded me what being an organism means and I couldn't handle it. Rolling itself was fun, even though everybody beat me.
Generally we're used to it, unless it's seriously bad
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Why would that be a fear? It's just annoying to have someone constantly mention their hobby. It would absolutely be the same thing with someone biking, hell people say this way more about crossfit and vegans and they're not afraid of getting kipped to death.
To be honest, I hope I don't come off that way to people, it's just that I spend a lot of time training and so I don't have too much else to talk about.
I've been getting better at not talking too much about it since it's not a new thing anymore though.
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In my experience the people that talk the most about how their martial art will absolutely wreck anyone else are the people that are insecure and are pretty shit at what they do.
If you can actually crush someone, then you wouldn't need to talk about it so much.
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Yeah I and a majority of others at my academy know another striking martial art, predominantly Dutch Muay Thai as it's also taught at out academy
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I promise you this is a new and innovative joke, no one in BJJ has heard it before. Quit your job now and take your act on the road.
Nope, too young and probably not homo enough
but at least it isn't crossfit
Yes they will. You have a confirmation bias. There's a small vocal minority of people who do it and talk about it a lot. If someone does it, and doesn't talk about it, how do you know they do it? The only people you know that do it are the people confirming your bias, but the ones who go against your theory, you never hear from them.
Not really because I also do BJJ.
Really? Im involved in the fighter community in my town and we almost always keep to our own when talking about fighting. The only time i ever talk about it is when people give me shit for carrying around my gloves or ask about my shoes.
And cross-fit, vegans, pot-smokers...
I'm a vegan stoner but yeah, fucking crossfitters right.
people dont ever shut the fuck up about any new and fascinating hobby that is fun to discuss. sometimes people go overboard with it but BJJ is no different than anything else in that regard.
There's a reason for that. I met some great people and improved my fitness and self defense.
Yeah great me too, and I actually really love martial arts in general but holy shit, not everything has to be about jiu-jitsu.
There are people out there who genuinely seem to believe that if everyone did BJJ the world would be a much better place. NOPE lol. It's a martial art, it's not particularly special, it's no more worthwhile than muay thai or judo or whatever. It just hurts less so people like it more.
I guess I haven't seen any of those people. I did Muay Thai as well and I didn't find the BJJ peeps to be any more chest-beating than the MT folks. Is this an online thing? or you actually know people like this.
I think you're getting this vibe because, like many sports and hobbies, it provides someone an escape from everyday life. BJJ helps some with mental illness or physical unhealthiness, so this kind of talk about it happens frequently. Same is true for a lot of things
So what? People who do Crossfit do this as well.
They should also shut the fuck up about it
Yes, and vegans. And Cloud-to-Butt users. "These other people are annoying assholes too!" isn't a valid excuse for being an annoying asshole.
What's a butt-to-butt user?
Tagged you as "Bragged About Raping Children" as I do with everyone who uses that stupid extension.
What's a butt-to-butt user?
Hahaha damn... that's true as hell.
My favourite thing in the world
It's also more common than not for people to start in their 20s, 30s or even later.
Hey I have been thinking about getting into a fight sport recently but have had knee injuries ( 2 torn acls fixed now though ) how do you think I would make out?
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Ya I wasn't asking for medical advice just if it was knee friendly I didn't really think it would be.
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Cool thanks for the reply.
thats also very expensive
Depends where you are- in most major cities there are leagues of all skill levels. Also depends what you want to play! Team sports will be way easier in this regard, just join the novice league and make it known you're starting out with a desire to improve.
Any team worth sticking with will embrace that, help you, and hopefully end up as friends! I've played hockey my whole life and some of my best friends came from teams that were LF1M that I joined on a whim.
And when/if we have new players join the more casual teams I play on, nothing feels better than helping them improve and setting them up for their first goal. :)
Depends on the kind of sports and your location. In the lowest football leagues in rural parts of germany some teams will train drunk, show up entirely drunk for matches and some with bad hangovers will take breaks to throw up.
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Gute, alte Kreisliga B Dorfvereine. Vorm Spiel paar Kippen, nachm Spiel n Kasten.
Back in the late 90s early 00s there were two prominent Canadian wheelchair basketball teams that tended to face each other in the finals at Nationals. They were fairly well matched and so it was always a case of "who can play better horrifically hung over" because both teams were great friends off the court and went out the night before without fail all the time.
Now that's just Europe in general, though.
Sounds like the Hispanic league I play in!
That's all we have around here, it's actually called "beer league". We have baseball, softball, hockey, and sand volleyball. It's actually the only non school sanctioned team sport I know of in this town. Minnesota
American slow pitch Softball checking in.
Oh god yes. I'm glad I got mobbed out of the soccer team as a kid, otherwise I'd probably be dead by now.
That would almost make football watchable!
Playing is more fun than watching, especially if you're a bunch of guys that have no idea how to play. Just don't forget to get drunk and to bother enough about the score to get into arguments.
I've definitely played drunk here in Colorado... and definitely also had refs who smelled of whiskey... and who handed out cards when asked "Are you drunk?"
Yay division 5 city league soccer.
In the states we call those beer leagues. "I play beer league soccer on Saturdays".
In America we do that with softball. In my beer league we would keep a keg in the dugout.
Only the lowest?
In college rugby we would routinely play drunk/hung over and we were a division II school.
I'll never forget the time one of my teammates puked after getting hit, then later in the game got tackled face first into his own vomit. Good times.
Especially in the third half of the game.
Side note: I wish I lived in the bay area so I could play in that 1860s baseball league, it looks as awesome as it is dangerous and uncomftorable. Fucking connecticut.
Team sports aren't for everyone, I enjoy martial arts, some people seem to enjoy running (I will probably never understand that) or athletics or swimming, some go to the gym as a group or do fitness classes. Dancing can also be very good for you if you enjoy it.
I find the main thing with exercise is motivation. I like the way martial arts get you fit sneakily, while distracting you with learning techniques. Means I enjoy it, I go for the social life and the art and keep fit. It can also be a great way to meet people around the country and around the world if they do a similar activity.
The whole "natural" thing is exceptionally rare in sports. Everyone sucks (for the most part) when they start playing sports. You'll practice and build your experience. It's never to late to start, my good man.
And it only really matters at higher levels of sport. At 6'1" do I have the natural body type for ring exercises? No, those that do are manlets. Can I get to a point where I can do more on gymnastic rings than over 95% of people who are untrained? Absolutely.
Haha. I've tried ring exercises once. ONCE. Broke my finger :(
Oh shit, that's awful. I actually turned to them to rehab a floating shoulder (speaking of not being a natural) from repeated bench press sprains. After a couple months I basically just said "Hey this is actually pretty fun, I'm just gonna see how far I can take this."
I still use freeweights for some things (squat/deadlift), but my shoulders have never been healthier after including the ring instability.
I've played sports since I was 5, so I totally get this.. but it's still hard. I really want to start playing Rec soccer, but my total lack of knowledge is super intimidating.
Soccer has pretty simple rules for the most part. Pretty much what you think you can and can't do will be right and the only trouble you might run into is rules for goalies and rules for when a ball goes out of bounds. Those can be cleared up pretty easily and as long as you let it be known that you don't know much about rules people will be accommodating.
I watch and play FIFA. I have a pretty good grasp of the rules. It's technique. Very little of the sports I played translate.
I agree. I only got into pick up basketball a couple years ago, but I couldn't imagine my life without it now. When I first started, I sucked bad, but I got better. Now, honestly, my best friends are the guys I play basketball with three times a week.
Look for a more community and less team sport then. Cycling's been brought up a few times here; I'm a cycler myself, and there's usually a great non-competitive community on both the social and "sport" (fitness?) level.
Also, if you're in a city that hosts marathons, which I feel like is most cities nowadays, you can sometimes volunteer to be a support rider, meaning they give you a chunk of the marathon and you ride back and forth making sure the runners are doing okay; you'll probably carry water, carby snacks, and you'll want to be first aid/CPR trained (think of it as lifeguarding for marathoners). I'm not a runner and have no intention of being one, but I enjoy supporting that community.
There's also rock climbing, canoeing/kayaking; think of the stuff you'd find in one of those "outdoorsy" shops. Lots of times, communities form around those.
And don't worry about being bad at something starting out. Practicing something you're bad at is the first step towards becoming kinda not bad at it.
Trained? I was bike support for a marathon once. They gave us packets of salt, a few Gus, bandaids and a defibrillator and said away you go. Was kind of a joke. That said I do agree that cyclists make for good friends.
Different marathons might require different levels of training for their volunteers, and whether or not it's a requirement, First Aid/CPR training is just good to have and takes a small time commitment. Might even be free in some places from time to time.
You are right about the First Aid/CPR training. I have been meaning to get on that.
I second the cycling club suggestions (no drop rides) and you should also look for running clubs and groups in your area. You can start at ANY skill level and someone will be right there with you. Everyone hangs out together before and after. If you happen to live in Atlanta, and want some recommendations, let me know.
I live in stone mountain. Do you know of anything cheap around here?
Sorry, just saw this. Also, I'm from Stone Mountain!
Phidippides running store at Ansley mall has group runs on Thursdays that you could check out. For that matter, most bike shops and running shoe stores will have some kind of organized group activity each week. Just ask. For bike rides, take a look at this to see bike rides in the atlanta area. Also, the Dunwoody cycling club has group rides throughout the week that are free to join. They have a facebook page with ride info.
Thanks very much!
No problem! Feel free to hit me up if you have any questions about riding or running.
You are of course not the only one!
Just avoid for instance the team sports where your negative contributions may cause tension.
Or find a team sport where everyone sucks just as much as you.
I played on an intramural basketball team in college for four years straight. Some of our players had skill but I sure didn't. Overall we were like shitty Globetrotters. Stuff like blocking free throws, attempting half court shots, using a teammate to boost you up to dunk, and scoring in the other team's basket.
I was recruited with my twin brother to add to the hijinks. One of our signature moves was the Twin Towers (this was before 911 RIP), in which one of us would get on the other's shoulders to block shots.
scoring in the other team's basket.
actually I think that's the objective of the game... but maybe you didn't get to that part
Maybe soccer could have been your thing: http://auto.img.v4.skyrock.net/4339/42464339/pics/1706548030.jpg
This sounds like SO much fun. I don't even like basketball but I would definitely play it like this.
It was as fun as it sounds. We never practiced except for passing the ball around inside for about twenty minutes before we went to the gym.
I want to see this.
We actually drew a small crowd and some people took pictures.
Was the entire league in on the non seriousness? I'm a stickler for rules and it would annoy the hell out of me if someone I was playing with or against didn't follow the rules (unless it was stated or agreed upon beforehand). I don't understand the point of playing if you're not going to try to follow the rules, they're there for a reason (to make things challenging and/or fair).
I was on a flag football team in college. We pulled similar antics, but for the most part we tried to play and win. But we were pretty terrible. We only pulled out plays like "Satan's Bitch" and "Oopty-oop" whenever we were losing 65-0 and the douchebags were still throwing hail marys to the end zone.
Um, what are those plays? All out blitzes?
No, we were the only class clowns. I can only recall one team that got upset about it. The others caught on quickly and had some fun with it as well. The games were more like goofy backyard ball.
Of course we lost every one of them so all of our opponents at least got an easy W.
See that would annoy me. You claim "they won anyway, so it's no problem!" But the thing is you're playing intramural sports, I don't care about the win, I came for the challenge and fun. I'd rather lose a hard fought game which caused me to push myself and sweat rather than win a game that requires no effort.
I reckon you would be like the one team who didn't like it, which is certainly valid. We definitely turned it off for that game. We didn't aim to piss anyone off.
Like I said, every other team had fun, and the game play was actually fast paced.
We got very close to winning one time, but realized that would break our streak so we threw it.
smooth shit
Also, think outside of the normal "sport" box. It doesn't have to be a team sport. Running, cycling, or swimming, for instance. I didn't start getting into tri's until recently (I'm 24). It's a great way to meet other insane people that are like-minded.
Other ideas: dance, yoga, hiking/nature walks, stand up paddleboarding, kayaking, slacklining, or sports like bocce or curling that aren't CATCHTHEBALLRUNRUNFASTTHROWDODGE-type sports and that most people probably did not do as children (meaning most people come to the sport as totally clueless, adult beginners).
Yes, exactly! I just started doing yoga twice a week last month and it's amazing. Granted, I've only done the hot Vinyasa yoga that I'm pretty sure almost killed me the first time.
If you're a dude thinking about getting into yoga, go for it. It is dominated by mostly females, but you'll find that you can talk to the other guys and connect more easily since you're out-numbered. I don't feel at all out of place being around mostly females and I don't even think they notice. Everyone is there just doing their own thing.
Esports!
By the time you're in your twenties, you're at the point where the only people playing sports are just doing it for fun now. It's still competitive, but most senior men's/women's teams are glad to have newbies. Shit, most organizations are strapped looking for people to sign up just so they can field a team.
My advice - rugby. It's a fun sport, doesn't cost much to play, and (at least in Canada) everyone I've encountered always wants to teach new people about the game. New people are extremely welcome in clubs around here.
My sister has been a year and a half sober and when she did get drunk she loved to fight. When she got sober she didn't know what to do. I told her to find a hobby in order to escape. She found roller derby and is now the best player they have. She's takes out all her frustration in the ring. Everyone has their own thing, it just takes you to find your own.
You can search Facebook for pick-up groups. They're basically just groups that play together regularly, but outside of any formal, competitive environment.
Pick a sport you like, search Facebook for groups, and ask if they're fine with having new people join. That's how I started after having gone like 5 years without any real exercise. They took the time to teach me to play and were patient with my mistakes.
I humbly submit disc golf for your consideration. Basically regular golf, but with discs. If you can throw a frisbee, you can play. Discs are only $10-$15, and most courses are either free to play or a couple bucks. Very social game as well, I've never played a round and not met someone willing to play in and chat. Come check out /r/discgolf if you're interested :)
Pick one up. I didn't start playing soccer until 18 and sucked a fat one. I still suck but I can hang and if I put any real effort into it if probably be ok now
I'd suggest basketball, easy to practice if there's a hoop around. Look up practice routines. You get better so fast that it doesn't even seem like work
Disc Golf!!!
I'm super not athletic and I love quidditch. It's a whole lot of fun, gives me a good workout, and as a bonus I know most everyone else I play with is also a Harry Potter fan like me. Also, the rules can be adjusted for more or less players. Just add/remove balls or hoops from play.
I didn't join a league or anything so I don't play competitively.
It can radically backfire. I tried a softball league with some guys, even though I'd never really played baseball or anything. The groans from the guys in the dugout were audible from both teams.
Try ju-jitsu. Beginners are alp pretty much on the same level, strength isn't the biggest factor, and unless you go to a bad gym people are really good about working with beginners. Also, once you get hooked, you won't want to smoke or drink because your cardio will take a hit and next time you roll you'll feel it.
Never too late to start something new.
Start it now and enjoy it, rather than trying to start it 10 years from now.
Just start practicing a sport - any sport.
It honestly doesn't matter if you suck at sports. If you already have athlete friends, they'd probably have a lot of fun playing and helping you get better. If you have a sport in mind that you think you'd enjoy, just jump right in and try to enjoy yourself. Do an intramural league or something, or just grab a soccer ball and practice shooting with a friend.
Go to the gym. It's never too late. You compete with yourself only. Bike riding is also very good.
Soccer!
Most people suck at sports when they start. Play with people your skill level
Hiking is a kind of sport. For the former, all you're doing is walking, perhaps with a slope, perhaps not, on rougher ground. Sometimes there's a payoff (a view, waterfall, etc.). And it's a fantastic way to spend time with friends that doesn't involve drinking.
Cycling is similar. This requires more effort to get started (you need a bike), but you don't have to go 100% all-terrain or roadie to get a LOT of fun out of it.
And if you want a more competitive sport that's relatively easy to start, I would recommend disc golf (don't bring booze, though some people will; they will also bring something to smoke, though you can keep it entirely clean). Regular golf costs money, but disc golf costs little more than decent walking shoes and a few discs.
Geocaching! All you need is a smartphone and a pen, and there are caches of many different difficulty levels.
If you aren't athletic then yeah maybe a little too late but you can always try and see how it works out. The past couple of years I taught a buddy how to throw a baseball. Having a catch is always fun. I also picked up golf and taught a few friends how to swing a club. Being athletic isn't everything, you have to enjoy the game. You won't know until your try!
Frisbee golf is a beginner-friendly game, about $20 for two discs (a driver and a putter) and there's probably a course within 10 miles of you. Go practice until you get better, and you'll probably meet a few regulars out there that will be more than happy to teach you how to play.
You could always go cycling or something too. Just about any sport that you could practice by yourself, if you think that's what you need.
im the same, nevr played a sport and am very unathletic :(
Most major cities have sports and social clubs. Basically people who just want to play games. Soccer, Frisbee, kickball. And all levels are welcome. It's pretty awesome and everyone is there for the friendship and work out. I played soccer last night and lost 4 to 2 but it was still a blast!
Honestly, I'm in a softball league with a lot of really shitty players, but only one or two teams get mad at them. Most teams are really supportive because adult weekend softball has no real world consequences.
If you can just be in decent shape in your mid-20s you're already better than 90% of the people showing up to play, even if they have more skill than you.
I recommend Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I started when I was 18 in the same situation as you, having never played sports. People start all the time in their 20's-30's. Sucking a lot is normal, everybody goes through it at the beginning. I'm on my phone so I can't breakdown all the benefits right now but it's a ton of fun, look into it!
Disc golf is a very fun option
Nobody sucks at everything. And even if you suck at first, the main thing to focus on is if you are having fun. If you suck and you're not having fun, quit, because you'll never enjoy the sport enough to practice enough to become good. If you suck and you're having fun, stick with it, because even if you never get better, you know you can have fun playing it.
Sports are rarely fun if you suck at them, that's just the truth. But if you find the right passion, it can be so amazing. I'm pretty good at baseball, and now softball, but if I sucked I think I would hate it. Same goes with ping pong. But I like darts, bowling, basketball, and I suck at all those. Golf on the other hand? Fuck golf, it makes me want to cry.
Just pick something that sounds interesting and go for it. Even if you're terrible at the start, you are NOT too old to get better and you can still have fun. I had never exercised at all in my life until about a year and a half ago when a friend invited me to the rock climbing gym. I was a total wimp with no sense of balance or coordination, but I ended up having a lot of fun and buying a membership. My strength and balance and coordination have improved tremendously, and I've even gotten going a bit on other sports like running and cycling.
I started playing basketball in college and after shooting around for a few years, I have made many friends along the way.
Start off at a gym, I pay 10$ a month if I do a yearly contract. Once you get more fit/ confident join in some red sports like others have mentioned that is okay to not be good with. I spend a lot of time at the gym also and going with friends is a sport itself I think.
I went to play sand volleyball once after never really playing sports before and I was worried about embarrassing myself but I was actually kind of good at it. Try that out if there's a university near you or something
That who marathons are for. Runners get better in there 20's typically so you not out of the age range.
Even if you dont like sports, just some activity you want to get into. If it is outdoors, even better. R/C cars and air planes are a great way to meet people that has a large following. That or cars in general. There's a follow for almost any car you can think of.
Disc golf is a relatively easy and dirt cheap sport to get into. People still drink on the courses but in my experiences, very recreationally and rarely to excess considering most people don't like losing there discs. I'm fairly decent now but I was terrible first starting out and I've never once been made fun of for it. Most players are down to earth hippies who are more than willing to dish out advice to new comers. Just respect other people and don't litter and you'll fit in just fine regardless of skill level.
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu!
Every single pro you see on TV was not born being that good
Disc golf. It is great exercise, gets you out walking and hiking in nature, and is SO EASY to meet people on the course. As competitive or non-competitive as you want.
Also, it doesnt matter if you suck because everyone except the best disc golfers in the world mess up all the time :)
Roller derby is a sport that a lot of people don't get into until they are older. Most of the people in my league are in their 30s, and a great deal of them never played a sport before. Also the wider roller derby community tends to be very supportive and welcoming to all people, including those who don't even know how to skate. Lots of leagues have a training program and will teach you.
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Wow. I am an over thinker myself and I am very glad you posted your story. You are right, the "initial insecurities" is the hardest part to get over. Your story is motivating me and I am sure will help others when they read it as well :)
Keep being awesome.
Fishing is a really cool hobby, it cools the mind, you get to see cool things, you get an ok amount of exercise and it's pretty beginner friendly
Depending on where you live there may be a "social sports league" near you. These usually consist of people who are just trying to make friends, and most likely are not super athletic. Check out Zog Sports, if you're in a city they're located in.
You can do something like. My city has a recreational dodgeball league and people of all skills play in it
Ultimate Frisbee is a really good 'beer league' sport. By that i mean it's sport for the sake of hanging out and getting some exercise as opposed to competing. There are teams that play at all skill levels so you don't need to worry about sucking, I suck pretty hard at sports and still play. I find it's also the best way to meet people when you're in your 20s.
Pick up distance running. It's super cheap (as long as you don't sign up for a race every weekend -- they're getting pretty damn out of hand with how expensive some races are getting).
I can guarantee there are innumerable running groups in your area at every skill (speed/pace) level. Just don't get discouraged at first. It sucks and really hurts for at least a month of consistent running, but it gets much better and can be as laid back and fun as you want it to be or as competitive as you'd like. Everyone is very encouraging.
I'm surprised everyone's recommending cycling. There's an extremely steep upstart cost with, at the very cheapest, a $7-800 bike, plus the stuff you need to add to your bike and cycling apparel and shoes that are like regular workout apparel except marked up 500%.
Maybe choose a sport that's somewhat easy to pick up. There's plenty of adult house leagues that are open to beginners. If you join a beer league or house league and people are pissed that you're not any good then you don't want to be friends with them. Maybe try soccer or dodgeball, you've definitely played both before and dodgeball is a blast (I actually met my gf playing dodgeball...she's terrible but it was fun). Soccer is pretty easy and you can practice easily on your own to improve.
Edit: defense is often pretty easy to pick up in most sports. Play your position and pass the ball off, or in most sports dumping it out is always a safe play. Basically don't cost your team points and you're doing your job
If you live in USA then definitely soccer.
If you live somewhere with the right climate, sailing. It doesn't require a great deal of fitness and even less co-ordination, it's mostly knowledge of what to do and how. It's a very technical sport.
I'm in the same position - I just own it. While many of the sporting activities mentioned here have many older people joining at a beginner level, I enjoy team sports more because of their social element. So pretty much I just find a pick up game that I'd be welcome to, of say, basketball, and just declare from the outset that I'm terrible and want to learn. In my experience people either help you get some fundamentals down or will suck just as much as you.
Get into soccer. Anyone can be decent and you'll meet the most diverse people.
Join a running club. Hopefully you can find a large one in your area. Nobody will judge you because someone is always slower than someone else and nobody cares. You'll have long, meaningful conversations with interesting, driven people. And you'll be in great shape!
Then pick your sport, walk up to the coach/organiser/captain/whoever and say 'I have no f***ing idea what i am doing, but I am here to learn.'
I have just taken the leap from competitive football to afl this week. My message to the AFL coach said 'I've never played, I cant catch and I dont know how to hold the ball when kicking it.' His response was to dedicate half an hour of his time befor ethe session to teaching me the basics of the game. Find someone like that, treat it as a learning experience and something you are working towards.
Life is about growing. Accept that you suck at some things and that it will take some time and dedication to master them. Once you get to the level you want to be at...find the next thing you suck at. It took me 20 years to be the football player I am today, and over 10hours a week of dedicated training/playing to maintain my ability. Last week i decided that those 10hours were better spent learning NEW things. I'm joining the army reserves to learn life skills (4 wks per year), I have taken up AFL (4hrs a week), Archery (2hrs on weekends) and JiuJitsu (2 hrs per week), while playing a not-so-competitive brand of football. It is much more rewarding than just playing football alone. I wish I started years ago.
EDIT: Point of my story. I'm a relatively fit 27 yr old who goes to the gym 3/4 times a week. I was just out-rolled by a 16yr old kid in Jiujitsu. That kid has been training for 8 years. It was a humbling experience, however rather than beat on myself, i appreciated the work that kid has put into the sport and will work my fecking arse off to beat him ASAP. The day I do will be an accomplishment. Damn punk kid.
I currently play rec soccer (and drink when I do admittedly - it's a bit of a beer league, but some folks definitely don't stay for the bar!) I'm easily 50~75 pounds (22~34kg more for the non-american homies) heavier than when i last played, and I have a blast. Just find fun people!
Bowling
I didn't do a single moment of intentional athletic activity until I was 21 years old, and now, 2 years later, I cycle at least 6 miles a day (not because I feel obligated to, but because I genuinely love it at this point). I literally couldn't ride for 20 seconds straight when I first started and I hated it. It made me feel like my lungs were going to explode. It took a lot of dedication and persistence and I still have a lot of room for improvement. But seriously, you are capable. It has improved the quality of my life so greatly that I can't even adequately express how thankful I am that I found and stuck with it. If you sincerely want to get into a sport, my advice is to google a beginner plan for whatever that activity is, and just try your best.
i joined a social league for soccer. I had played maybe a handfull of times. i was terrible at first but its been almost a year and im improving a lot.
You could always try drinking.
Started playing handball with my friends at the gym even though I've never done it in my life. After a year we take games off of each other. It's not so bad.
Bike riding! Chances are there's a bike group in your area. No one's going to think twice if your preferred beverage is water.
Could do like me and take the nerd route. I play in Magic: the Gathering tournaments on Fridays, and frequently have people over to play Dungeons and Dragons or other games likes that.
where I am (sparsely populated suburb) you can go to any of 4 parks within a 10m drive of my house, and find people playing pick-up ultimate / volley ball / basketball... People like to bring their wives, kids, and girlfriends to pick up sport competitions so even if you are the worst player in the world you'll be welcomed.
Another idea of course would be to go with a buddy who is also horrible, then put one of you on each team so it's even. I did this with my sister for a long time "Hey can we join you" "We're just goofing around we aren't good" "my sister is with me and she's 5 ft tall, you don't need to be awesome we just want to play and have fun" "ok" ... done.
2 words- adult kickball.
That shit is fun.
Weight Training directly correlates with health improvements and would help you make friends at the gym. Admittedly a team sport such would be more beneficial for socializing so maybe ultimate Frisbee would be better. But if you're a busy person, then I think Weight Training is still the way to go. Here's a really good book to get you started (it's good because it's a bit more rigorous than others: http://www.google.com/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=inauthor:%22Thomas+R.+Baechle%22)
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a pretty good one. People tend to be very chilled and supportive of new people.
Try out volleyball. Most co-ed rec leagues are akin to what gym volleyball was like and at the lower levels placing the ball in the right spots is just as effective as hitting the ball hard so you can become an ok player relatively quickly with some practice.
There are many "non-competitive" sports leagues that the main purpose is really socializing, not playing.
That's why endurance sports were invented.
You can suck at ice hockey if you're up for it. I started playing men's league at 19 with no experience other than playing street hockey. There's tiered divisions, they'll teach you how to play. Basically the only requirement you need before starting is learning how to stop. A lot of guys don't start until they're in their 40s.
Disc golf... requires more finesse than athletic ability... Otherwise just remember that everyone sucks at first at everything.
I started playing sports in my late 20's with no skills to speak of. Go for recreational co-ed leagues as they usually aren't too competitive. I play softball, floor hockey and dodgeball and dodgeball is my favorite by a long shot and the group in my city is very close and socialize a lot outside of game situations. Check if your city has "adult recess " programs.
Find "social" leagues. If you do it right, the games are still fun but not ravenously competitive. After the game, everyone goes to the bar (I know) but the vibe is typically light and social and drinking booze isn't the focus. Often people ask for ice water because they just came from a game, so you don't stand out if you're not drinking alcohol.
There are so many amateur/beer leagues out there, so don't worry about skill level too much.
Doesn't have to be a competitive sport. You can go running or swimming. Start off by setting personal goals and improving each time from there. Before you know it, you'll be in much better shape.
There are lots of activities you can do without having to be "good" at them already. Just off the top of my head there's bicycling, orienteering, racquetball, martial arts, Frisbee golf. The good thing about doing a sport-type activity is people are likely to be more understanding about your desire to remain alcohol free. I train at an MMA gym and sometimes hang out with some of the people there, and as often as not they either don't drink or do so very occasionally.
If you live in or near a city, there are probably adult sports leagues that are much more casual. Here in NYC, there's an awesome "league" called Zog Sports. It's built entirely around having fun while playing sports, and they actively encourage people to get together after games, they hold social events. All the money to join is donated to charity (winning team gets to choose the charity). I played maybe 5 or 6 games with my cousin's team. It was a LOT of fun.
Find something that offers lessons. You'll find people at your skill level that you will more or less bond with as you both get better at the sport.
Serious suggestion: start playing golf. I started last year, in my early twenties. I SUCK SO BAD. But it's ok. Good things about golf: you'll be outdoors, usually in a beautiful environment. You don't have to be in good shape to play (though it helps, but there are overweight players even at the PGA tour). If you start now, you can play for over forty years. Golf is great for networking and meeting new people.
Some warnings though: golf is fucking hard (which is why it's so ok to suck). And it can be very expensive, though it doesn't have to be. There are inexpensive courses and equipment (especially if you buy used).
As someone in my late thirties, I kinda despise your comment, you know? :D
Wadda hell am I supposed to do then!!!
The hardest sports are those that require you to hit a ball with a stick. Tennis, golf, softball...stuff like that.
However you can literally practice those by your self if you want to improve.
Running and cycling are fairly easy to pick up. Hiking is in there too.
Climbing, Swimming and lifting are thing you should have someone show you how to do it. Really easy to hurt or kill yourself with these.
Skating is hard for some and easy for others.
If you are looking for sport friends The best is to find a kickball league. They are super fun. Now like anything there will be dickholes there. But you are literally playing a kids game for fun.
Brazilian jiu jitsu. Everyone sucks at first so you'll have a legitimate excuse.
I've been playing soccer since I was little and I still play Co ed soccer right now. You'd be surprised how many people I've played with that have never played, haven't played in 20 years or are in their 40s and just starting out. It doesn't matter though. Everyone is just there to run around and get some exercise, and also compete a little. The only only only thing that matters when you join a recent sport is that you try. Just put some effort in and you'll be fine. Being in your 20s is honestly not too late to start! I've been playing for 20 years and I still and learning new things
it is ok to suck at all sports, join a rec league and dont join the A groups... join C or D groups... :)
Sucking at something is the first step to being kinda good at something
Sports are a good idea but you could also try videogames or RPGs, Book Clubs (These actually exist) group classes for something you're interested in (like painting maybe?). Comics, LARPing. Name an activity you can do with more than one person, then go online and look for a group to do it with. Or go to the closest place you can think of and look for a group to do that with.
I started playing ice hockey in my early twenties. I hardly knew how to even stand on skates. 6 years later I play a few times a week and love it. Plan on doing it for the next few decades. I never played any sports competitively, only for fun. Was just a little athletic. Its never too late.
I didnt like sports much either...then I found bowling lol.
Try physical hobbies that are organized around a class structure. Martial arts and ballroom dancing come to mind. (Tango is like judo, but friendlier)
Any decent class will be welcoming to beginners.
Try Fencing.
To elaborate slightly on what jimmy said, start off with something like Ultimate Frisbee that "[...] it's okay to suck at [...]" in the company of others and maybe a more popular sport you might be interested in (baseball, basketball, soccer...) that you can practise individually, adding more as you gain interest. The way I see it, your coordination and confidence will eventually rise to a point where you might begin to seek out groups or teams to participate with.
Failing that, you might be more interested in dancing, or skateboarding, or rock climbing... All great ways to activate yourself and meet new people.
Join some beginner course for your preferred sport. They're all beginners. They all suck just like you do otherwise they wouldn't be in the beginner's course.
Another alternative to sports is being outdoorsy. Hiking is hardly a sport, most people can manage to put one foot in front of the other (apologies to the paraplegic on reddit). Learn about your local outdoors trails and areas, learn to camp and backpack. A lot of the people involved in these activities do still use substances in the evenings, but I've never seen it pushed on others when you're outdoors.
Rock climbing. No coordination needed. Nobody has the required muscles when they start out. You build muscle fast and you will see quick improvement if you keep at it. It is also incredibly easy to strike up a conversation with literally anybody at a climbing gym. If you have the common ground of both having climbed (or tried to climb) the same problem, you will be chatting away in no time.
It is basically a physical puzzle (there is a reason each route on the wall is called a 'problem'). The only real requirement is a decent pair of climbing shoes and a bit of commitment to build strength. The best climbers aren't big strong guys, they are scrawny nerdy guys. The big guys have too much mass and tire out very quickly.
Its great, I highly recommend it and always recommend it to the less coordinated friends and acquaintances of mine, especially those looking for a good way to meet and converse with people.
Check your local community college for cheap beginner classes.
Crossfit. Great place to meet singles and make friends, and you will get into great shape. Contrary to popular belief, people of all fitness levels can do it. There are countless success stories of people who never exercised in their life getting fit at a Crossfit gym.
Do your research though, every gym is different and some are straight up shitty, but many others are filled with great trainers and an encouraging community.
There are learn to play leagues for a lot of sports.
Find C/D leagues you can play in. For instance, in softball and hockey I played C for a while and those guys are AWFUL...it's a lot of fun. Most of the time people don't care when you screw up, and most everyone is encouraging about the whole thing.
Even if you've never played, most sports have an entry level league you can get in.
A great alternative to sports would be dancing. Very sociable, lots of fun, and you have a great confidence booster since you have to be willing to ask people to dance and be willing to get over the fact that you're going to suck for a bit.
My favorite dancing is swing dancing, since it's got some of the best beginner friendly dance styles, and the culture is very open to social events, unlike a lot of ballroom dancing which is more formal. Swing dancing is also a much more relaxed style and it's more fun (to me) since you can improvise stuff with it.
alternative to sports
dancing
My high school dance team would like to have a dramatic one sided conversation with you about how dance is actually a sport.
I don't know... as a dancer, I'd say its more of an art that takes athletic ability than a sport.
Exactly how the football/basketball/baseball player/fighter in me would describe it.
Because it might as well be fucking magic, however you guys do that.
That's kind of what I always thought of dance. I have a conservative view on sports though.
I've always understood sport as the competition in it. That's why Chess is a sport and competitive computer games are referred to as E-sports.
(Though I am well aware that there are competitions in dancing.)
Ya, that's actually my complaint about the world of dance. It's become so competitive, that sometimes you can loose track of the self-expression and artistic side of it.
I would say it's both
So like other sports; gymnastics, skateboarding, cheerleading, chess, etc.
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Chess is the only one that really isn't a sport along with Nascar and eSports.
According to the International Olympic Committee chess is a sport. I don't endorse their decisions but they're seen as an authority on the matter.
Thus why I included it!
Pretty much any physical activity done in a competitive manner is, by definition, a sport. That said, it's not one of those things that's a sport all the time. If you're doing it for fun, then it's not a sport in the same way that going for a jog is not a sport, even though there are competitions centered around running.
UGH don't. You just made me so frustrated. They took that shit so personally! Like being a sport gets them credibility they didn't have before or something? You're still super hot and popular, isn't it ok that you're not a sport? Fuck.
Pinot Noir
Midsized Car
That's because it is.
I mean, it's pretty impressive to watch if they are actually good.
Being impressive to watch doesn't make something a sport.
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Yet the International Olympic Committee recognizes chess as a sport.
Some examples of sport are impressive to watch. Not all things that are impressive to watch are sports.
A sunset is impressive to watch. A soccer match for 5 year-olds is a sport, but not particularly impressive to watch (unless it's your kid playing).
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Shooting is a sport but not lacrosse?
Man, I don't know what it is, but I cannot stand dancing. I dread every event that brings ups dancing. I'm not bad at it, I just feel so awkward and uncomfortable during it. Just not for me at all.
My brother
This! I'm a regular contra dancer, and when we host dances at the university where I'm a grad student, we get a hundred or so undergrads, none of whom have had a drop to drink that Saturday. It's simply impossible to mix drunkenness and called dancing. The university is desperately trying to find ways to have events on campus where no students die of alcohol poisoning, so they can't throw money at us fast enough.
Great advice, yes!
That's a great idea! I might try this out.
Yes - I have a friend who took up dancing when he started recovering from alcoholism. A bonus was that it was sexy as hell and eventually helped him to meet his awesome wife.
so like if you can tell me where i can find people who still go to social gatherings that involve swing dance that would be great.
Shamless plug for /r/swingdancing
I just googled "swing dancing at x" where x was the nearest 'large-ish' city. I also looked around on facebook groups, which is where a lot of the real action seems to happen in terms of active swing dancing communities. Once you join a group or two, facebook's search gets scary accurate and can help you find some pretty cool dancing groups.
You can also look for "lindy conventions" or other large gatherings of swing dancing. Find some of the more prominent people and see if you can find their pages/groups or something on Facebook, or contact them through email. The swing dancing community is decently tight knit and you'll soon find out that everyone knows everyone, or if they don't know someone they certainly know where to find the dancing in a certain town.
Surprised this isn't upvoted more. Dancing is the answer you're looking for. Social dancing, not competitive, is the best for meeting people and enjoying without having to spend insane amounts on privates, performance costumes, professional choreography. Swing is a perfect starting point. Salsa and bachata are fun. Social tango (as opposed to ballroom) is amazing if you're willing to work hard for your fun.
As a ballroom dancer I think there is something to be said for the formality of it when you are starting. Its so "unnatural" that every is sort of on an even keel. At any rate, our university society is exceptionally friendly and we have regular socials. But really, any type of dancing I think will be a good choice.
Except for that part where you go to a bar after every game?
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It seriously is that easy. No self-respecting adult is going to give you a hard time about it, it's usually more on the person who isn't drinking that feels weird than the people around them.
Yeah, if only those self-respecting adults weren't consuming a beverage known to make you stop acting like a self-respecting adult.
Going for a post game drink isn't the same as going out to get hammered.
If they can't handle the amount of alcohol they put into themselves they are not a self-respecting adult; they're probably a teenager still trapped in a now-adult-body.
Person asks why as a form of peer pressure: "Cause I'm an adult and I don't have to drink if I don't want to"
Person doesn't respect that: "you're being a huge dick about it, shut up". Boom. Done. Shit is easy.
It seriously isn't that easy sometimes. Some people get really interested in why you don't drink, and if you say "I don't like the taste" they'll reel off things you could try, like "why not coke and X? It tastes like coke". Or they'll ask if it is religious, or one of a million of reasons.
I've had some long conversations about it with some people as I'm a bit of a pushover and won't tell someone to STFU. And as they got even more drunk, the more idiotic the questions became.
I don't ask them why they choose to drink and badger them to stop, I let them choose and get on with it. At least my friends are pretty accepting and don't give a shit
It's like a game of 20 questions by a 4 year old that just learned the word 'Why'. Because it is my life choice, as is your TO consume alcohol.
I have to work tomorrow and I need to wale up early.
If this is on the weekend: Hey, I have just have a terrible week of working. I don't want to have another day lying in bed with a terrible headache, and last 4 hours.
Short answer as someone who drinks a lot and has worked in a lot of bars, just go dark with it right away.
"I'm not proud of who I am when I'm drunk."
"I've made some really bad choices from being drunk."
That will shut up almost anyone. You'll get a mumbled, "Oh shit, that sucks man" from the majority of people.
The ones who ask for a story, just give them a straight and to the point, "I really don't want to talk about it, it wasn't a bright time for me." Then a peppy, "But things are better now! Just sticking to water/soda/whatever-you're-holding these days and shit's awesome!"
It's like a two line exchange and it'll get people off the question.
They shouldn't pressure you but if you are willing to answer them when they ask why you dont drink and say because you don't like the taste it isn't that unexpected that they'd suggest a tastier drink.
The point is that they're trying to get you to drink, even if you don't want to - as if the only thing stopping you is the taste when it's one of a few reasons.
And they state it as if you don't know what the options are. I know I can have a vodka and coke or whatever, I still don't want one
Toughen up princess. They're not trying to get you to join a cult. They're wanting you to join in with the nights proceedings. Have the courage of your convictions and learn how to tell people no and how to shut down the conversation.
Jesus wept. I'm already "in" with the night's proceedings, especially when it doesn't involve drinking until you puke and it's just a meal.
I'm simply saying that I don't think the conversation needs to happen in the first place, no matter how bad I am at telling people to shut up.
People are curious. You're a dick for thinking you're somehow off limits.
One question is curiosity, anything further is obsession. I'm guessing you're one of those person who demands to know why I don't drink.
It's ultimately none of your business why, just as it isn't my business to demand to know why you might choose to drink
No, I wouldn't care. Unless you make a big deal out of the fact you don't think. I've encountered several obnoxious t-totalers in the past. They're like hipsters that down't own a TV.
The answer to "why don't you drink" is just "I don't want to". A reasonable person will accept this answer. If they ask why again, just repeat "because I don't". Continue until they stop. If they try to press drinks on you, just say "no, thank you" or "I'm good with what I have, thanks".
If they're going to act childish like that, there's pretty much no answer they'll actually accept. You just have to be firm and shut it down.
"Because it's none of your business." what a bunch of wilting flowers some people are.
Honestly, the majority of the time, just saying "I don't want to" is enough of an answer. I haven't had anyone push further than that since the dorms in college (ironically, only when I was underage anyway). Asking "why don't you want to" sounds circuitous enough that the vast majority of people won't bother. If you're quick on the topic change, it's even easier.
If you start with "I don't like the taste", people seem to think they have to solve the problem for you... like you desperately want to drink and just cant find something that tastes good. It's dumb, but, you know, people.
I couldn't drink for a couple years because of a hiatal hernia. Most people are cool about it though curiously some people assume someone not drinking means they're a recovering alcoholic.
that's the problem. i can't hangout with people that feels weird at me.
And if you get upset over some ribbing about not drinking, you may need to look in the mirror. I feel like a lot of the people who get upset when "my friends always give me a hard time when I don't drink" need to realize that their friends are just making fun of them. If you have such thin skin that your friends cracking jokes at your expense bugs you, you shouldn't be at a bar or have those types of friends.
I would never even question it with a stranger or acquaintance or most people, really. But I've busted my friends chops now and again. Mostly because the do drive and that's what friends are for.
If someone asks why your aren't drinking just tell them you don't drink.
And if someone asks why, it might just be (possibly probably is) genuine curiosity rather than attempted peer pressure. I have asked this question, and it's because I'm trying to get to know the person better, but it's a really hard question to ask without seeming pressuring.
I didn't drink alcohol at all until I was 30 years old, literally not one sip. My background was that my biological father's family had a strong presence of abusive alcoholism, and I just really, really didn't want to put myself in a position where I created a demon I struggled to contain.
After my brothers had both been drinking for a number of years, without apparently struggling with alcoholism, I talked it over with my wife, and we set up a protocol and check system whereby I would be able to identify and check alcoholism in early stages if it came on me. If the day comes that either she or I even suspect a problem, I stop drinking on the spot and never touch it again. And we do an annual dry month just as a checkpoint to be certain that a problem hasn't arisen that we weren't aware of.
I think this is mildly interesting, and I'm proud of the protocol and caution we approached it with (her family also has a strong presence of alcoholism). When I ask someone about their drinking habits, it's because I'm curious and want to understand them better. I've never encountered someone else with a similar level of caution as ours, and those people I find who aren't drinkers each have their own reasons.
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I never developed a taste for alcohol so now I mainly don't drink it because I don't like the taste
You know what? I can't count the number of people who simply can't believe me when I say that, and still don't understand why is this not seen as a "valid" (sigh) reason somehow. I personally grew up in an alcohol-free social environment so just like you I've never seen the appeal in alcohol, but whenever I give this answer it never seems "satisfactory" enough lol
I think you handled (and continue to handle) that incredibly well, and I am very impressed. I've never heard of such caution either, and I kind of wish I had been more like you.
We have different approaches to it. When people go, "C'mon Pandaman, just onnnnnne drink!! You can do it!" I laugh and go, "You motherfuckers trying to drug me?? Nuh uh, I'm sticking to my water thank you!" And then I laugh really loud: usually everyone else does too. And then I change the subject. And that's that.
You just have to be willing to say "No" when someone asks something, even persuasively.
I find that "oh, it's just not my thing" is usually a perfectly fine answer to "why don't you drink" in this kind of situation. It's a more awkward answer when the bar is the activity, not a post-activity hangout.
My parents are/were (one is dead) alcoholics. Unfortunately one of my parents passed away just when I was old enough to drink legally. Prior to that I never had any urge to drink. I guess grief, general confusion about life and the fact everyone else was starting to drink led me to start drinking. I had a real bad habit of drinking too much, too often in my late teens early twenties. The realisation for me wasn't one particular situation, though I had some pretty bad incidents, the worst one I was assaulted and almost froze to death if it hadn't been that someone found me. I came to a gradual conclusion that alcohol can only make my life worse. It does nothing positive to me. I've pretty much stopped drinking unless it's some situation where I really don't want to be seen as weird. I stay away from situations where I might be pressured into drinking, I know I'm a weak minded person who easily falls for peer pressure so I have to plan ahead not to get into those situations. Anyways, that's my story.
When it gets interesting is when somebody asks you why you don't drink and you tell them, "Because I don't".
This is what I had to do up until I was 28, which was when I had my first drink. Unfortunately, I don't have a great story to explain why I didn't drink. I came from a family that smoked and drank heavily. I didn't care. I grew up on "the streets" (haha), where I had a lot of friends drink and do drugs at a young age. I didn't care. It bothered me not whether you drank or not. To be honest, if anything, the only reason why I didn't drink was because I was afraid of myself. I'm a very open, care-free kinda guy. Without a conscious lid on myself while sober, I was afraid I'd either end up either in jail or dead.
So why did I start drinking? Because why not. I made it this far, happily married with a house and a career. I'm also one of those bucket list guys where I'm willing to try everything once. Now that I've got a firm handle on who I am and what I've become, I know trust myself with a chemical substance. Hell, I never even drank coffee until 2 years ago, same year I started drinking alcohol. So yeah, I was very afraid for a long time what foreign substances would do to my body, haha. I have to be in complete control of situations. It's why I didn't fly or ride roller coasters up until a few years ago.
But I'm 30 now. I've lived a decent enough life and made it through all the hardships of being young. The only problem is that I'm extremely late to the party. I did what my parents told me to do and learned from their experiences instead of finding out for my own, which is a rarity. So now I want to party like a college kid, but I'm 10 years past due.
Anyway, sorry to shoulder all that onto you, haha. My main intention was to address that there's some people out there that don't drink for no other reason than to not drink. You've taken a very controlled and logical approach to drinking and I like that.
My main problem with not drinking alcohol is that people expect there to be a reason. Either you're religious, or you're a former alcoholic, or you have alcoholism in the family, etc. I'm annoyed by the question because I don't get it when I say I don't like shrimps, a person who drinks alcohol will never get the question "Why?".
I just simply haven't found an alcoholic beverage I enjoy the taste of and I find it damn expensive (Why would I pay $10 for a beer?).
(This post came out a little bit too negative. I like you. I am a kind person. Most of the time. Hope your day is pleasant)
My main problem with not drinking alcohol is that people expect there to be a reason. Either you're religious, or you're a former alcoholic, or you have alcoholism in the family, etc.
I agree that it's kind of weird that there has to be a reason. The thing about it is that there are plenty of situations where having a drink is considered the baseline. You probably don't get asked why you're not having a drink while you're working.
I'm annoyed by the question because I don't get it when I say I don't like shrimps, a person who drinks alcohol will never get the question "Why?".
Haha, I've asked people why they don't eat a particular food. Mostly that comes from someone who's noticeably presented their choice (eg, "Do you have a vegetarian menu?"). Like with vegetarianism, people have reasons. You don't not eat meat for no particular reason, sometimes it's a taste preference, sometimes it's a social cause, sometimes it's a health reason, but the point is that you do have a reason you don't eat shrimp. The question might not be as common, but it's certainly something that could come up.
The social equivalent to going to a bar and ordering water would probably be going out for sushi and ordering a burger. Or going to a burger joint and ordering steamed carrots. There's nothing wrong with those at all, but the contrast is curious, the reason is part of who you are, and if people like you, they like to find out who you are.
Out of my own curiosity, why did you start drinking? I'm soon to be 33 years old and I've never had a drop of alcohol. My dad was an alcoholic and it destroyed our family, so the thought of ever having a drink is something that I just don't ever consider. I find it interesting that you went through probably the highest risk period of time where peer pressure and alcohol are hand in hand and afterwards is when you've decided to give it a shot (pun intended).
It was a conscious decision arrived at over many months of consideration. My reason for not drinking was over a concern for a genetic predisposition to alcoholism. I came to the conclusion that probably in my father's family it was a social and habitual cause rather than a biological cause (i.e. everyone drank heavily all the time, so it was normal).
I decided that with the appropriate level of caution, early detection of a problem would produce at worst something that remained relatively easy to control (certainly there are people who are able to successfully control a past of severe alcoholism, I believed I had the chops to tame a very meager problem if it came up).
There are many people who drink for reasons not including intent to get drunk. They like beer, they like wine, they like whiskey. There's a whole broad space to be experienced there. This was the attraction for me.
Just a little extra, if I may. I don't drink alcohol, and of course I'm used to the question "Why don't you drink?" I have absolutely no problem answering it, but in my experience most of the people asking then just conduct a life interview.
"Hey mate want a beer?"
"Oh, nah sorry, I don't drink"
"Really? Why so?"
"My family doesn't drink, I just grew up in an alcohol-free social environment and never saw it as something appealing"
While I do think that it should be a clear enough answer, that's when the breaking point is. The "cool" people will maybe question stuff like "oh ok! so for example what do you drink if you hang out? Or if you receive friends at home?", which is fun because we start sharing about how we do stuff. However, the immense majority starts questioning the annoying part like "why? why haven't you tried? I can't believe this! Come on I'll get you one! Why doesn't your family drink? Why did you follow that?". I'm not really eager to give that random dude a biography with summary of my life choices lol
Out of curiosity, what part of the world do you live in?
UK right now, although I'm French. Amazingly enough even though UK has a way bigger drinking culture, I tend to meet less people not grasping the fact that I don't drink, compared to France where it would happen every single time. Cultural differences!
That's a really responsible approach. Good going!
For a lot of alcoholics that are sober, being in this situation would be extremely stressful.
That's a really cool approach. Sorry to hear about your dad though. Did you have non-drink alcohol before? Like those chocolates with liquor in them?
I don't drink much alcohol myself, but i love a good stew made with beer. Can seriously recommend trying that out. It's not about 'woooh alcohol' but tangy (?) taste from the hops and such.
I drank part of a traditionally brewed root beer in my mid 20's at an amish festival once. That's about as close as you could get. I thought it tasted weird, and my wife tasted it and pointed out there's some alcohol in it. I'm sure it was a negligible amount (it wasn't brewed for the alcohol, that was just a side product), but I had her drink the rest of it anyway.
The only alcohol I had otherwise that I am aware of is incidental, such as in cough syrup.
I have asked this question, and it's because I'm trying to get to know the person better, but it's a really hard question to ask without seeming pressuring.
I've got a couple friends that don't drink and I find the question is easier when you flesh it out a bit more. A point blank "Why?" definitely feels pressuring, but if you give it a full sentence with maybe an example it really let's you convey your tone better.
"Oh, not really your cup of tea? Not a fan of the taste? Avoid it for your religious beliefs?"
Giving them something to kind of go off of and say "Nah not because of X, I don't drink because of Y." makes it much more comfortable a question for them to answer.
Is it really that hard a question to ask without seeming like pressuring? I feel like, "Oh, you don't? Why's that?" with a friendly tone of voice is pretty low key.
Having been on the receiving end of that, there's still a certain level of self consciousness that you have when you're the only one around who's not drinking. And it does feel like there's a baseline expectation that you should drink, and you need a reason for not. If it's a social event, even if the person asking the question asks it in a totally disarming way, there are others around participating in the conversation as well, and there are people who will pressure you (in my experience often it's to reduce the contrast against their own habits).
I feel like if the fact that you're not drinking is that delicate a subject you'll probably run into other problems pretty easily anyway, but it's good to know that people might be sensitive to the question.
Personally, if I'm asking that question I'm much more likely to do what I can to support the person and stop other people from trying to pressure them, because it's a decision I greatly respect.
I'm in the same boat. I don't drink because my mom's family has a long history of alcoholism and both her and her brother died young due to it.
seems like overdoing it lol
Most people who've asked why I don't drink have done so because they were offended that I don't. This is something that doesn't actually come up at all anymore since I moved to the city, but when I still lived in my hometown people had this weird cult-like attitude about drinking.
As in, if you don't drink, you're intentionally trying to ruin their fun in some strange roundabout way.
But I sympathise with your reluctance. I'm still at that stage where I don't want to touch alcohol, having grown up with an alcoholic mother. I resemble her in so many ways that I fear I might have taken that gene that makes me prone to addiction, plus the fact that even the mere smell of it, or the sound of bottles clinking, brings back unpleasant memories.
I have actually tried drinking alcohol, but as soon as I start feeling that buzz I start feeling weird in a bad way. I absolutely don't mind people drinking around me (I've had some great conversations that way I otherwise wouldn't have had), but I can't do it myself. Not yet.
Seriously though. "I've got shit to do later" has never not been an adequate excuse.
THIS! I dont see how this is so hard a concept to grasp. I do it all the time.
At the bar:
Friend: "What are you drinking?"
Me: "I'll probably just have a ginger ale or something"
And life keeps moving one.
That was not how it worked when I was still with the local martial arts club but sure, I suppose there is some sport team out there that isn't made up of intolerant drunks.
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I tell them I found out I can act stupid sober, and I know who to avoid the next day.
Just think about a smart ass answer that will make everybody laugh at the person giving you a hard time about not drinking. Have 2 or 3 ready just in case. After that nobody will insist and they will think it's cool if you don't drink but can have a good time. Things like bringing up an embarrassing story about that time he got really drunk is always a good one (not hard to find if you know the guys).. "yea.. you sure seemed to have a lot of fun when you were throwing up all over"... "You brag until your wife shows up and you try to act sober talking in slow motion"... "I don't want to end up sleeping with ___ (fill in with the worst looking girl the guy has ever slept with. If he never admitted it, it's even better), that's why I'm not drinking"
"I don't do drugs, I'd rather just eat pizza instead"
Yea, I've been on a lot of different teams and while we all drink I don't think anyone would have a problem with someone not drinking. We'd have a problem with you not coming out and spending time with the team though.
one of our instructors is still trying to get his choice of cider over beer regarded as acceptable.
Personally I reckon that if someone doesn't drink (in a drinking culture) they usually have a damn good reason. If they want to share it, I'm willing to listen but it might be that I just don't want to go there.
Be like, "fuck you I just played a game". Who wants a beer after a workout? Gross.
s'what i do. "hey, want one?" no, i don't drink. "why not" because i don't want to. "okay then, we didn't buy any other kind of drink" point me to the hose then.
But he could do that without the sport.
This may vary depending on the team maybe.
Absolutely. I've been in loads of social leagues and the vast majority have not had booze as their focus.
The one exception was the softball league at work years ago. The entire league was created because a local bar would give out a free pitcher of beer when your team arrived and presented a completed score sheet. That bar did not lose money on "free" pitchers.
I think a lot of amateur football clubs (at least soccer football) are about 30%football 70% drinking
When the team I'm on goes to a bar after a game, it's more to get food and hang out than to get drunk. No one was getting wasted right after playing sports. I don't think ordering a burger and water or a soft drink is going to stand out much.
Most people teams in my area don't go out until the end of the season and even then it's to s restaurant.
I used to attend 3 running groups a week when I lived in Tampa. they all met at the bars. sigh....
Play a sport besides rugby. Or find a team that doesn't plan on rocking the dadbod for their whole life
So don't, or say you're not much of a drinker, you've got to drive anyways, or you don't want to piss money away.
I always order a ginger ale, and if anyone asks... I just say there's ale in the name! :)
Disclaimer: May not apply in ~~the UK~~ Europe
Edit: included the continentals
My rugby team is more like a drinking team with a rugby problem.
French here. Can say most of the amateur rugby teams only recruits using alcohol and food lobbying.
Yup french rugby player here, and thats pretty much it. We trained twice a week from 7 to 9 and then after the showers, from 9:30 to 1ish it was drinking and eating time. After our games that weren't at home, on the bus ride back, our coach would ask on the intercom "qui veut du jaune?!" which means "who wants Pastis?". Our medic would then walk down the isle with a (clean) rubbish bin full of barely diluted, very strong Pastis and we'd just dunk our glass inside and get drunk on the ride back, win or loss, it didn't matter. Had to piss in a bottle and out the window once.
I had to re-read that, I thought shower time was 9:30 to 1 PM
lol my bad I realize it wasn't the best way to write it :S
Haha straight pastis, no water?
God no, I really am not a huge Pastis fan to begin with, I like Absinthe much more. But the water to Pastis ratio was like 50/50...
Okay thank God!
Sums up skittles as well. Our team was a bunch of alcoholics who now had a good excuse to spend thursdays in a pub
My rugby team here in the US is the same way.
Yeah, OP should stay away from hockey too. They're called the "beer leagues" for a reason
My underwater rugby team is more like a drinking team with an underwater rugby problem. I know this! We hop into the restaurant after trainings, that's fine, but the idiotic move is to get wasted before a tournament! And, for example, in Czech Republic, it's hard to resist a good koleno (roasted pork knuckle) and Czech beers. And then you are into the nightlife. No wonder the next day you get smashed in the pool.
Use to follow my brother to his rugby matches back in college sometimes, they had kegs on the sideline and by the end of the match everyone was hammered and they just kept drinking. pretty fucking funny
Sports here are 10% sport, 30% pre-gaming, and 60% celebrating after in the pub.
"pre-gaming"? That's predrinking to you. You get out of here with your Americanisms, heathen!
don't forget pre-lash
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It's an art which we have yet to master, unfortunately.
Ha, I figured it was different when it was actually before a game. ...I don't do team sports.
german here... can't remember i went to practice/ a game and didn't drink afterwards.
Australia too. I vaguely remember playing football at some stage on Sunday.
Yup, I train martial arts (Kendo). It's almost a requirement of the sport to drink, after practice you go to the pub for a drink. After competitions there's a big dinner and afterwards you go get drunk (and then have more competitions and gradings the next morning).
Or any team activity.
Yeah I guess at first, but then all your sports bros want to go out drinking once you're friendly enough to spend time with each other after your games.
Mixed-gender social leagues have been good for me. Maybe it's having the opposite sex around that makes people more chatty and less "let's get rounds of shots."
Really? I've found time and time again that the mixed gender social leagues have a heavier emphasis on alcohol.
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
I sport, but all the leagues I am in are drinking leagues.
Like, you have to chug a beer before you make it to first in softball,
In soccer you have to chug a beer at halftime
In kickball you have to hold your red solo cup anytime you're out in the field.
Avoid bowling
What sports can you play on Friday and Saturday nights?
Ice Hockey. Adult league games are almost always played later at night, especially the beginner divisions, so the rink can do more family/kid oriented activities during the day.
Ah. Not a big market for ice hockey in ireland!
On Friday and Saturday night you go to bed early. You practice sport in the morning when you are well-rested.
And jobs?
The question was how to have a social life, Friday and Saturday nights are the social nights. Being in bed early kinda prevents that!
Friday and Saturday nights are the social nights if you want them to be that. It depends on the people you want to meet and hang out with.
No it depends on if you're employed or not.
You can always use the morning instead of the night to go social.
Or Board game nights if you are a nerd works too
Funny. Me and my friends have board game nights mostly so we can drink at home instead of going out late and spending money.
For ours we find no-one drinks as we go round someones house and the rest have to drive home so only the householder can really drink and drinking alone is a bit lame so we tend not to
I think you accidentally added an 's' and an 'r' to your comment..
You are going places.
Uh... Have you ever even been to a beergas- I mean, sporting event??
I'm in two social kickball leagues. While drinking is accepted and somewhat encouraged, I don't have to do it to enjoy the game. I also play disc golf and sometimes go dancing.
Yeah... I picked up men's slow-pitch softball. I don't think that's gonna help me stop drinking...
Or, to an extent, music. Choir singing, for instance. Unfortunately, musicians do tend to drink a lot afterwords, so you'd get most of your social life from during rehearsals.
I recommend you try a different sport, like knitting!
This. Play soccer, hockey, football, slo-pitch, dodgeball... get into mountain climbing, snowboarding or whatever. If you're not in good shape, it's a great way to fix that while having fun.
It depends- I was involved in a Gaelic Football club in Seattle for awhile and basically everything led to drinking in some form or another. Granted, it was a bunch of Irishmen so I don't really kow any other feasible outcome.
Don't play rugby then
When I started surfing and got really into it, I begun waking up at 4am to be able to drive an hour away to the surf spot and be in the water by 5:30am. I grew so dedicated to surfing that I am doing this almost daily and it requires me to be in top physical condition to be able to actually surf because it requires a lot physically. This also means I can't afford to wake up hungover or loose a full night of sleep. There's no room for drugs and alcohol anymore in my life. I went from smoking weed everyday for 3 years, drinking every weekend, doing the occasional other drug like ecstasy, dxm, codeine, and psychedelics, to only taking a drug (including alcohol) about once every two months. I've never been in better shape in my life and nothing has ever motivated me more to workout and stay fit like surfing has.
Ball is life at any age bruh.
I found group cycling was good for that. We'd be riding two abreast in groups of a dozen or less, rotating around the group every few minutes. You wind up beside ever other rider at some point, enjoying the scenery, small talk, and a good workout. On top of that, everyone's drinking either water or sports drinks.
Plus, you get to stare at the well-toned, forward-bent, Spandex(tm) covered buttocks of other riders.
It makes you quit smoking too!
Underwater rugby. Absolutely an ice-breaker as you get tons of questions right away. And it's a lot of fun. And if you like a girl, you get to see her in a swimsuit if you invite her to try it out. That's how I met my girlfriend years ago.
THIS! I have a couple friends who can't even handle a couple sips of light beer, so they never join us when we go out to the bars. However, we play basketball twice a week and they're always there.
What if I'm not in a position to play sports? I've been suffering post concussion for a year now - I've lost contact with most all my friends.
I'm not sure what to do.
I wuold go with chess playing.
sprot
I've never understood why people would want to go hang around indoors drinking when they could go hiking or climb trees or play soccer or something
I guess it's a matter of pussy.
And then what?
I'm a junior in high school and there's bunch of "sportsmen" in the school. Going to gym all the time, playing soccer, basketball, handball, waterpolo, anything really. I'm pretty positive that 90% of them drink alcohol every weekend. For sure.
And they don't suck at sports at all. Some of them have been training for over 10 years.
I don't want to invalidate your opinion but life in college represents just itself. After that things are gonna change.
I guess you are right, but anyways we're talking in general, right?
I wanted to say that playing sports doesn't matter that much to people my age, high school and college. Of course, some are really dedicated to what they do and they care about their health, but the vast majority drinks alcohol anyways.
But meeting new people when you are a student is not that hard compared to the following years.
Just don't join a uni society. Drinking clubs with a rugby problem.
I've just moved from London to San Francisco and sport here is basically compulsary otherwise your not considered a true northern califronian!
London you just drank.
Unless it is slow pitch softball. 90% of those leagues are ingrained with a drinking culture.
The funny thing about this is that elite athletes are the biggest drinkers I know. I hang out with a lot of people who race nation level, which includes a good handful who have raced Olympics over the years and currently, and farrrrrk... You'd swear there was no way someone as undisciplined as that when it comes to drinking could be a well-trained athlete.
Not sure about that... I love to play rugby and coming into university I was excited to play in the bigger leagues. But generally the new guys weren't appreciated until they went through "appreciation" which is basically the same bullshit frats make you go through (drinking and minor hazing. Had to go out to parties, help host them at the rugby house. (Ended up getting shut down)
So essentially how good you were on the pitch didn't matter to them to acknowledge them. Basically how much of a initiate bitch can you be for the veteran players.
Edit: Just saying from personal experience. Sports are basically Frats in uni
Yeah, but you usually end up going out for drinks after the sport. Now you're right back where you started.
Hopefully they sport hard.
What if you hate sports/physical exertion?
Go to your local church.
N...No
lol ignore him, he is downvoting anyone who literally just asks "what if you don't like sports". I offered an alternative of esports, MOBA games like Heroes of the Storm. Check us out at /r/heroesofthestorm and /r/NexusNewbies -- if you are into gaming you might love it, if you're not into gaming well Heroes of the Storm just had a well-received big debut tournament on ESPN2 and attracted a lot of non-gamer attention.
Thanks! I actually have already plays HotS and enjoyed it, but haven't been on for a few months, I might have to come back. I do like the social part of MOBA games.
its just getting bigger and bigger. Their big tournament they just had had a grand prize of paying for the entire cost of college tuition for the winning team and a ton of people who never played MOBAs before got really interested in it.
Def give it another shot, theyve been rolling out new skins, maps, heroes etc.
What if I gain no enjoyment out of playing sports?
Go to your local church and meet people there.
I'm not christian... nor am I religious in any faith.
No alcohol, no sport, no religion. Having no social life as well can be fine for you.
I have a social life.... and I drink, and I enjoy sports I was just asking how sports would be a solution for people without social lives who don't like sports, it was more hypothetical... and then you brought religion into it so obviously i felt compelled to point out that there are lots of people for whom religion is not an outlet because they're not religious, myself included.
I was kinda joking. There are multiple solutions of course. What matters is that if you don't like "a lot" of things, maybe you are just a not-so-interesting person and your social life can be penalized by that.
I guess I agree... I just don't think that sports and religion counts as "a lot" of things... lol
You are right.
For every redditor like myself who gives seriously zero shits about any sports I have another word for you: e-sports.
the fan base of the communities can be just as toxic as IRL sports fans (so you still get to deal with dickheads!), there's huge dedicated followings, it gives you something to do in a group, and generally people aren't getting hammered while doing it or going to a bar afterwards.
Just a thought.
The difference is that "real" sports are often practiced by people who care about their health. E-sports? Not so much.
Nice blanket statement you just made there, totally didn't come across as arrogant at all.
Everyone that I'm at least friends with are in good shape, not overweight, eat healthy, etc. Some of the people I play with most are ex-military, some are developers like me, but most of all none of them have that head-up-their-own-ass attitude like you just displayed.
There is no need to go mental man. I'm not saying all gamers are couch potatos. Just that there is a different attitude towards "being fit and healthy" compared to the average athletes. Don't you agree?
no, clearly I don't and I think what you said is 1) based on stereotypes and 2) condescending and you don't really know how much coordination actually goes into what they're doing at the level they're playing.
People can just go run outside and still be focused on esports, one doesn't preclude the other.
But if they run outside they are infact practicing some sport. Can we agree that not all the gamers do that?
It may be an idea built on stereotypes but as they say often among the stereotypes lies the truth.
Do you know how drunk sports people get?
27 years here. There's plenty of life outside the bars. I'd say the easiest solution is things like Meetup. Groups for every possible interest. Because if you go and hang out in the bars, you will eventually drink.
Your comment just makes me think of fight club where he attends all those support groups for stuff he doesn't have.
Your comment makes me think of why everyone thinks this is so hard or challenging.
This is definitely a "big city" answer. For people in rural areas... there's not a lot of life outside of bars for a lot of people, unless it's family life.
As someone who has had their struggles with sobriety in the past it's clear to me what the OP was really asking and, until I saw your comment, the answers I am seeing here are making me cringe at all of the naivety as clearly a lot of these people don't understand the nature of dependency.
Yeah, it's just matter of finding groups that match your interest. And things like Meetup are good for that. Or even posting a question in the subreddit for your city.
Of the people I know who rarely drink, they do their socializing with things like photography clubs, gaming groups, cycling, team sports, toastmasters...
12 years myself. I still go to bars on occassion, but only to see live music. Never am I ever enticed to have a drink...it's just that far removed from my system at this time that I don't even think twice about it anymore. Just doesn't happen. Of course, I realize this isn't the case for everyone and I'd certainly agree with your recommendation for most.
Same here--live music. The presence of booze doesn't impact me at all anymore.
This site should be at the top of this thread
Just looked up my area. There are three groups:
-Chicana Moms - womens support group
-Sheriff's Office - Want to become a Sheriff's Deputy, but aren't sure if you have what it takes?
-#MeetupMonday - Let's talk about our neighborhood and our nation.
Fuck.
Maybe try a BDSM meetup site, I bet the demographic in your area is sexually repressed and has wild secret parties.
I live in central Florida, in a city mainly filled with snowbirds and families.
My area on Meetup is very similar to yours. More than 3 groups, but essentially the same things.
I might expand out to Tampa or Orlando and see what I can find.
Not sure where you are but yeah that does sound pretty limited..... Start one!
It depends, honestly. You could find new friends, or you could be the designated driver from here on out. If you decide to meet up at a bar, order a ginger ale or a coke with a lime wedge if you're looking for a soft drink that looks like it's boozy so nobody gives you any shit for not drinking. Although, if someone gives you shit for not drinking, do you really want to be their friend?
That's your call.
You can still do all the things you did under the influence without having to drink. You just wont feel as confident or careless. Fake it if it helps.
I don't drink anymore. I became the DD to everyone I know who does drink, and it's gotten me a lot of favors over the years. And watching your friends get hammered while you stay sober is really, really entertaining. You will still have those hilarious "dumb shit we did while drinking" stories, you can still go to nightclubs or dive bars or house parties.
Ten years ago I would have thought the future me that wrote this was a total fucking square, good lord.
Edit: I'm just the barback, you guys. I find drunk people to be entertaining as hell. My job history has had me working with drunks for years and I love it. Disregard if you find drunkenness irritating. I always have the best blackmail fodder, though.
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I've been to an AA party before. Well, not AA sponsored, but the party was alcohol free because most guests had been alcoholics at some point in their life. It was a Halloween party. It was seriously the most kickass party Ive ever been to. I felt awkward though, because I couldnt drink. But those guys, somehow theyve taught themselves to cut loose without the alcohol. I dont know. I need a social lubricant of some sort or I feel weird and self conscious. I talked to the friend who threw the party about it and she said "Yea, it's really weird at first. You feel so out of place, but then all of a sudden something clicks and you can just start being yourself without the booze."
It was a lot of fun, but I still found it strange. But I can see how you could adapt to it over time.
"Yea, it's really weird at first. You feel so out of place, but then all of a sudden something clicks and you can just start being yourself without the booze."
It's called trust. Once you trust who you hang out with it's much easier to let your guard down. Being in a room full of people who've probably shared their most humiliating moments with you helps tremendously.
It's called confidence.
If they're awesome people, they're gonna be awesome people no matter where you are.
This is quite possibly one of the wisest things in this thread. As a non-drinker, I just hang out with the friends who I enjoy being with and also enjoy my company. Back when I was a student trying to socialize too much I got into numerous argument with some "friends" who just couldn't grasp the fact that I didn't want to drink. My friends now are mostly non-drinkers or moderate drinkers and we have the same objective when we hang out: having fun.
If you don't drink and hang out with people whose first objective is to get wasted, you'll most likely not really enjoy it
The biggest thing I've found though, is to never make a big deal about how you don't drink. Brushing it off as if it ain't no thang, and that you're there to have a blast normally will satisfy most people.
this goes for anything in life.
The Sydney Morning Herald just posted some figures claiming that Australian drinking levels are at a 50 year low - so we got that going for us, which is nice.
I also live in a country with a very prominent drinking culture. Just a preface for y'all.
So you live in a country. Where English is most likely the prominent language.
Just FYI, every country has a "very prominent drinking culture". Just ask their drunks!
I still find it odd that so many people have to quit like it's this binary thing. Why not just decide only once a week, or only two drinks, or some such thing?
It's not odd, just a very common thing that you're lucky to not feel the need to do.
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“mate, you are being fucking cunt', lol, Aussie?
I want that cat so much.
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If I'm driving or something, I usually go for a coke, lime soda, or virgin mojito.
hsm?
Thanks, you can have some too
I don't drink either, and this is exactly my experience, and how to properly handle it.
'Mate you're being a fucking cunt'
I've always had the fact that I can't spit back come backs right away so this may become my go to lol...except I'm in America so definitely can't say that to women.
I might have to do this soon, too. Little over a decade of heavy boozing among other things and I think I'm starting to see detriment to my brain/body. I do a month off every now and then and always say I'll keep it more casual when the month is up, but I always go back to my old ways.
I still went out as much as I id when I was drinking during my months off. Always just drank soda water and lime with bitters. Saved a lot of money and calories and still had a blast.
My problem is, when I've tried to stop drinking and still go to bars, I find that I'm not really having fun. My laughs aren't as hearty. The jokes aren't as funny. I'm more tired and ready to just go home and sleep.
I honestly don't know how people do it. I have been limiting myself on what I drink lately, and have rules so I don't go overboard. Even that isn't anything like the fun I used to have. It's hard to hold conversations, to just roll with the night. I feel better in the mornings, sure, but there is something about getting shithouse that was just the best time in the world.
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I just remember being dragged to all those shitty family parties and, well, regular parties as a kid and wondering what the fuck the big deal was and how they could possibly find it enjoyable enough to arrange it all. The answer, simply was alcohol! Suddenly, it's great to have all these boring people around so you can exchange boring stories but it feels like the most interesting thing in the world!
Work parties are the same deal. Even if there's great food too.
How old are you now? Still a teenager, I'm assuming?
Just about, yes.
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Other way, just about to turn 20. But seriously, im 19 and what is this?
I'm just surprised that you're nearly 20 and don't enjoy talking with your family at family events. I mean, don't get me wrong, I prefer to talk to my cousins because they're much closer to me in age, but it's getting to the point that I'm on the same level with most of my "really adult" (40+) relatives and has been ever since I started college. I don't need to be drunk to enjoy talking to them or hearing their stories.
Don't get me wrong, a lot of them are great, but most I don't even know. It's normally when, say, one of my cousins gets married. There'll be a handful of those I do know, and loads that I don't. Plus one side of my family is a bit... borderline pikey I guess, very hard to relate too. I tend to get on with adults much better than I get on with people my age, when it comes to my parents friends, immediate family or even just people I meet down the pub I love it. Normally family functions are more a case of sitting around one of the tables with those you know most and barely being able to hold a conversation over the sound of the music.
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Wow, someone's mad 😳
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I'm not trying to judge him, I was just wondering how old he was. The younger you are, the less able you are to relate to your parents and family members. The fact that he thinks the only way you can enjoy talking with your family is because of alcohol shows that he's probably pretty young.
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When someone asks if you're a teenager and you respond "just about," that implies that you're almost a teenager (aka 12). There are plenty of 12 year olds on reddit. Not sure why you're so angry.
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Dude, OP wasn't even offended if I asked if he was 12. Why are you offended on his behalf?
Bruh you're really heated over something that didn't even initially involve you. Chill out it's the internet.
Man... You need new friends... All of my friends are a barrel full of laughs and good funny stories drunk or sober. All you guys are making me feel really lucky to have the friends I have. Thank you for that.
Friends I never have trouble with, family functions are dire though. I have a good time with my mates drunk or sober, though they're a bit hard to gee up to be anything other than sedate! Normally I just drink anyway because we normally meet in a pub and I just really love beer! The places we go do a lot of microbrews on rotation and good local real ales, so I'd be a muppet to have a coke or something!
Alcohol is just fucking great
Alcohol son. The best part about being an adult.
What do you consider "boring"?
Pittsburgh?
was literally just thinking the same thing when I read your comment
Ditto
Well that may be cause you're an alcoholic
Ideally, as you get older, your friends will still drink at parties, but not get as sloppy drunk (or at least the majority won't) - so going to parties as one of the few sober people becomes vastly more tolerable.
I dunno, I think it's a double edged sword really. Like sometimes watching drunk people do stupid shit is fun but other times peoples drunken stupidity just makes me want to headbutt a knife
Really? I always found it hilarious. Plus, I like the pleasure of retelling them the next day, step by step, each of the idiotic shit they did that they don't remember anymore (and add some bullshit of my own invention for extra mind fuckery).
EDIT: Fuckin' hell people. Do I really need to add a disclaimer? I know my friends, this works with them, as it also works with me when I was somehow able to drink myself to oblivion. If you read this and feel like lynching me, know that I wouldn't do it to you.
EDIT2: Ok, everyone, there's ways to do this without being an asshole. You need to know the person you're doing this, or at least be able to judge the person's personality well. Plus, there will be times they will want none of it, and you will know and not even start. And the golden rule: if the other person isn't laughing, I sure as hell won't either.
I absolutely cannot stand drunk people when I am sober. I can handle a tipsy person who's had a few drinks, but I want nothing to do with people who are on their tenth drink of the night.
I'm with you. The only way I'm going to have the patience to deal with drunks is if I'm drunk.
Maybe I shouldn't work in hospitality :P
I can deal with drunks, I can't deal with sloppy drunks. That shit pisses me off. When they're knocking all kinds of shit over or spilling things on themselves, then I stay away, but if someone is hammered and needs some help, I'm more than happy to help.
Sloppy drunks are hard to deal with sometimes, but they also tend to be easy talkers (this is by experience, take it as you will). If they start getting a little out of hand, I take them outside with the promise of a drink while trying to make them talk a little. It doesn't take long before they start venting and then accept the cider I give them to smooth the drunkenness out.
Though take them to a secluded place where they can't be seen (or heard, if possible). There's usually a lot of crying...
That's a different kind of sloppy than I was thinking, but you're absolutely right. They tend to pour their hearts out and sometimes it can get extremely awkward.
I do that stuff sober.
Everyone that drinks has been sloppy drunk. Sometimes you just drink too much. Sometimes its on purpose, sometimes it isn't.
This is very true, I just dont particularly like dealing with the sloppiest of the sloppy drunks, which are the ones who usually fall over themselves along with everything else.
As soon as there's drunk-yelling, I have to peace out.
And then you tell them to keep their voices down and they're like "IM NOT EVEN BEING LOUD SHUT UP." Annoying as fuck
There must be an age gap between you two. I'm 21, I don't always get hammered so I usually am relatively more sober... And I'll tell you what I bet you I'll be sick if my friends shit if they keep doing the same things 10 years from now
Time to go home is about 10pm when I am not drinking. Shit just gets silly after that.
That's why you fuck with them, at least I do
You'll fit right in. We're all drunks.
The struggle is so real
nobody should work in hospitality
source: work in hospitality
I've ran into this wall many times.drunk people are fucking dumb and the only bad part is that they dont know they sound so dumb.its not even the stupidity itself that annoys me.its them being so drunkenly oblivious to it thats so bad.like when a crackhead wont quit talking and jittering.drunk people have a set of shit they unknowingly do. soo...drunk people..FIND the sober ones and ASK them what those things are and TRY not to do them...
I don't get the downvoting, I understand what you're saying. If you're gonna be drunk every weekend, at least learn to be a good drunk that doesn't drop things, make out in public, or never shut the fuck up. Its like he said, like a crack/cokehead that is grinding their teeth, licking their lips, and going on and on about childhood stories. Experienced and considerate coke users learn to stfu.
You act like drunk people are never sober.
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Sober me just views those as irritating things.
I definitely shouldn't work in hospitality.
Especially not a bar packed full of them
Even when I'm drunk I can't deal with belligerent drunks, just because someones drunk doesn't mean they have to be assholes.
I'm the opposite. I can't stand people after 3-4 drinks when they start "feeling it" and getting loud and obnoxious but once they pass that point of no return like falling over or repeating stories 4-5 times I find it hilarious because you just laugh and make fun of them ( if you know them. If not your taking a risk of starting a fight) . Obviously some people drive my crazy after one drink and just get worse the more they drink but those are usually friends of friends that I tend to avoid at social functions. The recent vape pen craze has really help as I'm able to smoke weed at bars instead of drinking.
To be fair, I don't want to deal with them while drunk either.
I like playing poker against drunk people though.
I like playing poker against drunk people though.
I'm the same. One time I was at a club and didn't drink because I was hungover and felt too sick, I couldnt fucking stand my drunk friend. Or I get hammered or I hand out with sober people, but no way I'm spending time with drunk friends while I'm sober again.
It amused me a lot when I realized how annoying drunks are when I'm sober because I had been hanging out with them for years. It was like "are you kidding me? This is what we sound like?"
It really depends on the drunk person, honestly. Some people can be great: others awful.
Drunk or sober I cant stand people in that state. Then it leads to stupid shit like knocking shit over or fighting
I agree. Drunk people are obnoxious when you're sober.
I'm with you... Getting proper drunk once every few months is fine. Going out and getting a good buzz going whenever you want is cool too as long as a) it doesn't interfere with the rest of your life and b) you don't drink and drive.
But if you can't control your drinking, I don't need to be around you. Nothing makes me lose respect for a person faster than someone saying "Oh I can't just do 1 or 2 drinks... Once I get a drink in me I'm just like WWWHHHOOOO and can't stop..."
To be fair, it's often not entirely within their control.
That's bs... sometimes it isn't... most often it is.
I understand that there are people who have serious issues with addiction. Be it to alcohol or other drugs.
Either because it's an addiction they built up through a series of bad decisions over time, or because they have a genetic disposition that makes them even more susceptible to physically being addicted to something.
In those cases, I think we have a moral and social obligation to try and help these people. Frankly I think raising awareness and understanding around mental health and addiction, as well as providing better support is something we need to do a much better job of as a society. But they also have to want to change. However, most people don't turn into career alcoholics.
I'm all for responsible enjoyment of all recreational drugs. (This includes alcohol). And like with the support, we need to do a better job of teaching kids (and adults) how to indulge responsibly.
But most often when I hear this excuse, it isn't because of a physical or mental condition or because someone has a medical problem related to alcohol. That's different.
People just use alcohol as an excuse for a lack of moral fiber. But a lack of maturity, mental discipline or self control does not absolve us of personal responsibility in our decisions. Drinking and the amount we drink is a choice. No one puts a gun to your head and forces you to drink. We all have the ability to say "no thanks" at any given point, but people act like they don't. Alcohol doesn't make you physically incapable of pronouncing the word no. The decision may seem difficult to make at the time but it doesn't render us incapable of making it.
Sometimes people want to drink and be reckless but don't want to face the consequences of their actions afterwards so "they blame it on the alcohol."
Other times they drink and feel good and know they should stop (and sometimes want to stop) but it's difficult to say no to something that is making you feel good in the present, and they end up going overboard.
Other times people just simply don't think ahead.
None of those is an excuse for uncontrolled excess. Sometimes people make mistakes... have one too many etc... and that's fine. Shit happens. But when it becomes a habit? Or a recurring incident with that person. That's not okay.
I don't give a shit if their drunk or sober. Most the time I find entertainment either way
Yeah, too much alcohol makes people dumb as fuck.. Then you have to sit there and listen to all the incredibly subjective stories, that make little sense, or even worse when they make the turn to the "dark side" and whine about all the pain they've been through, even if you know that it wasn't that bad at all. Or the last mindstate "I philosopher!".. really drunk people trying to be deep.. much sadness, lol.
Too much alcohol can make things turn pretty quickly from funny/entertaining to sad/pathetic :\ So I gues it depends on how much does your party drink, or how they handle high alcohol consumption.
I agree with this... Especially being the only sober person in a pack of girls... They feed off of each other, acting more and more ridiculous as the night goes on. Even if they aren't drunk, they'll use the drink in their hand as an excuse to be drunk.
It all depends on the type of drunks you're with. If they get funny when they're drunk, then fuck yeah, fun night. But if they get rowdy, noisy, mischievous, or straight up mean, then STAY HOME!
I absolutely cannot stand ....people unless I've got a good buzz.
It's almost as if this is a good enough reason to stay away from alcohol no? You become the person you can't stand.
yep. they're boring and stupid. there was a time when i worked 2nd shift and wouldn't hit the bar until 1130pm or so. i would run into friends who had been drinking for hours and we were on completely different wavelengths. they weren't funny or interesting. but then i would do some shots to catch and then it was ok.
One day my moms boyfriend invited me out to hooters. At the time I wasn't old enough to drink, so I sat as he got wasted.
On the way home there was a car following us but little to his intoxicated knowledge, just lived in the same neighborhood. He then pulls a pistol out of the glovebox and says "if he follows us down our turn I'm gonna start popping rounds out the window."
I immediately start to freak and as why
He said "no one wants to follow a car once they see sparks capping out the window"
The car fortunately didn't turn along with us and I've been traumatized of being a DD ever since.
I cant stand drunk people when I'm drunk!
Ok I've read enough of these I need clarification. By tenth drink we're talking like tenth mixed drink right? So like 20 shots worth? Because ten drinks (beers, shots, glasses of wine) is like buzzed level.
A drink is actually a standardized amount of alcohol so it doesn't matter what you're drinking. Anyway, maybe it's because I always start drinking late when I do drink, or maybe you have way higher tolerance than me because ten drinks is enough that I would consider myself pretty drunk(though still able to remember the night and wake up with mild hangover at worst) .
A "drink" is 8 oz wine 12oz beer or 1oz liquor. Most mixed drinks are actually more than a drink and a pint is actually 20oz.I'm a bartender.
Everyone seems to say they're hammered after 6-7 drinks but most people in my experience are at the bar for at least 3 hours. Your body processes roughly 1 drink per hour putting you at 3-4 drinks (legal to drive for most people in most states).
At 10 drinks you're at about 7 shots. You shouldn't drive but you're only a two or three drinks over the legal limit. Maybe the start of drunk territory for smaller people. I s'pose I'm 6'5" 215lbs so my perspective is slightly skewed.
A "drink" is 8 oz wine 12oz beer or 1oz liquor.
Which is all the same amount of alcohol.
Most mixed drinks are actually more than a drink and a pint is actually 20oz.I'm a bartender.
Yeah, but that pint isn't a single drink, it's 1.67 drinks, and a double mixed drink is two standard drinks. I was not using the "I drank four beers so I had four drinks" method, I was using the actual standard method.
As for the last bit, if I drank 10 shots over the course of three hours I would not be comfortable with driving at all. Just because you are at 0.07 does not mean you are safe to drive as BAC affects different people differently. I am quite the lightweight as I don't drink often at all.
So I checked out a BAC calculator, and at 180lbs and male, 10 shots in 3 hours would actually put me at 0.175, which is WAY higher than the legal limit to drive.
That's what I said for 10 shots. Nobody should be driving at that point but most would still consider that not super drunk.
I guess some people might be "okay" at that point, but the list of what happens at that BAC is quite lengthy.
"Possibility of vomiting" "slurred speech"
Sounds like the very start of drunk to me, and .175 is the lower end of that. Thus buzzed.
Yeah along with all the effects above such as lack of depth perception, less inhibition, lowered reasoning skills, lower motor skills, lower peripheral vision, staggering, and ED.
Yes. Buzzed. Drunk is the point where you've definitely vomited, are starting fights, slurring to the point of incomprehensibility and just no fun to be around.
It's about .225 on that scale though in my experience it's a bit higher than that. I know people who've blown over a .3 and were still quite coherent.
Yes, and bac is not the same for everyone.
All I did was ask for clarification. Obviously everyone is different. I was just seeing if people were saying ten separate drinks or ten drinks. I would classify being maybe vomiting and starting to slur as being buzzed. That's not the cutoff point that we're taught to look out for as bartenders. Usually I'll call a taxi at that point if they need to leave but cutoff at .275 or so. That's what I call drunk. Blacking out. Everyone reacts differently but there's no reason to start arguing about it.
The cutoff you're trained to look out for takes into consideration local laws about serving drunks and that you can still get money out of someone only a little drunk. It has almost nothing to do with the driving limit as only a few drinks puts you above that.
That has nothing to do with the discussion. All I said was that I would call that buzzed not drunk. I'm not responding anymore, you're trying to argue semantics over nothing when I only wanted clarification. Typical reddit.
The dictionary definition agrees with me that someone who's impaired is drunk so...
Does the dictionary have a definition for buzzed? Or are you going to argue semantics when I'm speaking colloquially?
I used the dictionary definition of a drink in my first post, so I see no reason why you would think I wasn't using the dictionary definition of drunk, so why are you even replying if you are not speaking from a scientific standpoint?
The first thing I asked was what definition of drink you were using. Obviously I didn't know or care about scientific connotations. I, as a human being, speak colloquially in the majority of contexts.
then once you knew, you should have stopped replying when you knew I was speaking scientifically. After you are slightly intoxicated, you are by definition drunk.
Jesus McChrist stuff a fucking apple in your mouth to match the stick up your ass.
youre funny
I can't stand drunk people when I'm drunk, let alone sober. That's why I drink at bars that aren't afraid to cut people off as soon as they start to act too stupid.
Of course, I've seen that result in people who were sober being refused service because they were idiots, but that just makes it more fun.
It reminds me of a party i went to. I walked in, found a nice looking chair, sat down with people i came with. we smoke a couple joints looked around and left. but we walked by the snack table before we headed out.
I cant stand sober people when I'm drunk.
I can't really stand people normally, drunk people is an impossibility for me and it will kill my mood completely to be around them.
I can't stand drunk people when I'm drunk, let alone sober. That's why I drink at bars that aren't afraid to cut people off as soon as they start to act too stupid.
Of course, I've seen that result in people who were sober being refused service because they were idiots, but that just makes it more fun.
Agreed. I can't even stand drunk people when I'm drunk.
I think that drunk strangers are hard to tolerate while sober, unless you are watching them try/fail at walking or interact with cops... That's generally hilarious. But friends/family are usually fine as long as their not angry drunks or too drunk.
Agreed. My wife is annoying as all get out drunk, if I'm sober. She's hella fun if I'm also tying one on though!
I think it depends on what type of drunk they are. I don't drink, never had, never plan on it. But my wife drinks, my friends drink, everyone I know drinks. That doesn't mean they're always drinking when we're hanging out, though.
But when have parties with our close friends/family, most of them get wasted. My wife is annoying as hell. One of my cousins turns into dancer/stripper/lap dancing wild chick. One of my friends should be dead from the amount of alcohol consumption, but usually tends to be the most sober drunk person. It's still usually a funny/good time for me...as soon as the wife passes out. lol.
What if they've been drinking for ten hours, and they're only tipsy?
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So much this. Well, depends on the fuckery, though...
Making them dance shirtless on the top of the balcony? Yes. Getting them in fights or stuff like that? That would be me being an ass. Also you have to be very careful if they are women.
Really? Except for like really drunk people that need to be taken care of, I love hanging out with my drunk friends while sober. I never even considered that other people could be annoyed by that. I think they're hilarious. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
I always found it funny at first, but then it just gets sad.
It wears thin pretty quickly. After a while, you're just wrangling toddlers surrounded by electrical outlets.
you're just wrangling toddlers surrounded by electrical outlets.
Perfect.
The toddlers also have access to several kinds of forks and knives.
Since when is it not fun to watch your drunk friends stick their appendages where they shouldn't? Take pictures!
Besides, every buddy who finds a date doesn't need to be driven home. Score!
"Wrangling toddlers" is exsctly how I refer to patrons at the bar where I'm the karaoke host.
You have to become babysitter to tens of people and it's fucking stupid.
i love this analogy. no money for gold sorry.
Bang on!
Same here...
funny at first, but then it just gets sad.
Every night out at every twentysomething club ever. Thank god I'm 40 and can afford to go places where people generally don't get fall down drunk. Other redditors will hate this post until some time in their mid to late thirties.
It really depends on the kind of person you are. If you enjoy that sort of thing, feel free to indulge in some schadenfreude. If you don't, you have to be prepared to get rid of those friends.
Don't be afraid to give it a try, just be prepared to accept if it doesn't work.
Obviously.
I find it amazing the amount of people replying to my post that don't get that this kind of thing works for me and mine, not necessarily for everyone.
I think it's the "He didn't say anything about how it might not work for everyone, therefore he's treating this as gospel! I must correct him!" mentality.
This is a common reddit mentality. In the ask reddit thread about what you hate about redditors someone mentioned that you have to spoon feed information that even goes slightly against the grain. Or could just be read or even misinterpreted as against the grain. It's so true.
We should be able to express personal opinions without this huge clarifying dislcaimer that this doesnt apply to everyone. But what can you do? It's that mob mentality coupled with the votes.
I also fell into that trap in my original reply, but I came at it from the direction of "I'm sure he gets it, but other people might not."
Yeah I do this too sometimes actually.
Honestly, I read your comment after reading the initial more sour responses and thought it was making a dig at my position as well.
Thankfully I have the habit of re-reading before responding... I even edited my post to include something similar to what you wrote.
EDIT: Wow, gilded, really? Damn, thanks!
I do the same thing and it's sometimes more fun than actually drinking plus you can learn quite allot about people when they drop their guard after a few. And the bonus of no hangover and being rest assured everyone got home safe, always outweighs a fun night out every now and then.
"You don't truly know yourself until you've eaten mushrooms. You don't truly know someone else until you've seen them drunk."
It's fine being somebody that does not "need" to drink. If you feel no joy in going out to a place where people go to drink, listen to music and chat while having what you desire "forbidden", it is suddenly a whole different kind of shityness.
If you just personally do not have that strong an urge to drink or it is just your turn to drive... then yeah. Drunk people can be quite hilarious unless they start getting aggressive. Sometimes even then.
If you feel no joy in going out to a place where people go to drink, listen to music and chat while having what you desire "forbidden", it is suddenly a whole different kind of shityness.
You're the second person mentioning something like that, and I don't know why would anyone subject themselves to that. It's either masochism or it's giving yourself an excuse to fall back to your bad habits. Honestly, I find little sympathy for people in such situations...
You really do not understand why people "subject themselves" to that? People want to feel included. I am quite sure you are trying to mess with me here.
t's either masochism or it's giving yourself an excuse to fall back to your bad habits. Honestly, I find little sympathy for people in such situations
It is neither. You just have no empathy (whatsoever) in this regard.
You just have no empathy (whatsoever) in this regard
In this regard? Yes, you're probably right. Perhaps it's the fact that I've seen people close to me and my family nearly destroy themselves and their kids from the disease. I've seen the kids that get sent to institutions because the parents can't take care of them due to alcoholism. I've seen the parents try to visit the kids in the some of the most awful states I've ever seen someone in.
I know sometimes there are reasons. I know that desperation is a terrible thing. But I can't feel empathy from people subjecting themselves to situations where they can easily fall back into that state. I can only feel anger.
Fuck them wanting to feel included. Find friends elsewhere if you must. Don't fuck with that shit.
I hate the sober person that gives me a blow-by-blow of my worst decisions from the night before. HATE.
Tell him. Either he stops doing it, and you're okay, or he doesn't, you tell him to fuck off, and you're also okay.
oh yeah, a lot of my friends and i had an intervention with him after a point. He doesn't make an issue of it anymore. I really meant that kind of person, based on my previous experiences.
i feel like most of the people responding to you are highschool/college kids whos friends cant handle their liquor and act-a-fool. mid-late 20's and up people tend to use drinking as a social thing and even when drunk arent nearly as obnoxious as theyre making them out to be. its not that big of a deal.
As a non drinker myself, yes to everything you said!
Man, I'm right there with you. Ditto for drugs.
I have always just not really enjoyed getting drunk or high, but my friends do, and I have a good time with them when they do and I don't.
You sound like my friends. You are the evil type of saint.
I completely agree. I was at a party with a good friend of mine and my friend ended up throwing up before going to sleep and he couldn't walk on his own so I was helping him walk to the bathroom and he throw up again on the way there. Once we finally got to the bathroom he just passed out while hugging the toilet. I ended up sleeping on the person who hosted the party's couch and fell asleep around 6:30 in the morning. Woke up two hours later with my friend sleeping on the ground next to the couch covered in towels because apparently he couldn't find a blanket and was cold.
It's my favorite story to tell to people and he also thinks it's hilarious.
The party host was also not mad at all at my friend because while my friend was throwing up he wouldn't stop saying "I'm so sorry" and "I promise I'll clean this up".
I agree, drunk people are hilarious. Being sober at a party is like going to the zoo, except way more entertaining.
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Yeah, I'm always so relieved when I find out everyone else was as drunk as or drunker than me on a failure night.
I actually had a guy join the uni society I was in this year, and he pissed me off to apocalyptic levels. The stupid fucking french twat would take out his phone and film us all every single fucking time we went out to get completely smashed.
Our society had a sexy doctors & naughty nurses night one time, and every time I saw him take his phone out, I would slap the shit out of him with a riding crop while cross-dressed as a slutty nurse.
The cunt stopped coming after that. Good fucking riddance.
I hate people like that. Fucking Facebook police, is what I call them. One of the reasons, out of many, I quit drinking was having to deal with people who thought it was acceptable to record other people drunk (that aren't doing anything wrong or illegal, anyway).
Yeah that's not really funny. Was he uploading them aswell? I can kind of get it if you're with close mates and share it in the morning like "damn we were so fuckin' drunk last night" delete but it's not cool to start putting unsolicited stuff online for everybody to see.
Yes, he posted everything online publicly. We do stupid shit when we're drunk because it's funny. Stupid drunk shit isn't funny while sober.
Can I get some 'murcan translation here?
is a uni society like a fraternity?
Societies are for all intents and purposes clubs. Except for some stupid reason, unless it's centered around a sport, it can't be called a club.
So you have stuff like the rugby club and the archery club and on the flip side stuff like public speaking society and the malt whisky society.
At least in my uni, there are no fraternities or equivalents of such. All extracurricular activities need to be focused on a specific activity.
That was better info than I was expecting. thanks!
Fuck no, that's horrible. I find assholes like that way too frequently though (there's guys that go to parties just to film and photo drunk people, mainly women for obvious reasons).
Sadly, there's only so much I can do to prevent them, good for you for being able to stop him.
Well I can guarantee he woke up covered head to toes in whip marks and bruises from that one. I don't regret it a single bit.
Pro-tip: not everyone is you. I know my friends, and I know when and what I should tell them.
Jesus, what's up with everyone on here telling you how to and not to talk to your friends?
Those people don't have friends is my guess...
says the guy who was asking for help making friends on reddit?!
I find the amount of shit you're getting hilarious.
Ironically, I find dealing with drunks a lot more funny than this. I'd hate to have friends like these...
I think your comment thread is chock full of people who have very little social life because quite honestly, i find your attitude to be - BY FAR - the best attitude to have when you're sober with drunk people. It can definitely be funny as fuck, and if you cant make it funny, then you're just a party-shitter since your bad mood will bring everybody down.
I have a buddy that does that. Always texts a group chat at like 4am after the bars close about the dumb stuff so and so did at a club. It's just jesus let people let loose a bit not worry about people judging them.
If you're drinking to the point that you're doing things you're embarrassed to be reminded about the next day, you should probably consider drinking less.
In all honesty, you're being a bit of a smug dick toward your friends.
Yes, I know. They also know I do this in joke, and that I know when to stop, hence why we're still friends.
I don't do this to people I know will get upset or that I don't have enough confidence with. Then again, if you can't handle with the shit you do while drunk, you have some very serious life choices to make.
Can't say fairer than that, really.
Yo don't mind that asshole
That's your joke every time? How lame. Now would probably be a good time to stop... I'm sure you'll carry on though.
Can you explain how? He's made a choice not to drink and still hangs out with them. He carts them around safely free of charge. He re-tells the everyone what happened the night before, which is fucking sweet to know. In all honesty, I think you're just a bit of an asshole.
White knight much?
Anyways, it's the whole "making things up to fuck with them" bit I found to be smug. And OP agrees with me, so there's that. In all honesty, you're a cunt who just likes arguing.
Not at all. Thank you for specifying after you've already insulted him though, that's useful. So other than making up stories to screw with his friends, how is he a dick? Or is that it? I'm genuinely curious about what you think. I know in my friends group the DD could say the craziest shit and we'd just be like "oh damn, that happened?" And be done with it. Hardly grounds to be labeled a "smug dick." However, you seem like the sort of person who wouldn't have much experience in this realm so I'm not sure what I would get out of a straight answer. But it'd be nice. Throw in some more insults while you're at it, too.
Oh fuck off. Don't want to be insulted? Don't insult people. Prick.
Haha I'm totally fine with a stranger insulting me, I could not care less to be honest. This was the answer I was absolutely expecting though... oh well.
I'm glad you weren't disappointed. Now, isn't there some other poor unfortunate somewhere in desperate need of your protection? Off you pop, there's a good lad.
I feel bad for you man..
I think you're a cunt.
Exactly, I hate when I'm out having a few drinks unwinding and then the next day someone is like "omg you said this and omg you did that". It's like there just there to find out information when you're relaxed and then throw that back in your face.
In all honesty, you're being a bit of a smug dick.
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Where did I say that? Not babysitting his overly drunk friends is fine. Taking pleasure in telling them what stupid shit they did is smug. Making extra shit up, to fuck with them for his own amusement, that's really not friendship at all.
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Ah right. No worries.
Damn you sound like a boring friend
If not being mean-spirited is boring, then yeh.
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Being a dick toward one another is absolutely a sign of a true friendship. What OP is talking about isn't a two-way thing though.
People like you are the worst. Yeah I got drunk and said a bunch of stupid shit, that's what being drunk is all about, just be a decent friend and let it slide instead of trying to make me feel like crap about it.
If I hanged out with you, I would obviously "let it slide", but then again, I probably wouldn't hang out with you because you sound like a horrible drunk.
You did that shit, you own it, so better do it with a smile. Being drunk isn't an excuse.
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he didn't even say he likes ro rub they're friends noses in their mistakes. If they're friends are so drunk that they start singing lady gaga and take their shirt of he can make fun of them if they are really friends. If that's something that one shouldn't joke about then the person who did dance and strip should just stop drinking.
You sound like my best friend
Right there with you man! I've been at parties sober because I was sick, DD, had a test the next day, whatever, and it's fun.
I'm with you. I drink, but when I don't feel like drinking but still want to be social, I'll be the DD. I'm always thoroughly entertained, my friends are pretty funny people in general though, so that helps.
I've personally have always preferred to have a light buzz and then watch my friends get hammered.
It gets old, I found. There are only so many times you can really tell someone on Sunday that they shit themselves in a club last night before it stops feeling like a good use of a Saturday night.
I really can't believe you had to use 2 long edits to justify your comment. Jeez.
Seems like a lot of people don't agree with you so I just wanted to add in that I DO agree!
I was sober through all the crucial drinking moments of one's life (late high school, early college), so I was around a lot of drunk people while sober and I could hang with the best of them. I don't have to drink to get loose, it just gets you there quicker.
Drunk people are hilarious.
I used to be a borderline alcoholic in college. One thing I absolutely HATED was when someone I was with was sober and making me feel like an idiot for being drunk. I don't mind hanging out with someone that's sober when I am drunk, but the type of people that would rub it in my face and make me feel like an idiot for the shit I did when I was drunk really pissed me off. Anyone who's drinking is going to do and say dumb stuff, and that's the point of drinking in a group. Everyone does and says dumb stuff together. Having the sober guy constantly reminding everyone how drunk and dumb they are/were acting really kills the vibe. (For me at least, but I'm sure many people feel the same way)
These days, i only drink once every few months or so and find myself in the position of being the sober friend or DD more often than not. I act normal around my drunk friends and treat them like I normally would and let them have fun without feeling guilty about it the next day. Drunk people really do get on my nerves when I'm sober, but my friends usually don't act too obnoxious unless they are hammered. I really can't stand it sometimes, but I don't really like drinking anymore (I think I burned myself out on it in college), and I don't want to be the friend that never goes out.
I don't mind hanging out with someone that's sober when I am drunk, but the type of people that would rub it in my face and make me feel like an idiot for the shit I did when I was drunk really pissed me off. Anyone who's drinking is going to do and say dumb stuff, and that's the point of drinking in a group. Everyone does and says dumb stuff together. Having the sober guy constantly reminding everyone how drunk and dumb they are/were acting really kills the vibe.
I did that in high school from time to time. Boy was I an ass, and I got my ass handed in return whenever the tables were turned. Learned a lot from it, though.
Now, i have only drank a few times in the past year or so and find myself in the position of being the sober friend or DD more often than not. I act normal around my drunk friends and treat them like I normally would and let them have fun without feeling guilty about it the next day.
You are doing the right thing, but careful. There's a responsibility associated with being the DD, like it or not. It's not just "what happens, happens".
Drunk people really do get on my nerves when I'm sober, but my friends usually don't act too obnoxious unless they are hammered. I really can't stand it sometimes, but I don't really like drinking anymore (I think I burned myself out on it in college), and I don't want to be the friend that never goes out.
Now this is the wrong attitude. If you are in the "sober while everyone is drunk" position more often than not and hate it, you should talk with your friends about it or try finding other people to hang out with.
Going out just for going out and they getting ticked off because they are doing something they always did but you meanwhile stopped will do you no good.
I should have rephrased that. I don't get mad at my friends for drinking and going out, I just don't enjoy it as much as I used to. I still enjoy hanging out with them when we go out, I'm just not a fan of the bar/club scene if I'm not drinking. I still enjoy my friends' company when I go out, and most of the times we hang out does not involve getting drunk.
But like I said, I don't want to be that friend that doesn't go out. That's just something I personally don't want to be and it has nothing to do with my friends. They have never said anything about it. It's me pressuring myself to do it, not them.
It's me pressuring myself to do it, not them.
I know, but that's the issue. Even if it's you forcing yourself, it can lead to feeling resented in the long run. Sometimes, you have have to say: "I don't want to do this, I already hang out with you in other situations, I'll stay out of this one". Agree and bear with it every couple of months if you must, at most. If they are your friends, they'll understand.
I don't want to be that friend that doesn't go out
This feeling costed me the friendship of a lot of good people if I just learned how to say "No" from time to time. Nobody likes someone that's there against their will. Either learn to truly enjoy those times, or understand that you don't have to go out with them every single time.
I say this advice because remember saying the same things you are now. Take it as you will.
I don't go out every single time. I probably go out maybe half the time, and most of the times I end up going out are for things I want to do such as going bowling, going to Top Golf, going to a base ball/basketball game and stuff like that. Usually I am the driver for that. I don't mind driving and I usually am the only one sober enough to drive so I volunteer. Afterwards either my friends got pretty drunk wherever we were, or we end up going to a bar afterwards. I don't want to ruin their night because I'm the only one that doesn't want to go to the bar and since I'm the driver, I am the only means they have to go.
I don't want to miss out on the stuff I want to do just because we might go to a bar afterwards, and I don't want to ruin the rest of their night by forcing them to go home. It's not like all we do when we go out is go to the bar. Usually it starts out with something else that I enjoy doing.
I do appreciate the advice though. Thanks
Holy crap man, are people actually bashing you about your statement? Seriously, your best friends are the ones you can throw heat to and where you can take heat back! Light hearted fuckery is a testament to the strength of your guys friendship; keep doing your thing good sir/Maddam.
If someone messed with a friend while on some sort of psychadellic trip, then not cool-- if they're drunk or sober, it's fair game for ripping into each other- It's all love.
Nothing funnier than watching my drunk friend try and sit on the edge of an oven door and watch it open and him bust. He didn't remember any of it.
Nah dude drunk people suck so much. I hate my friends when they're drunk.
I like the pleasure of retelling them the next day, step by step, each of the idiotic shit they did that they don't remember anymore
People like you are the best. Some of my best drinking stories were told to me after the fact.
Just to say I think it would be funny if you made up some silly shit I did when I was stupid enough to get so drunk I couldn't remember. A lot of people need to chill the fuck out in my opinion.
Good for you man. Fuck all the haters.
Good on u. I respect that
Am I the only one, who doesn't forget the stuff I did when I was drunk?
It really depends if your friends are actually interesting or not and if there are previous fun times to reminisce on.
You may think you know your friends but what they aren't telling you is that they think you're just a cunt.
Yes, I'm sure they find me, the guy that steers them away from real trouble, picks them up and drives them to their room/house, helps them with their hangover, and comfortably (and with some humor) make them recall what happened so they don't find out get surprised later, a cunt.
Wait, they do call me a cunt! Though, it's also usually followed by a hug and a "Thank you, I'll buy you a drink next time".
Sure, it could be hilarious a couple of times but lets just say, you'll get tired of it pretty quick.
Hardly, has been this way almost ever since we started college 5 years ago.
It's a mindset thing, really. You don't need to be drunk to be with drunk people, you just can't be very uptight about it and you need have some... finesse. You can't force them to do stuff, be it sit down, or go to that other club, or go home, but if you can understand the kind of drunk they are right now, then you can easily steer them in the right direction. Way too easily, actually, makes you understand exactly how dangerous it can be to be alone while drunk.
Plus, its a routine now more than anything. When they see me when they wake up they usually let out a sigh of relief and ask me to be gentle. :)
Plus, its a routine now more than anything. When they see me when they wake up they usually let out a sigh of relief and ask me to be gentle. :)
What?
If they see me when they wake up, they know that I made them not make a huge scene in front of everyone. I can even give you an example:
Friend wakes up groggy "Fucking hell, what the fuck did I do last night? Oh fuck, how did I get here?"
comes out of the room, sees me
Friend: sigh Thank god... I can't rememeber most of the night. I didn't do anything that bad, right?
Me: grins Well...
Friend: Great, just say it...
Me: proceeds to describe most of the night, leaves out the more disgusting parts no one else saw
Friend: dumbfounded You're kidding right?
Me: Just the getting naked part. I did keep her number for you, though.
Friend: You asshole. I owe you one.
Me: Yes, you do. Now go the fuck to sleep.
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I can and I do drink, sometimes a little too much. I just prefer not to drink more often. So being with drunks is fine to me. I don't find it "horrible".
If you were bad to the point of forcibly having to quit, then stop hanging out with drunk people. Stop hanging out in places where you can easily get a drink. Please, for you own sake. I know how destructive alcoholism gets, for you and others.
EDIT: Fuckin' hell people. Do I really need to add a disclaimer?
No, it just sounds childish and petty.
I always hate the guy the next day who has to recount every single stupid thing I did. Thanks, no one remembered until now and now you're embarrassing me. Sure fire recipe to never be invited anywhere again. At least by me.
Nothing personal, but you and people like you are my least favorite type of person to hang out with. We call you the "recorders" because in the heat of the moment you never contribute anything, you effectively just end up as a scribe who takes up one more spot in the group.
So I assume you are one of those people that get absolutely wasted not even 1 hour into the party, and then proceeds to fuck with everyone's patience and time doing a god-awful mess in the process?
...
Wait, you're not? As in, I can't just automatically assume I know everything about how you act based solely on a couple of sentences and my arbitrary discernment? Weird...
Nice superiority complex ass hole.
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Ahem
EDIT: Fuckin' hell people. Do I really need to add a disclaimer?
I think its a person-to-person thing. Some of my friends (when they're sober) have a ball of me making getting drunk and acting nonsensical, it makes others absolutely furious
have a ball of me making getting drunk
sounds like they did it again.
Yep - find out real quick how stupid people act when drunk.
Drunks sound smart to other drunks, not to sober people.
I dont find it enjoyable at all. What drunks find funny really isnt all that funny when you are sober, it just sounds dumb.
Which is part of the reason you enjoy yourself more when your drunk, isn't it? If I could make myself find more things funny, while still being able to return to a state where I can recognise dumb things and not be a complete idiot, wouldn't that be a good thing? Being drunk only seems dumb if you aren't.
Agreed. I have no problem being around people who drink as a non-drinker, but I absolutely hate having to deal with drunk people. I don't like being the babysitter to grown adults just because I'm the only sober person in the room.
I think it depends on your outlook on drinking. In the past, when I was sober at parties or bars I would hate it so much because I couldn't drink and I was watching everyone participate in something I wanted to do. Now, I don't mind it. I'm glad I'm not getting drunk because then I don't have to feel terrible in the morning and I'll still have that money I didn't spend.
My god. Face palm after face palm. It's awful hanging out with people who get wasted while you're sober. It's shameful to watch how poor their social interactions become and how often people cut eachother off and don't follow each others topics etc...
Its no fun drinking until you dont remember what happened, its fun being with other people that do it
Hanging out with drunk people when your high is even worse.
Can agree and confirm, I don't drink and when everyone else is drunk you realize how much of an asshole everyone is when they're drunk.
Hang out with cross-fitters.
I agree. When I was pregnant, going to the bar with my friends sucked. Everyone is literally on a different level of consciousness than you.
That's the thing. Growing up happens fast with some people and slow with others. 4 years ago, I drank my face off every weekend I could. Now I still drink, but I hate losing control/excess, and tend to hang out with people who don't drink to that point.
It only sucks if you want to be drinking too. I love not drinking because I always run DD. I find it a great way to serve my friends because nobody's night ends up getting ruined by drawing the DD straw.
Really? I quite enjoy it. They're hilarious, you can give them endless amount of shit and everyone enjoys it, and they spill their guts figuratively. I know more about their problems than they probably think I do. It may get some what annoying have to deal with their shenanigans but it's not even close to unbearable or even bad.
I'm with you, if I'm not drinking with them, it's just loud uninhibited people who can barely hold a conversation.
I can agree with this, I worked in bars for over 20 years and I never noticed it when I drank, but now that I dont drink, being around drunk people bugs the shit outta me. They are unreasonable and careless, never know when a sucker punch is coming(not by my friends but there are usually other drunks around) or just aggressive behaviour that would usually get my guard up, and the close-talkers, geez Ive had it with them...
I agree. I can't stand being sober around drunks. They're so loud, and obnoxious.
Of course this means that when I'm drunk, I'm the loudest and obnxiousest.
Same here. I hate it.
Being sober while your friends get hammered is fucking awful.
That really depends on who your friends are. If your friends are the bar-crawling until 2 AM crowd, then yeah, it sucks.
At a point in many people's late twenties responsibilities start to turn social drinking into a more casual affair. Hanging out with responsible friends as they visit a brewery or go bowling and drink isn't annoying, if you choose to be sober.
You're right on the money, "hang out with people who don't drink to excess". There's a lot of these people, and they are quantifiably less annoying than those who do.
Being the sober person when everyone is blackout drunk is no fun, but if everyone is just mildly drunk is hilarious.
Agreed, you wind up baby sitting drunk people the entire night. It's like taking car of a bunch of constantly vomitting toddlers.
My friends are actually a good mix of people who drink and people who don't drink. Nobody gives a fuck and everyone has a good time.
Is it? I'm not a drinker and have always found that it gives me more reasons not to be.
Almost 4 years sober here. I think that you need to choose your friends wisely in a way that there is no temptation. When I was new to sobriety, the first month I was constantly out walking and thinking how to change my life. I had more options open though, I was new to a city, everyone was a stranger, and I didn't have to get the phone calls of "hey, wanna go to a bar?!".
Now, it's just..eh. I see people drinking, it doesn't bother me. You have to know that it's just a widely available and that no matter how much you hate it, people will always drink it. YOU had the problem, not them, that is why you stopped. When I was brand new to sobriety, I hated everything.. someone drank? fuck, they're stupid!.. Then I had to come to realization that it wasn't them, it was me with the problem. I'm thankful I went through what I did because it taught me a lot about myself. I'm 100% sober.. no drugs, alcohol, smoking.. nothing. I'm just me.
Dealing with problems is the hardest part, but I would rather face them than drink them away for another day.
I second this. Friends become the most annoying people when they're drunk. Makes you drink just to cope with their nonsense. I did the no drinking thing for two years and it was quite beneficial to me. You begin to realize what's actually fun for you. To me hanging out with my gf, or playing bball, or reading those turned out to be truly entertaining to me. Going to the same clubs and doing the same things over and over again really became a chore. Made me realize that actual was the reason I was having fun. Drinking is not an activity. Socializing is an activity, which is what I learned to do when I went out, then it became fun again. This is not a bash post on people who drink, bc I have returned to it as well, and it does make things a bit more interesting, it just shouldn't be the main component of your night out.
It's either funny or heartbreaking.
That's true. I always think I need to be not sober to handle the craziness. Not shitfaced, just tipsy enough to not be uptight.
You got the second part right. It's much easier when you can go out, have a drink or two and have a good time without feeling the need to be wasted. I'll add on too that this also comes with age. My drinking and social habits are vastly different now at 25 than they were when I was in college at 19.
Man, i have this friend that is part of a group of 3 guys i know from elementary school, we always move in a pack, we are real bros. However, as the 3 of us like to get high and/or drunk on a night out, he always staid sober, making fun of us and all the dumb shit we were doing, and i swear to god, it was hilarious, you don't need to get intoxicated to have fun.
I couldn't agree with you more, it's absolute bullshit when you're sonnet with a large group of people who are all off their tits drunk. It's like they suddenly speak a completely different language from you. And all of them understand each other. You the only one that doesn't get their drunken rambling. I honestly think that bud is a much nicer way of having a social life and still having a substance. In moderate proportions and it's great, without it I can still have a social life and stoners are nice people, if you say you don't feel like it they don't give you shit for being a "pussy for not drinking" or something along those lines. Not telling everyone to go smoke weed, just saying what works for me. And that I agree with your statement saying you hate being with drunk people while sober.
It really depends. I don't drink anymore and some people get really awful while drunk. Others are more fun. The most important part however is your attitude. I keep on like I used to do while drinking with the exception that there is no alcohol in my drink.
Yeah, seriously. It's beyond annoying. I feel like everyone's parent if I'm sober. Sure that's partially on me, but also people are dumb when they're drunk.
I differ to beg. Remembering all the dumb things your drunk friends do is priceless because you get to tell them all about it. It can also be blackmail material if you go down that road.
When I was a teen, all my friends were tripping on mescaline, and it was hilarious to watch.
I'm with you. It's boring as shit and everyone pisses you off.
Here's the difference....
If you're not drinking because you genuinely don't want to, being around other drunk friends can be entertaining. (Though, yes, that's also assuming your friends don't turn into drunken assholes.
If, however, you're not drinking because you can't for some reason (medical condition, court ordered, turn to be DD, etc), then hanging out with your drunk friends is absolutely miserable.
The difference is, of course, is whether or not you envy your friends for being able to be drunk while you are not.
Here's the difference....
If you're not drinking because you genuinely don't want to, being around other drunk friends can be entertaining. (Though, yes, that's also assuming your friends don't turn into annoying drunken assholes).
If, however, you're not drinking because you can't for some reason (medical condition, court ordered, turn to be DD, etc), then hanging out with your drunk friends is absolutely miserable.
The difference is, of course, is whether or not you envy your friends for being able to be drunk while you are not.
Yeah...I don't know where he got the idea that that was really entertaining.
Agreed... I am not a drinker and drunk people are usually fucking annoying....
I honestly think it's more hilarious
I agree. Getting drunk is occasionally fun. Getting drunk often is boring at best and is usually sort of sad. I used to drink a lot. I had friends that drank a lot. I felt like we were great friends. I decided to drink less. Turns out we were not good friends, but were drinking buddies. Now most of my friends having interesting hobbies and shit to do on the weekends so they don't get crazy hammered on weekend nights. Every now and again, we will get shithouse drunk, just to remind ourselves of why we don't do that often.
I don't have any problem being stone sober while my friends are smashed drunk or high, or being smashed drunk or high around sober people. I accept other people in whatever mind state they might be and I accept myself in whatever mind state I might be. Relaxing is the key. Just because you're sober you don't have to be their "mommy". Drunk people are responsible of their own actions and cannot force you to be their baby sitter. The same goes for high people.
Drunk or high people get obnoxious in 100% of the cases because the sober person refuses to connect with them because they think they are superior because of their sober state of mind. No state is superior to the other, love each and another and don't judge.
I agree. People say moronic things when they're drunk, and if you're drinking you think it's funny/agree with them or say similar shit. When you're sober you realize how stupid it is.
IT's not awful if you watch it only seldomly. Weekly or more and it gets pretty annoying.
I drink very little, mainly meal accompaniment, my friends often do drink a lot. I am usually quite sober and it never is bad. Something else is going on if ya can't enjoy yourself in a situation because you're not drinking.
yeah, its a good way to hate your friends.
I second this. I can't stand being sober around drunk people. When you're drunk too it's hilarious, when you're not it's just downright annoying, especially people who are obnoxious drunks. Some people can hold their shit, some people become so loud and confident you want to sock them in the fact. And that's just dudes. Being around drunk women while sober (here come the sexist police) has to be one of the most vile things you could ever make someone do.
Drunk people are unbearable when you're sober. I've had times where I've drank just because it was the only way I'd be able to handle my soon to be drunk friends.
Agreed. I've never drank and it has always been super easy for me--then again, I've rarely had friends who got drunk. Drinking was just a part of what we were otherwise doing.
My friends drink until at least one of them pukes and a 50/50 chance of someone pissing the bed.. Most of them live paycheque to paycheque and work to get drunk and go out on the weekend.
I had to stop hanging around with them, was the only way I couldn't drink. I tried to hang around them sober a few times and wanted to kill my self.
I've been hanging around people I work with a lot more, they are a lot older than me but they have their shit together and actually wanna do things like golf and day time shit, not sleep in hung over all day.
Depends on if your friends are angry drunks or silly etc...
That's what I was thinking: "Don't lie to OP, /u/justthebarback - being sober around drunk people is a horrible nightmare."
If you've ever been drunk-dialed by someone and hated it, you won't enjoy being the sober one among friends. It depends on your personality - if you can be gregarious and have fun at a houseparty while sober then you should. People like me, however, would rather gouge their eyes out. I'd sooner stay home for sure.
I find it fucking hilarious really if they are my friends, seeing the shit they are doing and I'm sober.
That was my takeaway from OP's comment. While it can be entertaining it's fucking exhausting and usually the second hand embarrassment wins over any other joyful emotion.
Babysitting drunk people sucks.
seriously, I don't get people that think it's entertaining or funny. it's funny for a few minutes but it gets old, then you're just babysitting. you can't have a real conversation with them either.
I guess I should edit it to say, it's hilarious if your friends don't get black out drunk, and it's every once in a while. I roll with a mellow crowd where hammered means play jenga and maybe see someone's titties.
Why does my comment have almost 4000 upvotes. I didn't want 50 people reiterating what I just said back to me.
I don't know? I wrote the comment you replied to and I was just responding?
I agree. You end up babysitting (if they get really drunk) or you're trying to talk to a person who's not able to communicate coherently. I just find it irritating.
So if I'm sober I can't hangout with anyone whose drunk? I didn't know, thanks!
Re - read my comment honey.
to excess
Agreed. If my friends are getting hammered, then I want to get hammered with them. Not only that, but they also want me to get hammered with them. It's fun for everybody!
I always find it funny but then again I'm a bartender so I deal with shitty drunk people all the time. At least my friends are my friends. I quit drinking for a month a few years ago after a hospital stay and the guys didn't want to drink around me. Once they realized i didn't mind they threw what can only be described as a carnival of idiocy and broken furniture. To celebrate my sobriety the four of them got shitcocked and had a friendly free for all brawl in the basement. It was outrageous.
I disagree. I don't drink and love being around drunks. Unless they're sloppy, in which case I never liked being around them anyway
It really depends on the friends.
Holy shit, I just rhymed like a baawwss!
wrong, it is fucking funny.
I agree. I hate babysitting drunk people.
And watching your friends get hammered while you stay sober is really, really entertaining.
You mean really, really frustrating and boring?
Imma have to aggree with you. Trying to get a group of drunk people to a second location when you are sober is awful. Like hearding really lous cats.
Trying to get drunk idiots to a second place when you are a seasoned, intelligent drunk is also hard.
you clearly aren't seasoned or intelligent enough then!
the key is to promise them more alcohol when they get to the second location.
It can just be really annoying drinking with people who you drink a lot more often than in general. They tend to not know how to pace themselves and by the time you're a bit buzzed they're already blackout drunk.
Whose cats? Lou's cats.
part of me really wants to fix the error. But your comment convinced me to leave it.
I think that all depends on the type of person you are, sober or not.
My dad told me that when he was in college, they'd get their group around by using a rope with loops and carabiners. They would either hold on to a loop, or if they were really drunk, they would attach the carabiner to their watch or belt loop.
Sorta like this, but y'know, for drunk college kids.
Quit being such a stickler. Gota go with the flow and stop trying to make things happen.
Never go to a second location with ~~a hippie~~ a group of drunks.
It's actually pretty easy. Act like your in charge, give them an order, and tell them they are about to get left behind if they don't. Drunk people need a leader. Someone to follow. It works everytime
My friend did the DD thing and had to deal with a dropped cake and vomit all in his car. He said it was awful trying to get everyone home, plus he had that to deal with.
But that's not your responsibility. You're like an omniscient narrator when you're sober with drunk people IMO.
You always keep losing some and have to go find them, and then when you find them, you lose some more.
Right there with you. Being sober downtown is the woooorst.
What does your girlfriend have to do with anything?
I'm sober on my way to work right now. It's the wooooorst.
I'm eating a hotdog sober right now. It's the wuuuuurrsst.
I kinda enjoy avoiding the liquor in the front, just play poker in the rear.
I'm downtown 24/7 very often, this must explain why I drink so much!
I go to clubs often, as I work in the industry. I've stopped inviting friends to the events I go to. I've told them I am not their ride, and if they want to come they need to put their heads together and figure it out.
Was negotiating a contract with an artist when my drunk friend got into a fight and name dropped me to a bouncer.
When I stopped drinking downtown and most parties lost their fun for me =/ especially cause I sure as hell aint going downtown and being surrounded by wasted kids while im high
I guess if you depend on alcohol to have fun that makes sense.
But most of us are normal.
Be the DD then start playing pool at bars? I did that once, ended up beating everyone even the local shark who wanted to play for money, agreed to start at 10 a game, won a game and her husband showed up as i got the winnings. I could tell he wasn't too happy about it so I offered them the $10 to teach me how to play darts. We ended up having a blast. Meanwhile the people I was DD to had an ok time.
10/10 would be DD and beat 250 pound muscular guy's hot-ish wife in pool in front of him then pay them to teach me to play darts again.
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They were upset about losing a $10 game of pool?
I gather he was the insurance to make sure they didn't lose money if she lost as he only showed up when she lost money. Maybe they wanted to get into a double or nothing kind of set up and he was the muscle to make that seem like a better option. Mind you at that time I had been doing martial arts for 6 years or so, so I was pretty good at avoiding fighting.
I can't get anyone to play pool for money anymore. We always end up playing for a drink.
Yeah any more on pay tables I just do loser pays for the next game.
My dad's best mate had one arm, was drunk 98% of the time, yet won every single pool tournament he entered. With one arm.
Until one day some bloke came along, cocky as fuck in front of my dad, his one armed mate and all his mates, and offered him a game of pool. He offered to use one arm to "make it fair" and the whole pub burst out in laughter.
They stopped laughing, however, when this randomer, using one arm, swiped every stripe on the table without missing a shot. Took his 50 quid winning and strolled off whistling.
Impressive, would have liked to have been a fly on the wall there.
its like showing up to a party you're not invited to and then having everyone ignore you the entire time
Agreed. If I'm not in the mood to drink I want go out bar hopping anymore. It's obnoxious to have to tell your friends over and over that you don't want to be drunk and then they just become obnoxiois.
If whatever you are doing is that boring sober, it is still boring when you are too drunk to notice. If you are just going to get drunk enough to convince yourself you did entertaining things you did not actually do, you could stay home and get drunk for much less money.
When you're at a pub and everyone is getting drunk, then getting drunk is the activity. You'd never catch me in a pub not drinking, and if I wasn't then I'd just go home.
I guess that depends on the pub. I have seen some that have trivia nights, dart tournaments, and other activities.
I was a DD during this past New Year's Eve. I felt like Dian Fossey, the drunk people around me were the gorillas. It was interesting, but I can't say it was fun.
Yeah this is something non drinkers say but I never believe them. I've been there. It sucks.
With you on that. I can't even stand my wife when she's drunk.
Being sober and dealing with drunks has to be The worst thing ever unles they are the 1% of drunks that aren't obnoxious.
As a non-drinker, I've always likened hanging out in a bar for a few hours to going out to a restaurant where your food/table is just never ready. You're just sitting there with your drinks but nothing further ever happens.
I think it has a lot to do with the people involved. If you're boring and suck, it'll probably suck because you have no idea how to manage your own fun. If your friends are actually boring assholes, it'll suck because they are boring assholes.
But remove either one of these, and you should be able to have fun.
It's all about your own attitude. Sounds like everyone heads out thinking "this night is gonna suck" and then it does. Or what no one wants to believe, maybe you're no fun without alcohol.
No, you just have terrible friends and need to find new people who aren't so horrible.
I suppose? My friends are pretty hilarious when they're hammered. Maybe I stumbled upon a treasure chest of friends.
Fuck off then. Nobody wants a boring smug little asshole around when they're trying to have a good time.
Well yeah, I'd just end up drinking with them.
Ya, nothing more entertaining than being told the same fucking story 10 times in one night and asked the same question over and over again. Never have I said shut the fuck up more times than nights being sober around my friends.
I can't stand drunk people when I'm sober, or sober people when I'm drunk.
I can't stand people when I'm sober. :(
Nah, I'm usually too drunk to care about the sober folks.
You could try to avoid places where people get shitfaced.
Exactly. Like people in this thread seem to believe that if you have friends getting drunk then that means they're getting trashed and fighting and puking and screaming and all that shit.
I dislike being drunk (tipsy is great tho) but in times where I'm sober and everyone's getting drunk it's just funny for them to talk about shit they don't normally talk about. Watching the quieter innocent people talk about their crazy sex fetishises and seeing the calm and collected only parent in the group shit talk other kids and parents is fucking hilarious. And then it's even more fun when they have a drunk moment of realization and go "OH NO YOU'LL REMEMBER ALL OF THIS" and you're just standing there like Heisenberg going "You're god damn right".
Then again, the friends I drink with and hang out with I've known for 10 years and none of us are party animals.
There's nothing fun about being sober around your drunk friends. Especially if you're responsible for getting them home and have to stay all night.
Key word there is drunk. There's a fine line between someone who's had a couple of drinks and full-on drunk. If your friends are going out and getting absolutely blitzed - to the point that you don't feel safe leaving them alone afterwards - are you REALLY responsible for that behavior?
Being out with your friends who are a little tipsy and wacky is FUN. Being out with someone so drunk they're shitting themselves is not fun. I'm pretty sure OP is talking about the former, not the latter.
I think this is the issue. people ask how to have fun when you're not drinking and everyone else is.
Well if they are going full on black out drunk, honestly, you probably can't. they will irritate you by being dipshits and you will irritate them by being the only sensible sober one.
But hanging out down the pub with a coke while your mates have 1 or 2 beers? It works exactly the same whether you have a drink or not.
Frankly I've always been of the opinion that those 'can only have a good time if black out drunk people' are rubbish friends anyway and i tend to avoid them.
I suppose i can see the appeal if you like those sort of evenings as well. But if you are genuinely trying to cut down or give up alcohol, and the only friends you have are ones who cannot enjoy a night out without passing out somewhere...I would seriously consider investing in new friends.
Generally speaking if you realise you can only socialise with your mates while getting hammered, and none of you have any idea if you've ever even spent sober time together or how you would even cope with that. You're not friends with each other, you just happen to be drinking at the same time and place.
oh... I dont know very many people who do that.
I am definitely talking about the former. Nobody likes black out drunks.
I didn't say blackout or blitzed. I said drunk.
If they're far enough gone that you don't feel safe leaving them alone, that's more than just "drunk"
If somebody isn't safe with you leaving them, they don't know how to drink.
Unless they're your... friends? I mean I would hope at least.
There's nothing fun about being sober around your drunk friends.
You need better friends.
I think this is the key that SO many people are missing in this thread. If your friends suck, they're going to suck one hell of a lot more when they're drunk than when they're sober so, yeah, what you said. I've always been quite particular about my friends and even after 18 years of frequently being sober when my friends are drunk, I STILL have fun around them. People that are assholes when they get drunk? I tend to ditch them because I prefer to be around people who are still interesting even if their inhibitions are gone. If the ONLY thing keeping that person from behaving like a giant douchecanoe is their inhibitions? Yeah. Time to find better friends.
Depends on if you're alcoholic.
I like it. It varies from person to person.
You're the ride, how are you made to stay all night?
.."Hey guys, we're leaving now."
Cause that's not how it works.
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Exactly. Having a couple and relaxing with them is one thing, being stone sober is just awful.
You people are so quick to say "do you really want that person as a friend?" Of course if you just quit drinking you're going to catch some shit from your friends. Do you all just end friendships the second someone teases you? Grow up you emotional bastards.
If someone is pressuring me to drink when they know damn well I don't drink, then I friend-dump them. That's disrespectful and I don't need that kind of shit in my life. I've dumped some great people who just didn't care to understand my reasons for not drinking and try to guilt trip me into shots.
I'm too god damn old to play games, I'm not abstaining to get attention, I'm abstaining because drinking fucking blows when you're an addict and it's better for me and all of those involved when I don't.
I know what's good for me and if dumping shitty friends makes me an emotional bastard, then get me a parade banner and some leather jackets because I'll lead the shit out of that club.
Same here. I don't drink because of taste issues. I don't mind at all going out with my friends and having them drink while I don't. I just don't think anything of it at all. In fact they love that I can be their DD if they need it. Like others have said it builds up a lot of good will and favors. I usually get a meal out of it too as appreciation.
In the end being social and having fun is what you make of it. If you can have fun without drinking then it won't matter who you are with. It will always be fun.
Because you aren't going to feel like you are "missing out" on anything as you never did it in the first place.
nobody likes the taste of it...
I fucking love it.
This is only true when you're 12.
Not when your 11 or 13?
You can still do all the things you did under the influence without having to drink. You just wont feel as confident or careless. Fake it if it helps.
Eh, some people don't get confident or careless. Alcohol just makes me want to go to sleep. And really not want to talk to anyone because of that.
That's me! One small drink, I'll get warm and giggly. Past that, someone find me a place to nap. Because of that I've never been a go-out-and-get-drunk person. But I still go spend time with friends. I've never really known how to answer anyone who asks how I can enjoy it sober, because I've never enjoyed it drunk.
I wish I had that 'issue'; never would have become a problem. For something that is technically a depressant it hyped me way UP and kept me awake til the wee hours wanting to drink more.
Right? I'm usually the kind of person who has one drink and I'm done. Drank a glass of mead fairly quickly on new year's eve once (because tasty!) Suddenly became very sleepy .. but we were playing a board game so I just sat quietly and tried not to move too much until I felt better. I also have a hard time eating fatty foods with alcohol, gives me massive stomach ache for some reason. I guess I'm just really sensitive to it.
It makes me want to be alone too -- makes me want to find a dark, empty street and just walk and muse about life.
Youre drinking shitty alcohol.
Or maybe people are just different and react in different ways.
Fine, then youre a pussy.
And you are butthurt about....something.
And you'll save a fuck ton of money.
All the good stories with the added benefit of one sober person to let you know of when shit is a bad idea.
Sliding off the side of a building onto the pavement? Seems like a great idea!
Thankfully mine aren't quite as pain inducing. Usually just "man I'm sure this huge chimichanga will sit well with the fifth I drank."
total fucking square
Is "square" making a comeback? I'm excited.
All the groovy cats are saying it
That is boss.
Yup. I work in a bar and it's perfectly normal to have a coke when your friends are drinking.
Ten years ago I would have thought the future me that wrote this was a total fucking square, good lord.
Whenever people write those answers to "what would you tell your 15 year old self?" I just remember my 15 year old self didn't listen to older folks, and there is no reason they would listen to five fucking words from my older self.
That's the point of being a kid, they are too fucking stupid to know what's good for them.
I have found the best middle ground is to find friends who don't want to get plastered every single weekend. Most of my circle of friends will drink to get buzzed or tipsy, and yes they do get wasted on occasion, but for the most part they are a group of people who can have fun while sober too. I'm really grateful to have friends like that because while I was in college it was near impossible to make friends because everyone's idea of hanging out involved getting plastered.
What if "dumb shit we did while drinking" is the reason he doesn't want to drink anymore. I tried being DD for a while, but seeing your friends act dumb is only funny for a little while. You start to realize you just have dumb friends.
if someone gives you shit for not drinking, do you really want to be their friend?
"Yes" (depends on what you consider giving shit). Just because someone says
Hey man, lighten up? Won't you have just one beer with me? I am sure we will be having a great time and you seem a bit silent since we got here!
does not make them a villain.
If they start making you explain after a simple no (have some common sense people) or, worse, ridicule you or even give you an attitude, that is where I draw the line.
I am sure you pretty much feel the same way.
This is exactly what I mean. I don't mind a little ribbing but don't buy me a drink and get upset when I pass it on to someone in the group with an empty glass because I don't fucking drink. It's getting consumed and I'll get you the next round.
Came here to comment, realized that you've already been in my head and said everything I was going to say.
Also, many bars/clubs will give soft drinks to the DD for free, so there's that.
A soda water with lime is my drink of choice if staying sober. It looks "drinky" and you can drink it all night without ingesting tons of sugar.
total fucking square
Iv never understood this as Drinking is just a Social Norm everyone jumps on the bandwagon on
Those who don't drink are the ones clashing against society
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Or muslims.
Tonic water with lime. Dat quinine.
The lack of confidence is such a huge factor. It's so much harder to socialize and network if you don't have that liquid courage. Or at least it is for me and most of the people in my circle.
To be clear, I don't drink, and it makes doing the whole networking thing very hard.
For me, it's not so much that my friends give me shit. It's that they see I don't have a drink and say, "what are you drinking" and try to order me something. This happened all night one time until I finally let them get me a drink. After that night,I tried to order a soda water with lime at the bar the next time I went out and nobody pressured me. My brother says he orders O'dools non alcoholic beer for the same effect.
I only drink when we're staying in for the night, so I'm always the driver. Make a lot of good friends that way. You know you'll always have someone that owes you a favor if you need it, too.
This is what my friend does. When we go out, he usually orders a seltzer or something. At BBQ's he usually drinks seltzer or ginger ale. And he still gets wild, its just his personality. The alcohol used to take it over the top, and he would get too wild. He'll drive us to places, and we all understand that if he wants to leave we'll get a cab home. I've asked him if he ever thinks about drinking and hes said yes. But he knows what happens and doesn't want it to happen again.
I stopped drinking out of HS. I kind of got it out of my system when I was a junior and senior. When I turned 21 I did what was natural but at this point every single one of my friends knows I don't drink. They offer it to me if I say no they understand. They enjoy me being there and they enjoy the fact that there's at least one sober person that cares about them if shit gets too out of hand.
I know my friends drink 5/7 days of the week but they're really understanding when it comes to a solid no. They may find my reasoning questionable but rarely do they ever challenge it.
Although, if someone gives you shit for not drinking, do you really want to be their friend?
My friends are mostly social drinkers. They'll have a few beers when we hang out, but I haven't seen them get really hammered. I rarely ever drink. The most I'll drink is two drinks in a night.
At first, my friends tried to get me to drink, but once I explained to them that I don't like the sensation of drunkenness they just let me be. If I drink then that's fine, if not then that's fine too.
I'm not sure why I dislike being drunk. The warmness that goes through my body, the swimming head, when I first identify that I'm slurring my words - it all makes me profoundly uncomfortable.
I had to quit drinking after I started losing too much control of myself, and I got into a stupid fight in a bar, which was totally my fault. I got a nice bruise on my ass from them literally kicking me out, even! Without church, bars, outdoor hobbies, and having anxiety problems, I now have a BF across the ocean, and I could give a rat's arse that I still don't have much of a life.... However, the whole thing has given me the motivation to get out the door, and my life is doing far better than any part since before 2008 and before. So I guess my advice to anyone is to try anything you can, even if it does seem lame, even if it's having an Internet BF/GF, or being a DD, or ANYTHING. Try anything, and try to avoid feeling shame about it, because we all deserve to be happy.
Ten years ago I would have thought the future me that wrote this was a total fucking square, good lord.
This is going to me in 8 years I can feel it
I can't be in the setting without drinking. The social anxiety just gnaws into my soul until I either leave or start drinking. Plus, most of my friends only know drunk, loud, outgoing, charming me. They don't know what to do with quiet, shy, introspective me. :(
I have a friend who sometimes has a few drinks out but for the most part doesn't drink a lot. Whenever someone says anything like "what? You're not drinking?!" she just replies "As long as I have good company, I don't need alcohol to have a good time".
For the most part this shuts a lot of people up, including me.
Let me tell you a short story about not drinking.
A year ago, one of my mutual friends was having a beer party - a ring dunk. This ring dunk happens once a person has received their class ring in my University. So the ring is dropped inside of a big pitcher of glas and the ring's owner must chug the pitcher to get to the ring.
I was DD. People at the party asked me "Why aren't you drinking" and I told them "Oh, I'm DD'ing tonight!" and they respected that. No only that but they didn't give me shit for not drinking. I was probably the most respected person at the small party.
It was a good day.
It totally is entertaining. There was one time we rented a cottage in an area that lots of university kids rent cottages -- one of my buddies got so hammered that I had to sit him at a table and keep him occupied so he wouldn't drink any more and pass out.
I gave him a pack of Red Cups and challenged him to that cup-stacking game. After beating him several times, I told him to practice, and I would come back to challenge him. I come back an hours later and he's sitting there in a fort made from cups.
"I'm stuck," he slurred. "I cannert [sic] get up or Malinowski's gonna to sing."
Took me a minute to figure out he was referring to the opening lyrics of Bedouin Soundclash's "Walls Fall Down" for some reason.
As a non-drinker, playing drunk is the best thing I can do on a night out. Everyone assumes everyone is drinking so if I do something stupid, I'm just another drunk and no-one is really going to care.
After a few years of this I could flip a switch and become relaxed, care-free and start having fun with myself, while my drinking friends were waiting around for the drink to do it for them.
Watching your friend get drunk is a mix bag. Some of me friends are great drunks and I love to tell them the stories later in the detail that only I remember. Others are messy drunks and I spend my night looking after them. Finally some were so fucking uptight that they wouldn't start having fun until they got smashed, I get so bored waiting around for them that I stop wanting to have fun.
As for the random annoying drunk people, you just learn to tune them out.
Although, if someone gives you shit for not drinking, do you really want to be their friend?
I have lots of good friends who I give shit to/get shit from when one stays sober while everybody else drinks. That doesn't make any of us bad friends.
Sure, I get the occasional ribbing for it too. But if you try to pick a fight with me for not wanting to do a shot and try to tell me how boring I've become, you're done. You clearly don't need my boring ass in your life.
I'm right there with you. I hate drinking. Maybe some big occasion once a year or something but I'm DD all the time. I know everyone is safe and I can recall what happened.
Usually if you ask the bartender if he has anything for the designated driver, he'll pour you a coke for free.
Or he could use Pagoclone. That'd be easy.
That aside, props to you!
It goes both ways too. Your friends should respect you not drinking, and accommodate you as you accommodate them. It's a give and take thing.
I have a buddy who doesn't drink. It's not his style. He has the most fun when we're out, but at the same time, we still do activities sans booze.
A lot of bars/clubs will give the DD free sodas for being responsible. Something to keep in mind if you ever DD.
I drank for a couple of years in my life and for some reason, I never really had any actual fun. I mean, there were some funny moments while drunk or buzzed but I would've had them anyway when sober with those friends. My group of buddies then evolved to drugs and then some hard drugs and that's where I drew the line and left them. I got involved in another group of drinkers but they drank way more than me and it worried me so much that I drank less and less until the point that I almost always was the DD. Eventually I got tired of the shenanigans they kept getting themselves and me into that I just decided that drinking and everything related to it was not for me and I found a new group of friends, all chill who wouldn't touch a drop, smoke, or anything. Been happy ever since, nothing really has gone wrong in my life, I save a buttload more of money, etc.
Also fun fact: more often than not if you're the DD and let the bartender know so, they'll just feed you free cokes or cran juices all night.
They don't make money off a tumbler of Pepsi. They make it off your friend buying three tiny shots of whiskey for $18.
Not sure why this is the top comment. To have a social life without driving why would you go to bars? Instead go do things in the morning on weekends, you won't see the bar crowd there. Things like volunteering, farmers markets, kayaking, etc
watching your friends get hammered while you stay sober is really, really entertaining.
As someone who never really got into drinking, it gets old fast.
I was tired of always being the driver. I got really tired of bailing people out of shit, like fights they would pick and were too drunk to finish, or just being dicks to people in diners or stores.
I stopped hanging around the drinking crowd about 16 years ago.
And your liver won't be destroyed by the time you're 50.
There are also some places that will give you free food & nonalcoholic drinks if they know you are the DD, because having you there means your friends can drink more without worry.
No, fuck that. Even when i'm drunk i end up being the baby sitter.
DDing sucks and rounding up a gaggle of drunk people sucks.
Ten years ago I hated getting drunk and partying. I still do, but I tell people to fuck off when they start trying to make me drink shots etc.
watching your friends get hammered while you stay sober is really, really entertaining
sometimes. it's often boring and stupid. sometimes ugly
This is the worst advice on here and it's at the top of the page? Oh fuck, you have an alcohol problem and can't drink anymore? Better hang around a lot of bars and clubs, no temptation there!
I don't recall OP mentioning an alcohol problem when I posted this. I suggested an alternative to alcohol if he or she wanted to go to those places. I don't know what crawled up your ass and forgot to die, but I don't see you coming up with a better alternative.
It depends how you are when sober. If you are that guy who is quiet when everyone is drinking and having fun, your friends might not really enjoy having you around.
I'm 20 and admittedly drink a good bit. If anyone tries to give anyone shit for not drinking I don't want to be friends that person. I try my best to never do that, except of course on rare occasions like, "Dude its the Super Bowl, have a beer."
To add to the last part, you will be the one with all the "dumb shit we did while drinking" stories. Everyone else's memory will be fuzzy.
The funny part about the "stupid shit" drunk story is that you'll actually remember them correctly. "Dude that girl was not good looking, she was a toothless whore," I remember because I was sober.
Completely second everything on the top comment. Just want to add that you'll soon realize that nobody cares or even notices if you don't drink. Good luck OP!
I hate it when people say "find new friends" like it's so easy. Some people have a lot of shallow friendships and a few close friends, but for people like me it takes months and sometimes years to cultivate friendships. Just going out and finding new people to hang with isn't so easy for some people.
So you feel better, I love to be sober while my friends get plastered. They become aimless and pliable so they're really easy to convince to do stupid shit while still mostly keeping them out of trouble
Ten years ago I would have thought the future me that wrote this was a total fucking square, good lord.
There is nothing square about a guy that volunteers to DD all the time and is still fun to be around when you're drunk.
You're an awesome person.
I recommend tonic and lime for a fake drink drink.
It even kind of tastes like it could be alcoholic.
watching your friends get hammered while you stay sober is really, really entertaining.
God, I hate doing that. I always end up feeling like I'm babysitting.
I've ordered a coke and told people it was a rum and coke before. The only problem is that bars are pretty awful places to be sober unless there is something to do like watch sports or listen to live music...
When i worked at a nightclub in Cornwall the first thing one of the doorman said to me was "pick a girl, any girl. Now just watch her the entire night and laugh with us at the end"
The stages of people getting drunk are hilarious. After work once we had cleaned down we would all sit there with our burger and chips having a drink (Mostly WKD, Reef, Coke) laughing about the people we picked and what they got up to.
Don't forget all the money you save. Since I've been in a relationship I usually DD now and man is it awesome. If you tell the bartender you're DDing they'll usually give you free drinks. One of the best things to happen to me financially.
As a non-drinker person, hanging out with people who are going drinking is like going to a theme park with a friend who hates roller coasters (I actually love roller coasters).
There are people who are willing to wait in line with you and hang out while everyone else goes on the rides because they are inherently social. But if you are not that person, it's excruciating. And if you are the roller coaster person, you just feel bad.
Personally, I'd rather just not go spend a day at a theme park if I couldn't enjoy it, and as a roller coaster fiend, I'd rather spend the day with someone I couldn't barely stand, so long as we agree on the rides.
Luckily, now that I'm older, alcohol is the side dish, not the center piece of most social gatherings, so it doesn't really matter. That never bothered me.
being the sober guy around drunk people is awful. you gotta treat them like kids and it's no fun at all
You could also smoke
I don't drink, and I can't stand driving around drunk people. Also there's really no reason to be at a bar if you don't drink unless you enjoy barely understandable conversations with idiots about nothing and ear piercing music blaring over your conversations. I just made new friends and stopped doing all that stuff. Maybe if I was single I would go to bars, but you look like a total predator sober at a bar trying to pick up girls.
Alternatively, you can befriend people who actually share interests that don't revolve around being sloppy and feeling like shit afterwards. The number of people I've watched make friends drunk and end up surprised that they don't like them sober is astonishing.
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I don't make the rules, buddy.
I'd like to point out that I never told anyone to fake being drunk, though. We're not 12 and at our first boys and girls together party.
When I was younger, I worked in an antique store. In my experience, antique dealers can be pretty heavy drinkers. I was not old enough to drink at that point but when we'd go out, it was hilarious to watch them all get hammered. One time my boss put a salad bowl on his head and started dancing. He never recalled doing it even after I showed him the picture I took. Good times.
But what if you really, really hate driving?
I play the DD role as well, it honestly gets boring as fuck. Also being around drunk people sucks when you're sober. The favor thing though is definitely true and I'd rather DD for my friends than go find new friends just because I don't drink all the time
Past you is correct you are a square
or a coke
A rail or two would probably help him out.
This applies to smoking as well. I'm not a pot smoker, but all my friends are. Just being with friends that are drunk/stoned is fun.
Ten years ago I would have thought the future me that wrote this was a total fucking square, good lord.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB5YkmjalDg
Dude! Let's swing by the taco bell drive through at 1am in this sketch neighborhood!
I'd bring them to the taco bell ten minutes away in a better neighborhood, and nobody knew the difference.
Actually, you'll have the best "dumb shit we did while drinking" stories because you'll be the only one sober enough to remember what happened.
And watching your friends get hammered while you stay sober is really, really entertaining.
That's the thing - I always find drunk friends when I'm sober to be profoundly annoying, not entertaining. They become children that I have to babysit, and I'm not a parent for a reason
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But there also must be a lot of relieved bartenders when you guys don't start fights.
Haha. No fighting for us. There are a handful of them that had history, and 10, 15, or 20 years ago, they would have been in there fighting or starting fights, but they have all outgrown that now.
Now we just play with cool cars and make fun of and try to embarrass each other in public. Me personally? I've always been a lover, not a fighter...and according to my wife, i'm not even that good of a lover, so i'm probably a horrible fighter.
You seem like a cool bunch of guys. And I'm pretty sure your wife's just teasing you.
The hot-rodding crowd in general draw great guys.
As for the wife...maybe she's joking, but maybe my sex motto of "sex is a race, and I plan on remaining undefeated" isn't as funny as I initially thought.
Haha.
I agree. I hate not being 100% in control of my body, so I don't drink. Watching people drink is hilarious. They say so many off the wall things.
I'm 25 and have never drank. While the occasional hangout at a bar is alright, going to parties is just dreadful. I always forget to leave early. This may sound weird or dickish, but ever party I've been too, the first 2/3rds of it are pretty good. Everyone has fun. The last third ends up with me being the only sober one. I've had to break up fights, 4/5 times I've gone to a friend's house I've had to carry him up to his bed, I always agonize over if everyone is going to get home safe, I have to help clean up, etc. I always end up babysitting all of the drunks. It's one of the main reasons I don't go out anymore. I don't understand it.
Then you actually have going to a bar. I'll usually get a water, maybe a soft drink. People like to chat, so sometimes they'll ask me what I'm drinking. When I respond with water, the look they give me is usually like I just told them I snort drywall or something. It's that look of they can't comprehend why I wouldn't drink. There are a few things that happen from here, usually a series of questions as to why I don't drink, sometimes people pushing drinks in my face saying "Try it, it's good, you'll like it", etc. I get shit for not drinking while the person next to me can say they don't drink because they were an alcoholic and suddenly they are an angel. Fuck that, I didn't ruin my life over drinking. They get praise for having "overcome" something hard while I get shit for knowing that that road is a very big possibility and choosing not to go down it.
You can still do all the things you did under the influence without having to drink. You just wont feel as confident or careless. Fake it if it helps.
And you'd have to deal with being sober around a bunch of drunk people, which can be very annoying. Get some friends who don't drink so much.
Get a hobby that makes alcohol a bad idea. I began to ride motorcycles when I was 18. It has become my life passion. Drinking and riding would certainly kill me, or at least get me in jail. So I don't do it.
Then when you have this hobby, find others who love it EVEN MORE THAT YOU. That is the important part I think. Learn from those around you. Find your brotherhood. Make your goals clear to your friends.
Enjoy a life that doesn't require drugs or alcohol to enjoy. A life that requires getting smashed or high to have any enjoyment is worthless, because it renders you worthless during it. Enjoy everything (even your kick ass hobby) within moderation.
Lifting weights did that for me. Nothing like a Saturday morning workout hungover where you can barely squat something once that felt like a warmup two days ago. I'll still have a couple beers or glasses of wine once or twice a week, but getting smashed makes me think twice about how badly I want to PR the next day.
Oh yeah. I don't advocate abstaining from alcohol. Just do it within moderation so you can still enjoy what you do.
Oh totally, I didn't mean to imply that you did :)
Please tell me more about your motorcycling hobby.
Well, there is no better feeling than getting on the road on a motorcycle. It doesn't even matter what bike, or how fast you are going. You get into a very intimate relationship with the road. What was once simply a meant to get to where you have fun, now becomes the fun. It really can only be experienced by getting on a bike and trying it for yourself. It isn't the same with car drivers. Most car drivers (I understand car enthusiast are very different) hate the road, it is simply an obstacle between point A and point B. A motorcyclist loves the journey more than the destination.
The brotherhood is the second best part of the sport. Every biker I see on the road is my friend. Not some random person also on the road. We wave at each other. If I see a biker broken down, I will assist them without thinking twice. Most motorcyclists would do the same.
I have owned several bikes in my 5 or so years in the sport. My first bike was a 1982 Yamaha XJ550 Vision. Then I purchased a 1990 BMW K75, then a 2005 BMW R1200GS and most recently a 2004 Buell XB12R Firebolt. I still own the GS and Firebolt.
I spend so much time riding, thinking or riding, talking about motorcycles, looking at other peoples motorcycles, working on my own motorcycles... It has become the main focus of my secular life (behind family and my spirituality).
Regarding alcohol and riding; I try to avoid it. If I am going for a ride, or am out on a ride and we stop somewhere I will order water. If I happen to ride to the local bar with some of my friends, I have a strict rule of "No more drinks than wheels on my vehicle". I also stress the time to wait it out of my system before I get back on the road.
And if I am wasted drunk, how can I enjoy riding my motorcycle? How can I enjoy anything that requires precision and thought. I don't like limiting my abilities. I don't even like being around people who are getting drunk.
But that is a brief synopses of my hobby. I love it.
Awesome, man. I'm using a 150 cc bike :( But it's fine. I hope to get a BMW R1200GS when I'm older. I want to travel the world with it. And you're right; there is no better feeling than getting on the road on a motocycle.
Judging by how much /r/motorcycles loves the Honda Grom that is only 125cc it goes to show size isn't proportionate to enjoyment.
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Here is my bike http://i.imgur.com/1iG02CX.jpg
http://imgur.com/0djTcHv
Here's mine and my neighbors.
I like the custom tank and pipe wrapping. What's going on with the exhaust? Is it being held on by duct working supplies?
Also where'd you get the carbon fiber wrap from?
That was the previous owner. Idk what happened to the bike under his ownership, but I've been rehabilitating the bike. The exhaust blew up a few weeks ago actually. I just got the new one in the mail today, with its proper installation bracket and everything. But I can't work on my bike with my bummed knee.
I see. That's quite unfortunate to hear.
And all the carbon fiber is from Tekarbon.
Cool thanks, I'll look into it
Every biker I see on the road is my friend.
You've never been stared down by the sleeveless, middle-aged Street Glide guy with flags mounted on his saddles?
I'm willing to bet more often than not you would be surprised by those guys. In my eight years of riding I certainly have been.
eh, it's about 50/50 chance they're either surprisingly cool or just think they're cool.
At least in TX, all bikers are friendly to each other. I ride a crotch rocket but all the Harley guys still wave.
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Well, here I am with torn ligaments in my right knee because I spent an hour on a trampoline....
Can't wait to get the operation (obvious sarcasm)
I actually broke my back doing competitive tumbling like 5 years ago so I know how you feel.
In fairness, gymnastics can kill or injure you while totally sober.
With you there entirely, although motorbikes are the most addictive experience I have come across! Definitely get forms of withdrawal symptoms if I haven't been on in a few weeks, or if the weather has been brilliant and I've not been able to get out. Not to mention the desire to get faster, lower etc etc. Started doing trackdays to try and get the adrenaline out there rather than on country roads.
That said, I don't know if I have made a circle of friends purely because of bikes. I have friends that ride, and we go out together sometimes, but we have been friends since before we got bikes. I'm thinking about going along to biker meets/clubs, but whenever I look at the photos before going half of them are skin heads with tattoos all over them. Being a skinny, sporty, programmer I'm not entirely sure I'll fit in with that crowd. Going to have to get out my bubble and head along at some point, but not sure how worthwhile it will be.
That said, met and chatted to some good folks when I toured Scotland last year.
This is what I was going to say as well. I still drink all the time, but never with my bike. Often times, riding my bike to a place where my friends are is more fun for me than taking a car/cab/dd and drinking once I get there. Plus my friends don't give a shit if you do or don't drink.
Smart (wo)man. Drinking isn't worth the pain it can cause if something goes wrong.
Mine was playing poker. I used to get wasted all of the time, until I decided to focus on becoming a winning poker player. The good thing about the game is that even a couple drinks will have me making terrible plays, so alcohol isn't even an option. Now I only drink maybe 3 times a week, when I'm not playing.
I'm 20 and taking the motorcycle safety course on may 20th I'm so excited.
Welcome to the best legal thing you can do. I always wondered what it would be like to be a fanatic about something (like sports or some trading card game). One day I realized that I was a fanatic about bikes.
Where you located, if you don't mind me asking? If you are around the Sarasota Florida area I can show you some of the *few* nice rides we have.
Does carrying a gun count as a hobby? 'Cause that's one of my primary reasons for not drinking :)
Any cause or hobby that you realize requires high levels of consciences counts. Especially one that can endanger your own life, or someone else's.
If you are of the nerdy / geek persuasion your local board game shop can be an excellent social outlet. Good friends , rolling dice together . No alcohol required
Come join us at r/boardgames.
Pro-tip, if you put a / before a subreddit link, it will automatically link it for you.
For example: /r/boardgames
I love that scene. Cracks me up every time.
We need friends! Please be our friends...
(I'm just kidding - my board game group is roughly 20 people. But come hang out with us anyway! We're welcoming and always enjoy a new addict, er, I mean, gamer.)
I was about to, I even clicked the subscribe button. Then the first thread I went into was bashing Monopoly and CAH, I get enough of that elitism from /r/music and /r/movies.
Now I am considering whether or not this comment could be classed as a form of elitism.
It really is a friendly place for the most part and it can be great for broadening your horizon. I guarantee, just like everything else, there are gonna be offenders and defenders of every game.
Honestly, I would save so much money if I played Magic the Gathering every Friday at FNM instead of going out drinking with friends and co-workers.
Of course instead, we get plastered on Monday and play EDH.
Edit: I don't think people realize how much going out and drinking costs in a city like Boston, NY or SF. A crap beer is like $7 and a good craft one is $10-12. Get 3-4 and your're looking at $50-60 with tip. Add in $15 for food and you're spending $70-80. I probably spend $100 -$200 a week going out or buying craft beer. I could easily play standard if I took off two months from drinking with that money. I could get into modern in half a year and legacy in a year (conservatively).
Saving money by playing magic???
Yeah. Going out costs like $30-50. A draft costs $15.
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If all you do is draft, then yeah. But you're a stronger man than I if that's all you do.
Does anybody just draft and leave it at that though? I would start to build decks with my draft cards and then start buying singles to fill it out into a standard deck.
I only drafted for a while. Then got into EDH, modern and Legacy.
And then you start enjoying Magic a lot and want to play it more often. And then your friend introduces you to MTG Online. AND NOW YOU DRAFT EVERY DAY.
Source: Started playing a few months ago, it was cheap at first but now... I'm in a daily sealed event and thinking about how cheap sticking to drugs and alcohol is. Worst part is trying to balance both.
€30 to go out WOT? That's about £20 odd and if I could go out on 20quid I don't think I'd be sober ever again haha
And then someone suggests ya'll start playing constructed magic...
But hey, Standard only costs $6, and they look like they're having so much fun!
Also, I have all these cards lying around. Surely I can build something worth playing.
And then you find that shooting heroin is cheaper. A $50 walker here, a $45 dragon there...yeah. I just bought the Esper Dragons deck that's stomping Standard at the moment. That came out of my PTO money from leaving my last job.
$20 on beer or to finish my playset and play FNM...
Is magic expensive? Don't board games normally cost like $20-30? How much does it cost to buy magic?
Magic is a bit like a cocaine addiction without the fucking up your job and getting arrested part.
Nah. It can definitely fuck up your job. Don't think I've heard of anyone getting arrested as a result of it (unless we're counting people stealing cards - 'cus that I have heard tell of). But yes. Cardboard crack, innit.
It depends on what you play. There are different formats with varying costs associated with them.
Like another poster said, you can "draft" for about 15 bucks. Not bad for a single evening.
Other formats can cost you several thousand dollars just to build a competitive deck, not counting entry into high level events.
The biggest played competitive format, "standard", has decks that typically range from about $50 to around $500
Uh... What? You don't just buy all the cards at once? How do you buy them?
Edit: ooooh! Is it like a big scam like hearthstone?
I wouldn't call it a scam. I don't know how hearth stone works though.
With magic, you don't actually have to keep buying cards to continue playing.
If you just play for fun, you could make one purchase and be set if that's all you want to play.
Magic comes out with about 4 new "expansions"of cards. Note: you don't have to buy these expansions. It's difficult to explain every format you can play in magic, as there are many.
Can save a lot of money by being good enough, depending on the difficulty of your local shop. If you regularly can just regularly 2-0 and then split, your draft will just about pay for itself in store credit, turn in any bombs for store credit and just keep playing on that and keep the profit.
For most stores this may be the case. I do know of some locations where the turn-in rate is only 2 bucks per pack.
That's a horrendous ripoff =/
Yeah. I don't usually like that way, but they do give more packs than a typical draft event (not 2x more to offset the lower exchange rate)
He plays EDH and limited it seems like. I don't think he is breaking the bank too much. But who knows, he could have multiple modern decks or something.
I'd probably save money by playing Modern (or even legacy) instead of EDH tbh..
I'm starting to get into EDH now. I really hate the concept for commanders though, but I guess I have to get with it since nobody is going to opt to play highlander any time soon.
I did too at first, but trust me they're really fun to play after you get used to them.
I don't think he is breaking the bank too much.
EDH caps out higher than Legacy in terms of price.
There's no way you would save money by playing Magic.
I spend more money on alcohol than Magic, barring months when I decide to buy something like a Moat. You go out two or three times for craft beer and you're looking at easily over $100 a week. Multiply that by four and you can buy a new standard deck a month or a modern deck over the course of a few months.
So, given that I don't drink, why can't I buy a new Standard deck every month?
Because you're probably spending money elsewhere.
Eh, food's not that important.
A lot of people spend absurd amounts on food though - I live on less than $50 a week, and I don't have access to running water or a stove/oven/grill to cook on.
0_0
teach me your ways
Saving money
Playing magic
HA!
no, no you wouldn't. not if being in any sort of competitive standing is important to you.
Magic the Gathering is the #1 reason I didn't have a savings account in high school
still cheap compared to Norway
I think OP wants to meet women and that is the last place for it.
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Every group I roleplayed with has had at least one woman in it. Unless you are part of the weird group whose character go around raping everybody its not hard to find girls who like to play
You can't role-play people hooking up.
Yes you can. My boyfriend's character and another players character got married in game. It was this ridiculous teenage romance, I think at one point the GM gave them some kind of true love penalty.
So you're dating a married man?
Well the campaign ended, so maybe?
Why not? My bard banged a cat lady one time
My Bard took me on a magical journey.
We lost the game
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Welcome to the League of Draven!
I lost the game?
lost the game
Dammit.
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I love that Troy got out a notepad... I wish I hadn't laughed out loud with my mother in the room, though.
Hector The Well-Endowed? Really?
The first one was really, really good.
The second one devolved into a boring "father son bonding" or something like that... I don't even remember the entire plot, I was so bored compared to the first episode.
Uh, Abed? Try and look at what you're doing, and understand that I don't want to.
hahaha. Then you are totally doing it wrong!
Seriously though, of course you can. Why the hell not? It is fun and funny as hell and leads to super fun and often silly RL sexy times after.
Totally had a female ranger and male rouge have a drunken encounter as a DM. Throughout the adventures they'd played at their characters hooking up.
Best part was I rolled con to see how long they lasted. Nat 1. Fucking 10 seconds lol.
The ranger came out disappointed and said "alright, who's next?" To the crowd at the bar
Please, we've made entire story lines around hooking up. A female elf shacked up with the local baron who turned out to be a ghost haunting his old home. My character got choked to death by a possessed scarf, and that freaking elf didn't even help because she was too busy looking at books!
^^And ^^before ^^anyone ^^jumps ^^on ^^me ^^for ^^being ^^sexist, ^^I, ^^a ^^female ^^was ^^playing ^^a ^^male ^^half-orc ^^bard, ^^and ^^the ^^elf ^^was ^^played ^^by ^^my ^^friend ^^who ^^is ^^male
Sure you can, it's called Fiasco and I have yet to play a single game that did not involve 2 or more of sex/drugs/dying/arson/destruction of property.
I dunno, our half orc barbarian almost banged a devil to try and win its favor.
(No it wasn't to enact some deranged fantasy before someone says so. The devil was in the... 4th? I think circle of Hell where it's weird)
You've obviously never played D&D.
Our group has about an even split, there was even a time where I turned up to GM and only the girls were there. Had a moment of WHAT IS HAPPENING, AM I NEXT? before sitting down to play what was admittedly probably one of the weirdest games ever. They went to elaborate efforts not to kill anyone or anything...
I find it more fun to try and find ways not to kill than to just mindless kill every enemy in D&D. I'm a teenaged boy.
If the DM creates an NPC with the thought that the players will just kill them, they will try diplomacy and the DM will have to wing it because they had nothing prepared.
If the DM creates an NPC with some diplomacy notes who has important information to share with the PCs, they'll either ask pointless/stupid questions that result in nothing helpful or they'll just attack him and you'll realize you had no combat stats.
And even if you planned out combat stats AND dialogue notes, they'll just find some way of not even encountering the NPC at all.
Honestly, no matter what you expect the PCs to do, they will do the opposite, because fuck you.
As a player that sounds like a good time, as a DM it would take all my power not to murder them
Full RP sessions can be a lot of fun, but I was running Shadowrun and I literally gave them the option of jobs...
They picked the extermination mission. And then proceeded to try and do it without killing anything. I basically had the option of killing them, or rolling with it and letting them get away with some questionable stuff in the name of fun. Picked the latter because I'll always take that over "fuck you, rocks fall", but it was still a bit wtf. It was the only one I gave them the option of that explicitly mentioned killing in the brief
PLEASE write down the story and submit it to /r/DnDGreentext.
I have been meaning to write it up... I'll see if I can dig out my session notes at some point, it was bizarre.
There was an interesting thread in /r/rpg about a female character, who played a female player, that was raped by a male character, that was played by a female character. And a third female player (who also played a male character) was mocking the first and told her she should have played male if she didn't want this to happen.
Wow, two of those people sound horrible
Dug it up in case you were interested in reading it.
But it's usually someone's girlfriend of 15 years.
That said, I don't want somebody joining my RPG group just to hit on other players. If you want to meet mates without going to a bar, join a dating site.
I believe in getting to know people before dating and not just acting like a girl is a prize to win
It's not like the one girl you guys play with is banging all the guys
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Maybe not but it's not really safe to assume anyone with a hobby that people consider nerdy fits every negative stereotype. For example I used to play lots of world of war craft and stuff and I'm a computer science major but people actually consider me to be socially outgoing and a good conversationalist.
I will concede that in personal experience nerdy girls haven't been the best looking in general but I've also met some cuties that had some nerdy hobbies/liked the smart quiet type of guy
There are a few girls there yes, but the ratio is horrible. You are going to be competing with a bunch of guys for the few available women.
If you treat her like a person and not a competition then you have the advantage
Sure. I won't deny the competition is pretty terrible, but it's still much harder flirt when you have a bunch of thirsty guys around.
By contrast, other recommendations like cycling or rock climbing will naturally put you in contact with a lot more women in a more balanced environment.
As a woman, I'm at my local board game shop every Saturday. I've met a lot of friends and learned a lot of awesome board games.
10/10 would reccommend. 11/10 and acquire 1 gold from the resource pile with ~~rice~~ 1 food production.
Trade you two sheep for an ore?
Deal.
It is good to meet girl in park
But it is better to park meat in girl
Not at the board game place I go to. There are more women than men, same goes for the group I play with.
If you are a decent person who doesn't turn into a slobbering jackass when he meets up with a lady person of the female gender, it's a great place for romance. Just don't be creepy. Gamer girls like gamer boys who are nice and smell clean. We are not that fussy, really.
My local board game shop / club have 60/40 girl guy ratio. And yes, it's 60 on the girls site.
You play board games at a game shop? How often?
We actually have a Boardgame Cafe for this in Copenhagen. So I go there often. I have gotten a quite large group of friends that I hang out with now. So we usually end up going to friends houses instead of out there in the "open" lol
Yeah, meat women. With his cock. It's made of meat.
We're closing, come get your grape juice.
OP didn't say anything about meeting women specifically.
meat women
"They're Made of Meat 2: They're [already] Made of Meat"
It's really not.
maybe that's because you're putting them off with that kind of attitude. I used to go to the board game society meetings here and the split was something along the lines of 40% women (on average). I also went to the initial meeting of the pen & paper society and it was about 50/50, but I kept showing up and no women did, mainly because 90% of the guys there were creeps. women go there. they just leave because no one likes creeps. don't be a creep and they'll stay
In some ways, "women don't game" is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because when a woman who likes gaming tries to join a group and immediately finds herself being treated strangely, she'll ditch it and go find a more woman-friendly group. And that first group looks around at all the dudes who are left, shrugs, and thinks "Well, of course she left. Girls just aren't that into gaming like we are."
Since "nerd culture" is becoming more and more popular, it's becoming hip to be into board games. A lot of women are into them, at least at my university. Some of them are even sort of attractive, also.
How do you know that OP is a male? There is also no indication in the post that they wanted a social life in order to meet members of the opposite sex. You should do things because you like doing them, not just because you want to get laid/in a relationship.
In that case, community hubs - colleges, libraries, volunteer work, etc. Obviously, don't just hang around these locations and events, you have to participate. Take 1 college course or volunteer. Not only does this give you a place to meet people, it'll give you something to talk about.
Even if you don't meet anyone you haven't wasted your time. You've learned something, you've helped the community, you've read a book, etc.
Disagree. Attend a few and take pictures of the girls. Especially the church girls.
Not sure if typo or pun.
Depends where he is. In Seattle, we have so many geeky single ladies who enjoy playing boardgames it's weird...
But Ootogh Nutcrusher the female Half-Orc Barbarian is PLENTY of a woman.
As a man who met both of his long term SO's via gaming, you are dead wrong.
Girls game. A lot. Video games, table top, RPG, board games, PnP.... as a former employee of Wizards of the Coast, women gamers are a fast growing demographic, and it's huge, and it's been a large change to how many games are designed and marketed.
The last 3 people I've had sex with I've met at my local game store. Turns out girls can have the same hobbies as guys, who knew?
Not true!
meat women
Is that what they're calling it these days? I'm never gonna be able to keep up with kids' lingo...
to meat women
You know too much.
Yea, OP totally wants to meat them. Meat them hard
Unless he wants to meet geeky women. But your right all the good geek girls are married by now.
You'd be surprised at how many "normal" people actually play tabletop games.
It's not, but thanks for reinforcing negative, outdated stereotypes.
There are a lot more women than you think at comic book stores. My friends and I are in 3-4 times a week. And our DnD group is split evenly between guys and girls.
My husband and I game together with another couple regularly. And us girls were definitely into board games pre-relationship!
I disagree.
Love, a woman.
By the way, most women can smell a guy "looking for women" at a thousand paces. It helps to stop looking and just see women as fellow human beings.
Sure, but sometimes nerds have sisters. Just don't let your ulterior motives be known. Hell... everyone has a mom at very least.
Yeah everyone knows women hate fun. Games are strictly a male activity...
Second that. Plus they are usually more than happy to have some newcomers.
The problem with that is that it's a crap shoot depending on the store. Sometimes you'll find a store with normal people who just have an interest in the games. Other times you'll find a store filled with the stereotypical smelly, unkempt, too-into-it-and-will-lecture-you-about-your-choice-of-deck, mouthbreathers.
It's worth a shot once, to see what kind of clientele your local store has, but don't be afraid to jump ship.
My local board game and card shop actually has a sign explicitly stating that you must shower if you're going to hang out there. I shudder to think how bad it must have gotten before somebody said, "Fuck it, we need a sign."
Yeah, rather than be a DD, play some D&D!
Alcohol sure can lead to some great fun with them though.
I have a bunch of beers playing MTG with my friends. Gotta get drunk, get in the tank, become a master tactician.
I think the point here is to not be reliant on a heavily marketed substance for basic human enjoyments.
No alcohol required but boardgames and moderate booze consumption is still a lot of fun.
Most of my boardgame nights are alcohol free though.
Most hardcore nerds seem to shun alcohol.
Everytime I hit up the alamo drafthouse for something particularly geeky everyone is drinking soda.
I don't get it.
I was gonna suggest Tabletop RPGs. They usually go better without alcohol since everyone can think clearly.
I came here to suggest this, and encourage exploration of the entire world of activities that are more fun sober than drunk. Why is the top comment essentially "become the DD for your drunk friends"? That sounds like an awful way to live.
Eventually you and your friends will mature and move past the need for alcohol to socialize. If you start some social hobbies now, you'll be ahead of the curve and little by little they'll start joining you in soberland. And if they don't move past their non-stop drinking, it's time to find new friends.
Boardgames. Yeah, I hosted a boardgame potluck for my local apartment complex when I was in my 20's first friday of the month.
20 people showed for the first one, 40 people showed for the next. and then it leveled out to around 60 people over the next year... a theme on each potluck (like in february, all red and white foods). We had to scrounge card tables from a lot of places.
LOTS of singles came to that, lots of couples left.
I thought this, too. However from what I've seen, Warhammer can be just as destructive to ones relationships and finances.
I always feel really uncomfortable around board game groups. Like I'm not nerdy enough for them and they look down on me for it. And I'm always the guy that has no idea how to play the games and that sucks when everyone else has played it a hundred times.
And games don't even have to be for just nerdy/geeky people. Regardless of what kind of person you are, if you like playing the games, it's worth a try. (Whether you like the people you wind up playing with is a separate question, of course.)
I like the idea of board gaming, but I wouldn't recommend the local shop most of the time! There are plenty of social groups that meet at bars to play games on off nights. Look at meetup.com!
Must be fun to have those "Local board game shops" that you can go to hang out with your sweaty geek friends at.
Over here I can't think of a single "local board game shop" that actually has a social component. They just have shelves with better/worse board games. You buy them and you leave. No tables, no events no nothing.
I live in Poland, Poznań btw, we just don't have (in my experience) a robust board game culture outside of small family meetings.
Maybe talk to the owner/staff. Suggest starting a store group with them. Maybe they don't have anything because they don't think there's any interest.
Fuck. Yes.
I know this is isn't drinking, but last year I was on probation for a year for possession of marijuana. I thought my life was going to be so boring seeing as most of my friends smoke and I couldn't any longer. That's when I found board games, now for me it doesn't matter what anyone around me is even doing, just as long as I can bust out one of my games I'm having a blast. A couple weeks ago I was free from probation but even now I choose not to smoke anymore because I would rather use my money toward my next board game.
Are board games nerdy/geek related? Yes. But who cares? Nerd and geek culture has become more and more popular over the years and to the person who is claiming you won't find any women playing tabletop games is sorely mistaken. I have gotten my girlfriend and a lot of my friends hooked on board games, and the best part is you don't need a drink or joint to enjoy it because the games are a test of your strategy and creativity.
Ugh... except that all the nerdy/geek stores in NYC serve craft beer and have beer tasting nights. I don't hate on them though, it really brought back the hobby shop to life.
Though depending on your LGS they also allow drinking while you play, though no one gets super drunk, it's a bottle or two while you play Settlers or something.
I find this thread interesting in the fact I never got into drinking so never experienced most of all the shit people are talking about. Probably avoided it watching my older sister get sick all the time and an alcoholic brother.
That and I'm a geek and would rather be at a local game store playing a game.
Not required but often present. Just sayin'...
Next post:
[Serious] How do I have a social life where people use deodorant?
Downvote me if you must, but the folks who actually go to board game shops know exactly what I'm talking about.
This pretty much, and also DND. Nothing beats hanging out with friends and taking part in the most interactive game you can play.
most boardgame groups for adults feature alcohol as at least part of their allure.
local board game shop? what year is it..
If you want to destroy your wallet at the same time, come join us in /r/magictcg
they dont have that where I live as far as I know
You heard it here first boys. Quit drinking and go play board games with nerds.
is this a fucking joke?
Being a car enthusiast gives me something to do EVERY weekend. I meet great people and see great cars. It's free (you don't need a sweet car to attend meets) and they're usually at neat places.
Great suggestion! Car meets are a lot of fun (despite being sausage fest's in my experience)
If you go to a car meet and expect it to be full of girls, you're going to have a bad time..
Fast n furious set my expectations high :( hahah
That could be a pro, not a con.
Get into bicycles! There are (slightly) more ladies that are into bikes. Dozens of us!
Being a cat enthusiast gives me something to do EVERY weekend. I meet great people and see great cats. It's free (you don't need a sweet cat to attend meets) and they're usually at neat places.
Translated by my extension. That took me a while to figure out.
Dead on man. Mostly nice people, eye candy (nice cars, sometimes girls) and interesting talk.
Cars and guns help you meet the nicest people
Any good subs for this??
/r/cars /r/autos Where I'm from (Chicago) the car scene is centered around Facebook because we use it to set up events and such. This is pretty typical everywhere else. Depending on your city there is typically a main spot downtown and a bunch of weekly chill spots around the suburbs.
Thanks!
I don't know about subs but you can anyways Google "car meets in ____ city" and find a meet near you on Facebook or something. The more you go, the more you hear about other meets in the area and get know "regulars" in your area.
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Not even a little bit. If someone gives you shit about your car tell them to fuck off. I mean, you might not want to enter the actual show, but going and looking around and talking to owners? Fuck yeah, go and enjoy yourself. I love going to car meets; my car isn't ever the best there, but doesn't stop me haha.
Ok thanks perhaps I will go along :).
I drive a Ford Mustang V6, which here in the States is viewed as a chick's car and somewhat of a joke by some of the douchier car meet goers. I don't care what other people think about it and neither should you. The community is filled with guys who appreciate anything with an engine attached to wheels. Check out thatdudeinblue on youtube and you'll see what I mean, top notch guy.
Thanks for the advice :), I was actually watching some of his videos yesterday! I wish we had big pushrod V8s here :P.
The Aussies didn't take their Holdens over to you guys? They're essentially Camaros and Chevy SSs with different badging.
Well we did get a few Holdens I suppose, The Monaro and the HSV clubsport, and now we have the HSV GTS. But they are incredibly rare.
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Well find a car you like, start doing basic maintenance on your car (oil changes, brake pad replacements), start going on forums, maybe find one from your area.
I'd start with looking at what kind of cars attract you. Just google "sports cars" (or classic or cruisers) and start looking at random cars that look cool. Most popular cars have their own forum and read some DIY an what not. I have spend like 50 hours in th epast year just looking up tires and tire sizes that fit what cars and how they effect them. Very interesting too me.
If you really are interested, PM me! I dont log on very often but I can when I will.
Pretty easily... The only thing that has changed since I stopped drinking is.... That I don't drink. I still go out a lot, I don't spend nearly as much money, I'm never hung over, I'm happier. I still have all the same friends and my social life is infinitely better
The only real downside that I've found as that your local bartenders are no longer as chummy to you. Instead of being a paying customer you're now someone taking up valuable bar space.
I have two regulars that are recovering alcoholics. All of us go out of their way to be nice to them as a way of encouraging their behavior. They're both good guys though and they were regulars while still in active addiction.
Maybe it just depends on where you go. We're a small neighborhood bar where everyone knows everyone. If some random guy showed up that we'd never seen before and just ordered a soda and sat at the bar we probably wouldn't go out of our way to talk to him, but I don't think we'd treat him any differently than someone quietly drinking a beer by himself at the bar.
Bartender here; quite the opposite in my personal experience. It's one less dude getting smashed and being obnoxious and you can have decent conversations.
That's a relief to hear. Maybe its just my perception.
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exactly. I can't drink but damn if I didn't realize I just did it because I loved socializing and being around people
Ugh. Lots of advice here contains things like "keep going out to bars, just don't drink!" -- for the alcoholic, this type of advice is poison. You have to change your views on what "social gatherings" mean. No more bars. No more clubs. That is not the lifestyle you're going to lead from here on out if you're an alcoholic. Stay away from those places. A good alternative is to start exploring the morning/day time social scene. Brunches. Outdoor stuff. Travel. Right now I'm in the highlands of Guatemala, looking over a gorgeous lake. I'm hiking later, and will also take a boat ride to a nearby town. I'll have coffee, strike up some convo at a cafe, and be back home to get to bed early and do it all over again tomorrow. Stay away from the clubs, bars, and parties - at least for a while. You are trying to get away from that lifestyle. Don't stew in it.
Can't agree more. Bars are not fun if you aren't drinking and the temptation will be strong. Not drinking opens up so many more options because you can actually get up early on a beautiful Saturday morning, not feel like shit, and go do something cool.
I don't know why I haven't seen it suggested yet - coffee shops!
If you meet up with people and have coffee and stuff, you're still all being socially stimulated, but with something less problematic (coffee or tea or whatever). And if you're meeting these people in the midday/morning hours, odds are drinking won't really come up at all.
I've had some pretty stupid conversations over a beer...but the most profound and interesting conversations have come over coffee. It's a great spot for those who don't drink alcohol to gather and socialize.
It's a great spot for people who drink, too. Nothing like some coffee when you're feeling the night before.
It's not really clear whether we're talking about recovering alcoholics or people that don't just don't drink. I agree, the advice could be completely different for either set of people.
As a Guatemalan native. Where are you?
Hola! Eres Chapin? Que suerte! Estoy en Atitlan ahora, pero vivo en la Antigua. Me encanta este pais...creo q voy a morir aqui. Hay tan mucho para ver y hacer en Guate - estoy pensando de una vacacion al Caribe/Rio Dulce. Es bien?
Lake Atitlan, by any chance?
Since I just got back from Guatemala, I'm going to guess you're either near Lake Atitlan staying in San Pedro… or somewhere in Lanquin. Enjoy your time there as long as you can! I miss that place.
Yep. I'm on Atitlan now for the week. Just got out of the water, in fact. I work remotely, as long as I've got WiFi I'm in good shape. So when I need a mental break I just rent a house here for a week or two and just live the hippie life for a while. I don't stay in San Pedro, I'm way across the lake, up on the hill. I take a boat to San Pedro on weekends though and chill at the cafes there, grab a bite, etc. I live in Antigua, so I just drive home when I'm ready. No complaints.
It's not entirely clear whether the OP just doesn't like to drink or is a recovering alcoholic or whatever.
I like this answer too. I have recently been dialing back my drinking, and I am not planning on completely stopping.
Because I work a lot, my schedule is currently pretty busy without drinking.
But in college, the things that kept me drinking less were morning and day activities. I personally drank a lot less when we were going to play disc-golf, going out on a bike ride, or went to the river.
I always associate drinking with an evening activity, and if I am too tired by 8pm, then I will just lay on the couch and watch a movie instead of going out to drink.
Brunches are god's solution to hangovers.
Yeah but if I go to brunch, I want a mimosa or sangria or something fruity. If it's nice outside, I want to sit on a patio and have a beer. If I'm on vacation, I want to experience the alcohol of the country I'm in.
tl;dr - It doesn't matter what I'm doing because I'll find a perfectly valid reason to drink.
That's why alcoholism is such a bitch. Happy? Drink. Sad? Drink. The list you made is another good example. Figuring out how to stop the cycle requires a complete overhaul in one's perception of "social life". That's why I was so strongly against going to bars for anyone considering stopping drinking. You can't just do the same things, and not drink. You need to completely change your life. At least, that's what worked for me.
I like your comments and you have a good point, I'm just playing Devil's advocate and giving a real life perspective of someone who drinks all the time. I know there are lots of people out there who feel the same and who drink alcohol as a crutch to be more social (suppress anxiety)
As a recovering alcoholic (3 years sober now) I am quite aware of the real life perspective of "drinking all the time"! LOL. I drank for every reason in the book, and then some. Yes, overcoming anxiety had a lot to do with it in the beginning, and it spiraled down a bit. Since this is a stop drinking forum, I check in from time to time and give advice. I have nothing against you at all, or those who drink. I've just gone through the process of quitting, and I know what works for me and sometimes I give my feedback to others who might have questions, like this OP.
Well I was almost an alcoholic, I still go to bars and clubs, I just get redbull or something. And I actually don't feel like drinking when I see all the idiots around me + I have more fun at clubs when I'm not drunk
Yeah the advice in this thread is making me pretty mad. People who keep saying its "easy" obviously don't have drinking problems.
That would probably be because OP's question never said anything about drinking problems.
Brunches.
I think you're doing brunch wrong... brunch is a meal to be had with 5 or 6 drinks in front of you at all times. This includes water and coffee, but I don't know how you're gonna fill the other 3 slots without some sort of alcohol.
Starting your contribution with "ugh" makes you immediately sound like a cynical jerk. Everyone saying "keep going out with your friends, just don't drink" is giving anecdotal evidence to support it. Obviously if OP is an alcoholic going to a bar is not going to work. Not everyone can vacation or live in Guatemala.
Not trying to be rude. You're comment is on point, just the "ugh" instantly puts the reader of it into a shitty mindset.
ugh shut up
Well technically I shut up as soon as I posted the comment.
Being from the UK trying to do this fucking sucks. I'm trying to limit myself to three drinks a week on just one night...mate will call to go for a mid-week pint and I'll say "yeah, but I won't be drinking" and he'll go "ah, never mind".
It's like not fucking drinking makes hanging out pointless...
My solution at the moment is to suggest activities within bars. So rather than "let's go to the pub", I'll suggest going to the pool/snooker club, or watch a sport somewhere...then when I'm not drinking for some reason it's seen as a little more acceptable. Pub quizzes are also a good one. I also play a decent amount of pick up sports...touch rugby and trying to get into handball or baseball. I host my own "film nights" as well. Tell people to bring what they want (usually charge entry at a bag of popcorn).
It was sad when I started doing this though, saying "how about not a bar" and the resounding silence when everyone realised that was pretty literally all they ever did.
I think it's great you don't drink and you're a strong person for doing it. But I get people asking you out for a drink then saying never mind when you say you won't be drinking. It's not cause they think you're lame or anything. It's just weird to sit with someone who's not drinking and you are. At least for me, it makes me feel awkward and almost guilty every time I order a drink. But some days you wanna blow off steam and get buzzed with friends. I'll admit most of my activities revolve around drinking in bars, but I live in a city and that's just basically what you do here.
I don't get why that's weird though? I'll have a water and provide conversation? If someone wants a drink and they want someone to talk to while they drink, why do they also need me to drink? It feels like their problem, not mine.
It's then also making me feel crap because I'm trying to clean up my health, but all of a sudden I'm the bad guy because I'm seemingly shitting on everyone's fun, which in turn makes me less likely to go out with people since I'm then being judged for my choices, & pressured.
I live in London so get you there. If it's wet it's drink in a pub, if it's sunny it's drink in a beer garden. Luckily I have a Cineworld card which means free cinema...so I just do that (and sports...at least the over population is good for something).
The problem is that if one person is sitting not drinking it does change the group dynamic, especially when the purpose of going out is to drink. This stands even more so when the group is much smaller. I know of a few people who don't drink on nights out, and of them I would only voluntarily invite one of them out, since he is fun. The rest just aren't the same.
If you are going out to do something else, like play pool or poker that just happens to be in the bar, then you not drinking is not a problem. It's like inviting a mate to play pool, and them saying that they don't like paying pool, but will sit and talk to you whilst you play. It's fine sometimes, but it's not the same.
Also, whilst yes you may feel shitty for them not wanting you out without drinking, you had to know going into this that there would be consequences for giving up alcohol. Lots of people become friends over alcohol, and maintain that with regular trips to the pub (at least in the UK).
It's kind of like asking to grab dinner and you saying you're not hungry, but you'll watch me eat. Forget about it then!
I do that though as well? I eat quite healthy in portions and will go to lunch with people but not eat, since eating out is expensive & will kill my calories for the day.
What happened to conversing and spending time with people? You don't both need to be doing "the thing" to have a good time. I also feel that yes, with some food that's the aim, it would be weird to go to a fancy restaurant & eat nothing, but with a drink surely the aim is to socialise? No to get shitfaced...so the booze is ancillary to who you are with and what they are doing.
The idea is that in this case, "drinking" is the actual activity you are performing with your friend. It would be pretty awkward to go skiing with your friend, except you don't actually ski and you just go up and down the lift watching him.
My mum literally does that...
(Edit: Well not the lift...she sits at the bottom, reads her book, suns and has one hell of time - who really cares what other people are doing as long as they're having fun?)
Because doing something WITH someone else is not the same as doing something while they're nearby.
We are with each other...just one of us is eating...it doesn't affect us socialising which should be the base reason for meeting up.
I get it if it's fancy restaurant, but just some place to grab lunch? Who cares if one person isn't eating...
Edit: And in response to the skiing thing, we don't care. She gets her relaxation and will then chill out in the afternoon. Either saying no you can't come since you're not skiing or you must ski to come seems like such backwards reasoning...this also happened on our uni trips all the time. People coming just to hang out.
What happened to conversing and spending time with people?
I mean drinking and eating together has kinda always been what it's about. Eating and getting drinks with someone is a bonding experience, and it has been since the beginning of everything. I get you don't wanna drink, but not eating when other people are eating is a buzzkill.
Do you sit and stare with your hands under the table as they chow down on a big hamburger? I'm picturing such an awkward moment. (not a masterbation comment)
No...I chat pleasantly as do they...same as any social situation with another person.
It's not really that weird of a situation. You hang out with someone to chat to them, not to sit quietly while you each stuff your face. It's only awkward with the people who make it awkward.
It's mostly weird because of past experiences. Most of us have been at a party and the sober guy is mocking/judging everyone. He's being a buzzkill. Your friends are assuming you're going to be like that. Frankly, you already have been a bit. "How about not a bar," yeah, they're going to feel judged after that.
I'm not saying you're doing this intentionally though! You just have to approach it delicately, like you've been doing with pub activities suggestions. The one-on-one chats are a bit tougher. Maybe just don't bring it up ahead of time, and just get a coke with a lime wedge when you get there. Don't lie about it if asked, but don't bring it up.
Like I said, it's totally not your problem an you're not doing anything wrong. I was just saying what's probably going through people's head when they say forget it. I always feel uncomfortable in a 1 on 1 situation when I'm the only one drinking. If there's a group of people no one should give a shit if you don't drink.
Fair enough! I guess I don't understand since if I was the one drinking and my buddy wasn't I wouldn't care one bit. Up to them what they do! I'm there to enjoy a tasty beer and their company.
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Indeed it is.
This is the worst part about not drinking. A non-drinker can deal with many people drinking in front of them, but a drinker can't deal with even one non-drinker? What kind of bullshit is that?
I think you're just insecure. Who cares if you're not high on the exact same chemicals? Sitting around talking about girls and shooting the shit with my friends is totally a great way to blow off steam for me, and I rarely drink with them. I still get a nice little buzz from letting my own inhibitions down, as well as simply being around people who are drinking.
You get a buzz just being around people who are drinking? That sounds like something they tell you in church camp.
Lol ok, so be it. I don't discount my own experiences simply because they seem strange. I love drugs of all kinds, I just don't beleive they're the only solution when it comes to getting a buzz.
You're telling me you don't beleive it's possible for your mindset to change based on who you are around? You necessarily MUST ingest a drug to lower you're inhibitions? Have you never danced your ass off completey sober and felt amazing afterwards? Have you never felt the rush of overcoming your fear of talking to that cute girl in the coffee shop? Have yout never felt the endorphin high of working your muscles until they won't give anymore?
I feel bad for you man. You only get one life, learn to loosen up without drugs. Also if you have any interest In not being a shitty friend, don't exclude you're friends who don't drink simply because you're afraid of your own sobriety.
Yeah it isn't good when someone isn't drinking for some reason, I remember one time me and two of my mates went to the pub, like normal, but two of us were going out the next night so we only brought a fiver for cokes and it was so shit
It really is engrained in our culture at the moment. From high school onwards all anyone wants to do is go to a pub/bar/club. Even if you can avoid starting at one its usually where people will end up.
People wonder how I bought a house by myself at 22, it's heavily in part to me not drinking the money away, people I knew would spend £50-£100 on a night out and barely remember it and I just can't fathom how nobody saw that as wasteful.
I used to hate it in university. Friends asking me to borrow money, and then spending it on Alcohol/Drugs/Cigarettes.
Or having to listen to someone complain they had shit food for dinner & how hard it was being a student, while they unwrapped a new 20 pack.
Did my damn head in.
Yes! And Karaoke is great for this, too. Really, any little additional activity is good. If you have MST3K or other nights at your local theatre, or an alamo draft house nearby, that’d be cool. Also, in NY (and Philly?) we have Barcade - an arcade with a whole bunch of retro video games. That sort of thing would be perfect.
Also, it helps if you always have a cup/glass of SOMETHING in your hand when you talk to people. Coke is good, ginger ale, even orange or cranberry juice is good. Or bottled root beer. Then you at least LOOK the part. You will be surprised at how far that actually goes.
I want to move to Austin pretty much for the Alamo. And also the river, and weather, and BBQ...and well plenty of reasons.
See, there's my second problem...don't drink soft drinks full stop! Got a little addicted and have been soda-free for almost six years. Although I guess it's now more for the sense of accomplishment than anything else. I'll have the odd J20 though...and failing that a water. Weirdly, this is where the problems start though. When I say "can I have a water" the person I'm with is then flummoxed what to do...normally either trying to return their beer or no longer ordering something they wanted because I'm not joining them in it.
Oh! You could handle this a couple of ways:
Ah, I gotcha about the soda thing. Definitely cultivate a taste for juices the juices then, especially with lime as some people say. Is it the sugar, caffeine, or chemicals or carbonation or….? Because you could just order a “cranberry and soda” for example, or a Roy Rogers, or a Phil Collins or a Bloody Shame (virgin mary) or a Tonic and Bitters. Or if you are at a fancy schmancy place, you can oder a sparkling water brand by name (A san pellegrino with lime, or whatever). Definitely find the places that will accommodate you - maybe even in advance.
I'm from the UK and gave up drinking at the age of 16 (early starter). I didn't start again until I was 21 I think, maybe 22.
Between those years were probably the most amazing years of my social life.
Now I'm back to not drinking most times I go out. Just don't make a big thing of it. Don't mention it and people generally won't notice.
If I'm with a group I won't mention it, order a water, and then I'll get shit for it.
If I'm with a person one-on-one I will pre-meet up since the times I don't mention it I also get shit and comments like "well what was the point of coming out".
I get what you're saying, I'm starting to think it's just my friends. But making new ones isn't happening any time soon.
I'm in the UK, I don't drink anymore. It doesn't suck.. Just stop altogether. If friends don't want to hang out with you anymore just because you don't drink, they aren't really your friends, get some new ones. Suggest other non pub related stuff, beach? Cinema? Mini golf? Golf? Gym? Restaurant? Paintballing? Frisbee? Most sports are pretty much free too all you need is a ball or cricket set or something and you can have hours of fun and laughs. Show your friends that there are things to do outside of the pub. When I stopped drinking one of my first suggestions was frisbee, they all ripped the piss out of me. We eventually played frisbee on the beach, everyone had a great time laughing, running around, trying to impress nearby ladies.. Now we do it all the time and they actually get excited to play frisbee now.
You should read a few of the articles on shutupandsitdown.com. It's primarily a board game review site, but they discuss the drinking culture in the UK and how to try and get around that at times.
As someone who doesn't drink, this was my experience studying abroad in Scotland. It was virtually impossible to make friends because the only thing anyone ever did was drink. I was all prepared to dismiss their drunkenness as a bad stereotype, but no. I spent a lot of time hiking and never once did I ever manage to convince anyone to go with me, it was always "Nah mate, havin' a pisser at Cal's flat that night." My flatmates had a religious schedule of Class->Gymn->FIFA->Club Every. Single. Day.
I had a great time, but everyone else might as well have spoken Swahili for all the "culture" I got over there.
Hate with a passion the club every time cycle. Can people not just chill out without a piss up or god forbid leave the house and not end up in a dark room where no one can hear anyone else?
Once in a while it's fun...but three times a week? What a waste of time and money! At least you got to go on some great hikes I imagine.
For sure, Scotland's a beautiful country, and when the sun is shining you can really see why so many people have written songs and poems about it. And there was something really unique and personal about doing it alone, or meeting like-minded people on the trails and spending a day with strangers you'll never see again.
Yeah, it's difficult. It gets a lot easier as you age; I'm on the wrong side of thirty and now I rarely catch anything for it. But having the right social group helps as well, and activities that don't revolve around drinking.
Just don't make a deal out of the fact you won't be drinking. Go for a midweek pint and just have a fifty-fifty when you get there. If your friend is really upset that you're not also drinking that would suck but I would be surprised. I mean, the round is cheaper, and unless you turn in to some genius comedian when you've had a pint what's the difference?
I can't handle hangovers anymore (they make me incredibly morose) so go through periods where I refuse to drink because I know if I have two or more I'll just end up drinking loads and then regretting it for days after. My friends don't care... but then being 30+ the really drunk friends are a lot rarer these days.
If I don't though the other person (at least one-on-one) will. Wonder what the point in coming for a drink was if they're only drinking. My guess is then they wonder why they didn't just drink at home. And I know that, you know they, everyone knows that, but weirdly for some reason drinking with someone who isn't drinking seems to be as bad as a pint alone, which I've never understood.
When I'm drinking & someone I'm with isn't I just get on with it and enjoy the cheaper rounds.
True. Guess part of my problem is being 23, drinking once a week and HATING clubs with a passion.
Well if they're only going to the pub as an excuse to get drunk then yeah, they can do it cheaper by themselves at home. I always thought the point of going to the pub was for the company :)
It was sad when I started doing this though, saying "how about not a bar" and the resounding silence when everyone realised that was pretty literally all they ever did.
Yeah, that's where my friends are at, too... And the worst thing is they don't seem to care, and want to be petty and say 'well I don't drink every day... I didn't yesterday'. But the three days you spent at a friends place getting shitfaced, or at the bar, blowing money you don't have doesn't matter that you didn't drink yesterday. Ugh.
Please tell me you guys don't refer to our sport as hand ball.
Which is your sport? I mean the literal sport of handball?
If you're talking about real football, not pansy soccer then GOD NO! I'm actually a pretty avid fan! Time difference kills me, but it's something else to do with people on a Sunday and actually is the day I usually save for my three beers!! Used to work for the NFL for one glorious year as well...although bit of mixed feelings there, working isn't the same as enjoying for fun!
Since you were from the UK, I was worried hand ball was one of those "hand egg ball" references (I know the actual game called handball), but I guess I was wrong! Is football (American) that common there?
Ahh man I know exactly how you feel. I live and work in London and it feels like the only thing people want to do is go and get pissed. I could count on my fingers the number of times I've been invited somewhere / asked to do something which didn't include getting drunk. I guess it doesn't help that its the norm at work to have a few pints at lunchtime.
The best thing you can do is keep yourself constantly busy by joining clubs, doing hobbies and going to the gym. Try crossfit if you like working out. Its great fun with like-minded people who just want to get fit and be sociable.
The UK is an absolutely terrible and uncultured place, this is true. One day I will escape!
Good luck to you. I'm planning an escape as soon as possible. Just spent three months living in the mountains of Canada. Sports, walking and chilling by lakes. Great time.
That sounds amazing. Best of luck to you too!
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Is it really? I've never really drank alcohol but I'm not the most social person. I don't think it's that hard to have fun talking to people without drinking alcohol. Maybe it depends on if you're talking to people in a place where drinking alcohol is expected or not? I dunno, the fact that this thread has such long answers kind of made me feel bad about myself :c
Find muslim friends.
I'm part of a scholarship to the US from a Muslim country with about 15 other guys. None of us drink, as far as I know, and we're almost always together on weekends! Find a jolly Muslim or two, OP!
Or Mormons
This is actually really good advice. You'll even meet non-drinking non-muslims through your muslim friends. I met many cool people through my muslim friends.
My Muslim friends drink the most, though
They aren't very good muslims then.
So I guess the answer is find Muslim friends who actually stick to the rules
I don't drink, never have (I'm 20, drinking age in my country is 16). Not drinking is awesome man: just give yourself the one rule "everything is funny. Everything is amusing". Once you give yourself permission to feel good without alcohol, all kinds of little things pump you up: it makes you laugh when the dj makes a weird transition, when a girl is acting bitchy, when people are doing random stuff, ... You don't need alcohol. Create the healthy habit of making yourself happy. You don't need anything.
Oh and you won't feel like crap the next day.
yes! Because everyone else is drunk, you can let your hair down and have a fun time dancing just as badly as everyone else, laughing at stupid things and whooping it up...but without the hangover!
Because everyone else is drunk, you can let your inhibitions go. No one will remember the next day!
I like the idea of a club where everyone is doing this, but no one realises. Everyone's sober but 'letting their inhibitions go' because they think everyone else is drunk, so it doesn't matter.
It's like that tv show comment I saw once where it's like a big-brother style show and everyone in the house but for one person is gay. Each week they have to vote off who they think the straight person is and if he makes it to the end without getting voted off he wins and gets a prize or something
Thing is they're all straight
Everyone on the show thinks that they're the straight one and that everyone else is gay so you end up with a bunch of straight people trying to act as gay as they possibly can so that they don't get voted off by the others
I would pay to watch this, this is a great idea
That would really only work for like one season though. I feel like everyone would figure that out after the show is over.
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Never thought of that
Probably because it's a completely unrealistic idea... No network would ever do that
Sounds like it work work to me.
well, seeing how even 'cult' and moderately succesful shows struggle to get funding for another season, I doubt they'd spend the dosh for 5 seasons right off... Still possible though
They must have tons of houses they've used for these shows that they could reuse. Haha. Just copy/paste the visual effects and get a bunch of interns.
Or bring it back after 8 years or so. That's what happened to my country's version of the show.
whattif it's a huge flop? and how would they get all that money to continue filming
Not if you film multiple seasons before it is aired
Said the guy who didn't watch two seasons of Joe Millionaire.
The Forced Closet.
I've heard of this many times, but you explained it in the best way possible.
And of course you have to tell them when the get voted off so they don't spill it to the contestants.
4chan is a magical place.
.... that sounds hilarious and amazing. I mean, kind of terrible way to portray gay people, blah blah blah.... but I would watch the fuck out of that show.
We'll call it "odd one out"
You can change the social aspect every season
GOLD JERRY!
I am not sure how common this is in other countries, but I've lived in Sweden for a while and it really struck me how most Swedes are highly dependent on alcohol to let loose. In a lot of parties, friends gatherings, birthdays I've attended, no one would talk to a stranger or attempt anything "fun" before a few drinks. I even had people telling me straight up "Oh of course, I wouldn't talk to you if I wasn't drunk right now". A lot of my Swedish friends really see alcohol as the key to unlock their inhibitions and actually have fun, and I really can't help but feel sad at this idea :(
You also just described Danes in a nutshell. Danes are night and day socially between drunk and sober. Sorry to any Danes reading, but the majority of Danes suck when sober.
And they play "Unwritten" on repeat all night. Release your inhibitions!!
Theres an episode of Freaks and Geeks where they're all drinking Near Beer from a keg and everyone still acts wasted, it's pretty funny
Who do you hang out with that doesn't remember anything after drinking? I remember mostly everything, but I guess I don't drink too the excess of everyone else in this thread.
Drinking isn't only about inhibitions, though.
Beer is delicious and tipsiness is fun.
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Liquor all the way.
But I hardly know 'er!
And you still won't thanks to the blackout.
Beer tastes like butt.
It actually tastes like skunk weed
blasphemy!
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i thgouth u were comparing the taste of beer to weed that smells like skunk. to compare the taste of beer to the sweet aroma of herb is blasphemy to me lol
"Smells like a Safety Meeting" is a beer that smells exactly like weed. :P
Leinenkugels Grapefruit Ale, if you like grapefruit juice!
I'm not a big fan of grapefruit but I'll try it if I see it
Since I'm sober all the time, I'm as drunk as I'm gonna get, all the time. So I usually start dancing before eveyone else. THen I have to wait for them to get drunk and THEN everyone starts dancing with me.
You just gotta learn how to be drunk without alcohol. It's fun as hell.
If you think about it, isn't it kinda sad that 90% of the reason we drink is because other people will be less inhibited and less inclined to judge us if we act the way we actually want to? Drunk-talk is mostly about letting your feelings surface in an acceptable setting, but shouldn't we be able to do this at any point? I think we'd be much happier.
I get contact drunk like this. I really do loosen up once people around me get a little sauced.
This is my life in a nutshell.
Not EVERYONE is drunk. There are actually a GOOD majority of ppl who don't drink to excess. I can have 7-8 beers at a party and still be fully functional and remember every single thing from the night. Same goes with a bar, I can sip a nice whiskey all night and be completely fine. Not everyone is doing shots every 5 seconds.
This thread is making me so happy, thank God I'm not the only one who doesn't drink but can still have fun
I'm feeling the same way! I very rarely drink, and only just started very rarely drinking after getting out of college, and I'm constantly worried that any new friend I try to make will be disinterested if I don't drink. I was lucky to find an SO who also isn't particularly interested in drinking, so i don't have to worry about that, but friends... that's a different bag.
Most people are totally chill about me not drinking, but I've run into a few who seem weirded out or sort of imply that I'm a boring homebody or something. Bums me out.
Yup, same here
You're not the only one. I can't stand the taste of alcohol, plus being drunk just makes me sleepy and makes the muscles in my back and neck sore. And loud crowds just make me want to hide or shut down. I have nothing against people who drink to have fun, but it's just never worked for me. So, I have other kinds of fun. No big deal.
Yes you must have been scared you're the only one
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But if you don't like drinking, because you think it tastes bad or have a history of familial alcohol abuse or whatever. You should put yourself in situations where you're having fun while sober.
I mean, if you go somewhere and HAVE to be drunk to have fun, is that thing really THAT fun in the first place??
I drink. But this thread has made me think about the situations I drink in, and it's usually when I'm hanging out with people I can't stand sober. I should probably get new friends. All of the other things I do are probably more fun sober and I do them with people I actually enjoy spending time with, like video games and hiking. I like being able to focus, but I'm sure not everyone is like that. To each his own.
Personally, when I drink it's a secondary focus. The primary focus is hanging out with friends, having good conversation, and general socializing. Whether the good beer/whiskey is there or not isn't the primary concern, but is enjoyable if it's there.
Anyone I find intolerable sober just becomes more intolerable when I drink.
Because I've seen alcohol and drug use tear apart my family
alcohol and drug abuse
There's a diference.
I love this attitude, thank you!
This is incredible useful for me!!
Alchoohol gets hid of your inhibitions right?, well GREAT! For me that means i'll get really depressive and start pestering people.
"everything is funny. Everything is amusing"
I bet you smile a lot.
You know, I've been thinking about this a lot. I vacillate between being pretty confident and very awkward, depending on who I'm with.
I only started drinking recently... but I've realised that a large part of feeling drunk is purely a placebo. And when you know that, it's pretty easy to have one or two drinks and then feel like you're blitzed for the rest of the night.
And based on that, I should be able to get to your level, where I can feel happy and drunk and wonderful with nothing but water and a bunch of good friends :)
This is the greatest example of getting to choose your emotions, I wish more people realized this.
How can you know it's awesome when you've never tried it man? Your "everything is funny. Everything is amusing". Rule gives me the creep it's like the "everything is awesome" from the lego movie and that's not a life I'd want. I get if you simply don't want to drink, but saying that it is awesome not to is just to give yourself false perceptions to not have a boring life.
The point he's making is more about making the best of every situation.
You're perverting it to the point where it looks like some totalitarian fun regime but that not what he's saying.
The point I'd, be the fun. Just like those little kids who enjoy even mundane activities, you can choose to enjoy things.
Rule gives me the creep it's like the "everything is awesome" from the lego movie and that's not a life I'd want.
If not drinking and being happy is the Lego Movie then drinking and being happy must be the Matrix.
I think he's saying that he only acts like that in social situation where everyone else is drunk. Which is pretty much how people act when they're drunk. I know personally I hit my 3rd/4th drink and I get that same feeling of "hey, I know I stressed out about that exam all week and may not have done as well as I wanted, but I have happier things to look forward to." He's just saying that he has the ability to be in this mind state without alcohol, which I really envy. I wish I could do that.
I have never gotten drunk or high or whatever, so I'm just curious how is that any different than putting substances in your body to change your perceptions of what is fun or amusing? I'm uncomfortable being around people drinking or getting high because I feel like I don't really understand who they are. They laugh at things they don't usually find funny, they do things they don't normally do, and it weirds me out because I feel like I'm with people who certainly look like my friends but they aren't acting like the friends I know, and it all just feels uncanny and fake to me.
Right?! I have this same issue sometimes, and it was especially bad in college. All these friends I had known and loved were just so frickin weird all of a sudden, and I'd feel INCREDIBLY uncomfortable. I usually ended up leaving, but all my drunk/high friends would put on sad faces and say "Oh noooo, milkchalk, don't goooo! Are you uncomfortable? Are we making you want to leave? We'll be good! We're soooorrrryyyyy."
And that made it about ten times worse. I've tried explaining this feeling of "oh god my friends have entered the uncanny valley" to others, and no one else seemed to totally get it. So thank you for this comment! You've made me feel a lot less crazy.
Wait, honest question: Are you implying that "not-drinking" and linking it means having a boring life with your last sentence?
Well, the people who always go "yeah, being drunk is awesome!" are the ones who have to use substances to ~~change their perception of~~ have fun and can't do so by themselves. The probably have a worse life then the ones who can just be happy and not worry too much.
/u/Jonanarchy now says that you can get yourself to feel this way without the negative after effects and without potentially destroying your body.
And why can't he say not drinking is awesome? When he doesn't drink he can judge whether it's awesome or not in his opinion, you don't have to know all the alternatives to say this.
everything is funny. Everything is amusing
(/disclaimer: Haven't seen the lego movie...). isn't meant to imply that you tell yourself your life is great as far as I read it. It simply means putting yourself in the same state of mind you have when you're drunk.
Now, this comment may seem a bit angry but isn't meant this way, but I think you misunderstood this everything is funny part a bit...
Nope, I'm not saying you have to drink to not have boring life. But saying that not drinking is awesome, while never even tried drinking is a way to use not drinking as a bad excuse to not drink. I don't care if you choose not to drink but saying it's awesome not to, is far too familiar what people used to say in mormon church when I was a member there.
But I think you can say "Going out with friends is awesome" even if you haven't tried staying at home playing video games all night or going out alone.
But maybe you have made some experiences I haven't when you were mormon, so I can't really say much more :D
But I find it good that you are one of the people who "respect" not-drinking :)
I don't drink, never have
What insights you must have
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Who said drunk and who said life? OP doesn't know anything about drinking and thus his assertion that he is better off without it is baseless or at least shallow.
I say amusing/funny things to my friends as they're getting drunk. By the time THEY are drunk, it becomes amusing/funny to me. It's a good cycle. Also, I enjoy being the DD if need be. They take care of me when I need them to as well like when they got the drunchies and I'm just a fatass who also wants food.
This really should be the number one answer. I stopped drinking about a month ago and every answer I've read so far just makes me want to start drinking again. This advice is so easy to forget yet so important to remember.
best advice in the thread. im 27. ive had some times of being drunk when i get caught up in an awesome night: concerts, chasing girls in foreign countries.. but by and large my friends know im the sober sally (at least in regards to drinking).. has never been an issue
Wow, I kinda feel enlightened!
Everything is awesome! untz untz untz untz
How would you know what it feels like the next day?
People like this are cute. If you've never been drunk, how could you possibly know that it isn't fun?
You're like a virgin or someone that has never had a girlfriend telling people that only masturbating or being single is great.
I don't have sex or relationships, never have (I'm 20, age of consent in my country is 16). Not having sex is awesome man: just give yourself the one rule "my hand is always there for me. I don't need anyone else". Once you give yourself permission to be single the rest of your life, all kinds of little things pump you up: it makes you save money, helps you ignore a girl that is acting bitchy, when people are doing random stuff, ... You don't need sex or women. Create the healthy habit of making yourself happy. You don't need anything. Oh and you won't feel like crap when she inevitably dumps you.
Also, you stay in control. That is actually the big thing for me, since I have a muscle illness.
I couldn't survive without alcohol and all of my friends drink too...but we understand if someone doesn't want to drink and usually means we get a DD out of it as well which is pretty cool.
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How do you know that you do not want to have the experience of being drunk? I don't understand how one can know that they don't want to have an experience which they have never had.
EDIT: And furthermore, why do you not want to have that experience at least once?
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That's actually a really bad analogy. You're comparing trying alcohol one time to being a nurse for an extended period of time. Would you be willing to be a nurse for just one day to see what it's like before you decide whether or not it's for you?
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You know nothing about what being under the influence of alcohol is like.
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Who suggested you start something? Trying something and starting something are a bit different. Trying something implies that you are unsure whether you'll like it and whether you want to continue it; starting something implies that you intend to continue it.
I'm not suggesting you start anything; I'm suggesting you try something.
But, if you don't want to, suit yourself.
Best way is to find a group to do something physical. Join a bike group, soccer league, boxing class etc.
You get to have fun and exercise.
You have to make sure those people don't drink as well, though, if you want to get close to them. A lot of those activities groups, the real bonding that happens is after hours at the bar, so if you don't follow and participate in that, you can still find yourself being a bit on the outside. Even if you do follow, and do participate, in as much as hanging out there, not drinking alcohol, you might still end up being viewed with suspicion.
Join clubs and shit.
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Shit on a club and then hit a piñata with it. Was asked to leave.
Joined a riding club then shit. They said not to come back.
I just shit. My existing social circle are now keeping away from me.
Ok. At the club and just ordered a drink. Now what? Ahhh shit
This is the best response in the place! It should be much higher up than the "accept you're the sober one at drunk gatherings" responses. Clubs are great - you meet new people, develop skills and have something that can be an actual topic of conversation. It's great for interviews or dates! And it doesn't have to be sports either, if you're not the sporty type. Dancing, gaming, learn an instrument and join a beginners orchestra, yoga, get creative (google hand made jewellery machines or explicit embroidery for some alternative crafts!) There's a world of people out there who can socialise without alcohol!
How do I find clubs?
Do some googling to start, here's an example
Also look around book stores for open mic nites, book clubs (usually all older women, but you may find a niche), craft stores if you're into that, climbing gyms, bike or outdoor adventure shops, fetlife if you're into bdsm, church outings, bingo, poker nights.....you name it.
What if my town doesn't have anything like that?
Square dancing
Or hell start your own. Put something on craigslist for a paintball club...or whatever
but you gotta admit, you'd miss the booze shits.
Like, in that order?
Thanks
Find new restaurants and introduce friends to discover them with you together . It can be just one friend at first. After you know a lot of restaurants you can even make it a topic to talk to new friends about.
Would that work?
Like a restaurant goers club.
The only problem - as a restaurant person myself - is that this adds up fast (financially speaking).
This is a good idea. Except some foods I can't have without beer. I'm looking right at you Buffalo Wild Wings!
Been trying that for years ( though I have never drank). So now if there is a place I want to go I just do it by myself now.
Yea, in today's time, it's called being a foodie. Definitely a good way to socialize.
I have 2 friends that I do this with, good times every time.
Where do you find the new friends to invite?
I started with one friend basically. Eventually a workmate or something and the other person introduced a friend who also like to try new food or just want some company for dinner. Eventually we have a group ! It's not easy and depends a lot on your particular situation. Sorry if I can't help much.
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+1 on the boardgames. I actually do think Munchkin gets kind of boring though. It just takes too long for it's low level of complexity.
My friends and I drink now, but back in high school we didn't. We did all sorts of things - mudding and drifting in our pickups, playing video games, playing sports (even in addition to our school sports), playing board games, playing Dungeons and Dragons, and we even LARPed a few times.
My recommendation for a board/card game is Citadels. It's an extremely fun strategy/bluffing game that takes about an hour to complete and has rounds within each game that last a few minutes each. We once played Citadels from 5:00 pm clear on til 4:00 am. Can also be played while drinking.
Go on the internet and find people who like the things you like. Befriend them, and meet them in real life. This is how I met my closest friend of 8-9 years.
Other than that, I have no clue, because there's a HUGE drinking culture in my country, where it's seen as extremely weird if you don't drink.
How do I avoid them always being hundreds of kilometera away?
Take a plane!
Easy: Don't hang around exclusively with people who can only socialize when they're drunk/drinking. As a bonus, you're never asked to be the Designated Driver or have to spend a lot of time, effort and sometimes money helping out drunk assholes who keep getting in trouble.
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No it's not. It's ridiculous how people think all college kids drink themselves silly and cannot socialize without drinking first. It's a part of the problem. If college kids, most of them living away from home for the first time, in a strange town and with next to no friends, are told that in college, everybody drinks and it's impossible to socialize with other college students without drinking first, more people are gonna drink for absolutely no reason other than to fit in.
Also, the OP didn't even mention college.
No at all. College is not the drug and alcohol fueled binge that the media makes it out to be. There are a ton of clubs on my campus (that's not counting Greek life) and I can't think of one where drinking is the main event.
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Except it does. How do you have a social life without alcohol? Don't drink when socializing and hang out with people who don't need to drink in order to socialize.
Seconded. I think a very important part of "having a social life without alcohol" is understanding that social life isn't only getting together and drink. If most of your friends are gathering with the first intent being drinking, obviously chances are you won't enjoy it that much
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The OP is asking for tips on how to have a social life without acohol. Presumably, the OP is not an alcoholic.
I don't know if just sacking off all of your mates and finding new ones is a good solution to this problem. I've got no intention of quitting drinking, but that's my business. If i did want to quit i'd prefer to do it in a way where I don't come across like a massive tosser who's leaving my friends just because I don't wanna drink anymore.
I never said to stop hanging out with your old friends. The OP asked how to have a social life without alcohol. I told him how. He can have both, a set of friends who need alcohol just to function socially and one that doesn't.
That said, if all of your friends cannot socialize without the use of alcohol, maybe looking for new friends isn't the worst of ideas.
And I'm sure your old friends will be absolutely thrilled with that. Everything isn't about you, maybe your friends get something out of the friendship too and will be hurt by you just carving out a new group away from them.
It's not all about you
I'm sorry, what part of "If your friends cannot socialize without the use of alcohol" did you not get? If your friends are unable to socialize without there being alcohol involved, they've got a problem and need help and you should stop hanging out with them if in doing so, you feel compelled to also consume alcohol just because.
Also, who you choose to keep as friends is entirely about you.
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Let me pull those drunk goggles off your face and show you the reality here. Bars suck They are load, dirty places filled with people having fairly boring discussions that they only are really enjoying because they are drunk. Hell the whole experience only works because they are all drunk. The food sucks on top of all that!
As someone who does not do a lot of drinking, your first step in having a better social life is getting away from bars entirely. The whole thing is a waste of time. Think of socializing as a way to actually connect with people, to learn about them, to enjoy yourself, and an excuse to explore the world around you. Research local sports leagues, museums, weird local flair- Haunted what not.
We are entering summer, so its a perfect time to get into a lot of outdoor activities you can do like hiking, mountain climbing, water sports, etc. Be exhausted in the day so that by the end of it you will want to go home and chill out with a movie, and not go to a bar. Hell invite friends over to watch it with you! (maybe the ones you went out hiking with earlier).
The point is, your first step is rejecting bar life entirely.
Hey man, I wouldn't go that far. Drinking and going to bars are choices, and they're not always bad choices. There ARE ways to drink and go to bars responsibly. And not all bars are created equal.
Some grimy dive bars are full of miserable people all getting drunk and doing nothing in particular, eating crappy food, whatever. Some bars are full of people who love craft brews and want to have interesting conversations with strangers, blow off steam after work, and the food can be quite nice.
Those are just two examples, but there are a ton of different kinds of bars. You're right - OP wants to get away from the bar life. But it's not fair to just condemn it utterly. It's not a good idea for a recently-sober alcoholic to condemn drinking.
Why? Pendulum effect. Drinking isn't this demonic satanic evil behavior that only ever ruins people's lives. Soon as you've been away from it for a while, you'll realize this, and that transition doesn't help when you're having cravings. I can tell you from personal experience (more on the drugs side for me - but it's the same idea) that the best way to recover from an addiction is to come to terms with it in a contemplative way that doesn't have any negative or positive charge to it. That way there's no self-deception involved, and you have a much better chance of living a normal, healthy life. You understand why some people like to drink or do drugs, and you're okay with those people, but you don't do those things because you know it's a bad idea for you.
Kinda seems like whoever you would go to bars with are just not interesting people.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_true_Scotsman
Is this some kind of sick joke? I just got done commenting on how I hate how often that word is used. Bahhhh
If you hate seeing it so much, stop making shitty fallacious statements. It's not my fault you dropped out of school in the eighth grade to work in a coal mine.
stop making shitty fallacious statements
makes completely fallacious statement
Oh you Americans and your fellatios...
fairly boring discussions that they only are really enjoying because they are drunk.
I never realized how dumb drunk people sound when they're carrying on a conversation until I became sober and continued to hang out with them. They sound like idiots and say the same stuff over and over. I feel like they think they sound smart and educated, but it's the complete opposite. I thought about recording my boyfriend the other night so he could hear himself later when he's sober, but I thought he might get mad, so I didn't.
Your first paragraph made me think of this article, which succinctly explains how one could only enjoy bars when under the influence of something that makes EVERYTHING enjoyable.
I have an awnser for you although it will probably get buried. This comes from my experience.
Alcohol is like a crutch for people who don't know how to properly socialize. Unfortunately, most people actually don't know how to socialize properly and we develop various tactics (like drinking ourselves stupid) to try and interact with each other sometimes with disastrous results.
When your drunk, its easier to socialize because you become uninhibited and unaware of your social faults, and everyone else who is drinking becomes unaware as well. When people become sober, they go back to being essentially afraid of each other.
Why is this?
Humans are social beings by design. We are made to operate in large groups and interact with each other. We are programmed to do this from birth. Morality is a cultural code we begin to absord from a very young age, and this includes skills we need to socialize and cooperate.
If someone has parents with poor social skills the problem can arise very early, however the worst part is when we send our children off to school.
Some idiot figured the best way to educate children is to pack them together in a building with other children and relatively few adults. The children simply do not get to observe proper and effective socialization and are left to their own devices. They can't teach effective social skills in school and the children become like animals, beating each other senseless while others cower away.
The result is a bunch of people who are somewhat academically intelligent but don't know how to talk to each other properly. To overcome this easily, we drink to bring ourselves back down to the social level of children where we can interact more comfortably.
So what's the solution?
Practice and hard work, unfortunately. You have to train yourself to be more social. This involves talking to people sober. I mean really talking. Moving beyond the small talk and asking questions, sharing interests, debating, etc. Practice, practice, practice!
It's not easy and anybody will stumble with embarrassing results but this is the process that should have taken place years ago so there is a lot to catch up on.
The more you socialize, the easier it will become. Eventually, this can grow into a superpower and people may even start to look up to you. Social interaction is a powerful thing and if you can master it you will be ahead of the game.
"Some idiot figured the best way to educate children is to pack them together in a building with other children and relatively few adults. The children simply do not get to observe proper and effective socialization and are left to their own devices."
That's an interesting way of looking at it. nice
Ugh, where is /r/badsociology when you need it
This is a great post and I totally agree with your points! But,
Some idiot figured the best way to educate children is to pack them together in a building with other children and relatively few adults.
Realistically though, what's the alternative?
What do you suggest to change in schools? Social skills classes? More teachers? Have the kids and teachers eat together instead of the teachers sitting in their own room drinking coffee?
Or something else?
Can't teach social skills in the classroom. Kids need to spend more time with parents / elders and other professionals and learn through interaction and education.
Kids need to be less isolated. Schooling should be done in and outside of the classroom and there needs to be more teachers working with students individually. Classrooms need to be much smaller.
This would be very expensive however its extremely important in human development and technology is allowing children to acquire academic skills much younger and far more efficiently before they ever set foot in a classroom.
Just an example, using carefully selected tablet applications and other methods I'm teaching my 3 year old how to read. He can recognize many 3 letter words allready and I'm patiently working with him to learn more.
Most of these basic memorization skills were never taught to me by the education system and I suffered for it so I'm giving him a huge head start.
Okay, I'll add it to my "in case I ever become president" plan ;)
Great on you to give him a head start!
There are plenty of alcoholics that are plenty social sober. Just cause some people are socially awkward isn't the reason everyone drinks. This is a pretty narrow minded view of why people drink. Granted, it is one reason, but certainly not the only reason. I know several people that are delightfully social sober but are alcoholics non the less.
Yes or course there are other reasons to drink. I'm just suggesting a possible reason why people are often not social in public, and why people struggle to express feelings when sober.
Rigorous social protocol exists to suppress open expression and protect social-economic order.
Best post of this thread I've seen by far.
"They can't teach effective social skills in school and the children become like animals, beating each other senseless while others cower away." The fuck are you talking about man? Schools are not like Lord of the Flies. Do you honestly expect schools to educate kids on how to socialize? Think about what that would look like: a demonstration about "socializing", or rules for being social? That wouldn't work at all because socializing can't be taught in a curriculum. There's no formula because every person is different. It's just something one must figure out on their own, based on the relationships they have around them. And if you ask me, the best way to encourage kids to socialize is to, i don't know, surround them with peers, which is precisely what the school system does. Ever met a homeschooled kid? I bet they were weird.
You do have a point about some kids being better than others at socializing, but that's just how everything is. Some excel, some do not. No mater how you slice it, humans are social animals. It's society's standards for socializing where many fall short. And it does take practice, but it's something you have to learn for yourself. Schools aren't responsible for every facet of life, just education. Socializing is a by product of going to school that you either gain or you don't. This is a rare case where I say to blame the individual, not the institution.
Surrounding children with peers is a horrible way to teach social behavior. You have the blind leading the blind. The result is total ignorance.
You're right that social skills cannot be taught in a classroom the same way you teach history or math.
Children should be taught proper behavior by observing it. Unfortunately, what children observe is very poor social behavior or strict suppression. They look up to the idiots they watch on television or spend too much time observing lies on Facebook or YouTube rather than learning how to hold a meaningful relationship, a job, or deal with an asshole boss or coworker.
Education and the ability to interact and express one's self is probably one of the biggest factors that separate the strong from the weak and the rich from the poor.
Children need social education.
That's why we shouldn't have schools.
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This has to do with the prefrontal cortex which controls decision making and social behavior. Children are less developed in this part of the brain and are more impulsive.
As children grow, adults give them a whole bunch of greif about what not to do, and that becomes encoded into their foreheads. They grow up and become hardwired like this and turn into lame adults.
When you drink, your disrupting the prefrontal cortex and all that bad wiring stops working and your on top of the world until you end up puking in some toilet.
There are plenty of alcoholics that are plenty social sober. Just cause some people are socially awkward isn't the reason everyone drinks. This is a pretty narrow minded view of why people drink. Granted, it is one reason, but certainly not the only reason. I know several people that are delightfully social sober but are alcoholics non the less.
Wonderful insights!
Best answer in the thread. I'd give you gold if I could spare it :)
Thanks. As a new parent and observing some of the disturbing trends in education this is something that I really worry about and I put a lot of thought into it.
Well as a college student fresh out of the public school system, I've gotta say I can attest to these effects. They need all the help they can get
Fucking great post man!
I read this whole post in Graham Hancock's voice.
I went though the whole "drink to be social" phase that twenty-somethings usually go through and it ended poorly. Eventually I realized my faults were due to a lack of practice and education rather than inadequacy.
This is the only right answer. Glad I found you.
Meeting friends though gym, school, work, hobbies involving arts and crafts all work for my friend who doesn't drink. He met his girlfriend at a rock-climbing place...
This worked for me. I gave up the sauce in January (I used to drink 2-4 nights per week to inebriation) and started hitting the gym. I've made a few new friends from it but mostly I started hanging more with existing friends that were already into fitness. Almost 5 months later, I am officially no longer overweight, I powerlift, my physique is almost what it was when I was in my 20's (I'm 31) and I feel better than I have since I was in my teens.
Now that I think about it my social life is surprisingly more active than it was while I was drinking. I get up earlier, I am much more active and just overall more healthy. Sleeping better is nice too.
It is worth noting that I don't consider myself an alcoholic. Even though I drank a lot it was really easy to stop. If you are addicted to alcohol it's probably a whole other ball of wax.
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Find friends who don't drink. There are plenty of people who don't drink at all or only drink casually and don't get remotely drunk.
Unless you live in Russia. I am not even joking. I live in Poland and it's close to 100%. Of course you might call it casual but when people get those fake drunk smiles I call it drunk. It doesn't bother me though, I can deal with it unless they try to force alcohol on me.
I live in Ukraine, which is kinda between Poland and russia (both geographically and in terms of alcohol consumption), and don't drink. Finding other people that drink only causally or don't drink is not that big problem. Also, people don't try to force alcohol on me (even though many people regard non-drinking as kind of weirdness)
Are there though? Almost everyone I know drinks to some extent. The ones that don't are weird religious people or alcoholics
A large part of my problem with drinking was because I didn't like socialising sober. Which meant that I didn't like socialising. I accepted this fact and now socialise a lot less.
I think part of quitting drinking is facing up to facts about yourself. I am not that big into people and that is ok. It is just the way I am. I have accepted that about myself.
I just don't get how people can afford to go out and drink/party every weekend? Inbetween paying off student loans and rent I pretty much have enough money to just stay home and play video games, because that's all I can afford. Going out and getting wasted usually costs me quite a bit, especially if I do it a lot.
I don't drink at all, and unfortunately that seems to equate to "no fun" for a lot of people. It's pretty frustrating.
I guess the best answer is to just keep trying, as with anything. Even if you have friends that tend to exclude you because their typical idea of relaxing/hanging revolves around having drinks or whatever else, don't give up on them or being around people in general. Something will click at some point if you remain open to it.
Go to social events and decline any offers of alcohol with a simple "no thank you." If you get questioned, just say you aren't a big drinker and not interested in a drink. Rarely will people question your decision or make a big deal about it.
living in the UK, as a non-heavy drinker (soon to be a ZERO drinker due to medication), everytime I explain this they look at me as if I've grown another head. It's awful.
I'm seeing this from a lot of people in the UK on this thread! I've literally never seen this!
In a similar situation (zero alcohol thanks to medication and health problems since I was 18, and in the UK). I've had people try and force me to drink, even going as far as jokingly trying to pour alcohol in my drink. Going out where other people are drinking heavily is just not fun for me any more. Most people have matured now, but it was a big problem when I was at university.
Similarly, if I'm with a group who is drinking, taking pills, etc., and I say "no thanks," it's a good way for me to gauge the levels of immaturity and/or insecurity within that group. The ones I am naturally more comfortable with and who appear to have more interesting facets to their personalities are the ones who don't mind if I stay sober while they get drunk or high. I am an easy-going and playful person, so it usually isn't a problem for me to stay sober unless the people I'm with are making it into a big deal.
I am from the US, not the UK, so it may also be cultural differences too.
Depends on the country. In Poland they will do everything to get you to drink and be GREATELY offended when you refuse (it amuses me though to argue with them).
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In a similar boat here. I never really saw much appeal in alcohol thing. I've even tried a few but the taste leaves something to be desired. Made socializing in college a bit harder than I would have wanted.
I tell my more alcoholically inclined friends, "No, sorry, I don't drink." If they keep pestering me, I repeat same phrase, with added seriousness. If they continue, I give them the dead eye and enunciate, "No. Sorry. I. Do. Not. Drink."
I find it quite annoying that people seem to think for life to be fun, you have to constantly drink alcohol.
I do quite hope you find your solution.
Just curious, how old are you? I had this happen to me once after high school and pretty much never again.
Edit: I don't mean to be critical. Also especially for younger people the tactics used above can be important as well as the confidence to use it.
As a nearly 30 yo lady I can tell you it never stops I would have dates try and convince me I needed a drink. They didn't get second dates.
Nearly 30 male here. Even after I tell them I never drank alcohol they somehow think they're going to be the one to change that. I've made my choice just let me enjoy my night without you pestering me about not drinking every 30 seconds. /rant
The poster is 20 according to their post history.
I do the same as /u/Indysteeler
Just outright tell them you don't drink and they'll stop offering, just drink cola or something. Go to bars etc, just don't drink
Don't know about indy but I am 19 if that helps.
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You have good friends.
Yeah, as /u/davekil said.
I was sleeping so that's why I didn't respond.
I'm 27 and this happens to me in any alcohol setting. People can't wrap their head around the fact that someone doesn't enjoy drinking, or just doesn't want to that night. I get asked about 20 times if I'm sure I don't want a drink. I used to still go after quitting to play pool. But people make you feel like you don't belong if you don't drink, so I just don't go anymore. Which is why I have no social life, since all my friends pretty much only want to go out to bars/clubs.
I'm sorry you don't live around very accepting people.
Sad thing is, if you do this in college a lot of people, in my experience, will stop speaking to you on the spot if you say this. Edit: Not all, and probably not most, but a shocking amount of them will.
Those are pathetic people anyway. Helps you weed them out, really.
Couldn't agree more
Everyone around college age that has said they don't drink have been boring as shit. So there's that.
I'm 29, don't drink, never got drunk. The key is that they don't need a reason. If somebody offers you a drink, the answer is "I'm good" or "nah". I have friends that I've known for years whose minds are blown when they find out I don't drink.
I'm 29 and have never drank either. I'm not going to start now. The problem with not stating you don't drink is they will eventually just buy you one and then you're stuck sitting next to a bottle all night. Then they feel like they wasted their money or feel slightly offended you don't drink something they bought for you.
This depends on what they were asking you. If they were asking you to come hang out at the bar, "no I don't drink" isn't really a great excuse. They have non-alcoholic drinks and activities at bars, your friends just wanted you to come hang out.
That I'm okay with, it's when they start saying, "Here, have a beer." and won't leave it the fuck alone.
I find it quite annoying that people seem to think for life to be fun, you have to constantly drink alcohol.
This. So much. I've always been 2 years younger than my classmates, which made not drinking relatively easier, as the drinking age her is 18. I don't understand why you HAVE to drink to have a good time. Luckily some friends of mine think the same about this.
I don't think you need to do anything differently. I don't drink and still go out with people who drink. If anyone doesn't want to hang out with you because you don't drink, they aren't really a friend.
Exactly. And if you can't have fun with the people you are with unless you are somehow intoxicated then you really need to find better friends.
I have found that alcohol is definitely not needed for enjoyment at parties or social gatherings. I have been sober for 15 years and simply enjoy conversing with people at parties and events because I get to watch them become inebriated. I also get to say ludicrous things to people who are really drunk because they have very little chance of remembering things. It is very enlightening to engage in this kind of play.
Go out with your friends sober, but try to blend into their fun. Don't be the distant sober guy, watching his 5 friends get silly. Join them, be the very very faint voice of reason, but be one with them. I'll tell you, its funnnn. I take 2 two-month breaks from alcohol every year, and I honestly look forward to those 2 months every year.
If you learn how to dance swing, ballroom, country western, or latin, you'll have an awesome social life without alcohol.
I quit drinking for 4 1/2 years. I still went out to clubs to go dancing, went to parties, etc. If you need alcohol to feel relaxed and social, then you're just going to have to train yourself to be those things without it. It may take a while and some practice. Fake it till you make it. I found that it really wasn't that hard, and I'm a pretty hardcore introvert. It'll help you build confidence, that's for sure. Some people will give you shit about it; just shrug them off. Drinking is fine, but some people put way too much emphasis on getting drunk in order to have fun. I definitely prefer to remember what I did the night before, and not having a hangover is the shit. Go out there and do everything that people do while drinking - just don't drink. Hell, I even eventually worked up the courage to dance in night clubs stone cold sober. That was a big one for me. You just kind of let go and let yourself get into it. Learn not to care what other people think. Because all those other people are probably drunk anyway, and totally focused on themselves.
I think that is only a problem if you make it a problem.
I haven't drink in my whole life, and it's not even a issue in my social life. The friends that i have for years they know i don't drink and sometimes they joke about that, but never give me a hard time about it, the new people i meet, they meet me knowing that i don't drink so is not a problem eather. Whenever someone new just keep pushing to drink i just tell him a very sad history about how i used to an alcoholic and i lost everything or also i tell them that in my religion is forbbiden to drink, and then create a history about a really weird religion, my friends just laugh and probably the one who insist with the drink stop.
Now i think the most difficult age to not to drink, is 15-18 where you wanna be cool, specially in front of the ladys, and is even harder to say no thanks. I know that, but at time learn to say no and don't do whatever everyone else do give you a little character and makes you a litte bit stronger. In College is not that hard to say no, thanks.
There is a few time that not drinking is a problem, but not for me, for example i like to go to watch sport matches in a bar, and a couple of times i ask for a coke and they have told me that if i'm not going to drink beer or something more expensive i have to go, that suck's, but if you think it, is not really my problem is theirs.
Finally i little advice, i don't drink, but my friends do it. Sometimes (in specially in the past) i really enjoy to go out with them, and when we go to a bar and they get super drunk they used to live in a fantasy world, if they in the next day tell to the rest a history about how the get the prettiest girl in the bar or how they get in a hughe fight, even when you know that the girl was a solid 3 or 4 and the fight was just to drunk guys not even scream each other, let them have their big histories and say yes you saw everything and the girls was a model and he kicked everyone asses, just let them have their glory is harmless.
Do everything that would involve drinking.. except don't drink. It's sort of that simple.
"I'm taking a break from drinking"
That worked well. Saying "no thanks" or "maybe tomorrow" seemed to piss people off. But "taking a break" was totally fine.
I have no idea why.
Friendships are formed through repeated, accidental contact. That's why it's so much easier to make friends through work or school.
The alternative is find a new place to have repeated, accidental contact instead of a bar.
Join a gym that has group classes. Sign up for something unusual there, like fencing. If you want something less physical, go to a comic shop and find out what games meet up there--it's not uncommon for there to be groups of gamers showing up for different things 5 or 6 nights a week.
The trick is just to find something where people will show up in predictable patterns, and then making sure that you're there then.
Every time I DD, I just call every thing "Hard ____." So hard water or hard coke. Usually gets a laugh out of who ever is asking what I am drinking.
Start smoking weed?
Smoke weed. I can't believe how many people I've met/made friends with because of it.
I've learned how to really let loose, and people honestly think I'm drunk or high all the time, even though I've never smoked before in my life and only drank a couple times within the past month.
They really don't believe me.
Don't hold back - take risks. Laugh hysterically when something is funny, no matter who is watching. Go to class with your best friend even though you don't even go to the school (yes, really). Flirt obnoxiously with the cashier and laugh at yourself uncontrollably in the process. Do stupid voices while mocking yourself. Seriously, make fun of yourself, and bring an accomplice so you can play off of each other's craziness. You'll be surprised by how high you can get just off of life.
Go out with your friends and order non-alcoholic beverages instead of alcohol. That really shouldn't be too hard.
Don't hang out with alcoholics.
he hath spoken.
or hang out with sober alcoholics =/
Unless they are in recovery then they are the perfect people to hang out with because they engage in actives with no booze.
man fuck that attitude. i'm all for being not drinking if they dont want to drink, but once you start being an arrogant shit who thinks everyone who enjoys drinking is an alcoholic, fuck you.
You know how hard it is to stop drinking when your around people who drink?
Sure after a few years its no big deal but in the beginning its ruff as fuck.
I dropped my druggie friends when I got sober, it had nothing to do with me "being better" than them and everything to do with me not being able to stop cause I was surrounded by people who still did it
The world don't revolve around you man, your not that important.
What does that have to do with what I said? I completely get not being able to be around it to quit. But don't start accusing everyone who still drinks of being an alcoholic cause you quit.
I feel like this doesn't really happen, unless you drink all the time.
Some of my old friends didn't get why I couldn't come around anymore - they couldn't make plans without booze or drugs being involved in some way.
In the end its all the really wanted to do, sure I could twist their arm and get them to not drink for a day hanging out with me but honestly they weren't enjoying it and the friendships became empty and fake.
Right? This fucking thread dude. It's as if people think you can ONLY be sober or you can ONLY be drunk. No way there's an in between where you can only have one drink that you actually enjoy! Everyone who drinks does it to get drunk, and everyone who has any alcoholic drinks what so ever in ANY amount is a drunk alcoholic who is doing it just to have fun because they can't while they're sober! Because there's no in between sober and drunk! You're basically an unhealthy alcoholic if you have one beer that you enjoy! And don't forget that drinking only happens in bars, and I'm not about that bar life!!
/s
News flash: some people actually enjoy beer for the flavors. And guess what? People do only have ONE every once in a while! And guess what? They aren't drunk, they aren't an alcoholic, it isn't social lubrication, and they don't even need it to enjoy themselves. Because to those people, it's just a beverage or food. Just like those people wouldn't drink two milkshakes in a row, they wouldn't drink two beers in a row. And they don't even need to be in a bar to enjoy their favorite sour beer! I Tess the difference between those people and complete drunks or people who are completely sober is that they A) enjoy the taste of particular beers and B) have self control and don't blow alcohol out of proportion
Wow who thought that you can enjoy something in moderation and not be an imbecile drunk or unhealthy?
You sound really drunk.
You must be fun at parties
You must be drunk at parties. ;)
Is that what your inner fat kid tells yourself?
Dead men tell no tales.
A friend quit drinking a while ago. He still shows up at parties, but doesn't drink and leaves a little earlier. That's fine though. He was a fun drunk, but he's not boring sober either.
We also have a fair bit of contact outside of the occasional party. A social life isn't really restricted to settings where alcohol is consumed.
Play games with your friends. Go to movies, on hikes, to dinner or just hang out. If your friends are incapable of doing any of that without drinking, I'd suggest maybe widening your circle of friends.
I don't drink and have a decent social life.
Cars, don't have enough money to mod mine but I'm a photographer so I chill with car guys
Just bought a motorcycle, riding with people (meet them in forums, fb, people you know with bikes etc)
Go to concerts and talk to people, add them on FB and ask to hit up another one with them
Hobbys! I've made loads of friends through my photography business
First and most important step: learn to enjoy yourself while sober. I don't drink. I love life, I have fun, I regret nothing. If you feel like not drinking is getting in the way of that, you won't be able to maintain a social life sober because you'll be a downer. If you can have the time of your life, sober or not, you'll bring people up with you and your social life will be perfect. Just learn how to get into a happy place without alcohol. It might seem like a difficult thing, especially if you're already used to drinking, but really that's all you have to keep in mind when you're out on the town.
Always be the designated driver
Start taking up activities that don't involve drinking or make drinking difficult. Go rock climbing, surfing, snowboarding, hiking, running, etc.
If you're not able to be physically active try finding things you can do. Pottery or painting.
You may have to make new friends if you're going to cut alcohol out or you may have supportive friends already willing to do things that don't involve a drink in hand.
That's basically it. You have to find stuff you like to do and do it - and you eventually meet a few people you like and find other stuff to do.
Also, getting out and doing new things is almost universally more rewarding than sitting around talking.
Cant blame the friends for drinking. I think blame is on the person that cant have fun without alcohol. its an acquired taste
Find a group of people with a common intrest. Me and my friends like to get together and play videogames and watch movies, go to the beach, play sports, race cars, laser tag, ect. There's tons of stuff you can do that doesnt involve drinking with friends that is a ton of fun. If you have a hobby, check local papers or make a strictly platonic post on craigslist asking if anyone else with a similar interest would like to hang out.
Without any other info (it may be down in the thread somewhere) it's all about finding other hobbies/activities that you enjoy. You can go a couple different routes:
-Is there something you and your significant other have been looking to try? Go for that. Cutting out or back on drinking means you should have a few extra bucks in your wallet every month.
-Join in on activities your friends are into but you don't partake in. My buddies go shooting, hiking, etc. Your friends and acquaintances are likely into a bunch of fun stuff that you haven't tried yet.
-Get into something new and make new friends. Around me there are plenty of "out-of-college" soccer clubs, teams are always looking for extra players. Groups that go rock climbing or kayaking are always looking for new people to join, they love being able to share their slightly more obscure hobby with others. A month off drinking should get you started with buying the required gear.
The benefits of most of these are twofold, you are giving your body a break from drinking and also being active and getting stronger. Even if you still want to drink here and there, working to become a more well rounded person will only improve your life.
Depends on your reasoning for doing so. If you're an alcoholic, don't do what I'm about to tell you. In all other cases, try going to the bar and drinking something other than alcohol. Soda isn't as cheap as it should be but its still cheaper than booze, usually - order your own drinks and just get a coke (or diet coke, if this is a weight thing). As long as you're not the creepy type (male OR female), and participate rather than lingering awkwardly, people won't see it as that weird and will quickly forget if they bother to ask you what you're drinking in the first place (don't lie and say your drink is alcoholic, that makes it way weirder). I've sat there sober laughing at my friends plenty of times and it's always been fine. If they get so drunk it's boring for me I dip out, but usually I have just as good of a time.
If a person is going to a bar with friends and not drinking, then they can tell the bartender they are the DD. In some cases, the bartender will give then free or discounted soda. That USE to be the case anyway.
save up a small amount each month you would otherwise spend on alcohol, when you have a small wad. organise something special. a BBQ at yours/park. invite people that you know, work acquaintances, neighbours you haven't really spoken too much. anyone that might make a good social friend. set rules. no booze, byob(burger) ect. make it a regular thing. enjoy that new found social life, this works well if you save up for a hot tub, brick BBQ, DIY garden furniture... ect. all these thinge are also potential bonding events if you invite people to help.
lastly, take up a hobby thats relatively cost effective, walking, running, cycling... so on. meet people and just enjoy yourself.
I don't drink. My friends do. Being the sober one is very fun imo, because I get to remember everything and fill people in the next day. I also have had to bail my friends out of some tough spots while they were drunk. I honestly don't think there's a better feeling in the world than helping out a friend. Every group of drunks need a dedicated sober person, why not be that guy?
There are some really bad answers here.
What you are looking at here is a fundamental change to the type of socialization you are doing and the people with whom you are socializing. If you are doing all, or nearly all of your socialization centered around the consumption of alcohol, you are living life in a way that is very much different thant people who don't socialize that way. For example, you probably are used to staying up late, parting in the evenings, sleeping in whenever possible. Most people do that into their 20s, but then we realize that is not a viable long term life strategy. Instead, we go to bed when it's dark and wake up when it's light. We enjoy activities during the daytime and into the evening, but seldom past midnight. We quit smoking and think about eating healthy. For most people this happens in the late 20's or early 30s when we start having kids and getting worried about dying (it's gonna happen to all of us evenutally).
When you start living life this way, you meet people with similar interests- at work, at the gym, at your kids preschool, at whatever-you-are-doing-thats-not-drinking. There is a weird transition period where you know you're not right sitting at the bar, but you haven't found friends to do that other stuff with yet. At that point, you just gotta do stuff on your own. Be self confident, be yourself and be nice to people, and you'll find friends.
Better to discover now than when you're in your 30s and realize none of your friends have anything related to each other other than alcohol.
Have friends whose company you enjoy when sober, leave around 11 (before the drinkers move from "jolly" to "dull and repetitive") or just take drugs.
If you are hanging out with people who care if you are drinking alcohol or give you shit for not, then you are hanging out with the wrong people.
You just do. You go out with people to bars or restaurants and drink soda, coffee or tea with no apologies. People may kid you about it, but will not press if they're not jerks. If they're jerks they don't belong in your social circle anyway.
I met up with friends every week for movie and pizza nights, I didn't even notice I wasn't drinking
It is actually easier then you might think. You do everything you ever did before. The only exception to that is you don't drink. You still go to the bar/parties but you only have non alcoholic beverages. Clubs, concerts, orgies all the same.
When I quite drinking 4ish years ago, I was the GM of a bar/restaurant/banquet hall. Alcohol was part of everything we did. It was harder for people around me to drink, then for me not to drink. At first it seems strange and foreign, but soon it will be the norm.
Edit: a word error
Don't hang out with people who only care about drinking?
Guns- collecting, hunting, target practice. The people you meet are smart and responsible and are willing to help.
Fucking Fat Girls.
Most of the time they are too self conscious to want to go anywhere. They'd rather stay home with you and that confidence boost you brought over. They wanna lay their whale asses in their beds and let you pound away.
I also was the guy that had to drink the most and try to keep the party going forever. Not only was this killing me physically, it was also landing me in legal trouble. It's been 10 years since I gave all that shit up and it was hard at first when I went out with friends to bars. When you're sober at a bar, you realize how ridiculous intoxicated people behave and how they have a mindless pursuit to get trashed. You realize how guys think they are either God's gift to women or the baddest fighter in the world. Girls either act slutty or just stupid obnoxious. I've always said "misery loves company", which means that drunks like to hang with other drunks. They don't like to be with sober people, that's why they are always encouraging them to drink by using pressure. I am so over the bar scene and won't go to one unless I'm watching a band. My attitude now is that if someone doesn't want to hang out or mingle with me because I'm not drinking, then fuck them, they're not worth it. Sorry for the rant.
It sucks being sober around a bunch of drunk people having fun.
Video games. No really, bare with me her for a second for people who think that doesn't involve a "social life". Millions of people play online games and create groups to do certain things. I myself have played quite a few where interacting with others is important and needed to get ahead. Surprisingly, a lot of these people shared similar interests with myself, so we became friends. There's plenty of ways to interact with people online, through skype and what not. If you're into Fighting games, a lot of states have local tournaments or a place where people get together and practice their shit.
Beyond video games, there's simply places where people who share interests gather and have fun. Comic-cons are a great example and there's many of them around. You can find a lot of internet boards where people meet and go to said cons. If you strike up a conversation with people online and meet in real life, things usually go pretty well and you can make some friends.
Honestly, just go to places that don't have alcohol and get out of the habit of using alcohol to have fun. It isn't necessary. If people can do things sober, so can you.
AA meetings
Don't get me wrong, I like alcohol just as much as the next person, but I don't enjoy being smashed off my face. Replace alcohol with food. Lots of lovely food.
I used to drink a lot but got pancreatitis in October and haven't had a drink since then... honestly, I don't really hang out with anyone after I stopped drinking
that's kind of sad actually ...
It's totally fine. I just feel like I'm super irritable and people get on my nerves a lot more than they used to
I have a fatty liver and lymphodema in my left leg. I've never drank, and it's sort of funny how it turned out. I have two medical conditions that would have been made way worse had I drank like a normal college student.
Lots of people don't drink and don't have alcohol-based social events all the time. The issue is, if you're going to house parties and clubs, you're not going to meet those people. I don't drink myself, but I have some friends that do, and some that don't. I used to go out with my drinking friends and we'd go to clubs or our student union. I love music and dancing so I liked it, and Coke and water are much cheaper than alcohol so my nights were pretty cheap. However, I've been in university for 4 years now and it sort of tires you out, being the sober one all the time. I get sick of answering the "So why don't you drink?" or responding to comments like "Man how have you not drunk alcohol before?!" and listening to drunk people telling me their problems. I assume when you're drunk you tolerate that stuff more. I'm sure not everyone does this, and maybe it's because my friends are all medical students who are known to drink loads, but being around so many drunk people is not something I like. It's exhausting.
What I'm trying to say is, find non-drinking people. I love my non-drinking friends; we either met in university, or through various societies. Obviously it's easier to meet people in uni.
But that being said, it's 100% possible to have a social life with people who drink, without drinking alcohol. I've done it, and I enjoyed it. I just personally got tired of it, but I don't expect that to be the norm. Just hold on to your convictions, people respect your choices in the end.
Weed
I have a friend that actually told me he liked drunk me way more than sober me. That I wasn't as much fun when I didn't drink. Still bothers me to this day, and took me a while to realize it was his problem, not mine.
Weed?
No, hobbies, find something you like doing, do it in a group, go out for a lemonade afterwards.
I don't like sport, I do like music so I learned some musical instruments and I play with other people when I can.
If you like cars, go work on your car with your buddy or something.
If it's gaming, have a game party, order a pizza, drink some caffienated crack beverage and have some fun.
If you like cars, take up street racing.
No man, you might blow the manifold floor panel
Yeah - check on "Meetup.com" for tons of things to do and new (non-drinking) friends.
Find things that interest you with people that don't drink. It takes more work because drinking and social is easy because the drinking lowers your everything so you worry less.
Thats just a myth though. I think people use alcohol as an excuse to do whatever.
Yep. Everybody wants someone else to be the designated driver.
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One option would be to join a religious community where alcohol is either forbidden or heavily frowned upon. If it's a large enough community, there will be plenty of social events where it's a given that no alcohol will be involved. If you aren't interested in being religious, though, which is probably the case for many Redditors, this option won't work, though.
i think you hit it right on. i don't drink, and the fact that i will probably suffer socially because of it scares me a lot
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i'd go with marijuana
Usually a horrible idea for socializing. Even more so as a substitute for alcohol, as it has a tendency to make you anxious, while alcohol does the opposite.
Can help coping with withdrawal and the lack of social life, but that's about it.
Source: Used to be social phobic, have consumed both ad absurdum. I actually enjoy marijuana a lot more by myself, thoroughly hate being stoned when around people i don't know well. They don't like it either.
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I agree, I think part of the anxious comes from people doing that shit in like schetcy areas, but if you are all secure in the place it is the nicest relaxer. not to mention if you are in a large group of people doing it, worst comes to worst you can just talk about weed, it is a nice social lubricant.
Yeah, the point. Always seems so clear, and a second later it's gone. Marijuana is also not the best medicine if you're trying to develop as a person... It just doesn't seem very important when high.
In this case, OP seems to have trouble socializing without alcohol; Which leads me to believe he is not extroverted in general. I am aware that my advice is based on my subjective experiences, but seeing how I had the very same problem after a DUI a few years back, I do think it might be relevant here.
I think it is unlikely weed will do him any good, even if we do not take into consideration that he seems to get rid of an addiction and another addiction is probably not what he is looking for. I think just replacing alcohol with weed is not solving anything.
Generally speaking, marijuana is often portrayed as the one acceptable drug on reddit, and that's just wrong. It has just as much potential to fuck your life as any other drug. Neither is it the cure to everything.
...if he really, really wants to solve his problems with another drug, I'd recommend MDMA. I've never socialized harder. Otherwise, sports. Deals with the lack of dopamine, exhausts so less sleeping troubles, and you know, other people. I personally get extremely extroverted in any competitive kind of sport. Recently picked up squash and love it.
I thought so about MDMA... Eventually quit. Realized it was swapping out a physical hangover for a emotional one. I don't plan on going back as a regular user; just maybe special occasions with the right people. Plus, the culture was just as full of shitty people as the drinking one.
Also, as much as I sing the praises of MDMA's potential benefits, that's at low doses in a therapeutic environment. We're still not 100% sure how regularly taking recreational doses affects your brain (particularly your seratonin regulation) in the long run
I love squash. I used to have an apartment that had a squash court for the tenants. Not getting into a which drug is "safer" debate. Sports are definitely the healthiest option. Cheers
Depends on the person, weed helps with social anxiety for me. Let's all pass our experience off as fact...
Plus dude was just making a joke.
But if you smoke marijuana it is very easy to find a lot of people that do the same. Getting high with people a lot will usually result in making friends.
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One is generally worse for you. As far as any recreational drugs go, alcohol is one of the most addictive and unhealthy we've managed to come to with.
I started gathering with friends on occasional sunny Sunday afternoons to indulge in mushrooms/acid, and each time I lose the desire to be drunk a little more. These hangouts are far more rewarding for me than going to the bar on Saturday night. No blackouts, no getting sick, no hangovers, no loud annoying people...etc.
Same as ever other answer in this thread: free yourself from alcohol, hang out with the right people, and you'll feel better and do more interesting things.
Sub one drug for a better and healthier one*
What if his job drug tests?
what if his job doesn't drug test?
I didn't say it was more socially acceptable and legal, of course Cannabis can cause more problems than Alcohol but not on the health side.
Until you hang out with broke people who only want to get high
I'm a fan of weed, never got too into booze. But, both of my parents were alcoholics and I never in a million years would try to get them to smoke weed because it could trigger them to their addictive states. OP didn't elaborate much but if that is his situation, weed might not be the best option.
Seconded.
third!
Fourth :^)
High Five!
You fucked u^p.
He's high give the man a break lol
Can't believe this post is so far down here. Smoke some pot with that same group of friends you used to drink with. You will completely forget that you aren't drinking.
Just don't drink alcohol? There isn't really a trick. If your friends are giving you shit about not drinking then they aren't really your friends.
Exactly. If they dislike something you do, than you shouldn't befriend them. Wait, this is bad advice...
It's easy. I rarely drink, but that doesn't mean you can't have hobbies that involve other people. For instance - Two nights a week I play D&D/Pathfinder with two different groups of people, I'm also part of an amateur theatre group so I'm currently rehearsing for a play this Summer. Already that's three nights of my week taken up with a social life and none of those nights involve any alcohol.
Even if I were to go to a bar with friends, I probably won't drink. It doesn't mean you can't talk to people.
Started out with D&D and moved to Pathfinder. I'm an avid gamer but nothing I have ever played is as entertaining as paper RPGs. With the right people they can be hilarious, epic and serious, or even pretty deep (philosophically). They can also be played while drinking though I have never tried that.
10/10 would recommend.
Yeah it really is fantastic to have a group that you can do this with weekly. I'm lucky enough to have two! I've never played it whilst drinking and don't think I shall, although half of one of my groups like to do a joint mid way through so I imagine for them it becomes somewhat more entertaining.
Yeah the group I found at college wanted to play while drinking but we never got around to it. Kind of a shame too because one of the players' parents was the manager of a brewery and we had access to really good beer for free. The friends I used to play with in high school were really fun sober and now that I think about it I think I prefer it that way, since I think playing with them while they're drunk would turn into a really silly campaign, to the point that we may as well just play a card game.
Good point - unless you just did say one session where you just drink, stay in character, and chat. Basically a session-long tavern scene - no rolling or combat, just role play!
We never really did much "role playing" aside from making decisions based on our character's alignment, etc. No accents or talking, just narrating what our character does. My friends are also fairly obnoxious drunks so I think I'll forgo the bar scene even.
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Gee that's helpful.
Actually it is.
Be a driver. Be social. Be yourself.
You can still go to clubs and parties and places with alcohol and not drink it. You'll get some banter for not drinking from your buddies, but honestly it's all banter and I can tell you with 100% certainty that having a sober friend around to be the designated driver or to help them out when one accidentally drinks too much is something you'll be appreciated a lot for.
Yeah that's true, I think the biggest problem with drinking is you want to keep on and will eventually pass your limit. Drinking a beer or two wouldn't make you drunk, but some people would ask what is the point of drinking something and not getting tipsy/drunk. For me I like the taste of different beers so for me it is more than just getting hammered, I can drink two beers in a bar and be good.
It all depends on your circle of friends. To have a sober social life, have sober friends. It's very hard to be sober around people drinking.
Not if you like observing people's behaviour. It's funny as hell then.
I read this on reddit some time ago: say you're a recovering alochoholic. Or say you're under medication.
It's kind of sad that social life revolves so much around alcohol and that people need to make excuses for not drinking.
Why lie? Lies don't lead to anything good.
Lies don't lead to anything good.
If that were unequivocally true nobody would lie.
...Dont Drink?
Since i started driving on a daily basis instead of using public transport, i've stopped drinking. So for the last year or so i've drank twice: once on vacation and once during my own birthday at home.
I've gone to pubs, and dinners, Friday afternoons at the office, weddings, and even new-years eve. Just.. dont drink. Friends get a Beer? Get a coke. Friends all want to do a toast > toast with your orange juice.
Friends trying to pressure you into drinking? Punch their face for trying to force you into shit.
I "gave up" drinking a few months ago to further a weight loss goal. Once I hit the goal, I'll have a bear.
It is in quotes, because I never really consumed much. I would have one beer when I went out with friends maybe every other week. Now it's a water / diet soda (yes I know it's bad for health).
But it's really just that simple. Just don't buy alcohol.
You'll have a Bear? Dude, that's hardcore.
A few hundred pounds of bear meat does wonders!
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Inspiring stuff
Get the people you drink with to do things outside of drinking. Start slowly first, maybe a movie or a museum. Then maybe a hiking trip, or a baseball game. Use small things to show them they can have fun without booze, and they'll be more willing to go along with it.
Get older. I don't drink at all and it's not an issue. It's definitely harder when you're young. People really don't give two shits after about 30. In the mean time, I think doing stuff outside or that requires engagement is the best way to make friends who are ok with the not drinking. Do you like to hike? Bike? Any kind of sport? I've found a lot of meetups for various activities - no one has ever given me an issue for not drinking.
I usually drink water and nobody says anything... I guess that is the meaning of friendship
I don't really see how not drinking alcohol would relate to not having a social life.
Do people find it that much easier to meet other people drunk? It would seem to me that it's harder to have an actual conversation or get to know someone when you're drunk than while being sober.
I guess I can't really compare the two, I'm 26 and don't drink. Haven't had any problems with it, people look at you weird the first time you go to a bar with someone and you don't order a beer like everyone else but I haven't actually met anyone that made a problem out of it.
I think the main thing is making friends with people who don't drink, or drink very little.
You know where a good place to ask that question is? An AA meeting.
I know reddit likes to hate on AA - but I'm not suggesting you take up the program, just go there and ask. You'll find a room full of people with the exact same challenge - how to do X in life without drinking. They'll be more than happy to give you advice.
Step one: Go to party. Step two: Do not drink. Step three: Talk to people.
I think the biggest problem for a lot of people (including me) was that alcohol taught them how to socialize. In my teen years I always felt awkward as fuck and only had a niche group of friends.
Senior year of high school I started drinking, and therefore going to parties, and realizing how much easier it made talking people and meeting people. So you keep doing it.
Hang out with your drinking friends sober once and you might find your answer. After I realized how idiotic people really can be after drinking, i stopped wanting to drink so much.
If you need alcohol to have a social life, it's time to stop drinking.
Find a club, hobby, or recreational sport that doesn't involve alcohol and isn't held in places where alcohol is served. For example, bowling alleys usually serve alcohol (but you might be able to find a league of people who don't drink), but I don't know that curling usually involves alcohol. Folk dancing usually doesn't involve alcohol.
Without? Just great, am just as stupid sober as I am drunk.
Try social dancing. It's a great way to get active and meet new people.
Sports. I play in 2 flag football leagues and constantly going to basketball games as a fill in as well. when you play high intensity sports like that you surround yourself with people who dont resort to drinking as their hangout. Our games are our hangout. We usually watch the following games and bullshit around. Or go to a diner. We may hit a bar here and there but the last thing you wanna do is drink alcohol after playing a game or the night before a game. I cant even tell you how better my body feels and how much more money I save by doing it.
Wouldn't be my first choice, but I don't see anybody saying Church. I grew up in a Church and there were a lot of social sober folks there.
Here's a trick one of my friends used to do at bars. If you end up in a bar, and you know people are going to pressure you to drink. Go to the bar and order a sprite, club soda, tonic water, etc. and have the bartender put a lime slice in it. It looks like a gun and tonic or vodka and tonic. Works pretty well as an excuse if someone is trying to get you to drink. "I already have a drink, but thanks!"
Don't hang around alcoholics. But seriously I don't drink, not for any other reason than I just don't like it. I can still go to a club, bar, wedding and mingle with drinkers, all of my friends drink moderately so it's easier to hang with them
Serious question for OP. Why without alcohol? I'm not debating that good reasons don't exist, but I'm curious as to what is your reason?
I am 28 years old and never had a drink in my life. I used to worry about this when I was younger, but as you become more okay with yourself you realize that it doesn't matter that you don't drink. I still go out to bars with friends, playing trivia or some of the arcade machines, and watching sports. We have game nights at our house where everyone is drinking and I'll have some milk and a cookie. The people in your life care about you because of you and not because of the fact that you are imbibing. If you find people that do care, they aren't really good friends anyways.
The one thing that I always find is when people realize I haven't been drinking all night they eventually learn that I don't. (I don't run around telling everyone I don't). They usually tell me something about how they are super impressed and think it's great and they have thought of stopping. This can get a little tiring, but they mean well.
My friends and I play board games
Smoke weed...everyday.
Go hang out at a tea-house,elixir bar, kombucha bar, kava bar, coffee house etc. etc. etc.
There is a guy in my group of friends who is a recovering (recovered?) user. He went down the rabbit hole hard, pretty much any drug you could give him he would abuse the shit out of it. One of the more destructive people when he was on drugs.
He's been clean for years and he still hangs out with his friends. He will drive people home and look after them. It's like... as dark as things got for him, he is the opposite now. Some people can struggle with these things and I feel like having this guy around other people who were almost in his position is great.
I'll say, his control is amazing. Most people who have had these kinds of issues in the past would try to avoid going to those places. And rightfully so, for many of them. But this guy is able to go, enjoy himself, keep an eye on his friends, and make sure that people are staying safe. He maintains his social life while choosing to keep himself clean.
Of course, many people who choose to stay sober don't want to deal with intoxicated people. So that might not be the answer you're looking for. But I think a simple answer to your question "How to have a social life without alcohol" would be "Go out and be social, and don't drink." People can make it sound more difficult than it is. Bottom line is - if YOU don't enjoy drinking alcohol, but you like your friends, it's still fun to hang out with your friends.
Be a funny guy. Order sodas like ginger ale. They look like beer
It's actually simple, just don't drink and don't judge people that do. If you don't judge them, they shouldn't judge you. I don't drink and I hang out with a crowd that is always going out drinking. I'll admit that you're going to feel a little left out, but if you are more comfortable not drinking, then don't let the unintentional peer pressure sway you. You can have just as much fun socially without alcohol. It is a decision that is entirely up to you.
stop hanging out with people whose only social construct revolves around drinking.
find people who share hobbies and interests OTHER than drinking.
really not too difficult
I have been sober for twenty one years and don't miss the hangovers and chaos a bit. I can go out with friends and not worry about them driving home drunk or being arrested. To be fair drunks are awful company but I have many friends who aren't drinkers.
Life without alcohol isn't much different than life with alcohol - minus the poor life choices made while drinking
I've been waiting for someone to post this. I'm 24, in college, but I don't drink because I have liver disease and already had one transplant. It amazes me how difficult it is to be this age and have some kind of social circle that doesn't involve going to bars or out to drink.
Just as a bit of inspiration, my neighbor/close friend doesn't drink alcohol at all and he is literally the life of the party. Everyone loves his company because he's super fun and he doesn't act at all like not having alcohol is a deprivation for him. The downside is that he is always the designated driver, but no one gives him a hard time for not drinking. And he doesn't judge folks for getting tipsy (although no one likes a straight up drunk and he's no different on that one). He does almost always have a (non-alcoholic) drink in his hand, which I think helps him to avoid people constantly offering him drinks. In fact, he's so fun and successful with his alcohol-free lifestyle that TWO of my teenaged kids independently decided that they were never going to drink alcohol because "Neighbor Man doesn't and look how fun he is", so why bother. Now they say they're "teetotalers" which is adorable. If they change their minds that's fine, but if not - great for them and such a nice legacy from our neighbor.
Based on my observations of his successful alcohol free party life, I'd say the most important things for going out and having a good time without alcohol would be to A) have fun and don't act like the fact that you're not drinking alcohol is sad for you, B) order non-alcoholic drinks so you don't stick out, C) Be willing to be the designated driver and don't be judgey about your friends that do drink, at least within reason.
I have been sober for 7.5 years....I do most of the same stuff I used to do, I just don't drink now
There already a lot of great responses, but I"m going to let you in on a few of my industry secrets. I spend of lot of time around alcohol not drinking it.
If you find yourself at a bar or event and pressured to have a drink, my favorite thing to order is bitters and soda. It is slightly alcoholic, but you're getting about 4-6 drops into an 8oz glass. Most conservatively that's about .2%ABV. It would take about 35 drinks to equivalent a 12oz beer at 5% abv. Every bar can make this, even at weddings/events.
If you find yourself at a cocktail bar, don't be afraid to ask for something nonalcoholic. They generally have a lot of weird syrups and concoctions they enjoy messing around with. One of my favorite NA drinks has been grapefruit shrub (with tarragon added) shaken with egg white and a little lime juice and maple syrup, with an oz of ginger ale. Fizzy, tart and refreshing.
Lastly if someone gives you guff, tell them you have a medical condition and they'll shut up right away. In the US bartenders work for tips and are generally friendly and nonjudgmental. In fact most of them love people who aren't drinking, it's one less drunk to deal with.
Perrier Water.
you can still hang out with the same friends just get a red bull if needed or a coke. I went out with my friends the other night and was the only one dancing with chicks while being completely sober. One of them even challenged me to a dance off which i totally owned. Its about giving no fucks. If your insecure that your not drinking that's an internal problem you need to fix and ask yourself why are you feeling so down not having a depressant in your system?
Try some Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Whole groups of people that lead social lives without drugs or alcohol.
I drink a fair amount but for about a year I quit drinking because I was pretty bored with being drunk as regularly as I was. I'd previously quit smoking weed and that went really well so I was curious what life would also be like without alcohol.
It was fine.
Personally I didn't deliberately change my existing social life. I wasn't in a position of having to be away from alcohol. So I went out with the same folk, went to the same clubs and bars and did all the stuff I had been doing. I'm lucky that I have a peer group that doesn't care to apply too much peer pressure around drinking.
Some observations from that period;
For about a 1-2 months going out is weird without having a drink in your hand. Feels socially awkward and odd as all hell (what do you do with your hands!?). After that it was just normal and unremarkable and I could go out and socialise and just not think about it. Next, drunk people are weird and loud and the conversation is peculiar you've never noticed if you've also always been drunk too. When the evening gets late things aren't as entertaining as drunk people think they are. Lastly, you get tired real quick, between drunk people not being as entertaining as they think and the tiredness you'll leave bars early (before 11pm). Which is fine, you're going to be getting a lot more done at weekends.
Pick up hobbies which require you not to drink. Running, fishing, rafting, etc. invite your friends or meet new friends. There's no ultimatum on friendship, one of my best friends doesn't drink and he enjoys himself and is extremely popular in the community. Get involved
hobbies which require you not to drink
fishing
not sure about that one my friend
Smoke some pot, then go out with them.
God I never thought about this.. But since I grew out of partying my social life is non existent. I do work a lot of hours tho so there's that to..
Board games, man. They are blowing up.
Cocaine.
Nowadays when me and my friends go out to party, oftentimes I don't drink. It is actually more fun, not only for not being hung over the next day.
When sober I enjoy dancing more (even if I don't love the music), I don't say or do anything stupid, I save money, and, contrary to popular belief, I am more courageous around girls in a club (i.e. taking the initiative to introduce myself to a girl I might like.
Only downsides: Your drunk friends might be a bit more annoying and you might notice a tinnitus when you get home.
There are so many fun things to do without booze. My partner and I stopped drinking for a variety of reasons- me for diet/health, him to work on emotional stuff- and it's been awesome. We've done month-long breaks before, but the really feeling great started at about 40-45 days. At first we both felt like we were missing out, as our friends are big time party people- but they are also our friends and respect us, and never pushed us into drinking with them. They've been super supportive, and what we've learned is that we are just as goofy, crazy, and fun sober as we are hammered- probably even more so because we've got our wits about us. We don't stay out til 4am very often, but we still go dancing, go to BBQs, and hike. Shit, we even go to raves. The difference? I feel awesome in the morning. I get real sleep. I've lost 30lbs. We have more sex. We're both into cycling, and have gotten more fit. It's been only 70 days, and I don't know if we're going to go back to drinking. Both of us have a different relationship with ourselves, and certainly a different take on drinking. It feels so good to wake up feeling like I'm in my body. There are so many things you can do when you feel that power. Being outside is always an awesome alternative.
Do everything except not drink alcohol?
It's really that easy and people will respect your decision and not hold it against you
I am a recovering alcoholic who was always the one who made a ass of myself at parties, gatherings and just any social activity where we were drinking at. After becoming really sick I decided to give it up. I'm two years sober and I lost a lot of "friends" who I thought were my real friends when in reality they were just people to get fucked up with.
When I was going through my sobriety classes I became really depressed with not having any friends are people to do anything with. I stumbled across meetup.com on FB and fell in love with this site!
I'm a huge music person, so I found a group on that site who meet up and go to local shows in the DC /Baltimore area. They too were not drinkers so it became really easy to talk and hang out with a bunch of people I met through that site that I am still good friends with today.
My advice would be to sign up for that site and find groups with the same interest in activities that you have, whether it's music, gaming, hiking, fishing, ect.
It's not a easy road finding groups of friends who are not into drinking when this country seems to advertise and make it the "cool" thing to do when it's really not. Best of luck buddy
If you need a drug to be social/have fun/etc you are addicted to that drug and/or you have a mental disorder.
I know that this isn't the answer that you're looking for but, I have had maybe 2 drinks since I started smoking weed regularly a year ago. Now I'm not saying trade one drug for another. My advice to you is to find something that makes you happy and helps you relax. Now look for other people who do the same thing. The rest has been elaborated on in this thread already.
My friends and I have a game night once a week. About 10 of us get together and some play video games (Smash Bro, Street fighter, occasionally one will play Metal Gear while a couple others watch), and others will play board or card games (Some favorites are Gloom, Say Anything, Settlers of Catan, Cards Against Humanity, Cranium, Dominion... I could go on). Everyone brings food and I usually make a big dinner, as well. Most of us are off Friday, so we start around 2 pm, and then those who get off work at 5pm join us once their work day is done. It's always a lot of fun.
The initial investment can be high, as board games can get expensive, but if everyone buys one or two, it's not too bad.
Some of our friends drink and some don't, and I myself drink occasionally, but it's still fun to play games sober.
If you have 3 or 4 friends who are in the same boat as you, you'll have no problem getting a game night together.
Things that I do now that have no alcohol:
Cycling. I love my bike, I love the groups I cycle with. It's also improved my health
"Drinking." I am a specialist at drinking what doesn't look like alcohol. Orange juice + club soda with a garnish. Grenadine + 7up+ garnish.
Board games: There's a local group that is addicted to coffee and plays a lot of games in the evenings. I love doing that.
As someone who can't drink alcohol(tastes horribly to me and has bad health effects on me).
Just hang around with people in situations where you can talk or do other things.
Actually I've never understood why people seem to NEED alcohol for socializing, I can perfectly socialize without having an alcoholic drink yet people act like I'm crazy for not drinking.
For a lot of people it just makes the situation more fluid and loose, aka more fun. I enjoy drinking socially quite a bit personally. I have social anxiety so it helps me out a ton when socializing with people.
That's why I wonder though, I too have social anxiety but after a while I do ease into things.
This.
I know my sa is something I need to work on and I can't be using alcohol as a crutch. But soberly socializing is terribly panic inducing.
Just like having a social life with alcohol. You're just not drinking.
Step 1: do not consume alcohol Step 2: proceed with life as if step 1 did not exist but maintain your ability to make reasonable and responsible decisions.
I dont see the problem. Why would drinking or not drinking make a difference? Maybe its just the people I am friends with but I do drink, not as much as most, but still. I know alot of people that dont drink, some of them I cant even recall drinking ever, and thats not an issue.
It really depends on the circles you run with. If you're hanging out with people whose idea of a good time requires going to the bar at 10am and coming bak at 3pm you may want new friends - by new friends I don't mean ditch them, I just mean you likely won't enjoy being in those packed environments sober all the time and you may have more fun with more like minded individuals while you do other activities on a less frequent basis with the original group (or they respect your life choice and are willing to do other activities with you as well)
Once you get to a point in your life where alcohol is something you/your friends drink for taste rather than for the drunk feeling (that point where you refuse shots and sip at your 1-2 drinks all night) you'll notice the difference between drinking and not drinking at a social event is just a matter of being a little bit richer at the end of the night.
If you're going to bars try to go for events like trivia, karaoke - or dive bars with pool/darts so you can have fun while catching up with friends. Frankly at 27, and as a drinker, I find myself steering clear of bars at this point in my life anyway.
Only way to do it is to be a part of a friend circle that doesn't drink or rarely does. Or just get used to being sober around drunk people, which is really eye opening. Usually being sober and not drinking consistently will make others follow suit. My girlfriend used to drink heavily socially and go to bars for fun until we started dating, now she hasn't gone to a bar in months and hasn't drank in weeks.
If people aren't accepting of the fact that you don't want to drink then they're probably not people that you want to be spending time with anyway.
Find interesting things to talk about. Not what is interesting to you necessarily, but to the other person. Best tip is learn how to ask sincere open-ended great questions. E.g. http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/45-questions-to-ask-to-get-to-know-someone.html
some of these are cheesy, but people love when you're different, not another person asking...duh....do you live around here? What do you do for a livin'?
A lot of the times you just need to find new friends to engage in daytime activities. Unfortunately night life is monopolized by drinking - other than going to a movie, I can't think of a night time social situation where alcohol doesn't come into play. People who like hiking, cycling, yoga, etc. tend to be reformed drinkers or people who never drank (a lot). I feel like "outdoor activities" is the next step for most people out of college. lololol
Similar to the top comment, I used to be a heavy binge drinker. I worked at a liquor store after I graduated college early and could charge in store purchases (I could buy for cost + 10%) straight to my paycheck. A 30 pack of Keystones/High Life cost me about $8. I barely ate, I just drank and drank and drank.
After getting my life together I stopped drinking a lot. I still drink but never in the way I used to. I actually started dating a bartender, it's funny they'll actually talk to you when you're just ordering sodas (and they won't charge you for them either if you're DDing) since you're not putting on the typical drunken charm like everyone else.
I guess it's just a discipline thing, it took a while but now I just have zero problem saying "no" when we're all out drinking and I decide to stop. I used to get some peer pressure but my friends are good people and don't give me any of the "don't be a bitch" bullshit when I decide it's time to stop drinking.
TL;DR have good friends, have discipline, and it's really easy.
I'm a very light drinker -- only one drink/night or nothing. My main issue is that I get sleepy when my friends are still partying. I find that having something in my hand to sip on helps a lot and makes me feel as if I've been drinking a bit, perhaps out of habit. And it keeps me going -- I stay up until I've finished my "drink," especially if it has some caffeine.
I like talking to strangers and I find that gives me some adrenaline to feel a little natural buzz. Beyond that, I get my kicks from activities -- just exploring around, going on long walks, and taking in the city. When my friends join me, we get too tired to go out and drink.
I don't hang out with people who drink a lot. I can't imagine anything more boring!
Get new friends
Club soda with a lime. Looks like a vodka soda. You save money, and it looks like you are drinking. Win-Win.
You also get the added benefit of being able to drive home without the risk of a DUI.
I quit drinking about a decade ago. now i drink a little but very little - the hangovers just aren't worth it.
believe it or not, there is a whole world of people out there whose social lives aren't centered around drinking. they go to concerts, have parties and barbeques, play cards, board games, sports . . . you miss out on the drunken debauchery, which can be a blast, but you feel a hell of a lot better the next day.
I feel like nobody's going to read this, but I got sober about 2 years ago at 19 (I live in the US, so I've never taken a legal drink); I developed a pretty bad dependence and went to rehab. However, all of my friends like me much more now that I'm sober, I find I can contribute to everyone's fun instead of feed off of it. If you're just getting sober, it's rough; but just doing it and it will feel natural. If you have any AA meetings in your area, they can give you sober people to socialize with.
You just do. Disassociate one with the other.
I have abstained from all drugs and alcohol for my entire adult life. Try and get out of the head space that going "out" has to be something where you drink also. I always find it strange when people ask what I do when I go out, because in my mind, going to a party has nothing to do with drinking.
How to have a social life without alcohol? Simple. When you see a stranger say hello.
Join a guild. Also, social life is highly over-rated.
Recreational sports leagues, board games, and beercades are something that I can do with my friends that drink, but also a great way to meet others who do not.
Having a good time without alcohol can be very hard as it requires having a good time.
I have a friend who is a burner and is constantly around drunk people. He's that guy who is super fun and can carry a room with a story. He quit drinking about 15 years ago.
Order virgin everything. Virgin mimosas, virgin rum and coke's, virgin records, airlines, brides. etc.
Space programs..
This might sound lame, but I play a lot of video games, and I meet a lot of cool people online. I know they aren't "real" friends, but I have a couple that I've been gaming with for about 3 years.
I've met a lot of cool people playing Battlefield 4 on the PS3. I talk to a few of them on the phone every couple of days.
Yeah, they might be "online friends" at first, but they can become real friends.
Exactly! Thanks.
They are "real" friends. There is no requirement for a friend to be in your physical space to be a real friend.
Yeah, but you need to know them as a person. A lot of times, in the beginning, any conversation with that person is purely about the game, since that's what you share in common. That's all I meant, sorry if I was unclear.
Potbrownies
You can fake it. Learn a few popular mixed drinks. Volunteer to make drinks for people. Makes yours virgin, ie. no alcohol. Chat up increasingly drunk girls and look cool and debonair to their alcohol-muddled eyes. Use this power only for good.
If you can't have fun or a social life with out booze then you should go get some help. There is a big fucking world out there and it's just fine with out booze.
I've worked in nightlife for the last 6 years and have seen it all (and participated in plenty). I love my sober life so much more because I value real things like personal relationships with my friends and going out side and playing sports. Once you get over the fact that you can do shit with your friends outside of the bar or club and that no one cares if you say no to having a drink, you will find your own inner peace and enjoy life a lot more.
I've never gotten drunk. I have imbibed an alcoholic beverage twice in my life (I had one sip of red wine as a teenager, and a sip of a friend's drink (the Black Velvet on this menu on my 21st birthday.) For context, I have some family who kind of fucked up their lives with drugs and alcohol. I also live in the South where it's not as expected that one drink socially, especially as a woman.
My close friends are very understanding of my decision, though the majority of them drink on a regular basis. Occasionally they will offer a sip, I'll decline, and that will be the end of that. They are, for the most part, very responsible drinkers, though when one or two of them gets drunk, it can get a bit funny. One of my friends gets very huggy and "I love you guysssh" after a couple drinks, others say some weird things. The worst thing that's ever happened when one of them got drunk is he tried to pull my shirt off. That was the one time in my life I nearly punched someone. I stood up from my chair and postured (much as a 5'3" girl can at a 6'2" lanky guy), he flinched and scampered off to his room for the rest of the night. He apologized the next day. Good friends will understand your not wishing to drink, and will be kind. I've never tried to limit their enjoyment of drinking; they're adults, they can make their own decisions. I'm not there to be the fun police.
It can be a little more awkward around strangers. I have a hard time enjoying parties with a lot of strangers where everyone gets plastered. Like others have said in this thread, it can kind of suck being the one sober person at a party. This is not because people look at you sideways, or try to induce you to drink (I have fortunately never been pressured to drink, people usually respect a firm "No thank you!"). It's just awkward watching grown-ass adults who are otherwise well-adjusted people dissolve into "dumb drunk mode" so quickly. I was at a party with a group of people my fiance's roommates (very good friends of mine) knew. Things started out quiet enough, we started playing Cards Against Humanity. Then everyone stopped to take a shot. Okay. Go back to the game. Stop the game 10 minutes, another shot. Repeat another couple of frustrating times until everyone except me and one other person are shitfaced and not at all with it enough to play with anymore. I retreated back to my fiance's room (he declined to participate in this party because he wanted to play a video game on his gaming computer) because it was just not fun to be out there anymore.
TL;DR: Don't be the fun police, don't shove it down their throats or force others to not drink around you. Be polite but firm. Don't be afraid to gracefully bow out if things are getting out of hand.
When I was in the 9th grade, my english teacher made me fill out a questionnaire that asked me what I liked to do for fun. I randomly put down that I liked to run (I did not really have any interests, I was just a fucking kid). Little did I know he was the Cross Country/ Distance Track & Field coach. 8 years and 12,000 miles later, I am still running and finding new people to run with everyday.
I will find people running these days and join them for some company on their runs. Running long distances suck, and they are even more painful to do alone, so company is almost always welcome.
And through this sport, I have found people equally cool who hike, mountain climb, etc. I have a group of friends I always hike Mt Whitney, Half Dome, and Mt Baldy with ( all in California).
These things also helped in school. On my campus ( UC Berkeley), I ended up joining the triathlon team, the actuarial club, the consulting club, mathlete teams.
Tl;Dr: I found my passion for things I did not know I had a passion for through arbitrarily being proactive about myself. Trying to be a better person myself helped me meet a lot of really awesome people, all completely sober.
I'm going to give a different perspective than most people here. I'm a Mormon, and Mormons don't drink. I've never drank, never had the desire to, and most likely never will (religion completely aside, the idea of non-sobriety has simply never appealed to me), so I've experienced twenty-four years of not ever getting drunk to have fun.
The most important thing is finding a circle of people that don't drink. You'll probably have to find a new circle if most of your friends are used to it. Does that mean that you can't be friends with people that drink? Absolutely not. None of my friends throughout my years in high school were Mormon or even religious, and they ended up adopting drinking and partying habits. But, because of our established history of me not drinking, we were used to hanging out without alcohol, and even when I see them today, we're able to have a good time. However, it's important for your circle to collectively not want to drink. If they do, you won't fit in and it won't work.
So, how do you find people who don't drink? It's not the easiest thing in the world, but it's by no means impossible. Most of my friends now are of my religion, since I'm now in college in a town where they make up the majority, but I'm going to assume that hanging out with a bunch of Mormons isn't really what you had in mind, so instead:
Identify your interests: Most hobby-based activities won't involve drinking. Even if people drink outside of that activity, finding people who like to do something you like to do is a start. I've found that, if you can find somebody you like to do one type of activity with, if you like them, you can develop a stronger friendship that evolves into doing other fun things together. This applies to whole groups. So, what do you like to do? Nerdier types of activities will be filled with non-drinkers such as board gaming, video gaming, or otherwise. There's also a lot of people that like to do all kinds of things in nature without drinking, such as hiking, rock climbing, camping, etc. Seek these people out. If you go to a university, there should be plenty of events and clubs where people of similar interests congregrate. If not, go to places where they would be because such groups are generally open to newcomers.
Look in places where you wouldn't go if you were drinking: Ask yourself, What kinds of people wouldn't drink alcohol? I know this is kind of vague, useless obvious advice, but it can be effective. I served as a missionary for my church for two years, and for a while I was representing a large congregration of young single adults, a massive group of unmarried people from 18-30 who all liked to have fun without drinking. You'd be surprised at how many non-religious people we would meet who took a genuine interest in hanging out with that crowd because they were sick of the party scene. They were surprised at how much they enjoyed hanging out with all of these people who found plenty of ways to have fun without drinking. Again, don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying "be friends with Mormons" is the answer. I'm not here to pander. What I'm saying is, look in places you normally wouldn't consider looking and you might be surprised. Many of these people were surprised to find that our congregration was full of people that were extremely "normal," to the point where you'd never even know they were religious unless you asked them, save for their non-partying habits. So, look in places you wouldn't normally go. Don't rule out religious people, because a lot of them won't go out of their way to pander their religion to you. Don't rule out nerdy boardgamers, they might be much more pleasant than you ever thought. I could go on, but my point stands.
Not drinking is awesome. I love going out on weekends, going camping, having bonfires, going hiking, staying inside and playing an epic boardgame, having a Smash Bros tournament, getting a big group together and playing a ridiculous game of lazer tag, seeing the hot new movie at the midnight showing, it's all a lot of fun. You feel alive and healthy, there's no hangovers, and you'll save a hell of a lot of money. Those are just my two cents.
Sparkling water with a lime wedge. Looks just like gin and tonic.
Wish I could offer you better advice as I look intently at my vodka and red bull...
But back in the day before everything got shit, it was really nice to have friends to go to the gym and lift weights with, and especially to play squash with. Joining a ladder for squash or racquetball is a great thing, as these sports are really good for fitness and you end up playing with people at the same level with a common interest and that can be the beginning of new social circles outside the booze and bars.
cough weed
Develop a personality that doesn't need liquor to be fun, or interesting.
Another former "life of the party", social alcoholic, etc. here.
I lived my life based on alcohol, though I was always told I was a "functioning alcoholic" because I could hold down a decent job, etc. But my life was a big lie, no real substance, just drinking and everything based around drinking. Friends, traveling (which was rare anyways cause money went to alcohol), even family events would be avoided or planned around to maximize drinking. Then my mom fought and passed away from cancer (she got me to stop for about 6 months with a family intervention but with the pain of seeing her slowly wither away I went back to the only grief counseling I knew, drinking) and eventually pulled myself together and decided to stop. No help from anyone, I had to do this on my own, make it my own decision and stick to it. That was January 2012 (I was 36) and I have not had a drink of the sauce since.
My life as I knew it was over. My friends, who all could be classified as alcoholics themselves) stopped talking to me, no more poker nights or nights at our favorite bar with trivia or karoake. I had zero real friends, just my family.
Long story, I know. But I think the background provides clarity to what I am going to say to OP. Your social life is not about what you do, that is your personal life. Social life is who you choose to hang out with. Your social life will not change if the people you have been hanging around with are good people. They will support your decision and not give you grief over it (besides the normal shit talking guy friends do). If you notice you are doing less things with them or that they try to pressure you to drink or be "normal" like everyone else then you need to replace those "friends". Your drinking enabled them to do the same and now that you are not drinking you are just dragging them down. Which is funny because the truth is, they are dragging you down.
From the sounds of your question, I am going to guess you have lost your friends who you used to drink with or at the very least you hesitate hanging out with them because the pressure to drink (yours or theirs) is too great and you feel if you hang with them you will drink again. So, try new things. Join a hiking club or find a group that does things you enjoy. You will have more money now that you are not throwing it at alcohol. Save up and take a vacation, find one of those singles adventure groups. The most important thing is find something that will not bore you, something that will keep your attention and not let your mind wander back to what you used to do.
It is not easy, but my favorite thing to remember in times like these is: Nothing worthwhile is EVER easy.
become a Mormon
First off: my username is a joke. I'm actually pretty cool!
27 female. I don't drink. I've just never liked the taste of alcohol, it's never become a habit. My whole life people always said, "Oh, you'll develop a taste for it!" But I never did. And I've tried, a lot! I just don't like it. GOD DAMN IT!
There are two types of social events in my eyes. I'm fine when it's ACTUALLY A SOCIAL EVENT where drinking will happen. Like happy hour, watching a game at someone's house, a birthday party, etc. If I get a coke or a water or a redbull I'm happy and people don't normally bug me about not drinking. I still really enjoy my time.
But when people get together JUST to drink is when it sucks. Being the only sober person is not fun for me because I'm a worrier. Especially about my boyfriend who is mostly blind hurting himself. So I usually avoid those types of situations and let him go alone with his friends so I don't have to feel like a mom the whole time. But for me, at age 27, that doesn't happen super often. I'd say 95% of the stuff I'm invited to is do-able without drinking, I enjoy myself, and it's whatever.
For example, this weekend my boyfriend is going on a camping trip with his friends. Everyone is drinking the whole time and the purpose is basically to just party. So I'm not going, I don't think I'd enjoy it. I'm staying home this weekend and relaxing, catching up on friends I haven't seen in a while. That type of thing. It's all about balance.
The good news is you can always be the DD (your friends will be safe). And it's a good excuse when you run into that one DICK who just won't STFU about the fact that you're not drinking. Not wanting to get a DUI is a good excuse. Or you can just lie and say you already had a few. It's whatever. Pick your own strategy and stick to it!
I think it also matters whether you are a guy or a girl. A girl can get away with "I don't want to drink so don't make me" way more easily than a guy saying the same.
Guy here, I don't like the drink too. I just try to make do with a tiny bit so people don't go all weird on me. Otherwise being super crappy and talkative helps too.
Get a new hobby. Chances are the friends you have right now just want to party. You need to meet new people and make new friends, I am not saying ditch the old ones, but having some change is healthy. Take up a sport, soccer, hockey, football, anything. Play some video games, search for local clubs.
Play sports with people. Play games with people. Work. Watch shows and movies with people. Start a family. If you already have a family, spend time with that family.
All of these things are much much more rewarding than drinking.
If your friends care if you drink or don't drink, they're not actual friends. I only have a drink or two when I go out, as I don't like the feeling of not being able to drive or anything. If your friends give you shit and don't want to hangout because you don't drink, get new friends.
You go out and not drink. Go dancing, sing karaoke, play poker, watch sports, go out to eat. Do whatever it is you think is fun. Just don't drink any alcohol. People probably won't even notice that you aren't drinking and if anyone gives you a hard time about it, don't hang out with them anymore.
What has helped me to preserve my social life is to still allow myself a small amount of alcohol. My hard limit is 2 drinks (standardized as 1.5 ounces 32 ABV liquor or equivalent) per hour and 4 drinks per day.
For those dealing with addiction I realize total sobriety may be the only realistic option. But for anyone trying to stop binge drinking I think this guideline can be helpful, without forcing you to refuse one drink or one glass of wine when offered.
Smoke weed... it's way cheaper, less damaging to your body and, like alcohol, it's a social drug.
One thing I learned, social life without drinking is way more expensive than with drinking. Usually with drinking it's, go to bar buy drink dance go home wasted. Without drinking I'd go to one place one after another pay for this pay for that event etc etc... and if you're broke or your friends are broke it's all forever alone staying at home.
A lot of the posts on here seem to be suggesting that, as young people, they had "a problem" with alcohol. Some people are telling stories of how they went entirely sober because of bad experiences, or were massively cutting back because of their "problem".
Bad shit happens of you drink too much, in the same way that eating or drinking too much can make you vomit and feel awful, smoking too much can make you feel sick etc. Moderation is important here.
I'd put it to people, especially younger people, that people who don't drink are weird. Drinking is, and should be, a very social thing. As a group activity it is strange of someone doesn't do it as part of that group. Also, like a person who doesn't swear or look other people in the eye, you're not indulging, 'cutting loose' and relaxing infront of your peers in the same way that they are with you - you are visibly guarding yourself. Unless you have a decent reason, that's going to creep people out and you're going to be seen as sanctimonious by a lot of people. Conversely, I can tell you that drinking with people is very social, and people do appreciate even just the action of drinking with others, even if you don't realise it (you will when someone says that they won't).
Some people do genuinely have drink problems. Drinking alone is a small, early sign of problems - it is a social thing. This progresses to people being drunk often, people taking drink to help them function, until they cannot function without it. I've met a few of these people, and they're never ashamed about this and they shouldn't be - they were alcoholics. Saying this in a social setting is maybe a time where you wouldnt drink (its social and they cant, so put everyone on the same level), or at least you most certainly wouldnt think less of that person for not drinking.
The point here is, there's some people who really have problems and some people who have had a few big nights and think they've got 'a problem' when all they're going to do is look like socially inept weirdos. Are you unable to function properly without alcohol? Are you heading down that road? Because that's alcoholism. Seek help.
For others who feel like they get too blitzed, you do to have to stop, and I'd suggest that stopping would harm your social life in other ways - rather than being that guy who always drinks too much you're the guy who wont drink, which can be just as odd. Pick a friend to pace you! Or have a glass of water/soft drink that you sip in between alcoholic drinks (helps with hangovers too). Time it so that you can have one alcoholic drink every x minutes. Know your tolerances and don't go at it too hard!
Taking responsibility for your actions instead of blaming them on alcohol can be harder but its also more rewarding. Alcohol is a big part of our culture and avoiding it is in its own way strange. Sharing drink with others is fun, and social, and shunning it and those that do it is something you shouldnt do without a good reason, especially if your social life is a consideration. It looks sanctimonious and judgemental. Learn to completely control this aspect of socialising or lose the ability to socialise as effectively. The very fact this is a question on this subreddit indicates that this is true - you can socialise without alcohol, but not quite on then same level. Control it.
I'm a 27 year old man living in Ireland... for context.
I'm probably missing a lot of context over this question but outside of bar-hopping, not drinking shouldn't change much. There is always a friend somewhere who doesn't drink and it really doesn't impact stuff unless its a drinking game or whatever. But alcohol shouldn't necessarily be integral to everyone's social life (and I'm someone who tends to drink at every opportunity). Not everyone drinks, and not everyone drinks everytime others do.
Though I am post-college right now so that may not relate best if you're still in college.
Stopped drinking entirely here, with zero effect on social life. You can have good conversation and be social regardless. It's not the drink that is social, it's you.
Hobbies. There are a huge number of hobbies that do not include alcohol. I will recommend a few: Rock Climbing (find a gym, participate in events, make small talk), Judo (find a dojo, compete in local tournaments, make small talk).
The hobby doesn't need to be aphysically active one, it just needs to be a hobby where a group of people with the same hobby all get together. The faster you get good at a hobby, the more interested people will be in becoming your friend.
I think the trick here is the social circle you are with. If you hangout with a bunch of fitness geeks, you'll find there is plenty to do together beyond drink.
Sharing more meaningful experiences can do a lot for your life.
Smoke Pot
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Probably the monster hangovers are the quality of the drink you're consuming. UK beers gave me horrendous hangovers, German beers (and wine) definitely do not, even if I mix.
That said, don't hit it too hard. It seems many genuinely enjoy not hitting it at all, and that's a big idea for me to absorb in this thread, I've always drunk socially.
I'm glad someone's asking questions like this. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. I had a boyfriend or two who would get drunk/high and beat the shit out of me on occasion, so I do my best not to have anything to do with any of it.
People don't realize that there's plenty of awesome, time filling, fun stuff to do without drinking/drugs. And I have a heart condition, so it's not like I'd be able to drink or get high anyway, so I'm on my own a lot of the time. I find stuff to do!
For me, it took a while to click but you don't need alcohol. I was the same story as most, drinking daily etc. I was at a wedding drunk as one could imagine, all I remember from that night is talking to my friend who is sober, he was just smiling and nodding as I rambled away.. I can only imagine how foolish I looked, I don't want to be thought of like that and lots of my past social times were that. Worst for me was my friends wedding night I don't remember. What kind of friend is that. I know no one cares that people get drunk at weddings, but I don't want my inebriated stupor to be what anyone remembers of me from that an event. I haven't got drunk since. I drink casually, limit of 3 MAX. Some people give you a hard time, and don't get it. But eventually they stop trying to force it on you. Life is better without getting drunk. You can have fun, and remember it! The feeling of going out with friends and then waking up early and having a whole day ahead of you is amazing. The money you save. The benefits are any you think of. Fun is interpretive. Buy a bike, a telescope, a camera anything. If you have a hobby that you want to do and are adamant about doing it then drinking comes second and passion and happiness take the lead.
Get old.
The hangovers get so bad you look for other things to do.
I don't like drinking; and none of my friends care. Just like how I don't care them drinking. We just have fun, that's it.
Last week, I went outside with friends from a class I'm taking out of my department. Half of the group got alcohol, while I ordered fruit cocktail. Since it's awesome both in look&taste; the ones drinking beer, vodka etc. started to take it too.
Alcohol doesn't make you any funnier, just more stupid. You can have fun without drinking.
Do everything you would normally do, but don't drink alcohol
God, reading all this talk about socializing is draining.
Just read that you're preempting college? There's is nothing wrong with drinking alcohol. Getting drunk to the point that you don't know how to get home or what's wrong or right is the problem. Moderation is the key to drinking alcohol.
How about a nice club soda and lime? I drank O'Doul's for a little bit, then a substance abuse counselor told me, "non-alcohlic beer is for non-alcoholics." Something about the simulation of alcohol can get your brain chemicals all fired up to do some real drinkin'. I did notice the fake beer made me jones more. Like watching someone do a big rail of blow. Mmmmmm, rail.
Steve-o?
Woah, that question actually kinda hit me.
Coke
How to have a social life without alcohol? ... Quit drinking Alcohol. Continue with life.
Smoke weed
Buy motorcycle.
Get motorcycle friends.
Have social life.
How are supposed to smash biotches though? They always drunk and you can't bang 'em if you're sober.
I have some friends that don't drink. They come and hang out still and it's fine. Not every occasion with drinking ends up with everyone shit faced. Moderation and maturity people , it applies to all facets of life
22yo alcoholic here and I just wanna say I don't know how any of you people do anything without alcohol or drugs. It's really not as easy as it sounds. So those of you that can do it, are very strong people.
I drink constantly. In the morning when I wake up even. My bf and friends bring me drinks because it actualy somehow makes me more productive and fun to be around. I drink by myself too. I am right now.
I dunno what's wrong with me. I've never lost a job or anything over it...I'm not broke because of it...it just kinda scares me, because I can't stop. Like it's not like I just can't have fun when I don't drink. I actually feel sick when I don't.
There is nothing wrong with you, you are just addicted to alcohol and are a "functioning addict". If you do want to quit that sickness will go away after a few days (hours?), it will be hell but if you stick through it things will get much better. I wish you the best.
Step 1: Don't order alcohol. Step 2: Do what you're doing now.
Worked for me xD
I have never drank alcohol (35 now). No one cared past when i turned 21. It was pretty fascinating. There are a lot of people who dont drink, they just dont advertise that loudly around these parts due to proximity to the brewery. Doesnt mean you cant find them and chill together, its really no big deal either way.
Go out. Don't drink. Don't tell anyone you're not drinking. Relax. Have fun.
I joined some furry forums and found really fun people there. Most of them don't drink.
Get a gym membership. If you don't drink and prefer a healthy lifestyle, gym goers will tend to flock towards you. You will meet likeminded individuals who want to share in your healthy lifestyle.
Base your social life on interesting activities that you now have time and money to pursue. Professional development, sailing, hiking, athletics, traveling, etc.. Basically, anything you want to do has much higher intellectual and physical value than getting drunk and is likely to attract similarly minded individuals.
Really?
Think of every hobby, activity, club,language, culture and field of study on earth.....you couldn't do half of them in your lifetime.
Alcohol is but a TINY pastime in this world my friend.
It's easy. Just have a social life. Do all the things you would normally do while drinking. Have a ginger ale with a lemon on the side, have a mix of cranberry & pineapple juice, have anything you want. If anyone gives you shit for it, you might want to re-examine your relationship with them. It's ok not to drink.
Join some recreational sports teams.
I don't drink and most people don't realize it. This has been going on over 20 years.
Don't tell anyone you don't drink, there is no reason. Nothing good can come of it, so don't mention it.
You can be DD one week, order a drink before anyone notices the next, simply say you don't feel like a drink the next, have to get up early the next, don't give a reason the next. Between the weeks no one asks, and the weeks they do, you've got a good 2-3 months covered. Start over, and no one will even notice, change the subject and you're done.
I had a couple of friends who owned a bar. When someone said I didn't drink after about a year of being there, one of the friends/owners said no, of course he drinks... and then he had to think about when I did last, and realized I didn't.
Don't mention it, and no one will bother you. Just blend in and change a subject when needed. Occasionally you'll get someone who is pushy and you can be firmer at that point. Don't give positives like you can be the designated driver, don't give health reasons, or any reasons, because now you're entering into a discussion on why or why not. This isn't going to end well, when discussing it with a bunch of drunk people. So don't.
If people don't realize you don't drink after months or being around them, you're doing it right.
It's not some disease to prefer not to drink. Its actually a healthy choice. You shouldn't be advising that he/she hide it like its a fault or something. More power to him/her
Yes, being a vegetarian or a vegan is actually a very healthy choice as well. Of course they usually annoy the hell out of everyone they come across when food is served.
It's a personal choice, there is no reason to share it unless you're looking for a confrontation and want to defend it.
Going to a bar, or an event where drinking is the primary social factor binding everyone together, and then sticking out is going to put you on the do not invite list pretty fast.
When at bars or clubs, I would carry a glass of water from the bar and sip on it slowly. It helped me from explaining why I don't have a drink in my hand.
You will honestly grow out if drinking. You'll be able to have a beer or two but but won't have the desire to get tanked anymore. It'll come.
Look around for local sports teams that just play softball or basketball, maybe join a bowling league. Take up fitness, you can meet a lot of others on the trail. Just have to find a hobby and integrate yourself into that social setting.
Read The Easy Way to Stop Drinking and you will learn that the "fun" you thought you were having while drinking wasn't actual fun. And when you see a "fun" drunken time for what it really is (not really that fun), you will naturally gravitate to more actual fun things.
You can be at places where people are drinking alcohol without actually drinking alcohol yourself.
Also, did you never have a social life as a kid before you came to the age where people started drinking? Hang out with people, go do stuff, you don't need to be drinking to be interacting with other people.
It's easy, find a social scene that DOESNT involve ALCOHOL, youbigdummy! Like a book club or someting.
I met a guy through a mutual friend who never drinks or does drugs (due to family history). He still goes out with his friends to clubs, bars, and concerts. It's about maintaining that discipline I think. He has a good time granted I drink myself and sometimes it's good to have a few, but he still has a good time. If anything you have to be okay interacting with drunk or drugged up people at venues.
I used to drink a lot, and my idea of being sociable was being drunk at a house party, or out on the town.
I can't give any advice about partying, because if I'm going to do it, I'll still drink. I hate being around drunk people while being sober, IMO it's just better not to go. I have a partner now, so take out the potential for sex and parties seem redundant now.
However, now I socialize in other ways, that are more fun than parties in my opinion. I play board games with a group of friends (4 people total). We play card games like Hearts, and Spades. We play Settlers of Catan, Saboteur, Minions. Really a lot of fun, and I never considered myself 'geeky'.
I now own a dog and the community at the local dog park are great, it's a cool way to socialise.
Finally, I go to a running club, and play frisbee golf with a group of people too.
TL:DR forget partying, socialise with clubs and activities. Your brain AND your body will thank you.
Don't associate with people who believe drinking is a required part of social life
I find that you just have to avoid situations where alcohol is the primary reason that everyone is there such as bars. There are plenty of other fun places to go socially, like restaurants or clubs, so there's no reason you should feel deprived. Recently I took up board gaming with a local group but they kicked me out when I took my brownie out and started waving it in their general direction.
I've never drank a drop my whole life but a lot of friends do, so I'm always the odd one of the group but fortunately they accept my decision to not drink. Find people who will respect your decisions.
Bruce Wayne drank gingerale pretending it was champagne. So find champagne parties. But first find money to afford it. Then become the Batman.
I find that people drink together just because they need something to do together. there just needs to be some kind of mutually engaged activity for people to feel at ease in groups. I recommend not trying to just remove drinking, but replace it. Ask your friends to go on a long walk to somewhere interesting instead of going to a restaurant or bar. If you're hanging out at home, have something to do together. As dadly as this sounds, play board games. Get involved in hobbies together. Don't just think about who you are going to hang out with; think of a specific thing you want to do with those people during that time. Make activities of your social time.
My friends and I always just play video games, laugh, and go out to dinner. That's really all we need to have a good time.
the worst thing i find being sober is that i literally have NO idea how to dance when i'm not hammered lol.
you have no idea how to dance when you are hammered too, you just don't care about being embarrassed.
I'm from Scotland and I used to drink like, well a Scotsman.
I gave it up a few years ago because after my second drink I'd be throwing up.
I have a couple of friends that don't drink and more that do.
What we tend to do is go play poker. We can all get together have a good time and those that do drink can have a few.
Alternatives are watching something on TV (I have a projector so we watch WWE together a couple of times a month), go bowling or just have house parties.
House parties, like the poker nights, lets everyone do their own thing. Some drink, some don't. Plus, its a hell of a lot cheaper than going out.
We've also had a few gaming nights where everyone brings a console and TV over to someones house and we sit and have gaming tournaments all night. The advantage of having multiple screens is that we can have multiple games on the go at a time so no one is sitting doing nothing.
Also, if you're friends only want to go to a bar, get a bigger social group.
Just tell people that you can not drink due to medical reasons, I stopped drinking because i don't enjoy it anymore and it just makes me depressed, thinking about life instead of making me do stupid drunk shit. I tell my friends the real reason tho, and they're Russians! However they mock me sometimes about it but when I remind them of the shit they do when they're drunk they don't talk anymore.
I tell them that I have a liver condition, which I do. It usually works.
I barely drink. I become DD, its a fun job.
stay in your room on reddit and post dank memes
A martial arts studio is a great place to meet new people to share an activity with. Many communities are very open to new members, so try to find an art you're comfortable with (I don't like all out combat much so Aikido was my preference) and just start showing up a few times a week. Easy way to make friends with people whom you have something in common with outside of alcohol.
Surround yourself with people who don't drink or don't drink often.
I'm an avid anti-alcohol person. I don't drink, never have, and I don't want to be around others who drink, or at least drink excessively. The very smell of alcohol makes me nauseous. I avoid bars, pubs, clubs, and things like that mostly because of alcohol, but also because I have no interest in clubbing and the like.
So, that led me to being gravitated towards the crowds that avidly avoided alcohol like myself. As a high-schooler, this turned out to be the Mormons and the more religious types. I'm an atheist. It worked out pretty well though. I didn't go to church, but I wouldn't have to worry about social outings I would frown upon. We did a lot of fun stuff and ignored the other kids our age who did nothing but party and fuck.
In college, eh, I was out of luck for most of my short time there. I made some friends through the anime club and we would have game nights or bad movie nights, but they were still pot-smokers and drinkers, so if they started doing any of that, it was my time to leave. I found myself really struggling to make friends in this era because most everyone I met or found were into the clubbing, drinking, or drug scene, OR, they were the complete opposite and so full of do-goodiness, extra-curricular activities and Honors classes that it was like talking to a school robot.
Now that I've moved and I'm out of college, I'm finding more people with like interests. I've made friends at work who've invited me out to things, and I've made friends with my partner's family. Although they drink, I've learned to ignore it more and just focus on the fun things we're doing. If they get too drunk, well, I just walk away because I don't want to see it. It helps that my partner doesn't drink as well. Other than that, I'm looking forward to joining various clubs to try and make more connections--just waiting for a new car! All-in-all, there's a lot of ways to get around alcohol. Either ignore it entirely and hang out with other dry people, or tolerate it and enjoy the time you spend with people who have a drink now and again.
You dont!
OP I'm in the same boat, I live in NZ where it is culture to binge drink every weekend. I quite often drink too much and find it very hard to control myself. My friend circle are great people that I don't want to lose but when it comes to drinking there's huge pressure. Through this I've lost a lot of confidence in waking up finding myself regretting my actions but I miss out on so much by not being part of the social environment. Years ago I was the person who was the life of the party and the most out going, fun guy...not anymore.
I'm searching for the means to find my confidence again and have a good time without being the idiot.
So it's fucking boring to be around a bunch of drunk people unless you are at a concert or have some other form of entertainment.
Just find some good friends that don't drink all the time.
You don't need 100 friends to enjoy life.
I have about 12 close friends and none of us drink more than once in a while
Find something you like to do and then find a group that does that thing. Like running? Join a running club. Like painting? Take an art class. Etc. You will find people with similar interests and can plan things like movies, dinners, potlucks, shopping etc.
24 years old and never got drunk before for several reasons so I have good intel for you.
Everyone's lifestyle is different but for me it is easy to not drink because I never started. I am very active in fitness/sports and am training as much as possible to become the best I can physically, mentally, spiritually. Alcohol won't help me achieve this.
There are many downsides to alcohol and I am comfortable socially where I don't have to drink to make it easier. I am a pretty outgoing person until I run in to the person who won't leave me alone because I don't drink. I hope one day they will see that alcohol isn't a need to make friends or have to be a part of your life. I tend to avoid clubs/bars as much as possible. I do go out to eat at bars with friends here and there.
People make stupid mistakes drinking all the time. I never have to worry about saying dumb things, driving drunk, starting fights, spending a lot of money, health issues, addiction, or get pressured into drinking situations. I also never blackout.
My advice to anyone that wants to live a non alcohol lifestyle is to find active groups that live a similar lifestyle. There are numerous activities that you can do socially that will improve your life right now and for the future. Sports, cards, knitting, volunteer, read, create a side business, whatever you are interested in just go out and do it.
Ever hear of the saying "you are the sum of the five people you are around the most"? Find people who don't drink or don't drink too often. They will have friends like them and you'll be able to meet more people.
So how do you deal with your current friends who want to drink all the time? If you explain you want to cut down and they say you are no fun or don't support you than they aren't true friends anyways. True friends will support you if you are trying to better your life. All my friends who drink accept that I don't drink and they never bother me. For the ones who can't fathom the idea of not drinking, I avoid because I don't need that negativity in my life.
Seek out who you want to be do everything in your power to achieve those goals!
Hope this helps someone.
Try weed maybe?
It's not as difficult as it may seem right now.
I drink on a very occasional basis (probably like... 10 times a year? maybe..) and I almost never get drunk anymore. I'm usually the one either not drinking or drinking less.
My advice is to be friends with interesting people who like to drink. Not boring people who are only interested in drinking. Sometimes the difference might not seem obvious, but it's a BIG difference.
I've been in some situations where the only point of the entire gathering was to get hammered. Those are never fun for anyone (unless you like blacking out).
On the other hand, I've also been to parties where everyone was very interesting and the main point was to have fun and have interesting conversation. Sure, many of the people there liked to drink (some liked to drink a lot). But it's easy to be the non-drinker there.
You should also remember that 99% of high school kids who drink, are just doing it to get wasted and they're generally not fun people to be around (again... unless you are also getting wasted).
Also, let me recommend: the solid buzz. There are a lot of people out there that only have two modes: drunk or not drunk. Man, that is not very much fun if you ask me. On the nights that I do decide to drink, I have maybe three beers, or a couple mixed drinks. I'm nowhere close to "drunk" but I have a nice solid buzz that makes conversation that much more enjoyable. Highly recommended.
Anyway... to sum it up: It won't be as difficult as you think it will unless you make it a point to hang out with boring people.
You don't need to drink. I've had less than 6 beers in my entire life. I went to a few parties right after high school, drank a few glasses of sloe gin & coke and a few wine coolers. I decided that I didn't like the loss of control feeling when drinking. I'd worry the next day that I said or did something that I don't remember and unknowingly hurt someone's feelings or offended someone I cared about. On the New Years Eve before my 21st birthday, I had a single glass of champagne and made the decision that I wasn't going to drink ever again. I'm 45 now and I still haven't had a single drop of alcohol since that glass of champagne. I don't miss it one bit. I've saved a ton of money over the years by not drinking and I've undoubtedly avoided a lot of messy drunken one-night-stands that I would probably have regretted.
Nobody really cares if you don't drink. If someone in college teases you or makes a big deal about you not drinking, they're probably self conscious about their own drinking.
Just don't be cocky or self-righteous about not drinking. Keep it to yourself as much as possible. If you walk around sipping a cup of water or soda, most people just assume it's beer. When I was younger, I once took a 6-pack of IBC root beer to a party. Walking around with a brown bottle in your hand looks just like a beer.
I had to give up drinking because binge drinking became a serious issue for me and not one that I was easily able to control. The first year it was easy, I just went DD everywhere.
The second year I decided to try drinking again. That lasted about six months and was awful. After that it was a lot harder not to drink, especially since my new group of friends drank quite often and quite heavily.
Third year in I started using MDMA. Not too regularly (I'm not an idiot about it) but often enough that it feels like my release instead of drinking. It helped me be more sociable with the group (especially the others who used it) and now I'm back to not feeling as weird for not being able to drink.
Sometimes it still bugs me, but that's mostly just when we got to a bar or out to the country where drinking culture is super prevalent. Clubs and house parties are fine now and I like being DD so I know everyone got home safe. Being DD and knowing that I can't drink really helps with the temptation.
Being fully licensed also means I can have one or two drinks but know that I have to stop so that I can drive. This did backfire when we weren't planning on going back to the car for hours and I got too tipsy and emotional from drinking too fast but in general it's been a good system.
Honestly the only hard part is that everyone assumes I have a special reason not to get shit faced. I'll have maybe one or two drinks sometimes, and sometimes I have zero. When people find out I'm not drinking that night I get this look like "is there a story behind this?"
Just don't drink? I rarely drink, even when my friends are, and I've never seen someone not invited to go somewhere because they weren't drinking. Bars usually have soda.
I don't drink alcohol and I have plenty of friends.
I don't understand why you think you can't have any outside of alcohol.
Oh, also MEETUP.COM! That's basically how I got my current group of friends. I just found a group that's into getting together and doing things (bowling, dinners, movies, museums, etc.)
Also, invite people over to play video/board games. Join a D&D/pathfinder group, or even Magic the Gathering :)
As long as OP isn't try to save money, MTG is an amazing option
Jajaja! True!
Although draft tournaments are a good way to get started with building up a collection of cards :) ...Now I want to find a draft tournament!
But only if you want to meet dudes only.
This a a serious thread so, I am not joking. This actually worked for me. If you get the chance, move to Salt Lake City. Mormons do not drink alcohol. For a long time, the sale of alcohol was illegal. Those laws have been relaxed now but there are plenty of non-drinkers so I just fit right in.
It's not really that hard. Nobody gives a shit if you do drink or not in my friend group.
Every friend group is different.
If your "friend group" berates you for not drinking to the point where you think you have to, they aren't your friends.
Edit: Nice downvotes bro.
If they are being dicks to you because you are choosing not to drink you need new friends.
Thats the correct response.
Sometimes it's less about how they'll think of me, and more about how much or little I want to hang out with drunk people all night.
Drunk people suck to hang out with, sobers unite!
You must be from Denmark, there's a huge topic going on about how it's socially unacceptable for people to say no to alcohol, it has gained a lot of support.
I almost never drink. I still can lead a normal life. That is, my own. I don't have many friends. OK, I have no friends.
Try cocaine
Go out, don't drink👍
Easy! Do drugs!
Smoke pot.
Smoke some herb instead :)
[deleted]
There are times when I drink that I get these moments of cold clarity, like I'm on the outside of my body and life looking in. Its like meditation I suppose, except that I need to get drunk first. Also, I get why you don't like the taste of lots of alcohol. Some things are pretty bitter, and aren't for everyone.
I get that actually. Altered states are great for that. I just tend to prefer more illegal substances for that kind of introspection. I don't look down on alcohol users or anything, I was just sharing why I personally don't drink (I also only have used drugs in extremely rare occasions, so it's not just a replacement addiction or anything)
That is your brain being flooded with dopamine.
Edit: you would get a similar experience with MDMA, in case you're wondering
Drugs affect different people differently (and also differently at different ages).
For some people (like you), alcohol doesn't do much.
For others, it relieves the horrible tension from self doubt, anxiety and/or depression.
And for others, it makes them feel ALIVE and FREE and HAPPY. And it's the only way they feel that way.
It's the same thing for food. For some people, food is just that: nourishment. It's tasty.
For others, it's a small relief from the horrible pressing depression that plagues their life.
Yeah, you're completely right actually. It was just my viewpoint on it. I've seen both the good and bad of it, and chosen to not use it often, but I'm all for responsible usage.
Social drinking is just weird for me. Every time I go out to a bar with friends, I realize I'm drinking something I can't stand the taste of (I don't like beer, wine, and only like the ciders that are mostly sugar...) in order to "fit in" or "have friends." It's weird. Binge drinking made more sense to me, because is anyone really drinking anything for the taste? Once I got to the age where people started drinking to enjoy the drink I went into existential crisis.
Is anyone really drinking anything for the taste?
...I can assure you that some are. Ever had a white Russian? A really good craft IPA? A malibu bay breeze? Shit, I would drink those things all day even if none of them had any alcohol.
By that I meant the college binge drinking shitty alcohol where no one is caring about the taste. Then moving onto the "growing up" paying a LOT of money to drink alcohol not to get drunk but just to enjoy the taste was a weird transition for me.
You're right, it can be really tough to find a drink that tastes good, yet won't break the bank. Fine line to walk. Fortunately even some of the very best craft beers out there are still relatively reasonably priced. If I only drank high-end whiskey or scotch all the time I'd be broke.
I like a select few drinks. But those are usually the kinds that you can hardly taste alcohol in. And social drinking is odd to me too, I guess my circle of friends just doesn't drink either, which would likely help that (besides one heavy drinker that loves inviting me out with her group of friends). Another reason I didnt mention in my original post is I've seen the horrors that alcohol can cause too. My father was an abusive angry alcoholic that got many dui's and crashes so growing up I was more keen on trying other things than alcohol even. I know I can control myself is the difference.
I will never understand people like you. Nothing compares to your favourite brand of beer or a nice Merlot to accompany a meal.
I can't say anything negative about it, I know that for people who like it, it's great. Whatever. I just haven't personably found an alcohol that I find more enjoyable than, say, lemonade. I like sweet tasting drinks, why add the alcohol calories if I can do it without the alcohol?
is anyone really drinking anything for the taste?
Sure. Especially hoppy beers are great. Especially thick stouts are also great. There are some great ambers as well.
I'm not big on hard alcohol and I'm also not big on most beers but those three I do enjoy the taste of.
You didn't understand what I meant. I meant, the college life binge drinking, people are drinking shitty alcohol that basically no one likes the taste of, they're drinking it to get drunk. Then, that part of my life faded out, and moved to people drinking because they enjoyed the drink.
Ah. Agreed, 100%!
go out anyway, drunk people are dumb and fun to make fun of. One of my best friends is sober by choice and he recaps all the dumb shit we do every weekend.
Switch to cannabis.
Go out for a cup of coffee. At night, go out for icecream/donuts instead of a beer
And get fat, ugly and die alone
Replace the alcohol with weed!
My best advice is don't make a big deal out of it. Never order a drink at restaurants, sports games, festivals, etc. if your friends specifically want to go to a venue where the point is to drink (aka a bar), have one beer. Nurse that beer for a while and leave it almost finished. Odds are most people are not going to care. If someone asks tell them you don't like to drink but you really enjoy socializing.
I'm assuming you are a guy so you might have to deal with some guys ripping on you. That's what guys do and if you laugh about it they'll like you more. If you get called out just laugh about it and be self deprecating. If someone starts picking on you say something along the lines of "I'm such a light weight if I have enough I'm afraid I'll drunk dial my parole officer," "Have another beer? And risk having my sponsor throw another intervention?? Hell no." "If I spend more money on beer I'm going to have to collect twice as many cans tomorrow," "ugh, I'm feeling too hormonal for two drinks," "nah brah, two drinks will kill these sick gainz." I could come up with hundreds of these responses that are funny and will keep any guy (who isn't socially awkward) off your back.
If you have a really good reason to not have one drink just tell people. If you are taking medication that prevents you from being able to drink, body building, have a substance abuse problem, driving, A Medical condition (seizures get worse, cilliacs can't have beer, etc.). If you have these issues and can't tell your friends and have them understand, then your friends suck and get new friends. If your excuse is lame I would definitely stick to self deprivation. If you're too broke you look bad (capitalism is a meritocracy so what does that say if you can't afford a beer). If you don't like the burning sensation you come off as a wuss. If you don't like being drunk you're a buzz kill. So definitely revert to self deprecating humor because your friends are gonna pick up on your lame excuse most likely.
I have a friend who doesn't drink and that's totally cool, but when her first started to not drink he just did it all wrong. He'd say things like "meh I'm just not feelin' it" and it came off as buzz-kill like. Now he sometimes (not even always) has one beer when we go out. We usually go out to trivia night because the rest of us will have a few while he answers the questions and scores us free drinks. He doesn't self deprecate or use any legitimate excuse (although he is gluten free but he's been drinking beer despite that for years so it doesn't count). After a while we just stopped calling him out.
Otherwise go socialize during the day. Go to a class or group (fitness, cooking, exercise, language, book clubs, etc.) it's a huge faux pas to have a jäger on the rocks after yoga class while everyone is drinking their "freshly juiced super food smoothie" or whatever they drink haha. Experiment with things. Odds are if you are younger, so go try to hang out with older people. People past their mid-twenties are over the whole getting smashed thing anyway. If you are beyond your mid twenties and all your friends still wanna do nothing but get smashed, it shouldn't be hard to find ppl your age that are over it too.
Hard drugs
Get hobbies. Go to events centered around those hobbies. Meet people at those events. Keep doing hobbies with those people.
Alternatively: Stop drinking. Start doing drugs.
Weed.
(Serious) start smoking weed
Smoke weed instead
Weed
Being a nerd helps. There's a lot of fun board games and card games that can host 5+ players that are a blast to play. Last Night On Earth is a zombie survival board game that has like 20 game variants. The Resistance is a spy game where the whole point is to lie to your friends. Munchkin, zombie dice, Cthulhu dice, hive, I could go on for a while.
Do everything u normally would but dont drink simple as that
church
Why are you equating "social life" with "nightlife"?
http://www.meetup.com/
Don't end like me and abuse alcohol. Now sober for almost 260 days.
/r/stopdrinking
D&D is the best social life you can have. Not only do you meet interesting people, but you can do immoral things and no one will bat an eye, except the paladin...
you just need to surround yourself with lawful neutral paladins
you can smoke weed instead it's very social.
I don't know why I don't see more of this on the thread. Yes, rock climbing etc, but if I want to go watch a band in a club, not only is weed a good substitute.. I've come to realize that it's better. Added benefits include no serious hangover and not doing anything (too) stupid.
I've literally never drank in my life. No interest personally, so if you're trying to quit drinking others advice might serve you better but for me I hate parties for the most part, I'm usually the dd and my friends just get too drunk. However I've noticed that if I say,
"I don't drink. Thanks though."
People, especially really drunk people, instantly take offense to this as if I'm casting some kind of judgement on their lifestyle. However if I say, "Nah, I'm good! Thanks though!" That's usually enough to get your average person to leave you alone. If they're persistent I just tell them I'm the DD and they leave me alone.
As far as what I do for friends and entertainment? I play music. A lot of it. I make art. Lots of it. I game. I program. I build stuff and am always offering to help others out with a problem I could maybe fix it. That's worked for me. I'm also pretty social to begin with so maybe this isn't that helpful if you're the type who views alcohol as "liquid courage" or something like that.
Wow! Thanks for that advice!
No problem! Good luck!
Join a club.
Like a chess club or a model plane club or a sports club.
Just smoke some pot.
doesn't work for everyone. Some people get more anti-social when they smoke
This isn't the question and more pro-alcohol than anything, so probably not what is needed in here, but I can honestly say it has helped my confidence in public.
Two years ago, freshman year in college, I was very anti-alcohol. Very judgmental towards my friends who drank and was somewhat appalled that people needed alcohol to have fun. I would go to parties sober and it made me uncomfortable, but at times it was definitely fun.
Tried getting drunk for the first time in Canada later on in that year and after two mike's hard lemonades (extreme light weight at the time), I felt great. We were watching TV and everything was hilarious.
Now, when I go to parties or even out in public I have more confidence just from experience being comfortable at parties with alcohol. I've never blacked out, seldom get hangovers because I drink a lot of water (which is the absolute key and if you just drink water while winding down you won't have hangovers often), and haven't done anything I regret too much haha.
You can have fun without alcohol and anyone who judges you for not drinking is not worth your time, but while your young and stupid, I think alcohol is worth the shot, especially to have fun in college (as sad as that notion is).
I went through the same thing -- freshman year, I was super anti-drinking. I lightened up over the years, and now when to go to parties I would never not drink. Makes it so much more enjoyable thank drinking.
That being said, I prefer to do things with my friends sober most of the time. Drinking is fun every once in a while, but I never want a group of friends whose only pasttime is drinking. Everyone feels much more genuine sober to me.
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Pot
Sport!
Think of interests such as working out, reading, boardgames, anything really. Compile a list of said interests. Go on the Internet and find how/where people near you meet up to discuss or do said interest. Go to said place and do everything in your power to not be shy. C:
Not like it. Most of my friends don't drink, I am underage so I can't legally in the U.S until next. Still wouldn't though.
Also playing online games or at lan parties. No one ever drinks in my exp.
Join a hobby club of some sort. Such as D&D, wargaming, sport, something like that. There's plenty of activities where you can meet and be social.
It's more person-to-person than group oriented, and you're going to bore the hell out of each other (compared to being drunk). You'll tell lame jokes that both of you will know are lame, but she'll find the lameness endearing (hopefully). Mostly it will be about convincing her you're dependable.
Board games.
Be a member of an organization actively working on a social cause. They organize events coupled with a social cause and the members usually share a strong bond.
Join a sports group or something similar that you have an interest in. You're more likely to meet people who are more inclined to being health conscious, which might also mean not drinking. Plus, sports is a great way to meet people on a regular basis without having to find reasons to do so.
Source: play social sports
Alcohol always makes me sleepy.
Normal bed time like 12-1Am, After a drink i'm tired by 11.
I have some friends who are just amazing fun to be with regardless of drinking. One off them has been a heavy drinker and a tee-totaler. Some really wild stuff happened when he used to drink but it was always fun. The wild stuff doesn't happen anymore but it is still great fun to hang out. And the best thing is we have fun wherever we happen to be. The other day we were waiting in line at the chemist and just talking shit and had all the cashiers cracking up :) For me the biggest thing is don't go right I'm not drinking now but try and hang out where you used to drink. I find most pubs and pretty much all clubs boring cos it's too loud to talk and most people are getting wasted. I find quieter open pubs and cafes better. And the ultimate trick is to seize every opportunity. Talk to everyone, take a risk with something outside your comfort zone. That's where the fun starts. And some people aren't fun don't let them drag you down.
Just do it! Don't worry about what your friends think or say. Just be you. It's easier for some then others. But just go have fun.
A lot of my social life has taken place with the presence of alcohol, however now that I have a full-time job I really strive to be healthier and limit that. Exercise and sports is huge and you don't need to be an expert, just willing to have fun. I joined a walking group and got involved in a local environmental group. There's tons of social opportunities, you just have to put yourself out there and be willing to try something new. Joining clubs is good, but taking it a step further to meet with people from those clubs on your own time is what will build friendships. Try planning a dinner or cookout at your house, or suggest a weekly game night.
why would you want to?
that said old farm buddy of mine who always had to drive in and out of town never paid for a damn thing in return for driving our drunk asses around; we bought his gas, his food, whatever
I think a lot of it depends on your reasons for not drinking. I have a mental illness, and my mediation could give me seizures or even stop working if I drink, so that's not an option for me right now. I'm not an alcoholic, so drinking isn't a temptation as much as simply not an option.
Honesty, my friends fully understand and respect my situation, and I go out to bars and just hang out with them anyway. But I have had friends in the past who stopped inviting me places because I couldn't drink.
...but it has been a problem on first dates, as some people just won't let the subject go, or label me as some kind of freak because I don't want to go into detail about why I can't drink.
Buy a Harley and roll with the local club.
Have a tea party instead.
I'm late to this but I'll tell you what I've found out. That is you have to find friends who don't need it. My friends and I are more than capable of drinking but we distract ourselves from it by doing other things. We'll sit around and play mario Kart for ages and won't even think about drinking. But the one thing that holds us strong is that we realize that the world is so much more beautiful sober.
Going to the gym at night is a great place to meet others who don't drink as well. On weekend nights, gyms are usually pretty empty and the few people there are committed and can actually offer some good advice if you're new
My wife and myself are both non-drinkers, and the majority of our social life comes from the new resurgence of hobby board games. Check out Tabletop, find a local game store, and start showing up on the local board game night! We're in Kansas City in the off chance you are as well.
Honestly, find a hobby and then find others who have the same hobby.
For example, I love to fly fish. When I started fly fishing, it would come up here and there. People came out of the wood work and tell me they were fly fishing enthusiasts. I'd find new people on the internet who liked to fly fish as well. Next thing I know, I had created quite the circle of friends all because I fly fished. Hobbies create communities, communities create friends.
I don't drink at all and honestly I just hang out with people who are like me. Tonight I'll gather up with my non-drinking friends at their house and grab some tacos and watch some turtles race. Maybe grab dessert. Tomorrow, we can watch Avengers and get late night ramen. Maybe buy ingredients to make milk tea and play Cattan (board game).
In the past we've hit up city events, like Kite Festival or Japan Festival. This week instead of hitting up happy hour for drinks we just met at a teahouse and chatted, just the 5 of us.
I work out with my friends, we BBQ and watch Manny v Pacquiao, we look up events in the city, etc.
None of us drink
Any worthwhile friends would just be like "ok sure", then they subconsciously always want to be around you when they're drunk because you're the sober one.
I'm 24 and I don't drink, but I'm fine with my friends having a glass of wine or whatnot. Friends are aware of my habits, but it never created any problems for us really. They come over, we play some music, watch movies, chat and etc.; if it's appropriate I can serve a cheese plate with some fine wine to wash it down, but it's never with accent on drinking.
TL;DR: just find some friends who do not depend on alcohol to have fun. There're tons of such wonderful people. Source: living in Russia, I've seen... things.
Never touched a drop my whole life. It kind of depends on what stage of your life you're in. I think if you're younger (late high school, college) then it helps to not call attention to it, because people get in your face. "Why aren't you drinking?" [insert quote from Frank Sinatra." I learned early on that I wanted to be able to hang out with people drinking while not doing it myself. If you're at a party or something, drink soda out of a plastic cup. People probably won't even think twice.
As far as having to hang out with drunken idiots, just leave when you want. If they're being irrational and ridiculous, or just plain annoying, you decide when you've had enough and it's no longer fun.
As for later in life (I'm now approaching my 30s) I really don't find it to be that big of a deal. Granted I've never been one to go to bars or clubs or whatever, but hanging out with other coworkers or friends on weekends, they'll probably have a few drinks but it's never the centerpiece of what we're doing. If it is, as others have said, maybe it's time for new friends. Not to offend anyone, but I find drinking as an activity in itself seems pretty boring.
It's kind of frustrating for me, because my father died from liver cirrhosis (alcoholism) and my brother is having a lot of struggles with it as well. I wish there wasn't such pressure in our society to drink, and it was seen as more of an optional lifestyle. It's not easy, but take a firm stance, and if people get in your face about it, just be proud and honest about your decisions.
I never cared about drinking and I never found it fun to be around people who can only enjoy a party when drunk. But also I never had friends who aren't fun when not drunk. So the people I didn't enjoy being with happened to not be the kind of people I hang out with anyway.
Simply: do what you enjoy. If most parties are shit without alcohol, just don't go to them. It means they're shit anyway, and alcohol just masks that. There are endless ways you can have fun with people that don't involve alcohol.
You can't just quit drinking and hope to do the same things you did before. Your life changes because you change something about yourself, that's always the case.
It's like asking how to enjoy Rock music when you now no longer find Rock music enjoyable. You just don't. No one said you have to keep doing the same things, you can now do other things that you didn't find enjoyable before, but you have to let go of the things you no longer find enjoyable now.
I used to be friends with people that went out 6 nights a week. I went with them, and much like any college party or trip to the bar there was copious amounts of drinking.
I now drink MUCH MUCH less. I run and lift weights, and have a full time job that I dont like feeling awful at. I have a cabinet of expensive whiskeys and assorted liquor that I haven't touched in over a year. When I do go out, or hang out at the pool with friends I have maybe 2 drinks total. But it's not to fit in or anything, it's because I am drinking nice craft beers that I legitimately enjoy the taste of.
So what can you do without alcohol? EVERYTHING. Still go out with your friends to the bar, pool, beach, or where ever they are going. And then order a water or some other non-alcoholic beverage.
If your friends joke, politely tell them that you don't want to drink alcohol but that you came because you enjoy their company and being out of the house. If they continue razzing you, tell them that until they can wake up at the same time in the morning and run a 5K distance faster than you to shove their comments up their ass (in a friendly way....). It helps to be physically fit before saying this one.
If they keep razzing you, get more mature friends that respect your choices.
Cannabis? Coffee? Hiking? Combine the three? Join a local service organization, volunteer firefighter, animal shelter, homeless shelter, the Elks, Rotary, KOC, a social bike club, an outlaw bike club, gardening club. Find an interest and a group to match. Talk to the people in the group. Don't drink. Start or join a supper club that either is dry or alcohol optional depending on your ability to be around it.
Engage in hobbies with like-minded people. Join a group or club for a particular interest.
I think it's essential to have common interests with your friends. Or activities you enjoy doing together.And they must be people you like and enjoy being with, regardless of what's going on. I think friends should be people that you can laugh with and talk about anything.
They must be people you respect and care for and who care for you and respect you. People you can watch movies with or just sit around and make dumb jokes with.
Drinking buddies are not real buddies. Real buddies can be drinking buddies, though.
If all that connects you to frriends is drinking, then I'm afraid it's not good enough.
I don't drink but I met my friends from friday to friday whenever I feel it and I just talk with them or something, I don't care what we do if we're having a good time. Talk to your friends about this, that you don't like alcohol?
If you are telling us that you want to get friends (sorry for that) or meet new people, there plenty bars or pubs where you can take something w/o alcohol, at least in my country.
I'm 22 and been sober for over a year and a half now and I've got a pretty active social life. Way more active than when I was drinking and doing drugs because back then, everything I did was constrained by the fact that I had to be able to drink or have drugs or whatever for me to even want to do it.
I do a lot. Going out to get food or coffee with people is something I do like several times a week, and usually just end up chilling with them afterwards. Or like, just asking people if they wanna hang out or get food or something after work. I have a bunch of friends that skateboard so pretty frequently I'll meet up with them to go skate. In the winter I was doing the same but with snowboarding.
I also go to a lot of shows (mainly jam bands and funk), I'll go alone if no one else wants to go and I just go. This is one of those things that I used to always have to be fucked up to do, but now I just go do it.. Just because you aren't drinking doesn't mean you can't go to places where other people drink, etc.
I mean, the most basic answer to that question is that you do all the stuff you normally do to socialize, you just don't drink during it...
I don't drink, I never really did. I was never into sports, probably never will be. School was always my social outlet. After I was done school, it was difficult to make new friends and meet people. Volunteering and being active in the communitee works well for me now. Going to the gym and getting into shape also helped. Join a few clubs, Chess Club, Running Club, boardsgame groups, etc, what ever you're into. Don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. It's ok to dance and have a good time while being sober at a club. Girls love a guy who is confident enough to dance why he is sober. As a guy, I love girls who can have a good time while sober.
I don't drink a lot. Never was that much into it, then I had surgery and was on painkillers for a while and got used to not drinking. I've had like 4 pints this year so far.
First of all, you need friends who don't give a shit. I get tapwater when we're out, and even if everyone else is drinking, no one has ever said anything. I go to the pub at least once a week. And have tap water (I have food as well. get a soft drink if you're not spending any money otherwise).
Also, try and find friends who are into other sorts of activities, or try and get your friends into them. Have a movie night. Play games (social games, card games, board games). Go outside more and do more stuff.
Realise that you're not missing out. People do stupid shit when they're drunk, and even if they have fun, they don't remember most of it the next day anyway. Also, you save money. Spend it on things that you get more out of in the long run.
I'm really not finding it difficult at all, even though I'm a student and most of my friends drink, and some of them a lot.
Do the same things you did before, except without alcohol. It's that easy. You can even go to the fucking bar. Just be a designated driver for your friends. You'll actually have an easier time picking up chicks. They don't want to be hit on by some slob.
You'll find that being sober is a lot of fun.
This! Just go out with your friends and don't give a shit about anything! Just laugh at your friends when they do stupid shit like you always would and talking to drunk people when sober must be some of the funniest things I've ever done!
I have a two pronged problem with this, as I recently stopped drinking.
I moved away from all my friends to a new city for work. I'm finding it impossible to make serious friendships with co-workers unless I go out drinking with them. When I do go out with people, I feel bad about not drinking. Other people don't make too big a deal out of it, but they do ask why I don't drink and it creates awkward situations.
Also, I feel I can't truly be me without alcohol. I have terrible social anxiety when sober and being around people scares the hell out of me. All in all it's a shitty situation.
If you have an alcohol problem the worst advice is "oh just go and order soft drinks! It's just as fun as before only no hangover and you can make fun of your friends!"
This is utter bullshit. Going to the bar after you've quit drinking because you have a problem is awful. You see idiots and assholes everywhere and are reminded that that was you. And you're bored. And, if it hasn't been too long since your last drink you'll spend a lot of time talking yourself into, and out of, just one drink.
Just find new interests to pursue. Meet people while volunteering or taking a class. Anything will be more fun than the bar.
If you don't have a problem with alcohol I'd say the advice is the same, unless you actually enjoy watching people get drunk. If that's the case get your friends home safe and reap the rewards of being the DD.
I've never drank in my life, but luckily have associated with a lot of like minded people through the music scene I'm into. I'm 27 now and it really hasn't even been a thing I think about any more I'm happy to say. I know that's not the most helpful, but I think it does point to looking for like-minded people. We do exist!
Try contra dancing! It's a really fun activity and great for meeting really nice people. Depending on where you go I suppose, but it's very welcoming to newcomers!
Go places with your friends. Doesn't necessarily have to involve any alcohol. How did you do it before you turned 21?
Hard drugs?
weed
You need to have friends that are not alcoholics that need to be always drinking. They need to be smart and interesting enough that they have appeal in themselves, not just as bodies to drink with. I've never been a drinker and I have zero interest in people who are obsessed with drinking or who feel they can only have fun while drinking.
For me this means I am a little pickier about friends, maybe I have fewer but higher quality friends.
I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol for the good part of a year due to a medical condition. Since then I don't really understand why people can't have fun without alcohol.
It really isn't that hard to act more like a retard while it becomes later. However I did often go home an hour earlier, because everybody would become such a retard I couldn't bare it anymore and it would become impossible to understand them anyway. I also had most fun of all the next day, I'd remember everything they did and wasn't hungover.
tl;dr just have fun and act like a retard. The next day is awesome cause you know all the stupid shit everybody did.
Move to a progressive city with things to do, book clubs that meet, club sports that have games and practices. Seriously, it will change your life.
I go to my car club meets. Some of them require you to have a specific vehicle and I hate that. The one I'm in, though there are some ahem illegal activities through it, is just people who enjoy cars. The illegal activities are just street racing and reckless driving, but you don't have to get involved in that at all. I pay like $30 a year for a membership and the best part is, if you're caught with alcohol or drugs you will have your membership revoked.
Having had some partners who were a threat to themselves or others when they got drunk I started to at first drink less and later not drink at all at parties. This sucked big time because I was mostly just babysitting these people from doing stupid shit.
When I moved on and cut them out of my life I just kind of continued not drinking at parties and it became awesome. My sense of humor goes over really well with drunk people and socializing is not really a problem anymore.
OP, how old are you? I'm in my mid twenties and I really don't think it's a big deal if a person drinks or not. What matters is, drinking or not, you can't be a buzz kill. And if you only know how not to be a buzz kill when drinking, then you have a real problem and you should get professional help.
If you are 18 years old it might be a bit harder because everyone is very insecure, so it's easy to pick on the one not drinking. In that case you need to have a very clear attitude towards drinking or maybe just have one beer that you sip the whole evening.
And if people seriously give you a hard time about not drinking, and continue to do so, you should perhaps think about why you hang out with those people.
I had a friend who'd always come early to the pub nights, and usually left before midnight. He'd always have some excuse like "I'm on an antibiotics course" or "Gotta get up early for work" (when we knew he wasn't working) and even "I drove here", when he lived just a few blocks away.
Anyways, we once asked him directly what was up, and turns out the guy had an alcohol issue. Wich we all kinda knew, because back in the days he would party seriously hard. Like a lot. And not just alcohol. And now he's made a commitment to stay clean. But it was seriously killing his social life.
But he was (and still is) a good friend, so we all started adapting too. Coffee hang outs instead of pub nights or clubbing. Game nights with real food instead of chips and beer. Football in the park at night (reccommend it!), and buying him soda and coffee the few nights he decided to come to the pub.
Now, I don't know why you ask that question, but if you have an alcohol issue be brave and be honest. Because good friends don't bail on you just for not drinking. We want to support you. And we'd hate to loose touch just 'cause you feel you need to drink to hang out.
I have a friend who doesn't drink, but always has a glass of Coke when we go out. If anyone offers to buy him a drink, he says, "no thanks, I'm driving".
Hobbies!!!!!! Im a mtg nerd and have plenty of friends and we just meet up and play cards. You could prolly do the same thing for say... Golf or rowing
It depends on your definition of social life. If I'm not going out on the weekend I usually play League of Legends and voice chat with friends. I've met all sorts of people on it and made lasting friendships with people from Hong Kong, Malaysia, Arizona, Florida, and Texas (I live in Minnesota/Wisconsin). I've met a few of these in real life but as I get a bit more free from school I expect to visit all of them.
Off booze 10 years here: You have to find your new drug. For me its music, but it could be anything. Do it like a real alcoholic madman, and make it your thing. You'll find friends, and have something to do, and start to self identify with something.
Oh yeh and its fucking hard. I lost life long friends who couldn't deal with sober me. Fuck 'em.
I am the only person in my social network who doesn't drink. I go out to bars, parties, and have just as much fun--even more fun, I would say, because I'm never hungover. At dinner parties I bring an alcoholic gift for the host AND some type of craft soda 4-pack. I offer one to the bartender if he wants to use one for mixies, and then I ask for his special-minus the booze.
If you're confident, no one gives a shit. People are always curious (I can't drink due to medication interaction) but just say you don't like alcohol, and most people are actually impressed.
Again, the key is confidence!
Most of my friends drink I don't. They are good friends and just respect it.
Hell 90% of socialising is just talking to people. Just do that and your golden.
Upside is that my friends like to buy rounds. They'll all buy me my glass of coke/OJ etc but when it's my turn to buy a round they never let me.
On the flip side the now that when it's a house party I'll always bring some booze to contribute and food. I eat my food they get the booze and we all socialise. Winning for everybody!
If the question is about how to meet new people then activities are good tho clubs/bars still work. When offered an alcoholic drink I'll just say I'm driving so thank you but no thank you. Nobody tries to get people who are driving drunk. In the UK at least!
Visit a mall
Eh, if your friends are worth anything, they'll not force you to drink. No one in my group forces anyone to drink, and the last person who tried got shut down immediately. That way you can hang out with them and not drink. Win-win.
I don't drink myself, and I have never found it hindering my social life. I do go out on nights out, and no one bats an eyelid, I just don't buy a drink or buy a J20. The problem is that there is no secret formula on how to have the perfect social life. My advice would be to make sure you don't just meet your friends when they are drinking, and to join some other clubs (whether that be geeky or sporty) to get to know people in that sober limelight. And the big thing is not to make alcohol the be all or end all. I know so many people who either think of me as a weirdo or some sort of god, and its ridiculous. I think this is because a lot of people depend on alcohol to have fun, and not know/have confidence in themselves that even when intoxicated, it's themselves who makes the nights out fun. I believe not drinking only hinders your social life if you think you can't be social without it.
"I've to drive" works well for me
This was a problem for me for awhile.
I run a and work at a few hot clubs in my city, I have unlimited tab anywhere I go ( perks of being a social nightlife status ) unlimited tab meaning I can order however many drinks for myself and any girl I choose to.
For the first year or two, I went very hard, I drove when I shouldn't have been driving. I did drugs, took different girls home every night. Then I realized I don't want to do this my whole life. I'm 28 years old and I want to focus on my career and still be a status in the entertainment night scene.
Long story short, I quit drinking. I looked at other promoters who are 35 or 45 years old ( there's a few of them ) and they have a dead end job. This is their main form of income. To get drunk, to party and repeat almost every night. They look like they're 60 when there only 35. Alcohol, drugs and no sleep will do that.
I decided to treat this like a real business, I stopped drinking ( 1 year now ) focused on making money at the clubs and at the same time, waking up at 8 in the morning to go to my career job.
It's easy to say no to alcohol, you just need discipline.
I have never drunk alcohol and it's likely that I won't try it. I'm fine with alcohol in cooking and whatnot. I'm nearly 30.
I did the same things as my friends who drink. I went to bars, pubs, etc. Not everyone is out to get smashed. People are often surprised and fascinated why you don't drink though. It's simply never had any appeal for me.
Do the same things as you do with alcohol, just don't drink the alcohol.
I've not had a drink in >10 years, still go clubbing (though less often these days ...), to parties, etc. I quite enjoy being able to drive home and function the next day.
Rock climbing
Drink coffee, or cola, or lemon lime and bitters. Just pick a drink that is yours and fucking own that shit. Hang out with people who want to enjoy the night the same way you do.
Also, weed?
Don't drink.
I have a guest staying with me this week (friend of a friend who is traveling across the country and needed a place to stay for a few nights) and she doesn't drink at all but is one of the more social and enjoyable people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I for one love fine wine, beers and classy cocktails so naturally I struggled to put together an itinerary that she would enjoy. I think i did a good job of picking activities that aren't focused around drinking but there's more to it than that. I think the biggest thing is to be open and accepting of the other people around you. We went to a bar for punk rock bingo and although she didn't drink, we both had a great time. I guess what I'm saying is, get out and do things you enjoy. Whether it be bingo, painting, consuming copious amounts of tea, whatever it is that you enjoy. Ask your friends if they want to join you for said event... And if you have no friends join a club or sports league and I'm sure you'll find someone who shares some of the interests you do.
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Same here, minus the stoner part. My aunt was an alcoholic for a period of time and was hospitalized multiple times. That shit will fuck you up and i've seen the worst of it. I also just hate talking to drunk people. They tend to act so dumb and slow. Like I was texting this girl who was drunk and I said "Are you drunk?" and her response was "That's too many words" and then she proceeded to text me how she fucked up introducing herself to a guy by basically being a drunk person and not thinking straight. So I just stopped texting her back at that point.
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Oh yeah, she's fine. Thanks for the concern. That was like 10 years ago. It was very scary at the time though. Since I'm like 18 I'm at a point where everyone I know parties and gets drunk and it really makes me wish we lived in a time where being a stupid drunk teenager, or any age wasn't a normal thing for people to become. It's like people need alcohol to survive. Cause school and work is soooooo hard if we don't get drunk every opportunity we can. I know people who party and drink like every weekend and probably even more often that I just don't know about. Guess I was just raised in an unothodox way that makes me one of the most boring teenagers ever but i'm ok with that honestly.
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While I have never done any drugs and hopefully never will feel pressured too since I really just like being sober in every way possible, I will say that almost every stoner that i've met has been super chill. While every drunk person I've talked to has been super dumb and unable to comprehend anything. So in that way I have more of a respect for stoners than people who drink all the time. I'd still never smoke but like I never mind hanging around people who do.
I would also say to not always bring it up. I have a friend who doesn't drink, so when I ask her to join a group going to a bar she says "Oh, well I don't drink, so I guess I could still go."
Don't expect all of your social plans to accommodate the fact that you don't drink. Yes, your friends should do "non drinking" activities as well, but not everyone just wants to go for a walk or to the movies every weekend.
Depending on where you live, it's actually very easy. There are groups and events you can do that don't require drinking. Sport groups (adult softball, basketball, roller derby etc.) are great for this. Granted the group may drink togther afterwards but it isn't a necessity to drink.
Personally I don't drink due to health concerns. When I tell people this they are understanding and won't try and persuade me to drink anything.
Choose different activities. For some people, going to the bar or meeting up for drinks is always, always the way they cap off an event or get-together of any kind. A more active crowd can avoid this. Look into some new hobbies that involve a day of hiking, sailing, swimming, biking, etc and then dinner and a movie at home.
You really have to change your habits. We drink when we have nothing to do and nowhere to go. I'm not trying to get or stay sober but I know this from when I quit smoking. Also, I have sober friends. Get thee to the gym, the dojo, the outdoors, friend.
Day activities are really important: camping, shopping, hiking, fishing, working out, etc. All of these activities are great ways to socialize without the need for alcohol.
Nighttime however, that's a tough one short of being a DD or keeping it casual with the cola.
If OP has a good time and meets a bunch of new people from all these new hobbies I would think they would have a good shot at finding someone that can help occupy that PM free time ;-)
Good point, didn't even think of that
Dont drink alcohol and be with interesting people?
Bad parties need alcohol to be bearable, good parties don't need it.
In this thread: people who act too intelligent and white nighty to know how to enjoy a drink. Superficial shit, man.
I drink with my friends often, but just as often we don't - we go out to eat, catch a movie at the cinema, or just visit eachother and talk about things in our lives, looking at the occasional cat video on YouTube.
If your friends cannot accept that you don't drink, you should find new friends, however hard that sounds.
^ What I do.
I didn't drink until I was 21, but all my friends did. I had a ton of fun at parties, going out clubbing, whatever. If you're not uptight, people don't even notice you aren't drinking. And you seem like sharpest, quickest person in the room.
The only issue I ran into was that I was always the DD. eventually, I sat everyone down and explained that I really didn't mind driving a little more than everyone else, but I wasn't a chauffeur. Basically, we rotated DD after that and everything was cool.
Start riding motorbikes, some of my best and most loyal friends I still have today I gained from riding motorcycles, meeting them out and about and starting to chat.
When you start riding motorcycles you become part of a family, every other biker on the road is part of that family too and honestly being from the UK people are generally reserved in public, but pull up on your bike and you'll have complete strangers who are also bikers come up and start conversations with you.
I've never had a drink in my life, and I've been told a ton of times that I'm the most fun person at the party. If you're looking to have fun, just say yes to the kind of stuff that you would say yes to after a few drinks without relying on alcohol as a crutch. Wanna do karaoke? Just do it. Wanna get up and dance? Just to it. Much better to be the fun guy at the party than just another dude sitting around pouring alcohol down your throat.
don't drink alcohol
I know that sounds flippant but it really is that simple
If you're at a club with your friends get soda, or seltzer water with lemon, just don't drink
have one beer normally. wait to take shots till your second beer. milk the living hell out of this send beer. "chase" your shots with this beer by spitting them back into the bottle. pretend to drink that beer the rest of the night. nobody will notice. but you WILL notice that drunk ppl are annoying as fuck....
So I just got sober 52 days ago.
What's your position like? Do you not currently have any friends? Are you a recovering alcoholic? Trying to find new friends?
Dude, try paintball! it's a great way to make friends and get out around new people.
Join a running club. Post-run gatherings are often held at a coffee shop, not a bar.
Depending on where you live I'd totally try out swing dancing man! It's super fun and helps keep you in shape. The community is incredibly inclusive and very friendly to beginners.
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Sounds like an amazing night...
Just start binge-smoking pot instead.
I'm entirely kidding. In my honest view, just do the same things you normally do: invite friends over to watch a movie or play video games. Taking a walk at night just for the sake of walking with a small group of friends is really nice too, especially during Winter. I like going to "exotic" food stores like Jungle Jim's with a good friend or two.
Also, I know that Reddit has a lot of negative views about smoking hookah, but I go out to smoke hookah fairly often with a few friends, and it's always a really good time. Or I'll just invite my best friend over to my place and we'll smoke and just chew the fat.
I used to play Yu-Gi-Oh all the time with one of my friends. We were both into it and would compare the different cards in our decks and give each other recommendations and such. Same goes if you like Pokemon, although it's easier to play the handheld game than to get the cards.
You really don't need to have a set "activity" to do if you have really good friends. Good times just tend to happen. If you find yourself dissatisfied with the times you are having with your friends, it might be time to branch out, or get new ones entirely, and there's nothing wrong with making new friends.
I've only ever drank alcohol 3 times in public. Seeing this question surprises me because I never thought that one would have to rely on alcohol to have a good social life. You just have to learn how to start and hold good conversations mostly! You have to learn how to see the joy in things without having to drink up first.
I got a motorcycle, joined a local Facebook group and we go on rides. I made friends with a couple of the people and we go out on the weekends sometimes and have fun. You don't need alcohol to have fun like this, in fact alcohol is strictly prohibited!
Once a year I'd go a month without alcohol to make sure I still could. The trick was not to let it affect my social life, and still go out as I would if I were drinking. Turns out if you're friends are fun people, it doesn't much matter if you're drunk or not. You'll still have fun with them.
Most people don't care if you drink or don't drink. Unless it's a wine/beer/whiskey/whatever tasting, drinking alcohol isn't the purpose of the event, so your not drinking isn't a big deal.
I don't drink. Drinking makes me sad and that's not the effect I want when going out.
I am an extreme introvert who has a social mask that I put on. When I go out, I am loud, crude, friendly and funny. I force that mask on when I step outside my door because that's what people expect from me.
The masked Stumpy is told when he is at the pub that he has had too much to drink. Then gets in an argument about how little alcohol is actually in my glass of lemonade.
It is possible to let off your inhibitions without an alcoholic catalyst, it just takes practice.
Hm, my social life ended when I stopped drinking altogether, booze was what actually made "social life" tolerable for me. I'm much happier with my life now, though.
I just got into RC cars to cut down on all my stupid habits including marijuana, it's working for me Hobbies are good
In all seriousness, ask a Mormon how it is, or try to friend someone who is Mormon. The nicest people I have ever met are Mormon and they don't drink alcohol or caffeine. A Mormon friend of mine said he has no trouble going out and not drinking alcohol. Just try to be your usual self, I'm sure you do not need to change friend groups
Been tee total since the beginning of the year. And I'm a student. Did it cause I want to be healthier and I don't enjoy going clubbing. But I'm quite introverted, so now I guess it gives me an excuse not to socialise and go out because I don't particularly enjoy it. I guess it's about finding what you enjoy doing, without feeling the need to conform to social norms
Look into Magic: The Gathering. You'll have a whole new addiction.
You don't need to drink to have fun. It all depends which social circle you're in. Find people that are interested in activities that don't require alcohol. A healthy hobby. Like sports or pottery or video games.
Obviously you should find people who share similar hobbies with you. People you can do stuff with.
However, unless your friends are drinking to excess (in which case, if you don't like doing that, maybe look for new friends), I don't have much of an issue with simply going to the bar, drinking water, and socializing.
I do drink (occasionally), but I've never felt weird hanging out with friends at a bar and drinking water.
It's similar with food when you're really trying to watch what you eat - just because they're getting fried bar food doesn't mean you need to eat it. If you enjoy socializing with them, what they're eating or drinking versus what you're eating or drinking should be inconsequential (again, assuming they're not getting schwasted).
Play Magic: The Gathering. Costs way more but at least you won't get a hang over.
Explore nature. Hike, rock climb, kayak
I'm in my 30's and have never had a drink. I consider myself a very social person. In my 20's there were certainly some awkward times with people who would take offense with my non-drinking. It was fine though, because I have no interest in socializing with people of this mentality, so friendships naturally filtered out over time. Over the years, I've socialized and maintained good friendships with people who never drink, people who sometimes drink, and people who drink quite a lot. Socializing expands well beyond alcohol. Life is brimming with things to do. Find something you enjoy and I think you'll be surprised at the social aspects that will naturally develop if you put yourself out there. Good luck!
I have always found that the best way is to find something that you like to do and find a way to bring it up in conversation. I like to go roller skating, so I bring it up with new acquaintances quite often. I can typically find someone else who would be down with a day in the park or at the rink, and I am a 29 year old male. Also, more often than not females will be the first to jump on the opportunity so that's a plus. That's how I met my fiancé, and many of my friends current and past.
I think you're mixing up a difference between a social life and partying. For partying, people can go and have fun with alcohol, but for me personally I would have a lot more fun with a few drinks. However my social life doesn't resolve around partying - it revolves around texting a friend and asking if they wanna hang out, or playing sport, or going to a group that I go to every week (writing group, poker group for me) which not only gives me social interaction, but also helps me move forward with a couple of my passions as well.
So i'd suggest following your interests and finding groups in your area.
I am that way. You have two options. You can hang around a group of friends that respects your decision not to drink. It makes things a lot easier. Another option is just to find some things locally that you are interested in. At first it can be frustrating because everywhere you turn, the majority want to drink. Once you get used to it though, you won't even miss it. It is most definitely possible to go out with friends to a bar and not drink.
Depends on what you mean by socializing.
Alcohol has rarely been involved in my socializing with friends. We'll go out to hang out, or grill something at home, and beer+ is usually an option but most of us opt for iced tea or the like.
Alcohol is usually involved when socializing with coworkers. I think the reason is that we aren't really friends, don't actually have much in common, and don't really care about each other's problems. Alcohol makes hearing about Tech Support Joe's son's little league game slightly more tolerable.
If your socialization centers around alcohol, I would look at whether you are socializing with friends or not. And whether you want to. It depends on what you are after. You are probably more likely to get laid hanging around non-friends. Socializing with friends is cool too of course.
Everything in this thread is lies!
Do competitive gaming. I participate in the competitive Smash scene and I've made a bunch of friends just going to local tournaments. No alcohol needed.
It's really easy.
Become a gym enthusiast. You don't need alcohol confidence when you have hot-as-fuck confidence. Go to the parties and the girls will talk to you. Its what I did. Way cheaper and far more effective.
You will actually have a much better social life!
Start at coffee shops and retailers centered around hobbyists with whom you share common interests. Take up cycling, join a cycling community.
Start learning Linux and join a tech meetup. Start riding public transportation as often as possible.
Volunteer at your local food bank.
Disc golf folks are usually lame, but that's an easy way to waste an afternoon and make new friends.
I'm a big drinker now but for part of my college life I was always the DD. Honestly my advice(I'm assuming you go to clubs/bars) is to sit back and watch the shitshow. As a sober person you see pretty much everything and get to tell the exciting stories without actually being within the drama.
Once me and my friend went to get donuts from 7-11 around 1:30 am when all the bars start to close. We sat on a bench and a brawl broke out right next to us. We sat there soberly watching drunk kids throw horrible punches and trip while enjoying my favorite food.
Pingas
Smoke weed. Put more purpose in your life.
I have been sober 27 years - as a drinker I had drinking buddies who, though there was a semblance of intimacy, alcohol was the only bond. They went away, some scared off by my sobriety I cut others loose as the endangered mine...
Should note My drinking was in part fueled by a degree of social handicap that had always been a part of me. Suspect I am on the shoulder of the autistic spectrum - so friendship has always been difficult.
I got sober in AA - (btw: am agnostic and have not been jesusized yet) and there I have met and made friends with a bunch of interesting people who have taught me what friendship really is. It should be noted that many of them are as socially handicapped as I am so it takes work, and time.
Develop your social life around a hobby. Drinking doesn't count.
I have two circles of friends. My gaming buddies and my music buddies. I rarely just go out for dinner or something like that with my friends, instead we'll play games online while on skype or something, maybe get together for a board games night or I'll get together with my music buddies and jam or just shoot the breeze about music, bands, theory, new music we're writing, etc.
Hobbies man, find one you like and reach out. Won't take long to find people to be social with that doesn't revolve around being drunk.
In all honesty not giving a fuck helps and here is how.
Most people use alcohol as a crutch to become more social. If you can go into a bar and drink something non-alcoholic and shoot the shit with anyone and everyone, dance, and be the life of the party, you'll have a better experience than you ever did before.
Idk have you tried anything harder
Get a dog. Go to parks and other dog friendly areas. Most dog people are pretty chill and social. Just don't be one of those pricks who gets a dog for the novelty and doesn't take care of it.
I have a friend that did it all through college. He is pretty into Jesus now.
As a former heavy drinker who spent most of my life in bars I can tell you the transition isn't easy. But it is doable. I quit drinking and basically alienated myself from all my friends. This didn't work out, twice I relapsed and had to start the process over.
What eventually worked for me was finding a balance and real reason to hold onto that didn't involve anyone else. I stayed away for awhile, explained to my friends why, and eventually started to go out with them again. Anytime the temptation got to me I simply walked away, left the bar and went home.
My friends were very supportive and the few that weren't I eventually decided weren't friends anyway. Now I go out regularly, I have a good time and occasionally sniff someone's jack and coke. I became such a regular the bar we frequent offered me a job as their "floor manager" which amounts to hmfic of bouncers.
TL;DR
You're social life may not have to change at all, if you have the intestinal fortitude.
PS You get laid way more, and better quality.
I've been to an AA party before. Well, not AA sponsored, but the party was alcohol free because most guests had been alcoholics at some point in their life. It was a Halloween party. It was seriously the most kickass party Ive ever been to. I felt awkward though, because I couldnt drink. But those guys, somehow theyve taught themselves to cut loose without the alcohol. I dont know. I need a social lubricant of some sort or I feel weird and self conscious. I talked to the friend who threw the party about it and she said "Yea, it's really weird at first. You feel so out of place, but then all of a sudden something clicks and you can just start being yourself without the booze."
I dont know, find some friends who have quit drinking is about all the advice I can give. They know how to have a good time and they do it without booze.
smoke weed instead man
Go to bars/parties and don't drink alcohol. People don't actually care.
Get good at telling people to fuck off who give you shit for not drinking. Make people who are drinking feel small about giving you shit for not drinking, because their arguments and/or banter are usually small minded. You have just the same right to be somewhere whether you are drinking or not. I drink myself, but never bother people for not drinking. Some of the greatest times I have had have been when I am sober, and hanging out with drunk people, and visa-versa
There was a girl from my college who pulled this off perfectly. She would still go out and go to all the house parties but she just wouldn't drink and everybody knew she didn't drink. What totally made up for that was she had a naturally bubbly personality and was always smiling and energetic. So she put off good vibes without the need for booze and everybody liked her. So yeah try to project energy and happiness and everybody will want you around even if you aren't drinking.
I don't drink and I have no problems with it whatsoever. Both sets of friends that I have (school and at home) don't care that I don't drink. I rarely go to bars or parties either, so I don't really DD too often but I don't mind doing it at all. I've been to a few parties where almost everyone else is at least tipsy and I find them super fun. Nobody cares that I'm sober, I'll play pong with everyone and just have a good time. Most of the time none of us go to bars or parties anyway, we have plenty of alcohol in my apartment and we might have some friends over on a weekend for drinking and still nobody cares that I don't drink. If you feel like you can't have a social life without alcohol, you're either an alcoholic or you have shitty friends. There's plenty of ways to have fun without alcohol, from what I've heard it just enhances the experience most of the time.
Healthy social interactions are EASY without alcohol!
join a gym exercise program
attend different facebook events / running events (foam runs, Zombie walks, marathons, ect)
learn a new skill through a community learning pogram (photography, bird watching, ect)
invest in scuba lessons, make friends with various scuba people!
join a coffee club, they normally have a mandate (book talk, politics, grandkid talk, what have you)
take up hiking and join a hiking group!
join a geocaching group
join a fishing group!
join a club as a adult member that mentors kids (cubs, scouts, girlguides)
join a sports team, (hockey baseball, rec league stuff)
start a dog walking club! or join one... whatever...
take evening classes at a local college!
Join a book club
volunteer at an animal shelter
volunteer to teach a class on a topic you know to kids at a local library!
Read to kids at a local library!
join an art group!
the big thing to remember is that, no matter what, talk to people! while out and about, doing new things, TALK TO PEOPLE!
Most of my social activity is with people I've never met face to face, due to similar reasons. If you can stomach that idea, it's worth a try to find maybe a video game you like and make a group of friends on there.
If not then maybe find something else you like to do. Like comics? Find comic stores near you and visit them.
Like to play board games or RPGs? A lot of times you can find a group nearby willing to do those things regularly.
More of an athletic person? Visit the local park, find a group playing basketball or something and ask if you can join.
It's different for everyone, dependent on your interests. There's absolutely no need for alcohol to be a part of socialization though.
Maybe have a social group that does other things instead of just sitting at a bar or club. For example, i have a few friends that are sober so we go out, we do something that is a planned activity. Rock climbing, horse back riding, pottery class, ice hockey, etc., etc. It works because we are doing something with our hands and keeping our minds focused on the task and also having conversation. If we go out at night to a club or bar, we just find place where there wont be a lot of people drinking to get fucked up (like college night or a dollar shot night or whatever)
Do things that are fun without requiring alcohol. Go backpacking, camping, geocaching, or play a good game (I recommend checking out Munchkin). These things sound lame to people who haven't tried them but they're actually fun when you've got a good group of friends.
Edit: and also, cook or grill out at the park!
Spend your weekends hiking my friend, people will follow you. Eventually.
I joined a 12 step fellowship. There's a camping trip, convention, dance, or just a hang out every other weekend. Twelve Step fellowships aren't everyone's cup of tea, but it's changed my life.
I've found friends and people who I get along with at work or in other places. We play board games, go bowling, go out and about.
Maybe it's an age thing? At 25-30 a bunch of us don't really feel a need to drink or go out and drink? Some of them might have a beer during a night, but we're more into potluck board/video game nights and then some group activity that isn't too money intensive.
Fun and hilarious. My friends and I go out in the day and play baseball, tennis, badmitton. You name it and we have fun doing it. We like an occasional wine solely for the taste but that about it. The black out party scene was never our thing. To each his own I guess.
I don't drink and I don't find it a problem to go out with my friends who do. But I have never drunk, so it's not hard for me to resist the temptation.
Yes, you may have to forgo the "liquid courage" but I have always found that I loosen up once the people around me have a bit of liquid courage in them. I just have to remember that my memories of the night will likely be much clearer than any of theirs, so I can tease them mercilessly about whatever silly things they end up doing.
Basically, just do whatever you would do normally but without alcohol. If the people around you are drinking, it's pretty hard for you to look stupid because they either won't care, won't remember, or will be looking stupid themselves. So just relax and remember that you don't need liquid courage to let loose.
A few random things: helping others with tasks/chores feels like a main one, especially when meeting new people, giving others a ride, eating with others, watching movies, doing activities like sports, fishing, and taking children to do fun things.
Find friends in a 12 step fellowship. They are former hardcore partiers so they are a lot of fun, they just don't drink anymore. You might find yourself hanging out at diners with them instead of bars, but it can be a lot of fun.
I have a friend who doesn't want to drink any alcoholic beverages. She's quite pretty and is part of a huge dance community and is quite popular.
She still goes out to clubs, and social events but just turns down drinks and I respect her a lot for that. What is important is to have the ability to turn down a drink, and stick to your morals or decision not to drink. You should be able to do anything you want, and be able to do it without drinking even if its a heavy drinking environment.
My girlfriend is pregnant and she just played beer pong with friends, we just gave the cups to another person to drink. Responsibility for your decision and seeing it through is key.
I have given up drinking over 3 years ago, without any real reason. I just didn't drink for a while, and when the next opportunity came i thought "I had a long dry run, let's see if I can keep it going". An experiment, if you will. My advice would be, just keep doing what you did with alcohol. I still go partying till the sun comes up with the same friends. Granted, when back then alcohol made every party a good party, it's now harder to find a good party. If music and people are good, I dance. If the music sucks, I don't, though I probably would if I was drunk. Also, let other people drink. Don't make them feel bad or like they're annoying you or stupid because they keep doing it.
Ever since I stopped drinking alcohol, I started to enjoy exploring into the world of non-alcoholic beverages. Root beer, Cream Soda, different brands of cola or lemonade apart from coke and pepsi, exotic juices and stuff like that were all new to me. Also, especially when partying or just going out with friends I enjoy the occasional can of Monster/Rockstar/whatever. I know that stuff makes lots of people barf, but to me those and the other drinks listed before have become my way of of "treating myself to a nice drink", where I would normally crack a beer or a longdrink.
Hey! I'm recently sober! Socializing without alcohol seemed almost impossible at first, but the longer I've been sober the less socially inept and anxious and introverted I've felt, so it's gotten really easy to meet and befriend new people. And when I'm sober and meeting new people, I connect more with other people who don't drink to excess 24/7 like I used to with my friends. Now that I have healthier coping mechanisms and behaviors, I'm clicking more with others who have healthier lifestyles too.
Some of the things I do with my sober or low-drinking friends: museums, presentations at museums, jazz clubs, low-key concerts, late night movies, cupcakes at dessert bars, walking!!, hiking!!, boat cruises, games night (monopoly, cards, etc), cook and bake at home and do a TV marathon.
I can talk a lot with my friends, old and new, now. I have thoughts, like real and intriguing thoughts, that I want to share with people.
Having a sober social life definitely required that I rethink a lot of my friendships. I made it clear to all my existing friends that socializing around alcohol was no longer of interest to me. I don't go to bars with people - though I'll meet them before they go out for a light snack. I don't go to drinking-based house parties. Some people have decided they don't want me in their lives now that I don't want to get drunk With them - that's fine, we don't have a lot in common anyway without booze.
I kind of feel like a little kid again, but I think that's only because as soon as I could drink, drinking was all I did. I didn't try to do other activities except get drunk or high. Now I have interests again and so I'm revisiting the things I liked to do as a child and teen when I wasn't intoxicated.
Hope this helped! You can search for the "Living Sober" pdf online, which has a few good sections about how to socialize sober, and what to do when you get bored
Ps, as others have said, rock climbing RULES! Great way to keep fit, busy, and meet new people
Coffee, hiking in both urban and rural settings, joining a sports team, taking classes for cooking or art or acting...the list goes on almost indefinitely.
My best advice is try to rediscover something you really enjoyed when you were younger and see if you can adapt that interest today. Odds are other people had similar interests and you will find ways to socialize in those circles.
If your friends are getting so drunk that you can't just hang out sober then you need new friends
I can help with this!!! I am a recovering alcoholic/addict and even though our reasons may be different, I had to quickly learn how to have a social life without drinking/partying. All of my friends, literally all of them for the past 8 years drank. Not problematic drinking like mine ended up being, but our groups social life completely revolved around drinking. Whatever we did was a catalyst for us to booze while doing it....reds' game, boozed, golfing, boozed, campfire, boozed....you see where I'm going with this. The first step in learning how to socialize w/out alcohol is to figure out if it is even possible w/ your current group of friends. I'm not saying you have to cut them out, but depending on your reasoning for the question, it may be necessary. From my own experience, this is what worked best for me.....You first have to find out what YOU enjoy doing. You may not even know what it is yet. It can be anything, gaming, working out, fishing, golfing, etc. The point is to find something that you love doing. From there, you find other like minded people who enjoy doing the same thing, this is the harder part but it can be done, I did it and I'm a recovering degenerate.
TL;DR: Find what you like to do personally sans booze, and then find like minded people.
I had to move out of my old house because all they did was drink and wreck the place. It's been mentioned but board/card games, sports, rock-climbing, camping (admittedly can include beer), commentating over bad movies, getting coffee, trying new restaurants together (also can include booze), and anything else. It's like being in high school but now you can drive! Limits lead to creativity so go for it.
Meetups. People meet based on common interests, like singing, board games, technology, sports... a lot of things other than alcohol.
And honestly, I feel I should plug church. About half-ish of my social life comes from doing things with people from church... I'm not talking about "church activities" as that has never really gone over well with me. I'm talking about people you know from there, that you do things with. I just plug them, because in that circle, it's entirely normal and appropriate to be non-drinkers.
Invite people to your home, eat a nice meal, play cards or risk or Minecraft or something, and socialize. Or go on a campout, or work on a project in the garage... Believe it or not, those types of situation works fine without alcohol... maybe even better because you remember it and you're less likely to do anything long-term regrettable.
God, this lemonade is great!
Do you feel like you can't go out at all if you don't plan on drinking?
Or that you can go out, but it's not fun?
If you aren't having fun without alcohol, you gotta wonder if your friends are really close friends or just people to keep you company when you get buzzed. You should be able to talk to them, either serious stuff or just gossip etc., without needing a drink to loosen you up.
If you feel like going out has no point without it, you might want to try to find an entirely new scene... the bar doesn't have to be your default, go-to answer to "what should I do tonight". Have people over to watch movies and sports, go out and play pool (if you can stand to be around alcohol without drinking it), organize a group to go see a movie in the theater. If you or any friends like to cook, make a meal, maybe do a barbecue if you got access to a deck.
The bar is just one option among many, and far from the cheapest one. And you might find if you can get some other things going that the bar option wasn't even all that fun either.
I went through this last year. Became sober but fell into depression for months because I didn't adapt to a social life without alcohol. The way I did was with finding new friends really. It can be difficult but looking online into communities you enjoy or social clubs in your town can be a good start. This is all from anecdotal evidence though.
Congrats \o/
I am in recovery and have been for 16 months. I have found that it is harder to have a social life than I thought. I have a tight group of good friends who I have had for more than 20 years. Some of them are afraid to ask me out because it involves drinking. A few of them invite me to do things that dont involve alcohol which is nice.
I dont mind going to bars or gatherings with drinking. I can handle it as alcohol wasnt really my problem. But, they try to protect me even though I dont want that. I appreciate it on some level but it sucks seeing people I would normally be out with on Facebook having a good time while I am at home.
I would suggest trying to meet some people that dont drink. If you dont drink due to alcoholism, AA is great for that. I have met some amazing people at meetings even though I am not a huge fan of the AA program, there are some good things about it, mainly the people.
Social dancing- tango, swing, salsa, etc. If you live in a city there will be a community for it and they tend to be welcoming of beginners (at least in the states). Some people will have a drink or two but you won't feel out of place being sober. And will probably dance better because of it.
Hang out with Mormons and others that don't drink. You'll probably end up playing board games. Friendly lot.
Our group has a friend who doesn't drink at all. He'll still hang out with us, go to bars, enjoy himself, etc. We're all into craft beers (Except him, obviously) but at the same time we're all 28-38, drink responsibly and don't rely on him to DD any of us, ever. It's more about the social interaction than the drinking. Once this changes, you need to find new friends.
Join some clubs or organizations and get involved with those social circles. Meetup.com is a great place to start.
You did it for hopefully at least 14 years of your life. Just Remember Simba.
I don't think I've ever had a complete drink cross my lips. I'm not a social butterfly, but I do manage to have a lot of fun and I really enjoy life without alcohol.
I think my best asset is a wide variety of interests outside of traditonal bars and partying. I go parties, but also clubs, casual gatherings, the gym,the library, wherever. The key is to talk to be people. Just talk, socialize, be the cool guy that everyone wants to be around. If someone you don't know is wearing something interesting or talking about something you like, strike up a conversation! You have nothing to lose, who cares if they act if it's weird; you'll never see them again unless you choose to, their opinion is meaningless.
Join a club or organization!
I'm thinking about going in the same direction. Best thing to do is become active in the outdoors. Plenty of cool people to find who are into fitness and being healthy.
I am sure there is a subreddit for your town or city. Maybe you can post something there to find events with some sober people.
rock climb, go running, learn to parasail, skydive, go hiking, play competitive smash bros. List goes on man.
What are your interests?
Volunteer for the Saturday night shift that nobody wants at an animal shelter... or join the maker movement! Find a tech shop or a startup that needs extra hands on deck. Go fix a problem that you're passionate about. Learn how to use a lathe. Sure, people might bring in some beer while they babysit a long laser cutting job, but I can guarantee that nobody with all their fingers and an ounce of sense will be drunk in a machine shop.
I don't drink anymore because my body cannot handle it for some reason (although I used to crush 40s like it was nothing (super ghetto it was back in the day)). I prefer smoking trees instead, there's plenty of people that do; if you cannot I suggest finding a new hobby where you can befriend people. If you don't want to rebuild a network of friends, just be a DD. Be warned you'll realize how much of an asshole everyone is when they're drunk and you're sober.
My fiance and I don't drink at all, but have quite a busy social life.
We are big into video games, board games, anime/comic/gaming conventions, cosplay and college.
We have game nights at her house once a month which have grown from 8 people to the most recent record of 34. We play a variety of games depending of the theme of the evening and always round it off with a massive game of Cards Against Humanity.
Cosplay and conventions keep us busy in our spare time and they both allow us to meet new friends, socialize and network.
Literally everything you do at a bar you can do other places without drinking. We don't exclude drinkers from our friends and we don't mind if you drink, we just choose not to.
I hang out with groups of friends all the time with no alcohol. (Well, they drink, I just hang out). There are all kinds of ways to have a social life with no alcohol involved.
Patience is all you need. I quit drinking and smoking over 3 years after one of my friends glassed my other friend in the face because he took his chair in a bar. I decided never to drink nor go to any club/bar (I never really enjoyed them anyways). In the beginning it was tough. I stopped seing my friends as often and started having a lot of weekends where i never saw any of my friends. But overtime you start developing new friends or reconnecting with old friends who do not drink and before you know it this will no longer be a concern
Making music with others is one way, and it could last for hours at a time before people start to get exhausted.
Do you sing? Have you ever sung in your live? Actually, that doesn't really matter; I'm going to plug for barbershop music right now.
See, you've heard of barbershop quartets, right? Well, there are also these huge choruses called barbershop choruses, which are like gigantic quartets. What makes this relevant to this discussion, however, is that they are everywhere, you can rehearse with your local chorus for free without even auditioning.
In this environment, there are a ton of really awesome people who will invite you to sing with them at any time. There are these short sections of songs called tags where, after being taught your part within a couple minutes, you just start singing in an impromptu quartet with 3 others. People do tag singing for hours at a time before getting exhausted. Plus, when you learn full songs, you can assemble into random quartets and song those too! If you become a member of the chorus, you can also become a member of the society. Tons of events and conventions grant you access to do similar things with people all around the world. And since there's actually a set of "common repertoire" for the society, oftentimes you can meet people from around the world and instantly start singing the same songs with them!
So, in short, music is a heavily social experience that doesn't require drinking. Barbershop harmony allows you to create quick and easy music without any instruments necessary, at any time.
Find people who are interested in the same stuff you are, hang out.
I am a developer and frequent local user groups. They often go to a nearby bar afterward. I find that if I go to the bar and have a Diet Coke or something, most people don't care what you're drinking if you're having an interesting conversation.
Find a hobby, find hobbyist friends.. It's easy for me to say seeing as I play music in a band and mix and stuff.. but it could have been whatever.. Photography ?
Maybe take a class in something ? Programming maybe ? Pottery ?
My dad has been a recovering alcholic for twenty years (he hasn't had a drink that whole time). Whenever somebody offers him a drink he says something along the lines of "No thank you, I've already drank enough in my lifetime". It usually shuts people off without having to actually talk about his past. They are all usually pretty respectful about the whole thing, although he says the first few years his cousins and friends resented him a little bit around family reunions because people were afraid to drink around him because they thought it could be too tempting for him.
If you can, travel. Go see the world and realize 2/3 of people don't drink.
1/3 of US citizens don't, and 20% drinks 80% (a hardcore 7% drinks half the booze). So 80% are light drinkers, along with the abstaining third.
Just look, you'll find what you're looking for. Maybe the fact that your asking indicates that you're getting the itch to change things up.
It's hard to say without knowing more about you and your friend group currently. For instance, I have a close-knit group of friends where we are nerdy and have game nights or play DnD. There about three of us who only drink on special occasions (weddings, our birthdays). I think having other friends who don't drink helped. If it had been only me not drinking all the time I think it would have been weird to me. Plus like another commenter stated you just have to go with the idea that everything that happens is funny.
Honestly it's about the friends you make. Make friends who don't need alcohol to socialize or hang out. That's what kind of friends I have made.
Have a personality?
I like to ride motorcycles. A couple good buddies and I all have bikes and we bought these intercom headsets for our helmets. We can ride for hours at the cost of one 5 gallon tank of gas. Before we all started riding together, we'd meet up at the bar and spend way too much money and get way too drunk. I know this is probably not practical for you given that I doubt you have a motorcycle but what I'm saying is that my friends ultimately valued the time we spend together, not the time spent getting drunk. Because of this, as soon as we found something we all liked, we stopped getting drunk.
It's not simple and if you're friends with people who drink almost every night it may be impossible to stay friends with them. For me, I don't drink but every friend of mine has or does. Usually we all take a night to hang out without drinking and just have a fun sober time. See if your friends would be willing to do such or start to look for anyone who would be willing to have a good time without drinking for one night.
Become a coffee enthusiast. My bro in law redesigned his bar into a specialist coffee bar. Heat fun, with the right mugs and etiquette
Im wondering the same thing, im a recovering alcoholic so I really cant drink...
As someone who loves to go out at night, but who had to stop drinking due to stomach problems, I get your dilemma.
But then again, I love dancing and I'm not the kind of person who needs alcohol to let loose or feel comfortable to dance in public. So my social life hasn't really been affected. If your friends are the kind that get wasted and are intolerable when they're drunk, then i would suggest either hanging out with them during the day and doing something that doesn't involve alcohol. OR make new friends. Volunteer, join a club, do a weekly group fitness class, play a sport...there's so many activities you can do during the daytime to meet new people who share the same interests as you.
In my highschool, how to have a social life without weed
Drugs is the logical answer.
Find a niche that you like, and make friends with that. I for one don't drink, but I'm a gamer so I have a ton of other friends who are (usually) sober and game with me.
break out the lotion and ask everyone to sit in a circle.
Get the NA brews. St Paulie is good and the bottle looks like real beer. No one will notice when you're at a social gathering. If someone does simply say you're driving that night or going running in the morning. It's no big deal.
Someone said get activity friends. There are all sorts of meetups you can do with cyclists, walkers, runners, hikers, golfers, the list goes on. And when you socialize after a run or whatever, have your NA brew.
It's pretty easy to socialize and not drink. Most people won't notice.
I had the same concern 8 month ago "How to have a social life without smoking? "
Increase the frequency of the social activity, but don't stay for as long. As people progress into intoxication, the the party becomes less enjoyable. However, I think everyone should learn how to let their inhibitions go and have fun without alcohol. I was sober for 2 years following a bout with alcohol and realized the only things more fun while sober are exercising and math.
I don't drink at all and I still have a social life. It helps being friends with people who don't drink to excess; they drink socially but no one's ever gotten completely smashed (well, mostly). We usually hang out at someone's house and just talk and play video games, we could talk for hours and hours. Don't need to be drunk to have fun conversation with friends.
Im currently on probation and cant drink. I havent found it very difficult to be out with friends while they are drinking, but I feel like I am am exception because of the friends that I have. Im very Fortunate to have friends who dont pressure people into drinking and who tend not to get absolutely blitzed while drinking. It is really hard to be around people who are obviously very drunk if youre the sober one, but I dont have too hard of a time if theyre just havimg enough drinks to become more talkative. In fact, I think thats actually better for me. They become more talkative and it helps carry the conversation. Basically, you have to find people who understand whatever the reason is that you abstain and make the best of the situation. Dont be around people who pressure you into drinking.
I hung around with a young group of friends in the 90s from a Christian group who generally didn't drink and we always had a great time. When we started having alcohol at gatherings, there were a couple of times when I had one too many drinks but nobody drank to get drunk. That's really the key - we had it because we enjoyed it or it went well with food but we didn't come in with the attitude of "I'm gonna get smashed tonight 'cause it's Friday ..."
My friends started pairing up, getting married and having kids so the alcohol was put away again for a number of years. Recently we've started having it again but it's still mostly about trying out something new and I limit myself to one or two drinks at the most.
I don't drink, but I recently discovered bar trivia, especially Geeks Who Drink. I would see if there is one in your area and go for a night. I am sure there will be a team that will take you as an extra player.
you dont need to drink alcohol ... just replace it with blow or weed ... or whatever
EDIT: yep, i noticed the serious tag
Great question! It's quite simple really.
Now, your reasons for being without alcohol may vary, of course. Maybe (like me) you simply don't drink it often, and prefer to do stuff without the potential of getting buzzed or full out drunk. Maybe you're like my girlfriend, who had an alcoholic grandfather, and so on principle doesn't drink. For the sake of this response, I'll just assume the former, my own experience.
I guess the simplest answer is just, do things without alcohol. My close group of friends and I often hang out, and we simply don't bring it. Maybe we'll have a Settlers of Catan night, with nachos and pop. Or a movie night, and we each bring a couple snacks, but no beer. It's really not a big issue.
Although I can imagine it's hard for some people to hang out quietly and not be drinking. Try something active- Rock climbing, paintballing, etc. If you're running around or being active, you won't be thinking about having a beer. You'll be craving water. Not only is it intrinsically healthier, you're getting exercise while at it!
Personally, I really don't mind not drinking. Occasionally I might- my buddy and I walked to Buffalo Wild Wings the other night and had beers- but typically it's not my go-to thing. And if I'm honest, one of the biggest reasons for not doing so is that when I'm with my friends watching a movie or something, and then we drive home, I never have to worry about one of them having had too much to drink and not getting home safe. I'm always assured that they're not under any influence.
One of the biggest ways you can help yourself to do this is to not tempt fate, if you get what I mean. If you're at a party and everyone's getting wasted, it's going to be pretty hard to resist having at least a few drinks. If you're really committed to not drinking, maybe don't go to that party that night.
Hope that gives you some ideas!
Personally, I just started running ... learned how to go about it and I joined a running group and now those guys are my best friends. The way I figure, the more freetime you have the more money you'll probably spend e.g. alcohol So I spend lots of time volunteering too or with my S/O
It's tough but it's all about perseverance. When I quit, all my friends made fun of me but they eventually realized I was serious and supported me and we all still hang out as usual. In the beginning, the hardest part was trying not to pick up a beer. Tough it out and if you had a social life before, it'll still be there with the right people.
Smoke Pot
If you go to a state college take up smoking weed. You can make plenty of friends by just smoking with them. If you don't like the idea of smoking then you can do edibles or use a vaporizer.
I drink NA beers...LOTS of NA. I'm not an alcoholic that needs beer every day, but I'm a terrible binge drinker...once I've had that first one I don't realize I should stop until I'm 10 beers in.
Dunno...that lets me still be social with my drinking buddies, but not get completely tanked.
I play in a couple softball leagues and have made some good friends that way. We'll go out to a bar, usually with an outdoor patio, after games but we're usually kinda tired so nobody drinks much anyways, we just shoot the shit. You certainly wouldn't look or feel out of place not having a drink when going out with teammates after any sort of sport.
I enjoy drinking and this thread is making me want to stop. Fuck you guys.
lan partys bro ! get some games, invite people , play some games, make some food. :D
keks warranty
Have a cone ?
Stop hanging around people who have the same problem. Your social life can be exactly the same without alcohol, just sub alcohol for water or soda. If you find that the people are no longer interesting or you are not interesting to them, find other people to socialize with. I'm 30 and never had a drink and never had a problem being a social butterfly. However, i see friends that do have that problem and it seems to be more a problem with mild alcoholism than socializing because they can't differentiate the 2.
Never drank so I'm coming at this from an angle that might not help but I'll try. So normally I have different types of friends (professional friends, hobbies, game related, etc) the exercise of finding friends hubs around a common interest.
If you are trying to have a social life without alcohol then it might be best to find what you are interested in. Like watching movies? Find a community/society that is near you with same or similar interests. I play pen and paper role playing games. where should I start if I have nobody to socialize with? At a game stores scheduled event. Start again as a nobody and just jump in. Probably like drinking there are still going to be people you meet which you will regret but more lasting social circles are usually started this way.
Only had a few minutes hope this was helpful.
Find activities that require that no alcohol be consumed as it would pose danger like rock climbing
It depends.
The definition of a social life is simply to enjoy spending time with friends. However, it's important to take that a step further and understand WHAT you do while with these friends that you find enjoyable, i.e. what activity are you enjoying.
Drinking is not an activity. It simply accompanies activities and (for some) enhances activities.
I would say regardless of the situation, conversation is a primary activity. If you can find enjoyment in conversation while you're sober and others are drunk... then case closed, no issue, right? It often isn't that simple though. For one, "drunk" is a sliding scale and, two, conversation is usually not enough. It's why people drink in the first place! It makes conversation easier and more fun. It is likely this question was asked in the first place.
So, then, what are other potential activities?
Well, what about drinking games? I'd argue even drinking games aren't REALLY about drinking. If it was about drinking then people would just drink without shenanigans. They play games because these are fun activities: beer pong, flip cup, kings, etc. They let you be competitive or help facilitate conversation and laughter. You can play these games without drinking alcohol and it can still be fun.
What about bars and clubs? Again, not about drinking, they are simply locations where conversation is often still a primary activity, but now you have the potential to watch TV/sports games (bar) or dance (club). The alcohol component isn't necessary, but people drink because it can make facilitate and enhance conversation for them.
So, is the above fun for you even while your friends are drunk and you are sober? If so, then... again, case closed, no issue. Still, for many this an issue because these activities, like conversation, maybe aren't fun for them without alcohol. Maybe they think drinking games are dumb if they aren't drunk, they are embarrassed to dance, or would prefer to watch TV/sports at home.
The issue isn't that alcohol is or isn't involved. The issue is that the activities often associated with alcohol aren't fun for some people unless they are drinking. If you find the activities boring once you're sober... then how can you ever meet the definition of having a social life? You need to enjoy spending time... not just suffer through it.
You want a social life without alcohol? You need friends who you enjoy spending time with while you're sober.
If you don't enjoy the "classic" drinking-based activities though? Here are some examples that you might find enjoyable sober (even if your friends are not):
Just say you are a recovering alcoholic.
Maybe I hit the jackpot with my friends, but we're all college-aged and none of us ever drink. We get together and do fun stuff. We still go out, but none of us do any drinking, because we all agree that we don't really need it.
This may sound harsh, but this will sort out good friends from bad. The ones who go "oh, no more patrying with OP, guess we'll play video games, sports, watch bad tv, hike etc", those people are worth having
If you fall out of touch with someone after you quit drinking, they probably only liked drinking with you (or those who will hang out with ya make you feel guilty because they COULD be drinking but aren't)
People aren't perfect. Your life is about to sort friend groups the way 18th century france sorted 'patriots'. Good luck
By first realizing that alcohol isn't necessary to have a social life.
I don't drink, but all my friends do. They don't give me shit for it. Everyone respects my choices. My go-to drink on social occasions is a ginger ale. No one gives you crap. Most people just assume you're DD.
If you really want an excuse (don't know why you'd need one honestly) you can just say it's for health reasons (which isn't a total lie). Most people will back off then.
Gaming really helps me make friends. You can also join a gym and ask your friends to come with you. Like most other answers on this thread, your solution is sport / outdoor activities.
Just remember - It's your choice and you don't have to feel awkward about it.
Become Mormon. Seriously. If you want to be social and not drink, that religion will keep you involved every day of the week.
People are continuously saying find new friends. I don't think new friends are always the solution, but look for different friends in your circle.
You will have friends who have the mentality of "I want to get shit faced" and "I would like to have a drink or two". Option #2 is who you want to start associating yourselves with. I used to hang out with option #1s, and getting plastered every Thurs-Sat was how I spent my days. Often some days through Sun-Wed, no joke (Sunday Funday, Messed up Monday, Turn-Up Tuesday, Wasted Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday, Fucked-Up Friday, and Saturday). It wasn't until I decided that was unhealthy and made a change.
I started drinking with friends who enjoyed having a drink or two at a party and then driving their friends home. I learned constraint, and became the one who could handle a beer at the bars and drive drunks home. Option #1 won't complain (unless they're close friends), but will eventually accept what you're doing.
Another tip- Talk to other sobers/1drink drivers. Easy conversation starter and you're both on the same mental level.
I still drink, and will occasionally have a crazy night out. So while I am definitely not 100% sober in my life, I think it still applies to you. Instead of a drink or two, don't drink at all.
TL:DR; Hang out with friends who can control their alcohol use, they won't give a shit if you drink with them or not. Meet other sobers at parties.
Go to church.. LOLOLOLOLOLOL
Find your common ground. For me and many other nerds, that's nerd-dom. We hit up comic book shops, watch movies, etc
Look for meetups in your neighborhood doing things you enjoy. I play board games with meetup groups 2-3x a week now. Its excellent.
You have to be super talkative and careless to hang out with people who are drunker than you. It might be a good excersize.
I've had this same issue for a couple of years. I'm in a town with a huge micro-brew industry. Everyone here drinks...heavily. Alcohol is at every social gathering but marijuana is legal here as well. Booze and I don't get along so if I'm going out I take some herb with me and I'm solid. Plus, no hangover, ever. Support your local cannabis legalization. If that's not your bag, get new friends dude, anyone who won't kick it with you because you're sober isn't worth your time!
Get better friends.
I find it weird that a question regarding alcohol as a crutch for socialization is even a thing. You dont need alcohol to socialize, just actually talk about the substance in your life?? I dont understand.
Your city may have a board game club. If not, guess who could be the first member.
D&D also good. 5th edition (the newest one) is pretty new player friendly.
Do you simply not drink alcohol at all? Or are you not wanting to be the type to constantly be hammered/around people that are. If you are the latter, that's no big deal at all.
You could try going to wine bars and instead of knocking back cheap shots to get drunk, maybe you and a group of friends drink a couple glasses of wine, have civilized discussions, no one gets hammered, enjoy some light bites to eat that are not fried.
Being able to enjoy and appreciate the very occasional cigar at the same time also exposes yourself to some interesting people. I don't care for cigars, so it's very rare, but none the less something to try. ( I do not condone smoking AT ALL, it's generally nasty and WILL kill you, but having a single cigar once every couple of weeks is what I'm talking about )
There is a vast world of being able to savor one or two drinks, socially, with civilized friends as opposed to hitting a bar and doing jello shots off the stomach of some girl named Sinthya.
Go to AA meetings and make friends. When you guys are in social situations they will think you're a god at not drinking.
I really don't have a good answer for your, but I've been alcohol free for almost 4 years, I'm now 25, it kind of crushed my social life. I don't really go out often cause I not enjoy being around belligerent people, so I spend most of my time working on my cars or playing videogames with the handful of friends I do have. I also smoke a lot of marijuana and haven't been bored in years. I'm pretty good at keeping myself busy.
I play table tops and board games. You can also join hiking groups or a local sport of some sort.
Honestly it depends. What's your reasoning for not wanting to drink? Expenses? Health? Law? Moral code? You can find loopholes around all of those to maintain a healthy habit. I absolutely despise going out to clubs with loud music and drinking, but I don't mind bars where you can talk to your buddies and act silly with other random people. I maintain a strict diet of tuna, chicken, vegetables, and egg whites (every, fucking, day, of, my, life) but I'll have a drinking night followed by milk thistle for liver support for health. I don't spend more than $30 on a night out because I can pre game with a little vodka and powerade zero for about 15$, then maybe a few beers and a generous tip at the bar. I just don't drink and drive, plain and simple. Just tips, not trying to persuade you into alcohol at all, but more or less to just get that general dark fear away from you
I've never had a drink in my life. Never had a desire. I have lots of friends who drink. They don't care that I don't; I don't care that they do. If everyone starts behaving weird I just leave the gathering. But I also tend to have friends who don't go overboard.
There are certain kinds of people who can't enjoy themselves without being buzzed or hammered, but they were never going to be my friends anyway.
The best way to be in a scene without drinking is to lead an event yourself. Be the person that host a game night, or movie night at your place.
Want to lead a clan on an epic quest? Dungeons and Dragons.
Want to laugh your ass off hysterical and quote a movie all the way through? Super Troopers
Want to have people shout at you just for trying to guess your actions? Charades MUTHA FUCKA
I don't drink at all, but I've worked in bars, with alcoholics, and it's part of my job to party. Add this to being an introvert and I've found there's a switch you can turn on to just let loose without having to drink a single drop of alcohol. That said, while everyone is recovering from the alcohol the next day, I'm recovering from just being around people. Always fun times though.
Find a sports club, or a gaming group or a church group to hang with on the weekends and hang out with your friends who like to get drunk on weekends some other day.
Get married and have kids. You won't have a social life anyway at that point.
Excellent question. My advice would be find something you enjoy doing (sport, rock climbing, working out, w.e) and invest the money you WOULD'VE used drinking into that hobby/interest.
Think about what you could do with the cash you save!
Gym. Your welcome
Uh, go outside.
Seriously.
There are hoards of interesting people doing fun and interesting things.
Even if you just go outside to go inside somewhere else like the rock gym or your local maker lab.
It's mind blowing, most of these people are not drinking.
Smoke pot?
You cant.
I don't drink often. Maybe one drink per quarter. Drinking has nothing to do with social life. Social life is based on communities. If your only community is the guys in the bar it may be time for some self evaluation. I am an active mountain biker and have tons of friends in that community. We also volunteer together to work on trails sometimes and when we are done we eat lunch or dinner together. I do the same thing with hiking groups and I have friends and family that kayak together regularly. Really it depends on who you spend time with. Do some of my friends drink? Sure. But none of them go to bars with the objective of drinking.
Assuming you truly mean "no alcohol" and not "no inebriation" then I would say look to your herbal substitutes. And by that I mean weed.
It probably won't be a popular answer, but frankly cannabis is better for you than alcohol and doesn't result in any sort of hangover. And if you vape you don't have to worry about smoking or combustion.
Second the vape and weed. Just don't drip and drive.
Depending on the reasoning for your 'without alcohol'...
I'm a recovered alcoholic (page 1 of the AA book, refers to the initial 100 as recovered, it's proper usage which varies by group). I have about 5 years in July. I did rehab and lived in a sober living apartment complex for 4 years (got your own unit, I liked the other people, it was non intrusive and close to work).
I can, and do, go to bars, parties, etc. where people are drinking. It doesn't bother me*. The obsession with 'not drinking' doesn't really indicate a healthy perspective on booze. What you want is a complete indifference to it. I got that through AA, but I'm not telling you that you're an alcoholic so don't take it that way.
In general, I'd recommend doing whatever you would have, socially, without drinking. Most of the time if we tell people 'Nah, I don't drink any more, had some bad experiences' they don't give two shits. I go out and do whatever I want. If people want to drink, more power to them, same as people who choose to skydive or eat 'thai hot' food.
You'll find that some things you used to love are boring as shit. You'll find that some things you used to hate (because you were too fucking drunk) are now fun and interesting. Pick up some new hobbies and seek out groups who do those. Groupfinder or Eventfinder and similar websites are good, even if you're not looking for dates.
*ok, one time someone spilled a full beer on me and I did freak out, making up horror stories about it soaking into my skin and so on.
Be the one to suggest get togethers where alcohol isn't a primary part. Hey guys, let's go kayaking today. Let's visit this art exhibit. Let's have lunch at a cafe. Let's go rock climbing etc. You may find that some of your friends decline your invitations over and over but that others will be excited to try new/different things that aren't the same old "let's get wasted tonight" - and you'll know who you can count on. Another option is to check out local meetups in your area for different activities/topics you might be interested in. Usually when they're alcohol focused it is clear (Like Books & Brew etc) but otherwise can be a great way to meet additional people.
I've met a lot of people while learning to fly hang gliders. Good weather brings out a bunch of people, and the sport requires sobreity (by law).
Being able to talk to people without the need of nerve-dumbing substances. Overall being a fucking decent human being.
Get involved in group activities. Like climbing, snowboard, mountain biking, traditional sports, etc. more that anything, you have to be content and satisfied with yourself. You can still go out and have a grand old time with people drinking, you can be their best friend by being their DD.
Being with people that enjoy doing the same thing you do is a great way to get started. If you like the people you do those things with, you can branch off into other things. For example, if you like playing golf or frisbee with someone, you could try playing an actual Frisbee golf course or buy a Frisbee golf set.
Alternatively, traveling with friends is a great way to see the world with people you care about. Don't have any friends? Travel!
Some friends like to have fun sober. Getting drunk just to have a good time (all the time) seems so boring.... Hiking, urban exploration, road trips, games and such. Booze and bud aren't necessary
My best friend does not drink and has been sober for (I think) 9 years now. We play music, do side-work, and fuck around with projects. Last time we hung out, we took a frisbee to the park, a job site radio, and a phone, plugged it in, listened to music and tossed a frisbee with some other people.
Someone else said find "activity friends" and I would agree. Hang out with the people who have similar hobbies.
Sports. Go to the gym and join a mens/womens league of whatever sport you enjoy playing. You'll meet tons of active people and some of them will share the same lifestyle as you (no drinking). Perks, you get in shape.
I am late to the party here but i have something to add from personal experience. I am a university student who gave up drink after secondary school. I drank until it was legal and then realised that it's an expensive poison that doesn't taste very nice. I have never had a problem socialising. Obviously i stay away from clubs etc bit even if i did drink i think I'd do that. Getting drunk and looking stupid or not getting drunk enough and feeling stupid doesn't appeal to me. I have a good group of friends though. Mostly the friends i have grew up around hobbies. I play d&d and became a DM so that i could enjoy the fun second hand and have an excuse to have friends over. Some don't take it seriously and drink and some abstain because they prefer all the delicious junk food that goes with it. I play sports - typically ultimate frisbee and rugby and it's good to have organised activities during the week that your can really try and challenge yourself with. Even if you don't like your teammates that much, it's great to have someone to practice with and you'll end up having fun with them regardless. Joininh clubs or societies helps but if you can find some people you like then alcohol shouldn't ever become an issue. You just sit around and laugh/whatever. Drunk people are funny and stupid in equal measure, but that's friends. You take the good with the bad
Less painful. No more hang overs.
I don't drink that often either, but whenever I wanted to be with my friends, but didn't want to drink, I encouraged a pub place instead of a club or straight up bar. Pubs are still perfect places to get hammered in, but for the person who doesn't want to drink, you can order food, watch whatever is on tv, and just relax in a booth with people who are getting drunk. If your friends hate pubs and strictly want clubs, than you can try your best to dance and have a laugh, but I personally do not like clubs. Just try to make light of it, order crazy virgin drinks, just laugh off the drunken idiots. If you go into everything with a negative attitude, you'll never have fun, but if you just keep a light and happy mood, you'll be surprised on how much fun you can still have being sober.
i joined a few sports teams and clubs. u should do that
I am involved in a large church that has a focus on college aged folks. People do consume alcohol but getting drunk is frowned upon and is pretty rare. Its also a sweet social environment when done right because people actually give a fuck about you so if you don't want to drink they will respect that.
Start BJJ. Just ask Anthony Bourdain.
weed. seriously. I quit drinking and smoke some and the "weed friends" fill the same niche that "bar friends" did. If you're going for wholesale sobriety I guess it doesn't apply but life is mellower.
edit: also this i guess is contingent on being in a legal area
Get a hobby!
Martial Arts
Magic: the Gathering / D&D
Sports
Team Racing like adventure racing or orienteering
Book Club / Movie Club - check if your town has some
Hi, I've just started uni, and I've always felt horrible at parties and around drunk people - my lack of a party life still makes me uncomfortable, truth be told. I don't know if this reflects your situation.
Through my interests, I've made a lot of good friends and I don't worry about my social life as much. Part of that was making sure I actively took part in things - difficult at first, it got easier quickly.
Now I have friends from my course, from sport, from art, from just hanging around the pool table, and I meet new people all the time. It's all about common interests.
Best of luck to you, I hope all goes well.
Step 1: Find a supportive environment. You need friends that don't (or hardly) drink. This is also good advice if you want to seriously achieve anything in life but feel your friends aren't supporting you. Find different friends. I moved halfway around the globe to get rid of old friends who I love, but are simply poor influences. Pick your crowd. Decide who will be a good influence on you.
Step 2: Don't be self conscious. Alcohol makes us think we are awesome, but the truth is, you're already awesome. And alcohol makes you an idiot. There's a whole range of techniques to reduce anxiety in social situations, I'll be happy to outline some if you want. Point is: Be happy with yourself.
Step 3: Chat people up at the bar / club. You'll be surprised how happy people will be to talk to someone who isn't slurring their words and reeking of alcohol. (Seriously, Alcohol breath is awful!) This means, don't be a smart ass idiot, because that's what drunk you would do. Be funny, but positive. Don't put people down, but engage in interesting conversation. Again there are a million ways to do this, just ask.
note on step 3: There will be people who are out to get drunk and be idiots. If you happen to talk to them, shit happens, turn around, rinse, repeat with the next group.
note 2 on step 3: Why is it important to chat to new people? Because talking to your friends gets old. Meeting new people is fun. Especially if you're setting up a non-drinking social circle.
step 4: Stop defining bars and clubs at night as a 'social life'. It's where social lives come to die. I meet new people at the gym, in the park, in a restaurant, on the street, during work, anywhere really. I exchange phone numbers and chat a bit on the phone until we can do a meetup. Meetups are at cafes, restaurants, beaches, gym, etc.
Also, what helped me is to learn to salsa. Salsa scenes in both my home country and my new country are surprisingly non-drinky.
tl;dr: Find good friends, love yourself, meet new people, bars are stupid.
Try Meetup.com, Or any sites like it. Find something that interests you, and you'll find people that also thought it was interesting. Better starting place then a bar, and the worst case scenario is no one was interesting but you still went out and did something that interests you
Become a stoner and hate on drinking all the time
I like to drink but I drink 1-3 nice beers and call it a night usually. Most of my friends still like to get so drunk they can't remember what they did which I am very much over. I don't like spending time with people at this level of drunkenness either and with it comes the pressure to drink the alcohol they keep offering you. It's a vicious cycle and I don't like it.
All of my friends drink and none of them play sports. There is gaming but that is usually combined with alcohol. In my experience, and unless you're willing to revamp your circle, prepare to be very bored and annoyed after a couple hours of everyone else drinking. If it's just a matter of people complaining about you not drinking, it's remarkably easy to nurse a single drink or just mix something non-alcoholic and not have anyone notice.
You just cant....
Smoke weed
Bartender here. I have seen both of these. One, go up to the bar tell the Bartender you don't want to drink but just give you club soda with a lime or cranberry juice something like that. Two, actually order s vodka soda, dump that shit out in the bathroom, go back for a refill say soda only. People won't question the drink I your hand usually. Tip your bartender.
As someone who never had drink, I actually don't think it is too different from drinking. I go to bars and clubs with friends, and basically always enjoy the night out. My way to deal with drunk people around me is to simply behave the same way; resulting in everybody who does not know me to think i'm quite drunk.
My friends don't even try to get me to drink something, i think they also never really did. And since a few years, two other friends also stopped drinking completely, so most of the time i'm not the only one without beer :)
I would think, finding the 'right' friends is the key. Then the location or activity does not matter that much. Sports or something similar are for sure a good starting point, but around here the beer after any kind of sport is quite common. So it's not always the alcohol free option ...
Hey, I'm 21 years old and stopped drinking at the beginning of 2015. I used to get really drunk every weekend, until I started to consider the idea of stop drinking. The truth is that you can, and good relationships with friends don't build around alcohol, they build around experiences and interactions. So start being someone interesting by showing who you are, instead of going with what everyone else is doing (aka drinking). Show personality by not drinking, use it as an icebreaker. Your life will improve, also your health. Good luck!!
Go to events, meet-ups and parties. Drink juice.
I really don't see a problem. I may not be the king of social life, but when I go out I drink a few beers and that's it, I don't get smashed like there's no tomorrow (there's always a tomorrow). I doubt it would change much for my social life if I replaced beer if some other liquid.
Get better friends if they can't stand each others' company without being passed out drunk on the floor.
Yeah, this. I do drink, but I'd consider any event other than a nice beer or wine tasting to be seriously lame if it actually needed alcohol to be any good.
Have a social life.
Dont drink alcohol.
Become friends with people who don't drink. Play games? Find some local gamer hangouts. There's like 3 in my small city that have things like MTG tournaments or arcades in the back.
More of an outdoors guy? Look into geocaching and find some buddies to do it with.
Whatever your hobby is, there are people in your city with that same hobby you can probably become social with. Bars and clubs are not the only location.
What's up OP. I'm a bit late to the party but here's my two cents. I'm 25 and I quit drinking/ doing drugs when I was 17. For me the best way to remain social is to find people who are passionate about things I'm passionate about. I love reading so I try to ask people for book suggestions and give suggestions of my own. The same goes for music. Even if the person I'm talking to has completely different taste than me I'll give their suggestions a shot to have something discuss the next time I'm hanging out. I also am a very DIY kinda guy so I'm always asking people if they're interested in helping me build a bookcase or fix my car or something else crafty. Nothing's better than putting on some records and painting refinishing a dresser you built with a buddy.
I hope this helps OP
To be honest now, if you can't hang around with your friends and enjoy yourself without alcohol then you need a much needed friends replacement. Just saying.
People like that who are lacking and just can't have fun without it needs to be ditched ASAP. They are lost cause and you might as well give up on them.
Hobbies. There's a ton of hobby groups around, sports, arts & crafts, hunting & fishing, games(Video/Board/Roleplaying/Etc.), music, film, writing, reading, cooking & baking, anything. Get involved with one or more of these groups(Sometimes free, sometimes small fees, depends on the hobby) and meet people you share interests with, or try out something new.
Volunteer work. Be it a soup kitchen, an animal shelter, political advocacy, etc. Again, you'll meet a lot of new people.
Marjuana
Hang out with stoners?
I might be late to the party but look for a board game community. Filled with nice people who just want to have a good time, and most of then do not really drink but they are still social. There are games for every style of play, i assure you will find a game type that you like, and the people will teach you how to play games. Best of luck and if you want more info on gaming, feel free to PM me.
Usually, I go with coke. The drink, not the drug.
Being a DD is always a little interesting in our group, because you become the celebrated martyr of the party in the name of getting everyone home safe. It may be a little disappointing to be the guy getting your drunk friends to drink more water so they aren't as hungover the next morning, but not only do you get to laugh at your drunk friends, you get their unending gratitude.
Find a hobby that does not require sitting around and having to drink.
I used to feel like "If I stop drinking I can't go to this thing because it's always about the alcohol." But the thing that was really eye-opening for me was actually stopping and taking notice at my normal social gatherings where I would always drink, and see how many people aren't actually drinking at all. It's a lot more than you think.
Check out r/stopdrinking.
You could stay home and do absolutely nothing
(Just kidding)
Find a group of friends that dont drink. Thats what I did and theres been very few times when iv drank
Play games, I've played a game from almost every genre since I was little. After a while I became pretty good at my favorite games and I started going to tournaments and meeting TONS of people there. It helps that I smoke weed too, which is better as a social activity imo.
Get involved with community theatre trust me. Even if you aren't a performer, help out on crews and you will form amazing bonds with all walks of life.
Destiny is my social life
Brunch. It’s not quite breakfast it’s not quite lunch...but it’s a good way to socialise over food without anyone needing a drink. Plus it’s yummy.
Board game groups. I was able to find a girl who doesn't drink either. We both have groups of friends that love to play board games. Not your average family ones the fun ones that take 15 min just to set up. We get together once a week and just shoot the shit and play games. Our local comic shops have board game groups too. It's a fun way to meet new people from all walks of life and relax while doing something fun
I used to drink, but I gave it up about 6 months ago while training for my first half marathon. Honestly, it's been a serious struggle to continue hanging out with friends who drink.
I don't mind them drinking, but you know how drunk people are. They're having a good time, and they want you to be having a good time, so they conclude that the only way for you to have a good time is to do what they're doing, i.e. have a drink with them. I've run out of ways to explain to people that I don't want to drink. Saying "no thanks" only gets you so far. At some point you have to be a little impolite about it - as sad as that is.
I also hate the fact that it's assumed that I'm driving because people know I won't be drinking. I honestly don't mind driving in general, and I'd certainly much rather drive than have someone get behind the wheel when they have been drinking. It's just frustrating that once one person decides to be sober for a night, everyone else gets drunk. Why can't someone else offer to stay sober and drive once and be sober with me?
My situation might be unique because my choice not to drink is temporary (maybe - I might not drink even after my race). But I've definitely experienced the frustration of going out with friends when you don't drink.
As far as dealing with it, my best advice is to do as many activities as possible which don't include going out to bars. For me, that's the worst part. My choice not to drink isn't nearly as pronounced when I'm hanging out with friends playing board games or chilling at someone's house doing whatever. If I do those type of activities instead of going out, I almost always have a good time (drinking or not).
Pick up hobbies that are difficult to do while under the influence of alcohol. Sports, chess, Go, outdoorsy things, volunteering. You can find attractive people who do these things (yes, even chess and Go) and people who do these activities are, in my experience, more ok with having fun without booze. This comes from the perspective of someone who does these things, does drink, but is willing to do stuff without drinking.
Things like board gaming (recently in vogue) at bars, taprooms, and homes can be alcohol-friendly, but because you need to keep your wits about you while you play people rarely go overboard with booze. Also, people who do drink don't make shitty comments when you don't drink. Just make sure there is an adequate alternative drink for you.
I personally hate being the DD for drunks. Crowded, noisy bars are bad enough when I am drinking; they are torture when I am sober. If you are like me, find ANYTHING else to do.
Never drank alcohol in my life apart from tasting here and there. So no drunkness ever, and sure some people give you shit about not drinking. It's part of the deal. But if you party along (it's not that hard, just dance and sing like the rest of the drunks), you'll earn some respect and I've had drunk friends come up to me saying they really respect my choice for not drinking and apologizing for trying to get me drinking before. And retelling drunk stories to now-sober people is amazing.
Clarification: I don't like the taste of alcohol/most alcoholic beverages. And my group of friends are extreme drinkers at times.
I have never drunk and never will, but I get on fine. Just drink fizzy drinks or stuff like that. If you're hanging out with friends, who are true friends, they should be cool with it if you dont drink alcohol.
I haven't had any alcohol in the past 8 years. Nothing really changed initially though, I still went clubbing with the same friends, hung out with them at bars. As an added benefit, I could now conveniently drive home after a night out. Instead of ordering alcohol, I now ordered food instead and spent alot more time on the dance floor.
People I didn't know very well would also usually give me shit because I didn't drink. I would usually insist that I don't drink at all and people would stop bothering me after awhile. I'd tell the ones who wouldn't stop badgering me to fuck off. That usually gets the message across too.
I started picking up hobbies like board games that I could play with some of my buddies at parties while the rest were drinking themselves silly. I also did more activities that didn't involve alcohol like going for drives with car clubs or playing computer games.
I thought life would be boring as shit when I made the decision to stop drinking because I didn't want to die of liver complications like everyone on my mom's side of the family who drank did. Turns out that not drinking is actually quite a minor change that's saved me a lot of money instead.
ooh! Great question! I have a bunch of suggestions for this one that you don’t have to ditch your current friends to do.
Shift your socializing - even with your drunkard friends - to restaurants and music halls, or places that have something else going for them besides JUST the booze: a cool bowling alley if such a thing exists, or a beer garden (large outdoor bar type places with food and entertainment and stuff. Basically a big picnic). They can still get smashed and you can all have fun hanging out together but you can also have something ELSE that amuses and occupies you as you DON’T drink.
Tapas restaurants are really good for this because it is lots of little plates of different things that’ll keep you all amused. Or you could incorporate home cooking into your socializing, especially with pot-luck style or theme nights, and even more so if you host. You could get your drunken friends involved in the cooking or food prep so it is a collective activity and still relatively inexpensive.
If being home or doing it on the cheap is a priority, cultivate a new hobby amongst your social circle. Not as a replacement for drinking, but as an addition to it for them. You could get into vinyl, and sit around listening to records and chatting. You could get into Eurogaming, and kick everyone’s ass as you will be the only sober one. You could take up group crafting of some sort - there used to be this whole “stitch-n-bitch” knitting thing among a bunch of women I know, for example.
While still making it part of everyone else’s experience, all this stuff takes exclusive the focus off the alcohol consumption and puts on to another fun activity. Your participation in that activity will be sufficient that you will neither feel as though you are being left out of the group nor will you be perceived as such.
At first you will have to be the person who comes up with these ideas and plans and coordinates the get togethers. Or, if they are more spontaneous, you will have to be the person who always has a ready-to-go activity or default plan. Carry some games in the trunk of your car. Be up on the free concerts in your area. Invest in the preliminary stash of yarn or whatever. Spring for the HBO subscription and a whole bunch of snacks to always on hand (popcorn and a “bar” of toppings - look ‘em up! - is fun and cheap and relatively compact to store). That way, if your friends want to hang out spur-of-the-moment, you are ready. Eventually, if you choose something you all like, your friends will just automatically incorporate it into your hanging out times and it won’t all be up to you. But at first, you WILL have to be the person to initiate it all.
Good luck and HAVE FUN!!!
ETA: find the bars that have other activities if bars is your friends’ thing. We have this one place around here that has skeeball in the back and gives out free pizza. Find the places that have foosball tables, shuffleboard, bocce, trivia, billiards, darts, ping pong, arcade games, karaoke, air or table hockey - hell, even mini golf. Do your research in advance and have a list of places that you can easily suggest when it comes up. Make sure you know all the details: price range, hours, when the best time to go is, and how to get there. Make it as easy as possible.
Because:
You feel like you have an alcohol problem and want to stop?
You just don't like alcohol?
You don't like being around drunk people?
The answer is going to be totally different for each case.
If you're idea of a social life revolves around the consumption of alcohol, then you, like so many others have fucked up.
How to have a social life without alcohol?
I'd love to share with you my love for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ...
The answer to this question, in brief, is to fix your life.
Step one: put on snazzy clothes Step two: choose a snazzy locale to meet your friends Step three: be social
Seriously dude, no one cares if you drink, one of my friends is completely sober because of his father's alcohol problems, never made a difference. If you're friends can't accept you for who you are get new friends.
Honestly all it is is just talking to people. I have a great group of friends and I drink only on occasion because my friends are drinking to. We don't drink much but we have fun when we do
Drunks will always need the sober person to be the story teller the next day.
Literally just don't drink.
Get a red solo cup, fill it with soda.
What's the issue?
Use cocaine instead. The women are much hotter.
Just don't drink. It's really not as hard as you think. Before I moved, I would hang out with my friends almost every day. They would be either smoking weed or drinking every day. I would just not smoke or drink while hanging out. I've even been to parties with a bottle of water that I brought. Though, I do not socialize very often.
I like that it concerned you enough to want to make a change. Listen today's society and the messages being perpetuated is that of moral indecency. I commend you for picking that up, that something is indeed wrong with the notion that alcohol has to be brought about in order for relevancy to prevail. The world as we know it is filled with people who acquiesce, whether it be drugs of alcohol it is all in the same category. That of pain relievers and temporary bliss. I think the issue, because it is an issue, lies deep within our humanistic recesses where one ought to find solace from (what some may say) an awful world. Understanding that will help you realize why they do the things that they do. Based on that you'd be able to make an informed decision on the types of people you would want to surround yourself with. Sometimes is just isn't your forte, consequently prompting a more balanced approach based on the things you actually do value. Do not be afraid to stand for what you believe in friend. Good luck to you
Honestly, I can't figure that out. But between bouts of sobriety I've pretty much become a hermit anyway; so I just cut social out of the equation.
27-year-old American here. Never had a drink in my life. I've never experienced any exclusion or whatever from not drinking. Every now and then, someone will make an assumption that I'm going to judge them for their choices, but I don't, and in the early days of people going out and drinking, I had to make that abundantly clear. I've never been pressured into drinking (or drugs or smoking, which I also abstain from) because I always offer a solid, "No thanks!" when offered.
In short, just be yourself. It's always worked for me, and I like to think I'm a likable guy. And always offer your friends a ride home if they need it. They'll feel safe around you and know you're not a bad person. This helps!
I was that rare breed of college student who didn't drink until I turned 21. My friends knew I didn't drink, so if I was at parties where they were playing drinking games, they were cool with me playing along with water. I still had a good time playing pong, and I was always the best at waterfalls in Kings.
Pretty much you just need friends who aren't douches about you not drinking. And you need to be okay with peeing a lot. Because let's be real, I drank water way more quickly than they could drink beer.
Family or church. Both are great if you have the right ones.
My alcoholic in laws were conditioned to believe they couldn't enjoy life without alcohol. After developing heart trouble I had to stop drinking. They were astounded that I just stopped. They kept asking, "Don't you miss it?" I kept telling them no. It's all what you have been conditioned to believe. If you're around people who have to drink to have a good time get a glass of something and sip on it. They will never know you're not drinking as much as they are. It's OK to not want to get drunk. I learned this from my wife.
Well, I'm a 19 year old student, at the University of St Andrews in Scotland. It's a university filled with tradition (Many of which involve heavy drinking) The placement of the town is pretty far from anything major, so it's harder to go to the city and do something, pretty much anything we do has to be done in this town. Which means a lot of alcohol (Especially since it's a University Town). I don't drink, never have, I don't do drugs, and I rarely go on nights out. What I have found that helps is making as many friends as possible, who you are pretty close to, whether that be people from your school/classes or maybe some sort of sport, mine being football, some societies; gaming or poker in my case. What this does, is allows you options. It's saturday night and your football buds are going to the get hammered at the Union? No worries, there's a poker event on that night I can go to, hang out with my friends and not feel uncomfortable! This works in most situations, now, there will be nights when nothing seems to work out, everyone is going out - maybe there is a big tradtional event going on, for example on the 1st of May almost every student runs into the North Sea at 5am to wash away our "academic sins". Those are the times where you find the group you are MOST close/comfortable with and hang out with them. They might be drinking, they might get hammered, but if you know them well enough you won't feel out of place!
Outside of socialising with my friends at an event that typically involves alcohol I find sports a great way. IF you're not into sports what about other hobbies that you find interesting? Finding new/existing friends who partake in these activities would be a surefire way of socialising without the need for alchohol.
I have a few different groups of friends. One group we go out, drink, do karaoke, etc. Sometimes someone will give up alcohol here and there (for lent or personal reasons), and it's no big deal. They just usually offer to drive or something since they're not drinking. My other group of friends, we play board games and watch movies at a friend's house. Someone may bring a 6 pack or something, but it's not weird if you don't drink or anything. We have a lot of fun being really competitive playing games and watching movies and eating pizza, etc. I know plenty of people that have social lives without alcohol. If the people you're hanging out with don't want to hang out with you because you don't want to drink, then it's time to find new friends.
I started drinking after I was 21 and stopped around 27. People always ask to buy me drinks, and people always do the "just have one" pressure but you need to flat out resist them. I'm not a bar person, and I'm more willing to go now that my state banned indoor smoking. I'll meet up at places for the food and company if I am going to a bar. I won't go to clubs. If I go out I just let it be known I'll stay for a bit and take off early.
One thing that helps, I do auto racing (rally/track/autocross) and you cant really get shit faced and go racing. Still have social events where we meet up for dinners, and people do have some beers, but it's not a "let's get wasted" mentality. I've hung out with those people outside of car meets for poker games, sport event watching at home or at bars, going to other racing events.
But it's been mentioned elsewhere in this thread, look for activities that don't involve alcohol as the focal point; table top gaming, backpacking, sports, etc. If those aren't for you, find something that does interest you. My favorite times are having friends over to play some party games (video, card or board). People can bring drinks over if they want. Don't go to a place that is strictly focused around booze. Clubs are a no go, but a good restaurant with a micro brew can be the best for both groups.
Coffee Shops and Dessert Bars are a great alternative to meet new and interesting people. Also join team sports like a kickball club in your city.
What are some things you're intrested in?
I've enjoyed playing games like Dungeons and Dragons. It's a very social game and a good way to make friends without needing to drink.
Step 1: Take the alcohol and substitute it with your tasty beverage of choice. Step 2: Be social.
I rarely drink alcohol, largely due to the cost. I can get a $3 glass of lemonade that tastes great versus a $7 glass of beer that tastes bad, or at best barely tolerable.
The question I want to ask you is if you are drinking alcohol while being social, or being social while drinking alcohol? What is the more important part, the alcohol or the being social?
I know people who do a variety of other drugs but will not drink.
find a group of LDS singles to hang out with that have a lot of activities. I'm mormon, but havn't always been active so I've hung out with both crowds of people, those who drink, and those who do not. I've never had a interest in drinking, so when I hung out with those who do, It meant I was either the DD, or I got to deal with a bunch of annoying drunk people.
When I hung out with the people who didn't drink We did all sorts of fun stuff, from game nights, to improve, scavenger hunts, craft nights etc. if you're single and dating, its a much better way to get to know the person you're on a date with, when you are sober and doing a crazy craft, than when you are not sober.
It's pretty easy actually. Simply don't hang out at 'just bars'. There's not a lot to do at a bar. Instead, hand out at places that have pool tables, TVs, and other games.
Also, just don't drink. You know all those things that you do when you're drunk like talk to people and say funny things? Those things are all in you, it's just when you're drunk you relax more which makes you more confident and which allows your inner extrovert out. That extrovert is still there when you're sober. You just have to learn how to tap into him/her.
On a personal note, my dad was a recovering alcoholic growing up. I never saw him touch a beer or alcoholic drink my entire childhood. He didn't even drink communion wine. But at family gatherings and social events he was the life of the party. He never needed a drink in his hand.
His advice to me: "Act sober until everyone's drunk, then act drunk until everyone's sober." Yeah, alcohol is fun, but honestly, I drink beer and wine now as if it were a desert - one or two and I'm usually satisfied.
One thing I've noticed since I've stopped drinking is how often all occasions, special or not, have an alcohol component to it. How often I see people drink in movies and TV - at every turn (maybe the entertainment industry is pushing alcohol like they did with smoking).
I don't really have any tricks or advice. It has pushed me to select what and where I go - which kinda sucks.
4 years sober here (25 male) and at this point it normal to not drink. I can go to bars to watch sport although i would rather stay home and watch it on the comfort of my couch. I go to sporting event and have season tickets to the panthers. I just went to ultra music festival and may have been the only sober one there. But i remembered it all.
I know when you are first starting out you tend to think its impossible. For me I was planning out my wedding and kids and everything without a drink. But at the time i did not have a girlfriend and I was a social retard.
Im here to tell you that you can do it! if you have questions OP, send me a message im here to help
Well the nightlife scene is out of the question. I guess you'll have to get involved with something else.
I have been drunk one time in my entire life, and I hated it. I couldn't do anything. I was so inhibited, and it wasn't any fun. At 24 I have never needed to drink to have a good time, be funny, be talkative, or anything else. Honestly, drunk people are the least fun group of people to hang out with. Especially when you're sober. My father was an alcoholic, and died of a drug overdose. Do I think I will be the same person my father was if I started to drink? Maybe a little bit, but I have been happy without it. I hangout with people who drink, and do drugs all the time. Whenever they offer I politely say no thanks. No one has ever given me the stereotypical, "Everyone else is doing it man." peer pressure. It has been fairly easy to never drink.
I think you have to be pretty confidence in who you are especially around your inner circle of friends who drink. Personally, I drink the least out of all my friends and theyre always nagging, "why arent you drinking?". Then again, I am the only one that is physically fit out of all of them too. For me, I can choose when to drink and when to say no, I don't waste time going out for " a drink " and having 1-2. If I'm going to drink, its going to be to get hammered. Full blown. Otherwise whats the point?
Recently things have been a challenge because my gf's friends are 100x worse than my own about drinking, they are true alcoholics and that influences her to drink as much as them. She also is the only one that is physically active out of all her friends, and they are all about 5 years older than me and I can see the wear and tear on their bodies and faces. Alcohol and that party lifestyle prematurely ages you. I'm 27 and don't want to look like a leathery piece of shit when I get older. So its been hard to try to escape that lifestyle and then run into it again on a higher scale with someone youre emotionally involved with. Don't get me wrong, I still drink with my gf and her friends, but its cut down quite a bit. And I sometimes remind her what alcohol really does to the human body over time. Shes confessed she wants to get away from it too, but those are her core friends. Just got to keep reminding her that if you keep this up, your body will break, regardless of how much exercise you do.
TL DR
I escaped excessive drinking by being physically active and taking pride in knowing im the healthiest person out of my friends. GF has the same problem but on a higher scale, I just remind her that if she doesnt want to look like a shit bag at 40 then to cut it down a bit.
You can do one of two things. Avoid any situations where people will expect you to drink, which is a huge pain, and only really worth it if you just don't like everything associated with alcohol. If you just dont drink, you can do the following. First, within in your friend group, establish yourself as the DD. There are no better words to deflect the pressure to drink than "I'm the DD". Second, and this is the hard part, is not being noticeable as the sober buzz kill. Essentially what this takes is stuffing all those insecurities and some of those inhibitions(If your friends are about to do something stupid, stop them. They'll appreciate you they're when they're sober) somewhere people don't see them. Because that's the real magic of alcohol. As I understand it, hangovers suck and beer doesn't even taste that good, but I've seen people put down ten so they can lose their insecurities and inhibition. So if somebody asks you to dance, go do it. Don't even hesitate. Somebody wants you to sing karaoke and you have a voice three steps above Stephen Hawking. Do it anyways. And it goes on and on. Small house party or a bare, doesnt make a difference. I know this, because I'm Mormon, I've never drank a drop in my life, I've been at a large public university for a couple of years, and my friends all honestly say that I'm the best sober person to hang with out, by far. And its because I do these things.
As a side note, if you're not comfortable with other things that happen in conjunction with alcohol (Grinding, sex, unreasonable destruction of property, etc.) just don't do those things. Because by the time most of that starts happening, everybody is pretty drunk, and nobody is going to notice, remember, and care that you spent 3 hours dancing by yourself in the middle of the dancefloor while 90% of the bar had paired up for a grind. You just do you, if you think it might be fun and not dangerous just do it, because that's what you would do if you were drinking, you just don't need the alcohol.
Tl;dr temporarily get rid of your insecurities, have fun.
Edit: words
Brazilian Jiu jitsu
What age range are we talking here? I'm assuming younger, probably around the fresh legal drinking age? Honestly, once you're past most people's 'party phase' of life most people stop giving a shit if you drink or not.
I'd say don't avoid socializing with people who drink (unless you're a recently recovering alcoholic that literally can't handle it, but eventually you're going to have to learn how to deal with that). That's really cutting out some extremely interesting people. The true focus of 'drinking' is actually the socializing, especially as you get older. People are there for the conversation and the friendship. Not so much the drinking. Focus on that and realize the drinking really is tertiary to the whole experience. No one really cares if you're drinking or not.
Honestly, just saying 'drinking' is a little ambiguous too and seems to vary in definition. Two beers or a couple cocktails in a night is what I think when I see 'drinking' where some people say 'drinking' and mean binge drinking.
Have a social life with heroin instead.
if you're athletic (even if you're not and just interested), sports/gym stuff is a great way. this honestly made a huge difference for me. i play rec league soccer and also started doing crossfit a few months ago (hold the hate please), which is very community focused. probably my strongest social outlet is the gym right now.
if this works within your beliefs, finding the right church can make a big difference. some place that's fellowship focused with lots of people around your demographic.
also, go to google! if you're not in an incredibly remote area, then you can likely google some interests groups in your area. i know around here there's groups for hiking, biking, rafting, photography.. etc etc.
finally... take a class! your local community college and businesses might offer some reasonably cheap classes geared towards your interests, or at least something you'd like to be interested in. where i'm at, you can take a knife-making class, or woodworking, or basket weaving, or welding.. or whatever. this is one of the few "win/win" options out there. if you don't end up making a friend, you at least end up with a new skill and hopefully a cool product (i made a nightstand that i still use).
EDIT also... one idea is to START a group. yeah, it would take a lot of work and not everyone has that kind of personality. but hell, if you want a group of people who get together every now and then to play video games, or board games, or jump rope or skinny dip in giant pools of jello... start it up! it's a time/money investment but if it gives you a healthy social life then it's probably worth the effort.
I have been going to AA and meeting new people. I haven't spent a lot of time hanging out with them, but I know I can. I've picked up a lot of hobbies and trying to meet new people in those. I still hang with the drinking buddies every so often, but still remain sober. No one gives me shit because most people don't care, and if they do they are most likely not your friend.
If you are quitting drinking be prepared for some reality checks. I also quit drinking as I didn't like myself during and after drinking. My friends and I drank a few times a week and that's all we did. Drink at my house or a bar. After I stopped drinking it became very apparent that these guys I had been friends with for so long were nothing more then drinking buddies. They stopped coming by and hanging just because I didn't drink. Sometimes you think you know people but when you remove the common denominator in this equation, which is booze, you find out you don't. So if you will be ok with the possibility of this happening do what you need to do to be happy. I made a personal promise to myself to find new hobbies in hopes of finding like minded people to hang out with. It's a long road when you are older but I'm happier and healthier because of my choice.
In college all things social seemed to revolve around drinking. There was a guy named Ted who didn't drink. He claimed to be 'allergic to alcohol' He went to every party and seemed to do very well by just being social. He gained notoriety by just being the guy who didn't drink because it would be instant death of him. To this day I speculate he just wasn't a drinker and used the allergy thing as a perfect alibi. Ted was an awesome well rounded individual who did all things well- including not drinking.
I don't like to drink. I do it sometimes, because I want to be social and sometimes it's nice to be drunk and not feel anxious so much, but I like going out for dinner or going to the cinema, or something. I don't really have any friends, so I'd like to know what I can do. I've gained a lot of weight lately as well. I'm glad this question's been asked, because I feel weird for not enjoying it. Any suggestions?
After 30 years of drinking and doing drugs, I finally pulled my head out of my ass 2 years ago. Being a musician, I could not imagine jam sessions in a sober capacity. It took a few weeks, but I find it's a whole new world. I don't miss going to bars or clubs at all. Sobriety is in itself addictive, I highly recommend it.
I drank for 30yrs too. It was the hub of my social existence. When I climbed off my barstool I wandered around a bit from hobby to hobby. I finally settled on photography and golf. I have amassed a great group of friends through my photography. Some sober, some not. We go out shooting and hang at diners, coffee shops, and sometimes bars. I still drink but not even 10% what I used to and it is definitely not the hub of my social existence.
A year ago I formed my first sober band. I told prospects explicitly there was to be no drugs or drinking before and during jam-time. Several people showed up under the influence anyway, were sent home. Playing sober at first was kinda scary, but now I wouldn't have it any other way. I thought playing sober was boring, but I have learned it's actually normal.
I didn't start drinking until I was 25 and even now it's a rare event. The trick is to find a happy balance of understanding friends, a firm commitment to why you're not drinking (for me I didn't like the taste, and the promised effects were not at all appealing enough to 'get used to it'), and the abiility to have and be just as much fun and just as open as your drinking friends (within reason of course).
It also helped that I was more of a homebody in my teenage years, so I wasn't often around heavy drinking. But even when I was I would only take a drink to be polite ifabsoluely necessary (e.g. a bouncer was treating my friends to shots and handed me one without asking) and then wash down the taste with a ton of water. So carrying a water bottle with you at events is also a very good idea.
You'll get a lot of 'you'll get used to the taste' and 'what's wrong with you', but stick to your guns. Dinking isn't something you have to do, it's a personal choice like liking certain foods or preferring certain hobbies. I always have way more fun when I'm not drinking at all, so don't let anyone convince you you're missing out.
Drinking is the activity through which you socialize. Find other activities to replace it.
A very good friend of mine doesn't drink but she has no issue with people that do.
She's very hyperactive so if the rest of us are getting really drunk she can generally join in on the idiocies.
The best thing about it though is she doesn't look down upon people that DO drink. We do other things as a group as well that of course don't revolve around drinking but if the pub is suggested, she is either the one suggesting it, or she takes an active interest in what we're drinking. My social group has a very diverse taste in alcohol and she'll ask what we're in the mood for today, have we tried this particular beer etc etc. She's always happy to go and try new bars. Also if she is out with us, she takes just as much pleasure in what soft drinks she's drinking as we do with whatever alcohol we're on that night.
Personally for me that makes a huge difference. I have other friends that don't drink a lot and sometimes it's extremely difficult to be around them if they join us at a pub or bar. A lot of people that don't drink will take a high and mighty perspective and it really spoils the mood. I don't pressure people to drink or get drunk, it's your choice, but I expect the same attitude in return.
TL;DR if you're respectful of other peoples preferences, you'll have fun regardless of whether you're drinking or not.
I haven't ever drank a sip of alcohol. I go to bars with my friends all the damn time. Its easy to have a social life without alcohol. The way you do it, is you have a social life, but, during the course of that life, you don't drink.
Pretty simple.
I'm not a drinker, so I used to be the driver and i used to drink a load of red bull and have a good old dance!
But since I got married, going out in that environment totally lost all appeal whatsoever, turned out I only even did it to be around and involved with women.
I'd say your best bet, if you can sacrifice the friends you already have to some extent, is to find new, preferably group activities you enjoy, and go do them. You'll meet people in non-drinking situations, and you'll already have shared interests.
The only problem arises when they invite you for a drink afterwards! lol.
Working on Cars is a great hobby. Buy what ever interests you for less than $5k and start working on it and asking questions on forums and go to meetups. You'll meet loads of people that share the same interests.
I've got a little 2001 Ford Focus S2 for $2k and paid $650 for paint and putting some money into performance. I've also got a 73 Montego gt and I plan to Auto Cross and do the Texas mile in both of them.
Just get a hobby you love.
Meet Charismatic people. Can't be friends with someone who has the same interests as you if they don't want friends.
I currently have absolutely no social life at all because I have a toddler and another baby on the way. BUT, before that I didn't drink either. It was never a "thing", I just.... Don't? I'd go out with friends etc. and just drink soft drinks or juice. Never had any issues. The occasional "lol why don't you drink are you religious" question would pop up but generally people didn't really care.
Some of the wildest, coolest people you'll ever meet will be at an AA meeting. They have a group for everyone: men only, women only, gays, singles, in every neighborhood, in every country in the world, in every socioeconomic group, and they're the kindest, most caring people you'll ever want to be associated with.
Catholic: you don't Christian: you don't drink Pot head: bruh
Be a leader. Start a club, company, sports team, charity in an area you are passionate.
Just promoting your new venture will magnetize you to other people with that same interest.
Good question. I gave up on trying.
I only know one person who doesn't drink or smoke and thats my ex gf. Everyone else either drinks, smokes, or does both.
And for some reason, they seem uncomfortable around anyone who doesn't. Wtf?
So now, I'm a social drinker. Though I only drink when women are around that are also drinking. I swear they think I'm a bitch if I don't drink as well. All I can say is that I've been a lot more successful with women since I started drinking with them.
EDIT: No ONS.
I'm gonna give you my honest opinion, and I don't think it's a popular one, but I hope it's appreciated :)
Drink! Unless you have previously been an alcoholic or have big issues with alcohol, I think it's a good idea to just get used to it. I'm assuming you're a teenager as this is when alcohol starts becoming part of peoples lives. Get a 6 pack of Corona Light or Extra! It's good and won't get you shitfaced. It's ridiculous how easy it is to get pussy if you just drink as opposed to sitting at a magic the gathering table like some others have suggested. Sometimes it's worth it to do something that doesn't necessarily immediately appeal to you :)
I've never been drunk and I honestly hate the bar/party scene. It's complete nonsense to me; you pay way too much money to drink watered down alcohol in a crowded place that's too loud to have a conversion and you're surrounded by a hundred drunk strangers. Why do people think that's fun?
But one thing alcohol is great for is that it's a bonding mechanism. If it's Friday night and I want to hang out with my friends, it's a little weird to just text them, hey come over and sit in my living room and we'll just talk for a couple hours. People don't respond to that. But if you text five friends, hey I just bought a six pack, come have a beer with me, suddenly you're all sitting around shooting the breeze and having a great time. No one's drunk, and we don't NEED the alcohol, but it gave us a reason to hang out.
People like having a reason to get together, even if that doesn't end up being the thing driving the socialization. So the secret to socializing is to find those reasons to get people together. It can be any kind of commonality. FOOD IS GREAT FOR THIS! Everyone likes to eat, so invite people over for dinner. Have a potluck and have everyone bring a dish. But ingredients to make a nice meal and cook together. I just bought a nice grill a few weeks ago and I've already had a half dozen alcohol free parties at my place. Why? Because now I can just text people, hey come grill out with me. Who's gonna say no to that?
You can do this with anything. Personally I hate board games, but if you don't, have a game night. Or play video games together. Or get a group to go to a drive in movie. Or have a cornhole/KanJam/badminton tournament in your backyard. Just give people a reason to come socialize and they'll do it.
Tl;dr - people want a REASON to socialize. Alcohol provides this, so replace it with something else. Food is a good substitute, so have a cookout.
I don't know, I've never had much of a problem with it but I guess I was lucky with the people I befriended, or somehow I managed to be drawn to people who like me rarely if ever drinks. I have lot of friends who never drink alcohol as part of socializing, then there are some who does every now and then go out and party with alcohol but they also do other activities without it. I used to hang out with them at parties without drinking myself but I found I wasn't enjoying it, so nowadays I only hang out with them when they don't drink and that's fine too.
I've always been pretty anxious, especially in group situations. When I started hanging out with my current group of friends, I'd have to have a drink beforehand or as soon as I get to the event, order and pound a drink. Called it "friendly juice."
Over time, though, I started gravitating towards a couple of friends who don't drink at all and we actually have a ton in common. The more time I spend with them, the less I feel I need to drink. Although, we had dinner at someone's house and I was one of the first to arrive, so I did get anxious and gulp down a glass of wine. Reflex, I guess.
My advice is to try and find some friends who don't drink that much or at all and start doing activities outside of restaurants and bars. We go to museums and take art classes and the like. So many fun activities and my liver thanks me for cutting back!
I've been the DD for years now, nobody asks if I drink anymore, it's simply me. But when I want to, pretty much free!
Haven't seen it yet but golf. A lot of people drink when they golf but you can join a club or a league and hang out with a good group of people and have fun. It's a lot less intimidating than people think because honestly most people are horrible
To be honest, you can do all of the same things you did with alcohol without. I stopped drinking after I developed some uncomfortable stomach issues and honestly did not really even notice it was any harder to do social things without booze. In fact, most of the times now (even with my stomach back to 100%) I still choose not to drink. Surprisingly, I have more fun because I am more social, less obnoxious and feel 100% better the next day.
Just look for people who have real life goals and work hard. I'm in highschool and I'm friends with people who drink, but I keep myself busy, and the people who I hang out with on weekends are friends who work hard and want to go places more than party. Really helps having friends to study/workout with too. After hanging out with them for a while, my old pot head/drinking friends even seem annoying when every time we hang out I hear "let's smoke a bowl" or "let's find a place to crash and get wasted". It's not that appealing to me anymore. Just break off, there are people out there who don't drink or smoke and have fun.
I used to have a great time being the designated driver. My friends would do and say some stupid shit that I would be able to remind them of it later.
If they give you shit for not drinking then they're not your friend. I got shit for most of college about it, but could easily tell the difference between good natured razzing and those who were genuinely insulting.
Most drinking games can be adapted to not be drinking. When we played card games I had to drink my whole cup of water rather than sip for X seconds. I could only go to the bathroom when a 3 (could pee) was played or drawn, made the whole game more interesting.
Crossfit.
These answers suck, I will just keep drinking.
Dungeons and dragons. An excuse to act however you like without alcohol, and the most fun I've ever had.
Source: Level 4 Eladrin Mage
Take part in activities or set up activities.
Join a bible study
Move to Utah. Most of us don't even drink and still find things to do to have a good time.
If you're looking for a group of potential non-drinking friends, try swinging by a Mormon Church. Be up front about the fact that you're not interested in joining the church, but you're just trying to find people to socialize with who don't care that you don't drink. Most Mormon congregations have social gatherings often, and are usually a fairly diverse group of people, as far as interests go. Find somebody you hit it off with and then see about hanging out in a setting other than church. Just an idea for starting off your networking if you are looking to completely avoid any situations with alcohol. Good luck!
The Best advice I can give you is to pursue a life. Not just a social life. Discover your passions and let those lead you to people with similar interests. I'm 22, and from a young age I knew drinking wasn't for me. I don't have a problem going out to the bar, but I make sure the people I go with don't drink to get drunk. The best advice I can give is be yourself, and make an effort to meet new people. Friends don't suddenly walk into your life, but when your honest with yourself, you'll make friends who will stick around for a long time.
Also:
www.meetup.com
Cocaine
Well I do drink, but I once a week I have some people over and we play board games. These people became my friends through the love of these games. Sometimes people may have a beer or two during the game but that is not why we get together. May I suggest Settlers of Catan. That game is a great game to get a few people into board gaming. There are many more great games but that is a great one to start a group with.
It's pretty cool, actually! I don't drink so I've built my social network and activities on other activities and on a different base. And drinking, just like any other activity/hobby/pastime, unites people and that's fine by me. All of my friends know I don't drink so it's nice when we're out be sure they don't pressure me.
I have always been a big fan of high quality interactions with people, not to say you can't have High quality interactions when alcohol is involved. All through my teenage years I found most of my close friends through church and High School activities. I rarely went to parties w alcohol, although it was pretty fun to go and spectate!! The good times and strong bonds, man that sounds so corny, haha, were made by spending time participating in similar interests. Paintball, musicals, gaming, punk rock/ska shows, camping, rock climbing, traveling, community service, movies, card/board games, themed parties, dances. I have some pretty awesome memories.
On into my 20s, I'm 30, the premise stayed the same but the activities changed a bit. Sports play a big part in my bro time! We rally around fantasy football drafts and noteable football and basketball games. And now that We have more money at our disposal we can afford to do cooler stuff! We still game a lot, play card games, camp and the like. We are currently planning a Mancation for next year to a boathouse or log cabin for a week!
With the ladies involved it's similar, choosing activities that require more interaction and conversation. Just last weekend we went to the zoo, gave each of the animals a persona and a random accent then went to a nationally recognized ma and pa bbq place. Great time!!
Kind of lengthy, sorry, but it's pretty cool and the result is great.
Play online games. Play tabletop games. Play games.
I recommend finding a common hobby. Boardgames are mine.
This is a difficult question because it usually requires a lot of work by the person staying sober. Go have fun, if you feel like you can be around all of your drinking friends, doing what they typically do, while you stay sober then go right ahead (be warned that this is a very slippery fucking slope). Most people who are trying to stay sober can't and don't want to do this, though. If you're case is the latter then you're going to have to either find new friends or stick with your old friends that get what your trying to do (it's actually a really effective means to determine who is your real friend or not).
Find new things to do, new hobbies. Since I quit drinking, I joined a local jeep club that goes 4-wheeling, has pretty nice dinners on occasion and does charity work. I'm a pretty big drone enthusiast now, too. At first, I couldn't see myself doing anything of the sort because it was SO DIFFERENT than anything I did while drinking. [(!!BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THAT THIS THINKING PROCESS PASSES WITH A LITTLE TIME AND A COMMITMENT TO DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT. !!)]
It does suck at first. Even after a few months of sobriety I couldn't see myself having fun ever again but those ideas, like the alcohol in your system, passes and you will find that you have so much (more) fun doing shit sober. Just be proactive and find the people/things that you can enjoy.
Source: Picked up my 1 year chip on the 5th of this month.
I am actually allergic to alcohol, I just walk around with spirt/7-up on a rock all the time, people think I'm having gin and tonic anyway.
Hey hey hey, smoke weed everyday
Go to things that don't require alcohol. Hike, surf, play soccer, go to museums and explore your city.
Non-alcoholic beers to fit in
Honestly join a club.
Now hear me out: the biggest part of socializing is having something in common to talk about/do. A lot of people don't really have a whole lot in common with others unless you join an activity that you are all interested in. Whether that is acting, music, gaming, reading, writing, Tae Kwon Do, Mixed martial arts. Whatever it is if you have something to talk about alcohol isn't really necessary as a social lubricant. Drinking and the bar scene is really, to me a sign that people dont' really want to get to know each other, they just want something quick and easy. Clubs require getting to know the other members, clubbing is the tinder of social interaction, hi, bye, no idea who that was.
Ice cream
If you don't want to drink and have a social life where you still get that drunk feeling, but without the calories that go along with drinking, just get high (weed).
If you want to be sober, just drink tea instead of booze.
Not drinking is going to take a cognizant effort by your part. It's mental dedication to not drink. If you truly don't want to drink, then this will get easier and easier over time. If you aren't drinking because maybe you got a DUI or your girlfriend/boyfriend is threatening to leave you, then you'll ultimately fail because you want to drink, but are being pressured to not drink.
Either way though, nobody makes you drink. Yes, drinks are offered almost everywhere and it's socially acceptable. But you don't have to join in.
I didn't drink at all from 17 to 25. Not a drop. And I never felt like my social life was hindered. I admittedly parted ways if the bulk of the people were blacking out shit-faced drunk. But that usually came later in the evening anyway. I always had a drink in hand, there just wasn't any alcohol. In college, I also had lots of hobbies that I had plenty of friends join me at:
After college, I moved to Chicago and spent the first 3 years with no alcohol again. Never had a lacking social life. I continued to do all the things I did in college, only I added
All of these things were super easy to get people to join me. And sure lots of people drank around me. But I really think it's just a matter of being a social and outgoing person regardless of the alcohol. It actually took about 2 years of medical school to stop being offered alcohol when I was in Chicago. Because people didn't REALIZE I never drank because I was always a loose-lipped, fun-loving, energetic kind of person. As for people who can't manage that kind of attitude, that may be a different story.
I'm allergic to alcohol so it's pretty easy.
I just tell people I've been sober for years. Makes them feel bad for asking me to drink and I don't have to explain the allergy.
Where I live at least there is a rather sizeable Latin dance scene. It's fun, the music is good, it's an impressive skill, and drinking excessively is actively discouraged because drunk people suck at dancing. Also it helps you be more confident!
Here is a thought> It is only you that cares you're not drinking.
I have friends who are similarly indifferent to alcohol. All my friends, admittedly, are huge nerds and I am as well, but that's besides the point. If you want to find friends who don't care about drinking, find people who don't engage in activities where drinking is the norm. Depending on what you wish out of the cut of your friends this may differ from who you would otherwise normally hang out with, but that's the best advice to be given.
You could enjoy the company of the millions of members of our community. r/straightedge
Gaming and outdoor activities is exactly what I do. Not a huge drinker myself. I'll have the occasional hard cider and actually don't mind Guinness now after I went to Ireland but I never really partied to be social. My friends don't even bother to ask me if I want to go to a bar anymore lol. Hey' just think of all the money I have saved by not going out.
Just hang out with people who don't drink. My girlfriend is straightedge. Almost 23 now and has never and will never taste alcohol and she's got plenty of friends. She never goes to bars or anywhere where people are drinking a lot cuz it makes her uncomfortable. If people pressure you to drink when you don't want to then DONT be friends with them. Youl meet people just give it time.
Board games/video games. Making food (making a feast at home) and eating food (restaurant). Talking about random stuff like books or movies. Hiking/walking/cycling/exploring a museum/a city. Travelling/road trips. Doing whatever sports.
Social life meaning going to bars or going to parties is a very specific kind of social life.
I was going to a college friend's wedding and meeting up with a ton of folks that I hadn't seen in 5 or 6 years so we were all expecting to just get completely obliterated that weekend. Well, the week before I'd gotten a little sick and needed to be on antibiotics. WTF, right? So, I couldn't drink the whole weekend. Honestly, it really opened my eyes to some stuff about myself. I had a fucking blast being sober. My friends still had fun (some had wayyyyy too much fun), but I really liked observing that. At the wedding reception I decided to have Sprite with a lime so it looked like I was sucking down these mixed drinks all night. I was actually complemented by a few drunk dudes on my drinking abilities... I still danced all night. I still made memories with some great old friends. And I wasn't sweaty, gross, loud, out of hand, smeared make up, slurred speech, no poor decisions...none of that. So now, it's not a big deal for me to not drink. I could probably never pick up a drink again and not think twice about it.
I dunno if you're locked into a career at this point, but you could always get a job that requires a ton of public interaction. I work at a hotel and I've made countless friends and always have a date for Saturday night if I need one. I'm not saying you have to do that specifically but I'm sure there are tons of different jobs that will accomplish the same thing.
Two options i see is:
Find friends that dont drink either.
Find friends who accept you dont drink.
There is this giant group i party with in my university and 2 people dont drink. 1 for religious reasons and the other is due to his personal choice but even though those 2 out of the 30-40 people at the party dont drink they are still apart of the party just as much as everyone else is.
It's just habit, if you know what life you want but can't imagine how that life will ever be enjoyable, the trick is to take the necessary steps to build that life, from quitting booze to changing your social group if needs be, then just go through the motions with a positive attitude and before you know it that will be your life and you'll wonder how you ever wasted so much time get wasted.
Not that hard, just don't drink.
It's not rocket science, bud.
Be the Designated Driver. That's always cool.
Get into board games! There are plenty of board games out there that require a lot of people/take hours to complete so they are great for get-togethers. That's what I do because I don't drink either and feel uncomfortable at parties where drinking is the main event or purpose. If your friends don't like board games then there are usually always groups of people looking for new members to join.
I recently quit drinking. Been about 4 months. I found out that I'm actually pretty funny and entertaining without booze. And that there were always plenty of activities and things I wanted to do that I was neglecting. Get involved in something. Take a class (I take improv), learn a new skill, work on your self a bit. You'll find you have plenty to talk about socially and meet new people as you rediscover the "real" you.
Much respect brother,
Steve
Board games are a great activity that completely sober people can enjoy. I have a group that meets semi regularly and we always have a blast.
Mhmm...this questions seems somehow sad to me. Why would it be impossible or even hard to have a social life without alcohol? Are you afraid that people won't like you, if you're not having a beer with them? Then those people probably aren't that great anyhow. Of course alcohol will show up sooner or later on quite a lot of social occasions in your average adult life, but apart from wine-tastings most activities don't "require" alcohol. Even if I meet friends at a bar or a club, we usually go there to talk, dance and simply enjoy each others company and noone really cares about what you're ordering... Or are you disturbed by people who are drinking alcohol and don't want to be around them? In that case I'd like to remind you, that drinking alcohol doesn't equal getting blackout-drunk...Where I'm from it's quite common to have one or two glasses of wine with dinner. I personally enjoy having the occasional drink but I'm not a fan of being drunk and I am old and clever enough to know when to stop. If you don't enjoy being the only sober one in bunch of wasted people, that's perfectly understandable but then again you might just need other people around you... (In my group of friends are people who enjoy alcohol, people who drink occasionally and people who don't drink at all for diverse reasons and to drink or not to drink has never been the question ;) When I'm inviting them over to my place I like to make sure that I can offer something nice for everyone e.g. good wine, cold beer AND some sort of lemonade or juice...)
If all you do is stop drinking, you will find it impossible to have a social life. Alcohol takes the place of learning how to interact and deal with others on a mature level. Quitting alcohol forces a person to either learn those social skills (usually for the first time) or return to drinking. I don't know how hard it is to grow up when you're a teenager and young adult, because I never did it, but I can tell you that it is sometimes unbelievably painful to grow up in your 30s, 40s, and beyond. Luckily I found AA, which has a program designed for just such a scenario, which is often the reason why a lot pf people don't like it: it's hard and it's painful, and they'd rather remain children emotionally.
I am late to this party but I will chime in. I gave up alcohol 3 months ago tomorrow. I did it for the purposes of dropping weight before my 30th birthday, also tomorrow. It hasn't been easy and my experiences with my friends have absolutely changed, but I haven't been excluded by any means. I went to Oakland with my buddies for a day and bar-crawled about 10 spots (alternating diet coke and water at each location) and spent a night in a party bus with friends going to different local bars (again alternating diet coke and water at each location). You can do it, it just takes work.
That being said, my patience for drunken stupidity is now almost 0. I tend to meet my friends out at about 7 PM and head home before 11 because I see things start to get sloppy around 10:30 and when you are stone-cold sober, it gets old. Because of that, I have definitely missed out on some stuff, though less than you'd think. Add to that the considerable weight loss from not drinking and eating trash at the end of the night AND all the extra money I have from not buying drinks every week... it's been worth it.
How do you have a social life WITH alcohol and keep your license?
get muslim friends
i'm not even being sarcastic. went to university and be friended a malaysian, then sudenly i knew more malaysians and before i knew it 90% of my friends were malaysian and non of them drink
How to have a social life without a cell phone is one I'd like to know as well. It's pretty much mandatory to have one if you want to do anything with any one.
Really? None of my friends or colleagues drink, none of my classmates during high school or college drink either.
I'm the only one who does. And I don't have a social life!
I used to drink but every once in a while I'd force myself to go a "sober 30" (days). I found it gave me perspective, not just into myself but also into those I was socializing with.
Anyways, if you do find yourself in a social situation involving alcohol, just ask the waiter/bartender to provide you with a pop/soda in a rock or shot glass (those were the terms the bars use here for the glasses that contain spirit drinks as opposed to pop). Let people make their own assumptions and go on with your own life.
Make new friends that don't drink.
I drank one time didn't like it and moved on with my life. I also don't smoke or have sex with random people for lols. So I have money cause I don't spend allot on temporary things. Consumables are expensive yo!
I can honestly say my social life is awesome i spend my time doing things for people creating real friendships. I would suggest doing things that you cant do while drunk. Try a competition it could literally be anything shooting, video games, jousting, kickboxing, Build something, Create something. Then when you do go to the events that accompany those things. If you play video games find a lan gaming center and show up for tournaments learn whatever the flavor of the month is and enjoy it. If you like the thought of gaming but video games and your shitch try war-hammer or some other table top game its half art and half competition you meet allot of interesting dedicated artists out there. If your single and you want to get out there and do stuff there are groups of people that do "stuff" you just have to have the balls to do it. In Texas i know they have https://singles.eventsandadventures.com. They go and do "stuff" that is drinking optional.
If you want to stop drinking (for whatever reason), that doesn't necessarily mean you have to stop partying and join the local knitting circle. I dated a guy who was 3 years sober, and he partied harder than anyone in the room. When we would go out, he would order seltzers with limes - it looked like a drink, socially it felt like he was holding a drink, and what's more everyone around him would be imbibing, so the atmosphere still felt frenetic and fun. He would do the same things everyone else was doing - mess with people, dance, flirt, try to steal shit off the walls - everything but drink. He always had fun.
It might feel weird at first, but it's really, really not.
I don't drink. Usually I do all the stuff everyone else does when we're out and I just have a fun time socializing and meeting new people etc etc and nobody even notices that I don't drink. I usually don't tell people I don't drink, only my close friends know. So that people don't feel like I'm one of those "yeah I don't drink I'm better than you" sorta people.
All in all it's actually easy enough, especially if you find guys who have similar interests as you.
I have never drank alcohol. I don't really club anymore but when I did I would hand in my license and pretend I was the DD. Free coke all night. But in reality, I do not want drunk people in my car. I have always associated with people who don't drink much and it is refreshing to have friends who know ow to have fun sober.
Become a Stoner SOLVED
My best friend doesn't drink. Never has, never will. It's never been an issue for her and I. Some other people give her a hard time, but honestly, that's fairly uncommon.
Now, there's some question as to the level of "without alcohol" that you mean. Do you mean that you personally won't drink, or that you don't want to be around people that are drinking?
If you mean that you personally don't want to drink, it's fairly straightforward, in my experience. If you don't feel like explaining yourself when someone asks why you're not drinking, just say you're the DD. Or just say, "I don't feel like it," or "I don't drink." Most people won't question that. You can go out with friends that are drinking without feeling weird. The best way to do this, I think, is for whatever you're going out for to not be centered around drinking.
In the case of my friend, she's a dancer (Latin and West Coast Swing). She goes out to clubs almost every single night, and while there are plenty of people there drinking heavily, there's a good chunk of the serious-dancer crowd that doesn't drink at all, or drinks very little. I dance, as well, and I probably only have something to drink about a third of the time when I'm out. It would be pretty easy for me to give up altogether, it's just not a choice that I've personally made.
I guess the big thing is: find something that gets you out with other people where the norm isn't necessarily to be drinking. That could be sports, it could be dancing, it could be slam poetry (in fact, that's another area where a lot of people don't drink - a good number of recovering alcoholics who avoid it!), or it could be something else.
The biggest thing is to surround yourself with people who aren't pressuring you to drink alcohol. And frankly, if they are pressuring you to drink after you've said that you don't want to, they're not very good friends.
Join a church
Based on this question, I assume you are a young person (probably male), since drinking is a status/ritual for college males who want to have a social life. There are a few ways around it.
Some people would say find people who don't drink, but that is simply not an option. The reality is most people drink so by excluding yourself that really limits your options for meeting people. So it is social suicide to find people who don't drink.
So what can you do?
You can tell friends that you actually don't drink for whatever reason and if they are friends, they will understand and not pressure you to drink. You wouldn't expect someone to force a vegetarian to eat meat. I personally don't recommend this unless asked.
Use lines like the I'm really tired, driving, just took some Advil/Tylenol or the DSP (designated sober person) tonight line. That can also work because god forbid, you don't want to mix tylenol and alcohol! However, you'll get asked this all the time because at parties, most hosts don't want their guests to have an empty hand.
if you're at an event with dancing, you can alternatively get on the dance floor. No one has a drink in your hand when dancing (unless you're at a dingy club), or else you'll be THAT guy who spills stuff all over people/gets into brawls over ruining someone's white shirt.
The BEST method: have a red solo cup in my hand filled with soda. It serves three purposes. One: people won't ask you if you want a drink. You have one already! Two: it looks like an actual drink (like rum and coke). Three: even if someone tries to drink it, you often can't taste the rum in rum and coke anyways, which is why RnC or Vodka 7s get you drunk quickly if you get it at the bar.
Hopefully that helps. Of course, this assumed you were young. If you're older, then people will be more mature and you don't have to have a drink.
Try going to the gym on a friday or saturday night around 8:00. If you put in a solid hour you may not want to go out and you may not miss it. And it's likely that you will meet other people with the same situation. It's a win/win- get healthy, stop drinking, meet people, feel better in the morning.
As someone who sometimes can not drink due to health complications: you don't necessarily have to change anything. Unless your friends are douchebags who treat you differently if you're not drinking, there is no reason you can't do any of the weekend social activities you would be doing if you were drinking. It's mostly mental... if you tell yourself that you are out of place at the club without drinking, then you will feel out of place. Drink a tonic water; if people notice youre not drinking and ask why, tell them you can't for health reasons (which might or might not legitimately be true). If they can't understand that, then they're not a good person to be around anyway.
So you need alcohol in order to have a social life? That's news to me I don't drink, and have zero issues going out to clubs with my friends. If you "need" alcohol to have a good time or think you can't have fun w/o might be time to think about why.
co-ed sports, church, take classes etc
Narcotics
I guess I've just been lucky with the friends that I've made. I've not really been someone who's ever had alcohol (after two bad experiences when I was around 15-16 I swore it off for life, and stuck by it). I guess because I grew up with my friends and made it clear that I wasn't going to drink they all just got used to it. Sure it makes things a bit weird when they play drinking games and I just have to watch, but sometimes I can convince someone who's looking to get smashed to be my stand-in drinker and take any drink that I'm meant to.
Going to university was pretty hard, as alcohol is the ultimate social lubrication to get past the awkward first week when no one knows each other. I don't really like clubbing (since when you're sober its hard to keep energy levels up for that long and all the obnoxious drunk people wear thin after a while), so I just joined a bunch of clubs (sports, art, poetry) and met people that way. Soon enough I had a similar friendship group as I had when I was growing up where they all knew I didn't drink and therefore didn't pressure me.
Group orgies; Sports; Build stuff; Go camping; Go swimming; watch movies; work more.
Find something you like doing and find others that like it. I used to think that was all there was to do, but after a while alcohol gets pretty damn old and boring. Also, your body won't hold up long and you won't be able to recover as fast the older you get. At least this is the case for me.
If you enjoy being high or inebriated or whatever, and you get educated and responsible, try other drugs like shrooms, lsd or mescaline. These drugs tend to be a lot cleaner experience, really fun and also can be beneficial. I don't have scientific information to back this up but subjectively, they don't feel as hard on your body either. Obviously they can be dangerous, but that's why I said be educated and responsible. Shrooms and lsd aren't very toxic at all. Mescaline is a little bit easier to OD on I think, but none of them even get close to how easy alcohol is to OD on as far as what the OD dosage is.
Social life without partying is not that hard. Practice sports and join communities of your favorite hobbies (gaming, frisbee, music, or whatever). My best friends are there because we do much more than partying. I find partying to be way overrated. It's just not as fun as people (or publicity) make it look.
When asked, I say "I don't drink, but I LOVE to eat" and then I order more food
Why do you have to be a drunk to have a social life? OP your hopeless.
Find another drug.
I very rarely drink myself. I spend a lot of my time with friends outdoors. Hiking, biking, and camping. I also go to the gym. You can participate in group classes and make friends. If you want to avoid alcohol completely you need to find activities you enjoy that you can do with friends where drinking would be inappropriate.
I had this issue when I became sober. I stopped going to bars and started playing magic the gathering. I had to find things that I love to do that didn't include alcohol. You will lose some friends. Working out is also a plus. Just find activities where alcohol use would be out of place. Can't drink inside the card shop.
Given that several people drink and many non-drinkers don't because of medical issues rather than truthfully not wanting, it's a bit annoying.
I have decided I wouldn't drink from a very young age and I stuck up with that promise. I'll tell you what: having a circle of friends who doesn't drink frequently/at all and are respectful and encourage your decision helps a lot. Makes it a lot more pleasurable. However, when you are not drinking and everyone in the current circle is drinking, it can get a bit annoying, specially if they want to talk about their drinks, because it isolates you from this circle due to you not sharing their interest (alcohol).
If you don't have friends who see this aspect of you as something positive, you probably will end up drinking or be really lonely in most cases. I wouldn't get invited for anything or have anyone who would stick around because I wouldn't drink or I couldn't stand being alone everyone else wasted.
You will be able to do lots of things with the money that you save from not drinking.
My friends all drink, heavily....I personally quit drinking about 10 years ago. At first it was annoying, having people constantly try to get me to drink but they eventually realized I was serious and they stopped pushing. Now we still all get together and hang out, they drink and I just smoke. Now i think its actually kinda entertaining to watch a bunch of drunks when you're sober, it's almost like being in a nature documentary lol. You definitely always have the upper hand, at everything, when you're the only sober one. I must warn you though, if you're the only one who doesn't drink prepare to be bombarded with DD requests. At first they ask then over time it just becomes expected because they know no matter what you're not drunk. Say no enough times though and people will start offering money/dinner/etc for you to give them a lift home.
You can go out with friends that drink. Then wait patiently for the tipping point where they are drunk enough that you can easily be the best at socializing. Or, ya know, develop actual social skills. I was an introvert for decades, then I learned to come out of my shell and actually be fun in social settings. Didn't start drinking until years after that epiphany, so they aren't necessarily linked. Good luck to you, sincerely, but try not to take it too seriously. Trying too hard will just make you a target within the group for some harsh ribbing at best.
Try doing everything you would with alcohol, but this time without it. You had a social life before you started drinking, didn't you?
Hang out with people who don't drink, or hang out with people who don't drink until they're drunk.
It sucks being the sober one when everyone is drunk, so don't do that. But a few drinks while you're sober isn't so bad.
You could also divide the friends up. Have a group that's for parties or light drinking or the like, and then have other friends for when you want a sober night out.
Don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of you
I am sure you have heard/read it before, but hobbies are a great way. Get involved with your local Arts Council. they are always looking for volunteers and you meet people with common interests. There are Meet-up groups for kayaking, hiking, running, etc. Some of the events may have some alcohol there, but they are not built around it.
I don't drink but I like to dance and chat it up. Offer to DD for people who don't wild out. I haven't drank in over two years but I still have a blast. The key is to silence that doubt and hesitation in your head and do what you think is fun. Go to rock climbing wall, check out shows, hit up a salsa night, go clubbing, watch the game... the possibilities are endless. It's not a big deal if you don't drink. If people make it a big deal then they don't deserve to deal with you.
Start with sports. I have lots of active friends which spend sundays/saturdays training and I often join them. If I want to join them I need to stay sober, as I can't really manage a long training-session day after a night out. I often hang out with these guys during the evenings as well, and its often just a beer or no alcohol at all. Esp during competition season. Its also very social to have a group to hang out with during training, and it sort of keep me in shape as well. Should have started with this way earlier than I did.
I am somebody who doesn't drink, doesn't like it, doesn't enjoy being drunk, and never, ever has. I've had alcohol maybe a dozen times in my entire life, different drinks, situations, etc. Don't like any of it.
To me, the world is a strange place - full of addicts that willingly poison themselves for fun.
A social life without alcohol is extremely hard. If you meet people who drink, the best you can hope for, in my experience, is to arrange a non-alcoholic event and watch them begrudgingly go along with it. Often they'll just make fun of you, or drink anyway. Often they'll blow you off because "well buddy called me up at the last minute to go to the bar". Often they'll try to push you into drinking and belittle you when you refuse.
And if you're a recovering alcoholic or somebody who just wants to stop? Most of the time they'll try to actively sabotage you, invite you to places and events where you both know drinking is happening. And if not that, then the best you can hope for is them saying "i understand completely" and then drinking around you, not encouraging you to join in but also not realizing just how much of a 'fuck you' their actions are.
Most people drink. Most people are defensive about their drinking, even if it's not bad. And most people, either actively or unknowingly, will shit on you when you don't drink.
I don't have many friends who drink, and I don't hang out with them when they drink. And I haven't found a surefire reliable way to find non-drinkers. Part of me thinks I never will, we seem to be so rare.
But the best thing to do is set up or attend a structured activity that not only includes alcohol but alcohol is a detriment, or perhaps even illegal or unsafe to consume during the event. Drinking isn't common at the gym, or while rock climbing, or on the set of your local theatre club, or at the library, or whatever, and often people who drink and/or are drunk at these places get kicked out.
Find true passions, not just hobbies, and connect with people there. If they're passionate too, at the very least they won't let their drinking ruin it.
Just out of curiosity, why is it a giant fuck you if people respect your decision not to drink, but still drink around you at dinners or such ? :) I have numerous friends who do not partake in drinking but stil very much enjoy being out with us while we drink some beers or whine :)
That was in reference to if you are a recovering alcoholic - they know that even being around booze can fuck you up, and they choose specifically to be with you, and drink booze.
Sometimes alcoholics need to set boundaries - "I don't care where we are or what we're doing, if you're with me you don't drink." I don't care about the 'that's not fair' whining, if you want to drink go do it with somebody else somewhere else. And if they won't go, maybe that means you've got to leave them behind. That's fine too.
A friend who would sabotage another friend's recovery is no friend.
Ah okay my bad ! I agree with you on that one :)
Smoke weed.
You can socialize with out drinking. Even if most of your friends do drink. I know that is true because I do it all the time. I stopped drinking a few months ago for personal reasons. The biggest concern I had was the exact question you asked. To be honest it has not been an issue, well once I got past my own insecurities surrounding it. I was worried I would not have fun, I was worried I would be judged or looked at differently, and I was worried I would not be able to do it.
When I made that choice I also made it clear to myself that I would not let sobriety disrupt my social life and my relationships with my friends. It sounds funny worrying about sobriety in that way, but it is a concern. So, I started going out to bars, happy hours, jam nights, all the things I normally did with my friends except I just didn't drink. And you know what? It really did not make any difference. I still had fun, I didn't hate my friends, and I have more money in my checking account.
It is only an issue if you make it an issue. You do not need to find NEW friends, and what a shitty outlook anyway. How would you feel about someone not wanting to hang out with you because you are not drinking? What kind of friend is that? If you value your current friendships then them drinking should not be an issue for you.
You can do it, it is not that hard. Just go have fun, enjoy the extra money, and enjoy waking up on saturday not hung over.
I rarely drink, maybe a couple times a year. It's not hard and I don't even drive, just order some Coke or Gingerale and a snack. I go to a gathering once a month at Tim Horton's, that's enough of a social life for me.
I used to be around frequent drinkers, probably the dumbest fucking choice of friends I've ever had.
hit the gym man regardless of your physicality find gym buddies
Get into being healthy -- there is a huge social world of people who like to run, climb, hike, lift, etc. etc. etc. -- there are clubs, teams, gyms, conferences, seminars...restaurants and juice bars where you can hang out...online communities where you can find groups of people interested in health which often means they aren't into the partying drinking lifestyle and even if some drink, many won't or won't have it be a primary aspect of their lives.
That, or get super religious.
Drink Ice Tea
Join a car/driving/autocross club.
Im surprised I haven't seen anyone say this yet, but it's important to take time to truly understand yourself. A lot of people go through their daily motions and they do things without thinking - try to be aware of everything you're doing and have a reflection on it. Once you learn to understand/like/love your own self, then putting your self into any social situation is going to be 1000x easier.
Try this: Don't drink alcohol in social situations.
drink sprite and if someone asks what youre drinking say its a vodka soda
Go to shows, play videogames with people, make music, take an art class, bullshit with people. For some, alcohol is the social lube you need to loosen up enough to enjoy things, but with practice, opening up to people and getting comfortable becomes second nature. After you have a sober convo with a drunk, or with anyone, and realize that you can, it becomes easier. Although, you might start to find drunk people to be annoying as all hell.
Get a hobby.
I think it has everything to do with people you choose to be around. Many people love to get drunk and relish the feeling of losing control. This is little different than any other person that frequently does other drugs (small legal technicality aside).
There are dozens of really enjoyable social things to enjoy without losing your mind. Depending on your setting (rural vs urban) that could look quite different, but opportunity is there. Even things that may seem cheesy at first can be really great with friends that are willing to do it with you.
I don't have any problem with alcohol/drug use in general (except drunk driving and questionably consentable sex aka rape), but doing something exciting while sober has a much stronger lasting effect for me.
27 years Teetotal. Gave up in my early twenties when it was easier to drive home from a party than get home via a night-bus full of drunks (London 1980s). Never had a problem socializing when sober, chances are you won't either. It's so much easier to not act like a cock (never attractive) when you're sober too. My friends stopped asking if I'd like a beer after about 3 years.
Just drink your preferred coke or whatever, that's the only difference. Go to the same parties, with the same friends.
I'm 25, quit drinking (and using drugs of any kind) when I was 23. At first I had a lot of the same questions. At first it was weird, but I developed hobbies. I also paid a lot more attention to what was happening in my community: Street festivals, flea markets, concerts, workshops. I also found people to go with me. I still stay in touch with a lot of my friends that I used to party with, I just no longer have any interest in "Lets go to X and consume Y, then travel to Z because that's the real cool place and then consume A" I found people with a thirst for life and I found the joy of living.
Straight Edge here. I rarely ever go to bars/clubs to socialise, I tend to go to live gigs for my big night out events. The rest of the time I have hobby friends, people who I play tabletop wargames with, board games nights at the pub (back room to keep us away from the paying customers). I'm a functional human who washes and can hold a normal conversation, not some neckbeard but I do get some strange reactions when I'm playing a show with my band one night and playing Warhammer the next. Alcohol doesn't play a part in my own life but many of my friends drink and/or take drugs. It's cool, they can do what they want, I still chill with them just the same at a gig or whatever. You can live your life without alcohol, it's the people who drink who make a big deal out of it.
Join a club! I am part of my towns swing dance club and mountian climbing club. It is two diffrent groups of friends I made normaly it is two big events from them each month with a dance and a hike. Then there are the twice a week lessons and the get togethers to plan the next trip. There are also the non club related get togethers with these friends ranging from a chill afternoon at someones house watching a marathon of star trech to bowling and roller blading. For the winter i get a seasons pass at the local hill calling itself a mountian for skiing and ski with some of my old college buddies.
For the days I got nothing planed there are social video games. That is a whole nother group of friends sharing the same interest as me.
As someone said earlier, make a life with activities you can build friendships on. for me that is hockey. I play ice in the winter, and ball hockey in the summer. This allows for guaranteed hangouts minimum once a week, and usually you make friends and connections and you will get invites to other games, pickup, hangouts etc. Biggest thing is stay strong if you don't want to drink, just don't.
Board games, bro. Granted other people will likely still drink, but totally unnecessary. I have a group of friends that do a game night often 3 times a month, but at lease twice. We all get together at someone's house a rip through Catan, or Scattergories, or Charades, or Betrayal, on and on. It's a lot of fun and thoughtless inebriation is often detrimental to winning. Granted we're also all painfully competitive.
I've noticed that the library makes a good bouncing off point for a social life without alcohol. You meet all kinds of interesting people at libraries.
Hobbies. I have plenty of social circles that criss cross with or without booze, all based on my hobbies. Longboarding, motorcycles, hiking, weightlifting, smoking weed, cooking, magic the gathering, cars the list is endless just get out there and hang out with like minded people!
Get a hobby that's social.
You could go to the gym, take classes in your area for something that interests you or simply play video games. I'd shy away from playing video games but it's away to socialize if you don't like public places.
Cocaine
I would contact one of those activities groups.. sometimes you can find a bunch of them on facebook and you could even start one yourself. People usually don't drink too much at certain activities
18 months sober - survival of the social life without alcohol depends on how much honesty you're willing to admit to yourself and others. that seems a bit strange to say, but basically if you're incapable of having a fun time socially without booze, why? is it that the alcohol is helping you tolerate the people you're around? time to get new folks.
but if it's because the booze is just commonplace, then just get soda water instead. it's difficult at first, and as people get more drunk you'll probably want to excuse yourself. but at least the social life isn't impossible.
I live in Mormon country, so there are a lot of non-drinkers in my group of friends. My non-drinking friends will still go places where we drink. We have fun going to the bowling alley, bar trivia, etc. Those that want to drink do, and those that don't, don't.
as a lush, this question intrigues me, but eludes me entirely
drink tonic and lime. that worked for me for about a week-
Although I'm not a fan of that "crowd", there are a lot of gamers who prefer getting high to getting drunk. They also tend to be pretty skilled at their games too.
I'm in a clan with a bunch of Californians and they keep talking about, "Bro", but they honestly are much more skilled at the game.
A "celebrity" example of this might be Ray Navarez Jr. He left Rooster Teeth in part, I think, because the other gamers there liked to drink, but he preferred not to. So he couldn't "fit in" as well.
If you are looking for a social life that doesn't include real life interactions, consider hanging out with gamers who smoke but don't drink.
Thanks for asking. I recommended /r/teetotal!
How is this a question?
I wish i could quit drinking.
Every day I struggle to decide, which is worse, the hang over or the withdraw.
I had a friend who used to hide it, people that we went out with would always give him the third degree about it, but he suffered from addiction, so it was better that he quit drinking. But as one of his best mates, we basically came up with a system where either myself or him would order the drinks, so we could wander off to the bar and order his non booze filled drink without the girls being aware of it.
Basically if you don't drink it's kind of an outcast from parties, social events, potential girls to date, just like I really really wouldn't ever normally consider dating a girl who doesn't drink, people tend to be the same way in reverse.
But have your mate always know 'your drink' when you go out. Your friends just want you to be healthy.
Food and games. All you really need is people who are willing to not be total asses for a couple of hours, and you'r golden. My favorite thing is to make a whole ton of curry and rice (really cheap but tasty and filling), and invite a ton of people to come have a free dinner on the condition they bring snacks, games, friends, or all of the above.
I tend to invite way more than I want to actually be there because, let's be honest, half of the people who promise to come are going to either forget or ditch outright.
If you get really into it, and expect it to be way fun, it'll make others feel more comfortable doing the same. A lot of people here have already pointed out how any 'fun' not involving alcohol is... viewed as less or something.
Which I don't really understand, and I'm tired of people being either incredulous or judgey when I say I don't like to drink to have fun. I am capable of enjoying myself without forcefully losing my inhibitions and am really happy to be able to do it all without a hangover.
I quit drinking years ago and I came to realize that sober doesn't mean a stick in the mud. You can still have fun and party. Besides, being the DD is the best thing a pal can do for another.
Get friends that are healthy and friends that would prefer physical activity over getting drunk
It would help if we knew at least a little more about your situation. How old are you and where are you located? Do you currently have a bunch of friends, or are you looking to make friends?
I'll give you an anecdote to start things off. A friend of a friend is a non drinker. He still shows up to parties where everyone else is drinking and has a good time. I don't think I've heard one person even bother to mention that he should be drinking, we are all respectful people and it doesn't matter if he is drinking or not, just that he's having a good time.
If I wanted to find activities that could be done without alcohol there are tons of things. Depending on how athletic(or not athletic) you are there are many recreation leagues for adults. I was on a kickball team a few years ago. There is also ultimate frisbee, which I found to be really fun. You can play in competitive or non competitive leagues, just make sure you know what you are getting into.
If you are specifically trying to make friends in your new activities then there are some options. Disc golf has a lot of really chill and laid back players and involves a pretty minimal investment. You would probably have to actively seek out people to play with, but if you just hang around a free course it shouldn't be that difficult(so long as you don't have social anxiety.) Bowling is another example of a sport where you can be placed on a team with random strangers who are probably looking for something similar. Most bowling alleys have at least one league that is purely for fun and you can sign up as a single and they will put you on a team with other singles.
Depending on your level of investment in your social life there are a lot of ways to go. Magic the gathering is a fun game and involves a distinct lack of alcohol. Any car hobbies would preclude drinking, although they never actually do.
I've tried to give you some good examples and jumping off points, but it really would help to know more about you. Either way though, I hope this helps.
Alcoholic/addict in recovery here.
Find activities to do. Often the act of drinking becomes the center of the night and the sole focus. So mix it up. Go bowling, shoot pool, jump out of a place (my personal favorite), play cards, try out a new board game.
Also talk about what's happening in your life and asking what's new in other's lives. You still have social* skills even though you're not drinking, you just have to get comfortable in your skin.
One more thing: if you are an alcoholic in recovery stay away from clubs, bars, parties, people that drink, etc. You're just asking to relapse. Hanging out with other people who aren't drinking makes things easier too.
Edit: SOCIAL not suicidal.
The thing with suicidal skills is you can only use them once.
Yikes, thanks for the heads up haha. Now corrected.
Get a hobby.
I drink very little. It's just not my thing. One word: Hobbies. We go to movies, eat out, netflix, gaming, cookouts...there's so much to do outside of drinking.
Try new activities like zip lining, water rafting, hiking etc.
I would probably start drinking...
I have been sober for 26 years, and still manage to have an active social life. The trick is to put yourself in places and situations where the primary activity is not drinking. There are lots of things you can do socially that are a blast, but you have to get out of thinking of drinking as a social activity. If I am invited to a party, or to go out, I go early, and leave before the people get drunk. I am pretty open about the fact that I don't drink, so I do occasionally become the default DD, but even then, I manage to have a good time because people are so silly when they are drunk.
The biggest thing to remember is that you don't need to drink to have fun. I am usually the craziest person in our group, and I am the sober one!
I know this isn't the answer you're looking for and I'm not encouraging anyone to take drugs. But amphetamine works for me, it just makes me feel really social and energetic. And if you take like two lines you can't even say that you are "high", and you definitely won't make a fucking fool out of yourself. And don't get me wrong, I do socialize with people without drugs but if I have to choose between alcohol and speed, I'd rather take speed.
I've been alcohol free for five years. Here are my tips:
Buy a frisbee, go to the park and multiple people Will be down to play.
Don't drink alcohol. Fer your helth.
this is a wonderful thread OP. thank you for posting it.
I don't drink often, most of my social life is when I'm exercising. But I do go out once a week and get a bit drunk.
weed.
I recently quit drinking because I found out I'm allergic to most alcohols. I still go out with friends when they drink and I just drink virgin cocktails and hang out. Nothing different
A long time ago before I was even close to being legal, I decided I'd never want to try drinking. I've never been a really sociable person, so it's a constant chore to be outgoing and friendly towards people, even those I'd quickly claim as friends.
Alcohol probably would help me, but I don't want it. I like the self-control too much and am not willing to take the risk of doing something dumb, embarrassing, or dangerous while under the influence.
Intellectually, I know it is okay to talk to people and open up and be vulnerable with one's friends. I don't like to be judged or looked down on for having unusual opinions or interests. It is probably why I am the quiet one in a crowd of friends and acquaintances; I'd rather just listen to people than be the center of attention. It's also why I dislike being one on one with someone; there's no chance of dropping out of a conversation. I love to be the third wheel. Sociability saps my emotional reserves and leaves me tired at the end of a party or a social event.
But it is a skill that has to be learned and practiced. You wouldn't think that just talking to people needed practice to get better at doing, but it's true. It's more than just thinking of things to talk about and being brave enough to speak your mind and take off the masks we all wear from day to day, and let others see who the real you is. It's also being able to 'interview' people and pick their brains without coming off as nosey, rude, condescending, or hostile.
Start playing Magic The Gathering, I went from getting trashed all weekend to playing Friday Night Magic and waking up on Saturday without a hangover and having the ability to actually go out and do something. The people who play are usually pretty cool.
I still drink on occasion. Definitely not as much as I use to back in the day. You can make friends and have fun relatively easy by doing things like Going to the gym, playing all kinds of sports, meeting people that share a common hobby etc. The key is just to have new experiences. Try different activities that you never thought of trying before, you will always meet people that love that activity and you can bond and make friends easily that way. Also your life will be much more interesting than most people.
Avoid meeting at bars and peoples houses with nothing to do (but drink).
There are many activities / things you can do with friends where drinking becomes inappropriate / infeasible.
Go trampoline-ing, go paint-balling, go bush walking, go sky diving, go for a bike ride, go for a drive. (Insert generic sport / activity thing here.)
Go to the cinema and watch a movie, go ice skating, go out to a nice restaurant, food is the main attraction, not the accompanying drinks.
Host board game nights, try playing D&D, host a LAN party, play MTG. (Maybe you're not into this kinda shit, but the people who are rarely resort to drinking for their only source of enjoyment.)
If you find being social without drinking is hard, then you're probably hanging around people who turn to drinking regularly, consider branching out and finding other kinds of people.
I have two larger groups of people I associate with, one side will drink responsibly and we sure enjoy it, the other side typically avoid it, they don't see the need to drink and don't really like it. I have no issues with either side for the most part.
Non-Mormon Utahn pokes head into thread, is glad to not find stupid jokes about moving to Utah yet
In two words: board games.
Prosocial activities unrelated to drinking are a great way to boost your social life without involving booze. For example, try joining some kind of fitness or outdoors club. My experience has been that rock climbing gyms are great places to meet people. The crowd is generally very friendly, you have easy conversation starters when meeting new people, and overall the atmosphere is pro social. I have a cousin who was trying to get out of the drinking and drugs scene, and joining a rock gym helped him build the new relationships he needed to do it. Also, as a martial arts school owner I would say that it's another excellent venue to build social opportunity, though it does depend on the culture of the school you're looking at.
I drink small amounts occasionally and never to excess. I was never too interested in getting drunk and was then diagnosed with IBS, and alcohol can be a major trigger. So I keep it light if I'm going to drink at all. It can be a bit of a bummer. Luckily I have friends and a girlfriend that aren't into the party scene so it makes my life a little easier.
I'd say go to church, but there's no way I would.
Develop some hobbies. Get into an informal sport like Ultimate Frisbee or soccer. Surround yourself with people with similar interests and the social life develops from there.
drugs?
I don't drink, i can't really, allergic to alcohol! I'll enjoy a nice port or glass or wine with a good meal or cigar, MAYBE 1 nice craft brew on rare occasion, but thats pretty much it. I'm pretty much the only one in my group that doesn't DRINK. Still go out and have a great time, there are other vises with less drunken ramifications.
Get a soda/water/juice at the bar. I get asked out of courtesy (to not feel left out) if there's a toast or something, but no one gives me shit if I say no. And if they do, I dole it right back. I'm usually 100% sober while they're getting drunk. YMMV, but I like spending time with them until they start getting stupid drunk, and I feel like their babysitter (or the protector of the glass table). Then I go home and play video games or watch youtube.
I actually opted to drink a cider this weekend... I had half before I was like "done. who wants to finish it?" If I wanted more time with them, I make it a point to spend time with them before alcohol comes out to play, when they're on the field training (Viking re-enactment group).
meetup.com
Go to stuff you enjoy and meet people along the way. I play video games, meet people online, therefore I am social. Fuck yeah.
Find a hobby and find others who like that hobby (without drinking) as well.
1) Family
Hanging out, board games, card games, going to the lake, BBQ, swimming, just being family.
2) Church
My wife and I volunteer to mentor jr high / HS kids and have met a lot of other leaders / volunteers that are extremely cool! We host game nights, BBQs, go bowling together, volleyball, whatever. Sledding in the winter. Go to concerts. Just chill and have food, play guitar, talk, whatever.
3) Internet friends met in real life (Redditors + bloggers that follow local sports team)
Met some people from online who follow local sports team and we will go to games together or watch events at local sports bar.
As a non-drinker I quite enjoy watching my friends make gobshites of themselves as they get more and more plastered.
Most of my social circle doesn't drink, or when they do, it's in moderation. We have a few people who can't drink at all, so there's never any sort of pressure for it.
You could always just talk to your friends, say "I want to stop drinking, please respect this and help me follow through when we hang out" and if they are good friends they will be more than willing to understand.
I think this is really dependent on age and circumstance, for me college and 20.
I goto Asu polytechnic which the main Tempe used be known for being one of the top party school in the USA. I found it difficult at first to find anyone who did not drink, always going to parties on main campus to drink or be with drunks, etc. I decided to try and find ways to find people who were like me and did not drink or always want to be drunk. To do thus, I started getting involved in clubs and projects. Within one semester I became vice president of 2 clubs on campus. Another semester passed and I was president of 2 clubs and VP in another on campus (1 club was a project club building robots, another was a group study for all engineers to meet up and help one another, and the last was a gaming club). This helped to find the people I was interested in being around. Eventually I relieved thus was too much for me to run and relinquished all duties and was only a member helping pres VP and officers when I could.
The engineering based clubs found be great friends and took me a lot of places demoing my ideas and meeting industry. The gaming club is where I found a lot of friends though l, this club was great and loved it (however most of those friends left my college the next year). After a year I did start up a new gaming club with 2 friends and it has been amazing. We have added so many members, ran some giant tournaments for super smash bros, etc. We plan and expanding the clubs views outside of super smash bros and trying to have a gaming (table top or video) that can help our polytechnic campus come out and have fun (usually dead on campus). We love what we are doing so much we are trying to make a new convention for Asu gamers that we can get sponsors for to help show everyone here how to meet, greet, make friends, etc.
Sorry for the ramble I just enjoy what has come from myself not joining my old dorm mates and drinking heavily every weekend.
Nothing special, you don't need alcohol to have a good time.
Can confirm as a 21 year old who hasn't had more than half a glass of alcohol my entire life
Take this with a grain of salt (as you should with all Reddit comments) because this comes from speaking to friends and co-workers and not my own experience.
Use the social network. If you want a social life and want to meet new people, you need to be active on the internet and use: Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr (more to keep up with pop-blogs), Pinterest, Vine etc.
Active is a key word here too. I actually kinda feel like I might have missed out on some friends in former co-workers because I didn't remain active in social media. But it's not for me. I hate Facebook. I hate Twitter. I REALLY hate Pinterest. Tumblr's okay if you stick to the gaming/webcomic ones. But I have no interest in giving people a window into my personal life. I understand I'm (almost) in complete control of how large that window is, but I'm still not interested.
But it seems especially important for the 25 and under crowd. So it may not apply to OP. But hopefully this helps, my younger friends and almost all of my co-workers would tell you this.
weed
Dancing. The dancers never drink alcohol just water. Swing, salsa, ballroom whatever floats your boat. Social dancing is not dancing with the Stars so don't worry
Not disagreeing with what you've observed in those dance scenes, but from each of those scenes locally, I have seen a LOT of drinking from dancers
don't drink
Gambling and Volunteering are two great ways to meet people.
meetup.com is a good place to meet people without getting drunk.
Heck we had our whole wedding with no alcohol. My Irish family did NOT like, but too bad. We had awesome food and music, and yes, people even danced, a lot. Our family and friends still talk about what a fun and intimate wedding it was, very romantic and fun.
It's good to show other people that alcohol does not have to be included.
Switch to Marijuana. Better people, less cirrhosis and renal failure.
I never drink, never have. But I have a million and one interests in life. Just find something that you're passionate about and do it.
Drink 7-Up/Sprite/Gingerale with a splash of grenadine(sugar syrop) when you go drinking or just drink whatever the most popular mix is. You blend in. An alternative is always offer to be the DD, it gives a good reason to go hang out with the drinkers and not drink.
You can check out /r/straightedge for advice but don't have to commit to the scene. They're some pretty cool people there.
If you mean like... a "single" social life, then that might be a little tough since Bars are the place to be. Otherwise, assuming you already have friends, host a party/event where there's not alcohol? Board Game Night? Movie Night? TV Show Premiere Party? Tons of things you can do in a social setting without drink.
Music and gigs.
Marijuana
Card and board games
Cars
Archery
Let's be honest here, it'll be so much cheaper for you to take up alcoholism (unless you're American and have to pay for the hospital visits)
Try to make friends who play video games or table top games if you're into that kind of thing. Often those people may or may not drink but you're doing entertaining things that will keep it fun for you as well. Not just sitting around drunk talking in a bar or around a table. Plus, gaming with some exceptions like TCG is quite inexpensive when compared to alcohol.
sports, outdoors. groups around a common interest.....video gamers, etc.
People who drink are a minority
I'll drink once in a blue moon (mainly bloody marys, margaritas, etc) just because it tastes nice, but i don't get how people drink beer just to get drunk. That stuff tastes like crap. Anyhow, like it's been said, just find common interests with people that don't involve drinking. I guess it's easier for me since i live in one of the calmer cities in texas
Go to the parties and what not and don't drink. I was in a fraternity and we had plenty of guys who didn't drink at all and were still just as popular. Some people might make it a big deal but those aren't the people you want to hang out with anyways. I drink but I don't give a damn if someone doesn't want to and most people don't either.
I'm trying to figure this out as well. Have 44 days clean and sober. I'm not assuming you are an alcoholic, but it seems people my age (23) only like to get together to drink. Sucks. Been meeting cool people in NA.
Kareoke, pool, anything basically, you can do whatever you want when you drank without the booze, been clean for 8 years and will never look back. I'm a dick when I'm drunk :/
Order a sprite with a twist of lime. Anyone asks, it's a gin and tonic.
I would actually way this is the majority not the minority but it is overrepresented at high school and college but eventually you see that's not the case. Sports, games, and just general clubs and activities and friends should be enough.
The strange thing is that alcohol when in proper context can be very very tasty and not at all intended to be drunk from, such as wine and cider. Sadly most just waste money on cheap shot.
After taking a break from drinking it took me a solid month before I got used to sober night life. But once it came I was able to dance and socialize every way that comes with drinking. You will also realize how dumb all your friends looks while out partying, then realize how much time you wasted. It will change you, but the change is for the better.
Smoke weed.
I want to chime in here because the first several comments seem to make the assumption that the OP is looking for substance abuse help. There is an alternative, not everyone who might ask this question has a "problem". For myself, I drink a few beers a week, seldom more than a 6 pack in a given week. That said, I'm absolutely terrified of getting a DUI. I feel like I've made it this far in life without one, unlike the majority of my peers/friends. So I don't want to temp fate by even having 1 and driving. While this might be a selfish thought, the end result is the same, I don't drink and drive EVER. So this has become a problem for me. I never realized how often my social engagements are just "grabbing a pint after work".
I tend to handle these by just passing or having some good food instead, no big deal. However, the problem I'm running into are the "Hey, come on down for trivia" or "Let's do a game night" kinds of things, and honestly, I don't have a great answer. My wife and I share the DD gig, and there's no denying it. We both have a better time when it's our turn to enjoy some drinks. So basically we suck it up. The unintended side effect is that we've both cut back a bit, neither want's to be a fall down drunk while the other is sober and able to remind us of it.
My best (and only) advice is to try and change your surroundings. I found I had plenty of "buddies" I loved getting drunk with, but only a handful that I actually enjoy hanging out with. I try to spend time with people who can chat about other stuff than themselves, try new things, and take more pleasure in their lives then what they bought last. It's these relationships I've tried to cultivate, and it's not been easy, but they are also the ones I can do more than get hammered with.
You get used to whatever you do. If you are uncomfortable just try to stick it out.
I went out singing Karaoke by myself last night. Completely sober. (I love to drink - I was just doing a 24 hour fast.) It went fine.
Fight through the discomfort. Nobody is looking at you.
On the other hand, Don't reward your discomfort. Nobody cares that you are uncomfortable. Don't talk about it at the event. And, don't give up and let it win.
A couple things.
I hate when people say "get new friends" implying that the people who drink are like some bad people or something. The people I met in hs or college are really good friends and they all go out drinking. Its what we do together.
I highly advise not being the DD. Its just so not fun.
I've been able to meet new people by getting intoa hobby. I recently been playing Smash Bros, and since its not online (melee) you have to go to each other's place and play in person. It still isnt without its drawbacks. Because a friend group is centered around a competitive game, things can get heated some times. But the good part about melee is that because its so skilled, if you are better than someone, then its pretty clear cut. Also, meeting girls is hard. The melee community is somewhat older than typical games because the game is so old and a lot of players used to play back in the day, so its not a bunch of virgin teens. Nevertheless, its dominated by men and still not easy to meet girls.
This comes to my last point. I still think its very hard to be social without drinking. I still drink, but just not as much. It straight up not that fun anymore going out. I mean, drinking is always and will always be fun, but going out to crowded bars isnt. Sadly, its still still very hard
I'm a college student and everyone drinks except me. Just be content with yourself, your friends, and your environment and you shouldn't need the stimulation from alcohol
Intrigued and wanting to cut down my drinking to be honest. Seems a challenge to be honest but one I'd love to do. Any tips to start off or advice from people who have
[deleted]
Look for get togethers in things that interests you- for example, there's a Mazda Miata club (hilarious, I know), or go to a local bicycle shop and find out about bike group rides, or coupon swap meets, or go take pottery or guitar lessons- such as that and go from there.
Learn to play golf.
I don't know you're age, but at least my experience shows that people tone down the drinking as a main form of socializing as they get later into their twenties. That's definitely not true for everyone, but as I've gotten older drinking became less about drunkenness and more about enjoying those individual drinks.
My recommendation for now would be to maybe mold the social situations your in. Have people over to hang out or watch GoT or something. Then you're all doing stuff and drinking is only secondary.
I only drink on special occasion and by special occasion I mean like after hitting a huge goal or a death of friend/family member. You'll go out with other people that drink and it'll be weird at first because you're not drunk vibing with them but you'll learn to use this to your advantage in time. Plus you don't feel like crap the next day.
Board games, card games, tabletop RPGs... Find a group of gamers and try out as many genres as you can.
Source: Haven't had a drink in 5 years
Most friendships are built around some sort of activity. For many people, that activity is partying. There are a lot of other things to build a friendship around, though, like playing and/or watching sports, cooking, playing and/or watching music, literature, crafting, chess, etc. Join a book club, go to a yoga class, sign up for an adult league soccer team. Just find something you like to do, then find other people who like to do it, and friendships will follow naturally.
Find people who enjoy the same things. Go learn an instrument and make a band. That's what I did and the drinking destroyed the band because instead of practicing we just got drunk. So now that I want to start forming a new band it's not gonna happen with the same guys. I need new dudes to jam with that are serious about it. Whatever hobby. Surround yourself with passionate people and you will have no problem having fun whilst sober.
Find a group of friends that you share a hobby with, join some kind of club. You can meet some great folks that way.
Go to meetup.com I have built my entire social life from friends I have met at different events.
Honestly, once you hang out with drunks more and more,you realize that it's not so funny and cool in being like that, a big plus is other smarter people will talk to you and you can have a better time whilst feeling much better in the a.m.
Source, I'm Scottish and 13 years sober.
Religion, weed, crossfit.
those dont seem to belong together
Only in that people get addicted to it and form cults around them like they do with alcohol.
Ooooooohhhh. I got it. You just cant do any of them together
Can't agree with you there. A friend of mine is a very vocal pot head, crossfiter and a pastor.
Try sitting in church while crossfitting and doing bong hits.
More like get high and crossfit for Jesus. "God gave us weed and our body is our temple."
This is really nice to see...I recently found out I have seizures when I drink. I'm having to figure this out.
Smoke weed.
I used to be a pretty heavy drinker, before I got pregnant. I was always pretty aware that all of the social interactions me, my husband, and our friends participated in were focused around alcohol. It was a lot of fun. Then, after we finally got pregnant and I stopped drinking, I kind of hated to hang out with my usual group. It was so unappealing to go to the Friday night parties and bars when I would be so tired but wanted to DD so everyone would have a safe ride home. Honestly, I just kind of got used to it and now it's not so bad. I don't even miss drinking and don't think I'll ever be the same kind of drinker I was before.
Like some have said, at first when you abstain from drinking everyone will probably notice and give you a hard time, but then it seems like everyone just accepts it and thanks you for even wanting to hang out and for being their safe ride home.
Find friends that don't drink much, or at all. Which (admittedly) can be difficult if you're used to being in a circle that does, such as many feel in college. But if you find other interests in life, such as mountain biking, or skiing, or wall climbing, or sewing, or working at an urban garden, or going to poetry slams, or playing a sport... etc, then maybe you start to focus more on that stuff and meet people through that.
cutting drinking entirely is a bit extreme to me. i used to be a guy that got overly drunk all the time. i never really changed, but simply drinking too much got exhausting to me. i still like to party but i drink a lot less simply bc i cant handle drinking that much at this age. i definitely have rare occurrences when i accidentally have a little too much, but it happens.
Everything your reading is a lie. The answer is simple if you don't drink AT ALL and don't want to be around alcohol AT ALL, like your question asks. You don't.
I go out 2-3x a week. At the spots I frequent the ones who are actually the most social don't drink much, if at all. That is rather anecdotal however. In a dark bar/venue it's kind of easy to assume by default that everybody there is drinking aside from the DDs. Pay more attention next time.
Now, going to these bars or music venues is fine to socialize. However that alone doesn't get you very far. What you have to do is get to know people at these places well enough to figure out who you have things in common with. Then do those cool things outside the bar/music venue spot.
Also pick a few hobbies that force social interaction. Sometimes going into a hobby you don't know how well you'll enjoy it. So pick a few. Eventually you'll learn what you enjoy the most (and least, or not at all). Then focus on that onel
Hey OP, I'm assuming your recovering from alcoholism. Just simple tell people that if they offer you drinks. Ask coworkers if they want to go bowling or something or that nature. Actually being physically engaged instead of sitting around will lower the chances greatly. No one wants to rock climb and drink. Stick with your recovery and good luck out there.
I've never drank so I don't have anything to compare it to and I don't necessarily feel left out. My friends and family have learned to stop feeling my decision is a judgement on them and have basically forgotten about it. They are pretty excited that I will DD for any event and have been incredibly appreciative. My job as a wedding photographer also puts me as one of the few sober people in a room on a regular basis. Sometimes it's funny and sometimes it's just annoying, but you learn to deal. Don't underestimate the power of your decision to influence your true friends. I've had a lot of people tell me it's nice that it takes the pressure off of them to drink and hanging out with me saves them a lot of money. If you lose friends over this decision I suppose they might not be the kind of people you need in your life in the first place.
I have the same problem. I get really tired of having to justify why I don't drink. Everyone assumes it is because I have some high moral standing and that I look down upon people that drink. Simple fact is that I just don't like the taste of alcohol.
Step 1) Leave house
Step 2) Be social.
I don't drink publicly (meaning if I want a drink, I'll do it from my own home). It doesn't really seem to brighten social engagements for me, or anyone I see doing it.
But surround yourself with others who AREN'T drinking, and it becomes like a diet. It's easier to stick to in a group.
If you need alcohol to have fun or a social life there is something wrong with you in my opinion. Who cares what people,drink? If your having a good time it doesn't matter if one person is holding a beer or a water in their hand.
I don't mind people,drinking and when I am out with certain friends I'll grab a beer or something but with other friends I don't feel the need Just have fun and don't think about what you going to drink, that shouldn't be on your mind at all bar or no bar.
Just drink
I'm in college and don't really like drinking. I still go to parties and clubs to be social, if you tell people you just don't drink as a personal choice they tend to respect it, even if you have to remind people a couple times.
Take a nap before going out.
Just go out to the bar or club, order a soda in a short glass, and no one will be the wiser. Bring your own drink to the party, keep it brown-bagged if that makes you more comfortable. Someone asks what your drinking, you can be honest or just lie. You don't have to make excuses for your behavior. If you don't like to drink, then there's nothing wrong with that.
If you don't care for the bar scene, coffee shops, book stores, music stores or venues, even walking the dog in the park can be a great way to meet people.
If you want a date, internet dating sites aren't such a bad way to go. If you want to find people with similar interests, then go to online forums, craigslist, or here on reddit.
I was straight edge through high school, had a few years of serious partying, became an addict, and now am in recovery. I feel like getting married and having a kid has made it harder to be sociable than not drinking.
If someone is so uptight that they don't want to be your friend because you don't drink, then they probably aren't worth being friends with. I have always had a great time being the sober dude at a party. You actually remember all of the funny antics, and you can be "the adult" when things start to get out of hand. Granted, not everyone enjoys that role, but my friends appreciate when I stop them from doing really dumb things.
Anyway, tl;dr, just be yourself, fuck the haters, do some exploring, don't be afraid to say "hello" and introduce yourself to people. No one should care what is in (or not in) your cup.
It depends a lot on the kind of people you hang out with. When I was in college, I used to drink for fun with my friends, but eventually I got tired of it and quit. I was thinking of converting to Islam, so that was partly the reason, but also not the entire reason. Of course there were bad experiences to help motivate me, and part of what made Islam attractive was that it offered a way to get away from drinkers.
Anyhow, I did eventually become Muslim, but even prior to converting I just quit drinking and still hung out with friends who drank. That's when I realized how stupid and boring they were, although for the next few years one of my best friends was an alcoholic.
When I finally became Muslim, not only did I stop drinking, but I decided to stay away from people while they are drinking. That's when you really start to notice that some people just don't drink, or drink very little, even though it's not a principle-based decision. Some people have to drink. Like there's no other way for them to function either personally or socially, and I knew many people who only drank because they feared not having friends if they didn't participate.
The thing is, if you stop drinking, it just automatically puts in situations with other people who don't drink, and non-drinkers will magically appear in your life. Some of them will be religious. In the US I met a lot of abstinence-oriented Christians. Most commonly Mormons (they make some of the best sober friends).
My good friend who was an alcoholic is also an important part of the story because he kept hanging out with me even after I quit. He understood my position and always offered to do something together that didn't involve drinking--most often hanging out in coffee shops. Coffee shops, which typically don't serve alcohol, are a popular place for people who don't usually drink hang out. Besides, in the US especially, as long as you're not physically in a bar/pub or similar place, the majority of places to go and things to do are alcohol-free zones.
Community-oriented activities are a really good way to socialize with people. You can do volunteer work, or something socially oriented like working on some project or cause that you personally enjoy. Take classes. Basically, just do something constructive. I think since I stopped drinking, I actually got more and better opportunities to be social.
Anyway, if it's a goal of yours to quit drinking or avoid drinking environments, then go ahead and just do it. The hard way (which requires the most willpower) is to simply stop doing those things and don't think about alternatives. If you stop first, the alternatives (which you didn't know about before) will just be forced to appear. Otherwise, you can search for alternatives first to help encourage you or make the transition a little easier.
Also I find it kind of amusing that most of the advice answers on this thread are suggestion that you just keep hanging out with drinkers but just drink Sprite or something instead. It's a common (and weird) cultural perception that the only way to be abstinent is to just sit among drinkers and watch them drink while you don't. That entirely defeats the purpose, and will also ultimately lead to you drinking. The other weird social perception is that drinking is not the same as doing drugs.
Find a reason for why you don't drink and then tell your friends and people you meet that.
Even if it's made up. A good go to reason is that your parents were total alcoholics or w/e and you don't want to end up like them. If you give people a reason, even a lie, they won't bother you about it at all and treat you with respect.
If you give a reason like "i'm not feeling like it" expect to get shat on by your friends. That's just common sense.
Me and my friends treat drinking like an activity. We are all going to be drinking, and if someone comes and doesn't drink it's the same as if they came to our poker game and smoked our hookah without playing.
I might get downvoted, but I've seen this before.
I can count the number of beers I've had on one hand in the past ten years. Wasn't an alcoholic or anything, I just didn't like it.
I struggle with the same problem, because a majority of my friends always want to go to bars to hang out. And as much as I don't judge people who partake in alcohol, it sucks being the only sober person surrounded by drunk people. They don't remember how embarrassing or obnoxious they were, but you do.
I finally started proactively suggesting other activities. Movies, bowling, what have you.
I know the most common refrain is go to parties and don't drink, but that's not always the most comfortable thing to do.
Coffee shops. Dinner dates. Tourist attractions. Day trips. Evening drives. Cinemas. Gyms. Swimming pools. Spas. Walks. The list goes on.
Just get your friends together and arrange things that don't involve drink. It's really easy.
I don't see how this question is not the other way around, "How to have a social life with alcohol?"
I know this guy who thinks he has to get blackout drunk everytime we go for a drink because he thinks it gets him attention. While it does, it's 99% negative attention. I know the guy for about 2 months now and couldn't dislike him more. Thinks he's the cool guy, telling us stories of how he did something retarded while he was drunk.
I drink at parties, but usually just hang with the people who haven't because I like to talk to them, they're usually still comprehensible and actually fun to hang with. Whereas most drunk people are just at the shots table/bar asking for more. Those are not the fun people at parties IMO.
One trick i also do because my friends are always putting drinks in my hands was pick up drinking beers in ceramic bottles Delirium Tremens is a really good one, that way I can enjoy one beer and pretend to sip on it for ever and plus if someone tries to nail you with shots you do the bartender trick by spitting it back into a beer bottle.
Drugs
I don't drink alcohol, and none of my friends drink alcohol. So, events are never planned around drinking. Instead we have activities. Most commonly we have game nights, but we also do movie nights, free form hang out nights, or if we are feeling more ambitious we go out somewhere... To the movies, to the zoo, to the museum, to the street fair, to dinner, to the local current event, etc.
Because of this, whenever I have been to a party when the whole point is standing around getting drunk, I've always been terribly bored. I just stand there wondering when the fun starts. I don't get the point.
Gear your get togethers around other activities and don't use alcohol as a crutch. You will learn you don't need it to have a good time.
Be a natural extrovert. So for me, alcohol. :)
I have a good friend (he's good for a reason) who doesn't drink, never has. He's very outgoing and has a huge personality. He still comes to our parties, has a great time, just doesn't drink. Can definitely do it if you put yourself out there.
My friends are all heavy drinkers, and once I realized that I have just as much fun not drinking as I did drinking, I also don’t end up with a hangover, and regrets of all the dumb shit I said. They also mostly drink at their home, so once they start getting annoyingly drunk, I can drive home.
Getting drunk is just stealing the happiness from tomorrow.
Community theater.
I'm nearly out of my twenties, but what I've learned looking past, is that I've always been a victim of abuse from people who were/been drinking. Combined with the fact I've never been big on drinking, I've been turned off completely from drinking and wanting to be around people who are drinking.
That said, I've found that I need absolutely nothing but myself to have a good time in any situation. I've become quite the conversationalist, and have found friends who enjoy doing things that I like to do through Meetups. I don't expect to be dating anyone anytime soon, as I won't date someone who needs a drink 'every now and then'.
I look at it this way - if alcohol was discovered tomorrow, and all the side-effects and dangers were tested, measured, and proofed, would we still choose to consume it so recklessly?
That put things into perspective for me and since then I've been quite happy doing my own thing without it.
Try boardgame nights, or indoor hockey, or anything. Be active, find people who are as well. Join a hackathon. Go to the movies.
I think its quite pathetic that we let our peers dictate the means in which we have to use to achieve levels of fun.
Be yourself; you're enough.
What does alcohol do for you? Why do you think you need it?
There are plenty of social activities you can do that dont revolve around drinking. Most outdoor stuff, crafts, gaming, etc.
It all depends on what you want to do and why you think you need alcohol.
I have been sober about half a year and this was my biggest fear when I first decided to stop drinking. I recently graduated college and socialize a lot. I didn't know how or what to tell my friends, who were all heavy drinkers. I thought I would lose all of my friends, not have a life, and be an outcast. My entire social life seemed to revolve around alcohol. It was at every event I went to. It was the focus of many events ("come over and have some beers"... "we can meet at the bar"..."OPEN BAR!"..."happy hour"...fucking EVERYTHING involved alcohol) How could I possibly do anything social without drinking? It's everywhere... It's part of every social event... All of my friends drink..
What I have realized is that this is a state of mind. Alcohol is really just one, small, unimportant aspect of these events. Drinking and socializing are not the same thing and absolutely, positively can be separated.
You can do everything socially that you usually do without drinking. I still go to bars, 'pre-games', baseball games, bowling, movie nights, dates, brunch, etc.. which I used to think required alcohol. They don't if you don't want them to. Sure, your friends may ask why. But I have found that people don't care at all (if they do care, they are not real friends.) My friends will get themselves a beer or maybe two and continue on as if nothing is different. That's because nothing important has changed. You are still socializing, you are just not drinking.
There are no events that require alcohol, people just like it (a lot.) It is not needed to be social. Our minds simply relate alcohol with the social events after associating the two for so long and seeing a constant stream of commercials, tv shows, and movies reinforce the tie between alcohol and socializing (source: Bud Light commercials.) Try not drinking and I'm sure you will notice some life improvements while maintaining your social status. You can be social and not drink.
And guess what? Socializing is better sober. I honestly believe that. You gain confidence when you realize you don't need booze to talk to people. You have more time. You are responsible. You remember everything. You wake up feeling great. You save money. You won't be embarrassed by something you said. You meet new people and make real connections. You are in total control of yourself and your future.
I started not drinking by making excuses for why I'm not drinking. "Have to wake up early"..."Doctors appointment"... whatever because I was uncomfortable and confused with what I was doing. Commit to a time of not drinking, a week or a month, and try this out. I hope you have a experience similar to mine and you will find your life gets a lot more manageable without alcohol.
Good luck!
TL;DR: Drinking is NOT socializing. Socializing is socializing. It doesn't have to revolve around drinking. I have found it easier to socialize without alcohol and my life is simply better.
P.S. I have only been sober for 8 months. I wasn't sure what I was doing when I stopped. It's confusing and hard but if you focus on the good parts of being sober, it is wonderful. Good luck to all of those who want to quit. Remember, there are a TON of people just like you and if you'd like to stop drinking, they are easy to find in the "front of the phone book."
Board games. Every loves board games, even if they don't. Get friends together and just play. You'll be surprised at how much fun you all have. Start simple if people are wary of learning a new game, the classics are classics for a reason. Then as time goes on branch out and try new, more complicated games.
Sports! Double pronged approach; you have something to do with people that isn't booze, and once you start getting active, you'll likely want to drink less so you feel top notch while being active!
I highly recommend mountain biking, but I'm biased. Throughout the years I've done a huge number of different sports and activities. The type of people you'll meet changes with each sport and each area. Try some different sports until you find one that is full of the type of people you enjoy the company of, and rock out.
I invite my friends on hikes, host small video game or board game parties, invite people out to dinner or to an arcade. Sometimes people just want to wander aimlessly downtown with me as well. It seems to be about networking. If your friends only want to hang with you because there is alcohol, something is wrong.
Physical activities. Board game nights. Doing a one on one meet-up with a friend. Movie nights. etc
I have friends that I play video games with, or we'll go out downtown to grab some food then hang out and chat.
I've got other friends that we'll go hiking twice a week. We joined a hiking group, but stay in our own little niche. From time to time, other people that see our photos on facebook chime in saying they'd like to accompany us some time. So now and then we get others in on the hikes.
There's a site called Meetup that is pretty interesting. You can find like-minded people who are setting up events for anyone to attend. I have yet to start participating, but it's a very promising source, especially if you're not particularly social, but want to be.
I'm a Mormon living in Utah, so there ain't a whole lot of drinking go around at all.
It's actually, in our own humble opinion, a great fun place to live. We do tons of things that don't require alcohol: ultimate frisbee, hiking, camping, camp fires and smores, music concerts, movies, board games, making food together, hanging out in the living room making music, pranks, and that kind of stuff.
It's really not that hard. I've never been drunk before, having been a member of this religion all my life, so I can't actually compare the experience of being drunk with making ways to entertain ourselves without alcohol. But I can say that we enjoy partying sober!
I know you are asking for specifically without alcohol, but unless there is an important reason to avoid it completely then moderation is just as good of an option. I don't drink heavily. In general I will have 1 maybe 2 drinks with a meal and roughly that amount depending on how long I am staying out with friends for. I am not going to be one of the drunk people, but I will have (the same) drink for quite a while. If the people you are with are really you're friends, then outside of the occasional "do you want me to get you a drink?", they'll understand. I've had plenty of fun and just one or two drinks calms me down enough to get through and have a good time (I have pretty severe claustrophobia and trouble with loud places). All you have to do is know your limit, even if that limit is zero, and be firm sticking to it. I make sure that my friends either leave with someone who can safely drive, get a cab, or I take them home myself so I can have fun again next time - that is much more important to me that getting 'shitfaced' like so many others feel to be the only option.
Edit: I guess I could add that I do this everywhere from house parties, at bars, weddings, bachelor parties, etc. Never had a problem with anyone I associate with.
If you're hanging out with people who will only accept you when you drink or are drunk, then 1 of these 2 things is true:
Either way, be you. Fuck them.
Just go ut and have a coke and a chat and know you dont have to worry about a ride home! I enjoy being the sober one as you can tell people what utter belljars they made of themselves!!
Im a little late to this trend..
But I have never drank and I never seemed to have any issues. Yes I would drive my friends around a lot in high school but no one ever complained, lol. Now I'm older, 34, and I do a lot of outside activities, hiking, running, etc. I also do a lot of gaming. Really it doesn't matter if the people you are with drink or not its more about do they accept you and are they fun to be around. So I've never thad any issues since I've always had good friends.
Get Mormon friends. They're some of the most outgoing and adventurous people I know and they do it all without any alcohol. The majority of my husband's family are Mormon. Which means the majority of their friends and extended family are Mormon. They like to party and have fun. By the end of the night, most of the time, you don't even realize you didn't have any alcohol.
Easy. Don't be a dull motherfucker. I was straight edge for 10years all my friends drank and smoked I still had fun when they were drunk.
Outdoor activities are great for this. Things like hiking, kayaking, geocaching, and camping not only get you to know people who aren't drinking a lot, but you are doing something to physically benefit you.
I used to drink heavily, and for a long time all I would do on the weekends would be go to a bar and get drunk or go to a friends house to get drunk. I had to stop drinking for health reasons, and it was kind of a shock initially how many friends I lost because all we did together was drink. I shouldn't say lost, we're still friends, but we don't really hang out anymore because they prefer to hit bars on the weekends and that's just not my scene.
It was lonely for a bit, but I reconnected with some friends that I hadn't seen in awhile, and I picked up singing in a choir again, and made a lot of friends through that as well. The big secret I found to having a social life without alcohol is marijuana.
Easily, smoke weed, do pills, mdma etc. All kind of options. Alcohol as a drug is garbage. There's many other drugs that make u feel good and no shitty hangover.
Never had that problem. But then again I have always stated that as long as you can find a Comic shop you can find a social life.
At what age? Answers may be different depending on what other social activities are socially acceptable at your age.
Join a local sports league. My parents played softball, I played flag football.
Get a hobby, one where there are local gatherings helps.
Never pass up an opportunity to hang out with people your age.
Take up cooking as a hobby and have dinner parties. You can serve some nice wine to those who drink, but otherwise having a nice dinner and apps that you make for the night shouldn't lead to excessive drinking, depending upon who your guests are.
Sports Clubs Hobbies Classes Food
Just look around common interests make for way better friends than alcohol.
Easy:
I have plenty of friends that will be holding a red solo cup with just water, soda, or juice in it. When offered alcohol they politely respond "no thanks" and if the person is being pushy, they stand their ground.
I got bored of drinking and started doing the same thing.
Also, there are MANY more ways to be social. As mentioned, sports and club teams are probably one of the more obvious.
Join a society (eg Toast Masters), start taking yoga or dance classes, invite people over for dinner (where you get to practice cooking), take cooking classes so you can host dinner parties without feeding people burnt pasta, get a projector and host movie nights, have barbecues....
The list goes on.
I have done all of the above mentioned at one point or another (except toast masters, but it sounds fun).
In fact, if you think about it, I'd be willing to bet that drinking doesn't even make up 50% of social activities out there (but I don't know numbers and it's a waste of our time to look it up.)
Be creative!
Enjoy!
make friends with cigar smokers. cigar smoking + coffee = :)
"Not creative you say?!" Start your own club or society. Call it
Really, this one's pretty simple: Don't drink. You can have fun without it. Order tea or coffee out, soda for meals, earn respect by being the designated driver.
EDIT: Also, don't have friends that only live to drink.
Had to stop drinking recently because of health issues. It can certainly be frustrating to not drink alcohol when everyone is having a good time (and when alcohol is also really delicious). But now I've just gotten used to it and enjoy hanging out and being myself!
As a person also trying to tone it down on alcohol without losing my social life what's helped me has been;
1) Explaining what I'm trying to do to my friends, I explained that this is important to me and they keep me from faltering,
2) Throwing myself into a competitive hobby, namely PC gaming,
3) Going on more dates with my girlfriend, she doesn't drink and she knows how to have fun without it.
Find people who don't drink. That way you won't be tempted
This is what I came to say. It's going to be a drag if your whole social life has revolved around drinking, and you stop. A lot of people don't know how to relax and have fun without alcohol, and so if you stop drinking it might feel like you're losing friends.
I'd take everyone's advice about how to manage this while at a bar with your old friends. But I'd also start looking for things to do that aren't at a bar and seek out people who want to do those things with you. That way it will be about making a change in your life, not just cutting something out.
If you're in a rural area where there isn't much of a night life besides a few bars, alternatives of what to do might be a little harder to come by. Don't just pursue new hobbies, but invite others to join you in them.
Here are some ideas that could work no matter where you live.
If you're not much of a cook, pick a recipe and invite friends over to help make it and try it. If you are a good cook, do the same with a more difficult recipe. If your current friends aren't the type to do this, start a meetup group or something to reach out to others.
Go hiking, biking, star watching. Cast a wide net of people to invite.
Volunteer somewhere.
Reallocate the money you used to spend on alcohol to fund the start of a new hobby, a trip, or another splurge.
My point is to approach it as adding new non-alcohol related things to your life slowly, so you are not cutting out a part of your social life, you are just expanding it to other things.
If you are shy, almost all of these things are harder. But most people really like someone to take the initiative of planning something new and exciting that isn't like the same old night of drinks at the bar. You will meet interesting and extroverted people, who know how to enjoy themselves no matter what, and then it will get easier to become the same yourself.
Hopefully you have good enough friends that they won't fall out of your life if you take a step back from drinking. But if they do, it just means you are trying to grow as a person, and they're not ready to do that yet. Hopefully someday, they'll see how interesting and varied your life is, and think about doing the same.
Take up golf, book tee times alone, spend 4 hours getting to know strangers and playing a game.
I had a group of friends that would hang out and drink a lot. They were a fun group. Great people. I never once had a drink with them and I had a blast. I've hung out with them when they were not drinking and they were just as fun.
Some people are just fun enough and able to socialize with those who do not drink?
You know, you could still go out to bars and clubs and not drink.
I stopped drinking because I was tired of throwing away my health and my life every single weekend. Also because the friends that I was doing it with, have no job and don't go to school, love with their parents and have no ambition to do other wise... Tiring. So, I quit drinking completely and now I never see those friends! They drink late every night and I feel no need to go hang out with a bunch of drunk idiots. Does any one have any tips for finding a new crowd of people to hang around? I realize I am separating from my friends so quickly and I do get lonely. Or maybe just some advice to help me cheer up. Could use it (:
What a sad, sad question. Enjoying life usually merits social situations not requiring alcohol.
"I need alcohol to have fun/live my life to the fullest" is the first sign of an apparent addiction. (Or damn good marketing)
Source: Haven't had a drop in 2 years, never quit drinking, I simply stopped - few months later I realized drinking to excess is just dumb, useless, addictive (escapism) and plain bad for you and your environment.
Board games are a great social activity and dont involve alcohol. I know it sounds nerdy, but trust me board games now are very different from board games 20 years ago. You can find other friends that are trying not to drink, or just looking for something new. If you want suggestions, message me.
I decided to stop drinking just before I moved to Sweden and occasionally I'll have 1 or 2 but I'm starting to not like that anymore either. What annoys me the most is when people say "I know you don't drink anymore but I wanna see you drunk next time!" Just because I'm not drunk and seem a bit socially awkward it doesn't mean I'm not having a good time.
Have you tried marijuana?
This might get buried but I hope OP reads it. Get involved with some collaborative activity.
I think people have social lives that revolve around drinking, drugs, or partying to fill a gap. I'm not saying those things can't be fun, but when that is what holds a social circle together it is because nothing else is.
For me it was music. I had a social life and had good times with friends but it always revolved around music. I drank and smoked weed, but not a lot. Some people did more than I did and other people never touched the stuff. It was never an issue. There were only two real concerns -- musicality and personality. There were limits to what people would tolerate on both ends, but the more likable a person was the more people would tolerate them being a mediocre musician. The better a player someone was, the more people would tolerate an abrasive personality. Of course the most beloved people were those who could play their asses off and were still humble and supportive.
Gigs were at bars and a lot of people liked to drink. Some people were in recovery and other people just weren't drinkers and it was never an issue because we were all there for the music and the musicians.
It can be anything. A field of science, filmmaking, acting, political activism. Find something you care about and find a craft you want to cultivate. Cultivating a craft and making yourself useful to other people is humbling and difficult. Graciously accept the help of others who are further along than you, and as you make progress be anxious to repay that favor to those who are just starting out. Then you will become a liked and respected person in a social circle held together by common values instead of a common desire to get shit faced.
reading all this advice to be a DD while living in NYC makes me sad. so hard not to hang out at bars and drink in a city with tiny apartments and the greatest public transport in america.
If you know of a bowling alley in your area, try heading down there sometime. Most alleys will have leagues which are cheap to join, easygoing, and great for socializing with new people.
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It makes boring people more interesting. People who know how to enjoy themselves without alcohol find a way to have fun and be interesting no matter where they are.
I've been showing dien on my drinking for a while now. I thought being a DD would be painful and boring, but it's actually not bad at all. I've found that people sort of respect the fact that you are making a good decision and helping friends or others to get a safe ride home. If people bust your balls about being a DD then don't hang out with them.
Going to bars where there is something to do besides drink (darts, pool, barcade, etc) helps
I'm a little late to this party, but I thought my story might help. I've never really had a taste for alcohol. I honestly just don't like drinks. But this means that at parties and gatherings and things I'm one of the only ones not drinking.
For me, it was never about trying not to drink. Like some other people have already said, making friends based on things you all like to do together is a good way to be social. That way your "social lubricant" is that activity rather than alcohol. If you have to be around other people who are drinking, just have fun being the one who isn't drinking.
In the end, whether you drink or not is up to you. Who your friends are is also up to you. Sometimes it takes a great change to realize what kinds of great relationships you're missing out on because you've been using alcohol to maintain them.
Bubble tea. Food. Enjoy life with people doing something. Chat about hobbies. Care about others. Remember things people say and take an interest in it, genuinely. This is how rewarding relationships are made. You don't ever need alcohol.
Seltzer and lime!
Soda water with lime
I honestly just make light of it or something. Like I went to a bar for my girlfriend's birthday, and I drank a water. It was funny to them and actually had them all entertained. Otherwise I just don't pay attention to it. They can all be drunk and I'll be sober, it's not a big deal.
smoke weed
As someone who does not drink, this is kind of a silly question to me.
Step 1: Go to bars, concerts, coffee shops, parks, etc.
Step 2: Have fun. (Alcohol not required)
Meetup.com
It was mentioned on Reddit a few weeks ago as a great way to socialize and meet new people.
smoke weed instead
If you need alcohol to have a social life, you might want to reconsider your values.
I never liked the taste of alcohol. In fact, I'm surprised people actually enjoy drinking. It goes beyond me.
Now that doesn't mean I don't drink, but it's usually just a beer or two at a bar, as opposed to at home or at a party. That mainly stems from me driving all the time.
That being said, we as a society place too much emphasis on alcohol. Thing is, it isn't the alcohol that is the problem. It's how people react to having alcohol, and what they do when on alcohol.
I grew up in a country where alcohol is only served in certain bars. It's a very conservative country, so we grew up not drinking. Liquor stores are heavily monitored, and it is illegal for most people to drink (Muslim country), so we never went through the whole "must drink to enjoy a night out".
So we go out. We frequent coffee shops, cafes, restaurants, movies. We road trip a lot, even if it's just to a place that's an hour out of town. We hang out at each other's houses and watch movies and video games.
We as a society have become too dependent on alcohol to function. It's not that hard to cut it out. It begins with your choice. If people don't respect your choice to not drink, then they aren't people you should be spending time with.
Wife and I don't drink. A woman we've gotten to know at our vet's office invites us to a party and says 'you guys drink, of course, right?' as she starts to excitedly list all the shots they'd be serving.
When we shook our heads, her face changed. You'd have thought we told her we eat puppy's for breakfast. At that point it just got awkward. She looked at us like she didn't know what to say. The idea of someone not drinking to her was clearly odd. We were still invited and the offer felt genuine but we didn't go.
I guess my point in that story is to say I have no idea how to have a social life without alcohol. Since we don't drink, we barely have a social life. Which, is kinda ok with me anyway!
As I get older, I drink less, and eat more. So my answer is: food.
Good friends, good music, nice restaurants and a hobby to keep yourself busy. I'm not a teetotal but I rarely drink. I'd rather spend the night chatting with friends while eating stuff or simply spend time with them with our shared interests. Perhaps it helps that we're all involved in motorsports and fabrication so drinking isn't a wise option but still... you get the idea.
Definitely surround yourself with people you enjoy spending time with when sober, the rest should just come natural.
Drugs!
i feel like all these responses warrant still being around alcohol, i feel as if OP may have been hinting towards activities on the flipside of drinking, and tbh OP i think short of being part of a society or group of some sort, where there is a mutual hobby or like/dislike even, theres not really much i can think of
Pokémon, Games and Magic the Gathering gave me my social life. No need for alcohol.
I'd say interest/hobby/activity would make a difference in your social interaction.
Personally, I feel that needing alcohol for social interaction is always bad and empty. Unless of course you are with a buch of people who love to wine tasting. But that's also is at another class of social interaction, no?
It all boils down to you letting yourself have fun. You can act like yourself, no matter how idiotic that is, around a bunch of drunk friends, and you'll just camouflage.
You'll also be the hero if shit hits the fan.
Think of it as being a healer in an MMORPG.
Great question. Like others I can only relate what happened to mine... it seems totally different but I think the main difference is me. Instead of seeking those events and social activities where the goal is to build up a buzz, often finishing at home getting sloshed before pouring myself into bed, now I seek out the actual value on events whether it's a concert or a musical get together with friends, or TV with my sweetie or yes, as often happens, getting to bed at a good night's sleep.
In my previous life I hung out with a crowd that partied hard. I see almost none of them anymore. It's just the way things go... I still do social events with some and just have as much fun as possible while keeping my shit together. I'm designated driver which is great.
Anyway - things change. Is it scare? yes at first the prospect is scary, but then after a while you accept your new life and relish in all the benefits of being in control.
Fitness. Running, cycling, climbing, powerlifting, CrossFit, whatever. Any of these are filled with people that value high functioning bodies and performance. Alcohol is an infrequent reward and a barrier to their goals. Not drinking isn't seen as a weakness. Going to a cookout or something with these people and drinking water would be respected, not denigrated.
CrossFit gets a lot of hate here but I would say this is probably the easiest way to social life where alcohol is not part of it.
As someone who never had interest in drinking, it just kind of...works. People who are worth talking to don't care if you drink or not. As I am realizing, I really don't like the people who tried to force drinking on me and I only drink with a few people who didn't make a big deal about it.
Just don't drink (drink water or coke or virgin-whatevers). But also don't be a downer. Mirror others' attitudes and behaviors. If everybody's all excited and WOO HOO be all excited and WOO HOO.
I'm really good at empathy and was a trip-sitter for a friend one time. She picked out this really fun music and I basically just kept my focus on her and tuned into her feelings. If she was all excited I was all excited, if she was calm, I was calm, and if she needed me to be calm for her, then I did that.
It's all just about reading people and empathizing with them.
Just don't go drinking? How should I know? I don't drink and I sort of have a life.
New friends and new hobbies. Have stuff to do that you enjoy that isn't "the club" or going to bars. It's okay to keep the bar scene friends but make some that do other stuff too.
It depends on your interests honestly. Become a gym rat or a marathon person, cook a lot, diy/woodworking/etc, model planes, whatever. Every hobby has a subculture and people that you can socialize with over it
I used to be a social drinker and an occasional binge drinker. Most of my drinking was at parties and hangovers were my usual Sunday morning routines. After a while, the hangovers started earlier and earlier until I would start to get a massive headache after one drink. So I figured "F**k this, no longer fun" and stopped drinking all together.
The first thing I noticed is that the parties I used think were great fun when drunk were actually pretty lame and boring when sober -- filled with cringe worthy events, actions and comments. So damn boring.
So I started doing things instead: getting involved in the theatre and acting, meeting up with people who shared interests and doing things with them, like cooking and holding dinners, road trips, hiking, biking ,camping, astronomy events, volunteering for scouts and other things. I had fun, met cool people, enjoyed what I did in the company of people I liked. Beats puking on someone who is into you only until she sobers up.
tl;dr Change your social activities and social group from alcohol centric to activity centric.
My experience with people who socialise through drinking is that they aren't very interesting people, all they like to talk about is the alcohol itself, how much they can drink, how drunk they've been before and when they're next going to go drinking. It's very boring and I feel sorry for some people who need it to socialise.
You'll figure it out when you're older.
Easy. Talk to people and just don't drink. It's not hard.
Don't judge me, I don't drink, but I vape a lot of weed.
At the end of the day, people use (and abuse) substances to easily go from one mental state to another. Usually stress to relaxation. Shy to confident. Cold to receptive.
But your situation might be different, what mental state do you want to achieve? Whatever it is, you need to find a non substance use way of achieving that.
You're shy? - Find a social meet up group and tackle it head on.
You're cold? Go volunteer and help someone and feel platonic love.
You're stressed? Do the things you enjoy, or find a new challenge.
All the best x
Join a rec sports team
It's called having a hobby that is mutually enjoyable. This includes sports, video games, maybe chess, fishing, hiking, rock climbing, lifting, etc.
Do you play board games? You probably don't, right? Well you should.
A lot of people turn away from board games because they associate them with either children's games or very comolicated games like DnD and such, but it's really not true.
Here are my suggestions: Munchkin (quite simple, one of my top 5 board games), Battlestar Galactica (a bit more complicated but still relatively simple, most fun I've ever had period), Settlers of Catan, etc.
If you want a cool demonstration, check out Tabletop with Will Wheaton on the Geek and Sundry channel on youtube.
I drink coffee. Clubs won't have it, but most places that serve food will. At house parties I bring my own.
It helps keep you stay up late, gives you something to do with your hands, and you can still enjoy the company of your friends.
I didn't start drinking until really late in life. Once I did people start confiding in me that my non-drinking always caused a line between us that I wasn't aware of. They felt I was now much more "part of the group" than I was before. It's a fight I fought for a long time for many reasons...but now that I've finally caved and just drink sometimes people treat me way better in general.
you can still go to bars with your friends.you can also order soda, juice or water at the bar.
i've started playing in a coed softball team. if sports is not your thing, you can look into other activities.
Weed.
Consult /r/straightedge for some help!
I learned this from a client a couple of years ago. It works equally well for those who don't drink or those who want to chill out on the alcohol consumption and pace themselves:
Order tonic/sparkling water and a wedge of lemon/lime. Delicious, refreshing, hydrating and it looks like you're having a gin and tonic (which is a classy as fuck drink)
I have never had a drop of alcohol, nor have I experimented with drugs, though a lot of my friends have. I have plenty of addicts in my family, so I decided to negate that whole risk by avoiding the stuff.
When I was in high school, my friends used to try to pressure me into use of alcohol, weed, etc., and I would respond with "I'm not interested". Ultimately, I still got a lot of shit.
That got really old going into college.
Now, I just straight up tell people "because my mother was an alcoholic" while looking them dead in the face. Pretty much shuts down any argument they have, makes them feel bad for pressuring me, and they never ask again.
Really, though, I have to be around people with other interests as me - basically, find the common thread between you and someone else that isn't alcohol. This could mean your existing friends or new ones. It helps if you are in a college setting because interest groups are so readily available. However, you can still find intramural teams at most office work places, attend concerts, comicons, community programs, etc. to get involved with something else.
For existing friends, try to suggest activities that would be less likely to involve alcohol that shares an interest with them. Or, if it's something new you've always wanted to try, bring a friend so they can have a fun experience too.
Pot
None of my friends drink, so we don't go to bars for our outings. We mainly hang out at restaurants or cafes and throw dinner parties and play video games or watch movies. There are plenty of things to do that don't involve drinking. Me and my friends aren't a bunch of old farts either. We are all in our mid-twenties.
I relied heavily on alcohol to have a good time before my husband went and knocked me up a few months ago. I've found that hanging out with my friends sober is pretty much just as much fun, watching them get drunk. Though I do miss the taste of beer desperately (especially when it's this hot out) I don't miss being partying nearly as much as I thought I would.
My friends just continue to drink, be merry, as if I were doing it along with them. I did, however, find that I had to tell my lady friends that I wanted to still go to whatever parties and whatnot as normal and that they can still invite me to dinners even if they plan on drinking at them. My man friends have not needed to be told that, they've just carried on per ush'.
Become religious
Smoke weed instead?
Get a hobby.
Weed. Seriously.
Drugs
I've never really faced this problem. When my friends and I get together, we play board games, D&D, video games, watch movies, BBQ, go for walks or go shopping. We've never been big party people. Maybe finding some new friends who don't drink (or drink sparingly) would open some new possibilities for you!
For me, the problem wasn't "how do I have fun if I'm not drinking?" But rather, "what events can I plan that don't revolve around drinking?"
The question seemed tough to me at first, but I think I think the reason is that I just wasn't used to asking people (especially those I'm not close with) to do anything other than get a beer. It's seems so casual and easy to befriend someone by saying "hey, want to grab a drink after work?" What do you do if they don't drink? Here are some ideas, invite them to:
I know getting used to inviting people to do these things might feel weird at first, but ever since I've started doing this my life has been way more fulfilling. And for the record, I do drink, I've just realized that there are other (sometimes more fun) things to do.
Coffee shops are your new bar. You will definitely meet other alcoholics with the same idea.
Have an open heart, look for other open hearts, allow your hearts to connect, and remember that you are in control of your own destiny!
You can go to AA meetings.
I quit drinking one year ago. I hang out with the same people do the same things. Turns out I had problem drinking. I started throwing BYOB parties and people kept showing up. I developed an affinity for fancy beverages like lemonades with fresh fruit, cucumber water, oysters, sunflower seeds. I also started to enjoy things like going to the park and walking, talking with friends on the porch over a fire. They key was not expecting everyone around me to stop drinking because I did. I changed myself and gradually a ton of my friends quit drinking or started to cut back around me. I positively influence the people around me. They see my example. They see that I can have fun and still party. It's inspiring and it helps take the edge off when the guy having the most fun at the party isn't drunk, at all.
Oh by the way, if you still want to indulge in a mind altering substance, cannabis is a convenient alternative to alcohol with a pleasant effect. I'd recommend it if you really need something to take the edge off.
Late to the party and all that jabazz, but for me AA was important. Apart from the 12 step program which I'm neither promoting nor condoning, is that fact that you are surrounded by people who have also taken alcohol out of their life. And if you are young, like I feel the majority of people on Reddit are, there are 'Young People's' AA meetings. There you can find some (hopefully) like minded people who are trying to have an enjoyable social life without alcohol. You may believe it's a big step going from "I just don't want to drink anymore" to attending AA meetings, but the only requirement for AA is a desire to not drink.
I will offer my advice, but I must start with something- I don't drink.
I understand that I don't know what it's like to want to drink. I've never had a long, hard day and thought "I can't wait to get home and have a beer." I've never had to struggle with trying to quit. I understand that I don't know what it's like.
Maybe it's because I've never liked the smell, and any small taste I've had has been disgusting, but I just don't drink.
Getting around to my advice- I believe a good place to start is with your social groups. At this point in my life, everyone I know drinks. Significant other, friends, neighbors, family, coworkers, everyone. What's important, though, is that I've never been out with friends, or at a party, or at dinner with the family, or any situation, really, where I felt pressured to drink. Even if everyone else is getting drunk, I don't feel like a prude for not partaking. This is because they all know I don't drink and they RESPECT that.
You meet someone new, of course, and they offer you a drink. A simple "No, thank you, I don't drink." is sufficient and polite, and they never ask again. That is because they respect your decision not to drink and, hey, more for them.
A person who offers multiple times may just be forgetful (or drunk, honestly), that's fine. But if you ever feel they are PRESSURING you, then they don't respect your decision and therefore don't respect you. You do not need people like that in your life.
People who respect you and support your decisions are important in every aspect of your life.
The other main point would be you yourself. As I've mentioned before, I do not have first hand experience with struggling to quit, so I'm afraid I don't have much insight to offer. All I can really say is what my mom used to tell me, "If it is to be, it is up to me."
I've even participated in drinking games with my friends. King's Cup is my favorite. Just sub alcohol with water or juice, no big deal. If you can participate in drinking games without actually drinking, then you can do ANYTHING. There is no activity that you can't do without alcohol (except maybe wine tasting, but you're not supposed to actually drink it, so maybe it still counts?)There is no reason to feel like you need alcohol to have a social life.
I quit drinking 20 odd years ago. I recently started again but only sparingly, one drink/beer/glass of wine is usually my max.
I have always liked drinking alcohol but it wasn't a requirement to have a good time. Just being with friends is enough. Even if you go to a bar, you don't have to drink alcohol, in fact, a lot of places give free non-alcoholic drinks to the designated driver.
I'll admit, drunk people are a LOT more obnoxious when you're sober but just take heart in the fact that you'll be the one without a hangover in the morning.
My experience was from MN. They dance fast there a real workout. Believe me you want to stay focused and hydrated.
Smoke weed
Coffee! Bond over a stimulant instead of a depressant! Just kidding but coffee shops around me have things like book clubs and adult (for grownups, not necessarily like R-rated adult) board game nights that are open to new people. My girlfriend and I went for an afternoon coffee and were pleased to find a card game day going on, she had a pack of cards in her bag and we started playing spades with another couple. It was so random and fun!
I mentioned this in another comment, but after I was out of school many friends moved around and I found it hard to make new friends. I joined a martial arts club, which is daunting but there is room for beginners. Athletic people are likely going to be more health-focused and therefore less likely to drink all the time. Many of the folks in my karate class drink socially once in a while but many do not drink at all, very few are what I would call heavy drinkers. This might not be representative but I find many other benefits to training beyond the companionship as well!
MDMA, use sparingly and with therapeutic intent and setting. Socializing now comes natural and easy.
I don't drink either but I'm friends with so many people who do! It doesn't stop me socially but I don't go out to clubs as often as them. Every so often I'll go out with them and it's quite fun, even if you're sober! We do other stuff together so our friendship circle is not built on drink alone. None of my friends have ever pressured me to drink either, else they wouldn't be my friends any longer. Just try to organise other things you can do together, like sports, gaming, hiking etc
Do a competitive athletic sport. I love to drink. To relax and just feel your brain relaxing. But I rarely get there because I train for mma, kickboxing and grappling.
I have plenty of friends there and I've only ever gone out drinking with a very small handful because people cannot afford to drink when they have to cut weight for a fight or just training the next day. You just can't do it if you are getting ready for a fight and expect to be at the peak of fitness and condition.
But when I'm injured or have to otherwise take time off it is a beautiful feeling to relax with a few cans on a Saturday or something.
I drink a small glass of wine once or twice a month when I'm home, and get drunk at most once a year. Besides that, I don't drink unless it's a cultural thing (I'm an expat)...which thankfully is almost never. In college not drinking was pretty easy even though the bar culture at my school was huge. I simply found other activities that I enjoyed doing and did those. Yeah, I smoked weed sometimes, but even then I had plenty of activties that I liked to do, and I met people that way and had much more fun....I was really into sports, so I joined intermural clubs, played soccer at my school's gym on Friday nights, hung out with kids who, like me, also liked to make music, hung out with one of my housemates who was really into cooking, you know...other stuff that doesn't involve going to the bars. Much more fun that way.
OP, find some stuff that you like to do, and if you live in a city there will be people doing that same thing. Then, find other things you like to do, and do those, too!
Socializing without alcohol is easy, you just have to find something you enjoy doing!
Be the cool guy. Like me man.
I think really needing alcohol is more a matter of the environment you place yourself in. For example, I have parties with friends, but we're nerds, so we'll have LAN parties or watch anime or go to CONS, whathaveyouy. When we're doing this we don't drink usually. We'll have yoohoo or mountain dew, or something like that which is non alcoholic.
The drink doesn't define our parties or serve as a means to have "fun" or be less inhibited, it's just a drink, the thing you put in your body when you're thirsty.
P.S. Yoohoo is fucking tasty.
When my wife and I got married and stopped doing the bar scene we continued a social life by doing dinner and board game nights with other couples.
Obviously drinking CAN be involved in such a get together, but it doesn't have to be, it depends on your group and when drinking itself isn't the reason for the get together the alcohol takes a much smaller role in the evenings proceedings even if some do choose to drink.
Social meet ups of a hobby. I go to a gay gaming group called the Phoenix Gaymers, there's no alcohol allowed since it's at a community center and it's filled with awesome people. Or perhaps make you're own social group and try to advertise it enough times that people will go to it.
Why would you not?
I drink but alcohol is rarely part of my social life. When I moved out of state I joined meetup and met people to hike and play board games with. So now my friends and I have common interests and do stuff together. So do people bring wine camping or put beer in their fridge during a board game night? Sure, but it's not central to our activities.
I don't drink, never have, and so far, at the age of 33, I've never found it to be an impediment to my social life in the slightest. Back in college and the like I used to be a habitual designated driver. I always tend to stay out later than anyone else anyway and I had a car so it was never a problem. More often than not I'd get sodas for free or whatever and I got to hang out with my friends for basically nothing. Not a bad evening.
At one point I was a regular at one local bar I really enjoyed. A friend and I played trivia every week, they had a great jukebox, and hosted some excellent shows. I was probably in there at least twice a week and got to know the staff well enough that they didn't even have to ask for my order. Even then nobody ever gave me a hard time or really even asked questions.
I live in the city now and nobody has a car so it's not an issue, but I still go out with friends to bars. Same deal. It's cheap and fun and none of my friends are of the "getting hammered every weekend" sort. At the same time I did once get an offer to drive some friends around on a long weekend road trip and brewery tour. It was fun and I pretty much didn't pay for anything so yeah, free mini-vacation.
On the other hand you can also get involved in more activities that tend to discourage drinking or at least, don't encourage it as much. I'm a swing dancer and while some venues will have bars a lot don't. Even those that do... well, if you're drinking you're not dancing most of the time so it's not really part of the scene. Definitely nobody getting out and out drunk. It's a great way to meet people and if you're looking to meet women/men, well... you're asking people to dance all night long so it's a great way to meet people and build up your self-confidence in a friendly community without any pressure, unlike the bar scene.
I'm also involved in the BDSM community and let me tell you, if you're worried about not having wild, freaky sex because you're not drinking? The people having the freakiest sex generally don't allow alcohol at all. It interferes with judgment, can be very unsafe when you're doing some risky things, and people don't want the consent issues of having someone at all impaired. Even for the very few events that do allow alcohol if you're starting to get even a little tipsy they'll generally talk to you and possibly ask you to leave.
I'm busy with stuff pretty much every night of the week. To the point that my girlfriend and I have to have a weekly sessions of syncing up our calendars and figuring out exactly what we're doing for the next couple of weeks. Neither of us drink, nobody has ever given us shit about it, and we still have a very active social life.
Are you for real? I don't drink and I'm married and have a great social life. It was great even when I was single.
Here's a tip: DON'T BE A BORING CUNT. Learn about the world around you, make friends, experience new things, have some passions, interests, and hobbies that you can share with others, and you'll be fine.
Sitting here having kidney dialysis at 30, this thread has helped ease my mind a good bit. Always reliable Reddit. Thank you guys.
Find friends that just wanna smoke weed a play video games? That's what I did. No regrets.
I went to learn how to dance. To a dance school and all. I mainly did because I was starting to gain "a lot" of weight with the office life (I weighted 55kg and was closing to 70kg for a 1,75m guy). I ruled out the gym since I get bored going alone pretty fast and though I could meet some new people in the process.
I signed up for single dance classes but my group got canceled so I was offered to dance Rock. I didn't have a partner but they found me one and there I went. Apart from the classes the school opens fridays night to practice "in the real world" and we often go to other places every other day aswell.
I sucked at the beggining but I'm pretty okay now and its fairly easy to progress if you put a minimal effort. Its pretty fun and you have lot of laughs and people its usually very grateful if you take them out for a dance. There is usually not many guys who dance, so there is that too. Its also a nice confidence boost when girls come looking for you specifically to dance the next song.
start lifting and then don't drink and say SHOO SHOO! Away gainzgoblin! the gainzgoblin are the people trying to snatch you up with draaank
Find something you're really interested in.
Get super involved in it.
Find a local community for it.
Obtain friends.
:)
I know this is probably too late to be seen but I'll type it out because all the responses get to OP :) Anyways, I used to drink a lot--borderline alcoholic. It always seemed like I needed to drink to have a good time. It was my social crutch. Flashback to November. Car accident. Short stint in a coma. Some blood around my brain. So I can't sink right now. This has completely altered the way that I approach social events. My main goal isn't how quickly I can get drunk, but just how to have a good time. I can focus more on the people, and less on the alcohol. It's tough, and I'm still in the process of learning how to be better at it. But I guess what I'm trying to say is prior to my accident I couldn't imagine my life/social interactions without alcohol, now that I don't really have a choice it's opened my eyes to how big of a deal it isn't.
I'm still in the early stages though
Basically the same thing as having a social life with alcohol.
You can still go out clubbing and to parties and have a good time and dance and hang out and do everything everyone else is doing just instead of drinking beer you drink an ice tea or something.
I will admit. Being the one person who doesn't drink has kept me from making a good number of friends. My school friends and I are 18, drinking age is 21. I never understood how me refusing to drink would hold back my social life this much.
Since I don't drink I was forced to find another group of friends who don't drink. My school is not exactly huge so I had to find friends from different schools. I have made some of the greatest friends through my Youth Group.
I still hangout with the drinkers at my school but we never see each other outside of school. Something me and my friends have started doing is finding a local restaurant/coffee shop that plays local music and hanging out there every Saturday night. We have had such a great time socializing and listening to music, I highly recommend it.
Alcoholic here. From your question I don't know if you're just not a drinker or are quitting drinking so I'm writing this to anyone who is trying to make a new life after quitting heavy drinking.
It's like you're used to eating taco bell with hot sauce every day and you need to go back to eating almonds and apples and simple grilled chicken. At first it's boring and you can barely taste it but eventually you reset your baseline for what tastes good and you can start picking up the nuances in flavors and see that the goodness is still all there. You've just been blowing out your taste buds for so long that you've screwed everything up. In the same way you need to reset the baseline for what comprises a good time. There's plenty of enjoyment to be had, but if you're used to snorting coke off a hookers tits every night you need to give your brain a chance to lower the bar. It takes time, and there's no way around that.
Until then keep in mind that you can't usually make your current social work life without alcohol, you have to make a new life where alcohol doesn't make sense or come up as much.
For example, when I first quit I continued to go out with my friends but I stayed sober. I bowed out early but the general structure of my life was the same. It was pretty miserable and it was obviously not going to work long-term.
It's been several years and I don't hang out with that crowd anymore and I'm much happier. They're great guys, but they're not alcoholics (being charitable here, but you know....) and I am so we can't do the same things.
That was an adjustment and I was lonely for a time. I've since taken up mountain biking and hiking, found some new friends who still drink when we get together but getting together isn't about drinking. I don't even notice a change in their personalities, I'm just standing next to some people with wine in their hands. That's not really a problem.
I started a business, and went back to school and got my masters. Not that my life was shit before, but I wouldn't have been able to stay sober after work every night to go to class. I couldn't have gone to the gym regularlly. There just wasn't time. Being a drunk is time consuming.
So be patient. It's a hard adjustment. But try to focus in all the new things you can do without alcohol that you couldn't do before.
So OP, you don't really provide any background info on what's going on. That said, it is tough to gauge a lot of things. an important thing to understand is if you think you need a program like AA. AA is a great program in a lot of respects. It doesn't work for everyone, but I was worried at one point that I was an alcoholic so I started going. Here is why it was good for me. There are people of all ages at AA and the people there that are your age know what you're dealing with. If your current social circle is a trigger for you and you think that being around them would make you start drinking again just try to see them less for a while, or not at all if you think it is that bad of a problem. Now this doesn't need to be permanent. But a lot of AA goers are active in pursuing social connections and lives without alcohol all the time. If you start going to organized get togethers, or just going out with them randomly, you'll realize that alcohol is not the fuel for a good time, it can be totally unnecessary. once you reach that point you will feel natural being around your old friends on a regular basis even if you aren't drinking
this is serious? there are plenty of hobbies without involving any alcohol!! thousands!
Step 1: Don't drink alcohol.
At 41 I sensed the drinking was getting away from me. It was an every day thing. Having a daughter who lived with me half time was the real impetus. She was 9 and had seen me quite drunk a couple of times right before I quit. Which I had been able to avoid to that point. So I stopped. Cold turkey. Not the easiest way, but it took. I also had a girlfriend grateful for the sudden change of heart. In my 30s, bar life had become less and less attractive to me. So for the last 6 years or so, I did most of my drinking at home. The first, I'd say... 2 weeks were hard, but then, after it left my body, I was fine. Now I do what anybody does, I just don't drink. Period. Life has really been quite excellent. I do stay out of bars, for the most part. But that's because I find large quantities of alcoholics in the same place to be depressing. The number of Americans who drink, to excess, daily, is really disturbing. I have now been sober for 5 1/2 years, btw.
Respect.
Thank you.
Well what I do is not drink and have no social life. You could also drink alone and have no social life.
Be Mormon.
I don't drink. But all I do is drink either Sprite or Gatorade or Vitamin Water or whatever. I jus went to a party for the Mayweather fight and I didn't drink. It's jus not drinking.
Ive found a great social circle with people at my gym. We workout together, chat, plan, and eat together. We plan on going to different conventions and whatnot. Start working out and you will make some friends at the gym that really aren't super down to get hammered.
I drink all the time and I don't have a social life
Videogames!
Do things that don't require it. Meet up for games, visits to places, trips about town etc.
A good place to start is to not being any, after one or two it is much easier to give in and drink more.
Another good way to form a new habit is to make the smallest change possible, then build on it, maybe if you drink as soon as you show up, wait one hour before your first drink, if you prefer drink, wait till you get there. If one hour is too much wait ten minutes. And forgive yourself your own failures
Computer science, math, biology, engineering, philosophy!
I don't drink. At all. Never have. This hasn't prevented me from having a social life. The key is not caring if other people are drinking. Not caring if people bring over their own drinks to your party. Or simply doing things that don't put you in a drinking environment. There are other things to do than going to a bar or restaurant.
All my friends drink when we are in large groups. I don't drink, and I never get called cunt or pussy. I have never found it difficult to be in a party scene and not drink. But maybe that's because I am a female. Is this mostly a male problem?
Move to the Middle East.
Weed
Hobbies. Geekier the better, since some hobbies have less drinkers. Healthy hobbies are good too, you can say you don't drink for health reasons.
if you want to get laid more than everyone else in college follow the steps of the top post.
I gave up excessive drinking around age 21/22. It seemed to be the #1 social activity at my college, but I found it pretty boring after a while.
I stopped hangout out with people who thought that getting drunk, as the sole activity for the night, was fun.
So how to have a social life? Just go to movies, join clubs (try meetup.com for all sorts of groups with different interests. Make parties about food instead of alcohol.
I recommend board games, they are fun and challenging
Hobbies. Meetups. Not that I'm great at either but I have gone out with various motorcycling groups and met some great people. Enjoying a common interest together. Talking shop and comparing notes.
Athletic hobbies are great ways to make friends without drinking. Sure drinking may happen at the activity or afterwards, but there is a lot less pressure to indulge than there would be at a bar or club. Pick-up soccer, ultimate frisbee, cycling. Maybe there's a team-in-training near you, check meetup.com just last week I found a group doing slack-lining in the park near me that found each other at meetup. You could try pen and paper or board games. Some comic book shops or game stores run game nights with card games, or pen and paper games.
This might sound silly, but after I had to quit, I took up boardgaming. While people might have a beer during a game, it's pretty much the only adult evening activity I know of that doesn't really involve drinking.
I guess it is possible that other hobbies, clubs, etc might provide the same sort of outlet, but this is mine. If you are interested, stop by /r/boardgaming to see what sorts of games we play.
If I don't want to drink, but still want to feel up-beat and social, I just drink a cup of coffee before I go out. This might sound weird, but I usually put on a video of my favorite/enthusiastic speaker on youtube or something, and that gets me in the right social vibe.
It's actually really easy for me.
I've never been much of a drinker because I've had lots of alcoholism in my family, so it's really turned me off to it. Also, I prefer to smoke weed.
But when I go to parties there's usually not weed and everyone's drinking. I'm usually the designated driver, but even if I'm not, all I do is grab a cup and put some soda in it and sip it slowly. If you have a cup it really looks like you are drinking, no one will really ask questions.
And if people ask if I'm drinking, I don't lie. I'll say no. If that bothers them they can fuck off. People will respect you even more when you hold your frame and just do as you please.
EDIT: Additionally, I find that not drinking lets me develop my social skills much better. People frequently use alcohol as a social crutch, and when you don't use it, you become so much more confident without alcohol.
I'm a huge nerd, but if you have any skills in lying or you can match pitch, join theatre. I know it sounds gay and fruity, but as a straight white dude, I can't get enough of it.
Firstly, (assuming you're a guy) the girls. I'll admit that show-mances are probably the most painful thing ever, but if you think you might enjoy being backstage with a bunch of half-naked girls who admire you for being outgoing in a field usually dominated by women or gay men, you should consider it.
But it's more than that. I owe a lot to theatre. I wouldn't have anywhere near as many friends as I do now if I never decided to leave my comfort zone. And honestly, I would never go back. I would never have as many people to turn to ow as I did.
I think conversation is equally as lubricated with coffee as with alcohol. OP are you opposed to all drugs or just alcohol?
You could look for a place to volunteer, like an animal shelter or something similar that you like to do. It's a good place to meet people with similar interests without alcohol.
It's almost a "fake it 'til you make it" type of thing. If you're at a party, get a red cup and fill it with soda or water, put ice in it if you think it will make it look like an alcoholic beverage. You'll feel more comfortable because you'll blend in and if people ask what you're drinking you can tell them the truth and they won't care whatsoever unless they're a huge douchebag.
While it sucks being sober if your friends are hammered, you're doing them a HUGE favor if you're the DD. Usually in those situations your friends will buy you NA drinks and food at the end of the night as well.
If you feel like you need to be drinking alcohol in order to be social then you need to find some new friends.
Go to a local hardcore show. There'll be lots of angry young men who don't drink there. Make new, interesting friends.
Just.... Have a social life without alcohol...
Don't drink; Talk to people?
Getting stoned is fun
I'm 21 in a few days and I don't like alcohol. I have my college friends I talk to but never socialize with because they like drinking and since I don't they feel I won't be as fun. Fuck that!
My buddies from high school who are the same as me still hang out, and we go mountain biking every weekend, snowboarding Every season ,and play video games dusk til dawn when we hang out.
Find something that doesn't involve alcohol and find others who enjoy it
Because I'm funny and interesting without it
You can continue to do the normal social activities that involve drinking that you were doing before, just exchange the Beer/vodka/etc for soft drinks. Most of the time a Sprite will look close enough and as long as you have something in your hand you will still be able to be social.
meetup.com. A lot of my friends used this when they moved to another city for business.
I don't drink, but my gf does, and all my friends do. It's not a big deal. I like knowing what's going on and being able to handle situations. Also, I like dancing, so clubs are still fun for me.
start vaping cannabis
Hang out with people who can actually handle themselves and their surroundings without drugs. Don't get me wrong im pro drugs but as soon as you cant live without them you got a problem. Drugs are enhancers not means of survival whether social or physical.
I myself drink a few here and there, but one of my closest friends is sober and hasn't touched a drop in 10 years +. This particular friend happens to have a reputation for being the life of the party as it turns out. Basically, he's very warm and outgoing, always down to crack a joke, living proof that you don't need to drink to be "socially lubricated" (unrelated, but that term makes me cringe). Anyway, he'll come out to bars from time to time (lots of musicians in our social circle so people are often playing shows) and tends to order fancy sodas or sparkling water so he has the requisite barroom prop: a glass to sip on and clink with other glasses. Making things easier for him, I imagine, is that he doesn't surround himself with people who feel that copious drinking has to be on the agenda to have a good time. Our little network of friends sports an age range of about 25-40 and the friend in questions is 32, to whatever extent you might feel that's relevant.
I feel like it depends on your group of friends. When my best friend stopped drinking we were all supportive. We didn't stop drinking, but when we would go do movie night/ play video games at his place, we wouldn't bring booze out of respect. It literally changed nothing. We still would have been playing video games or watching terrible movies either way. He still comes out to watch football with us at bars and such, it's never really been an issue. It also helps that we are all pretty much done with the party phase in life. Hell, he still will bring booze for my husband when he comes over to hang out and then drink water. He'd bring booze for me too but I'm pregnant haha
If any of our friends would have given him shit bc he wanted to quit drinking, it would have been a bad time for them. Friends should be supportive when their friends are trying to make a change to better themselves. If booze is the only thing that your friends have in common, you need better friends.
Having alot of hobbies makes it easy to not ' have ' to drink to be social.
lel
I work with a lot of teenagers regarding this.
One thing that I tell them, since alcohol at most parties is unavoidable, is that nobody is looking in your cup. No one's sure if that's rum and coke or just coke. No one's keeping track of how many you have, because they're drunk themselves. Grab a Solo cup, put whatever in it, and you're set.
This is for people who just don't want to stand out because they're not drinking.
I drink heavily. There are people in my social circle who don't drink at all. Nobody cares.
If your friends give a shit whether or not you drink, get new friends. If you can't have fun without drinking, go to AA.
Find a hobby that doesn't involve drinking. As a bonus it could be something with exercise, for example where I live groups of people bike together on weekends.
The fact that this is a question saddens me. You can have all kinds of fun without drinking. If you still enjoy going to parties, just simply have a cup with a drink (coke, water, etc) and people won't offer you alcohol. If they do just hold up the cup and say no thanks. Find other friends that won't pressure you into drinking or don't drink, eating out at places or going to movies/malls usually do not involve alcohol. A lot of activities in public areas (outside bars ofc) don't involve alcohol.
I'm turning 21 and can't really drink for medical reasons. If you have friends who aren't big drinkers or who are understanding, there's really no difference.
We can manage to have fun without being hammered, though occasionally it is fun to see them drunk. That having been said, but every one of your friends may be like this. I had a group of friends whose primary source of entertainment was alcohol. Every other night they would be drunk beyond recognition. They always gave me shit for not being willing to put my health in jeopardy and considered me boring. So I stopped hanging out with them. Things really improved in my social life after that.
So it really depends the people you surround yourself with.
I can honestly say I've gone through stages where I drank like a fish, and stages where I didn't drink at all, currently in a "little here and there" stage that seems to last.
What helped me quit was
a) genuinely wanting to, because I had discovered that drinking as much as I was drinking did more harm than good to my social life, I was socially inappropriate and awkward more than I was a fun drunk. and
b) deciding I just didn't need alcohol to have fun, and doing the things I wanted to do, and just skipping the alcohol. I'd go out dancing like I always did, order a drink (soda) like I always did, talk to my friends like I always did, dance like I always did.
It took some getting used to, but once I did, everything was fine. If your friends are less respectful and more judgy than mine, you may get some pressure, but make up any excuse you want, the reality is it's none of their business what you put in your mouth.
best of luck! :)
Hobbies person , hobbies.
Watch this scene from an old movie you saw as a kid: https://youtu.be/qz7gEnwi7qU?t=48m42s
Realize that those in the business of pushing alcohol do not have your best interests at heart.
If it wasn't serious I'd say "use some spiral energy". Honestly, be the designated driver as often as possible.
The first question is what country do you live in. Do you live in a city or a town. Culture is very different and rather relevant. Most western countries drink a lot more than the US. Age also matters.
I'm 22 and I haven't drank except for maybe 3 occasions since I was 18. Being introverted anyway, I have a hard time with this. Especially since in college, literally everyone talks about drinking or getting drunk all the time. I've found though the people who I've clicked with the most don't drink much either.
Look up club or meet ups in your area for things youre interested in. Sometimes there's no one you bond with, but other times you get lucky and like everyone. Just gotta keep trying!
with other drugs, if that's not an option, hang out with muslims or athletes
It's all in the stealth vape. I almost never drink anymore. And I vape when I'm home, or at bars. I have the joyetech eGrip, and fill it with raspberry flavored e-cig juice no nicotine and I spike it with a healthy Gob of butane honey oil.
No smell, super tiny vape.... No one knows how high I am :)
to be honest it's no ones business, as long as you're not telling everyone left right and centre your not drinking you probably wont face too many problems. I personally train hard, so i choose not drink whilst im in that mode, and so if i go out and get offered a drink i'll just say it's ok I dont feel like it tonight and change the topic. If you're hanging with people that pressure you into drinking it's goign to be difficult. I think if its close friends you're talking about, just openly tell them, look i want to stop drinking, it's not about having a problem i just dont enjoy it.
I play board games and go to open game nights at game stores. I've met a lot of cool people.
Board games are such a fun way to be social.
Just don't play Diplomacy on your first night.
Grow a pair and talk to people
With a new set of friends/lovers, more into sports, nature and sex.
Learnt pickup, went clubbing solo sober for 6 months to force myself to be social, worked like a charm. I can now go into literally any social environment and start a conversation with a group or even flirt without any friends to go back to if I stuff up.
Oh man, this is the first time my life experience on this subject has ever been relevant!
I (24 M) worked in bars for 8.5 years of my life, starting with my grandpa's bar when I was 13 years old. As a teenager, I was a total street rat, running around with all sorts of bad crowd, and hanging out with kids 3-5 years older than me. I even lived in a college party house when I was 19, and to this day I have never used a single drug (cannabis included), nor have I ever had a single sip of alcohol.
I still go out, albeit not as much as I used to in my late teens and earlier twenties, and I sill have a great time. Here's a list of the perks involved in going out and staying sober:
All-in-all, it isn't a bad gig. As it is with anything, there are some shortcomings, though:
The bottom line is that there are pros and cons to any choice in life, and the path I've chosen has always been easier for me than the path I see a lot of others take. I make a point to never judge others on their choices and to always try to empathize with them, regardless, and I hope they do the same for me. I wish you the best no matter which path you choose, just remember it's never too late to change your mind either way.
I don't know about everyone else i think that when people get drunk they tend to show a more honest side.
I have been sober a year and I'm 21. I was an end-stage alcoholic and knew I was dying, but it still took extreme measures to end it.
It's fucking hard, man. It seems like everyone our age builds events centered around alcohol. It has been a very lonely year, but that's mostly my fault and I have learned a few things.
Hobbies/sports: I rock climb, and drinking doesn't mix with it very well so it's an easy social activity. If I'm feeling confident, I will go to the climbing gym and try to talk to people and see what happens. Hiking is good too.
AA- you don't have to be an alcoholic or believe in God to go to an open meeting. I found where the young people go to meetings and if I wasn't such a pussy I would try to join them because they are always doing things before/after the meeting. Note: this applies to open meetings, which is the vast majority of them.
If you have any colleges nearby, non-students can often join extracurricular clubs based on a shared extracurricular interest
Exercise is one of the best drugs out there, and the benefits to your mind will help in all other areas. Good luck man.
Just own it. No one will ever judge you for your decision. I have one friend who straight up brings juice boxes for himself when we drink. You don't need to be wasted to be a good time.
No one will ever judge you for your decision.
Some will, though. And a lot will just ask you over and over again why you don't drink..
Well if you care that much about what people think, you better find a drink you like.
It's not that I care that much about what others think. I'm just saying, som will judge and ask stupid questions. And you kinda have to be prepared for that :)
There are a bunch of ways to be social without booze. Look into events happening in your community, pick one of interest and go with a friend (or alone if you want to meet new people) could be knitting, a book club or ultimate tazer ball just pick something.
There's also some language classes that are offered for free. I was invited to learn Korean by a friend I hadn't really known and I said sure why not. I don't speak any bit of it but now me and that friend are very close just because I didn't have anything better to do.
As a DD it's not that bad. All my friends who don't drive didn't get it at first but they quickly came around and really appreciate what I do. Believe it or not you can also participate in drinking games! What me and my friends do is whatever drinks I get/supposed to drink I give them to someone else. This adds a whole new dynamic to the game and everyone tries to get on your good side to avoid getting whatever you've accumulated. If someone has even looked at you the wrong way you can order them up 4 shots right there on the spot. It's a great way to quickly realize that being the sober one is being the better off one.
Seriously, more people need to smoke weed, no hang over, no being an asshole and you are really engaged in conversations...plus the laughter...my god...the laughter.
Aa?
smoking weed dude
Become a mormon
Something I realized a few years into my sobriety. When going out with friends to a bar....I can act a fool just like them and no one will care, because everyone else is drinking/is drunk. ^^Insert ^^dance ^^like ^^nobody ^^is ^^watching ^^facebook ^^meme ^^here.
Kratom. Don't eat it ;)
I very rarely drink because it makes me feel like shit and does a number on my mental stability. I don't mind at all being the sober one. I'm a nurturing type person so I take care of my drunk friends when I'm around if they need it. I just want to be included more than anything.
You imply that just to be social you need to party. Find some hobbies that interest you and pursue them. Then pursue those hobbies in places where other people do. You'll easily find connections based on a mutual enjoyment of said hobby.
With existing friends just share your passions. Just hang out, grab coffee, play video games or whatever. Drinking is by no means the only way to have fun.
I don't drink nearly as much as I used to. And sure I don't see my friends as much as I used to either but we still make time to just hang out. Play board games, watch movies. Just general socializing stuff.
College taught me a lot about this. I've never been interested in drinking or drugs, and have identified as "Straight Edge" for the past 8 years.
In high school, I was pretty shy, and not confident—borderline Agoraphobia. When I got to college, I got involved with the nerd clubs, and made some friends through those outlets. However, the best friendships and social circles I've had since were based around meals.
It's actually weird to explain. I got lunch with my (now) best friend on move-in day, and he basically opened me up to trying out other hobbies and stuff. However, after meeting people at things like D&D club or Anime Club, he and I would invite people to dinner with us.
Eventually, we went from the two of us, to having to put together 3 tables in the dining hall every night. I completely owe becoming so close to them to inviting them to eat with us. Sure, I would watch anime with them every Wednesday, and play D&D with them every Thursday, or even invite them back to our room to binge-watch Netflix or play Xbox, but during those activities, we always had something more important to focus on. During dinner, it was basically the best means to socialize with them, get to know who they are, what they're like, etc.
Seriously, I suggest you go to dinner with a friend. Make it a habit or ritual ("Tuesdays are all-you-can-eat sushi night!"). Invite more people as time goes on. Eventually you'll figure something out from there, even if it's just going back to someone's place to watch TV.
A plus is that, if the people you're with DO drink, you're in a setting where they can. However, unlike a party, they're less likely to over-drink/get drunk. Also, it's completely acceptable for you to pass on any alcohol.
Eating! Just as fun to discover new foods with friends!
Volunteer. Charities often will have an event that draws a lot of volunteers and ends up being very social. I've done it to stuff bags with school supplies for low income kids before the new school year and ended up chatting with everyone I was working with. The activity brings a wide variety of people and there is no association with drinking so there is at least a good foundation for meeting people without booze.
Smoke weed.
There's a lot more activity in any given city than just going to a bar and getting messed up. Everywhere you go there are great restaurants, attractions, museums, philanthropic events, and local community gatherings. Take the time to look up events in the newpaper, local radio stations, government websites, etc... Go to those and be friendly and open to meeting new people. There's a stigma that you can't have fun without getting a little tipsy in some form or another. And yes, sometimes getting a little messed up and doing x, y, z is fun. But if you learn to truly enjoy yourself in a sober state of mine you find yourself not depending on some form of intoxication to enjoy yourself. Learn to enjoy learning, helping others, physical activity, nature, and other positive things in your life and you'll find yourself much happier. Put yourself out there and try something you'd never thought to try before. It's fun getting out of your comfort zone and leveling up your RL skill tree.
I am not saying I don't enjoy having some beers or herb. But ever since I've been making an active effort to enjoy everything that my city (Minneapolis) and everywhere else has to offer I've been much happier, and a far better person, I feel.
you can have fun while sober. Just push your boundaries. It will feel weird because when you act without inhibitions when you are sober but after a while it'll be normal.
This is only a problem if you make it a problem.
make new friends who don't drink
find friends who don't drink
easier said than done
If you have to ask, you need new friends.
I never drink anything and honestly, never have. I know it might sound bizarre and oversimplified, but just try to have fun. It's a skill worth learning. It really is.
Its sad you have to even ask that
Can't. When I don't drink I take heavy painkillers and drink energy drinks.
Go to the parties, bring your own drinks. It's actually not all that hard. I did it for a while, and it didn't really bother me... I do drink now though, but I'm very good at feeling when I've reached my limit.
Go straight edge. Hanging out at bars is still cool. Just order a diet coke.
As someone who doesn't drink and never has, I can tell you that this is extremely hard. If you used to drink but now don't you are significantly better off because you've likely already been accepted into a social group and aren't likely to get cut out. I don't drink, I went to college, and, as a result, really wasn't accepted into a social group and now I don't have much of a way in. I could start drinking but then I lose respect from a lot of people and in all honesty I don't want to start anyway. I certainly don't like the lack of friends but I'd rather keep true to my self.
420 blaze it. Or acquire an obsession.
Get better friends!
[deleted]
Has little influence although it helps a little bit. It's determined by you're BMI (length vs mass) how fast you get drunk. You do break down alcohol faster with high metabolism so you need more to keep your alcohol level high. Also any other drink you drink without alcohol makes it easier for your body to deal with the alcohol so you won't get drunk as fast. I do this while going out, every 3-4 alcoholic drinks a glass of water. Keeps me going way longer and no hangovers for me no matter how hard I try
[deleted]
that's about 55 kg for 1,55m if I'm right, so that's a BMI of 22,5 and that is an average weight (between 18.5 and 24.9 is normal if I got it right). I can safely say you don't have a high metabolism, it's probably because you drink a lot of non-alcoholic drinks between the alcoholic ones is why you don't get drunk that fast. Also 4 drinks of whatever alcoholic beverage won't get you really drunk anyway. It's just not enough alcohol to get you anywhere.
Certain enzymes are responsible for metabolizing alcohol. The rate at which your body produces these enzymes is influenced by genetics (alcoholism in your family tree contributes to greater capacity to metabolize alcohol) and acquired tolerance: do you drink often enough that your body is used to the couple of beers, whereas in the past you might have felt the effects of the same amount of alcohol more strongly?
Like yourself, I have a high metabolism. My BMI has always been around 18 or 19, and I'm a woman now 30 years old. But I attribute a difficulty getting tipsy or drunk to my family being strongly predisposed to alcoholism. My dad and brother are both Type 1 alcoholics.
It used to be the case that 2 beers would make me tipsy and jovial. Now I barely feel 5 beers. I am becoming more thoughtful in moderating my drinking--because let's face it, I'm probably not willing to drink enough to get drunk (high cost, weight gain, needing to pee, bad skin, etc.), and if I were willing, I would face an even worse tolerance--and every once in a while, I find it useful to take a week to a month to avoid alcohol entirely. As long as I don't drink more than a couple of nights per week after the period of abstinence, this is helpful in lowering my tolerance some. If I drink regularly, I'll quickly be back in the position of needing to drink too much to feel an effect.
If you're 18-30 you could give your local LDS institute a try. Most of the ones I've been to have basketball courts, a pool table, ping pong, and fairly regular activities. There are also religious classes which are not mandatory, although a lot of the people hanging around will drop what they're doing to attend.
Good place for homework and couches for naps too.
http://institute.lds.org/find-institute
It's actually really easy.
The key is to focus on doing things you enjoy. If you like playing sports, join a rec league team. If you're an artist, find a studio where you can rent some space. If you're into music, go to shows, etc. Also, try new things at least once a month. Glass blowing, beer brewing, etc.
If you get out and are being active, your priorities will shift. You'll naturally be disinclined to going out and getting drunk if you know you're going to be running 6 miles in the morning while playing soccer. You'll prioritize getting up early to get to a studio over being out late, and you'll want your mind about you so you can fully participate in whatever you're doing.
Simultaneously, you'll be changing your circle of friends. This occurs because you'll be meeting new people with similar interests. Some of them may drink or party, but since you don't know them in that context, you won't feel obliged to join them. Old friends with whom you used to drink may fade away, since the basis for your relationship with them was boozing.
This will be a somewhat painful process, because it naturally involves change. And that change will almost certainly reverberate throughout every corner of your life. But once you've figured out what your priorities are, and what you want your life to be like, you'll find yourself with a great group of friends and an excellent social life.
I'm not really the best person to ask because I don't have a great social life. But the best way I can answer is find some friends who can have fun doing other stuff than drinking alcohol.
My best buddy doesn't drink.
I have no problem with it, as I think it's very responsible of him to not do so and he's an adult.
The only issue that arises is he complains. Yes, there is a social stigma about it. But no matter how much you argue with it, it's the way it is. He often says he's the designated driver, which he is most times. Almost everyone respects a designated driver looking out, there's no doubt about it. I even buy him soda, and tacos just so he can have a good time.
Now for the issue. He complains about how people have to drink to have fun. I tell him "no people don't have to drink to have fun, you just happen to chill with people who do". He's uptight about what he says to women. I get tired of the "Is he okay?" question every time we go out. It's just not his crowd.
My advice to you is if you're looking for fun. Set it up, don't wait for someone to invite you. Do Rock climbing, hiking, walk for hunger, 5k's, etc. events that drink alcohol would work against.
I'm allergic to alcohol so this has always been my life. I go out with friends and order water instead of alcohol. I save $$$ and don't miss out on a social life.
Go to the gym with a friend
It really depends on who you hang out with, but it was pretty easy for me when I had to give up alcohol for about 3 months due to a medication I was taking. I went out to bars with my friends all the time and it was fine because they never really get wasted or anything like that. I'd just order a snack or two to munch on and some water or soda and hang out with them, and I always had a great time. I never felt like the sober guy with a bunch of drunks. And with a few of my friends who are the type to overdo it and get wasted, I'd suggest things like concerts, going out for dinner, hanging out in the park, or inviting them over to play video games/board games so I could still spend time with them without being the sober guy among a bunch of trashed people.
Granted I only had to do it for 3 months, but it really wasn't a problem for me at all.
Well OP there are a few options. You could take up hookah (although we all know it's health issues in the long run), you could make gym rat friends and hit the gym to better yourself and have some fun while lifting, gamer friends are cool as well. It really all depends on what your interests are.
And well... The good ol' reefer is always an option as well
It´s a hard road, once inside, I've found out that its a 50/50% between the addiction of alcohol and meeting "alcohol buddies". While they are at that same places, drinking, waiting for another night like always. It's hard to leave them both, but even more hard to keep only one of them. By hard, doesn't mean it's impossible.
Weed
I rarely drink and I have a pretty active social life. Most of my friends are non-drinkers, or if they do it's a 'special occasion' kind of thing.
It helps to make friends with someone else who will also be sober, and bring them around your current drinking friends. That way you're not the only person sitting out, but you can still have a good time.
You might find things are fine moving forward, or you might find that you no longer have much in common with some of your drinking friends. Either way, commit to a course of action. Decide whether you're drinking tonight/this weekend/etc. and follow through.
Respect yourself and your wishes first. :)
Live in Asian countries.
You could replace it with something that not as hard on you and others: marijuana. Makes it easier/more fun to socialize without the nasty hang over.
Once you stop drinking, the culture around drinking will annoy you. Well I guess I can't speak for everyone, but it happened to me. I enjoy being around a friend or two when they are completely hammered every once in a while. But the general attitude and what the people who are heavy drinkers/partiers talk about can be really, really annoying. I have started to see how desperate people look, and I get easily annoyed with people in class talking about getting hammered. But then again, the culture might just annoy me because i'm in college.
I wonder this also, but I'm more hard-line, no drinking period. Particularly in networking events that all revolve around happy hour, hard for me to find a place when it revolves around drinking.
I have what's known as Meneire's Disease. Basically tinnitus, fluctuating hearing loss and VIOLENT and sudden vertigo. First thing they told me to do was cut out alcohol. Now I loved my beer. Really loved my beer. Went out with oeople all the time for a night of boozing. But now I had to stop. At furst it was tough. I wanted to drink. You will figure out who your friends actually are. People I used to drink with no longer dalled, but my true friends stepped up and continued to invite me out. I'd sit down at the bar and go with ginger ale, Sprite or water for the night. It took a few months, but I no longer miss it or crave it. I also learned that I really didn't need alcohol to have a good time. I'm a party in a skin-bag. Just add good times. So go out, hit the bars, hit the parties, bring a water with you or order one at the bar. Yes, it's still appropriate to tip.
All throughout my highschool career I never got drunk once. I went to quite a few parties and they never had alcohol or any drugs involved, and that was perfectly alright. We knew how to have fun without anything to help us along, and I'm proud of that. And surprisingly, I have tons of good friends(>20 at any point) I think the biggest aspect of having a social life without alcohol is finding the right people to hang out with.
Graduate from college.
I started drinking too much late in life in my 50s. Always at parties then weekends and finally every night. Finally got to be a real problem and affected work. When I stopped one of my big concerns was not being able to relax or enjoy the unihibited drunk dancing that I loved to do at parties. Learned to relax and with the help of my cats, experts in laying out at all times of the day. I enjoy being with and am appreciated by friends and family more than ever and build things, grow gardens, and am more socially active than ever. The most amazing thing is when good music is playing I can dance and enjoy it more than ever. The magic is the music when the music is in my feet.
Being a university student, drinking is almost un-avoidable - however some of the societies that I'm a part of, have at least one dry social per month. So if you're in a similar position, look for clubs to join - it's great for socialising and most, if not all will let you be social, without having to drink at the same time.
I barely drink, I just talk to people. Being sober and talking to drunk people has it's own benefits. Just don't be a fucking asshole. Most people don't care really.
Just because you don't drink doesn't mean you can't go to the bar and have fun. One of my friends can't drink due to health reasons, but we still go to the bar and play pool/darts and do some karaoke.
join a cult like religion - perhaps some over zealous born again christians?
im a little late but i've had an excellent social life without alcohol. i used to drink in hs and college but being asian, it never sat well with me. it got to the point that i would get sick while pregaming before we even left for the bar. so i gave up. but i still went out every weekend and my 21-26 years were amazing. i live in northern nj and we went to hoboken a lot. i was always designated driver which i liked. it meant that i didnt have to wait for public transportation or rely on someone who says they wont drink but ends up drinking 4 beers. also, my friends bought me sodas at the bar or the occasional pizza after the bar.
the hardest part i think people need to get over is using alcohol as an excuse. you don't need to be drunk to talk to people, get up and dance, or even be a little reckless. trust me, many people thought i was drunk but i was just having such a good time out with friends. you just enjoy the music, dance a little and watch all the drunken fools around you. then recap with your friend the next day and fill in the blanks for them.
My boyfriends parents are very conservative Baptists and do not drink at all. I do, but when I am around them I obviously don't. There's lots of fun non-alcoholic drinks out there, I always recommend playing around with those! Also, try to commit to the six glasses of water a day thing, it'll give you a reason to say no to alcohol by saying you need to fit in all your glasses of water.
Live in Povo, Utah.
This is from somebody who rarely drinks.
I've built my social life around things I like to do that are shared with others. I think you did that before too, it was just drinking was one of the main activities.
I choose board games. Me and my friends get together and play ridiculously convoluted modern board games every week or 3. I know some folks who got into BDSM parties. Others who go to church a lot.
I think the trick is finding something you like to experience with others and seek out others who are already doing or want to do it and join them.
Find a sport or other activities. I took up judo.
I was able to substitute cranberry + seltzer when out at bars and clubs and it made me feel completely comfortable being around people who were drinking
Magic: the Gathering
Think I'm a little late here, but my friends and I have devised an idea we call 'Sunday Funday' - on a Sunday we find a new place to explore, somewhere out in the countryside or something, go to the beach, to the hills, lochs, just anywhere. We get pictures, grab a coffee, walk around and just have fun. Recently we went to Loch Lomond and that was lovely.
I quit drinking for about a year and during that time, I still went to parties and stuff with my friends. I just was the DD and all of my friends really appreciated having a go to guy to make sure they got home. I still had fun.
Hobbies. You just need hobbies. And then you meet people through those hobbies.
For me I love music, concerts, and outdoorsy things like hiking, fishing, biking, snowboarding etc. I have my group of friends that have the same hobbies. I generally have something to do whenever I have a free minute so for me not drinking isn't even a problem.
Hobby
If you're asking for medical reasons - Kava Kava has similar effects without actually being alcohol.
Pot is nice as well.
If you're against psychoactives, you should try and find small groups or take classes in order to meet people.
As far as things you can do on nights/weekends, find an activity that interests you and join clubs centered around those activities. That's an organic way to meet people who you have more in common with than a drinking habit. Join a bouldering gym, take dance classes, find a book or movie club. Evidently circus classes for adults are a thing? I haven't done those, but they look awesome.
You can try church. I'm not religious, but there is a church I like to go to here and there because people there are really friendly. There are less theologically-driven options (unitarians, for instance) if you're turned off by specific religions.
Most cities will also have cool, often monthly, activities you can easily fill a calendar with. Gallery openings, museums, sporting events, etc. Obviously alcohol is available at a lot of these, but you don't have to drink if you don't want to. And if your current friends come along they can still get a beer without getting shitfaced.
Someone else mentioned travel, which is obviously a great suggestion, but not always practical for socializing in your ordinary life. Give hostels a shot if you do take trips on your own. They're a great way to meet people. Otherwise weekend trips to whatever naturey place is closest to you are a great way to get away.
It's also worth noting that your friends might be more receptive to not drinking than you expect. I've also found that my existing friend group gets excited about trying things that aren't the norm. I think everyone kind of assumes that everyone wants to drink when they go out. It's not true. If you're getting sick of partying all the time, the rest of your friends very likely feel the same way.
Dude it IS possible to have friends that drink and you dont, just sayin
Get a hobby.
My brother went sober for 8 months just for pure health reasons. He drank NA beer for house parties and casual meet ups at people's apartments and things. When they went out he'd save everyone some money by DDing so they didn't have to cab. He'd get a soda or something at the bars and, honestly, no one gave him stink for it.
I know his situation is unique, but yours might be as well.
This is a great question. I've not drank in over a year and spend a lot of time alone. I often get very depressed because I don't have a SO and I see no way that I will ever find someone bc I don't drink.
I think, and for me, any activities that would make anyone or you exhausted and share the experience.
For example you may join groups that are doing any hiking or any outdoor activities that warrants complete concentration, endurance and energy. Any sport would do, i think.
This make anyone close enough with everyone, even they are strangers. I remember vaguely the quote that talks about hardships forms the strongest bonds.
In my experience the human body and mind is amazingly adaptable. I had/still kinda have social anxiety since about 10 years ago. When I first reached the legal drinking age I simply took it for granted that everyone drinks alcohol, and I had the drunk frat boy phase for a couple years. After maybe 5 years though it just became more and more boring. Back then I was scared to go into party situations without something to loosen my mind, but I never developed my personality or willpower because of this. About a year ago I had a 180 change of direction for many things in my life, and I stopped drinking. Slowly it gets easier. It's not an instant process, for sure, and many people my age react like im wasting the best part of my life, but thats bullshit. If I have to admit to myself that I need some external substance to help me deal with a situation, than I can't be proud of myself as a person. It would mean that I would always be dependant on that substance, and nowadays life is restrictive enough as it is.
My philosophy has always been: If what you're doing isn't fun without alcohol, then you should find something better to do.
Well. I'd love to go out and talk to strangers and new people sober. I'm just too shy to do it without alcohol.
This post doesn't state "fun things to do without drinking."
I drink a lot but my gf doesn't at all. She does the same things such as going to the bars, and just hanging out.
WWDMD. What would drunk me do. And then make that less annoying.
I have a friend from back home who doesn't due to choice. It's honestly never been a big deal - I met him about 3 years ago, and had massive respect for him. I'm not one of those who will rib people for a decision like that, cause I'm someone who won't be peer pressured into doing something I don't like. I am more surprised/shocked, but more cause of how it's not the norm.
Weed
I have never had alcohol. Not for any one reason in particular but at this point, it is just so easy to continue to not drink. The biggest thing to keep in mind is it all comes down to self control and confidence. Why do you feel that you need to drink? Maybe your socially awkward and feel you need the liquid courage to socialize, whats so different about deciding for yourself that you will consume alcohol in order to enable yourself to socialize and deciding for yourself that you will socialize? Alcohol isnt some magic potion, it doesnt alter what youre capable of. It only loosens your inhibitions but there is no reason that you cant make the conscious decision to loosen your inhibitions. Why spend a shit ton of money on something that you likely wont remember and leaves you feeling awful the next day to accomplish something that you can just decide to do on your own?
Find a different vice, chocolate, books etc
Drink non-alcoholic beverages.. there are tons of them.
Get into a hobby or sport you enjoy. You'll meet a lot of other people, you'll be happy and you'll benefit yourself. Walking/jogging or the gym. Comic books, games, etc.. I'm a geeky guy that has a hard time socializing at times. My wife says put me in a comic store or talking about video games, and I'm a totally different person. I'm much more social talking about stuff like that. Or computers. I like cars and know about them, but I don't really talk a lot about them. Same with sports. I'll watch them and enjoy it, but I don't care for talking about them. I'm not as passionate about it.
I don't drink or smoke. I've had a few cigars and a couple beers in my time, but never really took to them. The thing I hear often is, wow I can't believe how cool you are for someone that doesn't drink. While I understand their sentiment, I still get annoyed that drinking is the default method of being someone fun.
It's part of why I don't tend to hang out with people that drink. But I have learned lately that part of the key is to find people you enjoy hanging out with when they don't drink, then find a place that's comfortable and respectable to drink at, like a restaurant. We have a place in town that's kind of a bar, but more of a high end (for our town) place to eat. We get a table and just talk about stuff. I don't go to parties at frat houses and I don't go to clubs.
Location and the people you spend time with are the key parts I've found in having a social life without drinking yourself. Plus people tend to appreciate having a DD around. Never hurts to offer that too.
You have to find people who are fun while sober. I have friends who drink and friends who don't, and given the choice I'd much rather hang out with the sober ones and have a good time (and avoid a bitching hangover in the morning), than get smashed at a bar with the drunky ones.
Drugs
Honestly, just get older. Now that I'm 30, I can maybe count the times on one hand that my friends and I get trashed each year. Most get togethers still involve liquor, but not to the point of getting drunk... a margarita with dinner, beer at a cookout, etc.
Interesting you say that. I'm 36, and my friends (who are my work colleagues, I see non work colleagues back in my home country a few times a year only) - I and my colleagues/friends get trashed once a week. You raise an interesting point. You win, come to think of it (and I'm genuinely not being sarcastic). :/
Why do you ask? I feel like it could help to know if there is a particular reason or situation that sobriety is needed.
Good question, I've constantly pointed out how the people who talk about doing drugs/getting drunk in my school are the most uninteresting people in the world.
get an enthusiast DSLR camera. start to learn photography. people will invite you to tons of parties if you are any good
What are your hobbies and interests? Thats the best place to start. I have friends from when I was 5 years old whom I dont have much in common with other than a few random interests. Once we got into college and later, we just drank every time we hung out. I havent been able to drink for the last two years because of health problems and it sucks hanging out with them while theyre drinking. Here you are, sharp as can be and here they are, killing off brain cells and doing dumb shit. Its just not fun, youre not part of the group.
Take your interests into account and find some like minded people to socialize with
Sports. Join a team from anything, yes, this includes e-sports if you want, you can join a team of a sport you like, you will enjoy what you're doing and you will be with other people that enjoy it too
If you think you have to drink alcohol to be social then you need to grow a set and learn be your own person. Who cares if your friends are drinking? You're going to do something you don't want to just so you can blend in? Stand up and be who you want to be
I am asking this question before getting into college. Think of this as a preemptive strike.
Oh shit. College and not drinking? Good luck dude, really mean that.
So basically I am screwed?
Not at all! Lots of people in college never drink. At least in my college, only a minority drink every weekend (those party people social circles).
My suggestion is to not drink for your first 6 weeks in college. That lets you meet people who don't rely on drinking to socialise. After 6 weeks, go to a party and see whether you like it. Hopefully you'll have at least one friend you know through sober human interaction to hang out with you regardless of how you feel about parties.
I encourage you not to think about it as "I will not drink at all" vs "I will only make friends through parties."
I think you're too young to decide to not drink. Idk what life factors are contributing to you not wanting to but both my parents were raging alcoholics. I still choose to drink, and I'm incredibly responsible.
Don't let someone elses inability to control themselves control your life. You're going to drink someday. It will be ok. Just respect alcohol and what it is.
To me, drinking alcohol is like getting stabbed by a needle. I will not get killed, and I can tolerated it to an extent. However, it never gets fun.
Crossfit, indoor soccer, running, any activity that puts you in a group/ team dynamic .
Just do whatever you feel like doing. If it helps, just think about this. If people see you doing crazy shit, there are two options:
Conclusion: you can do all the crazy shit you did WITH alcohol, but WITHOUT alcohol. It works, it really does. No one will care, you'll have just as much fun, and you won't have a hangover and will remember EVERYTHING (including the dumb shit your friends did) the next day!
I'm coming into this thread extremely late but I may as well write my perspective.
I'm a university student of legal drinking age, and (assuming I'm not bogged down with work) I party all of the time, yet I've never drank any alcohol. Even at clubs where they've handed it out for free and I could just get a sip, I've not drank, and it's all because of a simple reason: if I make a bad decision, I want it to be because I was stupid, and not because of alcohol. The funny thing is, I'll be out in the crowd dancing just like everyone else, and nobody will question if I've even had anything or not because I'm having fun, and I think that's the biggest factor. Some people I know drink because they don't want to feel like an outcast, but at the end of the day, nobody will truly care whether you drink or not, they're just out to have fun for themselves, and you should be too. Plus, drunk people can be fun to watch.
Also, you can try going to different types of parties hosted by different ethnic groups as well! You may feel like an outcast and everyone may be staring at you at first, but don't let it phase you, as you're out to have fun just like they are. In my case, people will even come to like you because you're having fun with them regardless of 'societal barriers'! Not being drunk really helps in these cases, because you'll be able to pick up on whether you're offending someone or not, which is really important if they're a group you do not often associate with.
Lastly, most of this was written regarding partying at universities, but I can also hangout with drunk people just the same, and usually I'll even bring some variety into the setting (drunk people really like to try and beat sober people at video games). If we're not playing video games, then we're all singing together, or playing charades, or board games, or just whatever comes to mind. Just have fun, and don't let your lack of alcohol hold you back!
As someone who has lived a life rich of evening experiences with friends (without drinking a single drop of alcohol) for me it was just to say, "Can I have a Coke please". Sometimes I had to drop in a "No", but that was all it took. When meeting new people this was usually no problem as well. If I told them I don't drink because "I don't personally like it" most of them were fine, the others were usually people I wouldn't become friends with for multiple reasons other than drinking alcohol (usually beeing douchbags or showoffs .. or simply boring :D )
It might have been so esay for me because for three reasons:
(I think) I am funny, entertaining and enjoyable without drinking
I NEVER told anyone to stop drinking because of me, spend some rounds, because I really don't have a problem with drinking, as long as the aim is not to vomit at the end (never will get why thats an achievement) and remember nothing + acting like a douche
We never drank for the purpose of drinking, but being in a club, a bar or simply at home while enjoying time with friends to talk, dance or joke around.
After all that said, I do drink now (not often but sometimes) because I like the tastes of Captain Morgan with Cola, a "Radler" (Beer with Lemonade) on a hot summer day and "Kulmbacher Mönchsbrau".
I think the most important thing is to not be pushy towards others and of course being a nice person to hang out with ;)
I have the same issue
I drink a lot of ginger ale. Also often the DD.
The DD?
Designated driver
I don't drink, but honestly I just like to stay home by myself most of the time too.
Find a friend who will drink for you.
You play pong together but he drinks all your cups.
I too feel socially awkward, anxious, and sometimes lonely. The tempataion is there. My opinion is that there is beauty in moderation. I can go months without having a drink, then when I have 1 or 2, and I really do mean 1 or 2 over the course of hours, the effect is nice and gentle. Also, I can afford to have B/B+ level quality, as opposed to lots of C-/D+ in quantity, which tends to breed regret. I live in a boozy town, and have turned down gallons of free drinks. But I am able to say I'm having 2 at the most, and not let that open the door to more. Its like wading in, but not going in over your head. I realize not everyone can do that. And there are some awesome ideas here that I plan on using as well.
Use GHB and MDMA instead.
Go hiking!
If you are able to talk to people in a social setting without drinking then you should be fine. Very few people will hassle you and there can be advantages to being the sober one of a group. You will get wrangled to be the Designated Driver but some bars will give you free water or soft drinks if they know you are the DD. I am 42 and have never drunk, even though I was a bartender and even ran a nightclub for a time.
The main disadvantage is you sometimes have to be the responsible one, the peacemaker, help clean up, etc. but if your friends are reasonable people they will respect you for it.
Easy... Hangout and ever is self control
23 and never drank alcohol once. I rarely go out, but when I do I just don't drink. You can still talk to people and have fun. A lot of the conversations aren't as meaningful, and drunk people get really annoying after an extended period... But I always still had fun.
Partner dancing, e.g. west-coast swing, salsa, lindy-hop.
Great way to meet new people, boosts your confidence and is great fun. In addition there is very little alcohol consumption at dance parties, because its really hard to do partner dance while drunk.
So if you want to socialize and party, without alchol, dancing is perfect.
Drink water or cola.
I know you probably aren't going to read this but sign up for the occasional meet up. You don't have to socialize only at bars, and you might make some really good friends through common interests.
I gave up alcohol for a year in college because I felt I wasn't drinking for the right reasons, or in the right way. It really was fine. Just a little boring sometimes if you have to go clubbing or something. It gave me a great deal of social confidence actually.
I don't know what type of advice you've gotten but here's a side from some with an addictive nature who isn't afraid of his instincts.
I like alcohol. I like to be buzzed. I even like being drunk. I took this to excess in college. Luckily I'm a happy huggy singing drunk so I was always the life of the party or at least the butt of it's jokes after I was too drunk to care. Over time this got old but it didn't change that I like to be drunk so I simply decided to slow down after I achieved buzzed status. Grind the buzz so to speak. I'm much happier now because I can stay engaged with everyone the whole time rather than racing people to the drunk stage.
Impossible
Dunno if someone already posted this, but maybe you could change alcohol by less addictive drugs, like M or others.
It's call growing up and being a mature, well balanced adult.
I have a friend who just doesn't drink for personal reasons and we really don't pester him about it.
He gets off the hook easy because he has a ton of energy and just keeps up with our drunk shenanigans without drinking!
Find friends who don't care if you drink or not.
This question is a question an awkward person would ask. Just don't drink, go with everyone and buy coffee or get a Shipley temple or be the dd once. You're choice.
I find it silly that you think alcohol is essential to a social life.
The best way to have fun without drinking is to focus your time and energy around doing things you like. Whether it's golf, puzzles, video games, martial arts, skiing, whatever, you spend your time doing that, or learning about that. Make friends with people with similar interests.
If you dont have any hobbies, pick some up! It's never too late to learn something new. Life is a whole lot more fulfilling when your experiences and memories are of things you did, not just getting drunk at a bar. When your kids ask about what your life was like, and what you did, what would you want to tell them? That you hung out with people drinking a lot, or that you found something you're passionate about and pursued it?
It'll probably feel weird at first, if you're transitioning from a drinking lifestyle, but it'll be worth it in the long run.
I was all time DD in college. Half the people loved it and half the people hated it. Some people feel self concision drinking or being drunk around people who arn't drinking. But if you find a core friend group they will understand. I'm 22 now and out of college and it doesn't come up as much.
My new years resolution for 2015 is to only drink one day every calendar month. So far it's actually been successful. For the last 10 years or so I drank every weekend. There was no way around it since that's what all my friends like to do. I guess since I'm starting to get a little older (upper 20's) I decided to cut it back a bit to focus on more important shit. At first it was difficult to stop, but now that I can remember my nights out/weekends and hold decent conversations with people I'm actually glad I'm not drunk all the time. Now I'm saving a ton of money from avoiding weekend benders and am far more confident in myself. I still love having a slimy night out with my friends every now and then, so I decided to enforce moderation and keep it to one day a month. I'll probably do the same in 2016 too.
Here's the secret: Nobody cares that you don't drink as much as you do. Honestly, nobody will notice or care.
Edit: Spoken with a couple years experience
Just smoke (cannabis) instead.
As someone who's never been drunk, dislikes the flavor of alcohol in more than a dessert-level amount, has no other non-drinking friends, and cannot stand wasted people, I'll offer my thoughts.
First, it can be a struggle, and let's be honest, it's a struggle because of other people. I was at a software convention a while back. In the evenings, I'd hang out with those other attendees whose sober personalities I can tolerate, but of course they did not stay sober in the evenings. Finally getting a break from their humdrum lives, they all wanted to party like Amish girls on rumspringa at Panama City. I enjoyed going out to hear bands, as well as watching them fail miserable at karaoke, but after the 10th time turning down a drink, it got old. After the 30th time, it was fucking Methuselah.
My typical evenings out I struggle to find something new to do. Restaurants, tea shops... Everything seems to revolve around food, which can't be good in the long run for my waist. The exception are movies, but my girlfriend (who does drink, but not to excess) would probably prefer not to spend every free night in the cinema. During the day, there are always parks, etc, but nights are tough, especially since I don't want to meet new people or be in a crowded environment. When I do hang out with others, they're always drinking, but rarely beyond the tipsy level.
Find friends that don't drink
I don't have a social life anymore, if by definition of social life you mean going out to bars/clubs almost every night like I was. I plan for a show and have maybe one big night a month, I'm 25. I redefined myself and I am meeting new people through healthier outlets while I'm chilling in the park or at the gym. Plenty of ways to meet people and socialize w out alcohol and in terms of girls, I've got no problem and they seem to like me more now I'm more confident in my decision to stop drinking and more confident in general. I'm a year sober ask me anything if you need advice I've had a crazy year and came out alright.
I don't have a social life anymore, if by definition of social life you mean going out to bars/clubs almost every night like I was. I plan for a show and have maybe one big night a month, I'm 25. I redefined myself and I am meeting new people through healthier outlets while I'm chilling in the park or at the gym. Plenty of ways to meet people and socialize w out alcohol and in terms of girls, I've got no problem and they seem to like me more now I'm more confident in my decision to stop drinking and more confident in general. I'm a year sober ask me anything if you need advice I've had a crazy year and came out alright.
I grew up not drinking much. A beer every few months or so. When my friends would go out to bars and drink, I'd tag along for a bit, then be the guy who went home early. I worked a lot anyways, so they understood. Eventually, your social life develops elsewhere. Board games with friends. Movies. Hiking. I always hated clubs and bars anyways, so it wasn't much of a problem.
Find a hobby and encourage others to participate with you.
Or join the party where all of the booze is and just have a soft drink. It's possible to have fun while sober.
Don't drink alcohol.
Find a hobby. Sports and modern board games (which are fantastic) are a good place to start.
For me, it took a while to click but you don't need alcohol. I was the same story as most, drinking daily etc. I was at a wedding drunk as one could imagine, all I remember from that night is talking to my friend who is sober, he was just smiling and nodding as I rambled away.. I can only imagine how foolish I looked, I don't want to be thought of like that and lots of my past social times were that. Worst for me was my friends wedding night I don't remember. What kind of friend is that. I know no one cares that people get drunk at weddings, but I don't want my inebriated stupor to be what anyone remembers of me from that an event. I haven't got drunk since. I drink casually, limit of 3 MAX. Some people give you a hard time, and don't get it. But eventually they stop trying to force it on you. Life is better without getting drunk. You can have fun, and remember it! The feeling of going out with friends and then waking up early and having a whole day ahead of you is amazing. The money you save. The benefits are any you think of. Fun is interpretive. Buy a bike, a telescope, a camera anything. If you have a hobby that you want to do and are adamant about doing it then drinking comes second and passion and happiness take the lead.
For me, it took a while to click but you don't need alcohol. I was the same story as most, drinking daily etc. I was at a wedding drunk as one could imagine, all I remember from that night is talking to my friend who is sober, he was just smiling and nodding as I rambled away.. I can only imagine how foolish I looked, I don't want to be thought of like that and lots of my past social times were that. Worst for me was my friends wedding night I don't remember. What kind of friend is that. I know no one cares that people get drunk at weddings, but I don't want my inebriated stupor to be what anyone remembers of me from that an event. I haven't got drunk since. I drink casually, limit of 3 MAX. Some people give you a hard time, and don't get it. But eventually they stop trying to force it on you. Life is better without getting drunk. You can have fun, and remember it! The feeling of going out with friends and then waking up early and having a whole day ahead of you is amazing. The money you save. The benefits are any you think of. Fun is interpretive. Buy a bike, a telescope, a camera anything. If you have a hobby that you want to do and are adamant about doing it then drinking comes second and passion and happiness take the lead.
For me, it took a while to click but you don't need alcohol. I was the same story as most, drinking daily etc. I was at a wedding drunk as one could imagine, all I remember from that night is talking to my friend who is sober, he was just smiling and nodding as I rambled away.. I can only imagine how foolish I looked, I don't want to be thought of like that and lots of my past social times were that. Worst for me was my friends wedding night I don't remember. What kind of friend is that. I know no one cares that people get drunk at weddings, but I don't want my inebriated stupor to be what anyone remembers of me from that an event. I haven't got drunk since. I drink casually, limit of 3 MAX. Some people give you a hard time, and don't get it. But eventually they stop trying to force it on you. Life is better without getting drunk. You can have fun, and remember it! The feeling of going out with friends and then waking up early and having a whole day ahead of you is amazing. The money you save. The benefits are any you think of. Fun is interpretive. Buy a bike, a telescope, a camera anything. If you have a hobby that you want to do and are adamant about doing it then drinking comes second and passion and happiness take the lead.
Sex
I personally don't drink or do any type of drugs and without sounding like a conceded piece of shit I'm usually the life of the party. I'm always the sober one but I'm also the most outgoing one. I love going out mostly cause I love music and im never afraid to cut a rug or 2 so I never have that awkward moment where no one is dancing and having a good time. When it comes to the ladies I have zero fear, that doesn't mean I leave with any cause I'm still 320 lbs so I'm always gonna have that hurdle 2 jump over. Basically what I'm saying is I maybe always sober but I'm never boring and ppl usually get excited when I come out cause I know how to have a good time.
Not a problem. I have been doing it since 1986. It does mean that you will probably end up with a whole batch of brand new friends.
I play Dungeons and Dragons. Group of friends meets up every week and play for ~4 hours. Fun times, alcohol not required. Sometimes we go to the bar afterwards for a late dinner. We never get drunk and some people in our group never drink. The bar is our time to unwind and relax, find out how things are going. The game is for the fun times.
Don't associate your alcohol consumption with fun. You get into a mind set where you think you need to have alcohol to have fun and thus the more you drink the more fun you will be having.
I feel like I have a good, unique angle on this. I am a DJ, so i work in fucking stupid ass clubs that i dont really like and would never go into if i wasnt being paid. I have my work friends, but not really drinking friends because i dont got out drinking, im drinking at work.
What ive realized is drinking is just an activity. Most people that are bar buddies are not bike riding buddies. So, in order to have riding buddies, you gotta go out and ride.
A bar is just one activity that a certain set of people enjoy. Theres shitloads of other activities you can find like minded individuals.
just order a soft drink. why would you need alcohol for a good time?
Finishing up my senior year, haven't touched alcohol since the first two weeks of freshman year. Hang out a lot with a group of people who also don't drink. Common interests is a big thing...whether it's dancing or smash bros or having the same taste in movies. Find people you actually like, not people you can't tolerate sober.
get new friends , play pc video games online with said friends, finally have a lan party.
If you want to be top dog in a match, cant drink that devil's nectar .
Don't take anything seriously, that's what I do.
Volunteer places or get involved with community projects like sports / clubs / coaching. You'll meet tons of people and have a common ground to talk on.
Drugs and alcohol are the best things that can fappen to you.
I have a friend who doesn't drink alcohol but likes to get turnt on caffeine. When people are drinking she'll down a load of coffee and get really hyper and funny. Its kinda the same thing.
same, I use to drink heavily and get everybody drunk but due to an anxiety problem had to quit drinking.
A random, relevant anecdote.
A long time ago, I used to attend meditation classes run by a Buddhist group. They were quietly proud of the fact that the group had been barred from some local hostelry for their unruly and noisy behaviour. They were all tee-total and had been drinking tea.
They were proud of this because they were able to discard their normal inhibitions and reticence as a result of their meditation exercises. Most of us require several drinks to do something similar and, unfortunately, this results in discarding your brains at the same time.
The fact that they were drinking tea and not spending much may have been a factor.
Go to gym every day pretty much. Schmooze with people in the weight room... take group classes.
If you guys have amtgard or whatever in your area, join that. If not, join some other martial arts.
Smoke pot.
Be interested in the world, be interested in other people, be interested in yourself = tonnes of material for conversation.
My friend has got in to Salsa... The guy looks busy all the freaking time and is loving life as soon as work ends.
I don't drink, but I still go out to bars/parties/etc with friends. I usually drive, so that it's not as big a deal, and I have no problem being DD. Also, I'm the one who remembers the stupid things everyone else does, and can fill them in the next day.
Be a stoner.
Good food.
I'm not sure what city you live in but food is the greatest hobby. Find new places, travel and eat. Take all the money you'd use on booze and eat something amazing.
Replace alcohol with WEED and COFFEE its what the best of us have done already. SERIOUSLY. I used to drink all the time and then one dose of lsd later I cant bring myself to drink and I havent shed a fuckin tear over it.drunk people are impossible to be around when youre sober so i understand your concerns lol.so unless you get lucky and a drug induced trip magically steals the urge to drink from your brain...just quit drinking and you pussy
Start doing cocaine instead
The answer is simple, and you already know it. Order a water. After an LSD trip, I was finished with alcohol for a good 3 months and was a solid vegetarian. It's been a while since that experience and I now eat occasional meat, and drink every once in a while, but I typically order a water at the bars. It's all about losing your ego. Once you stop caring about what other people think, you become so free. Good luck to you and love your life, mate!
Fascinating question. The culture you live in does, to some extent, make it easier or harder for one to socialize without alcohol. I grew up in Canada where beers and socializing go hand in hand. I also lived in Italy for many years where people are very social but drinking for the purpose of getting drunk is very frowned upon. I remember when I had just moved to Italy and I was out with some friends for the evening. I ordered a third bottle of beer and everyone starred at me and asked why? The fact is, Italians are highly social and don't lean on alcohol to socialize. They do like to drink wine and beer but in very limited amounts, 1 to 2 glasses or bottles in the evening.
But enough said, it doesn't matter where you live, you don't need to drink till your drunk to socialize. You just need to open up and practice chatting people up in my honest opinion. I think that light, fun conversation is the key.
I know a couple of people that don't drink and always show up at events or parties and still have a great time. They're lively (one of them is always hyped up on Red Bull) and they socialize just like everyone else. The only difference is is that they're not the drunk loud ones at the party like everyone else. It made me feel weird for awhile since I felt like I couldn't be and act like myself, insecure of how I sound or act when I'm drunk. But they're very open people and fun to be around.
I commend anyone who chooses the life of sobriety, it's not easy (at least for me) so it's a very respectable way of life.
hang out with better people!!!
Drugs....... It's the only way.
Just go out and have a good time. I'm over a year sober from alcohol. If people ask why you're not drinking, just say you are volunteering for DD for once. Have a water on me!
Never really cared for drinking, joined the LDS church for a while. They seriously know how to have a lot of wholesome fun :) Board games (really important and there are a ton of good ones), movies, exercise, quirky activities.
You'd be surprised how creative you can get without drinking. Find friends who don't like to get drunk all the time. Having a social life means nothing if you're inebriated for 80% of it. There are a ton of clubs (probably) around your area. Comic book stores, book clubs, gaming with buddies, working out together, etc.
I would say get into some kind of hobby. I found archery and climbing (which I suck at). Also exercise, outdoor stuff where possible. You tend to meet more people, plus your beer belly goes down a lot. it gets easier. The dd thing is ok but not when you've had enough and can't leave because your stuck on everyone else. I used to find that a night of pub cruising/ clubbing with my drunk buds made me pour out the drink afterwards. I tend to go for meals more now. It's BBQ's on hot sunny days that are the killer though.
O'Douls?
If you are asking yourself this, you should ask if you are really enjoying the social life you have. When I was younger it was fine to go on benders. But one day I asked myself why I had to get drunk. Did it make it fun, or did it add to the fun? The answer was that it made it fun. So I basically told myself that if I couldn't enjoy the activity without the alcohol I wouldn't attend it at all. Once you do this you actually become more socially adept because the alcohol is a crutch a lot of people use to help them get over social awkwardness. So ask yourself before you go out if you can enjoy yourself without the need to drink. If you want to get away from the scene and can't answer yes to that find something else to occupy your time.
Pick up a hobby. I for one play in pool leagues and even though we play at bars most of us don't drink when we play so we can stay focused
Check out Hello Sunday Morning, a non-profit group/app/platform to help promote drinking less/responsibly. Its great!
Smoke weed.
I just order Roy Rodgers's everyone I go out, I get the most flak from bartenders, but I'd I say "I'm the DD" or "medical reasons" (both true usually) or anything like that, they immediately treat me better.
Lots of respect to you, man. Having control of every action you make is important
You may need it in some way or another, chemically or whatever. Once you stop, you will start to realize that it was possible all along. I used to think the same thing. I used to drink a lot and couldn't really picture a fun social time without having some drinks to go along with it. The problem was that I would think that way. What a nice day, you know what would make lying in the hammock that much better? A beer! You know what would make this relaxing bath that much better? a drink! Hanging out? Obviously going to have more fun if we're tipsy!
Trust me, that is all based on either your chemical or psychological dependence on it and after you stop you will see that the only reason it seems like you can't have fun without it is based on how you see things right now. This becomes obvious as time goes on without it, and you will wonder why you ever thought that way at all.
When I stopped I was kind of bored because my initial reaction to everything was to have a drink. Just keep yourself busy by taking care of yourself, hell even not taking care of yourself by sitting in a chair and playing a video game all day is good for you if it will keep your mind busy and occupied until that urge to have a drink along with everything you do subsides.
A free and effective meditation practice that balances the body's energies and naturally curbs habitual, self-destructive behavior:
http://www.freemeditation.com
For our group of friends drinking is something to do while doing otherstuff, not an activity in and of itself. People drink but very very rarely do people get absolutely hammered. Because of this it is very easy to hang out with everyone and not drink. Regardless of whether we are listening to music, dancing, going to a show, playing a game or just sitting around BSing it is still stuff you can enjoy without alcohol. I think this is the best way to go about it.
If your group of friends has an end goal of just getting drunk without anything to go with it, even if that anything is just sitting around BSing you may need to find some new people to hang out with.
Join a gym and start lifting. You are bound to meet some friends there. I did and they are pretty cool people.
We have a friend in our social group who hasn't drunk alcohol since we were all 18 (now early 30's).
He still comes out with us on nights out has seems to have a good time. Occasionally he will go home early if we might go on to a club after bars but he's always fun and a part of the night.
Play Magic the Gathering. It's a card game. An addicting one. A (most of the times) expensive one.
But finding friends is really easy and most of the community is really nice to new players. I'm a bit sad that I'm not in the US, where way more people play than over here. But still, it's basically one of my only social activities in real-life and I will probably play it for a long time to come. :)
30 year old Texan here. Sometimes it's just impossible, depending on where you live.
People have tried opening 24 hour coffee shops and they eventually all close because they end up becoming a Mecca for every homeless person looking to ride out their meth buzz. Eventually people stop coming out because between the chairmen from the local chair force base and the afore-mentioned tweakers completely ruin the comfy vibe and turn it into a waitingroom for fucked up people trying to find a safe place to crash.
In better cities, you have places like this.
Join a chess club?
be friends with hardcore gamers
Smoke weed.
Personally nothing says a good weekend to me like a good hike on a Saturday.
This is the first time Reddit has made me cry. I should have asked this question (not because I need or want the upvotes - 36/M, old enough to not care anymore about such things - but because I needed this advice).
Fuck guys, you're awesome, I'll take this on board and sort it out. ;(
Sports, video games and much much much more.
Do you still remember what you liked to do before you could drink? Chances are, something along those lines will still be fun.
It's more or less the same question as "How do I have fun as an adult?" and the answer is pretty much the same, too.
Coke, breh.
Are you near Mormons? You could find Mormon friends. All the Mormons I know do a ton of fun, non-booze related stuff.
Like go to church and spread the good news
*god ruse
Hang out with stoners.
Weed is a nice alternative
Find something you enjoy, practice it, find and join groups who also do it (this takes humility, but you'll be surprised how non-judgmental and inclusive grown-up groups are, i.e., life is not like high school). Now you have friends who actually share common interests (not just drinking), and you're getting better at stuff which increases your self-esteem and makes it easier to get into other stuff!
Have some kids and your social life problems will seem to fade away....along with your hairline.
Have you tried marijuana?
I've been doing it for 16 months now. It'll be a jolt to you and your friends, but give it a few outings and it'll be normal.
Do everything you normally do. Except drink.
I don't drink and it hasn't hindered my social life too much. I go to bars with my friends and hang out with them when they're drinking. Yeah, I'm pretty much the designated designated driver, but it really isn't that big of a deal and is the main way to maintain an active social life when you don't drink.
If you are pressured into drinking, they're not friends. If you're judged for not drinking, they're not your friends. Any alcohol consuming person should love a friend that doesn't drink. A reliable DD and a ride to Taco Bell is very valuable.
if you feel you need to drink in order to have a good time, you may have a problem
Just hangout with people!
i don't drink alcohol at all. never have. it's kind of tough to socialize, i know.
part of socializing comes from being willing to spend some time with people who do drink alcohol and the other part comes from finding people who don't only want to do things involving drinking alcohol.
mostly, if you find people who like to do the same things you do, things will work naturally.
I quit drinking to smoke pot full time. I quit spending hundreds at the bars for a hundred at the grocery stores...I guess I'm not much for conversation, I just weld, eat, get high and repeat.
I am middle aged and have never had a drink, mostly due to a bad family history which just left me with no desire to go down that road. Honestly, if drinking is a big activity for you that includes your social circle, you need to start building other networks of friends through hobbies or community activities. You will find out which friends are real friends because those are the ones who will still want to hang with you when you aren't the life of the party.
Ask an active member of the LDS faith.
Seriously. Mormons know how to have good, clean, fun.
Move to Provo, Utah.
If you're looking for a way to enjoy yourself without alcohol, it could be just as simple as not drinking. You can still enjoy yourself at a bar, or at parties and not drinking. Sometimes social (people can be weird about people not drinking) or biological (alcohol is a drug and sometimes being around it is too tempting) pressures can make that not realistic. If thats the case, join a club that does something you really like. It will get you around like minded people looking to do something that isnt drinking related.
This has probably already been said, but find new friends. I'm not saying to dump your old ones, but you need friends who have non alcoholic interests. Try meetup.com it's NOT a dating site, it's exactly what it says. Meet up with groups who have your interests.
practice makes perfect. it's easier than you might think.
Funny thing you asked this today, as last night was my first night out to a bar with friends where I did not drink.. and I've always been the guy that makes people laugh, and i was worried I would lose that.. but I didn't. I'm not quitting drinking forever, It's sort of my atheist lent I guess you can say, except I want to accomplish something before I touch a drop of wine again. That's a long story.
Point is, be yourself.. if people don't like that you aren't drinking, you don't really need them.
i have always been the DD. i never really thought about it until a couple of friends and I went out dinner at a really nice place one night and while we were eating they said i didn't have to pay and they gave me a thank you card with $300 in it. they thank me for driving them home safe on the weekends and even though they always gave me gas money they said the $300 was for pulling them out of the bar before we did anything stupid and just generally looking out for them. it was really appreciated. so i guess it was easy to not drink knowing i was preventing them from driving under the influence. i do notice that if im not DD i never go out to the bars or parties where people drink. i supposed when you stop drinking you have to find fun somewhere else. maybe don't go to the places people drink. find new activities to do. nothing goods ever happens between midnight and 4 A.M.
That's really sweet of them :)
You dont...
You dont have a life without Alcohol...
Move to Utah.
I have allot of Alcoholic friends, and I dont drink. I want nothing to do with getting intoxicated, I think its stupid. People do and say stupid things when there drunk. Just decide before you go anywhere that you will say no to any inquiries about drinking anything. Make sure you go out of your way to participate after resisting all the peer pressure, and they'll be none the wiser, especially if they're wasted.
dont be british
go where you normally go
don't order alcohol
we all originally made friends, had fun, met new people as little kids before we encountered alcohol.
The key is to leave before people get shitfaced. That is when being able to have fun but not drinking ends.
Get a job in a hot bar/club in your town. All your existing friends will love you for getting them in (and/or cheap drinks), and you'll make tons of new friends.
Do not take a bartending class. Just go get a job as a barback/bouncer and work your way up.
Make Muslim friends! Real talk though just start with Dat oriented activities that require some sort of fitness
I DJ and have been sober for 6 years. I get redbull cranberry's at bars, the redbull dilutes the cranberry and looks like a mixed drink. Solid tip.
Honestly, I've done it and it's no hard. The only negative part about it was the peer pressure from those around me who, apparently couldn't survive if I didn't also have a drink. The word no is quite a powerful word, and once you become comfortable saying it, you can pretty much do whatever.
Ginger ale.
Common interest groups... There are groups for pretty much every interest out there. Enjoy kayaking? Traveling? Building a snowmen on your porch? There's a group for that! Check out your local common interest group listings. Hell, I believe that religion is still so popular mainly because it brings about a social atmosphere and a sense of belonging for the members of the congregation at least once a week. I sometimes attend church with my cousin who is a pastor simply because I like hanging out, playing ping pong and drinking refreshments and stuff after the sermon.
Have you considered the Mormon Church?
Relevant: http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/04/17/how-to-make-friends-in-a-new-city/
Most social contexts that are worth anything are not about drinking, but may involve optional drinking. People who are worth anything will respect your choice to not drink, regardless of the reason behind your choice (moral, medical, etc.). If you are a recovering addict, true friends will support you in your ongoing recovery, and if you are open and honest with them about how things are with you and how they should behave around you, it shouldn't be awkward for them to have theirs and for you to be ok around it (depending on your particular temperament).
Sports and hobbies have been suggested elsewhere. That is good advice. People who share common interests with you will want to have fun and interact regardless.
Honestly tabletop gaming (RPG's, Boardgame's, Miniature War Games, etc...) has really saved me for a social life. It gives you a way to be social for hours at a time without the need for alcohol.
ok chillie
Lots of great stories here, i'll add mine. Similar experiences as many here, college parties, etc. At some point alcohol consumption became a problem, likely due to self medicating re work/life stress. Got fucked up and ended up getting really hurt. Decided to cold turkey quit. I'm just about 2 years clean.
As others have said I've lost some friends and have had to endure the "what do you mean your not drinking?" thing. But the thing is that it has shown who my true friends are. And I was the best man for a buddy of mine, and I hosted and planned his b-party. Everyone was totally cool with me not drinking, and in fact, it was an awesome time.
Alcohol is a depressant, and it depresses all your body functions. As a result of quitting, I've gotten into way better shape (I don't workout, but I like to ride my bike). My sex drive has gone way up, and I never get hangovers.
While pot is a waaaaay better alternative to alcohol, in many, many respects; I do think you should ask yourself why you feel the need for any substance to alter your feelings/emotions, etc.
As far as social life, you will need to redefine that. I don't know your situation, but socializing frequently at places where booze is involved is probably a thing to avoid. Trying to connect w your friends around other shared interests, or find new friends/new ways to develop your interests. Pick up new hobbies, join a makerspace, join a sports team (just not beer-league ones). I found that I liked just the act of holding a beverage and the physical act of drinking, and sometimes, when I am at a bar (which sometimes happens with work-related conferences, etc), I will request a collins glass for my "Pepsi and Coke" as bartenders will often give you the red-flag raising "soda cup" (just tip well and you'll be fine....).
Quitting will be amazing I guarantee it!! You will feel better, and your quality of life will go up. Good luck!!
Church people know all about this. My friends have parties and everything that are super fun with dancing and everything.
I'm in a similar boat. I don't really want to drink or smoke, but I have a hard time finding people who are even willing to hang out without alcohol or pot involved - especially musicians. Any suggestions on where to find friends who aren't like that?
I avoid sugary drinks unless I'm out with friends. Then I order a Roy Rogers (cherry coke, grenadine, and a maraschino cherry). The sugar rush makes me feel out of character enough that I fit in with the drunkards, but I'm still completely in control.
Come to utah and hang out with the Mormons.
Its really not hard, booze is just the easy button for ppl to talk to each other, finding ppl with common interests who hold your interests is much harder, but if you find your niche your social life will explode. I recently took theater this semester and in finding my natural niche in that subject, i've found many ppl who I can mingle with. I'm friends with 90% of my class, that's damn near unheard for me in a class no less. Once you find what you love, ppl will naturally flock to you. I've made more friends in this semester alone than in my 2 years of being in my school
Seriously though, Heroin is lots of fun.
A little too fun, unfontunetly :P
I was always the get black out drunk girl. I've had my share of falls on my face, hospital visits from being wasted etc. I recently came to a realization that I am just a super tiny human and I can't hold my liquor like other people can. My family has a long line of alcoholics and my grandfather ultimately passed away from that. I would go off on family trips and come back stumbling and barfing all night. My mom started to tell me that I was showing signs of being an alcoholic. Now I am not a day drinker and I don't drink every single day, I drink on special occasions and I drink a shit ton. (mom was acting a fool) So I noticed that yea, I was a big old sloppy mess. I made a change. I don't binge drink aany more and my friends like it. We are all 26 and 27 and started to grow into the no binging department. We do a lot of activities to keep us active and when we want to get fucked up we just smoke pot instead. Much better inebriation and we have created some kick ass games, dinners, and stories!
Get really into running/hiking/outdoorsy stuff. !
this is really meant as a serious answer:
Just don't drink it! If people joke about you for not drinking ignore it.
This may sound weird but when j want to have a good time I'll sometimes have a large cup of coffee (I'm sensative to caffeine). I get really happy and talkative and usually have a great time without the hangover.
I've honestly had this conversation with people on quite a few occasions so I am really excited to see what the collective wisdom of reddit has to say about this because we didn't get very far whenever I discussed it before
Be asian and miss the gene to produce the enzyme to digest ALD2 or whatever (my bio TA explained).
I get deathly sick from alcohol. i am 5'9" 145 lbs and a few shots and a few beers will have me puking with the worlds worst headache til the next day. Which i thought was normal for a "hangover" until my friends said thats not what they go through. So now i drink maybe a beer or 2 throughout the night which still gets me buzzed
My Grandmother was allergic to alcohol. A red-headed Irish American woman. One beer and the poor woman would puke her guts out for an hour or so and be hungover in the morning.
I saw her drink one time - that was it. :(
I'm a middle-aged fellow who has never really drunk alcohol. Probably had my last drink (which was probably a sip of beer or something) when I was 15 (many decades ago). I've never really suffered because of it. I guess the problem is that I get to watch others get loud, obnoxious, and stupid. So, generally, I don't hang about with people for too long when they're drinking. As someone who has been cold-stone sober I can tell all those drinkers out there that alcohol makes you all different...probably not very nice versions of yourself. Initially it's fun and raucous but reasonably quickly it becomes loud and volatile. Always. I think it's sad to think that some people inextricably link alcohol with social interaction. I guess if you're 'in it' drinking socially feels different - fun and lively. But from the outside it's not that much.
Go mountain biking, or go to the local park and play some pick-up BBall. You'll meet a bunch of cool dudes.
Magic the gathering, dungeons and dragon, board games
Go all in on training - good excuse for not drinking :)
I drink very rarely usually with food. Never been a social thing and I've probably not had more than a slight strong single beer buzz in about 8 or so years. People around me drink, I don't, no issues.
I cut back on alcohol intake this semester, going the first 2 1/2 months of the year without drinking. I've had fun. I only drink when I really feel like it, I've travelled this semester, played fun video games, made more artwork, etc. instead of getting wasted, I go do quality things with my friends. It's pretty nice. Just find something you enjoy doing and do it instead.
Reach your 30th birthday.
just order a pineapple juice
I pretty much can't "go out" or hang out with people without some kind of booze or a ton of caffeine. Being awkward and shy sucks.
Its tough to be honest. Unless you're lucky enough to find a large enough group of non drinkers to do shit with in college youre gonna spend a lot of time being bored at bars and parties (imho).
I hated going to bars or parties cause at the bar there's just nothing to do, You sit there and maybe listen to a shitty country singer (this is alabama) or your at a party and everyone is annoying and belligerent. Now if only parties existed with music, pong, etc minus the alcohol id be set.
I joined the local hackerspace to build fun gadgets and to dabble with electronics.
r/StraightEdge! Some good people over there. We get questions like this all the time!
I quit for an entire year. You get funny looks from people but it starts to becoming fun to actually turn it down. They would give me shit because I still smoked pot, but my mind had never been clearer than that year. Alcohol is poison.
I used to be the same way as you describe. I felt uncomfortable with social occasions unless alcohol was involved. To the point where I didn't go to my brothers wedding because he said I couldn't drink. Eventually I decided it was time to solve this problem because feeling like an asshole when everyone tells me the stupid stuff I did the night before was causing even more drinking because I realized that when I drank I didn't feel the shame anymore. Kind of came to the point of being drunk all the time to just have an excuse not to feel the shame anymore. My mom tricked me into going to an AA meeting and now have 3 years sober. You would be amazed how common the feelings of being uncomfortable are, and no better way of find people just like you then at AA. I met some of my closest friends there and they are true friends. Not just people who want to see how stupid you can be, or use you because they know after a few drinks you will be very careless with money. Just a suggestion but it worked for me.
Coming up on two years sober. I am only 26, so the thought of going to parties or bars and being the only sober one was terrifying while I was getting sober. I was afraid that everyone would notice that I wasn't drinking and wonder what was wrong with me. However, people are all self-conscious and no one has ever asked me why I don't drink. Most of them just say, "Congratulations" or "I don't drink much anymore, either." No one will notice or wonder. People are all wrapped up in their own petty problems. You real friends won't care. They'll be proud and supportive. I have noticed that I am way more sharp and fun to be around in social environments now. I'm not anxious to run to the bar and my social barometer is better. I do get annoyed by inebriated people after a while, though. I am a flat out alcoholic. I can't ever have another drink. I have two years sober under my belt and I can't sacrifice that. I have an obsession with the stuff and if I can stop, then so can you (or whatever your goal is). Cheers :)
I used to drink a lot. When I first started dating my wife it had gotten to a point where I was drinking 6 - 7 shots a night, and sometimes a few less, but not often. I got this way because when my ex broke my heart after cheating on me 4 years into the relationship I met some friends who went out a lot, and I started going out a lot, drinking, and even picked up smoking. The drinking took a hold of me and I started using it to relieve stress, and feel normal. It took me 2 - 3 years to taper off of alcohol, and about 3 years to quit smoking. It made it more difficult that the only friends that I had were big drinkers, and smokers. Fortunately, my friend group started vaping, and I had stopped talking to them for about 6 months to a year. Now, I've completely stopped smoking except on very rare occasions where I'm watching football with friends. I only drink one to three nights a week, and only have 1 - 3 shots during those nights. It took a long time to get to that point. What I have learned is that things are fine in moderation. We went out with my friends to a bar recently and I only had like 2 drinks. We still had a blast. I would say that you don't have to completely give up alcohol if you can control how much you intake. I just focus less on the fact that we are drinking and more on the talking with my friends even if they are drunk and I still have a good time. Otherwise, I just don't go out as much. I go out maybe 10 times a year now. Most nights my friends go out I'm at home with my wife hanging out.
Boardgames!!!
Stopping by at a board game store is great there are usually games happening but don't get into Magic it's like getting into heroin except worse for you.
Don't drink? Seems pretty simple to me...
I know this is not easy for some people but do you consider drinking socially, not necessarely vomiting ou passing out.?
One of my best friends doesn't drink. I've found that because of her, I drink less. Certainly when just the two of us are together I don't drink; when she comes out to the bars every now and then with a group, I still find myself drinking a lot less. It doesn't seem fun to get sloppy with someone else who's sober.
It's not like she judges people for it or acts weird about it, but it has helped me consciously decide to drink less myself. I think it has actually helped me by having a close friend who doesn't drink. Drinking less has been a benefit to my health, my safety, and my wallet, besides for getting to connect better with a terrific friend. Perhaps you can be that person to a good friend who drinks.
Join an outdoors club! Join a club for anything you like!
I think you are asking what social activities you can do without drinking. I think you need to take up a hobby, there are tons of hobbies out there, obviously it will depend on what you like and don't like , just a few suggestions:
Theme parks Go-karts Racing Motorcycles Card games like yu-gi-oh, Pokemon and Magic the Gathering Anime conventions (you don't even have to like anime to go) Cosplay Local festivals Concerts (you are there for the music, right?) Cooking Tabletop games Board games Video games
If you are looking for an anime convention I would check with the local colleges, over here almost every college has one and admission is usually less than $5. Again it's not necessary to have any prior knowledge of anime to attend but if you are out of ideas and don't feel like you fit in anywhere then a convention is a great place to start.
I never play Pokemon unless I'm absolutely shitfaced
Don't know if it was mentioned, but find the right people!. I rarely/never drink alcohol, but I have many friends nonetheless. They just don't care when I'm not drinking any alcohol on a party, and we still have great fun. When you are around the right people you can have much fun without alcohol. :)
Well. I usually feel like complete shit just after 1 night of being drunk and usually don't drink again for months. But tht doesn't exactly help answer anything lol
At 30 years old I've never had a drink in my life. I've sipped various alcoholic beverages but sincerely hate the taste and generally dislike the culture that accompanies alcohol, at least around young people. It was never for me. That being said, I'm a pretty sociable person and don't know what it's like to have a social life WITH alcohol. I don't have much advice to offer except to reassure you that it can and is being done by many people, though it may not seem like it sometimes. It is absolutely possible to have an enjoyable, fulfilling life just by being yourself, without need of the lubricating effects of alcohol.
Make it clear you're not gonna drink, make yourself the designated driver, and have fun socializing. Odds are you won't be the only one sober.
I've never liked the taste of alcohol and haven't had a drink since I was 18 or 19 (so more than 20 years) and never had a problem. The only problem is how increasingly stupid conversations are, with people that keep pounding them down. The antidote is to start laughing at the dumb stuff, like they're jokes.
Just because you go to the bar doesn't mean you have to drink. Unless of course you've got a problem. Then you probably wouldn't want the temptation.
I think joining clubs/sports is a good way. I'm in a men's hockey league and while there is drinking after (sometimes before) the game, several guys don't partake and no one cares. It's good guy time (there are women's teams, and mixed-sex teams, too). There's also a facebook outdoor adventure club that I"m a part of. People organize simple to extravagent outdoors events (rock climbing, hiking, kayaking, camping, etc) and invite anyone in the club. Good way to meet new people with similar interests.
Just a couple of tips. Good luck.
Find something your passionate about and make friends in the scene. I do bjj/mma/wrestling all my friends are there. None of us really drink we all focus on getting better. It's pretty cool
To be honest, if you want to have a good team at parties without drinking learn to dance. EVERYONE loves a good dancer, and if you can dance well it really helps you to socialize with people and have fun without drinking.
I've never been a drinker. Grew up with a Straightedge scene and never out-grew that part of it. And I'm a very socialable mo-fo.
Make friends with people who also don't drink, or at least don't drink to get drunk.
It might sound weird or uncool now depending on where you are in life but this is normal for adults/professionals. It's a life stage thing. Similarly if you get married, you'll start hanging out with couples. If you have kids someday, you won't see a lot of value in spending tons of time with friends who don't also have kids.
If you're done drinking or not a drinker, there's not really anything for you in that world. Best to look for people who want to spend time the ways you want to spend time. Ignore parties and clubs, start going to meetups for your hobbies, take classes, whatever.
Acquire a debilitating Pokemon Trading Card Game addiction.
I stopped drinking for about 3 years - I felt like I was doing and saying too many things I regretted. During that time, I was in my late 20's, I found how big of a deal drinking is to so many people. If you have a social life, most of it revolves around drinking. I lost some friends during this time, and people started to treat me like I was some kind of weirdo - friends that I had for a long time treated me that way.
The thing to keep in mind is - fuck them. You make your own life choices, you don't do anything that everyone else has to do, you control your decisions. Just be you and do you.
It is hard being a non-drinker and people are going to treat you like you have some kind of contagious disease, but do you, be you, and fuck 'em!
Live an active life during the day. Hike, rock climb, surf, go to the gym, yoga, etc
I quit drinking 9 months ago. To show my wife how easy it is. Quit cold turkey that day and never looked back. I've coped quite well. I just have to nudge myself out of my comfort zone during parties and get togethers. At first, you'll feel shy and sorta out of place with everyone else drinking but that passes. After your friends deal with you not drinking (i.e. pressuring you to drink our giving you drinks) then it gets a lot easier. Now, I can have a blast without alcohol. All it takes is a little uncomfortable, push through it.
Order soda water with lime, sprite, or coke. I don't think most people care if you have an alcoholic drink or not. If they give you shit about it, you don't need to waste your time with them. Social is about chatting, sharing time together, or whatever. Doesn't have to include alcohol.
Plus side, designated driver for your tipsy friends!
My honest answer is either find new friends that are sober or it's really impossible. Alcohol is the world's social lubricant that makes you confident enough to tell your stories to a stranger and the stranger actually like your shitty story enough to keep talking to you.
When you go to a party make sure to leave before everyones wasted or there will be an imbalance
I do hope this helps but, yes it very much possible to still have a social life without drinking. I've never had a drink in my life, nor do I ever intend too. So this raises a lot of questions and pressure from friends and others when I explain myself. Plus my medical condition really prevents me from ever drinking in the first place, less I want in at the ER. Besides that, am always given shit by everyone by not drinking at social events and am constantly told why I even bother to go to them. There's far more to a social life than having to drink, I feel that if am able to have a good time with friends and remain sober the whole time than it's worth it. Plus, seeing everyone always making asses of themselves only reaffirms my stance with not drinking, and I also find it funny. Really all there is to it is just having a good time with what you want, not what others want. That being said if you do decide to have a drink, enjoy it nothing wrong about it. Just do so in moderation.
I hear this question a lot, there are plenty of cool things to do, road trips, cards, gaming, sports, pool, sober people have fun all the time, some folks just forget, I've done more wild shit sober then drunk, and I remember everything, definitely worth it!
Befriend muslims. Some of them arent that bad. Mostly dont drink and value friendships (the good ones of course)
find people into other things, longboarding, frisbee golf, hiking, just active fun things. also weed, if you're down
You communicate with friends, go to events and don't drink any beer or take shots, unless you are an alcoholic it's not that hard.
As a person who has never wanted to drink I'd say there are a lot of things to do that do not involve drinking. Everything from sports to eating out there's a lot you can still do with friends. Even when my friends go for a drink in a pub I enjoy going with them, I'm happy just sat there with a lemonade and having a conversation.
I don't enjoy being drunk. I hate not having a clear mind and drinking makes me, well drunk. I can't imagine how anybody likes being drunk.
You don't need to ACTUALLY be drunk to PRETEND to be drunk! WOOOO!
Now I can act with complete disregard of all consequences and blame it on my supposed intoxication! WOOOOOOOO!
I was 9 months sober on Monday and I have no clue other than just do the things I did before with the people who saw me through it, but just without drink.
I drink and I like to drink, sometimes I drink too much.
When I grew up, I kept falling into these groups of friends that were tea totalers or drank very seldom. I felt really bad drinking around them and I think the whole thing was more uncomfortable for me than them.
Just look around, you can find a group.
Alcohol is only there to inhibit you, thus you do things you wouldn't normally do. However, if you are the sober one in the room you can act as you normally do. Just go out and be yourself and you will be fine. Besides, you will be able to see all the crazy stuff that happens and still be able to remember it all the next morning. I've seen plenty of it since I don't drink at all, but still like to hang out at parties. Plus you can also make sure your friends get home safely.
Join a temperance organization
everyones like "yea dont drink at the bar" and i do that because of my diet but man the options of drinking other stuff on a long night out really suck. like, after the 3rd coke light im just like.. "im going home because i cant drink any more water or coke" (and really the only reason im not drinking alc is so i dont drink my calories)
Go to dance clubs like swing dancing, line dancing, or salsa. It's a great way to meet people and you have to have a partner to dance!
I don't drink much at all. My girlfriend is 20 (I'm 24) and I stopped going to bars as much.
I'm also a huge stoner so...
Go to the bar, ask for a coke with ice in a old fashion glass, you'll fit right in. Bars are kinda lame if your not drunk though.
Try joining co-ed sports teams! Usually pretty relaxed environment, good exercise, and great folks!
I was drinking about 5-6 times a week. 3-7 beers/drinks. I would come home from work and start it up. Dinner would be delayed because of happy hour, so we ate about 8-8:30 most nights. Didnt really get hangovers so the only issue was the weight that was slowly building up around my gut. Long story short I cut back to drinking only 2 times a week (okay sometimes 3) and reduced the amount when I do drink. I found it a little hard at first, being in and around drinkiers when I wasnt drinking. But you need to loosen up a bit, and try to have fun. You dont really have to do the trying part when your drinking. So just make sure your looking for a good time. I try and make little jokes, and mostly listen more than I did before. It was a bit of an adjustment, but after while it wasnt forced, and came naturally. Hope this helps.
Try developing your personality. Develop a diverse knowledge of interesting subjects and current events. Learn how to start and carry on a conversation with a stranger. Have thoughtful opinions that will provoke others to speak with you. I was never much of a drinker. Haven't taken a drink in over 10 years. You can go to bars and order a soft drink. No one cares.
Step 1: Don't be a pussy.
Step 2: Surround yourself with decent people who value your presence in general and build friendships with them. This part takes time and won't be easy.
The payoff: You'll have worthwhile friends and you'll find you actually have a social edge over others from being sober.
I have a friend who has been sober for 10 years. She is an intensely social person, so staying out of bars, and staying away from friends who drink alcohol is not really an option for her. What has worked is first listening to herself, and knowing her limits. When it gets too much, when she starts to feel like she wants to join in the drunken fun, it's time to go home. The other key to this is communicating to her friends and asking them to respect it, to not pressure her to stay when she reaches that point. The people who do respect that limit are the people she surrounds herself with. Like other people have mentioned in this thread, you lose/shed the "friends" who treat you poorly for making this decision and won't respect your decision to leave or pressure you to drink. A wonderful thing has happened in our small-town community, in that she is being completely supported by a lot of people in her sobriety. She is well known to be sober, and well liked by a lot of people. Bartenders wouldn't serve her if she asked, most store keepers wouldn't sell to her if she tried to purchase. If she was seen in public trying to take a drink, it would be physically removed from her hands (there's a famous incident where she was doing "shots" with a group of friends, and hers was iced tea, and another person didn't know this and lunged across the bar to knock it out of her hands.) Basically, communication, support, and honesty with herself has been her safety net in sobriety, and it has worked. Oh, another thing that helped confirm to her it was the right decision--when she stopped drinking, she suddenly had disposable cash that she never used to have because she spent it all on alcohol. That was a nice revelation for her during the dark time of her recovery.
More often than not I don't drink when I'm out with friends and they all know I prefer not to drink. I don't see the fun in it and have never even been drunk. Now I honestly don't mind being around drunk people... I found as long as you can still communicate and don't treat them like they're drunk and your not, socializing is fine. When asked (because it will be asked) I respond with "I would rather enjoy myself and remember these awesome times then forget them the next morning due to alcohol".
Just my two cents.
It really isnt that hard , your friends must be the ones that are always drinking . But really , the gym is the place ive met the most interesting people. From all ages and proffesions , even then , being with a group doesnt meam you have to go all out and drink alot. Keep it chill bro (:
Become a volunteer fire fighter in your spare time. You meet people in training and they will invite you to other activities, often outdoor related. Being a volunteer fire fighter means that you will be on call, so it is a motivation for you to not drink, so you'll be able to respond to calls
Activities. Humans don't typically just get together and look at each other very well.
Play golf, lift weights, do stuff
I've never really had much interest in drinking for a variety of reasons and back in high school and college when everyone thought it was super cool it did make things a little awkward being the only sober person at a party where nobody is doing anything but getting drunk and trying to convince each other to drink more. With time though my friends accepted that it's not my thing and the novelty of drinking to get drunk seemed to wear off. These days it's more campfire or videogames or jam session and the alcohol is secondary, which makes all the difference.
Get outdoors! Try getting into climbing or biking. Great way to meet people, get in shape, and potentially try something new.
Welcome to Playing Dungeons & Dragons. Message me if you need any help with this...tears....
Non-alcoholic beer + bloody mary mix = "red beer" Nobody really questions it.
It can be done. It depends on your friends and their attitude to your teetotalness. To be frank I would say you need a set of friends for whom it isn't a big deal, is adults who will not make a big deal about it.
You may find you want to do things that don't focus around drinking establishments - that's normal. You may need to compromise for the sake of the friendships. Hopefully they are fine with you drinking soft drinks. If its a problem you can pretend you're drinking if it helps. I will admit to on occasion having slipped the bartender a tenner and told them to ensure my drinks were nonalcoholic no matter what I ordered (new work outing and I did not want to seem standoffish) which typically meant Bacardi and coke without the Bacardi.
You need to evaluate how your group will take your decision and decide the best route to take.
I'm was "hanging out" with a guy in AA once (until he became "emotionally unavailable" but whatever I'm not bitter or anything) and most of his friends were thru AA. He was super involved in AA affiliations and whatnot. They really banded together and did stuff like kick ball and shit on top of the conventions and committees for young people. They actually would still go to the clubs and stuff sober and all, came to a party at my college house once. Liked to laugh at the shenanigans. So I guess its all about finding people with common interests. I myself am not a heavy drinker. I had a year or two in college of mild partying, but I have anxiety so copious amounts of alcohol don't do me any justice. I am a fan of craft beer and breweries because its a big thing where I live, but my main friends aren't huge drinkers either. We bonded over being the only people in our circle that didn't go clubbing and shit. Find activities you like and find people who are as weird as you are.
Be yourself, be true. And hang with the homies.
Meetup groups are a good place to start. Its only occasional socializing though.
I just drink soda. Only occasionally do I drink alcohol.
Don't drink alcohol and hang out with people and still go to parties. That's what I did/do. You don't need that shit to have a good time
Join meetup.com and find a club you like! For me and a few of my friends it's easy to talk to them about video games and movies because it's what we do most in our spare time.
I stopped drinking almost 2 weeks ago. And I don't miss it at all. Not that I was a heavy drinker, but I started drinking almost every day (5 beer maximum I guess). One day, I only had 3 drinks, went to bed and felt like shit the next day. I also dreamed I wrecked my car, so yeah. I decided to stop drinking for a while now but I like the taste of a nice beer to much to stop quitting alltogether.
Lol this doesn't help him at all. Just a random ass message
Become a mormon
You join groups and discuss important ideas instead.
Like reddit?
take phenibut
Move to Utah.
according to this thread, op; your only 2 options are weed or mormonism
Join a martial arts school. Preferably something that isn't bullshit like MMA. You'd be surprised how close you get with your fellow martial artists and how positively people react to knowing you do something like that.
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Look for a gym with good, friendly people and active fighters. Start with a BJJ school if you don't like the idea of striking. If you do like striking, go to a Muay Thai school. Most BJJ schools have a Muay Thai program and most Muay Thai Schools have a BJJ program, you just gotta pick which you want to focus on. Other schools are straight up MMA schools and if thats what you're into, go straight to that. Avoid things like Tiger Schulmans and ull be okay. Red flags to look for are belt tests in a Muay Thai School or more than like 5 belts in a BJJ school. If you do BJJ, accept that you will be a white belt for a LONG time, and if you do go up to blue, you'll be a blue belt even longer. Its not like Tae Kwon Do where you get promoted every week. I'd love to answer any other questions you have. ^_^ Also join /r/bjj, /r/muaythai and /r/mma, they're great at answering beginner questions. Good luck!
In my 7th month of pregnancy, obviously stopped drinking altogether. My social life was deep into the drinking crowd. Nkt always clubbing and getting drunk, but lots of patio beer time, meeting up for food and drinks at the pub, or a ladies movie and wine night.
Ive found that the friends who genuinely care about you will continue to hang out and do activities that dont involve drinking. I havent found myself lacking any social time (aside from needing a bit more rest for myself).
If you have a problem with alcohol, I suggest you only socialize with your old drinking buddies in a situation that has no alcohol. That way you don't abandon your friends but you make it clear to them you don't drink. If you don't have an alcohol problem, always have a non-alcoholic drink in your hand. That way other party guests will not feel uncomfortable and want to offer you drinks. Become the DD. People love an honest DD that hasn't secretly been taking drinks. I have many friends that don't drink and come to parties and these are the techniques they use.
When people are too drunk for you to want to hang out with them, they will not remember that you were not there with them. So all you have to do is leave when you're bored.
The real hard part is that, if you relied on drinking to feel comfortable at parties, it will be very uncomfortable being at a party sober. This will get a lot better; you'll actually get a lot more out of socializing than you did before, believe it or not. But it takes time and effort to get there.
Time will show that real socialization does not rely on drinking. If you like to do anything at all — play board games, go out to shows, art galleries, whatever it is — you will have a social life. For a while, it will feel pretty empty. But life will fill in the gaps with time.
Stay far away from China.
As somebody whose five months pregnant and needs to get through this summer without an ice cold beer, thanks for asking the question OP
Get into competitive videogames. In the end it's like trading one addiction for another but you can't play a videogame at a competitive level drunk.
You can start by simply picking up the latest shooter, or MOBA, or fighter game, and typically there'll be an online match making system. Then when you feel confident enough go to a local tournament. You'll meet fun people there and it'll be a blast.
But again, it's just another addiction.
Do things your friends do, but don't drink. Bars also serve sodas and water.
Okay so your current friends probably flipped out when you told them you'd quit drinking. Well, they eventually get over and get used to it. If they don't, they're losers and easily replaced with new friends.
At parties and bars and things, just hold a cup of coke. It gives your hand something to hold onto just like everyone else, and it looks exactly like a rum and coke. Not that you're hiding the fact that you're dry, but visually you blend in.
When everyone is a bit tipsy from a few drinks, you're enjoying yourself as well. Everyone's talking, you're being social. As it happens, you still have all your faculties and you'll feel healthy the next morning, but none of that really gets in the way of having a good time. It's just a bonus.
Talk to your seatmate!
For me, it has been running. I've met some of my best friends through running clubs and during races. Some of the best people out there.
A solution for not being pestered about not drinking: find a dark beer bottle and fill it repeatedly with water. You can either drink the one beer, have a friend drink it for you, or just pour it out if you have to.
Fish, play soccer, softball, football, baseball, volleyball, wakeboard, bmx, skateboard, paint, chorus, star viewing parties, esports viewing parties.
I dont drink often (1-2 times a year if that) and my advice would be be confident, show interest in who you are talking to, dont be afraid to seem like a fool and dont be afraid of rejection. If they don't want to talk to you that's there problem. Just be friendly to everyone and chances are a few will want to keep you in their lives.
Go to bar, order ice-tea/lemonade.
Can people PM me the answers?
Just do everything you normally do without being shitfaced. That's all there is to it.
Not sure if you're a bubble tea guy but i really enjoy that instead of alcohol with my friends
I've always been the guy to volunteer as DD, I find I have more fun laughing at their drunk antics than being drunk.
I make my own whiskey, and beer. I rarely drink, and at most 3 beers or two fingers of whiskey. Turns out making it is just as much fun.
Make friends with stoners
I was never a heavy drinker, though I probably drank about once a week. However, when I was in my early 40's my boyfriend at the time became a rip-roaring alcoholic over the course of a year. Drinking and drunk EVERY night. I got so fed up because everything was about him and his booze. I had to drive so he could drink, I had to smuggle his beers into the theater in my purse if we went to a movie. When he bought me a new and larger purse so I could carry more beer for him, I knew that he was no longer the man I met, broke it off and moved away. The really strange thing was that since then, I never really want a drink. I don't care if other people do, I just hardly ever want one. I stay away from drunks because they are boring Sometimes I might only have one alcoholic drink a year. Some years I don't have any. Frankly, I prefer it this way!
Fantastic...Much more manageable, and everyone loves a permanent DD. People really only care if you drink or not if they think that you are judging them for consuming it. Just don't let people feel uncomfortable about drinking in front of you and everything kinda works itself out.
I have way more close friends now that I don't drink, and I didn't lose any during the process of quitting. Nobody is going to hate you for trying to better yourself. Just don't be a stuck up dick about it.
I have two conditions for DDing 1. I drive your car. 2. The party time stops at 0130.
The first is so I don't have to clean vomit, feces and urine out of my car... The second is just personal preference.
Hike, camp, ATV, jet ski, fishing, snowboard, skateboard, ski, travel, food, games, video games, bowling, pool, ping pong, sports, sightsee, food, karaoke, ping pong, tennis, golf, working out, swimming, and food. Things you could do that don't require alcohol. Probably would be more fun while drinking though. Or drink less.
In short, tabletop boardgames are awesome. I recommend Coup and the Resistance if you're into social gatherings
I'm a college kid who doesn't drink, but does party. I do all the same activities I would be doing drunk, I just do them sober: dancing, talking, flirting, etc. It requires a little more ballsiness to go flirt with the hot guy (straight girl here) in the room when your dead sober, but I can usually talk myself into it.
Most people react either positively or neutrally. Occasionally I get someone who feels like I'm not running on the same social wavelength because I'm not drunk or someone who thinks I'm judging them, and those people can be negative.
Pro tips: Keep a water cup in your hand and you'll get asked fewer questions. Don't want to explain why? Don't. Black coffee and 5-hour energy shots are good substitutes if you still want to play drinking games.
TL;DR If you want to party sober, it takes a little extra confidence, but you can do it!
Very, VERY easily. I have not had a single alcoholic beverage since 2012 and having a fine time without it. I guess it depends on your personality? I've never found it hard to talk to people or make an arse of myself, so booze only heightened both of those unnecessarily. You'll be fine.
You need to find people that you can have fun with without alcohol. That's really all there is to it.
I'm a teetotaler. What helped me was becoming involved in martial arts. It gave me a social circle of people who tended to be very fit and health-conscious, and most of them either don't drink or drink moderately. Most of the events we do together don't involve alcohol at all.
I can safely say that it is possible. There is hope to have a social life without alcohol (or any recreational substances for that matter). It definitely won't always be easy but as some people have mentioned the most important part is finding friends who like you for you and not what you do together.. if that makes sense?
I'm speaking from first hand experience given I am straight-edge and don't partake in any drinking. Please..please don't read that as me standing on a little soapbox trying to speak down, I just am trying to give validity to my advice.
I think the first question is, are you not drinking because of an over-drinking problem? If so, I think some people have mentioned that avoiding the bar/club scene will be the best route. I've seen first hand how hard it can be for friends/family with problems to resist just a "casual" drink with friends which turns into 10+ and them getting cuffed at the end of the night. If you simply wanna try going without it or aren't crazy about drinking at all or even as much, then find a group of friends who go out to socialize...not to drink. Big difference.
If you can find friends who care more about hanging out and talking then just getting the cheapest shots or buckets of beer to get plastered you'll have a much better time being the sober one of the crew. Have had people who ask almost immediately when I get a coke why I'm not drinking, others who pay no mind. Talking about is awesome as long as you don't cross the line of being preachy. Think the gluten-free southpark episode.
Being a DD is an awesome route to take to avoid any of the "don't be a wuss.." kinda shit. Now that I live in a metro area I try to just use my anti-depressants as a reason so I don't sound condescending bringing up that I'm straight-edge (can go over very poorly in some circles).
Pros to not drinking! You're gonna save a fuck ton of money. I go out with friends who will drop $150+ just on themselves and the next morning they shrug it off as, "eh..spent more before". You'll still find the bars and clubs that charge for a coke which is understandable, places outside metro areas I've gotten soda for free since they think you might be a DD.
You remember what happened. No I don't mean to hold it over friend's heads and make fun for stupid drunk escapades.. but say something does go wrong, no matter what you can recount it all, you can make sure everyone gets home safe etc. No something you have to do, just nice to be able to if the situation presents. *Note, don't let this sound like you are responsible for other adults. They are big people. Just nice to have a voice of reason around once in a while, whether it says anything or not.
From my experience being around friends who smoke can be easier than drinking. Again, all in moderation. If someone smokes up for 5 hours then tries to have a conversation with you... odds are you're not gonna be understanding much of what they're trying to talk about. I typically dip out of parties around 12 or 1 (depending when it starts) as that's when people start to get a bit too buzzed/drink for conversation.
One thing to note. If you aren't drinking at all, talking to/flirting with/hooking up with guys/girls can get kinda gray. I set a rule for myself that anyone past a drink or two isn't something I should dabble in. Just doesn't feel right for me given I'm completely sober etc. Just my $0.10 on it, not saying I'm right or wrong just when I start to feel kinda "meh" about the situation.
This is already a wall of text for which I'm sorry about... honestly if you have any questions please feel free to DM me, anyone for that matter. /r/straightedge is a small but pretty decent community even if you aren't edge. Questions about sober life etc. Where I saw this post originally actually.
TLDR: You're a beautiful snowflake. Find friends who see that and don't give you flack for going dry, don't be defensive about it when asked and just let it ride if no one does.
If you don't have a reason that absolutely prevents you from drinking (e.g. medical, previous addiction) and just don't like the taste or being shitfaced, solve the actual problem instead: Find tasty drinks (e.g. sweet cocktails, cider, Sangria), and learn to drink to the point where you get to the "relaxed/having fun" point and stay there, and not to the "this sucks/I'm drunk" point. That's probably about one drink, consumed slowly, per hour. Overshooting makes your evening suck, but hopefully teaches you to go slower next time.
I've found that this makes socializing a lot easier and way more fun than staying sober (or drinking more than is good for you).
Also, don't be afraid of alcohol. It's not going to turn you into an insane maniac after one or two drinks.
Drink before you go out.
In my experience, you're not going to have fun or maybe even want to be social until you feel optimistic about how much better you're doing without alcohol. If you're addicted, try L-glutamin when you get a craving and B vitamins and milk thistle before one meal per day to recover while you're drink-free. I found my cravings gone in just a few days. The temptation is just your lizard brain telling you you need that to feel even better, when you don't at all.
Exercise and exert yourself instead of exerting yourself on drunkenness. I'd recommend shooting hoops. Be social with people who never act like you have to drink with them, or even they have to drink. But if they do, they're probably happy to have all of the booze to themselves! Drink a coffee instead or eat a meal.
Just do what you do while you're drinking or while you're not drinking and more "there" and you'll be pleased to see you're clear-headed, your motor skills are not inhibited, and you're not going to be in pain tomorrow.
when you get married and have kids you wont HAVE to socialize (though youll still probably heavily drink anyway)
Alright I am not an expert in many things but this one I feel I can chime in on. I have a heart condition that prevents me from being able to drink alcohol.
While I'm pretty young and have not really had a chance for alcohol to be involved in my social life for very long, I have run into a plethera of situations that involved me turning down alcohol.
First off: If you know the people they are hanging out with, let them know why you don't drink. In my case it's pretty easy, my excuse that I could have major health problems is pretty solid. However I find that sometimes a simple "Becasue I chose not to" will suffice. In cases where it doesn't, you seriously should consider who is asking you and whether you really care to be hanging out with them. Either way, come up with an answer, because you will be asked.
How to hang with drinkers A lot of people want to hang out where they can drink. Why shouldn't they? You will most likely find yourself in a situation where you are in a bar or in a place with alcohol. That's why my first tip is helpful. I don't know the situation in which this question was thought of (why the choice of not being a drinker socially is being made) so I offer that advice. UNDERSTAND: There will be times when your friends want to drink. You may have to tell your friends that you aren't interested.
Non-Drinking Activities: There are litterally hundereds of things to do with people where drinking is not necessary (sometimes not even allowed). Find some of these activities that you like, and try them. Invite your friends to try them out with you. If you do not have friends, go out to these kind of activities and meet people. Basically find people that are willing to hang out with you outside of a drinking atmosphere. Most of your friends will be willing to do these activities with you.
Meeting New People:By far this may seem like the most daunting thing about the whole situation. However it really isn't too bad. As I mentioned above there are a multitude of things that can be done where drinking is not the main attraction. Participate in those things if you can. Don't be afraid to talk to people. Just because a lot of people go to a bar to meet people doesn't mean you have to. Unless you are avoiding bars because you can't resist the temptation of alcohol, I would even suggest that going to bars is ok. There's no sign on the door that says that you are required to buy an alcoholic drink (at least I hope there isn't).
Whatever your purpose is for asking this question, I hope this helped.
I've always been the sober one in my circle of friends. My mom is a drunk, and my life's goal was to not be her.
I've learned to find drunks hilarious. It's done me a lot good.
Mdma
Always be the dd and Be everyone's favorite party buddy.
I can tell you how to do this in three steps, as I am someone who did not have his first drink until I was in my late 20's (I still don't drink anything heavier than wine).
Be an adult.
Have self control.
Get personality.
You do not need alcohol to have fun, and anyone who does is just masking the fact that they lack one of the three points above.
But the booze makes my personality.
Video games.
seriously tho, young twitch.tv gamers are the only modern social group I know where if you DO consume some drug (be it pot or alcohol) then YOU become the oddball outcast
its just that the older generation only understands bars and other kinds of entertainment; I assume OP is 30+ years old since the concept of a non-substance life is truly baffling to him
Just like with alcohol but you don't drink. I know some people who never drink alcohol but they are at parties and stuff too. While others drink beer or cocktails they drink virgin cocktails or softdrinks.
I guess the biggest problem would be "friends" who want you to drink even you don't want to, but I would get rid of such immature idiots anyway.
I used to go out every night and drink with friends. Now I don't have as much of a social life, but it isn't the most important thing to me. I work, go to the gym, have a few friends I see sometimes. It can be hard to not drink as much, the first time I drank coffee at the bar with my friends I got more shit than I ever thought possible. You'll make it.
Tea helps. It's a complex beverage with a whole world of nuances and variations. Tea will give you lots of beverage options so you can be sipping things with everyone else.
There's also a difference between having a drink and getting drunk. If you're just hanging out with people and some of them are having a drink, it's much easier to enjoy your tea and have a nice time. I would not recommend staying sober with people who are getting drunk. It's miserable.
My crew is very understanding. We have a few folks who don't like to drink alcohol, a few who can't for health reasons. Good friends will make the fact that you're not drinking less of a thing.
Substitute the alcohol with weed.
but then all his friends will be replaced with liberal douchebags - a truly horrifying outcome
For a long time I drank an unhealthy amount of alcohol on a daily basis. While I thought it was fun the truth is it only made life harder overall. From getting out of bed on time to arguing with my chick, it was just having a negative effect. The truth is I didn't realize it until a medical condition forced me to take a medication that required me to stop drinking temporarily. During that time of drying myself out I realized life was actually more enjoyable. Nobody ever really questioned my decision to stop drinking. Not sure if it's because they were happier I quit or just because it didn't really matter to them that I wasn't partaking in libations but life seems to go on just fine. Plus I can drive so that makes me kind of a nice feature in my circle of friends.
I have several friends who come hangout and do not drink. I do this also, but I tend to drink every once in awhile. I always bring out the card games, board games, outside activities, or some of trivia or questions that I have in my head that require research. Every one has a phone. Sometimes they can actually help start and continue conversations. If all else fails, go for a walk. I have been starting to do that with my wife (she is 28 and im 30) because after both of our long days at work, we are sometimes too tired/lazy to converse. Walking a couple blocks and talking about the houses and neighborhood always spark up conversation and a good time.
I mean its as simple as having friends that do things beside drink. How do you find those friends? Well thats heavily dependent on location and circumstance. Odds are though, anything that meets on Friday night is going to have people who don't feel the need to get wasted 24/7
no one cares that you're not drinking, and far less people drink then you realize
Seriously. I don't drink alcohol or coffee. Really cuts down on the social options
I've never drunk alcohol, or taken any drugs. everytime I tell that to people who dont know me, they freak out. they wonder how I can be around drunken people and I tell them, that I'm usually the most annoying funny one, even without drinking. Also never took any drugs or such, I just dont feel the need for any of these.
Everything alcohol or drugs can give you is already in you, you just need to bring it out. ( in a positive way. )
Well, I have the opposite problem. I like getting drunk, and I like socializing... 2 times a year. I mean, I have friends and we go to each others places, play games and have fun without drinking and I like that. But the concept of actually going out at night without drinking kills me of boredom. I dunno, if I want to listen to music I can do it alone. If I'm with people I'd rather be able to hear them.
Overall my experience while sober at bars is sitting with my arms crossed looking at my clock wondering why people do that shit and cursing the abusive prices of drinks at bars.
I do like to dance but I don't really have anyone to dance with. I'm not too shy but I definitely don't have the balls to just invite some random chick at a bar. Not even drunk... It's more fear of new things than of rejection. I wouldn't actually mind to get rejected, it would just be awkward, but the whole prospect of trying something really makes my heart pound too much. >.<
I have to mention actually good shows are an exception. However my music taste is weird and I live in Portugal. Shows I'd like are pretty much non-existing. :C
when i do go out to bars with friends and such, i usually just get a coke or an orange juice- to keep them from bugging me to drink
I never drank in college and I very rarely drink now. When I went to parties I actually drank Mountain Dew instead of beer (coincidentally that may have been worse for me). I participated in all the same drinking games, just using soda. Just replace alcoholic beverages with something you like. If someone gets on your ass about drinking alcohol just brush them off. I've found that it's just their insecurity about drinking. Whatever you do, don't let your personal choice exclude you from the fun. Good luck.
Find and/or discover activities that you like doing in your spare time that does not involve alcohol.
Once you really enjoy something then join a club or a course for that activity, meet people with the same interests... you will now have new friends to hand with.
Clubbing, going to bars and parties are not the only way to enjoy company of others.
There's already so many great replies to this so I'm actually unsure as to whether or not my advice/opinion will be seen, but you never know.
I've never been a real "drinker", at most I'd get a bit tipsy at parties on the off occasion and I've only ever gotten drunk once (and I totally hated it). But I seem to have had the easiest and probably the most successful social life in my honest opinion (at risk of sounding like a completely arrogant ***hole), I'll try my best to keep on track with this one and give you my 2 cents.
It started off rough, the fact that I would always state that I don't drink alcohol, and living in New Zealand (we have a very very heavy drinking culture, in my opinion) this was tough, I felt like the outsider and was treated as such for a while. So I realized it came down to a few things; 1) Find friends who don't rely on drinking to "have a good time", they're like friends who prefer to socialize and connect, rather than make complete idiots of them selves nightly. 2) Be proud of yourself, and who you are. I've always been an advocate of expressing yourself, and if people don't like you for who you are then....well....too bad there's so many people in the world, you're bound to find people who will appreciate and be with you for who you are. 3) Be that awesome Sober Driver. When I do finally decide to go out to town, or that party, or whatever. I ALWAYS put my hand up to be the Sober Driver (Designated Driver?) for all my mates, and they absolutely love me for it because no one else wants to do it. Now if being the DD/SD isn't your cup of tea, all good, but I personally like my mates to have a good time, and I can know that they're going to be safe getting home.
Honestly there's probably a lot more to it, but right now I think this whole threads got you covered. You'll be sweet man, but yourself, be confident, and if you're like me you don't really need alcohol to make a bit of a fool out of yourself. Plus being sober means you'll actually connect and meet new people you can remember!
It's all about your friends... if they drink heavily you will struggle, if they look down on getting wasted then you will drink less!
Location is more important. Easier to be social in a non club setting without alcohol as opposed to being the only sober guy at a club.
Find a hobby and go out and meet people. I suggest golf, you get paired with all kinds of people every time and get to share stories and network.
Take up some form up partner dancing. You won't want to drink (heavily) because you begin to realise it's much easier and more fun to dance without alcohol. You get to meet loads of new people. In the dance community, people are less likely to turn you down for a dance than at a shitty club where everyone is there just to pick up because dancers know there is (generally) no ulterior motive when someone asks you to dance. And when you don't reek of alcohol, more people are likely to say yes.
It's pretty hard, yet easy to do. I've made it pretty clear to my friends that I will have only 1 drink when we are out because I want to make sure I and my friends have a safe ride home. Claiming that I'm the DD makes it easier to not get drinks forced upon me and I don't get the, "Why aren't you drinking?" Questions.
What interests do you have?
I'm a fan of board games, not just monopoly game you wouldn't even dream of. We have a group that meet and play games
I drive my car (soon motorcycle also), paintball with friends, and like to play games (board and video) with them. I used to have a sort of dependence on alcohol for a little and so now if my friends go to the bar I go too, but show restraint have a drink or two and then just have water or soda. Just because you don't want to drink doesn't mean you should rob yourself of fun. It's about being responsible, I've had way more fun this way than I used to.
Join AA.
The people who can drink are the people who shouldn't drink.
Let me explained, based on observations through my whole life and confirmed by reading, if you have a high capacity for alcohol, then you have an even higher capacity to be an alcoholic.
Sadly in our youth, among our friends, in movies and on TV, alcohol is glorified, and grossly mischaracterized. People engage in drinking contest. We see a man who can hold his alcohol, though very easy to do in a movie, as being a manly man.
This is the wrong message. That heavy drinking manly man is going to be divorced, in poor health, marginally employed, generally miserable, and is going to die young.
I believe some people who have had alcohol problems simply need to re-educate themselves. They need to see alcohol is a truer more accurate perspective. If they can do that, and if they can overcome their lifetime of false conditioning regarding alcohol's place in life, then there is a chance they can continue to drink, but to do so more moderately. Drinking can not be a contest to see how far you can go, but rather to see how much you can retrain and control yourself. But very very very few can overcome their conditioning and keep things in perspective.
Others who have a negative physiological and/or psychological reaction to alcohol, can never drink. Not one drop without going in to a long slow downward spiral. Craig Freguson said it best, I don't have an alcohol problem, but I can get one very quickly.
It is hard to stop drinking, and go to all the places that trigger an urge to drink ... like a bar or a club. It is a matter of will. You either will drink or you will not, and if the temptation is too strong, then best avoid those places.
But you can have fun at parties, clubs, and bars without drinking, but you have to engage with the people and the place. Sober, it is no longer possible to sit and sulk, as you used to do when you drank yourself into a stupor. If you engage, if you focus on the people who are there, if you enjoy the music, if you dance, and laugh, and talk to friends, most certainly you can enjoy a night without drinking.
As to drinking to forget, it has been my experience, that you really spend all night drunk and remembering the miserable thing you were trying to forget, but you get so drunk, you don't remember that you spend all night remembering the thing you are trying not to remember.
But to the core question, yes, you most certainly can have fun not drinking, even in those places where everyone is drinking. To some extent, as we would call it in pot smoking, you can get a contact high. If you can lower your inhibitions and let yourself be in the moment.
Myself, though alcoholism runs in my family, I've always had a small capacity for alcohol, so two or three a night would be about my limit. Generally for me, not a problem. Though, to be honest, and having been young and foolish, there have been a few, but very few, nights of excess.
If you're like me and can't stand drunk people when sober then I suggest avoiding social situations where drinking is going on and just stick to situations where drinking isn't really happening or if it is than in moderation. If you really feel you need to put yourself into every social situation even if everyone else is getting drunk than I can't really comment. If you are a naturally outgoing and extraverted person then you should probably not have any trouble, if you are the opposite though then you probably will.
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This works, unless you go out to a bar with some friends and you're the only one who doesn't order a drink.
Just do everything you normally do... but without alcohol. Sounds like a non serious answer, but it is just that simple. I do it quite well. People place such importance on social activities that the thought of something as simple as not drinking leaves them confused.
Perhaps I am biased because I do not enjoy the effects of alcohol. But it certainly should not drastically change social behavior.
It really depends on what it is you like to do. I mean regardless of what it is, there is likely a support group out there for you in your area to keep up on your hobbies and meet people who love the same thing's that you do. Over the last year I've joined local ping pong tourney that are held each week, recreational basketball, got my kid in art classes that i get to participate in even though I'm a shitty artist, have discovered a cooking class that I'm interested in at a local grocer, and from time to time make it out to a local LAN to throw down on some League of Legends or whatever else they might be playing that night. It's all out there you just have to be willing to find it; and dammit go out and enjoy yourself.
Marijuana
I was very deep into drinking and drug use, i would drink everyday to avoid alcohol with drawals and i didnt know how to stop. I tried limiting my use but nothing worked, i would just start up again worse than before. I decided, with encouragment from my family and girlfriend to enter a 21 day intensive treatment program. I'm six months clean and sober, it has been an interesting experience. I distanced myself from friends who were just as deep into alcoholism as I was. They had no interest in doing anything about their drinking and drug abuse and that's fine but I couldn't being apart of it anymore. All of my other friends have congratulated me and are very happy for me.
As far as social interaction goes I have found that their are a lot of ways to have fun without drinking or using drugs and my social habits have gotten better because of it. I no longer embarrass the shit out of myself and have legitimate conversations with people I care about and new friends. I actually remember people when I meet them. I have found new hobbies and a new love for life. My relationship with my girlfriend is much better and instead of having someone who I drink and have sex with I have a partner who loves me and who I love. And we share an actual life together instead of me drinking to escape and her taking care of me.
I now do AA and have sponsor and I have started chairing meetings. I have money to do things that are fun and a great experience instead of sinking all of my money to fund my habit. If I am at party where people are drinking I'll bring my own beverages because people have no idea what to offer you when you don't partake in the creature. Ginger beer is a good one. I have quickly realized how many people act like absolute fools when they get alcohol in them and I'm glad I don't drink anymore because I couldn't drink like a normal person. I'm loving my life and I'm excited for the future instead of dreading the inevitable hangover that was my life.
Edit: paragraphs
Orgies
Hang out with friends that drink in moderation or don't drink at all. Drunk people aren't fun to sober people, and vice versa.
I don't drink at all, and drunk people suck because they're like giant babies. Like, seriously, when you're the sober person around a bunch of drunk people, you're the babysitter.
Tinder
Fuck people who say "RIP my inbox", "Have an upvote", and "OMG Thanks for the gold!"
There are a huge variety of incredible board games.
Great advice here. My brother got pancreatitis in early Feb from drinking and hereditary reasons. I'm definitely showing him this. He's only 29 but probably lived because of his age and he's been kinda depressed since release. I wish I could relate to him more but he was the wild one. Thanks, folks!
Doing things can be good. I play board games and table top rpgs with some friends, play sports with others, play video games with others, make crafts with some, and go see movies with others. Sharing common interests can make being social less of a taxing event and more of doing something fun and someone else is tagging along, which is good for introverts.
Adding a social aspect to things you already do (or should do) can help as well. Eating out/cooking with people instead of eating alone, carpooling to work, studying/doing homework with friends, and exercising with a buddy can all increase the amount of time you spend with people without being too taxing.
Also, if people are drinking, the alcohol isn't what makes the social life happen. It is a bit of a social lubricant, but it's more of the atmosphere of a bar or a party that does the heavy lifting. If people are hanging out drinking, you hanging out sober is usually just as enjoyable, unless they're drinking heavily consistently, in which either y'all as a group should pump the brakes on that activity or you individually should seek some new friends in addition.
I graduated last year and im fucking dead bored laid off, friends from school all foing their own thing i fuckin miss goin to school and just hangout with my friends
I don't drink. Like, I not even wine or champagne on special occasions.
The problem really isn't you, it's everyone around you who picks at your not drinking. They pick and pick and then you freak out about that picking, which makes you look crazy.
I think the main thing is, know that most parties and occasions are still fun, they're just fun in different ways. And know that it's OK not to drink.
Socially Awkward Mike here, who used to drink and smoke, and party pretty heavily. When I was about 19-20, I had those friends, who were also pretty heavy into partying. Beer? Shots? Wine? Fuck it, mix it. Why the hell not. I was binging to the point of blacking out at least once every couple weeks, taking gravity bong rips every few minutes, non stop smoking and drinking at these nightly parties. I had those friends that enjoyed those things, and being wasted and having a good time, made it feel "normal".
Well, that shit got tiring before I could even legally enjoy a drink, so once I stopped drinking, smoking, and partying, I lost those friends, except for a couple of close ones who i'd hang out with outside of the party scene.
I quit smoking and drinking, but also took up another hobby, rock climbing. I made friends there, and it's a pretty social, small world feeling group of people. I could not see someone for a year, then show up at a random crag, and see them, then share a campsite that night and hang out around the campfire. Being a horribly socially awkward person and all, this has been one of my favorite kind of social interaction. People you share a common bond with, that you don't need to see daily, weekly, but just meeting one time, and sharing that one interest, that leaves you as friends from that very first introduction.
Reasons why I consider myself a socially awkward person?
I'm just a people-watcher. I like to sit back and observe and absorb.
I will rarely have the courage to talk to a girl, no matter who the girl, because i'll just assume they're thinking i'm flirting, when in reality, I just want to talk over common interests.
When a girl is flirting with me, I can't take it seriously, for the obvious reason of hearing "Oh, sorry, I just flirt with everyone", way too man goddamn times, so I instantly throw them in some sort of "friend zone" and start acting like "Don't worry, I won't leave this area i've placed myself", this doesn't bother me too much.
I hate dating. HATE dating. I'd rather just not date. I'd rather meet a girl, and hang out, and do fun stuff that we share a common interest in. I hate forced dates, where we have to sit and enjoy dinner or something. What if they don't like it? UGH! Too many factors going into that shit. I hate wasting time, so I don't want to just go on a ton of dates "til I find the one."
Online dating is the anti-christ to me. Sure I've met some lady friends over facebook or myspace that seemed like they were interested in just "hanging out", or "hooking up", which I like. No guessing games. Straight to the point. Sweet.
Meeting a new group of males, I'm not a very alpha male guy, mainly because I hate being loud and obnoxious, which tend to be the alpha male tendencies among the groups I interact with. Not that I feel threatened or anything, I've just experienced enough douche bags who automatically will try and dominate, which I also dislike, because "why you?".
I've limited my social life to pretty much, my Friends:
Work, where I have a core group of friends that I hang out with outside, they'll come over, and we'll play GTA, or watch movies, or go out of town, just kick it and bullshit.
Climbing Friends, who you can hang out with, AND can climb with. Wether it's hanging out at the gym and just bullshitting, or going on a camping trip to another state to go shred the gnars. It feels like home, it feels like family, it's a great feeling for me.
Meeting new people?
Climbing Gym, where there are so many different groups of "friend circles", I can always find social interaction by being friends by association, "Hey, you know A? Sweet, lets socialize". This works for me, because I can always go do my own thing, or go talk to other people, or go be alone.
Meeting new girls at the climbing gym?
I hate "shitting where I eat", I've done it at the gym, and at work. Ex girlfriends everywhere. What can I do? Ignore them, and if I find a girl I actually like, who likes me back, I consider that a win. I choose not to meet girls online, which I could go into further explanation. I'd much rather meet in person, first impressions are what do it for me.
Other social worlds?
I ride a motorcycle. When I first started riding, I'd met a couple dudes on dirtbikes and enduros riding around, and was like "Sweet, friends!". Little did I know, that finding a small facebook page, would bring me to my closes friends, people I consider brothers. I've been there waiting in the middle of the highway for ambulances, while they scream in pain from their leg being broken in half. I've driven my brothers to the ER, because they've crashed, and didn't want to take an ambulance to the hospital. We've traveled to different cities to ride, we've just kicked it and had BBQ's, feels like The Fast and the Furious family closeness, but that's the best damn analogy I can think of.
What am I blabbering on about? Find people who have the same interests as you.
I liked popping wheelies and tearing up industrial lots, and I found a group of friends who like the same. I like going with a dedicated partner, and seeing how many pitches I can do in a day, I found friends who like the same. I like going and just sitting and hanging out, those friends I met from those other interests I had, will come sit and hang out.
I feel like this is really anti climactic, but I couldn't think of how to end this, and I'm also at work, so I couldn't proof or really make a sweet point after all that. Maybe just, in my best William Wallace voice, "FOLLOW YOUR HEART, DO WHAT YOU WANT, YOU WILL FIND THOSE WHO WHO SHARE THE SAME INTERESTS, AND THEY WILL BE YOUR TRUE FRIENDS".
Trivia night at bars are fun! They like when you buy beer, but you can buy food too.
Ou! I just got through this process- here's what I did-
1) Keep going out with friends, but drink ginger beer or club soda with a lime. You get to have something in your hand, and you'd appear to be drinking to anyone not in your group.
2) Be honest with your friends you go out with- tell them about your desire to be sober for xyz reason and you'd appreciate them respecting it.
3) Make friends with folks who have similar hobbies- running and hiking were mine. If a friend and I were going hiking early on a Saturday morning, I'd have a good reason not to give in to temptation if I went out, or a good reason not to go out and save my social energy for that.
4) Organize fun things for your friends and you to do that don't require alcohol. A great one is brunch, bc the night owls and drinkers can get their hair of the dog, you can recap what happened this week, etc.
Being sober doesn't have to kill your social life! I've been feeling my healthiest in years, just hit a half marathon pr, and still have all my friends from before. My friends who drink a lot do invite me out less, but it's given me time to work on other friendships, and I still go out with that group a few times a month.
Best of luck!
Learn new skills and hobbies, better yourself Play activities or spot Volunteer, Join Boards Dedicate yourself to a cause Find a job you love and dedicate yourself to it Save the cash ever time you drink and buy something awesome every month or two depending on the kitty.
Seriously, it is not worth it.
Ahhhhhh that is not a complete thought!
You mean "How do you!"
It's the same as any other vice: smoking, healthy eating, etc. Easiest way is to not surround yourself with people who do those things.
Think about what YOU want to do instead of drinking. Video games? Board/tabletop games? Movies?
Look for people who enjoy doing the things you want to do. You don't necessarily need to avoid people who are drinking, you just need to avoid activities that are centered around it. Just going to a bar? Bad. Trivia night at the bar? Good.
Invite your friends over for the activity you want to do. They can bring beer if they want, or you can even have some on hand, but have other drinks and snacks. Have activities that aren't just drinking.
I love beer, and I like drinking. But I do plenty of things that don't involve alcohol. I hang with a pretty diverse group. I go to beer fest with some, and others never drink period. But we can all watch a movie or play a game together.
Edit to add: I have a ZERO tolerance policy for abstinence shaming. Offering a beer is polite. Giving somebody a hard time for not drinking is not cool.
I am in college, and I can say never having drank/wanted to drink makes it very difficult to have fun at parties and events. That being said, people have come to like me as I am always the DR and I have been the only sober guy around when shit hits the fan. Helps to be an EMT as well for the second part. I do not really like going to parties, as I don't really enjoy the company of drunk people when I am the only sober person, but I have never felt pressured to drink at these places as I just take a bottle of soda and people assume its a mixed drink or just don't care.
Activity friends as some others have posted. My activity includes video games. I load up Smash Bros on my big screen and we all sit around jokingly give each other a hard time as we pass the controllers around. No alcohol was ever involved.
Smoke Weed instead.
aa for young people!!!
Pursue your interests. Build your social circle around an activity that is not drinking. If those friends wish to take you out, just let them know ahead of time you abstain and will play DD and help people get home safe. That alone is hugely appreciated.
I read this on my phone as "without a school" and thought this thread would be full of advice on how to manage friendships when you don't get to spend all day with peers.
D&D Is my social life. I'm no real help I've always been boringly straightedged.
Step 1: Don't drink alcohol.
Step 2: Avoid people who want to to drink alcohol
Step 3: Find people who don't drink alcohol or don't try to get you to dink
It would really be nice if drug education taught us this instead of trying to scare us and wonder why its not working. The people in charge of drug education would be spending their money better by throwing it into the ocean and hoping that it will distract drug smugglers long enough for them to get caught
Just be vocal (without being a dick) about your preferences. Soon likeminded people who didn't want to piss off their drinking friends will speak up now that you've led the way.
You mean I should start a revolution?
Don't drink.
Coming from both Japan and Scotland let me tell you the drinking culture is huge in both countries. I didnt really have to deal with drinking that much in Japan as I moved from there when I was 12 but in Scotland. It starts at a young age. I remember I was never a big drinker in the first place but as years went on in University, work, etc this tends to be the social norm.
I hated it and never found it productive to do the traditional UK routine. It was 'pints in a pub after work, watch footy.' Weekend its was piss away my wage on Friday benders, try get laid and buy some chips or a kebab after. This routine will send you to an early grave and whats the point in spending the next day in bed, eating shitty food and watching crap TV and nursing a hangover?
I went from the gym to kickboxing eventually until I found Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I did feel bad about not spending time with non-training friends as they eventually gave up on asking me out through the years. The good ones would just offer me out for lunch/dinner which was better. Still got the odd comment not ordering a drink during the meal but it just isn't me.
My social life now consists of work, training and trying new things. Ended up living with a philisophy of F it and ended up from Scotland to Thailand. I just recently went diving and rock climbing on some of the islands. An odd night out is ok but for me its always moderation and looking forward to the next time I can train.
As someone who lives sober, and sometimes feels alienated, thank you for this thread.
Be comfortable with yourself, that's the antidote to almost all peer pressure poison. I do drink but I'm hardly ever drunk. I sip Alize, a corona with lemon and whatever I enjoy the taste of on the day. I get called a pussy for drinking girly drinks but words can't hurt me, I know how much of a pussy I am/am not. Ironically the very people who need to be off their face before they can socialise with people are the ones calling me a pussy. That's the way I see it.
My friends and I do a lot of booze optional/unavailable stuff at college so here are some good social activities:
I drink casually, but never for the purpose of getting drunk, so most of my preferred activities are fun with or without the presence of alcohol.
Be a foodie! Go out to all the overlooked restaurants in your area and try foods you've never tried before. Bring your friends, see if you guys end up finding something you like. Even if not, you'll get to have a new experience each time.
Like many people are saying: board gaming is a great group activity, and if you start building up a collection, you'll keep having new excuses to invite people over.
Movie nights! Or even better: bad movie nights. Ask people for recs, and get some people together to share their favourites (or their absolute worst) over snacks and soft drinks.
Go to events/festivals in your area! Start looking up information on local goings-on to see if anything interesting is happening, and invite some people you know. Maybe you'll catch something that nobody else knew was happening, and they'll be glad you found out about it for them.
Go hiking! Maybe there's a beautiful mountain path not too far from where you live; I dunno. But it's a way to be active and get out in a group without requiring much athleticism, knowhow or special equipment. Maybe snap some good photos, or have a picnic at your destination.
BYU, Utah.
Everybody needs a DD, you're that guy.
My mother passed along some genes that let me metabolize alcohol rather quickly along with me being a bigger guy, so alcoholic drinks were just expensive funny tasting beverages. (9 shots of fireball in 5 minutes gives me a slight buzz) In college I hung out with people who did things I liked to do, but they drank and went to parties, so did I. I learned to have fun playing with the drunks, and watching them do stupid things.
I was the DD, it felt good making sure my friends got home ok and didn't have to make stupid decisions while out having a good time. Fast forward, oh man, 14 years and we have parties in the neighborhood. I drink a little now, but when we go out I still fall back to being DD.... My wife is actually allergic to alcohol, take that one and run with it. NO ONE will force you to drink or question it too far if you tell them that. "Do you have an epi-pen? That's what we would need".
Polar Bear
Based on your second edit, try it a couple times. A nice relaxing night with some buds and some beers is really nice. I think a lot of people think that college drinking = frat parties but more often than not that isn't accurate.
Then again where I go to university it's legal for most first years to drink, so I don't know if the whole underage thing leads to crazier drinking in other places.
I used to be a very hard social drinker, never relied on alcohol. Long story short, had a breakdown one day. Haven't drank since, love it. be yourself, alot of times people will be cool with you not drinking, besides, there are tons of other things you can do in college without drinking. Don't have to be drunk for football and basketball games, can easily still go to a party sober.
First, just because you don't drink doesn't mean you'll need to avoid everyone who does. Second if people make you feel like you need to drink to be their friend, you don't want them as a friend.
Well if you like the music and physical activity, swing dancing is very social, you meet lots of co-eds, and people are busy dancing their faces off and not drinking (until late at night maybe).
I am bad at dancing. :( Because of that, I do not dance, and therefore becoming even worse at it.
Well...sounds like you know the solution to this already. You have to try and you have to practice. In a beginner class everyone sucks pretty hard, and the nice thing about swing (the music and the dance) is it's pretty formulaic so it's really not so scary. If you go to a class and the music makes you want to move your body, go back for the next one and you'll keep getting better. If not, you don't have to go back. :)
I skimmed and didn't see this, but I apologize if it's a repeat: bring a six pack of really good, locally made cream soda or root beer to the party. Trust me on this, people will be jealous.
Also, if you go to decent bars, many of them now brew or make homemade mixers and sodas (the fancy cocktail lounge near me has KILLER homemade ginger beer).
I started drinking at a precariously young age, and by the time I got to college I was totally burned out on alcohol. I found that very few people give me shit about it; most people just don't care what other people are doing. in rare cases, if someone was being a real asshole, the next day I might try to convince them that they did something incredibly embarrassing while they were blackout drunk. (for the record, I'm a terrible liar, and no one ever believed me, but we all found it fairly hilarious)
It never hurts to be the DD, but make sure you don't hang out with people who constantly need rescuing and parenting because that'll burn you out right quick.
People will like you if you're friendly and interesting; neither of those things require consuming alcohol. If you feel like you should be drinking something at a party, drink water or soda. As a teetotaler, I didn't drink through college and I thought I'd have the same problems, but people are actually way cooler with it than you'd think as long as you're not snobby about it. Just be comfortable saying no thanks when people offer you drinks and you'll be fine.
I don't drink much but I am trying to get a marijuana habit under control.
Smoke weed.
Its great for socializing!
Soo many options, weed , meth, crack, ex
Do other drugs
I'm a 29 year-old male, and I've never been drunk or high in my entire life. It's not that hard to have a social life without alcohol. You'll get a lot of questions early on about why you don't drink; I advise you to be honest. Eventually, people will start to understand that not drinking is a choice you've committed to, and they'll start to forget about it. When I hang out with friends, there's usually alcohol present. No one even asks me anymore if I want a drink, or why I'm not drinking. It becomes normal. Good luck, buddy!
I just dislike the taste of alcohol and not being sober very much. Will that be an acceptable reason?
ofcourse it is, if something is not enjoyable why should you do it
I don't like bleeding very much so I don't cut myself
That's precisely mine.
[deleted]
What is that?
I for once set up a boardgaming group.
Interesting. How did opening a group go?
It was really easy. A friend had some games, we played a lot, people wanted to join and we were fine with that. Now we've got a ton of games and our own gaming room with all the stuff.
It's fun, social and easy to set up.
Hey man as someone who graduated last year I've personally never liked alcohol, never even tried it. My friends all tried pressuring me into drinking but I just told them no, I have a lot of friends and I can't name one of them that doesn't drink but they all like and respect me no matter what. Also I have a friend who becomes a jackass when he drinks, he's told secrets about other people that were extremely private and has caused massive fights throught his stupidity and he calls me names whenever he starts to drink or whenever drinking is involved, saying stuff about how I'm too scared to drink etc. Everyone else looks at me as the fun sober guy lol.
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You'll also find people who do drink, but who don't drink to excess, are fun to be around, and make that fun happen in ways that are still fun for their sober companions.
I partied heavily between the levels of 16 and 20. Landed myself in jail for a month and got sued for $27,350, as well as at least 6 additional misdemeanors, including a DUI, on my record. The DUI came with a demotion at work needless to say. I'll be lvl 23 here soon and just yesterday I got out of jail (again) over remnants of my past. I still have another court date later this month.
So yea, almost 3 levels later and I'm still puttin' up with shit from my delinquent days. And I'll be paying the bill for another 5 levels probably, if I don't file bankruptcy.
Anyways, after serving that month in jail I was detoxed and realized that drinking is no good. Every weekend my friends would go out to drink, party, have a good time, while I just sat at home and denied their invitations like a square. I was bored, still am bored, but I'd rather be bored then a party animal again.
My brother and friend just recently quit drinking heavily as well, we picked up exercise and weight training. We go to the gym 4 days a week, and drinking is something we do on rare occasion. Life is much better
Not really advice, but hopefully you'll understand how partying ruined my adult life the moment I dinged level 18.
Most college kids think other kids drink and party more than they do. It's called "pluralistic ignorance." Just keep in mind most personal development happens in clubs and orgs and they remain your lifelong friends.
Year sober in Vegas. Shit is no joke.
be good looking.
Honestly, buy a boat.
Sip drinks, and don't make yourself finish the whole thing. As a matter of fact, refuse to get more than one drink. If someone makes you, either say "no" or some variation thereof, or move/relocate to a different part of the event.
Drink something else that kinda looks like it might have alcohol in it.
IE. Red Cup with just coke, not rum and coke, throw a lime in and nobody really knows.
Find a hobby you like that is popular. Do hobby with other people.
I can't drink
I play boardgames and hang out with geeky people instead. Really, at this modern day and age no one gives a fuck about stereotypes. We have fun, play MTG, Settlers of Catan, Humans vs Zombies, go Karaoking. We look out for each other and stay over at each other's houses playing rock bands and other things.
My suggestion: find a hobbies you love and you'll self-realize friends who share interests with you.
I was raised into Mormonism where you are not allowed to drink alcohol and while I'm an exmormon now, to this day I've still been nervous to drink because of all the guilt tripping done about it in my entire life. Honestly, all of my friends have always respected that I just don't drink, and I have a good time either way, plus they know I can drive them home which is always a nice deal for them. You don't have to drink unless you want to, anyone who tries to force you to drink is being an asshole. It's really not that big of a deal.
By intelligence, creativity, and ofcourse by being fun to hangout with
As a current college student at a college known for partying,its really not that hard. I know a lot of people not into that stuff. And the people that I know that do don't pressure me or anything
...church is fun...
I don't drink, and couldn't care less what people think. But it can cramp dating, as drinking is so much a cultural/social thing, and meeting in bars seems to be the norm. I've been accused of being a recovering alcoholic. I hate being around drunks.
Edit: to answer the question, just don't drink, and carry on. Find like minded people. I've yet to meet a woman who doesn't drink at all though.
One I found is to hang out with board game/rpg geeks. There's some places around town that stock tons of really complicated board games and various crews come around on a weekly basis to play them all.
Maybe a poker night? Though that usually involves drinking.
Join a sports team or a music band, you can usually find opportunities for these sorts of things on craigslist or on the bulletin board at the YMCA, etc.
Volunteer! There are plenty of charities that need your help- soup kitchens, etc. and it's a great way to meet people.
Take some fun classes at your local community college. Just whatever you're interested in, nothing hard.
Geocaching?
Basically I think if you just troll your local craigslist under the community or events sections, spend some time at community centers, sport centers, activity centers, you will find tons of things quickly and have a great time meeting lots of new people.
Meeting new people who share your interest in healthy activities helps alot. Once you meet these kind of people they will give you more ideas.
College interest groups, sports, and smoking the ganja :D
you grew up drunk?
I thought the same thing going into college. The good news is that there are a good amount of people that don't drink or at least only drink on occasion. The hard part is finding the ones in that group that aren't too weird
You could become more active in planning events. Nothing complicated, just browse the newspaper or internet to see interesting things in your town. Just think of your favorite activities and be proactive about calling and texting friends. If you're good at it, people will love you.
Grab a football and invite people to your favorite park. Get some chips and soda and invite your friends to play Madden at home. Find a local fair, market, or performance to check out. See a movie, play a board game, play frisbee. Whatever your interests may be, try and find a way of including people.
shrug, I play board games.
I mean, I drink every board game night, but three people come that don't drink, we don't mind, they don't mind.
They start laughing pretty hard if we get belligerant, and we laugh when we're drunk, it all evens out.
I started riding motorcycles. It's almost a universal rule that if you're out riding, you avoid alcohol at all costs. Even though we do hit bars occasionally, drinking is frowned upon and everyone sticks to caffeine. Basically, find something you enjoy and you will naturally meet people who can have a great time with you without the need of alcohol.
Haven't been drinking since Janurary, though much of my social life is based in bars. Lots of great tips here, many people mention people giving you a hard time about not drinking. Here's a great tip I've learned: If you are at a bar that sells craft beer, order a root beer or cream soda. They have the same fancy labels as the beers, so no one really ever says anything.
I dislike root beer, but much less than alcohol. Hmm...
Get a dog. Great way to be outside with good company.
If only I can afford one money wise and time wise.
Try to figure out what it is about drinking that you like. Is it meeting new people? Being more outgoing? Feeling relaxed? For me, it was the spontaneity of it all esp. since my life, at the time anyway, was dull. Find a substitute to get your kicks. For me, it was travel. Going someplace different where I don't exactly know what the outcome will be is satisfying and I enjoy seeing and doing new things.
This is a fucking dumb ass question
This is a fucking dumb ass answer.
Seems fit for a dumbass fucking question
Heroin.
Big game hunting.
The most insanely vivid social life is in Arab countries. Men spend hours and hours in cafes drinking tea and coffee.
It's actually a myth that alcohol helps socializing. It does not. It makes feel smarter and act stupider.
Simple, Smoke Weed. Have a nice life.
Pick up some different hobbies that promote no drinking (mine is ballroom dancing, though I've recently dabbled in birding, it's not near as social...yet).
Anything that can't be done at the same time as drinking will work. I have heard good things about boxing, though I haven't tried that... Yet.
Be social, don't drink. Period.
Of course, as a non-drinker, you might find certain social interactions boring or annoying, particularly bars, where the so-called social interaction is getting drunk together.
Try bookstores, game stores, coffee shops, libraries, sports, hobbies, non-academic classes, volunteer organizations, dating apps, hikes, clubs, arts, theaters, or any variation of 'something interesting' that suits you.
Also, moving your 'social time' forward in the day, instead of 10pm to 2am, is helpful.
Enjoy all the wonderful, not-intoxicated people. Voila!
drugs
Be a nerd. Join a nerd circle with emphasis on grade points and nerdish games, you are expelled if you drink.
There's plenty of other intoxicants you can bond with people over. No idea why you'd arbitrarily choose only one of them to avoid, but since you have, just pick one of the other ones...
Follow up question : how do you have a social life with alcohol?
Go to the gym, theatre shows, movies, and just not drinking at bars. You can still have a good time while sober.
Step 1: Find something your passionate about. Make sure it's something that more than one person can participate in. Cooking, Hiking, Running, Sports, Video games, Board games, Comics and Collectible card games are all easy starters to experiment with. (Warning Video games, Board games, Comics and Collectible card games will get expensive.)
Step 2: Go to events that would draw the type of people with this type of passion. Think sports games, marathon runs, geocatching groups, free or low costs cooking classes or Warrior runs. ComicCons have really interesting crowds and you'll find that most people will dabble in pretty much all of the last four choices at some level. Any good Comic shop will usually run promotional video game or card game tournaments which are really easy to network through, you will find the occasional neckbeard but most people want to socialize and have a good time. If you're really into video games you could take a look online for any LAN parties that might be hosted in your area, usually there will be an entrance fee (unless its a private residence) but it's worth the costs, nothing like beating a bunch of people in a 40 man game hearing them bitch. If you like busting balls, there is no better crowd.
Step 3: This is the most important step. Socialize, strike up a conversation based on a topic you know the group of people enjoy (otherwise they wouldn't be at the event.) Start small, ask when they started getting into it, what is their favorite thing in that passion, how long have they been interested. Take a topic from that conversation and expand on it.
Step 4: Profit with your new friends.
I hope that helps! If you want pointers on the last 4 choices I suggested I'd be happy to expand on my experience. I was alcohol free until I was 23, and honestly my best friends in life are still the people I hung out with up to that point. Alcohol makes it easy to meet new people but the relationship you make with them is usually pretty shallow.
Good luck!
I find it that I'm very lucky, but I found friends who don't like drinking, but do things that you'd expect to have alcohol with it. For example, we get a group of friends together and play some smash bros, Mario kart, curruption of champions, maybe watch weird movies like "escape from tomorrow" and "a Serbian film". Yet we never have ever used alcohol to enhance our fun. So I guess just find friends that are like that, and arnt in the "let's go get shitfaced" fad.
drugs
r/Drugs
STIMULANTS INSTEAD. Fuck drinking, I'll pop an Addy before going out with my friends and I'll be the most social ever, also good for endless energy at concerts.
Don't drink alcohol? What part of that is not being social? Most people i know don't drink it in social places..if you do you have problems.
Work in events or festival or club, when you work it's totaly cool to not drink and you will meet a lot of people and you can socialize a lot also :)
And also your boss will be sure that you will not be wasted at work.
You could also do a part time job in these events or else.
And outside these event people understand more that you don't drink when you're not working also.
But here in france it's different i think. We may drink a lot but we will not judge if you don't drink.
As a joke i always said that it's not my favorite vice.
Maaaaaaaarrrrrrrrryyyyy Jaaaaaaaaannnneeee
Get high as fuck instead. You'll either enjoy yourself, feel above all the "drunks" or the idiocy of the people around you will be GLARING. You may even have some profound thought where you will find yourself answering your own question.
I've tried going out and getting drunk and I've tried going out sober and honestly I don't really feel the difference, yeah you get shit from your for not drinking and the truth of is that I don't feel comfortable drunk, I prefer chatting up women sober than when I'm sober. It's just how I feel about it, experiment a bit you don't need to get shit faced to have a good time you can always trick yourself into it, if you have negative thoughts you won't have a good time. Plus when your sober on a night out you can remember every detail and it is especially better when your friend doesn't remember what he did the night before, if you catch my drift ;).
What is up with people who are non drinkers getting butthurt over not being invited to a drinking event？
Easy. Just use drugs instead. A pill of mdma every weekend and you can have NEW friends.
So it's tough to give concrete advice because we don't really know much about your specific situation.
But in short, try and get into activities that don't involve alcohol. Sports, book clubs, gaming clubs, hackathons and makerspaces if you're a bit of a geek or want to pick up a new skill. And build new circles and networks of friends there.
My friends and I enjoy drinking but we're also all very responsible and don't need alcohol to have a good time. Heck while most of us enjoy having a drink or two, none of us actually enjoy being shitfaced drunk and the general debauchery that comes along with it. (Occasional exceptions apply).
That being said my ex and her friends, and their relationship with alcohol drove me up the wall, because there was never any sense of moderation or control... and frankly it was reckless, irresponsible and unhealthy (especially once you factored in that some of them would think it okay to drive after). When I gave her shit about it she'd always use some excuse about how she can't not drink cause everyone else was drinking. If this is the case with you as well and your friends have a drinking habit that you feel is excessive and/or they give you shit for not following along... time to get new friends.
If your friends are otherwise cool and they're just casual drinkers who keep things under control, but you've decided to go for a 0 alcohol policy in your own life, and you're just worried about not being able to hang out with them without drinking, I'd say don't worry about it. If you still enjoy the time you spend with them, than just treat it as a hangout. Have a soda or a coffee, and volunteer to be the DD. Chances are, if your friends are cool they'll totally be down with that and a) won't pressure you about it once you explain why you don't want to drink and b) potentially even appreciate having someone step up and be the DD.Give them a chance and see how it plays out. You might be surprised. And as I said above, if they end up giving you shit... time to get new friends by pursuing other social activities that don't involve alcohol.
Hope this helps.
Get new friends. If they can't socialize without alcohol then they're probably socially stunted enough for it not to really matter in the long-run that you're ditching them.
Smoke weed. seriously it is a good (albeit still absurdly illegal) alternative, and I've made a lot better friends by passing a joint that getting hammered together.
What is that question even?
Do people reject you, because you refuse to drink alcohol? I love alc, I drink regularly, but never excessively, yet I could just not drink any at all and I'd still have the same social life. If you surround yourself with alcoholics, well drinking no alc might be a problem, but why would you want to be around those people?
I really don't get the question.
I had no idea this was a delima for anyone. Why do you need alcohol to be sociable?
You just do? I have friends. We do things. You just need another social outlet. For me it's things like gaming, fitness, and local groups (the people I do mud runs with, etc). For others it might be a book club or whatever they're into.
Also, bear in mind that not drinking is not the same as not going out. I go to bars, I go to clubs, etc. I just don't drink there.
Gaming. Get a group of friends together and play some games. I don't see why alchohol would be a prerequisite to having a social life anyway.
This might be unpopular, but maybe have the discipline to only drink one or two beers or a glass of wine. Hate to reference South Park in a serious comment, but as Stan said: "If you spend your life avoiding something that you love, it still controls you and you've learned no discipline at all."
Abstinence from something is the easy way out. Now, if it's a health issue such as being pregnant or having liver disease, simply do what was mentioned in the top comments. You can still do all the things sober that you could do drunk. If people give you shit, ditch those losers.
In the case that you are simply trying to avoid drunken mishaps or hangovers, just moderate. Instead of drinking shot after shot, or pitcher after pitcher (as seems to be the norm, at least in my town), try just having one nice microbrew and savor it.
Abstinence from something is the easy way out.
No.
just moderate .... easily said hard to do for some.
I don't think your post is unpopular but for many folks it is not possible. Moderation is not an option for some people and abstinence is not easy. I am 171 days sober today and it is up and down.
Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone or even the majority of people but it does apply to a quite a few.
Just food for thought.
That may be true, but moderation is learned behavior. I do not mean to belittle the accomplishment of those who are trying to stay sober; however, I think that trying to learn discipline could serve people better than adopting an "all-or-nothing" mentality. If totally avoiding alcohol is working for you, that's great. Keep it up. I've been in a bad place with alcohol myself, and I hate to see anyone stagger down that road.
I tried moderation for many years. But the wheels always came off at certain points. I would start drinking and just wouldn't stop. This resulted in ending my military career, getting two DUI's, losing another job, and almost losing my family. It wasn't that I didn't want to have a beer or two it was that I finally realized that with me it isn't a matter of if I am going to screw up it is a matter of when. I was a ticking time bomb only I never knew where the fuse was. I served seven years in the military, and I am extremely disciplined, that isn't the problem. My brain is my problem, well part of my brain is anyway. I call it my retarded drinking brain. It tells me that I am a grown man and I can enjoy a beer if I want to.... I can't. It tells me that I deserve a beer, and what will one hurt anyway??? EVERYTHING.
I had to learn how to ignore my inner voice. It takes way more discipline to not drink at all than it ever did to try and drink in moderation. It is risk versus reward and for me there is no reward in drinking but everytime I do drink I risk everything.
Perfectly reasonable. As I said, if what you are doing is working, don't give up on it. I wish you the best of luck in the future
You as well
Smoke weed.
I think the Church of the Latter Day Saints is the clique you're looking for.
Look at this way- the things that require alcohol to befun are these: going to boring house parties and going to bars. Also very boring.
These are the things that don't require alcohol to be fun: camping, hiking, biking, video games, animated discussions with interesting people, mountain climbing, fishing, hunting, D&D, yoga, lifting, running, side jobs, dating, swimming, sailing, traveling, making music, any collaborative project with creative people, water skiing, jet skiing, skiing, snowboarding, longboarding, shooting guns, shooting bows, building stuff, setting things on fire, skydiving, driving around, etc.
Just find creative, passionate, and well-rounded people to hang out with.
Is this a joke?
Easy. Go do stuff.
You dont need to get drunk to have fun and hang out with drunk people.
right XD
Don't be a bitch about it. Seriously, if not drinking is such a huge problem, you need to find some new friends. Life isn't some teenage high school peer pressure situation. If you don't want.to.drink at parties, then don't. If that's an issue with everyone else, you're at the wrong party then
/r/golf
Smoke Weed
Replace alcohol with cocaine.
Join a church
Join a gym
Join an activity group
Ironically, most of my social live revolves around beer, as I'm in the craft beer industry. Discussing the brewing process, how canning versus bottling works, flavor profiles, personal preferences, etc etc is a great way to get to know someone, and discuss things we both enjoy (met at a bottle release? Obviously you both like craft beer, so you can talk about brands new to your area, new local releases, drama in the industry, etc).
Aside from beer, board games are great, and so is volunteering. I volunteer at a lot of beer events, but also with special needs hypotherapy (humans riding horses), animals, and Habitat for Humanity. You meet all kinds of different people volunteering, and always have a conversation starter.
Basically, you either meet people through a shared interest that's not alcohol, or you introduce your current friends to non-alcohol hobbies.
Just do drugs instead
Smoke weed every day
Smoke weed
Do hard drugs instead.
Smoke weed everyday
You could try to psychedelics with your friends. Good for the soul and very fun :)
I don't know, i'm french.
Cocaine?
Pills, weed or maybe a hobby.
Simple, smoke weed instead.
Weed
Just hold a beer. You don't have to even drink it .
if you pour it out, its alcohol abuse
Marijuana
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I like your comment about keeping a drink in your hand as a polite excuse to turn down anything offered.
Switch to weed.
Yes.
I just get really blazed then everything is alright
Easy as pie. Go out to dinner and have a reasonable tab. Take more vacations, as you have plenty of money to blow, and no bar tabs while traveling. Pay stuff off and have fun with people who remember the experience. Have sex with people who know your name in the morning, and may want to see you again. Perform at the top of your game, as opposed to ingesting brand-name industrial solvents. People want to know why you don't drink? "I have an alcohol allergy" works well for me, and, if pressed, tell them you are also allergic to chaos. I drink occasionally, and have a few extra very occasionally, but I select the occasion and the venue very carefully. It has served me well, thus far.
Be the driver.
Weed?
Came hurt to post this everyone is either a pothead or drinker
Drugs
Drugs. Obviously.
D:
Put your fears aside and TALK TO PEOPLE ! They're people, you're people, everyone is people !
I know how that sounds. But believe me it's just a breakpoint kind of thing.
Start easy with a "hello ! That's a cute dog !" when crossing the path of someone walking their dog.
Then try to find more things to say to random people, in the street, in a shop, at the bank... and SAY THEM. They might find you weird. Who cares ?
Keep adding to it until something click in your head, and you realize EVERYONE is just human. No more, no less than you.
They have their own world around them, just like you. You can't walk in, but you can knock at their metaphorical door. They might let you in, they might not, but there's no other way to find out if there's something inside.
No, don't look through the windows, that's being creepy.
Weed. its simple. theres a reason people say "drugs & alcohol". alcohol is not a drug. it is poison that when ingested in correct amounts, causes the body to simulate a drug-induced reaction. the term "alcohol poisoning" is a little deceiving since consuming any amounts of alcohol should be considering poisoning. I always try to convince people to avoid drinking because it could be synonymous with people who like to drink anti-freeze to catch a buzz. Mass media would simply have you believe otherwise. Also, what exactly IS the allure of knowing large gatherings of mingling people who are also drinking, are also likely to be unable to perform mental or bodily tasks at the same efficiency as when sober?
well the answer to that is easy also, being drunk makes it easier for you to be taken advantage of, in any number of ways. Don't let life take advantage of you unnecessarily.. Stop drinking!
Everything is poison. Really. Everything you ingest, breathe, drink - even broccoli I bet has tiny amounts of something that can be considered "poison". You have a very extreme view of what's "poison". Living life is "poison" - guess what - we all die from it.
A glass of red wine or a single beer now-and-again has been shown to have net health benefits. The key is "in moderation", not "none at all".
yes even the water we drink is poisoned to a degree. but at least understanding that alcohol is fundamentally a dangerous substance more technically considered a poison than a drug can help deter ones-self from ingesting it, if that is ones goal. socially people toss alcohol in the mix with casual drugs simply because they all give someone a good or high feeling. while there are certainly negative effects of drug abuse, people should not forget that the "good" or "high" feeling is not achieved in the same way. drugs induce chemical reactions via receptors in the brain but alcohol simply hinders the functionality of the body and mind. Remembering what alcohol actually is should only help prevent people from abusing it beyond the point of "moderation". Sure drink a glass of wine moderately for the health benefits if this be the case, but why consume on a more frequent basis in higher concentration simply because it comes with the social life/
Do you like electronica? "Rave" communities tend to drink less (b/c they're typically using other substances), and are often very tribal, with lots of social opportunities throughout the year. Perhaps look for electronic music events in your area...
Just go and find the uncool people and hang with them.
Weed, not even kidding here
Haven't seen anyone say it yet, and it probably won't be read since there's a jillion comments already but..
Energy drinks. That way you can still drink something, you can still rage, you still have fun, you don't black out. I know people who stopped drinking but usually have a few redbulls or monsters and just rage
Are you kidding?! Smoke cannabis!
I'm thinking that OP is referring to things you can do that are fun while not under the influence of substance.
I can't think of a better replacement for alcohol. It's virtually harmless, especially in comparison.
Drugs.. a lot of them.
Mostly downers but a mix of uppers help too. Any other distractions would work if you can fit them in - for me it's women and travel. (The latter, unfortunately, messes with the former - but you can get weed everywhere so that's okay).
This might come off as condescending and I apologize.
As someone who has never drunk a drop of alcohol in their entire life, it blows my mind that someone would have to ask for advice on how to have a social life with no alcohol.
Good luck though, it's easier than you think.
i smoke weed but dont drink.
This is why I smoke the herb
Smoke weed.
weed
Somehow having fun with drunk people makes you feel drunk even if you don't drink. I like this effect and use it. Being social-induced drunk is much funnier than being booze based drunk.
Same works with people who smoke weed.
Stop being a pussy.
Get into pot. Really killed my desire for booze.
Try Phenibut. It'll give you much of the social confidence that comes with alcohol without the motor skill impairment or slurred speech... Definitely recommend it.
Church.
Weed. I gave up alcohol completely. I always feel amazing pre, during and post partying. Constant dopamine release without any of the crappy feel afterwards or even during.
It's pretty easy, just smoke a lot of weed. No one wj tell the difference.
I'm really glad you posted this question. I've never understood the need to sacrifice your wellbeing for the sake of "social acceptance". Then again, I'm not nearly as social as those who go to parties and partake of this type or merriment, for lack of a better word. Regardless, it's a shame that so few people bother to question the practice.
Drugs
Smoke weed
Smoke a little cannabis, NOT A LOT, and you can enjoy any party
I dont have a social life with alcohol much less without it.
smoke weed
Smoke weed. Stoners are chill people and we have some of the best conversations!
Weed.
Have a social life with weed
What is marijuana? (Technically not getting drunk)
You get other hobbies besides drinking, you fucking idiot.
Smoke weed
Become Mormon.
I am a straight edge college student and i totally understand this struggle. Everyone assumes you're weird for this simple lifestyle choice. thankfully i have nerdy friends and we just game sober.
There will be groups of people in college who's only social thing is drinking, but there will also be people who do lots of other things socially...and alcohol just happens to be imbibed sometimes.
Luckily, colleges have many many clubs and activities, which are conducive to meeting people. If you live in a dorm/other camps housing, there will also be lots of things going on to get residents socializing with each other. So try out a bunch of different clubs, maybe some intramural sports, see what you like. Doing activities together is a great way to forge friendships! Also, having some hobbies is a great way to de-stress from classes.
How about switching to Bud Light?
This might be the most pathetic post I've seen on reddit
Each person has a unique social background. There's no point to berating the OP for an issue that could be quite serious to him / her. If it doesn't apply to you personally, that doesn't mean it doesn't apply to other people. Figuring out how to socialize without being under the influence can be a serious challenge for people who rely on it.
Smoke a lot of weed.
Or just a bit works to
[deleted]
medical reasons
Like getting plastered?
Makeshift antiseptic and painkiller more likely.
For killing the pain of reality? Same reason I drink!
Very serious answer: Smoke weed instead?
Is this a serious question or are you just terribly sucked into alcohol culture? I am 21 and have had 3 shots my entire life and hated every second of it.
American life IS alcohol culture. Hate to shock you.
I'm not shocked about that I'm disappointed that no one goes to the source/root of their problems to fix them.
Well. Yes. Me too. But I did. Gave up 20 odd years of functional alcoholism in one day. See my story ^^
just don't drink
Smoke.
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Coffee (serious).
Lots of coffee, cigarettes and believe it or not people can get excited, giddy, delighted (whatever alcohol only mimics or 'fakes') 100% sober.
plus.. lets of the horrible shlt alcohol does to your body, life and social relations after its left your system.
One poison for another.
I'll take a poison that makes me slightly hyper over one that gives me false confidence, loss of physical control, sloppy brain and don't forget actual vomiting and/or brutal hangovers yes.
So no.
How do I get over something that's killing me?
Try something that'll kill you slower.
But I don't want anything to kill me faster than I have to go.
Well, you're shit out of luck there, mate.
(It's just not a good idea to suggest a bad habit to replace another bad habit unless this is your only option. For example, methadone is used to sate opioid dependence. However, a dependence on alcohol won't be sated by caffeine; you'll simply be creating a new addiction. There is also a "healthy" way out when alcoholism is not severe, mentioned frequently throughout comments here. How is it ethical to recommend a substitute addiction over a healthy route?)
Nope, you are shit out of plays if you want to use the expression 'one poison for another' when its coffee and alcohol. You can try that in an AA meeting and see how far you get? I don't think you will be slapped upside your head for insulting alcoholics so much as insulting their intelligence.
'Substitute addiction' really who even asked you about addiction anyways?
I'm not saying you can substitute caffeine for alcohol addiction. That's very clearly not how it works. I'm also not saying that a caffeine addiction isn't healthier than an alcohol addiction. What I AM saying is that a caffeine addiction ISN'T HEALTHY. There is no ethical way to suggest abuse of caffeine over abuse of NOTHING. As we agree, caffeine addiction will not replace alcohol addiction, so there's no incentive to use this approach over a healthy lifestyle. What you are suggesting IS trading a poison for another because you're ignoring a clearly preferable alternative.
You can do this: Offer carrot sticks.
result: zero interest and what you've helped do it offer NO alternatives whatsoever. A virtual 'all or nothing' from your.
Its something like informing a smoker that actually nicotine gum is still bad for them so they should only quit cold turkey or nothing else. Absolves you. Kills them.
but really the point here was having fun without alcohol. It's not actually a little health knowledge geek battle. (I know this is Reddit so everyone is playing 'Data' from Star Trek). but really its a genuine answer.
Opiates might be another way too.
Are you really trying to claim that because something besides caffeine doesn't work, only caffeine works? You have to realize how ridiculous you sound. There are ways to have fun without drugs. If this person wants to quit a bad habit, what makes you think they want to pick up another one? You CANNOT ETHICALLY RECOMMEND a harmful option when there are non-harmful options, and there VERY CLEARLY are.
Hmm listen carefully again:
You are not a doctor.
You are definitely not an expert in addictions counselling. or you definitely should not be anymore
You weren't asked "Whats the healthiest way to enjoy yourself".
I quite clearly and honestly explained how I have fun without alcohol. I go have coffee with friends. My coffee lets me in on the social situation and gives a little hyper pick-me-up at the same time.
IF you are telling him that a way you have fun (without alcohol) is eating carrot sticks and drinking perfectly nice water then fantastic for you.
1) Irrelevant
2) Irrelevant
3) Agreed, but it's fairly safe to assume that the poster isn't asking to see if it's physically possible. The person is almost certainly giving up drinking because it's not healthy, and their goal is to be as healthy as possible without making drastic sacrifices. An equally valid response under your interpretation would be to hook up electrodes to constantly stimulate the brain's pleasure center and do that until you fucking die.
4) I'm glad your solution works for you. However, it remains unethical to suggest a harmful option when non-harmful options present themselves. Again, carrots and water is fucking bullshit. You're misrepresenting my argument. Look around this thread. There are very clearly ways to lead a satisfying, happy life without alcohol and without a substitute bad habit. What exactly isn't getting through to you here? Just because your solution is valid to the question doesn't mean it's useful. The question has some ambiguity because you're expected to work out the intent on your own. It's not too difficult. This happens every fucking day, in practically every sentence we say and hear. This person wants to cut a bad habit out of their lives. Your solution is just another bad habit. Get it?
By the way, you're not a fucking doctor either. If you are, you're an oathbreaker. "Do no harm." Well done with that. I don't think one needs to be a doctor to see that casual drinking can be replaced healthily, or to understand that the least harmful option here is the ethically preferable one.
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Am I really being criticized for knowing how to speak English? And yes, I "snipped out" coffee because that is the main part of your claims I disagree with. All I have been saying this whole time is that there are healthy ways to replace alcohol. Caffeine isn't one of them. As I said, coffee isn't necessary or even necessarily helpful unless this person has a severe dependence on alcohol. If this were the case, I don't think they would be coming to reddit for help.
Still don't understand? I expect it. Please continue with the ad hominem brain-vomit.
You don't get to talk to me like "Do you understand" when you fucked up here trying to act like Coffee was just trading one addiction for another - Alcohol.
That was stupid. Really stupid. Whats even worse is you desperately trying to salvage your tough fuckn reddit boy face when you realized how stupid that was.
Coffee is the fuck'n balls - the BALLS for recovering alcoholics. They use it well. It's a huge way they stay away from alcohol and maintain social lives.
Not asking. Telling you. Get it, got it good?
*and yes I was mocking you for trying to make you stupid comment - so desperate to be a little reddit 'Data' "ermmm actually technically errmmmm coffee contains addicti...hgmmmmm' so desperate you started using the 'fuckn' and worked really hard on your sentence structure, formatting and spelling AS IF that would make it MORE GOOD lol
I repeat again, we're not suggesting a recovery method for an alcoholic. We're trying to find a healthy substitute for drinking which doesn't prevent a normal social life. Yes, a less severe addiction is PREFERABLE to a more severe one, but INFINITELY worse than a non-harmful habit. Again, this person is likely not an alcoholic and can pursue far healthier alternatives to the option you proposed.
I have never said that coffee is supposed to replace alcohol. Your suggestion was to replace social drinking with coffee. I said that it's a relatively unhealthy option compared to the myriad of others presented here. This remains true.
I swear because I think you are fucking ridiculous. It's not worth my time to express the utter disbelief I have in the fact that you are unable to understand the majority of ideas presented in this conversation. I am not working "really hard" on my sentence structure. I don't give a fuck if you believe me, but this is just how I think and how I speak and write. I usually make a conscious effort to use non-standard grammar or spelling for some effect. In this case, it's not necessary. If you think this is formal, you're clearly underexposed to higher level writing. This is conversational. The simple fact that you believe I'm going out of my way to write at a high school (tops) level is pretty incredible. Really, you're not doing a great job defending your argument by claiming that your opponent is trying too hard. I'm not working, not trying, not desperate. It's just too easy to respond to someone who never had a valid contention to begin with.
Shhh less talking now.
thx
I'll just let the karma talk. Nobody's going to read this far down, and if they do, they'll just downvote both of us because this is a fucking flame war, but really your initial contribution wasn't very helpful.
My initial contribution ought to be the #2 post of the thread - you know it too jealous pete.
What a tragedy, then, that it was shat on and dumped to the bottom of the heap. No, I don't think that's a coincidence. If your advice was practical and ethical, it would have at least maintained a positive karma balance.
Weed?
Weed.
(Cocaine, LSD, MDMA, and Molly are also acceptable answers.)
Oh, you want to have fun without any drugs? That's called Church Camp, and it sucks. The women are really pure virgins, but it will take you years if not decades to teach them how to fuck properly, best to avoid the whole thing.
Take up a form of partner dancing - swing or Latin (one of the social street dances). Pricey to learn but addictive. Soon, all your friends will be dancers, because you won't have time for your other friends.
Don't have dick friends.
I don't really like to drink... do on occasion, but not often.
To be social in drinking situations, I usually carry around a jack and coke for a while then switch to coke.
For me, it's just a matter of not drinking when I go out... for example, my wife and I have a group of friends that regularly meets for dinner and drinks at a local "Tully's" and, when I don't want alcohol, I just have seltzer water. Everyone in the group knows I don't drink very often and don't give me any crap about not drinking.
As I get older I like to ask friends out for coffee, brunch, or lunch, or do activities during the day on the weekend
As a college student, this can be really hard. I smoke a lot of pot tho, so I got to keep some of my party-ish friends (who I will DD for occasionally) and I also developed lots of friendships over weed. It's a great icebreaker, and even if you only smoke with someone once, you usually form a bond over that so you can hang out later and know each other a little better. Idk, it's not the best advice to push people into drugs, but if there's ever something I would recommend to someone else, it's weed.
Alcohol/hard drugs are never high up on my list of good things
it's easy, I've been doing it for a while now. Just do everything you would do with alcohol but without alcohol, this is how I do it: - at sit-down social gatherings with friends I simply order tea. They have tea at any bar, restaurant, pub, or other establishment that serves alcohol. It's quite funny actually. - At the clubs, drink club sodas with lime or bottles of water. But if you want to avoid the alcohol nightlife altogether just start doing activities that don't revolve around drinking like clubbing etc., like sports and other activities. Good luck
Having social relationships is about shared interests. Alcohol, even though it can become an interest of its own, is more of a substitute, filler for when shared interests don't seem to be enough.
Many of my interests are things that I do at home by myself and aren't particularly conducive to building social relationships... things like watching TV, playing video games, messing around on the computer, etc.
To make social connections, you need to focus on your interests, or potential interests, that would naturally involve other people. You could look at joining a co-ed softball or volleyball league. If you play basketball, you could join some pickup games. Some people enjoy participating in church group activities or community volunteer service. You could look into taking a painting, sculpting, or other crafting class.
All of those suggestions, I guess, we more about finding things to do with other people or even just meeting new people. Once you've got a handful of friends or acquaintances, focus on the potential shared interests and ask them to do something. Go hiking, camping, biking, go to a concert, have a game night and play some fun boards games, play golf, go to a shooting range, go skiing, or build something.
From your question, I'm assuming that you're having difficulty gaining acceptance/fellowship/whatever without alcohol. Do you want to drink? Is your sobriety by choice or do you have a record of destructive alcohol use that prevents you from engaging in social drinking? If you feel like you're missing out, I'd suggest looking for some sort of root cause. I don't drink, and yeah, it can be difficult when I'm hanging out with people who's sole purpose is to get drunk. My solution to that is to try not to put myself in that position too often. As for friends and stuff, I don't mind if people drink, but if it's just a bunch of people getting wasted, if I'm not drinking, I find it gets boring really fast. I play basketball in a men's league once a week, and sometimes the team goes out to a bar afterwards, but everyone only has like one or two beers, tops, so it's never a big deal for me not to participate. Look for people that don't make drinking the center of their social lives. Look for meetups on your local subreddit. Just a few suggestions.
Uhhh... don't drink alcohol? It's not that hard. Seriously. It realloy is not hard at all. If you can't not pick up a drink, then you have a personal problem and should see a doctor.
Interests. Games, playing music together. Eating together.
Drink coffe, have conversations.
Study and get knowledgable, find forums for discussion.
Also, weed is a healthier and less douchy alternative to social intoxication.
Might not be the answer you're looking for, but better drugs. Alcohol is one of my least favorite drugs - yeah, the "I don't give a fuck about anything wooo" part is decent, and it's always amusing to black out and hook up with someone, but it's not worth the crushing depression, nausea, and general horrible hangover feelings I get.
Out of the drugs I've tried to replace alcohol with, so far the only clear winner is GHB. It's like alcohol, except with a steeper/more dangerous dosage curve and no hangover. A decent dose of phenibut combined with a drink or two also works fairly well - it'll get you feeling drunkish without many of the negative effects, though if you have more than just a few drinks the hangover will be lousy, with a general feeling of brain fog the next day. Another drug I've been looking at is pagoclone, which seems like a good option because it's legal in the US and relatively cheap.
Dude... do everything the same, except the part where you put alcohol in your mouth.
Exactly the same as usual? I rarely drink even when I go out. Doesn't make me any less miserable.
Do you believe in a magical bearded man in the sky? This opens a lot of doors for non-drinkers (closet drinkers)
cocaine
Start smokin' herb.
Smoke pot
[deleted]
Project your fears on others around you
Oh please! I had a good number of friends that claimed to be straight edge, not drinkibg or etc, and they were still super cool to hang out with, even when drinking, etc.
It's all about confidence. A little style wouldn't hurt, or a story that held you decide to be straight edge. People will still try to get you to drink, etc. But they will know it's just a conversational game.
Best story is when my straight edge friend was bartender for us. Man rise drinks were terrible! I still talk to her about that too this day.
I'm never been much of a drinker but, I do puff enough bud to kill lab mice................what was the question again?
You can have friends and not drink? I mean I know some people who do that.
So what is the problem?
Smoke weed.
Don't drink.
Do interesting things.
TRULY - do interesting things. They almost all require more of you than being a drunken, uncoordinated goon.
Most normal adults don't drink on a regular basis. Maybe special occasions/events and the occasional "hey I had a shitty week I need booze." That being said, it's all about who you surround yourself with. The majority of social events with my friends are like 6-8 people playing board games at someones house or grilling out and eating together.
don't drink.
Just don't drink
Disregarding the stigma, there's always cannabis!
Hard drugs.
Pot
Weeeeeeeed
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Benzodiazepines are a good answer. They work on the same receptors that alcohol does, but are slightly more addictive, and is much easier to produce withdrawal symptoms. The best situation for OP would be to stop taking addicting substances., or smoke some meth. Meth is good.
Smoke pot.
Hookah.
If you just don't like to drink you can just go to the bar with friends and be a designated driver.
If you don't want to drive anyone around you can show up early and tell the bartender to give you water when you order a vodka.
If you're a recovering alcoholic... I don't know, tell your friends that you can't be around it and invite them to chill at your place and play video games or board games.
Like a couple of other people, now that I'm sober I can't stand being around drunk people. So now I play boardgames.
Meetup.com is a great way to find people with similar interests that aren't specifically "get blasted all the time".
I dont know how old you are but Im still a student and if you are too I can tell you: you cant
My friend organizes a house party? Fine lets go! The problem is: Theres no way you gonna drink fanta, cola or whatever what. When people open a beer for you and you are with your friends its impossible not to drink. Imagine everybody on that party has an alcoholic dink and you are the only one with a glass of....orange juice.
10/10 people will talk about you negatively.
edit: I dont drink much myself, I basically never drink unless with my friends
You watch. Then tell everyone what the hell they did while drunk. You get to watch your friends get drunk, which is fun. And then you have stories to tell that no one else knows.
Pick friends who drink coffee.
I don't have much I can say about this as a college student. But I do frequently choose to be DD because i enjoy hanging out with my friends (i.e. talking, doing stupid shit and dancing). This doesn't help you much, its still a social situation with alcohol, you just aren't drinking.
My piece of advice: drinking gives you something to do with your hand (youre always holding a drink). If you want to be social and not have alcohol 1) be comfortable with your hands doing nothing (dont fidget around, touch your face, etc.) 2) put your goddamn phone away, looking your phone in a dark bar puts a spot light on your face that says "i dont want to socialize"
Quit hanging out with blue-collars.
I stopped drinking completely a five years ago. My social life came to a halt 4.5 years ago. I have yet to find the answer to this question. Good luck to you! Wanna be friends? :)
yes
I'm teetotal about 2 and a half years. I was hoping it would get better ._.
Go to AA meetings. Shitloads of people there.
I was in the army and that was the biggest way to socialize. My best advice is to find others withe same interests and hobbies that don't drink but do other activities. I started to do rock climbing, fishing, mma, and play some video games. Not everyone drinks. I'm way happier not drinking and not being around that scene babysiting others that can't handle their liquor.
Act drunk without being drunk.
Smoke weeeeed
hookah, the indian/middle eastern water pipe, is a great alcohol replacement if you don't mind a bit of tobacco smoke in your lungs. it has the same "puff and pass" dynamic as pot
It's easy, stop drinking, stop being friends with drunks.
Alcohol is a hard drug that happens to be legal and widely socially acceptable. You can OD on heroin, you can drink yourself to death. Alcohol dehydrates your body. It's literally poison.
I don't judge people who drink, nor do I challenge it's legality... I just stay far away from it.
Basically, alcohol is bad, m'kay?
Sounds like you're just a bitch for not wanting to drink
Drugs
cocaine, marijuana?
Don't be friends with awful people who can't have fun without being hammered
Marijuana.
22 and straightedge my whole life. Just don't? If people pressure you, then ditch them. Everyone I've been around has been cool with me not drinking. Just don't worry about it.
I don't understand the question. Just do social things, but while you're doing them, don't drink alcohol. I guess the real question is: "How do I kick alcoholism?".
Honestly, if you can't figure out how to have one by yourself, I don't see you having one with the help of reddit
How to have a social life without alcohol?
That's easy, don't drink alcohol. If you need alcohol in order to be social, you have some deeper, more serious issues to work out.
Find activities that don't involve alcohol and friends that don't require alcohol to run.
Unless you're one of the very rare people that can stand being sober while going out for the night with friends, it's time to find new friends and activities. I tried going out to bars/clubs downtown while my friends got hammered..everyone was hammered. It's probably the single grossest thing I can imagine. Plus you'll roped into being DD and that means you're fucking stuck there.
I got drunk for the first time a few days ago, like blackout drunk for my 21st birthday. Ive never drank before. I have alot of friends who love drinking, and I still hangout with them just fine. When we have house parties and everyone drinks I just choose not too. It doesn't make any difference to me it seems, I'd rather be sober and enjoy my night out instead of be drunk and not remember it
You could get into cocaine instead. Probably not what you're looking for but I do know a guy like this. He does kinda alright.
Well there's a pretty young girl named Mary Juana that you might want to meet.
Have a social life just don't drink. I don't see how there could be a problem. I have friends who drink and friends who don't. Neither seem to have a problem with each other.
Smoke pot.
I did not drink until I turned 22 because I was a devout Muslim then, but that didn't stop me from having fun with friends that do drink.
Talking?
Marijuana
Drink fruity drinks which mask the taste of alcohol.
Get 'virgin' everything and accept your new life as a princess.
-or-
Become a Mormon, and offload the social pressure to your religion.
-or-
Become a Baptist. Same benefit as Mormon option, but without the whole going on a mission thing, and you don't have to prosthelytize.
-or-
Get a prescription for Antabuse so you can condition yourself to hate alcohol.
-or-
Become a dorm rat and only leave your room to go to class or get food. If you never put yourself in the position to be social then that eliminates the social pressure almost entirely.
-or-
Spend all your money on weed.
Pop Molly.
I replaced binge drinking every weekend with ecstasy once every few weeks or so. Not ideal but it works for me.
Marijuana.
Simple. Don't put that stuff into your body.
More alcohol.
Op is asking the impossible
drugs....honestly though if you are the only sober person around, your not gonna have a good time
Not really possible. The invention of beer was pretty much the jumping off point for civilization because it weakened social barriers and allowed groups of strangers to feel familial. There are no great societies before beer... Before beer its all just clan warfare and hiding in woods and caves.
I've found that cannabis also works for me, but I don't usually recommend it for being 'sociable' since it makes a lot of people paranoid, and/or 'temporally disabled'. (Not a typo.)
[Serious] You can't
Even if you're not religious, find a church. Preferably one with mostly your age group.
Marijuana ?
Try marijuana.
I don't like the effects alcohol has on the mind, it makes me feel slow and stupid. A strong sativa makes me creative and makes music sound amazing.
Now this isn't exactly a 9th grade health class response, but it truly did help me in life.
Don't socialise. Friends are overrated.
Church or high level mathematics courses
Go to AA, or rehab and try to get your substance abuse problems in order before you try to fix and maintain a social life.
Xanax. Goodbye, social anxiety!
Smoke weed. You get high, but you don't get stupid. Fuck alcohol. Terrible poison.
That's really sad if you need drugs to socialize
If you can't have a social life without alcohol, you're asking the wrong question. The question should be "what do I do about my alcohol problem".
Is this for real?!
It's not possible.
Serious? Theres a world of things to do alcohol is not a requirement. I think op is a teen who needs to needs to break through his social programming.
Is this a troll question? You can do everything a real person can do...except without alcohol. It's not as hard as it seems.
I definitely don't think is a troll question. I should have been asking this. Seriously.
Haha, good one.
Bye loser!
I have a social life, I do not drink.
It's fun watching other people get drunk.. seriously it's like better than being drunk, endless entertainment and everything you say is eminently hilarious.
Frankly I would suggest switching to pot. Cannabis is a better alternative just ask Arnold, Obama, or Phelps. On the other hand you could focus on activities where it is hard to drink and participate. For example action sports or taking your car to the track. Also surrounding yourself with different friends is a viable option. A professor once told me "you will be the same person in 5 years except for the books you read and the people you surround you self with".
Marijuana, stoners are by definition THE chillest people. Most people who live in Ohio are so nice, like the Canada of America and it coincidentally will probably be next to legalize.
Start smoking weed instead.
Smoke lots of weed
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed
Don't drink. It's that easy!
switch to meth instead
Don't be a bitch.
hang out with losers
I'm 23, about to graduate from college, never had alcohol before. I had a perfectly fine social life. Alcohol isn't everything. It's a lifestyle choice. Are you the type of person who wants to be in some random dark frat basement on a Friday night or do you want to be with your close friends in your apartment having a game night?
if you need alcohol to have fun or have a social life you are doing something very wrong
Try drinking different alcohol
If all you've tried is crappy American lagers (yes yes I know they have good craft beers but not at high school parties) then you might just not like them
Try different spirits, beers or wines before you swear off alcohol. Yes you can have a good night without it but it takes much more work and you'll always be seen as odd
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I really appreciate your pity. Hope it helps my hangover.
The same way you have a social life with alcohol. There is literally no difference.
As a 14 year old, I have no way to answer other than : never touch the drink, and become friends with people who don't drink. Drinking ruins lives, like drugs (it actually is one.) Stay away! Good things will come.. I plan on never drinking, even when I turn 21. So much lost talent due to addiction, I do not need it.
Not a good out look my friend
If that's how you look at the world then I feel sorry for you, especially when you're 14. Why learn to drive, cars kill people too, right? Or hell, don't ever pick up a gun, because those Ruin lives too....
You have a lot to learn about the real world. But that's just it, you have LEARN for yourself. For you to completely write things off at such a young age is very alarming go your development as a person.
I have used just about everything under the sun at least once. Because I felt like I should make my own decision and not listen to propaganda that's put i front of you. I've lost friends, and family to substance abuse but I don't hold a grudge, everyone has to make their own choices
Don't mean to rant, but it's frustrating to hear someone at the age on 14 write things off so easily bc that's what you're told to do. If you think like that...it will permeate your life and you'll miss out on many things in life
Actually, my parents had nothing to do with this. I've seen where it's gotten people in my family (including my brother) and it's a path I do not desire to go down. No one told me to do any of this, it's all my choice.
You could try smoking weed.
don't be autistic is it really that hard
I won't be asking this if I am...
"hurr durr how do I have the most basic human interaction possible?"
yeah, you are.
Heroine
drugs. lol.
Smoke pot
No alcohol? Take drugs instead. I hear coke is one hell of a drug
Weed. No health drawbacks. Once I started - talking with anyone stopped being a problem. I don't even need weed anymore to talk openly with anyone. If I see any implicit thought I can have an oppinion about - I'll say it.
I always remember that I'm not the only one who might struggle to adjust socially, therefore, any thought said out loud can help anyone to cling on it and express themeselves, hence, feel more comfy around me. And only by showing your "awkward" thoughts, i.e. being honest, you'll find similarlyminded people. Fuck the gradual getting used to thing - here's me, don't like it, say it out loud or leave.
/r/trees
p.s. I don't drink or smoke. Never have. First and last time got wasted 2 months ago just to know the difference. No principles. If a mate will want to party, I'll not gon be an arse with my "i don't drink" policy. Ya wanna have fun? Fuck it, i'm in.
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I don't think you understand how hard it can be not to drink. Even when you're making friends at classes and play sports, if you get invited to a party or to go out, there's usually beer or something. It's not that clear-cut.
Go to a better school.
Deez nutz
Simple: like something else more than social life. You'll find like-mined admirers of whatever it is and discover that you like them too.
Ha what?
Maybe start another drug habbit
Learn how to socialize with strangers irl instead of asking questions online. Stop being a fucking robot and get off your computer for a while.
I used to drink heavily. I was always the drunk one at parties. I got sick of always making an ass of myself so I started volunteering as the designated driver.
People raised a few eyebrows but no one ever really gave me shit over it. After a while people got used to the idea of me not being blackout drunk all the time. Now I only drink when it's an occasion and I don't drink nearly as much.
At first I thought it was going to suck being the sober one in a club or not being included in drinking games at house parties. And at first it did a little. Then I realised how much easier it actually was for me to socialise sober. I used to be awkward and anxious and think I needed the alcohol. Once I got a little confidence I realised while I was sober I could actually make real connections with people that I couldn't when I was drunk. People actually thought I was funny and smart and cool and respected me when I wasn't acting like a drunk idiot. I have way more friends now as the mostly sober kid than I ever did as the drunk one.
Edit: Thanks for the gold! And thanks to everyone for your support!
This is my experience too! Three months sober.
That's awesome, keep up the good work! :)
sober since new years 2014!
What happened on that new years eve?
Hit an all time low, drank more than I ever have and got into some trouble with people I love, and tried drowning it out with more drugs. Realized I didn't need to be that guy anymore. Now I'm working on over coming my social anxieties :)
Congratulations! I'm glad I'm not the only one here that doesn't need alcohol anymore to feel comfortable with myself.
Congrats! I feel the same way.Coming up 2 months.
I'm slowly stopping my drinking entirely. It's not really that I want to stop drinking, it's that my friends live far from me or are busy.
I also started doing a lot of kratom (7-hydroxymitragynine) recently. So now I'm addicted to that.
What is this thing you speak of? lol
The psychoactive substance, 7-hydroxymitragynine, is an opioid that is produced by a plant called Mitragyna speciosa. It's legal in most of the US and you can have it shipped to you in the mail. The physical process of consumption of the crushed powder is the deterrent. Its tough to swallow because it is extremely hydrophobic. I've gotten used to it though and I highly recommend this substance. I can pm you a trusted vendor if you want.
I would like to see exactly what this drug does to the brain before going further. (Stupid Psych degree and knowing about brain chemistry! lol)
Can you PM me what sensations the drug causes?
I mean it's a mu opioid agonist, the major effects are comparable to hydrocodone. Thing is there are also a bunch of other alkaloids in the powder that produce various peripheral effects. I like to do a bunch of pain killers if I can get them. That's basically why I became enthusiastic about kratom. If you're down to do drugs, Kratom is relatively harmless as far as a metric fuckload of anecdotal evidence goes.
They should have spent 5 minutes teaching you how to use Google during your degree program.
Maybe I wanted to hear it from an actual person who has used it.
edit Removed the snark.
Oh man, kratom is so effective at stopping the cravings of other substances. I started taking it to break an opiate addiction, and as a side effect I have absolutely no desire to drink anymore either. I've now been sober from drugs and alcohol for years. I love this plant!
Isn't kratom technically a drug though?
Yes, it is. What I should have said was that I have been sober from prescription opiates. Kratom is a relative of the coffee plant, and in my experience has about the same addiction and withdrawal potential.
I was about to say you're fooling yourself if you think you're drug free. But congrats on overcoming your opiate addiction, man!
Also I'm addicted to caffeine currently. Lots of people don't see it as a drug at first but it's actually really addictive. If I go a day without my morning coffee, I'll spend the whole day with a migraine. Just threw this in there because Kratom is similar to caffeine.
Thanks. Quitting that shit was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm the same way with coffee. My vices now are my morning coffee to boost me at work and my afternoon kratom to unwind afterwards.
all of those things are technically drugs... do you mean illicit?
Exactly, I don't care for the taste of booze so I blaze instead!
Lmfao same story here, but I still drink. Just not as much.
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It's very enjoyable. I'm pretty miserable most of the time and it's just the thing I need to help me enjoy my leisure hours.
It's a weed replacement for me and I love it.
Congrats on 3 months!
thanks!
Same here. I didn't quit drinking, but my hangovers were so bad that it wasn't worth it. Realized I am way better at socializing and making contacts sober than drunk.
Good for you man! I'll have 3 years in August. Not easy, but definitely worth it.
Glad to hear that! I am unsure how the dating scene will be without drinking... but, maybe I will find other sober individuals.
I'm on three months too, but I am still terrified of bars without alcohol as a crutch. My last couple of experiences out have been awful. How long did it take you too get to this point?
Club soda and lime - you can have a drink in your hand, a prop, and when you actually decide you're going to stop, the fact that everyone else is drunk and you're under control kind of sets you at ease.
But it's important to work on whatever the underlying anxiety is - through therapy, exercise, etc.
Not too long. I am working and going to school full time so I use that as an excuse if my friends are going out to just drink. But I've gone to bars with live music, because I can at least enjoy that without just sitting around and having to drink.
I've also hosted a board game night with friends one weekend and some of them drank, and I didn't. I guess I just skip out on things where 'drinking' is the main event.
Well done! Keep up the good work.
I'll have 4 years in October, and I had the same concerns. Turned out that I have much more meaningful conversations and was "Present" so much more.
Unfortunately, I didn't stop until I had a DUI. No one was hurt, but it severely fucked my life up financially as well as psychologically. Lost my license for two years, wife had to drive me to and from work. I'm sure my kids felt ashamed of me. I ended up being diagnosed with real depression.
Anyway, if anyone out there can make the change to sobriety before that kind of shit happens, they are WAY ahead of the game.
Congrats! On a similar note, for people who still drink occasionally. I work too much/too early in the summer to drink but still party. I cannot stress enough how much I have learned/improved socially being sober at those parties. Everyone should at least spend 5 ragers sober in a short period of time and it will pay off, I promise.
How long did it take you to get to the point of being more confident sober? It definitely doesn't seem to start that way!
It doesn't start that way, but once you put yourself out there, you'll come to realize you can do just fine without booze, and that will compound on your confidence levels.
Eight years. The last hour of any wedding I attend is always a great illustration of why.
Yehhh! One year sober for me :) keep it up!
Congratulations!
I'll drink a pint in your honor tonight.
Thanks! Make it a nice oatmeal stout ;)
Ill see you black out drunk in the club in a months time. ;)
Lol "AA"
I don't get what you are saying. I am not in AA nor would I say I am an alcoholic. I just decided I liked being sober more than being a drinker.
Yeah its funny saying "three months sober" like "im clean for three months"
I guess I could just say I haven't drank in 3 months..
Quiters.
Honestly, my experience exactly. My own self "identity" was the "party guy" who got everyone fucked up and was always fucked up. Was like that for just over 7 years (especially in college). I surrounded myself with people who also were drunkards or willing to get reckless and blackout with me a lot ("blackout buddies" as I called them). Over the past 6 months I have come to realize that I have a problem and I dont want to be "that guy" anymore. Tired of looking like a fool and just feeling like complete shit for days after a long binge drinking weekend. It has been one of the hardest things to realize and to do, because my life was based around drinking and partying practically for so long that being sober is new and I am practically re-creating my self-image and thought process.
A month ago I decided to go completely sober for 60 days - no alcohol and no drugs (pot). It has been quite the journey so far where I am still exposing myself to social drinking surrounding however I am using techniques such as tonic and lime type drinks to ease my way into this new mentality of not drinking. I have slowly phased myself away from the "friends" that were my "blackout buddies" and have started to try and pick up new hobbies such as photography, biking and, exposing myself to nature more often. I have informed all the people I care about that I have stopped drinking for these 60 days to ensure myself that drinking is a want and not a need in my life. Almost everyone understands and supports me and if they don't I try to remove them from my life practically. Over the past 37 days I have been called a "pussy" and "no fun" and other countless insults countless times when exposing myself to bars when ordering from the bartender a tonic and lime or just a water. It hasnt been enjoyable to say the least however I want to be sure I am able to say no in the element of a bar instead of just hiding per say from it all for 60 days.
I am not a fan of DDing for drunk people honestly and found that one out quite quickly. All the best and good luck on your journey. I am with you on this one. After these 60 days, I am not sure if I will continue drinking and understand more or less that I dont want to get to those points anymore to turn into that "party guy", to just have one drink but the goal for me is to ensure myself I dont need alcohol I just want it. Happy to see your progress though
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I was expecting to see a lot of 420 recommendations but these stories are a nice surprise. I used to drink a lot from the age of 15 till 25 and at some point I started hating alcohol for making me numb and dumb at parties. I think the key is to be content and open-minded whether you are into sports, art, science or just getting to know people and it will work out just fine.
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This kayaking idea sounds really nice. But we have no dolphins around in Eastern Europe. I bet they would love playing uw-rugby with humans! Sure they are smart enough to get the concept. That's something I would really want to try : playing around dolphins. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEMjMkXe8YY
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Absolutely. The concerning thing is if they get too excited about it, with their speed and average weight from 150 to 200 kg (331.5-442 lb.) they could ram a person too hard...
Its not easy, but its do-able. I have not drunk any alcohol in years, and that was 2 beers. I stopped smoking with the help of a vaporiser after trying and failing with different therapies, patches, lozenges, mini tabs. But I kept trying and finally stopped last year- June to be honest. I kept trying, small steps at a time, break it down, rather than cold turkey. If i can do it- you can. I wish you luck.
Thats awesome, keep it up. Im going for it though and thanks for the supportive comment
Well done. Good luck with the quitting smoking.
Good for you. An idea....if you're looking for a transition to non-smoking, try an e-cigarette. I have a friend who used it as a stepping stone to quitting, and it worked well. It's far better than inhaling smoke, and you can control the amount of nicotine in the solution until you're down to nothing. It's also a money saver in the long run. If you try it, be sure to invest in quality merchandise..$75 to $100 for the vaping unit. The cheaper ones fell apart on my friend with regular use.
Wow, that's hard. Good for you for doing it.
Are you going cold turkey on the cigs? Quitting both at 1 time might be a bit risky, with a higher chance of relapsing on one or both things.
I'd highly recommend nicotine patches. As long as you actually want to quit and use the "steps" system most patches use (gradually decreasing nicotine intake) then you should be in good shape. It's been over a year since I quit smoking and it was definitely one of the best decisions I've ever made.
I dont smoke cigs, I am just quitting all narcotics at the moment including unfortunately pot (which shouldnt even be listed there but whatever, it can still alter the mind so that is included).
I completely understand I might 26 but couldnt agree more since that is also how a majority of my friends were made as well. I feel if you can find a community of kayakers in your area or bikers you can meet through those activities as others are suggesting. That is my game plan as well with them. I also found a rock climbing gym that is fairly close to me so I hope to try and make new friends by just going there on a regular basis. Either way, Good Luck on your journey of sobriety as Ill be on it with you. Always remember your not alone in the journey and there are a lot of alternative ways to socialize and meet people.
Dude try meetup.com, they have plenty of groups of people who do outdoor activities and such who are all looking to meet new people too so it's quite friendly. There are also social drinking groups too, just steer clear of those.
Solid Idea! I never thought to look at that site cause.. drum roll please .. the only way I knew of it was for drinking meetups. Thanks!
Well done. Good luck with the quitting smoking.
I've been cutting back on drinking and smoking. It's becoming pretty clear that my party friends won't be around for long if I keep it up. I get skeptical looks when I tell them I haven't had a drink or a cigarette all week, and that's even more motivating because it makes me think that they care more about having me around as a party friend than as myself, so who needs them. The fact that they have no faith in me when I tell them I am cutting back is equally as irritating. I already feel better after a few weeks of less drinking/smoking, and more exercise.
Sunshine, when the awkward part is gone and you're over it, you're going to have the time of your life!
I too, stopped drinking almost 5 years ago, basically alcohol for women hitting menopause is not a good thing, and since pulling WAY back to the point where I'm down to a handful of drinks a year.. I don't miss it one jot.
Always good stuff to hear. Its those moments where you think your having FOMO (fear of missing out) but in reality its just another random night of random dumb shit. You arent missing out on anything.
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Thank you, I will definitely look into that
Represent! ! !
You can't post there while drinking and that's usually the time I seek help the most. :(
Right there with you. It was 10 years ago I did this. I went 2 years without drinking, just because I was a cunt drunk, not because I was an alcoholic or anything. My lass was never really a drinker. I've had to berate people for calling her boring for not drinking in the past. I see it as, if you need alcohol to have fun, perhaps it's you that's the boring person, not the sober person having fun. It's funny how immature people come across when they are berating someone for not drinking.
Nowadays I drink every day. One or two rum and cokes before bed. I enjoy it much more now that I know my limits and know that in social situations I can have a few without getting totally blotto and making a fool of myself.
Wow, thats awesome and so unbelievably true about how immature people can come across. Understanding limits is part of my main reason for stopping, I continued to tell myself I knew when to stop but then would wake up in random places and ask myself how the hell I got there and I thought I knew when to stop.
I used to get drunk and unintentionally insult people, then dig myself further into the hole trying to explain myself out of it.
I also think that people that berate you for not drinking do so because they feel threatened by your control compared to theirs.
Couldnt agree more. It wasnt easy at all when I first started and with a bunch of people I thought were my "friends". Pressure is an understatement
Who would have thought flashing would help you stop drinking.
I wanted to say "Man, if you stop drinking and you're still exposing yourself everywhere, you may have a different problem"
Haha well its difficult when for your entire young adult life youve been involved with that type of socializing to just not go out and hang out with people you consider friends isnt too easy. Just figuring out how to maneuver to different ventures now and ensure I can handle saying no in those setting
Oh no, I definitely get that. But why do you now feel the need to show everyone your junk when you go out?
Does it have anything to do with your username?
Haha way over my head. Didnt get it *claps - well played.
Thank you thank you!
But seriously, good for you. Not drinking is a difficult thing to do, especially when it is wrapped up in our identity. I actually did have a problem with getting drunk and naked. Haven't done that in a long, long time, which is nice. Best of luck to you.
I understand man, we all have our demon bullshit that comes out when we are at that point. Mine was getting drunk and lost. I woke up in a fucking crane (yes a fucking crane in the damn drivers seat) after a night of drinking no where near where I initially was drinking and awoken by a construction worker. Thankfully he woke me up and let me out instead of calling the cops.
Life is so much better when it doesn't revolve around alcohol. You discover so many fun things that you really enjoy that you never had the time or motivation to do because you were too busy being drunk and hungover.
Couldnt be more true. I use to say "there is nothing to do is this god forsaken town", I now have found (with the guidance of my gf) multiple trails, woods, and nature type activities that really makes me embrace and enjoy what I hated before.
Good for you man. I can relate 100%, being the party guy, eventually it just gets old and you realize those friends aren't really your true friends. Once you give up that life, its amazing how quickly most of them fade into the distance and you're left with the friends who are truly worth investing in.
Thanks man and couldnt agree more for I have already started to see it after rejecting some of my "blackout buddies" now multiple times in a row, havent heard from them.
I've been much the same way as you. I definitely drink more than I should, and don't black out... But all my friends drink a lot and don't really have many interests outside of the bar scene. Its getting to the point where I want more than that. For them and for myself. Reading your post helped me sort a lot of things out. Thanks.
Absolutely man. I wish you the best of luck, and just stay strong. Its your life, remember that, fuck everyone else that brings you down and if they do, they arent your real friends regardless of the past. That is what I have come to realize in my short time of sobriety.
Last night, after sitting down in the shower for an hour high off my tits and lamenting how drugs and alcohol have brought me down all these years, I decided I'd quit for two months to see how I feel. Kinda funny that I stumbled across this thread and your response just now. I admire you for being able to make it this far and wish you well from here on in. DD lyfe
Appreciate the support and wish you the best of luck on your journey
My social life has been just as good since I stopped drinking. I've lost 25 lbs. since I stopped drinking. I never thought about the calories, just the expense. Another thing I've noticed is there are a lot of people there not drinking. Before it just SEEMED like everyone was drinking.
You talking about social gatherings and bar scene type get togethers? Its very true though and felt the same exact way. Especially when I wasnt holding a drink, felt socially awkward - which for me is why I use the substitute
well done mate.
Thank you, still not done though, but thank you
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Hahah Amen to that.
As someone who took two months of from drinking recently, I highly recommend staying off it completely if possible. Around Christmas last year I realized that I was drinking WAY too much and WAY too often - literally a six pack of tall boys every night at LEAST, sometimes more than that, and I wasn't even doing anything, just sitting at home chilling out. I quit completely for a couple of months and man did I feel good. Afterwards I decided to easy myself back into it by having a drink or two. That gathered steam and now I'm back into the habit of drinking every night again.
One of the best feelings ever was when I wasn't drinking and I realized that I never had to worry about having a hangover the next day, never had to worry about being able to drive somewhere when I needed to, and on top of that, the little beer gut that I had built up disappeared. It was amazing.
I don't blame you if you want to get back into drinking socially - I can just say from experience that it's very easy to slip back into drinking more than you want to, and then in a few months you look back and realize you're drinking just as much as you were when you forced yourself to quit.
Thanks for the comment man and the advice, I cant definitely see where your coming from 100% too. I am still torn and uncertain where this journey will lead at the moment to be honest.
Just an FYI there is a difference between abuse and addiction. Knowing which one you suffer from will really change how you proceed with your soberness. You sound like a abuser to me which is really the better of the two, it means alcohol doesn't completely control your life and you can stop yourself from becoming an addict by being smart. The problem with your current method is that you're treating yourself as an addict instead of an abuser. A 60 day sober treatment isn't all that helpful to an addict if they go back to drinking. If you are addicted your ONLY option is to quit. If you're an abuser though then your problem is learning self control and moderation, you don't need to become completely sober, you can if you want, but it is necessary like it is with an addict. Unless you plan definitively to stay sober after the 60 days then your treatment is useless.
Could you suggest methods of learning self-control? And I wasnt completely clear if I was an addict or an abuser tbo. I would come home from work and crave a beer, if I went to the bar I felt I needed a beer, when I was with friends socializing I felt I needed a beer. So to me, this is not clarifying that I want the drink and dont need it, that is all.
If they don't want for you what you want for you, then they're not friends. It sucks, but I made those changes too, and I'm all the better for it today.
And just wait until you do that with family, that's a barrel of laughs.
Already experiencing that with my parents. Its unbelievably difficult. Almost more so than with my friends
Yeah, I hear you. Don't worry though; this is a life-long relationship and things will get better once everyone adjusts.
F the people that call you "pussy" for ordering a non-alcoholic drink.
It's funny. For a while there I wanted a full cleanse. No smoking, no alchohol, no caffeine, no anything really other than water, good food, etc...
My smoker friends were awesome. Totally supported me, one even told people not to give me any cigarettes before I arrived at places to hang out to make it easier.
My drinking friends though...it was as if I personally insulted their religion. I was treated like a Satan worshipper in a cathedral. It was odd.
Hahah dude I date a pot-head and she couldnt be more supportive of what Im going through with the whole completely sober deal (even though I still drink coffee not going to lie). She even offered to go sober with booze with me if I wanted. The fact she offered is something special. But I agree, any of my drinking friends, HA, ya, you couldnt of said it better.
Also, if you're trying to be healthy-ish, try swapping the tonic out with soda water. Tonic water is heavy on calories. Best of luck!
Doesnt hurt to give it a try, thanks for the tip and supportive comment!
I was this exactly. Unfortunately this turned into a real problem about 5 years ago. Cut to about 14 months ago I ended up realizing I had a problem. Went through conventional treatment and realized it was helpful but at the end far too culty. I am a year sober now and happy, doing all the things I want without being the sloppy drunk guy and having more fun than ever! I am not sure where I will end but I feel a million times better now than I did a year ago and luckily, I have no cravings for booze whatsoever.
Good luck, bro!
Dude thats amazing to hear! Congrats and keep it up! Thanks for the supportive words, as you know it definitely helps
Right back at you, Man! Of course it isn't easy, but it really isn't that hard if you haven't hit the point where you are getting heavy withdrawals or cravings. At the point I am at now I am doing all of the things I actually enjoyed before (skipping the places where I used to go to just get drunk and no other reason, which sucked anyway) and having more fun doing them and remembering them, plus new things that I always put off because I was either drunk or hung-over that I never thought I would. In some ways, you end up having to grow up as an adult instead of as a child, but you get to do it your way, which makes it actually pretty cool!
Not only does it get easier, it gets better in just about every way!
Dude your very right. The bottom line for me is now I am looking for other activities and enjoying ones that I never even knew would be fun such as photography, rock climbing, biking. And your right, its just part of growing up and to be honest I wish I figured this out while I was in college, I feel like I would of appreciated and enjoyed it 10 fold more. Someone suggested meetup.com for activities like the ones I listed above, 100% a great idea especially because a majority of my friends, drinking was what we did and anything like rock climbing or biking isnt in their vocabulary. Keep killing it man!
I'm gonna copy and paste the first paragraph from another comment of mine in another thread but i promise the rest will be new material:
I found out who my real friends were when i got clean and suddenly people didn't want to chill anymore. I didn't care if they were using there in front of me, I just wasn't going to partake, or more importantly, bring any. One guy actually tried to get me to throw fives (20s actually) because he had spent all the money his dad had gave him for weed (yep.) the day before.
I never realized before getting sober how many people NEED booze or other drugs to "have fun." I think that pre-gaming for house parties is a real sign of this. It makes sense to get somewhat buzzed before hitting the bar because bars are so expensive, BUT if you need to get drunk just to ring a door-bell, say hello to some people, and start drinking, you might have a problem.
People get uncomfortable when they find out that your sober and other people seemingly love to try to get you to fall of the wagon. I think the "crab bucket" mentality is really quite strong, and people don't enjoy feeling like the weak one in the group. Same goes for when you are losing weight and your "friends" act like they can't enjoy their dessert as much ("you're making me feel so self-conscious") when you're not participating.
I realized that i was spending at least 10 hours per week either drunk or high and that if i had just spent those ten hours doing anything mildly productive, i'd probably be happier and more skilled. Took up gardening and juggling. My eye-hand coordination is better already, my memory has improved, and I can appreciate nature on a deeper level than before.
Honestly, I see where your coming from and I was that person. Pre-gaming for anything. Any reason to drink was me. When I was in college I spent more time drunk/high than sober. Really, no joke, I was more focused on what I was drinking that night than what I was studying (somehow still finished with a 3.0 from PSU). Once I graduated, I looked forward to drinking on Saturday which practically I built up all week to going out on. I wouldnt even end of remembering the night. I woke up in a crane one morning no clue how I got there. The cock-pit, ya, the construction worker thankfully was nice enough just to wake me and have me get out rather than call the cops. That is when I realized, I have a problem. That is when I became aware. I personally didnt stop though cause I didnt know how and I didnt want too. More recently another event of such came that I literally was in a different city in the beginning but somehow woke up in my bed. No clue.
Long story short man, that is great to hear you picked up hobbies like that because I see where your coming from, life can be appreciated in general at a deeper level when your sober rather then being numb by alcohol. Who the fuck would of thought going out in nature was so awesome?! I never would of known when I was the way I was because I had no interest, it didnt involve a red solo cup or ping pong balls or, bongs. Even if its only been 37 days, its been eye-opening to say the least. Good luck on your sobriety man and keep it up!
That is kind of terrifying. That indicates a pretty long period to be blackout.
Congrats to you too! 37 days is definitely over the hump, just gotta maintain that momentum. I have found that now i look forward to actual events rather than "man i'm gonna get so faded later." As cliche as it sounds, i'm far more focused on the moment and not fiending for future inebriation and disconnection from the world.
Thanks, much appreciated. Its crazy how you dont realize how "disconnected" from the world and yourself you are when you are at the point in life. Very noticeable when you step back from it
It's called growing up. You're lucky to have discovered it early, some take many more years, and some never do. I took far, far, too long and it's my biggest regret in life. You've got a great life ahead of you. Rock on, dude.
Thank you very much, I appreciate the support and the comment for it definitely hit home for me. I hope you get to enjoy your life moving forward and wish you to have the happiest days to come
I'm all for quitting alcohol, great job man. But why did you quit smoking? weed is harmless and shouldn't even be considered a drug imo
Well to be honest I just wanted to ensure to myself I wasnt dependent on any substance and I can be completely sober. And having an entirely clear mind for the first time in over a decade was also something I didnt know about and wanted to see & feel. My gf is a pot-head and imo pot should available at a recreational level because it is practically proven 100% better than alcohol in practically every facet.
Well more power to you. I bet you are saving a lot of cash lol
Dude, thanks and, its unreal to be honest haha
Damn, you really thought this one out. I have high hopes for you.
I was particularly impressed with your idea of still exposing yourself to drinking environments and saying no versus hiding away from them for 60 days.
Haha well thank you for the support man. Ya, I feel it was the only way to truly know I can do this and I have the will power. Thanks dude seriously though
Check out this other guys comment.
If you're coming from a different angle, be it booze-troubles, meds that can't be taken with alcohol or perhaps a new set of friends who frown on drinking, you need to focus on why, instead of the absence of alcohol. Go into your new social habits with a focus on the new fun setting/activity/people instead of thinking "I do this instead of getting drunk."
You don't need to change your whole life, just shift your focus a bit. Smaller changes (but real changes) are easier to maintain.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/355m03/serious_how_to_have_a_social_life_without_alcohol/cr18hso
I'm just about 5 years clean and I've learned a few things about socializing with drunk people and how to make it entertaining and how to deal with the bullshit.
Show up to parties late if you can, the real fun of not drinking is when everyone is already tanked.
red solo cups are your friend, you don't have to tell people you're not drinking, if someone wants some of yours or asks you what you have be a cocky dick and tell them it's yours and you think they're gross and that they're gonna give you something. Don't actually make them think you're serious about them being gross.
-remember that drunk people may not get your sarcastic jokes like they would if you're sober and might get angry at you.
-when someone offers, it's much better to say "no thank you" then "I don't drink" it makes people less likely to feel as if you're judging them. If they ask why tell them you're driving.
-most people will tell you they think it's really cool you don't drink. The ones that call you a pussy are the ones that wish they could and if you pay attention closely it's usually the ones that get fucking trashed and get in fights/cause drama when they're drunk.
-if you're going to dd (which is a great excuse) make sure to put the drunkest person in the seat behind you (if it has a door) or in the front seat if you got a coupe.
-people are going to be fucking idiots when they are drunk, alcohol isn't an excuse for poor behavior but if you keep it in mind, it's easier to not take stupidity personally.
-you're allowed to act drunk/let loose and shut down your inhibitions, feel the vibe and you can click into the silliness and be an idiot with everyone else.
-use your video camera, capturing drunken moments are what really make it worth it "let me show you how ugly that chick was that you danced with last night"
Awesome tips and advice! Thank you, I especially like the idea of just saying no thank you or something along those lines when someone offers and drinking game idea.
No problem man, you don't have to be boring when you're sober, you just have to be a little adaptable
I recommend trying seltzer water too. Over ice. Bubbly, refreshing, and comes flavored. Definitely has been a hydrating alternative to booze.
Thanks for the tip, will give it a try.
All those people calling you names are doing you a favor, honestly. Cut them out and wait for them to come to you years from now and say they've stopped drinking too.
Also, dude, just drink coke at the bars. A good bartender won't even charge you, and it doesn't feel like a non-drink drink.
Thanks for the advice, will give it a try next trip out.
You get used to the DD thing. I know for me, I put up with people's drunk antics if it's for people I care about and if somebody is really in need of my help. I guess my being a DD is just my way of maintaining at least some control in a situation where lots of people aren't in full control of themselves. I just know I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to the people I care about when I could have done something to ensure their safety. Plus sometimes I get fun stories out of it.
I wish you the best of luck with your sobriety.
I was a professional drinker for 35 years. want to prove to yourself that you aren't alcoholic? That your booze is a want not a need?
Don't drink for a year. Any qualified drunk can quit for 60 days. Make it a year and then we'll talk
Nice job man, anyone that calls you dumb names for biking/nature is a complete idiot. They obviously don't have the strength you do, hope biking and nature is as rewarding as it is for everyone else.
Appreciate the support and I hope so as well.
I'm sure you'll see a lot of similar stories as yours in this thread and it's pretty cool. I don't know your friends so I could be 100% wrong but they are probably just feeling insecure about your quitting. For various reasons I've never done any illegal drugs in my life but my best friends growing up, and into our 20's, did. I remember one of them telling me he feels like I look down on him when he gets trashed. I didn't, it just wasn't my thing. I'd be willing to bet they might feel the same way about you. You were like them every week but decided to try not to do it for 60 days. I'm sure at some point or another they've though the same but didn't do it. The might feel weak. Anyway, good luck to you. I hope it all works out.
Thanks for the support man. Its interesting to see how people Ive known for so long react that is for sure. As a 26 year old male, I feel I can see where a lot of people stand as a friend when they approach me about this and how they take it.
From "friends" or the bartender? Assuming the former, it sounds like being sober around them is giving you some better insight into who really are your friends. Sometimes good people say stupid things, especially when drinking, but anyone who's badgering you relentlessly here is either trying desperately to rationalise their own drinking problem or is just a dick and better left behind.
Jesus Christ so I'm not the only one going through this. I was "the" guy at the parties. You know, the ass who always got drunk. Over the past half a year or so I just realized what you did. I wanted to change. I lost many of my friends, or if not lost, I just don't hang out with them anymore at all. And you know what, I actually feel better. I don't even like getting drunk at all. It's freaking miserable. As for my friends... Well I found others.
Good choices for replacement hobbies. I made the decision to change but it took me years to get healthy again by finding positive outlets. What put me over the top again was when i started working out regularly about 5 months ago. I'm feeling the best i have in a very long time now. Good luck on your journey!
Oh.. and you should reconsider pot. When used in moderation it can be quite healthy.. at least for me :)
Its unbelievable how enjoyable nature is when you just go and truly wonder and enjoy it. Life changing really. Good luck on your journey as well and thank you for the support. As for the pot, I am just taking a complete 60 day hiatus from all mind altering substances to show myself I can. After the 60 days, I havent exactly decided, we shall see.
Pussy
well you are acting like a pussy bro
I did something similar, but without quitting drinking entirely. I realized one day, as if it were a huge epiphany, that my eyes felt so..droopy. My mind just felt so dull. I'm a relatively awesome day-to-day person, I think, but I didn't feel that way at all. It confused me that I'd never noticed this about my drunk self.. I had no confidence, I was just dumb and wearing a thousand-mile stare that I couldn't shake. The lights were on but no one was home.
I'd stumbled through all these countless parties and bars thinking I needed to go overboard to get more confidence, more fun, etc.. but it really does do the exact opposite after a certain threshold. After about 6 or 12 drinks (differs per person obviously) you have nothing interesting to say, your wit disappears, and you are no longer clever. Other people start to notice those droopy eyes. You look ugly. You sound like a dullard and you're unattractive!
So, I've upgraded my life (and my wallet), and now I have a 5 drink limit on a night I'm out with friends. Maybe thats a lot for some, but 10-15 drinks was normal to me before on a crazy night.. What is most surprising to me is how good I feel when its not a race to drink more. Slipping warmly and slowly into that 5 drink jacket really does make me feel more confident and social, but the eyes don't droop. I'm certainly over the .08, but my mind is sharp. I'm funny and loose, but I'm clever..not just a clumsy idiot. Theres little to no hangover. Probably the best perk of all, talking to women is SO much easier its mind blowing when you're on your 4th beer vs your 11th. I get laid way more.
So yeah, I'd recommend to anyone who is hesitant to stop drinking entirely.. just try keeping it light! Cut your consumption by a third and marvel at your newfound greatness!
Holy shit, you sound exactly the same as me man. I'm gonna give going sober a while and see how it goes. I'd be happy as if i could get the same results as you.
It really does help. You gain respect from people and people laugh with you and your stories instead of at you for being a drunk idiot. Im at that stage where i drink casually and when i do its more for craft beers or out to dinner. Its liberating not being the drunk idiot.
It's true..I've got 2 years in now, sobriety is where the real cool kids hang out.
Considering all of my friends who went to rehab met celebrities there, I think you're onto something.
I'm at 2 years sober right now and I went from the constantly drunk guy to starting my own business, having a family etc like overnight. It's amazing how much you can accomplish in terms of real lasting connections and relationships once you get sober a d just start crushing life.
Hey man - as a person who has a friend doing this right now, it can be tough. Don't be afraid to reach out to someone when things get touch. Don't let yourself get pulled back into it, just keep moving forward.
Please please take it seriously don't be a DD if you can't stay sobber. Have a back up plan just in case.
As somone who was never really heavy into drinking in the first place and only continually sees drunk people keep doing stupid shit to themselves and in general, stop drinking.
Everyone will be happy, including you.
Yes. I recently quit drinking as an experiment because I remembered that socializing was way more fun before I could drink. To my surprise, the fun came right back. Drinking I think over-relaxes you to a point where you "coast" and don't put any effort into your thoughts or sentences. Being sober you really end up having quality social experiences that boost your overall confidence. When you get bored you think of genuinely fun things to do to entertain yourself and peers around you, then you become the cool guy. I have to say, though that a "fake drink" is almost a requirement. Tonic with lime and a straw or something. It not only disarms others but in a way it cues the "ok its time to relax and have fun" part of your brain, much like how I imagine "smoking" fake cigarettes calms ex-smokers.
Did you gravitate to talking towards sober or drunk people while out? My experience is drunk people are a drag to talk to when your stone cold sober.
I can handle my close friends drunk. When it's strangers I naturally gravitate to the more sober people for this reason.
Congrats man! I'm five months sober now with a similar story. I've only recently started going to bars again with my friends. They've all accepted that I'm a recovering alcoholic and are rather appreciative to have a reliable DD now. Yeah, they still give me shit every once in a while (when they're beyond hammered) but I know the path I'm going down now is a better one. I fill a lot of the time I used to spend at bars in the gym now.
My friends and I go out to the same place every friday because there's always people you know going to be there. I've had a bad couple of weeks where I completely get way too drunk and don't remember much and possibly act like an ass. I haven't been like that in a while, but it kept happening as of late. This one night where we all told each other we'll pace ourselves, we successfully did, and all came to the consensus that it was much more fun to be a bit less drunk and remember the entire night.
It is funny how anxiety seems to easily be "fixed" with alcohol. Where in reality it just creates a new (maybe even bigger) problem. Instead of being a bit awkward and shy, you become incomprehensible, obtuse and obnoxious. But hey! You talk to people now! That must give them a much better impression about you!
Exactly! That's what I realised once I quit. Once I accepted this it was a lot easier to stop.
I just started this week being sober, I already did 2 months twice, but it was for health-related reasons, therefore it was easier. So this thread comes at the right time for me.
I don't have a problem talking to people, but have a problem making the first contact. It's really easier, when you're drunk, so I am akward and anxious as well. How did you get over this?
Samesies. Now I have great stories and a better woman.
That's awesome or you!
I wasn't the heaviest drinker but I did the same thing. I really actually enjoy going to bars with out drinking. Other than the fact that the people I make friends with I actually remember I also enjoy the no hang over part. Oh and seeing what fools people look like drunk can be pretty funny.
Thanks man, your perspective has really got me thinking. I appreciate it.
You don't have to get drunk. If it takes all night to drink one drink, no one will know the difference. Moderation, I guess.
I am a recovered alcoholic and did a lot of reading and therapy. It makes so much sense now. This is how it works for non problem drinkers.
When we go into a social situation under the influence, yes even a little, we are building a scheme of lessons learned in that situation while the executive function of our brain is compromised. Think about how may times you have (safe to say thousands for me) solidified your construct of these scenarios while under the influence. Even a little alcohol. All the corrections your brain is making is taking into account the familiarity of feeling that way. When you enter the situation sober, the natural anxiety still exists because you essentially have learned nothing and now the reward center of your brain is hounding you for what it is familiar with in these situations increasing the anxiety. Many people have upwards of 90% of their social encounters under the influence of some kind of alcohol.
Now the fun part like you experienced. When you approach it sober you are able to build schemes around your natural brain state where the executive function is not compromised. You don't feel it, you don't know it, but you are adapting, learning, and adjusting each encounter you have. You are growing. It helps to accelerate this process to thinking about these things while you encounter them and even with a therapist. Therapists are not for crazy people, they are for people who want to work on their mind.
I really related to the connections you had with people and the positive attention you received. Same story for me and it only gets better.
I am a recovered alcoholic and did a lot of reading and therapy. It makes so much sense now. This is how it works for non problem drinkers.
When we go into a social situation under the influence, yes even a little, we are building a scheme of lessons learned in that situation while the executive function of our brain is compromised. Think about how may times you have (safe to say thousands for me) solidified your construct of these scenarios while under the influence. Even a little alcohol. All the corrections your brain is making is taking into account the familiarity of feeling that way. When you enter the situation sober, the natural anxiety still exists because you essentially have learned nothing and now the reward center of your brain is hounding you for what it is familiar with in these situations increasing the anxiety. Many people have upwards of 90% of their social encounters under the influence of some kind of alcohol.
Now the fun part like you experienced. When you approach it sober you are able to build schemes around your natural brain state where the executive function is not compromised. You don't feel it, you don't know it, but you are adapting, learning, and adjusting each encounter you have. You are growing. It helps to accelerate this process to thinking about these things while you encounter them and even with a therapist. Therapists are not for crazy people, they are for people who want to work on their mind.
I really related to the connections you had with people and the positive attention you received. Same story for me and it only gets better. The process takes at least a year. Having the choice of drinking again or going through the rough road, most just keep drinking. For me, there is no comparison. I wasted so much time being ignorant and scared.
It's amazing when you figure out that most of your friends see you as two different people: the regular you, and the drunk you. The regular you is a generally likable, nice person that is fun to be around. The drunk you also has those qualities, but to a point. And beyond that point, your worst qualities and behaviors become the only the thing people see. Once you realize this, the door is open to find a nice balance to where you can be regular you, drink socially, and still be yourself. It's always better to be the one telling the drunk person how much of an asshole they were instead of being the asshole.
People always have this idea that they are to flawed to socialize, and that the only way to deal with that is alcohol. Nobody ever even thinks about just trying to fix their flaws instead.
When I'm DD I usually get freebies also; free entries, free food, because drunk friends are extra friendly especially since you're doing them a favor.
I've always thought clubs and bars should have free soft drink for designated drivers. It would cost them practically nothing, encourage people not to drink drive and I would get delicious free soft drink more often.
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Yeah. I find I'm ok when it's with a meal or at a gig when there's something else to do. it's when I'm at a party or club where the main activity is drinking that 1 turns into 10.
I find it helps, that they are drunk.
It does.
How do you participate in drinking games without alcohol?
I'm not drinking alcohol at all and feel like drinking water to participate is weak, as the whole purpose of a drinking game is to get shitfaced fast and push your habits by peer pressure (although denied completely when confronted or moronically seen as an acceptable game, but never an honoust consideration). How to do this?
You come with the games and designate yourself the referee and teacher of the rules. You will still be 'involved' in the drinking games, but only because you are allocating drinks and refereeing decisions.
I used to drink and smoke day every day but i now volunteer as dd to ensure i stay sober at house parties. Keeps me clean. Keep me on my toes.
But doesn't that mean that you make friends for one night and then they forget they even met you the next day? Also, how do you have fun with drunk people when you aren't drunk?
I've never had a drink in my life, nor smoked anything. Just personal choice. In order to be "social" cause I struggle to interact with drunks, I: A) Told everyone I dont drink - people respected, B) Became a Bouncer at a club, and C) Went to all parties and events I could anyway and just did not care.
If I go to a pub or anything, I drink pop/water, and sometimes smell peoples drinks. It gets a laugh and makes them comfortable.
More complicated, but that's the gist.
EDIT: Basically, just do what you do, and ignore the haters.
Ugh I think I need to make this transition.
I'm about 7 months sober. I was never violent or a trouble maker, I was just relaxed. I was so chill that everyone liked me for the most part. The thing was, I was always drinking. It got to the point that I got violently ill. So now I refuse to go back to that while also deciding I wouldn't let it affect my social life. So I still go out to bars frequently. I do everything I did before, just sober. My rational is, I was an awesome drunk. Time to learn how to just be awesome. Improvements everyday man.
I still play beer pong with my friends and my boyfriend drinks my cups. Everyone is cool about it, always tries to get me to play, and I have a good time still. When we play flip cup, I drink redbull or something.
One of my friends gave up drinking for a year or so (he was depressed and just felt it was too much of a risk). He still came out and partied with us during that time and it was great to know that if I wasn't able to get myself home at the end of the night I could ride home with him. He's a great guy, drunk or sober, and i'm sure you are too!
I feel for you, OP. Currently dealing with addiction and the same issue. Socializing is proving difficult. I need to get out there more.
What you described is the exact reason I like variety. There's something to be said for the old drunk commeradery. But a lot of times I just want to hang out and not have to worry how I'm getting home. I volunteer as the DD about 60-70% of the time now. I enjoy hanging with my friends or going out either way.
This took me some time to get used to: going to a party or social occasion and thinking it weird or possibly ostracizing to not drink is only something an alcoholic thinks.
Nobody cares.
Sober 7.5 months.
As a recovering heavy drinker, you are an inspiration :)
It's also more fun to be able to remember what you did/said the night before when you wake up the next day.
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The point is a lot of people think they need alcohol to socialise and have fun, and that you can still go to the same events and hang out with the same people and have fun without the alcohol.
Yes; alcohol will numb your awareness of anxiety, but doesn't really eliminate the anxiety. Glands are still squirting neurochemicals and stuff; but you've crippled the brain's ability to process the feelings.
Check out Hello Sunday Morning, a group/app/platform to help promote drinking less/responsibly. Its great!
I wish I could feel your pain. Unfortunately im a cool drunk that knows his limits. Yay for moderation.
I started drinking at the age of 21 when I went to a university. I had never even tasted alcohol before that, but for the past five years I drank pretty regularly (partied a lot in the three years I was in uni, after that much more just casual drinking), until last new years.
I decided that I should just stop drinking for at least 6 months (the rules I had were that if I went abroad I was allowed to drink and if there was a huge occasion) just to try it out. I've had a drink once since then (annual party where I work, it was a big night) but I really haven't even wanted to have a drink in the past few months.
While I'm not planning on stopping completely, this has been a really nice change. I'm enjoying being able to leave and drive home when ever I want to (usually around 2am when people get over a certain line of drunkenness). I guess it helps that I used to party/go out and socialize a lot before I even started drinking, but the current plan is to just drink occationally, that is, on big events, and even then don't get too drunk.. it leads to stupid decisions.
I often find as the DD everyone is easier to talk to because there drunk or tipsy.
my car is way too clean to be a DD. drunk people are a mess
Same as me, except I never drank. I grew up in a "holiness" home, where drinking was considered a sin (along with tons of other stuff), so I was never around it. (My grandfather was a severe alcoholic including beating everyone, which is probably why my parents were against it so much.)
I've always felt just like you and I can't understand why anyone feels the need to drink. I've had alcohol a few times, but I don't like it and can't understand why anyone would pay that much to act stupid and feel sick.
Same here, I got tired of being that guy. People expected me to be the one to black out etc. I eventually started volunteering to be the sober cab and it's been a humbling experience helping my friends out.
A friend of mine is always the sober one. No one thinks about it. She sits around the table at drinking games and such and has just as much fun. She also keeps "the journal" which is just a play by play of the stupid shit that's going on that we all laugh about. But it's hilarious when things get sidetracked or we can't remember what we were doing or whose turn it was, or what rules were make, etc bc she can always refer to "the journal". It fun to get up in the AM and read and everything you would have forgotten, but now it all comes back to you. You can even reference it months later when some backs out on a bet or just for laughs.
Amen. I keep telling my friend this who prides on making connections with girls when hes drunk.
Here's a trick I learned for when you are the designated driver: Park your car a ten minute walk from where the party is. This way your passengers get ten minutes of exercise and fresh air before the car ride, reducing chances of puke in your car.
That's a good one!
This is basically the opposite of my story. I realized I was too awkward and boring when sober, and I relax and form more meaningful bonds with people when I've had a few drinks. How do you loosen up without alcohol? :(
Practice. Confidence. It's easier said that done, but it's one of those things where there's no secret trick to it. You just have to keep trying until you get it right.
Had the same revelation. I was never seen as the crazy party guy but whenever I drank in excess I almost always did something I regretted. I still enjoy drinking but I just stick to beers and never really get passed being buzzed. Now once in a while when I do actually get drunk I have more fun
Look what you did! You started a chain reaction to a new AA group
That's also how you meet the cute DD with her friends at the bar, and you can actually have an in-depth conversation. The fact that you're chill being the DD makes you much more high-quality in her eyes.
Embrace this, for it is the ticket to finding that girl worth introducing to mom and dad.
I'm glad this worked out for you, but man, I fucking hate being the sober one at parties. I feel that I can't make real connections, because the other person being drunk means I'm not seeing the real them. I'm usually a really social person, but I would prefer to stay in 99 times of out 100 than hang out with my drunk friends.
It's way easier and more fun for me to make friends and hang out with people in the 95% percent of the week that (most) people aren't getting plastered.
I think it's about time for me to start doing this.
If you don't mind me asking how old were you when you started drinking heavily and how old when you decided you had enough?
Started drinking around 15. Started drinking heavily when I finished high school at 17. Ages 18 - 23 were when I was drinking until I was blackout drunk around 3-4 times a week at some points. Have been soberish for about 18 months now.
You have given me hope. Were you in college during your binge drinking years? I have a close family member who I feel is never going to see the light and is damaging her maturing brain in the process.
Sure was. In retrospect I used way too many substances at a young age, and while it hasn't affected me in any ways that I'm aware of, I guess I'll never really know for sure and that bums me out. I don't really have advice for addiction other than what worked for me which won't work for everyone. I do know that ultimately there's nothing you can do to help her until she truly wants to do it for herself. That could be tomorrow or never. Life's fucking hard.
Life can be a turd sometimes. That's why it's best to acknowledge the little things every day that go swimmingly. Continued best wishes to you in the future. Thanks for answering my meddling questions.
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It kind of helps when other people are drunk. I think it takes away some of the pressure. But really there's no secret. At first it's hard but the more you do it you realise it's not so bad. Just talk to people. The worst thing that can happen is they think you're boring or something. If you don't click well just talk to someone else. You're not always going to get along with every person you meet, so don't take it hard if conversation doesn't go that well. The more you do it the easier it will get. Just have fun!
It kind of helps when other people are drunk. I think it takes away some of the pressure. But really there's no secret. At first it's hard but the more you do it you realise it's not so bad. Just talk to people. The worst thing that can happen is they think you're boring or something. If you don't click well just talk to someone else. You're not always going to get along with every person you meet, so don't take it hard if conversation doesn't go that well. The more you do it the easier it will get. Just have fun!
that's nice to hear. i lost my best friend because he couldn't get past that anxious/drunk stage.
Thanks for sharing your story man. I've recently come to the conclusion that I needed to slow down, and perhaps stop, drinking. I've been drinking since I was about 18, college kind of gets you to do that. Recently though (i'd say the past year, but a few times prior) every time I drank was a "lets get fucked up, there's no point not to" perception on what I was doing. After having shit like breaking my toilet, having to have my friends walk me home several times. and a myriad of other sincerely shitty situations, it came to me that I need to just stop. I have extended family that drink heavily, and I think that may have changed my perception of drinking. The divorce of my parents, the death of my grandfather and grandmother, and much more put me in a situation where drinking was one thing I could rely on to make me forget, if only for the moment. Your story really hit me hard, and has me looking forward to a brighter future. Again, I sincerely thank you for sharing your story.
Even though I stopped drinking and never having a problem with alcohol, volunteering as a designated driver sounds like a great idea.
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Shhhh they think I'm cool don't ruin this for me.
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Hey man no judgement. That was me for a long time. The turning point for me was getting drunk and really fucking things up with a close friend of mine because of it. It's hard at first, but it gets easier over time. You've got to work out what your reasons are for stopping, and really focus on them. Find motivation through results. Dramatically changing anything in your life is hard. You just have to tell yourself it will be worth it and really believe it.
I'm going through a similar transformation now. Last weekend I got blackout drunk at a party where nobody else even got very drunk. I realised that I am using alcohol as a social crutch, and that I used to be better without it.
We'll see how it goes in the next few months.
you are future me...once i get out of college of course
No judgement man. I know how much harder I would have found this at 18 or 19 while I was still a student.
I bet you're under 22
24 but ok
..you can still be included in drinking games, Ya know.