Every public transportation vehicle needs a stresstwig.
I could've used one this morning :(
I could have used two this morning :(
I've had a pretty good day.
Give him your stresstwig then, geez louise.
I think I am the stresstwig.
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Me too. Its horrible isnt it
Still in bed. Don't plan on moving for a while. 3:19pm mst
Good day for it. Its pissing outside
I just had lunch
I work for a grounds crew and find like 100 a day
If you break the stress twig then you automatically have 2 stress twigs....
I could use one right now
Maybe even a bundle of sticks?
You can handle my stresstwig anytime.
Make sure to floss after handling.
Or just every transportation vehicle in general. My morning commute consists of a 45-minute, 6 mile drive.
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It's the convergence of three major highways, or alternatively I could use horribly cramped, clogged back roads. Biking really isn't a great option on most days
Edit: To clarify, it's I-287, so biking is both illegal and basically suicide
ITT: Europeans who haven't seen the horror of American bike lanes.
Guys, it's a suicide lane over here. That's if there's even a bike lane at all, which is rare. We unfortunately have some motorists who either don't know bikes are legally allowed on the roads, or don't care and think that cyclists are annoying and should get out of their way. This leads to few people wanting to risk their lives to cycle to work. That leads to few bikes on the road, and decreases motorists awareness even further. It's a vicious cycle. (I made a pun, ha! I'll see myself out...)
Assuming you can jog at about 6-8 mph, you could go to work exactly as fast, get some exercise in and save gas by running to work!
There is the matter of the sweat, though...
There is something incredibly wrong with your country if a six mile commute is impossible on a bike.
If s/he's from the same country I am, there is, and it is.
When I first went to europe and saw that bikes and cars can share the road, it blew mind. Its a pecking order thing. In my country the car is king. If a pedestrian or cyclist makes a car so much as slow down they will be subjected to heavy horn abuse. Cyclists get punished occasionally by car drivers who will drive as close as possible as fast as possible to scare them off the road. Many people say bikes have no place on our roads and should be banned.
It's called winter around here. Probably five to seven months of the year, biking is entirely impractical.
Northern europe called, they want a better explanation of your excuses.
I worked in Northern Germany. They got snow as well. And everyone still rode their little industrial bikes to work.
The US state of Minnesota laughs at northern Europe. Your January is our October. Bikers here are hardcore.
Just checked the average temperatures during winter in Minnesota, min -13 Celsius. For a northerner, thats not hardcore..
Roads here aren't set up for bike riding in any practical way. My trip to work is impractical to begin with because it would include biking the break-down lane of a four-lane divided highway, an extremely steep hill descent followed by an extremely steep climb back out of the valley, negotiating neighborhoods where being white and on a relatively expensive conveyance might cause one to lose not only the conveyance, but one's phone and wallet as well.
And "got snow" isn't very specific. We can regularly have 12"-plus on the ground, with slushy roads that are difficult even in a vehicle. Try biking through that and you'd need a change of clothes by the time you reached work.
According to Reddit, though, biking is ALWAYS an option!
We can regularly have 12"
You're right. Nowhere in Europe gets 12". They do regularly have 30 cm.
Well other than units conversion, you haven't countered anything else I said. It's simply not easy to ride a bike any significant distance here unless weather is optimal or you have a specific route that includes bike lanes and is regularly cleared of snow, or you're on a dedicated path. City planners just don't make it a priority.
When I rode my bike, year round, in Indiana the sidewalks were rarely plowed and sometimes the side roads weren't either. I had no problem riding a bike through the snow. Short of crusty ice on top of the snow that you fall through I had no problem switching to a lower gear and pedaling the bike.
More power to you guys then, we are lazy Americans that do not want to freeze our asses off more than we already have to.
I am from upstate NY.
"You guys".
I'm American. I rode my bike to school year round in Indiana. When I was in germany, for work, I saw multiple people biking to work through the winter.
Well you didn't say you were American to begin with, so that's why I said "you guys".
But again, more power to those people (and yourself) who bike through the winter in Germany or Indiana, I still wouldn't.
Went to school in Buffalo, NY and I biked all summer to classes, but wouldn't ever try to bike through 3 feet of snow. The roads usually aren't plowed well enough to actually move your tires, you would have to carry your bike, which is pointless. Also most places are not bike friendly and it's frustrating to try and ride a bike for transport.
The way you say that implies you weren't one of the people riding a bike in the snow, meaning you have no idea what you're talking about. Their roads are probably quite a bit more properly maintained than op's.
The way you say that implies
Because I was working in Germany and had a company car.
I did ride my bike to school year round in Indiana. Sometimes down the center of side streets. I can't think of a day I didn't ride my bike other than when I was waiting on a new chain. Even rode it in mickey mouse boots and overalls.
Are these down plowed city streets or something? Because the snow I'm thinking of isn't a matter of just toughening up a bit and dealing with the cold. Its more of a "I'd need to carry my bike for a mile before I got to a road where I could ride it" I just cant really imagine how you can ride your bike in the snow haha?
Some were, some weren't. I didn't ever take a spill but there were some close calls until I learned to more or less just keep my feet on the edge of the pedals so that they could easily be put down. Although part of the time I just rode through my yard .
WANT!
Www.mrmoneymustache.com and search riding bikes in winter.
Having said that, I would touch I-287 with any mode of transportation if I don't have to.
It's called winter around here. Biking is entirely impractical.
They make cute little tire chains for those of us brave and dumb enough to mountain bike through Michigan winters. It's pretty great actually, the town I grew up in nobody else rides from October till March so it's like I'm the only bike in the world
They can't bike because of all the cars. There are too many cars because they can't bike. Do you understand now or do you get the hose again. Because dang nammit Bolingbroke the Fourth , I will give you the hosing of a lifetime.
Might be less about the country in which he lives and more about his big fat ass.
Commuting in London via:
*(ignoring traffic lights and pedestrians)
Motorbike? 45 mins*
*and you're not a sweaty shitheap at the end of it.
True, but your hamster-cheeked beard reeks
(ignoring traffic lights and pedestrians)
The only true way to commute.
I have a dominant riding hand in which I use the other to flip off as many angry motorists as I can....
Nah jk, but traffic lights add 20 mins to my journey. Often the road ahead is clear and no one is moving yet the light is red, so who in their right mind wouldn't just keep going?
Apparently suggesting it makes me a douche... Oh well, it's still more efficient, fun and inexpensive in heavy traffic, highly recommended.
I love cycling to work; zipping past the cars helplessly stuck in traffic gives me that ego boost I really need in the morning
Assuming there aren't climate, weather, or safety issues with doing so.
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Climate: in Florida (e.g.), you're not biking to work unless there are showers, lockers, etc., and even then you're going to have to have some way to get your professional clothes to work in an unwrinkled state.
Weather: Mostly, I was thinking rain.
Safety: if your commute would take you down busy arterial roads with no bike lanes or sidewalks (and yes, I know you shouldn't ride on sidewalks), you're just asking for trouble.
I understand the need for a shower of it's really hot or uneven ground etc. but I assumed that in cities there would usually be another way there than an interstate. Rain or getting your clothes to work in decent condition is a matter of right equipment and inexpensive. (waterproof jacket and trousers, biking shoes, possibly a bag for clothes if needed.) Time saved by biking can be used to change clothes.
All this as a general idea, obviously I am not familiar with your situation.
Oh sure, and it's worth noting that Minneapolis has one of the highest percentages of bike commuters in the country.
But I didn't mean the freeway problem (though that can be real) - just that there are many places where the alternative to the freeway is even worse than a freeway, from a biking point of view.
In my case, a bike commute would be almost impossible, but my commute is less than four miles and only takes ten minutes if I have to stop at every single traffic light.
Ah rookie mistake; don't stop at traffic lights
You are such a douche
Yes, I too enjoy basking in the ass-raping delight that is monday morning traffic....
He speaks truth, biking is more fun practical and generally quicker than any other transportation in a major city area
Polite of you to point that out for me. Mind to elaborate?
Pretty sure you just walk at this point
Time to commute from London to Manchester: 2 hours
Time to commute from one end of London to the other: 2 hours
2 hours to go across London. And the rest mate.
And the rest :(
So, the key to living in London is to work in Manchester?
I have a colleague who does just that.
She comes to work more refreshed than any of the locals because her train is a direct 2hr service where she picks a chair and either sleeps, reads, or watches TV on her phone.
Everyone else has to make at least three changes a day to travel a fraction of the distance....
6 miles? Why not just go via bicycle?
I live about 7 miles from work and I drive because there's no traffic, but when I ride my bike it takes me 25 minutes. You should try it.
4.5 miles to uni on public transport used to take me 1.5 hrs if I was lucky. I live in a city; why is it not easier?
Then I won't tell you about my ten mile commute that takes ~12 minutes....
That would be smug and insufferable.
Not sure if actual twig for stress or delightfully British euphemism.
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Yep, always copy and paste from the address bar, and you will never have issues.
You need to start links with http:// or https:// or Reddit will not recognize it. Google does not register but [Google](https://www.google.com) will register.
http://i.imgur.com/BkIKB.gif
Or a Tension Sheet.
And yet, when I offered one to someone four weeks ago I didn't get a single upvote.
Not that I'm bitter or anything.
If anyone wants me, I'll be in my garden making kindling.
Now you have 16 upvotes and gold.
I know. I almost feel bad about the horrible self-referencing I've engaged in. Almost.
As a pocket sand (ab)user, I feel your pain
The entire concept had me smiling on the inside. The stress twig was when I began smiling on the outside.
Use it for beating other commuters. Two birds.
Op is a bundle of stresstwigs
Ew, Used!
and the emergency travel companion.
And an emergency companion.
if you're a guy you come equipped with one
My car could do with one,
Though my number might be up tonight when some dumb bitch in a land rover decided to overtake 5 cars stuck behind a lorry, on a bend, that I was coming around the other way...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csWSzB1VVFE
or a strainfaggot
The balloon buddy. He makes me happy.
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What is a stresstwig?
You've changed, Ballooney!
The squash buddy. He makes me.
Horny? Yeah me too.
Actual source (9 month old news) - http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/the-best-fake-tube-posters-of-the-london-underground-strike-2014-9109895.html
That was the most delightful British humour I've read since that other time I read delightful British humour.
It was a spring day, I believe, right after the rains, when the moors were fresh and the irish spring was in bloom.
The castle ruins in the distance glistened in the light, as it peaked through the highland clouds. The stones sparkled, as if a multitude of tiny fairyfolk were playing amongst the battlements.
I, being a bit tipsy from an all-nighter at the local pub, did stumble, gyre and gimble in the wabe...
And from afar, over rolling hills of green and several flocks of sheep, I did observe that all mimsy were the borogroves, and the mome raths outgrabe.
finish this.
finish this.
Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes,
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts
With my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!
...altogether certain I had forgotten my vintage arm clock at the establishment whence I had begun this glourious outing.
Taking stock of pork futures in the daily todswaddle, I deftly ambled alit on a brilliant feeling of chippy cheery cheerio and quickly arrived at my dest...
quit painting pictures inside my head!
That last sentence ... MORE
We've all done a walk of shame.
And lo, as I did stagger along, I came upon a griffin basking in morning sun. He wore plumage of the darkest grey flecked with silver, giving him the elegant, serene appearance of the night sky above a silent sea.
His colour was so deep and dark and calm that I began to fancy myself a sailor, lost upon the ocean at night. I gazed restlessly, drunkenly into his abyss, searching for Polaris, that I may find my way through the night and be seen safely to my port in the Orient.
"Oy, you crackin' a fat, mate?" The griffen spake.
I opened my mouth to offer the lad an organized and concise explanation of why I had been wordlessly gawking at him, but when no speech emerged, my reserve of whiskey and porter from the night before did.
"Eyaugh. Well done there, chum. Let it all out. I'll just find me another spot for me mid-morning nap."
Feeling simultaneously insulted and encouraged by the griffin's remark, I obliged his suggestion and continued to purge...
You'll be stone dead in a moment
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I don't think heavily drugging sloths is a very nice thing to do.
You make it sound like they had no choice. They know what they are doing.
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Sloths eat tons of cocaine. You only see them when they're off their meds.
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At first I didn't believe you, but then I checked my pants, and sure enough!
Sloths!
Let's be real it's more like a baby mouse
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I see, you've found a new apartment. Good for you.
That thing you saw move out of the corner of your eye? That small touch you felt on your arm and you thought it was a spider web?
"What's that in the mirror, out the corner of your eye? What's making footsteps, but never passing by? Perhaps they're not just waiting. Perhaps when we're all dead, out they'll come a slithering from underneath the bed!
They just make it a point to stop and return to the same place every 50ms or so and sit there for about 10ms; that lets them appear to be in a location.
Great scene in a movie: bunch of friendly sloths are lounging about, joking and sleeping. Predator comes along, so each one whips out a little thimble of coke and does a few bumps, and then suddenly they're fast like cats and they leap into action.
Get Pixar on the phone!
Very interested to see how Pixar handles cocaine. I mean, in terms of 3D rendering.
They can drug me! Will help me fit in with my slower sloth brethren.
I'm the slowest of all the sloths.
Don't tell them how to live their lives!
I know right? They act like we enjoy it...
how would you know the difference?
If drugged over a prolonged time, they'll eventually end up like me.
How about being heavily drugged by a sloth in drag?
As an American, I find even the official signs at least mildly confusing. In combination with rogue signage, this informational miasma would strand me in the tube system indefinitely. Nevertheless, one day I shall travel to London to annoy the shit out of the locals.
As an American it's unnecessary to travel to London to annoy the shit out of the Locals. Londoners are predisposed to maintain a permanent state of ticked-offness with Americans by default.
As an Australian, I have nothing relevant to say here, however, like all other Australians on the internet, I feel like I really need to tell you that I'm Australian.
As a Canadian, I'm going to tune in because of my itching need to feel relevant and apart of conversations that have nothing to do with Canada. Also I may or may not talk about how much the world loves Canadians and hates Americans despite the fact that most can rarely tell the difference.
As a New Zealander, I just wish we had a subway.
Does the Dwarven kingdom of Khazad-dûm count?
Man of the West here. You can't get much more subway than Khazad-dûm.
The Circle Line delves too greedily, and too deep.
As a Puerto Rican... I got nothing.
As an American, I will mention that I know Puerto Rico is a US territory inhabited by US citizens so I can congratulate myself on being knowledgeable about my own country, even though I am completely unaware that the US Virgin Islands, Guam, and American Samoa are also US territories inhabited by US citizens.
As an American, I think you're lying about being Canadian because you didn't apologize for anything in your comment.
This is where, I, as a Canadian mention the burning of the White House which we took no part in yet take credit for. Despite the fact that it took place about 100 years before our national identity truly began to take hold.
Whatever your just upset your ancestors didn't stick it to the king way back when, and ran off to canada. But at least you got your maple syrup and beautiful landscapes and rich heritage and calm reliable new sources.
As is the tradition.
Iowa here.
Uh... Hi!
(Hey, California? Who invited the fucking farmer?!)
As an American, in your honor I will hoist a glass of craft beer that costs less than your regular beer because of the high Canadian taxes on alcohol.
When I went to England with my friends (4 other 18-year-old girls) a few years ago, many people assumed we were Canadian (we were always very polite). We took it as the biggest compliment and never corrected anyone.
Edit: we are Americans in case that wasn't clear
Well it isn't the worst stereotype in the world haha But Americans don't really deserve the bad name they get abroad from my experience.
Australians though... damn.
I'm sorry
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As the same Australian, I am now going to be slightly offended by your comment, assume that you are American (due to you not being Australian, duh) and hypocritically insult the USA and accuse you of lacking intelligence because of my still-not-yet-confirmed assumption that you are from there.
As an American, I'm going to take a disproportionate amount of offense at your comment, and patriotically direct you to stuff your Austrian socialized medicine into your Wiener Schnitzel and eat it.
Because eagles, liberty, and freedom.
Call him a convict. Go on.
Ya dirty cons!
Wa... was that intentional?
;-)
Okay, I was worried for a minute that the stereotype was being proven.
Poe's law now applies to Americans, because we're just that ridiculous.
As a Canadian, I'm going to make a great show of emphasizing how my viewpoint differs from the Americans, even if that difference is so negligibly small as to make us basically the same people.
As another Canadian I am going to agree with you yet point out that we have a lot in common with people from the USA, and that I have never met an American I didn't like. Which is of course agreeing with you on every point but I will stress that I disagree. Then I will apologize somewhere in my statement for the fact that I disagree.
As a troll, I'm going to pretend I am American as to enforce the stereotypical image the various non-american internet users already have of them, just for lols. I shall then grab some popcorn.
For some reason I'm picturing all of this as a real life exchange in slow motion.
As another American, I am going to make another ridiculous comment concerning Australians and their relation to convicts, as well as a reference to dropbears.
As a Brazillian, huehuehue.
But you really do eat kangaroo meat on occasion, right?
Yes, actually. Emu and croc as well. Kangaroo tastes vaguely of venison, maybe with a little beef taste mixed in.
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Croc is sort of weird. You can get it as a regular meat or as jerky. In jerky form it just sort of tastes like any other jerky, and as a proper meat serving it sort of tastes like fish but with the texture of other white meats like chicken and pork sort of mixed together.
if you order Croc in a restaurant do you tell the waiter to make it snappy ?
No, but I know what I'm doing next time.
As a true American, I must point out that your sports team is vastly inferior; a fact that is plainly obvious for everyone to see.
Be sure to mention poisonous spiders
How did you learn to speak right-side up?
Congratulations on finding an internet connection.
another american here.
shall we perhaps meet up for a pint or 12 on the london tube and loudly complain about the french?
Do you also do crossfit?
No, he's a vegan though.
Today's thought-provoking discussion: vegans or crossfitters, which is worse?
This fills me with an overwhelming desire to tell you that I'm a Melbournian.
As an American who's visited Australia several times, I shall attempt to interject with a relevant Australia-related anecdote to show my worldliness.
Additionally, I shall endeavour to include cultural references that only an Aussie might get, to affirm just how much I'm down with the Down Under.
Pint of bitter and a bag of scratchings, please.
That sounds like a thing
Being Australian is synonymous with having a great time.
As an American and a car guy, I will assume this signage is irrelevant to you because you drive a V8 Holden or Falcon like all Aussies.
Got my licence taken away after one too many incidents of Fosters driving.
I managed to get away without mentioning it.
Until now, of course.
Brits seem to love California/Los Angeles though. I mean, I run into a lot of them here visiting / gathering their first rays of sun ever.
I love it in California even more because I was born there. The sun draws me back home...I miss my In N Out..
In-N-Out Burger is so good so we try to hoard it for ourselves. Try not taxing our tea next time and maybe we'll share!
And the Aussies for whatever reason love the boonies out in California. I see them all the time. And for some reason, it's not like normal Australians (at least I hope they're not the norm) they're like the trashiest white trash ever. They're always found in thrift shops out here buying military uniforms. Like that is the most bizarre souvenir. I encounter a group of Aussies almost every time I go to the thrift store. And holy buckets you cunts swear like mad.
As a Canadian, we're sorry about that
They always assumed I was Canadian :/
And yet when I visited this past Spring, it came off as just exactly the sort of silent, tense tolerance I expected.
Yeah I agree, I usually 'fucking hate yanks' is muttered at work several times a day, however today I served 4 american customers, none of which annoyed me. I think it was because they remembered to say please, must have been living in London a while
THEY HATE OUR FREEDOMS
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That's debatable.
Tube signage is one of those things you can only learn by doing. If/when you get to London, you'll either understand it's brilliance in a flash or get trapped underground forever.
There are rumours of an entire tribe of Americans living in the tube tunnels. They came over during WW2 and got lost down there, it's like third generation tube dwellers now, they survive by eating rats and the odd member of Underground staff.
I thought some of the station names were the joke. Then I saw them again and again in all of them.
My 14 year old thought Cockfosters was hilarious.
The folks in my group (all mid-30s and older) were equally amused.
26yr old woman here, guffawed at it on every tube ride to the annoyance of my boyfriend.
Middlesex is also a place in England, though not as awesome as Cockfosters.
England has the best words. I could say knickerbockers all day, and I'd giggle every time.
I have a theory that half the funny things Americans laugh at when watching Monty Python's Flying Circus weren't intended to be funny at all.
It's practically your civic duty. Fuckers.
Nice try Brit, but this doesn't check out. No American uses words such as "miasma".
They'll mostly pretend not to notice.
Like the way we use "way out" instead of "exit"? An Californian friend of mine could not even look at those signs without giggling.
Pro Tip: Do not talk to anyone on the Tube.
Does anything happen on the Tube that's as crazy as some of the things I've seen on the DC Metro?
Kids 'surfing' (keeping balance, no hands, standing) is standard. And then you get the weird stuff like that one lady who was full out singing gospel while her friend was preaching... on the train.
Halloween's great, too. Nearly every adult is dressed up in a costume, and they're wild, sometimes, too. Saw a guy in a gorilla suit holding the earth - with a nametag that said Al Gorilla. (Al Gore, inconvenient truth, global warming). Another dude was dressed in a crime scene tape tube top and boy shorts. I was most impressed he didn't have frostbite - it's cold that night.
No, it's pretty much all people minding their own business, trying to avoid eye contact or any interaction with other people, and everyone is silent/very quiet.
As an American, I want to travel to London and become a werewolf.
Just kidding. I've been to London. Now I'm Queen.
No need, really. You guys are doing fine from over there.
miasma
noxious exhalations from putrescent organic matter; poisonous effluvia or germs polluting the atmosphere.
a dangerous, foreboding, or deathlike influence or atmosphere.
What a large vocabulary you have there, gent[le]sir!
tips fedora
It's a metaphor... a fairly common metaphor.
vocabulary
It's almost as if words have individual meaning and usage based on context!
"Peak hours may necessitate that you let other people sit on your lap"
Cracked me up.
My favorite as well, I can see the more gullible actually falling for it.
Sometimes you may as well be sitting on each others laps at rush hour......
Cracked me up too when yo momma sat on my lap at the peak hour.
Whenever I see these, the "mixthemessage" ones really fuck me off. They're the only ones trying to promote their shitty website, AND they can't be bothered to font match? Fucking arseholes.
The best type of anarchy is done with humility.
Anarchy for anarchy's sake.
I thought anarchy in London consisted more of pouring the tea before the milk, cutting into a queue, and making fart jokes that involve the queen.
This probably won't get seen by now but here's the originals from April fools day! http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/uknews/9601453/Spoof-signs-brighten-up-the-tube-guerrilla-stickers-on-London-Underground.html?image=0
Thanks for the link.
He's the hero London deserves, but not the one it needs right now
or 2 years ago.
And 19 months ago.
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That's deep.
Repost from real life.
http://imgur.com/gallery/ShQFNb3
http://i.imgur.com/yM8Tp5c.gif
Calm down Jayden Smith.
that's like mariana trench deep
No thanks, I don't smoke.
The first 3 months are absolute bliss. Then it becomes re posts. You can't stop it.
This is so true
Just like life. Nothing new under the sun.
new things are hard to come by but they do still happen all the time
Pfft, somebody posted exactly the same comment just last week :(
Reopsts are good: they bring info to those untimely folks.
Oh jeez, not this comment again.
What if this repost, is just a repost, of another repost? We are in postception.
I know right! Even your comment on reposts is a repost!
everything's a repost, of a repost, of a repost,...
And 3 months from now
Simpsons did it.
I saw some of these myself on the tube over and year a half ago..
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-19895637
How long were they up?
I was looking for some new material.
Reeeereeeeepost!
i'm just gonna run down all the default subs writing "he's the hero _ deserves, but not the one it needs right now" on the top posts and see where my karma's at at the end of the day
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If it bleeds. We can kill it.
I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing.
You had me at goddamn.
Does he look like a bitch
AND MY AXE
Life, uh, finds a way.
I'll have what she's having!
MOM'S SPAGHETTI^am^I^doing^this^right?
MATT DAMON!!
I have a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this shit on me?
Good morning Vietnam
http://i.imgur.com/FU4YUnn.jpg
Put it in a stew with potatoes and it's going to be ok
Can you milk me?
Just chillin with my guac in my chip hat!
It's turned into "regurgitate popular reddit phrases" and rake in the karma
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Feels like when I first joined, the top comments tended to be relatively interesting overall, now its just memes.
Do you want karma? Cause that's how you get karma
cool
cool cool cool.
Are you really that jaded
¯\(ツ)/¯
I took the second photo and the daily mail cropped my text off of it, offered to pay me but never did, now it gets posted all the time.
True story.
Ummm,....shepherd's pie and a pint for lunch.
Delicious.
As an American, that shit's not funny. I have a hard enough time getting around on the tube.
"Shepherd's Pie? Shepherd's Pie?! That's not on my map! Look! It's not on the map! The concierge didn't say anything about Shepherd's Pie! Should we get off? What should we do?!"
Shepherd's pie with a pint doesn't sound that appetising to be honest...
Here in Washington DC our subway system trolls us.
I've always found that funny, because we usually think "oh 8,000-some miles is a lot!" However, when you think about how often those buses drive, it really equates to no time at all.
Side note, I saw a Metrobus with absolutely bald tires a few months back in "full operating condition." No treads at all...how is that shit safe?!
I absolutely agree! 8,000 miles is a little more than a month of service. Plus the fact that they are citing "between breakdowns" makes it sound like passengers are being stranded, which to be fair, is probably the case with Metro.
I still have to laugh at the seats reserved for conjoined people, though. =P
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It's the UK. They appreciate tradition over there.
First thing I noticed when I opened the imgur album was where it says "created 2 years ago"
Pepperdige Farm remembers
At least spell it right goddammit
edit: I cant spell goddammit right
goddammit
Swing and a miss
Pepperdoge*
Wow. Such remember. So Taste.
wow.
The ole Reddit Digereedoo
The ole Reddit Dogereedoo
Pretend to be asleep and they won't ask you to move
Can we talk about something? I ride the DC metro everyday, and my commute is about an hour and a half. I ride from the very end of the line right into the middle of the city. I'm a 23 year old fit male. Every single commute, whether it's morning or evening, the same thing happens: As soon as any 50 year old fat lady comes on the train, regardless of when they get on, they make a B-line straight for me. Every 50 old lady does this. They go straight for me, and stand uncomfortably close so that their moo-moo or shawl or poncho or oversized handbag or purse or whatever hovers in my face for the duration of the trip. Im not talking senile-age senior, just haggard looking 50 year old bitch fat lady type, the kind that looks like they don't tip well and make the shittiest teachers. They stare at me the whole time, sighing every stop or so. They expect me to immediately offer my seat as soon as they get on the train and make a scene. When other customers move onto the train, the old ladies won't move. They stand there, making people go around them, while they stand sighing and staring at me. THIS HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE COMMUTE, EVERY DAY, TO AND FROM WORK, WITHOUT EXCEPTION. Every time. 10 days a week, once in the morning, once in the evening. Sometimes one old lady will get off and get replaced by another old lady, who will do the same thing!
I get tired too! I wake up just as early as you, you old dumb bitches! My commute is much longer than most people who get on the train- the only reason there is no seats for all these old ladies is because they get on about halfway through, and leave after a few stops. Im in for the long haul! I ride to the end of the damn line! If I gave up my seat everytime some old bitch scooted up to me and started huffing, I'd be standing for 3 hours a day! I fought for this damn seat! I know exactly where to place myself to maximize my ability to get a seat! I always offer the seat to other people if it is free and no one has taken it yet. But if I'm already sitting down, and you're not pregnant, and not well into seniority, but just some overweight 40 to 50 year old, fuck off! Why are there so many of them!? Why do they always go straight to me?! Why aren't young women expected to do the same! Why the fuck should I be expected to stand for the entirety of my commute! Fuck this, my heart is beating fast just thinking about it. It happens every fucking day, it happened this morning, and it's going to happen when I go home again tonight. Do other 20 year old dudes experience this?
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I'm 23 and can verify this.
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I've never been on a subway in my life, but I visualized this perfectly. Very interesting perspective. I can only imagine this with someone coming off of a back-breaking construction job that just wants to rest his feet.
A friend of mine once told me that he never sits on the train unless it's really empty. Even if he's tired, he says standing isn't a big deal for him. Me though? I'm too lazy to do that.
On the opposite side of the spectrum. I am male and over 50. I am perfectly capable of standing for extended periods of time if there is no seat. I will take a seat if there is one available, but there is not fucking need to give me yours because you are 20 something and can't tell the difference between 40 and 80. I get treated like I am a geriatric senior quite often on crowded buses. Its stupid. I know people mean well but save it for the people who really need it :P
You need shades and headphones. That way you can just be in your little world and even if you notice them, they can't be sure either way...
First world baby boomer problems.
Try the British way next time you commute.
If that means saying "No hablo ingles" when they ask for my seat, then saying "Ich spreche kein Spanisch" when they respond in Spanish then I'm two steps ahead of you
London Funderground.
Submarine to Somalia was the best.
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Wrong? How would we engage in sword duels on the Jubilee line concourse if we had to keep right?
Use lances like normal Europeans.
You're not allowed bikes on the Underground because of space constraints. I think a lance is definitely going to be a no go.
Is there a rule against horses?
This is so bizarre I don't know if it's real or not
1990's version of The Onion.
Haha, nah it's from a show called "The Day Today" I believe. After this came "Brass Eye" - the best satirical show that ever existed.
Here is the "Paedogeddon" episode of Brass Eye
The story was pretty ridiculous to begin with, but when it came to the bit where people had to kill the horses with hammers, then I knew there was no way this was true.
No horses.
Right, I am sure swordfights are okay. =D
As a left handed British person. I take offence to your ignorance. I challenge you to a duel sir.
I'm left handed too. Shit.
Luckily I'm only ever in London to walk from Euston to King's Cross so I can avoid the ~~tube~~ chivalrous combat tournament.
Don't fall for his trickery! He's really right-handed!
But what if Magpie is also right-handed?
Directed by Rob Reiner
Somewhat relevant. Take up fencing. The sword fighting kind. It confuses the shit out of everybody. ;)
Quite right, Old Chap. Pip Pip!
Cheery-O! Indeed.
Pip pip Captain Crunch.
Oh no. I visisted London for the first time a few months ago. Everything is wonderful. The tube trains are a little small but come on time and go everywhere. People stand to one side of the escalator for those of us who don't think it's a ride. There are signs that make sense. And that delicious ka-chunk noise the ticketing machines make. Wonderful. Simply wonderful.
The Paris Metro on the other hand, smelled like urine and feces. (I'm not exaggerating.)
As much as we like to criticise the Tube, it is very efficient, clean, cheap, and people generally obey the escalator rules.
Ah man, the escalator rules. If you want to see the Britishest thing on the tube take it to Paddington at a busy time. Because it's the big train station most people getting off the tube are going to the trains, so they have luggage. This means that a) they will stand on the escalator and not walk, and b) they will need more room on the escalator. All this combines to create a huge bottleneck at the bottom of the escalator because they WILL NOT stand on the left side. But of course only a few people will have no luggage and walk up, so the left side is usually completely clear, while everyone waits in a huge queue at the bottom to squeeze on to the right side.
But wait, there's more. The escalator rule is a tube rule. Doesn't apply to other escalators. Paddington tube station ends with another stairway/escalator up to the train station, but crucially the signage suggests that you leave the tube station just before that stairway/escalator. And do people stand only on the right of that one? Do they fuck. They stand all over it. The very same people who waited for ages to get on the right side of one escalator while the left is completely clear will completely abandon this behaviour less than a foot from the tube station exit. So British. Love it.
The communication blew my mind. Every distruption, delay, detour, was communicated efficiently and even as a first time user I was able to re-route myself easily.
I'm from Toronto. Our subway system is basically a big 'U' bisected with a horizontal line in the middle. (Seriously. The 'U' isn't even joined at the top which would make way too much sense.)
The main problem with the tube is that there hasn't been a single day in the last 38 years without engineering work of some sort going on.
Not true there was that Tuesday afternoon in the Spring 1998 when all the work planned before the ejections was finally finished and nobody could be found to approve the backlog ;-)
Ah yes, Smooth Tuesday, how could I forget?
😍
Because it was vastly overshadowed by bumpy Wednesday - or as it's more commonly known, hump day.
You just hate the poor engineers and want them to be out of work. You monster.
What if there was not a single day in the last 38 years with any engineering work of some sort going on?
It would be like Fallout: London Edition.
It's been so worth it though.
well if you looka t the size of it, i'm not surprised
The Metro in St. Petersburg is very cheap (28 rubles a ride), has the second-nicest stations in the world (next to Moscow), and is very fast.
The only downsides are that the escalators are long as hell (longest in the world), and it's always crowded.
And you can play Mornington Crescent
A very traditional game that is way more complicated than cricket.
The ticket machines do this too
I still think the Paris metro was comfortable and efficient. Here in Chicago we have what's considered one of the top mass transit systems in the US, but it's absolute garbage compared to most places I went in Europe.
Berlin was by far the best of everything. Clean, efficient, comfortable, reliable.
I flew into Newark once and took the train into Penn Station. When that shitty train pulled into the station, I thought it was a ghost train from the past. I can't ever remember being on such a shitty train anywhere else before. I can't believe they're still using trains like that.
NJ only has half a transit system. In their eyes you're lucky you even have public transportation going into NYC.
In my eyes, I was lucky that shed of a train actually made it there.
You've clearly never been on the abysmal 1980s one-carraige wonder that shuffles between Sheffield and Doncaster.
I haven't, actually. Got any pictures of this wondertrain? The trains at home in Scotland are packed, but they're at least modern. The NJ train was empty, but from the 70s, I presume.
I think it's a one-carraige version of this one, could be wrong though. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Rail_Class_142
You're not talking about the NYC Subway system, are you? Because the Subway is one of the best systems in the world. Maybe the trains aren't as new, but it's quick and reliable as all hell.
It'd be odd situation if the NYC subway system went to NJ.
PATH
The DC subway system goes into Maryland and Virginia...
Berlin had the easiest train system to navigate by far. It was incredible to see these massive train stations as you step out of a simple 2 stop S-bahn ride.
Chicagoan here: we do??? Could have fooled me. If only the Metra could be the CTA...
It's often considered to be one of the best in the US when people are polled about it yes, but that's not saying much. Most major US cities have abysmal public transit, so it's basically a tallest midget competition. The only ones I consider to be passable are New York, Chicago, and San Francisco (although a lot disagree with me on the last one), in that order. Boston was okay but I haven't spent much time there. I've never been to the PNW so I can't speak for Seattle or Portland. LA's metro is non existent, and everything in the southeastern US that I've experienced is garbage.
I like Berlin, and Seoul (although that isn't in Europe...), subway systems.
The thing with the Paris metro is that, like most of the city, the trains are full of people begging/selling crap.
The only problem with the Paris metro is that the entire network stinks of piss. I have never been to a place that smelt more universally of piss. I could readily believe I'd somehow stumbled into a slumbering Titan's piss tubes.
Meh, I like the Paris metro too. Better than Barcelona!
it's on par with madrid
if you think London was small you should try the Glasgow underground. In fact, here's a youtube video
Oh wow. That looks so much nicer now that the work is done. Good job, Glasgow.
Jebus! I've seen bigger people who would get right stuck in there.
From videos I've seen of the Tube, it actually looks pretty flash and modern. I've taken the subway in Seoul, Boston, and Montréal, and the Tube seems to me to be more like the nice shiny subway of Seoul than the dirty old subway of Boston.
Montreal's is pretty cool. Riding on pneumatic tires instead of rails is a nice smooth ride, it goes fast too.
The diameter of the Tube tunnels is smaller, so the trains are smaller.
i got spit on in the paris metro. i adore the london underground. done and done.
My first experience was getting off at Charles De Gaulle Etoille... I swore I smelled shit. I confirmed this when I saw it smeared all over the wall.
What the fucking fuck.
England does everything on the left to facilitate sword fighting using their right hands.
You jest, but you've hit upon the real reason we drive on the left. Britain has the lowest (or one of the lowest - can't be bothered to find a source right now) road accident figures in Europe which can be attributed to the fact that most people are right handed and so having their right hand on the steering wheel gives them a slightly better reaction time. You can blame France for fucking it up for most of the rest of the world.
Why would we drive on the left then walk on the right?
Because we usually think of walkers as passing the standers. Walking is like being in the "fast "lane.
In England, you pass on the right.
Oh, I see what you mean. But in the context of the sign, it's instructing people who are assumed to be walking slowly (families with small children) to walk on the left. So the left is the slow lane, like our road system. The right is reserved for people walking briskly.
Standing stationary in the tube tunnels is punishable by tutting.
No no no. That's what's weird.
On the road, you overtake to the right, but on escalators it's the opposite.
...that's what I'm saying.
pocl13 asked why should they walk on the right, seeing as they drive on the left. I answered it's because they pass on the right.
Ah I seeee. Left and right can be so confusing.
This would be beneficial if you did this on the street, as you could then see cars that might otherwise sneak up on you...
On the tube however, I haven't a clue...
From my experience there they do it wrong but not by walking on the left. There seems to be no protocol at all. My reflex is to walk on the right but that quickly failed me, trying to walk on the left didn't help either. It's chaos.
Really? I went to London a few months ago. This "walk left" is referring to escalators. If you're standing, keep on the right side. If you're walking, walk on the left side.
Everyone follows that rule and I saw plenty of tourists get yelled at for not doing so.
My parents came to London recently (I live in the UK, they don't). They're well into old age, and at the point where they don't give a fuck if their slow walking pisses other people off (I regularly get trapped behind slow walkers who are blocking the whole pavement, it's infuriating). We had to use the underground a lot, and I was living in fear of a maddened Londoner pushing them under the train for being so slow
This is what I have found to be true in Edinburgh as well. Sometimes it seems like everybody is on the left of the pavement, sometimes on the right, and sometimes they're all willy-nilly. It makes walking home like an obstacle course.
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i say this sort of thing should go based on the road rules. that's how i have always seen it.
You monster!
Yes. In America, we treat sidewalks, malls, and other public places like our roads. In these places, we walk on the right.
It's supposed to be the same as driving but some of you nuts don't follow those either! (and when you do they're backward)
Just get drunk with the rest of us. We manage to pinball home of an evening without too many injuries :D
You can walk anywhere on the pavement, but if you are walking on the road, you should walk on the right, so that you are on the same side as the oncoming traffic (rather than it approaching from behind you).
'Wrong'.
Nice. When I posted this nine months ago, nobody seemed to like it...
Reddit's a fickle beast.
'tis indeed! Also as a European whenever I post, most of America is still sleeping the sleep of the just..
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Errr no, "sleep of the just" means people sleeping deeply, undisturbed, etc. http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/the-sleep-of-the-just
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Ah well, I'll let the Americans be the judge of that...
Project Mayhem
I love the idea of being dragged to my destination by heavy drugged sloths
There really doesn't need to be a sign about no eye contact, anyone that does it will be shortly beaten to death anyway.
I was there two weeks ago. As a foreign tourist, this probably would've caused me to stress cry.
The thing to remember is that the maps are everywhere. If one's been fucked with, there's another one about a metre away
Particularly liked the "Shepherds Pie" sign, with reference to Gas Mark 4 of course.
the priority seating stickers where I'm from have a picture of what looks like a person holding a rifle. I think its supposed to be a crutch but rifle makes so much more sense
Give up your seat or else...
This is why we need more british humour. And just more Brits in general.
Yes the did....2 years ago
This seems like a dick move to me. Using the underground is incredibly stressful as it is and getting lost in a city you don't know isn't funny.
"Someone"
The first piston ages that made me laugh out loud, And I'm a grumpy bastard who never laughs
You should all play Mini Metro.
Brilliant! I am picturing some tourist family with a bunch of kids reading that sign and blocking up the left side while people are trying to pass. Or asking "what's at the Shepherd's Pie stop"
Seeing those on public transport would defiantly brighten the ride!
There's no way someone realised this and walked through the whole underground system to take 34 photos. Whoever did it took the photos also.
"please snap stresstwig"
Other then the spider, this is pretty great.
So did you just copy the other guys reddit post html and all?
I'm looking forward to being dragged to my destination by heavily drugged sloths
No eye contact
Penalty £200
The best one.
I was hoping for one that said 'scum class'
Submarine to Somalia
Dear, Americans. This is what we call "cheeky".
Oh man the squares are going to have their minds blown!
There aren't any squares in London. Those people you think are squares are hipsters ultra-dedicated to ironically living as mundanely as possible.
This is pretty awesome. Maybe if there was more funny stuff posted in my metro, I wouldn't want to murder everyone every rush hour. Probably still would though, but at least I could have a chuckle during.
Banksy wuz here.
I want to ride some expected turbulence.
I especially like the sign, "shepherds pie"
Mmm... Now I want some shepherd's pie.
Project Mayhem.
As an American, the names of the stops look correct.
Every time I see Tottenham Court Road I want to go play Hellgate: London again.
Very Tyler Durden of them
First time I've seen this repost. I am making it my life's goal to bring signs like this here to America. The funny ones anyway.
Also, British people: "red-signalled"? Meaning really drunk? Where'd that come from? I may start using it.
Could it be the person who somehow found the whole collection of fake signs????
Sometimes the world is an awesome place where some people are able to remain totally dedicated to their delightful nuttiness. Please continue.
that you got so many must mean either you or someone you know put them up
Good job, detective.
this made me think banksy
I want to stop at shepherds pie.
Wait, so these are fake?! Then who's the fucker who made me pay £200 for making eye contact with him?
This was first reported over 9 months ago in London.
Damn, I wish the "1st class" one had been on the train when myself and a load of mates got on in full suit, tails, canes, mutton chops etc for a friend's stag do.
I imagine giant bipedal sloths at the one exit.
At least give the source, if you're going to repost old news - http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/the-best-fake-tube-posters-of-the-london-underground-strike-2014-9109895.html
I wonder how many thousands of tourists are now trapped indefinitely on the Circle line.
I remember seeing these a couple years ago....boy did I miss out on the sweet, sweet karma.
Someone please do this to the T in Boston...
I swear this is on the front page every fucking day.
If this is Banksy, imagine how much London would increase in value.
Album says its 2 yrs old
All i remember from my trip to London is "mind the gap"
This is a Piccadilly train to Cockfosters chuckle snarl
How is one of the most reposted reposts made it to the top of the front page?
Wait, so is the idea of the second image that slow people should walk on the left, which is contravening the international "slow people on right on escalators" (this holds even in Britain.) Or are they just saying folks should walk on the left and picking on parents for unknown reasons?
"Someone," good job daamoo!
london underground has its own culture
To Hong Kong with these geniuses!
I now desperately want to modify my home system's maps with the turbulence one.
A couple of them interfere with safety features like the emergency stop. Made me flip
I would love to get off on Nightmare on Elm Street..
11/10
Looks like fight club is on the move.
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Got to say the shepards pie one is my favourite!
2 years ago :/
Brilliant stuff
Is Tottenham Court Road a famous road in London? Ever since I read the last Harry Potter novel I see it everywhere.
Funny if you know where you're going, annoying as hell if you're trying to find your way to Bank :s
The "Expect Turbulence" made me laugh-spit coffee all over my keyboard. Thanks.
Number 18 is actually a pretty good tip and I do that all the time when traveling by train.
'Someone'
As an foreigner living in London for a couple months, while all of these are hilarious, if the artist/urban poet covered the name of a stop I need to find on the map, I would be so pissed.
why do i get the impression this guy isn't a fan of that Tottenham area
man these are old.
brilliant, but old.
Hack the Planet!
Was expecting British underground rap music... Got none of that.
The no eye contact sign is the funniest
This has been reposted at least 100 times this year. How does it get upvoted so high?
Hugo.
Could you be any more middle class.
As a fellow tourist I'd be so lost in the underground with those signs.
The stresstwig is brilliant.
I laughed at the "No sitting" sign.
"Someone"..
I like how there's a sign for no eye contact. But we don't really need that because most people are absolutely terrified of eye contact with unfamiliar people.
I was expecting 3 or 4, maybe 5. I was expecting cheaply made signs. I was not expecting signs that looked liked real stops, signs and fines. I was not expecting to scroll, and scroll, and scroll.
if only these were real signs, might make people happier on their commute to work.
This has GOT to be Derren Brown!
P.S. We may already be hypnotized.
This is the first funny post I've seen in a long time.
Bansky did all of these
I hope this is /r/streetart worthy.
I've been finding Movember stickers on the tubes lately. Love it.
These never get old. Especially when I think of the daily commentary by a friend of mine, who's ride through Hell takes him from Aldershot to London on a daily basis. XD
This is brilliant
You had me at Stresstwig
These are hilarious and will cause quite a ruckus when foreigners attempt to use the underground!
Great now I want Shepherd's Pie.
This has been going on for years...!!!
Really...???
Operation Mayhem Success
http://i.imgur.com/m55Lo.jpg
Last I heard everyone from White City died from lead poisoning...
Haha White City- oh that one's real.
and it doesn't live upto it's name.
It used to be white........
Stop trying to confuse the Atlanta Falcons even more! It's bad enough they thought London was in Spain.
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I also fall asleep while I pretend to be sleeping so I don't have to give up my seat.
Two seconds is an infinity for random eye contact.
The fine for eye contact is steeper than in the States.
Yes, but passengers are armed in the states. An additional hazard.......
Avoid all problems by only riding the DLR and enjoying the world's slowest roller coaster.
But you get to pretend to be the driver!
Do slower people keep left in England? Are you supposed to walk on the left in crowded areas? My husband and I went to London on our honeymoon, and we could never figure out the pedestrian traffic flow. We just got behind someone who looked like they meant business and followed them.
As I recall, since the UK is a left-side-drive country, it works that way on escalators. Stand on the left, pass on the right. Been a few years since I was there, so YMMV.
But in Japan, it gets weird: http://blog.jpopdb.org/index.php/blog/japan/curiosities/escalator-etiquette-in-japan
No, this is wrong. On an escalator in London, you stand on the right, pass on the left.
Oh. That's what I meant. It's been four years.
No worries. My advice to any tourist is just to follow the signs, don't attempt to memorise every single detail before arriving.
So, which lane is the fast lane on the motorway?
In the US, it's always the inside lane (left), but your inside lane is the right lane, so would it be your right lane?
Yes, it's the right lane. A motorway will usually have at least 3 lanes on each side. Your left-hand lane is the slow lane, usually the reserve of lorries (trucks), coaches, and caravans. The right-hand lane is the fast lane. Undertaking is a big no-no, illegal in most circumstances (if you're in gridlock then it's allowed). The actual rules of the road are that you should be in the left-lane as often as possible, and only use the middle, and right lanes for passing, though in practice many people often end up staying in the middle or right lanes (it's discouraged but it happens).
As far as I remember about America, you can overtake and undertake in any lane, meaning there is no designated fast lane?
As far as I remember about America, you can overtake and undertake in any lane, meaning there is no designated fast lane?
It's rarely enforced, but the far left lane (when it is not a carpool lane) is supposed to be the passing lane, the far right lane the slow lane, and the middle lanes somewhere in between (generally, you are in the middle lanes when you need to exit soon but not immediately).
When slow people drive in the fast lane, in most states, nothing happens other than other drivers get angry. Part of the reason slow drivers end up there is because they're not necessarily slow, just slow compared to other drivers (we love to exceed the speed limit, possibly more than you do, and we don't have average speed cameras). Most of the time it's someone who has their head up their ass, though.
Stand on the RIGHT!
On the pavement (sidewalk) there's no real etiquette, which is unfortunate because London seems inordinately filled with slow people meandering around while I'm trying to get to the office. Most of the time it's not a problem, but in some areas (unsurprisingly the areas tourists frequent e.g. Oxford Street) it's a nightmare.
On escalators on the Tube, there are signs telling you what to do.
Thanks! I do remember the signs on the Tube and escalators, but the sidewalks were chaos! I'm glad we didn't break any major etiquette rules. We tried very hard to avoid being the typical American tourists. We loved your city, by the way!
Glad to hear you enjoyed London, it's quite a special city! Don't worry about being typical American tourists; we may grumble and moan, but that's how us Brits pass the time :)
"Someone"
Number 25 and 26 just scream FUCK TOURISTS!
Respect my urban solitude, dude.
Is little Hugo the equivalent to little Jimmy?
Hahahahaha that's awesome but there will probably be a bunch of up tight clenched butt assholes who make a big deal about it like the person who did it killed someone.
This is the best thing I've seen all day! Thanks OP!
#5, which one is fake?
No sitting
The big red one that stands out from the rest, and is the only readable one :P
The penalty notices on the Tube do look like that though.
Mimicking the style lends credibility and thus heightens the humour.
Yeah I know, I was just pointing out that the fact it stands out from the rest doesn't necessarily mean it's the fake one.
But it does stand out, everything else is a white background with dark text, this is a bright red background with white text :). Unless you're colour blind, it should be the thing you see when you glance over the image!
I think that's kinda the whole point.
Yes, I realise that.
Mind the gap.
I laughed way more than I should have at too many of these.
I was unaware there was a quota
Which stations are these at? I haven't seen any of them :/
Looks like most of these are on the Central Line near Bank.
Lost it at the travel companion
'Royal Hill of Buckhurst': glad to see my hometown given a more befitting name.
Banksy!!!
Sheer genius
OP made them
I kept waiting to see a reference to "Gravedigger's biscuits"
I love art!
That travel companion has sure helped me through some tough trips.
As a person who went on vacation at London last April, this makes me miss London so much. I loved riding the tube and wish I could've seen these fake signs when I was there.
To be fair, he's got some good ideas. A dedicated section for drunk people? Take my tax money and make it happen god damn it!
These folks need to do an AMA:
http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/2k74w4/ama_request_the_genius_or_geniuses_behind_the/
While entertaining, these must be a pain in the ass to remove for the tube crew.
Where is district 13?
Sits down and makes eye contact? 202£ fine right there
The second one was interesting for me because usually in Canada we tell slow people to walk on the right so I was confused then realized Brits drive opposite to us.
weird how most other Commonwealth countries drive on the left. I wonder if Canada switched over at some point
Probably something to do with Americans and transport of goods.
Be honest, it was you who made those signs, wasn't it?
I was sad that I never saw any of these last year when I was visiting London a lot.
Damn, this is some very impressive work.
Some of these are entertaining; others, if you don't know were you are going would suck.
huh, apparently I live in Shepard's Pie.
That's a whole lot of work for something this boring.
I read all the signs in Stephen Fry's voice
Man, these are great. I think ATL's MARTA needs this...
I wonder how this was received by people. I feel like people these days are either too blissfully unaware of their surroundings to see and then comprehend that its a joke, or that people would be such jerks that they would somehow feel inconvenienced by them. I hope this brought joy to a lot of people.
Regulars wouldn't care as they don't look at the signs; certainly not for informational purposes anyway. They may look at them if the alternatives are someone's armpit or eye contact with a stranger.
It'd mainly be tourists that would notice, who are probably in a state of shock after constantly nearly being trampled by grumpy regulars and could do with cheering up.
How did they put these stickers on? Wouldn't the other passengers notice?
Have you ever been on a subway? No one acknowledges anyone else unless absolutely forced to do so.
Yes I've been on the subway all the time. You would definitely notice someone doing something "out of line." If I was a Londoner on the underground, if I saw someone putting a sticker on the wall out of the corner of my eye I would assume they are messing with a wall panel or something. I'm not saying this isn't hilarious. If you see something say something...
What if they were wearing a high-visibility jacket? You'd think they were working.
Yeah I probably would think they're a subway employee in that case.
where can i buy these????
I'd like you to explain you about this, but the first rule is you do not ask questions about Project Mayhem.
someone needs to print sets up of these for all major USA transit systems
I can think of BART right now:
"New seats on board!"
"Train still from 1968."
There was one on the 3 train in NYC yesterday, above the two seats on the end of the car with the sign above that usually reads something like, "Reserved for elderly and disabled passengers." That sign was covered over with a well made imposter sign that said "These seats reserved for people of beauty and refinement."
That there were a couple of sleepy unkempt guys, probably returning home from the graveyard shift at an all-night deli in the designated seats made it all the better.
eugh, the underground.
overpriced, overcrowded, and constantly delayed.
vile.
source: londoner.
That's all true - but somehow I still love it! Probably because where I'm originally from, public transport consists of minibuses and rickshaws constantly competing to outdo each other in hazardousness... so over here, I'm perpetually swooning at the mere existence of the Tube.
Sitting: £200 fine
This is amazing.
Lol! Some people have too much time on their hands!
I wonder how he made these stickers
some sort of a computer and printer setup maybe
Source ?
here is an image of a printer printing a piece of paper, which the user could then use dutch tape to apply to walls and other such places, in an underground train, what is displayed on the paper would usually be controlled by a computer, phone or tablet which inited the printing session.
Funny notices, OK. Altered signs or maps, not so cool.
If you're going to be a prankster, have some quality.
Enjoyed them, though.
Some of them I can't tell what is altered.
The LA Metro rail needs this. Everyone is always so quiet and serious.
That's older then the internet itself
I applaud the spirit of these signs, but I think they need to put a little more effort into making them, you know, funny.
[google] (http://www.google.com)
Thanks. very helpful
Created 2 years ago · 33 images · 3,473,405 views · stats
I suspect it's safe to say that everyone interested in this has seen it before.
Wow! Scousers got humor!
If something hasn't been reposted in two years, I think it might just be OK to repost it.
You can judge the intelligence of a city by the quality of its graffiti.
Whoever made these is a bloody genius! <3
Brits can be really funny.
Stresstwig. XD
More people should do stuff like this
Shame most of the people using it, tourists, won't have the level of intellect to appreciate the genius of these.
Transport for London earn money by licensing out their typefaces, there are different ones for notices, station signage, logos, etc.
However, when I used to work for them, I just copied all of them to a flash drive, and nowadays I give them out free to whoever wants them, especially for things like these..
So yeah, want a copy?
as someone who enjoys traveling using signs, screw you who does this
Just commenting so there is not 667 comments not 666
I wish we did the walk on the left thing on escalators in America.
Do you guys call it the "Londerground?"
They're really lame and unoriginal.
much like your post.
What post are you referring to? Or did you mean my comment, you dunce?
This is funny and all until you miss your flight or are late to a job interview because of an asshat like this guy.
more likely due to the constant delays
"I do apologise, ladies and gentlemen - we're being held at a red signal..."
Lucky if you get that...
Been many a year since I was last over there, but these gave me a good laugh. Whomever did this deserves a beer.
Yes they did, ages ago.
repost...
I've been redditing for 3 years now and I have never seen this not laughed that. Holy fuck. I tho k I just almost had a heart attack from laughing so hard. Seriously, my chest hurts.
The level of detail!
Welcome to 2012..
Banksy?
Welp, it musta been Banksy.
Mandatory "I visited London once" comment: I visited London once. I rode the Tube and have seen some of those selfsame signs. The normal ones, not the fun ones. It was not recent that I was there, but I have a nostalgia for it--the kind that would wash away were I forced to live there for long periods of time after the cost of living and the dull grayness had abated my sense of self importance for feeling as though I belonged in the former economic center of the World. Those are some funny signs, though. They take a thing with which I am familiar despite living in the USA and make a commentary on them in a light-hearted way. It's graffunti. It's absolutely fabulous. It's a silly walk and a Spanish Inquisition and a dead bird all rolled into one.
They're too obviously fake on account of the font being wrong. Why, surely anyone worth their salt would notice that the tittles on the 'i's are the wrong shape!
Well, aren't you fun?
I was actually just joshing, but if you're interested - and you clearly are - the prankster has made his fake signs using Gill Sans, which is admittedly a very similar font to the official London Transport font (which is called Johnston), but it differs on one instantly recognisable point: The dots on the i and j glyphs are circular in Gill Sans and diamond-shaped in Johnston. Johston is only licenced for use on London Transport-produced materials, so it is understandable that the prankster could not source it for his signs. However, it remains a dead giveaway.
Too many to read. I like pictures of pictures not pictures of words.
Half the stuff on /r/funny needs some reading. Have you experimented with "even trying"?
A joke comment on /r/funny. Holy goalie batman
Please respect urban solitude
That shit is poetry
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Make disposable signs and post it up.
No, it's really senseless. If I'm sustaining eye contact for more than 2 seconds, it means that you're doing so as well.
so says the stalker
He's right though
You Londoners are retarded. That's why your tube is covered with dating sites ads. You are so insecure that you can approach the other sex only if you had three pints in your system. Everywhere else in the world every human relation between strangers begins with eye contact. It's not rapey, if you really can't be bothered you can just smile and move the fuck on.
Also, again, you can't deny that if someone has looked at you in the eyes and you've seen it, it means that you've been looking at him in the eyes as well. It's just how light and sight work.
Amen to that. The joys of public transit give one a mean "Aggressively avoiding eye contact" game.