I remember I used to think I knew what love was when I was younger in my teens, only to realize when I got older it wasn't love, but infatuation, and it made me realize that I never really knew what it's actually like to romantically love someone or for someone to romantically love me.
And now, I stopped caring about relationships cause I just think they're a waste of time and who the hell would honestly want to truly get to know me anyways?
I remember having such low self esteem in my middle school-high school days (due to being bullied through elementary and middle, though this slowed down hard after I made friends in high school), that I thought I was in love or at least infatuated with anyone that treated me kindly.
I never pursued anything though, as my low self esteem made me believe that I was “unworthy” for the other person and fear of relationships. My self worth improved a little when I started making guy friends in high school, but I still got easily flustered by girls that were nice.
My perspective changed after I read this one senin manga in year 11 (forgot name), with the line “Do you chase after girls, just cause you think you have a chance” (paraphrasing). Really felt like an eye opener, straight up made me reassess my view on relationships.
Granted I now don’t gain a crush or infatuation for anyone.
I only remember one assembly from high school, and that was the guy who came to talk to us about love. He gave the best definition of love I've ever heard: "wanting the absolute best for the other person." In other words, it's not wanting a person, but wanting to make a person happy.
Best saying I've ever heard was "love is giving someone the means to hurt you and trusting them not to".
Well, haven't had the best of luck with that