Poor Anakin...
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r/SipsTeau/PsychologicalSail799 (14933)

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Anakin starts Panakin

Sheā€™s not on plan-b-akin

She's planakin a babakin

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Did someone mention sloths? Here's a random fact!

Sloths are actually surprisingly active animals! They are able to swim and climb, though they move slowly. Additionally, their diet consists mostly of leaves, but they can also eat small insects, lizards and even small birds.

They also mistake their own arms for branches when climbing and fall to their deaths.

you're using way too many napkins papkins. harrison ford on the floor boards. And didn't robot chicken already milk this joke?

The hardest trial to complete

But hes plannin to analkin

Time to call Jean Claude Van-Dam-Akin

gif

Who tf wrote that

Lucas McSpeilberg?

I need to go back in time and find this mf so I never have to see that again lmfao

I love Hard Target.

Not better then bloodsport though

Do you think people have plan b prescriptions that they have to take daily or am missing part of the joke?

Plan b easier to work in than birth control

He doesn't have a planakin

[deleted]

Flappin around like a bapkin

Bet he wishes he had his Handagin

While he's starin at manakins

And he got way too many napkins

Now he's war torn divorcin' Harrison Ford in Florida.

He's gonna get to use his Bananakin

https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/3621c734-dbd4-4c7a-a9ae-be93f3b8363b/scale-to-width/755

Panakin Anakin was packing Padmes pancakes

and you're lookin' and and starin' at mannequins

holy shit I havenā€™t laughed like that in weeks. thanks man. hahaha omg

Now thatā€™s a r/missedtitleoption right there

Heā€™s bout to pumpkin

Haaaaaaaaah!!

Anakin never had a chance

We never had a chance.

Born into slavery. Forced to leave his mom at a very young age and a growing pod racing career. then thrown into a cult where he learns magic and how to fight and kill all while being groomed by a queen.

Edit : and paired with a man that just watched his father figure die to wolfpack sting.

upbeat exultant fertile slap attractive marble forgetful deer dime homeless this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev

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I've been shooting younglings into a sock my whole life. What's a few more?

Hey, as long as you are ok with participating in a coup, losing your limbs and spending the rest of your days alone in a life support suit. Sorry, it's the full pack or nothing.

roll trees spectacular quarrelsome heavy scandalous alive uppity jar theory this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev

I would award you, if I had one.

But for a little bit of that I get to fuck Natalie Portman right?

For about three years, yep.

There were a couple downsides though

It really isn't a surprise he turned out the way he did.

And the only person who saw it coming (Yoda), was ignored.

Facepalm

Wolfpack 4 eva

But tiny anakin did

Sebulba almost saved the galaxy.

Poodoo!

Maybe Sebulba was a closet jedi

He flew like it

Do Jedi actually have celibacy training? Like: "You must use the fuuurrceee to overcome seduction"

"Ejaculate and evacuate" is a part of Jedi code. They can fuck whoever they want as long as they're not attached to a person.

Shoot your load and hit the road

Bust a nut and leave the hutt.

Blow some jizz then out you is.

The good Ole smash and dash. Or crush and rush if you prefer.

Or the shoot and scoot

Blow and go

Jam and scram?

Hit and skit?

Lick and skip? Maybe a fuck and fly kinda guy? or maybe a more classy, dunk and dip

Get the high ground then run around?

Shoot the blaster then run away faster

Are your referring to the genre of music they play in the Mos Eisley cantina?

Eat her ass and kill the class

This only works in school

Finish fondling and kill the youngling

Not necessarily in that order

Hahaha thatā€™s dark.

This is why reddit is curse and also why in here

It worked for Anakin.

Cum you will, let her pay bill

Happy Jabba noises

Bust a nut and leave the Hutt

The old "pump and dump"

Treat her right and catch a flight

Case in point, Ki-Adi-Mundi in Legends had mutiple wives and mutiple children due to his species low birthrate (not sure on that one). He was allowed by the Council as long as he did not form attachments.

Sounds like Gandhi who slept with the wives of his followers to 'train' himself

Like he claimed to just lay in bed with them, to 'train' his self control

Pretty sure he also laid next to hid grandnieces to test his celibacy

His underage nieces as well

I think we can all agree that was a stupid plot point that only existed to explain away a Jedi having a space harem.

Deliver the package and onto the carriage

Not to mention some can be absent fathers. Ki-Adi Mundi was allowed to have kids due to his raceā€™s low birth.

The jedi code forbids emotional connection, Physical intimacy wasn't mention but they tend to go hand in hand

Kenobi definitely got with Satine

I'd watch that cross over.

Moulin Rouge?

Yeah, exactly. I love Ewan McGregor. Would be hilarious to see Satine in the Star Wars franchise.

šŸŽ¶ "Knights in White Satine" šŸŽ¶

Quickly reaching the end

Hey let's not make this about me.

or hand on saber

Like this? https://youtube.com/watch?v=cMN4evQ8daU&feature=shares

Didn't one of the Jedi masters have like 5+ wives because his species was in danger of extinction?

Do they forbid that even?

When the jedi say to let go of attachments, we interpret it as connections and relationships, but they might mean something more like possessiveness or dependency.

Take Obi and satine for example. They clearly cared a lot about one another, but >!when she died!< he was able to let her go.

If you use the force, it's like someone else is doing it...

I call it the stranger. I put on a different prosthetic hand and then rub one out.

I mean if it was me, I'd focus on training the ability to use the force to pull out my entire load after nutting.

High risk, low reward.

Imagine masturbating with the force. God damn

C-3PO.

Ani built him to ā€œhelpā€ his mom

Nah, Jedi Master Ki-Adi-Mundi had four wives and seven daughters. The celibacy rules only seem to apply to The Chosen One.

IIRC that was because his species was literally endangered, it was like a breeding program type deal. Or at least that's what Mundi told the Council....

Yo we all know Mundi just be the Chad slayin and making up rules.

It was definitely not a chosen one restriction. Celibacy was never a thing for them, it was relationships and attachments that were the issues.

Essentially with rare exceptions

I think in Legends its confirmed they do have sex, dunno about canon though. Jedi Master Ki Adi Mundi was actually allowed to have a wife and kids because males are rare in his species. Heā€™s also known for being an outrageous cunt.

Anakin: Uses force choke to stop seduction Padme: Yes Daddy Anakin: O.o

Jedi aren't actually required to be celibate. They just can't have attachments. Jedi can have as much casual sex as they want. Also, basically every rule of the Jedi order is entirely on the honor system. As it turns out, you can totally just have a girlfriend, and get married, and nobody really does anything about it.

https://i.imgur.com/eIydUo5.jpg

Laughs in Obi-wan and Satine during their year running together in secret.

ā€œNo!ā€ means ā€œNo!ā€ Padme!

Dude not even acting...

He looks so much like Hayden, guy could be a pro impersonator.

Exactly what I was thinking...

The hardest trial to complete

[deleted]

ā€œOoh godā€

I dunno, that weird breathy theater kid voice is off-putting. It is funny though

Guy even looks like Anakin (Hayden) a little. šŸ˜

ā€œWe have Anakin at homeā€

He's just missing one minor detail.

He's just missing one major limb.* FTFY

His friends call him ā€˜dollar store Anakinā€™

That deap breath-in

Wasnā€™t this a Star Wars robot chicken bit??

Pretty close to

https://youtu.be/z9MsXi7n0NU

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I remember watching the Star Wars robot chicken with my friends after we binged Star Wars. It was surprisingly long, and is filled with a ton of duds. Some are gold, though, just gotta sift through the weaker ones to get to them.

"my lord."

"Stormtrooper"

"my lord."

"STORMTROOPER"

"my lord"

"FUCK YOU!"

"awwww..."

Close. It was, "Go fuck yourself"

Go for Papa Palpatine!

What!? Whoā€™s they!? What the hell is an aluminum falcon!?

What?...Oh, oh, "just rebuild it"?! Oh, real fucking original! And who's going to give me a loan, jackhole, you?! You got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite?! Now get your seven-foot-two asthmatic ass back here, or I'm going to tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about Padama-may or Panda Bear or whatever the hell her name is!!!

That shits hilarious

lmao, THIS IS EVEN BETTER...

My man R2 getting a wash there.

I'm so fucking lonely

I hope you find someone for yourself soon mate

Statistically unlikely if he hasn't by now. Online dating has ruined the chances of average to below average males.

Bruh cut the incel shit, it rots your brain.

They always say shit like "below average males" like its a biology report, and then act like that's not part of the reason they're practically a pussy dehumidifier.

I'm not an incel. Just stating the objective facts.

Could you share these objective facts? Specifically what sources compare success rates of dating for "average and below average men" in the current era versus past eras.

That's just not at all true.

Honestly just try being hyperbolically confident as a joke instead of self deprecating, its actually funny more of the time, less uncomfortable to be around, and eventually will change the way you feel about yourself even if it starts ironically. It works wonders.

Man, you must be fun at parties.

Become above average then, loser.

I am. But mostly because I was born with good genes. I'm not talking about myself though.

This is true and yet you're being down voted because it is not convenient to accept it. Online dating has made it so only the top 20% most attractive men have a chance of getting matches. And I am being generous here.

Iā€™m a woman, you ever try just talking to people?

I get the downvotes. It's a hard truth to accept combined with the recent groupthink of anyone pointing it out being an evil incel.

[deleted]

The peer reviewed studies back me up, so no I'm literally factually correct.

[deleted]

I think actually pointing out the real problem is way more helpful than meaningless sympathy platitudes.

I could just be another person telling him "lol don't worry just be yourself :) you'll find someone one dayyyy", sure. But that helps no one.

Truth is the current dating system we have is horribly biased against average looking males. No amount of personality will overcome that.

[deleted]

It's not luck though. Its measurable. And sure I don't 100% know that it's this guy's specific issue, but it's a safe bet knowing reddit demographics and the studies I've read. If he were a top 10-20% man he would not be posting he was lonely.

What studies, motherfucker?

Like 7 different people have asked you you name/link them.

Would you share the names of these peer reviewed studies?

you are right idk why u getting hate. O wait... other guys dont like their chances haha

Internet hugs bro. I hope you find some one soon

Welcome to the 2023 dating scene. It's mostly the just top 10% of males that have sex now. Online dating apps since Tinder make it so the lower 90% never have a chance anymore.

He didn't say shit about sex, he's lonely. I hate to tell you this but they aren't the same thing. See the difference in your head please

He was replying to a sexually charged video my dude.

I'm not saying the video isn't sexually charged, I'm saying that you're conflating loneliness with the desire for sex in your comment. If you can distinguish the two you might have a chance

Literally just have friends and you wonā€™t have to use tinder in your life.

It's your personality. It's off-putting.

Dude there are millions of ugly people getting laid. This is just flat false information.

If you're curious at all I can properly explain why nobody wants to fuck you.

Wan sum fuq

Hahaahhahahahahaha

Yeah I donā€™t usually enjoy the tik tok stuff but this was hilarious.

Anicant

Any fellow degenerate who knows the sauce?

@balanceoftheforces on instagram

I can feel the emotion in that scream

That trilogy is truly tone-deaf. What a minefield of memes.

Man never stood a chance. 19, never been with anyone, a beautiful woman in THAT dress (all of us felt funny the first time we saw it, donā€™t lie!), giving you all the signs, with the wine and the fire. Yeah he had zero chance.

He just wanted to free his mom and use his skills on the race track. Poor Anakin.

This was a robot chicken sketch padme teases anakin

The Weiner awakens...

This is actually why he went to the dark side.

Just putting this out there r/PadmeFucks

Legit funny sub, they need more posts though!

Also r/AnakinFucks

"My goodness, you've grown!"

Her expression when she said "champagne"!

r/UpvotedBecauseBoobs

gif

That Champagne line was comedy gold.

Let's just go frolicking and rolling on top of each other in a flower meadow. As non lovers do.

I'm impressed with the acting lmao

I feel like this was borrowed off of the Robot Chicken skit they did years ago...not that I mind it being in life action.

Anakin: ā€œI need an adult!ā€

Padme: ā€œI am an adult.ā€

Robot chicken did it betterā€¦and first!

Yeah but Anakin's reaction here feels more real

The scream of frustration. šŸ˜

gif

r/perfectlycutscreams

Padme got the high ground

Seams legit

Lol

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

Prick tease like that will turn anyone to the dARK SIDE

Anakin go back to your bananakin form

I think I've downloaded the right star war

Seriously. This is the funniest thing ive seen in about a year. Keep it up!šŸ˜‚

ā€œOh godā€

Yeah, weā€™ve all been thereā€¦ lol

Admittedly itā€™s been a while since Iā€™ve seen AOTC but I donā€™t think Padme at any point was telling Anakin they canā€™t be together. It was more like Anakin had this vow not to take a partner and Padme dressed a bit sexy and spent lots of one on one time with him but at no point begged him to break his vow or even brought it up or anything.

Padme dressed a bit sexy

A bit? She was one deep breath away from popping those tits out in this scene.

Literally just rewatched it again the other day and this scene isnā€™t far off. He was going off on how he wanted to be with her but she said it would never work and that with their lifestyles they wouldnā€™t be able to see it through completionā€¦all in a dark fire lit room, wearing a tight outfit, and getting right up next to him

Thatā€™s great. Will definitely have to rewatch.

She did. ā€œA Jedi and a senator? It would never work.ā€ Or something like that.

This was great

gif

Padme inching her bare shoulder to Anakin

Anakin: "So how about that sand, huh?"

Anakin you must resist

I love that he's just trying to ignore and accept it with "oh god"

No wonder she wanted to jump his bones, he's 6'10" and quite literally one of the most powerful men in the galaxy.

Bro was loving that

This is better acting and dialogue than the actual movies

But who tf is she?

chanelrenee_xo

No, like in star wars

That's interesting that someone on Reddit doesn't know what a Star Wars and what a Padme is.

Time to watch the RLM review of the prequels again!

Using a condom is one way to kill the young...

Son looks like Hayden christenson

I have failed you anakin

John Cena then comes in saying ā€œare u sure about that ??ā€

I was a kid when these came out, but man that must've been a huge "wait what?" to established star wars fans learning jedi can't have attachments. Especially with all the comic books and novels that had been made

when her profile says "i don't play games"

Darth Vader: Origins

The true reason he turned to the dark side

šŸ‘Œ

You can bang, you just canā€™t get attached

That Padmussy got him all riled up

All that sexual frustration sent my boy to the darkside

I'm here for the dude's performance. Timing is impeccable.

pretty much the run down of how the movie went

Why he pressing his head against a black coloured wall?

Ha wemons

Obi-Wan: anakin, stop panikin, Jesus has a planakin

Sause?

https://www.tiktok.com/@balanceoftheforces

So it's not porn? Just some fucking stupid tik-tok?

u/indirbunu

[deleted]

Bro was groomedšŸ’€

brave provide roll snails panicky domineering tidy prick light drunk this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev

yes, the slave child ripped away from his mother & only family then immediately trauma-bonded to three awesome people that helped save his life..

one of which is probably the most beautiful human he's ever seen, period..

who then proceeds to lead on & tease (aka passively groom) him for years even tho it's extremely apparent he has an unhealthy attachment to her..

especially after losing his mother & only familial bond.

yeah, ~~padmĆ©~~ anakin was the creep. šŸ¤­

p.s. - he was pretty creepy in a stalkery incel way šŸ˜…

Wow this is just a shittier version of the Robot chicken sketch .

What is her name?

why is there champagne in a wine glass

Does the glass really matter?

[deleted]

Get off the internet and go play outside, Timmy.

Lol

https://youtu.be/z9MsXi7n0NU

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! at the end got me!

gif

The acting reminds me of this:

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR7LKPwN/

I love this! The movie should have had this exact scene.

I was 16 years old when Attack of the Clones came out. Enough said.

Damn that's what I thought back then. That's your break up dress Padme, really?? No other option available????

Champagne in a wine glass? Amidala is all kinds of dirty.

R/upvotedbecauseboobs